The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #411: If We Had Secrets This Would've Been A Better Podcast

Episode Date: September 23, 2020

Football is back in the FunHouse but it might be a little too much, too soon for Doug. Thank you to MyBookie for sponsoring this weeks episode. Click the link and use code STANHOPE to get up... to $1,000 in free play! https://mybookie.agDoug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0Check Out Doug's Weekly eBay Yard Sale listing - https://www.ebay.com/usr/stanhope_podcast?_trksid=p2047675.l2559Doug's latest comedy special, "Dying of a Last Breed", is now available on Amazon Prime - https://www.amazon.com/gp/video/detail/B08CY4XDMC/ref=atv_dp_cnc_1_5Recorded Sep. 9th, 2020 at the New FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Tracey (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know.LINKS - Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantPhoto Credit - Brian HenniganSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Oh, and thank you to MyBookie for sponsoring this episode. At MyBookie, winning season means watching live sports and betting live sports all season long. Join now with promo code Stanhope. Have you learned how to spell it? Stanhope. And get your first deposit matched dollar for dollar all the way up to $1,000 so you can get a jump start on your winning season. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. All right, I don't have any intro music or anything, Doug.
Starting point is 00:00:46 What happened? What's going on? One of the channels is dead. Oh, all right. So we have no intro music? No, it just won't be. I won't do the thing where I point to you. All right, well, we're already talking.
Starting point is 00:00:58 Except I just pointed to you. But I'm just saying, are people, are the listeners going to be confused and terrified? No, they'll hear the intro music. Oh, they'll hear it. Yeah.? No, they'll hear the intro music. Oh, they'll hear it. Yeah. Oh, so they have their own intro music. Each, yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:11 I don't know how podcasts work. It's specific to the listener. Oh, they have their own, like they choose their own? Yeah. Do they have choose your own endings to the podcast? Like Dragon Quest? People are requesting choose your own middle too. I don't want to listen to this shit. Talk about something else.
Starting point is 00:01:27 Chad Shag is here, Greg Chaley's here, and Tracy's on her way up. Jenny's, of course, quietly in the background. As we glide into Monday Night Football, week two. Chad's a football fan now, it seems. I've rekindled an old flame with football. Before we get to that, I just want to mention the eBay yard sale. I think we're gonna I think we have a last
Starting point is 00:01:51 call audible sale that we're gonna do this week. Oh. Cause Sam Talent left behind a t-shirt, his giant underpants, and his COVID mask. And I think that's a whole ensemble. I think that should sell well. That's like a Halloween costume. And I think that's a whole ensemble. I think that should sell well.
Starting point is 00:02:07 That's like a Halloween costume. And you know what? Since I bought six copies of his book, I'll chuck in a copy of his book signed by me. Oh, nice. Yeah, and when you read the chapter that is Saturday night, well, you can read that in my voice because I did the audible version too. The audio version.
Starting point is 00:02:25 Let's give credit where it's not due yet. Yes. Hopefully they pick it up. So, yeah, that's that. But football, yeah. I've had fun for two weeks because I get high both times. Cam Newton. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:38 Fuck Cam Newton. Cam Newton giving Seahawks 2-0. Woo! Yikes. Uh-oh, here comes that Tracy lady. You were up late0. You. Yikes. Uh-oh, here comes that Tracy lady. You were up late, too. Yeah. I was high as fuck last night.
Starting point is 00:02:51 I took two edibles, and two usually goes wrong, but I was laughing so fucking hard. You had Tracy and I fucking cracking up. I was yawning, ready to pass out, and just didn't want to leave because you were just on a fucking roll being goofy. And that went on until like three in the morning i got pretty drunk those drinks were really good yesterday pomegranate but i'm glad there's not any more today i shit so much liquid this morning i somehow i got up off the toilet and i had somehow shit liquid in between the toilet seat and the the rim and it was leaking down the side i had to yeah i was like that's a first man that is drooling mud wait was that at my house or your house
Starting point is 00:03:42 well i always leave early at your house because I don't want to shit at your house. That's why. Like a gentleman. I take off first thing in the morning to shit at my own house. So that means the pomegranate's working. Yeah. Did we talk about Michael Biehn last week? I don't think so.
Starting point is 00:04:04 I wasn't here. I don't know. I wasn't here I don't know I don't know what we say yeah him and his wife Jen they he's an actor in Terminator
Starting point is 00:04:13 and Tombstone and Aliens Abyss a bunch of movies yeah but yeah they moved to town
Starting point is 00:04:20 and they've been coming over for football and it's fucking hilarious that guy's hardcore uh not anymore but he doesn't he doesn't drink any longer but he has a million stories as to why and you wouldn't know he's not drinking he fits right in with everyone yeah yeah that was a good couple and so far as football football goes, I bet Futures, I bet preseason,
Starting point is 00:04:50 I bet Arizona to win the Super Bowl. And I bet them to be the last undefeated team. And they're now 2-0, and their next three opponents have a combined record of 0-6. So I might fucking be good on that bet. I've been doing well in my wagers. Just wish we started a fucking pool this year. Since we're going to be here for the whole season, I'm so rejected. In my head, football was never going to happen for five months.
Starting point is 00:05:18 I'm like, no, it's not happening. It's a blind draw. We could do it today. I would have wanted to do Suicide Pool. You just pick one team every week. I mean, I guess we could jump in and do that. We could do one for the rest of the season like we do the big Super Bowl one.
Starting point is 00:05:34 The problem is there's not enough people. And we want to keep it that way. We have football. It's been delightful. It's hand-picked, cherry-picked of the old-timers, and socially distanced. So we can do the patio and have the high-risk old fuckers and fatties in the funhouse
Starting point is 00:05:54 and even have an overflow in the living room attached to the patio so you can talk through the window if you wanted to. But one fucking guy shows up that's unannounced and plops down between your six feet. All of a sudden, it's three feet on either side. You're fucking ruining it for two people. And I'm, of course, too polite to tell you to get the fuck out of my house.
Starting point is 00:06:17 Stanhope was so polite, I was surprised to see that he, the newly remodeled funhouse, he just gave it up to the high-risk folks to watch football, and he sat and watched football outside. Well, it's better air circulation out here. It's blowing all towards the door.
Starting point is 00:06:31 Oh, plus they don't smoke. Yeah, they don't smoke. Well, yeah, but, I mean, if it was my house and I built a fucking bar with nine TVs in it and people came over, I'd be like, I'm smoking in here, and if you don't like it, watch TV out the fucking side. Oh, I did until Fred started showing up. I know. He's like 75, and he does yoga and shit. He's in good shape, and I don't want to be the one thing that ruined it for him.
Starting point is 00:06:58 But it's been fun. I know what day of the week it is now that football is back on. Is it Thursday? Is it Sunday? Is it Monday? There's football three days a week. And now I feel like I'm overburdened with projects. Didn't they have Saturday games last year too? Towards the end of the season.
Starting point is 00:07:18 I remember a year. It was when we were doing every single game in here. Back when Jimmy G was around. And it was a week were doing every single game in here back when jimmy g was around and there was a week like it got towards the end of the season like this is just too much fucking football and that's when the uh the vikings dome collapsed oh the snow yeah the snow collapsed the dome so they had to you know freak out and find a new place to so there was thursday night football there's saturday football sunday Thursday night football there's Saturday football, Sunday day night football, Monday
Starting point is 00:07:48 night football and then they added Tuesday football so they could replay that fucking cancelled Vikings game and after that I was like alright I don't even like football anymore we're just doing this to say we watched every single game
Starting point is 00:08:03 that was whenever I first started coming over. And there was a lot of people would come over here for football. I think we only had three screens back then. And 30 fucking people. Yeah. And nothing on the patio. Super Bowl week. Well, with Super Bowl, we put one out there, but not for the weekly games.
Starting point is 00:08:22 Yeah. It's going well, but I am fucking wrecked. Are we really out of pomegranate? No, there's still some. I don't know if it sat out all night, though. Wow. After that commercial, you want a Russian roulette? Especially some that sat out all night.
Starting point is 00:08:38 No, no. I just took it out. Oh, okay. Good. Yeah. I'll kill the pomegranate. I got to run and see. Bloody.
Starting point is 00:08:42 Yeah, I'll kill the pomegranate. Yeah, my tongue is, you know, it gets kind of fucking starfishy when you have too much sugar or too much citrus or too many gummy bears, like the sour bears. Yeah, my tongue's like that from the fucking pomegranate, but why not? I think at some point yesterday somebody threw you, I think it was Morganphy threw you regular gummy bears so you wouldn't be tempted to eat your edible gummy bears all over and over i do have a peach gummy rings on the list so when i eat a edible peach gummy ring i can continue to eat it's like drinking a glass of water in between each drink
Starting point is 00:09:23 that's what i'm doing right here I just went into the fridge to say, what's my opening drink going to be for the podcast? And I saw that pitcher of water and I went, fuck it, that's what I'm having. With the pomegranate back. Pomegranate vodka back. Pomegranate squozing fresh from Reverend Derek's tree. Talk about overstaying your fucking welcome.
Starting point is 00:09:45 Derek was here well after football. And the only reason I didn't tell him to pound sand is because fucking Gil finally came over. And he came over late and hasn't been here in the entirety of isolation. So, yeah, he's hanging out. But Derek, he's got the biggest fucking glass we have. It's like a 14-ounce fucking McDonald's glass, and he fills it with almost all fucking vodka. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:12 Come on. I had fun hanging out with Derek. I didn't realize how much I missed him until he started telling me about how he's going to die soon because of x-rays. He had too many x-rays. X-rays in the world? I didn't get into it.
Starting point is 00:10:30 I just told him. I said, well, I guess you shouldn't have had so many x-rays. Yeah. When we first started doing football over here, long before the podcast, it was just a handful of us. But there was a couple guys, Mikey Palmer, who's now passed, and Dunwoody. They were old guys.
Starting point is 00:10:51 They're in their 70s, and they'd just come over and pick through the snacks. So we'd call it senior lunch when we'd see them walking through the gate. Senior lunch is here. And now it's like Derek and Kenny. They feel like the young senior lunch. They're just here to fucking, what's on the breakfast buffet? Hadn't even seen Kenny yesterday.
Starting point is 00:11:16 Was he here? He was here for a little bit. Then he went to play basketball and said that he would be back. But I think somebody made him feel unwelcome, maybe. I don't know. he would be back, but I think somebody made him feel unwelcome, maybe. I don't know. I just got a fucking head brush.
Starting point is 00:11:36 First cocktail. Oh, is that your first one? We are starting earlier because of the Saints at Vegas. Yeah, at the Roomba. Is that what it's called? No, but it looks like a Roomba. Their new stadium in Las Vegas.
Starting point is 00:11:51 Oh, the robot vacuum cleaner? Yeah, someone said that. It looks like the Death Star. Death Star Roomba? Yeah, married with a Roomba. And that's pretty accurate. They're going to be a big crowd over here for football tonight, you think? No,rick will be
Starting point is 00:12:06 back turn off the lights uh backdoor will be here he's a huge saints guy yeah i think gill's coming over too all right yeah yeah there'll probably be a few he forgot that football started last week because he's been busy him and lucy have uh redbone and they've been busy down there they i mean things have been going good for retail down there. And they're masked up. They're doing it right. But he totally forgot. It was like, oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:12:31 It's time for football. Until you called him, Doug. Justin from the Shady Dell. His wife, Claire, got a big write-up in the local paper. She's got a new 70s vintage shop. Really? Yeah. But I think it's her own stuff that she makes 70s vintage shop. Really? Yeah. But I think it's her own stuff that she makes 70s style.
Starting point is 00:12:49 I'm not sure. I didn't read the whole thing. So she's a maker, crafter. And then, yeah, Michael Bean's wife, Jen, she's opening a shop of mostly children's resale. There's definitely been some vacancies lately. Oh, you mean business-wise? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:13:04 Yeah, fucking houses are selling but businesses ain't opening or they are i don't know if people go to them yeah i just found out there's uh masks aren't mandatory in sierra vista again i didn't know that because i don't go anywhere and it didn't matter to me but i just read that when I was looking through your paper there. Yeah, I drove in to get burritos the other day and they had a fucking BLM versus fucking Trump rally right there on the corner of 90 and 92. I was just reading the paper. They've got pictures. So somebody from the, I don't know which, whose sides or what sides or what they're called.
Starting point is 00:13:43 I don't know what their names or their teams are or anything, but one of them crossed over. The Trump went to the BLM side and got pepper sprayed. Got pepper sprayed. There were cops there. That's fucking tart. Oh, shit. I forgot the simple start.
Starting point is 00:13:54 Oh, good. Wake you up. Yeah. Alum. They blocked off Taco Bell parking lot because, I i mean just the drive-thrus open anyway and it was just one side yelling across the street to the flag waving on the other side and then and then you know they got people like hey sidewalk i can walk on this side you know and they're flipping off like the taco bell like it's what What the fuck? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:14:25 And I don't know who... What their point was. Because if they're with the Trumpers, then go on the corner. Because it doesn't look good when there's only 12 people over there. There's no point to any of this. That's what makes it so funny. In my hometown, I saw they were doing a couple weeks ago a boat rally out on Roosevelt Lake. It's a big recreation lake where I'm from in Globe there. And we're supposed to have 100 boats for Trump on the Roosevelt Lake is a big recreation lake where I'm from and globe there and
Starting point is 00:14:45 we're supposed to have a hundred boats for Trump on the lake and I'm going for what I don't understand what that accomplishes and what you know I don't but it is hot and we go to the lake every weekend anyway I guess it's a reason to go to the lake I know they could claim all the
Starting point is 00:15:02 boats are theirs go to the lake then bug or maybe they were just letting regular people know hey don't go to the lake this weekend it's gonna suck thanks now it has a purpose yeah you you've been like camping and shit right like recently yeah uh a few weeks, weren't you tweeting pictures from somewhere? Oh, no, I've been going up in the mountains. I was going hiking. Jenny was taking me hiking up on the top of the Huachuca Mountains.
Starting point is 00:15:35 Oh, wow. That's a nice area up there. Everybody's doing stuff but me. What? We went to the Shady Dell. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's right. We didn't podcast from there. went to the Shady Dell. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's right.
Starting point is 00:15:45 We didn't podcast from there. We did issues with Andy. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We did a two-night vacation, four minutes away. We were the only ones in the whole thing. Yeah. Then that weird thing later in the night, that couple who showed up.
Starting point is 00:16:02 Yeah. Well, there was a police chase that we saw going through the circle, because Shady Dell's right off the circle, right by the cop shop, too. Like, right across the circle from the police station. Yeah, so we're watching, oh, fuck, there's a police chase at Bisbee. And it continued on, and then I get a text 10 minutes later from Derek, here in Warren, saying, I think it was a white Pontiac Sunbird, and it was heading west on.
Starting point is 00:16:30 As though we'd already had this conversation. I think it needs a tune-up. He's coming over next week. And so, yeah, I don't know what time it was. It was pretty fucking late, And this couple showed up. A young black kid and a Hispanic girl who seemed like she was almost crying. And they just wandered into the Shady Dell, which there's no one there. We're the only people in the park.
Starting point is 00:16:56 There's no office open. They're like, hey, can you rent places here? And I go, well, probably not at this hour. And I was high and drunk and i i go yeah the office is closed and uh all right uh we got abandoned and they had something like their story went nowhere like there's about to be a story then then it trailed off and can we sit down with you we're in that gazebo in the middle of the park. Yeah, sure. And then I just went up.
Starting point is 00:17:29 Let me talk to the maid, the housekeeper. She was there. I'm like, this is a couple, and they're fucking stranded, and they want to rent a place, and I'm too high to deal with it. Can you talk to them? And she came down and brought them into a trailer, and they were in there for like an hour and a half. And then Justin showed up.
Starting point is 00:17:47 I go, go check with the maid. Yeah. Sitting in a trailer. And he went in. He goes, I think they're getting high. Well, somehow it turns out that they had something to do with that police chase. Like, it was their car that got stolen? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:18:07 They had some fucking sketchy story, but they were definitely involved in that police chase. No wonder they were, like, painted out slowly. Because they'd only given you enough to, like, get your sympathy to, like, call up the manager to get a room, because they were stranded. They were stranded, that was true. I just told them,
Starting point is 00:18:24 there's some cops walking around here looking for somebody. They'll probably be able to help you in a few. Just stick around a minute. They'll be here. I wanted to ask, hey, did you have something to do with that police chase? But the kid was black, so I didn't want to assume. Clearly, you had something to do with that. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:40 I don't want to sound like that. Very odd to get stranded at the circle in the middle of the night. Yeah, nine o'clock at night. Yeah. Yeah. There's no fucking bus or anything that goes to your Bisbee. Not even during the day. I guess there is the Bisbee bus.
Starting point is 00:19:01 Yeah, but that takes you to Safeway and then OB. I think it does stop down there, but not at that bus. Yeah, but that takes you to Safeway and then OB. I think it does stop down there, but not at that hour. Yeah. But yeah, you can pretty much get to the...
Starting point is 00:19:11 I want to do that one. If Christmas Day they were running the Bisbee bus, I think it would be fun to just all dress up as Santa Clauses and get hammered
Starting point is 00:19:20 on the fucking Bisbee bus just drive all over town. There's no drinking on the bus. I'll say, I don't think they let you. There's no drinking at fucking city council either, but we all had travel hugs, didn't we? I started to say the same thing, and then I remembered all the times we've been drinking
Starting point is 00:19:34 at non-drinking places around here. School grounds. High school football game. Baseball field. Baseball field. Walking in with a 12-pack of beer from across the street at the baseball field when you're a 12 pack of beer from across the street at the baseball field when you're not supposed to have any
Starting point is 00:19:48 they're not going to ask us to leave we're the only motherfuckers here until they did ask us to leave and we never went back and baseball never came back so fuck you I still get douche chills when I think of us when we were announcing the game
Starting point is 00:20:08 and then got kicked out at the third inning. I get a little shudder. I mean, we've been through a lot, guys. That was pretty embarrassing. We didn't have the national anthem. You got yelled at. That started off the... I should have known then this is not going to go well.
Starting point is 00:20:29 Well, and we showed up with our own mascot to usurp their mascot at Kenyon. There were a lot of missteps. There were a lot of missteps. We walked in a little cocky. Hey, can I have vodka and that limeade and a splash of soda, please? Lemonade? Is it lemonade? Yeah, whatever it is.
Starting point is 00:20:48 Thank you, Tracy. Trying to go easy tonight. Yeah, definitely. NFL football, NBA playoffs, and college ball all at the same time? What? Winning season has officially returned at my bookie. It's time to celebrate the season with some extra cash in your pocket. Join now with promo code what?
Starting point is 00:21:16 Stanhope. Yes, Stanhope. And get your first deposit match dollar for dollar all the way up to $ thousand dollars so you can get a jump start on your winning season you win for once from money lines spreads to game totals and championship winners if you love sports and your heart's still beating they've got something for you plus it's not too late to get in on the super contest for only ten dollars entry you can have a chance to score yourself a bigger slice of the pie in the my bookie super contest which features over a thousand wait i almost said a thousand. It's a hundred thousand? What?
Starting point is 00:22:08 A hundred thousand in cash prizes? Every play you want to make is waiting at my bookie. Make your picks, win big, and collect your cash. Your winning season begins today. Only at my bookie. Yeah, I don't, I feel no compunction to like host football anymore, especially when I can't be in the room. Yeah, when this, it's worked out that way with Super Bowls,
Starting point is 00:22:44 where that Super Bowl bowl i think it was me you and becker where we just sat inside because we had the fun house go on the patio going so everyone at one part of the party thought we must be at the other part of the party and we just sat inside and watched it by ourselves pretty autopilot after kickoff you know the food's either going or it's already out. Yeah, we had every good intention. All right, hey, listen, since there's only a handful of people this year, we're not going to do food like we always did. Just bring whatever you want for yourself.
Starting point is 00:23:18 No, that didn't happen. I'm fucking up at 7.30 cooking. Neighbor Dave's bringing fucking chili. I remember that whenever I first started coming around, when there was all those people here, there would be so much fucking food here. You'd have to have those pop-up tables. It was ridiculous. There was a lot of people, but there was way more food.
Starting point is 00:23:37 Yeah, and a lot of fucking dishes. Yeah. I'll just leave that. The casserole is only only you guys can finish that up and alright that means I have to do the fucking plates and the Tupperware
Starting point is 00:23:48 of whatever you left behind well that's why once one Super Bowl Chase and I ordered a bunch of like Chinese takeout containers so that when people left
Starting point is 00:23:57 they could take stuff with them we did that that one year and we never did it again but yeah that at least clears out all the food so you don't have a bunch of food sitting around.
Starting point is 00:24:06 When we have the, like we had that dart night over my house a couple weeks ago and when we have, not very often, but when we have people over, Jenny just makes shit
Starting point is 00:24:14 for everybody and sends everybody out with stuff so we don't have shit left over. Which is great. Yeah. The amount of,
Starting point is 00:24:22 of, of, like, if I was being monitored for this bar rescue, the amount of... If I was being monitored for this bar rescue, the amount of egregious health code violations that I make on any given Sunday. Yesterday, I came in... Why are you telling us this? We eat here.
Starting point is 00:24:41 You didn't know this? This is the only restaurant on the property. Yeah, no one gets sick. That's why I always call bullshit on those fucking restaurant shows. You're going to poison people. Fuck you. Those are normal people. I came in yesterday.
Starting point is 00:24:55 I put water in the curd, the coffee maker, and I noticed it's fluttering in there. I thought, oh, there's a fucking fly in there. So I turned my back to everyone, and I just fucking reached in and flung it out it was a bee yeah unfortunately i didn't get stung but yeah fucking it's gonna be boiled water when it comes out over 120 when it comes out of there yeah of course i'm gonna throw away a keurig machine all right i i it's a bee is not bad a fly would have been more disgusting than a bee.
Starting point is 00:25:25 We were making wings a while back, and Jenny had a thing of a cup of honey sitting there, and a fucking bee flew and landed in the honey and got stuck and couldn't get out. I rescued it, and I put it outside so hopefully it would be able to live, and then I was like, well, fuck, it's honey. I guess honey's not bad if a bee lands in it, is it?
Starting point is 00:25:44 I don't think so. It's weird because I always heard that you get more flies with honey. I'm just going to let that one sit there. I like that Chad thinks that if it was a fly in there, you would not have just scooped it out. No, I still know he would have scooped it out. It just would have been more disgusting. Same story. It was a different animal.
Starting point is 00:26:07 I don't serve spoiled food. You buy it. But. I do miss that. Safe way of my discount meats. That leg of lamb that I barbecued yesterday, 30% off. Yeah. Not bad.
Starting point is 00:26:22 No kidding. Well, that's a premium cut, though. It's not hamburger. It's green. I was feeding some of that to the dog. Yeah, that's when I went in. Tracy says, I said, hey, is there any lamb left? She goes, well, there should be if Doug stopped feeding it to the dog.
Starting point is 00:26:38 And I fucking got up and went right in there and grabbed the rest of it and took it downstairs. Fuck, man. Let me take the lamb out of the dish and he licks the dish. It was just one slice. It was fucking tax. Dog was hungry. Dog was high.
Starting point is 00:26:57 That dog was high. Dog farm. Fucking Jack. Morgan Murphy's yappy dog dog farm fucking Jack Morgan Murphy's yappy dog and then big fat awesome back door Mike's
Starting point is 00:27:11 pit I went back on the tape to see if Jack is the dog that was shitting
Starting point is 00:27:17 on the fake grass because there were two yeah those are tiny poops yeah so it is him yeah but it is it was three times
Starting point is 00:27:26 in 24 hours that dog shit on that that our nice artificial turf and that stays amazingly nice somehow like it's artificial well i don't know if you fucking get out there with a leaf blower and some fake fertilizer we did we did just have a good day this just reminded me we had a good time laughing last night after you left because tracy has like if anybody has to shit you shit on that oh i think because i would have i would have to handle yeah shaley was mad about the shit on the fake lawn but i i said if you guys guys think we take a shit on that fake lawn and Shaley's not going to use the videotape to screenshot that picture of me taking a shit and post it. Just Doug and Tracy are holding up a sheet
Starting point is 00:28:14 and you can't even see Chad come into view because he's off frame. And then he shits and then he leaves and then they drop it like, ta-da, big shit there. All three of us have our backs to each other, just shitting one pile. It's the butcher of Blackknob. Oh, mommy. I get it analyzed.
Starting point is 00:28:35 I forgot who did it. No, you'd have to clean mine up with a hose. You'd need more water in the artificial turf than anything else. Is that artificial turf turning brown? Is it dying? What's happening? Who slaughtered a turkey right here? Geez.
Starting point is 00:28:51 I thought you were going to say you pulled up the guys on the security camera that were lurking out front this morning. Murphy called me up to drop her off, pick up her car at the shop. And I went to put on my shorts and fucking looked at the security camera and two guys parked. And they came right up to the security camera and were waving in it and then walking up and down, hoping I'd
Starting point is 00:29:15 come out. And I was way too hungover and they looked like way too big of bros. That fucking spring break swagger. What time was this? It was... Wait, no, when I saw you
Starting point is 00:29:32 it was later than that. It was 10.30 or 11. I watched some flick. It was 11.30. Alright, yeah. It was around then. Yeah, I saw that, so I came up so they could see someone in the yard and then they just said they were looking, so. Oh, you talked to them?
Starting point is 00:29:48 Yeah. Well, I mean, I don't want them to think there's no one here. So I see them, so I go out there. Yeah, I didn't know they had a park for a while, though. I just. Loiters. Yeah, we're on a little, We're on kind of a high alert, so just paying attention.
Starting point is 00:30:07 It's around football, you know? Yep. Old episodes of the Rogan podcast. Yeah, that one time fucking 10 years ago, I said, I'm Rogan. So, like, you just let anyone over? Yeah, pretty much. I didn't say I was inviting everyone in earshot or maybe I did
Starting point is 00:30:26 I don't know maybe I said that but if you're just getting up to that fucking Rogan episode you get a lot more to go gets weirder he's getting so much fucking blowback from Twitter
Starting point is 00:30:42 I don't know if I the other morning i was after a double edible night and i just woke up still high and i went on twitter and the top trending thing was the rogan hosting a debate i don't know what happened when he had said on someone's podcast that uh he'd uh hosted debates on a four-hour podcast just the two candidates and him uh and then the guy whose podcast it was tweeted about it and trump tweeted back saying i'll do it i'm like fucking i'm too high to even read this rogan hosting a presidential debate and and trump says yes i for one think it would be a great idea because the
Starting point is 00:31:26 end result of that would be hey we gotta scrap these two guys and just get two new guys to vote all together like we don't you can't deal with can you imagine either one of those guys trying to talk for four hours off the cuff no way but it's almost like Rogan gets so big that he no longer has that comedian's out of the I'm just joking card. Like he's taken too seriously where he's a broadcaster. He doesn't take himself any more seriously than he ever did. He had to post a video the other day apologizing for something he said. Yeah, I heard. It was a first.
Starting point is 00:32:01 I was like, whoa. He usually just says whatever the fuck he wants. Well, yeah, last time I talked to him everybody takes it with a grain of salt it's a comedian fuck yeah it's not his fault he's huge right he'd be saying the same thing for fucking
Starting point is 00:32:16 10,000 listeners or as he would for millions exactly do you think it's that thing like Nirvana all of a sudden attracting listeners who were the guys that beat the shit out of kurt when he was in high school but it's like but they're buying records but it's like but uh it's not kurt's fault yeah yeah but it is one of those things like oh man the the influence same guys too the sideways ball caps jersey short type
Starting point is 00:32:42 but he called me uh and it's always an hour. I don't talk to him often, but when you do, it's a while. And he dropped a couple of conspiracy theories on me. Have you read about this one? Like, he loves them. Don't begrudge him. But, yeah, a lot of times he jumps before facts come out. It was the one where they're selling kids through some high-end cabinet maker or something. It was industrial shelving that was super expensive.
Starting point is 00:33:19 And then the QAnon was like, no, that's code. This is how you buy a child in today's day and age. You can buy them online. Yeah, these cabinets are named after missing kids. Yeah, those, oh, the brand name, that's how you order the kid. That's the kind of kid you want. Yeah, it's fucking crazy. So I just wrote down the name.
Starting point is 00:33:38 It was Mayfair, I think. It's Mayfair Conspiracy. Wayfair. And I wrote it down. Two days later, I got around to actually Googling it. And by then, I'd be completely debunked on Snopes. But yeah, he says shit a little too quick. He was the one that initially got me on the We Fake the Moon landing,
Starting point is 00:33:58 which he's since went, yeah, I guess that's all bullshit. Well, I think now, even though we're in the information age we've never been dumber because i'll see people will post uh and i've seen on facebook where they'll post something and it's immediately it has the thing going hey this is fucking wrong it's already been fact checked so this is you know erroneous information and they're immediately will be in the comments going see it's a cover-up. They don't want to – ah, fuck. There's just no fucking – no reasoning with stupidity. It's the day of information.
Starting point is 00:34:31 It's the information age. And yet people do less to confirm that something's right when they have everything on their phone to actually go in and look into it. It's the irony. The fucking worst is the – like I get memes attributed to me with my picture and quotes of shit. I've never said that. I make those all the time. Not even remind me. Yeah, it makes you want to make memes and just put some other comic you don't like.
Starting point is 00:35:00 You should get Brett Erickson on the line. That's what I said. I think that's become the whole point of memes now. We missed the first boat on memes. They're on the third or fourth boat already. They're ironic on four different levels that we won't even understand now. I couldn't even have someone explain to me. I just lose interest.
Starting point is 00:35:17 Brett Erickson makes memes quite a bit. And we've been talking about it on Issues with Andy quite a bit because the three of us don't give a shit and it's just he's trolling us with his memes he's loving it i've figured it out that's what it is fucking gifts gifts are the lowest form of fucking comedy do you mean gifs no no it's gifts oh are you trying to say giraffe i i call it whatever the other guy called it is how I usually fix that. I just wait for somebody else to say it first. I go, yeah, the Jifs.
Starting point is 00:35:49 That's what they are. That's a good drink, Trace. It's not too sweet. That's what I need after last night. Murphy will just sit there for a whole football game and just take pictures of her dogs and put filters on them and take more pictures and then make, I don't know, fucking memes or gifts or I don't know, photo albums. The whole time. Like, how long have you had that dog?
Starting point is 00:36:14 She did the same thing. I mean, I used to do a joke about my mother showing me pictures of her cats with the cats right there. I can look at the fucking cat. You mean this cat? Yeah. Doing the exact same thing that it's doing in the picture. Yeah, she's showing me pictures that she just took of her dog sitting in the chair next to me between us.
Starting point is 00:36:32 I'm like, yeah, I know, it's right here. Oh, well, look, I put a filter on it. So now his hair is a little red or something. I don't know. Send me those. I'll put a Shaylee Challenge cannonball. There you go. It's like bingo. I don't know how either of them
Starting point is 00:36:46 have space in their phone like you'd have bingo hey take a picture and she'll take like 40 to make sure you're on the thing and go yeah with the iphone yeah and i don't know how her phone still works how it's not just completely that is odd because my phone you don't take a lot of pictures and i've had to clean off your phone a couple times. Should I tell him, or do we just let it go? He won't listen. If you have an iPhone, you have an iCloud account, and all of your pictures get uploaded to the cloud.
Starting point is 00:37:13 They don't take up all the space on your phone. But you don't know that she had... Oh, I think I did create the... Not the entry level, but the extra one. Yeah. Yeah, so she's...'s yeah i think i pay 50 cents a month or something for uh it's not bad yeah explain this to me how is it like even tracy and bingo they like and you i can't get on the internet here
Starting point is 00:37:40 like you're trying to google something like i just fucking google stuff like i go on my phone and there's a google bar and i search things i never get on the internet with my phone i think you're mistaken we don't get text messages oh shit it just i just said google too much or something yeah my phone turned on you started talking to it. We did a thing today where we've got Alexa in the house. And I go, Tracy, just don't say Alexa and ask a question. But just when you're in a room by yourself and there's an Alexa in there, talk about blueberry cereal. Because that's such a weird thing that I want to wait and see if it comes up.
Starting point is 00:38:22 Yeah. Like an ad. And it did, I'm sure. I just started doing it today. weird thing that i'm gonna wait and see if it comes up yeah like an ad when when when i and it did i'm sure i just started doing it today i'm like hey tracy do we have any boo berry cereal because i think those things are listening oh yeah i and then they say they're listening all the time but for informational purposes and how to serve you better they're getting tired of people not voluntarily putting them in their house i went on youtube one day and it goes hey would you like a free google nest mini they're 50 if you buy them but we'll give you one for free and i learn i go do i gotta sign up for shit what's the catch nothing at all they send me a
Starting point is 00:38:56 free thing and you plug it in google home it's a nest mini but it reacts with google home it's just a little tiny bluetooth speaker but you you can tell it to the kids. Hey, Google, tell me a joke. And it'll tell them a joke and stuff. But we've been sitting there before just watching TV. And all of a sudden, it'll go, I can look that up for you. And we're like, oh, we weren't talking to you, motherfucker. I'll go over and unplug it.
Starting point is 00:39:21 It doesn't help. Unplugging it doesn't stop it. It's bad. you're probably right there i just want it to shut up i don't have any secrets so i don't care if we had secrets we'd have a better podcast that's true right i tell them here Oh, okay. Oh. Yeah, that was an extraordinary day of drinking by recent standards. And today I got a bit of the booze sweats and you just immediately think,
Starting point is 00:39:53 oh, is that fever? Is this it? Did I just dismiss it? Did Kenny get too close? Was I too tender with Kenny? A couple people expressed concern about Kenny being around and I tried to softball that to Kenny
Starting point is 00:40:08 and, well, what does that mean? What is it? I can never come over for FICA. We're just going to have to get you. But you did the Derek voice for Kenny. Interchangeable. No, I was doing the whining, crying Kenny voice. Why? What did I do?
Starting point is 00:40:24 Okay. It's very similar. Well, I'm not a fucking character guy. You're no Shane Gillis. Nope. Shane Gillis who couldn't do a goddamn Norm MacDonald impression. Any update on that? Well, when I tweeted about, oh, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:40:41 I did retweet someone who tweeted, Hey, Roseanne Norm, you have to read this. But when I tweeted, Hey, you left your shirt here to Sam Talent, Shane Gillis goes, Oh, I want it. So now I'm hoping selling his underpants and his fucking mask on eBay with the T-shirt will get Shane Gillis to buy it. with the T-shirt, we'll get Shane Gillis to buy it. I already saw on Twitter, whenever you said Tim Dillon had tweeted, you know, I want to go.
Starting point is 00:41:12 Comedian Tim Dillon. Yeah, I want to go smoke socially distant cigarettes with Stan Hope or whatever it said. Shane responded and said, I left a T-shirt there. Grab it for me when you get there. I saw that. Yeah, I got gotta reach out to tim dylan uh he's la too yeah but he's playing phoenix i think it's october 9th i looked at his schedule so i gotta contact him see if he wants to come down he might not have any idea how far that is
Starting point is 00:41:38 people yeah like when manson hey i'm i'm playing your town. Phoenix is a fucking eight-hour round trip. So, yeah, people think that they're in Arizona. They're close. No. So hopefully he knows. Guest house is open if you want to come down a night early. For now. Specifically to Tim Dillon only.
Starting point is 00:42:01 Yes. Thank you. That's needed. I kind of look like half a cop anyway, and my vehicle's black. I'm in a black CRV that a rent-a-cop might roll up on. Yeah, the kind of Honda that an a oregon cop would drive right exactly one that uh you know gets called into the office a lot and threatened i need your badge you can't drive listen lieutenant i do things a little bit differently all right
Starting point is 00:42:38 then he ran over two people at the softball tournament. Oh, there we go. Number one. 13 minutes in. I love that Andy changed locations, but still retains the poor integrity of the last location. Hey, everybody. It's me, Brett Erickson, from the Issues with Andy podcast. We love you, Killer Termites, and we hope you'll tune in and check us every friday issues with andy on youtube yeah okay it's it's a it's not a podcast right isn't it a vod podcast you're right for once andy you're right it's a vodcast which means it's a podcast fueled by vodka if you love the shit you're getting here on the doug stanhope podcast
Starting point is 00:43:23 get more shit with us on issuesues with Andy on YouTube every Friday. And yeah, you keep listening and watching or however you do it, and we'll keep shitting. So the happy hour. Oh, yeah, yeah. Chad, you're going to do the next one. I spaced it. I forgot to give these guys the link.
Starting point is 00:43:48 One job over here didn't send me a link. So I was just sitting there drinking in front of my computer, wishing I could talk to you guys. Oh, yeah. I saw that later again. Don't you remember? I was like, where's Chad? And then other people were like, hey, is Andy?
Starting point is 00:44:04 What's going on? And I'm like, oh, you know, we other people were like, hey, is Andy or what's going on? And I'm like, oh, you know, we're going to probably do something next week with him. But yeah, I can't believe Chad's not on here yet. Well, fucking stupid me. I never sent them the link to do it. And since it's Patreon only. Oh, Chad's not Patreon? No.
Starting point is 00:44:20 Tightwad. I don't get paid enough. I think that's a trend going around. Yeah, this week we'll do... I'm not that big of a fan, if we're being honest. But the first week you did, you were in the chat.
Starting point is 00:44:38 You were fucking lighting it up in there. Well, you sent me a link and I enjoyed that. All right, I said that. I said, I fucked up. I know, but I like to rub it in because you don't fuck up very link and I enjoyed that. All right. I said that. I said I fucked up. I know, but I like to rub it in because you don't fuck up very often and it's fun. Yeah, the fucking happy hours I've liked a lot. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:53 We are talking about making those a higher pay echelon. No, no. From now on, they're $5 and above on that tier. We have to. Because we did three and a half hours. Yeah. to because we did three and a half hours yeah that also uh the fucking greg our moderator who's sitting there east coast with a job and he's like we get to the end oh before i said we're probably going to kick out around at about 90 minutes and uh we'll just we'll call it from
Starting point is 00:45:21 there he goes yeah yeah no problem and then it's like three hours, 17 minutes in. I go, hey, we're going to call it. And then we call it. I go, hey, Greg. He goes, yeah, I got to go. Just fucking done. I'm like, oh, fuck. Oh, shit.
Starting point is 00:45:33 He's East Coast. And he's got a TV job that I knew was coming up. And I'm like, oh, fuck. Yeah, no, I get my pints and I forget that he's going to do this. Yeah. Well, I'll definitely, we'll go forever. I'll definitely do the chat on those. It's fun for me to check out.
Starting point is 00:45:52 And then, too. And you can hear everything while you're doing that. I can hear it. I can watch you guys. I can hang in the chat. But then I was telling Stan Hope last night, like, if we can see, because people have interesting fucking stories. Oh, fuck, yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:04 So it's, you know, we figure out who can tell a story and who's got, like, weed them out so we don't have to listen to people. Well, I mean, I guess that's dicky to do, but I mean. We were going to implement a clock or something. Yeah, there you go. That's a less dicky thing to do. Well, you don't tell a good story. You suck. Fuck you.
Starting point is 00:46:22 You're not. Halfway through the podcast, it was this last one we did. You weren't there a good story. You suck. Fuck you. You're not. Halfway through the podcast, it was this last one we did. You weren't there for some reason. We started to do a clock on my phone. I would put down two minutes and let it go. And then after a while, I'm like, fuck this. I'm just going to hit this bell when I think it's dipping. And Doug can just go, okay, we got to move on.
Starting point is 00:46:40 And that's kind of, that's a polite way of doing it. It takes it off of gun. Sure, they did that on the gong show. It's very not humiliating that you suck as a guest at all. No, it's time to move on. That's not the, the point is like people shouldn't be on the spot to tell a good story. But when the guy comes up from the fucking crematorium. Yes.
Starting point is 00:46:59 Or the guy takes out his glass eye and has his fucking wife put it back in with her mouth. Oh, shit. Yeah, okay. I'll give you a few extra minutes. Successfully, by the way. Successfully got it into his... I wasn't watching. Someone told me about it. You turned away, did you? That's gross.
Starting point is 00:47:18 It can be done though, Doug. Yeah, but I don't want people that are on there, if we just want to stop it and say hello you don't have to fucking entertain us oh god but we'll spend a little a few extra minutes with the ones sure but but then yeah exactly then those that'll be a quicker we were gonna go to guy he was in there oh yeah and uh he waved us off like no i just want to listen yeah well that's whenever you guys pulled me up on that first one and and I was like, I'll be in the chat.
Starting point is 00:47:45 Don't fucking put these motherfuckers on. I want to hear these stories. Let us know any of the Bisbee regulars that you have questions for or stories for. We'll drag in a Kenny or a Derek. Yeah, I'll sign in the chamber. Anything if you want. Joby's in the mood.
Starting point is 00:48:00 I realized whenever doing the Twitch stream and start interacting with people and how interesting everybody else's fucking story is that people have that are listening to us and to see it on such a big level a larger platform
Starting point is 00:48:18 where your fans are fucking doing for mortuary and that creepy dude in his fucking no shirt in Taiwan it was a good time so he was back yeah he had three costume changes well if you called shirtless a costume yeah this camera angle he looked like a fucking cancer patient he looked terminally ill shirtless but then the profile thing was kind of weird I thought maybe he was missing an ear or something for a while some kind of weird thing it turns out he was on mushrooms
Starting point is 00:48:49 he's peaked right when we went on live that's why he was grinning ear to ear the whole time I'm still like kind of reticent to do mushrooms but when I get high like I was last night it's no different than tripping to me and I don't know why mushrooms.
Starting point is 00:49:05 I think it's the puking thing. Half the time I'll puke right off the bat, and I don't want to do that. It doesn't make you unhappy when you're high and puking, though. It never bothers me. I puke a lot on mushrooms. Often, I mean. I don't puke very much on mushrooms. I don't.
Starting point is 00:49:22 It's all that pomegranate you drink. I don't have anything left to puke up usually is the thing. I yawn a lot on mushrooms. It's the only thing I ever do. I shit on Derek for fucking coming over and drinking all our fucking $9.99 to fucking handle cheap vodka when he did bring us. For fresh squeezed pomegranate if you had to buy that like in the fucking
Starting point is 00:49:48 yeah that's probably like $60 worth of pomegranate and it's a lot of effort to get that juice out of those fucking pomegranates yeah and I don't even like pomegranate but if it's fresh squeezed fuck yeah she makes it good
Starting point is 00:50:02 yeah so I think it's just the principle of the thing, Derek. You've been here. You were the first one here and the last one out. And you're acting like you want to stay over because walking fucking eight houses down is
Starting point is 00:50:19 out of your... You're too drunk. Yeah, he got a ride last night. Oh, that's right. Yeah, he did. That's night. Oh, that's right. Yeah, he did. That's right. Gil gave him a ride. Yeah, who do you want to... Who haven't we had on in a while that's around that will come in the house
Starting point is 00:50:35 without masks? I know that when we post that or when something comes up on Twitter, it's usually Margo or something, which she's in health issues. I don't think we... Oh, well, yeah, last time, Margo, it's usually Margo or something, which she's got health issues. I don't think we... Oh, well, yeah, last time, Margo, it took three of us to get her into the Suburban
Starting point is 00:50:51 and then into her house. It took Chad and two drivers. I had to help carry Margo in her house and Margo was flirting with me, and I have to tell you, if I wasn't married, I might have went for it. It's story it's a handsome woman she's like 82 now fucking solid broad maybe we should do a a poll on uh on patreon find out because then we can control the three people
Starting point is 00:51:22 that yeah we i want to get fucking michael bean on just to hang out i don't want to like interview he's well the mutual friend that put us together is saying you should definitely get him on the podcast and then when i first started talking to them the wife was like yeah i heard about a podcast and he can't do it he's got something coming out and until then he can't and i. He's got something coming out. Until then, he can't. I'm like, no, I wouldn't ask you to podcast. Yeah, just leave it. He obviously knows you have one.
Starting point is 00:51:52 Yeah, no. He was asking me some questions about the podcast yesterday. He's curious about it and I think he's listened to it. I mean, he has a fun time when he's here. And hearing you guys out there laughing and telling stories, barely paying attention to football, it's like, don't fuck with that, you know? Yeah, it's weird just because he's new meat. Like, we don't talk to each other.
Starting point is 00:52:13 We sat out there for a full fucking all the early games, basically silent, just staring at the TV until he showed up. Because what am I going to ask you? What you've been up to? Where you're from? It was a weird atmosphere, Shaylee. I know. It was odd.
Starting point is 00:52:27 I told Doug last week. I was the one trying to watch football. Do you guys shut up? I'm trying to pay attention to this red zone. I don't understand it. It's confusing me. Keep flipping around. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:52:42 Yeah, and that's where the edibles have come in and uh yeah i'm enjoying football week two yeah but like i said yeah when you realize okay that's three nights a week and one of them's a full day in the night yeah that just just kind of fucked up my whole vacation area, my COVID-cation. Yeah, I definitely could see how having to be social every time football was on. I think, you know, that's a...
Starting point is 00:53:15 But that's the social distancing. It helps that a lot. For sure. Well, when people listen or don't just show up. Do you still have that wanderlust going on where you're going to do a ditch bag? Nope. That's it?
Starting point is 00:53:28 That was quick. Yeah, it just takes one fucking solid hangover. I was going to stay in bed until 4, except I had to drive Murphy to her car. And then it started getting hot when the sun starts hitting that side of the house. Just sitting in bed under my eight fucking comforters. I'm like, oh oh i'm starting to sweat this covid no there's this fucking arizona sun shining on the back of your fucking skull and your bed and you're under fucking eight comforters probably not a fever i i laid there
Starting point is 00:53:58 this morning from about 5 30 i woke up yeah in the guest house in the little house and uh about 5 30 and it was not quite light yet i'm like it's gonna be cold if i fucking ride my motorcycle home right now so i laid there waited till seven i was like all right it's about 60 degrees that'll be it was fucking hot i was sweating my fat ass before i even got on my bike i'm like fuck i should have left it and lay in there in the dark like an asshole. We are going into month number seven here. I think I'm going to break down and just fucking go to Safeway at some point.
Starting point is 00:54:35 Exciting. Yeah. I hate all the deals that my shopper is missing. She's not getting me discount meat. She doesn't have an eye for a bargain. She doesn't clip coupons. I used to clip coupons. I'll tell Shaylee. There's an app that Safeway has.
Starting point is 00:54:57 Yeah, got it. Because I know Fury. I'll go visit Fury sometimes, and that motherfucker will just give me a grocery bag of stuff, and he'll be like, I won't eat this stuff, but I know your grandkids might eat it. And it was on my app for like 20 cents, so I couldn't not buy it. So I'm like, oh, thanks, man.
Starting point is 00:55:13 It first came out, I tried using it, and then I'm like, the checker didn't even know how. I don't know. It's like, do you work here? Because you're standing where a person who works here would stand. And then I got it again because we had something in the cart. And they're like, if you got the app, that's like almost free. And so I quickly got the app. Same as the fucking Google Nest.
Starting point is 00:55:33 They want to fucking track your shit. I'm not going to. No, you keep your fucking 20 cent fucking cheese limit one. They're tracking your shit no matter what. I want my 20 cent cheese whiz. They use that tracking to make better purchases the point is you shouldn't have to be the fucking guy with a smartphone that gets the fucking cheap deal that it's available to everyone no it's not yes it is we've how would
Starting point is 00:55:56 you get it with the app without the app there's a way they can't have it just right that makes sense the homeless guys are wandering in there on it too Like if you get it, like Pepsi would have a contest. You don't have to buy a Pepsi to win. You have to mail in. But you have to go through a bunch of shit to get it. Now, see, I think this is different. This falls under like fucking ladies night rules. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:56:16 Where they can give ladies free beer and not dudes or whatever. Just wear a skirt. I know Becker would throw shit hemorrhages and they'd say no sorry that's and I tried that but I have to do it with a smile because I fucking you're a stockholder no I know not to shit where I eat
Starting point is 00:56:35 fucking Becker's throwing fucking tantrums like he's in LA he'll never see the same people again no you can't do that we only have one grocery store here. That makes it tough.
Starting point is 00:56:49 You used to have the co-op as a default if you got 86 from Safeway. I guess you could live out of the co-op, but that's gone. I went grocery shopping in East Berlin once in 89, right when the wall went down the co-op looked
Starting point is 00:57:07 like a bad version of an East Berlin grocery store it just got there was so it's like are these shelves for sale because there's nothing on it's crazy well you go in there get something like like like a barley corn tvp is a is a textured vegetable protein it's a very common thing for people that are vegan or vegetarian right and they'd be out of it yeah weeks in a row it's like are you buying one sack at a time every tuesday it's gone but you don't have any until it's fucking crazy. Nooch was the same. Nooch, yeah. It was the other thing.
Starting point is 00:57:46 Very common. We were having a long conversation before the beans showed up and started the party about hard-boiled deviled eggs. Deviled eggs, yeah. And it went on for like 25 minutes. And I go, this is what people say, hey, I really want to come down to the fucking compound and funhouse and party with you guys. Well, that's what you're missing out on. 25 minute conversations about deviled eggs and how paprika I don't think has a flavor,
Starting point is 00:58:15 but it does really make the deviled egg. Smoked paprika. I don't know, but just missing that, the visual, the presentation. That's not the part. The part that everybody would love to make everybody jealous is what Tracy and I got to see last night. Stan Hope giggling, fucking giddy, saying shit that he would, it was just out of character, which fucking was so funny.
Starting point is 00:58:46 I remember wheezing like that cartoon dog i can't even repeat any of the stuff we were laughing at it's so funny though i i get so much happier on edibles but i also say the worst fucking things you were in good company last night we had a good time yeah no i thought the second the the last game was over then we watched the harlem globe globetrotters biopics oh i couldn't even come in here for that because all the fucking tvs were on and i was oh it was overstimulating it was dead silent in here we were just sitting here glued to this 1951 movie that was funny but after that tracy's like hey, you ready to go? And I'm like, yeah, let me finish this thing
Starting point is 00:59:28 I was doing here. And I, like, 10 minutes later, I go out there, and you guys are all sitting at the patio laughing. I'm like, okay, Tracy, ready? She's like, yeah, let me just finish one more drink with Doug. And it was like, two hours later, I'm on the couch and I'm going, I'm going to bed.
Starting point is 00:59:44 And she's like, yeah yeah i'm coming down into bed this is pretty funny what doug's doing right now oh yeah i had a weird fucking epiphany about that like tracy might get in trouble if she doesn't go i'm like we don't have those kind of relationships spinning out on this tracy's old man is gonna yell at her yeah she prompted let's go and then was two and a half hours later when she came back down but that just was like that's how much fun she was having because i go is chad still there she's like oh yeah we're just listening to doug yeah that was a very fun time that went on that. That was my first Edible Doug deep experience like that. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:29 It happens nightly here. Yeah. Not that deep. We had to stop him from tweeting all the things he was thinking. Yeah, I didn't get on my Twitter. That was a good thing. I'm pretty sure. Well, I mean, yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:47 Well, no, I'm pretty sure I didn't get on twitter no no you didn't yeah because my computer was not in bed with me that's when i wake up next to the laptop i'm like oh either there's a sock that needs washed or i tweeted some or both shame is happening yeah a couple nights ago i i know I went on a Twitter tear and I didn't look at it in the morning because I still, I don't remember what I tweeted, but I knew I felt good about it in the morning. So I didn't turn over any stones and go back and look. Most of your late night high tweets are not controversial in any way. Well, you deleted that one. From the graffiti? Oh, you know, here's the thing.
Starting point is 01:01:37 I have a weird relationship with disrespect. Yes. And it's where my anger comes from. And I understand that. I just don't know how to fix it. But when something like that, when someone's disrespectful in a way like that, it makes me very angry.
Starting point is 01:01:53 But... And I don't... She showed up on the happy hour. Yeah, she did. Do you want to tell the background? Because she explained herself very well. Go ahead. I was down in the little house.
Starting point is 01:02:06 She was a comedian. And there was some graffiti. Someone had graffiti in the little house. The place where you stay was over by the little desk there. And I'm like, who the fuck are these people? How did they? Who did this? Right?
Starting point is 01:02:20 It's just such an odd thing. And then we couldn't figure out who it was. And they dated it first and last name gotcha still didn't know yeah it took a little bit but you know that's what night time's for yeah yeah and then doug tweeted something then he realized he was mad about something else and gave her the vitriol and then he deleted it and then she showed up on the happy hour tweet on zoom on fridays and uh she she made it she stood her ground and she goes i am very sorry i would never you know disrespect you in any way i just wanted i mean i signed my name and and i don't that's not a good argument. Her argument was. What was her argument?
Starting point is 01:03:07 She didn't have one. She was very nice. And it was a thing where. I do remember that she doesn't normally drink, but she had a couple. So she's a little giddy. And. She wasn't trying to tag the side of a building. I could definitely see where being caught up in being here at the Funhouse on a party night is exciting.
Starting point is 01:03:27 And it is a green room. And it is kind of a thing that Stan Hope might have done when he was younger. Exactly. That's why I dialed myself back. It makes it difficult, but all that logic aside, I'll tell you what,
Starting point is 01:03:43 people are disrespectful like that, it makes me mad. Like, I don't know. Do you remember that? She did apologize. I don't know if you remember the fridge at Johnny's house, the one we stayed in, and all those fucking Sharpie along the, I forget how it started. Yes. It was like a story that everybody added to. Added a word to that sounded kind of like the word before it.
Starting point is 01:04:05 And that went on until it hit the floor. It started at six feet high and went down over a course of months. And I didn't start that, but I'm the one that piled on when he had written like three words. I don't know what they were. That's a completely different thing. Yeah. That might be cool. We should start that.
Starting point is 01:04:23 Right? different thing yeah that might be cool we should start that right when i was in high school i had a friend whose parents were really cool and they let him have like a wall that we could all write and draw and shit on uh in his room and always gallon of kills i'll get right out yeah i always thought that was pretty decent i if if i had the the wall and the wherewithal uh i i would do a like the comedy club old headshots of comedians oh fucking louis ck uh for decades i want to say had his headshot was from when he was a teenager from one of those photo booths at the fucking Pismo beach. It's just him, like a goofy shot from one of those four strips that come out for a dollar.
Starting point is 01:05:14 He used that until he was in his thirties or forties as a headshot. I would love to have old headshots like that on a wall, but that's the down under and Greeley. Remember that one? Yep. That's had the best South, but not South Bend, Fort Wayne.
Starting point is 01:05:28 Yeah. All the way. Yeah. We've well, we've, yeah, we play a lot of, a lot of clubs that have 1980s comics,
Starting point is 01:05:34 headshots. Who's here. Is it time to go? I think getting close. All right. It's Murph. Curb your5. Alright. It's Murph. Curb your dog! Murphy, we're about to close up this podcast.
Starting point is 01:05:50 Do you want to add anything? Hi! She says hi from a distance. Alright, strike up that TV. I think Thursday night is, I don't know, is it Channel 4 or 206? We'll find it. It's Monday night.
Starting point is 01:06:06 There's so much for you knowing what day it is. So much for knowing the days of the week again. Don't forget to check the eBay yard sale. Every week we've got something. It's at Stanhope underscore podcast on eBay. That is the only legitimate seller of Doug Stanhope eBay yard sale is
Starting point is 01:06:21 Stanhope underscore podcast is the seller. So make sure it's that. Some guy's trying to fucking resell jackets I sold on old fucking eBay yard sales for charity. Yeah, sure. But that's not us. That's not us. Hey, check out my
Starting point is 01:06:37 Twitch channel. It's at my pinned tweet at HDFatty. If you've been a subscriber and never checked it out, I appreciate it. Keep doing it because my subs are at HD fatty. If you've been a subscriber and never checked it out, I appreciate it. Keep doing it because my subs are dropping really low. Thanks.
Starting point is 01:06:52 We're starving here. All right. Big, go take us out of this. Okay. Bye. Bye now. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី Thank you.

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