The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep# 530 - "Patio Football with Chad & Andy Andrist"

Episode Date: September 28, 2023

Doug invites Chad and Andy over for Football Sunday on the patio. Thank You Patreon Subscribers. We could not do this without your ongoing  support. Recorded Sep. 17th, 2023 from the Compound Patio with Doug  Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Chad Shank, Andy Andrist, D. Raider, Bingo and Ggreg Chaille. Produced and Edited by Chaille. Signed copies of "This Is Not Fame" available while supplies last at Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at  https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - ODDSR.com - Luck is not a strategy. They don’t take your bet.They make you better at it. Go to ODDSR.com/STANHOPE and get 30 days FREE. LUCY.co - Support the show & get Lucy Breakers for 20% off AND free shipping at LUCY.co Promo Code: STANHOPE . FACTOR - Support the show AND get 50% off delicious Factor meals at https://www.factormeals.com/STANHOPE50 and use code STANHOPE50 Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant  for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud -  https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Support the podcast at patreon.com/stanhopepodcast Join Doug's Mailing List - http://www.DougStanhope.com Photo by CHAILLE Copyright 2013-2023 Shake The Baby, INC. & Meatwig Merch Media, LLCSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Everyone's getting a colonoscopy, but he's just selling it better than me. ABB. It's like such a nothing, nothing intrusion. Hey, it's week two. We're doing Football Sunday at the only place we can, which is on the patio at 212 Van Dyke. The fun house is still waiting to be painted. The inside of the house is still waiting to be done and remodeled. But we have the patio on week two, the biggest complaint again. This time we got YouTube, but we got cable, but we couldn't get a YouTube NFL package. Then we switched out remotes and batteries a few times. And finally, we got

the YouTube to work, but can't get back to the... Oh, no. If we go back to the cable. I did figure it out. You've got an extra remote here. I see it. Okay, here's my Sherlock Holmes. Something's going on. Because there's...

You obviously have a complaint. There's too many remotes. My biggest. Well no we had to go get the remote out of there when that one didn't work and then this worked to only turn off the TV that's the only thing. Because it was on satellite it wasn't out but then it was a it was a series of mistakes i'm just not touching any more remotes because we're right where we a lot of week one mistakes were made in week two yeah you know pre-season type you know what there's too many um uh dishwashers and not enough cooks yeah too many engines. Never mind. Andy's starting up again. I have been very racist lately. And homophobic.

A little bit about, yeah, man. It's time. But I'm bouncing back from woke and I want to get cred. Yeah. It wasn't really racism or homophobia. It was more of just saying the words that represent us. But I've been a faggot, so I can say that.

Well, when Billy Wayne was kind of, you know, he was saying how much he said faggot when he went up. And I was going to heckle him and tell him that faggot is a local reference here. You can use that. What's the local town that everybody makes fun of? Faggot Negroville. Okay, alright. I'll burn that one up. I think you got it.

Billy Wayne Davis sounds, I don't know if you guys haven't heard Billy Wayne Davis Google him and find some of his shit. He's very funny and he's very like if Sean Rouse had been born with better genes. Well,

he was born, wasn't it nature? Yeah, actually it was like the late teens, I guess. When he was doing meth that the lupus kicked in. That would have been a great, a young Sean Rouse on game day where they always bring out a kid who's

in good shape and then turns to shit to inspire the team. Billy Wayne Davis kind of almost like if Chris Porter's voice were coming out of

a Nazi's head. Or Shawn Rouse. Chad had a story where you were at some altercation punk tour and accidentally bumped into him and he turned around and squared off with you. That was how we first met.

We had followed each other on Twitter for a while and then I was going through and it was crowded and I bumped into him and I turned around to apologize i just bumped into a guy and he stood up like all huffy and wow and my immediate response was like oh all right and i won't say sorry let's see this and then about that time i was like i know who you are i follow you yeah and we followed me too so i'm like i know who you are i know who you are so then we better. Yeah, and he followed me too. So I'm like, I know who you are. I know who you are. It'd be something to say if somebody's choking you out.

Like, man, I follow you on Facebook. What the fuck? I thought we were friends. I know that's how I baited you in, you fucking tool. That was my first time seeing him. I still don't know if I'd met him before or if was in Alaska a lot he never lived in Alaska no he was the first booking that I made on my own to coots Wow so he's been doing it yeah fucking time yeah that's what I think he was opening for Ralphie May and he was

married to a psycho well or well his I don't want to yeah yeah right i mean i i saw some of it too yeah it was spilled out publicly on like oh yeah that's right myspace yeah andy missed his flight uh but didn't miss it it uh canceled so then he had a late flight it was like the show is you know about to start when andy gets. We had to hold the show for Andy. It's that late. And then when Billy Wayne Davis, that was Tucson, and it was such a brilliant show. I never laughed so fucking hard.

The bean always kills. And Andy was extremely one of those rarity times. He's on point. There's no stumbly stuff. He's just fucking nailing it. Billy Wayne Davis broke him down so well. Andy, when you ask him

just a simple question and he has a meandering well, he just broke down Andy's flight story. Andy called me up and he said yeah yeah I went to the airport and they they just didn't feel like flying and I said oh Andy that's not just go yeah I'm just not the mood but Andy will never but this is how andy will like never deceive you just uh it's like colombo does

one more question you know you get confused chase a rainbow like there's gonna be a leprechaun at the end and there isn't yeah sometimes there is but that's the you know it's it's very rare It's very rare. You will see the leprechaun. Sorry. Go local teams. Yes, we have red zone on, so we're never really missing anything because you're never really seeing anything when you watch it.

If you do it right, if you have to pee, just do it in the room with the red zone and you don't miss a second of action. And if you miss anything, they'll show you every score at the end, every score of the day. Does your Red Zone do that? I don't watch Red Zone after. There's no football. When it ends, then they show you every touchdown of the day in a montage.

Yeah, I've never gotten to the end of Red Zone, I guess. It's like the end of the interview. I try watching it just so i'll be like you know see every thing that every red zone score and i lose interest to like walk away like a minute in or whatever it's like you know it's the what people sit there and cheer for and touchdowns what's the red zone uh competitor channel i had i had that one on dog blue puppy bowl there's like there's a similar thing called something else I tried to watch it last year and I'm it was unwatchable

the people hosting it were so fucking annoying our old guy Andrew Siciliano with the big years and he was fucking funny and red guy and he's fucking funny and fast. Red zone guy. And he's gone now. And this new douche. Scott Hanson. Yeah. Whatever his name is. I mean, he's fine. But he's not.

Siciliano was half the fucking red zone. He was just hilarious and self-effacing. Well, give this new guy a chance. I've been with him for years. But the other thing is last week, they were leaving games that were like, wait, they're inside the 20 and you're going to

a game where they're punting. What the fuck? Who's in charge of making the call on where you're going? I'll get it. Turn it off. I'm turning it off. But it might be the... See, it's Wartel related oh oh i'm sorry hold on and we're all gonna get hit now i wondered why mine busts chad shank and i are uh in a wortel

uh text with some gals that aren't our wives oh no does mother know yeah oh mother's right over there Does mother know? Yeah. Oh, mother's right over there. That's how we've grown up. Anything in there, Bingo? I've run into a few people that we knew in the day. Like, we've officially had a day. Chad always makes it feel like new, and we've known each other at least a dozen years.

That's what I was telling, I think, Andy the other day. I was like, I still feel like the new dude all the time hanging out here but i've been hanging i think 11 years or so but you're like the bass player for metallica you can never be like in the band really but you're still in the band it's like how do you delineate between that well i think what it is is that every new person after me has come and gone yeah perfectly tied dave raider is in the shot and uh yeah he's the new new guy oh yeah i forgot about raider yeah he's the keyboardist for metallica it looks like that randy meisner wasn't the first guy who left the eagles and then they have that replacement who still feels kind of like he's not really one of the eagles but he's like 70 years old and played with him 30 years or something i forget his name because the new guy i mean not dave the new

the new new guy you're the um no he said everyone's got projects here uh uh chad shank just released his first uh short story short story on amazon and it's called the purpose the purpose so google it and get it it's fucking 299 so just support the podcast and read a cool story you can read it while you're taking a shit 13 pages yeah yeah and then oh another thing is uh i't have a Kindle, but you can still download it, and then you can read it on your tablet or whatever. You can get a Kindle app for whatever you use. You don't have to buy a device to read Chad's 13 pages. And, Raider, can we talk about your project?

As long as you don't say the address. Yeah. 2-12 Van Dyke. He just bought this place. This place needs just as much work still. You brought to say a fixer-upper

would... It's almost a tear-down except it's got all stone walls. That's the thing. To tear it down would be more of a project He sent me pictures then I thought Shaylee was sending me haunted house pictures. Yeah Would work really good. Yeah, you could actually serpentine through the whole house zigzag a lot of boo boo boo holes And then you could exit one of the three doors. He has three front doors. Well that'll, if anyone's looking for the place, look for three front doors.

There's only a limited number of those over there on uh... Down to 20. I don't know how much footage you can... Spencer on Spencer Boulevard. I threw out the idea and he goes, already thought of it, uh, was because he's gonna be moving in there a couple weeks and it's well yeah we have to show the people that some footage I was I was I mean I knew that place to the reeked of depression he's all like the wall just walking in there was like going into the tunnel of depression. No offense. Some bad feelings.

I don't know if there was murders or whatever, but there was a lot of feelings that just bottled up in hatred in those walls. The people that lived there last had moved there from the Las Vegas tunnels. It needs paint. It was an upgrade. It needs paint yeah so yeah you lighten them walls up maybe it'll you know but i think it's just that you know you better get a like a witch doctor in there there's some evil fucking spirits in them i'm very intuitive on this i thought i saw stuff

hanging from the ceiling and i was like well it looks like there's stuff hanging from the ceiling, and I was like, well, it looks like there's something hanging from the ceiling. But then I thought, well, maybe that's to swing around so you don't have to touch the floor. I opened up a door and said, that room where the stuff is hanging from the ceiling looks exactly like the hole the fireman had to make to get into the attic. The stuff hanging from the ceiling

is the ceiling. And insulation. I opened a closet and saw a screaming toddler with blood coming out of his fucking head. And I realized, oh shit, that's not real. That's not real. And Greg Chaley

started a project. He's got a day job. Thank you, Patreon. You know, I'm jacking up the prices for New Year's. Yeah, get in on the Patreon. I mean, Chaley is working a haunted house. I hope, first of all, it's in some kind of management position. Yeah.

All right. He's a spook. You're not selling Christmas trees like him just as a groupook i don't mean he's been blackface yeah he's hired as a spook yeah it's just getting built right now well it's 40 acres off the i-10 in uh marana you should get the color of paint he has over at the place if you're new to the podcast and you don't know Chaley and his twin brother have a side project

where his brother runs a ghost ride production it's a side project for me it's his business yeah

but we've been doing it 23 years yeah and you go out and help out at the conventions and what not

and they make all the special effects for like the hardcore props and realistic animations and stuff and kind of conventions and whatnot. And they make all the special effects for the hardcore realistic props. Animations and stuff. For haunted houses. One chick had a nice body

that was scary and sexy. Yeah, you put an ad, hey, nude model needed for body form and people still show up. Is that how they do it? Yeah. Your results may vary for body form and people still show up is that how they do it yeah well yeah so i mean i was kind of your results may vary they show up to your house i spooned up with that one dead

girl prop or whatever and it's like wow she's fucking time i've got a nice yeah she was a yoga instructor oh yeah wow what did you what did you do with that one anyway sold a lot of them what uh what i didn't say is their company is hugely respected it is royalty in that haunted house community so like when you called to say hey i want to work for you that's not how well they they came to me for two years now i've been trying to get me to work there. So, and had a year off. So I go, this is a pretty good year. Actually, you know what?

Last year I was going to work there, but we toured up until the 28th of October and the tour ended in Atlanta on the 28th. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So there was no way to do it last year. Yeah. I'm happy that I'm not working too. But I didn't expect you're going to go panic and get a day job well I mean gotta pay bills right well yeah that's why we have to get these

Patreons this is what you have to do if you're a Patreon and you haven't found two people dumber than you to become Patreon members, I'm jacking up the rates. And we're going to have, as soon as this goddamn house is done, we're going to have bonus content you can't imagine. I'm signing leases on places with ideas.

Multiple, yeah. Yeah, that's your project. Everyone's got projects. I forgot to finish your project. Since you bought this diabolical haunted house, you're actually going to be living in it while you... You're guessing at best six months it would take to get this somewhat livable? To the inside.

I was guessing two years based on just what's happening. No, he's doing it, though. He's not waiting for a contractor. This feels like a beginning of the shining. I said it's the beginning of the shining where he's like eventually he'll be real dark and

fucking carrying around, dragging around. But he's going to document him living there. I think he's further along. It's going to get a home makeover part and then also I have to live here. And if you should photograph, film the interior of your house, it was simple, but every wine glass is exactly, if you moved it over and left, you would be up all night. Oh, yeah. live now. And then what you're moving into, Mr. OCD, you're going to

live in that while you... It's going to be a challenge. Yeah, I know. But he's going to film this over the course of two years, I'm saying. Chaley just happened to show up with this very camera when he came over to see it for the first time. He was already

filming right when we just get done saying, hey, you should just film this and make a reality show oh yeah that would be a good six or eight twelve fifteen parter three seasons but it was nice to see you smile like that it It's your first house. That's not his natural smile. That's the smile of the demon that lives there. That's why you've never seen me. Hey, welcome to my new house.

The walls are a little grim. I have art now, though, because Doug and Bingo are kind enough to bring it. Just Bingo herself. Yeah, she had that. I have the picture, because Doug and Bingo are kind enough to bring it. Just Bingo herself. Yeah, she had that. I have the picture too. Some painting. It's hideous and bad and scary.

Like a hog woman. Like my house. Oh, was it the one that was in the basement? No. No. Oh boy. Throw it in front of the camera. That's naked.

Is that naked? That one? Yeah, I think it's naked. No, you send it to me. I'll post it on the video. Okay, yeah, all right. Yeah, she's naked. So. Hot.

Hot? Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, it is, you know, it felt like we were just bringing it back to that house. You know? That painting was there up until like a fucking week ago. It shows up there. We bring it back to that house. That painting was there up until a fucking week ago. It shows up there, we bring it back.

It's crazy. The first thing the house wanted. The house is going to bring back all of it. Hey, people, Factor! When you can barely find a minute to grab drinks with the boys, let alone cook a full meal, it's time to let Factor do the heavy lifting. Factor is America's number one ready-to-eat meal kit.

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which I was very excited about, but I had no fucking idea it was going to hit this well. Odds Are is an app that tells you what to bet for your sports betting. If you don't bet sports, you're going to start because this is the third week I've used it. It takes AI and it just crunches every possible data point, all the stats and what the guy had for fucking breakfast. I don't know. It just takes every, everyone's complaining about AI is going to change everything and it's going to steal our jobs and robots are going to take over the earth. Well, in the meantime, it's picking solid fucking NFL picks. This week they went, hang on, let me look up so I'm exactly right. They had 13 green light.

That's their top picks. These are the ones definitely play these games. They had 13 NFL picks, hit 9 out of 13 against the spread. That's fucking unbelievable. College football Saturday, they went 11 of 14, 78.6% against the line. They're not taking your money. They just tell you what to bet. And it's just win a money line against the spread or over-unders.

No fucking silly prop bets. They don't fuck with, you know, is Jameis Winston going to get a suffering Achilles heel fracture at 550? It's just win or lose, over, under. So get it. Go to OddsR. That's Odds with the letter R dot com slash Stanhope. Get your free trial for a month.

And just, yeah, I bet like an asshole a lot of the times. I like to play stupid bets. I like to grudge bets. I want to bet against punchable faces. I want to bet on the cutest uniforms. And that's stupid. But the odds are it does all the smart betting for me that so far has been paying for all my stupid bets and more. So please get on that oddsare.com slash Stanhope

and then find our Get to the Points podcast. What is it, Chaley? I don't even know. It's a live stream. It's through the Podcast Sports Network. You'll find it. It'll be in the show notes. All right, we're back.

We went to the Verhulsthaus, is the rehabilitation facility here, long-term. And they have a yard sale once a month that is just like the trashiest 80s furniture that was left out with a free sign and then stayed there and got rained on for a month. And then they somehow... There were eight or ten michael bean movies no

there was more than that i found a box of like the mother load yeah like 30 of them oh you found yeah yeah the first dozens of this just two michael bean movies uh i didn't know even when i brought it up to bean i go you know you get know half your library of these two movies is at the Verhulst house and he goes I barely remember the movies and his wife's in the background that one was with Tia Carrera who do you get in football

this week the amount of shit Who do you get in football this week? But that was the amount of shit and I found a brand dish new cake cup maker exactly like mine for five bucks. But you had to go through all this garbage

and just like wet fucking magazines and stuff because monsoons come. They don't like throw tarps down over all their shit well verhulst is a place that if you're a landlord and someone moves out and they leave all their shit in the apartment you can call them and they'll send a crew over and take it out of there for you and then that goes out on the on the yeah headburn that goes out on the patio and like you said they monsoons come, and they're like,

well, I guess that'll wash the dust off that DVD player. I mean, there's no... The couches sit out there. And the patients there, the last thing they're fucking concerned about is selling... There's warped VHS tapes that are so warped by the sun that they're almost like licorice. There's no one out there going,

oh, you probably shouldn't sell that. Would you take less for this? Oh, fuck. 19 more days, man. I don't know if I can fucking do it. I mean, that place just walking around out there for a few minutes, if that's like a privilege,

you work your way up to run that pile, I would fucking find the fucking worst crank. And it's right across from the dump. The dump is literally right there. It would have been closer to take it to the dump than to take it to Verhulst. I don't know that it's not taken from the dump. Yeah. Oh instead of going down into the bin it goes into a conveyor belt that takes it over to Verhell's house. They start cherry picking it. It's like a, it's set up like it would be if it were from a crime scene or whatever. It's just like a pile of shit. Plot A, plot B.

Or like a plane that blows up and then they gather evidence and put it in piles. It's like storage wars if they didn't have the units. Loose piles. Unfortunately for them, all they'd really need is a couple of tweakers to work that pile to throw it into some weird organization that would work ironic sales would go up uh other fiends would see that being on drugs isn't the

end of the world you know find a way to make the drugs work for you instead of working against them and that's that's what I would say to them. And it's Bisbee. You get a storefront over in old Bisbee. You take those warped VHS tapes. You mark them up. You call them art. Yeah. You figure out where Michael Bean's going to be and then you have people show up and have

them sign DVDs. I'm so mad I missed him. There was a tombstone like 35 years ago. Tombstone days is what it was. It was the anniversary of the movie Tombstone. 30 years or 35 years or something. I had to be on the road and missed

it, but I would have stood in that line over and over and over again just to get to the front and fuck with him. Tell him a story. One picture. One picture, really quick. Oh, it's on video, sorry. Oh, I guess you're all Hollywood shit now. Just real loud,

so the rest of the line that can't see but can hear, just say, oh, you won't sign an autograph for a kid with cancer because you're too good for it? You want to charge me $30 when I'm on a fixed income? I'll be back. Big fan, big fan. Yet it's also, though, it's set up in a way that's dangerous.

If I was in charge of that, I'd say, number one, man, you guys got a bunch of fucking trip hazards. Yo, let's get some of that those metal bed things and make them pile so you don't jam your feet on that shit while you're perusing the melted dvd collection and the fucking busted plates speaking of movies uh i have a i saw that movie i was in in chicago and now here's the awful part i think i've talked about this maybe in my own book uh is where you go i have to go promote this for a couple days on a bunch of podcasts in la i don't know which ones for sure uh but um it's uh i i wouldn't recommend it really yeah it's uh i mean it's it's dumb and it's really cool to star in a

movie and to be able to say that and here's the thing as i trash everything i do depending on my mood or that joke sucked and i should have never put that special out or whatever Or even just a set. I fucking hated them and they hated me. But when it's a movie, there's like 70 other fucking people. Like, I thought we did a good job. Well, you probably did. I just didn't. It wasn't until, it was Brendan Walsh,

but I guess everyone said it. Christine said, yeah, I said that. And Andy said, yeah, I said that. I had my version that I said. It's like a Hallmark movie. It's like, Brendan Walsh said, it would be good if Scorsese directed it, but it would win Oscars. He's busy.

It's got that Hallmark movie quality. And it is soft focus, after school special like. Unbookables is a way worse movie i think no but i i know actually i like unbookables more only because it's real and you're not in it well you're not in this movie he's jimmy i had to watch this for the first time in the theater or surrounded by people. Yeah. So, yeah, I was at first concerned,

like, how awful is my head going to look? Just seeing it on a Zoom call upsets me. And I go, I wasn't as taken aback as I probably should have been by just seeing my own head. So for the first, you know, several minutes, it was more about that. And am I acting good?

Is it? And then once the movie started to sink in, I'm like, ugh. Like, just really cheese dick lines. Hey, son, don't start to care too much about me. Dad, it's too late. Like, ah, fuck, really? But I'm in the middle of the back row and I can't walk out.

So I'm going to have to go. And they're not... I guarantee they don't fucking hear this podcast, me talking about it. Because they don't care. But if I'm on Adam Carolla,

I just talk to Fitzsimmons and simmons to the fitz dog radio yeah well i get a text from uh uh our girl annie letterman saying hey i heard you're doing my podcast on the fourth and i didn't tell her i already made clear i'm available the fifth and sixth in la i'm gonna fly in the night of the fourth so but she said with you and greg so i assumed it's greg pitt simmons who's in the movie and i went oh shit what if it's greg glena the director because i mean i just went out to chicago and had a great time at the premiere and i was it wasn't like i was going, oh God, this is a travesty. It was just, I don't put out eh.

So I'm going to tell people what I think is, it's pretty cornball. I feel like it'll get a cult following at AA conventions. That's a market. Yeah, it's a lucrative market. They don't spend money on movies. I can say that I die in the end,

but you don't know. It's kind of like Louie. You kind of hope the character dies so he doesn't have to go to another church gig. You hope the character dies so he doesn't have to go. Oh, that's a spoiler alert. Yeah, I think I'm just probably going to

mention the movie if they ask and answer a question honestly and then move to a different subject i'm anxious to see you sitting with the director promoting it that's what i'm saying anti-promoting wait here's the thing he had the date if she had the date whoever gave her that date which is their pr person stinks because then i talked to fit simmons he's like no i'm not the greg that's gonna be on that and i just called to say i'm sorry i can't do the thing that they want me to do because i'm gonna be on a plane on the 8th and i'm like i'm not gonna be there on the 8th this is two people who've called me you're gonna be in my podcast but no just the 5th and 6th. I'll be out

there. We have you scheduled for issues with Andy on that date as well. Yeah, we've got to get to the bottom of this. We've got a full promotion wrapped around you. It sounds like he's got the 5th and 6th pretty open. Yeah. Now, we should jump on it next. Yeah.

Everybody else, sign it early. Yep. Yeah, someone said they know the PR person and he's a dick. But, uh... Who? It wasn't that. Somebody who ran into him. Yeah, someone at Safeway in produce.

Weighing melons and this guy says, hey, I heard you have a movie coming out. I hope you're not using this fucking Hollywood douche tool. He's the worst PR guy in Hollywood. Yeah. Everybody in Bisbee knows that. Heads up, Floyd.

Everything you hear about in the news happens at Safeway. It's the epicenter of an activity here. That is my news source, my primary news source. What is... Hey, you guys, I don't believe that since it's a special occasion and we have Andy in town,

but I was thinking that we should do this as a happy hour. If you're football watchers, if you haven't got the oddsr.com slash Stan Hope, get that app. Go on your phone. Odds letter are dot com slash Stan Hope for a free trial. And they're fucking killing it. I mean, we're betting like girls.

I'll say it on my podcast. I can't say it on the ad copy. But yeah, well, a lot of us have no fucking idea. We just like to bet on the games. And you put on Red Zone and you go, oh, I got that one. And then when we have the Funhaus back up and running, we do squares and stuff. But they're killing it. This is not their slogan.

But what odds are is it's an app that just crunches every possible number that you can imagine into figuring out what's your smartest bets of the week and they give you green lit bets and you go color-coded so yeah that's it's got every crunched number oh his uh his girlfriend at the fraternity house killed herself drinking overdosed on high energy chamomile tea. This is the anniversary of his death. He's going to be playing with something extra bigger. What happened?

Did you just pour out fucking champagne? It's for a dead homie. I don't think she knew there was this much. She was checking to see if there was any in there by pouring it. She was demonstrating to Andy how empty it was. It was like in Three Amigos when everybody's thermos was empty and then Chevy Chase opens it and drops it on the ground and pours water.

Wrong hole. Okay. That was funny. This old school hangover. Just lean into it. Some mimosas. What I was saying. Just get the bet online app.

Do the free trial. We just bet minimal. I bet a little bit more than other people. Chuck 10 bucks out. This is not going to give you a guaranteed win lock of the week bullshit. This is for if you play overtime. It's got trust science.

That's my new catchphrase. Trust science. Yeah, is that going to bifurcate all the anti-vaxxers from the woke people? I'll let him keep my finger on the pulse. I'm one of the woke people. You know that. Your hashtag is going to hit a whole new audience. That's for sure.

I don't like that word being flung around as a woke. Why don't you go out on social media and pretend, your account doesn't matter, pretend to be either uber woke, to a place that's aggressive in your bio, or wicked mega-Nazi and just say, hey, the odds are

they're one of us. And then a fucking swastika emoji or whatever. You can't get Nazi emojis. I burn you emoji. It's nice to see Stan burning down sponsors again. It's been a while.

He had an Ambien this morning. I think that the gambling audience is probably not, they are probably the most in line with my thinking, which is I don't care. I'm just trying to fucking survive another day.

With them, it's a gaming with me it's cocktails and gaming is a fun part of it uh but yeah i don't think i the gambling audience is probably not talking trump they're just constantly talking mris and knee surgeries acl sorry and fucking knee surgeries, ACL sorry. Or you have hamstrings and probability to return and how did they how do they run

on a muddy track? Yeah, natural mud. Natural mud is I only enjoy the football on the red zone anymore because it's fucking there's not enough action going on and they cut the commercial with the most dumb the commercials make me why does

wonkowski trying to steal military veterans benefits i don't you know i mean it's like just it dumbs you down to sit there and stare at that shit uh so i just fucking but here's wait hang on this is some uh. Can we talk about insider information? You don't have to be military to do AARP. You don't have to be fucking Rob Gronkowski. You just have to work for the company, like Dave Rader did, and got AARP insurance for working for him. So when you're doing a commercial for him,

are you not fucking working for him like Dave Rader? You stupid cunt. You should have stayed in football for as. Are you not fucking working for him like Dave Rader? You stupid cunt. You should have stayed in football for as long as you could because you're too dumb to think outside of your own fucking house. Okay. I'm getting that sports guy. I think it's the insurance that I had

until the other day. USAA? USAA. Did you fire them with extreme prejudice? Well, I told you about my motorcycle one a while back where they were overcharging me. Well, they gave me a new quote a couple weeks ago and I was like, well, let me look at it. And it went up significantly. So I was like, well, maybe it's my Polaris Ranger, my little golf cart buggy. It's an off-road vehicle. Maybe I need to switch it. So they were were charging me 275 every six months i've called up progressive where i had switched my motorcycle to so they what do you guys charge

me for this there you go uh we owe you 30 if you add that on to your other one it was so little that it reduced for multiple i think it was 90 bucks a year. And they were charging me $270 something every six months, and it was about to go up. So you're saying if I were to be your sponsor, and I go out and I buy several vehicles, but I have you insure them, we're going to be making money? What if you put solar on them? I think we've got ourselves a good answer.

Yeah. Hang on. Let me knock this ad out. Lucy. I love Lucy, Chaley. I just said it. I love Lucy. Lucy, if you're the life of the party,

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but now it's every single thing. No smoking, no vaping, no e-cigarettes, no chewy tobacco, but everywhere you can't use anything, you can still use Lucy Breakers. I love it. And even if they tried to say you can't use them, how are they going to know? That's as enforceable as saying don't have impure thoughts. Choose your favorite flavor and even choose your nicotine strengths for a totally custom experience. Visit Lucy, L-U-C-Y dot C-O, and use promo code Stanhope to get 20% off your first order. Shipping is always free. That's Lucy, L-U-C-Y dot C-O promo code Stanhope to receive 20% off and always free shipping. Here comes the fine print.

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aghast. Not aghast. They were fun to be around. I don't know if there's any shout outs you need to give to your people i was just the host of this to the homies uh that couldn't be here you know from the from the tragedies and such but i'm saying this so they just got champagne there was that guy that came

from new mexico and i don't remember their names but this kid this show came together remarkably well for not having any type of Chaley influence. Yeah. Or a doppelganger. You had no management, and it's still... Billy did most of the... He did all the ticketing. Ticketing was through him. He put together the posters.

Levine communicated enough that we knew what was going on. But I was still like, wait, really? Still waiting for a call back from her. I'm like, hey, just call me. I just want to see who needs rides or beds. And then three hours later, I'm sorry, honey. I just woke up from a cat nap. So I just, and here, and then she tells you what's happening,

but it doesn't make sense the way she wrote it and then I'll call you in a little bit and that was six days ago. And then back to a cat nap. Yeah, I still haven't gotten a call back from her. It all worked out. She seemed really cranky last night. No.

You kept saying that. Maybe I influenced Andy. Yeah. I influenced him. Because she lost so much weight I can see kept saying that i wasn't i thought maybe i influenced andy yeah yeah probably i influence him she lost so much weight i can see more expression yeah yeah yeah what's with the clinch jaw she went from no jaw to a clinch jaw yeah it's always been there honey yeah yeah it's what her face looks like minus jowls when When I pull the covers up over my legs, my legs are still there. Andy said she lost so much weight she's dating white men again.

I thought, no, her ex-husband was a magician. Now you can start dating actual comics as she's doing, but I won't give that away. That's her story. But Hollywood A-lister stand-up comic. she's doing, but I won't give that away. That's her story. But Hollywood A-lister, Stan of Cooke, wrote for Ben Stein once. Oh, Gary, yeah, Gary.

But Gary's a rock-solid Northwest guy. Well, I didn't say Gary Lucy. That's true. Gary Busey. Yes. You were there when Gary Busey menaced me, and I had to battle Gary Busey with my own wits

because my top-bottom friend Doug or whatever, we never quite made that transition. But he was nowhere to be found. Well, Gary Busey one-on-one humiliated me in front of all my Hollywood friends and connections. You know what's great when andy gets old and he just starts telling like the same five stories about our past uh people are gonna go i think he's uh i need to understand doing this since the day after let's see if he finishes this

day we woke up hungover after the gary bucey incident he's gone do you remember gary bucey last night he tried to cut in the line and he's gary bucey so yeah ity incident, he's going, do you remember Gary Busey last night? I tried to cut in the line and he's using Gary Busey. So yeah, it's not like he's senile when he's saying this in his 70s. He's always just been saying it. I'll be in the mental hospital with Gary Busey going,

oh, you don't remember? I didn't hit anybody's car, man. Andy, do you recall how tall he was standing next to him was he taller than you oh yeah he felt like i'd say six one oh yeah yeah but you know he was very that's all teeth yeah all teeth mostly were right in my face and uh so it was a full-on experience he could be five two but he was fucking six four and my fucking video that just came out, he just looked smaller, but it's been years. Was that when he had all of his vertebrae? That could be it, yeah.

Probably like this. He stretched it all out. I wish he would age better because he's funny and a goof, but now he's masturbating on benches and parks and hitting runs and shit. It's not as fucking cool that's just the shit that's been caught on camera imagine how much shit that dude is oh my god going wild all over the place jerking off and smashing i loved it uh was it celebrity rehab that gary bucey went in thinking he was hired as some sort of a doctor yeah as a consultant or something

and that's what dr drew tried to dodge that one yeah yeah yeah i wasn't a producer i'm like first of all you know because there was a one celebrity rehab shot there was one celebrity rehab uh where do you have to go somewhere yeah i'm gonna go piss oh but we can take a break yeah no let's say i don't want to take a break. Yeah, no, I don't want to take a break. It's football Sunday. Everyone talks. Finish your story. I want to run one of these, not just as a happy hour, for relaxation tape. For just eight hours of football here

where you can just, because we use those on YouTube, the go to sleep things, and you go to jazz bar and it's like a fake bar with jazz. How about just shit-talking? How good would you sleep

to this podcast? I don't think that's a good selling point. Once again, Doug's a crazy attempt at promotion for his movie and a podcast. I know, but I had a point. Gary Busey.

Fuck. Oh, man. What did I come in hot with? Well, you were going to piss. With bingo. You're still on mic, by the way. Yeah, that's all right. Hey, Hoot Looney's here.

I know. I got to get going in a bit, in a minute or two. Oh, all right. Hey, Hoot Looney's here. No, I got to get going in a bit, in a minute or two. Aw. Oh, all right. You got 10, 15? We'll let Doug make his point, and then we'll go. He's got to find it first.

Smooth means. His point here with my dick in my hand. Look how low they are. I know, the buzzards are. Turkey vultures, Andy. Yeah, those are what I have for my neighborhood. It's like someone's been hucking javelina over there. Huh, that would be

a... Are you holding the mic down near the piss stream? I'm trying to piss into the only puddle it will allow me. Is that leaking down on your new concrete? See, that's a lot of piss. That's where the concrete is, is down over.

It's good for you. It goes down and over. But yeah, it goes into my yard. I thought that guy would never get off issues with Andy. So now, oh, here it comes. Bingo's wearing one of my shirts. There you go. Very sad.

I did not, you know, B bingo said i'll take it small and i was like no this is a kid-sized bingo it'll never work you never get your torso into there and she proved me wrong and it looks great on her bingo can push merch she can she can move merchandise and i watched it in action this weekend where she's like, oh, you have small or medium? Because of Steve Drew, I want to buy him one. Oh, she's buying merchandise for everybody. She knows how to move it. Oh, she can move this by buying it.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I'm in the middle of, she was trying to make me a middleman in a shirt deal. And then she bought it to sell to somebody else. How many of those shirts do you have left i got about eight or nine and they're uh the last shot all smalls and you have them here with you

yeah they're in my bag just leave them with me i'll pay you for them just leave them with me yeah to get them out of the house is uh and I buy them from Bingo first, or do I go through you? She pays a little bit more than I think you do. Stan, give me $120. What do they cost? I go, $10, and she gives me $20. Counting out, no change. I sent Shaley some late-night merch ideas at like 1.50 in the morning.

Where I was like, oh, we got to steal this idea for these. At the thrift, the yard sale, the Verhulst house. Yeah, I found a great fucking rocks glass, tall rocks glass, I like. That said, choose your poison or what's your poison. Name your poison is what's on it. Whatever. And then it had hemlock on a big label.

So you know it's a set that has other types of poison. And I went to look for them on eBay or first on Amazon but they're not new. They're vintage and if you find them on ebay this set is like fucking 280 dollars for six poison glasses different different like cyanide somebody bought those and then you just make our own what if you use that to as some sort of uh they i made up a drink and it said hemlock on there. And they laughed at it. It's like the Surgeon General's warning

if it had a picture of a clown with a fucking hole in his throat. Disclaimer right on it. I said it was going to murder him. Oh my, Ty. Alright, well, you can leave, Andy. I'm just going to keep on. No, I'm going to get my t-shirts out.

I'm going to get those out because having that finish I'm gonna get my t-shirts out because I'm fucking having that kind of merch it's well I shouldn't have had printed up small shirts with a man masturbating on the on the t-shirt because most smalls are children you know yeah but your fans big fatties and they would go happily dress their child a man masturbating. But the size you probably found for your fans is you always want to have beyond what's obscene number of XLs. Triple XL, four, five XL where you're like, you know, you should fucking call an ambulance before you send them the merch. Those sell. I think our first run of Stanhope shirts was a big red. We had tan, which was his choice, and then black.

And we bought what we thought was like your thing. Like, well, I'll just get like the equal number of smalls medium large xrs we still have smalls from that original run that we just can't sell in tan your favorite are you selling merch i was curious yeah have you talked about this last week has bingo seen them yeah denise sells the merch while tr Tracy's out of town. Got it. And yeah, right now we've got your book, Hardcover, signed. Which one? The new one? The fame book. The fucking new one is the last book.

That fucking copy that we sold. I don't know how many unfortunate people we sold. That was barely like... This is the trifecta of promotions. No, no. I've had to have talked about this before. I'm like, I want a hard cover, decent looking book,

which Brian Hennigan and this house being finished are neck and neck of promise. Oh no, the book is always like six weeks away. I'll have your sheet rug slung on Tuesday. We'll see what we get first.

Is there an update on those? The hardcover? The reprint. He's just doing the last thing. It's always that. So, I won't be using you until I have that book, Brian.

But the, but you got the hardcover so that you could have three books that look the same on the shelf. Yeah, but the last one, whoever's fault it was just showed up looking like a piece of so uh so it's been this is paperback

and audible and the fact that the hardcover is taken at least since february was a lot that's when i remember snapping about how long it was taking that's so I'm guessing it's right around the house because if you had the copy it was like you know if there's typos or whatever well you already printed it

on a fucking just a shitty quality stock so why would it take you fucking 10 months to figure out if the comma is in the right fucking place for a paper that is worth money? And the movie's called what now? Andy will be at the Punk Altercation Fest Yeah The whole Issues with Andy crew

Is going to The Coffee House Festival It's on the November 3rd First No no First through fourth

Is the Altercation And then it's fucking Yeah But I think we're on the 3rd Todd Snyder's performing In Eugene on that same date It's like

God fucking You know One time in life I enjoy. One thing I enjoy in life. Well, probably the only thing is Todd Snyder. You know what? One thing I don't enjoy in life is fucking music that I didn't want on my iPod. And I remember after one party, I woke up with, like, albums of Todd Snyder.

I couldn't download shit, so it wasn't me. Well, you told someone to do it. You told a child or someone. Somehow, the fucking next day, and I didn't try to delete it. B-E-E-R-N-E-N-B-R-O. I know I'm going to fuck some up, and I did. One time, I did try to do the iPod on my own. I tried to download some Bill Burr podcasts and deleted everything that I had someone else download for me.

I think like 231 songs, I think it was. I had a lot. For a lifetime. These I might want to hear on a special occasion. They still make iPods? No, this is like 2012 or 9 or something. I had one loaded up with what was going to get me over the hump on the Big Sur Marathon and shit got askew in the front seat or whatever and chaos ensued. Anyway I found that fucking iPad. I was looking for it and it was in my cooler floating in melted ice. I was like

there was a Dr. Pepper and a fucking iPad and in there. I had no inspiration whatsoever on that run. Eye of the tiger. And eye of the tiger in a loop. Four and a half hours of that. I have to wake up in the morning for the internet people. I'm not going to even say their name because they don't deserve it. But the internet people are coming. We got some low rent

studio space and we're going to be getting the internet so next time you hear and see us it should be in the most bedraggled In a building? We're consulting with Dave's they call that when somebody comes in and decorates for you. But anyway. In a building? We're consulting with Dave's Rehab.

They call that when somebody comes in and decorates for you. But anyway, yeah. Oh, yeah. Designer. Designer, yeah. We'll have your designer. Get it staged. Decorate a rental. You don't even have to do a whole lot.

You just put a sign that says panic room. And then you lock the door and you leave for a long time. And you come back and you get your money's worth. That's a thought. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. You know what? Let's throw that out for the listeners since you know you haven't done enough for us lately.

We have two doors that are business space it's not residential these are offices that face the street so if you want to send us this and that private investigators

Mandy knows it all psychic whatever something funny like we did in the day with the van. I had that big car magnet still that was a Nature Jack tour guide. And I had it on my car coming back from here. And I drove until that fucking car died. But I was getting towed and I took a picture of Nature Jack tour's last trip. Then I went car shopping.

Nature Jack tours last trip. Then I went car shopping. Yeah, but we don't need, for the record, because you don't listen, we don't need the magnets. We need the small front door, glass door of an office. Like you'd walk into a glass door into a business. Yeah, there's an orthodontist or, no, this is the Illuminati in the New World Order,

Southwest Headquarters. Liberty Dads. What? Well, their Liberty Moms are a bunch of right-wing fascist bitches that are banning books and stuff, but be the Liberty Dads. Nazis. Anyway, I don't want to

get all off on a sad thing. They might have one of those. I think I should watch more news. People love Nancy's. I don't want to shit on them. Tampa Bay's up on the Bears 20-16. We're out of here. We're going to go watch football.

I hope if Chaley's around, if his boss gives him some off time on Sundays, that we could just tell you what game we're going to be watching. We watch the early game or the afternoon game, whatever. What do they call that, Chad? Like a viewing party? Yeah.

Where everyone's watching the same thing and they're all streaming at the same time? If you're sitting alone watching football, just fucking click on... Maybe we can put it on Chad's Twitch stream or something. I don't know. I don't know how it all works. But the point is, yeah, we'll do more of it. Get on the mailing list. Get on the Patreon.

Thank you. Goodbye. Bye-bye. Okay. Bye-bye now. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី Thank you.