The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#328: Made To Hit My HUG G-spot

Episode Date: August 21, 2019

Doug ruminates over his decision to write over the summer at the HomeStretch compound, his process of who to take on the road and to test the mettle of Bertine's massive positivity. Also, a Police Beat with Chad Shank. Kind of.A big THANKS to our Patreon subscribers. Any level of support helps and we will keep the BONUS episodes coming. All subscribers will automatically have access to all past BONUS episodes..  Patreon page (https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast) - (https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast). Thanks in again as you keep this show going.Fall 2019 Tour Dates are on the way so join the Doug Stanhope Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/Recorded July 5th, 2019 at the HomeStretch Compound in Tucson, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), Olivia Grace (@OliviaDoesBits), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.This episode is sponsored by www.DougStanhope.com/store -  http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ (https://www.youtube.com/redirect?v=oIPRYcY_Xs8&redir_token=THAI8ouIQDtnov1_-Z9N9CsULH98MTU1OTM3MjkwMEAxNTU5Mjg2NTAw&event=video_description&q=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.dougstanhope.com%2Fstore%2F)LINKS -We like The Machine Shop Concert Lounge in Flint, MI - http://www.themachineshop.info/HomeStretch Foundation - https://www.homestretchfoundation.org/We like what they are doing over at http://www.FIRRP.org (http://www.firrp.org/) - Check it outSupport the Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.org (http://www.innocenceproject.org/)  Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You're listening to the Doug Stanhope podcast. Hello. Oh, yeah. Turn off the blower. That's what it's called. A blower. A blower. I don't know if you noticed, but I did shave off all my body hair.

Except the arms. I didn't do the arms this time. The only part we can see. Dr. Dream. I didn't notice. I saw the calves the other day. The other day? I just did it like two nights ago. You haven't seen me?

You didn't shave your calves the other day? No. Shaved them in the four-point Sheraton. They're naturally smooth. The four-point Sheraton should get a, but we should get a, some kind of a recompense. They're not a sponsor,

but that's where we stay. How about just paying back for all the fucking pillows you pilfered? No, they fucking charge me for it. When I look at my credit card statements, when I do my taxes or prep my taxes for my tax man, I am not dumb enough to do my own taxes. It's one of the things I wondered about you guys early on when I went on the road with you. I was like, I've never stolen a pillow before.

Do they charge you for that? That's a bingo thing. They do, apparently. Not all the time. I wondered. I'm pretty sure that place in Flint, Michigan, let it ride. It was a couple times ago. The Token Lounge, that shitty hotel.

Wait, Flint is not the Token Lounge. That was Detroit. Thank you, Tracy. Yeah, Token Lounge is, with all due respect to the Token Lounge, it's terrible. The Machine Shop. I'm sorry. You're right. You're right.

Yeah, that's our place. That was a shitty hotel. I still can't remember if Machine Shop is standing or not because we stopped doing standing, but the Machine Shop in Flint is one of our favorite places. They brought in chairs last time, but it was standing on the dance floor. God damn it. That's the worst because the people in seats can't see. We have to fucking.

I don't want to think about this. I'm still trying to work on a project. I'm doing everything but writing my project. I'm doing healthy stuff. Yeah, but the project needs done. writing my project. I'm doing healthy stuff. Yeah. But yeah, the project needs done. And we're... I added more dates last night. Get on

DougStanhope.com and yeah, there's more dates going up all the time. I called in for more dates when I bought that third car. I said, Hannigan, start booking out November because I bought another car. So fucking dumb.

Looks good next to the funhouse. That's the red one. I told Olivia Grace is here. Chad Shank. Greg Chaley. I told Olivia Grace. I said, I don't even know what I was talking about. But I go, I stole a one sauce.

Yeah. No, no, no. You were like, you told me you were eating, you were enjoying the A1 sauce that you had stolen. And then I was like, why are you stealing A1 sauce? We bought three cars in the last month. It's a principle. A1 sauce is the best condiment, but it's too fucking expensive when you can just ask for it at IHOP, even though you ordered something you don't need A1 sauce for, and stick it in your pocket.

Hold on. You've got one over there, the bold and the beautiful. Yeah, bold and healthy or hearty. Hearty. Which is not the same. No, fuck. We don't even look the same. The consistency is different.

Well, this is, what's the vodka where we kept getting fucked? It's a hanger one. Hanger one. Yeah. And then we got blueberry twice. We got fucked on blueberry because they just put it in a little tiny. Like, no, this should have a warning sticker warning. This is blueberry vodka.

They went the other way. They said, how do we get rid of this fucking god-awful blueberry? I got an idea. Reduce the blueberry. Surgeon General's warning. Have it be the disclaimer on a trampoline. So, yeah, bold and hearty. I got it.

The Dollar Tree. You know how much everything is at the Dollar Tree, Olivia? I couldn't guess. It's a dollar. Every single thing. You know, we just went in there recently when we left here last time. Did you talk to Lonnie or Giselle or Shane? No, little gal.

Anyway, I didn't realize it, but as soon as I walked in there, Trace was all, oh, it's been a while since we've been in here. I always felt like Dollar Tree, Dollar general dollar whatever we're always the same i haven't been in a dollar tree since like my mom died yeah and years ago 99 cent store where everything was 99 cents in bisbee we have dollar general and family dollar which things can be 14 they co-opted the dollar name yeah there's no 99 cents at the end of the $14, but it ain't a fucking dollar. I think we have a dollar tree in Sierra Vista

where everything's a buck. Is there a dollar tree? It's a green and white logo, whereas Dollar General is black and yellow, so is Family Dollar. By like Ross and stuff, where the old Walmart was in Sierra Vista. Oh, you're right. You're right. There is Family Dollar. By like Ross and stuff where the old Walmart wasn't serviced. Oh, you're right! There is one there.

I feel like everything in there though is like toxic. Like it was made with Chinese lead-based fucking whatever. Yeah, they pass the savings on to you. Yeah, yeah. Everything in here is a buck. How is this place surviving? This is ridiculous. I can go there

every day and find something I need or want. Need or want. Or neither. I might use hoarder. It's fucking hoarder central. And you see hoarders. They disgust me, but I'm one.

It's like alcoholism where I think I'm better than other alcoholics. Here's the thing is if you handle it better, you are. Same thing with hoarding. You're going to the dollar store. It's the least expensive. Most of the stuff you have to throw away within a month or two anyway from the dollar store, whatever.

So it purges itself. It's really the best way to be a hoarder if you really think about it yeah there was no can opener here uh so i got a dollar can opener and guess what it broke after the first can and i so i went and spent six dollars at safeway for you don't keep the broken one well and then go buy another no i gave it to goodwill so some hoarder will buy it. See, and that's how you know you're not a hoarder because you went and bought a better one. If you were a hoarder, you would have went back to the Dollar Tree and you would have bought six more shitty

ones and threw them in your drawer so that you could dispose of them each time you used them. For parts. parts it's so fucking weird being here like it's been five weeks now we're at the home stretch foundation it's my

summer away I guess and honestly I did not make the decision until like a day before. I kept saying I'm coming here, but I didn't know if I was really going to come here. And I'm going to need to smoke if I'm writing. But the fucking construction at the house and the amount. Fuck it.

I'm just going to go and be a man of my word. And now it's been five weeks and I have weird flashback memories. Like this, that neighborhood, Olivia and I did that walk. It's an hour walk and it's through neighborhoods. And at the end, there's a neighborhood that at dusk, it reminded me like a flashback memory of being a kid in vegas where every vegas is like tucson is like vegas where they have these housing communities that are all beige one story everything looks exactly the same and i but it was dusk and it was kind of pink outside and it reminded me of christmas in vegas when i lived there where you're going to

someone's house and you're you're bringing some cheap ass gifts and i just had this like and i was sober too yeah yeah an emotion yeah it was crazy wow and uh it's up there i fucking yeah i wrote i wrote some motivational notes. I stopped doing that after a while when I wasn't motivated. But yeah, fucking remember that. And I can't ditch that Christmas feeling of Christmas in Vegas is so weird when you live there. Especially in July. I mean.

But it was at dusk. Dusk is dusk. Just in Vegas, it happens way earlier. It's as hot in Vegas and Christmas as it is in July. I guess, yeah. Anyway, yeah. Nostalgia. Yeah.

Yeah, I felt some things. It's a part of every good cult. Indoctrinating you is you use some stuff like nostalgia, you know, and it helps you. Shut up, cat shitting. We didn't talk about the cat shitting yeah so the cat that i'm uh house sitting for it's funny uh what it's not a jazz guy that you're taking care of it's an actual cat. The funniest part of that was how long it took Stan to react. I was trying to follow my own thoughts. My punchy head.

Yeah, I said, yeah, I'm going to be like Jack Nicholson in The Shining. By the end of this summer, sitting in this basement, this fucking compound. And then I go, oh, it's more like Jack Nicholson in Witches of Eastwick. 13, bingo, Olivia Grace. Showing up. showing up but yeah it's been weird to

have oh fuck I remember some shit I like it but it's not helping the fucking writing that's the problem and then big head over here moon face I stole that from you Christine Levine

moon faced that's what olivia grace is her big head she hugs me and i go oh your bad posture is perfect for hugging a man my size because you don't realize olivia grace if she straightens out her spine she's like seven foot one she's like that chinese basketball player she said her drink on my head earlier while we were standing outside. Yeah. No, I'm tall, but I like to hide it. I don't like to stand out. That's why I don't like wearing colors.

So she'll give me a hug, and she's already slumped over. I go, it's like you're made to hit my hug G spot. That's so weird. She's a natural old man hugger. Oh, no. Yeah. Speaking of Olivia, I was looking forward. I get to go over and hang out with Andy Anderson, Brett Erickson,

and I think Mishka's going to be there. Joby's even going to be there. Wait, you're going to London? No, no, no. They're all going to Altercation in September. September 25th through the 28th in Austin, the Altercation Punk Comedy Festival. I was looking forward to seeing

Olivia Grace there, and all of a sudden I saw a tweet on Twitter. I don't know what happened. Is that a hoax? Am I still going to see you there? Tell them. Tell the listener.

Well, I can't remember what it said. Well, I told Olivia, and I just talked to Kristen Becker, because she was going to be on that tour, and I'm like, I'm so fucked here. I'm not even thinking about what I'm here for. I'm not writing shit, and when I write, it's shit. And I'm like, it's better to not write than write uninspired garbage that you're trying to fix.

So at some point I go, well, we've talked about you going on that tour you and olivia yeah and i well yeah i'll just yeah you're on the tour i told hennigan all right and then i tweeted about it well well no you didn't even fully tell me before you tweeted about it she said well we're thinking if I think about taking you on the road and I'm like, don't get your hopes up, Olivia. He's been saying that for months. And then and then I saw the tweet and I was like, well, I got to call my mom. She said, well, if I. Oh, yeah, I did talk to your mom.

You put your mom on the phone with me. Yeah, but no, no. I found I found out officially. I woke up and I saw the tweet and I was like, oh, shit. Well, you said, oh, by the way. Tell them I'm sorry I won't make it. Because I had to cancel JT's thing because we built this whole tour where this works, this structure works. It works with what we did last time I toured the U.S.

We want to do the earliest dates from last time. So I'm sure that this is new to them. Last time I toured the U.S., we want to do the earliest dates from last time. So I'm sure that this is new to them. And she said, oh, I just remembered. I'm supposed to do J.T. Haberstatt's thing. Sat. J.T. Haberstatt. Got it.

Thank you. Should I cancel that? I go, yeah, we had to cancel it. Me and Chaley had to cancel it to do this tour. Yeah, you should cancel that. And then I woke up early and I tweeted, hey, JT Haberset,

sorry, Olivia Grace is no longer on your fucking show. She's on the poster. Yeah, but I really didn't even think that me going on the road with you was fully official until I saw the tweet. And I was like, oh shit, this is real. She's a child.

She gets really giddy and it makes me happy. And we're stealing her youth and eating her heart. Happy to be here. Yeah, I truly, I didn't believe it. Because, I mean, we've been talking about like oh yeah we'll go on the road with you and take you we'll take you out and i was like that's so awesome because i mean like i love touring and when i set up my own stuff i like i don't have a following so it's just like it's whoever comes out and whoever's booking the show and whatever local comics there

are and it's a real crap shoot you know and you have to book your own hotel and your opener you get stories that we won't get into well i mean i mean which i know we've we've told some of those stories your tour stories oh yeah yeah yeah i mean like you know it's it's just stripping to tell jokes remember stripping to tell jokes yeah oh god that was an awful awful night um but kristen becker now you've all made it to sharing a room with Stanhope. Congratulations. It's so cool, though. You'll be sharing a room with Kristen Becker. I'll be sharing a room with Chaley.

And then we'll switch up. Chaley will be sharing a room with me. And Kristen Becker will share a room with you. 50-50. I remember tweeting this. I think it was after Vegas. I think it was in the Vegas airport lounge where I said,

that would be a funny tour name, is Doug Stanhope and his all-girl band. And I think not enough people remember. That was kind of a cliched, fuck you and your all-girl band, where people were responding to the tweet like oh i i play bass well no it wouldn't be a band it would be female openers with me like because kristen becker was in vegas you were in vegas like morgan murphy like a million people could swap out on that tour. But everyone thought, oh, it's a band. No, it's no band.

It's not a Bill Burr thing where you're actually playing drums to a fucking Poison song or something. I don't know what they do. So cool. And we did bring a band out for a while. That was kind of a weird thing well the Matoid

and Mishka they're both funny enough in their music but people would mistake oh they're not that funny well they're not supposed to be funny they're like

like a funny Zevon song. Yeah. You know, Excitable Boy, they all said. Shit's funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's not that funny.

What's not funny is inherent or ancillary. It's moonlighting is funny. I have no idea what that meant, but you sold it well. Yeah, that's good. Sorry, I killed the momentum. I thought that was a good analogy. I think that was it. So, yeah, Kristen Becker will be on parts of the tour.

Hell yeah. And I can't fucking focus on that yet. So did you pull her away from JT's show? I'm not sure. She's also on the poster. In fact, if you want to pull up some more openers, we can grab the poster and take a look at it and just go down it. Just rat fuck them all

the way. Just cannibalizing the fucking... It's a coots term, rat fuck. I think I learned that at coots. Rat fuck them all. Here's that goddamn couch shitting cat oh i don't think we ever got done with that the cat that i'm uh watching for the summer and i taught how to use a cat door i thought that cat would know oh that means i shit outside now

no it uses a cat door to go outside, come back down, get treats, and shit on the couch. This basement is like a loft warehouse basement. Like, it's a big space. It's like a loft, a warehouse space, but it's downstairs. And there's a couch over there in the dark corner that no one ever goes to. And there's a couch over there in the dark corner that no one ever goes to. When it's a homestretch foundation during the season, September through May, is women cyclists.

And they take over this youth hostel. They'll be sitting in that couch wondering who farted. Yeah. I think it's funny that the cat, it'd be funny if the cat was actually going outside to shit And using the door And then bringing the poop back in And setting it over there like one at a time No were you

Chaley were you here the night That the cat grabbed a giant Rat And brought it through the door No it was a baby rabbit That's right And the cat is about four pounds. Yeah.

It was about the size of the cat. The rabbit. Yeah, the rabbit. They were equal size. Was it dead? Oh, yeah. But by the time Chuck got it out of the house. Our intern, when it found it, had to snatch it from it out of the house. Our intern, when it found it,

had to snatch it from the jaws of the cat. And it was dead when it came out. It was wiggling when it went in. And yeah, moon face. I think the cat just brought in the animal. Yeah. Well, I laughed at first. Maybe they're on a date. Yeah.

Well, it was funny at first until i realized i did she had gone through the cat door with what i thought was a rat and then i chuck went in to go deal with it and then he's like it's a baby bunny and then i went in to go be like oh well maybe we can save the baby bunny and as soon as i had that thought chuck comes out with just this broken neck dead bunny in his hands you can try and then chuck was like should i go throw it over the fence and we were like i guess he threw it in a traffic he did because because that back that back area that's tanky, really? Yeah. Yeah. You know how Catherine Bertine gets so excited when we're doing any kind of physical exertion, and she takes due credit for inspiring us to do so. Tonight we had a choice of do this podcast or go for the hour-long walk

it's an easy walk kind of it's it's pretty easy if you don't start bleeding yeah if you're not bleeding and wear a chuck chuck taylor and if I knew it wouldn't break her heart to cheat, I would say, like, at this time, this is when you do the walk. Tucson, we're always over 100 degrees in the summer. I would drive to halfway through the walk where she'd know, oh, they must really be doing the walk. If they're on that road, yeah, they're doing the walk where she'd know oh they must really be doing the walk if they're on that road yeah they're doing the walk

and just drive it and this takes a minute of video of us all like the whole gang of us walking oh he's inspired an entire town of Bisbee

the entire fun house is doing the walk and then we close He's inspired an entire town of Bisbee and the Dex Center podcast. The entire fun house is doing the walk. And then we closed the video on us jumping back into the sermon. But then she would think everything's bullshit. I think take it a step further and we should all just carry unplugged microphones like we're doing the podcast all along. I don't think she'd have a clue. like we're doing the podcast all along. I don't think she'd have a clue.

With all due respect, because one is going to be listening and one is present, but there's a lot of times that I... I bet that's Bertine. I bet that's her. She's listening. There's a lot of times... listening yeah there's a lot of times is it it was it was her yeah hang. Do, do, do, do. No, I should not do this.

No. I'll let her listen. There's a lot of times that Bertine is dumber than Bingo. Give her the mic. No, no. I just want to get the laugh. Bingo's laugh. No, no, I just want to get the laugh Bingo's laugh

There's a lot of times Bertine doesn't get my jokes at all Oh, yeah, I see that all the time Yeah, but where Bingo would explain it to Bertine And I don't I don't know if she'll take offense to it. But a lot of times I know Bertina is laughing and having no idea why. And did we talk about this already? It seems familiar.

No, no, no. Actually, that she actually understood. Where that tweet that came in. No, no, no. About actually that she actually understood where that tweet that came in. Oh, yeah. That you retweeted. You found some guy. Yeah, yeah. Somebody had tweeted.

I listen to a lot of podcasts, but none of them are. Or can somebody direct me to a podcast that is mainly led by women and has a woman's perspective? is mainly led by women and has a woman's perspective. So I retweeted it and said, have you checked out the Doug Stanley podcast recently? It's taken a different direction. We've been making some changes. But Bertine was so for that, for the right reasons. And I had to say, you know, Chad Chase said that fucky about like I'm becoming some fucking feminist social justice warrior. I'm not.

I was backing up the fact that a lot of people are genuinely concerned that this is the downfall of Stan. So I was doing something fucking different and new i'm having a summer vacation uh yeah i'm at summer camp i love it despite my uh incendiary tweets which the next one will be uh i have loaded up when i took a a picture inside the shitter uh with uh inspirational sayings all over the wall oh hang on one of the first things i did bingo will you since you don't have a mic uh go read uh aloud that when i moved in here that was the board for one of their cyclists who had that bed and her whiteboard. So if you read aloud

what the cyclist that we just actually watched win a fucking national championship. Yeah, she wrote that. What does it say? Meet yourself where you are today. Meet yourself where you are today

without judgment. Without judgment. And then I wrote underneath. Your dreams are impossible. You can't fail if you never try. Your dreams are impossible and you can't fail if you never try. So I'm writing demotivational shit underneath their motivational shit oh my god have you shown them the fucking your portrait oh no i was trying to yeah

all right she's had 53 people stay here home stretch foundation it's we've talked about it sure yeah it's it's like the fun house what we do for comics they do officially for broke cyclists generally ladies not injured yeah so the same way hey uh i broke comic i get a gig in austin i'm coming from LA. Can I crash at your place? Yes, you can. I mean, no, you can't. Hold on. We're not home. I mean, we're home. You better have some shit on fucking YouTube that I can prove you're a comic.

Hey, if Charlie can make it, anyone can make it. Where's fucking Charlie? He'll be back on the 14th. He's doing a... He's got conned into that fucking... He's doing Let's Make a Deal on the 14th. He's doing a... He's got conned into that fucking... He's doing Let's Make a Deal on the 13th. He knows the fucking racket, and he still is doing it. Guy's a good guy.

I like him. Even Hennigan likes him, and that's scary. I want to go the opposite direction. Don't trust that guy. Yeah, that makes... I liked him as well, but when you said that, now I suspicious i don't know what happened what did we miss yeah yeah uh jeff tate will be out next week no shit yeah i told him early when i first got here i go oh you're coming in july that'd be uh great because i'm working on a book. I'll be looking for any excuse to get out of it.

And then I haven't written shit. And now I'm going to have to blow off Jeff Tate and everyone else. You mean you found every excuse to get out of it? Oh, my God. I think Monday I might have to fucking make some serious changes and shut down all my social media. I don't know that's i think that's a good start that's solid doug well i get a twitter account i get i i yeah i got some i get some edibles and uh i think i might fuck with that but i have to be completely alone i try to do that but then even uh yeah it's if i'm completely alone i could fuck with edibles because i don't know i need something to fucking stoke it i don't know what

happened the last time you did edibles didn't you go to the market weren't you at the safeway oh yeah that was the first night here. Oh man. Oh. Scratch edibles. Yeah, that was I guess we talked about this evidently. The

bad Safeway. The dream Safeway. Dream Safeway. It was like my Safeway but it wasn't like my Safeway. Dream Safeway. Dream Safeway. Yeah. No, no, because I was... It was like my Safeway, but it wasn't like my Safeway. Yeah. No, I was with Bertine when you were on the phone with her trying to figure out something. I couldn't...

I was only hearing her end of the conversation, so I knew you were asking her questions like trying to figure out what you were trying to figure out until Bertine, in all her positivity said, no, no, no. The Gabby Gifford Safeway is on the other side of town. It was like you go to the producer, the meat department at the Safeway, and everyone looks like the Bisbee Safeway. I'm talking to Bingo.

But they're not. They're dour. It's like the butterfly effect. You know when he stepped on the butterfly to go back in time to fucking hunt dinosaurs? But he stepped on a butterfly and then comes back and then Hitler's president? Don't you remember that? Who's that? Heinlein?

Or who's that? I'm talking to Tracy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Chad Shank. You're not the only one who can connect with an intellectual. That's a call back to a different podcast. I don't know if Olivia Grace grace is uh road ready i'm sorry actually you you and becker both say

the same thing because you both chris and becker yeah she's fucking off so yeah but you both like four wall in your own shit yeah you're like wait we can actually go on the road and just sit in a car and have nothing to worry about other than doing our acts we don't have to control the no that's all chaley yeah there goes someone doing our laundry i put well i no i but that's the thing though about all this shit like i don't i'm what i'm happy to like help because i just like it's help because I'm not complaining about the way I've worked the road before on my own. It's just that it's such a relief to not worry about it and just worry about my act. And especially to worry about my act in front of objectively one of the best crowds to perform in front of, which is your fans. It's so cool. Sucking up already, huh?

I'm not sucking up. You ask any comic, who would you open for? Most comics would say I'd love to open for Doug Stanhope because your crowd is smart and they're not, it's not like a typical paper club crowd. I will jump on your bandwagon because we're talking about my crowd and not me. My crowd.

You suck. And they're good with that. They're fine with that. Hence the reason you want to perform for my crowd. You suck, but I loved it. Artie Lang, because not Artie, but morning show audiences like that's why bill burr had that spectacular the best video ever of a stand-up comic snatching victory from the jaws of defeat that fucking 11 more minutes fuck you you fucking worship fucking worship fucking Rocky. Philadelphia.

Yeah, that Philadelphia thing. And he said it took him years to overcome that or a long time. People would just try to heckle him to make him snap like that. It was kind of like Dave Chappelle with I'm rich, bitch, where he had to like, fuck this. bitch where he had to like fuck this i'm uh but yeah our audience is if you're our comics like like you do comedy that our audience would like i would not i agree with that olivia grace would be the same kind of comedy. They're not coming to your show and then getting a different kind of comedy opener

like they will get the same. Jeff Dunham. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Puppet Act. The same, yeah. A lot of them are not smart enough to understand Mishka or the Matoid. Where's music?

I don't get it. So, yeah, we... But that was a long time ago. It's kind, we... But that was a long time ago. It's kind of a... It's a fucking long time ago. It's kind of a curveball, too, because some of those... Back then, we were doing comedy shows, too,

in comedy rooms, and then people aren't used to it. They either come in there to see comedy or they come in there to see a hypnotist. Yeah, I think we could get away with a lot more. I have a bad frame of reference when it comes to timelines. that was 2007 that's 12 years ago it didn't work it would probably work fine now before before i met you i went to one

of your shows in tucson and you had neil hamburger on before you and that was one of the most hilarious things to be in the audience for because so many people just did not understand what the fuck was that they were getting outraged they're all mad that was that had to be the the benefit yeah yeah that was just before i met you oh i went to uh uh we've uh olivia and i have been hitting a lot of the thrift stores here in Tucson. And on Speedway, there's this magnificent, like, five thrift stores in a two-major block area, three-major block area. And one of them is the Humane Society. And that's who we were doing the benefit for as payback for my hernia surgery.

Barter. you know as payback for my hernia surgery barter and the i talked to hennigan about this where they were so for it until they found out who i was and what i did and they couldn't distance themselves and hennigan did due diligence research we were the biggest single donor that year to the humane society in tucson and they didn't even say a fucking word oh they still sent me the yeah hey please donate fucking bill burr when we did end of the world thing and i said hey me rogan and burr hey, me, Rogan, and Burr, we're going to donate all the proceeds from the gate to charity. So a third apiece.

So Bill Burr said St. what is it? St. Jude's? St. Jude's. And Hennegan, I mean, Rogan, I just sent him a check. But St. Jude's, because I had to send the check for Bill Burr, I get the fucking quarterly giant package of please. Yeah. Hey, don't forget about us. So we got that from Humane Society from that benefit show.

But not a fucking spokesperson came out. $17,000 we gave humane society so one of the thrift stores is the humane society thrift store and uh the the i i went there and the guy said would you want to round it up like it's nine dollars and 27 cents do you want to round it up to 10 to help humane society i go yeah he goes oh thank you very much i go thanks i uh i raised 17 000 for the hum ego is always in place say thank you say nice hair say i like your style say things positive i don't know if this i i give Valentina Restrepo a lot of the credit for starting my positive attitude. And I don't know how much of it was bolstered by Brody Stevens' death. But it's like it started a chain of things and Bertines and people that are happy.

And yeah, I've been fucking pretty happy for a goddamn long time. Not writing shit. Happy doesn't fucking pay the comedy bills. You don't fill a fucking comedy notebook of, hey, you know what's really happy? You know what's great? Hikes. I know. I know.

I don't know if I agree with that, though, because I've always like I've found that it's great hikes i don't know if i agree with that though because i've always like i've found that it's easier to write and do shit when i'm like somewhat okay like if i'm panicking and freaking out i don't get anything done you know what i mean yeah i'm not getting anything done either way but you're a kid i i don't know i just i don't think this i just i sometimes i get really annoyed at the whole like um like oh you're gonna be upset all the time if you want to be creative it's like well you just you just do it i just do it it's a grass it's a grass is always greener thing where now I can't wait to do standup. I have a notebook full of fucking ideas and I like,

Oh, I want to do that bit. No, I have to do this first and I don't want to do this and I don't see it. I do see it, but it's not fucking that. And as soon as I started back on the road i could do that book i could do that project it's not really a book it's a project but whatever it is do you think you have 45 minutes

yet yeah well that's why we start at the last place we played. All right, the last tour started, like the longest to go place. So if I do some bits that I didn't record, well, it's less likely they heard them. Yeah. But I have new shit. Yeah, we play shitholes that I don't care going back to going back to turner hall i can't figure it i'm almost at fucking 30 years so yeah i i don't give a fuck

if you heard it before you don't remember i don't remember if you remember you're sober and you should drink more i don't fucking know what i said but I know the new shit I want to say. It might stink. That's what happens in comedy is old people start to stink because they don't fucking remember anything and they don't know what's funny and they don't communicate with the fucking layman. And I don't know what your life is like.

And I don't care what, yeah, I'm just going to talk about what I want to talk about. And at some point, am I a relic yet? Yeah. Yeah. So just going to see me because I was once, once we were warriors. Is that a movie?

Yeah. It's fucking, it's a New Zealand. Your gimmick is that you're just still going oh shit maybe maybe this health maybe the health maybe the health exercise thing is working against me

I'm only selling tickets cause I might die soon scarcity sells tickets Hannigan would have seen through this he's been tweeting stockholm syndrome and the shining references i think he has the shiny thing was great that shining thing was hilarious i never I had to zoom in to make sure he was telling the truth. I never knew that shining picture was dated July 3rd. Oh, really?

Killer Termites Day. I did not celebrate that on Twitter as much as I should have. I'm not going to say that out loud because I don't want to jinx it I am canceling a lot of credit cards but we might have to take a sojourn out of this motherfucker

we have to find someone to take care of mother oh shit that's right as we've explained before I have early onset dementia mother can't you like seven dozen donuts and just leave them like yeah but i can do that with yeah but mother shits in the toilet and the cat shits on a couch i have to correct that

oh tracy said which one I don't know You're going to great lengths to avoid working Yeah but if you don't see it Takes one to know one I really have to do Twitch.tv slash

HD fatty. I'm doing less to work. I really need to trip. Taking minimum wage jobs away from local single mothers. I need to trip. I really need to trip

in a controlled environment because I haven't tripped in a while and I think I need to trip in a controlled environment because I haven't tripped in a while and I think I need to do that. I got you. I know a guy. I know. You guys all fucking trip

and I feel like a big bitch for not ever partaking, but I always feel like I have to do something or be the guy in control and I'm not in control I bought fucking three cars for no reason because they were orange and

fucking green that's a reason you traded an orange one in for an orange one and a red one in for a red one the green one is probably no reason that was a green too far. You thought it would look good next to the orange one. Bingo has the fucking turquoise.

God damn it. That's a good picture. Trying to match the yard? We're trying to make a rainbow out in front of the Van Dyke. We have Roy G. It's like a rainbow. How many bars of that can I torture before the...

I'm out. Oh, man. I love when Jenny just smiles. She just looks at me and just... You do have a really encouraging presence. Yeah. This is true without being sappppily annoying about it. That's true.

Yeah. Positivity annoys me, but she's really positive. I think there's some positivity. There's a lot of fake positivity that's really annoying. Well, she's second language positive. Well, it seems like that, but it's more of just like a fuck you i don't really care positivity like i'm positive i don't fuck about you yeah but there's like a creepy kind of positivity where like there's like a positivity where people are like pushing an agenda on you

and then you're like like that's not that's not are you talking about other people who've been on this podcast recently uh i'm just talking about the Christians. Jim and Tammy Faye Baker and all that. Yeah, that's kind of more what I'm referring to as culty positivity. Yeah, me too. I love whoever we're talking about. I just made it general

so people can wear the shoe if it fits. I'm just good at being dicky. I'm just going to be a dickie. I don't have to have a target. I also made it general in case I was wrong. I'd be defending you, but I'm eating a cherry, so I'm keeping the microphone away from my face while I chew. Wait. Now that Stanhope has assumed that we were talking about

a certain person i have a story that i would like to request you guys tell uh everybody else because i think i'm the only person here that's heard it our first anal that one everybody's heard i thought we didn't do that one didn't air oh well we did that me and you we did that on a soapbox down at pioneer square we. They posted it. There's no Pioneer Square. You guys told me a story at dinner last week or whenever about an experience with Bertine being positive in a funny manner. Oh, my God. I love this.

Okay. That's all I'll say. You tell it. Okay. So we were getting sushi Hold on does Duck you know what they're talking about We haven't told this on a podcast No we have not

We told it to her Cause she hadn't heard your version of this It was me and her at dinner Sashiko Sushi There's two branches but the one we go to Is at Speedway in Wilmot. Mm-hmm. And there's a lot of layers to this because I-

Ask for Gina. Ask for Gina. Gina's a great server. Well, Gina knows Peter. And, yeah, Catherine. And Catherine. Peter is Catherine Bertine's dad. Yeah.

PKB. Yeah, the Bertines are regulars there. We're losing the relatable part of the story guys they know well they know gina well that's why gina started talking to burtine towards the end of a dinner that was i have to interject gina is a and i won't i won't say elderly but a woman of a late age she's asian and the fact that her name is gina you picture like flo from alice no yeah she's she's asian but she she speaks good enough broken english it's but it is broken english and it was kind of like i would say it was an awkward dinner because i usually talk to you drunk and i always talk to my brother drunk, but I didn't grow up with my brother.

And then all of us are sitting sober together and it was just such an intense situation of just like people who are usually drunk. You took it that way. I took it that way because it was intense. Anyways, but that was one layer of it. Is this still the story? No, no, no.

It is still the story, but that's just one layer of it. And so Bertine was there trying to be kind of the positive person in the whole she's a game show host in every situation you need a game show host and uh from what do you do oh it's nice oh yeah so like is it salty there we're still using the microphone yeah that was an important beat though is the kind of just like the whole intensity leading up to this. And then Gina comes over and is telling Bertine this story

about how Gina had a cat that needed to be resuscitated, and Gina was telling Bertine in broken English. I do the chest squeezy, squeezy chest squababa. Breathing into its mouth. I breathe in the mouth. Graphic detail of cat CPR Gina was giving to Bertine. And then she goes, and then the cat just died. And it never, nothing worked.

And then Bertine just goes, at least you tried. And then there's more discourse. She goes, Gina goes back, I had to bury that thing. No, no, no. She goes, I'm never having a pet again.

No more pets. And Bertine goes, well, at least you learned something. She's trying to Vanna white. This whole discussion. So just to try to test the metal of Catherine Bertine's positivity to make her. She does have a bit of my punch of fucking screen where she gets angry when the the the uh the the uh ebay auction of the trike bingo's trike when it was fucking up and she was like fucking screaming at her computer because trying to get the auction up yeah the auction was all

fucking weird because it was her first eBay thing and then like at the last minute so yeah she had a bit of Stan Hope fucking anger she was about to smash a screen oh man when you get mad it's

kind of scary like at Sam Levitt's today watching you go to three different cocksucker i just i go maybe if you cocksuckers would fucking answer your phone i wouldn't have driven all the way here you fucking cocksuckers i tweeted that i said i said cocksucker so many times at three different Sam Levitt's today. It's a furniture store. Yeah, Sam Levitt's furniture. I think that's everywhere. Fucking Sam

Levitt's. It's some fucking garbage. And it wasn't for me. If it was for me, I wouldn't have had to go to any of the fucking things because I wouldn't go to a Sam Levitt's. This is for a 78-year-old fucking dementia patient who's Bertine's mother who thinks she's 77 because she doesn't remember

a year of her life and she saw these things in a fucking ad in the Arizona Daily fucking star and I go to one place and go well it's not a real Sam Levitz it says Sam Levitz on Google but you have to go to another one I go to another one and i need two of these chairs well we only have one so you're gonna go 20 miles fucking round trip still in fucking tucson and then wait 15 minutes for them to bring it out and then it comes out in a fucking crate meaning some assembly required thank you chad shank for assembling the parts I couldn't figure out. And while I get the dementia lady calling me, did you get the

chairs? They're wing chairs for my couch. And now, bingo, you're on the fucking hook for not only the yellow lace that it's going to adorn them. Don't worry, she'll forget. Fuck you, Sam Levitz.

If you do anything, I would appreciate everyone here would appreciate if you do the Patreon thing. I know it takes like a moment to figure out Patreon to fucking

send a fucking dollar a month or yeah, you do more than that. But a buck. But if you can't do that, just retweet me fucking with Sam Levitz.

They sell beige. That's what they sell. Beige. Garbage beige. They take what they sell. Beige. Garbage beige. They take out giant ads. They rip off the military with rent-to-own kind of situations. Yeah. Do you support the troops?

Well, then fuck with Sam Levitz. Fucking shit on their corpse. Oh, it was endless. Fuck. Really? I've already shit on you, and now you're fucking with me even more yeah fuck you Sam Levitz you goddamn

beige fucking fake suede like materials rent to own black lacquer furniture with the gold trim you're easy to put together chairs rent to own black lacquer furniture with the gold trim. Easy to put together chairs. Conveniently with a tool included.

I really, I did call that guy a cocksucker, but I came out to you. I was smoking. She was outside smoking. I was afraid of what you were going to say. And I didn't want to step in You didn't know Please don't yell at the customer service people No you didn't know

That was the first one You were outside smoking And I went out and I said to you You missed it I just called that guy a cocksucker I go Maybe it would help If you cocksuckers would answer your fucking votes

No no no you're right At that point At that point I I was just smoking. I will back up and apologize because that guy was a bad, too-paid man of a certain persuasion sexually and an old man that was definitely gay. So when I said cock sucker, I'm like,

oh, jeez, I hope that doesn't come across. Does cock sucker fit into the new realm of... I don't care. said cocksucker i'm like oh geez i hope that doesn't come across like does cocksucker fit into the new realm of i don't care it's they them or cocksucker you used it as an insult which means that sucking cock is a negative thing so definitely you are part of uh what are you oh let's see let's bring this i'm not keeping track let's bring this one of those let's bring this up because when louis i don't know if it's lewis or louis gomez oh yeah allegedly lewis lewis yeah sucked uh oh i i thought that was a joke that's a deal it was a joke but i didn't know it and i but fortunately the tweet i wrote was not pro or against fakery i said let's take a moment to pay homage to the comics who allowed broke the doors down to allow people to do this kind of material

lewis j gomez was blowing bobby kelly on stage in a live podcast skank fest wasn't it i don't know i think because i think it was afterwards that was an older video from a while back but what he's been the reason why that came up was because louis ck was just at skank fest so that's right yeah louis louis jay gomez is the one who put that on from what i understand he's the one who brought out media yeah i started following him i like that dude he fucking cracks me up yeah he's always on uh the uh bonfire too with big jay and uh yeah i'm a fan yeah Yeah, I saw that. I was a little pickled in the middle of the night.

And I went, fuck. I just got naked on stage in the day. And that was groundbreaking. I would have sucked a dick to be first. And now it's still open. Yeah, I'll suck a dick. Well, you almost did. James Inman on the stage in Panamint.

Oh, yeah, that's Panamint. It has to be a public stage. What was the song? Was it Bama Lama or something? What was that song you loved? Oh, Black Betty, Bama Lama. No, no, no, it was the other one. Wama Jama.

It was Wama Jama. Wait, you don't know that song. What? Oh, we're going to close on that song. No, we, no. It was the other one. Whamma Jamma. It was Whamma Jamma. Wait, you don't know that song. What? Oh, we're going to close on that song. No, we're not. We can't take a chance. We'll turn it off. Look up Whamma Jamma on...

A few bars. Boop-a-doo! But remember, you were singing that song early in the morning and you were still up and James Inman was there and you were on your knees. You were trying to pull his pants open to suck his dick while you were singing along to Wham-A-Jamma that we were playing

on the PA. There's no lyrics to Wham-A-Jamma. It's a harmonica song. Yeah, I would have blown him to Wham-A-Jamma but I wouldn't be singing lyrics because that would ruin a blowjob. It's the beginning of it. I will blow

Jay Giles is talking. Wham-'s the beginning. The beginning of it. Fuck. I will blow. I will blow. Jay Giles is talking. Wait a minute, Jay, let me hear you. Yeah, I'll blow James Inman on stage. If you're a Patreon subscriber. Asterisk. Must get permission from James but didn't you find out that that video of Bobby Kelly

that's not really his dick yeah no it's a fucking dildo but I believed it when I saw it that made me hate it even more at first I hated it because oh I would have sucked a dick on stage like who cares wait this is getting traction and then they faked it.

I think the fact that he was so good at sucking the dick is overlooked by the fact that it was not a real dick. I think the fact that that's what we should be focusing on. That was a good blowjob. I know. He was wicked into it. I wish I had smaller teeth so I could suck a dick that well. I'd probably suck more cock if I had shorter teeth.

I don't want to go to some orthodontist to say, hey, can you make these more cocksucker friendly? It's all relative. You just need to suck bigger cock. That's all there is to it. However you pay the rent. They're going to look a lot smaller. It's a matter of relativity, Doug.

Little pieces of rice in his mouth. Picking a big enough cock. Small teeth bother the shit out of me. Wait, are you talking about it? No, I'm talking about how when I see small teeth in someone's mouth, I hate them. Bean-toothed man. small teeth in someone's mouth, I hate them. Bean-toothed man.

I like it whenever people start talking about how physical features make them hate people because then it makes me just wonder what about me makes people hate me. What about me? Which part of my ugliness is the most offensive? Hey, let's all smoke cigarettes in Catherine Bertine's house.

Katie, Kathy, Kate, however you call her. Just call her while she's off the grid because you'll never get through to her. Home Stretch Foundation. Eventually, ladies are going to become, hey, you know what you're going to do? Huh? As an opener As a freshman You're going to mop the fucking floor Because Bertine

Passive aggressively said You know what Because of these floors What people don't notice And she wiped the floor with a paper towel And showed the dirt And last time, you were here for a couple days. You

fucking cleaned up everything and did laundry and it was nice. And now you're going to have to... I had the mop over there and I said, do you have a mop and a bucket? And then I waited for you to show up. I just do it because it's a nice thing to do, but now that you made it a chore, I don't want to fucking do it anymore.

You asshole. Now you're mentioning it in a demeaning way. It's like, hey, now that you made it a chore, I don't want to fucking do it anymore. You asshole. Now you're mentioning it in a demeaning way. It's like, hey, now that you're opening for me, will you do the thing that you would have already done? Alright. Guess I have to pay the rent. You gonna say thank you for that? Yeah, Jim, Tim,

you sent a thing. I told you not to send it because it's dumb, but yeah, the Jeffrey Dahmer guy sent the Tim thing. But I appreciate what you do. But yeah. Well, that was a shitty thank you. All right, well, you make it good. Get what you pay for.

Hey, the guy who sent me the Jackalope, thank you so much from Wall, South Dakota. I guess it's from a drugstore out there. Yeah. Wall Drug. Yeah, Wall Drug. Come on.'s from a drugstore out there. Yeah. Wall Drug. Yeah, Wall Drug. Come on. Yeah, I don't know.

Chaley. Hey, South Dakota, why don't you find a fucking good gig for us? Because I love South Dakota a lot. And I would play South Dakota and then Chaley would learn what Wall Drug is. It's the drugstore. The thing, if you go I-10

or what's the other one? Roadside attraction. Yeah, it's a roadside. It's a dumb fucking thing, but South Dakota. Was it in a movie or something? Why is it a thing? I felt like I was supposed to know that. I might be even dumber than Jalen.

You haven't lived on the road out of your car for 30 years? What are you, stupid? I want to say congratulations to Matt, Moturn Media. He's written his 20,000th song. Yep. Wow. Chad Shank, everyone but me and Chaley and Olivia Grace, Me and Chaley and Olivia Grace, all the fucking kids will be at JT Habersat's Punk Altercation Festival.

September 25th through the 28th in Austin, Texas. And I really, honestly, as much as I love to break Mishka and JT's hearts, I really wanted to be there. JT's hearts. I really wanted to be there, but you guys are going anyway. Chad Shank, Andy, the whole fucking crew without the fucking boring people will be there. It's like if North Korea

took a trip without Kim Jong-un. We're all... Alright. Thank you guys for listening and supporting this podcast. Should we do NPR kind of? We're doing a... A drive. A pledge drive for the Doug Stano podcast.

A lot of people count on this. Olivia Grace has to have her head shaved tomorrow. Who's going to pay for it? Me? Cost cutters? No, you faggots. I'm going to stop saying faggots all the time. If you use they.

I already talked about I wish I had smaller teeth so I could suck conks. So I think it earns me a faggot one faggot so you could suck more cocks I said more cocks I wish I could be a Louie J Gomez yeah Louie Gomez sucks a fucking cock so well

no yeah I agree when I watched that video, I was like, I don't even know who I want to be in this scenario. Yeah, you want to be a no-hitter? I want to pitch a perfect game. Good night. Click. Did you hang up?

No, I just said click. She just does 911, Bisbee. What's your complaint? I get you, but they're all in past tense, so that won't work. It's not the caller. I have her say, I'm sorry, that doesn't make sense. It's all in past tense. Alright, I like that.

Wow, way to 180 that. Jesus Christ. Wow. Way to 180 that. Jesus Christ. All right. We bow to your superior fucking comedic ability, you show off. Look. Chad, look. He can write. I'm so drunk, too.

Oh, fuck. All right. We're going to record now. I'm so drunk too oh fuck alright we're gonna record now recording now I recorded that too though that was very funny we do a blooper reel you want me to set it up oh yeah

you're the set up guy what are you doing hey Doug why do we turn the mics on Yeah, you're the setup guy. What are you doing? Hey, Doug, why do we turn the mics on? Well, our newest cast member, Olivia Grace. What? We're doing a police beat. I know.

She's doing 9-11. I mean, 9-1-1. Why would you ever? I don't know. What is that... Stefan has intro'd every single fucking part of this podcast with our newest cast member, Olivia Gray. Which I never thought of

you or I as cast members. It's a thing that Doug came up with. Now I'm feeling self-conscious about where I am in this cast. It's like soccer for kids. Everyone gets a fucking trophy. Listen, Olivia. Honestly. You are part of the group.

We don't need to punch you in or stomp your face. You are fucking funny and we love you and you're part of it. You just always are insecure. Yes, that's a huge problem in my life. Yeah, but that's a fucking. She's going to be. She's been on like 18 podcasts and she's going to be on the next 18. I think while we're on the road,

we should kill her, but she also, because you don't pay her shit for being on the road. She also has to be a nine one one operator. And now we're going to do the police beat with Chad Shank and we're going to I'm just happy to be here guys. You can't say that

as a 911 operator. Olivia, don't talk while Doug is ruining the punchline. That's key to that. Hey Doug, why don't you just introduce the podcast should i just read it now police beat hold on chad he'll get it he'll get it all right let's uh let's hit the do you want to tag this oh do you want to record it go all right here's the police beat with Chad Shank, our in-the-field, on-the-field reporter.

God damn it. I was so much better when I was cycling and doing yoga and push-ups and swimming. A caller reported hearing an animal or person making a weird sound at a nearby house. Is that when I'm supposed to say something? Yeah, somebody is. Let's start over. Let's start over. Let's start over.

You're an 911 operator. No, I fixed that. I'm helping. I don't think that happened. I think Chaley will have to read this. Yeah, this is going to be crazy. All right. Just let's get a clean drop of Olivia Gray saying,

Hi, this is Olivia Grace as seen on the roast battle from Comedy Central 911. I feel like this is all my fault because you worked so hard to try to make me feel not insecure. That's the Reddit thread. No, it should be 911, what's your... What do they say? What's your emergency?

911, what's your emergency? Got it. Can you hold that for me? Wait a minute. I think it should be like, BSB police, what's your emergency? Shut up, Kenny. Fuck the cops, Kenny's here. Hey,

Doug, intro it again, and then we go right to Olivia, and then Chad, you read the thing. I'm on it. And then you bust her out on like... I got it. Okay. All right. All right.

Here's Chad with the police beat. 911 Bisbee, what's your emergency? A caller reported hearing an animal or person making a weird sound at a nearby house. I'm sorry, that was all in the past tense. Can you... I don't... I don't make it up, lady. I just read it.

It's a newspaper! Everything's past tense! Did this happen recently or is this in your near future A woman said a cat in her yard Was acting very strangely And un-cat like And growling at her dogs

We need help out here please Like today or when this happened I'm not sure you understand A caller reported that a couple At the park in Warren when this happened. I'm not sure you understand. A caller reported that a couple at the park in Warren were behaving erratically and appeared to be intoxicated or on drugs. Please, can you send out some units immediately? No, I understand that you want it immediately,

but did this happen recently? Is that maybe why it's in the paper? I'm not understanding. A man complained that his neighbor's large brown and white dog continually wanders without supervision and poops on his driveway. The incident report notes that the owner of the dog refused to speak to the K-9-1 officer. Are you understanding what I'm trying to tell you

in these reports, ma'am? I'm sorry. I'm the supervisor and I'm... Are these actual reports in the Bisbee Observer place beat? Thank God I have a supervisor,

sir. I was introduced as being in the field. I'm sorry. You're being transferred back to the operator. Oh, fuck you, you fucking cunt. A county employee reported having video of an older white male climbing up a radio tower and taking an antenna. Was he good looking? The antenna? Well, that would be part of him.

A man called from Burger King to ask for help getting his gun back from his wife. He said they were ending their relationship, but she was refusing to help getting his gun back from his wife. He said they were ending their relationship, but she was refusing to give him his gun. You can just go get another gun, alright? He can't get another wife.

And finally, a security officer at Tintown asked for assistance with a trespasser in a pitched tent. There's a joke. No, a pitched tent is a dick joke thing. You come on. First time new cast member.

A pitched tent is an easy dick joke. Yeah, it's why you call the not easy route. And you go with a pitch tent is an easy dick joke. Yeah. It's why you call the not easy route and you go with a collapse. You play dumb and you go, I don't, you've never given anyone a boner. And that's why you work for nine one one. And I'm out of this fucking podcast. It's the law. I've done this whole'm done. I'm out. This whole podcast stunk.

Everyone stinks. I hate it. I'm leaving. Cocktails. Cocktails. I want cocktails from a distance.