The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#393: Social Distancing to The Shady Dell

Episode Date: May 20, 2020

Stanhope rounds up the booze, Chaille grabs the gear and everyone meets up at The Shady Dell Vintage Trailer Park (@TheShadyDell) for an olde tyme sleepover. Only 2 miles from the FunHouse but decades back in ambiance. Bingo finally bails on the quiet house quarantine spills on what she has been up to for the past 2 months all alone.The Shady Dell is open for bookings - TheShadyDell.com.  Dot's Diner has weekend  hours Fri - Sat - Sun 9a-3p. Call or come on by for pickup and have a look around.Recorded May 17th, 2020 at The Shady Dell in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Bingo (@bingobingaman), Justin Jason (@TheShadyDell), Tracey (@Egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille.  Doug's new special, "The Dying of a Last Breed", is out now on Vimeo.com - https://vimeo.com/ondemand/thedyingofalastbreed. Filmed at The Plaza Hotel in Las Vegas, the special finds Doug on a “fun-filled cavort through a dark wealth of material, uniting topics as disperate as child fatalities, hotel chain misery and all the things you can do in Indiana.”We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/.  When we know, we'll let you know.LINKS -  Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Subscribe to Chad's Twitch Stream by using your FREE Amazon Prime membership option. Just go to Chad's twitter (@hdfatty) for a link and instructions. Thanks.Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - Brian HenniganBingo Photo Credits - Gretchen BaerSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

you're listening to the Doug Stanhope podcast hey we're live from the shady Dell on the Doug Stanhope podcast the shady Dell.com the shady Dell.com vintage trailer Park Chad's first time My first time here, very cool here I wish I had the bullet points Just go to TheShadyDell.com How do you spell that? Yeah

Chaley tweeted it With an E Shady with an E-Y I looked up shady And there's a word S-H- Shady with a E-Y. I looked up Shady and there's a word S-H-A-D-E-Y and I go, oh, that's how much it's spelled. It's a rapper. Yeah.

I don't know how to spell their names. That's Sade. Sade. And not only do we have Jenny and back to our mic in the audience but we have bingo on the podcast for the first time in a very very long time

yay there is nobody I think we're the only people staying at the Shady Dell vintage trailer park so yeah we don't have to worry about social distancing or anything sold out next week good really sold out yeah no shit

so stay in the sheets shouldn't sing i just asked the uh housekeeper if she'd jump in as a guest, because when Justin and Jen were running this together when we first started, when we first lived here, they would tell us stories about after gay pride, the things that they had to clean up in the trailers. come back and we'll show you how beautiful the insides they're all 1950s 60s trailers done up like two record players with nat king cole and 1958 tvs where they're hooked up there yeah but they they're loaded with you 9 from Outer Space kind of shit. It's so fucking great here. I can't believe you haven't been here before. Because I go out to places so often. Well, no, I thought because we've come up with so many excuses.

We're in Bisbee, so we come up with excuses to stay here. Like, hey, let's fumigate the house for termites. Put it under a tent for five days and they'll stay at the Shady Dell. You don't have termites. I know, but I can stay at the Shady Dell. Remember we stayed here

when we first met Butters. Butters' dad, he's at the Circle. He's got the gas station there. Stepdad. Ex-stepdad now. It's been a lot of years.

And Butters, if you've heard us talk about him, he's a little gay anime fan. And he was a kid back then. He was probably like 19. And for whatever reason, we said, oh, yeah, wake us up in the morning. I think we're going to go to breakfast and we get fucking hammered it was that trailer right there

oh yeah I don't know you know the name of that one the gold one one of the mansions yeah and it's like 6 in the morning with a hangover little gay butters pounds pounds on the door, wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey.

I'm like, get the fuck off my lawn. Just no, no. We were drunk when we made this plan. Nothing worse than people who don't understand that the night before was drunk plans. We want to carry them out the next day. We don't understand that the night before was drunk plans who want to carry them out the next day we don't really do that there's a lot of bravado the night before even even coming here we weren't for sure until just recently because the plans were all made while we were drunk and

we're genuinely like are we gonna do that we don't. We'll wait and see. We're going to keep it open and see if that's what we're doing because we made those plans when we were fucked up. Yeah, Bisbee's coming alive a little bit, and I'm against it. Are you? Yeah, tonight I had this whole huge epiphany of, I don't want this to end. Well, we're going to, in gradual steps. No, it's Spike again.

Tongue kiss, Trump fans. Show your bravado. Yeah, yesterday, that was a solid 10 hours of drinking. Mishka was at the Funhouse. We have to plug another fat fat guy cooks Andy Baker's twitch on YouTube oh YouTube I don't know what the fuck it is uh fucking old man

so yeah uh Mishka Shibali came down and was staying at Joby's and he did an hour long 1pm uh live thing for Andy's new YouTube and played on the patio, and it was reserved, I guess. It was fun. I enjoyed it.

Yeah, we had like 10 people there, social distanced in the yard. And then at 6, Mike Montoya lives kitty corner from the uh chaley's he has a whole concert series he had like three different bands oh that's what we heard tuning up while we were sitting up there and we were wondering if it was chaley that's that makes sense now oh that's Yeah. Because I get a text today on my old phone from Bree who said, hey, thanks for the music. And I go, that was Mike Montoya, which got shut down. We'll get to that. A street over.

Yeah. And she's two blocks away from me. In the opposite direction. Yeah. And I go, I think that was Montoya. And then afterwards, it wasn't until tonight, I went, oh, I forgot we had Mishka. I don't know which music she's texting about. But our small, quiet corner of Warren had four bands. I don't know where the concert was over on Black Knob or wherever, but we thought it was you right next to us, Shaylee. It was so loud.

The tuning up, we were going, whoa. Yeah, I thought you were. Somebody's playing music right next to us. So it was loud. Gully? Yeah. Mike Montoya, one of the few Hispanic people in town. What?

What? Fake news. So he's got this party going on i had to ask back to our mic uh hey did you go to that party he goes yeah we talked for quite a while and that took a minute for the this afternoon i was drunk when i left your house at five and uh i think you were probably drunk when i left your house at five so yeah at six you were probably drunk when I left your house at five. So, yeah. At six, you were probably pretty drunk. But evidently, Castle Rock Kenny got up to rap. I remember sitting there with a bullhorn. Not a bullhorn, but megaphone, like a cheerleader's 1919.

Hello, my darling. Hello, my baby. Doug's yelling at the crowd. No, I was yelling at the band hey play a Nickelback song and I'll get Nickelback to judge it on speakerphone anyway oh bingo

you were tripping your balls off I swore I was getting contact trip off being next to her. Because at one point they played a song about someone who's a dick and you're pretentious. And the singer keeps looking at me. I think he's singing it to me like, fucking, I'm not welcome here or something. Yeah, exactly. You probably think this song is about you.

I did reference that. But you seemed all fucking nervous and paranoid, Bingy. I'm tripping too hard to be here. Well, I probably was. I mean, I trip all the time, but that was a lot. You trip almost every day. I trip nearly every day, yes. The only days I take off are when I have a tolerance to it

and I have to take a day off or maybe two, but I trip every day. Sometimes I just microdose. Yeah, you say microdose, but I don't believe you. Is there a word, macrodose? Is that a word? I think I do that. That's just the right amount.

That's what that means. Okay, that's what I do. I'm macrodose. Okay, let me, because you're on the fucking weird keto extreme. Yeah. Yeah, but you're keto extreme you it's not just about what you eat you have times you eat and let's face it it's an eating disorder but it's an order yeah it works yeah yeah well and and beneficial to people who are prone to seizures and such like that. So, I mean, it's a good thing. But she's always had a weird diet.

Sure. It's a control issue. Everyone that knows eating disorders. I would not deny that at all. But I count numbers. And in quarantine, what better thing to do? You have to do something. Might as well count numbers.

That's my question. Because I can't have that let me look at the thing oh this has one gram of carbs uh so i could only eat like half of that what have you looked up carbs and mushrooms i'm sorry i have i'm sorry i have i that's good carbs and mushrooms. The site that I looked at, there wasn't any. No, not the way you eat them. They're minimal.

Yeah, they're negligible. But negligible will clear her off of something. Nah, not mushrooms. Negligible will clear her off mayonnaise, not fucking mushrooms. Well, I can't manage all of them. I'm microdosing because of the carbs. I already had too many bacons. She didn't want to lick an envelope.

Remember? Yeah. You have to lick the envelope for me because there's too many carbs in it. That might have been a little bit of a joke. That's a funny joke. I think it's good. Have you looked that up?

No, I didn't look up how many carbs. Someone look up carbs in envelope licking. There should be nutritional information forced by the FDA. It's like horse hooves. It's glue. I mean, that should be low carb. You can eat pork rinds. You should be able to eat horse hooves.

You're right. Do you ever eat pork rinds? I eat pork rinds. I love pork rinds. Did you ever get a hairy one? I have. It kind of queers you off pork rinds. The weirdest thing.

I've never tried them and now I never will. I got a nipple once. Oh, Jesus. Chad, the weirdest thing I do with food is I crunch all the pork rinds together, put it in a bowl, and then I put egg whites over it, so it's like milk, so it makes a cereal. And I put sweetener in it, so that's how I eat cereal. That's pretty weird. That is weird, but it's something I can have.

Raw egg whites. Like almost meringue. No, no meringue. She makes meringue too. Bingo, how many eggs do you eat a day? Because this is her diet, is eggs and bacon. Yeah. And egg whites into meringue.

And you're staying on a bus with her? Oh, my God. She took a shit the other day where I gagged. And I love a shit smell. A shit smell is hilarious to me. That's like scents around in a movie. What do you expect with eggs and bacon? What do you expect?

I live by myself in quarantine. Nobody fucking cares. movie and you expect with eggs and bacon what do you expect i live with everyone was quarantined nobody fucking cares yeah but i came over one day and the plumbing went out yeah and she had to shit in my house and uh it was ghastly like it it was so ghoulish that it eliminated Febreze. No, not ghoulish. That's completely different, Mike. Yeah, you were Febrezing me while I was on the toilet. I was Febrezing in the moment into the pink bedroom, into the closet of the pink bedroom. Yeah, he really was.

And then you could still smell it. It was permeating walls. I was getting sick from the Febreze smell and it was just awful. And I had to shit over there every time I shat while the plumbing was out of my house. Oh, that's funny.

It was cranberry Febreze. It was scented and then immediately oh shit smells more. Cranberry shit. It was scented and then immediately, oh, shit, smells still. More? More?

Cranberry shit. Cranberry egg shit. You literally eat like a dozen eggs a day. Oh, way more than a dozen. Are you kidding me? You eat more than a dozen? Eggs a day? Yeah. The only thing I eat is eggs and bacon, so yeah, I eat more than a dozen. Are a day? Yeah. The only thing I eat is eggs and bacon. So, yeah, I eat more than a dozen.

Are you going to start raising chickens? I probably should. You should. No, I hate responsibility. No, that's me. Yeah, you got to be. I give away all our chickens. I don't want to take care of them.

No, I would not want to take care of anything. But you know people who have chickens, which is just as good. We've been getting bulk eggs. I don't know where from. From Dana from the quarry here. They're not open yet, the quarry. We support bar, restaurant, all caps bar, low caps restaurant. So some of the restaurants around here are still just getting their regular inventory that they would get to make things and then selling it.

That's pretty fucking cool. That's really fucking cool. I didn't think about that. It was a little marked up more than you would pay at a grocery store, but it was also quality ingredients that they would also deliver to. That was Mike, backdoor Mike, off Mike. Backdoor off Mike. Backdoor off Mike. Yeah, who runs here, Dodds Diner.

Open for business, takeout only. But there was not a lot of take-in. Was there eight stools in this little diner? Ten. Very close together. Justin was just saying earlier they're going to put a little seating area out in the front with the trees and chairs and whatnot. I hope the mics didn't pick that up. I remember when Dots Diner was open when we first moved here, they had a little smoking area at the end, like an outdoor thing where they let you smoke.

And so we'd come. But when I'd go inside, I remember having to sit next to neighbor Dave once because there's 10 stools in there. It's just it's just the the the the slab like the counter at the bar. Yeah, there's no tables. It's just a counter L shaped counter. But the stools are so close together. Social distancing. He just said, yeah, 10 stools. Yeah, two stools is social distancing because you're touching neighbor Dave when you sit at the stool next to him. It's a middle seat.

Every seat is a middle seat at Dots Diner. Jenny and I are definitely going to come and check that out for uh we were checking out the instagram at the shady dell earlier and we're all the food looks fucking good so yeah the breakfast tacos the presentation on those was beautiful i had a oh i thought you're whispering in her ear oh you know what before i forget because I don't know what I did with it, let me read this letter from this kid. We've had a... What happened?

Oh, here's my shit. Yeah, we've had a couple people drop off some stuff. And last night after the party that evidently Castle Rock Kenny went up at that block party event. They were playing. The bands were playing on a porch on Black Knob View right down from the Chaley's and back door and Jen. And I saw these two kids show up. Evidently, Kenny went up and rapped and said hey i should watch my language again you can hear this

for the entire neighborhood and then he started cursing before he brought up mike montoya's band which was like triple louder than the other bands like they get shut down before the noise ordinance which is 10 p.m they were shut down by by 9. I was hearing it at Van Dyke. Yeah. I think it was, it was, this has gone on long enough. Because the middle band

was on for over an hour. And now it's probably too long. It's a duration thing. The people in the neighborhood are cool. You don't push it and keep, you know, a band go on for an hour. It's too long.

And I think the cops showed up so that the people who called the cops could go, okay, the cops showed up. It's busy. No one's getting arrested for playing a guitar. Well, it's the proper thing to do. If people are pissed, just shut it down. But I saw these two kids. They both look like Larry the Cable Guy like young versions

and I saw them there and then I'm watching Netflix I'm hammered I'm going to bed and I hear the cow bell ring out in front of the house and I went I didn't I thought it was the wind no one even notices that thing it's all rusted and so I talked to these two kids and they said they told me about how it all got shut down. I was already gone. And they told me about Castle Rock, Kenny cursing and the cops. And they said, we left you a gift bag. And so it had to pop off vodka and a couple of packs of smokes and and the guy's CD. and the guy's CD.

And there's the... This is a little care package from Austin Sweeney and Kevin Sugg, a professional musician and open mic comic, also co-hosts of the Good Time and Buds podcast. So there's your plug. It goes on... And here's their phone number. Yeah.

They were cool dudes. They were cool dudes. They were cool dudes and I just went out and I talked to them for a couple minutes. They go, we left you a package inside the gate

and then I talked to them for like 90 more seconds completely forgetting about the package. I saw it this morning. I went, oh, I talked to two guys last night

and so he gave me a CD. What's the name of the CD? It's right there beside you. This is Austin B. Sweeney. Or as Tracy calls him, Auschwitz. The Wild. Austin B. Sweeney, The Wild.

So like we always do when someone gives us a CD for a band, because everyone knows I'm not a music fan. I went through just the drive from Van Dyke to the Shady Dell, about three, four minutes. So I gave like five tracks, like 30 seconds. I go, this is not bad. This is pretty good. It sounds a lot like black crows it's

like basic fucking rock and roll and good the cd remained in the car not out the window so it was good i'd listen to that if i had a cd player somewhere still that's why i had to bring fucking the mom car the old honda only one with the cd yeah yeah but as i i'm getting out because bingo followed me over here i'm getting out i go wasn't bad it's like black crows and uh and then we turn around and those two guys are still sitting up here they stayed here last night but when i said oh we're gonna be there tomorrow night they hung out they're fucking cool as shit yeah so then i i told him i was just listening to your CD, so I broke out the jacket to fuck with him, just to read the

thank yous and stuff. And, uh, thank you, Mom. First, I want to thank my parents. Oh, weak. And then I'm going through it and we're just fucking with him. Oh, also, Inspirations, Joe Rogan and Doug Stano.

I'm like, oh, fuck, I didn't expect that. And then George Carlin after me and Rogan. Yeah, they were fucking great guys. We've met some cool people that have stopped by and not been intrusive. Yep, so sweet. Hope they didn't have the corona.

Do you remember talking to do you want to talk about it now? We're going to go to bingo. We get a lot of bingo. We'll need to take a break soon. Yeah, because I get a piss. Let's do that. And then I've got some things that I wrote down a bunch of stuff last night from people I talked to

after you left the block party. Wow, you were pretty hammered after. I came out for my third time drinking. I was hammered. His third time drinking. We're going to get the Paul Harvey rest of the story when we come back after break. Whatever I was watching, I woke up snoring a couple times too.

Oh, Paper Moon. Oh, that's right. Yeah, Paper Moon. And then I came out and I felt awake again. So I had three white Russians with you guys. And Tracy even said, Jaylee's kind of hammered. Yeah, yeah, you were. So you want to tell it now?

No, let's do it after. I got a bunch of stuff. I just want to know. We're getting close. Please hold. Yeah. Okay. Are we back?

Are we? I don't know. Shaylee's asking. What's happening now? Who's producing who? Usually Doug says we're back. Oh, well, we're back. All right. I'm here.

What did you have? Well, I'll start with a couple of things. you said something last night about an animal people documentary yeah oh that's a fucking great documentary listen killer termites it goes back to my occupied bit like you're protesting wrong this is how you almost protest right and there were a group that were protesting some specific site that practiced did animal testing and animal cruelty some of the footage is fucking brutal like beagles no beagles i think it was the uk was where they were doing the testing not quite sure but there was an american protest group but they went like they didn't just protest the place they found the fucking people in charge

then they went ahead of that found like the insurance company that insures them fucking destroyed them till they wouldn't insure that fucking place anymore. They end up getting arrested and doing time as a terrorist group. They did it wrong, but they did it right. Like if you hate Monsanto, well, the guy that fucking runs Monsanto, the CEO, his face and name and number. Yeah, fucking Docs. That guy shouldn't be able to go into the fucking corner diner without people spitting in his food like Fight Club.

Yeah, fucking put a face on a faceless corporation. I was in a perfect kind of half-high waking up mood where I'm like, yeah, there's ideas here. And it's brilliant. And it's brilliant. The animal people on a popular streaming service that is not carrying my special. When does this go out? Will my special be out? All right. About same day.

Yes. It's out now. We have the title for the book. I don't know if I should. Dave Rader came up with the title for the book. So you can stop sending me your suggestions because it's yeah he came up with

a fucking yeah very clever one I'll leave it be hopefully we start recording that next week but the special drops Tuesday the 18th 19th yeah people were giving shit Hennigan sent out the mass email from the website on the mailing list, and he fucked up the wrong day with the wrong date.

And then a couple people gave me shit on Twitter. I'm like, you don't know what fucking day it is either. Like, nobody knows what day it is. You think Hennigan's different? He's not doing anything in Vegas. You think Hennigan's different? He's not doing anything in Vegas. Up until, since it's out now, but you could pre-order it on Vimeo.

Has Hennigan told you how any of that's going? Does he get numbers on that? No, I don't ask. I get tons of emails and Patreon people that they've already. It will be out on Amazon and iTunes. Everybody on the Twitch channel the other night, somebody, when that email first went out, I was streaming and somebody posted a link in the twitch thing and people were like ordered ordered ordered ordered thank you very much yeah did burr uh tweet something he did burr kreischer

yeah yeah that means a lot it means a lot uh so please yeah retweet it hopefully it there's a couple of bits on there that'll probably get enough shit to... I was wondering if this will finally stand up on the... In the last one, though, technically... There's a reason Netflix didn't touch it. Well, I was not wondering why it was taking a while. Put it that way.

why it was taking a while. Put it that way. Shane Gillis said, yeah, this is bad. On the last one that you filmed in Bisbee, you had that bit about I could finger all the fucking

Duggan daughters. And you thought that was pushing the envelope, but then you kind of doubled down on that one in the new fashion. Yes, The Dying of a Last Breed is the title. I like that title. I had to read it a couple times because my mind fixed it. Totally. And then I go, no, read it again.

It's funnier than that. I'm correct. Yeah. Between last night being drunk and this morning, Doug, you found the three mics. That's why we're able to do it. Where were they? In the fucking Mazda, which Valentinaina swore she checked it's not in there

and then she wrote me back like because i like i have my memory like that was at the fucking beginning of quarantine coming off the road i handed them to you in seattle yeah and she's been using the mazda and she like she gave me all caps We've talked about this nine times. It's not in the Mazda. And then, oh, I looked in the Mazda. It was in the Mazda. Holy shit. Yeah.

So I'll cross that off the list. She's saving lives. She doesn't have time to burrow through the fucking dumpster she's turned the Mazda into. She doesn't have time to clean out the fucking car that's like a storage unit now. Is she living at morgan's yeah she's at morgan's until whenever yeah i just walked past and i've heard people in there and you know if uh he kept walking now she's i heard her voice one night man oh night yeah you can hear her from blocks away like Mike Montoya's

band if she's on a roll talking you can hear her for quite a distance two things left here one I talked to Weedy I remember seeing him I bought a duck

what? a live one? well he's's gonna give it to me dead oh but he's he's he's raising ducks and he goes uh i got duck eggs i saw those at the when they used to have the farmer's market he goes you want some i go oh i don't want those i just like ducks he goes we're killing them you want one so yeah i'm getting a duck if anyone uh wait i got a duck guy if anyone wants a duck i love duck when bingo first moved here shortly weeks after i did uh we went to the farmer's market and there were goats this is when she was spun shaved bald-headed can we get a goat i'll get you goat but then she I let her

talk herself out of it. But you're getting a live duck? No, no, it's going to be dead. He's going to harvest eight of them, I think. Dead ducks are the easiest ones to take care of. Yes. Yeah, I get a dead bird this morning. Meatwig brought it.

We had kind of the same night. While we were sitting on the porch, we were listening to the dove coup, and I said that I really liked the sound of it, and you said you hated it, and Meatwig heard you and killed a fucking dove. There's a trail of blood from that bird. It was a big one. Yeah.

He knows what he's doing. You know the names of the goats harder to do after you name them and then had a relationship and uh no no and they were very tasty when i when i was a kid i had uh for a short time uh i had a couple of geese that lived in the yard as pets and uh i really liked them and they kept getting out and they were they were a problem of course i don't think my mom thought it through when she got me two geese as pets but uh honker and snowy were their names and uh one day we were down at my grandma's house and eating sandwiches.

And I ate like two sandwiches with my uncle and he just started laughing. He was like, you like those sandwiches? Yeah. Honey, it was honker and snowy. They didn't have any carbs. They didn't have any carbs. Well, I did eat them on bread.

So, but yeah, i ate my geese not knowing christmas no we just had them in like sandwiches they just shredded that shit up it was good well doug uh at the block party it was still light out. You were talking to people and later didn't remember talking to people. Do you remember saying okay to a gig? No. Fuck. You're not the headliner. That's right. I do remember this.

What happened? Holy shit. You're the opener. Four. Well, this is the thing. Holy shit, you're the opener. Four. Well, this is the thing.

It might not happen until you said, I'll do it because I dare you. You guys won't pull this off. I have no, still not ringing any bells. He called his boss, who's a lawyer, who's friends with another lawyer that represents this artist and they took it on as a challenge. Doug, I'm allowed to say that you may be opening, if they can secure it, you've already said yes, to opening for the Motor City Madman,

Ted Nugent in Tombstone. No shit. Oh, shit. Oh, that sounds very familiar. It happened. While I'm talking, he's telling me this. I guarantee you he won't do it. We always talk about this.

It's the worst. We hate Ted Nugent. Well, yeah, yeah. The man outside is horrible. And he goes, no, no, he said he's going to do it. I would definitely do that. Are you going to troll it? If you go back to when we trolled Ted Nugent on the Joe Rogan message board.

Oh, my God. It was the funniest thing. Fucking with that idiot. Ted Nugent is an early example of why Trump is president. He just says outrageous things to get attention. Ted Nugent had two songs 50 years ago that kind of suck. Well, but before he had cat scratch fever,

he had other like Ted Nugent live was a huge album, but this was 45, 50 years ago. This is not recent. But, and that's why he does all this racist shit and gun rights shit and I fucking kill animals and like just over the top

to be relevant in a negative way like okay I'll say the worst thing that's why like fucking Tom Likas and all these people yeah it's just oh he said something wrong so I'm gonna make the news for saying the wrong thing

even if I don't fucking believe it. Ted Nugent, oh God, it was so funny because he was on his message board when we were trolling it and he'd respond. Oh no. I remember one of them because I was

a good troll. If I didn't know how bad it hurt i'd still do it the best because i would troll on his side like listen nooge heads or whatever i don't know if i don't know if he had a name whatever like all of us nooents got to stick together. We have to band together and get him back on all these rock and roll stations. They're playing like Rage Against the Machine and all these posers. When an actual rock and roller like Ted Nugent is forced to play a state fair next to a Tilt-A-Whirl and an Andy Gump. And when I call to request some of his classic songs,

they laugh me off the phone. We have to buckle down. So it sounds like it's the backhand. Backhanded, yeah. I love it. Oh, fuck. Fucking Ted Nugent. I'll do it.

I'll show up to that event. And you know what else? Ted Nugent. I'll do it. All right. I'll show up to that event. And you know what else? Ted Nugent will also play Tombstone, population 1,300 or whatever it is. Oh, well, every one of them loves the Nuge probably, though. Nuge has. my dad has uh over one of his mounted animals uh uh his javelina tag from when he hunted a javelina that ted nugent signed the tag that you get to kill it yeah the tag that you put over its leg or whatever after you kill it so you transport it it's all bloody with fucking Ted Nugent all displayed

on a dead animal on the wall. Rednecks love this guy, I'm telling you. No, it's going to be a great mix of crowd because we'll get half of Bisbee out there. Absolutely. Stranglehold is a great Ted Nugent song. The Friends of Obama line is another

good one, man. Weekend Warrior. I'm going for the songs. Don't know. Don't know. Do you want another? Are you slurping? No, Tracy's a bartender.

Give it to me. I finally can do something. How many carbs in that? Bingo is losing her shit. You drank that with the tea bag inside the whole time? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bingo and I, she's up the block at the quiet house.

So she quarantined for fucking, yeah, by yourself. Going out of your mind. You're coming out now a little bit it was funny yesterday you gave me a lot of shit the day before about doing this social distancing and you know how you've been i guess all of us have been a little edgy even fucking chaley was like i'm surly cranky about the microphones but yeah uh you were like yelling at me about well you know because mishka was gonna play on the patio yeah you know social distancing it doesn't work people get drunk and they're gonna touch each other but when you showed up in fucking leather chaps you're like oh hang

on my friends have to be here what like you? Steve Drew, like you were so against it. And then you showed up because you had a fucking phenomenal outfit. Oh, wait. Steve Drew's coming. I'm going to meet Mishka early. You had fun, right? Yeah, it was a blast. Because you're just now getting out of the house.

Because you've been doing like Richard Simmons shit. Her personal trainer, she had to stop doing that we've been talking about how ripped she is i'm not going to make you pose but she went deep lockdown because she was in louisiana the week before no during mardi gras i was no but before this the state even locked down she was in louisiana even before it had been mandated here. But it came out in the news that, oh, anyone who went to Mardi Gras, that's why New Orleans spiked because of Mardi Gras. So, yeah, you locked down. Well, I had someone tell me to lock down. So I did it from the 18th on.

Sorry. Yeah. But you had a personal trainer, Sonia. Yeah, we were working out four days a week, and then we couldn't. In the house. Yeah, when I quarantined, we couldn't do that anymore. But I took little Polaroid pictures of her doing all the moves. So I can do everything on my own. You're the only one here that could do that

without seeming creepy. Hey, can I take some Polaroids of you? Do the squat thrust again. Do the squat thrust. Work your guats. So you've got Richard Simmons DVDs so you can work out on your own? I do Richard Simmons hard every day.

I do not miss a day of Richard Simmons. I fucking love him. I love him. So hard. That's my cardio. And then I do my weights with the bands. Tell me the thing you said. Oh, I do the Richard Simmons thing and I yell this at the neighbors.

Oh, well, he says, oh, warm it up. He doesn't say warm. He says, warm it up. And I just yell it out when he does it. He makes me so fucking happy. I'm sorry. I need a drink, too. I should have done that.

Oh, thanks, Chase. Nobody knows. He's been disappeared for several years. Great documentary. Yeah, he's been disappeared. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, I got to see that. Jack LaLanne. Throws

kick sand in my face. Yeah, you were trying to set up a thing where social distancing Richard Simmons workout. It's Olivia Grace, everybody. Olivia Grace. Come here. You can use the handle because I brought sanitizer and you can clean your hands right away.

Olivia Grace is out in public. Yay. Olivia Grace. Don't hug her, Jenny. There you go. The last time we got Olivia Grace to finally come over and hang out with everybody, we were leaving at the end of the night, and Jenny's giving everybody hugs and walks towards Olivia,

and all of us are shouting, no, no, no. And she went over and hugged olivia anyway who did jenny it was funny because olivia just shrugged she's like you can't be mad at jenny i know jenny was my first hug too i can't say no uh and plus asians can't get it anymore listen jenny hates people more than i do nobody's more socially distanced than uh jenny is so do you oh who was who oh that was jenny last night she's like you know he keeps saying he's the anti-social one i'm the the antisocial one. He's a very social. Talking about Chad.

Absolutely. Well, I'm better at it. I'm not. You don't see her grabbing the mic? We don't even have friends outside of this. She doesn't have friends that we hang out with or anything like that. Until we met you guys, we had zero friends. That's a

real thing and we liked it i forgot what my point was i love you guys but uh oh when after after we left after she hugged olivia i was like oh we just barely got olivia to come and hang out and then you like went over and hugged her everybody else and goes, how am I supposed to know when to believe you assholes? And I was like, solid fucking answer, I guess. Olivia, don't take off your shirt, because Jen will see where you scrubbed all the skin off of your shoulders

because you got hugged. Did you text her a thousand times in the middle of the night saying, I can't believe that's so fucked up? You hugged me? Olivia, if you take a step forward and then to your right, you'll be like right in the shot between these two. Thank you. And you'll still be social distancing.

There you go. Perfect. Does she have a mask on? No. She doesn't care about our health. Basically like licking my doorknob. I don't think so. I O-lub-y you, Olivia.

Olabia. When you first showed up and started yelling over the gate, I thought you were like a manager. I thought we were in trouble. Are we being too loud for all the guests? Well, Olivia, when Bingo was quarantining, Olivia was quarantining hard, still is.

And you guys would text. Yeah. Just to keep your sanity. What else did you do in quarantine? What else did I do? Oh, wait, you, she was, you've been, because we're starting to record the book, allegedly, next week.

Sometime next week. And you've been working on a song for the book. I have a theme song for your book. We're writing me and Robin, and we've got a lot of it done. I just have to record it now here, away from him, which is going to be hard, but we'll do it. Figure it out. We'll figure it out. Is there going to be a lot of trombone on it? Aback loved the fucking trombone by the way that's so sweet that's so sweet i'll do

some more she's uh she she's just learning like just the pieces of songs on the trombone which is it fair to say you have no idea how to play except enough i've never taken a lesson in my life i only do it when i'm fucking wasted and i have so much fun but when i'm like tripping on mushrooms i know that i can play every song out there i can play anything on the trombone i am a master and i just i know i'm a master at the trombone but then I go to play it and I hear it the next day and I'm like whoa whoa whoa not a master at all

who wrecked my recording she sent me a recording of her playing when the Saints come marching in which as soon as I heard it I said well you know football season's coming up and then every time the Saints score this year, you have to play that.

She'll do it. I can do that. I can do that. So I play a lot of trombone in quarantine. I do other things, too. I have fake mustaches. Oh, yeah, Gretchen Baer,

at Gretchen Baer, B-A-E-R. Local artist. Phenomenal. And she's been taking all... If you follow Bingo on Twitter, all the pictures she takes, which is a weird thing. The first one, I took a picture of her beginning of quarantine. She's in a yellow snowsuit.

That's how... It was winter when it started. And now it's fucking 95 degrees today. Yeah. But, you know, the fake mustaches. Well, when this started, I was trying to get prepared. And so I got a vibrator online. So I got my vibrator,

and I got a ton, a fuck ton of fake mustaches. I got you one. I got so many fake mustaches right now. And I play with them all the time. I trip out on mushrooms. I put on my fake mustache. I dance around.

Use your vibrator. Bingo is having the best quarantine ever She's got mushrooms And fake mustaches And vibrators And the other thing I hoarded I gotta say it was lava lamps I gave you one

I gave you one I hoarded lava lamps Yeah I saw in your car There was like three that you haven't even given out yet. You've got to stop with the lava lamps. You know I'm unemployed. We're living off your disability check.

I know. We're going to be pawning lava lamps. Plasma bank. Isn't there plasma in the lava? plasma bank isn't there plasma in the lava what about the sperm bank maybe i don't know what's in this thing the plasma bank wouldn't take it they sent me over here oh you got something else there doug oh well i'm looking at her notes.

Oh, we did the Ancestry.com thing. Oh, yeah. We still six to eight weeks. A lot of people with nothing to do right now. They're on back order for sure. No, no, that's what it was when her sister pitched us on this at Christmas. Yeah, it was your crazy. Your sister desperately wants some fucking...

She wants you to have children. And she wants to find out who they are and she's into it. She watches that show Long Lost Family or some shit like that. And so she wants you to have... I'm glad she doesn't watch Dancing with the Stars

or I'd have to take tango lessons. That would be your other sister. That's Brooke. That's Nat. That's right, but that's Brooke. But we've, yeah, since you've come out into the world a little bit. Yeah. We do a lot of driving tours.

Well, we are more romantic now. Well, driving tours well we are more romantic now well in quarantine we were more romantic and you invited me to do every saturday you were gonna pick me up well you do we do this pick me up and we'd listen to casey casem's top 40 from the 70s Sirius XM not a sponsor you should just send me money anyway Sirius XM satellite it's so fun maybe it was Shane Gillis that I had this conversation with

where they like do you want to re-up you can always fuck with Sirius no I don't want to resign okay we'll give it to you half off now how about a 75 off okay i do it once a year every year i i cancel you have a loyalty department oh yeah transfer you to the loyalty department i'm gonna cancel unless i get a good deal hold

on let me see what the good deal is and then they'll actually tell you they'll tell you call up next year and get the new deal yeah the new loyalty deal yeah serious is cheap as fuck if you don't pay what they're asking and i were talking about that like i'm on your channel right now i shouldn't have to pay for something that you're playing me on. Fuck you. But I have too many cars. I never know which one I'm fucking canceling. Oh, yeah.

Casey Kasem, America's top 40 from this week. 70s on seven. And is it Matt? Magic Matt. Magic Matt's on there. Oh, fuck. I Kasem, America's Top 40 from this week. 70s on 7, and is it Matt? Magic Matt? Magic Matt's on there. Oh, fuck, I got to call him back. He keeps calling my old phone, and I keep bragging about, I know this guy. He has his own radio show, but he is also 70s on 7.

You played poker with him? Yeah, before any of this was built. on seven. You played poker with him? Yeah, before any of this was built. He was the first person maybe to visit Bisbee. We had a poker game. Barely had furniture.

I have vague memories of it. You know those old rusted medieval helmets that hang out? Those weren't rusted then. We had just bought them from Vavum and we wore them during poker. Oh, Jesus. It's in a very unfurnished fucking 212 Van Dyke Street, Bisbee, Arizona, 85603.

Inside the house, you had a patio set, wasn't it? With an umbrella? Yeah, like a tiki bar. Two tiki bars. You know where the divider is between the living room? Yeah, they fit perfectly in a horseshoe so father Luke was on one side with his umbrella and I was on the other side

that's when you got me my own website and I was like my tits are on TV I was confused yeah she was fresh out of a mental hospital he's also talking to people on a banana that's true

he made her a website. And she's like, how about it? She's looking at a laptop. I'm on TV. I'm on TV. Yeah, I was reflecting on 15 years here in Bisbee. What it was like when we had no friends. Was it better?

Because I've been thinking about that too. Oh, sorry. We were freshly in love and she kept things interesting by sometimes cutting her head open. She still does that. Oh,

but that's an accident now a couple years to do it with scissors now she just has to fall backwards she ran headlong into a tree when we were in wyoming for montana oh yeah no she yeah she cut her when she was a cutter she'd do her forehead because she didn't want she couldn't stand the sight of blood so do it up here and I remember that's when Ichabod chewed through the seatbelt Shaylee went ballistic and you just went down and started cutting your head

on the bar I'm glad you're well medicated with mushrooms now I am so well medicated now it makes a big difference a lot of mushrooms and it's so good for me. Yeah, what do you refer

to him as? Whoever gives you mushrooms? Your medical guy? Well, it is my medicine. It's some of my medicine. Sometimes when you say that, I assume you have to go to the pharmacy at Safeway and then other times you go, no, the guy that brings me my mushrooms.

Their doctor. Their doctor. My doctor. Dr. Shroom. Here comes management. Oh, Justin Jason. We had an argument about how you got that name. I'm right.

I'm totally right on this. Yeah, because I always fucked it up by calling him jason but i'm the one who started calling him jason and i know why he's called jason you didn't even know why because it's like justin no there was an article ask him there was an article and he was referred to as Jason instead of Justin. And I thought it was hilarious. But I think I called him Jason before that article came out. Can you settle this bet?

We settle a bet. I don't know. We try to get your housekeeper on to talk about what it's like cleaning up after gay pride. Oh, fuck, he says. Hey, hey, hey, get over there. Come on in. Down the mic and sit right here. Okay, all right. Go ahead. You found a duffel bag?

Yeah, it was one weekend. Hold the mic up. Up there? All right. Yeah, it was a weekend that we guys checked out and go in and it was Jen.

She found it. And she set the duffel bag down in the office and it made this loud clank. And we're like, oh, shit, I think we broke something in there. She's like, I should probably just check and make sure. And open it up. Room deodorizer. There was like fists like, you know, fuck me. me big rubber fist there was a big rubber fist in there there's a bunch of the anal um beads everything on it but plugs and they were like these metal butt plug things i guess just that went quite together heavy too serious they're

big yeah that was it yeah i i remember the stories when we first met we broke some of your shit uh that's right you broke the glasses yeah one glass i think it was one glass and we replaced it with like a thousand other things yes and then you wrote a check and i thought it was a fake check because it oh it says shake the baby baby productions right on big rubber check it was funny when you said uh it was pride weekend and uh yeah there's these guys checked out like lesbians don't leave a lot of problems, I'm assuming. No. It's not like goo hanging like stalactites off the fucking ceiling of the trailer if it's chicks.

Yeah. I remember them telling the stories where they would, like, kind of shiver when they said it. Yeah, cleaning up after pride. Yeah. Nitrate everywhere. They take it seriously out here. It's not happening this year. Oh, you're going to get virtual shit in.

They're doing virtual gay pride now in Bisbee? It was in the paper. That's a bummer. That's it. That's all I got. You're starting to look like Kenny with the hair. Those metal butt plugs aren't going to feel the same during a virtual gay pride.

I guarantee you that. They'll smell different. Thanks, Justin. Thank you you thanks for having us oh yeah we didn't uh we don't know there's no one here so but so i will pay you at some point put it on the tab we might stay we might stay in one of these ones closer than what you put us in. Oh, yeah. Can they move to the gold one? Because they haven't gone into the yacht.

And the yacht, the bed is a little tight for a gentleman of that. The airflow is going to be small. Well, there's two single beds. Yeah, but their heads don't touch. The child's bed Jenny can fit on, and then I sleep in the fetal position on the other one. No, this gold one. We'll open up a couple here, and you guys can just see which one we have. Right on.

Yeah, go scope out. Although, after hearing about the pride stories, I think Jenny hasn't been drinking. I might just go home. Although after hearing about the pride stories, I think Jenny hasn't been drinking. I might just go home. Yeah, that virus is so 80s. There's no Corona in there. Come on.

You're like Magic Johnson. All the bacterias killed the corona. My AIDS killed all my crabs. Give him the mic. Maybe they're releasing the Magic Johnson secret tonight. Episode 9 and 10 of The Last Dance. Yeah, I know. I did think about that. I appreciate you so much.

100% blood transfusion. What's that? That's how he got rid of AIDS. Take the mic. That's how Magic Johnson got rid of AIDS. He had all of his blood drained. That's something you know or that's something you've read on the fucking 4chan or whatever. No, that's something I made up.

I'm suspect of that statement. That's something I made up. Really? I heard from South Park that he had cash injected directly into his veins. You don't need to do the 23andMe. They get your DNA from pennies.

Who's Penny? Why does she have all of our dna why else do we use pennies they just take your dna from why do they sorry you just sounded like jerry seinfeld which made me think i just watched jerry seinfeld's new special and uh not only did i laugh but uh there's a couple premises i like he just stepped on my premise and i go am i getting soft or is he getting hard yeah he has a as some like there's there's good stuff in there. Like, if you watch the trailer, it's the best stuff. But, yeah, there's some stuff where you're like, that's a bit I'm doing now. But it's not something I'd have to dump because my version is way better.

It goes a different direction, I'm sure. Yeah. His joke is my premise. I'm familiar with your work. That's on Netflix, right? Mm-hmm. Let's check that out.

It's a stand-up special. It's 23 Hours to Kill. I talked about it earlier before we were podcasting, but I watched that one on YouTube the other day, Mark Norman. Oh, cool. It's a really funny one that people should check out, too. Yeah, it took me forever to watch the Sam Morrill.

Oh, I haven't watched that. I'll have to check that out. That everyone kept saying, and it was worth it. So now just keep telling me to watch Mark Norman. Mark Norman. And Jay Whitecotton is the other one I watched on YouTube. Both of those are on YouTube. Yeah, Sam Morello is.

And that's current. I thought that was older. Those are three on YouTube. Jeff Tate? Yep. Oh, shit. Oh, wow. Oh, cool.

You should probably get in touch with him next week. Yeah, Taylor Todd. I should get in touch with Todd Glass. It seemed like we were going to be best friends, and now I'm afraid to be the one to reach out. In fact, a few people on Twitter have said, hey, you should reach out to Doug Stanhope, Todd Glass. And he didn't even like the tweet.

I retweeted something of his today. And I don't know if he liked my retweet. Yeah, it's you know, it's there's highs and lows with this virus. Bingo doesn't even watch. I swear you have Netflix over there there but you won't let me in the house because you think i'm dirty because i have social distancing parties no i know the problem is your the horde is out of control or you have some weird shit in there you don't want me to go in there and yell at you i don't care what you do are there anymore i know you but i know you have

netflix you have netflix in there i swear to you and you don't know the button but the this is why bingo like she's watching richard simmons like one time she said all right i've already done all uh like eight exercises like she has a four-day-a-week regimen. I did. She did two weeks' worth and already came down from mushrooms, and it was only noon. That's true. And she's like, I don't know what to do.

That's true. Because she doesn't have Netflix. She doesn't watch TV. She doesn't have the attention span for movies. No. So you just go out of your mind and learn the trombone poorly. Poorly. Oh, Dr. Pimple Popper.

Oh, you know what? I swore right now I will never watch Dr. Pimple Popper in my life, but I also swore when you guys talked about 600-pound life that I would never watch that. And I watch it and I I've been watching a bunch of hoarders about 600 pound life that I would never watch that. And I watch it. Go fuck yourself.

I've been watching a bunch of hoarders lately. That's what I've been binging. Dr. Kimball Popper is the best. I wish so bad I had a cyst. A lipoma. I want a lipoma. What is it? A cyst. The cysts are the best.

What was the other word you said? Lymphoma? A lichen throat? That's a werewolf. You pop it and shit comes out, man. That's what it is. It's fucking badass. That is so horrible.

I hated that. She loved that too. I hated that one. I tried to watch one of those. It was a chick eating cat fur. Oh, yeah. Like, I'm addicted to eating cat fur. And I'm like, I'm not watching that.

I eat steel wool. Sometimes they eat, like, foam. The foam from the mattresses. What's your sleep number? I couldn't what's your sleep number i couldn't i couldn't imagine when you torture me with sleep number beds well it would be on the road and they 8 12 17 2 well no i would i would have the remote for both sides of the bed on my side and then just slowly release hers and then build it. It's terrible. Stop it.

It's fucking horrible. This is so, you're so much fun to tease. Shut up. No, I'm not. Alright, what time are we at, Chaley? Let's, oh, we can do a live out.

Unless you have anything to plug. Yeah. Doug special. At the Shady Dell or theshadydell.com. Dots Diner. Backdoor Mike. Fucking great breakfast tacos and a really good review from, God damn it. He's on the CD.

Sweeney. Austin Sweeney. Austin Sweeney. Yes, he had a great review of the Philly cheesesteak. And now I'm fucking hungry. God damn it. I got bacon. You ask if I have anything to plug the other day i was on my twitch stream and somebody said you know if you had a patreon chad uh amazon wouldn't get half the money that we gave

you for your twitch thing and i said uh you know uh what kind of an asshole would start a patreon when i'm already asking you please subscribe subscribe to the Doug Stanhope Patreon. Please subscribe to the Issues with Andy Patreon. And please subscribe to my Twitch channel. What kind of an asshole would I be to add a Patreon channel of my own into that mix? Yeah, you just plugged the three. Yeah, that was my point. Yeah, and if we went up to $5, we're staying at one dollar for our patreons so yeah you have two more dollars

to spend so join those other two i don't know if that math worked out that's why i don't do my own taxes i just prepped them all right oh what do you think bingo you want You want live? I'm on mushrooms. I'm not manic. Go, manic. I'd be ready. No, I'm not manic. Fake manic. Okay, okay, okay.

Look in the camera. 2014, 11, 172. Okay, one, two, three, four. Okay, coronavirus. We got it. We got it. Okay, bye-bye now. Okay.

Bye-bye now. Thank you.