The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. 522 SwapCAST with The Uncancellable Sian Smyth

Episode Date: June 9, 2023

Doug hosts a SwapCast with Australian comedian Sian Smyth, the host of '‘The UnCancellable Sian Smyth Podcast”. Recorded June 3rd, 2023 at the Quiet House in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope) and Australian comedian Sian Smyth.  Produced and Edited by Alex Hodgins Signed copies of "This Is Not Fame" available while supplies last at Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast good morning welcome to the doug stanhope podcast also the podcast of the uncancellable sean smith good morning sean good morning yeah we haven't had a Zoom guest since the olden times, in the corn times. Yeah. But this is a very special occasion. I watched the first two episodes of your new podcast, The Uncancellable

Sean Smith. That's S-I-A-N, Sean. S-M-Y-T-H. Yeah. You have to make a fucking simple name As difficult as possible Yeah The podcast is phenomenal

I'm looking forward to part three Fuck it, Alex did Spoiler alert me So I do know what happens But how it happens is all the fun In your new show I think you can touch on it a little bit yeah go ahead start well well what did you like most about um what did you like most about it that's what i want to know

right now let's touch on that well at first the first thing that stood out it was almost four minutes in where i go she must do this by herself because only like bill burr can really pull that off just talking to yourself and no you you had alex there as a producer but you just didn't need him yeah he only he only chimes in a couple times yeah well sweet brother he was he was like um he was he wasn't in the room with me he was in the on the side in the next room yeah no he comes on camera yeah you're alone on camera but he comes in like the voice of god uh to occasionally push you in a direction but otherwise yeah you could do that by yourself yeah but i want i want like alex i definitely do need alex so um but yeah Alex. But yeah, I was really happy with it, man.

I've never done anything like that before. I make Instagram stories, but I've never done a solo talking head podcast thing. So I just ran with it. It was basically that. podcast thing so i just kind of like just it was basically that but again the the the episodes the the two uh lead into the third uh it's almost like a a limited series release all right you're you're gonna dump all at once um and yeah i just like at one point where you talked about going back to the brothel to work a couple of jobs because you needed money. As though that was the B story to get somewhere else, which it was.

It's not that big of a deal. So what? I didn't use again. Yeah, well, because it was funny because I keep getting interviewed for like radio where they want this like reformed prostitute you know and then I was like I'm lying like I can't I'm gonna have to fess up about this so I just fessed up about it and I do have a pretty fucking funny story about going back there um I'm not sure if it's like extremely inappropriate so if it is inappropriate, we can just cut this. No, there's absolutely... How is anything inappropriate here?

Stop. Well, I do know what... This is in Brisbane? Yes, this is in Brisbane. Yeah. That's where I live. I live in Brisbane. And Australia, prostitution is kind of legal?

It's recently been decriminalized in Queensland like um like I think like a month ago it was decriminalized in Queensland but it was criminalized but like we still have brothels and stuff like I don't really get like how it's criminalized if like we have legal brothels and stuff but they say like it's it's decriminalized now um and apparently that's a big deal but it doesn't seem like anything's really changed but um yeah i went back and like i know like you're trying to get your name out there again and shit dog um so do you want to know what i used as my name um when i was working there. Bingo.

And they'll be like, why is your name Bingo? And I'll be like, do you know Doug Stenhoff? And I'll be like, yeah, I open it. Did you guys hear this? Oh. Yeah. Here, stick your head in and say hello, Bingo. They loved it. They love the name bingo hey babe she can't hear you but uh yeah she says hello she was just telling us that occasionally when she goes to work at the brothel she uses her uh her stage name or nom de plume

working girl name is bingo why are you called bingo she goes you don't know doug stanhope yeah and then i name drop a name drop so i'm getting i'm getting your name out there uh through um horny indian men in brisbane prostitution is not something that you need to be rehabilitated from That's a choice Yeah I mean, you had your own drug problems If you want to fill people in on your laundry list of places to go with your material Yeah, well, this time the intention was different, you know

So the intention was I just need to get my festival poster done And, like, just, like, pay my phone bill and shit So it was just, like, different And I'm terrible at saving money so it's just like a different intention this time like just before the festival and shit um and i was that was one of my favorite parts of your podcast where you're just a wistful aside where you just thought in the moment it's so nice to think that i paid for my australia festival poster with my pussy yeah i love i did like that it felt real girl power you know you know i don't know much about that stuff because like i don't really like read like much about that stuff but like it felt like i was i think

this is what they're talking about when they say girl power like pussy power you know like i paid for it with my pussy and um what else happened um oh yeah no and then so i and then at the brothel like because everyone loved the name bingo like they were like that is such a cute name um like people just loved it and i was like yeah it's such a cute name and then um we i showed the girls in the back of the brothel room Beer Hall Pudge. Yeah. That show. And they fucking loved it. Not safe for work sometimes. And so I thought you would have liked the idea that like in a whorehouse

is just a bunch of girls watching like that show. And it was really wholesome. Like they fucking loved it. And the story about your mom, they fucking loved. And then, you know, there's times to be dainty and there's times to be a pig so we categorize after we watch that we categorize the clients in like when they'd come in would be like okay are we being dainty or are we being a pig with them so your your mother's dying last words were used at the whole house.

How long do you think that you could moonlight? Would you having a client recognize you from stage make you stop going back to that? That hasn't happened yet. No, no really i saw it as audience members what's that i saw i i i'd like inviting to my shows you've invited clients to your show that's a fucking bringer that someone is really doing everything for their craft. Oh, dude, I actually have a video of me, like, fucked up on drugs. Just being like, it's a good thing that I'm doing this because I've been an audience member to my shows. And I'm just talking about it.

And that's my business model. I'm just going to fuck these dudes. And then they're going to come to my shows. You have tape of that shows you have tape of that i have tape of that i have tape bro you were you were releasing some shit on twitter that was hilarious have you fucked up yeah tell people your your history of yeah drug and drink use yeah oh well how do i I don't know, like. Was it, what was it, tweak of methamphetamine specifically, especially?

Meth was my, meth was my baby. Meth was, as I said, like, well, basically, I just like, I have, I have footage of like the last like two years of my life from like being in a dv rep because something told me that i have to document like everything like i was just like just document everything so just like i have footage of me being in a domestic violence refuge up to me like choosing to start smoking meth and being a prostitute and just like all that so i have like all this footage of me just video blogging which I think is why I was good at like talking to camera as well because I just spent the last two years kind of like video blogging everything and some of them are like completely insane and

it was on like my like business account on Instagram but I just felt like I had to do it um so yeah there's footage of me like literally like at a DV refuge and I'm like so fucked up. Like I'm not even on drugs. I'm just fucking fucked. And I just like look at the camera and like everything like shit has just happened. I've been like raped and bashed and shit. And I'm just like fucked up. And I'm just like in the refuge.

And I just like I'm like I was like if you think my comedy was dark. Oh no. And then I'm like everything in life it just makes you funnier. It just makes you funnier. Like, if you thought my comedy was fucked before, prepare for it to get a lot darker, motherfucker. From there up until, yeah, so basically I just, I was always like a pot smoker. I wish pot didn't count, but unfortunately it does. It doesn't count. I was yelling at my screen when I was watching you talking about going off the wagon because you ingested some CBD oil. Yeah, I know. That's fucking dumb.

ingested some CBD oil. Yeah. I remember when my mother was first in AA, and she was a bartender. And she picked up the wrong drink at one point and had a mouthful of a cocktail. And she came home from work talking about it like she narrowly avoided death. And I had to spit it into a napkin because I would have had to start my sobriety date all over again from scratch like that doesn't make any fucking sense whatsoever brainwashed me they were so they were so clever it was so clever how they did it all like because i was very vulnerable when i first went into those rooms and like so i was fucked and i just like kept going to meetings

but basically i i've spent a year in abstinence and i've just been brainwashed yeah jails it's great that you're sober it's great that i'm sober i'm fucking but i'm fucking been brainwashed and then like i had the cbd or i felt like i was disrespecting your honor and oh i just i got very i never knew catholic guilt like that man i've never known catholic guilt like that you said that uh you said that uh you started uh yeah but i started video blogging oh yeah like before you even started meth you said i started when i decided to uh do meth smoke meth and be a prostitute you just said that like it was the same day yeah i wouldn't doubt silly me

yeah yeah so yeah and then i yeah i was video blogging kind of like but yeah and then so i was at the dv refuge i can't really remember a lot of stuff it kind of like i can't remember at all i have it all documented though if i look at my phone and look back because i've all documented and there's seriously videos of me like in a brothel being so fucked up and just being like um it you know i it's and i'm like it's really easy for me because i've been raped heaps raped heaps that's a fucking album title raped heaps more of a band name i think and i look like fucking shit as well i look so fucking oh my god and there's videos of me talking really loudly on like trains

about working at like a cheap whorehouse and just like not making like any like i'm just talking so loudly on a train and i was aware though i was like this is funny but like everyone just thought i was like crazy but like i look back on that and i'm like that's so fucking funny that i'm talking about like cheap whorehouses and how i'm working on them at 6am loudly on a train looking like fucking shit. And the comedy industry in Australia fucking follow me on Instagram and shit. So they've seen all of that and it's just hilarious. The great thing is, even when you're talking about fucking your opening act randomly on the road, and then him giving you the boot afterwards, and so you fired him.

Yeah, the thing is, when you're not being sexy at all, when you talk about fucking people in whorehouses, there's a lot of female comics who lean into sexuality hard. Sarah Silverman always has. It's kind of her personality. There's a female comic. You talk about sex like a dude. You're talking about bucket somebody. You're talking about the same way a fucking guy on a bachelor party is talking about.

I was talking about it sexy, but it's good to know I'm not. Thanks. It doesn't look like you're selling jokes with your vagina. Yeah. Which a lot of women openly market themselves kind of whorish.

Oh yeah. No, I'm natural. Yeah. You're not. You, I'm natural. Yeah. Yeah. You're not. Yeah. You're slinging dick. Are all female comedians whores except me? Dude, I hate them.

I hate female comedians. I'm joking. I'm joking. I don't. I love Joan Rivers. But if you listen to that story about this randomly you fucking you're an open mic or that you had as an opening

act. And if you listen to that, if as though a guy was saying it, reverse the roles. And that guy is so fucking canceled. When you're the name of your show, the uncancellable Sean Smith. name of your show the uncancellable sean smith yeah i don't

know about uncancellable it seems like that's kind of you know beaten to the ground and but but with you just it's there's no other title for it yeah yeah well i just thought because um yeah i just thought like how do i work that name so it's not hacky at the same time? Like, how do I be kind of creative with that name as well, I thought. And, yeah, there are ways you can do that. And that is, yeah, yeah. And, like, I really did just get him to open for me because I wanted to fuck him.

And then he didn't treat me with respect. So then I didn't even, I just announced, like, my openers without even telling him that he wasn't opening me with respect so then i didn't even i i just i just announced like my openers without even telling him that he wasn't opening for me anymore did you see him in the scene like it's not a huge right back um to like my post being like oh actually i'm getting freddie mcmanus and ben caution to open for me now um and i i haven't even like read his message but he did write back to like me saying that the the the scene in brisbane is not huge no this is when i have to see these people over and over again oh he was in sydney right yeah he was in sydney yeah but he's like yeah i don't really care about that

he did like fucking it doesn't cause problems like seriously like have you had an opener since then that they kind of fidgets after the show like do i have to fuck her i don't know is that i don't want to be part of her act. No, I got openness who I respect then, like after that. I just don't respect him. Was he funny at least? Nah. Did you know he was not funny?

Yeah. See, now that's going too far. In my book, that's crossing boundaries. Oh, my God, shut up. Don't talk ethics into this. When you're given a bad comic stage time, just ridiculous. See, that's going too far. In my book, that's crossing boundaries. Don't talk ethics into this. When you're given a bad comic stage time, just for a day. No, he's all right. He's all right. Yeah.

He's all right. He's all right. He's terrible and you know it. He wouldn't. I framed it that I couldn't trust that he wouldn't be drunk for it and I thought that was unprofessional. But that wasn't the reason you're like me you just yes so yeah you had it you had it covered but if it's a good story you'll

tell it publicly and admit that you're a big fat liar yeah and i also thought um because my show my show that i did at this at the at the festival was so dark uh this open mic is quite dark himself and then i just thought maybe it would just be too much darkness um so then i just got to like lighter comics who are like a different style to me because i just thought it was a better contrast as well upon reflection and after he disrespected me like that stupid cunt he put you in the cab i know i know i know and i was like what the fuck like i was i was really openly pissed at him did he pay for the cab yeah he paid for it um wow and you're the headliner i don't know about that yeah well i fucking i didn't have enough money to paid for it. Wow, and you're the headliner? I don't know about that. Yeah, well, I didn't have enough money to pay for it. Well, if he's paying for your taxi cab. Dude, it would have been like fucking like 50 bucks

if he lived so far away from where I lived. Yeah, I think I might have told him like you can pay for it. Yeah, but I was pissed and i was just like you know i was like you fuck it like i was like well i'm used to be i was pretty manipulative i was like i'm used to be treated like a whore i'm used to it i'm used to being disrespected like that and he's like but then he was like oh yeah but i don't want to like punch you in my sleep because i think you're my dad and i was like what the what the fuck, cunt? Like, don't fucking bring that shit up, bro. Like, I've fucking been through hard times. I can fucking hug someone after I fuck them, you stupid cunt.

Like, you know what I mean? Like, don't fucking use, like, your childhood trauma as a reason to be a dick. Yeah, I've done that before. It's actually very scary. You've punched someone? Yeah, when I was having a dream where I was in a fist fight. And just fortunately, there was always like blankets to like cover it up. Because if I was landing clean blows, yeah.

Well, I would have understood. But I've never said, oh, this feels like one of those nights. Maybe you should stay at your own place. Because I feel punchy in my sleep. No, just stay awake then. So make sure you don't do it yeah or maybe sometimes after you fuck someone you should really just get in a fucking cab no i don't do that i don't do that i don't want to i don't want to do that if i'm not getting paid i'm not doing that like it has to be like romantic as i imagined it in my head you know or i just i don't want to be run your finger through his hair while you're writing better jokes all night oh yeah please hold yeah

I don't know if you've ever been in a relationship with a comedian I dated only once and we were like a year and a half and it was pretty hard because she was a new comic, of course,

a newer. And, uh, she was pretty bad. Like she had, she had like one joke that you go, fuck it. That's funny.

Like that joke is funny. And you tune the rest of the act out. And the next thing you know, you're living together and she's on the road as your opening act. And that one joke is the only thing she ever had and she stopped using it yeah or or she'd ask you your opinion dude i'm a comedian sexual like i'm only sexually attracted to comedians i i can see you have to be a comedian to be like my boyfriend. I can see why.

Yeah, I couldn't really ever be very good friends with someone who's not a comedian or at least very comedy hip. Yeah. Like Greg Chaley may as well be a comedian for all he does and all the people he hangs out with. But I forget my point. Well, I just said I'd only ever date comedians. Like, I don't want to date, like, a non-comedian. Yeah, I can see why when female comedians talk about how they can't get laid and I can't find a boyfriend and you go, what the fuck are you talking about?

Like, 98% of the guys in this room would just fuck you at the drop of a hat. But as I as I grew into comedy, I could see where Yeah, I don't find comedians sexually attractive at all. Because the funny and dirty don't mix to me. That's it. There's no there's no comedy porn. You don't want to laugh and have a boner at the same time. Yeah, I don't like it.

You don't? I'm against it. Really? That's offensive. Fuck off. No, you like it. You just haven't found the right comedian, girl. What You just haven't found the right comedian girl What you haven't Yeah I know

That whole I don't want to be part of someone's act Thing still comes into play Somewhere in your head Not if she respects you enough Not if she respects you enough Doug I don't think anyone could fuck a comedian Without worrying Am I going to be part

of one of your shows no that's what non-comedians think yeah that's what i'm saying i can't imagine anyone not thinking that non-comedians as well as comedians that way you're worried about dating or like hey if something weird happens like if there's a a a gushy fart in the middle of this and it gets in my contact lens which one of us gets the bit that was always an issue okay if we have a good funny story together so who gets who gets ownership of the rights to that yeah well the only issue i have with dating like male comedians is that they get jealous because i'm always better than them that's the only issue that comes up i don't know if that are they jealous sean or are they just angry i think they're jealous like um my

ex-partner was like a comedian like he i remember one night like i have like this asama bin laden joke which i don't even fucking like anymore but it was just a joke and um i like crushed harder at a gig than he did and that night he like cracked my head open with a phone because of it wait is this the same guy this is the guy i was in the dv relationship with yeah yeah yeah and he like cracked my head open like with the fucking phone that night for like a fucking joke and i just had like a scar on my head but there was a side of me that was like this is gonna make me a better comedian and i just had like this blood pouring down my face and i was just like it's gonna make

me a better comedian i reckon like this is like hard fucking like labor shit, you know, like hard training, you know? So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's like the only issue I really have with dating comedians is that maybe they'll get jealous that like I'm a better comedian than them. But like that doesn't bother me. I just have to find someone who's a better comedian than me. A male comedian who's better than me Yeah

I don't know what would be worse Someone that was Better Than me or Way worse I think maybe the worst The worst would be someone That's bigger than me

And not funny That would be someone that's Bigger than me and not funny That would be bad Like if I was Dating Whitney Cummings Or something and I'd go Yeah yeah you make money but I don't even fucking know Whitney Cummings

I'll tell you the truth I don't either But I know someone who talks a lot of shit about her to the point where i go no she must suck but stop talking about it because i don't really know her and yeah yeah i i love i love oh female comedians i love miss pat yeah miss pat's great have you listened to her book? Her Audible book? She's incredible No, I haven't listened to Rabbit But I watched her do a stand-up set

About being a child prostitute And it was like Fucking, it moved me in the same way Like Beer Hall Putsch moved me You know, like fucking Yeah, incredible Now I want to start a list of books Because I owe you one.

Did you listen to Man's Search for Meaning? Yes, I did. I had to go back and find the thing and go, okay, yeah, yeah. Did you like it? Yeah, and I want to send you in return the 48 Laws of Power. No, that's the one that gets in your head. You go, all right, now I want to – I'm listening to this as a joke, thinking it's going to be... I think it was free on Audible with the... It sounded self-helpy, like business, 48 Laws of Power,

but it really just breaks down every day. It makes you want to get back in the game of fucking with people. What is it about 48 laws of power is it about starting a cult no it's just to power in general uh never you know kiss ass with these in this situation don't do that and it goes through history and it gives you examples when napoleon was doing this at waterloo he did this and where he should have followed the rule of this and you always it's almost like the art of war is a famous one. Sun Tzu. But that that's kind of just dumb. A lot of that's like, yeah, always

keep the higher ground. Well, that's obvious. But you say it from a, you know, 1000 year old chinese translation two thousand year old translation oh it sounds kind of like poetry but it's basically dumb this is really good i want to get you that and i want to get your rabbit by miss pat yeah yeah have you listened to rabbit yeah it's really funny yeah yeah uh she she i'd never nickname as well. It's so sweet. Um, yeah. But I remember she kept referring to go into the looker house. We're going

over to look a house. And there's a and there's the man standing at the doorway to look a house and like what and we finally figured out she's saying liquor. But it sounds like look up. And we finally figured out she's saying liquor, but it sounds like look up. Like hooker with an L. No one said it out loud in the car, but as soon as someone figured out, oh, yeah, yeah,

now it makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Her narration makes a huge difference. It's great. Yeah. Who else? Who else? Who else who else what as comedians that i like yeah what who else what do you mean who else yeah well i brought up uh uh someone that you didn't know whitney cummings and you said no but i love miss pat but you're gonna start i love miss I love Miss Pat. I love Joan Rivers. I love Bill Hicks.

If you were going to do that classic Hollywood thing of, I'm kind of like so-and-so meets so-and-so, how would you describe yourself in those easy- Well, now that I've told that I'm not sexual in any way uh by doug stanhope um no i you talk about like a guy talks about yeah yeah well i don't know i feel like i'm uh every time you're talking about you could uh be spitting tobacco at the same time well what's it and i fucked this opener kid see hello anyway

yeah yeah i'm a naughty i'm naughty um uh but i guess i don't know i guess i don't really know because i've never tried to be like anyone you know like i'm i i admire comics um but i don't try and be like any of them but if i'm going off like what um people have said on twitter um people have said like oh she's like if you like carlin and if you like stanhope and if you like um uh hicks like you'll probably like her so i feel like i'm like all those people to like my male audiences except they don't feel bad if they wank over me I'm trying to feel gay if anyone that's as as dark as other Christine Levine is the only one that I know that oh yeah I watched her I watched her yeah she she drifts into a lot of the same material, like, you know, her abortion story or finding dead people or sex industry stuff. Yeah, but I don't know that anyone mainstream has ever fucking gone into places that you go and i i i think you would be snatched up in a second if you were more a contrite and you and i beat the odds and i used to be me and then still made jokes about it i go thank god i don't have to do that anymore but the fact that you are still

like completely unapologetic you're not a fucking you're not a rape victim you're a rape taker you just you took that one and you're fucking gonna and you are clean and sober i wrote a whole comedy show about it like fucking like eight weeks after it all happened happened i don't know who's done that before who's the because my first solo was grub a funny domestic violence story um that was my first ever solo and that was written in like a dv refuge and i really fucking like it's not the best when i watch it i'm like oh god um but i i love it at the same time because i love that i wrote it in a dv refuge and when has a comic ever fucking wrote a show in a dv refuge when has a comedy show ever been written in those situations fucking never can't never that's fucking beautiful. And your drug history, your prostitution history, the mix of them.

Yeah, that's the other show, yeah. And that's the, yeah, and then I wrote a show. And your mental illness. I don't really have a mental illness. Really, you don't? I'm not diagnosed with anything. I just assumed. I know.

Wait. I'm just ADD, I just add i think and like traumatized probably but i don't i've never been like formally diagnosed with like bipolar i've just been formally diagnosed with like autism and add i don't know if they even have mental illnesses over there yet yeah that's right have you been diagnosed with a mental illness no no i haven't but i don't i think it's i think it's kind of like getting a legalized weed card for medical reasons i think if you went to any psychologist and just leaned into one of your problems heavily they diagnosed that as something Yeah exactly OCD I have OCD I have like obsessive thoughts But besides that

Like I'm really I'm just crazy I feel like I'm just naturally pretty crazy Yeah what was I saying Now over here you'd definitely be diagnosed as something Nobody like you isn't Yeah Yeah if I could afford like

the health care to fucking go get diagnosed with something well yeah i don't know how that works but bingo doesn't have a job but she's been with me for 18 years and she gets checks for something i don't know from the government and yeah, they pay for all our psych meds. Yeah, they pay for our meds. I don't know how it works. Yeah, we have pretty good Centrelink over here. That's why it doesn't matter really that I just lost my job. I get like $870 from the government now that I don't have a job.

Yeah, I don't forget what bingo makes it. It's like, yeah, a grand a grand or 1200 bucks a month or or something but all of our meds are taken care of where i just get all that blood work done just as a goof and i just gonna i have insurance which i normally don't use when i go to the clinic it's usually like at 60 bucks if you don don't have insurance, it's sliding scale. If you're poor and I'm like, I'm not poor. I'll just pay the most cash. It's like 60 or 80 bucks.

Just rather than fill up paperwork. But this time it was like 1200 and something dollars for blood work. I'm like, all right, Bob, you figure out the insurance on that. Cause yeah, I'm not,

I should, you should be paying me to get a physical yeah yeah yeah it says that where where were we again i don't know i don't know i don't know what else what else is happening all right oh yeah please hold you were listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. What else has been going on for you, Doug? How are you going mentally and everything? You have my number now, bro.

I'm just going to say you can't call me excessively. I know you're going to want to, but you can't call me all the time. I'm just not going to answer sometimes. I want you to – I've trusted you with my number. I had no idea how WhatsApp worked. You asked me one night, oh, call me. And I'm like, I don't know how to WhatsApp. You know, I didn't believe you.

I didn't believe you. I was just like, he just doesn't want to give me his number. And I was like, well, I don't have your number, so I obviously can't add you i just just like he just doesn't want to give me his number and i was like well i don't have your number so i obviously can't add you on whatsapp oh yeah see i didn't know you needed a number i thought i thought it went through like fucking email or something i know so now you have to have my number but it's fine it's fine it's just if i won't answer the phone if you're drunk basically i won't answer You know

But it's great just like you know Just We have to have boundaries I'm still on the two drinks A night plan with this new High triglycerides Fucking diet How are you feeling bro

Honestly Quitting processed sugar refined sugar is harder than quitting smoking it's i am like i i took an edible today i i went to this uh charity thing for the bisbee animal shelter where i had to sit in a dunk tank and uh people threw baseballs and dunked me but i was like the sixth person that was being dunked yeah all the other local uh people went before me so the water was like fucking it was it was as dirty as this drink like i it was only like chest high and if i dropped my glasses off my head i couldn't see him it was fucking soup and I'm sure I have

some kind of fucking disease in my ears right now point is I got high to do this and uh honestly thank god I had this scheduled because I'm fighting myself from eating every goddamn thing in the refrigerator everything that's naughty for me fucking people who've had to diet god love you and fat people i've made fun of i don't know how they die this diet hate yourself enough yes it's uh it's not a diet really it's just a change of i have to eat less fat no cut out saturated fats red meat and cut sugars way down well that's good you look good at the end of it hon yeah but in the meantime there's times where i i cigarettes yeah just wait five minutes we'll go away this all fucking night long i can eat everything yeah well i've never had to do that so

yeah how how much how much uh how long have you been off the tweak tweak what off meth amphetamine uh like it probably like a year probably over a year now man way over a year a year now man way over a year all right um and i have like um i have like a really beautiful story about like the last time i used i really love this story uh like the last time i smoked meth um i was like i'd fuck it i was fucked up man like i was just i'd smoked like fucking like six points in a night and like it was a fucking monday so like no one had even come into the fucking place because it was fucking monday and i was and you're in the brothel you're smoking meth in the brothel yeah on my own at this point i'm just like on my own i've just been smoking can you bring professionalism to any career path can i i bring i can bring it to comedy yeah you have a well you're fucking the openers you're smoking meth on the job in a whorehouse where can you behave

where can you not get fired from spoiler alert no like i am i am professional though like when i really need to be that's why like i was so amazing when i opened for you in brisbane i was so professional i was fucking amazing yes you were fantastic yeah and i got so many messages from like your audience members being like you were so great so um i can be professional like when i need to be and when I know like the stakes are high and stuff or when I'm when I'm really like, yeah, like I was even professional last time I was working at the whorehouse when my intention wasn't to smoke meth. But anyway, I want to take us through. Take us through, Sean. I'm a customer and I'm going to your whorehouse for the first time.

Where am I going? What am I seeing? Describe the place. Is there a maitre d' with a towel on his arm to greet me? Good evening, Mr. Stanhope. Your reservation is right this way. Tell us. It's different if you're in Sydney to work in Brisbane. I want to know. I want to go into the one that you were smoking methamphetamine in, specifically that one. Okay, I come from the airport. How can I describe this in the best way possible? Alex picks me up at the airport,

and I say, take me to the nearest whorehouse that has a crack-addled Sean Smith working. Tell me about the ride. Oh, that would be the best day. Oh, man. I'm trying to think of the best way to describe the crack house I worked at at one point and the guy that ran it he was like this fuck i think he might have been in like the chinese mafia or like i don't know

like he was some type of a some kind of asian like chinese or korean or something um and he i've i've never met a man so nonchalant around so many naked women before. All he cared about was that dollar, you know? And he was racist, bro. He was fucking racist. He didn't let fucking black people into the brothel as clients. It was fucking really rude. I was like, that's so out of place.

Did he have an excuse bro bro i have a photo i'll i can send it to you of the of he charged more from the western girl for the white girl than he did for the other the other girls who worked there uh excuse me uh lady uh tonight you're on sale what yeah she's uh yeah the the brown one 50 off bro yeah he was a like yeah he was a he was a piece of work man but um yeah okay he swindled we swindled like it was fucked up. It was a fucking dirty brothel. You'd have to pick me because you wouldn't be able to live with your conscience because you'd know that I was the only one there with a passport. Okay, brothels I've been to, legal ones in Nevada,

usually they have a main house with a bar. That wasn't the one I worked in at Sydney. It was an illegal property. They would take you to trailers if you wanted to be one-on-one with the girl. They had their own trailer. So was it – I'm trying to imagine the building and where would we go? Well, I had my own bedroom. That was just like my bedroom, which I fucking loved

because it was like in the middle of Sydney CBD. So, yeah, I had my own bedroom. And then upstairs, there'd be like more rooms. And it was so dirty, man. There'd be like cockroaches on the floor. And like, it was just dirty as fuck. It was just fuck. It just looked like, it looked like so many whores have died here

and i reckon if i'd been like strangled by like a client like to death like my the brothel owner would have just like hid my body and no no you know and he would after he went through your pockets yeah yeah and he just basically like by the end of that, I was just, like, working for meth. I wasn't even getting paid anymore. I was just, he just paid me in meth. Could you stay there? Yeah. Yeah, I could stay there as much as I wanted, as long as I wanted.

All right. Because I had my own bedroom. Yeah. To his little white prostitute who he liked. You're the only white one i i was pretty one of the only white ones there was one other white girl there um and she was fucked um but yeah like i remember the last night like at the last night i ever smoked meth like while working um i ever smoked meth actually last time i ever smoked meth um i yeah i'd been i'd been in my own brothel room like the whole night just on my own because it was like a

monday and like no one would come in so i was just like smoking meth like all night just like six points like which is fucking ridiculous like this bitch should be fucking dead um but i guess like bill hicks was watching over me and i know you don't like me saying that but he was and um yeah but i was just like smoking meth the whole night and then it was like six in the morning oh and i called my mom actually i called my mom and i said and i just got a booking and i was like i I don't want to see anyone. And I called my mother, who you actually met, if you remember. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I called my mom.

Yeah, at the Greek club. And my mom has all, like, she's so funny. And I called my mom and I was like, mom, like, I want to come home now, but I just got a booking. And my mom was like, ah, sure, Shan, you got to stay for the booking. You know, what would your boss say, you know? And, you know, I can just imagine my mom, like, hanging up the phone from that being like,

oh, I know I can be a bit hard on her sometimes, but, you know, I don't want her to go off the rails. I loved her. She was fantastic. Oh, she is. And I was in bad shape. I loved her She was fantastic She is And I was in bad shape I know Day three of quitting smoking

And I still had that cough That fucking you know Ratso Rizzo But she checked in on you She was like oh dog I heard that she only had one hour of sleep last night Shan told me And then she said, I'm sorry to hear about what happened with your mother.

Yeah, it's 15 years late, but better late than never. I just like that. It's just so funny to enter on that. You know what I mean? She's so funny, man. Oh, man, there's no one like her. And she, what, and then also when she came in she was like hi dog i don't know who you are but sean told me about what happened with your

mother you know and so anyway mom told me to stay for the booking not even the brothel manager told me to stay for the booking like my phone my brothel manager told me to stay for the booking. Like my fucking mother did. So I was like, okay, well, I don't want to make her unhappy. You know, and I stayed and the guy came in and it was just a really good, like it was just a beautiful man. I find this story beautiful. And he came in and he was like, are you okay? And I was like, nah, I'm fucked.

Like, I have a meth problem. And he was like, well, I have a sex addiction problem. And I was like, okay, well, maybe after this, I should go to a 12-step meeting and you should go to a Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous meeting. And then I didn't even fuck him that night, you know. I just, like, hugged him. love addicts anonymous meeting and then i didn't even fuck him that night you know i just like hugged him like i just i remember and it was so movie is like the way i imagine it because it's

like this dirty brothel and i'm like naked and shit and like so fucked up and i'm just like hugging him and um i can see it on like the dirty brothel mirror that they have on like the other side um and he's and he was like yeah it's because i'm lonely and i was like yeah it's because i'm lonely too and i just left and got on a plane and went to brisbane and went to a 12-step meeting and i um i've been sober off meth ever since you know so i just think that's a really beautiful moment like because it was very much he very much clicked on like what was going on like i was like oh i'm doing this because i've like pushed everyone away and now i'm like you know the they say the opposite i think you could sell that you could

sell that movie if you were a different person if you were a different person, if you were a different comedian, that Huffington Post would eat up that fucking Hollywood ending if you were at the same time going to... And I spend a lot of time teaching kids to stay off meth and fucking wrote a book. I'm a social worker. If you had that angle... I'm a social worker. That's my degree.

Oh, I was going to ask what that job that you may or may not be getting fired from after episode two of your uh your your first two entries into podcast them yeah i'm a social worker you actually got the you thought you're getting fired and you have a developmentally disabled comedian to be on with you as your counselor person. What do you call them? Advocate? Advocate? Yes. And you on zoom, you have two people. It's right out of a fucking movie from human resources that are going to get the story about because you took a picture of a guy

sleeping at your job and put out a viral video of him and then he or someone get country and reported you for taking pictures in the office without getting permission. And it was just so office space to watch these two women joyfully grill you passive aggressively the whole fucking podcast is so good dude so many people told me i was crazy to do that like and that's why i got a bit mad at my 12-step community because they said it was like irresponsible and actually got actually very angry and that they thought because I was like I'm going to do it anyway and then Alec like I messaged it to Alex I was like Alex this is what I think I should do and then I like tripped out

and I was like nah and I unsent all the messages and I was like nah it's just a crazy idea and Alex was like actually Sian I saw those messages I just couldn't open them because I was at work but I 100% endorsed this idea. And then I was like, I'm doing it. I'm doing it. I'm getting an intellectually disabled man to advocate for my job back to HR. And it, like, I did not expect it to go the way it went.

Like, it's just... Yeah, but I was wondering, what the fuck could you possibly have done for a a job that you could get that job in in that kind of environment i mean i can see why they would be brought up on charges but well so that was doing what um i'm a social worker so i work uh homelessness wow you'd think they'd be a little bit uh a thicker in the knuckles working with homeless people yeah yeah homeless people are gross um i don't i don't want to give away i don't want to give away too

much of the the podcast but uh yeah i know i know but we can do a spoilers one and like alex can like edit that if we if the conversation is like flowing in that way because i do like to talk about that work of art i made but um yeah so yeah yeah i work with yeah homeless people well not anymore probably and maybe never again um after that but it's not like the states uh for for my listeners that don't know yeah you can't it's not like uh the states where you you can make it as a comedian to a place where you there's still only what fucking eight cities in fucking australia to speak up so yeah it's a road work is yeah you better either turn over material really fucking fast have a team of writers or have a side job or a podcast that fucking kills and i know yours will i'm gonna uh i'm gonna wrap

this towards a close uh anything else you want to plug uh this is gonna go out alex you're there is alex even uh yeah voice of god in this yeah as i i know all the links will be in the uh the show notes. Yeah, yeah, we'll do all that. We'll have it available before this goes out. Yeah, so this will come out. I don't even know how to get my own podcast, much less tell people where to find yours.

And I don't know when it's coming out, but I'm sure Alex and Chaley will have tea and crumpets and work out the details. We have a great marketing team behind us. What are you doing next uh well i've got my solo show um western girl on the i'm doing the second filming of just because i want to to pick from for my filming um so i'm going to be doing yeah my show again western girl at good chat um in br Brisbane. But I don't know if anyone from Brisbane listens to this, but I will be doing that show again at Good Chat. And then I'm going to be, yeah, working hard on this podcast

and somehow find a way to get to America, even though I now have no job. But I will work it out. I'll fucking sell my cunt, brah. Like, fuck, I'll get there. No word of a doubt. I don't have a criminal record anymore, so it shouldn't be a drama getting in.

I love you. I can't wait to see what you do with your career. I'll still love you in the morning, too. You know I'll always be here. Thank you, Alex. You'll have this up and you guys will figure it out. Thank you for listening to the Doug Stano Podcast. Since Bingo's not here, I'll let you take us out of this

as Bingo, your prostitute character. It's a lot the same as this character you can't do okay bye bye now you have to do your own oi matey oi see later um later you dirty cunt that'll work all right we'll see you soon i can't wait to watch more of your podcast okay bye now. Thank you. God bless. Bye. I've talked to my other friends who have experienced sexual violence, and I've experienced a lot of sexual violence in that relationship. I've become so desensitized to it that this work, to me, is very easy. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់� Thank you.