The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep.#80: Jane Piper, Not Your Regular Rape Victim

Episode Date: June 15, 2015

Jane Piper is not your regular rape victim. Jane talks to Doug about the details of her rape and the eventual conviction of the man responsible.(Editor's Note) Gilbert Lozano Trejo, 58, pleaded guilty in 2012 to raping Jane Piper on August 21, 2003 and was sentenced to 20 years in prison.Recorded June 05, 2015 at the London Music Hall in London, Ontario with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), and Jane Piper (Facebook - JaneSezzJanePiper). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.Doug is now on Instagram - REALSTANHOPELinks-Contact Jane through these links -Jane Piper's This Is Rape: Stories from Suvivors - http://on.fb.me/1GMNbvNJane Piper - http://on.fb.me/1GMNneAJANE PIPER confronts her rapist (video) - http://bit.ly/1ruNAz1Stanhope's Youtube Channel - https://www.youtube.com/user/stanhopetvClosing song "Stolen Dance" by Milky Chance, available on iTunes. Mishka Shubaly's music and Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Rape stories on the Doug Stanhope podcast. We're in Canada. We're in London, Ontario. And yeah, I'll update you on that. The rest of the Canadian tour in the next podcast or another podcast. But I was lucky enough to run into my old friend, Jane Piper. And who's got a fantastic rape story about being raped and uh and as you said i'm not your regular rape victim and i go yeah you you want to talk about this on the podcast

and you said absolutely is that what i said yes you did say that i said absolutely all right yeah well you said i'm someone that doesn't get creeped out by that shit but very true as the people who listen to this podcast know we love fucking dark stories and uh that's a yeah that's a great uh dark story and i know jane was at the, you were at the Superbowl party in 2011. Yeah. Or 2010, the year it was green, green Bay Steelers.

All right. Whatever. It was one of the years ago. And by the record, let me just say that I heard a Joe Rogan's podcast where he goes, yeah, he has a Superbowl party every year and he just invites the whole world. I did that once drunk on Joe Rogan's podcast where he goes, yeah, he has a Super Bowl party every year and he just invites the whole world. I did that once drunk on Joe Rogan's podcast, and I've since rescinded that offer.

In fact, last year we didn't even have it because it's just too much of a problem. Just put extra locks on the gates. And fortunately, I talked to you about memories of just that party, and you have as few as I do. Yeah, that's accurate. And the one memory I do have of you being there was bringing up your rape story around the campfire. I don't know if it was me bringing up so much as you insisting that I tell it. I don't know if it was me bringing up so much as you insisting that I tell it. And I remember you saying, you ask me about this every time, but I always forget.

And I forget again, but I know it was like in a grocery store, not in a grocery store. Right. All right. A parking lot. Go ahead. You tell me. Go. Oh, let me envision myself in front of your campfire again. Imagine the surroundings um it was a dark june night 19 no it was not night it was broad daylight oh wow yeah no no it was

broad see this again you don't remember i know remember it's god uh no it was august in in brentwood like about a block from where O.J. Simpson's killed his allegedly. Allegedly. We don't want to get sued by the Simpson people. I know, because they're listening right now. Yeah, so a block away from where that happened. Posh neighborhood. Yes, yeah, exactly.

You know, Ralph's Grocery Store on Bundy at Wilshire in Los Angeles. Who are the sponsors. Oddly, the sponsors of this podcast. But yeah, I was working as a personal assistant. I was running random errands for my boss. And I had to rush through and do some grocery shopping in the middle of the day. It was like 3 o'clock in the afternoon in Brentwood. And I put all the groceries in the back of my car. And then I was driving a Suburban because I drove, that was my boss's car that I drove for work. So it's, you know, it's big.

So I had like a bunch of bags and I kind of like, you know, climbed in the car and then put all my bags down on the passenger seat and then turn to like close the to close the door and there was a guy there and like in like a split second he basically climbed into the seat next to me with what I thought was a knife stuck into my side and closed the door and locked it and uh yeah I basically just kind of sat there I didn't really know what to do at first I just said I remember sort of starting to cry and just be like I didn't really know what to do at first. I just said, I remember sort of starting to cry and just be like, I didn't really know what to do here. And he's like, why are you crying?

And I just like, I didn't. And he's like, get in the back seat. And, uh, and so I went to actually climb over to the passenger door and get out of the car to get in the back seat. And he freaked out because he thought I was trying to escape when in fact I probably would have just climbed back in the car because that was the normal way is to leave the car to get into the back seat but no he wanted to shove me back into the back anyway long story not so long um he pushed me into the one back seat and then made me push you know there was a suburban right so

there's like multiple rows I am a suburban very There you go. Also brought to you by Suburban, the Doug Stano podcast, rape stories episode brought to you by the Ralphs on Bundy and Chevy Suburban. All the room for rape. Oh my God. Stop. Go ahead. Anyway.

So he insisted that I keep going back to a further backseat. And I honestly had no, I mean, you don't really understand what's happening in these moments because it does, it's not, it's not normal. It's like your brain doesn't quite move fast enough to grasp. At least that's, mine didn't in that moment. And he kept asking me, oh yeah, that's right. He kept saying, I just want to ride to Santa Monica. And I was like, well, how am I going to give you a ride to Santa Monica if I'm not driving the car?

And finally, he just, you know, I had gotten into the furthest back seat. And he said, take your clothes off. And at that point, I was just like, oh, Jesus Christ. And all of a sudden, like, the reality of what was happening kind of just, like, you know, landed on me. And I was like like what the fuck and so i jumped back into the into the seat where he i basically like jumped on him and got the corks oh it was a corkscrew it wasn't a knife he had just stolen it from the grocery store it's all on camera shoplifters yeah i know um so yeah so he i got the corkscrew out of his hand and started hitting him with it,

but not being a violent person. I remember even in the moment being very aware that I didn't want to hurt, like I had to be careful where to hit him because I didn't want to hurt him because I'm just not that it's obviously I'd never taken a defense class. I hadn't, you know, I'm not, wasn't in the right state of mind. I should have been, but I just, I didn't, I didn't want to hurt him. And so I whacked him a bunch want to hurt him and so I whacked him a bunch of times with it and he just got very angry he did not appreciate that one bit and he got it back from me and then just beat the crap out of me um and at that point it was just it was bad he just pummeled me and uh then he threw me back into the back seat again eventually

and my back whacked the back of the seat and then my head or my neck rather is a suburban right so you have these huge uh buckets on the side where like the kids kept their toys and that sort of thing well my neck hit the side of those that bucket and then and cracked and then my head just kept kept flying into the bucket and I knew I was badly hurt and I knew like and it was bad I mean it was and it was August it was really hot like I remember being like oh my god this is very uncomfortable like I'm really hot right now and eventually like and he was just beating me and I eventually like at one point he'd smacked he had punched me in the face and my blood it was sort of like everything

was in slow motion and my blood was kind of going, my head was turning very slowly and the blood was like following along in this line and it landed on the car seat. And I remember just thinking in that moment, like you are going to die. You have to stop. You have to just let this happen and figure out how the fuck you're going to get out of here and live. And so at that point I kind of just gave in. I left my body in one way

or another, like I just wasn't present anymore physically. And I just was sort of planning my escape. And like he and then, you know, he continued to beat me throughout and rape me. And then once he was done, he wanted to he said he wanted to take me he was going to take me for a ride and that we were going to go somewhere for a drive or whatever and at that point um you know i knew that i had to get out and i had been you know planning enough and oh no no god how am i i can't believe i'm skipping over the weirdest weird i don't know it's all it's all weird in quotations, I suppose. But no, he immediately after he finished said, you know, this isn't my fault. Your husband paid me to do this. And I was not married. I'm not married. I wasn't engaged. There was no husband. But I knew that I obviously had to go along with this because this was like,

he was giving me something essentially so and i and and i used to wear a ring that my mom gave me on my wedding ring finger so i kind of figured that's what was he said oh you're married right and i said well yeah well i'm separated yeah and and i just i remember like at the moment that he said that i had been looking at the back of the seat the same seat that had been was covered with my blood and Your boss's seat. That's not... What? Wasn't your boss's car? It was my boss's car that I drove, essentially. My boss had his own car that he drove normally.

This was like... All right, because if Chaley got blood all over my Suburban, I would... I was not concerned about the blood on the seats. No, I was pretty sure that would be understood. I really thought that's what you were going to when you said and my only thought was oh shit and no no no well people do like you say i had the weirdest thought at this time like oh shit i'm gonna have to get the blood out of the no i did have thoughts like that later like when i finally got out of the car and i realized i didn't have my purse and i tried to get back in the car because i wanted to get my purse and the guy looked at me like i was fucking

crazy wait he stole the car yeah he did see well i'm for a fast forwarding anyway let me finish with the yeah so he is telling me that it was my husband that paid him to do this and it wasn't his fault and i'm looking i i was looking at the back of the seat at, in that moment. And I remember, you know, I had been, you know, I had been an actor my entire life at that point. And that's what I was doing. And I remember thinking in that moment, like, oh my God, all the years of acting class and all of the exercises and all the training that you've done is nothing to do with any sitcom or anything you're ever going to book. It's all about this moment and you have to pull off this performance. So I just went along with them and I was like, oh my God, I totally understand. My husband is an asshole and this is so typical of him.

And you are right. This is not your fault. This is typical of him. He's an asshole. He's disgusting. It's okay. And he looked at me and he was like, oh, wow, you're cool. And there's nothing like getting validation from the guy who just raped you

to make you realize that you really are a good person and everything's gonna be okay especially after living in la trying to fucking act you're like oh this is the part i get i finally yes you got the role exactly so i mean i so so he i to set that up, that you are a comic and an actress that I've known since the 90s in L.A. or early 2000s. Right. I just, I opened with rape. I gave you no backstory. I'm going to humanize you later. You can add that in in post.

I am a real human being, damn it. There's more than just rape to me. I don't put like Craigslist ads. Hey, anyone been raped? Sodomized, diddled as a kid? Andy Andresta was telling his child molestation stories on the premiere of this podcast. So it's always trying to take a dark bent. So back to you and the rapist.

You convince him that you're cool? Yes. He believed that I was indeed a cool person and I was basically letting him off of his responsibility and everything that he had just done to me. And, you know, I was laying it all on this, you know, made up husband that obviously did not exist. And he seemed quite happy about that. And then and that's when he would just kind of moved into like oh fuck we're in Brentwood it's 3 30 in the afternoon and there's people everywhere and maybe I we should get out of here so then he started you know he had the keys and and he's like okay we're gonna go for a ride and then I knew that there's no way I could go anywhere

because if he took me anywhere he was definitely gonna kill me I already knew that that was gonna happen back in my head I knew the whole time he started to, he jumped into the front seat and he started to, you know, start the car and, and, uh, and, and drive away. And I managed to jump into the center seat again, where the door was. And I was in such a state of hysterics. Like I remember it was, I felt like an infant learning, like I had no idea how anything worked. Like I remember just pressing on buttons on the door like something is going to work if I do this this way. I really didn't know what I was doing. And then all of a sudden some button I pressed made the window go down. To this day, I honestly have no idea how I fit out that window because it was a fucking childproof window.

It didn't go down all the way. And somehow that's the only moment that I don't remember fully and i don't know if i landed on my head i don't know if a fucking alien force like really removed me from the car and saved me or how i got out of that window because i shouldn't have fit out that window but i did and all of a sudden i was outside of the car and he's looking at me froze he stopped the car and that you know kind of jolted and then that's when i was trying to get back into the car again because I wanted my purse because, you know, a lady doesn't go anywhere without her purse. And then I realized like as I'm trying the door and it's locked, I'm like, oh yeah, you don't want to go back inside,

you idiot. And so then I ran and then I ran like sort of in the same way that you like you think that you want to run away from a bee, like in a zigzag so that the bee can't see you. I like ran in this huge like circle sort of like weaving around because I didn't want him to be able to run me over easily. Curly from the Three Stooges? Yeah, exactly. So then I just ran. And I was really like 20 feet from the grocery store entrance. Like it really wasn't that far away anyway.

And I ran right in. And I just immediately was like like i was just raped in your parking lot where's give me the phone and i called you know and i called 9-1-1 immediately and then you know the aftermath pretty much started from there although then i tried to call my boss because i didn't know the license plate number i had no idea how to tell the cops how to find the car um so i'm you know trying to get hold of someone who knew the license plate and um meanwhile the guy didn't get very far because i guess uh i'd never witnessed any of this myself but heard sort of randomly um i guess a fire department guy who just happened to be driving along when he when the when the rapist left the parking lot he was driving like like obviously he was driving erratically and it just stood out.

So the fire department guy put on his siren. He wasn't a cop, but he put on his siren sort of like, you clearly are doing something wrong. And it scared the guy. So he went down that, whatever that side street is, um, in behind Wilshire and went back into the grocery store and then drove through the parking lot and took off down the alley that's parallel to Wilshire, and then crashed into a post, and then took off on foot. Disappeared? Yeah, just disappeared. Now, what year was this? 2003.

Okay. So he disappeared. You filed charges or make a report. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Went to the hospital, did the rape kit and all that glamorous stuff. Yeah. And then they searched. Well, they did whatever they do. Did they pay you for the rest of the day?

were amazing. Not only did they pay me for quite a while. No, but seriously, they were amazing people. Anytime anyone ever asks about them, I have to put it out there. They were paid for my health insurance for a year after I wasn't even working. You were doing – I was a personal assistant for a TV producer. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Well, drop a name. Or maybe not. I don't know. I always feel – Don't. I don't know. I always, I always feel that don't, I don't know if it would be beneficial to their reputation. Could this ever be, I mean, it has nothing to do with them and I don't want,

you know, it's just a weird thing. All right. So, so then it's into what, what state of mind are you in initially? is it like what you should have done what you could have done was it guilt was it anger what was it um yeah is it the five stages of death no grief you mean the five stages of grief death acceptance is that that's the last one grief

i don't know if i went through any of that, but yeah, probably if I went down the list. Well, I mean, I had, I was, I was diagnosed with post-traumatic distress disorder and I went through, I mean, I still have bouts of it. Like it just, it's, it's a weird thing. It's like your brain is reprogrammed. Like there's just something stamped on there. So like when, if, if a parking valet or the squeegee guys, like if I'm in my car and all of a sudden the squeegee guy shows up in the middle of the street, I will freak because it's like a person coming to my car window in the middle of nowhere. Even now, like 11 years later, can, you know, set me off for, you know, you know, like an hour to a couple of days, depending on just what what's going on in that moment. But yeah, for a while it was just it was fucked. I i was really badly beaten so it hurts you know physically but also like i replayed it in my mind constantly where i would play out different endings like for the first

part of the beating i had the keys in my hand because i had been you know i was about to start the car right and it was a suburban so it had like you know it had an button on it. So at any point I could have just pressed the fucking red button and the alarm would have gone off and he probably would have taken off because he would have been terrified. But that never occurred to me. So it's like, I was poisoned by that. Like, why didn't I just, you know, if I just, you know, so it's like, there's a lot, a lot of time goes on where you start playing over all the different things you could have done or i had a camera i had a can this is before you had a camera in your phone or whatever um i had a camera in my purse the one that i had like when i was trying to like you know get back into the car i always think like what if i had like got back into the car got my purse got out my camera and

had a photo of him right there and like went to the police they found him immediately you know there were so many things that i came up with i mean i i don't understand this uh but i understand anytime because i i can't fight and i'm terrified of any kind of violent confrontation so just someone going hey get the fuck out of my way or something where i fear a violent confrontation i will replay in my head all the things I could have done or should have said. And that's why I'm a, you know, a school shooter still to this day in my head. Like I play out murdering people all the time. So I can't imagine to be in that situation that I would. Well, it's interesting that you said that because I actually never. And this is one.

I mean, I'm fast forwarding again when the guy was finally caught 10 years later, which he was. And we can go. Yeah. No, I was going to say that for part two. Um, but one, like through the years, even immediately afterwards, I never had any conscious thoughts about that guy because to him, he didn't exist as a human being. Like what I always compare it to is like probably the same way that someone who experiences a hurricane or an earthquake or a plane crash, like the way that they think of the event they don't think like god damn it that stupid earthquake like if only it hadn't been so fucking bumpy and

you know they don't think of it like that they don't they just think of something happened and then after the thing happens everything else is the fucking aftermath so that's the like i never thought like damn that guy. Cause he wasn't a fucking human being to me. He didn't exist. I actually had more negative feelings and more resentment and anger towards the people that were there to help me. And yet did,

did, did, did things that I didn't think were as, were necessarily the best, the best way down. Like the guys who picked me up in the ambulance talked over top of me about survivor ironically like and like you always call here the term rape survivor and i remember like that was one of the first words i heard afterward not because i was being called a survivor but because they were talking about the fucking tv show survivor and

they had been watching it and they were talking about an episode. And I was hysterical at that point. And I remember just calling out, like, I was just like, why did this happen? Like, I just needed, I was trying to rationalize what the fuck had happened to me. And I was crying and I'm like on the stretcher in the back of the ambulance. And they were ignoring me. Like, they just, I wasn't even a human being to them. They were just like, I was just, this is part of the job, I guess. This, you know, it's like a human body crying and we will just ignore it and i thought that was really kind of disgusting

considering that was their job i had more anger towards them than i did towards the rapist because i had no expectations of the rapist he was like a guy who came in and out of my life for one purpose and that was it and i didn't have any expectation that he was there for any reason to help me because he wasn't they were supposed to help me and yet they didn't yeah that being in la and having a deal with just gruesome shit like that a you're going to become desensitized but b you're probably already desensitized to take the fucking job to begin with you're probably the fact that you could do that and still

hold a conversation like someone who would be going oh my god crying yeah like trying to help me they would last two days every fucking although on TV they're all very nice people and they're very caring and compassionate.

Oh, compound fracture. Blur. He's spitting vomit between his fingers. All right. We're going to have to let you go. You're either crying or vomiting at every call and we can't, we need someone that just doesn't give a fuck. I did on multiple occasions ask the director the director

the the detective who is who is had a who was heading my case i was always asking him like well on law and order when this happens they do this shouldn't you be doing this and he's like that's on television i'm like yeah but it kind of seems like a good idea that maybe you could do that because that would actually help to find the guy. I bet right now as you're bitching about the ambulance guys, that detective is on another podcast going, yeah. And then you get these people, you get these victims and they're going, oh, I saw this on CSI. It's not fucking TV, lady. Hey, we're going to go to break.

I was going to ask, were you, like, relentless with, like, calling the police and the detective to see if there's any, like, I want, where's this guy? I want justice.

Were you, like... I mean, at first, like, I would watch the news. I remember there being a case of this of this guy it was like somewhere near beverly hills and i remember and they showed a photo like that like the sketch the the um the sketch that they had done on the news and i was like and i called up and i was like that guy looks like the guy can you talk to them like why don't you find out about him and they and that was when i started to learn that there's no communication even among lapd like in between like from like the different uh the

different departments they did not even speak to each other i'm just saying don't eat the mic it's dropping like this okay i'm sorry chaley's not here i fucking panic when he's not here because usually he's here with earphones and he can tell you if you're yeah so you're good you're good let me talk right this no no you're you're you're you're fine i just um yeah but anyway i basically you know i realized really fast that there's no communication between departments um i mean i i don't i i hate to put down the people that did their jobs because whatever you know they did and and they were very nice and they were very kind but it was it was it was eye-opening well the weirdest thing was when i first like the day that a couple days after it happened when i had walked into the police station

in west la to get you know to give my full statement and it was the first time that i met a district attorney and like you know they basically recorded the whole thing and they took photos and whatever. And, uh, it was like walking into like 1975, like they have no fucking technology. Like there were like, there was like a dot matrix computer piled in a corner of this. Like he took me into this back room to take a photo of my face. And I'm like, what the fuck? It was like a tech, you know, like an old tech graveyard, but they didn't have much more, like they didn't have anything even more current on their desks like they were lucky to just barely have email you know they all still sign up on a sheet or not even a like on the on a like a white white like a whitey race board or whatever when they first end and i remember saying is this what

you guys work with like the millions of dollars that are going to buy like tanks and assault rifles and whatever for like small town America, like that's important, but no, let's not equip the, you know, the, the actual police departments with,

with the technology and the, and just the current, you know, current like contemporary. Yeah. No, they, they spend all their money on offense and not defense.

They don't care about the victim. They care about getting, I want, we want to catch criminals. We don't don't care about the victim they care about getting i want we want to catch criminals we don't give a fuck about the victim once the crime has happened to you you are no longer important to us same as the government is every we're yeah for we have to protect our citizens you don't give a fuck about the citizens. You give a fuck about, you want war. You want offense. You want the, everyone who wants to, yeah.

So you throw the long, anyway, I'm going to do a bunch of dumb analogies here. All right. Go for it. So, no, I'm not going to go for it. We're going to take a break.

Okay. I, I have to do a show. We're in the green room with a comedian, actress, and good friend, Jane Piper. And we'll come back for the thrilling second half of Jane's rape story and the working title to your book, which I'm going to put out there because people are going to want to fucking read it. And now you're going to have to finish it.

And the title of the book that you're writing is called i was raped and all i got was this lousy t-shirt i like it all right we'll be back after i perform a show i'm not really paying attention to in london ontario great news kids the much neglected merch page on my much neglected website has been taken over by greg chaley so we have uh tour t-shirts podcast t-shirts we have pop-off vodka presents t-shirts get them before we get sued before we get the cease and desist, and a whole shitload of CDs and DVDs that span a lifetime, a sad, tragic, bloated lifetime of my fucking horrible thoughts and pontifications. So help me get that shit out of my crawlspace. Thanks for that.

And now, back to the podcast previously recorded. thanks for that and now back to the podcast previously recorded hey i didn't do my show yet i realized hey i have two openers in 10 more minutes and we're so into this so we went out and had a cigarette i had a cigarette and uh so uh there's 10 years after this rape I like that you say rape with a hard R rape rape with the proper enunciation that it should have it's not a joking matter

well anytime you say if you're gonna say the word sell it you did stand up comedy so yeah you know you have to commit to something if the if the people are gonna back off of the subject or the word you have to hammer them with it you have to yeah sell it show commitment C's are funny ours are serious cuckoo is a funny word you don't rape is very serious.

She was kind of a cunt. You say, cunt! And then you follow it up with a bleeding cunt at that. And then you, whoa, I guess we have to go with it. Now you've gone too far. All right, after your cunt stopped bleeding from the rape. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. Only you get away with saying this shit. Uh-huh. Anyway.

I'm here. I'm here. I'm doing it. You told me openly about this. No, I know. I know. I mean, I literally meant that to be true. Only you can say certain things because it comes from a good place. I understand. things because it comes from a good place i understand uh well they're over that uh course of time after you know the horror of it you developed a sense of humor about it you were working in la as a comic and an actress and use the term working loosely but yes as much as anyone is right in la everyone's trying to be something right bigger and better uh so because you say i'm not your usual rape victim right whatever that means i mean that's probably offensive to

so many you know so many other people well honestly like even like i before i was working as a community like i was literally in in the hospital waiting for the rape kit to be done when I was already joking about it. I remember my boss, I don't know if she heard it or maybe it was just telling my boyfriend at the time when I told him or like. Your boyfriend that paid the man to rape you? I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention during the first part. I was going over my set during your whole story. That was my husband who didn't exist. I actually did have a boyfriend who did not pay the guy,

was not part of that. Did you ever just ask him, just for the record, you didn't pay that guy, right? You know what? I did not ask him. Oh, my God. But the cops did go to my boss because they thought maybe he would have thought that he was the husband because it was his car,

which is super creepy. Anyway anyway it was very what if the rapist had picked up the phone and said all right uh yeah i need the second half of the money it's done what what no it's a suburban no she's got brown hair ah fuck right i know there was there there was a there was a fraction of of a second where i actually did like when i was you know telling the detectives and when i was sort of thinking back about all that whole his whole weird like it was your husband's fault sort of story i was always like fuck what if like or like there was a guy who i who stalked me for years and i was like oh my god what if he has appeared back on the scene and he pretended to be my husband? And it was him that, you know, it's like the shit goes through your head when, you know, when you're when you're brutalized that you start to want some. So that's all you can think about.

Yeah, exactly. You're trying to make sense of it all. Yeah. You're not doing crossword puzzles. You're that's you're focused on just thinking about that. Right. So so you're joking with the rape kit right oh yeah yeah well well it wasn't it was even before that like i remember uh i was punched in the face like repeatedly like i looked like rocky dennis from mask um and like seriously i might i mean i remember looking in the mirror and just like

like my breath was taken away not because i was as beautiful as i normally am but because you know i was i was unrecognizable like it was like i did look like rocky dennis my face was swollen and weird and like like unusually large um but anyway so i had i was in this room waiting for a jaw x-ray. And because my hair had been pulled so much, like they're trying to save all the DNA, right? Because they have to take and record everything. So they had me carrying this sheet around to catch the hair that fell out because my hair had been matted so much when he'd been like pulling and pushing me around that my that it was coming out in chunks so they had me carrying this sheet to catch the hair and when the guy the x-ray tech came in to do the x-ray he said oh just put that on the chair and so I was then you know lying on this thing or whatever it was to do the x-ray and then as I'm doing that

this nurse comes in and my boyfriend's at the time from the at the time was sitting in the corner and the nurse comes in she's like oh what's was sitting in the corner and the nurse comes in. She's like, oh, what's this sheet here? She picks it up. You know, like there was just this moment where all of us in the room were like. Sully's the crime scene. Yeah, gasped. And I'm like.

What's this bloody glove? Get this out of here. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. And then there was just a moment of silence. And I said, oh, now you see, this is why OJ Simpson is still walking the streets. And the x-ray text was just like, like just a moment of just total sort of absolute freak out. I don't know what to do with myself. I can't believe she said that. And I can't believe this just happened. And he just ran out. And the nurse was standing there like, what just happened? And I'm like, you know what? I'm just kidding.

I'm joking. And I told her, I'm like, you basically just threw all the DNA on the floor. And now, you know, he's not going to get caught. And it's all your fault. But anyway, and so then, you know. But you said it jokingly. Yes, I was joking. I was joking.

And like, and I was laughing. And then Joe, my ex is like, or my boyfriend who at the time, he was like i remember him just being like even like i already i was like being silenced like this is an appropriate time to be funny jane this is not that and i'm like i'm the one that was just had my vagina beaten you know it's like that like don't like don't tell me when to be funny or not but it was later when they were doing the rape kit and like they're literally taking polaroid photos of my fucking bruised vagina and all of a sudden the nurse is like with her polaroid between my legs starts laughing and i mean that's not the moment that you really want anyone to start laughing because you know it's your baby maybe

she used to take baby pictures and she thought that would make the baby smile she's just she's trying to get she's trying to get a giggle but no she just started laughing and i and but then she all of a sudden she starts repeating like speaking to herself she's like that's why oj simpson's still walking the streets and then she proceeded to like tell all the other nurses in the room what i had done and i don't know if it was like looking closely at my vagina and taking photos of it that finally made her realize that I had just been trying to be funny. And she finally got it like six hours later. But it was like if it was a validation in that moment, like her laughing and like, I was like, Okay, yeah, you know what? Some people aren't gonna like it. Other people are gonna be okay with it.

Did you ever try to talk about it on stage? I did. And it wasn't until several years later. I actually, like, I had been writing a bunch about it, but I hadn't actually gone up and done it yet. But I sent in, I submitted, like, through, like, I was probably backstage West, honestly, like, some random, you know, post on through, like, you know, casting stuff. And Adrian Grenier, who was on, you know, from Entourage, he was producing documentaries. And he had done this documentary about finding his birth father. And he was, and I had just seen it. And I saw it and I was like, oh, this guy's actually cool,

despite that show. And so I, you know, I submitted. And they're basically looking for artists who have interesting stories of why they do what they do so I went in I was like you know I was a comic and I was raped and now I want to go back on stage and I want to talk about being raped and you know but be funny and so they so yeah and and they actually they love the storyline and they did a bunch of interviews with me and then they they shot one of my shows that i did um and i just started working it like i started like just doing open mics well maybe not open mics but like those you know bringer shows

whatever yeah yeah and but i and i was doing it and i did like i had like 10-15 minutes pretty much almost entirely on the experience and uh and it and it was good. I liked it. I mean, I relied a lot on awkward silence, which has always been sort of my thing of like, I know it's funny because everyone's uncomfortable. Yeah. My mother's suicide took me about four or five years to get right.

Right. The longest bit. I had funny parts to it immediately and then there's other awkward parts and it took a long time so and and she was the one that died so for you to try to make that funny that quick. Right. But you were still trying. Right. Well, yeah, for sure. What's weird is that people are ready to laugh right away until they realize it's real. And then they don't really know if they should be laughing

when, in fact, once they realize it's real, that's when they should be laughing because that kind of gives them permission. Like, this is a fucking real experience. If I was just joking inappropriately about being raped and I hadn't actually had that experience that would actually that would be that would not that would not be a good joke yeah but the fact you know like comedy comes from a place of fucking pain i find anyway like really good comedy comes from a place of like i'm a fucking dysfunctional person and i can't deal with this so. There's a reason that jokes always start,

don't you hate when. It's not, don't you love? Right, yeah. When my life was perfect as a child and I got everything I wanted, it was really funny when this happened. Yeah, and I, my mother's, when she killed herself, there was part of me that immediately recognized this will be material.

And I, it wasn't like catharsis. Just let this take time, but I know this is going to be really good for my career someday. she would, she's happy knowing she'll be a bit. Yeah, exactly.

I mean, the fucking women that come up to you and say, Oh, you should hang around with me and the girls in my bowling league and you'll have a whole new routine. Mother would be that happy to be in the act. But the point is, I don't necessarily I can. Sometimes comedy is catharsis for me. That wasn't that was a story I wanted to tell.

I thought that was a beautiful story would happen. And I wanted to tell it. It that was a beautiful story what happened and I wanted to tell it. It wasn't my way of dealing with it. A lot of the anger in my act is a lot of the anger I feel that's rooted in whatever. Who knows? Maybe I'm just an angry person. I know when it's cathartic and when it isn't. Right.

But for you, was that a way of dealing with it? Yes. Was there any capitalist side, not financial capitalist, but ego capitalist where you go, I can create something that stands out with this? Huh. That's a really good question. I don't think I ever – I don't think I thought of that. Certainly not back then. don't think I thought of that certainly not back then I think there more of the ego comes up and I don't know if we'll talk about this later I guess like in the like he got caught section of this of

the story where like I just realized as time went on like like well how you started this whole thing I'm not a normal quote-unquote rape victim which I have realized like I don't know if there is a normal but most people don't want to talk about it. Most people don't certainly don't want their name attached to it. Most people don't want people to know what happened to them. I immediately from day one, like got on the phone and started calling every single person I knew, like, by the way, I just, just raped. You need to know this because it's going to change my life and I'm going to be different now. So you need to know that this is what I'm dealing with. You know, I mean, it wasn't necessarily like that.

But essentially, like my closest friends all got like a phone call because I knew like this is me now and I'm fucking going through this. And I know that that shit's going to be weird. Exactly. And I lost a leg to fucking diabetes. Exactly. I'm an amputee now. You need to know. Exactly.

And that was the thing that I always said to people was like, if I was in a fucking car crash and i just was almost killed in a car crash i would have no there would never never be an issue of me telling people but for some reason because there's this whole like sexual vagina element of rape for people don't talk about it and it never made any sense to me it still doesn't i don't Women are stigmatized sexually anyway. Right. If you sleep with too many men, she's a whore. Right.

Anytime, yeah, so women have to deal with that societal stigma, whether it's real or not. How much of it's influenced by the media and you think these other people that you never meet think about you like that. Right. Let's just cut to it. the media and you think these other people that you never meet think about you like that right uh

let's just cut to it the fuck rape jokes the rape joke controversy that started with dan tosh right second-handed from a blogger repeating his act uh which he never addressed i've talked to him about it he's like yeah i'm not it was nothing like she made it out to be but it started this massive uh dialogue in in in the stand-up comedy world about whether it's okay to make rape jokes right well i first of all it's just i i i don't ever like it when anyone's saying it's okay to do anything you know what i mean like i it should be okay for me to do whatever the fuck i want if this is a free fucking society but when it i mean is i actually like okay let me rephrase that because i just stopped like i i have a bit about uh mental illness and there's one line i would say uh you can't say retard or like i used to if you can't say people who say you can say i say it every

night on the fucking in that in that bit so i've stopped and said it's unfashionable to say but uh fuck what were you just saying god damn it well the whole is that it's not it's not okay it's not okay i think that there's certain people that are offensive. Hang on. That's what I was trying to rephrase. Not that it's not okay to talk about. The specific dialogue was it embraces or leads to rape culture. Right.

When you make jokes about rape, you're... Well, and I will tend to agree with that and it depends this is the thing it depends who the comic is and it depends if you're fucking smart or if you're an asshole and if you're a dumb asshole you're gonna get away with even less i think what you're trying to say is the context yes of the joke exactly exactly is rape the punchline or is rape the subject exactly so if you're if you're sarah silverman and you're joking and you make a comment on the fact that women you know that that that women are brutalized and are raped because they're women and that there's some joke in that, in that it's coming from a place of the, not necessarily the victim,

but like, this is fucked up. If you are raping people, you're an asshole and you're in the wrong. That joke is okay. If you're coming from a place like, ha, ha, ha, I'm going to rape you because you don't like the joke I just told and that's your comeback as a comic, then you're an idiot. And yes, you have the freedom to say that, but it doesn't mean you're not an idiot.

Yeah, the Tosh story that you hear. I still don't know. I wasn't there. I don't know what he said and I don't know the content. The way an offended audience member hears something versus how a comic probably said it. And I know Dan Tosh and I think he's a really funny comedian. Yeah, but I'm going to even – I don't know him.

I don't know what he said. I only know what I read and honestly – Well, you kind of alluded to what the blog was. Yes, exactly. So I wanted to clear that up. But I'm not going to say that is necessarily even what happened. I know that other comics do. That is their joke, that they're essentially threatening to rape people. The issue is that if you're coming from a place where a woman

is heckling you and because she's a woman, your immediate response is to threaten rape or to bring up rape, then that is coming from a place of misogyny. And I'm not one to want to, I don't like that line. I don't don't i but there's a if it's the comic and they're coming from they're just like in the moment i understand what it's like in the moment you just are defensive but the problem is and this i'm gonna i know you're wanting to get good get in here the in because you were talking about promoting rape culture and i think that is a problem because the problem is that a lot of comics who have a fine line between their smart commentary and they're making fun of the douchebaggery, if I may, if I may say of society, is that the douchebags who are part of that very same douchebaggery, they do not realize that they are actually the ones being laughed at they think they're the ones that are making the jokes and the problem is that when you have

someone who's on the stage and how is the center of attention and he is not making it clear like this is wrong this is not wrong this is funny because people get hurt that's where it like the line absolutely agree with you but as because i i know my audience and i've been attacked this way myself and you know what you're absolutely right i have a huge chunk of douchebags that are fans of mine indeed you do that think that the tit fuck joke, as an old example, if you're new to my fucking show, I told my girlfriend I wanted to fuck her between the tits. She said, how are you going to make that feel good for me? I said, right before I come, I'll stop punching you in the face.

It was just this stupid one-liner, like, when the checks are dropping, I've got to throw out some just shock value dumb shit that I had. And I'm just using that as a short example. Great example, though, because I know you and I know that that doesn't come from from some fucking like I hate women. I think women should be should. Yeah. And I don't even have jokes like that anymore.

But I know. But I use that as a short example of there's people that hear what I'm saying. And then I have a bunch of drunks that know, oh, he's a drunk and he says, fuck a lot. So, yeah, they're not going to see. Yeah. Well, and they take what you say literally. And they think that because you make a joke about something that they may they may actually do that. And that makes it funny when, in fact, what a lot of people who are not comics and i find i i notice this on

facebook all the time like with comics facebook pages is that you'll have someone who's actually a smart comic who is like doing this for a fucking living and he knows what he's doing and he'll make he'll make up he'll post something and then you get a bunch of fucking losers commenting on it then trying like i want doug stanhope to see my comment and think i'm funny so i'm gonna say something i'm gonna try and match it and they're all stupid and i know you're not you're not reading it going like like like like i stopped reading going oh my god these are my fucking fans and i don't want to insult your fans because i know you have a lot of fucking intelligent fans but you also have moron fans because everybody does because there's fucking 95% of the world are morons. That's my point.

At what point are you responsible for how people take it? Right. So if you go, well, there's a section of the audience that if they don't understand that you're joking, well, how dumb do I have to make it? Because as a comic, i like to play to the smartest elements of the room so at what point am i responsible for you being too dumb to get it and making you go rape which i'm making that that's how a lot of people put this out like a bad rape joke if not delivered properly leads directly to a rape is how a lot of people summed up this whole. Well, I know it's interesting and it's that.

Yeah, well, and it could. That's the scary thing is it fucking could hang on or it could have someone like justify what they are. The rape they just did the night before. the night before what if you having a cavalier attitude about your own rape makes listeners think see some chicks dig it oh my god are you suggesting that that's what they're suggesting with the rape joke leading to rape culture if what if someone doesn't get that you have somehow overcome this and you've not collapsed into some shivering victim and you could make jokes about it yourself that's that's the same argument i know what the people who talk about rape culture what you're just what you just said is what i fear what i brought up before that scares me because sometimes,

not a lot of the time, I feel like I can't express myself the way I want to express myself because it's not quote unquote normal, that I need to be more serious, that I'm not allowed to have my sense of humor because people might take it the wrong way and it might promote something that is not. I mean, I was brutalized and it was the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone. And it destroyed my life and is still I'm fucking living in London, Ontario now, for Pete's sake. I'm not an actor. I'm not a comedian like I'm you know, it's like it's it was bad, but I am able to not be dead and not have fucking killed myself like overdosing on blow or fucking Vicodin or a combination of the two because I fucking – You rarely – you don't overdose on those two things.

What's that? You don't really overdose on – You can have a heart attack doing too much coke. Yeah, that's not an overdose. It's a heart attack. All right. Well, Valium and Vicodin was a dangerous – You don't overdose on cheeseburg can have a heart attack doing too much coke. Yeah, that's not an overdose. It's a heart attack. You can have a heart attack. Well, Valium and Vicodin was dangerous. You don't overdose on cheeseburgers over a course of decades.

Vicodin and Valium and alcohol was a very dangerous combination for me. And then adding the blow onto it, which was like the post-rape combination for me. That was like near, it could have been a near-death experience. Hang on, we have to go to commercial. Hey, kids, have you been raped? Try alcohol and Valium. Nothing will chase those blues away like

a Chardonnay and a painkiller or an oxy. Alright, we're back to the podcast already in progress. I'm so glad you have these tailor-made sponsors. I'm honored. Well have these tailor-made sponsors.

It's honor. I'm honored. Well, that's where if Chaley would overproduce this and we'd go back and actually do that, a written out version of the, of Valium and alcohol for, as a rape, uh,

uh, I'm trying to have a big vocabulary. I don't have one. So did you get any shit when you were doing stand-up about it? No, obviously not. No, no. I mean, it's not like I was selling at stadiums or anything. Have you ever been offended by a rape joke?

As a former stand-up comic, you probably don't even watch comedy anymore because once you've done it no i do i well and i'm not doing it anymore and so it may like uh no i love i love comedy i'm i'm a comedy nerd at heart at heart um for sure um yeah i i couldn't you know i don't have any short-term memory memory or long-term memory for that matter. So I wouldn't know what. But yeah, there are people who have said stuff where I'm like, ah, I don't know if that's really appropriate. We were both boozers in our day. And well, my son's still shining.

Sarah Silverman, you brought up. sarah silverman you brought up and i and i can't think of an example but i think if she were doing the exact same jokes as a man she'd get shit all over especially like rapey kind of jokes i think and i think it was adam carolla who once put it into the words that i said yes, her comedy comes from a male perspective. Her jokes. See, that's interesting because I connect to that because people have said that about me. And that's why I like her because I think it is sort of a, you know, when you're a woman and yet you don't necessarily feel like girly, you know?

It's like you relate and you have more guy friends. You relate more to guys. You have more of a male perspective. Sarah Silverman, unless it's specifically – But I don't know what that means. She is a woman. Specifically if she's not talking about a vagina or – a guy could do her act

and it wouldn't seem like that's out of place. Like the jokes, if she's doing jokes, they're not necessarily... I'd have to be watching her right now to go, see, anyone would be upset if a man said that or anyone could be upset. Right, but she's not a man. that or anyone could be upset. Right. But she's not a man.

And so and she's and I don't know what her personal experience is. And I don't know where her jokes from. And I wish I could like like quote something. A lot of her jokes are jokes. There's no meaning behind it. Well, I don't know that. I don't know if you know that or not. But the point is that she is that they come from they come from someplace that's genuine. And whether it's experience or not, I have one.

The one about. Well, OK, I blew a Mexican once. I had diarrhea for a week. There's no social, no social underlying. That's not just a joke. So that's a fucking great joke the homeless guy who kept every time she went to the liquor store there's a homeless guy going i want pussy and i could tell by looking at this man that this is a man and she goes there was grown up he didn't have the love

and he grew up without enough pussy. I completely did. I raped that joke. I'm sorry, Sarah Silverman. I did a complete injustice to that joke. I just don't. I think as soon as you get into that position of like, well, if that was a guy telling that, that wouldn't be okay. But the point is it's not a guy saying that so if it was a guy who had had an experience that same guy like louis ck has some has some rape jokes that are perfectly acceptable because he's coming from a

place where he's like we are men and we are the ones doing the raping and we are fucked but see that's the difference there's rape as a subject and rape as a punchline. Right. And the show just started and it's going to bleed into this and now we're going to... So part three... Part three is coming up.

London, Ontario. And we're going to be drunk so you're going to hear a whole different patter. And so yeah, part three back after this message. TheShadyDell.com. That is where you stay if you come to Bisbee and you're staying at The Shady Dell

and I'm in town, I will have a beer with you. I won't hang out that long. We're not going to be good friends. I don't want you to fucking tell me you're going to kill yourself but if you're staying at the shady dell.com vintage trailer park with all 50s 60s trailers that we live a mile away from and we look for reasons to go stay there come to the shady dell.com sponsored by i might even come in and clean your toilet. I don't know. And we're back.

The next day. After a terrible show in London, Ontario. And then we did take a stab at cleaning this up with the part three last night and uh the uh other comedians as an audience and uh but yeah we woke up and decided we were both too pickled and we should just uh try to do that clean because i don't really remember how it ends no neither do i just think i think it was a little bit of a clusterfuck and it might not be a bad idea to do a do-over. Yeah, yeah. Well, we're cutting ahead 10 years anyway

after this happens, and you get a call, you get a letter. Oh, that's right. We didn't talk about any of that. Yeah, let's see what uh yeah i had just moved to vancouver i finally was like you know what i'm leaving la i'm leaving the rape shit i can't deal with it anymore and like a month later i get a call from a friend and the lapd had shown up on her doorstep uh because i had changed my la address to her house just to

keep getting you know u, US mail stuff. And I immediately knew, I was like, oh, Jesus Christ, they fucking found the guy. And so I'm, like, calling all these numbers. I finally get through. And, yeah, that's exactly what had happened. You know, 10 years later, his DNA had matched, you know, DNA in this, or they found a match in the database.

And he was arrested. So then, you know, it took another two years to – Did you flip out? It was – well, no, I don't know. Well, it was pretty crazy. It was like I honestly had never really thought that it would happen. It wasn't ever really even important to me necessarily because it just – I don't know. I didn't think it was ever going to happen.

It just – the thought of it really had never crossed my mind. Did you have to fly immediately down and identify the guy? Nothing happens immediately in the justice system. But I did. No, actually, they were able to fax a photo lineup to Vancouver PD. So I did the photo lineup there and picked him out immediately. So I did the photo lineup there and picked him out immediately. And then I guess there was a preliminary hearing, like, let's see, a year, just over a year after that.

Like it took a year to then, you know, bring to something. And then it took another two years to finally, he pled guilty just in September of this last year. So you were there for that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I was there. I was there for the sentencing. He pled guilty. And then a month later is when they flew me to L.A. to speak at the sentencing hearing.

OK. And you had asked the was the judge or the prosecutor? Yeah, I had been talking a lot with the prosecutor over the over the years trying to you know just figuring out like my end of it and i was always pretty vocal about the fact i don't believe in the you know just throwing luck you know throwing people in the in jail you know tossing the key and just thinking that that's actually going to do something um i really wanted him to have to face me and talk to me. And it didn't really turn out exactly how I wanted it

because we weren't allowed to have dialogue, which was really too bad. And I still hope one day I want to go visit him in jail. I'd like to be able to talk to him over the years and finally get to a point where I can get through to him. Yeah, why did you do this? Yeah, because he was still like went at the... Dude, what's up?

Yeah, he had a brain injury. And so he was still sort of, you know, playing the whole I don't really remember this. It's and I know part of it is coached by an attorney. to him and, uh, and I would ask him questions and he would start to answer and she'd be like, I don't think this is a good idea. And he, you know, I think he'll be,

but he will be ready, ready to talk at some point when it doesn't, you know, it doesn't matter anymore. Now he won't have, he won't have anyone protecting him or, you know, speaking for him.

And there was nothing. What you got sentenced to 20 years. All right. Yeah. Which is honestly, if he had gone to trial, he could have possibly not got that much because you know uh the one thing they always you know the uh juries in la can be very left

leaning and hear sob stories and you know not want and not want people to see long prison terms and i didn't really care and i don't want first of all i don't want to go through the whole trial thing it takes so fucking long like the justice system is just ridiculous. And I, you know, 20 years, you know, he's already like in his 60s. And, you know, I just wanted him to be responsible. Have you written to him? No, I haven't yet. I honestly don't really know how to do it.

I would like to do that. But I just, you know, it happens. Oh, that's right. You don't even know his name trejo it is trejo all right his name again is not it i mean it was one of the things i said to him at the sentencing hearing was that i had never even thought like what is this guy's name it wasn't he was he wasn't a human being and a part of it was like i kind of had to acknowledge that he was a human being because that's – he is.

I know. I just thought it was funny like if you ever ran into him in public and you're like, you're the guy that raped me. What's your name again? I'm sorry. I can't. I just – I black a lot of stuff out. Well, I would hope that I don't ever run into him. I don't even want to think about that possibility.

But yeah. Well, if you visit him in prison. Yeah. Because you do want to ask him like what but but yeah no well if you visit him in prison yeah well because you do want to ask him like what the fuck yeah exactly well you know and i'm just i'm without a lawyer there saying you don't answer that exactly like i was never interested in just like in in sitting and yelling at him or judging him being like you destroyed my life which he did i mean i did tell him that he did you know ruin so many parts of my life that will, you know, they'll never, I'll never know what my life could have been like if this didn't happen

to me. It's sort of, you know, redefined what the fuck I'll do with the rest of my life. But I really just want to find out like, who are you? Like what the hell was going on in your life that this is the fucking shit you were doing? Like, you know, and just find out, like, what gets a person to that place. And I don't think there's any justification, obviously, ever. But I think the problem with most, you know, it's like, even it's like what we're talking about, like, you know, whether you can make a rape joke or not. It's like there's this silence about the whole fucking issue.

Like, no one wants to talk about the fact that. Not on this podcast, there isn't. No one ever wants to talk about the fact not on this podcast no one ever wants to talk about the fact that this shit happens and why the hell does it happen why does a fucking you know all-star football player in his first year of college think that he can just take a woman and think that that's acceptable and have his whole team basically defend him and you know pretend it didn't. Why does this guy do this to me? Why do people, you know,

it's like, I don't understand it. And it's, and, and, and I think I need to joke about it because it makes me fucking sane or it's an attempt at sanity, but to joke about it in,

in terms of like belittling that this is happening, that's the problem because why the fuck is this happening? It's really like, if you, that's, yeah, that's what, that's why we're why the fuck is this happening it's really like if you that's yeah that's what that's why we're doing this most of them have had this happen to them in one way or another and that is like that is creepy what the fuck yeah that's this is what got us off track uh yesterday when we did this is uh when we had talked to the other girl and then a million branches of this conversation started to. Right. It's just it's like, yeah, no, a lot of women have this these kind not like you,

not, you know, beaten into looking like the kid from Mask. But I mean, there's a million different varieties of sexual abuse of some level. Yeah. Most people, it's like it was like their fucking family member or someone that they trusted, which to me is way worse than what happened to me. Like I said before, like I had no expectations of this person. Diddled like a Duggars. Exactly.

It's fucking disgusting. And like, you know, yeah, perfect example. And like the whole right wing, crazy Christian, whatever, is just kind of passing that off as normal. Like, oh, it's just innocent curiosity. Really? Really? Like ten of them. Jesus. It's so fucked up. But, yeah. Well, if you'd like to visit him in prison, we'll pay for the date. Well, I might take you up on that. Yeah, you know, I honestly really – Do you know where he's in prison?

No, actually. I probably should know that, too. I'm sure you'd find out. I kind of just tuned out after like i did my thing in court and then the oh wait wait oh and then it went like viral yeah i forgot i forgot the whole pr thing you had a friend that did uh pr right and she had you write up a press release right because you were gonna confront your attacker right right yeah well i you know over the years like whenever rape comes into the news, like whether it was like the Daniel Tosh thing, it's like some, you know, comedian joke thing everybody's offended about or whether it's this or that or, you know, some football player did something or other at some university somewhere.

You never fucking hear from the people it happened to. And they are everywhere. It's not like they're hard to come by. But for some reason reason we never hear from the people who've been raped and it really not usually not really usually all that chatty no and i don't understand why honestly like i don't judge them for not doing what i'm doing you know it's like it's a little odd that i will just speak so openly i you know realize that but i think that it's i think that people do want to talk about it

more than they do. I think that a lot of the shame that people put on being raped is actually put on them by other people. It's not what they feel necessarily. They start to feel it because other people are embarrassed and shame and feel shame.

So you write up a press release. Yeah, I basically was like, I was raped. This is my name. I'm not like, and even like, I went to the Santa Monica Rape Treatment Center. And I was like, I spoke at one of their fundraisers right after it happened to me. And I remember them, like, they didn't want me to give out my name. And I was like, I would like to say who I am.

I'm not embarrassed. I'm not hiding. And they actually insisted that I not identify myself. And I always sort of, I didn't like it for years. It pissed me off. It's like, don't fucking tell me I can't say who I am. So I wrote this press release. My friend Karen, who's a publicist, you know, just sent it out.

And I didn't know. It was like two days before I went to L.A. or the day before. Actually, I was editing it. I was editing the press release waiting for my layover in Toronto. And on my way to LA. So I get there the next morning and Karen's like, did you see all the TV cameras in the courtroom? And I was like, what?

No. She's like, how did you not? And I'm like, oh, I guess I just thought they were part of that was always there. She's like, they're here for you. I was like, oh, whoa, this is real. Okay. And then, you know, they did like a little, you know, did the thing and I talked, like always there that she's like they're here for you it's like oh whoa this is real okay and then you know they did like a little like you know did the thing and i talked like talked to the guy for about

half an hour and the whole thing was on camera of course i don't have any fucking record of it the whole point was that i wanted to archive what what was happening only the tv stations did it i would didn't have my own camera no they i tried to get it they wouldn't like they said that they record over everything within 24 hours they take the bits that they edit into the i mean maybe it exists out there and no one they just are there clips out there yeah yeah there's tons on yeah there's tons online i keep meaning to like download it so that doesn't just disappear someday but of course i haven't done that either hopefully hopefully chaley can find something oh it's not yeah it's not difficult there's all i mean they're, because there was a bunch of different news stations there and then

there were some radio stations and excuse me, and they and it just went by. It went viral. It was pretty crazy. Like it was just like people dot com picked up the story and was had my fucking photo and CNN. And yeah, no, I don't I don't know about CNN. I'd have actually. No, I don't think so.

But yeah, news sources. Yeah, it was just, you know, it's just all, I don't know about CNN. I'd have actually, no, I don't think so. But yeah, news sources. Yeah. It was just, you know, it was just all, it was just, it was very weird. And, and then, and then it was over. You know, it was like, it'd be a weird way to get an agent. It was, you know, I know. I remember thinking like seriously, like all the years I did, I like was training as an actor and like working in Hollywood and doing stand-up and doing whatever and this like this is how I get attention this is

my 15 minutes right um but I mean I but I I I like the fact that I can do it because it I I think it's important this is like this is what's the most this is what I wanted to talk about is that I wanted to be able to talk about it because first of all nobody does but second of all nobody talks about it like I do and I'm constantly feeling like I'm doing something wrong by joking by being me and like taught you know just being as open as I am by you know sort of you know joking uncomfortably about certain things I've done some public speaking and you know sort, you know, sort of, you know, joking uncomfortably about certain things. I've done some public speaking and, you know, sort of, you know, make jokes about it. I always like compare my face to Rocky Dennis.

Like I did, you know, just sort of weird little things. And like, I'm not your typical sort. I don't know. I don't know what a typical rape victim is, but. But you know that you're better than the other ones. I don't, I don't think it's about being better. I just, I, like it's it's i it's happened to my life and my it's my life and i do things in a different way and it's just it's a weird thing

to feel like i have to sort of cater like oh i have to you know i have to be the strong woman and i have to be empowering and i do like uh inspirational and it's like and there are people you're so you have such courage and it's like, I don't think it's, I have courage. I just don't want to be fucking silent. Like, don't tell me to shut up because it should happen to me.

Like that's not courage. We here at the Doug Stanhope podcast, appreciate your candor, your levity in a dark situation. And is there any way that you can segue from the rape into an audible.com drop? All right, we'll just save that for another day. All right, Jane Piper. Find Jane Piper at Facebook.

Oh, that's right. We have a page. Jane, oh God, I should know what this is called. We'll just tell them what to Google. Well, just Google my name. But I think Jane Piper's survivor. called um jane piper's google my name but i think they're uh jane piper's uh says survivor jane piper's survivor rape survivor story oh god i should fuck it just google search jane piper you'll find her jane piper uh uh a better rape victim than you. Oh, stop it. Jesus Christ.

Stop. You can't end like that. Yeah, no, I'm not, I'm not going to say something clever. Yeah. Yeah. So just Google search,

he'll cut that out. So just Google search, uh, Jane Piper, Facebook. And, uh, yeah.

And we look forward to the book that you're definitely going to finish this year. I was raped and all I get is this lousy t-shirt is the name of the book that she will be done with by the end of the year and hopefully it'll be on the shelves in 2016. Thank you very much and we're on the road. We'll have

more podcasts coming from Canada and thanks for listening. I want you by my side So that I never feel alone again They've always been so kind But never brought you away from me I hope they didn't get your mind Your heart is too strong anyway We need to fetch back the time

They have stolen from us And I want you, we can bring it on the floor Never danced like this before We don't talk about it, dance at home Do the boogie all night long. Stoned in paradise. Shouldn't talk about it, I won't shoot. We can bring it on the floor, if never danced like this before.

We don't talk about it. Dancing on, build a boogie all night long. Stoned in paradise. Shouldn't talk about it. This is the Boogie All Night Long. The only thing I feel is pain Caused by absence of you Suspense controlling my mind I cannot find a way out of here I want you by my side So that I never feel alone again

I feel alone again I want you We can bring it on the floor If never danced like this before We don't talk about it Dancing on To the boogie all night long Stoned in paradise Shouldn't talk about it

I want you We can bring it on the floor If never danced like this before Thank you. We don't talk about it. I won't shoot. We can bring it down. Never dance like this before. We don't talk about it. Dance. Oh, do the boogie all night long. Stone in paradise. Shouldn't talk about it. I won't shoot.

We can bring it down. Never dance like this before We don't talk about it Dancing home Fills the boogie all night long Stoned in paradise Shouldn't talk about it Shouldn't talk about it Thank you.