The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Episode #58: Hedberg meltdowns and Doug ponders his Tin Can Rehab

Episode Date: January 23, 2015

Doug contemplates his upcoming Rehab in a 6x12 trailer. Jobi and Chaille share Hedberg tour stories. Doug is still retired.Links:Doug Stanhope Celebrity Death Pool - DSCDP.comBisbee Royale - http://bisbeeroyale.com/JT Habersaat and Miska Shubaly on tour - JTComedy.comSteve McQueen Movie - PappillonMarilyn Manson’s New Album - The Pale EmperorThis podcast sponsored by:Saxx Underwear - http://www.saxxunderwear.com/Sabra Hummus - http://sabra.com/Stacey’s Pita Chips - http://www.stacyssnacks.com/Popov Vodka - http://www.beerliquors.com/buy/vodka/popov.htmStanhope T-Shirts are now available online at www.dougstanhope.com and supplies are limited.Recorded Jan 17, 2015 at the Safe House in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Jobi Whitlock (@StanhopesCDP), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.Intro music “The Only One Drinking Tonight“ by Mishka Shubaly. Closing song “Funeral Party” by The Mattoid. Both available on iTunes.Get on the Mailing List! No one is sure what the hell Doug is up to in 2015 so get on the mailing list in case he ditches retirement. Again.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You are listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Pass me the lampshade, I'm drunk again Blew my drug money on a quart of gin Well, I am a cultured man with tastes discriminating But I'll settle for a tall glass of anything well am I the only one drinking tonight

the only one drinking tonight the only one drinking tonight The only one drinking tonight Am I the only one drinking tonight The only one we'll take in tonight lives have no one to cook for nobody to cook for bingo doesn't eat anything that i cook she cooks like she like right now it's uh deli chicken by itself with no condiments

uh and sometimes she'll put it on salad i think that's pretty much all she eats but she will wake up if she's drunk and whatever i'm eating last night i was just sitting there fucking netflix binge first night in a million years i didn't drink and she came home drunk after being at dinner somewhere and passed out and so oh good now i can watch my netflix with the uh with the because most of the documentaries I watch are subtitled. It was War Dawn Dawn I was watching, some Sierra Leone. Oh, it's subtitled because it's foreign. And if it's subtitled, she's not going to pay attention anyway.

But if it's subtitled, she'll complain while she doesn't pay attention because she can't read. I mean she can read but not from a distance whatever so i go oh good she's passed out i can eat some uh hummus sabra brand hummus hey let's start off with a plug that gives me nothing and stacy's parmesan and garlic pita chips and she wakes up and just eats the rest of my bag of fucking pita and goes right back to bed are you fucking asshole but all day it's there's only two items that she'll consume i remember the night two weeks ago when you said hey where's that pie i bought you bought some kind of a pie or something at the farmer's market? And you're looking around for it?

She ate an entire pie. Oh, I remember that because pie is the go-to when we make fat jokes about bingo. Pie is, oh, you're pie-eating fat. Okay. And she never actually eats pie because we never have pie and i actually bought a pie and one time hey busted fucking actually eating pie that joke is no longer just a stupid reference you actually ate a whole fucking pie well i would buy her uh nacho cheese remember that phase she loves nacho. I thought you only bought that. This is Joby on the mic.

This is a Doug Stanhope podcast, always in progress. It's just a matter of recording or not. Joby, of course, that runs Stanhope Celebrity Death Pool, should be Joby's Celebrity Death Pool. So I guess there's no selling point in that. I think you have to do doug and joby's and then eventually slip off the dug and then it'd be joby's and then it would be well you don't even know what's in the front it's just celebrity death pool right i did search death pool when

i was trying to come up with uh final picks this is the evening uh by the way of uh when our league our flagship pool launches our pool within the the site launches and uh so at the end after i got what i thought was a kind of unique grouping of people for your picks for my picks uh i searched because i don't know the obvious ones i'm like all right let me check the other death pools. So I search death pool. We come up first. Exactly. Google. Thank you, Google.

Speaking of the Bing people who are around, Chaley, don't leave me in the middle of a goddamn podcast. You told me the Bing people were around taking pictures of our goddamn neighborhood. The Bing car. It's a little four-door economy number with a big huge like four and a half foot post looks like a tripod if you didn't spread out the legs sitting on top and then something spinning it's like parking wars the thing that they figure out which license plates have expired registrations and warrants oh really oh yeah you know how they

traffic people can just go around now and cameras just pick up an alert to, okay, this parked car has expired tags. Toe it, boot it. So that's what Bing does with a camera to show people where you live? Well, they're mapping. So it's like Google Maps. Everyone knows Google Maps.

That's the go-to. It's not like I care. I give out my address. Oh, by the way uh tomorrow is uh championships uh packer seahawks in uh new england against indy and we're going to be eating pot roast courtesy of some dude named steven who evidently heard me talk about uh our good friend er Salter, who bought my love through gifts and being cool. And this guy evidently picked up the hint, sent some pot roasts via Omaha Steaks, which I do not promote Omaha Steaks.

First of all, it's frozen stuff. It's cool to get in the mail, and it's not bad. But once you order from them, they will telemarket uh just advertise you to death you get these giant 1970s like columbia house record and tape remember the size of the envelope you would get they will send you this shit relentlessly and just because you are the recipient well you didn't even buy it i still still get all the bullshit. So thank you, Stephen, with some weird last name that begins with a C, and I think it's Stephen. But I remember you already were asking for way too much on spec

waiting for the pot roast to get here. I don't know. He asked me a question. Sometimes that's bothersome. What, you have a question too? You already asked way too much. Well, he asked me a question. It was really an email.

He sent those fillets too with the Omaha steaks that we ate the other night. It was very nice of you. You bought my love, Steven. You got a shout out or at least some Polish last name or maybe his Czech. Just in case anyone's keeping score, Salter gave us a case of Grey Goose last time. Maybe we shouldn't be out in Salter this much. He might be stealing this shit. He might be getting this stuff off some kind of mob truck.

Well, you can always donate to the podcast. Yeah, I got some notes. I brought some notes. Donate to the podcast. Chaley is the reason that this podcast actually goes out on any regular basis whatsoever. And now he's taken over the merch page so we got merch the doug stanhope celebrity death pool joe b you have death pool merch but shaley's the one that keeps us in business so he put up a donation page if you don't want to buy merch buy anything that keeps fucking shaley in town because I'm not going on the road for a while. It's called the Keep Chaley in Bisbee Fund.

Yeah, yeah. So hit that. Buy something. Yeah. Hey, you know what? Take that pot roast money. Send it to Chaley. I could have tried selling those pot roasts on the street.

Omaha Steaks pot roast. No, man. I don't want all that mail. It's really discreet. No, no, no. I'll still get the mail. They'll come over here and eat it. You sell Omaha

Steaks Pot Roast or Caramel We have so much shit in the freezer we're going to get rid of tomorrow. Caramel tarts or something. Let's stop talking about Omaha Steaks. I'll tell you what the problem was. Everyone kept taking the delivery, and they put four steaks vacuum sealed. Everyone is me.

No, you were gone. They packed the freezer in the little house because they came packaged in boxes. There's a lot, mostly air in that box. So you couldn't put anything in there. We had no place to even put ice for football on Sundays. And it's because the boxes were in there. Once I took the boxes and broke those down and just put the freeze-dried steaks in there, it was fine. All right.

That was the problem. Yeah, well, we're empt's fine. Yeah. All right. That was the problem. Yeah. Well, we're emptying the freezers. Thank you. There's no more football after this. We're not here for super bowl. Bingo. And I are going to take a romantic fucking honeymoon,

all expense paid honeymoon to I'm, I'm just saying the Dutch and Tilly's. Cause that sounds cool. Cause it's a nice ring to it. It does. Well, there's Saint Martin. Saint Martin. Yeah.

Well, the other one. You have to say it with the other one. Well, the other one looks like it's pronounced with the French accent, and that's the Dutch one, because that's M-A-A-R-T-E-N. And Saint Martin is the French one, where you'd pronounce it the way the other one's spelled. So we're going to the fucking Dutch Antilles, bitch. All expenses paid in that by not doing the Super Bowl party for the first time in seven years. Yeah. Making money.

Coming out ahead. You're fucking hiring bands. And, and well we'll play for free but then i get drunk and pay them anyway and the food and the booze yeah i'm making money by going to the dutch and tillies wow in the black for the first time yeah and no cleanup we finally got this place like good looking and then you have 80 monsters coming and trash it. Well, 100. The last three years were over 100 people. Yeah.

So, yeah, we're not doing that. You can go to the Bisbee Royale. It's opening specially just for the Super Bowl. You have to get tickets online, and by the time you hear this, it'll be sold out. I just talked to him. All right. And the Super Bowl.

Do we? We'll tease that. What? Well, no, just that's that's my New Year's. Generally, I have to go on the road within a month after that, usually a couple of weeks. And this year, I'm daring to take time off. So, yeah, we're going to do that.

And then I make my New Year's resolutions about what good things I'm going to do for myself after Super Bowl. After Super Bowl. It just happens to be this year I'll be watching it on some weird beach somewhere. I don't even know. Have you checked? I haven't checked. I looked be watching it on some weird beach somewhere. I don't even know. Have you checked? I haven't checked.

I looked around. I read some Expedia reviews, and I go, it's just like Costa Rica. You check reviews. Anything on Expedia is going to suck way more than what you're going to find out once you get there. Well, the one time we went to Costa Rica during Super Bowl, we only got Super Bowl in simulcast Spanish. Spanish, and it was Seahawks against Pittsburgh. So that Super Bowl sucked. That was longer than that.

All right, that's the last one I remember being there for. It was probably playoffs. I think the only Super Bowl I've been in Costa Rica for was Seahawks-Pittsburgh. And I was shit-faced before it started because I couldn't care. That's when we had the little house that had two wings on it. It was the last time I went. Yeah, no, that was not it. Yeah, but it was Super Bowl, and we did – well, we kind of just went with the flow.

And it was – we did the same thing last weekend because of DirecTV here in Arizona. All right, let's not rehash that. All right. did the same thing last weekend because of direct tv here in arizona let's not rehash that yeah direct tv locally had a beef for two weekends in a row with nbc so my fucking cable couldn't get the local affiliate nbc one of the four games was an nbc broadcast two weeks in a row and i forget the next week because i forget everything hey before you have the party maybe uh check to see if nbc's because usually those beefs last about 72 hours at best and then someone capitulates so yeah twice uh we uh two weekends in a row for playoffs we had a bunch of people shit loads of food and everything but the game. Chaley finally, we finally found it in Spanish. Yes.

Yeah. That was the DirecTV gal who was probably just getting phone call after phone call. Anyway, we're not talking about that. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, it was great. Actually, I'd say everyone enjoyed the three-fourths of the game that we watched. It was an early game. I think it was Patriots-Ravens

was the one we had to watch in Spanish, and it was fucking hilarious. We're just starting the day. Anyway, let's go over some Deadpool shit, and then I'll get back to my fucking New Year's resolutions.

Coming up? My Super Bowl New Year's. Yeah, I could fuck new year's uh resolutions coming up yeah yeah you've got my super bowl new year's yeah i got lots of decisions to make i did actually put some time into this year's death pool yeah as opposed to last year last year last year i had to phone it in and it was the bed yeah i came in 13th it was awful. Yeah, that was pretty bad. I still have four hours to decide whether Ralphie May I want to drop just out of 13th place in your own death pool. Really, really sucks. And I'm like, all right, I have some good picks this year. I have some angles.

You're on the marquee. You'd think you'd do better. Yeah, I should. Last year, I wicked phoned it in. Not to make it sting a little more. Well, no. I mean, I put that little effort into it, so I know that I was going to suck, but

13th out of not that... You didn't even make the top 10. Yeah. So I thought, maybe I'll drop Ralphie May for the first time since before we actually had a death pool. On the site? No, back in the 90s when we talked about comics. Like, all right, let's – death pool, who do you think?

Ralphie May. I picked Ralphie even though we're in our 30s, early 30s. So you've been gunning for him for a long time well he had to wait you saw back then there were still comics who partied on any level so there was a crop to choose from but ralphie had the weight so you go yeah i'll go around that's a shoe in that lighter yep speaking of we'll get back to my chances of death pool. Yeah. Let's see. This is the week that we launch. Okay, site-wide.

We have the dead zone, which is the lockdown from January 1st to January 15th. That is the dead zone where no one can play. And oddly enough, tons of people have it. Every year. Every year. And you got fucked. I got screwed this year for the people who don't know jobey runs all the bullshits out of the death pool my name's on it

but i don't know any of the tech stuff he does all the work oh well i the the code monkeys mark and gina they built the site it's just it was my game it's your name is they built the site so the mark and gina and i have to deal with all the bullshit right so so joe b sees all your picks so he cannot be creative unless you no one site wide has picked that person joe b has to go with just the basic george hw bush right jaja George H.W. Bush. Zsa Zsa Gabor. Exactly. You know, and I do. Yeah, I do research as well. And I get a couple of picks that I research on my own. No one else has picked. As long as no one else in the entire site has picked them.

Because otherwise, if someone has a weird pick, it's a big bonus point. They're going to say, oh, well, fucking you stole that from me. Exactly. point they're gonna say oh well fucking you stole that from me exactly and this was six months ago in sierra vista at a a smoke shop i was going in to buy cigarettes out walks this old decrepit gray man little tiny guy well he's probably 5 8 5 10 but he was all shrunken in and walked out. And, you know, we chatted for a sec is I'm walking in, he's walking out and, and I, all right, have a good day, blah, blah, blah. Go inside. The guy at the counter says, you know who that was? So no, he said, that was one of the Marlboro men. So do you remember his name? Cause I, he didn't tell me he said it was uh daryl something

i said okay so i got a pen on me i write it on my hand first thing i go home research one of the original marlboro men in a smoke shop yeah he was in a smoke shop buying cigarettes they won't release right and he was on his way out and so more ways than on his way out like no he's on the way out of the store you know but he wasn't doing a promotional thing no no no he's just in the mall room man anyone he was just i'm out of t-shirts and key chains he was just visiting and you know in town for a little bit and stopped in the smoke shop get a pack of cigarettes or whatever he dropped his name yeah and uh the guy had chatted him up you know oh yeah he's a marlboro man all right so i go home immediately look up wikipedia all right who's the living marlboro man

and there's him left you know and one other guy that's i think in his 50s or something like that 60s no this is the old guy i yeah and i started looking they only have pictures of him when he was doing ads back in the 70s so all right i built amazing truth.com hasn't picked up on hey here's the young mall bro man look at him now look at him now yeah so i i pick him up i create a profile on my own no one petitioned for him this is my guy he's my guy i'm putting him on my list and we locked down on the 15th he died on the 12th and i nobody gets points anywhere uh across the board and i was so bummed about that one because I knew it was going to be a good hit for me. And no one else would have them.

I only have one. Do you do you know if anyone picked the one one guy that badminton player? Hold on a second. Yeah, I built that. We've already discussed this. We can talk. This is not like insider training here. No, it's done. Just want to make sure everything's second. Yeah, I built that profile. We've already discussed this. We can talk about this. This is not like insider trading here? No, it's done.

Just want to make sure everything's up on board. Unless it's going out live. Yeah, there's public pools coming up. But as far as our pool is concerned now. All right, so I do have one solo pick. We'll go over this. I know you're going to have tons of solos in yours. Yeah, I went down.

But that guy was a good call uh but yeah fucking terrorist let's cut ahead yeah we'll get we'll get to that terrorists yeah let's jump to that they terrorists are uh they're very popular in this season so they all have the first same name though it's hang on hang on what let me say everybody just like in stand-up comedy when it comes to death pool whatever the flavor of the day is on cnn everyone who plays death pool is thinking oh how do i manipulate this in the death pool if the charlie hebdo thing happened six months ago no one's worried about this one terrorist chick that got away. Oh, God. The second attack.

Yeah. Hayat. No, no. Jewish market. No. Yeah, but that's her. Yes. Her and her boyfriend overtook a Jewish market, a kosher market,

and then she got away. And I think three dudes got killed. She did not. So everyone's jumping on this one chick. Joby has his reasoning why you cannot pick her. Because I said, well, I, by the way, for everyone who petitions to get someone labeled a celebrity and gets declined, I get declined all the time by Joby.

So it's fucking Joby, not me. So don't yell at me. Bring the hate over here. Yeah. But he has all the time to sit around and he probably wears one of those uh british uh uh the powder wig powder wig yeah well he has his own gavel while he's baking sourdough bread he declines or accepts your celebrity petition bangs his gavel and cries the the problem is a lot of people don't understand i've had to email people constantly uh every year and when i do email them like oh well why did you you know no this person is a celebrity okay you have to understand that we have to track

these celebrities somehow we don't have a bunch of guys sitting around we're like the nsa man yeah we don't have a we don't have a bunch of guys sitting around. We're like the NSA, man. Yeah, we don't have a bunch of people sitting around a computer just looking up news stories. The only way that we can. Yeah, Joby in an apron. Right. This is what we got. Mark does it too, but the only thing that we have is Wikideaths. All right, so tell us why that woman who is fucking this month the most

famous or probably on interpol's top three right top three uh is because she doesn't have a wiki page she has no other ways for us to track her death now what if in a month from now she's like kaiser so saying she's just gone all right all right good good example because i just mentioned that movie i watched war dawn dawn the one i could finally watch with subtitles if this doesn't make it into the cut or if the opening i watched a movie called war dawn dawn a a documentary about a Sierra Leone warlord during some overthrow. And so I looked up all the people thinking I still have time for Death Pool. And there's one guy that died in 2003 question mark. Exactly.

Where he was just the dictatorship of Liberia declared that he had been killed no one knows for sure and it was maybe in that year so that's the problem is that you have to understand that like the the boko haram isis isil these guys are fucking ghosts all right they can disappear for years at a time and then resurface, or they will never be found again. I've got people in the database right now, celebs, these big generals in ISIS, ISIL, Taliban, that have disappeared two years ago, assumed dead, but no body. This goes back to Osama bin Laden, where there's conspiracy theory, but you have to go with... The only means that we have to track them is wikipedia right effectively with as small a group as we have and what we're doing this is a backyard and that question mark 2003 was on wikipedia so so yeah sometimes you get

shit canned so just find another dude dude you're gonna yeah you're gonna have to deal with it we have 26 000 celebrities uh i had mark run how many petitions I've received over the course of – this is our third year. By the way, a petition is if they're not in our database and you go, why is this guy not listed in your database as a celebrity? So then you email it to – Yeah, you can petition and I'm the one that does it all. petition and I'm the one that does it all. I've gotten over 3,000 or close to 3,000 celebrity petitions over the course of

the last 2,700 in the last two and a half years. Look at his beard. See how he's graying like a president from just three years of having this sight up? Can I just say one thing, though? It's interesting. It seems to me that if

you're in the celebrity death pool and you're looking at terrorists and flavor of the week terrorists, that's pretty low-hanging fruit. It is. They end up mostly dead. And shouldn't you be looking more – I dropped Cosby for that reason. Everyone's taking Cosby. But you know what I mean? it's like that gal it's like okay it is we have to weigh that uh okay we get petitions for you know reality tv stars that have

been on a season but they made national news all right we all took ryan buell right from fucking ghost something hunter Hunter or something. So it's in that region. These terrorists, you know, they. All right. Yeah. Let's get to it. Ralphie May.

I dropped from Muhammad Ali because he went into the hospital. And now I'm vacillating. Ralphie May. There was just some footage that came out on a website that i cannot retweet i will never fucking mention that gossip website even if i have to look but there was footage of ralphie may fucked out of his gourd leaving a gig under police escort recently yeah in the last two days oh wow i don't you know just i i have a bit about it the fucking guy that right these awful people anyway but it made me go fuck and i called ralphie i tweeted him i said i'm not putting you in this year for the first year ever he's like doggy man now people are gonna expect

me to live man no well no i think opposite. I'm jinxing it. Yeah. Where not only will my friend die, but then I'll be going, I didn't get any points. It's like betting against your team in the Super Bowl. Like you go, I know they're going to lose, so I'm going to put a lot of money. And you go, either way, I win. No, either way, you're going to feel bad. So now I think I'm going gonna put either ali back in i mean ali out and ralphie back in or

i take out jake lamotta i've never taken in the death pool but since that bit's already spent you have him in this year i i put him in and i so ralphie may is going the distance up until midnight tonight with two ex-champions. But Lamont, the way the scoring goes is not as good a pick as a Ralphie May. I know. I have to put Ralphie back in, I think. I don't know. We'll see. It's just like one of those routine bets.

Like you always pick certain numbers on lotto. We never get the numbers. routine bets? You always pick certain numbers on Lotto. We never get the numbers, but of the comedians that are naturally chosen, there's one I don't want to mention in case people don't know that he's

on his last legs at a young age. Ish. Ish. Yeah, most people wouldn't know. Stand-up? Comedy magic, we'll say. Right. Yeah, that's a good one. Stand-up? Comedy magic, we'll say. Right, yeah, that's a good one. You can figure that one out.

Anyway, I just don't want to give it to everybody that doesn't do any research. Cabanaro is so young. Yeah, it's AIDS. It's such a shame. He gave it to my DVR just with a look. Okay, so it's him and Artie Lang. People commonly pick. I don't know if you have the numbers with Artie Lang and the other.

I can find out pretty quick, but you want to do a top five real quick? Yeah. Oh, you got that? Yeah, right here. Good. All right. Top five most chosen celebrities. So far in the 2015 season for the

so season uh yeah number five jaja gabor of course you're gonna go with that i got i i even i took jaja because i want that first blood pick number four is not a surprise fidel castro uh yeah i didn't i i haven't taken castro for years okay all right uh three again muhammad ali oh yep because of the hospitalization for a urinary tract infection that's gonna kill the chip the greatest of all time it's gonna go down because he because he didn't drink cranberry juice uh number two george hw bush yeah i got uh no i i gave g hw to bingo on my slough list oh really because i yeah i had some fucking weird ones bingo doesn't do any research bingo hits anything it's dumb luck and it's she's begging change yeah and it's Houston. And it's my money anyway. She doesn't follow this. Yeah, she got lucky with the Whitney Houston. I know.

She did actually pick Whitney Houston. We split. Okay, one of us gets Bobby Brown. One of us gets Whitney Houston right here. Okay. And she took Whitney. I still have that voicemail. And number one, which I've been telling people about this guy for years,

Sam Simon. Oh, yeah. I did take Sam Simon. I held him over. Sam Simon should be a lock this year. One of the creators of The Simpsons hasn't really been associated with him since the third or fourth year. Right.

He's dumping his estate, all his money right now. Another one I thought about trading out for Ralphie May when I looked at my list, like Sam Simon, he's got dumb money i read i read i think it was vanity fair one of those magazines that has uh stories in them comics but someone was traveling with him and talking about how he's just always on the go and would stop and on his private jet have his whole like fluids changed out and shit he's like mr burns he's excellent yeah he's just dumping his money to uh uh charities for pets or uh abandoning he's doing right yeah, which Bingo would ask me what that meant. Yeah, no, he's just dumping money everywhere.

He's fucking great. Yeah, he's on the way out. Sam Simon is number one? Number one. Over Zsa Zsa Gabor? Who has no limbs left? She's like boxing Helena in some weird oxygen tent somewhere. To be honest, I didn't... Eraserhead as an

elderly eraserhead. Darth Vader with the helmet off. Right. Exactly. I didn't know Zsa Zsa was still alive. That's one of those... Oh, wow. Yeah. Missing a leg or something. She lost a lot of shit.

But here's the thing. Ralphie Mae fans fans tweet at him. I did leave him a message tonight that he's up against Ali. But you told me that he's like triple the picks. People picking him over picking me. All right. You guys last year were fairly close in the picks on 2014. Who's picking

us to die? Dub Stanhope versus Ralphie May. Who's more likely? According to the Celebrity Death Pool, and then we'll get to out of the gate. Right out of the gate. I think I saw this yesterday. It was 36 picks for

Ralphie May, 15 for you. So Ralphie's winning by. That's because I live in Arizona. So I have a tan a lot of the time. You talk about juicing. Yeah, I do. I juice. You talk about.

Shit beats in red wine. He talks about juicing. Rehab once a year. Yeah. Retirement. They know you're going to take it easy. After the Dutch Antilles. rehab once a year yeah retirement they know you're gonna take it easy after uh the dutch and tillies wouldn't that suck if just like one like the weirdest fan guy just showed up stand up i came to dutch and tillies is all his sunburn from taking a raft from island to island to try to find what bar we'll be at for Super Bowl.

All right. Let's circle back. I want to circle back to Super Bowl. I want to circle forward to something. Coming off something we just deleted because we don't want to give some asshole any fucking credibility. And we can start this any time because you can start a league anytime during any time of the year and maybe we can do this open to people a wish list league where people

who are not known to be dying just like all your fucking just bowel cancer of people you want dead all the nancy graces just nothing but just spite just spite pics and if there's any record on google of them having a terminal illness then you reject them and we could do this limit it to enough people that we could do this by hand but just okay nancy grace all the people dick cheney it has to be someone with no known illness that everybody would applaud no one's gonna shit on you on twitter for going yay this person is dead yeah like just we we can work out the rules uh but that's not that's not a horrible idea yeah just wow this is some top level shit guys Because there's people that you want dead. You want to bet on them dying.

All right, a spite pick is... I started this with... He knows what a spite pick is. ...with spite picks in mind. Yeah. You have to have one. And I hate people, so I'm going to pick, you know, it was... Hasn't had a cold in three years.

I got one. But you still picked... I got one this year. Warren Jeffs. The polygamous cult? Oh, yeah, yeah,s. The polygamous cult. Oh, yeah. The polygamous cult. Yeah, he's in prison.

And I don't know if he's feigning illness, but he's been. Federal prison? Oh, yeah, yeah. He's fucking done. Oh, mine is sad. Child raping fucking. I gave up on the Anthony Kiedis and the Keanu Reeves and that kind of shit. And I went to something a little bit more upper level kind of, okay, I'm doing Shirley Phelps.

Oh, there you go. Yeah, Fred Phelps. Well, Fred died last year. Who? If you really loved your husband, Shirley, you'd die with him. Like a pharaoh. I just want to circle back real quick. I want your guys' definition

of actual murder when it comes to terrorism. We got to... You talked to me a bit about this. He's talking about... Explain it to me because I have no idea what you're talking about. If a US drone

strike kills a guy, is that – ISIS general, like one of the – There's a murder bonus point, which I didn't even know we still had. But there's a – yeah, the John Lennon rule. Legitimate, yeah. But if it's not murder – like murder according to who? That's why I would have said just dump this rule.

Right. So you have an ISIS general or Taliban general or leader of something. I get it. All right. In that country, they're well known. Yeah. And a drone strike comes in, blows them up. Is it murder?

No. I'll say no because they claim jihad, which means the same as war. Yeah. Even if it's a holy war, peaceful war, war on drugs, war on poverty. If someone dies in the war on poverty, well, that's murder. Well, look at the definition of murder, and it's, someone else causing your death. I don't like the whole terrorist thing. You could do the same thing.

Oh, because it's a label now, all of a sudden. It doesn't matter. What if it's a four-star general that, you know, is well-known in the U.S. and a hero? If it is labeled. Like an ISIS guy comes in and fucking kills him. I got it. If it's the same as we do with Whitney Houston, whatever it's declared on a U.S. death certificate, she died by drowning, not because of the cocaine in her system.

If the U.S. doesn't say we murdered this guy, we're going to have to go back. The U.S. isn't going to say that. How about you just dump the fucking rule? What about Pat Tillman?man can't be dumped until next all right well pat tillman what was that was that murdered it was friendly fire well what was it yeah he was murdered yeah so you get a murder point that's why i'm against bonus points for anything that has first of all you're just giving well that wouldn't be that wouldn't be murder sorry you're giving people ammunition to fucking grouch oh like we don't have enough it's just

system of the united states where you're just giving people ideas of how to bitch about fighting for well this guy yeah well we haven't murdered we already have enough people bitching about our rules anyway because it's such a convoluted. Why are you feeding into that? I can stay away from that. That's I don't know. Listen, it's that's the rule that stands now. Okay.

All right. Let's get to the positive aspects, like the giveaways. How I can tell you about my fucking new year's goddamn resolution. We're going to do. All right. This is what we're going to do. All right. Fun is what we're going to do. All right.

Funeral home directors, anyone that has created a funeral home, not the people that play in it. The guys that have actually built it, you know, signed up and is running everything. If you've done it for the 2015 season up until February 15th, that's the lockdown date.

That's all we're going to do. You are automatically entered into a raffle to receive a tablet. We're going to go on Amazon, find you a nice old tablet, and send it to you. All right. All right. We're going to do that again with mourners and the people that are in the public paid homes. All right.

So if you haven't signed up for this fucking thing, then look into it and you get a prize. All right. Yeah. Yeah. You will. We're going to get it. You made it succinct for the people who play. fucking thing, then look into it and you get a prize. All right. Yeah. Yeah. You were going to make it succinct for the people who play. I made it expedient for the people who are waiting for me to get to something fucking funny.

I'm going to be doing more podcasts without you because it's just like technical stuff that you don't want to hear. Yeah, you should do that. I will. You have all the time in the world with an apron, a powdered wig, a gavel screaming at children. Sourdough. Hey, get off of my lawn.

Why does that man have an erection? He was looking at death pool. Yep. I am not going to die this year because. You're an awful person. After, this is in play, but yeah, no, I woke up the next day after we talked about this drunk because i have my life wide open i am daring daring to take some time off which is fucking terrifying like you especially with my tenacious fan base that stays with me,

even though I'm not on television, I have no public persona, and you've been with me, and even though it's been coming on 25 years, I still feel like, shit, if I take more than a few weeks off, they're going to fucking bail. They're going to forget about me. And this was was headberg's fatal flaw he would never take time off one of them well yeah yeah that uh all those drugs and stuff didn't help but he would i know how bad it beats me up being on the road with you especially

when we're doing night after night driving and i love that but the amount of drinking where you you get so sick of your act so quickly and you you i have to drink just to be able to say these words again just because in my head i just said these words several hours ago and in my head you're the same audience and i know that is ridiculous but it's what i feel so yeah so i'm i'm gonna take time off i remember we've probably talked about this before but being with hedberg a couple weeks before he died on that random college date what was the university i don't, but I'm sure we've talked about it. It was a one-nighter corporate type university gig. Randomly wound up working together. I never work.

Colleges don't book me. The college kid that booked it was in charge of entertainment, and they have a budget. And it's like, who did this? And he just says, I wanted two comics I liked. Yeah. That was it. I assumed Hedberg, because colleges book, they spend shitloads of money. did this and he just says i wanted two comics i liked yeah that was it i assumed hedberg because colleges book they spend shit loads of money so i get the offer and back then i'm like fuck yeah

and i'm opening for hedberg so i just assumed i just got off the road with with mitch a couple months before that so so anyway i was surprised we were we were up yeah i know we've talked about this because i remember we were doing coke with some famous guy's kid the guy was yeah whatever all right we have talked on a he was a student he was a student at that time years ago this was when hedberg was alive so as in those years I don't by the way before 2005 so uh this was 2005 anyway we were talking coke talking almost like we are now over each other uh and we had just started going to Costa Rica for the few years prior to that and taking time off and that's when you know becker was going in and building that property

and i was like and they were saying yeah we should do that more lynn was saying we should do that more mitch we gotta take time off and he was agreeing because they would work relentlessly because hedberg was so terrified of turning down a gig just knowing the old days just trying to get booked at all to make a fucking nickel in this business is so hard so he would just constantly tour never took a minute off there's guys i know that do that on a healthy level yeah a tell can't go a night without fucking talking into a microphone. And so, yeah, as I say, I'm retired. But I'm going to take time off to just figure out what the fuck I want to do. And, yeah, I'm sure I'll come crying back to stand up like a bitch on my knees. But in the meantime, I get to fucking quit smoking is number one.

So my New Year's resolution and to accomplish this, I have a list. Look at the fucking look at the size of this list of shit. Jesus Christ. Are you kidding me? That's just shit that I want to get done. That's like yellow legal pad. The extra size double and with circled things. But the number one thing is quit smoking so as i'm looking at this

list as we're pie-eyed the other night me and shaley i go you know what i'm gonna do a fucking trailer rehab we have that lot back here nothing on it uh i had to back that trailer into that slot bought a trailer off Craigslist, which I wanted to measure it before this podcast. Yeah. I think it's going to be six by 12 at best. Six feet wide. I laid in the bed, and I can tell it's six foot. It's not quite six.

Inside dimension is not quite six across it's the inside i can lay down without my feet and head touching the wall so it's good that way you're a midget so i'm five seven joey couldn't right there's no yeah so i'm so i'm saying it happened yeah it's it's six by 10 or 12 it's sitting on a slab well you bought this property with a cement slab that's it that's all that was on yeah and uh looks great it looks perfect it's next to this this is what i'll be doing for february so you're gonna get a lot of podcasts in i am gonna do a 30-day trailer rehab where i'm gonna live in that fucking trailer for a month 30 days and i'm gonna do all this shit please hold i had to put on my reading glasses fuck i gotta get like tax pre-tax shit

out of the way before that that's gotta be before you go crazy in there doing that no i i would be smoking in a minute uh so yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna and you're in a podcast every day dr drew drinks socially two drinks a day yeah i was socially yeah i was thinking i was gonna go with wine uh because that seems to be better for you or it looks better but i should go Popov vodka, since you're my number one sponsor, Popov. And yeah, I'm going to, no meat. Really?

Yeah. You're going to do that? Yeah, you can eat other things that are horrible for you. Pescatarian, like a medium red Erickson? Chicken, all that's out? Yeah, no, no meat that's supposed to be bad i don't know i haven't made up a fucking diet i don't have rules here i'm just saying i have my whole vacation in the dutch antilles inquiring minds want to figure out yeah exactly what but yeah a lot of this shit i'm not gonna stay in a trailer like you know, you know, like what's the goddamn reference?

Steve McQueen. What? His teeth come out. Everyone has got nothing. I only like this because people at home are yelling. He gets shipped off to an island and then they put him on. He's on. Papillon.

Thank you. If you get it before us, call in right now. Great movie. Yeah, I will go. I'll leave to exercise. I'm going to fucking read books when I have no TV. It's going to be wicked good. Hold on a second.

You're not going up to the main house to watch any of your stories or anything? No. No, I'm staying in there. I have a month. A month. 30 days. And you're going to podcast. 30 days in the hole.

That's what they give you. 30 days in the hole. Yeah, so that's, yeah, I'm going to read books. Podcast every day? I have my stack of old notebooks which i realized fucking adrian i gave her a bunch of those for that writer who was with us on tour yep anyway yeah she she has a bunch of those i'm gonna you want to go force myself yeah i'm gonna go through i still have a bunch of old notebooks just go through i want to yeah if for no other reason there was a commercial and i hate that this

commercial came up because i go that's exactly what i do when i do my taxes is when i fucking remember what we did during the year and i'm just like highlighter okay this i don't do my taxes for the record i prep my taxes for my accountant so it doesn't cost me as much as it would if i didn't break this down so when i go through restaurants and shit and i'm like oh fuck i forgot we were in roatan earlier this year or last year in 2014 like i don't have that written on my calendar that's just gigs like fucked up things we did okay yeah the chris rock movie i got dumped from could have completely forgotten that i even did it and then you're like oh new york march oh yeah yeah that's when i did the thing so so yeah i want to do that i want to i'm

gonna sit and force myself to listen to every cd and dvd've ever done. Because how many times on the road do I ask you or Hennigan, did I do this bit on a DVD? Because I should put this in the next one. Because I think I didn't. Nobody fucking knows. I put out too many of the things. So yeah, I'm going to listen to everything I have recorded. I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to,

this is Joe Rogan's version of his was not the sweat lodge but the think the the dunk tank deprivation tank yeah the the sensory deprivation tank i'm gonna do my version is a fucking tin can 6x12 trailer on a fucking slab on a nowhere road with beautiful wood siding surrounded by javelina. Hey, it's got solar. We got to hook that up because then you could roll this into a green thing.

The solar works enough to keep on a light. Jesus, don't tease me. One light. Now I'm going to put a fucking cable. You've got propane, so you've got a gas hookup.

We're going to get a heater in there for you. I'm going to eat smoothies. Which will do good in the summer. Right on. The hardest thing is going to be you listening in there for you. I'm going to eat smoothies. Which will do good in the summer. The hardest thing is going to be you listening to your own material. I got a lot of that. Here's the thing. We're going to try to

podcast a little bit every day. Because you're donating to Chaley, he's going to be in town. That's why I have to rush this. That and the hernia surgery, which I haven't scheduled or even seriously considered. But I have to quit smoking before I get the hernia surgery.

Because if you cough, I don't want to cough. It's gross. Yeah. Chili. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

We can play tennis. I can leave as long as I'm exercising. So if I'm walking the dogs, we're playing tennis. It's going to start. The weather's been fucking great. It's like a trailer arrest. It is. It's my own personal rehab.

Do you be dip? Oh, boop, boop. I sound like Bill Burr. Oh, yeah, I wrote that. This is one of my 30 days in the whole rules is one conjugal visit. Really? Yeah. Just once a day? No, one for the month.

Oh, once a month? Once a day. Do you know this gentleman? Yeah. I know. Once a month is like that. She'll be beaming. Craigslist.

Yeah. Oh, bingo? Oh, yeah. I guess. She'll be beaming. Craigslist. Yeah. Oh, bingo? Oh, yeah. I guess it has to be bingo. Fuck her. What did she do wrong? I have no idea. The other night when we were talking about this,

we had grand ideas of filming it and having it on the YouTube channel uh to create a youtube channel where you could yeah every day so so yeah we'll have to work that out because i really am gonna be a fucking cunt i and you're gonna say hey well we're supposed to do it once a day and i'm like fuck you just not fucking do it Make him do it. Make him do it. Well, we should. We'll talk about that. Not drunk. Yeah, you're going to. Well, no, I woke up the next day going, you know what? We have all these notes and it still sounds good. Last year, I quit.

We had like six weeks off and except for Roatan, where I smoked a couple of packs in five days, which two packs in five days that's nothing that's not smoking to me but other than that i pretty much quit smoking and i my drinking was i felt fucking great and then had to go back on the road yeah remember we started on the road last march march and uh all three of us me you and b, were hitting the treadmill in that hotel. That was one time. That was one time. In your head, it's different.

And you had a cocktail in your hand. While he was on the treadmill? Yeah. Oh, that's beautiful. I mean, if you don't want me to tell you the truth, I'll doctor it up. No, but I'm saying we were still smoothing. That's a poster right there. We were still eating decent.

I wasn't drinking at all. I know. Well, the point is it degraded. We had great intentions and over a six-week van tour. We had the first two legs of the tours last year. That was a motherfucker because we had some like eight days in a row, nine days in a row. Yeah, so I'm not doing that this time.

Yeah. And I'm not going gonna headberg it and go hey i should but you know i gotta fucking work man you you chaley you tour managed for headberg on the last tour you guys were friends let's i i say you're my tour manager because like you needed to do something we've been friends long before you were a tour manager for anyone but yeah we were all friends separately but equal what killed Hedberg uh I think you know it there's the medical thing, and then there's also drugs. But at the same time, it was too much work.

He was working way too much. We would be going – I would fly from Florida to wherever the Thursday night gig was, and they would pick me up in the motorhome, and we would drive to the venue. a venue well sometimes i'd fly out on wednesday and we'd do a college a university show and then go do an entire weekend thursday friday saturday different towns and that would be sold out theater shows with that was when it was with uh stephen lynch opening they were co-headlining why did i ask you about hedberg and all of a sudden you dropped like 10 decibels. I saw that show. Oh, that's right. Joby was at that fucking Meltdown Phoenix show.

Yeah. At Celebrity Theater with Lynch opening. Okay. And they were co-headlining. It just turned out. Co-headlining. Whatever. I get it.

I get it. Don't talk over each other. But yes, you tell him and he tells you. So this was prior to. Hang on. Hang on, Joby. Let him set up the Stephen Lynch Hedberg problem because they toured together because they had a similar fan base. From what I know, as far as the people promoting the tour thought, but they were not friends.

No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. I think the reason they co-headlined was because no one wanted to put their money right behind Mitch. That was the problem with the Louis Black David Tell tour before that, was that Mitch was never on the posters. Well, Mitch was at the – when he was opening for a tell in Louis Black, that was coming off his heroin arrest austin they're gonna take off his leg uh requiem for a dream part of mitch uh and then so people were thinking he was lucky to get picked up after that whole

situation like the fact that he's on this tour he should be thankful he wasn't thinking that he was like fuck you no but he he had a lot of fun on that tour he wasn't he wasn't morose about it he fucked with lewis black a lot on that tour he he would he would just do things to fuck with him before he went on stage at dinner and stuff like that. Really? It was fucking hilarious. Like? He would write things out in food. Really?

Yeah, like in a bunch of peas. He did that one time. Like they had a little buffet line or something like that. And Lewis would fucking freak out about it. But it was... Lewis seems a little OCD. He was one of these guys is like you you're always thinking how to with people how to be funny or but not to try and be funny but to just like it was what got you through your day just to get a reaction doing whatever you know to get a reaction yeah yeah

for himself for himself yeah yeah it's not some of these are just for me yeah it's not for anyone else it's for you but the problem was he would do shit that was so funny that you'd have to catch him doing it to just repeat these stories like this like yeah you know what some of these should be for everybody yeah he wouldn't tell you wouldn't he wouldn't go like you you'd never do that you know what i just did to this guy he'd never He'd just sit there and amuse the fuck out of himself You selfish one way motherfucker So he gets set up on this tour Co-headlining with Stephen Lynch

Where is he now Stephen Lynch Gained 50 pounds Whatever No he's probably still doing college. No, he did a Broadway show. He did The Wedding Singer. Yeah, he's still doing tours and whatnot. The Wedding Singer?

He did the Broadway. Oh, yeah, it was the Broadway show. Yeah, that's, again, you should be more happy that I am in a fucking tin can trailer for all of February into March than if I were doing the fucking wedding singer on broadway you know what if you're a fan of mine you're a fan of comedy and you see someone oh he made it now he's doing the wedding singer on broadway well mitch is better off

dead and cold with his mother and perhaps his father. I haven't caught up with the family. It was still... Let's get back to it. He gets this tour and you're tour managing on this tour. No, someone else was. At the beginning.

I got the call and I quit my job immediately. I was managing a warehouse of Busch Gardens. He fired the douche? Yeah, he was. That North Dakota guy? Yeah, there was a. No. Minneapolis, I think.

No, no. Anyway, he's a guy that they didn't want on the tour anymore. And I walked into a fucking mess. I didn't know. I thought I was just going on tour Having some fun Making it up as I go And you're cleaning up So you showed up I showed up in that first night

After the show Lynch and his One of the guys who did some stuff with him on stage Rob We all go back to one hotel room And I'm sitting there going Oh this is cool And like

Oh fuck It's like two dogs staring each other down. They had to hash some shit out right there. It's going to get better. Let's let the past be the past. Wait, Stephen Lynch and one of his management people? Hedberg. Hedberg and Lynch face-to-face?

Yeah, but it's not aggressive, but it's like, oh, what the fuck did I walk into? There was some major tension on the tour. Pissing contest. I think it was with the guy that was managing was creating a lot of chaos. And I don't know what had happened. But, yeah, that night I was like, oh, maybe I signed up for something I don't want to be a part of here. But as it turned out, I mean was that was kind of a cleansing that night everything kind of turned around and went better all right but they still it was like always steven

lynch wanted to go first there'd be calls last eight o'clock no no he'd want to go first really not all they're supposed to go half and half but we'd get calls at about 8 o'clock requesting to go first because of a reason. He's got swollen nodules. Or whatever. My glands are swollen. It is one of those things. There's footage on YouTube. I assume, I know this.

The one I saw, yeah. I know this at least one guy where I would not want to co-headline with a lot of the guys I love because I know my fan base is there for a reason. If you don't like what I do, you're probably going to really dislike what I do. it's not like you know even though you might think me and that guy go well together like rogan i think because i've done his podcast enough because we have the history we have we could probably co-headline i'd still want to fucking open yeah and i'm too haywire if i if i go off the skids you don't want a bunch of fans of the other people who had to sit through 45 minutes of me at the end like going i was only here for rogan so yeah i i i tend to shy away from this kind of thing well that's the issue with the co-headlining you want them to to be at least cross over a little bit and they had the college crowds that were that were following both of them and that was it was a good idea but there there was one night i remember that it was a huge 2000

theater like east coast theater venue and some like um steven goes on first does does great gets done mitch comes out and then during a silent moment in the first 20 minutes, some chick from the balcony yells out for Steven. Yeah. And it was – Mitch was very – Mitch was wicked sensitive. And he said, wait a minute. I like him. What's wrong with me doing my show now?

And it was a big fucking deal because that would destroy him. Yeah. That one person out of 2,000 people, one person would say something and that's in his fucking head all the way back. Wake up in the morning, it's the same fucking thing. It's just like, what the fuck was her problem?

And that's why I have to fucking drink to plow through some of these shows because I have fans that will like, oh, I'm going to go to every show on your whole northeast leg. It's going to be the same. And then I'm forcing myself to change up,

which is you want to talk about Hedberg's breakdowns. I've got a good one. Yeah, this was on that same tour and it was a legendary one. That was early in the tour. I wasn't on that one. I wasn't in Phoenix. And this was prior to me actually meeting you.

I met you later on in that year. All right. At New Year's Eve that year. Yeah, 05 to 06. Yeah. So this is 05. Well, no. He died in March of 05.

April 1st. No, no. March 27th. March 29th. Yeah. And it was just a couple of months before he died that i saw him if he died march 28th don't fucking send no it's actually march fuck you don't be that guy all right but uh it was celebrity theater and to set it up uh folks

celebrity theater is in the round. In the round. Yeah. Louis C.K. did a special there. Seen tons of shows at Celebrity Theater. It's great. It's got a spinning stage, slowly spinning stage in the center. All right. And you're never more than 75 feet from the stage.

Which really sucks if you do crowd work. Because if you try to do a call back because you've been married 45 years oh and i'm talking to a child that guy where's that guy the only person i've seen own that stage is patton oswald and he walked in front of one guy as it was spinning and berated him for 10 minutes a heckler and it was amazing and slowly sidestepping oh he was he was just slowly walking to the left to berate this guy but anyway all right so uh so yeah it was a lynch hedberg show i was looking forward to it because honestly i love both of them i i love lynch i but he's he could be a dick in person, but I like his music.

I never met him. He's a good guy. All I know about him is I... But I think his music and his comedy, he's very talented, and he's funny. I love Lynch. All right, let's get to the fucking good Hedberg part. Hedberg, Lynch goes on, tears it up. Lynch goes on, tears it up.

Hedberg comes out. And the first 20 minutes are stellar. He just crushes. And then all of a sudden, things start changing for some reason. Not sure what it is, but there's like a 5-minute, 10-minute kind of thing where he's starting to slur a little bit. He's just not on it and it declines so rapidly that within another 10 15 minutes he's hugging the monitor on the side of the stage with his notes and he's rummaging through his notes. See, this does not seem awkward to me at all.

Trying to find a good joke that will hit. And he's laying on the ground with the microphone. And you know that because Hedberg would have been saying that into the microphone. Man, I'm just trying to find one joke that's going to turn this around. Yeah. And he's trying. He's trying. And he's rummaging through you know and he's doing the you know he's like

rummaging through his notes and flipping through him and he's trying jokes but he's starting the joke but he will not finish them and he'll start a joke but finish another joke and and he's just off and people are starting to file out immediately. And Hedberg, he was one of my heroes, still is. No, I'm sticking through this. Everyone's starting to file out. And I'm sitting there. I'm like, no, I'm going to watch this to the end.

This is great. And one of the managers, I don't know, either his tour manager or the manager of the Celebrity Theater comes out and says, you're done. It was a- On stage. On stage, a 35-minute maybe set, which should have been an hour. No, no. If this is the same show, there was one show where he wouldn't leave the stage because- Seattle.

Oh, yeah. That was Seattle. Okay. All right. There's another meltdown.down sorry i was melding the two that's where he wouldn't leave even though they were past the union gets double time oh boy that's a good story no this guy came out uh dragged you know picked him up because he was hugging the monitor with his microphone and picked him up and the guy said yeah you know this we're done you know this is this is it and Hedberg just grabbed the microphone and he said haha sorry guys I'll

be better next time and and and that was it and so all said, all right, this is amazing. All right, good for you. Yeah, you stuck it out, and everyone, like half the crowd had left, but the true fans had stayed. And about a month and a half later or two months later when he died, I was manager at Guitar Center at the time, and a buddy of mine said, yeah, Hedberg just died. Yeah, that's not funny.

He said, no, really. I was just, I just saw saw him are you kidding me and it happened that quick it was within a couple of months of him dying yeah and so he was he was brilliant for 20 minutes tell us melt it down Seattle because I've always confused these two stories I gotta take a leak right, let's do that because I have to take a leak too. I was going to get you started on this story and then take a test. All right, please hold. Hey, I've got a couple of sponsors here. J.T. Habersat and Mishka.

Mishka Shubali, who opened the opening song. All of his songs are fucking that good. I swear to God. He has so many songs that are as good as the one we use as the opener. It's a double fret tour, which they're on, presented by Doug Stanhope's Celebrity Death Pool. So, yeah, we're not going to be here for Super Bowl, but they already planned the gig for the night before Super Bowl here in Bisbee.

But they'll be doing the whole Southwest. Go to JTComedy.com. Or is it JTSt doing the whole Southwest. Go to JTComedy.com. Or is it JTStandUp? No, it's JTComedy.com. JTComedy.com and find the tour date. Jay Whitecotton is touring with them. Jay Whitecotton is fucking brilliant. Yep, absolutely.

So they're going to be making the tour. And, hey, give a shout out to your favorite guest, at HD Fatty. Chad Shank could not be here because his mind would not allow him to leave the house and leave anyone alive. I'm a little disappointed. So, at HD Fatty, send your love. Get him back on the podcast.

Yep. And let's take a piss and we'll come back strong with more uh Hedberg it's death pool eve so it's appropriate it is it's death pool eve which is not the same as super bowl eve etc etc okay a quick note Bill Burr evidently just announced Australia and New Zealand dates. I don't know. I think it's maybe February. But go to BillBurr.com.

And, yeah, if you were at these shows, you're going to fucking love Bill Burr if you don't already know him. And I'm guessing you already do. So, yeah, check that out at BillBurr.com. I have no upcoming dates, nor do I plan on booking any for a while. I need to decide if I want to do this stupid career anymore. But I do that about every year, and I always come racing back like a whore. Sex! Rulers of the underpants universe! Sex!

Keep your balls off your legs and such! Sex underwear. Don't have sweaty balls. Was that good? I don't know. Great news, kids. The Much Neglected merch page on my Much Neglected website has been taken over by Greg Chaley. So we have tour t-shirts, podcast t-shirts. We have Pop-Off Vodka Presents t-shirts. Get them before we get sued.

Before we get the cease and desist and a whole shitload of uh cds and dvds that span a lifetime a sad tragic bloated lifetime of my fucking horrible thoughts and pontifications uh so help me get that shit out of my crawl space thanks for that and now back to the podcast previously recorded. You always leave the thing running. You don't even know me. You don't know what love is. I haven't talked to Shawcroft in forever.

If you see her her send my love I'm not a good friend and I don't get back to people and if you text me I might check it at drunk time and then I forget that you texted we saw her in Ontario

that was the last time March? was that March? Well, I've probably seen her more recently. You're not always with me. I don't know. The point is I haven't talked to her in a while. So, yeah, I got to call her.

That's one of the things I'm going to do in my tin can, homemade trailer, quit smoke rehab. Yeah, I just call people because i won't have tv it fucking mesmerizes me i'm every guy that i i used to talk about hating in my act so let's before i ruin all the fun I ruin all the fun. Too late. Dead Hedberg stories. All right.

Yoo-hoo. Chaley had to go in and look up the specific date of this gig. I didn't. I couldn't find it. Oh, good. I did find a request for Stephen Lynch to open two shows. Oh, that's right. You have like 25,000 emails. You left the computer open once. 000 30 000 emails unanswered or

unread or what just in his box unread uh he doesn't delete shit i i'm at i think 1700 now and it's at some point i like kind of give up folders for that no i got him i got him he's got folders for the one that counts. This is shit that doesn't count. It is, yeah. All right. It's a problem. Seattle, Hedberg.

Well, you were talking about. In the year of our Lord. In the new millennium, let's say. You were talking about how, well, actually, Joby. Joby was talking about how he wouldn't get off stage. I don't even know your real Twitter. You're just Stan Hope's CDP. I don't have a Twitter.

It's at Stan Hope's CDP. That's me. CDP. Yeah, Stan Hope's CDP. Yep. All right, so that's you. Yep. I get that.

So Joby was saying. Hedberg wouldn't get off the stage until someone brought him off. Well, in Seattle at the Moore Theater, sold-out show. Not a plug. I played the Neptune Theater. Actually, I played somewhere else.

Go ahead. I interrupt quickly, and then I say go ahead. Yes. The show was progressing, and Hedberg was finishing. What are you, his PR guy? It was progressing

on a decline. We had a film crew from Comedy Central with us. A rolling stone going downhill is still rolling so it was progressing. It gathers a little moss. We've been driving for, I think, three days, two and a half days, all the way across the top of the North America.

Now, fuck it. Hedberg, he bought that RV, and he would travel in that RV because he got busted at an airport with heroin, and it was easier to travel. He never would have said this. But fuck, he's dead 10 years. We can say it. Well, I didn't know

that that was pertinent other than the fact that we were driving for three days. You were driving for three days. No, I drove like shit. He wouldn't let me drive a lot with that thing. I'd do the same thing with you. I'd take the wheel. Well, with the motorhome,

Chaley goes more than three hours. Are you a bad driver? He's a narcoleptic. He's a reticent narcoleptic. He won't admit it. He's like me with my liver. I won't go to a doctor and have him. I'll just assume.

But Chaley can fall asleep in the middle of this podcast, start snoring, and while he's snoring, you go, well, I think, who did that song by Fleetwood Mac? What's the name of that?

And he'll go, landslide, and go right back to snoring. Lindsey Buckingham wrote it. And by the way, I think Billy Corgan did a really good job. And then immediately snoring. So we got a couple days to go across the top of the United States. So we got a couple days to go across the top of the United States, and before we get over the mountain range going into Seattle, Snoqualmie up there. The Alps. For those of you in Bangladesh. The Pacific Northwest Alps.

Well, we're far enough out. We meet the crew from Comedy Central, and they follow us in one of their cars and then the camera comes on stage. Oh, were they sponsoring the tour? No, they were filming something. They were filming on the road. They were going to do getting to Seattle, driving into Seattle, and then driving to Portland the next day

and then they were done. And they mic'd everyone up. Al Madrigal was opening the show and Lynn was mic'd, Al was mic the show and uh um lynn was miked al was miked and mitch was miked and it it it started going long and you could tell that it was it was starting to become a worry to the guy downstairs who was managing all the we're running out of batteries well he's like he starts saying shit about like, I don't care. Get him the fuck off the stage. And Lynn

is on the sidelines doing one of her things that she used to do in the clubs. She'd do floating candle because it was a thing of like, sometimes the comedy club doesn't have a flashlight, so they take a candle and wave it back

and forth. And Mitch, his joke was he thought the place was haunted. So Lynn would say, floating candle! And he just turns to the side and goes, I fucking know. Let me do this. I mean, he's not stopping. When Mitch would get angry, it's scary. Oh, yeah. Because he didn't get angry.

So when he was angry, like, oh, I really fucked up. So this like eight foot fucking union guy from downstairs comes up. And by the way, his briefcase, that aluminum rock and roll briefcase is on stage with Mitch. Mitch is basically saying, fuck it. I don't care if we're going over time. I'll say when the show is over kind of thing. Now this fucking ape is looking at me saying, get him the fuck off the stage. And at some point, someone enlists Al to do it.

And Al Magico is like looking down going, I'm not going out there. I'm not getting him. I am not. And so Al is like sidestepping, creeping from stage left into the light. This is because they've gone over union time. Way over. And not one person has left. They have fucking – everyone is screaming. He's like, I'm not going to stop until I get the right end to this show.

And as Al is sheepishly walking out sidestepping at one point headbring just goes al i see you get the fuck back that was and he's like sure no problem and he he knew he was over the sites for people who don't know the business when you're playing a theater like that that's union run if you go one minute over all of a sudden is double your pain fucking out the nose golden time is what is going on right now it's like speeding in

construction zone kind of thing you know yeah yeah fines are doubled yeah so why would this union shithead that's being paid well more than fucking any will work for food guy can do your job uh yeah why are you complaining that mitch is staying past his fucking due date when you're getting double time or whatever you get anyway sorry i'm i'm about five seven i'm looking straight

up at this fucker and i'm i don't want to fucking deal with him i'm like and i said i said listen he's the artist. When he's done, that's when the show's done. Chaley might be five foot seven, but he has a death stare that he does not fucking, he does not shrink. I don't feel like I had it that night. So the side story is I had 500. Neither of us had it that night in Florida, though. That was a dark parking lot, not a lighted theater with a guy with a name tag.

I had 500 Mitch Hedberg ornaments sitting at the doors. Oh, he sold Christmas ornaments. We were giving them away to everyone that night as they left. And we are so far over, and there's so much

mayhem. You weren't even selling them. No, we were giving them away as gifts. It was in December. What were the ornaments? Christmas ornaments. It said I can't remember what it said. We just made these ornaments. They met us there. I had these two boxes and we were going to hand them out as people left the theater. And I kept

thinking, tell him, remind him of the ornaments. There's so much going on that I forgot. And when Mitch finally gets off stage, Lynn is, the sound guys have got her mic. She's going, she's

spinning in circles up there. There's this mayhem on stage. There's all this stuff going on. Now I'm only thinking, the ornaments. The ornaments. Because I got to get rid of these fuckers. It's his job. We're going to Portland.

It's his job. He never mentioned the ornaments. I think Al shut the show down, and I was at the front. I think I gave away 20, and there's 500 ornaments sitting there. It was just a fucking total mess, and he would not get off stage until he hit that point and then even at that point, there's no going back. You can't,

as far as, is someone coming up on stage and telling, but you know, someone coming up on stage and going, does he know what he's doing? Are you fucking serious?

There's 2,000 people here. They want to see what's happening right now. And I mean, I wasn't at the celebrity theater show, but this was a thing. No one was fucking leaving this show. Absolutely. Exactly.

If they could tell you in foresight, hey, do you want to see Michael Richards? Or for twice the price, would you want to see the Michael Richards nigger, nigger, nigger show? Yeah. You want to see the fucking meltdown. You don't want to see a phoned in boring show. And I do them and i have that incapacity to stop myself from saying hey i'm really fucking hung over from last night so i'm just gonna stay on point and say words i've said before

you don't want to see that show and i shouldn't say it out loud but whatever's in my head comes out of my mouth and hedberg had the same thing as fucked up as he'd get. Like, all right, now I feel like I fucked you. My worst shows have lasted twice as long as my best shows. Because I'm trying to, all right, now I'm drunker, and now I feel like I owe you more. So let me do compensation, man. Yeah, unfortunately, I don't melt down often enough. Well, you know, this wasn't as much a meltdown as it was. He wanted to end the show the way he wanted to end the show.

Then when everything else started getting introduced, that fucking – that threw it off the rails. Because now they're telling him, hey, you should be getting off because there's a guy pointing at his watch on the sidelines. That fucking made him crazy. One of the things I hate about comedy clubs is when they – you know the entire staff wants to fucking leave. And, okay, we drop the checks at this hour. The show lasts as long as I want the fucking show to last, and as long as I think it should last. If I spent 15 minutes getting a drunk guy thrown out,

that shouldn't come out of the time of the material that I have planned just because you dropped checks, nor should the audience sit there with no drinks after they already started getting hammered. You don't do that to a drunk. If the crowd is rolling, you're going to keep feeding off of that. Or if the crowd,

if I know the show is designed to end here because there was a lot of riffing or things that went, if it gets lengthened by 20 minutes because i was working out a new idea or dealing with a problem or just fucked up well it goes 20 minutes longer i know how it ends so hedberg didn't have that kind of act but he knew how he wanted to end yeah and he always felt like and then from talking to him and seeing him on tour he always felt like he wanted to give people their money's worth and he he felt bad he had a show in

seattle where the fucking promoter just fucked it and he ended up not showing up because i and he he set up sent me a letter that we put up on the website because i was writing his website at the time that was basically it's called the apology to seattle i we put up on the website because I was writing his website at the time. It's called The Apology to Seattle. I remember that because he updated his website so rarely that when he did... He used to send me letters, handwritten letters. What? And then I would type those up and put that up on the site.

I still have all those letters. Let's eBay them. But it was one of those things where he felt horrible that people would go out on a friday night giggles remember giggles oh yeah yeah terry taylor terry taylor the guy who ran giggles he was charging 60 for front like front row seats at this little fucking shitty University of Seattle comedy club. And it drove Mitch crazy that he's like, how can you do this to people?

And he wasn't getting paid for it. And he didn't even want the money. You should not be charging that much to see a show at the theater. Fucking Nick Aluto did that to us. I don't know if you were there. It was Sancos i was there i was getting a door deal and no no that was a different one no no that was that was the first time the second time i worked at it was a kind of a cool bar and i found out afterwards i was getting a door deal but they were up charging for VIP seats that was not part of the door deal.

They had their own separate charge to get the better seats. You know what? Does my audience not? My fucking audience, you guys, you listeners, my fucking audience tips at a gay bar level. tips at a gay bar level. I cannot thank you guys enough for the compliments I get.

You might be fucked up. You might be drinking in the parking lot for four hours beforehand. Don't do that. But I get more like the staff. And when we started out, that's who you're playing to is the comics in the back of the room and the staff.

If the staff likes you. Because they've heard everything a million times. They're your only friend. If you have a shitty set, they're still going to fucking take care of you. And the staff compliments you guys, my listeners, my audience, so much. And I feel like I have to live up to that because you guys, you're assholes. You hate each other.

I guess when you preach hate, you're just going to get people who hate. You guys hate each other. All my audience says the rest of my audience are fucking douchebags. But there's some common ground we have i don't understand it i i've done nothing to promote this career uh so yeah what was i don't know what my point was but yeah thanks for that what were were we talking about? You were talking about Nickelodeon and the show where they overcharged.

Yeah, the fact that you guys drink every bar. When we were in Australia, we've covered this, where Brian would warn the venue, no, these people drink a lot, and they would still be running out of shit in the middle, before the show started, running out of shit. So when i know my audience takes care of the place that well even if you fuck up a show you still are decent to the

venue and when the venue capitalizes on top of that by vip charges most i wouldn't know if it weren't for random you wouldn't you wouldn accept it. You would not want that to be happening. But it's not like the old days where I had a, you know, I can't be in the front of the room, like, putting out fires. So I count on you, and if you're not there, if we're not driving, if we're in fucking Australia, Brian, you know, if we don't notice, yeah, that's bullshit. So be a good venue. We have mostly good venues too.

You know what? I don't think there's a place you play where the bartenders and the waitstaff look forward to the next time you come back because they make money. Your crowd drinks. Like you said, they fucking routinely run out of the cheapest beer wherever.

And that's the way. We've been in the bar business, either entertainment or of the cheapest beer, wherever. And that's the way to... We've been in the bar business, either entertainment or on the bar side for 25, 30 years. That's fucking... I'll be 25 years in August, and I guarantee you I'll be doing a show before August, as much

as I'm retired. But yeah, I want to do some shit. I want to take a lot of time off and quit smoking initially, do fucking 30 days of... just force myself to do all the things. That's why I call it rehab. Because any rehab...

I've always made the joke about I want to do a rehab for a problem that I don't have. Like methamphetamine and just go into a place where they tell you, listen, just, you know, as long as you're not doing methamphetamine, you're doing the best that you can, like, that's all you have to worry about. Just that's the path to prison or death. And I go, okay, great. So now, as long as you're telling me I don't have to do anything,

because I always feel like i have to do something so i'm gonna do that uh marilyn manson is on tour this year uh who i've hung out as a weird fucking dude but he's like on tour all year like i can fly he's playing in copenhagen like i can fly to copenhagen i think it's in may or march, I don't know, and go see a Marilyn Manson. I would not do that on my own, but knowing that he could fucking get me like VIP because I hate crowds and I'm paranoid and I hate, I'm claustrophobic. But yeah, I heard his new shit when he was doing it and there was a song I liked and I don't like music. I like, that's a fucking wicked good song. It was stuck in my head all night. Projects.

Fucking Johnny Westling. I haven't read the fucking new script yet, but yeah, that sounds like it could be a fun thing. Yeah, there's a million things. I want to have all my options open, including doing nothing and dying. Yeah, so there's a million projects and a million ideas and people email you and it's like golden corral or sizzler buffet the buffet where you go nothing's really grabbing me but everything

sounds good when you're hungry i have no passion yet for anything because I haven't really explored. So, yeah, I'm hungry. And you're a golden corral of ideas of just something fucking different. Bored with myself. I'm just tired and bored with myself. Hey there, baby. Fucking Bill Burr does this on his podcast. He sings songs poorly.

Yeah, but he has melody when he does it. I should never, ever have listened to Bill Burr's podcast. Oh, you know what? Bill Burr, I just listened to it today. The Australian dates, and then he's doing some European dates. Oh, shit. Go to BillBurr.com, and if you go to Amazon.com, oh, wait, you just told me we can do that on my site, too. We get money from Amazon if you go through Amazon on my site,

but we don't even have a link to that. We can link through. I can get Brandon. I remember getting these very minor checks from Amazon in Brian Hennigan's name going, you got money from Amazon. Oh, no, that's because of your website. Oh, don't open my mail.

Don't open my mail. I didn't remember that until you were saying the other day. I go, oh, no, if you're going to Amazon or is bingo, I go always go through Bill Burr's site because he gets money. And you said you have that too. You have that too. Why don't you do it for you? So I didn't know.

And it wasn't until then I remembered getting those small checks to Brian Hennigan. It's an affiliate program. Do you think Brian Hennigan is fucking me over Red Fox style? Billy Joel style? The whole time Hennigan is fucking me over Red Fox style. Billy Joel style. The whole time Hennigan was getting these checks. I should have known when I got Hennigan checks to my address. Hennigan, you get a check for $22 from Amazon. Yeah, I don't know what else.

A couple bullshit things just because I was looking down with my beautiful nose readers. Things we talked about for trailer rehab the other night, the not showering or shaving for an entire month. I might back burner that idea. I went in the trailer over at the lot. Hey, by the way, if you want to send mail to encourage me i think we're gonna do like february 9th through march 9 is the the the pre-plan so yeah send mail uh anything i can listen to on a computer no i don't know don't

send me i don't want to listen to your dumb fucking things. All right. Make up your mind. What do you want me to do? Send mail. I would love a bag of mail to be dropped off at that empty fucking lot. Like Miracle on 34th Street for Santa Claus? I'm going to make bingo bring me because I'm not going to cook because I can't do dishes. So I'm going to make bingo bring me fucking egg white, scrambled egg, tomato, feta cheese, black olive, omelet. I still got a bunch of that Soylent I bought. This is the great thing is Bingo is going to have to be in charge of the household for 30 days.

And that should be filmed more than me being in a fucking tin can trailer on a cement slab. Send them to the usual address. Anything you want to send at 212 Van Dyke Street. They need smoke alarms, obviously. Oh, oh, yeah. Oh, for her cooking. I got it. Sorry.

Yeah, don't worry. I won't be there. I'll be on the cement slab. That address I'd give out, but it doesn't have a mailbox. It's the cement slab with a tree out front. I think there's a tree. Yeah, this is not the rape trailer if you're fucking perusing my estate on Bing.com or Google.

Bing Maps. Yeah, or looking at the Facebook. This is not the cute trailer up in the yard at 212 Van Dyke Street. Bisbee, Arizona, 85603. Yeah, send your cards and letters like I'm a prison inmate. Because other than just like prison, exercise and a shower and taking a dump. Drawings of vaginas. Yeah.

We'll have more about this on the next podcast. And any ideas that you have, shit I should do, I have a fucking massive list. If you have ideas that I don't have written down, yeah. I got one. What? How about signing some merch? Oh, yeah, fucking, yeah, drop merch by. All right, so yeah. I'll have all What? How about signing some merch? Oh, yeah.

Fucking, yeah. Drop merch by. All right. So, yeah. I'll have all the time in the world. I found a bunch of posters from the last tour. So when this podcast goes out, we'll make those available online. Sure.

Oh, shit. That's two things before I go. Thanks for hanging in this long. Maybe Chaley will have to chop out some of the fucking death pool dead weight and give it to Joby to put on. Eat a dick, Stan Hope. Eat a dick. All right.

Yeah, we have gone on a bit long because I'm realizing I have only now a couple hours to pick between Ralphie May. Right. Yeah. Jake LaMotta. Oh, now it's all of a sudden important. Now it's important. So suck a dick.

Okay. A, I still get the random email. People will tweet that they cannot get my website, DougStanhope.com, from work. So this has gone up to this year recently. We have that, too. I don't know. Death Pool gets that?

Yeah, yeah. The Death Pool website? Yeah, people can't get it on their work. It's banned. Yeah, it's banned because it's considered... An adult's not safe for work type of thing? We're on the link of

a fantasy football, fantasy baseball kind of thing. Yeah, so it's blacklisted. Oh, gambling site. It's not a gambling site. Fuck you. Yeah, but okay, go site. It's not a fucking gambling site. No, it's just... Fuck you. Yeah, but...

Okay, go ahead. Okay. Yeah, tweet at me, at Doug Stanhope, obviously. If you cannot get to my site from work, let me know, and tell me if there's a reason why. And if you're a guy that knows the reason why,

like an actual tech guy, fucking hacker guy, don't go, oh, you know what I think it might be. If you say I think, you don't fucking know. So don't clog up my email box. I'm already 1,700 behind. That's nothing. So yeah, that's one thing.

The other thing, fuck, the other thing, God damn it. Whatever you said before that made me think of that, but then I went to the other things. Now I have to put on my goddamn reading glasses. Yeah, all right. I don't know, whatever you're talking about. What you were talking...

I had one thing. The poster. I want you to sign the posters from the last cast tour. I got some posters left over. We're going to sign those. There was one thing that flashed through my feeble brain.

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you. We'll do one more, I'm sure. We have to do at least one more before I go on a trailer rehab. Yeah. Oh, yeah. There's something I got to talk to you about off the air.

So, all right. Hey, thanks for listening to this. Happy death pool. Keep in touch and play the Matoid. Thanks, Joby. Play it. Thanks, Chaley. Play the Matoid.

Oh, that's right. You didn't fix my iPod yet. Oh, play it. Just play it.. Play it. Thanks, Chaley. Play the mattoid. Oh, that's right. You didn't fix my iPod yet. Oh, play it. Just play it. Just play it. Play it. One, two, three, seven, go! Right on, baby.

Hello. The breeze is here. And the casket is ready. Her body inside. Looks nice and steady. Let's play it for the man. For the last time. Play it for the man. Farewell. Play it for the man, for the last time Played for the man, farewell Played for the man, for the last time

Played for the man, praise the Lord And we got to go on with the funeral party Got to go on with the funeral party Got to go on with the funeral party Got to go on with the funeral party Got to go on with the funeral party Yeah! Alright! Now the priest is talking

And the casket starts to move Everybody's crying We all got the groove Let's play it for the man, for the last time, play it for the man Farewell, play it for the man, for the last time, play it for the man Praise the Lord And we got to go on with the funeral party Yeah!

Alright! Everybody, cry! Yeah! Yeah Yeah Praise the Lord Yeah Yeah Praise the Lord And we got to go on with the funeral party We got you gone with the funeral party

We got you gone with the funeral party We got you gone with the funeral party Party, party, party, party, party Party, party, party, party, party Party, party, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,