The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#118: Doug Shamelessly Promotes Hennigan's Book

Episode Date: January 12, 2016

Doug shamelessly promotes Brian Hennigan's book, "Patrick Robertson: A Tale of Adventure". Available on Amazon.com or at http://ataleofadventure.com.Recorded Dec. 29, 2015 in the new Funhouse Studio in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope) and Brian Hennigan (@MrHennigan). Edited by Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille).LINKS -Jeff Beamish – Weather KVOA Tucson - bit.ly/1Zhrg8RMelanie Hunter – Traffic KVOA Tucson - bit.ly/1P5BiV3Heroin: Cape Cod, USA - itsh.bo/1ZMX5J4Anthony Burgess - bit.ly/1KazicW"Patrick Robertson: A Tale Of Adventure" by Brian Hennigan - http://ataleofadventure.com/American Express - amex.co/1RySzNlPre-Order Doug's book “DIGGING UP MOTHER” through Amazon at  http://amzn.to/1NXiQy5Closing Songs, "Burn and Rob" as performed by The Mattoid. Check out The Mattoid on iTunes.Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

All right, so yeah, it was paused. All right, that makes sense. Yeah, take your condom off your microphone. Chaley had just delusions that if he put plastic bags over the microphones, they wouldn't reek of cigarette smoke when he got back. Sure, sure. Oh my God, that's very funny. Yeah, maybe if you tied them down with rubber bands and some liquid cement.

Is he put off? I mean, I've been around you for almost a lot of my life, and the cigarette thing you kind of have to just go with. Yeah, I guess so. I don't see, it's kind of, you know, it's just stupid. It's like saying I live on a farm, but I don't like the smell of manure. I don't even like the smell of cigarettes at this hour. But last night, funny idea.

Hey, Brian, before you leave in the morning, just wake me up around 8 o'clock in the morning, and we'll do a podcast about your book. Well, generally, I wake up really irritable but i woke up at six in the morning on my own and all my irritable my hate i already watched my my morning news i watched the uh 6 a.m tucsonVOA News, and it's just incredibly anchorman. And it's just so ridiculous that I love it. And I tweeted my weatherman, Jeff Beamish. This morning at 6.30? No, I did it last night.

But no, I tweeted him once like a week ago. He's like, I can't believe Doug Stanhope watches our newscast. So now I torture him. Yeah, he's going to learn that's a poison chalice of a follower. Yeah, he didn't respond to my tweets last night, my several tweets at him. The tweets where you were inviting him to compare which of his fellow anchors he would fuck.

Yeah, there's two. There's Melanie Hunter and Nicole. She has an unpronounceable last name. I don't know what it is, but she looks like Cindy Lou Who from Whoville and the Grinch that Stole Christmas. Is Jeff a genuine meteorologist or meteorologist like Bingo's sister? Or is he a guy who's learned the terminology? He has the patter down

all right he's very good at the patter is it gonna be wet out there this weekend jeff oh you better believe it it's uh so it's it's groundhog day bill murray it's it's just fucking retarded and i love it just makes me feel all homey and then I get done with the... It's the equivalent, it's the TV equivalent of Cheers. It's like a TV station where you know all the anchors' names. Yeah, there's John Overall is the main guy with the

chiseled out of stone head and that Jimmy Jones hair. Like, it's just a hair chunk. It's a thick chunk of coiffed hair. And this is what... Let's remind people, which channel is this?

NBC Channel 4, Tucson KVOA. So you can probably get that. You can probably stream that in all the remote corners of the Doug Standford Empire. They have the investigating guy that just keeps plugging his... At 10pm tonight, I'm going to go with this man who says he'll never

trust anyone again. It said it was going to be a new roof. Is this a roof goof? This guy got burned on a took a bad beat on a supposed to have a new roof, but it wasn't new at all. And then they always follow

him to his door with a camera so he can or the perpetrator. I have no comment. My lawyer has told me not to speak to you. I fell in love with this girl after the news. I watched this. I think it's called

Heroin City USA Cape Cod. It's got the words Heroin, Cape Cod and USA in the title. It's an hbo some documentary it's not netflix because my netflix does not work again must be one of the few shows to ever get heroin and cod in the same title can't be many of those there's this girl there's like eight heroin addicts on Cape Cod. Evidently, it's just Cape Cod is flush with junkies.

And there's one of the girls named Marissa. And it was just gorgeous in a way that reminded me of a girl I had a crush on because I'm from Massachusetts. And she struck something in me that was reminiscent of someone. I don't know who, but I was just in love with this girl. She's the one smart one. She's the one that could get out. But still had the accent. And it's the dumbest fucking accent to listen to Massachusetts accents.

I can't do it anymore. When I try to do a massachusetts accent i sound like ray dunovan cast members who just stink at it the ray dunovan does it okay but everyone else just tortures the fucking accent so this girl she yeah yeah she's just reminded me of someone i'm just all into this documentary. I'm fast forwarding through the stupid ones. And then just get back to her. And then she dies.

Because you think, I could Facebook her. She had like a gap in her teeth, but on her lower teeth, a gap in the front. And an exotic dancer as well. But just really, yeah. As soon as this is done, I'm going to see if I can find her on Facebook

and just tell her she's beautiful. And then? And then she died at 23. It's a great documentary because a lot of them die. Like some of them die halfway in, and you're like, oh, this is like intervention, but they die. There's no happy story. I suppose maybe we can go back and get Chili to insert. Spoiler alert. in and you're like oh this is like intervention but they die there's no happy story i suppose

maybe we can go back and get chili to insert spoiler alert well she she she says at one point she she says i'm sick of it i'm tired of the waiting to get high i'm sick of getting high i'm sick of waiting for dealers i'm sick of fucking doing this and turning tricks and she's crying she goes i'm only 23 i feel like i'm 30s in my 30s and i'm like i thought you were well into your 30s oh yeah it felt that now felt creepy for wanting to facebook you to say you're beautiful yeah oh dear and then she that's what she that's when it said oh she died at 23 oh good no i don't have to feel creepy she's dead but actually i was actually moved by it when i went oh that was unique yeah the morning when you feel a partial emotion uh-huh they got fuck this yeah let's do a podcast instead i've been there but i don't talk about it they um yesterday we me and brian hennigan here we uh

yes this is me brian hennigan yes brian hennigan is on the podcast uh and uh we we went to sierra vista the neighboring town yesterday to drop off my car to get fixed. It needed a new battery, and somehow now I'm $4,000 into repairs. We're just putting this in for everyone who thinks that Doug's life is all fucking Johnny Depp and Reykjavik. You know, occasionally you have to take a shitty pickup truck to an awful place in Sierra Vista. occasionally you have to take a shitty pickup truck to an awful place in Sierra

Vista and I'm sure I'm getting fucked but I just I get no one Brian's leaving I have no one I can't even go pick the fucking thing up till Chaley gets back but anyway I'm coming back in Brian's rental car fucking deer BAM

just just in 45 minutes we probably spoke three sentences together and uh of course as soon as we go oh you know what we should uh do tonight oh what we should do because that's how i speak when i'm in the car fucking turn to look at each other and fucking bam, deer runs out in front of the car. We were actually talking about neighbor Dave. Yeah, I blame neighbor Dave. Yeah.

If neighbor Dave had not done something noteworthy, we would not have been talking at that point. Because we've been sitting in pretty much silence. And I suddenly said, it was quite remarkable that neighbor Dave had stayed to the end of football. Actually, that was one of the tweets last night when i was i was hammered was uh at uh melanie hunter the traffic girl jeff beamish's uh yeah cohort she does the traffic and i said oh uh by the way uh i hit a deer on highway 80 and uh and i blame mel Melanie Hunter because she didn't put that random deer into her traffic report. Hashtag murderer. If you're driving on Arizona 91 between Bisbee and Sierra Vista, look out for a random deer.

Don't start chatting. That thing's going to jump right in front of your rental. Yeah, 90 degrees uh how do we segue into your book well i mean okay i mean what about that i mean you were saying though you had like that reminded you of cincinnati the rental car thing oh yeah yeah no that was the only time i've fucked up a rental uh-huh was uh was a ice storm i had it was playing go bananas in cincinnati i want to say it was new year's eve but i don't think it was but it might have been no it wasn't i haven't played a new year's eve in 15 years but anyway it was it was the last night

it was a ice storm and we hung out in the club for as long as possible. Bars closed. Now, at some point, there were no taxis, and we were all shit-faced. So the one girl that wasn't shit-faced, I let drive the van back to the hotel with all of us in it. The club is in a strip mall with a traffic light to get out of the strip mall. And she hit the brakes at the red light going out into the half a highway and just slid straight out into an oncoming BMW. I fucked up a lot of rental cars, actually. Yeah? Yeah.

I mean, the first one I remember doing was when I was young and my first job with a company called Pringle of Scotland. I rented this like family van, which at the time was incredibly exotic. And I was driving out the Caledonian or the Hilton Hotel in Edinburgh. And I hit a pillar. One of the pillars that like, it's like one of those pillars that is in the middle of the the sort of parking lane when you're going in or out of the hotel and i didn't hit it entirely hard i just sort of grazed it but enough for me to stop in that position of uh what do i do now it's going to get scraped more if i reverse and it's certainly going to get scraped more if I reverse, and it's certainly going to get scraped more if I go forward.

And then I did the calculation of, well, I'm already going to get screwed, so I just put the accelerator down and then tired that horrible... I would like to, if I wish to intellectualize this, I'd say it was like Macbeth, where I was bloody going over as it is coming back that type of thing uh but i fucking i just there was a guy a thousand listeners just tuned

out they just there was a guy in the car with me with the company and he couldn't believe what i did because i i did it's like one of those micro calculations in a second we hit the pillar and then i just floored it yeah if i'm gonna have five drinks i might as We hit the pillar and then I just floored it. Yeah, if I'm going to have five drinks I might as well have ten. Exactly. And then the other time, which is slightly more comical, is I parked in Homebase in Edinburgh across from where I was living at the time.

Homebase is like a Home Depot thing. And I just hadn't been back in the UK for a while and I'd forgotten that you have to put the handbrake on in cars because it's a manual. And they even showed me later on the security camera that my car literally just at one point

sailed across the entire parking lot, missing other cars that were coming and going, and impacted a wall 100 yards away. Wow. And I got screwed for that. Which is why I will advocate passionately for the American Express card and their insurance coverage

every time you rent a car. Because then they take care of everything for $17, and you can tell Hertz or avis to go fuck themselves you didn't panic at all after the deer and the deer did not like it it got hit in the hind quarter and there was a poof of fur yeah and then it just dashed off into the uh desert mountains yeah so it's probably dying a slow painful fucking death i mean listen we did try to see where if it if we could you know i think that was the point of that story was that i felt a partial emotion and i said to brian like i was just like we fucking killed a deer this is this is gonna suck all day long and 10 minutes later i mentioned it and i went oh i

forgot about the deer already oh yeah that's right we stopped at the thrift store yes and you went oh yeah they really did fuck up the front of the car and i went what the deer i'm like oh shit i forgot about that and also and then it was funny how in a non-ironic jokey sense i did actually say in the car after we did it oh dear yeah that broke the tension i know it was very like oh shit all the adrenaline that you both look up and oh fuck tears boom yeah and then there was that quiet you know terror there's no deer in the road what do we stop that whole again rapid cycling what do we do now is everyone everyone okay? And then Brian says, Oh, dear. Ah! Oh, dear! He just said that!

Oh, dear! Because at that point, I defaulted to my comic caricature because it was appropriate. You have a recurring segment on this podcast in recent weeks i like the fact that you mouthed to me i was driving like the fucking rental car company is going to listen to this and bring it into court if i happen to have been driving a rental car that's what happened to me where they fucked me because that i let that girl drive my fucking minivan right so now you're actually

saying yes that type of thing does happen not because they heard it on a podcast because it was in the police report all right i see uh anyway back to the new recurring segment on your podcast does american express cover you if you uh crash your car because you were doing the right thing by letting this sober person drive. Oh, wait. As long as you were behind. We don't care if you were shit-faced. As long as you were behind the wheel.

All I will say is this. I trust American Express more than anyone or anything I've ever had in my life. I won't use it in town because they overcharge. See, I don't mind that. Well, in town. Oh, yeah, in town. These fucking hardscrabble store keeps. Yeah.

Every nickel counts. I looked at my members since the other day and realized it's the longest relationship I have in my life. Except for your mother who doesn't remember you. Yeah, exactly. Apart from my mother who's confused about my name and who i'm married to and uh things like that but um yeah american express you know i i'd go i'd go to bat for you every single time american express and you'll obviously this is what i like this is a sponsor who will clearly never have anything to do with us.

Yes. So therefore, when I advocate for American Express, it's passionate. It's genuine. As I am with Delta. Yeah. But it's only because I'm a fucking high status guy. Every airline sucks shit. And if I weren't at the highest level of frequent flyer with Delta, I would hate them too because they'd fuck me just like every other airline.

They're just a little bit better than – American is the worst. They used to be – anyway, let's stop. Let's move on. Okay, your recurring segment, which I've been trying to introduce, of there are no Super Bowl invites. yeah that's yeah that's become a problem still my friends don't listen to this podcast sorry we had to shave it down just the people that were in the season-long pool that are here every week uh and the uh people performing on the show on the saturday before the super bowl uh that's it yeah and it's a fucking el nino it's goddamn it's

shitty 48 degree rain every day if we have to do it inside if it's rainy out we have to be inside yeah there's only so many people that we can fit inside of this. We call it a compound, but that's mostly outdoors. But you get fans and people are tweeting and they're asking, hey, you're still at the ball party. And Joe Rogan's quite a big booster of this. Yeah, no, we talked about that on a previous podcast. That's why everyone's tweeting, hey, Joe Rogan said I a big booster of this. Yeah, no, we talked about that on a previous podcast. That's why everyone's tweeting,

hey, Joe Rogan said I could come to your house. Now they're just busting my balls. Oh, I see. Yeah, that's all those tweets that you read. Okay. Righto. Well, there you go. Don't turn up.

That's kind of the... You know, it stinks, because there's a lot of people I know very well that are good friends of mine. I'm like, I have to make this across the board. Yeah, and again, it's that old rule of, it's not the guys who are asking you have to worry about, or sorry, it's not the guys who aren't asking you have to worry about,

it's the guys who are. Well, they're not asking. Hey, I'm coming to Super Bowl. Good news. Well, yeah, you evidently don't listen to the podcast because it's a fucking strictly private event, which is

fair to the people that are here every week. Yeah, I always think of it as a local thing anyway. You know, I like it. Football here is great when it's the locals. Yeah, Super Bowl, that's why I had to flee to the fucking... We had to flee to the Virgin Islands last year.

Oh, fuck, yeah. They still had a fucking Super Bowl party here without me even being here. I forgot about that. Yeah, we live a tortured existence, folks. It's 8 a.m. in the morning. I'm drinking chocolate truffle koi reg fucking... Because that's all there was i'm not even

moisturized and i'm wearing blue with green no there's regular coffee it's above the thing yeah it's uh that eight o'clock you just didn't look no it's gone no shit yeah it's gone all that's left is fucking uh chocolate truffle chocolate chocolate raspberry, chocolate fucking deer donkey. And decaf. Yeah, but I don't think... Oh, I... Yeah. Hennigan wrote a book. I wrote a book.

A while ago. A while ago. Actually, you've written a couple. I've written two books. I've actually written... I've written... Fuck. Three, one of which I've kind of like

your The Great White stanhope have tried to ensure is never seen by anyone because i was literally up against mortgage payments or something and somebody said to me we'll give you cranked out some pap yeah yeah like i would like to flatter myself and say it was my anthony burgess o'clockwork orange since he turned that out in three days to pay for his wife's medical bills. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, Anthony Burgess was a fucking monster when it came to productivity. And he went to his agent

one day and he said, hey, this is just before the dawn of the NHS formally in the UK. And he said, I need fucking money. And the agent just said, when can you get me a book? And three weeks, sorry, three days he turned out I need fucking money. And the agent just said, when can you get me a book? And three days, he turned out a Clockwork Orange. Wow.

Yeah. Magic of cocaine. Magic of booze. I mean, the great Anthony Burgess story is some guy went to stay with them, right? And he said that 11 o'clock in the morning, Anthony Burgess and his wife would get up at 11, okay, and start drinking, like, sort of like polite morning drinks.

Around about 3 in the afternoon, they'd go to the pub. Polite morning drinks. Yeah, polite morning drinks. Legs crossed. Yeah. Pinky up. It's not really drinking, it's polite. Then 3 o'clock in the afternoon, they'd go to the pub. They'd stay there till 11 o'clock at night, which was closing time in the UK at the time

then they'd come home and drink until they collapsed and this guy said after two days of this he couldn't he was finished, he couldn't keep up every single morning he was woken at 7 by the sound of Burgess' typewriter Jesus

so yeah, he was fuelled by alcohol but never skipped a day type thing i where's the where's the what ethos in this the no no there's a there's a there's there's sleep that has to be involved yeah i know if you you drink for 12 hours and then right for i don't know. But he wasn't doing fucking hot yoga and things like this. You know, he wasn't getting up to moisturize. Yeah, all the people I know that were like, you know, Alaskans especially, hard partiers, you know, ecstasy and then drinking all night after working. They'd still go to the gym and shit.

After working, they'd still go to the gym and shit. It still astonishes me that I used to have a fucking corporate job. In the sense that when I look at my... I used to work a fucking full day, often late. Then go out and then still get up and drive to work at 6.30 in the morning. Obviously, perhaps in a questionable state. I drink a glass of water and I feel good about myself. I actually forced myself to drink a glass of water and I feel good about myself. I actually forced myself to drink a glass of water today, so I can't be too bad off.

That should be one of the unfit things. I drank a glass of water. I feel fantastic. Yes, get the unfit app on your iPhone. It's not available on Android. They don't want poor people. I'm an Android guy. I can't get my own app that I'm sponsoring.

The most annoying man in the world jokes are pouring in, and the first one I read was fucking really funny. Yeah. And almost exclusively not usable. See, now you're getting an insight into what happens when you see, hey, we're planning a tour of fucking buttfuckville. Can you send us in your recommendations? And there'll be 300 people writing in to me,

because I'm the one that deals with these things, and one of them may be of use. Yeah, play the Terry Haute Coliseum. First of all, no. If they have a huge rodeo there, I'm not going to fill seats. And if you don't own it... You should play here.

Ron White played here. Yeah. We're not... And if you can't do that, you should do jimmy fallon what yeah the um so yeah so i wrote a book i remember uh because this you wrote it a while ago a while ago but it doesn't date i know that well it's a it's a novel it's a novel yeah i don't write and i don't read fiction so i've always felt bad when we first became life partners. Because I'd try to read it, and I could just either hear your voice reading it,

or just think about what you were thinking when you wrote it. You were too close to me. Yes. What's that? There's no distance it was it was too suspension of disbelief suspension of disbelief is an active disposition i was just i'm i'm in your head your creative mind what were you thinking when you were writing this sentence but finally uh i was staying at your apartment, my old apartment in LA, while you were out of town. You had that booth, that restaurant booth at Extreme Elvis. And I

sat there and I, well, no, your book was there. I think I'd already read it, but it was there. So what I did is I took out the book and I left it on the table of your booth, your restaurant booth in your kitchen, with like three pages left to go open. Like I read that much of your book and was not interested in finishing the last three pages and you didn't notice. I didn't notice. Because, yeah, I do remember not noticing. I remember just picking it up and going,

oh, Doug's read it. And by the way, folks, I'm not much of a fucking blowhard, frankly, but this book did very well. It's a fucking great book. Once I just got past that first 30 or 40 pages where I'm in your head knowing you, fucking loved it. Yeah, I mean, there were a lot of – it's about a drunk salesman

in southeast asia who's kidnapped and it's how his drunkenness and his salesmanship helps him escape from his kidnappers i don't know why it's not a movie except you're too busy trying to keep me afloat yeah i know it's a full-time task i'm already fucking pushing one lifeboat uh i can't the um so this is a re-release of the book yes and it was optioned for movie for fucking seven seven or eight years there's this guy who kept upping to every year he'd renew the option but that was in the uk and uh yeah the the story of right you, you'll appreciate this, I think. So I was doing a corporate job and every day I'd go home and write my fucking book. And once I'd finished it, I was like, oh, what do I do now?

I send it off to agents. You know, I was like, I was like very, you know, naive. And I sent it off to every major agent in the UK, which at the time was probably about 17. And every single one of them wrote back or didn't write back with a, Dear John, or a, We're not taking this book, here's why.

And every single one I got, I just thought, You're an idiot. Genuinely, I never thought any of them had a possibility. Was there a pattern to why? Yeah, a dislikable central character. So then once I'd exhausted all the agents there were, like an idiot, I went, well, I'm just going to have to send this straight to the publishers which everyone says don't do i picked jonathan cape who are like the fucking be all and end all

of literary publishing in the uk is the first one they have people they published salman rushdie and philip roth and martin amos all these big fucking highfalutin people i wrote all i didn't even include the synopsis i just just said, dear Mr. Franklin, he was the managing editor. I don't know if you accept unsolicited manuscripts, but here is mine. And that was it. Three weeks later, phone call message. Hello, Brian, it's Dan Franklin at Jonathan Cape. We'd like to publish a book. Now, if any of those fucking agents had thought for a minute that he would have been interested in publishing that book they'd have fucking cycled to edinburgh to get it this is the guy

who edits salman rushdie you know so that's the i use this with comedians and with anybody who talks about creative shit like Like somebody will say, will you read my screenplay? Or something like that. And I'll say, will you be angry if I tell you it's shit? And they'll go, no. And then I say,

well, don't give it to me then. Give me it when you'd be angry if I told you it was shit. I like that. Yeah. Comedians who say, hey, will you look at my five minutes? Send them when you'd be angry if we tell you it's shit.

Because if you don't believe in it that much, why the fuck should you be sending it around? It's the worst mistake comics make in this internet age, is doing that first open mic and putting it on youtube oh yeah do you know how much you're gonna fucking cringe when you see that in five years if if you're smart enough yeah so that's again and i'm only advocating what i did myself you know i when i when i wrote the book and it's called by the way patrick robertson a tale of adventure and i once i was finished it i knew i knew it was good i didn't need anybody

else telling me that and i had that arrogance of belief which you get when you reflect on something that you that you've created and you know that it's good yeah yeah i don't have i don't have a lot of those oh in what sense the things i've done that i go all right that's fucking good like every cd dvd there's a couple i i i am more proud of than others there There's a couple I hate. Uh-huh. I mean... But if someone told me anything I did was shit, I'd go, oh, maybe it is. I mean, of course, the issue is that you often... Once you're well-known, like you are,

you get a lot of people telling you things that you know are bad are great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and I've seen all the emails and, you know, I'm with you. I'm fucking, you know, I work with you. I'm your manager and everything. But even I understand there's a difference in level between a lot of your content.

You know, some of it is magnificent and world class. Others is stuff, you know know that works for that particular subject in that you know in that moment so to speak so when someone says that's the fucking best bit of stand-up ever you go uh yeah i i every time i i film something i'm hyper aware of dated. This is not going to make sense in 10 years. Dating is a, is a big thing. That's the Bill Hicks thing where in, you know,

10 years after he was dead, all the names were still in play. Iraq was back again. There was a George Bush. There was Clintons involved. There was George Bush. There was Clintons involved. That's interesting because one of the things I was aware of when I was writing this book was I've read a lot of books that aren't dated. So I try to remember all the ways those writers wrote that didn't date things. those writers wrote that didn't date things so little things like avoid technology skirt around technology because technology changes in an instant that's in movies one of one of my

pet peeves is they still use answering machines yes because it's easy to you know transmit information it's oh he hits the button on his answering machine really it's easy to transmit information. Ooh, he hits the button on his answering machine, really? It's a plot device. And they still fucking smoke in bars. Where is this filmed? What year was this? The only writer I know that does this,

that takes the opposite tack, who deliberately integrates things of the moment for when he's writing, and very specifically is your good friend brett easton ellis brett easton ellis's novels are replete with specific references american psycho yeah complete with specific references that that date from the moment he writes them well it's it's almost a period piece exactly he writes period pieces from the moment he writes them. Well, it's almost a period piece. Yes, exactly.

He writes period pieces in the moment. Yeah. Good old Brett. Good old Brett. That was an awkward podcast. It was an interesting one. It was one of the first where we were doing a big podcast with someone who's not of this world.

But he was great. I liked him. Of this world, meaning our social circle, our kind of, our life, not of this world. He's not of this world. He's a majestic, shining being. He's attained nirvana. So how do you re-release a book?

Because you did this. Jordan Gumm did like how do you re-release a book because you did this well jordan gum did the cover of the re-release yes the guy that does our posters and our t-shirts uh thing about things that the world has changed so much that you can do this very easily now and actually easier than it obviously easier than like, like for example, in a small thing like I got two tremendous reviews from The Guardian which were genuine and not from friends.

And The Guardian you know, when this book came out wasn't that big in the US. Now it's much bigger. So saying, you know, The Guardian says it's fantastic matters more now. So I'm right, you know, it's like, good. The, the, so I got, the second little story was, at the time when I was, I was still working, I know, I just quit my fucking corporate marketing gig.

And so I've never not had an arrogance about marketing. I think I know what I'm talking about. And I shared some ideas I had with the publishing company after the publication of The Hardback. Because that's a difficult thing, getting a novel published and then getting good reviews. That's the difficult part. Everything else novel published and then getting good reviews. That's the difficult part. Everything else after that should be fucking downhill skiing.

I shared my thoughts on how to promote the mass paperback. And somebody typed reply all as opposed to reply. And I saw an email that said, this one's going to be a fucking nightmare and i complained vociferously through my agent and to the managing oh so you got an agent after yeah i got the agent after but that was a mistake as well i didn't i should have i should have swallowed my fucking pride and gone back to one of the agents that rejected me. I didn't,

I went with somebody whose specialization was film and television and he's a good guy, but nothing really worked. You know, he didn't say getting a, a, a tax attorney to help you on your murder case. Exactly.

I, again, I, I, I should have said, you know what? Isn't that what Robertbert shapiro basically was yes when oj hired him he was like the family if i can business attorney and so uh yeah and i i

tried to go back and say what the fuck this wasn't gonna be a nightmare if the glove doesn't fit you must throw this out of court that doesn't even rhyme. I need someone better. No offense. Yeah, and so they basically let it die because I think I'd upset them. So, there you go. I always had advocates in the US, but I never had the chance to

release it, so I'm happy it's happening now. That's basically it. Patrick, the website is a taleofadventure.com. Oh, good. Yeah. It's a good website. Yeah, it's patrickrobertson.com, ataleofadventure. And it's on Amazon.

There you go. That's very good. Thank you. The fucking cover. Do you like the cover? I love the cover. I'm looking at it right now on the website and just with nothing but i should have fucking put my foot down this cover is my book the cover

is fucking dumb but i kind of yeah i kind of gave up and went all right i'm gonna have to learn from my mistakes on this one the great thing that the great advantage that our corporation has when it's dealing with people like you is that there are a lot of people so that every morning somebody can wake up with fresh enthusiasm about how they're going to bat you down whereas you have to wake up every morning being willing to fight and that's what that's that's how it works is that um they just have a corporation can just keep up the pressure without any real work and eventually um you go oh fuck it that's exactly what i did by the time you're done writing a book i mean a book like that that you you have to just scratch at every fucking memory

that isn't there just to make this accurate. It's just the process of writing the book. By the time you're done, I don't want to fucking go back here. I don't want to go back into that mindset of just whatever. Okay, you want to do what? All right, make it quick. Take a picture and put it on the cover.

Fuck it. I mean, let's be clear. It's a good cover. It's just not the cover you wanted. It's me. I don't want to. You don't like seeing you. Yeah, so anyway, it doesn't matter who gives a shit.

But you can judge a book by its cover oh i've always sworn by that alex who wrote that book and i just gave him so much shit about the cover and now i now i'm having to suck it up he said yeah i heard you had to do a cover where you're actually sitting there with a shovel for digging up mother yeah fuck you alex yeah um it's good to have that's one of the things that you know the internet gives you now is fucking total control of shit well except for an advance yes that's true yeah when you're again you can't that's another thing you can't take an advance and then and then act petulant yeah oh you can but that could yeah that's how people i don't want to get that reply all that says fuck this guy we're not even going to try any marketing for his book uh but do you have a plane to catch oh yeah i do so yes so

patrick robson a tale of adventure on amazon. Get it. I have a whole box of shit. Chaley's been basically gone for a month. So all the people who are sending gifts and cards and I didn't need, I just found this. I was trying to clean up this filth hole and someone sent bingo, a juvenile diabetes t-shirt. Still, I still love that idea.

Oh yeah. Disease t-shirts. Just promote diseases with happy fonts. Yeah, I have great designs. They're sitting in my computer. It's always when we get the tour, we don't want to become a T-shirt company.

No. The libertarian jersey, people still ask for that. Death of a salesman abortion is green we should always have that i know and then just to put out a line but i i would buy happy font disease t-shirts that just say bladder cancer with a big smiley face like a 1970s happy font with and that's a remarkable but someone made up a juvenile diabetes one and sent it to bingo but yeah i have a lot of uh i have a box full of thank yous i'll get to chaley gets back tonight we'll be podcasting we'll get chad shank over here we'll get our i guess we

get some sponsors coming up yes yeah so, we'll be back in business, like, professionally with our smoke-stained microphones. Chaley's going to be so angry. We lost two of the microphone condoms. Everything's going to stink. I don't smoke and never have, but I'm going to light one up for Chaley. So, yes, thank you, everyone, for sending shit and writing. I got some most annoying man in the

world jokes some of them i'll have to rewrite but i'll still give you credit some i got duplicates i got i'm gonna use the first one and someone's gonna go i wrote that no another guy wrote it better oh yeah yeah that's uh you actually cody. So, yeah, you sent one that I thought was funny, but someone sent it before you. I'm not going to say what it is. Anyway. The Coaster. Sorry, Coaster.

Sorry, Cody Hucker. Your moment has passed. Yes. He had his moment. He was the one. Hey, can anyone write a limerick that has Cody Hucker in it? And a lot of people didn't see that I was making a joke about how simple that would be.

That was last year in the 30 Days in the Hole, I believe, which maybe I'll do again. Maybe I won't. We might be busy. We might have some shit going on. I don't know. But that's a podcast. If you just hit that uh pause button and then

chaley will play something to as outro music that one yeah that let's rock. I bought a Christian record from Christian record store. Would have bought two but wanted to keep money for the poor. Came back home and put it on my turntable. Laid it backwards cause I wanted to know what's going on Soon all I wanted to do was to go and get drunk Go and get drunk and take lots of drugs

Take lots of drugs and have lots of sex Then go out and kill everybody in my neighborhood Kill Burn and rock, burn and rock Christians make me wanna burn and rock Burn and rock, burn and rock Kill everybody and quit my job Burn and rock, burn and rock Christians make me wanna burn and rock

Yeah Glory holy Christians maybe wanna burn and rob, yeah Glory holy Damn So I broke into my neighbor's house and killed them with an axe Stole all the money and drove off with the Humvee Got myself lots of drugs and booze Then found myself an orgy and had lots of nasty sex It was kinky, kinky sex

Burnin' rock, burnin' rock Christian's made me wanna burnin' rock Burnin' rock, burnin' rock Have lots of sex and take lots of drugs Burnin' rock, burnin' rock Christian's made me wanna burn and rock Yeah Hallelujah

So I got myself a gun and rocked a band I don't smack no gun, I don't bang But I cross the country spreading fire and disease I'll break through the devil down on my knees Dearest Satan, you nasty son of a gun Dearest Satan, I know I'm having fun Dearest Satan, I thank you for the sex. Here is Satan.

Drugs and all the rest. So Satan, why don't you tell those Christians to make another Christian record? That I don't need to play backwards no more. No more. It sucks. Burn and rock, burn and rub Three skills, maybe one of burn and rub Burn and rub, burn and rub

Love the devil, I believe in God Burn and rub, burn and rub Three skills, maybe one of burn and rub Burn and rub, burn and rub Outro Music