The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#430: My Good Friend Tiger Woods

Episode Date: January 22, 2021

Doug thinks he is getting canceled, the problem with people who speak for celebrities and Bobby Caldwell calls in from prison. Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at&nbsp...;Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0 Recorded Jan 20th, 2021 at the New FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Bobby Caldwell (@NotesFromThePen), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Tracey (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - Check out Bobby Caldwell's podcast at NotesFromThePen.com Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - ChailleSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Good night. Good night. Good night. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Hello, Chad. What's happening? Hello, world. It's evidently a brand new world out there.
Starting point is 00:00:20 That's why we moved this. I don't know if I told you, Chad, but we were going to do it yesterday, the day before the inauguration. And I go, well, first of all, that means we'd put it out on inauguration day when no one's watching. And if shit goes down, we don't want to have a podcast of us talking about, well, what do you think tomorrow's going to be like? One step behind the rest of the world. Yeah, people are listening as their fucking towns burn to the ground. Yeah. That would be a shit podcast.
Starting point is 00:00:48 That would be the opposite of the cliffhanger podcast. Instead, here we are with absolutely nothing exciting to talk about with the inauguration at all. That's all right. I have notes. I have other shit I wanted to talk about. First,
Starting point is 00:01:08 twice today, I thought I got canceled as soon as Biden got sworn in. I got that one guy tweeted that, hey, I can't get your podcast on Spotify. And then Chaley replies, yeah, a couple people have said that. Just go to another platform.
Starting point is 00:01:24 And I'm like, Spotify? That's like Rogan's fucking blocking my podcast? No. And then another guy emailed me and he said, listen, I can't get the last two tracks from Before Turning the Gun on himself. The last two
Starting point is 00:01:40 tracks are my favorite material. Why is it, say, not available in the US on all the streaming sites? So I check Amazon, fucking sure enough, why is it say not available in the u.s on all the streaming sites so i check amazon fucking sure enough those two tracks not available uh so i called hennigan like i'm getting those two things in a row where i am i fucking getting canceled for what like i looked at the two tracks one of them is a vaguely racist if you call call Asian women the most beautiful women in the world, I guess that's racist to all the other women. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:02:11 But yeah, it turns out those tracks are over 10 minutes long. We had the same problem with the last CD. If Amazon has a track that's more than 10 minutes, you have to buy the whole album. So in short order, I have to buy the whole album. So, yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:25 So, in short order, I figured out, oh, okay. I'm not getting canceled. So, my world's no different. But last night, I watched part two of the Tiger Woods documentary, Tiger on HBO. And I was trashing the first part when it came. I watched the first 90 minutes of part one, and it's just about his dad making him play golf, and he became a great golfer, and he was a kid with a weird...
Starting point is 00:02:54 And that was it, and then getting famous. But part two is actually really good. That's where he gets into some shit. But the whole time I'm watching this documentary, I'm watching all these people that have been talking about him since he was a fucking teenager. But then they're just guessing what he must be going through. And at some point, one of them said that,
Starting point is 00:03:19 yeah, I thought at this time, if there's ever a time he needs real friends. And I reached out to him but his his phone just went straight to voicemail and then he cut me out of his life completely and i think of all the like the like people who would fucking send me emails to to give to johnny depp because he like if you ever just want real people I know you're surrounded by all those crazy Hollywood people. If you want to just have a home-cooked meal with normal
Starting point is 00:03:52 people, that's the last thing he wants. I get emails like that. They're not as desperate. I was just thinking, if I died, how many people would fucking jump to be in a documentary that I haven't even fucking talked to since I was 28 years old? Or people I do know now that you go, yeah, don't shut the fuck up, Kenny.
Starting point is 00:04:17 Talking about what motivated me as a comedian. It's one thing if you tell a story that you were involved in, but when they sit back and talk about, I think Tiger at one point they said, when Tiger Woods got caught fucking a million chicks, well, his dad was also a philanderer, and maybe I
Starting point is 00:04:38 think because he missed his father so much, he had to go all the way down that rabbit hole to understand, understand no he just wanted to fuck a bunch of chicks like shut up kenny he wouldn't be the guy to like how many people are in your life that not that you don't like but do you go yeah i would never want them fucking talking about like hedberg is a good example. I get another email about, well, we want to do a Hedberg documentary,
Starting point is 00:05:15 and we wouldn't want to attach ourselves to a, or whatever, unless you were attached, like, having a good friend attached. I have, like, four Hedberg stories I remember. They're all when we were fucking kids and I wouldn't even want to be in it. Everything, the Julie Sebaugh's thing she did about Hedberg. She knew that was the extent of my knowledge and still wanted to throw it in with other people.
Starting point is 00:05:36 Fine, but I wouldn't go in and try to proclaim what motivated Mitch and, you know, or Depp for that matter. I wouldn't be, if Depp died and they wanted me in a documentary, I'd say, fuck no. I had like three stories that
Starting point is 00:05:51 I told in a book and that was all. Well, we'd entertain an offer. I mean, let's just, let's not throw the baby out with the bathwater here. Let's just see what kind of numbers they're throwing out. Hey, Chad, can you do me a favor and boost your level a little bit? Yeah. I forget.
Starting point is 00:06:07 I have to boost my level on here, and I have to turn it back down for Skype. God, such a hectic life here in the rat race. All that work in your sound shed. Slash bar. The other day, while I was on the Twitch stream, I got fucked up, and I berated everybody and told them that they were basically McDonald's franchise owners because now they've enslaved me to doing that stupid fucking Twitch stream because I make just enough money doing it to make me keep doing it. So I hope they're all happy with themselves. No, you'll probably double your numbers.
Starting point is 00:06:45 I was hoping for it. That was the plan. I don't know if all the audience loves Abuse, but the ones that do, you gain a fan base out of. Hey, I got an idea. I don't want to say I got a tip because you're way better at that whole thing with Twitch.
Starting point is 00:07:02 Maybe when you go live, play a fucking video game. Oh, weird. You guys talk a lot. Jabberjaw back and forth. There's no gaming, really. Well, I think the only audience that would be looking for video games
Starting point is 00:07:18 would probably report me. So I'm in a weird spot where I can't really try to appeal to any other audience than the miserable fucks that also just want to drink and hang out with me while we're fucking instead of doing it by themselves. So, uh, fair enough.
Starting point is 00:07:35 I don't know how only fans works, but I assume that there is a feature that is Twitch-like where you can just fucking all bullshit and have a chat going on the side? I don't know. But I was going to say, if you went to a different platform that you didn't have to fucking watch your mouth or
Starting point is 00:07:57 play video games, do you think you'd really lose people? Well, a little over 200 subscribers, i don't i'd have to look at the percentage of them that are like free a lot of people uh pay for a subscription or gift other people subscriptions repeatedly i have several people that just do that and help keep it afloat but it's uh i think the twitch prime thing is at least a good percentage of them where it doesn't cost anybody any money.
Starting point is 00:08:25 That was the original grift. All right, yeah, I forgot about that part. And plus, anytime you ask someone to fucking register, even sign up for my mailing list, how many people, I'd have to type out my whole name and shit. When Fury first talked me into doing this, I was like, all right, that's simple enough. And I researched, and I i was like all right that's simple enough and i researched and i go all right that's simple enough and then when i actually had to do it
Starting point is 00:08:49 i was the first thing i was like it's a pain in the ass i'm sorry i'm asking you to do this because it wasn't that easy to figure out i get easily put off when uh like New York Times. A few times I subscribe to it online and a few times I'll hit a story. I don't know how it works if some stories you have to be subscribed because I can get it without being a subscriber.
Starting point is 00:09:18 They're trying to get you, they give you a couple stories but then a bunch of them you'll have to go beyond the paywall to get it. But the laptop I signed up on, it fucking says you have to log in, which I should always be logged in. So I hit log in, and then I fucking hit submit because the password is remembered. And then it goes right back to you have to be a member to read this page. And I'm like, but I don't even know how to get a hold of them to cancel the fucking subscription.
Starting point is 00:09:48 I just want it fixed, but that's even more of a problem. So now I just don't read those stories and pay for it. If they put in like a clickbait that asks a question or has like an open-ended thing and then I click on it and it's like you have to pay to see this.
Starting point is 00:10:07 I just fucking make up my own end of the story and blame them for the misinformation. I'm just like, fuck, I don't know if that's right or wrong, but according to these people, that's what I heard. Yeah, that's a good way to spread fake news, according to the fucking New York Times, and then just make up the end of the headline. times and then just make up the end of the headline. This would be a good time
Starting point is 00:10:28 to... Someone just tweeted something about I'm going to start a Biden QAnon and say that he's doing this and that. But I'm like, no, you should do it the other way, is that fucking Biden is here to stop all this rampant...
Starting point is 00:10:45 Keep the QAnon bullshit part alive, but just make Biden into the new fucking... The new guy. Yeah. The Lord was displeased with Trump, so he now has chosen Biden, but the same plan's still going. Yeah. But yeah, don't forget about the fucking eaten babies that you raped. The pizza sauce. Yeah, there was a
Starting point is 00:11:08 New York Times article today about how fucking not QAnon, but Proud Boys completely fucking turned on Trump and fuck him, he was weak and we'll keep our ideals alive, but maybe we abandoned both parties. But yeah,
Starting point is 00:11:23 get in there and fucking go, no, no, QAnon, they're still fucking eating babies and fucking them and stuff. Yeah. It's all winter groups now. Biden has a dog whisper that dogs can't hear. You really have to read
Starting point is 00:11:39 between the lines. I'll tell you what he's saying. Yeah, I got kind of wrapped up in that Q and non stuff there towards the end. Cause they were, all of it was really, uh, specific. And I was like,
Starting point is 00:11:50 well, how you didn't leave yourself any out. I mean, if I, there's one thing I know about fucking being completely full of shit is you leave an out so that, you know, paints yourself into a corner.
Starting point is 00:12:01 So I was waiting to, you know, see, and, uh, a lot of them just pretend that didn't happen. Alex Jones is out is to continue talking and find any word that steers him down a completely different road,
Starting point is 00:12:13 but seems like a seamless segue and just barrages you till you don't remember what the fuck you were trying to call him on. I've tried to talk to that guy. Back when he was fucking nothing. He was just a cable access guy that hung out with Kevin Booth. Another example. This might have come up before. Oh, see? I'm Alex Jones-ing
Starting point is 00:12:35 myself. I was going off on a different topic. So, yeah, let's go that way. Yeah, I always said that about Kevin Booth. I'm going back to the, he was bill hicks's best friend and i go yeah ron putnam would say that about me if i fucking died and became a legend and he wouldn't be wrong like we were best friends but he was incredibly full of shit kind of like ralphie may where you just let let it slide. And all these unverifiable stories.
Starting point is 00:13:06 They weren't hurting anyone. They were anecdotes. I know, but imagine you're fucking dead and they say, Doug Stanoff's best friend on the documentary and it's Ron Putnam fucking selling his book, Lifer, about the fucking 20 days he spent in county for unpaid tickets. I'd watch that documentary. I like Andy. Andy would be fantastic on a documentary. Could you fact
Starting point is 00:13:34 check it? No. Would I be going, that's not how it went, Andy. From hell. I was watching on YouTube, they have a series, I think it's called The Soft White Underbelly. I was watching on YouTube. They have a series. I think it's called the soft white underbelly. And they have like interviews with like just people like some of the ones I was watching were like in rural West Virginia. And it's kind of just regular people, but they just have the story. And then it it's it made me realize like everybody has a story, but not everybody can tell a story and then it it made me realize like everybody has
Starting point is 00:14:06 a story but not everybody can tell a story I get engrossed I'm like well I kind of want to know what happened in your life lady but I don't want to listen to you fucking tell me is there somebody else that can fill in for you break it down
Starting point is 00:14:21 some people have really important shit to say and you almost fall asleep at the wheel while you're listening to Gnome Chomsky. Is that how that tweet came up the other day? Nom nom nom nom nom Chomsky.
Starting point is 00:14:39 I know it was a clue on the Sunday Times. Oh, it was. Chomsky. Anyway, yeah, Noam Chomsky is the most. It's like listening to an unabridged Tinker Tailor soldier spy, if you ever saw that movie, where they just talk at this level all the time. And really, the problem with the caste system in the United States, which is under, like, all right, I know you're saying
Starting point is 00:15:05 something good. Fucking inflection. Go high, go low. Build up some fucking drama. There was an audio book about like an adult guide to drug reuse or whatever that this doctor wrote that seemed pretty interesting. And I'm going to listen to that on
Starting point is 00:15:21 audio book. I listened to a sample of it oh fuck i gotta get the regular book this guy this guy is sounds like the fucking kid who just hoped the teacher wouldn't call on him and never raised his hand and fucking had to just get chosen in the middle read out loud in front of the class it was horrible to try to listen here's my thousand dollar idea of the moment. And I'm selling this. I'm pitching you right now, Audible.
Starting point is 00:15:49 Why don't you do like GPS where you can switch the accent on the voice and shit? Exterior. Yeah. Take it right now, says Morgan Freeman. No, you know, I think I want Samuel L. Jackson. Well, you've done an audio book. That means another person has to completely read the book. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:16:09 All right. And then they pay them to do that. And then they have that feature where you can choose from your option of readers. Switch narrator. Yeah. Fuck just the speed. Switch the narrator. All you have to do is pay some voiceover cunt in L.'ll fucking do it for you're talking about mcdonald's wages voiceover actors
Starting point is 00:16:30 yeah everyone from the podcast has to read oh could we do could we do hijack bootleg audible books you, I'll read any book you want for this much money. And what are they going to do? If you're doing it like a cameo. Well, if you're just selling it to one person, if they ask you to do it, it's like a command performance. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:16:59 It's a high dollar item. Oh, yeah. It's not going to be cheap. I was going to say, that's a lot of work. Actually, it was so much work that now I hardly ever go in that studio because it's easier and you actually make
Starting point is 00:17:11 more money in this one where I do Twitch than I do in that one. Okay, this is why we call it a writer's room, Chad. Stay with me. Okay, maybe a book is a little too much to bite off. How about your Sunday paper horoscope audibles? We'll read your Sunday morning horoscope.
Starting point is 00:17:32 Open a fortune cookie for you and read your fortune. There you go. You can do it as a Zoom. High dollar item. Still a high dollar item. They can tell Chad to dig down deep in the bowl, down to the left, like picking a lobster. For extra, I'll do one of those, what the hell is it?
Starting point is 00:17:56 You make the sounds into the thing. I'll eat the fortune cookie right into the microphone. Yeah, ASMR. Yeah, ASMR. Eat the fortune cookie right into the microphone. That's ASMR. Yeah, ASMR. You can eat the fortune cookie right into the microphone. That's a bonus. Doug likes that. I have an update.
Starting point is 00:18:12 I saved this for Shaley. Crazy Mary. You might remember her from the police beats. Anytime there was something on Van Dyke that was trivial, that was Crazy Mary up and over. She lives on Van Dyke about four, what would be normally four houses down. She's been in the police beat complaining about wind chimes, someone's wind chimes, kids skateboarding. Kids skateboarding down the hill, which is, you know,
Starting point is 00:18:45 that is an issue, I think, if she was ever on the road. Is the sound of wheels making her nervous? Well, if wind chimes
Starting point is 00:18:54 fuck with her. that's true, yeah. Skateboarders, they annoy me. Crazy Mary has ears like an elephant. I've never seen her.
Starting point is 00:19:03 I don't know what she looks like. She doesn't look like anything. She's a mystery. And she's been here forever. We know the people on either side of her where she'd just come out and scream, you're fucking communists and get the fuck off my lawn, basically. But she's off her meds.
Starting point is 00:19:21 And then sometimes she's on her meds and she's a very nice person. But she's off her meds, and then sometimes she's on her meds, and she's a very nice person. This is just all hearsay from up the uphills and old bad neighbor Jeff before he moved. So at some point, she called the cops on our dogs. We didn't know it. Or was it down to just Henry at that point? How long ago? No, no.
Starting point is 00:19:41 It was both of them. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I thought, which is that's a long time ago because Ichabod went down April of 2019. No, no, hold on a second. I think that's what it was. It was because it was only Henry, and we're like, well, it couldn't be our dogs because Henry doesn't bark. Yeah, you're right.
Starting point is 00:20:01 How long has Ichabod been gone? Almost two years. Geez. Yeah, no, right. How long has Ichabod been gone? Almost two years. Jeez. Yeah, no, I was just thinking. Because that was when I was off the road. That was the bit I loved doing the most is the bit about Ichabod, my dog being put down.
Starting point is 00:20:18 And then I thought today, I thought, oh, that's going to be a fucking old story by the time I ever get back on the road and then I thought no, I have another dog. Yep, in the wings. Yeah. I could do that all over again so it's fresh. It might be close. I know. Poor girl. She snores standing up.
Starting point is 00:20:40 What's wrong with that? What was my point? Crazy Mary. Crazy Mary. Crazy Mary. So I thought maybe it was the neighbors next door, but they have dogs, and I brought it up, and they go, no, don't hear your. So just after that conversation, I'm walking Henry, and I see a lady because she has a pit bull that you rarely see, but you see it more than Mary. So I go, I think that might be that pit bull, and here's this woman, and you don't know what she looks like because she looks –
Starting point is 00:21:12 I talked to her the other day. She looks like Professor Clouseau with a fucking – she wears this oversized beige, like, raincoat, London fog kind of trench coat raincoat, and then a big hat. So even after I talk to her, I don't know what she looks like. So I was walking the dog, and I see what I think is Crazy Mary before I talk to her, and I get home, and there's a baggie on the door with a dog treat and a note saying, I'm sorry I complained about your dogs.
Starting point is 00:21:44 I was grumpy. It was a dog treat, and it, dogs should bark and have fun. And it signed Mary and Schnooky. That's her dog. Oh, Schnooky's not her last name? We had to check the security footage to see if it was the same people, the same dog and woman I saw, and it was. So it was weeks or a month later that I just saw her,
Starting point is 00:22:07 and I go, hey, Mary, hey, Schnooky. Then, you know, of course, I get a mask and a beanie on. She doesn't know who the fuck I am. She didn't know who I was when she left the thing on my doorknob. I said, and she looked confused, and I said, thank you very much for the note and the dog treat. And she said, I'm trying to be less of a cunt. James, have you ever used Eros Guide for hookers on the road?
Starting point is 00:22:43 Eros Guide, that sounds interesting. What is it? Eros Guide is where in my later stage of getting hookers via computer, I would go to Eros Guide. They have hookers in every major metropolitan area. So is this like Craigslist? It gives you pictures, tells you what they're into. Right, because I'm tired of going to Craigslist
Starting point is 00:23:05 and finding these skanky hookers. Is there a better place to go? Hey, your face isn't really pixelated. Get out of my Motel 6. How much to just talk for three months? All right, I'll give you $250 an hour, but I get to live on your couch for a year and a half. And believe me, you'll be paying me that back.
Starting point is 00:23:30 Did you say no? I like what you did. I respect that. Can I do some laundry at your house? It's just this jacket and cap. All right, that's a plug from James Inman. Now back to the podcast, already sort of in progress.
Starting point is 00:23:54 Oh, hey, we got Bobby. You gotta admire that. Alright. Now let's see if we can hear Bobby or if we need to go to headphones. Hello, this is a prepaid call from... Bobby. So far so good.
Starting point is 00:24:08 A prisoner at the Michigan Department of Corrections, Parnell, facility. If you feel you are being victimized or exploited by this prisoner, please contact GTL Customer Service at 855-466-2832. To accept this call, press 0. Your current balance is $10.49. Jackie, you here? Yes, sir. This call is from a correction facility and is subject to monitoring and recording.
Starting point is 00:24:39 Thank you for using GTL. Hey, Douglas. Hello, you're on the air. I planned ahead in case you might call in and had the Bluetooth set up. Chad's via Zoom. Hey, Bobby. Hey, Chadley.
Starting point is 00:24:54 What's up? I'm usually outside when I talk to you. I'm separated by six feet. Right now I'm in the Thunderdome inside the unit. I don't know if it sounds any louder to you. Just shoulder to shoulder with a bunch of goddamn degenerates. What's going on in this thing?
Starting point is 00:25:09 All celebrating the inauguration, I guess? Yeah, life's better. Everything's back to normal. Everything's back to normal. Hang on one second, Bobby. Anyway, Crazy Mary said I'm sorry your dogs
Starting point is 00:25:27 were I had a bad back and your dog was making noise and I called the police on you and I go I didn't even know you did that she goes oh okay but she was very nice that was the end of Crazy Mary story
Starting point is 00:25:41 but Bobby we were talking about people in your life that you would be horrified if you found out they were talking about you in a documentary afterwards. But that led me to think, for you, you probably don't remember, friends. This is my question for you, Bobby. This is my question for you, Bobby. Has anyone ever reached out to you and mailed you shit because you're a prisoner that you go, fuck this guy, or do you just respond out of boredom? You mean like shit talking, like negative shit?
Starting point is 00:26:22 No, just someone who sent you a letter that you go, this person is either so stupid or so insulting or whatever. You wouldn't keep in touch with someone if they were giving you a couple bucks for commissary. Listen, I swear to God, on the way down, I was like, mental note, not necessarily on the podcast, but I need to talk to Doug about this. Because the way you handle, because when I used to write you, I would be always blown away when you responded. I'm like, he's got to have tons of people writing him. I have, none of the podcasts is doing well. I have people that reach out to me on JPEG
Starting point is 00:26:54 and I love them for it. You know, and initially I'm like, ooh, this is exciting. I'm kind of like a little fucking Z-list celebrity or it's just cool that people give a shit and care. But then you slowly start realizing when it's like, I people give a shit and care but then you slowly start realizing when it's like I have like a hundred people now writing me where I'm like first of all I can't get back to all of you second of all some of you are stupid and I was like how does
Starting point is 00:27:16 fucking Douglas I made just like a note like I need to ask him how he dealt with it because you would write me back all the time and I'm like there's no way he's doing it to everyone but i once had a girl i think i might have told you this off here once that was like she wrote reviews for like old like shitty horror films and she had she was like taken up to writing serial killers yeah and i guess she found me me along the way and she wrote me and was like yeah i also write dennis raider btk killer and i wrote manson and i'm writing wrote me and was like, yeah, I also write Dennis Rader, DGK Killer, and I wrote Manson, and I'm writing you, and I was like, thanks, I guess. That's kind of cool, though.
Starting point is 00:27:52 Yeah, yeah, good company. Yeah, I emailed Carlin and Pryor and you. Well, I guess if that's what you you're known for. Yeah, I guess if that's what you're known for. Yeah, big week.
Starting point is 00:28:09 She was really flummoxed. Contacted me, but it was all right. Yeah, I don't answer all my email. I answered your email because you're interesting. You have an interesting story. You're well-spoken. You know what the fuck you're talking about, and you get the joke. You can tell that in a
Starting point is 00:28:25 sentence or two about someone. Or in, uh, yeah, in a sentence or two in person, especially. Yeah, I, uh, yeah, I was just wondering that. I just wrote some people back today, and if you are listening, which I'm sure they are, because plenty
Starting point is 00:28:42 of them are killers to remind, I wasn't talking about you guys. Yeah, we I'm sure they are, because plenty of them are killers to their might, I wasn't talking about you guys. Yeah, we were just talking about that, because when I first started talking about Tiger Woods, and I watched a Tiger Woods documentary, and I was guessing how much a lot of these people really knew Tiger Woods according to Tiger Woods. Like, would he say you were best friends through high school? Would he say you were best friends through high school? Would he say... Right.
Starting point is 00:29:08 Oh, I'm fucking... That would be infuriating. You're like, I think I remember this piece of shit. I definitely didn't talk to him about that. He's the guy that got his feet kicked up talking to whoever, whatever documentarian about how you guys were snorting coke off strippers and shit.
Starting point is 00:29:26 So, yeah, I was talking about was talking about the people that you find in your lives or that you've known for years. I get a lot of that. Hey, I've known Stan Hope since he was fucking 23 at Open Mike's. Yeah, but I stopped doing that and moved six months later, and I haven't talked to you since. So did you really know me for fucking 30 years? No, you knew me for six months.
Starting point is 00:29:52 And those are the kind of people that I was thinking are the people filling up this documentary about Tiger Woods. They're all those people that, yeah, I've known him since he was a kid. Well, you were a grip on that show his dad made him do when he was nine and hit a golf ball. Anyway. I would imagine that, oh, I was going to say, I would imagine a lot of those people would come from that Rouse Diner in Worcester. Worcester. Because when you played there for the first time, like going back,
Starting point is 00:30:27 you had a lot of people at the merch booth who were like, oh, yeah, me and Stan. I only went to 10 months of high school, and then I quit. They all came to the gig. They didn't watch your show, but they came and talked to me. But what I was getting to is I've always wanted to do a bit about, because the audience has more experience than I do. I've learned where you have friends that you go,
Starting point is 00:30:53 I don't really like them. They're just my friends. Like you realize, I don't like a lot of my friends. Point being that you can't do that bit because you either have to point out specific people like Ron Putnam, who's dead, and look cruel for pointing out people that you don't really like, or you just don't say their names and everybody thinks you're talking about them. Yeah. It's an undoable bit. Everyone that writes me on J-Pay now
Starting point is 00:31:28 is assuming that I'm talking about them. Yeah, those people that would come to the merch table for you, I mean, it's cool. You guys, right? Those are the guys that knowing you is like the biggest thing they ever did, right? So that's their thing. Sometimes people just want a t-shirt.
Starting point is 00:31:51 A lot of them just like the mug. No, but that's the problem is there are really good people that tell you really great things and I saw you the first time we saw you was our first date and now we're engaged you know and have kids 12 years later those yeah they don't listen to the podcast yeah i kind of uh i think we talked about this before but
Starting point is 00:32:17 you go through life thinking like oh this group of people i talked about the ceo is my convicts like you it's us versus them and all ceos pricks, and all convicts are cool. Then you quickly realize that within every group, there's certain people. Even people who like you, that initially you're like, oh, if people like me and they're supporting me, then they're decent people. It's the same percentage. Most people are idiots. The trick is finding the cool one.
Starting point is 00:32:41 Yeah. Yeah, but you always know right away like I know I've never been surprised that a friend of mine turned out to be like this I mean
Starting point is 00:32:59 as you age you have some that might fucking start being like Trumpian yeah but that's because those aren't the ones you hang out with those are the ones that as you age, you have some that might fucking start being like Trumpian. Yeah, but that's because they, you know, those aren't the ones you hang out with. Those are the ones that you know, expect you to hang out when you show up. They have fucking four kids now and, you know,
Starting point is 00:33:16 one of them's fucking retarded and the other one's in college and he can't afford to pay for it. And yeah, he's miserable and Trump and he lives three houses down from where he grew up. That guy. You have that weird situation where you will run into these people once every two years as you travel through a town when you would be on the road. And then you all just you just had to like suck it up for a half hour or 45 minutes until you said,
Starting point is 00:33:46 Hey, Shaley's got the van. We got to go. I mean, I remember places where we would be. I mean, that person brought you toys from when you were a kid. Remember that? Yeah, that was my cousin. No, no, that was my neighbor. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:00 No, I don't dislike those people. No, I'm just saying that you have an out, and it's really only for a limited amount of time until you have to leave anyway. Yeah. You don't live down the street from them anymore. Do you ever feel like you owe those people anything? Well, he's talking about actual people I grew up with, not fans. Oh, okay. Yeah, fans, I know. It's kind of the same thing, though.
Starting point is 00:34:24 Every two years when you go through town, it's like, I saw you last time. I'm here again. Yeah, but there's, again, now it doesn't just sound like I'm talking about certain friends who are going to think I'm talking about them. Now it sounds like I'm talking about all my fans that I actually know. A lot of people I like to see are in Joe Vernon. Like, I don't keep in touch with joe vernon and i feel bad about it uh and then when we have seen him on the road it's those gigs where you really don't hang out after the show uh and then i see him before the show and i'm fucking sober and i get
Starting point is 00:34:59 a fucking plate full of notes and small talk's hard to come by, but I fucking love Joe Vernon. Joe Vernon I would want to have in my documentary. He was there for a ton of shit. Pivotal points in my life. I don't keep in touch. I don't talk on the phone.
Starting point is 00:35:21 Especially now, no one has anything to say. Hey, let me call my old friend what he's been up to for the last year sitting here that's uh that's kind of that's kind of what i wanted to talk to you about too instead of just getting off on a tangent like shitting on people there there are people that write me that i'm i genuinely am like oh i really like this person's cool as hell and when it's one to ten people but when it's like 30 people that are cool, that you really like, it's like how do you just, like, I don't want to,
Starting point is 00:35:52 it's like you're kind of fucked because I'll send them short little messages and be like, hey, I don't want you to think I'm ignoring your messages or anything. What's up? I hope you're doing good. Yeah, well, you have to pay for all that time. And, like, I have no excuse. You have to pay for all that time and like i have no excuse you have to pay for emails you have to pay for you have a very limited amount of time to fuck with it so no people do understand that you don't get back to them and especially if someone sends me a the fucking
Starting point is 00:36:20 worst is when they put something really stupid in the subject and then say, now that I got your attention, like you're picking and choosing based on like, I'm not reading a book here. I'm not selecting a fucking title from the H&W at the airport. God damn it. I'm losing. I'm fucking high. My head's going way fast. Oh, man. Really?
Starting point is 00:36:43 I know exactly what you're talking about, Bobby, and I skirted the entire issue by being known as a mean, miserable bastard that hated everybody from the get-go. So now nobody has any expectations of me at all. So I just get to be fucking as rude as I want until, you know, feeling nice. You're winning? Chad painted himself as a prick. He's a miserable cunt.
Starting point is 00:37:12 Now I'm winning. Before we lose you, Bobby, that was the point I was getting to when I asked you, is there anyone that you wouldn't respond to? Because my death row pen pal back decades ago started sending me like watercolor paintings i'm like holy shit this guy can paint he's got talent and
Starting point is 00:37:34 then i fucking realized later on that's not him he's not doing this he's he'd put like crude fucking cock cartoon drawings in his letters and i'm like, that's not the guy that painted that. He's like, yeah, it's kind of a scam we do, basically. He paints a bird or a guy in the cell block can paint and he'll paint him a thing and he'll... Oh, is that what the scam was?
Starting point is 00:37:58 Yeah, because I was sending the guy money. If someone was sending you money, is there anyone you wouldn't correspond with? Oh, absolutely. I've always had a tough time faking shit with people. For money. I mean, I've never been offered.
Starting point is 00:38:14 I know. I understand. I've never been offered a large amount of fucking money, right? But I have had people giving me drugs back in the day or buying me drinks and just putting up with them a little you have one minute remaining i quickly reach a wall where i'm just like yeah fuck you and then i have i wish i was better at that maybe i don't know all right well everyone go to uh notes from the pen.com and uh get bobby's information and then send him some J-Pay money with the most fucking repulsive, revolting, offensive, offending letter and see if he responds. But money first.
Starting point is 00:38:53 It's going to take, someone knock off my restitution and shit. And then, I don't know, I might marry. I don't fucking know. We'll see. We'll put my money where my mouth is. All right, Chadley and Shaylee, Douglas, I love you guys. I don't know. We'll see. Let's put my money where my mouth is. All right, Chad Lee and Shaylee Douglas. I love you guys. Take care, bud.
Starting point is 00:39:10 Love you, baby. All right, dude. See you. Thank you. Nice. Perfectly timed. It's like he can see us. Well, he's pretty tight on happy hour.
Starting point is 00:39:21 Between 4.30 or 5.30 is usually his time. Sometimes he calls earlier. I lost him last time I talked to him. Didn't get to find out why. Real chatty there in the Thunderdome. I like it better when he's outside or wherever he usually is. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:40 Maybe we could write the warden request. A cubicle or a podcasting pod. I don't know if we talked about it on the podcast where he said that it's gone up the chain of command. They're listening. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, they're listening to the phone call anyway.
Starting point is 00:39:59 So now they're just listening to the edited version. Hey, CEOs, if you want to start a GoFundMe page for yourself, you know, grease up the wing a little bit. I don't know that they're listening to ours. They're listening to his. Or maybe... How the fuck did they hear about his without hearing
Starting point is 00:40:18 about ours first? I'm so fucking tired of these issues with convicts and issues with fucking retards. Well, at least yours has room to grow. This is Bingo. You are listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast.
Starting point is 00:40:53 New Year's Day, Chad, is February 8th. That's because now we thought maybe the violence for today, but nothing. So now we're going back to football on Sunday. Wait, is that Super Bowl VIII? No, VII. New Year's Day is VIII. Oh, okay. Yeah, we do Super Bowl, and then we start our lives anew.
Starting point is 00:41:19 All those dumb ideas that I've been having? They're still dumb. Nah, they're going to be fucking great. Yeah, it's going to come to fruition because fucking the houses will be empty. Fucking British Jonathans will have gone home.
Starting point is 00:41:35 Olivia Grace will have a new place. And yeah, I can set up cameras in the little house and do that thing that I'm not about, I was about to say stupid thing. Yeah. And then start that other stupid I'm glad we didn't like
Starting point is 00:41:51 that's dead. Yeah. I'm glad we didn't shoot from the hip and do that because I've thought about four different ways to film that. Good. And each of them is easier than the last. So, yeah. We just need a spot where we can set stuff up. Yeah, I'm going to write that thing.
Starting point is 00:42:05 That'll be fun. Is that going to be Patreon? We're going to talk to people. We're going to talk to people. I just got done with my counseling, and she told me some jokes. I said, oh, you're so much like Irma Bombeck. Oh, you know what? She had some great points in between
Starting point is 00:42:26 her funny thing. She's such a sweetheart. It's the same person you've had every time? It's the same person. But at some point, she's not ever going to get this, which is fine because you can switch counselors. But I...
Starting point is 00:42:40 I go into counseling and I don't really want to. This stage is my counseling. If I have a fucking problem, that's why I thought today, why don't I just grab my notebook? Your comedy notebook. Yeah. Not your feelings notebook. Just read her some premises.
Starting point is 00:42:58 Because if I had a fucking serious issue, I would fix it by solving the problem and then making jokes with it. That would make it into material. I'm not watching fucking late night fucking talk shows to get ideas for material. Sorry, Chaz laughing at me because I'm high. Wait, was I going somewhere? But you're not on stage now. So is the therapy kind of helping out in being able to talk to someone that doesn't know your point of view?
Starting point is 00:43:31 It would. I would have to switch counselors. To what? To get more laughs? No, to someone who understands. She can't comprehend any of the lifestyle. Yeah. Go ahead, Chad. Are you sober for counseling of the lifestyle. Yeah. Yeah. Go ahead, Chad.
Starting point is 00:43:45 Are you sober for counseling was my question. Yeah. I didn't mean to interrupt, but I didn't want to forget. No, I haven't done one. Again, if I were seriously into counseling, I would switch counselors, and I would have no compunction about being shit-faced. But this is like a 66-year-old woman in a suburban area that talks to people like herself. You don't go to a fucking, you know, the old joke about Dr. Ruth and sex counseling or a nun and say,
Starting point is 00:44:17 you don't go to someone who has no idea what it's like. are you not ever tempted to just completely open up and lay everything bare like you would if you needed to really go through a therapy and just blow this fucking poor lady's mind I did not
Starting point is 00:44:38 sign up for this shit that's a fucking great idea but yeah I mean it's a fucking great idea but yeah i don't know i mean yeah no it's a really funny idea what do you lose i mean it would be in your documentary for sure oh you wouldn't believe the things he said to me i was his counselor try to condense fucking three books and four years since into a 40 minute counseling
Starting point is 00:45:07 session where you give them the last five to talk. And my mother, I grew up with my mother, this is before we killed her. Okay. I'm jumping ahead. So, yeah, I forget how I got on this. Yeah idea of yeah we're gonna do something like
Starting point is 00:45:29 that where we're gonna talk to you for money we can't take medicaid we're figuring out we can't call it this and that but yeah we we are eligible for aflac do that bobby should fuck you should be able to pay bobby's mother bobby's mother hold on hold on what i'm saying you should be able to pay Bobby's mother. Bobby's mother. Hold on. Hold on. What? I'm saying you should be able to. I'm not fucking saying he's doing it.
Starting point is 00:45:51 Bobby's mother can accept money and things. It's Bobby. He's a guest. He's someone who we call or we arranged to call to be on here to help us understand the prisons. Yeah. That'll happen. New Year's Day. Well, actually, it's Tuesday. It us understand the prison system. Yeah, that'll happen. New Year's Day.
Starting point is 00:46:06 Well, actually, it's Tuesday. It's Tuesday the 9th, because we're going to need a recovery day after the Super Bowl. We already had calendars printed. Wow. There's another merchandise idea. Single-day calendars, because what does it really matter? Just pick a day. Every day is a night for a year?
Starting point is 00:46:27 Yeah. And it'll have a beefcake photo of me. It's unflippable. You cannot flip to the next month. It's just me on a bear skin rug, a beer belly and my socks on, and a thong. Wow, we have vision. Yep. You know,
Starting point is 00:46:47 I just found is slowly starting to actually clean some of the boxes and stuff from when we had some work done around the house. And I found the actual photo, the hard, remember when you used to get prints made of you with the jockstrap in Florida? Yeah. When you almost got arrested? Yep.
Starting point is 00:47:08 Yeah. He's exposing himself to children. I probably would if it would make him fucking run into the ocean and drown. See? Why do I have the good comeback to the cop 20 years too late? It's always on your way home from the fight. I should have done this. The wit of the stairs, as Jonathan called it.
Starting point is 00:47:35 Where is Jonathan? I picture that poor fucking limey cocksucker out in this cold Arizona rain smoking. Missing home? Yeah, even Raider. We didn't even have Raider today. I think a lot of people need a night off. I think it's a Seroquel night for me. It is raining, so it's not windy.
Starting point is 00:47:56 I think everybody likes the rain. Shutting in with the rain, I think, is everybody's idea. Yep. All right. Any Netflix recommendations? It doesn't have to be Netflix anymore. Fucking now that Amazon Prime is around, that's like a fucking
Starting point is 00:48:11 jukebox with way too many selections. So you go to Netflix, because you go, maybe they have one new release that I'm limited to, rather than me having to think of a movie out of the billions on Amazon. What did you think of that one I recommended to you on Prime?
Starting point is 00:48:28 Baytown Outlaws. Oh, shit. What is it? I think I fell asleep to that. I didn't hear that. Baytown Outlaws. I know I looked it up. I looked it up. I could find it. And then I don't know if I either fell asleep to it drunk
Starting point is 00:48:43 or was too drunk to put it on. I've never heard him refer to that one. either fell asleep to it drunk or was too drunk to put it on. I've never heard him refer to that one. I fell asleep to it drunk. Yeah. Operation Odessa was amazing. I love that one. Wait, was that your first time hearing about that? Chad mentioned it, and you seconded the motion, so then I said, well, I have to watch it.
Starting point is 00:49:01 I thought you were watching it again because I just watched it again. It kept coming up. It was one that they were pushing, but I didn't get it. The other one is Icarus that I have to re-watch because that's fucking brilliant. That's one that Lenny Minnie's husband told me about. You think that it's
Starting point is 00:49:18 an interesting documentary well before the turn. Then the turn, you're like, oh, this is a whole different documentary altogether. And better, yes. Chadad you've seen icarus yes i saw when it first came out great years ago all right very good well i would recommend uh the last two tracks of uh before turning the gun on himself but you have to buy the whole album. Is there anyone out there that did not buy the fucking last one that came out?
Starting point is 00:49:49 I don't even remember. It's Dying of the Last Breed. Get that. Listen to that goddamn audio book so you know all the extra effort I put into the hard copy in the next two weeks. Extended epilogue.
Starting point is 00:50:05 So you think you'll finish with the writing of the new passage before New Year's Day? I have to. I'm on a deadline. I wanted it on wax. You see me fucking tweeting. You say, you have a deadline. Did you write today? And I will not respond because I already
Starting point is 00:50:21 responded to the first guy that said that if I'm responding at all. I'm not just going to keep saying yes, yes, yes. I had a question in Patreon. Nom, nom, nom, nom, Chomsky. I laugh my balls off. I don't care who's irritated on me for my weekend tweets. We got so fucked up for two days.
Starting point is 00:50:44 And I was laughing so fucking hard. I missed all the football. I was just fucking... Both Tracy and I woke up Sunday morning still drunk and then started a champagne bar. No, that was Saturday. We finished the champagne. Sunday, Tracy
Starting point is 00:51:00 woke up. I woke up and I go, Tracy, do I need to make the run to get you some breakfast from Burger King? The bad, bad. The bad, bad, bad. I woke up, and I go, Chasey, do I need to make the run to get you some breakfast from Burger King? The bad, bad, right? The bad, bad, bad. So she goes, yeah, maybe. So she's still in bed. I come back.
Starting point is 00:51:13 It's 15 minutes later. I come back with the egg-normous burrito, and she's- Not a sponsor. She's meeting me at the door, and I'm like, oh. She's like, I should probably get a champagne in me first. That was Sunday morning and I didn't see her until like two in the morning after that.
Starting point is 00:51:32 We had the mimosa bar, which this is a brilliant idea for you. Oh, and also the tater tot bar. What? Yeah. So the mimosa bar, we just got a shitload of champagne. Shout out, Joby's going to get me your names. All these people, because Joby made the death pool free this year.
Starting point is 00:51:50 Yeah. Doug Stand Up Celebrity Death Pool, it's free to get into. So get into it. And a few people had already paid. So when he tried to refund their money, he said, they said, just go fucking keep it. Buy booze for the fun house. So Joby took a bunch of that money and there's like seven
Starting point is 00:52:08 handles. That's when he was here with the shopping cart? Yeah, shopping cart full of booze. I thought that was your grocery list. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, that's a lot of booze. It's a lot of booze. And that was all we already had the champagne bar
Starting point is 00:52:23 planned and then four more bottles had the champagne bar planned. And then four more bottles of fucking champagne show up. So I went just fucking batshit crazy at Safeway. And I just, what kind of juice? They have banana juice? I'm buying it. Cherry juice? Pineapple?
Starting point is 00:52:43 Apple cider? Pomegranate? Mango, anything that you could possibly. I drew the line at coconut because I hate it. And I go, most of this ain't going to get drank until I put it in a smoothie later in the week. And I hate coconut. It wouldn't be good. Coconut water. It was banana, coconut, or. Canocanut.
Starting point is 00:53:00 Canocanut. Now, hold on. I made a recipe. Wait, is it canocanut fresh? Canocanut. Da, da, banana. Da,. Wait, is it Canocanut Fresh? Canocanut. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Oh, he stopped. What was surprising was champagne and banana anything tasted okay with champagne.
Starting point is 00:53:16 Really? Well, banana cherry. Because cherry is too tart and banana is too... Sounds good. You know, Safeway now has banana milk. Banana milk. Do-do- has banana milk. Banana milk. Banana milk. I don't know how they milk the banana,
Starting point is 00:53:32 but I'm a fan. It's good. You don't know how to milk a banana? I'm waiting. Find its prostate. Wrong hole. So we did mimosa bar which means you have to start early
Starting point is 00:53:48 for mimosas so we did that and that lasted and then Sunday morning still drunk alright we did tater tot bar too where I just brought out there's a condiment bar just like champagne fucking shit loads of fucking tater tots
Starting point is 00:54:05 and Joby's Spite Sauce. Fucking Frank's Red Hot Blue Cheese. Tart sauce. Italian dressing. Italian dressing. Was fucking a surprise. Yeah, A1 sauce. The best condiment in the world.
Starting point is 00:54:21 Makes everything better. If this hasn't reached over to you guys' circle, it has in my other circle here. Joby's Spice, the sprinkle stuff in ketchup. It makes ketchup worth eating by 100%. It's so good. Sounds like you could do that with a little ketchup, mayo, and Spice Spice. Oh, even better.
Starting point is 00:54:50 Yeah, we did French dressing. That's Thousand Island, basically. Yeah, we put it out there. But yeah, you know why it was perfect? Because we fucking get all this shit and you don't know who's going to eat what. But when you only have one thing and a thousand condiments you're going to put back,
Starting point is 00:55:07 you have juice and fucking hot sauce. They're going to get used. That's a low-rent buffet. That's pretty good. No one says, hey, isn't this the same hot sauce you had out yesterday? Yeah, it is. All right. I think this went from fucking pretty good into some kind of Good Morning America.
Starting point is 00:55:29 Charles Kuralt, Sunday morning. Yeah, it was just fucking Rachel Ray talking about, here's a spiffy way to make fucking company happy. I think Chad's suggestion is a banger, man. I can't eat the Spite Sauce or the Spite spice by itself. It's too fucking hot. But mixing it down, yeah. Yeah, I fucked some stuff up
Starting point is 00:55:52 with that discrediting it. At one point, I actually sprinkled it on my finger to taste it. No, it's not a weight. And it didn't burn that much. And I don't know if it was due to the amount of fucking painkillers
Starting point is 00:56:04 Tracy had poured me in a drink. I'll take one more beer or two. So I didn't think it burn that much. And I don't know if it was due to the amount of fucking painkillers Tracy had poured me in a drink. I'll take one more beer, too. So I didn't think it was that bad. And then I thought I sprinkled a liberal amount on something. Oh, you know what it was? I remember because fucking Michael Biehn was here. And it was shepherd's pie. And I didn't have it. I go, you want was shepherd's pie. And I didn't,
Starting point is 00:56:28 I didn't have it. I go, you want some shepherd's pie? I'd already served it. And he fucking ate it and made her take a bite of it. And then I ate the leftovers the next day. I'm like, holy shit, this is like a thousand percent sodium and fucking burning. Oops. Sodium burn. Hey, you gonna do that thing I asked you
Starting point is 00:56:43 to not forget? The thank you? Oh, I get some thank yous here. I didn't even bother trying to look her up. But, fuck, I should have brought the letter. Anyway, Stephanie Gast. She had a dog that died. Good fucking timing for this thank you.
Starting point is 00:57:02 Yeah, her dog died, so she wrote a fucking autobiography of her dog. It's very short. It doesn't even have page numbers. It's that short. Oh, it sounds like something you can read. What's her name? Jasmine. The wrong Jasmine.
Starting point is 00:57:20 That's all I'm going to call you. I think I brought her up. I have a whole folder from Jasmine in Australia. Oh, yeah. She was one of my original crazies. Now she's doing good. I keep in touch. I'm not proactive.
Starting point is 00:57:35 I'm reactive in keeping in touch. But, yeah, that's one of the people I try to write back to. And then this other Jasmine started emailing her. It sounded a little fucking crazy. Had a little bit of the same parlance in her emails and at some point I was responding to her thinking she's
Starting point is 00:57:53 crazy Australian Jasmine and at some point she said why the fuck would you say I'm from Australia? Mate. Yeah, some cunty like email. And I'm like, wow, she turned on me. I'm like, wait, you are from Australia. And then I figured out it's the wrong one.
Starting point is 00:58:09 Yeah. And so I haven't replied to that lady since. You're the wrong Jasmine. Can't fucking, what do they call that? Where the fucking purple heart? Stolen valor. Stolen valor. That's what you, you stole the valor of a real
Starting point is 00:58:25 crazy. But she sent a old copy of On the Road by Jack Kerouac. And it's cute because it smells bad. But I've already read it. But I found it. It's an easy book to re-gift right away. I've never read that.
Starting point is 00:58:43 Really? No. It made me sneeze, so wear a mask. I like to smell old books. I like to smell old books. I know. I love to smell old books, but it did make me sneeze. All right. Do you have any other thank yous?
Starting point is 00:58:54 Really? Wait. Fucking. Oh, shit. Seth Brashears. Yes. Seth Brashears sent that fucking pizza. Three.
Starting point is 00:59:02 Three pizzas. Well, you ate one without us because it was vegetarian. I also didn't read the directions, and I cooked it at a lower temp, and it was really like soup on bread. My fault. Totally my fault. But delicious. But delicious anyway.
Starting point is 00:59:16 That's where it kicked off the mimosa bar. Is he the one who's always dapperly dressed? Yes. That's Seth. Yes. No, dressed as me for pizza. Yes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:59:24 He didn't say slovenly he said damper yeah but people might think that that's a rich man suit this is a fucking a tasteful man suit well these pizzas were from the Rocket Inn in Indianola Nebraska and thank you very much
Starting point is 00:59:41 Seth we enjoyed all of them I cooked the game day and the special pizza for game day and the special pizza for game day for everyone up here. And sauerkraut on a pizza. I didn't do that. Did you try it? Everyone else loved it. Everyone was sold on putting sauerkraut.
Starting point is 00:59:55 They sent sauerkraut with the pizza, sauerkraut and chili sauce. I'm like, I'm sitting there with my fucking shaker of fucking crushed peppers and my shaker of Parmesan. sitting there with my fucking shaker of fucking crushed peppers and my shaker of Parmesan. They did say, Seth suggested the way they do it is they put sauerkraut on the pizza, and there was no way I was going to do that because I didn't want to queer it if no one was going to eat it. But it's still good with the sauerkraut.
Starting point is 01:00:19 Yeah, it's still good. And if you do want to go to Rocket Inn and get a pizza, it's through Gold Belly. For some reason, that started to come up in my YouTube ads. Goldbelly.com or whatever. Don't say it until we buy stock. All right. No. That's how memes work.
Starting point is 01:00:37 We have one day. Memes turn into money, honey. Yeah, that was the kickoff, was the fucking pizza. It was amazing. And on time. Thank you, sir. Rarely on time. Hey, thank you to everyone.
Starting point is 01:00:54 I'll say this without asking Doug if I can, but thank you to everyone responding to Vodka Juice Box, Bingo, and T-Rex. T-Rex. Call them t-rex uh they're they're yeah they are ecstatic and there's a lot of stuff coming down yeah follow them at vodka underscore jukebox juke oh fuck see someone did actually juice he said juke i know it's Molotov jukebox. It's easy to fuck it up. Vodka juicebox. Vodka underscore juicebox. I think they're releasing the mastered version of their song tomorrow.
Starting point is 01:01:33 The one you heard last week. Someone did send a tweet. You gotta really fucking work on the fucking whatever mastering for lack of whatever you said. Was it basically a demo? Those chords sound like you're playing the ribs or something. It was actually funny how they said it,
Starting point is 01:01:50 but you don't send shitty things to Bingo. Hopefully Bingo doesn't bring your fucking replies. Listen to We Are The Champions and Brian May with his finger sliding across the fucking strings is fucking magic, asshole. No, no, the point is they knew it had to be
Starting point is 01:02:06 mastered no that was Doug you even said this is the unwashed version of unattended and that was it this was basically bingo's need to put that out immediately was in direct conflict
Starting point is 01:02:21 with her knowledge that it shouldn't be out immediately. Oh, I disagree. She's not a patient woman. I disagree. I like it, warts and all, when it comes out like that because they're going to spend more time polishing it up. The only editing will be so, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:02:38 I don't know. I like it raw like that, I think. It captures more of the moment and what it was intended for, goddammit. You know, I always used to give Mishka some of the business, him knowing I have no knowledge of music. But when it was just him alone acoustic,
Starting point is 01:02:55 and then he put a lot of those songs back out with a full band, and I realized I'd rather hang out with the band than Mishka. And we'll just talk. Fuck the music. Wow.
Starting point is 01:03:16 I feel like I need 700 more dollars. So let's call this a wrap. What's that? You know what? I was going to say you look way prettier on camera than you do in real life I know right but then I saw you in real life and I go no you actually look like that
Starting point is 01:03:32 no you put the nice thing on no I don't think I have it on no it's not no you don't usually look like that you usually look way uglier easy now here we go well the only way I can fucking sell my compliment is to take it away.
Starting point is 01:03:46 Is Chad live streaming UFC? Is Chad live streaming UFC? Oh, that's the question I had. The page. I don't know if you're allowed to do that. Are you watching it? Are you going to watch it?
Starting point is 01:04:02 There's one that happened today, earlier, that I need to watch it? No, there's one that happened today earlier that I need to watch. No, it started, I think in, I don't know where, but it started early this morning. I can't believe they do that. And then there's a pay-per-view coming up. But I'm not, Conor McGregor is fighting. Oh, Conor McGregor?
Starting point is 01:04:27 Yeah, he's going against another guy for the second time. Yep. Don't buy that. Don't buy the hype. Do not buy that. Because all you're buying is hype. That's my tomorrow. You can watch any other fight on fucking Worldstar or out in front of the fucking liquor store.
Starting point is 01:04:42 or out in front of the fucking liquor store, and it's no different than all you're paying for is hype and hating that guy, which is a manufactured fucking... We just got rid of Trump, who did the same thing. You got fucking pop... Fuck Conor McGregor. Yeah, that's the next inauguration is no one buys that fight. All right, one question, and then we'll go. I know you want to get out of here.
Starting point is 01:05:07 Patreon question. Any thoughts of live streaming in the Funhouse during football? Like an open cam of just like what's going on in here. For Super Bowl, depending. Well, yeah, Super Bowl. We've talked about doing this where we can't put the TV on, but you can be part of the party just like we do the happy hours. We have to do another one of those again.
Starting point is 01:05:34 The happy hours are great. You know where I live. But, yeah, we wouldn't necessarily be talking to you. You'd just be a fly on the wall. I think that's what it was, is like being like the 12th man. You're in here. You'd just be a fly on the wall. I think that's what it was. It's like being like the 12th man. You're just, you're in here. You're in the room. You also have to understand, there's not going to be that
Starting point is 01:05:52 many people here, and they're not necessarily going to be where we're recording. Because if for some reason it's good weather on Sunday, most people will be outside. So you might only have a few people in here. Check the fucking weather a week before. It's going to be shitty weather.
Starting point is 01:06:08 Still, we're only going to be able to put six or eight in here, and we have to know they're quarantined. Maybe if it is good weather, we can put a cam up on top of the funhouse just down because we'll have the patio TV going and stuff like that. All right, let me edit my answer back into this. Actually, I have no idea what our capabilities are. This might be a question for Greg Chaley. And now you cut your answer back into that and see.
Starting point is 01:06:35 No. No. Perfect. Yeah, maybe. We'll see if Chaley has windows in his house by then thank you everyone on Patreon we just put our
Starting point is 01:06:52 once a month extra content out last week which was your interview with the queen of COVID Mamu and Christine Levine and we do not have an update on her she did tweet today so she is alive. I haven't talked to her. I talked to her in the last couple days where her sense of taste and smell are coming back.
Starting point is 01:07:13 Oh, good. Yeah. Yeah, we talked to her over Drunken Weekend. Anything I tweeted, I stand by over the Drunken Weekend, other than Twitter itself. And anyone I called. Alaska, we talk to Alaska. They don't listen to the podcast, but if you do, I'm sorry if I said anything untowards before I lay under the coffee table for a nice winter's nap.
Starting point is 01:07:38 Okay, thank you. Take us out, Becky. Okay, bye-bye now. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី Thank you.

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