The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#339: Stanhope Ghosts the Haunted House

Episode Date: November 6, 2019

Why did Doug bail out of Bisbee on Halloween? He has plenty of questions for Hennigan, Chad and Chaille about what he missed.Recorded Nov. 5th, 2019 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Brian Hennigan (@MrHennigan), Chad Shank, (@HDFatty), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.Doug's last DVD, “No Place Like Home,” is now available on Amazon Prime - https://amzn.to/35ila3g2020 Tour Dates are made available first to members of the Doug Stanhope Mailing List. Join today at https://www.dougstanhope.com/Support the podcast through our Patreon page at https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast. New subscribers will automatically have access to a Bonus episode every month plus access to all past BONUS episodes. Any level of support is appreciated. Thanks in again as your subscription helps keep this podcast going. Patreon page (https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast) - (https://www.patreon.com/stanhopepodcast).This episode is sponsored by UnTuckIT.com - UNTUCKit: the original button-down shirt actually designed to be worn untucked.Visit UNTUCKIT.com and use code STANHOPE for 20% off at checkout.The ISSUES WITH ANDY Podcast with Andy Andrist, Brett Erickson, Chad Shank and Chaille - New episode every Friday and only available on YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCHhpCYwNEGcS_DA7VjG4DwLINKS -HomeStretch Foundation - https://www.homestretchfoundation.org/We like what they are doing over at http://www.FIRRP.org (http://www.firrp.org/) - Check it outSupport the Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.org (http://www.innocenceproject.org/)Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast dad you're going out of here smelling like smoke this is podcast time we just did uh over an hour with Bingo's parents. I kind of tricked them into Connie Chung This is off the record. Chris Hansen Have a seat there. No, no, sit down.

Just have a seat. You brought sandwiches? You like Mike's hard lemonade? For the Audible book, they're in town, so I thought, why not take advantage of this to do the podcast out like we do with all the Audible books with the parents about the coma. And I told him, no, we're just going to just talk into the mics anyway. This is for my own records because I'm writing this, which is true.

But yeah, that worked out well. But I didn't smoke the entire time. It is brutal. Now, Dad's hanging around for some of the podcast, at least. Until he gets smoked out. Or he's tired of eating the Halloween candy. I ate all your podcasts. You're done.

I'm done. I'm done. Chaley, what's the biggest seller at your haunted house for candy? We limited it to 50 full-size bars this year, and then Tracy

over the radio, out of the 50 bars, there's Snicker bars. It feels like everyone knew when that happened. And we had it open? No, no one had it open. But yeah. I didn't know. I could tell when that happened that, like, gauging how many kids were coming through.

What do you have left over the most? It's right over there in that bag behind. What's getting relegated next season? They don't get a choice. If you get a Skittles next year, it's probably not fresh. Technically, it'll probably be just a Skittle next year. A big round one.

A big hard block inside the bag. There are a lot of starbursts. Yeah, that's true too. Brian Hennigan, Chad Shank, Greg Chaley, Dad in the background tracy on the bar which podcast is this i don't know we're not on camera are we no no no it doesn't matter i missed everything i missed your haunted house i missed more andy andrews i heard he was just kind of subtle this this. He was kind of like Bigfoot.

You'd see him scull. You know that classic picture of Bigfoot? You'd just catch him in the yard. Walking away. Walking away. It was way more subdued. Although I did, whenever I got busy, as soon as we started doing the hunt,

and I told him, I go, hey, I have some weed and a grinder and some cones. I said, and him and Kenny were there. And I said, if you, in my jacket here, if you guys want to pack a couple of cones, you know, for down here. And okay. And they grabbed my jacket and came up to the fun house. And then about an hour and a half later, I had to send my wife. I go, go up there and tell them, just say,

Chad said that when he told you to roll cones, he meant to bring them the fuck back down here. And Andy sure enough showed up going, I didn't know. We were just up there smoking them. I didn't know you wanted some. Of your weed. So he was still Andy. Just a more subdued level.

For dad, a cone is, have you ever had a hand roll at sushi? It's a joint that looks like that. Oh, really? Well, the paper is rolled already and you just kind of spoon in the ground weed. And I don't know why a non-pot

smoker, oh, like that thing that Tracy's holding for the audio podcast. All right. All right. Andy, though, takes it. He used up about nine cones worth, and Andy used it up on three cones because he's used to stealing them, not making them. So he packs them in there like he's fucking packing a musket.

You can't even. They don't even stay lit. You have to light them yourself every single time trying to suck air through them fucking me i gave him shit about it so i don't feel bad giving him shit when he's not here andrew picked him up i guess at the airport and said, yeah, I don't know what he was on that he stole, but it was working because he was listening to me. Said that didn't last very long. Oh, Andy. I got to hang out with him again. We had a dark night over at Joby's house the other night.

Yeah. What do you mean? Was the power out? No,'s house the other night. Yeah. What do you mean? Was the power out? No, dart. Oh, dart. Dart, dart. Dart. A dart night.

We've started our own little dart league here amongst the people without anything better to do. So as if things weren't miserable enough, you're not pretending to be British. Actually, you're not even at all far off, because while we were playing with Joby the last time, I was like, fat British guy, fat British guy. Because I've been watching YouTube videos about who's good at darts,

and it's all fat British guys, so I pretend I'm a fat British guy. So you're absolutely right, Brad. Oh, they watch that on TV in bars that have darts and they'll be in a pub and they're watching darts next to the dart board but they're not who played darts first like who started it joey started talking about it with uh fury and mike we were all in on like a group text what's all your twitch uh everyone on the twitch the twitch thing on like a group text. What's all your Twitch? Everyone who's on the Twitch feed. The Twitch thing. I have a group text for that.

I have more group texts than I ever fucking imagined I would have in my life. It's weird how our minds work because when you asked who started it, my head was going, must have been the Romans. I thought the same thing, but I didn't go to the Romans. You were thinking of the more interesting answer. And I went for the one I knew. Has there ever been an alternative

answer? Was it the Romans or Jason Fury? Well, well, well, Joby went ahead and built himself this like jagged edged badass looking backboard for the darts with a little shelf for your darts and stuff. And then he built one for each one of us.

Oh, my God. So we each have the exact same dart backboard. And so far, we've gone over to Joby's for darts. We've gone to Fury's. And we've had them over to my house. Oh, that was smart. He made it for everyone, it's not it's not always his house yeah yeah that's kind of what i thought too it's been a really a productive thing though because it's a lot of us it's it's uh we we're all shut-ins and we don't have people over at all and so then we don't do any of the shit

that normal people do for like maintenance because we don't care because we just learn to live with it like when we went to furious he was like man i'm glad you guys came over my uh uh toilet has been running for like three months and i didn't even you know bother to fix it because by the time i come back in there i just you know it's already full again i don't have to worry about it. But I fixed my toilet. And Jenny made me paint the kitchen, the dining room area, before I put the dart board up. And Mike is getting stuff.

And I'm like, look, it's a positive effect from our dart. Who's Mike? You had a prisoner Mike. Prisoner Mike. Yeah. And you haven't been out there yet, right? We're going out there this weekend. Yeah, they're off grid. He lives off-grid.

When he came in, he was like, our whole house is like the size of your guys' living room. So we're all going to... I'm the smallest one. Well, Mike's the smallest one. But Joby and Fury are both bigger than I am. And so we're all just going to be crammed in. Do they have a big tree?

You can lean the dartboard up against the tree yeah be nice how far away is this place uh not far just outside bisbee all right he's in the mule mountains right uh yeah like how you go by the cemetery up in the mountains back in there yeah oh that's closer than i thought yeah just past the other piece of mountains or Chiricahuas or mules. What are the mountains you can see when you're driving on the I-10 and you're going west? Beats me. That's the Whetstone. I think it's Whetstone.

Isn't that before you get to the... After you get to the 10, the ones on your left, those should be the Whetstone. And then the ones on the right, isn't that where Mount Lemmon is? No, Mount Lemmon's Tucson. Oh, that's closer out there. Yeah, there's some on the mountain. Yeah, I don't remember.

Mount Lemmon is fucking incredible. Yeah. I couldn't believe that that's right there. Yeah. Did you go up to the observatory? I went to the top of the little town there. Was there a telescope? I had some breakfast. The ski resort.

They had eggs. Yeah, there's a ski resort up there. Yeah. It was summer, so I didn't do that. I wouldn't have done that anyway. But yeah, it's just some of the shit that's right on the outskirts of Tucson. That Sabino Canyon and all that. Nope.

It's fucking crazy that it exists. Well, Tanky Verde, my cousin who lives up in Scottsdale, he was talking about, I told him that we all went to Tanky Verde that one time we did the podcast. He's like, oh, did you do the hike? I'm like, well, no, we don't do anything when we go somewhere. We find the closest bar or we bring it in the room with us. But he said that's a great place to hike when it's a little cooler not in the dead of summer like well that's

why we got to go there yeah that's why i looked at the wintertime rates there we're not going there oh you're talking about the ranch okay yeah yeah yeah he told me that uh take that hike up near the waterfall and all that stuff and i'm like I don't know what you're talking about. Maybe sometime. I told you I checked out the guided fishing that they had there. I didn't go to the guy. I didn't do the guided fishing. And they've got like a huge ranch.

And it's on the edge of Saguaro National Forest. And then they've got a lot of uh horses you can there's rides throughout the day there's all these activities to do and we went in the dead of summer so it's like 115 degrees and and i looked i'm like oh wow look there's a you can go fishing and then we left after one night after we did the podcast all hung over and then chad stayed for an extra day. And you looked into going fishing as an activity. It was so nice there that I brought Jenny up there.

Because, like I said, the dude ranch is 115 degrees. You could go to this pool or that pool and nobody else was there. So we really liked it. But we hiked over there. We walked all over the place. And we went down to the fishing pond. It's a fucking sewage treatment pond. It's got the aerators blowing.

It smells like shit. I was like, who is fishing here? Fucking tourists. The local youth, I imagine. Tourists pay good money to get taken fishing in the shit pond. When I was taking care of D-Bertine, the dementia lady,

Dementia Bertine? Yeah. D-Bertine. She lives in this gated community and they have, it's called like the lakes or something, whatever it's called, crossroads at the lakes.

But they have all these little ponds that are blue like sani flush. And I was at this Mexican place eating food at the bar, and the bartender was talking to another guy saying the same place. He goes, yeah, I went fishing last night. And he's showing this guy pictures of fish he caught. And go did you say the whatever crossroads at the lakes and he goes yeah look at then he's showing me the pictures i go there's fish in those things they look like like decorative small yeah all of them are stocked with fish blue toilet water it's like the water at Disney World. They color it so it looks like you're in the Bahamas.

They use the Tidy Bowl man for bait. A bobber. That's a fucking old joke right there. That's an old reference. The fish aren't being caught. They're hanging themselves. They're like... They're just trying to get air yeah is there air out there oh shit oh people in the city think weird things are uh country i guess or worth spending money on. He had the same kind of situation I picked up from the other conversation

where he was taking care of someone's friend's grandmother or something. And so I said, yeah, I'm doing the same thing. And he just didn't give a fuck that we had a similar story. Just, yeah, fish. You like the fish. He must have been in way deeper than you. He thought he had a backstage pass to fucking blue water fishing because he took care of his friend's grandfather.

Oh, shoot. Let's take a quick break and plug some shit that you're you're gonna love it i also learned i can i can stand there and flex my muscles for an hour but if i don't pull my dick out i'm not getting a hundred dollars in a ride to the airport so that's exactly the experience i've had in comedy a lot of times hey everybody it's me brett erickson from the issues with andy podcast uh we love you killer termites and we hope you'll tune in and check us every friday issues with andy on youtube yeah okay it's it's a it's not a podcast right isn't it a vod podcast you're right for once andy you're

right it's a vodcast which means it's a podcast fueled by vodka oh oh shit i was drinking cola i fucked up and the v could also stand for video because it's a video podcast that's it as always i'm right and chad shank is writer or more right to be correctly incorrect something if you love the shit you're getting here on the doug stanhope podcast get more shit with us on Issues with Andy on YouTube every Friday. You keep listening and watching or however you do it and we'll keep shitting.

We'll keep shitting content. And not shit. We'll polish it up and call it a turd. You can shit on it if you hate it. Thanks for watching and shit all right thanks guys the microphone and the microphone

untuck it that's right i am the king of the untucked shirt my suits are perfect wearing an untucked shirt my father-in-law is here with me ron you're a guy with a gut hell yeah tuck your shirt in you're 70 something how old are you 71 71 years old it Yeah. It's unbelievable. Yeah. You look younger than me and that hurts. Do you get a gut? Do you, you don't tuck shirts in? Hell no. No.

Untuckit.com has shirts that are meant to be worn untucked. That's how they style them. They don't go down to your, your knees when you untuck them. What I say in Ron is untuck it. They fall to the you untuck them. What I'm saying, Ron, is untuck it. They fall to the perfect untucked length. And with the holidays near, there's no better gift for your favorite guy who needs an upgrade. You ever see an untucked button down?

Yeah, it looks like shit. Not with untuck it. Untuck it plans for you this is not mad men years where everyone is five foot seven with a svelte body even though they just eat butter and cheese all the time it doesn't make sense yeah you look like shit with a tucked in shirt and you look like you take yourself way too fucking serious get untucket shirts they hang the right way and they give you this air of i don't give a fuck that's what untucket is all about i don't give a fuck i know what i'm selling here i'm the untucket master it looks looks good. It feels good.

Well, Doug, hey, part of that is because there's more than 50 fit combinations. Untucket shirts look great on tall, short, slim, and athletic guys of all ages and sizes. And women. What's hotter than a woman wearing the shirt that she found in your closet after a one-night stand and she's wearing that like fucking Tom Cruise and risky business sliding across the floor, but it's a chick. The difference with an Untuck It shirt, you can see her beaver.

That's right. Fuck the ad copy. I'm going from the heart. Hey, Doug, you know, you can find your favorite Untucked style online or you can check it out in over 80 brick-and-mortar stores. They have brick-and-mortar stores? Brick-and-mortar!

Brick-and-mortar! Untucked shirts never look baggy, bulgy, too long, or too big. Never look sloppy again. So whether you're shopping for the perfect holiday gift or just trying to craft a smart, relaxed style of your own, Untuck It is the way to go visit untuckit.com and use stanhope for 20 off at checkout that's untuckit.com and promo code stanhope for 20 off all right we're back What do you got your tablet out for, Brian?

It's just there in case. No, no, I meant your moleskin. Oh, right. Again, the same reason I have my actual tablet, just in case. Well, yeah, but you have it like you have notes and you're going to tell us fantastic stories, but you're open to a blank page like you're going to take dictation. He's waiting for us to tell him fantastic stories.

It's my tabla rasa. I'm waiting to hear what the fuck I missed when I had to duck out. After the Andy weekend, I got to write. And even with the new edition, yeah, I could hide away from it. But you can't. You can't. Well, for you, I think it was more that you needed to reset this is my opinion that you needed a reset in that you needed to be alone to figure out what

you were going to do because you you have you've got two months to write the book yeah that you want because i mean you've got sprinkled in there some dates go to dougstandup.com tour dates yeah hawaii and vegas but you know we got baltimore we got baltimore up and seattle and boston so you can get all those dates so but i mean you've got a couple dates sprinkled in there and there's some 2020 dates and i figured i felt bad because i'm like what the fuck we just get off the road and then he leaves fuck the haunted house. Let's not do this anymore. If you're going to leave.

No, no. This is what I wanted to say. It's not just about not being around people, especially that many people, especially some of those people. It's about being away from your shit. Yeah. Because I did, even though I wasn't writing when I was in Tucson for the summer, I gave up, but I still had all the time in the world

because there was none of my shit around. I was doing all sorts of fucking dumb things because I'm never bored at home. There's always something that needs to be folded, moved, put away, hung up. There's always a project. No, not in a fucking Best Western. I smoked like a motherfucker in there. I go, I'm here for six days.

If they just charge me the $250, I'm happy. I'm smoking. I'm writing. None of that shit is mine. I'll pay the $250, but bear in mind, I only smoked the last day. So it's only one charge of $250. I went to a movie yeah i saw the joker at a whoa without me

brian's writing it down it's all a movie you went to a movie theater i went to a movie theater and watched a movie without leaving to smoke and the joker or joker smokes all the fucking time 18 episodes i started counting after three of gratuitous deep penetration smoking in front of your fucking face 18 scenes not just 18 shots 18 scenes where he's just smoking and crack. It was like the Roadhouse Cinema where they have a full menu and the reclining chairs like we had the neighbor Dave chair. Those chairs sit back table in front of you. They cut me off. I get cut off after my fifth drink.

I assume you bought out the whole theater so no one could bother you. How did they break that to you? Well, I got nachos and a double margarita. And then a ding halfway through, I got another double margarita. And then the third time I asked for one, she went and she came back and said, is it okay if there's just one shot?

They must have a five-shot rule. What kind of fucking amateurs? But it's not a long movie. I thought it was going to be one of those three-hour fucking epic things. I like thinking about the behind-the-scenes conversation to cut you off because the rest of the country was all nervous that it was violent. People were going to shoot up the theaters. We have a man who's getting really drunk.

That just means they need to raise their prices on liquor. I mean, to make it more uncomfortable to buy five shots within a two-hour period. Yeah, the rest of us smuggle our own shit in. I wasn't upset. That's funny. Did you enjoy the Joker? I actually did. I don't want. I was funny. Did you enjoy the Joker? I actually did. The only I don't want to spoiler alert.

No. Yeah. The one he's finally gets on the show. Yes. All right. That's so implausible. Yes, indeed. Yeah.

If that was morning radio. Yeah. They would have strung that out. Yeah. Milk the crazy. But no not not the tonight show what was the last movie you saw dug in the theater the last movie i saw was uh when brendan walsh was uh he had rented the uh pt cruiser in uh louisville kentucky we did the week

and he i remember him pulling up in it saying i I feel like a gay Dick Tracy in this car. And it was Jackass 2. Look up. What year was that? Jackass 2. Oh, shit. That's a long time ago. Bingo was there.

So it was probably 2005 or 2006. So it's probably been 13, 14 years since I went to a movie theater. Was it 2 or 3? I think it's 2008. 2006. Boom. God damn it. Got it. Fuck three? I think it's 2008. 2006. Boom. God damn it. Got it. Thank you, Anakin.

Yeah, no, that was bald bingo and Brett Clausen was alive. That was you doing a week. Yeah, that was me doing a week. Isn't Brett Clausen still alive? No, Brett Clausen died right after that week. Who's with me?

We were still on the road. He jumped off a bridge. Oh. Who's the first? Remember the first Death Valley party? There was two Bretts. Brett Allen. Oh, Brett Allen.

Sorry, I'm confused. No one knows what became of him. Oh, he's living in Minneapolis. Probably jumped off a bridge. But no, no, no one cared. Oh, well, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Do you think you'll go to the cinema again? I would go to a roadhouse.

Wait, were you on your own? Yeah. Right, you sat there. Yeah. Okay. No, that's how I like to go to the cinema, when there's no one else there and you're on your own. Oh, it was there.

I wouldn't go to a first run. It was early. So, yeah oh it was there i wouldn't go to a first run it was early so yeah it was pretty uh pretty empty okay i once went to the cinema with lynn shawcroft oh my god oh shit and are you still banned from there no black people complained about her no no no but she did storm her and we had a falling out in the cinema. Because it was like a pantomimic sort of, well, who's that guy? Where did he come from? And I was like, shut up. Wait, about the I.S. members?

No, the main point was this. At some point, Lynn asked a question too far, and I went, shh. And there was this deafening silence that lasted till the end of the movie, sitting right next to me. And then she let me have it outside. We're friends now.

This is a long time ago. I can't even remember what the movie was. That's how traumatized I was. And also, I remember we looked at suitcases in Ross Dress for Less beforehand, and I was trying to show her the intricacies of certain suitcases. And she was thinking, shhh. She'll just get the pink one. Shh. Yeah, that's the Ross Dress for Less weak spot.

Oh, wow. Colorful luggage. Really? That's where I get that Wicked Light one. Yeah. The ultralight. I think we're going to make it last, the merch bag from the last six weeks. I think we're going to plug through for the Florida dates with it

and then abandon it in Florida like you do grandparents. He's in the room. Actually, he has no grandkids. Dad has no grandkids. Dad has no grandkids. All the daughters are barren. Wow. Yep. Good for you, sir.

Congratulations. Chad's making up for you, Ron. How many grandkids do you have, Chad? Technically? Legally. Legally, three at the moment. Four. three at the moment four four at the moment i heard you on your twitch tonight uh talking about uh whatever you were talking about you said i don't know if i've already said this i'm on so many

platforms now chad shank's on the twitch he's on the Twitch. He's on the Andy. That's my running joke now is I used to know exactly when I spoke to another person and now I'm on Twitch. I'm on the Issues with Andy. I'm on the Doug Stanhope podcast. When I leave here,

I have to go to Dart Night. I'm in demand. You're the Kathy Griffin of obscurity. Listen. I'm in demand. You're the Kathy Griffin of obscurity. Listen.

That was probably funny 10 years ago. I don't know who's the ubiquitous one now that's on everything. She's still plugging away on it. Yeah. It's not for lack of trying. Any word on Andy's special? Well, no. I mean, like, you'd only hear it from Andy,

and that would just be mumble-mouthed. I mean, the main thing is, did they get the footage? Did it sound right? Did it look okay? I'm sure it does. Which, I mean, I was kind of roped into it, but then I was super... Yeah, as soon as I heard you were doing the sound, it was like, okay, that'll be fine.

Well, I was freaking out the whole time, i because i don't want and it's like being in a band you don't want to be the guy that fucks up yeah there was tension of like you know you don't want to be the one that's like oh shit and right before the the first right before we started i stopped everything good go hold it and i went and the fucking condenser mic that takes all the audio from the audience was unplugged whoa but i i i looked at him oh this doesn't make sense and i stopped i go hold on everything because it was like here we go everyone and marker and i'm like stop and then then then that just increased my fucking anxiety because i what else what else we have footage and we have audio so it's just editing now at least the audio wasn't affected

by the lights turning on and off that was funny that was hilarious floyd's uh floyd's plus one was leaning up against the light switches until we finally moved her over. Well, first Chris Castle's angrily taped him down while glaring at her. Doing this because of you. How long did it take you to put that haunt together? Because you had to do the Andy thing

and then your brother came. My brother fucking rocked it i mean listen this is i don't like to have a lot of people around because i don't like to keep telling people what to do like chad jason fury and and anyone else who like joey i'm like if i need you i'll call you but if but if i if there's too many people around then i'm worried about what like why why they're there but that's why brett erickson was great. Who's unemployed, yeah.

I'm glad you said that because that's exactly what I thought it probably was. You didn't want a bunch of people going, what do I do now while you're trying to do shit. So for four or five days beforehand, we put an actual roof on the facade, and it's freestanding. So there's no pressure on those 4x four by eight plywood you know the the what looks like a house so that like was mostly gill and i and then brett and brett and then my brother got here and hit the ground running oh gill yeah hey grab that but brett hit and brett saw you know it's really uh it's one of those things where I know Shaley,

if he wants me to tell him to do something, if he wants me to do something, he'll tell me to do something. He's not shy about it. And so I'll just stand there until he's, and I go, I love that. And he goes, and clearly your brother has no compunction to do the same thing with someone he just met for the second time in 10 years and that's that's what it was it was just and then i could do the things i needed we finished the hennigan you and i were talking yeah and talk to everyone who was there we finished a day early

to where i could actually work on sound and lights the day before amazing chaley let uh because i was out of town and the in-laws are here, Chaley left it open. So I did get to see it and go through it at night. The fog thing. Amazing. Amazing. You should have told me to come over.

I would have screamed at you guys and completed the effect. What I did was, my brother, Ghost Strike, my brother, they did a move this year and we went out there earlier before we went on tour and everything and they were just so swamped they were eight weeks behind because they couldn't move into their new place in boise and it was one of those things where i'm like look just cancel our order because the scarecrow bodies and then their life-size butcher black knife knob which was the chad body and then he just sent it out. He sent that and a ton of other shit and just fucking sent it, right? So I took that body, which was the photo op that Hennegan was taking pictures with.

I put that in the butcher room and I had that backlight. So then I would just, last night when we did the thing, I ran in like three positions. So I would get finished and they would go by me and i would run to the next one a shortcut and then they would get by me again and i go tracy hold them up at the door because i need time to get to the refrigerator and i would scare him there and then ron's looking at the at the things on the table i go i can't get by him i can't get by him because he's blocking my way to get to the the butcher room and i get up there and I just totally hit everything. And it's basically this big, hulky body with the eyes are above the top of the door.

It is that. I mean, that's how big that character is. Yeah, I think Mother was the one because she was really scared. She was getting under the fog like she's getting underwater to look for sharks. And the swamp. And then when the fake you came out, she goes, he's not that tall. Chad's not that tall. She wouldn't walk by me.

And when I was in the scarecrow, that was the Brett Erickson position. He goes, I go, hey, I know it's kind of uncomfortable. He goes, I love this. I'll always come back. It was so much fun fun because he was controlling a couple of things too and it was a it was a thing where he was the last scarecrow you don't know which one but then she looked at my fucking shoes i didn't i had my goofy shoes on glow-in-the-dark laces but she still wouldn't walk by me and then i'm like so scared and i'm like standing with my arms up and i'm like just keep just go i gotta get to the refrigerator and then she basically had to grab my arm to test it she

still didn't know even i had the shoes on that's that i think that's the perfect part about that that part of the scare is that they all look so realistic yeah that you've convinced yourself the first one's real and like you know the second one's real. And you're like, no, the second one's real. By the time you get to the third one, you've probably convinced yourself that none of them are real. And then the third one's real. I love that Shaylee says, we were done a day early. But he just discounts all of the actual, the other work. The production value that you put into that.

These guys were going hard when I got here an hour before there was still, like, these guys were going hard when I got here an hour before kickoff. Yeah, these guys are... See, that was a luxury. That whole last day was sweet, man. We could do makeup this year for the first time. That's why Tracy had to do an extra... Tracy had

a full beard. My brother put a beard on her. Yeah. It was the first time, too. I always just get so excited about getting to fucking be. Well, one thing that I really like is that we've decided that I'm scarier with no mask. And if you're going to have a Halloween goal, I mean, that should, I guess, be the one. Like, let's not put a mask on you. You look way more psychopathic if we just dump blood on your head. Well, I do dump a lot of blood on you.

Yeah. So I've always enjoyed it, but I started thinking about it's like a show. You know what I mean? It's a presentation. But I hadn't thought about it in that way before. Oh, wait. I heard you had to run some young toughs off.

You can tell, like in the first room or two, this is going to be a problem. And I get on the radio from my brother. He goes, yeah, these guys, they're bumping into everything. They're touching everything. And Brett Erickson is positioned in the hallway, and he's the fourth body up on the wall as a scarecrow, and he's the scare out of the room. And by the time they get there they got one

kid who's probably 14 with a backpack and then a bunch of other younger kids and at one point he goes one of the kids to like give erickson a good punch in the gut and i hear from erickson like yeah they're they're a problem and then i'm i'm the refrigerator now. And by the time they get to me, they're touching everything. They're rocking into the walls and stuff like that. How old? 14 to 15. Yeah. The oldest kid was probably about between 12 and 14 somewhere.

But yeah, the younger kids were being goaded by that kid. No masks. No Halloween. Yeah, they were dressed like Cholos. The kid... Did they go through more than once? Because I had to run some Cholos out that had to...

There was multiple Cholos here in Bisbee. The oldest kid had a backpack on like he was just at school. By the time they got to the refrigerator, he just throws open the fridge which is they're touching i can hear on the radio they're touching things all the way and i came at him with this auga gun it just blasted him scared the fuck out of him and threw him back

but then i shut the door and then he opens it again and then that was it i just i walked him straight i stopped everything they rocked the refrigerator is what I heard? Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, it moved forward because he pulled it so hard. Oh, yeah. I thought they were rocking it like. Yeah, I mean, we're stuck. Like at a porta potty? Yeah, like someone stuck in a porta potty.

Like somebody jackass too from 2006. I didn't know any of this shit was going on. And I come out screaming. Shaley's hurting them out. Oh, fuck. I was taking photographs at the end and it's very bizarre because these kids suddenly come like

running out in a bizarre way and then Chaley suddenly appears shouting, go away and never come back. And I was thinking, is this an act? Is this some sort of, did I not get cued in on this? And then Chad comes running down,

and he's like, I'm going to fuck them up. But in true Hollywood fashion, you're like, I'm going to fuck these, where are they? And I'll kill them. And then you went, oh, look at that line. And then you ran back up. You ran back up. I need to get to my one i remember

what i said was why didn't anybody tell me i don't give a fuck i'll hit a kid that's right you said that and the parents were standing right there with the parents there yeah and the parents parents were standing to the side and uh and my my girlfriend who was assisting me aubrey heard one of the parents say to them, why do you always ruin everything? But I did notice there was a giant line over there. I had to get back to my station. Oh, look at that. People are coming to see me.

I just like, and I know I've bored everyone with this observation, but I love the idea that there are people in this town who think this is normal, that every small American town has a state-of-the-art haunted house, you know, and they'll go and visit their friends in some other state, and they'll say, we're going to go to the local haunted house, and they'll turn up, and it's somebody with a mangy cat, and it's got, like, a broken Barbie arm strapped to it

and there's somebody, one of the less well-developed members of the family is playing Operation Under a Ghost Sheet and they're like, and they're like, where's the laser swamp? Boo. Are you scared yet?

Boo. Full size candy bars. That's enough right there. One would think. You're right, though. The whole thing is like a museum. You go through there and there are things that would be used on a movie set. You're like, is that a fucking dead person?

Yeah, did you even put that up on Nextdoor? Everything. Yeah. I was advertising. Did anyone say fucking thank you? Like, oh, my God, no. Well, I mean. Oh, my God, no.

The people I know say something. And then the kids who come back through again. I mean, the people I know say something. And then the kids who come back through again, they're scared. So halfway through The Haunt, we said to Kerry Mitchell, who, if anything, is a middle manager that never quite made it

because she's great at being a middle manager and observing all the things that need to be done and not doing them. But she's brilliant. She's brilliant because she... No, it's Cassarock Kenny because we're at the end. We're sitting at the end. And it's like, well, we should be giving out candy too. Oh,ont kenny because we're at the end we're sitting at the end and it's like well we should be giving out candy too oh your station was the photo op

yeah so once they once they finished the haunt hennigan and aubrey would set them up for a photo with the butcher the photo op yeah and so we get the so we got additional candy brought to the end uh to give out to people. And it was just amazing to watch people like, like we take their picture. They've already, they've been through the entire fantastic hunt. It's like,

Oh, and here's some extra candy. And they'd like sort through it in a sniffy manner. Like, Oh, well, what exactly are we? How,

what, how dare you insult us with this trivial candy now? Oh, well, you know what? I will take these two bits and then just walk off without saying thank you. It was just... It is sad. Yeah.

Because... It's a labor of love, for sure. That's what I was thinking during the whole thing because I was like this... Because I could watch Brian and I could see the people exactly what you're talking about. And he's got,

he's got like set up. There's a whole photo station. And then there's like a, a board that they've written on here. You can go here. Where can they go? People could probably look at those. I guess it's probably a problem.

What didn't make it worthwhile was that there was like every now and then you get a group who came out and their sheer joy and exhilaration was palpable they were like oh my god that was fantastic and there's little one group went through three times and every time they came out they were like fucking ecstatically thrilled those are the ones that make it worth and therefore their emotion was thank you you know it's The ones that were trying to be ungrateful and too cool for school like, oh, big deal. Agreed. One of my favorite ones is whenever they got

down to you guys and I hear the mom, did you pee your pants? Oh my god, yeah. I'm shouting over to Tracy over the fence, kid peed his pants, pass it on! Fucking fantastic. Because Halloween was midweek.

Fucked me all up. Thursday night. But our neighbor had a party, a Halloween costume party the Saturday before. Which is kind of like what the conundrum that the bars are in. It's like you got a Thursday night Halloween. How do you capitalize? Do you do it the first

and the second on the Friday and Saturday? Or do you do it the week before? And they had their party the week before. With a live band. The Airbnb on the corner. Three doors down. Those are the bands. Three doors down. That was the band?

No, no. It would have been the same turnout. And I can hear the band playing and I'll stop by. But I was working and I was writing, but I kept hearing the band, and then I came out, and there's a bunch of people out here in the funhouse, and I go, we should just do a walkthrough. It's about to end.

We had the Bratchels here just showed up, too, so we had a bunch of people. So we had like seven people or something, and so we went down there, and no one had showed up for their party. They said over the entire night, six people had come. Oh no.

So, yeah. The fact that people showed up for your haunted house way better than you hire a live band to get snacks. Yeah, we walked in and then they were playing their last song, and we get to clap.

Yeah. Does it make it more awkward to drop in and leave? Well, it's over. It's over. We're just going to do a walk through and say hi to a bunch of people, and no, there's not a bunch of people to say hi to you want a drink you want a beer no no we're just supporting the community but that's that's why we don't book halloween weekend it's the worst night for comedy because everyone wants to dress up and go to a place to... It's about them. Halloween is...

Unless you have a fucking haunted house. Yeah. That was fucking brilliant, Chaley. Yeah, it was amazing. It was amazing. I'm just glad that it is actually fun because of all the work that goes into it. Like I said, four or five days was just getting that roof together.

After that, it came together in like three days. A lot of the town folk just showed up to see a well-built structure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A completed project. You're going to leave it up this year, right? Yeah, that's why we built the roof the way we did. Yeah, that roof is solid. There were three of us on it shingling.

We put shingles on it, Doug. Yeah. Glad I wasn't here. glad i had that book excuse but i'm glad you got to see it and uh i hope you don't mind we do it because no i don't mind i just hate that i i don't ever appreciate it and uh because usually i don't know if it's been my state of mind, but the last three years anyway, I remember once, like, no, this is like, it was one of those, no, I have to be sober tonight. This is too many nights in a row.

This is like a life or death hiding out in the little house. It wasn't last year. I think that was a year. Beckers didn't live here, but they were here. So that'd be like three or four that'd be like I just can't I can't go out and last year I was up here I remember

because we had some after party I just did that I don't know I'm not really someone who wants to be around fucking children I get it I'm not really someone who wants to be around fucking children. I get it. I mean, I really...

The happiest moments are when I hear kids scream. That's a weird thing. Well, then you should apply for a job because I get to be covered in blood and scream at them. That's what you need to do. It's a lot more fun than being around them. I think it's the amount of work that you do i don't like to be around work listen i i feel bad because i always tell shaley i'll

help you do with anything you guys need let me know i'll come by and help you guys and every once he's and she says just show up on the night of halloween and fucking be the butcher that's all i need you to do and i feel guilty about just that's all I do because I enjoy it so much. And I see how much work goes on around. But I'm like, well, if that's my part, I'm doing it. I had just enough people on the job site to get it done. And like I said, in my mind, we were ahead of schedule. Oh, yeah.

Compared to last year, amazingly. Yeah. So, I mean, we dialed in sound. We had lights focused the night before. I mean, all of that doesn't usually get done. So, if I needed help, I would say I would call someone to come over. But, you know, with the people that I had, it was enough that my brother was running one crew

and I was able to do the other things that I do. And it worked out really well. I like the year that we did two nights. If you ever think about doing that again. Well, next Halloween is a Saturday. Wow. I like the year that we did two nights. If you ever think about doing that again, I would be doing it for two nights. Friday, Saturday. Is a Saturday. Wow.

Yeah, because Leap Year is the presidential election. So I was thinking Thursday, because then the kids go to school on Friday and tell everyone. Friday, Saturday. So it would be three nights. This is like me doing football where I go, how do I get more people in here for football so I can spend more money giving them free drinks and snacks?

I stopped doing that after a while. You enjoy screaming at them the same way I do. Well, Doug, you know, the haunted house, we've talked about this at length, is really just a promotional tool for the Doug way I did. Well, Doug, you know, the Haunted House, we've talked about this at length, is really just a promotional tool for the Doug Stano Podcast. So, I mean, everyone who enters,

I mean, they're very appreciative of the podcast and it being available at a free status and the Patreon members also appreciate the Haunted House. I scared several people that screamed, I love the Doug Stanwell podcast. I'm a Patreon member.

I do remember that happened now that you mentioned that. So that is a benefit. We get a little perk from that. I'm sure we'll see a spike. What do we got coming up? We got Florida probably be already done by the time this gets out no this is going out tonight oh really yeah fuck jane wednesday well it might as well yeah sure the other one is evergreen and that can go out whenever all right good so we've got uh if

you go to dougstandup.com hit on tour dates we've got florida which is this uh a week next week hennigan would know are we sold out in florida no all right it's west palm the one i'd really panic like if you haven't bought your tickets for tampa you better get them fucking quick oh absolutely the other ones yeah you got a little more time but we've got west palm on the 12th we've got orlando on the 13th and Tampa on the 14th. Yeah. And then Hawaii. Hawaii. And then Las Vegas. And Vegas will definitely sell out.

Yeah. So if you haven't got your tickets for Vegas, get them immediately. The hotel is definitely already sold out. I'm going to be down the fucking block. Oh, you're coming? Yeah. All right. I'm so out of the loop on what the fuck is going on here. Yeah, I'm going to go.

It's our anniversary. I'm going to take Jenny. Oh, yeah, that's right. You usually do the Sierra Vny oh yeah that's right you usually do this year vista yeah well you usually do the tucson double tree that's right i told stanhope before when uh during the whole andy thing that's why he doesn't remember but i told him we're gonna go and he goes i'll try to be as entertaining as the double tree was where you met or you were married on the 31st or what? We got married on the 1st. So technically midnight is our anniversary. So that's our date night that we get to go.

We go to the Doubletree in Tucson. You should drive your new truck down Fremont Street. That's a local only truck there. You can't get that very far. That's an old motherfucker. Fremont isn't a street you can drive down, is it? That's why I recommend it. That would be funny. He saw

my giant push guard on my bumper and he's thinking that I could probably mow a bunch of people down. Yeah. We already have 2020 dates coming up. Seattle, Baltimore, and Boston are up there, but we're adding them all the time with Hennigan's diligence.

Yeah, everything is coming up. All the major cities in the States, and we're already looking at the UK and Ireland and elsewhere. For later in the year. Yeah. So get on Doug Stanhope's mailing list. Get on the mailing list. Yeah, everything today.

You never seem to play Denver. Yeah, well, I do in a rotation. Denver will be coming. Atlanta will be coming. More Texas dates are coming. Less Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. More places that are hub cities. Yes, we will be in Portland, et cetera.

Et cetera. Salt Portland, et cetera. Et cetera. Salt Lake, Boise. Sign up to the mailing list and make sure, again. Sorry, I just said Boise was a major city. No, but we're going to get there. It is now. It's a Stanhope city. It's a Ghost Ride Productions. Yeah, Ghost Ride Productions.

Big employer. Yeah. It's no Marquette. You're right there and again what was the gig we were talking about where we oh the bowling alley in richmond oh my god my first move to the states like one of the first tours we ever booked was it was a genuinely a bowling like it wasn't a bowling alley, the one in. Not like that picture. Yeah, not like we were playing a room that's connected to the bowling alley.

We showed up at a gig. An hour late. And Doug was playing at the end of a lane. They shut down a lane to put comedy? Yeah. And we were late. Did they shut down the other lanes from bowling? I didn't even have time to get into it.

Ladies and gentlemen, on lane 23, Doug Stanhope. I was at the end of a lane, and the audience is obviously back in the fucking bowling scene. Yeah. Spread sideways, so I can't even see. Oh, my God. And they had given us the wrong time, so we showed up and they had stretched all the local openers. So I didn't even have time to get hammered to do this. I had to do this vaguely sober.

It was the worst. Oh, my God. That was some. And then, of course, I got to Charlotte and I had an eye episode and had to get flown back, evac'd back to L.A. So I left Doug in the lurch. Hannigan has, like, the worst eyes ever. Had.

Had. Well, they're still susceptible, shall we say. The point was I had a scare in Charlotte, the one and only time I've ever been through there. I literally had to say to Doug, I have to fly to L.A. immediately. Like, literally immediately. You know what I remember about that say to Doug, I have to fly to L.A. immediately. Like, literally immediately. You know what I remember about that night, oddly?

Is that night before the show in the hotel is the one and only time that I watched TMZ. And I was so irate. That's what that whole bit about. That one instance of watching it. Yeah. That's all it takes. It finally became a bit. But, yeah, weird the things you cherry pick in your memories.

Yeah. But it's nice to have a couple memories. Is that it? Issues with Andy every Friday on YouTube. Oh, would you get it down to a day? Oh, yeah. It's always released on Fridays. It's Andy every Friday on YouTube. Oh, would you get it down to a day? Oh, yeah. It's always released on Fridays. It's always come out on Fridays. It's almost like people

learned from this podcast how to do things in an organized fashion. We did go out late last week because we did it live here in the Funhouse, and then we had to get the video uploaded through YouTube to the guy that edits it.

And that took three days. Yeah. I do. Which is, it was just easier for you. Just go home when you go home and hand it to the guy. I remember seeing Erickson's computer with the loading sitting here in the bar. Like, oh, fuck. So that's every Friday.

We record on Wednesdays. And yeah. It's a lot of fun it's going fun dad did you have anything you want to plug no do you have any llamas you was to sell dad showed up and he didn't have a baseball hat so he asked bingo if uh she had one and he so he's been wearing, for his Bisbee stay, a bright green and white trucker cap that says, I love titties and beer.

I admired it from the moment I walked in. And then Gay, mother's name is Gay, said to him, but you don't like beer. You don't drink. You should cross that out and put butts or something titties and butts new phrase oh god watching them kind of haggled during the thing we recorded earlier no no ron ron that's not how it happened.

That's why we record. Well, if we're plugging stuff, subscribe at twitch.tv. Slash, what's that? Forward slash, backslash. Just say no slash. HD underscore fatty. Just go to my Twitter, at HD fatty. My pinned tweet will give you explicit destructions on how to get there and give me a lot of subscriptions so that way,

while Stanhope's on the road in 2020, I can afford to pay my own way to go and podcast with him. When I was watching it tonight before the folks showed up, I was like, if you're one of those sad, lonely people that, hey, your podcast makes me feel like family. Oh, your Twitch stream, you'll feel like closer family. Oh, we've built a nice, dark, niche, lonely market out of your already dark, niche, lonely market for certain.

You'll be noticed and recognized it's a it's a family of weirdos yeah don't get it too big the great thing well the great thing is that well we have about 13 viewers on average so i mean i don't think it's gonna be huge but like uh i got a bump from the last uh podcast that went out because i just did it earlier like i said i was on the thing like 235 subscribers i have right now which is a exceptional to me so i mean thanks a lot everybody i appreciate it we did that cutaway and i didn't even get noticed i my handle is from last october when i signed up sober stanhope because it was sober october and i checked in and no one even noticed i was there yeah i know what it feels like you listener yeah i once i once checked in and no one even noticed I was there.

So I know what it feels like, you listener. Yeah, I once checked in and asked a couple of questions, and there's just a blanket ignored as him and Jason Fury chuckled over killing people. That's not true at all, because I remembered when you were there, Hannigan, because I said, is that really Brian Hannigan? And then I said, wait a minute, who would impersonate Brian Hannigan? I wouldn't. They thought it was a cop.

I thought maybe it was James Inman. Yeah, the main thing is, Chad, you definitely have to get dialed into the habit, which I have now, of every time there's a mass shooting somewhere in the States, you immediately check the subscriber base so you can delete them and pretend they had nothing to do with you block them yeah i'm doing the opposite i'm using uh video uh evidence as an alibi so uh

don't second guess my scam i just turned around and saw all the shot glasses that never get used oh they don't do shots oh my god i go oh i that's why I had to leave town. Ericsons were here. Shots were being done. Yeah, yeah. The Brechels. Yeah, sorry if I missed you. And anyone who's trying to contact me, it's not you. It's me.

I got shit to do, and I'm trying to be responsible. Leave him alone, for fuck's sake. I got some good shit written. It's very good not a lot not enough but I'll keep going yeah this special will be coming out Brian and I have talked about it

just trying to find the right avenues to do it right on I guess that's it Henry Phillips anything? no don't fucking get on my purple couch all right thank you do we

how do we get out of this oh bingo bingo takes us out bingo okay bye bye now guitar solo Thank you. you