The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep# 535 - "Why Go to Rochester?"

Episode Date: December 16, 2023

Why would Doug book a crazy flight to Rochester? Thank You Patreon Subscribers. We could not do this without your ongoing support. NOT A SUBSCRIBER? Go to https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast to support the podcast and have direct access to Doug and crew.  Recorded Dec 13th, 2023 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope). Produced and Edited by Chaille. Signed copies of "This Is Not Fame" available while supplies last at Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - HelloFresh.com - Go to HelloFresh.com/STANHOPEFREE and use code STANHOPEFREE for FREE breakfast for life! One breakfast item per box while subscription is active. HelloFresh - America’s #1 Meal Kit Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant  Support the podcast at patreon.com/stanhopepodcast Photo by Chaille Copyright 2013-2023 Shake The Baby, INC. & Meatwig Merch Media, LLCSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Hey, how you going? Doug's just fixing himself a drink. Oh, will you grab me one of those things, a placement of a fucking coaster? Yeah, it is a lot of orange. I got orange glasses I can put on and go with it I don't think I'd keep going in with the orange That red stands out on that Curtain

I'm debating That curtain I left there Because Sometimes during football With the patio It's kind of nice to be able to look out And see who's out there without them being able to see me. But now that the patio weather's over, I don't know if I put those curtains up in all the windows or take them out of that window. You know, these are the things that keep me up at night.

Yeah, that's homeownership. Yeah. I wish I could whip this camera around and show you some of the stuff, but... Where is the hammer, please? Oh, no, no, I don't want to do too much until we do a grand opening. But it's still, it's just a little thing oh the cabinets they came in and uh and then then i get a text message driving back from tucson yeah the the ones uh uh below the kitchen sink uh they the doors they they built them the wrong size so

we're gonna get those uh yeah we're gonna stop work on everything else to get those done so they're in next week so yeah it's basically the the cabinets look great uh except for the the whole long line under the kitchen sink the like that entire wait not just the two doors under the sink but the entire yeah all like six i guess wherever everywhere there's windows they're missing doors down below so it looks like uh like a boxer had most of his grill he still get his molars and his eye teeth but yeah his full grill is knocked out and uh the mirror they put in the bathroom is gorgeous, but it looks inordinately poorly sized. What do you mean poorly sized? I'll give you a tour afterwards.

Explain it to me. What do you mean by poorly sized? It looks like it fills up half of the space that's available. It's too small. Yeah, and it's mounted close to it. It's not mounted in the middle either. Oh, my God. But it's a really cool mirror. It's fine.

I don't care. I'd probably put shelves beside it. You know that I know when you say it's fine, I know it's not fine. Oh, no, you won't like it. No. It was supposed to look like the other bathroom, yeah the one i put in yeah but the the hood is in it just uh it's uh it looks like um they they just carved carved out a hole with a box cutter so i think they're probably going to come back and

put trim around it if they weren't planning on it they're planning on it now because it's a it's kind of janky the way it went into the ceiling but other than that we've been having a ball and uh I don't know if you caught the Fox News thing last night I did not all right well they pulled, they pulled it. I didn't, I couldn't believe they put it up on their website. I heard you said, you said you had a little body language right in the beginning. I said dog dick. Yeah. Well, yeah, that's body. Yeah.

I said, I don't know. I'll guarantee you someone wasn't expecting you to say dog dick. to you someone wasn't expecting you to say dog dick uh explain explain what what happened because i i got i got it from uh tracy that you were on fox news last night and it was with that that douchebag jesse waters yeah he's the fucking worst because i had no idea that's a punchable face dude for your big yeah i i watched just because evidently hennigan got a call i don't know why hennigan got the call but they someone called hennigan and wanted me to uh go on this jesse water show if you don't know because i didn't know he's evidently the guy that took over for the guy that got fired who fucking. O'Reilly or the other one?

No, the latest one. Tucker Carlson. Yeah, the bow tie fucking clown. He's. Yeah, they want you to go on and talk to talk about this story about some town in Ohio, talk about this story about some town in Ohio that town of 500 that gives out 1,800 speeding tickets a month some speed trap town and I'm like first of all why me how did you get my number who's calling and what what am I gonna say they want me to fill four minutes to discuss what i guess because it was the story was in reason magazine so maybe they go oh he's like libertarian and it's small government big

government shit uh i i don't know i don't know who's behind it but i didn't say no uh and then they change it they go hey listen uh well it's to talk about this or whatever the story of the day is so i go all right they just want it and heady and thought and i think he's right that the producer must have been a fan what what from uh tracy's retelling me i'm like someone is no longer allowed to pick guests because they were, they were a fan or they go, I know who'd be perfect for this. He's libertarian.

And they probably read your Wikipedia, which is like so fucking full of holes and misinformation that, that they, they did someone who's a fan. It's like, I know it would be perfect. And it ends up that you go on and say dog dick and basically don't really.

Well, they changed it at the last minute. They fucking, they said, Oh, you know what? You're going to talk about, they got very excitable, the producer. optic and uh basically don't really well they changed it at the last minute they fucking they said oh you know what we're gonna talk about the guy's very excitable the producer sorry this is very weird because i'm looking at you on the zoom but we're actually going through a camera here so i should be looking at the camera uh he's very excitable and he said uh yeah yeah we're gonna do this thing did you watch the daily show last night i don't want to watch the daily show since i was too lazy to get up and didn't have the remote i haven't watched i didn't i haven't watched the daily show since before it was ever relevant

yeah like when john stewart started he took over for Craig Ferguson like that's when I dropped out anyway they did this sketch about Hunter Biden Craig Ferguson or was it Craig Kilbourne Craig Kilbourne that's it

whatever so they had done this sketch about Hunter Biden and how he's so fucking cool. And the thing is, how could you say that? The correspondent is saying he's so fucking cool. It wasn't an unfunny bit. It was fairly well played.

You know, the two weak benders and sleeping with his dead brother's wife and uh that's so fucking cool and anyway so the jesse waters take is oh uh the the the left wing thinks he's really cool maybe maybe i'm old-fashioned but i don't think doing all this stuff and spending a million dollars on sex workers is cool. And here's comedian Doug Sando to talk about it. So, yeah, it was supposed to be a four-minute segment, and I didn't quite hit two before they go, okay, wrap it up. So we'll put that in.

They've taken a tab, but we recorded them recording me. So in case there was any kind of... I don't know if I can run that on here because of YouTube. Even though if it goes on Patreon, our content hosting is on YouTube, and they pull it before it's even aired. So just so you know. But can they film? Can we show?

I'll do what I can do. But just in case. Yeah, no, I didn't. I meant for Patreon. Well, yeah, that's what I'm saying is that our hosting is through YouTube. And that's the server that is going to the Patreon. Okay. Well, what about our own footage from our own camera of filming me during the interview?

Yes. I'll do whatever I can to try and get it. You did film it. Yeah. Yeah. We saw these problems coming. So. All right.

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breakfast for life at HelloFresh.com slash Stan Hopefree with code Stan Hopefree. HelloFresh, America's number one meal kit. All right, we're back. Yeah, but it was fun, and I was at open mic. I was filming live from Bumstead's at the Best Western, open mic I was filming live from bumsteads at the best Western which is funny because the in the Comedy Central uh the uh the Daily Show sketch the guys is going he's so cool he got thrown out of a hotel for partying too hard not for crying in the best Western like me and I like I'm filming this from a best Western at an open mic that I I agreed to host don't do that by the way um don't agree to host open mics anymore it's it's not like when we were

kids where there was seven people fucking 27 oh my god I like you want to come up 27 times and go how about another round of applause how about another that's like that's 54 fucking rounds of applause you're just gonna beat your hands so i just i went up in chunks like yeah when i when i knew someone i go up but just to introduce them or if i had something to say so i went up five or six times out of 27 but that's just ridiculous 27 that's like work yeah that's like not i mean just how long is the open mic three hours hello it's four minutes apiece uh assuming they did their time and then plus anything i interjected which i tried to keep to a minimum but it's great because i went literally from the the the dining room where i was filming the fox show live that was airing in the bars straight

up onto the stage from the from the interview where people wait you were just on the tv yeah that joey g just couldn't figure it out but i don't get it you were put out you were you're wearing the same thing yeah it's just filming in it in there matrix bro this is all an illusion footloose went up at the open mic and had a really funny joke. Footloose is the gal who, Bisbee resident, who had her foot shot off by her former best friend. Yeah, the thoughts they were trying to harvest her organs. Yeah. Oh, methamphetamine, you silly devil. You made me think they were harvesting my organs where they were just trying to take a nap

any update on her did she go to jail jail or is she still waiting no she's uh there's another court hearing coming up I don't know if they're they they get you know crazy doctors involved and pleading insanity and the this and that. But yeah, she had one line she does. They thrown out random thoughts kind of like my high notes and she said, I think it's strange that I I have to pay rent on a planet I was born on. Maybe it's her delivery. I don't know. It's very funny. But I had fun. And bingo got back from her trip to the White House.

I was hoping to have her on this podcast so she could tell us all about it. I don't know how much she's supposed to talk about her uh you know her sister's role there at the White House but it landed her a tour of the White House for the ornament tour or the Christmas tree light or some at the White House but she gotta go to the White House and uh yeah I see and and a friend an old friend of oursol dodd uh she randomly stopped by i didn't even know this lady knew where i lived and i haven't seen her in years but she just shows up with a sack over her i'm looking on the security camera and i see this weird pickup truck like this

old piece of like 77 like cool piece of toy pickup truck. And she gets out and I don't know who it is. And she's got a Santa Claus sack and she's like walking around the driveway. So I'm hiding. I don't know who it is. And, uh, and then she left and I was coming out of the little house and the truck pulls back up and she gets out. And then I recognize her and she goes, Hey, Doug, I don't know if you wear stage clothing or not but I thought this might be funny and meanwhile bingo has been blown up my phone all day with pictures I don't know what to wear to the White Elves and I need an outfit and it's sending me should I wear this to the so

I she opens a bag and it pulls out this giant white, big, poofy, white coat. She goes, well, I thought it'd be funny if you wore it on stage. I go, no, but you know who'll flip out over this. So yeah, Bingo wore her big white coat, her big poofy pom-pom Delta hat to the White House, still wearing her Bert Kreischer backstage pass. I'm supposed to have that on right now. We're not supposed to take them off till New Year's.

Why? Yeah. You know, kind of like when I go to the Blues Festival and see Whiskey Girl and Nowhere Man, and they give you that wristband for your drinks, and I'd wear that till I fell off. Just, I tell them them listen i i can see you for free anytime now because i as long as i have this wristband i could just walk into your house for free and i can see you anytime because i paid the ticket price so i was going to use do

the same thing with the burt kreischer uh all access pass and just show that everywhere i go i can get in i can go right right backstage at Safeway because I have this pass at Safeway yeah we're gonna do this Safeway the market yes okay so this whole crazy trip uh you can go home again uh we filmed the entire thing. So what we're going to do is we're going to put it on Patreon as its own kind of docu-podcast where we podcast about it, the three of us, and then cut into footage of it. So we're going to actually reverse engineer it, like look at the footage, and then see, okay, what do we need to add in a podcast format to make the clip make sense? And I think it's, yeah, it'll be a little bit of work, but we want to kick off New Year's strong with the Patreon, and I want to have a lot of shit up there.

So this weekend, we're gonna we're gonna do safely safeway cast where i get a a 360 degree camera yep you know and uh i'm gonna put that at the end of the shopping cart and i'll just coast through safeway because you know any trip to safeway i have to stop and talk to 15 people i don't have to but but I usually make quick work of it. But this time, I'll stop and smell the roses and chat with folks. And we'll do a Safeway podcast. Never know who you're going to run into. But are you still going?

Unless we plant people in there. Are you still going at like 7 in the morning? It depends. I don't really have a schedule because bingo is gone so i i was having to stay over with meat wig at the quiet house and then yeah it seems like you'd get better interviews if you went a little bit later than right when they opened yeah and what with the with christmas coming up it's going to be jammed yeah uh so i'll have more uh more opportunities for marks you mean guys and and there's a and there's you i'm just waiting for

the first person to go ballistic on uh uh next door well that doesn't seem right. It seems like he should have permission before he films someone and puts their... That's not... I should be able to sue. He didn't have my permission. What if someone saw me buying cantaloupes and then

I... There's got to be someone. But I already kind of... did up print up a bunch of keep worn boring stickers we made them before but we ran out for the listener we Bisbee is the city but it's got a bunch of small districts mainly old bisbee where they have keep bisbee weird uh which is stolen from every wannabe hipster town uh so in uh we live in the not so cool residential area of warren so to offset keep bisbee weird stickers. We have Keep Warren Boring. Or as Fred is going to cut and paste it, he's going to make it Keep Boring Warren.

That's cute. Anyway, the point is I told people on Nextdoor, hey, I know people were asking for them when we ran out, and I finally got around to making more stickers. So, yeah, I'll put around to make more stickers. So yeah, I'll put them on the shops here and you know, the or just give me your address and I'll drop one in your mailbox. And I thought I was kind of saying that tongue in cheek and then I get a fucking laundry list. So we had to go out on football Sunday. I

got a kid with a paper route dropping off stickers. I had a list of addresses that people go oh put one in my mailbox i'm at 517 campbell okay and i'm routing it out like a post postman and training so the point is i did do uh i did my service uh so i got a good name on next door so if anyone wants to get fucking cheesy about safeway cart cast cart cast i like that you like that i like that and we also want to do uh uh safeway zumba zumba roomba cam i just put a camera on it like a santa hat so it looks friendlier i just have a camera on a roomboat on a might just to do on instagram live just for people who want to watch stuff or or no patreon you can put that on patreon

you can put it on anything i mean that's there's no copyright with that i mean you're basically just going to see people's tennis shoes but it'd be fun no no we have a they have the like fisheye lens camera i bought a bunch of oh yeah yeah yeah yeah i know what you're talking about now the the the 360 put it on top yeah you do that um and then evidently with the 360 people on youtube could just point their cursor and they could they could uh pick their uh point of view yeah i thought about doing that at the sierra vista mall because a roomba likes to run you give a room a roomba along like a straight away like a mall yeah but it's not like an rc car a roomba will go a little bit

and then it'll kind of backtrack to try and because it's mapping as it's as it's going along i know but that's that's kind of the point that i mean you're really just running until the manager comes to get you anyway i i could see myself watching that waiting for someone to yell about the rumble definitely like i i watched the ruma just as a form of entertainment. When I put it on, I can't not watch it. So I think I would watch Roomba Cam and completely waste a day.

I don't think this is how we're going to make our money. I don't think this is going to pay for the alterations to the house or anything. But I want a fat Patreon channel. If we're doing Patreon want I want to I want a fat patreon channel if we're doing patreon I wanted to do it big her did we did our first crawlspace podcast because Alex yeah Alex to

Australian Alex here he uh he does podcasts for comics over in Australia. So I just assumed it's a no-brainer. We're going to do a podcast to introduce him. And then as we got closer and closer, I could see he was, oh, are we still going to do that? I'm like, wait, you don't want to be on a podcast, do you? He's like, no, no, no, I don't. So I go, how about this? Me and Raider are are gonna do a podcast about

you with you in the room it's kind of like the old trick where you want hey do that bit you do for my friends and comics don't want to do a bit at the table so the way to make them do it is you start doing it for them and you screw it up intentionally and then they're going to jump in and go that's not how it goes it goes like this and then they do the bit for you so that's what we had alex we did it in the crawl space uh the camera facing raider and i over the shoulder silhouette style of the crawl space just to let everyone know is truly a crawl space you cannot stand up in it and it is an area that is cleaned out once they uh finish the construction up above that you took all the stuff out of there so there's a lot of room like this way but it is

still you're hunched over in between between the beams. I can stand up. I'm going to be careful now. Cause they fucking whatever, whatever flooring they put in, they use nails, like fucking railroad spikes that went straight through the floor. And they didn't. That's the sub floor.

They had to redo the sub floor because of a lot of rot. And then what they, they had to even out the floor for the entire, subfloor because of a lot of rot and then what they they had to even out the floor for the entire everything around you is level now or or straighter than it ever was because you had four different levels of flooring in that one house well they should have gone underneath and either fucking cut those nails off or fucking pounded them flat because it's you want me to have them come back and spend a day fucking up your uh your your time i get i get derrick can do that stuff i got between derrick and footloose they they can do a lot of hump work and there's so much stuff like those two fucking storage spaces eventually

maybe i'll be happy that we did that but uh yeah there's a lot of houses that are they're not they're not storage spaces doug those those are two studios that you were gonna put podcast studios in and now you've got basically turned them into storage units and you're doing podcasts from the crawl space it doesn't make any sense yeah but the crawl space is funny the crawl space is funny but you had this crawl space before you spent the money on two storage units i know well there's only storage units actually one of them is we can use as a studio right now it's that's never been sullied but i did move all this stuff from the crawl space to one of the studios because it would be easier indoors and warm to sort it out there now i've been just bringing the back here to sort it out in the fun house and uh yeah

it's every day i wake up and there's way too much to do so i i end up going maybe i should just this day off because there's so many options that maybe let's just not eat well while you were gone i was like uh entertaining the idea of taking the old uh flats the the background for the uh the show we did at the royale which gretchen and shawnee recreated the uh the fun house and we put that on stage with burt k and Brett Erickson at the Royale a couple years ago, right? And I still have those panels and they're eight feet

by four feet and I go, you know what? I'm going to surprise Doug and I'm going to put those in one of those units, the studios. I walked in there, opened the door and just turned around and left. There's no fucking way i would have to fucking like totally clean up and move everything i was shocked how

much stuff was in there and i decided that i would wait and see what you were going to do because i don't i can't really tell yeah well that's that's the problem is you have to create that kind of disaster area to sort through all the shit to separate the wheat from the chaff. I go, okay, do I need this? Do I, do I need all these newspapers?

They, cause I had an article about me. And sometimes you get a little too crazy with the de hoarding and you go, fuck, I shouldn't have thrown that away. That was, I can't replace that. So yeah, it takes, you have to be in the right head space of yeah i want to get rid of but i'm not just going to be like like bingo gets when bingo d it all goes everything

goes the cat that cat's not even dead like an episode of hoarders you can't throw away alive cats uh what are you doing she just and she goes uh do you like it I'm like yeah but where's that's why I don't leave any of my over there no no no no but the thing I I know that I've lost plenty when she's gone on her de-hoarding binges but I don't know what it is so I will never ask her have you seen because i don't want to hear what i think is she's gonna say which is oh yeah did you want that it's gone it's long gone and i tell her i go hey like because i i took uh she had an old ovation guitar which was one of her first guitars and it was down in the crawl space and then she had a guitar that I I've seen down there forever.

And it was just laying in the dirt. And she goes, that was like her grandfather's guitar. I go, Hey, can I fix these up and do like those things have survived because they never went to the other place. So I, I, I fixed her other guitar up and I, and that her that her the granddad won i'm glad that they never migrated over there because those might be in the thrift store you know so uh anything that goes over there i just assume it's long gone or it's gone to another life somewhere yeah and the the worst that uh happens is occasionally she'll show up with something and go remember this i'm like

oh i forgot about that where was that i was under some boxes by a dead cat i found it at the thrift store i paid for it what did she just she just came up with something she says you remember this i have no idea but uh the fun house had just bought this fantastic uh uh vintage uh table and chairs like 1950s uh two leaf table with uh so i i we we have all these spaces to film. And I'm like, all right, we got to make one permanent one. But when it comes to podcasting time, it always seems like, oh, fuck. I don't have time to go all the way out to the studio and set it up. So eventually I'm going to do that. So eventually I'm going to do that.

Yeah, unfortunately, all the places that you have, when you're talking about it, that I think of, they're all big, open, boxy places that are echoey and are not really designed for audio and video production. Right. Well, this is the most echoey and it's not going to change because this i'm not but but the the studio is definitely where we should be setting up the only problem is uh well i can't drink if i'm going out there because i get a drive back but we do have those twin beds out there that's right that's where the bunk bed i saw those

but we do have those twin beds out there that's right that's where the bunk bed i saw those it'll it'll all be done by the time you get back yeah and then and then man uh by then i think everything should be done they came in the shower door chaley you know you remember they brought in the mirror and just set it on the couch on the couch which is like what the six weeks ago yeah there's literally like 15 feet from where it's going to go up and it sat there forever until you moved it like i i didn't know why it was there because they dropped it off on a monday and then no one showed up for a week and then the next following monday i'm like i'm gonna put this over here against the wall so that no one like falls into it by accident forgetting there's a

you know a four foot mirror on the leather couch uh so so they came in the other day with the shower door and i go i guess you're going to put up the mirror too and they go oh no that's someone else is going to do that this is just the glass people not the mounting people that that'll be tomorrow so tomorrow comes and uh doug you know uh the project manager redheaded red red faced like uh yeah it just looks like he just came out of the public toilet hitting his flask he's got that deep high blood pressure face and white hair and he goes uh so they go in there with the the the the glass guys to put in the door and then they they leave and i'm like that was quick and i then i see on the security camera oh they're still out front so i'm backing out i'm leaving and the two of them have the glass door just like you know

like a three stooges like someone's about to smash through it yeah so then they go in with the glass door and I leave and then I come back next morning and uh there's no shower door man like the so when I finally saw when they came back to do something else saw when they came back to do something else you know what happened to the glass door you i saw you bring it in yeah it was just this much too big they had to shave because i don't like that you know it was just another cabinets like the cabinets where there were drawers the drawers are missing now and i might well he explained the ones that were mid-sized but the cabinet doors that have those weird drawers because those stupid drawers are you push it in it's a soft close it like you get it gets it gets within like a half inch and then it takes it the rest of the way slowly in so it doesn't

slam right where if you slam it it's going to slam anyway at that point and then close for half an inch which is first of all it's a little maddening it's harder to pull out so you have to put more muscle into yanking it out because of that and then every fucking drawer in your life you expect is gonna fucking shut on its own if you just slide it so you're a fucking super eight motel and you fucking oh god damn it i have to do this by hand i'm getting not just spoiled because it's irritating yeah anyway he pulled four of those drawers out and put door with the you know a cabinet with doors and i i said why did you take those out like he left the tracks in but took the drawers out and uh and i i asked him why he did that and he said that he didn't like the way they

were hitting the evidently this is the most boring thing in the world anyway he's replacing him they were hitting the hitting the fucking doors. It's just a little piddly shit. One day I want to be able to lock my fucking door. Yeah, you never know when they're coming back in because there's something that had to be tweaked. Yeah. I guess that's good that they're at least doing that. But, I mean, they said two to three weeks in July

to do the uh the cabinets so you know why if if if they just milk it down to when you get home in January that was the I think the point of my conversation there's always one last thing but it's also one last thing before they get paid yeah and yeah and maybe when they say hey that's it how about that paycheck I go you know what supply chain two to three weeks yeah I'll just every fucking excuse they gave us yeah my yeah tell him I'm uh tell him I've got COVID. No, my bank has COVID. Your bank has COVID, yeah. We get to use the COVID one twice.

He's at least twice. Twice to you, twice to me as well. Well, yeah, and that's for each. Okay, the plumbers have COVID. Now it's the glass people that have COVID. The countertop people have COVID. Now the glass people have COVID too. He's got a COVID checklist. You've got to make sure how many grandparents you said died to get out of school.

That's your fifth grandparent that died. I don't know how this adds up. I should have taken better notes. Well, it's forward momentum, I guess. I mean, I don't know what to say. It looks great. I'm not unhappy. I have just enough to complain about, which always keeps me smiling,

but not actually angry. Hang on. You know what that reminds me of this commercial break and we're back I think uh I get a few podcasts planned like uh I want to do the call out to the crazies. What about the Do you want to talk about the trip out to Chrysler's? Are you gonna wait till you release the video? Yeah, I think I think I want to wait. In fact, even make up a trailer for it because it was it was pretty fucking epic. It was

and says such a complete last minute uh chris o'connor said hey uh my wife's the uh event planner at the dcu which is a big event center in worcester massachusetts where i'm from he goes burke christ is playing here on the seventh can you drop my name put in a good word for me so he knows who he's dealing with when i come high stepping and uh it it ate at me i'm like i want to be at that show yeah well we made it happen and uh it was a fantastic trip we did you ever meet mike uh were you with us when we went to my uh aunt and my uncle was in the hospital no i can't figure out for the life of me it was years ago but not too many years ago when we went to worcester it was with uh brendan walsh and we went to your old neighborhood in the

old fishing hole where the little island was yeah we did all of that we did all of that with uh okay there was one time we went out there and i don't think it was on the road but i i i can't remember the last time someone must have driven us around because we did all that we went out to see my aunt and my cousins. And then my uncle was in the hospital. We went to visit him with the family. And I have no idea, because I don't drive in Worcester. I don't rent cars. I drink.

So I can't for the life of me figure out who would have been driving us around. I don't think it was my brother. I think it was when i wasn't talking to my brother anymore uh but yeah i used to get to see the fam my my aunt is fucking 92 years old now and spry and so yeah it was it was a fun trip all around and we got we got all of it on on tape so we're that will hopefully be out maybe we do a new year's release of that maybe we do a new year's uh um a live event or a live feed a live stream maybe a christmas live stream yeah i'm traveling on christmas so i can't do it on uh christmas day where are you going austin

oh okay i thought you were not doing that till after new year's for on the christmas i'm going to to austin and then i'll be back to uh bisbee on the 8th yeah all right uh yeah no i thought you were I thought you're going on the first to Austin. So so where are you that you have to have to have a hat and a hoodie on at Boise in a garage? So I have my glasses. So that's all the fucking your brother's stuff. oh so that's all the fucking your brother's uh stuff yeah i just threw some stuff back there to make it look a little more interesting but yeah we're at the we're at the shop and we're we're actually uh casting up stuff for the uh trade show in march first week of march

wait oh your brother's there no no he's he's on vacation i'm here running the shop while he's gone who's we you have employees yeah do you boss him around all the time do you get to fire anyone yet not yet but every day that's the only thing that gets me up in the morning why why don't you why don't you do this um oh shit uh listen i i'm gonna have to get i'm taking over the mailing list and i gotta figure that out and it's not easy to figure out but i i might have to put out a blast but for anyone listening i have um uh i'll just say, I won't use a brand, but online therapy that I've signed up for because I know a lot of my fans need therapy. And this will go, this leans into the call to the crazies.

A lot of you need therapy and you can't afford it. I can't afford it, but I just don't have that many problems. So what I want you and I want only if you're serious, if you want to email me and Chaley, what's the email, the standoff podcast that Gmail. Yeah. But why do you, why do you want that flooded? That's for me. That's for me in the podcast. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. What are you doing? I have no idea what you're doing. Stay with me. Don't give out my email address and tell them to flood me with emails.

I don't know what it is. Okay. They can email me directly. If you have mental health problems that you think you need counseling, but you can't afford it, I want you to email me as detailed as you can, as you care to be. And what I'm going to do is during my sessions, I'm going to filter your problems in, and then I'm going to put out those, the therapists, you know, I'm going to put out the entire

sessions. And that way people, you can get free healthcare through me and I'll try to recreate your problems as best I can with a actual live therapist. It's like a twofer. Yeah. And it's, you know, it's not just a twofer. There's people that share your problems out there that can't afford therapy. So they're going to hear what a therapist says about your problems.

I'm going to throw my problems in, even if my problem kind of conflicts with your problem. Maybe your problem is you have a postpartum depression. I'm going to fucking wedge it in there. Somehow, maybe I have to say that I relate as gender fluid, and sometimes I feel like I just had a baby and I get depressed. However, I want you to be honest. And if you're just trying to make shit up to be funny, I'm going to know and cancel. No, I want people with fucking real problems, legit problems.

And I'm going to be legit with the guy unless I have to fudge the facts i i haven't set up the first appointment yet so i'm putting them off because i had to put this out there and uh yeah please email me or do or you chaley so so basically you're gonna you're gonna go into your recession your your appointment and you're gonna talk about let's say uh you're an anxious flyer and then you're gonna feather in to talk about let's say uh you're an anxious flyer and then you're going to feather in someone else's issues as your own right yeah that's great i love that i love it too and uh maybe i i get a few of you in they if you if you only have a one or two things uh i i i can I can jam pack I get 35 to 45 minutes per session that I'm paying for for us so and then we'll be airing that for the airing them in full I won't show the therapist face you could do one angle yeah easily yeah yeah that's great. We have these production meetings on the podcast.

Right. We need to hype the new season. I hear you. I hear you. Alex is going to get hard to work at making at least trailers and teasers for some of this stuff. So by New Year's Day, when he's back out the door, back flying to Brisbane, By New Year's Day, when he's back out the door, back flying to Brisbane, we'll have a pocket full of goodies on the Patreon.

Hey, here's a working title. Double Help. Double Help? What could be triple? That's the thing. Well, I mean, whatever. Oh, I had a great title for something. I wrote it down.

That's just a goodwill hunting. We met a guy at the Goodwill in Sierra Vista. There's a tattooed neck and they're playing that one fucking song by Lady Gaga. I can love me better than anybody can or something. It's Goodwill radio just fucking every goodwill when I would go on to the dollar Thursdays to 12 fucking goodwill and it was playing at every single one all fucking the entire year I was gonna could like this fucking song is so off so this guy went to tattooed neck he's

been working there for a while i go i go how often a day do you have to listen to this fucking song he goes too many fucking times i swear to god and he just snaps i'm like and i'm like yeah and the fucking ad with the you know you know i've made some bad choices in my life yeah i go he goes yeah i know everyone thinks i'm a fucking convict for working here you know what some people just work here because not everyone's on work release here it's just like you're the perfect guy i didn't say it but next time i see him i'm gonna i'm gonna ask him if he gets to bisbee if he'll come on the podcast because we've always wanted like behind the scenes thrift store knowledge I want Goodwill and and this guy is just perfect and full of rage and uh so yeah I want to know when the good goes out I want to know hot tips from from a goodwill

but just the title Goodwill hunting is uh worth worth asking him you don't think maybe they think the neck tattoos might be more of uh an indication of uh of uh jail time than working i didn't i didn't say the guy's always right yeah you don't want to twist him up too much yeah he's impassioned yeah um we're gonna get uh suzanne walsh and the uh and the uh crawl space the crawl space diaries. I don't know why some people just fit the crawl space better than other guests. But yeah, Suzanne, you're more of a crawl space.

It's a pool or the lake thing from Canachat. Is that like the kids table at Thanksgiving? Or is it lateral? It's just a height. Well just just well she's short so there's that she fits in the crawl space yeah but yeah just asking a lady to come in your come in your crawl space for a podcast and she'd say yes to the crawl space she's she already did say yes unfortunately is one of those times where I scheduled it while i was drinking and high and then she's like okay um what time should i be there i go i go what what what what did i promise you that i've forgotten you i'm supposed to do your podcast and i go yeah i forgot

i said that um we'll have to do it another time and she's like i took an ambient for nothing to go to the podcast that's what i said you were gonna do a podcast on ambient you know that's a daring move this is so i i won't even take ambient when i'm drinking i had one scare where I had just a minimal amount of drinks, took an Ambien and then went to bed and talking to Hennegan. We both went to bed. And then the next morning I said, so that thing, whatever business thing. He goes, yes, we talked about this last night. I go, no, I went to bed last night. He goes, no, you came out about 15 minutes later.

And you were completely lucid. And we had this entire discussion. i go no i went to bed last night he goes no you came out about 15 minutes later how did you have completely lucid and we had this entire discussion and zero recollection terrifying like you could get behind the wheel of your car and go to space that's the rosanna any idea that's the roxanne defense yeah well yeah they did they were very cheeky and and got a lot of press but if you had if we did an ambient horror stories podcast we would get tons of guests oh yeah if we we we need a we really do need an intern someone would be like all right we'll put this out on social media like uh and like the same way christine did with the the you found a dead body has anyone found a dead body and she got fucking dozens and dozens of people good they were her and gary lucy were on the last podcast and

uh they were talking about the her new season of uh found dead which is the yeah that she does with uh um people who have found dead bodies out in the wild oh they have the they just ran some uh their logo by me and i'm like god damn it that's fucking good and gary did it uh really really cool artwork this one uh it's like uh no i can't describe it if i could describe it i could tell an artist what i would like that's true i i don't have any of the vernacular with all this all the new camera i i can't tell alex you know what i like the well it looks like you know like uh you know like cool but weird

yeah and this is the shit that you know the words for everything in the world you know words for things that don't even need names like can i like ramekin i've never heard until you used it i would just say can i get just a small side to catch up and like a small side works if especially with the hand motion you go can i get a small side of you know as i watch these uh these uh eating competitors they go into a restaurant and they go, give me your big mountain mammoth burger. And if I eat the whole thing, it's for free. And this guy, he went into this place to get a lobster roll. It's like three feet long and they're going to eat two of them or whatever.

And then he goes, and can I get one of these? And he held up and he's describing butter in a ramekin and he didn't use the fucking word ramekin this is what he does for a fucking living he's got thousands and thousands of fucking followers and he goes yeah put it in this little cuppy thing it's like you motherfucker that has a name and this is your industry there's no reason why you shouldn't know these terms. And he ate two fucking huge lobster rolls in like 10 minutes. It's fucking insane. That seems like such a

grotesque waste to me. A burger, you don't think of ground beef as something that's hard to find and becoming extinct. Yeah, shove all the ground beef but you're just gonna eat lobster like not even taste it where's it yeah that seems incredibly one one of these lobster rolls is it it was it's 160 to pay for it and usually a family comes in and then they

carve it up like you know like a sub at a Christmas party or something. And he ate two of them. It's fucking insane. He's a douche though. All right. Yeah, now I want to go do fucking five more podcasts.

Now I want to go do Roomba Cam and Safeway. Now I'm all jazzed up. Yeah, I know. I got another one later tonight, but I want to go do Roomba cam and safely. Now I'm all jazzed up. Yeah, I know. I got it. I had another one later tonight, but I got to go out there and figure out what's going on.

Where are you at? We have a, we have a, an issue with a body form armatures. So I'm trying to get that squared away. So. All right. Well,

get to it. I'm going to go learn how to use a 360 camera. Actually, you just set it down or just hold it. It's filming all around you. Yeah, I know, but I don't know how to turn it on. Oh, you don't know how to turn it on or turn it off. Okay, got it. Yeah. Yeah, or how to find the footage or how to get the footage onto my computer or all of that i don't envy you

alex you're gonna have a good yeah i i think you need the ambient alex oh god damn it write that down ambient i think that's a good idea if you have an ambient story uh a good ambient story even if we just read the things if you can make it a brief uh even just a one episode like an ambient action it'd be like a penthouse forum i never thought this would happen i read these stories and i think they're fake until it happened to me and then you go into the ambient story yeah there was a like a Kennedy or some big shot fucking like Congress person that like drove into a tree uh very you talking about Edward Kennedy who killed uh that's no not chap acquitted no they just like clashed in like downtown DC and said no I took a i took a ambient and a two glass of wine steve marmel my old uh

my manager's husband uh my ex-manager judy brown he uh he had like two scotches on a plane with an ambient to sleep cross-country flight and then started causing a ruckus and screaming at a flight attendant zero recollection uh yeah uh gay comic in uh austin texas forget his name but he same thing couple of drinks took an ambien was on aol instant messenger back in those days woke up with all the logs so specifically what he said like like gay conversations in gay chat rooms and it's like oh renee's brother drank minimal amounts of alcohol with ambien they were house sitting uh woke up on someone someone's lawn in a different neighborhood and they were just watching a movie next thing you know so yeah it's uh it's fucking scary what what what is a sleeper that i'm afraid to take

i love my sleep because you you've had situations where even where we've been on the road where you don't know what's happening or like that time i had to usher sean rouse out of the room because he started peeing in the closet i mean there's certain situations like that but uh ambien i mean that was massive drinking that was yeah that was craziness but like two fucking scotches and one pill i mean that's i mean anyone could get into that situation yeah yeah it's it's a very scary i was a seasoned uh alcoholic when that happened to me on a night i consider not drinking which is like you know maybe five six drinks yeah uh that's a that's basically a night i didn't drink yeah so yeah all right i gotta start making a list of all this stuff. The last thing I haven't cleaned out in this house is my office where I really need to organize. That was the

worst thing that when I had to scoop up, I had all my piles. Here's the podcast notes. Here's the fucking, all right, editing notes for the new special. The new special will be coming out um i i don't know uh the order of importance because they don't have my desk but i'm gonna go work on that right now uh send us your ambient stories send us any problems that you have that you would like to get some online therapy and again don't try to be goofy because i i i can i smell it uh and you'll uh i i'd like this to be uh kind of funny and uh kind of true at the same time yeah you'll do the funny part you just need the details don't try to be cute or to try and punch it up doug will take care of the funny part just there's just just the facts ma'am just the facts right uh and uh yeah and here you're always your goal is is uh find someone uh gets get we need more patreon

people so find some sucker and get them to sign up everyone knows someone dumber than them that will do anything they're told we need that guy you don't know that guy then you're the dumbest guy in your social circle and uh that's gonna hurt down yep we want your fucking refuse of friends we need some numbers here all right uh we love you miss you chaley and uh we'll uh take us out bingo okay bye bye now Субтитры подогнал «Симон»