The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Pt. 08 - 10 Minute Podcast in Daytona Beach, Florida

Episode Date: March 29, 2016

Pre Order Doug's book "Digging Up Mother: A Memoir" on Amazon and Barnes & Noble Doug, Chad Shank, Junior Stopka and Chaille listen to Andy's explanation of accidental drug use.   Doug is in Daytona Beach, Florida during Spring Break 2016. Doug decided to keep drinking and do 10 minute podcasts throughout the day.   Recorded March 26, 2016 in Daytona Beach, FL with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Andy Andrist (@andyandrist), Junior Stopka (@JuniorStopka), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.   LINKS: Pre Order Doug's book "Diggin Up Mother: A Love Story" on Amazon and Barnes & NobleAll Stanhope Merch available at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Harry, that book that you just picked up, Nice Lady. Oh, the nice lady book? Yeah, maybe we'll do this on another one, but... The Andy story. Oh, you said you were going to read that on stage tonight. Did I say that? Yeah, you did. You also said you're not going to the show tonight, so we'll see what happens.

So, 50-50. I have a lot of different plans over the course of the day. I thought after last night, this morning, you know, you wake up with a fear. And I go, wow, I'm lucky I get out of there without any trouble. At some point, I went over to their table. I don't know if that's the same people. Some chick just wouldn't shut the fuck up. And I just walked over to her table and sat down beside her and slammed my hand on the... I don't know if that's

when I called her a cunt. You did a couple things. Last night there was a... One thing, and I want to talk Rouse into doing it tonight because it would be brilliantly funny. Sean Rouse looks so much like Bill Burr on stage.

There's no spotlight. There's an overhead light that comes directly down. So you're Halloween lit. There's no spotlight. There's an overhead light that comes directly down. So you're Halloween lit. If we were re-shooting that opening scene of Nosferatu coming through the window, that's the lighting we would use.

Sean Rouse looks so much like Bill Burr and Junior Stopka does an impeccable Bill Burr. Fuck yeska does an impeccable Bill Burr. Fuck yes. And Sean's done this gag before with Bob Biggerstaff where Sean would play the ventriloquist dummy and just

draw lines on his face so he could be a Bill Burr dummy and Junior just does the back and forth. You don't have to try not to move your lips or anything. Go, so hey, Bill Burr. Here, give him a mic. Hold on a second.

Are you understanding it today, Junior? Hey, hey, I'll be the you voice. Okay. So, Bill Burr, what are you doing in Daytona Beach? You here for spring break? I've just been a puppet. It's great. I get to sit on a lap.

It's awesome. It's like, Bill, you want to be a puppet? I'm like, yeah. It's great. I get to sit on a lap. It's awesome. It's like, Bill, you want to be a puppet? I'm like, yeah. It's awesome. Dude. Exactly. I just have Sean with his fucking mouth. Once again, no one is doing the ventriloquist part.

Or the dummy. I was doing, I'm sorry, I tried to do Junior. It came out as Bill Burr. I tried to do Chicago. I can't do it. Who's the dummy? Sean Rouse is the dummy and he moves his mouth for the

Bill Burr part. He's doing all the voice. Let's put someone on Junior's lap and then you can run through it right now. Basically, look at me. Sean Rouse just has to do this. Exactly. Sean Rouse has done this as a gag before

when he was, I forget the name of his puppet act with Bob Biggerstaff, and all Sean Rouse did was move his mouth like that. But every time you said Bob Biggerstaff, he looked at you like, who are you talking about? I don't know if he was drunk or if he's fucking with me. It was not only that. When they finally got him to do it,

Junior would do his part and then hand the mic to Rouse to do the Bill Burr part instead of doing it himself. If we can get that right tonight, if you can just do 45 seconds of that, I swear that will go viral. We're going to do it right now. No, wait a minute. No, no, no, no, no. We'll do it with Rouse.

Save it for the stage. We actually have a dress rehearsal before every show, like 10 hours before we run through things. The Christians are going to be, you know, that's going to happen, and then we're going to wait a little bit before the cunt. Oh, the plant. And then we're going to close with the bum rush. Andy, we're going to get to your... Andy walks in to the hotel, and we meet him down at the bar with Junior yesterday,

and he says to Chad, he goes, have you got any weed? Because I've smoked everything else on this trip. I smoked heroin and meth and crack cocaine, but I haven't smoked weed yet. Yeah, I didn't actually smoke crack, but I was blacked out when I smoked the other two, and I got confused.

He said, I smoked heroin, but I thought it was something else. I said, I don't want to fucking crumble your house of cards if you're believing that lie, but what the fuck else would you believe that was? Andy doesn't know what drug he does until like a week later. Yeah, I wait for the drug test or the urine test to come back. Drug recognition expert. Yeah. So, yeah, what precipitated you smoking heroin?

That suicide benefit. Yeah, we stayed at her place, and she had, you want to smoke this, and you just follow the smoke down the tin, and it was heroin. Can you maybe fancy up to where are you? You're not at the bar. Flesh this out a bit for us. Do I have to milk your prostate to get this story out of you? It's clearly in a bathroom.

The cool thing about heroin is the stories are in your own head, and you don't ever tell them. I guess let's not mention it. I actually caught them smoking it, and I came in, and I didn't really have this prepared speech. You're not really a parent figure when you say, I caught them smoking it. No, I caught them.

I went in there, and they're like, Junior, what do you want? And all I said was, I am the machine. No. in there and they're like, Junior, what do you want? And all I said was, I am the machine. No. I said this is like Guns N' Roses with two Stephen Adlers and one Axl, but we just trade

places each night. But I think me and Rouse are the Stephen Adlers on most nights. Yeah, Junior, the responsible figure on this tour. We all jumped in to this swearing, we're just going to let your show be your show. We're not going to try to help.

I could desperately help. Chaley's not going to road manage. Chad's not doing security. And right away, the first night, we're doing all three things that we swore. We're just audience members. If you guys weren't here, we wouldn't

have had any security. Figler would have been, you know. I mean, we want you to have fun on vacation. And what's more fun to Chad Shank than beating up a fucking Christian? Come on. Have some fun. Loosen up. We're here to party.

Damien Figler. I've repeatedly blown off Damien Figler. Unless your weed supplies are low. During the day, he's texting, hey, want to come have some drinks and smoke some weed? And I'm like, God, that guy talks a lot. I'm too hungover. I have to wait until it's showtime drinking before I can deal with the Figgler. That guy is definitely more hair-trigger than...

Well, as hair-trigger as I guess I used to be before I had friends that I felt I represented. But we got to see what he... Before you were a company man. Yeah, yeah. He works at a rock club that does heavy metal shows. We got to see what he does. He took the guy who went after Rouse by his neck,

and then he just walked him out quickly out the back of the room, and then he stopped, and then that guy's backward momentum fell on his ass. What was that about? I don't know what that one was about. Before this 10 minutes is up, I want to get back to, what's your Yelp review on the heroin? I liked it a lot. It was really relaxing.

I have a lot of problems, and it just kind of took them away for a heroin. I liked it a lot. It was really relaxing. I have a lot of problems and it just kind of took them away for a minute. I'm sold. I guess we got a sponsor. I'd like to get more of it, but I don't want to chase it. I did not expect to go on this tour and the first thing to do is they're smoking heroin.

Us either. That's night one. We was as surprised as you were. You know, a lot of people that drive around in a $500 car also use heroin. All the pieces are falling together. Yeah, I was trying to keep Sean and Shaq on things. And then the first night I'm smoking heroin. And the second night you're smoking meth.

No, that was, wasn't it the same night? It was the same night. Yeah, we were a blackout at that point. Throw that speedball by you, make it love like a fool. We would have smoked a hamster if they would have put it in a pipe. We weren't interested in labels. We were just into puffing. So last night, no hijinks? After that show, I mean, it was just retreat and take a downer.

Yeah, it was that kind of aftermath. There was some group with the guy that's booking it, Peter. They go, ah, there's a great little Irish pub and it's spring break and we don't want to go to a fucking bar with all these fucking hoopoe head frat guys. To be fair, we didn't want to pass the other bar to get to the bar. We didn't even, we saw a crowd

and Stan Hope's like, let's go. We didn't complete Three Stooges. We let the majority of the group or walking get ahead of us and then we zip to the left. Right back to the hotel room. Yeah, like the fugitive in that Irish parade. Took some somnics.

Put a hat on and disappear into the parade. But I was really happy we went home early. Good night for me. But you went out with Rouse? No, Rouse was in the room, but he's hilarious. I faded out listening to Rouse being hilarious. Hey, leave me alone, faggot.

I can do this. He's a lot. He's a surly one when he's drinking. Yeah. He made it to bed. I don't know how I got to sleep before. He made it in the bed, didn't he? He made number one. Oh, somebody over at our pool

shit in it. Our pool is blocked off and they said there's feces in it. That had to be Rouse, too. I'm waiting to see Bill Murray in a hazard suit with a squeegee getting it out of there. They said it's going to be five hours before we can shit in the pool again.

If I had to guess, nobody shit in the pool, I would say one of you guys threw shit from your balcony to the pool would be my best guess. The funny thing is everybody's still sitting around it on the sun. They have it roped off, and they're still sunning themselves in the chairs around a pool of failure. Are you bunking up, like, in one room, the three of you? No, I'm in the tattoo parlor room. Okay, so no one has to share a bed that he wets?

No. No, I was going to maybe move down there, but I've changed my mind now. It's great, man. The handicap bathroom is amazing. now. It's great, man. The handicapped bathroom is amazing. I had to wake up on Thursday, or no, Friday, to

Greg Chaley showing me periscopes I have no memory of of standing on a fucking chair and pissing in the sink here in this room. And I guess I told him to periscope. That's the not-so-handicapped bathroom. I could never understand why my wife gets really upset when I pee in the sink.

Peeing in the sink is all right. It's got run and wah. It's actually more sanitary than peeing in a toilet, I think. But it's hard to win that battle. It's better to just pee in a cup and dump it in the sink. There's more germs on your cell phone than the piss on the sink. I put hand cleaner on my dick. We'll close on that.

All right, it's getting close to sushi time. We'll continue barraging you with these all weekend. Stay tuned.