The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#444: Next Gas 163 Miles

Episode Date: May 5, 2021

Doug is logging tons of miles as he wanders the back roads of the desert states in search of Motel Merch.  Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0 Recorded April 29th, 2021 between Tonopah, NV, Las Vegas and Boise, ID via Zoom with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Brian Hennigan (@MrHennigan), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille).  Produced and Edited Chaille. We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - ExpressVPN.com - Go to www.ExpressVPN.com/stanhope and get 3 EXTRA MONTHS FREE! The Clown Motel - 521 N Main St, Tonopah, NV 89049. For Reservations call 775-624-9098. https://www.theclownmotelusa.com Rotten Tomatos Score the movie "Clown Motel" 77% - https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/clown_motel_spirits_arise It's FREE to join Chad on his Twitch Channel. Go the Chad's Twitter page where he has pinned a tweet with instructions - https://twitter.com/hdfatty Ask Vodka Juicebox - [e-mail] (@vodkajuicebox) Mix Tape Time Machine Podcast with John Norris, Matt Collins and Ggreg Chaille - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mix-tape-time-machine-podcast/id1554596023 Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - ChailleSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

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Hello? Hello. Okay. Got it? I hear no. Okay. Okay. Alright. Where are you at? What are you drinking? I'm not drinking anything because I've got to go and pick somebody up after this.

I've been having one but then I have to go back out and find food. I got a late start this morning and I was almost late for my own podcast so I'm still vibrating from the drive. Oh. I didn't know you were going to drive between yesterday and today. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it was a long one, too.

And I got pretty fucking wrecked last night. This is day eight, and I'm at 2,800 miles I've driven. And that was with two days of not driving. So I've been putting on some fucking miles. Yeah. How many books i had uh uh on my sixth book uh uh it's alan arkin called out of my mind and it's uh it's kind of like uplifting into a little spirituality and but it yeah it was uh it put me in a really good place of mind, especially for the end of the drive where I start getting a little quivery. And having been out on the fucking open roads of Nevada, just seeing any kind of traffic. So I'm coming into Havasu and I'm on I-40 and it's down to one lane on the 40 of construction.

And I'm following on the fucking fucking it's all just fucking trucks right on your ass i got a truck on my ass i got a fucking double barrel gravel hauler in front of me on one lane road doing fucking 60 miles an hour and the fucking gravel hauler all of a sudden switches over to the left hand lane like so i thought construction had switched i'm just following blindly because i can't see in front of him. I don't know what the fuck is going on. That's oncoming traffic, right? No, no.

It's a two-lane highway. Oh, you said one lane. Yeah, but it had been down to one lane because of the construction. So I just followed him, assuming the construction is now moving us to the left-hand lane, not knowing he's part of the fucking construction. I get a fucking water hauler right on my ass that's part of the fucking construction i get a fucking water hauler right on my ass it's part of the construction the gravel hauler in front of me and it just signs repeatedly lane closed lane closed i'm like the fuck and the orange cones are too close together for me to like try to cut through i would have had to go over a fucking cone uh so i finally just pulled off

into i started having a fucking major panic attack i I pulled off into the middle median when I got an opening and I just waited for traffic to fucking open up so I could get back on it. So yeah, I'm a little jacked right now. It sounds like that, that Smokey and the Bandit move where they, they move Bandit around by half-cooked sandwiched in between semis. it around i have it sandwiched in between semis uh so uh yeah i started uh started last wednesday and uh got a late start thanks to you having to cut commercials uh i was going to try to i was going to try to stay at the salton sea which is i i was fucking i don't know if you've ever seen documentaries on the Salton Sea, but it's just fascinating and eerie

and spooky. The houses, when it used to be a big resort, are still there, but they're all abandoned and painted on. Like art cars, but houses. People just doodle on the fucking houses because it's in such

disrepair. It's utterly bleak. It's like another planet. And I would have stayed there, but I get a late start, so I had to stay in Yuma. But I still went that way in the morning, and it was fucking beautiful. You ever been to Dunes National Forest? Did you ever take the 8? No. Dunes National Park, not National Forest.

It's just like epic sahara sand dunes oh is it near anza borrego it's right it's at the california border with arizona the southern route right after yuma we used to go camping in anza borrego which is right near the sultan sea but i don't know if it's i don't know if it was a national park or I think I didn't stop but I was driving through it and it's dunes on either side of you and it you know like like nothing just straight sand dunes it's fucking gorgeous and I was all mesmerized with it and then all of a sudden my fucking low fuel gauge went on I went oh fuck I forgot to fuel up that's twice that's happened to me it's uh I really had no plans for this. I was just waiting for my

two weeks after my second vax. And I had my ditch bag ready and a couple of other, had a cooler ready to go. And the only thing that I really wanted to do on the trip was go to Tonopah, Nevada and get a Clown Motel t--shirt because Tariq had a clown. If people don't know the clown motel, Tonopah, Nevada is the middle of fucking nowhere in the interior of Nevada. And it's been there. The clown motel has been there forever. I have a think of my first snapshot of me in front of the clown motel sign was when I was dating Betsy Wise like 1999. when i was dating betsy wise like 1999 or something uh so uh so i saw tarik had a clown motel t-shirt and i'm like i want that fucking t-shirt i'll trade you i just got bobby's uh notes from the pen t-shirt and i'll trade you the notes from the pen for the clown motel

and he gave it to me uh but his was a medium i said i need a large i'll just drive to tonopah nevada 1100 miles and get my own thanks and i think he thought i was kidding so 1100 miles later i get to tonopah nevada and i go to turn into the clown motel and this fucking this guy's waving me off he's like no you can't come in we're filming they had a whole film crew in the parking lot of the Clown Motel. I just drove 11, I didn't tell him, but I just drove 1100 miles to get a t-shirt as a goof. And he just waved me on. But I was in

such a good mood. I go, fuck it. I'll just drive east. I was trying to find roads I've never been on in Nevada. Wait, you didn't get your t-shirt? No, I didn't get the t-shirt uh no i didn't get the t-shirt i thought why should i at least got a picture of me like in front with the film crew in the background so i could show tark that i actually did drive all that way just to get a large and uh i was

disappointed in myself for not stopping but uh then i i went east god this is the and this is the fucking title of the podcast the interior of nevada is just the enormity of it and the open spaces where you you hit a highway the sign out of tonopah to where i was headed said next gas 163 miles uh and that's that's where you know the vacation is perfect. So I cut off that highway. I took the extraterrestrial highway. I guess that goes through Area 51 or something. And it's where you see a straight shot.

You can see the road is so straight. And then you see where it goes up into the next set of mountains. And you know that's about an hour away. You can see an hour in front of you. It's fucking brilliant. And that's when I wound up in Pioch, Nevada. Hennigan's been doing all my bookings. When I decide where I want to stop, for the most part, I'll just call Hennigan rather than try to fuck with my phone.

On Expedia app. And Hennigan knows. He knows what we like for those cruddy motels that we can back up into. Well, I had booked this myself, but Pioch is a town I'd never been to. It's like three miles off the highway and through a screwy little road. It's scary.

And cliff, you know, cliff shivers. But when you get into it it it's like the first time i discovered bisbee like you get into this town you're like holy shit this is a fucking wicked hidden gem as probably a thousand people tops in the mountains and uh i was just overwhelmed i call hennigan i say you're gonna look up this town pioch nevada it's fucking incredible three bars i it's like the grand and bisbee where there's the hotels are above the uh saloon yeah or land saloon so hennigan

looks it up as i'm dropping my bags he texts me and he says i hope you're in room 10 and i go as a matter of fact i am in room 10 i assumed it was like featured on their website when he looked it up. But then I went to this three bars in town. So I decided to have one beer in all three bars. So I bar hopped the entire town before I started seriously drinking. And two other people said, oh, you're at the Overland? Hope you're not in room 10. I go, where the fuck does everyone keep bringing up room 10?

Oh, it's the haunted room. Yeah. So, yeah, Hennigan's saying, oh, it's got an incredible past. There was a brutal murder. You know, I don't give a fuck about that. You said there was a brutal murder. Well, someone said it was. Like, fucking like the ghost hunter shows have all been the room 10.

Oh, yeah. The owner was murdered in the hotel in 1964 in a robbery wow uh well you were you were telling me stuff about the town that was you know about gunfights and i'd never looked it up till later but anyway so i so i ended up drinking at my hotel uh met a couple of ladies, Tracy Ann and Judy, mother and daughter. Daughter just survived her second bout of cancer. So we just got shit-faced. I bought all their drinks, and we sat there and got fucking hammered.

It was only the three of us in the bar until late at night making ghost talk. And bar tab was 56 bucks i bought all their drinks all all my drinks and i was fucking recklessly hammered 56 bucks uh so i get up to my room and i didn't remember this till brian reminded me in the morning haunted room 10 yes as i i was folding down the sheets on the other side of the bed for the ghost, and I left Hennegan a voice message. Evidently, I did tweet it. I tweeted something like, hey, you, shut up and get in a bed. We're both ghosts at this point.

And as I'm tweeting that, the fucking lights in the room went out. You want to take it from here, Brian? Yeah. So, Doug, where was I? I was at the gym. Yeah, I was at the gym. A haunted gym? No.

I did tell you about the guy at the gym who was wiping down the stairs, didn't I? No. What? Really? I don't think so really like like is this talking about covid and not realizing or like realizing one of the problems with covid is not is that just everyone is really stupid and so there's a guy there was this guy that goes to the gym who really annoys me because he walks around doing all his exercises with his like chin strap like the mask down like a chin strap yeah and so much so that it's like why are

you even bothering to wear it there if you're just wearing it like a chin strap and so and for whatever reason this guy always seems to be around when i'm there and he really pisses me off and so this is before i was fully vaxxed up and now i don't give a shit what anyone does but um the uh so this last so the last time i'm on the stair master and there's a full row of stair masters all of which are six feet apart so all of them are like you know legit yeah but he still comes and start the same guy who annoys me comes and gets on the one right next to me when there are five others that aren't next you know yeah that's the same it's the same as urinal etiqu. You don't fucking take the urinal right next to someone when there's five of them.

Six feet is the suggested minimum. If you can be further apart, why not? He's got the fucking chin strap thing going again. It's one of those things where it's just pissing me off, and I'm thinking, oh, well, I've got 10 minutes to go on my fucking workout I'm gonna have to cut it short just because this guy's annoying me so much and then he proceeds to get like the disinfecting spray and some paper towels and he wipes down every step of the Stairmaster like he's about to perform open-heart surgery on it. He's still got the mask around his chin.

He thinks you can catch COVID through your Nikes. I just realized that the problem with his chin strap or his mask, it wasn't that he was flaunting convention or whatever. He's just dumb. He's just like an idiot who doesn't know how to wear a mask and somehow thinks you can catch COVID through a tear master. Did you say anything? What?

Did you say anything? I just laughed and kept doing my work out because I realized once I saw him doing this that I would be able to finish my 10 minutes. Oh, because he was busy cleaning the machine. He literally made all the stairs go round and wiped them all down.

I could not believe what I was seeing. Well, this is clearly someone who doesn't understand anything that's been explained as far as the way the virus transmitted it made me think how many more people are there like that comprehension of what's going on anyway so i was at that gym and uh and then Aubrey was coming home from work so we and in the time I was at the gym Doug called and I have this thing on my phone which is uh called uh visual voicemail so I get

a little printer that tells me what what messages that someone's left and so I look at it and it's never perfect you know it's always gives you the wrong words I look at it and it's never perfect. You know, it's always gives you the wrong words. I could tell it was Doug. He was drunk. He was talking about ghosts in the room. And it looks like it was kind of a funny message. So when I get back to the house with Aubrey, I say, hey, listen, let's listen to this voicemail that Doug just left me. But it looks like it's going to be kind of funny. So we go in the kitchen, and I play the voice message, and Doug is talking about being in the room where I was meant to be haunted, but that when he did such and such a thing, the light went out.

When he said the lights went out, our entire house lost its power. And only for 10 seconds. It literally, like, he said the lights went out, we were plunged into darkness, and then 10 seconds later it came back on again. See, I don't know if I was sober, if I would have been scared by that, but it was just like, it was like when we did the cliffhanger part two, and we had just started the podcast and the stereo,

we did it in Whiskey Girl Nowhere Man's house. And their stereo went on with a song about I'm such a lonely boy. And no one's even near the stereo. And we're recording and I go, all right, well, that just happened. That's what I did when the light went out. I don't have to get up for that then yeah I mean it was it was just really like Aubrey was more freaked out than I was because I think she I think she thought I'd somehow set that up you know or like I'd like pulled a switch somewhere it sounds like you're winding around

it's like hey let's listen to this uh yeah this text message this voicemail yeah the the bartender at the other bar the the last one to say i hope you're not in room 10 and i went yeah what's and she's the one who told me it was haunted and she goes yeah i have a friend of mine that won't even go into the bar there because he stayed in room 10 once and he swears he was raped by a ghost which uh when i repeated that story to other place people in places no one had ever heard the he was raped story but uh yeah she she said he was adamant that he was raped by a ghost i think andy has a story of being some like promiscuous uh uh ghost apparition. Yeah, and he started to tell the story and it's like, wait, you're not

fucking joking. You're serious? And it was like when he was really young. I gotta ask about that again. He's got all these different things about sexual assault. I need like a Rolodex to keep track of all this. It's gonna be tough to be Andy

if you had a story that was legitimately true like that, that everyone would dismiss you because all your other fucking stories are hanky. The boy who cried wolf. Yeah, exactly. Hang on, I'm making a cocktail here. Express VPN. A few decades ago, private citizens used to be largely that, private. What's changed?

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your data is your business, secure yourself with the number one rated VPN on the market. Visit expressvpn.com slash Stanhope and get three extra months for free. That's expressvpn.com slash Stanhope for three extra months free. Go to expressvpn.com slash Stan Hope to learn more. Are you standing up, bud? Yeah, I'm standing up because I'm making a cocktail. I should have had my shit together, but I'm in a kind of floppy fucking motel right now. It's kind of sketchy. Your laptop must be on top of the TV or something.

Yeah, entertainment center. All right, gotcha yeah so so from pioch i uh i was gonna hook up valentina's on her own walk about doing national parks in utah like zion and moab and shit uh and it was this saturday and everything i wanted to do was sold out but i don't know what's going on with the you know all these small towns in nevada which i've fucking always loved going to uh they're popular all of a sudden the fuck did i do with my oh i put ice in the fridge please hold so i hooked up with her at zion national park and uh then we went to lake powell for a couple of days like powell is fucking fantastic did i went bowling what yeah i went bowling it was a bowling alley that i played when i was a kid some kind of like one nighter that uh yeah really old shabby bowling alley i'm like

fuck it let's go bowling i don't want to go on one of your dumb hikes uh it's like a it's like a hike uh 10 steps at a time bowling my fucking arm killed two days later worse than the second shot of vaccine just from three three games of bowling my arm was fucking killing me uh and then i didn't know she's heading uh you know after that she was heading her own way and i like so i'm just sitting there with the road atlas for a day off i thought maybe i'll go through uh new mexico and farmington and durango and but then the weather was going to be shitty so i said you know what fuck this i'm going back to get my fucking t-shirt which now uh it was by the time i got back there i went the northern route so i didn't have to go back over roads i've already driven. I went through

Ely on America's loneliest highway, Highway 50. By the time I got back, I booked a room there so I knew that they'd have to give me a fucking t-shirt. On their website, it says, oh, we're filming the Curse of the Clown Motel,

which is evidently the seventh installment of clown motel fucking b-rate slasher movies uh but i got a room and uh wait it's not a documentary it's a it's a horror flick yeah yeah it's the seventh one they've made seven clown motel slasher films isn't that the one where Tarek didn't perform? Wasn't he an extra in that? Tarek was doing extra work. Oh, he's in some horror movie.

I don't think it's a Clown Motel. Oh, maybe it is. Maybe that's how he got the shirt. Fuck. Never put that together. Jeez. Yeah, Tarek's not a person who would be in Tone Upon Nevada for any reason. For any reason at all. it has to be an objective

yeah so this one's like I looked it up because I who's fucking still filming there a week later what kind of budget can you have evidently they have a $3 million budget Randy Couture is in this one and the guy from the saw movies i

don't know is they they dropped his name but i didn't i'm not familiar familiar with the saw movies he's in it uh so yeah i went back and i got my t-shirt and i gave the crew a ration of shit for fucking by that point at 2400 miles I had traveled at that point to get a t-shirt. So I got a mug too just to make it worthwhile. So that was last night and I hung out with the crew and we got fucking lousy

drunk. Is there a bar at the Clown Motel? There's a bar anywhere I go, Chaley. There's a bar. We just sat out in front of my room at the motel and like since all these slasher movies the clown motel was always a fucking dump like it used to just be a sign that was cool just like circus liquors in la you know everyone gets a picture of circus liquors everyone has to stop and get a clown motel but now they've done like

a bar rescue kind of fake rehab on the outside so now it's like all you know colorful it's polka dotted like jen's place on black knob with big fucking cutouts of clowns and and they've fixed up some of the suites that are themed suites i think it was sold because andy had just recently he got me a refrigerator magnet from there. And he said that you talk to the guys and they really, it's, it's just, they stay in hotel rooms and they do, it's a movie set, but they also have ramped up their merch game. So there's a lot more stuff that you can buy because it's really just a vehicle to sell more t-shirts and mugs.

Yeah. And it's because of all the slasher movies. It's kind of a mecca for all these fucking horror nerds so we we ended up with a crew from between the crew from the movie and a few like one guy this big uh fat guy with uh had actually his hair was shaved so he had clown makeup and clown hair different colors and he came out and drank with us and uh he had clown makeup and clown hair, different colors, and he came out and drank with us. Two different guys came and drank with us. You know what? You look just like

Doug Stanhope. He is Doug Stanhope. Are you really Doug Stanhope? We had a fucking blast. I'm sure the people that Doug was with were very nice, but the people who were actually making the movie, I mean, I don't wish to cast aspersions on them.

Oh, that's right. I forgot about that part. Yeah, I said, because I actually knew about this movie because a friend of mine who went to the Beverly Hills Playhouse had posted one of the casting calls on her Facebook saying, get a load of this fucking shit. Right? And let me read to you what their breakdown.

This is, you know, if you're not familiar with the acting world, there's a thing called Actors Access, which is like the website for, you know. Yeah, where they list all the parts that are available. So they were looking for a blackjack dealer, and this is what they wrote. Blackjack dealer, 21 to 50 years old, all ethnicities, male or female, looking for a hot female,

preferably with a social media following of over one million. Or a comedian, male or female. Just one day and just a couple of lines. Best if talent can drive 6.5 hours from LA.

So they were advertising for a hot chick or a comedian the day i was pulling in to get my t-shirt and they waved me away i definitely would have done it i was telling last night after i met the people and a lot of them knew who i was they're like oh how what are you what are you leaving like i i knew I could have talked my way into doing a part or even just being an extra just for fun. But after hanging out with the crew and listening to them fucking bitch about it,

you forget how awful filming things are. It's just sitting around for 16 hours while everyone's griping at each other. I don't need to be in this movie. Also, with the new Doug Stanhope, who's very pleasant and caring to everyone and is filled with empathy, you do understand that the part you got

would have been because they'd have gone to some little kid who's just had his dream come true by being cast in a small role. And then he said, hey, sorry, kid. It's not working out. We're going a different direction. Stanhope's doing it. It says they're still

filming through May 6th. I don't know. A lot of the crew I was talking to are beating feet this weekend, so I don't know who the stragglers are. Yeah, that's probably just B-team pick-up shots and B-roll stuff for vegas or were they

from la no no they're they were all la and they were they'd been there for a while they had that they had the feeling like i'm sure all those like the the higher-ups were staying at the nice place at tonopah station uh the people that are actually been staying at the clown motel you know like art department and props those people and they had the feeling of like those magazine sales and you know they put them all in a van and drive them town to town to go door to door they had that kind of you know because it's a really remote fucking place and like almost like a carnival crew like the tight knit but they're in the trenches and they it sucks for everyone so they can at least get along yeah the girl in the room next to me sarah was like going to do laundry she's like hey nick i'm going to do laundry you want to

get any laundry and she comes out with this fucking duffel bag like a world war ii fucking duffel bag with another bag hanging off of it. Like, Jesus, that's a lot of laundry. You guys have been here for a while. They were a little road-weary. Like a sailor going on a road journey

with a huge duffel. Fucking Jack and Dino had a... Oh, yeah, that's right. She was trying to get props. I tweeted it. She was like, I still haven't found a gun holster.

I need a gun holster and I need evidence bags. So I'll put it on Twitter. My fans are weird enough. They might be able to find someone to come up with that shit. And I tweeted out that's what they needed. I can't remember it now. Jack

and Dino had a very funny tweet about motel weirdos. He said, if I had a dime for every time I've been asked to go to Tonopah with a gun holster and evidence bags. I tweeted a picture of the clown

motel and I just said victory because I finally got my t-shirt. I just took a picture of the sign on the highway and I tweeted it and a quoted retweet said, looks like the place for the next MAGA convention, clown motel.

It was fucking John Cusack. Yeah, I saw that. John Cusack retweeted it. How the fuck did he find out? That's pretty cool. And what's he doing? He's clicking on Clown Motel pictures and retweeting. Going pretty good there, John?

Maybe he was hoping to get cast. His career's not been great off like uh so yeah so i'm in havasu and i'm gonna make my way home tomorrow it's been long enough and chaley you're headed uh you're headed to st louis yeah we loaded the truck last night and it was the quickest load that we've ever done and uh yeah i got out of there and we leave in three days. Yeah, we leave in three days for St. Louis and running the show. And we'll see what happens. They've actually increased the aisle sizes. I mean, this is in Missouri where most people aren't getting vaccinated and they're not

fucking wearing masks. But they've got this million square foot showroom. That's the convention floor. And they've opened it up and they've extended it to where they're using all of it, plus another room because they had to make the aisles wider and bigger areas for people to spread out and not be right next to each other. But this is, I i mean there was no convention last year so there are a lot of haunted houses open so we're anticipating people have money to spend yeah so i just wanted i was talking to one of the guys a set designer last night and

uh he was like oh yeah because they go well fuck you might know ghost ride because you're in horror movies and that's you know haunted house that he, yeah, I was supposed to be at that convention and then I got this job so I'm not going. Now I kind of think I should have stayed and fucking been an extra. Not too late. Third time's a charm. Yeah.

And Hennigan, what are you doing with your life? I got shit-faced last night. Yeah, no, I called you at 9.30, and you were fucking completely out. Oh, really? Yeah, when I called you to find out what hotel I was going to. Oh, yeah. That's how shit-faced he was.

Yeah, it was like 10.30 in the morning, and fucking Hennigan's acting like I called him at 5 a.m. Yeah, yeah, because,am yeah I think I mentioned the couple that I met at the dog park who were like fans and they said to me hey are you Brian Hennigan because I said I was going to Bisbee

and they were like are you Brian Hennigan anyway we went out drinking with them and I went out drinking with them and both they and us are fully vaccinated. So we're sitting in a booth in a bar, four people, talking without masks on and things. And it just makes you feel fucking crazy. You're like, oh, my God.

It's like it really does make you think this is over you know and so I've been introducing people to this concept from the UK which is because everyone's talking about how it's going to be like the 1920s again or whatever like the last time there was a roaring 20s following the pandemic. I don't think that's accurate. I don't think that's what's going to happen. I think it's going to be like after the end of the Second World War. And I'll tell you what I think it is. It's because

in the UK, there was this thing called mobilization during the Second World War, which was basically the result of mobilization was basically a conscription, meaning you had to go into the army and serve your time. And I don't know about the States, but in the UK,

when you, it continued after the war was over. You still had to do two years of service. Mandatory service. Compulsory. So when it was, when they stopped or when your two years were up you were being mobilized right meaning you were allowed out and this led to a phrase which was being mob happy which is how they would describe someone who was filled with what you might describe as irrational exuberance because they were suddenly not in the army and they'd come out they'd come home they'd make all sorts of rash purchases they'd do stupid things they'd get drunk all the time and the explanation would always be they're demob happy and that's what i think is going to happen after this is that people are

going to be demob happy. I don't think it's going to be like the Roaring Twenties though. I think it's gonna be a lot of irrational exuberance which instantly is a phrase from Alan Greenspan. I have no idea. I did see that they just announced the three-day lineup for uh the uh no effects uh bowling yeah punk rock bowling bowling's coming back to Vegas yeah no offense that's that's that's on the uh that's after he did all that uh like yeah he said some shitty thing on stage and about country western fans yeah so it wasn't about oh it was about country and western fans but mostly people were pissed off because he was making light of the massacre.

The shooting at Mount Manila. They're back. They've got short memories. Does anyone remember that guy's name? Even. Even. You think with those kind of numbers, he would have a name that strikes you. Something like Philpott. Steven. Yeah, but the point is,

oh, I got to do my Audible list, the books I've read, because I had a fucking brilliant playlist for this. It just worked out that every one of them was great. But the one I just finished yesterday was a serial killer that i should have heard of israel keys uh and he was it was a recent one he got caught in 2012 and has a brilliant book it's called american predator but again are you like how, when did serial killers stop getting famous? I think that was part of the deal, wasn't it?

You keep talking about them, they go away, which really hasn't worked. Yeah, well, shooters, there's too many of them. There's a glut in the market with shooters. But you figure the Vegas one, what, did he kill 51 people? 61. 61. And fucking no one knows his name no one cares paddock was his last name yeah serial killers are still random uh it's too much time involved

it's research people are lazy now he got he got busted uh they because they kind of thought all right this is the guy we need a reason to pull him over so they waited till he went 57 and a 55 and you go like that is so small town nevada like every one of those fucking towns tonopah they all you know they're just dots on the fucking map but they drop to 25 miles an hour through town and there's a fucking there's never not a cop in searchlight nevada totem paw nevada fucking caliente nevada a guy i was drinking with in pio said he got pulled over for doing 29 and a 25 like you it just it cheapens every one of those towns and those towns are gorgeous but when there's a cop just sitting there it's like they're fucking panhandling almost. You're sitting there like a fucking homeless person.

All you're saying is, my town is broke. Please, please do 26. I need the money. Again, it would be more cost effective if you just charged an admission fee. You just have somebody sitting there with a little booth. Yeah, a toll booth. Yeah, you want to come in the town, it ten dollars almost everyone's gonna pay fucking yeah three people that i was drinking with last night on the crew had already gotten speeding tickets or just and

the towns like that would be like a safe to drive at 45 miles an hour. You go down to 25 miles an hour and you go, imagine if the road to Safeway was 25 miles an hour. You're like, this is ludicrous. I'm hitting my brake and I'm fucking still going over the speed limit. It's fucking stupid. I remember stopping in Totopah to fill up when Chaley and Tracy came and drive my RV home after I was fried at Burning Man. Oh, wow. And we stopped in Tonopah at, I think

it was a pastoral station on the right as you're going up the hill. And for some reason there was an altercation involving ice cream ice cream yeah but like i think tracy tried to buy ice cream and it wasn't frozen enough or something i had some altercations that best western uh outside of zion uh was it that one no as though it was lake powell uh we were going going to fucking have Mexican food across the street, and Valentina had forgotten her mask. And she says, at the front desk, she's like,

hey, do you have an extra mask I could use? I left mine in my car. And she goes, well, we sell them. They're $12. I'm like, you motherfuckers. That's like price gouging. You need a fucking mask just to walk in and ask how much it is for a room you think you would just supply those like at what point

it's like if you went into try on shoes at a shoe store and they charge you 12 for those little booty socks that you have to wear to try on a pair of shoes you gouging motherfuckers so i went on a tear i found the ceo of a best western i have a best western tag on my key ring i'm a big best western fan kind of like i'm a delta guy and uh so i i found all the people jay uh uh pritchard is the vp of legal uh david uh kong is the ceo i had all these names and i was just gonna fucking tap my key and go listen i'm on vacation VP of legal. David Kong is the CEO. I had all these names and I was just going to fucking tap my key and go, listen, I'm on vacation. But you just bought a fucking world of shit. You're charging for masks in an epidemic.

I'm from fucking corporate in Phoenix. I'm from 24th Parkway. You better get your shit together. If the Arizona Republic starts calling you. So then I was fucking with like those kids jumping around on the fucking floor above me i was in like 141 and i just fucking hearing all night and in the morning fucking trump trump trump and i i called 241 hi this is uh um this is alan at the front desk will you be checking out today? Yes, we are. Thank Christ.

Click. So now they can yell at the front desk for me. I still might fucking do the David Kong CEO. I just want to be able to record it as a prank call. And now that I have that app. Yeah. Yeah. I get a lot of fucking notes.

A lot of pranks I want to do. Can't wait to get home. And I've been thinking. I got a lot of fucking notes. A lot of pranks I want to do. Can't wait to get home. And I've been talking to Michael Bean a lot. We're going to put together some ideas for our podcast. How is he? He's good. Yeah, for the listener. He had to go to the emergency room.

They thought he might be having another stroke. They had to fucking fly him up to Tucson, life flight him. Just turns out he had taken too much Xanax. He took a lot of Xanax and then forgot that he had taken a Xanax. He's prescribed it. And then he sold a bunch more.

He had a weird reaction. No one really could figure out what was going on and they had to piece it together. It wasn't just like all of a sudden. Yeah, and when he came back, came back he said yeah because i saw him at the emergency room and business he couldn't figure out how to fucking roll down his window or get out of it sounded exactly like a stroke absolutely sounded like a stroke yeah what you what you said uh and doc mark hooked him up our dr bazell up at tucson i gave him a shout and they did he uh he did what he always does and made everything happen but uh yeah beans gets back to bisbee and he texts me

yeah all that because i slept late texting you at 4 30 in the morning wasn't me't me? Yeah, and using hurling invectives, questioning my sexuality at 4.30 in the morning. That's the moment. Almost every day. You ready to play tennis, gay boy? But at the same time, I do make homosexual overtures at him all the time. He seems to

like it. You are listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. So yeah, I'm ready to go home home this was a fucking brilliant trip i just lost in my head fucking great books oh the other ones uh one was a travelogue by a british guy uh george mahoud mahout google it uh it's called uh not tonight josephine it's a british guy that uh flew over to do a year long road trip in the states and he bought a piece of shit minivan when he landed in new york and just drove it all through small town america and it was really cool because like is talking about places that i was in at the time you know while i'm listening to it and places I've been on the road.

And it was doing it broke. So yeah, it was very reminiscent of my early comedy career when I lived out of my car. He was sleeping out of his van. And so yeah, that was really good. Into Africa was one of the best explorer survival stories

since Shackleton. What else? Which was that was that um living stanley and livingston yeah dr livingston i presume yeah it is fucking grotesque i think it was raider that was saying oh if it was between like because it's like the jungle version of shackleton and he's like i do jungle any day over cold i can't do cold you know i don't know now after you listen to this it's just relentless there's no there's no bright spot there's no boring spot it's just oh and then my fucking guide died of elephantitis and then this guy got a fucking spear through his jaw by a

fucking angry zulu warrior it's fuck it just piles on and picking fucking worms out of the blisters and lesions in his skin from the bugs yeah i'd do cold over fucking jungle anytime i still think i could do jungles well yeah because you'd want to work on your tan but i mean this this guy was doing it on purpose like he wasn't they went to find him because they hadn't heard from him in years and they didn't know if he was dead or not so this journalist went to it's a fucking brilliant story there's so many layers to it and you know the journalism at the time and how they wanted to fuck the british by having an american find their english lost guy like he was like explorers back then were like huge celebrities like massive so yeah there was there was a like we're gonna fuck the british press

angle and there's uh yeah and and there was one other oh oh yeah the no surrender is the uh story of the japanese soldier during world war ii that ducked out into the jungles when the Americans landed in the Philippines. And for 29 years, he lived in the jungle, not believing that the war was over, even though they've like relentlessly the entire time, they're like dropping leaflets. They knew it was just him left. They're like, okay, come on out, hero.

Here's your sister. Hero, come out of the jungle. They're playing loudspeakers all across the jungles. And he's like, oh, the Americans have now conned my family into believing this. They're simple puppets for the Americans. 29 fucking years. It's another brilliant book.

So that's my reading list. Alan Arkin, also fun. What was the name of the Alan Arkin book? Out of my mind. I'm just a little ways into that. I think that's a pretty short one. Did you see that Audible had retweeted you or tweeted at you? Yeah.

Yeah, I know. I should have a fucking deal for this. God damn it. I think Audible wouldn't have us back as a sponsor because they know that I have to promote my own book anyway, so why would they pay me?

They're not stupid. But that was the point of this entire trip was to be able to just drive endlessly aimlessly and listen to audiobooks because i can't read books at home there's too many distractions uh usually i can only read when we're on vacation like costa rica i would always just do nothing but plow through books last time we were there there, Chaley, me, you, and Tracy just sat and read books almost all day while Bingo walked in circles like one foot was nailed to the floor checking your text messages.

You guys read books and I can't read books. That's up. Stupid books. It goes a little bit back to normal now brian but uh she was like losing her head no one's there to fucking watch over her and uh i guess she got a get a little loopy in her head and decided that she was gonna dig up ichabod and uh using turquoise wire wire his bones back together make his skeleton into an art project i I go, bingo, that dog's not even dead two

years. He's still meaty down there. There's going to be lots of worms and maggots and fur. Once I said worms, she goes, okay, I won't do it then. She can do it now. I said, yeah, instead of digging up fucking

Ichabod, why don't you bury Henry? Start digging that up in grade. Or just die Henry Turquoise. I guess she had some freak out where she was just imagining Ichabod being buried underground and wanted to free him. And I thought she could put his skeleton back together. I go, that skeleton is not going to look like a cartoon skeleton jangling around all fucking pearly white. I knew we should have

cremated. But she had already bought all the wires. She had a shovel. When I talked to her, she was standing at the grave going, I think I might want to dig a big bod. Honey, sit down for a second.

It will be digging involved, so I think there's at least that barrier. She'll get two shovels into that rocky soil and go, fuck this. She'll go take a sandwich. All right. Well, I'm going to bug out. I ran out of cigarettes.

I'm going to go get cigarettes. There's some right on the beach at Lake Havasu. And there's some concert that they're setting up. There's a bunch of tent tops. It looks like a fire fest out there. So there's a car in the parking lot. The license plate is Stephen Perry, S-T-V-M-P-R-Y. And I'm like, it could be!

He might be driving a fucking Astro van, I don't know. Hopefully there's a drum circle. You're not far from one once it starts to get dark in Lake Havasu. There was a club we played, I can't remember the name of it, it was in Lake Havasu and I almost got my arm ripped off by grabbing the anchor line.

And the guy in the boat hit the gas. And I wrapped the line around my arm and I went flying. Oh, Jesus. Seriously. Yeah, it was a lot of bad decisions that weekend. But that's Lake Havasu, man. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Brian was going to come up to the Clown Motel, but he said, I can't. I can't make it till Thursday if you want to extend. What were you doing that you were busy on a Wednesday? I was out last night. I was last night. With the dog people. We'd already agreed to go out with people. Oh, okay.

So you blew me off just so you could get drunk? Well, yeah, but Aubrey was very excited about it. You know what that's like? When a girl's very excited about something. Yeah, you need to strike with air and it's hot there. Broads ruin everything. Yeah.

Oh, don't worry. I almost tell her that. I got the Bible. Yeah, it's time to get those again. Yeah. Fucking eight different motels on this trip. Only two Bibles. They're getting more and more rare.

So we get to jack up the price. Yeah, definitely. All right. I'm out. It's a pleasure to see both of you well i was gonna call chad just so you know i was gonna say oh fuck yeah send chad a link uh but i go i think i'm gonna do all the talking on this and uh which i did pretty much you had a lot of notes so that's good i did have a lot of notes and i've i've lost them so i was i've spent this whole time trying

to go through all right right. What happened where? I'm sure I missed half of it, but we'll have more podcasts. I'll plug the Patreon. If you're a Patreon subscriber, this is a great week. Dennis LaCourier, the lead singer from Dr. Hook. He and Doug and Chad and I were on a Zoom call with him, and he was fantastic. That's a video podcast that's going out to the patreon subscribers so by the time this is out it will be out the minute i start

singing one of those songs in my head it's with me all day long it's there's so many great songs uh i oh today i was coming back in baity nevada Actually, a lot of the towns I saw warnings for deer crossing warnings and watch for animals, there were donkey ones. I get into Beatty and I get to the four-way stop there doing 25 miles an hour because they don't want a ticket. I get to the four-way stop.

There's fucking just four donkeys hanging out. There's a car out there petting them. I'm like, I want in on this. I doubled back and i pulled in and the fucking i got i'm about to tweet the video i got donkeys you know two you know there's four on one side and two coming in the passenger window and they're eating pitos by the way pito sent us a bunch of free shit so we'd mentioned pitos they're chips but i guess they're made out of peas or something is there anything wrong with the product that hits the market called pito

just curious if uh marketing wise we should go back to the drive it's spelled like cheetos but but yeah i didn't put that together till you just said that good good call well i was giddy as a fucking there's a there's a minivan that's pulled up beside me with fucking like eight-year-old children that were less giddy than i was about having fucking wayward just free-roaming town donkeys sticking their heads in my window and very gentle and uh yeah and then i i pulled around that car when i got done i got a video and went on my way but i pulled up the driver's side of that lady and gave her another bag of pedos so the kids could keep having fun feeding the donkeys i i

picked up a uh when we when we started uh camping in the arizona desert uh we were at one of the national park uh ranger stations. I picked up fires, like campsites and things to do. And I picked up one, what to do when encountering wildlife. And it's in the Sonora Desert. And I'm looking through this thing, and it's like mountain lion, and then snakes, and then donkeys. Donkeys are a fucking problem.

And you had a good experience, and i'm glad for that and and they now have the taste of pitos so they'll they'll go after anything that smells like a pito but there are a lot of fucking injuries and donkeys basically it's like yogi bear they get the smell of a picnic basket and they they just start rooting through it and they just go for it and these you just said they're they're very used to going into cars that's not a good learned behavior i had just gotten a subway sandwich and uh like i pulled out and i saw i'm like peeling off the flatbread and giving the one donkey and then you know three more donkeys show up and i'm like i only got one sandwich i had to go so i oh, let me grab the bag of chips out of the backseat. And what was my point?

God damn it, I'm flighty. Aggressive donkeys. Oh, well, no. Well, I'm petting them, too. I'm petting them on their fucking snouts and stuff. And then I start, when I leave, I go back to eat my fucking Subway sandwich. And I realize I've just been petting fucking filthy fucking donkeys with the hand I'm now eating on a bear sandwich. Oh.

Well, I'm glad you survived. Yeah. I'm glad you got to meet some donkeys. What's that? I'm glad you got to meet some donkeys. You made my day. I know. I've always wanted to have a pet donkey.

And I've always wanted, and I only want it so I can call it Hootie. And then I can say to people, this is my donkey Hootie. Hootie? Like Hootie and the Blowfish? Donkey Hootie. Donkey Hootie.

I was, I was one of my dumb jokes when i was a new comic that i was gonna change my uh my stage name to don quichot and just cram it together on the marquee and uh yeah that's how that's how my comedy was born that's the kind of jokes i had at 24. yeah donkey show is a is a fabled uh yeah i kind of named I had at 24. Yeah, donkey show is a fabled... Yeah, I kind of named a book after it, they know. Oh, I guess so. Did you see that? People were tweeting this thing today saying

show us a picture you want to be made into. Show us a photograph you want to be made into a Show us a photograph you want to be made into a Netflix prestige TV show. And? I'm trying to see if I can call up the picture I used.

Hang on, I'll find it. I predict a smart fucky picture. It's not that smart fucky. Are people going to be able to see it? You wanted to name your donkey Hota. I don't know how

fucking... If I send this as a chat, can you see it? Yes. It'll show up on the side. Click the chat at the bottom of the screen. So, can you click on that? I did, yeah. Can you see the picture?

Yes, you and Bingo and... It's the picture of Doug with Bingo and Junior Stopka on the streets in New York. Oh, yeah. It won't let me click on this fucking thing. I miss that Junior Stopka. Anyway, I'm getting the fuck out of here.

Yeah. I'll catch up with you all soon. Goodbye, everyone. Thanks for listening. Bye-bye, everyone. Okay, bye-bye now. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពាបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានប� Thank you.