The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#449: Great Fails, Montana

Episode Date: June 11, 2021

Doug flies out to Great Falls, Montana to cross another venue off his dive bar bucket list. Things didn't go as planned. Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0 Recorded June 8th, 2021 on the road with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Tracey (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - Credit Karma - Visit CreditKarma.com/winmoney to open a FREE account and start winning Instant Karma. BetterHelp.com - Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHELP.com/stanhope. Sip & Dip Tiki Lounge inside the O'Haire Motor named the #1 bar on earth worth flying for by GQ Magazine! - https://ohairemotorinn.com/sip-n-dip/ It's FREE to join Chad on his Twitch Channel. Go the Chad's Twitter page where he has pinned a tweet with instructions - https://twitter.com/hdfatty Ask Vodka Juicebox - [e-mail] (@vodkajuicebox) Want more annoying Chaille? Check out Mix Tape Time Machine Podcast with John Norris, Matt Collins and Ggreg Chaille - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mix-tape-time-machine-podcast/id1554596023 Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - ChailleSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Who doesn't want instant gratification? If you're looking for satisfaction, there's no need to wait. With Credit Karma money, you can win cash reimbursements for debit purchases. Right now, visit creditkarma.com slash winmoney to open your free account and start winning instant karma. That's creditkarma.com slash winmoney. Hello? Hello. Are you on Zoom? No. Do we have a time? Yeah. 10.30 my time. Oh, shit. 10 shit 10 30 your time is long time calling now it's 10 30

right now my time oh shit okay i'm firing it up do you want to do it at 11 we got a late checkout so you want to do it at 11 let me i'll get on right now hang on i. I mean, it's no big deal. Let me see what my head looks like on Zoom. It's going to be terrifying. Why did you get a cup of coffee? I just have nothing to put in it. Where's my... All right, hang on. I'm putting on speakers so I can find my glasses.

And my shoes and my glasses. I'm waiting for you to let me in. Gotcha, gotcha. Recording in progress. You're listening to the Dougoug stanhope podcast there you go oh shit got the blinds behind you there yep oh there we go look at that

oh good gracious how's the room You know, the room's not bad. It's, let me show you. Hey, let's start off. Let's just start this. Yeah, okay. Where you say something. Yeah, can you smell the smoke over the Zoom? It is coming through.

My eyes are watering. It's a smoking room. It certainly is. Yeah, because oseum would not help this affair. This is fucking cool as shit. This is an old school room. Oh, wow. Yeah, not even a wardrobe. Here? Here?

Yeah. Wait, no, it's not. I love that. Before it comes out. God damn it. That thing's great. It's very old school. Oh my God.

That's the timer for the light? For the iron. Iron. I don't want to turn anything on. Yeah. Place burns down. Yeah. Oh, look. Rubber ducky.

Oh, wow. Why did they do that? Do they have something going on in town that has ducks? No, it's the sip and dip. It's known for its... Oh, wait, we haven't talked about this at all, have we? No, we haven't because you were not alluded to it, but you didn't want to say it. Yeah, this Sip and Dip Lounge, which we've tried to go to when we do the Montana tour.

We're in Great Falls, Montana. And this is a legendary, well, I don't think they call it a day drinking bar, but a dive bar. It's an old 1962. It's the O'Hare Motor Lodge, Motor Inn. And it has this sip and dip lounge where the uh the motel pool uh is above ground and then the bar the back of the bar the backdrop of the bar is an aquarium of the pool and they do mermaid shows uh and then you can see people swimming in the pool is that where a dolphin fucks a mermaid? Well, I was just fucking around on Delta doing fantasy travel.

Same way you go on eBay and look at all the shit you could buy, but you're not going to. But I did. I found a really cheap fare. I used miles to get up here. Because for years I wanted to go to the goddamn sip and dip and watch the goddamn mermaids while I drink a giant, you know, my tie out of a fishbowl. And yeah, I get up here and the pool's closed for renovation. What the fuck? Who cares?

I was going to see a mermaid and it would be cute once and i'd get a picture but instead i get a picture they're like basically a shower curtain over the thing that has like fish on it yeah all right close enough and i skipped the mai tai because it's fucking it's diabetes in a bowl and i just drank my usuals and i met some people and name dropped myself and you are wearing a t-shirt or a hoodie that has your name on it too. Well, I had the fucking suit on. I had this fucking, what a miraculous suit this is. I wore this the other night for open mic.

Yeah. It's got the anchors on it. It's a fucking gorgeous suit. It doesn't really fit in with the clientele here. It fits in with the decor and the mermaids yeah it does but the the folks here on a monday tuesday is pretty much all like oil worker guys yeah road crews road crews yeah uh so uh i i wore this suit to make a fucking entrance. And then I overtipped at dinner in the restaurant and at the bar. And then I went and changed my clothes and I put on a hoodie and some

pajama pants and I went back to the same fucking restaurant and the same bar and they didn't know who I was. I just talked for a long time. I'm the guy with the suit. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's not here right now. He left a little a long time. I'm the guy with the suit. Oh, yeah. He's not here right now. He left a little while ago. Can I get you something? I have never worn a suit. In all the suits

we've had, I've never worn a suit that got more fucking compliments on the trip. I flew up. I flew through Salt Lake City, which the airport there is a fucking mess. Hang on. Shit. God damn it. it hey i gotta get a beverage there's a gal out in the hall if you want to get some more coffee oh yeah i'm uh sorry i took a

saraquel last night i'm still in fucking altered states i went down to the restaurant this morning uh after you know i don't know for 13 14 in bed on a saraquil fucking gorgeous sleep uh and i went down and i i my head feels i don't know what it looks like right now but it feels like you know the big screaming baby mask i would always wear yeah that's how my head feels and i sat down at the diner counter and this girl not a different girl from yesterday said uh oh i think i have something for you here gave me a little envelope and it's this gift card uh uh yeah it's a hundred dollar like it's a gift card for here for like what the gift shop or something i thought

like i thought management gave it to me yeah uh because i did spend quite a bit of money last night uh and she said uh that's for anything the bar the restaurant the gift shop whatever and i go okay thanks yeah someone sent named april sent it i'm like oh shit i did tweet a picture I didn't say where I was on Twitter last night. So I guess a fan just sent me a $100 gift card. So, April, thank you very much. I think April's she's, I think

her name is Hoot Looney or something on the Zoom chat. Yeah, April from, oh, shit. Yeah, that's right. She lives near here. I didn't know that. She's in Alberta. Alberta, yeah. April in Alberta. Alberta, yeah. April in Alberta.

Yes. Maybe she's on her way. If you hear anything in the background, it's Tracy. She's just out of the shot. Hi, Tracy. Hi. Yeah, I haven't... I drove up... Well, I went up to tucson on sunday because i had a 6 a.m flight

on monday and i uh picked up a hitchhiker right on uh just outside of uh huachuca city there know, where the speed trap would be. Yeah. And this kid, he's a doughy kid, probably, you know, early 30s, had a sign that said Tucson, and I picked him up, and I said, where are you going? He said, Tucson. I go, yeah, I know by the sign, but I said, where? He's like, I have to go to the hospital uh because my girlfriend had a stroke and then just i just like this yeah he said i'll get i'll get you where you're going is what i'm

saying i i've i have free time to kill so i i'll get you to if you get me an address and he's like i'm not sure i think it's saint john's but uh it's uh and then he's going into this fucking life story because I've been working at Safeway and I'm trying to get, we're homeless right now, but we're getting into this program and we're in assistance and I didn't care, but he didn't notice.

At some point he says, yeah, I'm sorry, I'm a bit of a chatterbox and I said, yeah, not for long. What do you know about Area 51? Because that's the book on tape we're listening to. He goes, that's fine. That's fine. And I put on the book on tape.

It was fine in the silence. I could tell he was a little, you know, wanted to chime in a lot. And then we get to, you know. Just so everyone knows. Anyway, the point then we get to, you know. Just so everyone knows. Anyway, the point is we get close to fucking Tucson. And I said, hey, pull up that address so I can GPS, you know, the exact place we're going to. And he said, he looks up the address. Whatever happened, fuck.

Some point he looks at it. The point is I had to shut off the book on tape to do the GPS. So that's got him talking again. And then he looked behind me, and my suit is hung up on the hook, the back seat. Yeah, dry cleaner rack. Yeah, he says, man, that's a fucking great suit. And I said, thanks. And then he looked at me, and then he looked back at the suit and i

saw saw it click he goes i didn't introduce myself my name's irish what's your name i said doug and he goes you're not doug stanhope are you i'm like yeah sorry the suit gave me away and then of course not your face not your face but the suit. And he fucking listens to Bert Kreischer and Bill and Bert. And fucking I love Jim Norton. And I came to Arizona because of you. And I thought I'll never actually meet him, even live in the same kind of place. And I'm like, my fucking book on tape is shot. And I can't like fucking go.

Shut him down. Listening to the book on tape. And so I take him. He's like, can we also. Would you mind stopping someplace I can get something soft for my girlfriend to eat? Because she can't, like, eat solid food because of the stroke. Maybe baby food or a smoothie or something. And then he started crying at one point. What was he crying about?

Was it Area 51? He was just, I mean, he was talking at me. He was just talking in these loops about being homeless. I've been a traveler for 12 years, and people get too attached to their things. The things that you would tell yourself to make it okay to be homeless for 12 years. I don't need stuff. i don't need material goods i have a lot of important things that he takes off his hat and he's showing me different pins on his hat and this one reminds me of tara who i'm pretty sure is dead now uh i think she got killed by a train is what i heard and then he starts sobbing right at they

go hey we're stopping at walgreens for that fucking baby food you need. You're like, sorry, I get emotional. I'm like, sorry, I don't respond. But it turns out it was fucking not only was the place one of the places that Bingo had to get tested at when she had her neurological problems. It was also right next to my sushi place so i dropped him off and i went fuck this is great this worked out perfectly because it was 10 miles out of my way but it's right next to that sushi place that i would have been too easy to go to on my own so pick up hitchhikers at your own peril oh you're a sweet kid i got a picture it's so weird because

one of the reasons you wanted to take this trip was to get on the road to finish that book and you're picking up a hitchhiker a good 70 minutes to tucson at least yeah and then you went even further so it probably about 90 minutes you were stuck with him uh with the stops oh no it's it's it's it's a hour 45 every time to the airport. Yeah, but you were from Huachuca City, so you were already 30 minutes closer. Oh, yeah. So everyone knows it's like basically your entire books on tape ride was just shot. That's all right.

I've been listening in the room, I woke up to piss at around 745 and then put the book on tape on and then nodded in and out of it for the next three hours. And on Seroquel too, right? Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. Some of the dreams overrode. I was hoping I'd kind of go to some UFO dreams with the Seroquel. I wasn't in Area 51.

Does that happen? That happens to me when I sleep, if there's something going on in the background, but I don't listen to stuff anymore in the background. But when you're on Seroquel or Ambien, do noises in the room, like a TV left on or something, does that jump into the dream or does it take over? Well, I don't. When I'm Seroquiling,illing i try to remember shut off the phone

shut both doors so i can't hear the cat when he's fucking yalling uh yeah i try to so there's not much to drift in right uh so salt lake city was uh i had almost a four hour layover and there's nothing left they they're basically raising the old airport and building a new one. It's like Atlanta if they didn't have a train. It's under construction. They have to wait for a bus on the tarmac. Bus picks up people 20 at a time, drives them to the concourse, but the Sky Club is in the other concourse.

So like Atlanta, you get on a tram. Well, there is no tram. You hoof it all the way to the next concourse. And then, of course, it's all the way at the other end of the concourse. So it's like a 20-minute walk if you're taking your time. Isn't Dallas like that too, where they got the tram in between?

Like to walk from concourse to concourse is impossible? Yeah. Yeah. Or Chicago O'Hare where they have that underground walkway with the light up tunnel with the fucking mood music. Except it's not pretty like that. it's not pretty like that. But I was planning on like, I'll get my fucking nails redone because the old Sky Club had the massage place right outside.

I could get a massage. I could get my nails. No, there's nothing. There's absolutely fucking nothing in Salt Lake City. Avoid it. It's probably the double whammy of COVID and construction. I mean mean even if you like uh i think it's it's uh seattle just went through a major renovation and i'm like oh this would be

great we went over to the end gates to the the sky club over there which is for alaska airlines which has been completely is fucking awesome right it's huge and we get into the end gates i'm like wait a minute some of this started before covid and they still got the pardon our dust signs up so covid hit shut all construction down and now they're still just starting to ramp up again so it's it's crazy that uh you know you get into a situation where it's like oh wow there's no travelers we can fucking we can whip through instruction and then the covid knocks all of them down they can't even work that then it was illegal to work you know it really sucks they'll venture out into the traveling world i mean i've done road trips horrible just be driving what sucks

wearing a fucking mask all day. I was in the Sky Club because there's nothing else to do, so I go, okay, I got Tracy's headphones here. So I'm in the Sky Club. I got these hooked up to my phone so I can listen to my book on tape in the Sky Club.

And then I have my mask on. And then I have my uh then i want to put out my eye mask on so i can just fucking actually follow the readers on my head take my readers up they're up here i have my mask on then fucking brian keeps calling me which shuts off the book on tape and i have to get my i'm trying to take my mask off but it's anchored down with the headphones. I got my mask pushing up. It's this fucking slapstick, hang on, hold on, comedy of fucking errors every single time he calls me. What do you keep calling me for?

I got a million things on my head. I have like five accessories attached to my head, and they're not synced up together. I think your headphones would work with your with your phone calls if it interrupts audio then it would then i'm talking at this level in a fucking sky club yeah hang on hold on let me disconnect this put this on talk through my mask try to whisper through my mask uh anyway they have soundproof booths at this new sky club the new sky club is great at salt lake city salt lake yeah we're not going to be there long enough i think we have like an hour layover heading up to

anchorage so we might we might go dip in if we can but you know we're flying main cabin because we're on discount tickets yeah well this flight to great falls they didn't even have uh i go can i get a whiskey coke there's no first class yeah just a plane they go we don't serve alcohol uh on this plane it's uh coffee and water that's it all right good well it's a short. And then fucking the airport is empty. They have like two cabs in town. So it's a 40-minute wait for a cab. But then they had a shuttle, the airport shuttle.

The hotel came out and picked me up. We have a guest. Really? Where is he? At the airport. We have an airport? Yeah, Great Falls. We don't play here for a reason. yeah great falls we don't we don't play here for a reason well i mean we we've we've we've basically stopped trying to figure out things to do while on the road because it just doesn't

make sense it's get to the you're better off to get early to the next gig than dicking the dog up to go see the big ball of twine or something like that. Yeah. And Montana, I mean, Montana's great. This is kind of a military town, so it's not a priority as far as... When we go to Montana, we come here because it's

Montana and it's fucking gorgeous. This is kind of like a Sierra Vista. Yeah. But, I mean, I think that's great that you got, I mean, it's unfortunate that the mermaids are on break or whatever, and the pool's closed because this is definitely one of your bucket list hotels. Yeah.

No, it's the perfect motor lodge with a diner and a bar and a smoking room. If it was a smoking bar, it would be even better. Wow. If it were. It's not. I mean, there's maybe if you weren't in the Sierra Vista type town, but a Bisbee type town, they'd have the thing where everyone smokes

and it's illegal. There's bars in Anchorage like that. Not Anchorage, but out in Seward and out in the valley where like laws really don't affect people in some of those areas so and I'm sure that's like that up in Wyoming and then Montana and shit like that yeah I'm really looking forward to this run because we are playing we're playing at least one date in Wyoming maybe two I don't know if they're supposed to be two but they they're not up on the site yet.

As soon as I see those come in, I put them up on the site. And then Hannigan will basically, if you're on the mailing list, you get an email that sends you directly to the ticket link before it even goes up on the website. So that's the plug. A lot of the dates we sell out on the mailing list alone. So if you're not on the mailing list and it's sold out. Yeah. By the time it's public knowledge, you're shit out of luck.

I never get anything on the mailing list. That's probably because I'm not playing where you are. Oh, yeah. I signed up for your mailing list. Well, sign up again, first of all, because you might have changed your email uh since you signed up and if you're in fucking greenland it's not like i send out a fucking newsletter like fred miller telling you what's going on with bisbee city council we we let you know when we're in your area. Yeah, it's based on the code that you signed up with. Yeah, I don't want you getting fucking junk mail from me.

That's a courtesy. I know. I try to be polite. Yeah. I took a lot. Oh, this is another fucking haunted hotel. Yeah. Allegedly.

Yeah. Scratch the surface. They're all haunted. There's been some vile things that happen in every hotel room come on well it's actually the bar is is evidently haunted come on you already have a gimmick you're gonna double down on your they don't add mermaids and ghosts are you kidding me there's one guy that sits in that booth but uh you can see him when you can only see him when all the lights are out you know yeah okay whatever i mean it's nice to believe in ghosts

i guess if you work here and yeah i assume any tips there's probably some meth involved at last call i don't know clean up so doug do you say you would like to believe in ghosts? Hey, wait. Can we pause for a second? Yeah. All right. Hey, but please hold. We'll be right back.

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That's way better. Okay. I needed different reading glasses because those are the ones you're using. Where are you guys? Are you at the Phoenix airport? Phoenix, yeah. We got in. Well, I thought we were going to do a podcast on sunday but i got up and realized you

were leaving sunday so you left and so it was just tracy and i at the compound and i'm like wow man it's quiet here this is fucking great i i whipped up the smoker i smoked uh two turkey legs and a huge fucking thigh for the like uh from the farmer's market and then we put on f1 at baku and proceeded to get shithoused all fucking day uh on sunday and i packed a half hour before we left yesterday. I was so fucking hungry. And it was the greatest day. I mean, no one came over, so it was just us hanging out, you know, Tracy doing crosswords, F1 on, and me attending the meet on the smoker for probably nine hours.

I think that – What happened with F1 where you're like, fuck this? You called the crosswords. Well, you're like, fuck this? Well, you want me to tell you? Yeah. Max Verstappen, who was basically in the lead for almost the entire race, was five laps from the end, and he had a fucking tire blowout, a left rear that threw him into the wall at about 200 miles an hour.

Oh, so that's fun. Yeah, but it's like he he's the points leader and that stopped the track they went into a red flag and um then they had to that i mean he's out out out and he he should have won i mean that was that was it. And they're looking at possibly tire failure from Pirelli because the same tire on Lance Stroll's car blew out in like the first 10 laps or something. So they're like, wait, that's weird. Left rear on two cars, you know, in the same area too. So they're thinking maybe debris on the road or something i don't know it's fucking crazy though but that max getting knocked out was fucked and then they do a restart for two laps to finish right so it's it's lap 48 is when they stopped it so they get everyone going again you know 30 minute break and they're lined up and it's uh uh fuck who is it perez the other red

bull driver is in p1 they're lined up as they were lined up when they when they uh when they went into red flag and uh lewis hamilton is behind him and they they take off and they're gonna go two laps and right at the first turn, fucking Lewis Hamilton blew it. Something fucking happened where his brakes didn't work. And he couldn't make the turn. And Perez fucking just took the turn and then stayed in front. Lewis finished like 15. But he should have won.

He juked him. It looked like he was going to get ahead. And then all of a sudden his fucking, his front locked up. He couldn't get breaks. And then he went right into the escape lane and the little road. First of all, now I know where to fast forward to. It's not like even away. I want to see the, where the crashes happen.

And that's the only way anyone can win. That's not supposed to win and is is a malfunction so good on you pirelli well it turns out yeah but see that's the thing is the tires are supposed to have a wear a wear life that pirelli tells all the drivers they base that on like if it's getting thin or get in there and get the new tires right away they that's the strategy that's part of it and i get what you're saying but um yeah these are well under shitty teams in a strike year now we have a chance of actually scab teams yeah well that thing is is that these tires were well under the uh suggested life and uh there's a problem. I mean, that's what happens, man.

But yeah. So if you go to, if you get down to the last 10 laps, then you can, you can watch, you can watch as it's going. And then they're talking about, you know, Verstappen being ahead. And like, like well enough ahead. There's no reason, you know, and it's crazy. I mean, and the, the, the, the rec looks exactly like strolls the way

they handled it so uh that's fun i get i get a lot of uh tweets and emails that we've uh we've got a lot of people in a formula one now that's yeah i i assume they're doing another uh doing another uh season of f1 uh drive to Because, I mean, they did one through the pandemic. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure it'll come back. I mean, it's kind of put them on the map. Oh, totally.

Yeah, I had the Sunday New York Times crossword, and I had all my cocktails out on the patio at the hotel at the airport in Tucson. And then, fuck, they're showing formula one replay from this morning so but i already had all my shit set up outside with my ashtray and my notebook and my crossword and i have too many distractions going on i can't even listen to my book on tape well i mean that's the beauty of f1 when there's a crash then they dissect it over and over and over.

So even if you miss the initial one, they're going to show you more, especially when there's a red flag situation because they have to clean the track and the guys go back to the pit. So they're going to totally do a postmortem over everything, and you're not going to miss it. So you can do your crosswords and F1 next time, Doug. Well, not if I'm smoking. Oh, that's true. Betterhelp.com. Having a bad day? Having a touch of the blues? A little depression? A little

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by visiting our sponsor at betterhelp.com slash stanhope. Join over 1 million people who've taken charge of their mental health. Again, that's betterhelp.com slash stanhope. You are listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. So, yeah, we're headed up to Anchorage because Brett Erickson's doing comedy up in Cootes. Excellent. And, yeah, we'll see how it goes. This will be their second show post-pandemic stage.

I was doing my 15 minutes with Bobby yesterday. I was telling him about this place. And he's like, where do they find the mermaids? How do they hire them? Because I said I really wanted to get, since the mermaids like how do they hire them because i said i really wanted to get like since the mermaids aren't working i'd love to get an unemployed mermaid on the podcast and ask her about you know because i thought they were not doing mermaids because of covid i didn't know it's because the entire pool is fucking shut down yeah i packed swimming trunks there's a

there's three ounces of shit i didn't have to pack in my bag. But he's like, where do they find them? I said, yeah, it's not a watering hole, Montana. Where do you find someone who can hold their breath and swim with a mermaid suit on? And I said, yeah, you say that. I go, I was going to try to get one on as a guest but i if you can find someone who looks good and can swim in a mermaid suit and you know entertain

underwater and then expect them to really be hilarious or insightful on a podcast that's way too much to ask sounds more like a unicorn than a mermaid mystical i guess you would start at hooters to try and find your mermaids because i mean you still got the bar patrons are gonna they expect them to look a certain way yeah and especially you them not knowing me like if they were contacted me hey i'm a mermaid at the sip and dip. I'd love to be on your podcast. I'd go, okay. But I think otherwise, them not knowing me and me just in some fucking ugly squat room on back corner where they allow smoke.

You could wear your sailor anchor jacket and pretend to scout for an aquarium somewhere looking for some mermaids we heard about the talent pool down here well you remember bozeman montana that's where chad was with us yeah early podcast days and we kept calling escort services trying like we don't we don't want you to do anything we just want you as a anonymous guest and talk about what you do on our podcast and i'll pay you your rate no one would do it that's what made him suspicious wait i don't have to suck a dick and you're gonna pay me all right click i'll suck your dick but yeah i'm not gonna talk about my life don't put a microphone in my face without a condom uh yeah it felt like it might seem creepy.

I probably could have put it together. I got another day here. Then I fly back, take two buses. Yeah, but I remember Rex had some construction or something to where you had to get down on the tarmac in LAX to take a bus to another area. It might have been the commuter flights or something like that. But I remember that that was, that's when I remember my grandparents coming from Milwaukee as we were kids, we would have to be, we would be standing on the tarmac watching them walk down the, you know, walk down the stairs and jetway and walking across the tarmac.

That was the way it always happened back then. Yeah, there's still one of the Delta where they have a bus you have to take between terminals. I just want to say, sorry, I'm scared of buses. That's why I fly. I know John Madden would always take a bus or a train because he was afraid of flying i wanted to reverse to any of the nfl gigs oh he's like fucking mr t and the a team you have to fucking knock i wanted to do the reverse no i'm terrified

i have a fear of buses i would have saved a greyhound if I wanted to take a bus, but I'm afraid of them. So you're going to have to fly me to the other terminal. Sir, we could chart you. Didn't they pick you up in a Porsche somewhere? Yeah, a couple times in L.A. to take you. L.A., yeah.

When you'd fly in domestically from Tucson and they'd take you to the international terminal or vice versa, take you up in a Porsche so you brag about it and then it never happens again. Is that the Porsche for me? We can put in a request, sir. Sir, we've never had a Porsche delivered. What are you talking about?

Oh, we do have a ghost Porsche. Sightings. Yeah, but not a regular anymore but i did my fucking delta ladies are still at tucson roxy no no that's lax yeah heather and god damn i can't remember the other one's name but i i got hugs i'm not supposed to do this, but we missed you. Wait, there's no Delta. You mean flight attendants? Yeah, at the counter. At the counter. Okay, yeah, yeah. Gate agents, they call them.

Yes, that's it. Gate agents. I was trying to think, geez, they got a Delta Sky Club in Tucson now? There's no way. They do not. Do not. They did not have a pre-flight cocktail in first class going out of Tucson. Yeah, we're safe on this one because our flight's at 7.30 p.m.

So Tracy will be able to drink, you know, pre-flight. And there's a found out in Phoenix, there's's two there's a sky club in the concourse we're on because we're on delta flight and there's also in the next concourse i think uh three or four there's a centurion room which is the american express that one in la was or seattle was fucking amazing so uh tracy doesn't have to pack the little bottles and sneak uh she doesn't have to she's got them because uh you know you don't know now they they could just opt especially main cabin uh there's there's no there's coffee and tea and maybe a soda water but no uh no booze yeah i lost my travel mug before i even got off the first plane. It was great.

I had it in the side pocket of my backpack, and it was unwieldy at best. So when I shoved the backpack under the seat, God knows what happened to it on takeoff and landing. Someone's going to trip on it and break an ankle and have a nice lawsuit. So thank you. Thank me for that. So when you leave, you got a couple more nights there.

One more night there? Yeah. So then you're flying back to Tucson? Yeah, fly back on Wednesday. I'll stay the night there. God damn, it's smoky. So then are you going to trip around a little bit? For 15 hours, I went and got my breakfast and my gift

card and i came back in and i hadn't smoked you know in 15 hours and i walked in i'm like jesus this place stinks that suit is gonna have to be aired out gonna oseum the suit i gotta find a what do you i keep thinking upholster a fucking tailor tailor on that jacket i forgot i found i found one in um there's another one there's two that i know of now in sierra vista we'll take care of that uh when when i get back to town yeah what what do you do you had a of course you knew the name for it but what do you have to do to the collar i think it's blocking blocking or they do something to try to uh to get the shape back on that collar because what's happened is is for well since it was probably made and then stuffed into a bag somewhere that collar went up and it just kind of locked in place you have to

relax it and then uh get it just form it right down it's something easy for a tailor to do but uh you know it's it's it's uh it's vexing because it's always flipping up and it's got that red vel felt under it and it why do you have to hold that ironing board and a full day to kill so yeah with an iron that'll from the 60s that'll probably scorch the ray on don't risk it, man. Yeah, I might get out and look around, see something out here maybe. I think I'm downtown. I'm not quite sure. But Montana, I feel like I should be camping, fly fishing on horseback.

You don't have a car. I mean, what are you going to do? No, no, I'm just saying I feel like I should be doing something outside for a second because it's fucking gorgeous and it's summertime it's almost we're getting close to uh summer solstice yeah yeah up there and we're way longest days uh so yeah i think that's a that's enough of a podcast i'm sorry i don't have a fucking mermaid i met a bunch of drunk people and we got drunk last night yeah you were really drunk when i talked to you last night yeah what you called to ask me something last night the fuck was that oh tiki bar oh the tiki bar in uh salt lake city why it was bert's

yeah one of the guys yeah one of the guys that i was drinking with was came up same as me from salt lake uh-huh 15 years he's been meaning to come here. His mother used to be a regular here. Oh, wow. Always talks about the, oh, you bring me back to the sip and dip days when you bring that up. And he drove all the way up from Salt Lake,

nine and a half hours and no mermaids. But he said, they did remember my mom. Oh. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Bunch of young guys that look just like that guy. But I say there's a tiki bar. It's right off State Street. I can't remember.

And I can't remember the name of the place that was right next door that we ended up playing later on. But I think it's Emo's. I know it's like i think it's emos i know it's like elmo so it must be emos it could be uh i remember berts just because it was so striking with the fucking column in the middle of the stage punk rock bar yeah when you when you said berts because i was he's like i don't know any place no tiki bar with a pole on the stage and he said a pole i go not like a stripper pole but that would obstruct your view view and call them to keep the roof up yeah so when i said when you got the answer i said it's birds tiki bar he goes that place has been torn down years ago yeah yeah it was there i was half torn down when we played you had to crawl in through a cut in the fence to get into the back because there was no back door that led out into the field that was there oh the memories

oh yeah it's a good one you always remember those yep and uh and a lot of them we end up going back to like the uh like the little tree in Idaho. Pepper tree. Yeah, that's what I call, that would go into a folder, never again. Because that's a never again show. When we go there the second time and it's like, what the fuck?

I told Hennigan never again. Yeah, but that place is too funny. It's not a bad showroom. No, the room was good. And remember that was where you were trying to spit that guy's fake eye back into his face? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that happened because we were there. Exactly.

Yeah. I'll go back to that place. I hope that guy's there. Oh, if he hears of the show, he'll definitely be there. Yeah, I don't know if he knows he's in my book that would be funny in fact that that whole that place is that's how the title no encore for the donkey yeah is about that show that's where the title comes from is a long description of the fucking way back down and that show in particular.

Yeah. So, all right. Well, we'll have more stories by the time you are. When are you coming back? We'll be back middle of next week. All right.

We'll be in touch before then. Cause we'll do another podcast. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I'm going to go get my shit together. Get my read on. All right. Take us out of here. Bingo. Okay. Bye. All right. I'm going to go get my shit together. Get my read on. All right.

Take us out of here. Bingo. Okay. Bye bye now. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់� Thank you.