THE ED MYLETT SHOW - How to Deal with Haters. Don't let them DESTROY Your Dreams

Episode Date: September 28, 2024

How to Deal with Haters: Don’t Let Them Steal Your Dreams In this powerful mashup episode, we break down one of the biggest obstacles that can stand between you and your dreams: the haters. Whether it's criticism, concern, or feedback, the voices of others can either propel you forward or hold you back—if you let them. Joined by voices like Cesar Millan, Sam Acho, Dean Graziosi, and Grant Cardone, we dive into how to distinguish between genuine feedback and toxic negativity. More importantly, we get real about how to respond when the criticism gets tough and the doubts start creeping in. Through candid conversation and powerful insight, you'll learn how to tune out the noise and focus on the people and feedback that matter. Remember, not everyone giving you advice is rooting against you—but you need the tools to recognize who is. Learn how to embrace constructive criticism, build yourself up in the face of adversity, and stay focused on your goals, even when it feels like the world is against you. This episode is packed with actionable advice for overcoming the external and internal forces that threaten to derail your dreams. Whether you're navigating your career, personal life, or a passion project, we give you the steps to turn those doubts into fuel for success. Key Takeaways: - How to distinguish between haters and people who care about you. - The importance of feedback and how to respond to it for growth. - Why you should embrace constructive criticism and leverage it to push forward. - How internal self-doubt can be just as damaging as external criticism—and how to fight it. - Strategies for building a support system that uplifts and propels you toward success. The lessons in this episode are designed to help you strengthen your resolve, block out the noise, and step into your true potential. You have everything inside of you to win—the only thing that can hold you back is you. Now is the time to take control, drown out the negativity, and go ALL IN on your vision. This episode will remind you that no one has the power to steal your dream unless you hand it over. It’s time to rise up and claim what’s yours! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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slash host. This is the Ed Mylett Show. Hey everyone, welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show. Be sure to follow the Ed Mylett Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. We've all heard about this. What do I do with my haters? How do you respond to haters?

How do I overcome that? They're stealing my dream, right? And so, and there's all this advice out there. Drown out the haters. Don't listen to the hate. Don't let them take your dreams away. And that is certainly important. And when someone fits that category,

you need to eliminate them from your life and discard the information that they give you. But here's the truth, it's getting a little bit overcooked out there. The fact of the matter is not everybody who is giving you feedback is necessarily a hater or necessarily antagonistic to you. See it's sometimes they're just giving you feedback, sometimes they're just concerned, and other times it's just criticism. You need to learn to distinguish between criticism, concern, and feedback, and they are three completely different things. It's very easy, isn't it, to just slough off when someone's giving us feedback or are concerned about us,

ah they're a hater, you're just hating on me. You probably even had somebody say that to you who you've been concerned with or concerned for or that you're giving feedback to. How do we ever get better if we don't listen to feedback from people? How do we ever get better if we don't listen to their concerns? How do we get better if we don't listen to criticism? Criticism is not necessarily a negative thing and how you respond to criticism, we're going to talk about in a minute, may literally be the determining factor in that whether or not you become successful or to the extent that you do.

So I'll be the first person to tell you there are haters out there, but I'm also going to really be the first person to tell you that not everybody who's giving you correction is a hater, and it's far too easy and rather weak to just slough them off as a hater. We've built into this culture today, haven't we? Let's be real, that anyone who tells us something we don't feel good about hearing because it's painful to hear, they're a hater. Don't listen to them. And that may be the number one impediment to you growing or the people around you growing is that nobody listens to feedback anymore.

Nobody wants to hear things that are uncomfortable about themselves, about their behavior, about their conduct, about their business. So the thing you have to ask yourself, is this person antagonistic to me? That's the first filter their feedback must come through. There are many people in your life who are not antagonistic towards you or to your success. In fact, they'd love to see you succeed, but they're observing things that they're concerned about. For example, when I started out in my business career, I remember my parents being very concerned for me that I was making a bad choice, right? That I wasn't

using my college degree that I had worked so hard to get. They weren't haters. My parents weren't haters. They were concerned. I was best, and I did respond to their concerns as best I could. But I didn't slough that off. I listened to it. And then I put it in the category it belonged to. I've also have people daily giving me feedback on how I can do something

better, or where my performance didn't measure up, or a different tactic, or direction, or strategy strategy or approach they think I ought to take. These people are not haters of mine. They're trying to help me get better. And in your life, you have to distinguish between these people, because many of us today, we're just sloughing it all off into the hater category. And then you know what? There are people who are giving me criticism, constructive criticism. Hey man, wake up. You keep going down this path, you keep making that choice, you keep repeating this mistake, you're going to a path to nowhere. And so distinguish between

haters who are, and here's how you know, they are antagonistic, they are rooting against you. Your success and your progress is a threat to them because they're not growing, they're not succeeding, and they're being average. That's an antagonistic person, that's a hater, and so you need to be able to make this decision. When in doubt, they're not one by the way, but there are going to be people, lots of people, that your growth, your change, the transformation you're going through threatens them. It threatens their very existence. They think you may leave them.

They think you're going to outgrow them. It exposes their lack of growth, their lack of progress. You need to understand who they are. You need to react accordingly. You don't listen to them and in some cases they need to be removed from your life. And if they're not removed from your life, the emotions attached to what they think, feel, and say are removed. And you don't listen to anything they have to say. Those are haters.

But then there are people who are giving you criticism. And the people that I know in my life that are the most successful want criticism. They want feedback and they appreciate some concern. And so ask yourself, was this person giving me criticism? And if they did, how did you respond to it? Did you make the course correction? Did you repeat the mistake again? Is this something that if you don't improve it it's going to hold you back from your success and do they have your best interest in mind? The second part is someone's concern for you. Maybe

they love you. Maybe it's just that they love you and they're concerned, right? And we're going to talk about this in a minute. Love them back. Continue progress. Continue to go towards your dream but don't categorize them as haters. Don't become antagonistic towards them when they're not towards you. This starts to happen. We start to have these relationships in our life because of this hater culture. We all believe everyone's a hater. We start to have people who love us, who are just concerned for us. We begin to move them out of our life because we can't distinguish or you don't distinguish between the fact that they love you when they're concerned or they're hating

on you. There's a big difference between those. And so maybe it's just they're worried for you. And maybe they're wrong and you can love them as they're wrong, but treating them as a hater is completely different than loving them back and moving on anyway. And then there's those that give you feedback. And feedback is, hey, here's what I noticed. Be careful about this.

This is an observation of mine. Maybe you want to go this direction. Here's someone you ought to meet. Here's a decision you better be avoiding. Here's a mistake I've made myself. Don't make the same one. And that's feedback. So distinguish between those three places.

And the way we do it is their intentions. Now sometimes in our lives we don't know. These haters out there, they exist, believe me, I have them all over the place, I've had them all my life. Some of the haters in your life are the best at trying to pretend to be concerned, aren't they? I'm so concerned for you as they're really rooting against you. They're pretending to give you criticism as they tear you down. They're pretending to give you feedback only to lead you in the wrong direction so you lose.

And so, yes, it's a difficult line to toe because haters, the real haters, know how to pose as critics. They know how to pose as concerned. They know how to pose as giving you feedback. And so it's your ability to distinguish between these two people that's going to have everything to do with whether you succeed. Keeping the haters in your life around you and letting their feedback and criticism and their insults and their fake concern for you affect you in a negative way could steal your dream.

And they are dream stealers every single time. Having said that, what might also kill your dream is you not embracing the people who are concerned that love you and loving them back and getting the wrong people leaving your life or wrong people at a distance and not having the people around you who love you still close to you because we're going to talk about in a minute how to win anyway. And if you're not listening to criticism and responding to it, you can never adjust and if you're not being open to feedback you can't improve. And so this is a very important thing nobody talks about.

So let's get to the root here. We know the difference is whether they're intentionally antagonistic to us. Who should I listen to them? Who should I take feedback from? Whose criticism is worthy of adjusting to? And here's how I've always measured it. More dreams are stolen by haters, critics, concerned people, and also people who give us feedback than anywhere in the world. In other words, even though the

person who's giving you feedback has positive intentions, they can still steal your dream. See what I do is I wrap them all up in this category of dream stealers. They all can steal our dream. See, your parents who are concerned for you may not be haters, but they can still steal your dream because you may be doing it just for them. Your spouse may not be a be haters, but they can still steal your dream. Because you may be doing it just for them. Your spouse may not be a hater, but they can still steal the dream, right? Your friends who are concerned for you

or give you feedback, they may not be haters, but guess what, they can still steal your dream. So let me give you some counsel that's helped me in my life. Who do I listen to? My rule is always this. I listen to somebody who's successful in the area they're giving me counsel in, only. In other words, you may have a loving mother or father who are unbelievable at being parents

or raising children but never became successful in business. I would submit to you that you should be taking advice and counsel from those people on parenting and raising a family, but not in business. Furthermore, you could have somebody that's a great business mentor of yours who can give you great feedback, great counsel in business, but I wouldn't take their advice in parenting if they've been divorced three times. See, the mistake that people make is they don't distinguish between who the haters are and the others are.

And then the bigger mistake is I see people every day who have their business dreams stolen because they took the counsel, the feedback, the criticism and the concern, maybe not of a hater, but of someone who's never been successful in business before. So you're gonna let someone steal your business dream who never built a business dream of their own. This happens every single day. If

someone's not successful in business, why in the world would you ever let their hating, their criticism, their feedback, or their concern impact you in any way? They don't belong in that category. That doesn't mean they're not a valuable person. If you go back to the people that love you, they may not be haters. They may not be rooting against you, although some of them are, but the ones that aren't, be very careful of taking their advice in an area they're not successful. Furthermore, if you wanted to get in great shape and you were trying to go on this new nutrition plan, a new diet plan, why in the world would you take advice from somebody

who tells you, ah, this doesn't work? I read keto doesn't work. I read you can't do traditional weightlifting. You got to do aerobic exercise. You start taking advice from somebody who's not even in great shape, who's not even fit, and they steal your fitness dream. This is true in every single area. Take counsel from people who are successful in the area you're trying to be successful in. You have to compartmentalize success. Is it not true that you know people that are in incredible shape, but are a mess financially? Why would you listen to your trainer if they're broke about how to get rich financially? Why would you listen to the financial person about how to get in great shape unless they're also in great shape? Why would you take counsel from fools in areas where they're fools?

So too often I think what we're doing is we're trying to decide whether someone's intentions are good or bad and we don't take the veil off, it's just whether or not they're successful. You know what you'll find out? If you meet a mega successful entrepreneur and you approach them with about a goal and a dream you have, more likely than not not they're gonna tell you to go for it.

Entrepreneurs are some of the most optimistic because they've been successful somewhere they believe you can be as well. If you ever meet somebody who's really fit and you ask them can I get strong, can I get fit, can I get healthy, nine times out of ten that fit and healthy person is gonna be the number one person to say yes you can, to encourage you to do it. The biggest thing I always look at is when I'm getting feedback, criticism, concern or hate from somebody, how are they doing in that area?

And what you find out most of the time is that if they're not winning in that area, their feedback means nothing. Their concern shouldn't impact you and their criticism is invalid. Now if they're super successful in that area, maybe you ought to be more open to their criticism. Maybe you ought to listen to their feedback and maybe their concern is valid. Then again, maybe they're hating on you, but probably not. The fact of the matter is most people that win, they don't have any reason to hate on what you're doing because winners want to see more people win. Winners want to see more people

prosper. And so be very careful about what you think is a hater and who you think isn't. But more importantly, don't take counsel from fools. I'm not saying the person is foolish in every area, they're just foolish in that area. Don't listen to them in that aspect of your life. And so why this matters so much is because it's where we expense our energy, right? For me, I want good feedback. I'd like some criticism, and I appreciate concern, but I don't expend a lot of energy worrying about it. So many people expend so much energy on the emotion of what other people think about them.

In fact, the number one thing probably killing your dream isn't your hater, isn't the feedback, isn't the criticism, right? Isn't the concern. It's the energy you expense and expand by worrying so much. It's your addiction to other people's approval that will ultimately kill your dream. You're addicted to what other people think about you and the issue is this, that's actually the symptom. The symptom is I'm so addicted to what other people think about me. The disease is lack of self-confidence in ourselves, lack of identity, which is why I've spent so much time in the previous audios and videos trying to build up your identity, build up your self-confidence, so this addiction to what other people think

about you is eliminated or reduced in your life. The fact of the matter is this, what other people think about you is none of your in your life. The fact of the matter is this, what other people think about you is none of your business. It's none of your business. And here's the truth. You want to know the truth? They're not thinking about you. They're thinking about what you're thinking about them. They're doing the same thing you do. And let me tell you something about these haters. What most people do is they project onto other people the things they dislike about themselves the most.

So they acknowledge it. If you remember in a previous video and audio, I said to you, if you're having a hard time discovering what your giftedness and purpose is, look at somebody you admire, your hero, and what are the three or four things about them that you admire the most because you see in them the giftedness that you see in yourself. So if your hero is Dr. Martin Luther King and it was how much his concern was for other people or his vision and his dream or his ability to articulate or to bring people together

or to not see color, whatever that thing is that you see in him, I can tell you that the reason that you admire it, the reason that he was your hero is because you see some of those similar gifts in you that you can apply in a different place. And so we see in our heroes the things that are our true giftedness. We criticize in others what are the things we hate about ourselves the most. And so most of the time when someone is hating on you, they are projecting on you, oh she thinks she's so incredible. She just wants people to like her. He's all about so incredible. She just wants people to like her.

He's all about the money. He just wants people to like him. All he does is work. Whatever it is, they're projecting on to you the weaknesses and negative things they see in themselves. Either they don't work hard so they criticize you for working hard, or they also would love other people's attention and success but they can't it, so they criticize you for it. Remember, most of the criticism you receive from people is them projecting onto you that which they don't like about themselves. And so when you know this, that most people aren't thinking about you, they're thinking about them.

And even when they're talking about you, they're thinking about them. The words out of their mouth are about you, but what they're really thinking about is them. The more you begin to understand this, you really stop spending so much energy on worrying about what other people think about you. The more you love yourself, the more you believe in yourself, the more you focus on your own intention, the more you build up your own identity, the less you have concern with getting that acknowledgement and recognition from other people. In other words, your own acknowledgement, your own character, your own belief in yourself supersedes what anyone else could ever say about you.

It is a sad existence on earth and will eventually lead, in my opinion, to an unfulfilling life if everything is about what other people think about you. I had a specific audio and video where I suggested to you that you are not your possessions, you are not your achievements, you are not what you look like, and you are not what other people say you are. When you can begin to own that, you start to piece together all of the trainings I put together for you from self-confidence to transferring energy to eliminating self-doubt to vision, all the things we've been covering here, and when you begin to piece all ofdoubt, to vision, all the things we've been covering here.

And when you begin to piece all of this together, you begin to have the picture of how to deal with haters. You must distinguish between who is and isn't one. You must only take counsel and feedback from people that are successful in that specific sector of their lives. You have to know when someone's hating on you, they're really hating on them. That is a fact, I can promise you. I can promise you when you're hearing someone gossip about other people, they're typically projecting onto them and talking about

things about themselves that they hate, that they despise, that they wish they could improve. But rather than have the courage to improve their own life, they'd rather just tear down and criticize others. There's this great saying that says, you don't build the tallest building in town by tearing down everybody else's. You build it by building the tallest building. So what are a couple final tips you could use to help you deal with haters or at least respond favorably

to improve from criticism, feedback, and concern? First thing is this, is this person antagonistic to my success? Are they antagonistic toward me? Are they rooting against me? You have to ask yourself that. If they're rooting against you and they really just want to see you lose, they're pretending to be concerned, they're posing as a critic, they're posing as giving you feedback, then

this is something that you just completely eliminate from your life. This is someone who should not be in your space, they should not be in your life, they should at least not be in your proximity. That's number one. Number two, you have to be self-aware. Do a self-audit to ask yourself this piece of information, this feedback, this criticism, this concern. If I implemented it and made this adjustment, would I get closer to my outcome? Would I get closer to my goal? Does it serve me to do so? The third thing is,

can you compound the effect of what they've given you? In other words, I believe in this concept I call compound pounding. Compound pounding. What it means is we underestimate the relentless pursuit of something over and over again and its impact on us. So for example, there's these great rock outclaves that happen right here in the ocean. And that is from the ocean just compound pounding on those rocks. They formed a whole new structure. They've broken the rock down over time, the wave after wave, pounding and pounding and pounding against the rock, compounding its effect over time. Most people never measure or calibrate the power of compound pounding in their life.

In other words, letting their efforts multiply, letting their efforts compound. If I took this feedback, if I took this criticism, if I took this information and I decide that yes, if I applied it, I could improve, it's measuring and having some belief that there's this compound effort over time, that this little course correction over time directs us in a completely different place eventually in our life. Most people don't give themselves credit for compound pounding, which leads to point four, it's lack of vision in people's lives. Most people, when they're getting feedback, they're not obsessed enough with the long-term vision of where they're going, they don't stay focused on that clear picture of where

they're going, and they let this side noise, this side feedback, this side criticism distract them from where they're going. You can never let go of the big picture. Most people, by the way, lack vision and they will lose because of this lack of vision and it's not what you would think. It's not the lack of vision where they don't see the place they want to go. Let me tell you what it is for most people. You ready? They have a depth perception issue. They kind of know what they'd like. They'd like the big picture, but they constantly think

they're further away than they are. They think it's much further away to get to this place. They've overestimated how long it will take to get there, and so they act like it. It's kind of like this. If we had a race, and I think the race is 60 yards and you think it's 60 miles, is there a different pace we'd both start out the race running? If I think it's 60 yards, I'm off and I'm going because the finish line is that close.

So I behave in such a way is that the finish line is that close. If you think it's 60 miles away, your pace is different, your cadence is different, your ability to be distracted or your inability to stay focused, better said, on the finish line happens because you have this depth perception issue. Everything is off in the future to you. Everything is so far away. People that win, shrink it.

We've talked about shrinking timeframes in previous trainings, right? Three mini days, right? Getting 21 days a week. I'm talking about something slightly different here. It's shrinking how close you believe you are. Let me say something to you that none of your haters will ever want you to know. You are much closer to your dream than you think you are. It could happen much sooner and much bigger than you think, And it is your ability to begin to believe and get real clarity of perception, of time, that is much closer than you think it is. And it's your ability to begin to bring, not only get clear

about what it is, but bring it closer, believe it's going to happen sooner that will get you to act faster and be less distracted by the feedback or the weather that happens while you're on this run. A 60-yard sprinter, boom, they're gone. They don't need to worry about conditions, what's going to happen around them, who thinks what, crowd noise, the path, any of that stuff.

It's now. The marathon runner, their pace is slower. There's feedback. They're looking around. They're listening. they're watching. They got to stop for water breaks, don't they? They're dependent upon getting the water, they're dependent on the towel break, they're dependent on all this other stuff, and because they think it's such a long race, that's how they behave. Whereas the sprinter goes now.

So it's your lack of depth perception, it's your lack of understanding of how close it is that allows the noise, the criticism, the feedback to impact you negatively. And the last point is this. You need to accept the suffering. You need to embrace the suffering. Here's the truth. There's two types of suffering that's gonna happen

as you chase your dream. There's either the real suffering, which is the going through the hardships, taking the rejection, making the phone call and having somebody not show up. If you're on a fitness journey, it's the real suffering of eating cleaner. It's the real suffering of hitting the gym when you're tired and sore. If you're an entrepreneur, it's the real suffering of the false start and then the setback, the false start and then the setback.

It's embracing the suffering. See, once you decide, I know I'm going to have to suffer to get there. I know that's part of the journey for me and I'm gonna talk about this at length in another audio. Once you accept that there will be suffering, right, it becomes so much easier when it comes your way. It's just something you know is part of it. You don't see the suffering as some sign you should stop or the suffering is some sign that you're not cut out to do it or that it's not your time or you should go in a different direction because you're sprint cut out to do it or that it's not your time or you should go in a different direction

because you're sprinting all the time and the dream is closer than you think it is and you accept that you're going to suffer on the way there, it makes it so much easier as the suffering comes to just know it's part of the process. And here's the hook though, it's the type of suffering. Are you gonna go through the type of suffering that gets you closer to your dream or the suffering that moves you further away? The real suffering is a

good thing. It moves you closer towards your dream. It's the unnecessary suffering that these haters put you through that isn't fair to you. It's the suffering of emotion you feel. It's the suffering of fear you feel, of doubt, of anxiety, of wanting to please everybody. This is what I'd call false suffering. This is what I would call suffering with no value, suffering with no finish line, suffering with no dream. I'm willing to suffer and I accept the suffering in moving towards my target. I'm gonna get knocked down, I got to get up. The race is gonna be painful. I'm gonna get tired. I'm gonna get fatigued. I'm gonna get

rejected. I'm gonna fall behind. Then I'm gonna go in the lead. Then I'm gonna fall behind again. I'm gonna have all kinds of suffering to get to that finish line. And I'm willing to accept that suffering in order to win. And you need to accept the suffering as well. What you don't need to accept is the type of suffering that is put upon only in your own head. Put upon need to accept is the type of suffering that is put upon only in your own head, put upon by outside forces, the type of suffering that most people go through every single day, that is totally unnecessary suffering, that causes you not to go through the real suffering to get you

closer to your goal. If you're suffering emotionally, if you're suffering because of what other people think about you, if you're suffering because of these dream-stealers in your life, this is what I call false suffering that gets you nowhere. You're going to suffer and you should embrace the suffering. It's actually a beautiful thing. There's something beautiful once you say, I'm going to have to suffer to get there. But this suffering is beautiful because here's the truth.

The price you will pay to get your dream pales in comparison to the price you will pay if you don't get your dream. See the price you'll pay to get your dream to get to the finish line is short term. It's a year, it's five years, it's ten years, it's fifteen years, whatever it is, to get to your dream body, your dream business, your dream relationship, your dream finances. It's a short term suffering which pales in comparison to living the rest of your life without that relationship, the rest of your life without that relationship, the rest of your life without that business, the rest of your life without that achievement. See, the price you'll pay, again, to achieve your dream, once you accept you'll have to suffer and pay a price, is insignificant compared to the price you will ultimately pay if you don't. That's a lifetime of suffering. But what will steal that dream from you. We'll steal the ability to pay that price is

suffering from what other people think about you, suffering from these relationships in your family, suffering from feedback from people who aren't concerned about you, who are antagonistic towards your fate, antagonistic towards your future. You're gonna suffer. Make sure it's the good suffering, the suffering with a reward. There's no reward to the emotional suffering you're gonna suffer, make sure it's the good suffering, the suffering with a reward. There's no reward to the emotional suffering you're going through, worrying about your haters, worrying about what people think about you, worrying about the detractors. I'm not here to tell you, as your friend, as a mentor,

that suffering is a bad thing, or that suffering towards your goal is something you shouldn't embrace. I embrace it all the time, every day before I go in the gym. I know I'm gonna suffer a little bit, but it's gonna make me stronger and more fit. As an entrepreneur, I accept their suffering, I accept their discomfort, I accept their setbacks.

There's something beautiful once you accept that. What's terrible is then to accept voluntarily the suffering that is so unnecessary that the rest of the world is gonna try to put upon you. So distinguish between the type of suffering you're willing to go through. Don't let anybody else ever cause you to suffer, to lose your perception, to lose your vision, to lose how close you are, to lose your belief, to steal your dream, to get you to pay the ultimate price. The ultimate price is that you begin to suffer

worrying about what other people think about you and in the consequence of paying that price is you will pay a lifetime price far greater for not getting there. So today I want you to distinguish is someone a hater or are they giving me criticism, concern and feedback that I should respond to. That criticism, that concern and feedback is coming from a valid place, somebody who's successful in the area that I'm getting this counsel from. Okay, I want you to be thinking about how much closer you are to your vision than you think you are. I want you considering for a second about the type of suffering you're willing to go

through and how worth it will be when you get there. Do not let the people in your life steal your dreams. And I hope today we've dispelled the myth that everyone's a hater. Everyone's not a hater and it's your ability to distinguish who is and who isn't that's going to determine to some extent where you end up going in your life. This show is sponsored by Airbnb. I got to tell you, I get tired of staying at hotels. I travel a lot in hotels, no offense, but they're getting noisier and noisier and noisier.

And a lot of things that used to come with the hotel rooms, like room service and other benefits like that, they just don't do it anymore, or not like they used to.. So my last couple of trips I told my team, let's just stay at an Airbnb. We stayed at an Airbnb and I'll probably never go back again. It was the coolest experience ever. Privacy, luxurious, the space was great, all of it. I loved it and then when I'm there I was like, wait a minute, I have a home that simply sits a lot. I could be generating revenue on these places. I wonder how this works. So when I looked into it, I'm like, I'm gonna Airbnb my place. So now I'm only staying at Airbnbs when I travel, but other people are staying at my house as well. When I'm gone, it's awesome. I'm

generating revenue when I'm not there. So hey, I'm telling you, your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much more at airbnb dot C A slash host. Hey guys, you've been hearing about Mint Mobile probably everywhere and I'm super excited that you're hearing about them now on the Ed Mylett show because I just switched my daughter's long-distance service over to Mint Mobile because these the same 5G service everybody else is using but it's so much less money. So with big network providers, the big wireless ones, what you see is what you

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I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest. This man to my left really needs no introduction. If you look at him, you know that this guy had a television show for almost more than a decade, played in 120 countries. They call him the dog whisperer. Cesar Millan, thank you for being here.

Thank you, appreciate it. Everyone's starting to figure out now why I told you I was so fascinated by his work, because as I'm hearing things, I'm obviously listening as it applies to dogs and animals, but I'm really listening to how it applies as humans. In my life, the leaders that I've been willing to follow the most have been calm and confident first. You're exactly right about that. And the people that have been the glue in my company

have been people that have utilized humor. And the people in the back of the pack have been the most sensitive people that kind of build the relationship in the company and are belongers and build the community, and these are all things you should be identifying in people. He's the only person on earth who speaks it this way. Even when you drive up here, just talk about this, I drove up to the property and right

on the hill in Big Riding is trust, respect, love. And is that how you would build a family? Is that how you build a company? Speak to why those things, those three are so important to you. Well, it's a relationship. You know, it's two relationships you have to build, self and outside yourself. So you have to trust yourself, respect yourself, love yourself, otherwise you can't really ask

for somebody else to do it, you know? So if you don't master this, if you don't live by this high code, and I value animals very, very much, you know, and they have allowed me to keep my standards at a high level because how much I Love what they have done for me. You know what I mean? Because I am here because the animals I just So trust respect and love it's not so much for somebody else is that you actually trust yourself respect yourself Love yourself, you know what I mean? And most people have learned not to love themselves, not to trust themselves, not to respect themselves.

So unfortunately, that is going to hurt your spirit. That's gonna hurt your heart and definitely going to hurt your instinct because if you don't trust yourself, you can only feel bad about it. You know what I mean? You're pretty much stepping on yourself and self-inflicted pain.

So trust, respect, and love is definitely not something that you learn outside, but you master it inside. How do you think someone acquires that, speaking of people who lack it, was there a place to begin where you go, okay, I don't trust myself? Well, motivation. Motivation, I think every change

starts with what motivates you. Sometimes most people find motivation outside of them and that's a perfect reason to start changing habits. You know what I mean? Perceptions, a formula, I love the word formula, I follow formula. And it's easy to remember, one, two, three. Yes.

You really have to be dancing with life. And when you are with animals, you're dancing with energy. You know, yeah, so you're definitely, you follow a formula. That's what you can go with dancing with the stars. They teach you a formula. So you say when you're animals, you're dancing with energy. I just love jumping in here.

Isn't that what you're doing? Isn't that what you and I are doing right now? Isn't the best connections, you're dancing with energy with a person as well. You're connected. Yeah, and you talk about the way you do that, you talk about the difference between being and thinking. This is like brilliance to me.

What is the difference between those two things? But that you feel what you're saying. Yeah, most people just say shit, and then they don't know they can hurt people. You know what I'm saying? So that's really mean, because you can hurt your own family, and that's the one you don't wanna hurt. You know what I mean? So that's really mean because you can hurt your own family and that's the one you don't wanna hurt, you know what I mean?

You don't mind to hurt people outside your personal space but when you end up hurting the people inside your personal intimate space, that's the part where you don't realize that you're not aware of how you feel. You're aware of what you want but you're not aware of how you feel. You're aware of what you want, but you're not aware of how you feel, so you can get what you want.

So it's a big responsibility being a parent. It's a big responsibility wanting to bring somebody into your life and that person give you back happiness, because if you're not happy with yourself, and then you can't really generate the ideal lifestyle. Why do you think people, speaking on that, because I speak to this a lot, then you can't really generate the ideal lifestyle. Why do you think people, speaking on that, because I speak to this a lot, why do you think people delay their happiness

till they get somewhere or something? I mean, you and I both have talked about this, but most humans are kind of waiting to be happy. Don't you think, till I get this relationship, or till I get the mountain, or till I get the car, or I get the job, or I get the car or I get the job or I get the they delay their happiness and their lives animals aren't that way are they they don't delay their happiness till they get something. I think it's priorities I think has to do with your priorities

of what do you prioritize you prioritize natural simple profound or you provide or you prioritize money fame and power what are your priorities right and money, and power. What are your priorities, right? And money, fame, and power only exist in the intellectual world. That means you're not gonna take care of your body, of your heart, and your spirit. So if you don't take care of your heart, your body, and your spirit,

how in the world are you gonna ask somebody to do it? And if you do, you're not using honesty, you know? Because you've been a hypocrite. You see it? So then the other person will clearly say or see that you're not practicing exercise. So why would you encourage me to do exercise? You're not being a positive person.

Why would you encourage me to be positive? You're not being a loving person. Why would you encourage? You say you can't motivate somebody that you are not being. Gosh, Caesar, it's so good. You get it? So animals For me

Play a very important role because it keeps me grounded on the natural simple profound Lifestyle so I can be happy with or without money. I already mastered how not to have money I was poor. My whole entire childhood and adolescent stage, of course, I mastered that. Do I feel bad about it? No, I feel great. Because I can say I mastered poverty. You know what I mean? And most people who make money and then lose money

and then they get depressed because they have never experienced to be happy without money, fame, and power. And you had that happen, right? You've told me that you had money, then you didn't have money again, then you had it again. Then you, did you, if you don't mind saying, this is maybe somewhere that's interesting to go,

but that you could help people. Because I think people look at someone like you or like me and they think we have all these answers. But for me in my life, many of the answers I've found for me are out of necessity. Like I had to learn some of these skills so that I could be a happier person, so that I could be a higher functioning person.

Like my self-confidence comes from the fact that I was so insecure as a little boy that I had to learn these tools just to be like a functioning person, right? You gotta master the uncertainty. And you've had some, if you don't mind going there, because I just think you'd serve people so much because you're this world famous guy.

You've had all these celebrities we've we're walking through earlier. You've worked with the NASA. You've worked with the astronauts. And I mean, you said this incredible life. Leaders of the free world have called on you to help them with their pets. I mean, it's like it's like and really help them

with themselves, frankly, but they don't know it. They don't know that, right? People in power, you have to break it down. You can't pop the bubble real quick. But I mean, your life story from this little boy who's working at five years old, who lives under a bridge, who gets his dad's hundred bucks to come here, who has his place in South Central to just what it's turned into is just extraordinary. But you've also had dark times in your life. There was a point at some point as an adult where you weren't sure you want to even be here anymore. Is that true?

Suicide, yeah, suicide. I think I experienced it once. I think that was a perfect situation. I'm glad that I didn't follow, I mean I took everything I could and I shouldn't be dead. But one of those moments was even if you get in the way of the bullet, if it's not your time, that was like, oh, that sentence, I heard it many times.

It is real. So it gave me like that sense of like direction again of not being selfish. So I became too selfish. I thought, I started thinking about me only and then I became a failure. So I got into this concept that I, you know, I jumped the border.

So there's so many things that I couldn't think at that time, you know, that I, it's almost like winning gold medals, right? So everything that I had accomplished, it's a lot of gold medals. But then you start, you're all the fixation or that focus or the passion or that spirituality, you pour into the negativity.

So I experienced what a lot of people experience. You know, I never had that experience. I never experienced a human who I didn't trust, or I never experienced a human who was very dishonest. So I did. And so it was very shocking to me. It was almost like, I was shocked.

I was shocked that it happened to me. That it happened to you. Yeah, I was shocked. I was shocked that it happened to me. That it happened to you? Yeah, I was shocked. But now it's like, okay, unfortunately it's human nature. That has nothing to do with me. So, you know, I just, it just made me a better father. It did. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm glad you're willing to share that because I haven't gone quite to that extreme in my life, to that extent rather, but I've had real that extreme in my life, to that extent rather, but I've had real dark times in my life. I still have them. In fact, just driving up here today with me. But if you ever do, just call me because sometimes you just need somebody to redirect you.

Just for like, give you like a, you can go back and think about it again, but if somebody can take you out just for 30 minutes, ah, so good. So good. And by the way, that's a lesson for everybody. Any of you who have ever contemplated suicide, you call somebody, you talk to somebody.

Yeah, talk about it. Let them take you out to talk about it. Talk about it, move yourself. Thing I love about you. Ride a noble. The thing I love about you, I know we're going everywhere, just because you have this capacity

to talk about so many different things all through the prism of animals and dogs. We have Rio even sitting here with us right now. And you rescued Rio from the fires, right? So. Yep, from the fires of Malibu. And who's sitting in my lap this whole show? Alfie, Alfie loves to be in every single interview.

That's his job, right? That's it. Speaking of that, I've heard you say this, that with your dogs, and Alfie's so quiet too, I've heard you say that your dogs kind of learned from you, and I was so glad to hear this. I have a Pomeranian Lily, and at first she didn't like it, but there's always cameras in my house lately, right?

And this little girl loves cameras now. This is true with our dogs. Could you just let people in on this secret, because I think it's a secret to most people. Well, if you have like a pack of dogs, one of them is gonna become the way you are at the kitchen, the way you are with people. So they're just gonna know this is my thing.

You know what I mean? So yeah, so it's very classic. Is it true that Lily likes the camera? Is that true? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. Oh yeah, the attention? Yeah.

Because you enjoy what you're doing. Yeah. And so she's actually attaching it to those lights and to all of that. Okay, so my dad is gonna start feeling really good. I'm gonna go and do it. You know what I mean? That's incredible.

Yeah, they watch and they imitate. You talk a lot about surrender. What do you mean when you say that, surrender? Surrender is just accepting something that is good for you and good for everybody else. It's a truth of yours. It's something that you believe. Yeah, that you can logically prove it,

emotionally agree with it, and spiritually commit to it. You know? Your instincts, your heart, and your spirit, once they're in sync with each other, you're gonna surrender to anything. Because now you're gonna use your superpowers. You know what I'm saying?

You're gonna come, trust, respect, love. You're gonna have the triangle inside of you, pushing to create calm, confident love and joy. Now, what do you want to achieve? Wow. Wow. You're unstoppable. You have to generate, like even the NASA,

they know that they have to generate a certain kind of fuel in order for them to have that. Well, how you human generate what you really want, the power of intention, and having like great group of people around you, is you have to understand that to do that and to accelerate the process, you have to come with the right energy.

You understand? You have to come with that energy. It's not what you want. It's the energy that you have to have or to create what you want. I wanted to be the best dog trainer in the world. I was calm, confident, love, and joy when I said it. I remember it.

And I always go back to Mazatlan and I stop on the place where I declare it. You declared it in a specific place. Yeah. I was going to a judo competition. How old were you? I was 13. 13, you said, I'm gonna be the greatest dog trainer in the world. I Yeah, I was going to a judo competition. How old were you? I was 13. 13, you said, I'm gonna be the greatest dog trainer.

I know, that's not what I said. I said to my mom, mom, you think I can be the best dog trainer in the world? Mom comes like, you can do whatever you want. I love mom. Whacka! You know what I mean? You need to believe in yourself

and you need somebody to believe in you. That's yin yang. Pow! And so, you have to know You need to believe in yourself and you need somebody that believe in you. That's yin yang. And so you have to know when you declare something, that you have to do it around people who don't have a block. Okay? Who believe in you is 100%, love to you is 100% and there is no negativity. Gosh, that's so true.

So then, that's what miracles exist because we're all declaring the same thing. Miracles do exist, but you have to do it with a group of people that are at your level. Because you can pray for somebody, but somebody says, huh, and negative energy is more powerful than people being positive.

I mean, you know what I mean? We don't live in an amazing planet, even though the planet is incredible, but pollution only happens because we live a polluted lifestyle. You understand global warming is not what happens outside, it's how it happens inside of you, because you live it, you can only create it.

Oh my gosh. So global warming will not stop until your energy is in a better place, or your chart cards, however you wanna call it. I want to tell you in the middle of this like I just want you to know how grateful I am that I'm sitting here with you because I'm getting so much. I told you in the very beginning I told you honestly you say things that no one else says and it hits me it affects me. When you're speaking I don't know if my audience's experiences but when you're speaking I'm thinking of

all kinds of different applications for what you're saying and situations that I've watched happen in my own life and you you're you know where that come from right tell me that that comes from your creativity you're a very creative person and when you hear things you already put it into work yeah and and so can we all do that yes of course and how do you do that? Creativity. That's why painting, music, and ceramic is very important. You have to do some kind of a creative activity. Even if you suck at it, it doesn't matter. The fact that you allowing yourself to create in a creative way, it allows you to come out with so many different ways

of helping yourself. So what makes me an amazing dog whisperer is how creative I am. Okay? I'm very, very, very creative. Like no one dog I have helped the same. That's crazy to me. And I assume that that creativity is expressed most

when you are being and not thinking. Is that right? When you're just reacting to your instincts? Is that when you're the most creative? Well, yeah. You're thinking about that. Yeah, because I do talk, when I drive, I don't waste time. Meaning I'm always creating the new show.

I'm always creating the new way of making sure humans get educated, entertained, and enlightened. Right? So I'm always formulating what is the natural, simple, profound way this year. Natural, simple, profound. Yes. You know what I mean? But this natural, simple, profound is always gonna be like

like a good formula, right? And then as the creativity is how you, how you, it's like fashion is the same freaking dress, but it's a different fabric. Yes. And so the creativity makes you look at it in a different way, but it's a dress, it's pants, it's shorts, it's shoes.

It's just creatively speaking, they just added something new. That's how, is that your secret formula? Because there are people who have a dream right now, or there's been people with dreams that never achieved them, right? You achieved it, like it's happened, and now there's a bigger one, and you're thinking of the next one and the next one.

What do you think separated you, Cesar? Like why did this happen? If someone's watching this, they go, I have a dream. You know, my dad had a dream and it never happened. My mom had a dream. What is different about someone like you that it happened? Focus. That's it.

The only way you can cross from one place to another place on the road is because you focus. That's it. Those people are freaking good teachers, okay? If you wanna achieve something so stupid and so crazy, just look at the people that cross from one tower to another tower on a rope. And the only reason why they can do this

is because they focus. I wish the people that are listening could have just seen you, because when I just asked you that, man, your face went focused, like you dialed in, like, did you see that? These guys saw, your energy even changed when you said that.

That is the separator, by the way. Someone's ability to get laser, healthily obsessively focused on something, I believe is a separator. Healthily obsessed, because I just, I know that that's the answer. You're gonna show us something here. How do I align myself to make a decision.

Okay. Is how does my body feel when you ask me a question? How does my mind see it in a natural, simple, profound? How much I love that decision. And a split second. Wow. So that's knowing yourself because you react. If I bring something

that smell really bad you're gonna react really fast. Right. You're gonna in a split second you're gonna make fight flight avoidance or surrender decision. Okay. You know so I'm always listening to my instincts analyzing your words intellect loving the moment and believing in what I've got to say. See, it's on my spirituality. This is always what helps me give you the answer. Wow, and it just comes like this with you, almost instinctively, right away.

Yes, I learned to explain what I was feeling. You know what I mean? It's like people that sing, they just, Adele, you know, with Houston, they're just born that way, you know? And so then they have to learn how to explain the feeling of it. So I learned to explain the feeling of it.

But I never let go of the feeling. That's one thing I love about me, right? That I never let go of the feeling. So I'd rather know how I feel than know how much money I have. Oh, amazingly true. I know that for a fact, for sure. So that's how I'm going to guarantee myself

that I will never choose suicide. I lost my feeling. I lost what I treasured the most. So I gave my influence to the outside world. And you own your world. Every step you do is yours. So you are your pack leader. You are your middle of the pack

and you are your back of the pack. You are one pack inside of you. Do you understand? So you're using super powers, otherwise just the mind, yeah, the mind plays games and your heart using it the wrong way can create the wrong emotion and that's gonna affect your spirit.

So you're not gonna be able to walk around with spirit. Oh wow, bro. You know what I mean? Because your spirit is broken. I feel like that's an entire book right there, what you just said. I feel like that's like a 25 chapter book. Because it was so good.

So when you had your dream, we only have too much more time, but I'm gonna take full advantage of my time with you. Because I know what the audience is doing, I already know there's millions of people sharing this and pressing the share button and all that, but for me, I'm maxing this out for me. I'm getting so much from this.

But your dream of being the greatest dog trainer in the world, I think what people need to know though, I doubt you knew exactly what it would look like though, like where it would be, who you'd meet, that there'd be books, that it was TV. I think for me and my dream, I had the feeling. I've always held on to the feeling. I think what a huge lesson when the dream isn't happening, can you hold on to the feeling of how it would make you feel to have it? But I think some people think they have to have every step figured out in advance or they won't take action. And I think that holds a lot of people back but I doubt when you came over here on

December 23rd with the hundred bucks you had the dream and the feeling but I doubt for sure you knew every single step you're gonna take for the next 20 years of your life. The first dog whisper in on the planet. So you create your own path. Yeah and the first dog behavior is internationally known in the world and the first Mexican guy who chose to go into the dog world. And it's just, I'm the first. So there was no roadmap for a guy like me. Yeah, so as a doctor, yes, there's roadmap to be a doctor,

there's a roadmap to be an engineer, there's a roadmap to be a scientist. There's a roadmap and they can tell you the ups and downs and things. But in my, it was no roadmap for me, you know? And so, but one thing that I can tell people, it doesn't matter what dream you have, is definitely make sure that you take care of yourself,

exercise, you know, be around great people. Eat as healthy as you can. It does affect how you deal with life. Bad food is bad. It's just bad. Even your thought change, your sluggishness change. It's just your body is not gonna like it. That you're not supposed to give yourself bad food.

You know what I mean? Tastes good, but it doesn't mean it's good for you. So, and everything affects. And just have that understanding, you know, that anything that you're gonna build, if it doesn't exist, time is part of it. It's just part of the building time. In my culture, it is believed that there's four kinds of humans.

Okay? And you're even born to be a teacher, a builder, and an artist, or a leader. Okay? And so, but at the end of the day, you are all of them. or a leader. Okay? And so, but at the end of the day, you are all of them. Yeah, you are a teacher, you are an artist, you know, you also, you know, it has to do with Earth.

You know, you know all of that. And you should lead your own life. But the way they separated it is to create different classes. So that's just human stuff. Where he comes, I'm gonna control all these people and I'm never gonna let them become happy. You understand? So it's like we should learn to achieve our full potential.

That's what I love about America. America allows human being to achieve his full potential. You know, where you become, where you become your whole self. Have you done that yet? What? Achieved your full potential? I'm getting in it.

You know what I mean? Because yeah, I definitely, you cut me out my best time of my life, besides the childhood, without a doubt. That was really, really good, you know, because I had a grandfather, grandma, dad, and mom, and farm, and animals, and food, water, and shelter. So like, talk about primal, primal.

Yeah. Okay, so I got all the primal needs cover at a high level. Not only that, my grandma, my grandpa, my dad, my mom, my sister, loved me at a high level. Then we went to church and we learned to believe at a high level. You know what I mean? We're like super devoted religious people.

So do I practice Catholicism? No. But do I love the fact that I learned to believe? Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely. So all of those things definitely affect of how you agree, commit, and follow through with whatever you wanna achieve in life. So are you like me, I just cleaned out my closet.

Have you ever looked in your closet and you're like, what in the world did I buy that for? It's crazy, right? All this stuff in there I never wear. Like, what was I doing? That's why I'm so glad that Quince approached me to sponsor the show. So they sent me some shirts that I've been wearing recently.

Love them. These polo shirts that I got and some of these t-shirts that I'm wearing. They're 100% European linen. They're so nice that I'm like, hey, this is stuff I want in my closet. Here's the crazy thing about Quince. They get like 50 to 80% off similar brands from Quince because what they do is they partner directly with the top factories. So Quince cuts out all the middlemen. They go right from the factory to delivering it to you. I love it. So

fill your closet with stuff that you'll be wearing for summers to come. That's going to last a long time that you're proud to wear and getting it half to better off is awesome. So go to quince.com slash ed for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns if you don't like it. That's quince, q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash ed to get free shipping and a 365 day return policy. Quince.com slash ed. eBay Motors is here for the ride. Remember when you first saw the potential

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burning rubber, not cash. Keep your ride or die alive at ebaymotors.com. Eligible items only. Exclusions apply. See ebaymotors.com. That was a great conversation. If you want to hear the full interview, be sure to follow the Ed Mylett Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Uncle G, Grant Cardone with me here today. Like you talk about you, you were able to be bold about what you believe in in your

faith. You can take some shots for that, right? You can take some shots for having the gun thing at Mandalay, right? You took some shots and you knew that by going to spreading your width of your influence, right? And I think, and it's just interesting, in today's world, it seems to me, the thing that holds most people back

is their worry and fear about criticism and what other people are gonna think about them. I mean, it's just, they're obsessed with it. I think social media's been good, but the bad part is, how many likes did I get? What are they gonna think about this? Are people thinking I'm happy? Am I gonna get criticism?

How do you, do you just not care? Or do you care and you do it anyway? Like. I care and I don't look. You don't look. You know what I'm saying, like we were talking earlier and I was showing you this little thing I do. This is one of these little rituals I do.

You talk about rituals and this little thing because I was passing across this article that I'd shown Ed that I'd posted. And I said, Ed, anytime I look at anything, while I'm with you having a conversation and tell my people to do this, grab something, post it another place, push it some other place. So we multi-purpose everything.

You do, man. You're after that stuff all the time. Yeah, so you'll see me doing a lot of different things in a lot of different spaces, pieces and parts of it, little clips of videos, audio. So we multi-purpose, because I'm trying to go all these different directions, and I don't know how people want to consume data.

So the point of the fact of this is, I don't really look at whether you liked it or not. It's not on your radar screen. Yeah, now I do have staff that tells me to take stuff down. In fact, they don't tell me anymore, they just take it down. They do. So Sherry kind of runs control, kind of hurricane, Irma pickup. So does my wife.

So they're like, they know I'm a hurricane. They know I'm going to destroy stuff. I'm going to tear trees out and I'm going to damage stuff. I am a hurricane. I'm a hurricane that never stops. I think every great entrepreneur is a bit of a hurricane. And I think the ones that struggle are trying to keep everything clean, neat, tidy and organized. Being an entrepreneur is messy. Yeah, yeah, and this is the guy I don't want to be. I don't want to be the successful uncle that went into hiding now.

Yeah, me either. Or the billionaire that there's no access. Right. You want to spread it. Yeah, I don't know Mark Cuban's wife. I've never seen her. Yeah, that's a good point. I've never seen Elon Musk's wife.

I've seen one interview with her, okay? Warren's wife. I want my wife to be out there. I want you guys to know my kids. I want you to see the mistakes I make in my life. I want to see behind the curtain. Yeah, I think they're not following an image. I think they're actually following you.

I think they're actually following you through your life, and I think you're helping lead them too. I think it inspires them. I think that's a huge difference. There's a couple big differences. Both you and I have actually done something in our lives when we're preaching to people out there in the world. We're actually coming from a place of experience and some real value. We're not making our bio up as we go along, which is most people I think out there in this space. I think most people in this space are just

literally blogging and talking about crap they've actually never done in their lives and somehow become scripture to people that follow them. Whereas you and I actually have real businesses, real companies, real net worths, but let's go through some rapid fire stuff. Yeah, but let me just go back to there was a time in my life like you know the person that's been most dissatisfied with me is me. I wanted to be able to teach other people sales. Yes. And then I learned how to do that. Yep. And I was making millions of dollars a year doing that. Yep. But I was not a businessman yet. And it killed me, and it killed me, that I wasn't a businessman. I was a speaker.

I was a speaker, okay? Writing a book would not have solved that for me. Okay, so I started a second business with a partner. He exceeded what I was doing in that speaking business. He was the businessman, I was the partner. You still weren't. I still wasn't a businessman. I started the real estate business and we had, I don't know, four or five hundred units.

I was an investor. I still wasn't running a business. So literally it has been like four or five of these before I was like, okay, now I'm a businessman. Wow. So it's literally like in the last seven or eight, maybe 10 years, that I really felt, okay, now I'm a legitimate for the first time in my career. Was there something to change, a catalyst?

Was there just steps, just process? Well, it's part of what we talked about earlier, lifting off the disabilities that were covering me up to play a small game, to be a sales guy, to be an author, to be a speaker. These were really small, tiny games. To be just the father. Don't you love those guys? Hey, I'm a good dad You know, to be just the father. Yeah. You know, to be just. Don't you love those guys?

Hey, I'm a good dad. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, that's a ticket endo. I mean, you're supposed to be a good dad. I'm happy. Happy's a label, by the way. Yeah. You're not one of these labels.

Happy's a label just like ADD. Yeah. Okay, they're both made up. They're both made up. So, these are limitations, because I could be happy. Yeah. You know, I could be attention deficit disorder. I could have it. I could have it for a second.

But I can have total attention in this interview. So maybe I have an attention deficit because nobody got my attention. Right, both of us don't believe in most of the labels or if any of them out there. I'm so excited because today is really about changing your life. And if I could just define today,

it's about changing your life. In fact, if I could define my whole program, it really about changing your life and if I could just define today It's about changing a life effect if I could define my whole program It's about changing your life and today we get to get right into the heart of it with a man Who's done that in his own life comes from a remarkable family? NFL football player incredible motivational speaker TV personality and he's written a book that I went through in one night. One night I read Change Starts With You, Following Your Fire to Heal a Broken World and the author of that book is sitting right across from me right now, Sam Ocho. Welcome to the show brother. I'm so glad to be here Ed, thank you.

So good to have you. What made you write the book number one? I'm curious, why this book, why Right Now? It was hard to be honest. Like this is my second book. My first book is called Let the World See You, How to Be Real in a World Full of Fakes. And that book was really just an overflow of my heart.

There was just, life was happening, and that book really was therapy. This book was more of this response to, really in 2020, George Floyd, COVID, everything, and this thing of like, man, I started doing stuff in the community, and people started saying, Sam, how did you do that? Or how did you get past some of these things? Or what made you want to do that?

There would be schools, universities, organizations that would be asking me, hey, how did you do what you were able to do? And so this idea of what if I could write some of it down, not that it's this perfect example, but this idea of, okay, we all want to see change in the world or in ourselves, but we either, one, don't know how, or two, I think a lot of us are afraid

to address some of the things that keep us stopped and keep us stuck. Well, the thing about the book, too, that was interesting was, you did two things I love. Number one, you're like, hey, no, you. Actually, you can change the world. You can change your life, because I think oftentimes people think it's for a dude

who played in the NFL like you only. Or like, hey, man, this guy Ed Milets had a bunch of financial successes. So yeah, he could do it. But me, not me. So that's the one part I loved. But the other part that I think is requisite is you actually take them through steps of how to do it.

It's not like just like, rah rah, dreams in bubble gum and rainbows. There's actual steps in this book of how to do it. And I wanna go through some of them. I wanted to read the book, so I don't wanna go through all of them. But there's terminology in this book and ways that you frame and phrase things

I've not ever heard in this space before. And I was surprised how you started out the book. You actually started out the book by saying, big dreams requires architects. I've never heard that term before when it comes to a dream. So go ahead and riff on that a little bit. Yeah, I mean, so like we all have, a lot of us have dreams.

And a lot of us have goals and things that we desire, things we wanna see changed. And we oftentimes don't know how to get to wherever we wanna get to. And you think about it, I'm not, you know, I talk about in the book, I said like, I love building. But I'm not this car guy that's in the shop

and building cars, or I'm not like the, one of my old coaches, he loves, Lego sets is his thing, he's like, man, I could work on Lego sets for days, for weeks, but I like building people. I care about people. And you talk about, even the idea of change starts with you, it's like, oh, that's a nice idea,

it's like, no, dude, you. Like you, even you, Ed, with your platform and your history and your background, you're making change. The people listening, change starts with you, not just this general idea. But you need help. I need help. We all need help.

And so this idea of these architects, these people around us who can help us build the dreams we're trying to build, and not just like, okay, give me all your resources and we'll do it. It's like, hey, man, I'm scared. scared or hey I think this is a great idea but can you help me through this as I was on my way here there's a friend of mine who I called about there's some stuff like I do stuff on TV and I'm hanging out this

conference a bunch of athletes one of these athletes I played with came up to me today and he's like hey Sam like you do great I love you but there was one thing that you said about me on TV, and I didn't like it. And I'm like, why didn't, I didn't say that. He's like, yeah, you did. And I'm sitting there like, I really don't, so I was going back, but I asked one of my friends, hey, what do I do in this situation?

How do I, like, you know, cause that could get somebody stuck. Okay, maybe I need to get out of the industry. Do I need a, and so this idea of, okay, I need people around me who can speak the truth to me, tell me when I'm wrong. Sometimes tell me when I'm right, sometimes tell me when I'm right and just to ignore them and to keep on going,

but also people who can remind me of who God made me to be and how God made me. I go to my friends, so we talked about TV and the smile and joy, he says, dude, get on that TV. Whatever you can do, like get on that screen. I'm like, no, do I got family and kids? He's like, yes, like take care of your family, love your wife, love your kids,

but dude, God's doing something there. So find a way. And so people like that, men, women, they're the architects, and I say help me build the dream that I feel like God put inside of me. Here's one of the interesting things that you say in the book about the architects though, but I never really thought about,

but the best mentors I've had, if you call those architects, have done, that actually help you also understand what it's gonna cost. And you talk about, but the best mentors I've had, if you call those architects, have done, that actually help you also understand what it's gonna cost. And you talk about that in a book. Yeah, I read the book, right? This is one of these interviews where I go, hey, I read the notes, I read the book, right?

And you talk about the cost part of it as well. So talk about that a little bit, because what I find is a lot of people with their dreams, they stay in negotiation mode the entire life. They're like, is it worth it, is it worth it, what's the cost to me, oh my gosh, I missed this, I did this, and they're negotiating the price tag of their dream their entire life,

rather than just from the darn beginning go, this is gonna cost certain things, right? And once you've negotiated that price, I think it gives you freedom, but you talk about these architects helping you with the cost as well. Yeah, they help you count the cost. Any dream, any decision, there are consequences.

Positive and negative consequences. Anything you wanna go after and build, it's gonna cost you something. My wife, I'm super extroverted. I will hang out with anyone all the time and talk forever. My wife is relatively introverted. She's like, hey man, people can be draining. My good friends are, so early in our marriage,

I would wanna take her to all the things and do all the stuff and she would go, but there came a time where it was like, hey, I wanna be home. Or I'd say, okay, you could stay home, but I'll go do these things, but it was like, hey, by the way, every time you say, I'm gonna go, go, go, you're choosing them over me.

Which is totally okay and go do, but it was this thing of like there is actually a cost associated with decisions. And so in the same way with our dreams, I love being on TV, I wanna be on ESPN right now, I wanna do all the things and be like the face of ESPN, but there's a cost with that. And one of the costs has been, man, I've traveled a good bit

these last few years during the fall during football season. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, I'm in studio, Sunday in studio, sometimes Monday in studio. Talk to my family about that, talk to my wife, but it's like, Saturday, I'm in studio, Sunday in studio, sometimes Monday in studio. Talk with my family about that, talk to my wife, but it's like, hey, that's a cost. But then you start saying, okay, is it worth it? Yes. Right?

Because once you count that cost and once you understand the value of it, you realize, okay, we can do this. My wife and I had a conversation, okay, you're gonna be traveling. I'll hold down the fort, you travel, but make it worth it. opposed to the alternative of well, I don't know maybe I should maybe I shouldn't dude make a decision Re-evaluate after okay. Here's how brilliant that is I have a talk that I gave for many many years that I believe so deeply in that when I was broke

I had no money and you talk about broken people we're gonna go there in a minute, too But I was broke. Here's how I chose things in my life, based on what it cost. So I would walk into a store, I wouldn't get what I wanted, I would get what I could afford. So I'd flip price tags all the time. And I think sometimes a poverty mindset in terms of bliss and happiness and achievement

is that way as well, where we're always negotiating what it cost us rather than the distinction of is it worth it? Is it worth it? I think successful and happy people negotiate the worth. It always surprises me when someone's pursuing a dream and then they're shocked 20% of the way in that there's a price to be paid,

that there's a cost. Why not, this is what's brilliant about your work, there's going to be a cost so negotiate it upfront. I was having dinner last night with someone that you and I both look up to that's in the sports space, I was telling you. And I would consider him one of my architects. And I'd like to think maybe I'm one of his.

And we spent a decent percentage of the dinner discussing what our current life choices cost us. And then him reassuring me back that it was worth it. And we would talk out loud about it. And I left that dinner more determined about my current vision, more determined about my current vision more determined about my current dream Because I was more aware actually of what the cost was so you're a billion percent right guys the application of this at the highest Levels I was just doing this last night so Sam's a hundred percent right about it now a couple other questions

I want to say before we move off the first darn chapter is You talk about you said in the book. You said this book at its core I'm quoting from it is about taking things that are broken systems situations people Culture like what we've saw in 2020 Systematic things in our world and you say and working towards making them whole sometimes Brokenness is on the outside cities countries and communities in which we live, work, and play. Other times that brokenness is within and until we address the things that break our hearts, the things that

bring us pain, we won't be able to do what we were put on this earth to do. And you ask what breaks your heart and then you go into some other questions. That's not normal in a dream book. Why do you have that in there? Because this is not a dream book. This is a overcoming book. Overcoming the obstacles on the outside, but also overcoming ourselves. Before you make any kind of change, you could use that word, you could say prog,

whatever word you want to use, you need to address the insecurities within you and the brokenness within you. And sometimes that brokenness came from people close to you. Maybe it's family members, maybe it's like a dad who was present or wasn't present. Maybe it was a mom who was there, maybe wasn't there. Maybe it was siblings, maybe it was something that happened as a child and all of a sudden like your worth that God gave you, that inherent worth, like, you know, like, I remember like

when Jesus gets baptized, like, heavens open up, this is my son, and whom I'm well pleased. There's another verse in Matthew 18 or so where they're given an example about paying taxes and all the things, and they're asking Jesus, like, should we pay, should we not? And he's like, essentially he's like, man, the sons are free, like, y'all are good.

But we're still gonna pay, but it's like, I'm God's child, I have inherent worth and value. And somewhere down the line, I set that aside and I started to believe a lie. The lie that either I wasn't enough, or wasn't good enough, or wasn't smart enough, or I was too much. And God said, nope, you are who I made you,

but I need you to set aside the lie and pick up the truth. And so this is not a dream, oh, you know, dream, all these dreams come true. No, this is, hey, this book was hard for me to write. It was hard, like it was hard, my first book, I'm not saying it was easy, but the words flowed out of my heart. This one was very challenging because I have to address

some of the stuff inside of me. The subtitle, Following Your fire to heal a broken world. I talk about man, that God given fire, sometimes it gets put out. How do we reignite that match? And so life is hard. And dreams are real. And if we wanna go and live out those dreams

or even find them again, we have to go back to those places and address those broken pieces inside of us. There's a story, I don't remember the verse right now. I'm telling you man, there's a story in the Bible about the potter and it's like this dude he's making this pottery and he messes, like the potter like messes it up and you think oh no, I'm done, I'm screwed, this is horrible.

And then it goes on to say well the pot, as he slips and messes up the clay, he makes it into something different that was pleasing to him. So it's like, dude, I messed up. It's like, no dude, God still wants to, not even can or will, he wants to use you. And oh by the way, it brings him great joy and delight. I think he likes to use some of your things

that you think disqualify you. Bingo. So, and you talk about this in the book, and I'll be honest with you, I'm reading the book going, man, because I'll give you a quick example, and then I'll let you talk about it. My dad was an alcoholic and got sober when I was 15 years old, stayed sober the rest of my life.

So one of the reasons I believe so deeply that humans can change their life, I watched my hero do it, right? And not too long ago, I woke up in the middle of the reasons I believe so deeply humans can change their life, I watched my hero do it, right? And not too long ago, I woke up in the middle of the night, I had written my book about my dad and the power of one more. And I woke up crying, and my wife's known me since we were little kids.

She goes, what's wrong? And I said, someone helped Daddy. And she went, what? And I said, someone helped my dad. I never thought about this before. Some precious human being helped my dad in the lowest moment of his life. He was either gonna take his life or lose his family.

I don't even know where it happened, a bar, an alley somewhere. Someone helped my dad get sober. And she goes, that's incredible. And I said, that person has no idea that they did something great with their life. The ripple effect is, I'm his son. I've reached millions of people.

They probably have no idea. The more amazing thing is what qualified this person to help my dad. They were an alcoholic at one time. They were a drug addict. They were a liar. They lived in the shadows. God repurposed their mess and actually used the things they were the most ashamed of

to change other people's lives and change their life. So oftentimes what we do, you're right, this worth gets stripped away, and then we start using our mistakes or our failures or our averageness even as like these disqualifiers from our future when the reverse is actually true, right? Isn't that the case? That is 100% the case.

There's a point in my book, and I'm saying this because I just found this out. I talk about this lady, this older woman named Cindy, like 80, 70 year old, six year old woman, and how in the book, and this is, it's great, but I didn't know this until now. So I talk about, man, she had a friend and her friend, white woman, grew up in Houston,

and kind of like race and things, and different water fountains. And she had a friend who essentially, Cindy's working on learning more about race, and George Floyd, and she has this friend, and this friend's like, I don't like black people, and this and that. She's like old school thinking.

And Cindy stood up to her and said something, and I wrote in the book and that's sometimes the cost of like change. And I was like, maybe Cindy lost a friend that day. I don't know if she did or didn't. Well, I sent her a copy of my book and she read it obviously. And I told her about that section and she said,

hey Sam, thank you so much for writing this but this story actually does have a happy ending. Cause my friend, after that conversation, we stayed in touch and all of a sudden she's learning more about people who look different, different than her. We think differently. And now all of a sudden, because of me, like saying something and saying, Hey, let's actually learn now her story is changing.

Who knows about her kids and her grandkids and her great grandkids. And so this idea of our mess, even I go back to my friend doing stuff on TV, like I was hurt by hearing this guy who was my teammate say, man, why would you say that? And, but he confronted me and I get a chance to go and, and I said, I was going watching, did I say it or not? But even go and say, Hey, let's talk about this. Cause I don't ever want to be that kind of person. I don't want that to be. And if it is, I'm sorry. And I apologize, but it's almost this deal of places where we're afraid or we feel broken, God wants to use for his glory. Well, you literally say, I'll let you finish this sentence.

Everyone, I want you to hear this. This is like, this is gonna go viral, this sentence right here. Because no one phrases things this way. You are the answer to someone's- Prayers. Come on. You are, you are someone's prayers. Come on. You are. You are.

Your, your action, your movement, your discernment, your touch, your platform, is what someone has been waiting for. And you have no idea.

Yes. You have no idea. That dream that you have, that you've been a little bit timid about and trepidation, there are people on the other side of those dreams. Yeah. Like your dad. That's exactly the example I'm thinking of.

I'm telling you, man. Like, your dad, he didn't want to be an alcoholic, but there was someone who said, you know what? I'm going to go talk to this guy. That person was an answer literally to my prayers as his son, literally. I'm reading your book, and I was getting emotional. One, there's actionable things.

At my age now, in my experience, I put things through my, do I believe that meter? Do you know what I mean? I'm 51. And everything I'm reading, in my experience, I put things through my, do I believe that meter? Do you know what I mean? I'm 51. And everything I'm reading, I'm like, that's right. That's right. That's a way better way to say it. I've never heard that before.

That person, and by the way, I know who they are now. Ironically, I can't say his last name because it's an anonymous program. But I'll just say something interesting. My name's Ed. My dad's name's Ed. My grandfather's name's Ed. And the person who helped my dad get sober, his name is Ed. That's not a very common name

anymore, right? And so I actually know who this person was. But you say something, you just go in there for a minute about what a coach said to you about, I'll let you finish this about, you know, we know with your, not just your words, but other things in life, whether you're really pursuing your dream, because lip service is really common right now. Really common on Instagram is living the dream. I'm going for it. I got a vision big thoughts big life You know all that stuff, but there's a separator. Yeah, you follow with your feet So good you follow with your feet. It's so easy to talk our words It's just like it's just like this whimsical like oh, yeah, I'll do I'll be there

Or all yeah, I got you or I'll pray for you. Pray for you. It's a lot harder, but more fulfilling, to move. And maybe that movement is just getting on your knees to actually pray for that person, or just folding, or even closing your eyes and even praying. Or maybe it's that movement of, you know, I wanna get in shape, oh yeah, I'm gonna start working.

Okay, actually like getting up, walking around, going to the gym. My coach said it, you follow with your feet. You don't follow with your words and your action, with your words and your thoughts. Movement is what says, oh, you are for me, you're against me. Yeah, period.

I also think the footwork, our friend Inky Johnson says this, it shouldn't be conditional in sports. Everybody's willing to follow with their feet when it's 23-7 and you're leading, right? Are you willing to follow with your feet when it's 28-3, you're losing and now you're on the bench and some dude's playing in front of you,

do you follow with your feet then? What I'm saying is that I want everyone to hear this, because you're like, yeah, I heard that, I should probably work harder. Yeah, but is your work ethic conditional? Is it too conditional that everything's gotta be dialed in right? Everyone's gotta be supporting you.

The wind's gotta be blowing at your back. You better have had some momentum. Or do you have the ability to follow with your feet when it feels like you're losing, when it feels like people are against you, when you get criticism from a friend, then what are your feet doing? That's usually the separator, right?

And when you're alone, when you're alone, because it's that journey you talk about, there's a lot of, there can be a lot of loneliness on this journey of, I do want to see something change in my life. Because that's ultimately saying the way it was, and who I was with, and what I was doing wasn't working. So I'm gonna go a different way.

And even if no one's with me, will I still go? If I'm getting criticized, will I still, I have a joy, I love being on TV, I have a joy, the joy of the Lord is my strength, but I have a joy when I'm on that TV. And will I let this criticism, and maybe I think the guy wasn't accurate and I'll go back and double check,

I spent an hour or so trying to figure out. This is really bugging you. This is bugging me. But it's like, no dude, like, okay, are you gonna hide? Are you gonna still be a light? Are you going to hide? Are you going to still be a light? Are you going to address that thing?

Or are you going to just, oh, I'm gonna blow it off. And sometimes you need to blow things off. So that's kind of where I'm like, how I'm coming into this space is this idea of it will be lonely. Yeah. At times, maybe for a long time. You're right.

It's funny to say that I'm writing right now about a new book. It's amazing how our brain is connected today in our hearts. And I was thinking the other night about what I wanted to write in a chapter and I'm actually writing a chapter about how pursuit of your ultimate destiny,

your bliss, your whatever it is right now, is pretty lonely most of the time. And to just sort of know that going in, I think oftentimes people, like I'd ask you this too, you said earlier that friend who says, hey man, here's the course correction, right? Do you know how, or would you give any advice, someone asks me this a lot,

I don't have a great answer for it, How do you distinguish between, like, a hater? Mm-hmm. Just take this teammate of yours for a minute. I'm sure he's a good friend. Yeah. Yeah. But let's just be real. You've had a really good post-NFL. You had a great NFL career.

You've had a really flourishing post-NFL career. You have a great family. Got this second book out now. It's gonna be doing amazing. You're on television. Probably have a great family, got this second book out now, it's gonna be doing amazing, you're on television. Probably there's that line, is this dude a little hatery, jealousy, or is he giving me constructive feedback? And even I think most people want to know, how do you distinguish? Do you think there's a way to distinguish between those things?

I do, and I think it's the people who know you best, will, not always, but most often times, they will be the ones, the voices you need to listen to. I was with a couple last night, NFL couple, and this guy, great player, he's gonna have a long career, but you could tell his wife pours into him and that's a voice he listens to and should listen to. Now there may be a lot of other voices, but there's gotta be that one that you trust.

And thankfully I have a few, I have two or three. When it gets bad, when it hits the fan, it's two or three who I'll reach out to. And I've been knowing them for about, some of them, one of the guys I've known for about 10 years was Lady and the Girl, a woman I know known for about 15 years, like I've known them, and they know me. They know my character.

So it's like, no, Sam, that's not you, and this is. So do this. So there is a way to distinguish the haters versus the people who are trying to constructively build you up. I'm not gonna say criticize, I think people who know you, they'll build you up, they'll speak the truth, but they'll say it in love. I love that. I have friends who listen to the show and will go, hey, you know, you asked that question. But from a woman's perspective, I wish you would have also asked this one.

I'm like, thank you for telling me that. Or other buddies or guy friends of mine will be like, hey man, you asked that one question. I would have loved if you followed up. And I'm like, no, give me that feedback. But you see the difference, Ed? They're offering a solution. You're right. You're right. They're offering a solution. You're right, you're right. They're offering a solution. Not just the critique. Not just the critique. Very good, you're right about that.

If you just think, as I think, it's like most of my, and sometimes I say, man, I may not have one, but it's, okay, here's, what if you did this? Or what if you thought about it this way? Or what if you just took a, like took a beat? As opposed to, that criticism can be loud, but notice the criticism rarely ever is a solution. Or the solution they give you is just stop altogether.

You're right. And that's not love. You're right. That's not love. Everyone go rewind that about 45 seconds back. You know, I've probably asked or talked about haters versus constructive criticism maybe like 60 times in my career and that's the best answer ever.

The people that are supporting you actually have some sort of solution based proposition for you instead of just the critique or just stop. Man that is really really good, really good. I have a man here who's become such a dear friend of mine and a trusted advisor. I've only had one other person on the show three times so you are now breaking a record brother. You are a ratings machine. So Dean Graciolsi, welcome back to the show, my brother. So good to be here.

And I have to tell you, you're the best, you're the most gracious host ever. There's a lot of talk in personal film about breaking patterns. I talk about it all the time, you do, Tony does. There's also a lot of power in leveraging them. And this idea, there's two things that are gonna move every human being, Dean's told you.

It's either to avoid pain, moving from pain, or to gain pleasure. Absolutely. And usually most human beings, I think in general, pain avoidance is the stronger of the mechanism, but it works for both people. You need to know which one moves you. So you've already said, yours is pain avoidance.

Yep. Right, so is mine. The truth is, I've become a pretty big dreamer visionary guy, but I wasn't. Yeah, it took me a long time to get there. Long time to get there. And the fact is, I only really got really good at that after certain dreams were achieved. But why?

I had to figure out which one moves me more. Okay. Avoiding pain moves me more, even to this day. Why? It's more familiar to me. I grew up in pain. So go take a look at the video of your life. Did you grow up in a really beautiful environment with lots of love and dreams and bliss and

all this great stuff? Maybe your mover is more dreams and bliss. If you grew up in some pain, chaos, angst, fear, anxiety, stress, that's probably your pattern. And instead of trying to spend all your life breaking that pattern, there's parts of it you need to break your behavior from it. But the mechanism itself for change for me is pain and pain avoidance. I'm familiar with lots of pain.

And so to this day, why do I prepare for speeches or podcasts or things so bad? Is it because I want the pleasure of a great podcast? Yeah, that's there. You don't want to screw up. I don't want to screw up. Yeah. I don't want to make a mistake. I don't want it not to be good.

Why do I work so hard is to make difference in the world. Obviously. So you, I don't think anybody listening would know the kind of work you put in it. Seriously. And are you either? I don't think they know that you started at three thirty going to do four podcasts that you're going to jump. You're going to go take a suit. You're going to go do an event tonight.

You're going to get up in the morning, fly someplace. I don't think anybody would realize it. Are you doing that because you want to sell more books or are you doing it because you don't want to sell just one? I'm doing it because I don't want to just sell one. Right. And now now you've evolved because, you know, every time a book gets in someone's hand, you get to change their lives. I'm doing it because I don't want to just sell one. Right. And now you've evolved because you know every time a book gets in someone's hand you get to change their lives.

I do. So if you just nailed it, I was just going to say the other part of it is impact for me. Right, so you know the impact. But you're not saying, but I know for a fact you're getting up tomorrow morning subconsciously. Not saying I'm getting up tomorrow because I don't want to sell.

You're getting up subconsciously because you don't want to fail. Because that pain hurts. It's a major. And everybody told us we weren't going to make it and our parents probably thought we weren't going to make it and all that kind pain hurts. It's a major. And everybody told us we weren't going to make it. And our parents probably thought we weren't going to make it and all that kind of stuff. It's a major driver.

And by the way, my impact, stay with me on this, because I know you're this way too, because you grew up in pain. The impact I make still comes from pain, meaning this. I know so many people are in pain. And because I connect with their pain, their lack of belief in themselves, they're feeling invisible, they're hurting right now, they want to be happier.

That connection of pain is still the impact I wanna make. So a lot of it is connected somehow to pain in my life. And it is for you too. It's like, one is avoiding the pain of failing or not being successful or not ending up in heaven, which is that picture of who I'm capable of becoming. Like, do I really wanna just get to heaven? Or is it the pain of not becoming that man?

It's both. But also even the impact part where I go I want to make an impact in people's lives is because I connect with pain I connect with the disc and you want to get it out of them. I want to get it out of them Yeah, so that's a major driver for me is pain and I know my map and I know my pattern And that's why so many athletes by the way when their careers over they have a very difficult time one Their identity was tied to their athleticism, but also there's no pain to avoid anymore. Now they're getting patted on the back. You were great. I loved your games. There's no pain to avoid. There's nothing to feel. So

I got to think you're that way too. I am. And, and the only reason I share that is because I hope you don't use pain to be successful for the rest of your life, but you can use it as that launching pad. It's a leverage. And you can use it as a launching pad to start the business, to show up for the challenge, to play full out, to do something uncomfortable, right? The term I've been using since COVID is we all need to take more uncomfortable action. Did it surprise you that I said I don't want to just sell one book? Or did you think that's what I was going to say?

I knew that's what you're going to say. OK. Yeah. Because it's me, right? I play like I'm 10 points down. Tony and I are doing this challenge, right? We're going to put a million people in it. That's the goal. Last year, we put nine hundred thousand in nine hundred thousand in right and it changed a million people's lives, right? this year I I

Attacked this head as if two people are gonna show up because I know if you show up I know the end result. I saw hundreds of thousands of comments a day of like, oh my god I didn't know it was gonna be like this. Oh my god. I love you, Tony I love you Dean. I love you. Thank you. Thank you And you know that driver just like the come I see the comments coming in for your book you want to sell another 200,000 copies in the next two weeks so you can help people I Will play like I'm ten points down through this entire challenge I will rehearse I've already watched the last two years that we did this I watch what Tony Tony did. I watch what I did. He's doing the same thing.

We're prepping. If people are going to show up, even we want to deliver something that's transformational, but I'm going to look through the lens of not wanting to fail still, because that's how that's the, I'm avoiding the pain of it not working at the level of the impact that I want to make. Yep. Right. And I know we went down a couple different rabbit holes,

but I just want to give people permission today, heading into a recession, heading into a shifting world. Again, I hope it doesn't, but it looks like an economic winter is here. I'm going to tell you, use whatever leverage you can use to move. Just move in a direction, investigate, look

where the puck is going. Look for something different, explore, question every story that comes into your head. Know your enemy, that story that's already direction, investigate, look where the puck is going, look for something different, explore, question every story that comes into your head. Know your enemy, that story that's already screwed you over and cost you too much. You know that. How do you shift that story? How do you barricade it?

How do you not let it in? How do you talk to someone? Like whatever you got to do. I just believe this is a crucial time. I do too in people's lives. I think that what you do the next, there's this analogy in anti-aging David Sinclair Dr. David Sinclair has been on my show a few times and he goes hey if you can get to like 75 in this day and age You're probably gonna live into a hundred if you can get to 70 Wow and in the world today

I really believe that if you can get this next two years nailed Yeah, you've got 20 year type multipliers of wealth, bliss, and happiness in your life. If you can get these, but if you don't these next two years, I think the difficulty of getting there is magnified by a huge factor. I think right now is a chance to get way ahead. That same analogy to get to 75 gets you to a hundred. I think if you can get these next two years, just momentum.

You have to make millions of dollars, but you just get momentum. You get in your groove, you get moving. But if you stay stagnant another couple years, you don't get something going. The longer you do that, it's harder to get that sucker going again. And I feel like it'll be much harder.

Those people that get moving now, they get, and by the way, it might evolve. You may start marketing one thing right now and it evolves into something else over time, but you've got to get in motion right now. Do you agree with that? Oh, true story. I heard somebody say it's a strategic byproduct.

How many times in life have we had a goal and when we have the nerve to go after the goal, we find something that's a strategic byproduct, the goal that's way bigger, way bigger. You never thought you'd have one of the top podcasts in the world, one of the top books in the world. It's a strategic byproduct of you going all in on your businesses, wanting to impact others, right?

That's a great point. So know that when, whether it's God, the universe rewards you for just having the nerd to go after it and usually your goal, you're something so much bigger or something different that actually aligns with you. There's a couple of things I think as we, as we're at this point in the podcast, I want to say this as a couple of things. If you're going to protect yourself, build a moat, build a moat on your emotions. And what I'd say is the news is going to get worse. That's a fact. Conversations with your negative friends is going to get

worse. That's a fact. I would say if you really want to stop dabbling, you know it's somebody who said they want to lose weight but when no one's watching they're eating the wrong food or someone says they want to start the business but no one's watching they're binging out on Netflix. You know if you're that person and I'm not knocking you if that's who you are enjoy it live it but don't say you want it don't talk out of two sides of your mouth like either go all in burn the boats and do it or just accept the life that you have like I hate to be real but you can't lose weight and not work out and eat bad like it just doesn't where you can't make more and not work out and eat bad. Like it just doesn't, where you can't make more money, have Ed's life or someone else's life that you see,

you can't have that without putting the work in. So if you're gonna put the work in, you have to have the mindset to be committed and dedicated to it, right? We have to be disciplined. What robs discipline is lack of confidence, insecurity, uncertainty, whatever word you wanna use. So here's what I'm gonna share.

What are the things that make you uncertain or lack of confidence? I would build a moat around those things. If there's certain people in your life that are going to make you feel insecure, believe me, it's going to feel worse during a recession and tough time. Spend less time with them or find a way to be a mirror or be a Teflon. If watching the news, whether it's CNN or MSNBC or Fox, whatever one you want to watch, if when you watch the news you get frustrated you get scared you get uncertain you Get pissed off Stop watching the news you need that energy for you so what I'd say is I would figure out the things that rob your confidence and rob your certainty and

This is gonna sound like oh Dean's really smart is do less of those Hmm like especially over this next year you want it like you want to take a challenge go on a 30-day news diet Don't talk about it. Don't watch the news Don't talk and spend a hundred percent of that energy on you 2.0 Spent take the next three days and do not surf the internet all of you are getting sucked into Let me just see what Ed Milet did and an hour later like oh my god I just burned an hour online right I would say just find the things Avoid the things that rob your confidence.

Don't talk to the negative people that are hurting you. Don't focus on your weaknesses. Identify who your villain is, who that inner story that's already cost you too much, and protect yourself against it. Investigate to where the puck is going. You do those things, and this time you're ahead of 95% of the world, and they're simple. That's not, I didn't give you a business plan. I gave you just the foundation of what can make you thrive in this shifting time. When I hear you say all those things, I think about energy. I think about do things that preserve and increase your energy and don't deplete them. So if there's people around you that rob your energy,

you got to reduce it. If there's things you're doing that take your energy, whether it's worry, fear, surfing the internet, watching news, those other things. Energy, you know, and we all talk about it. I don't know your energy, whether it's worry, fear, surfing the internet, watching news, those other things. Energy, you know, we all talk about it. I don't know who's first at it or whatever, but energy is influence. We've talked about this a lot. Tony talks about it a lot. You do, I do. And energy is also the most important commodity you can possibly have in your life. And you're going to watch a bunch of people, whether you call it words, thoughts, et cetera,

you're going to watch a lot of people starting now through the next two or three years of their lives. You're gonna watch their energy change. You're gonna watch their vibrational frequency shrink. You're gonna watch them shrink. And that's incumbent upon you to feed your energy right now. That's podcasts, that's books, that's events. That's a challenge like what you're doing right now with Tony.

You gotta feed your energy. Highest energy wins. Highest energy will win. And though- Yeah, amen and though amen to that and I'm gonna tell you Everyone's energy is going to evolve and change it is difficult when everyone's thriving why everyone's energy is pretty damn good High energy will stand out now positive energy optimistic energy movement energy is Momentum energy is going to stand out more than ever and you're going to see energy change in your investments, in your mindset, in your

businesses, all over the place. So I want one shift at the end because it's for me.