The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#390: Day 29 - Stanhope's 30 Day News Blackout

Episode Date: May 1, 2020

Day 29. Doug wants to make quick work of this one. Some Patreon questions answered and a few things to NOT watch during lockdown.Recorded April 29th, 2020 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Tracey Wernet (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.Stanhope 2020 tour dates are already up on the website. Don't find out too late about an upcoming performance in your area. Get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/LINKS -Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconantPhoto Credit Brian HenniganSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Good night, everyone. Good night. Good night. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Hello. Welcome to the podcast. This is going to be a quick one, because I have to do Legion of Skanks after this. So welcome.

We're getting close to the end. I don't know if I'm getting more tired of drinking or talking. Been doing a lot of talking. We did a lot of drunk dialing. I don't know when that's going to air. It might air out of order. It has to be out of order. And you said Patreon only. Yeah, definitely.

It went three hours, I guess, from what I've been told. Not a lot of answers. Do you often get bad information from me? When I said that was about three hours? I mean, I'm not going out on a limb. I did

I remember you saying that more than most of the people I talked to or didn't talk to or left messages for. Or that Shane didn't want a drunk dial out of his phone, so now I have their number in my phone. That was a weird strategy. Because now you have Andrew Yang's phone number. I'll leave Mr. Yang alone. Yeah. But he has phone number. I'll leave Mr. Yang alone. But he has my number.

Maybe Andrew Yang starts drunk dialing me. He has no decorum to fill. Hello, Jack. We're just knocking out a quick one and then we'll prepare for skanks. Is that skanks going to be... You guys going to do it in here? It seems like it'd be best to... Yeah. Cool.ate's going to be, you guys going to do it in here? It seems like you'd be bested.

Yeah. Cool. Yeah, we just started. We're making quick work of this. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's the chicken in there, there's the beef is in the back corner, and there's, yeah... You'll find stuff.

There's Shane. Our roving camera. I still think he just eats sandwiches if I don't cook for him. Like deli meat. What's wrong with eating sandwiches? Well, I've been making a ton of food. I don't always know when he's hungry. So I try to catch him for breakfast at least.

I watched Seroiled last night. Chaley's finally, they went and put that aluminum foil on those windows and I took a surquil and shut off my phone. I don't even know if I get up to piss between, I think it was about 10 I went to bed. But I slept until 10.30 in the morning without the fucking sun breaking me down and making me decompose like a fucking dashboard on a 70s duster. So was it the heat or was it the light? Or the light.

Well, you usually have a mask on. Yeah, but a mask only has to slip that much. When that fucking Arizona sun hits you, yeah, I need a, like... Those are straight up east-facing windows. That was the first time I used a mask. It was from a bunch of smut that I got back when I'd travel with smut right after 9-11. Yeah. Porn toys and shit.

Back when I'd travel with Smut right after 9-11, porn toys and shit. Well, one of them was a fucking domination mask, and it was huge and thick. Was that the one that had plastic and then foam? Yeah, hard plastic on the end. Yeah, that was like a sensory deprivation mask. Yeah, I started using those on planes, and that's when I can't fucking sleep without an eye mask on.

It's like a Zero Dark Thirty, those things they had, the night goggles. Night vision goggles. They were really thick like that, yeah. But what it did was you could open your eyes and the fabric wouldn't be touching your eyelashes or anything because you had a void in between there. And that was the thing.

You could lay there in the dark with your eyes open and it'd still be completely black. Yeah, it's great. But they'd get really foul because you'd sweat a lot through them. And then they'd start to stink after a while. When I was bleaching your hair, your hair was so greasy because you rarely shower. And the bleach is like beating up. It's not breaking through whatever fucking armor grease is on top of your head.

A lot of that's from fucking sunburn, too. Sunburn skin gets oily. But I watched another wrongfully accused. Murder to Mercy. I can't remember her fucking name, but that's the name of the... She was a 16-year-old girl. She was a prostitute and shot a john that she thought was going to kill her. And then at some point, she got life. And then at some point, they passed a law where you can't charge an underage girl with prostitution.

Which makes perfect sense. She's a fucking rape victim. Yeah, it's a different kind altogether. Well, you robbed the bank, but we're going to get you on speeding. I'd give away the ending because it's kind of in the title. Murder to Mercy. But yes, it was a 15 year fucking affair Cyntoia Brown was that her name?

Toya C-Y-N-T-O-I-A and then I was in a second documentary that's fucking brilliant Circus of Books oh that was in one of the Patreon emails someone suggested that documentary that's fucking brilliant. Circus of Books. Oh! That was in one of the Patreon emails.

Someone suggested that, and I thought that was right up your alley. Yeah. It was a huge gay porn place on Santa Monica Boulevard. Yeah, in L.A. I mean, it was legendary, right? During the 80s. So it goes through, not just, it's like an right, during the 80s. So it goes through.

It's like an old Jewish couple that ran it. They weren't into that shit, but it was good money. They started out as a distributor for Larry Flint, and then it goes through the whole AIDS crisis where all of their friends and employees and people they know, and they were making movies themselves. They were calling, like, they had got, gay guys that were working at Circus of Books

would get AIDS and get sick, and they would call the parents of the person, and it'd be like, I never want to hear from that person. I don't know who that person is. Did they get busted? Yeah. Oh, I haven't seen it.

And, well, yeah, there's just so many angles to it. And now, you know, then they And then they basically go out of business because who buys porn anymore? So yeah, it's got a lot of angles. And I was halfway through when the fucking internet shit the bed. So I don't know how it ends. I think part of that was also kind of a hookup place too, I would imagine, back then.

It sounded like a spa. Like kind of a book club. I love in the trailer. kind of a hookup place too, I would imagine, back then. It sounded like a spa. Like kind of a book club. Yeah. I love in the trailer, it's on Netflix, but in the trailer someone was talking about Circus of Books going, I don't know, I just thought it was like a bookstore with a lot of circus books. Something like that.

And inside it's like everything. And I mean, they were... But yeah, the people that run it, you go, holy... And they had kids who never knew what they were doing, and the wife was all involved in it. Yeah, that was the thing. The whole Jewish scene, the church scene. Yeah, but nobody knew what they were...

How could you keep that a secret, especially in Hollywood? I mean, there's a lot of people, but I mean, someone's going to run into you. And when you're part of a federal fucking sting operation. Oh, that's true, too. But that's when it cut out. Cut out, so I don't know. And then we watched a movie called Goodland when I had to switch back to real cable TV. It was in my list, and it was a piece of shit.

One of those movies where you go, how does this even get made? Like, much less released. And the ending, you go, did you just, oh, we only got like eight minutes of film left, so just skip the ending we had and just everyone dies. How about that? And we never explain anything. Yeah, there's a podcast. You said, How Did This Get

Made? There's a How Did This Get Made podcast. It is hilarious. I've seen it. It's Paul Scheer, June, Diane, Raphael, and Jason Manzoukas. They have a whole podcast dedicated to watching shitty movies like that? Absolutely. And then they talk about it, and it is very funny.

I felt bad just watching an episode of, and I always, if I watch them at all, it's fast forward was Bar Rescue. I don't know how it's still on, but I fast forwarded through an episode of that. I just spent like 18 fucking minutes that I could have done anything else. I thought you liked Bar Rescue. I did at first just because it's in bars, but that guy's so awful and annoying and fake. Mr. Taffer?

Mm-hmm. I got a gift left in the mailbox. It says, a gift for Doug. We are, were your neighbors we had to leave town and really hated this beloved phone from 1965 to go to the thrift store we were actually using the phone every day

it works great anyway blah blah blah thanks for all you are and doing and making the world better with your commentary and it was yeah neighbors I didn't know from over on Hazard. Holly and Scott, thank you very much. I drove past

your house, and you're indeed right. You're no longer there. I was gonna yell a thank you through a pillowcase on my head. That's a cool phone. I can't remember the last time I actually picked up a phone phone. A fucking rotary phone, yeah. Wall.

Wall mount. Yep. Beige. I put it behind the washing machine. Yeah, it's in the washing machine so we can call and tell you when the wash is done. And it's got like one of those 12-foot fucking cords on it. I like those. The spiral cords, yeah. I miss those.

Yeah. You always get tangled up. Yeah, but you didn't have to stand there. You can go, hey, I could go into the living room and talk now. That was cool. Oh, what a world of difference from what's going on now. I'm looking forward. I get a really cool letter from Afghanistan.

From a troop. And he's from Cochise County. Went to Tombstone High School. And said I played poker with his dad once. Didn't say who it was. All right, well, thank you, CTR McDonald. I don't know you CTR McDonald I don't know what CTR is an acronym for in the military

there's my thank yous I don't think we have a sponsor do we have any questions do you have any updates hold on I'm looking up acronym finder for CTR contractor oh wow updates. Hold on, I'm looking up acronym finder for CTR. Contractor. Oh, wow.

That's one of them. There's, of course, it's fucking 30. He wouldn't, no, that's not, that's crew time report, certified test report. Uh, write military. This is a military and government website, acronym finder. All right.

Does it say CTR1? No, just CTR McDonald. Yeah, give me a couple of questions and let's wrap this up. All right. I'm getting, like, some of these are real long, and I appreciate that some of these people have a lot to say, but I can't read the whole thing, so I'm going to cut to the chase on this one.

Hold on a second. I keep forgetting that Tracy's mic is like right at the ice. That's where the lab is, so I've got to bring the level down when she starts. Okay, this person says, I need some advice. I feel like I've probably been... Let's see. Hold on.

Let me get through it. Shane has got a friend doing comedy. He's been doing it for three years, and this person would like to be supportive, but the fact is that the guy just isn't funny. On top of which like bingo he has suffered tbi in the past but it affects his speech so any public speech speaking is somewhat something he should stay away from i feel like so that's what does this have to do with shane no no the

person's name is shane this isn't shane sorry yeah sorry confusing yeah so uh blah blah you know just like like how hard it is when you're a friend and you want to support but you... I think we just had this discussion where you try to... Maybe you're better having a podcast. So there's a... There's actually...

Should I do this or this? So should I talk him out of this? He seems to enjoy it, but I'm not sure. I think he likes saying he's a comic more than anything. He's honestly just making an ass of himself and alienating the people around him. Or should I just cut ties and forget all

of this? Is this hopeless? I'm sure you've had to tell someone for their own good, hey, this isn't for you. Is there any advice you can give me? And this is from Shane, not about Shane. Yeah. I mean, if he's a friend of yours, what, you're just going to cut ties with your friend because he's not funny?

Yeah. I mean, I'm not against that either. I don't know how many friends you have. Are they disposable like that? Try to find his strong points and steer him in that direction. I think we can assume that she stopped or this person. Is he right funny? And he just can't deliver

it because of his speech? He has some kind of a slur or speech thing going on there. He keeps every time, like when they're in a group, this is in the letter, every time they're in a group, someone will say something funny and then he'll grab that. Try to top it?

Or he'll use that as a bit the next time he goes up. Oh, all right. Yeah, that's annoying. The constantly working material. The one-upman guy is the worst. The person who someone says something hilarious at the table, and then they try to tag it, and they make the whole thing unfunny, which I probably do on the podcast quite often

when I'm not listening. What else? Let's see. This is from Mike. Do you use a podcast? This is a weird question, but do you use a podcast voice? Doug, what's your real voice?

Dig down deep and find your real voice and present it to the audience. If I'm like forcing myself to like, okay, welcome to the podcast. Yeah, I'll put emphasis and energy in my voice when I would otherwise be sluggish like right now, where I'd rather be finishing that goddamn documentary. I noticed the time that you do it, like obviously, is when you do an early morning radio phoner.

Yeah. Because you woke up five minutes before and you've done that, but that's I think your voice is your voice. I usually tell them that. Oh, yeah. Hey, this is my false enthusiasm voice. That's what I use at 7 a.m.

How are you? All right. This gal, Catherine, bought an oximeter, a device you put on your finger that reads your blood oxygen level. All right. Have you heard of those, Trace? Sounds plausible. But, I mean, do you have to pop the skin?

I wouldn't know how to. Is this a smoking thing? They're saying that maybe you should look into getting one of those because it's one quick way to to check the uh blood oxygen level in uh the covid 19 days and and because of you smoking yeah last time i uh last time i went to the i don't remember the the number but i just get my vitals checked to re-up my fucking xanax prescription they said oh your oxygen level's low why is that and i go because i i smoked for 40 years and i go uh it was like 92 and i said why what's normal and she said 93 wait i'm off by i was off

by one whatever it was maybe it's like the richter scale it's but it was i'm pretty sure it was in the 90s i think yeah pretty sure that number is accurate. So, yeah, what if you're a 40? I don't know. Yeah, if I really wanted to know my oxygen levels and care, I'd just stop smoking. Yeah. She is because she got laid off as a nurse and then had to sit around like the rest of us and now she's

chain smoking that's why she got that an email from a Ken Budge oh yeah Kenneth Budge I really want to know the Ken Budge is running for mayor against David Smith here in Bisbee and

I want to hear Ken Budge's pitch well he says he's been following the podcast from afar against David Smith here in Bisbee. And I want to hear Ken Budge's pitch. Well, he says he's been following the podcast from afar. No, OB at least. And wanted to thank us for the shout out for his run for mayor. If you ever want to chew on some local politics. And he gave us the contact number.

Oh, fantastic. I think that would be fun to have him in. David Smith's been up two, he's had two terms in office already. Yeah. So, yeah, it's time. We have a lot of, that's what made me think of it. We got a lot of fucking room up on that deck for a Ken Budge sign.

Oh, a sign. Mm-hmm. All right. So, yes, we'll talk to you soon, Mr. Budge. Soon as two days from now, I'll be done with this fucking news quarantine. And I'll, yeah, maybe we do that social distancing party in the yard

as a town hall meeting. Fundraiser. Maybe we hold a debate. That'd be fun. Joe Frazier, you asked about Netflix. Doug just went over that earlier today. Foxy boxing. What's that?

Between mayoral candidates. Oh, yeah. There was a guy who drew a poster a couple of months ago and then you said you were going to sell it on eBay yard sale. Tracy, do you know where that poster is? Which one? It's the one with all of us drawn on it. Yes, I believe I do.

I mean, it's like the whole podcast. Yeah, yeah. He says he wants to know when you're going to put it in the eBay yard sale because he wants to buy it back. If you probably put it in the store, we'll just get Doug to sign it and send it back to him. Sell him

his own artwork. I don't know when an eBay yard sale is going to be happening. Yeah, it's going to be a while. And I know you did put a lot of work into that, so thank you. I'm sorry if I was dismissive. No, he appreciated being mentioned on the podcast, but I thought if we still have it, we'll get it back to him. Let's see.

Also, he says you're testing out different vodkas and going to the lowest common denominator. He says it's harder for whiskey because that's what he drinks. But he has found that there's one called Ezra Brooks 90 proof. $10.99 a bottle. I don't know.

I don't know. It says a bottle. I don't know if I'd want to play around with whiskey like that. Vodka is clean and clear. Yeah, I'd get my whiskey. I like Canadian Club just fine. Yeah.

Works for me. Or even the Jack Daniels, when we've got that here for a whiskey Coke. I mean, I don't even mess around with the bottom shelf whiskey. Let's see here. um let's see here uh okay this is uh

Matt from Isle of Man I think didn't we get something from the Isle of Man yeah some guy sent something what was it uh

we've already talked about on the podcast oh yeah was he the jerky guy hey Liz I don't know if he's a jerk what was the other crap that you ate what oh no What was the other crap that you ate?

What? Oh, no, it was the kippers. That's it. Yeah, I ate one whole bag one night. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I knew that would be a Chaley thing. I wasn't going to put it in the fridge and have the whole fridge smell like kippered fucking whatever that stuff was.

It was good. But, yeah, I had to force the last bit down. He has a couple questions. Is Stan Hope still friends with Christine Levine as he's not her mentioned lately? Or was that just a fleeting moment? No, no, no. We're still friends. I haven't been talking to anyone during this.

I did that podcast with Shane when Shane was all hungover. And fucking right off the bat, yeah, news I didn't want to know. Yeah. So, yeah, I'm just avoiding the phone and the emails and everything as much as possible. You've known Christine 20-some years, right? More than 20 years, yeah. Almost 25, probably. Warren has emailed me, wants you to know that he just canceled his Netflix account,

and when prompted to give a reason, he selected other and entered no Doug Stanhope specials for the explanation. Fucking great. Thanks, Warren. I don't think that trend is going to catch, but I appreciate you trying to start the wave. Okay, the question you posed a couple of podcasts ago was about how the drug thing is happening with dealers

and being able to get... It's 50-50 on replies, and I've only got a couple on each bank. What question? What the supply is like from dealers. If you do drugs, is it harder or easier

to get them? This guy Sawyer says it's healthy as ever. Lots of people sitting at home with nothing to do. Coke, ketamine, good weed, psychedelics, Xanax, all in plentiful bounty. He also wants to know if you're ever going to do a Swabcast with Matt and Shane's

secret podcast. He has not invited me. No, you guys talked about it the other night. You both were too drunk. You probably both don't remember. But you talked about it. I wanted to do yours. I wanted to do yours. Oh, God. So, yes, you both want to do each other's podcast. Wait, he's been on my podcast.

But he wants to do a Swapcast with you specifically. Yeah, I was wondering how that works today now that we're doing video of swap cast is more of a pain in the ass but i don't want to know the answer that one you were on the other day with with shane when you guys are sat in on that um they were talking about i can't remember those guys names but there was revenge of the uh yeah the rotc podcast they uh they brought up their software that they're using stream labs so i went and looked at that and that might be something we can do because i really want to do the one when chad gets here on friday i'd like to stream that

live on youtube yeah so i'll run a test when you guys are all done today but i think we can do that through stream labs so thanks rotc for that uh another guy said, my local, this is poop nectar. I like it. His local dealer has been out of everything or can only get half as much as he used to, so it's been pretty tough to get anything. I guess there's a drought in the supply chain in town, so I learned how to access the dark web.

Is it Silk Road or something? After my first successful attempt, I then made several more purchases and now have a pretty sweet cash. Like Raul Duke's briefcase in Fear and Loathing in Vegas. Nice call. All right, well, thanks for that.

I think that's about it for now. Let me see if there's another Patreon thing here real quick. We have a very limited time now. Yeah, all yeah we're good yeah i appreciate everyone listening and uh yeah i'm getting close to the end of this and then now we'll get back to fucking the normal that is not normal whatsoever evidently take us away from all of this bingo. Okay, bye-bye now. Thank you. Thank you.