THE ED MYLETT SHOW - If You Surround Yourself With THIS, You Can Do ANYTHING! | Ed Mylett

Episode Date: November 9, 2024

Who You Surround Yourself with Changes Everything! The people in your life shape your destiny. In this powerful mashup, I bring together some of the most inspiring voices—Eric Thomas, Brendon Burchard, and Jay Shetty—to reveal the impact of your environment and relationships on your journey to success. Together, we break down why your circle can either propel you toward greatness or keep you exactly where you are. If you’re serious about changing your life, it’s time to take a hard look at who you’re letting influence you. I’ve lived it myself—surrounded by people who kept me comfortable but didn’t push me to be better. It wasn’t until I evaluated who I spent the most time with that I understood the power of proximity. Eric Thomas drives home the importance of having people around you who bring energy, not drain it. Brendon Burchard and Jay Shetty share how the right influences don’t just accept who you are; they see the greatness in you and won’t let you settle. In this episode, we talk about how to create an environment of growth, starting with the people closest to you. Do they set a high standard? Are they future-focused? Or do they keep you anchored in the past? Making even a few shifts in your relationships can lead to life-altering changes in your mindset, energy, and results. Takeaways: - Why your environment is more powerful than willpower alone. - How to identify friends who are “energy givers” vs. “energy drainers.” - Strategies to find people who push you to the next level. - Why future-focused relationships are key to growth. Listen in, start building a circle that believes in your potential, and see how they’ll help you unlock it. Thank you for watching this video—Please Share it and get the word out! What part of this video resonated with you the most? Comment below! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

So hey guys, listen, we're all trying to get more productive and the question is how do you find a way to get an edge? I'm a big believer that if you're getting mentoring or you're in an environment that causes growth, a growth-based environment, that you're much more likely to grow and you're going to grow faster. And that's why I love Growth Day. Growth Day is an app that my friend Brendan Rushard has created that I'm a big fan of. Write this down growthday.com forward slash ed. So if you want to be more productive, by the way, he's asked me, I post videos in there every single Monday that gets your day off to the right start. He's got about $5,000, $10,000 worth of courses that are in there that come with the app. Also, some of the top

influencers in the world are all posting content in there on a regular basis, like having the Avengers of personal development and business in one app. And I'm honored that he asked me to be a part of it as well and contribute on a weekly basis, and I do. So go over there and get signed up. You're going to get a free tuition free voucher to go to an event with Brendan and myself and a bunch of other influencers as well. So you get a free event out of it also.

So go to growthday.com forward slash Ed. That's growthday.com forward slash Ed. Red One. We're coming at you. Is the movie event of the holiday season. Santa Claus has been kidnapped. You're gonna help us find him. You can't trust this guy.

He's on the list. He's a naughty lister. Naughty lister? Dwayne Johnson. We got snowmen! Chris Evans. It might just go back to the car. Let's save Christmas.

I'm not gonna say that. Say it. All right. Let's save Christmas. There it is gonna say that. Say it. All right. Let's save Christmas. There it is. Only in theaters November 15th. This is The Ed Mylet Show. Hey everyone, welcome to my weekend special. I hope you enjoy the show.

Be sure to follow The Ed Mylett Show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. So I get asked all the time, how in the world did you go from having no running water in your apartment to living on the water, to living ocean front, to have another home that's lake front? How does somebody go from changing their conditions that dramatically in a pretty short window of time? And a lot of different things went into that. A lot of it was blessing,

a lot of it was a lot of hard work, all kinds of mental changes that I made. But there's one area that I've not talked a lot about that I want to cover today that I think you need to know if you want to change the conditions of your life that way as well. So when the water got turned off, you know what I had to do? I had to look around my life. I really had to take an inventory, not just of me, but what was around my life. And the fact of the matter was I did not have the right people in my life. I didn't have the people who believed in me. I didn't have the people who supported my vision. I didn't have people who made me want to be better in my life. I had a few, but I

didn't have enough. I had too many people in my life that have just always been in my life. They always accepted me for who I was. And that acceptance, that lack of belief in me, that lack of standard got me all the way to where I couldn't even pay a water bill. I didn't even have a car, never mind electricity for a while. And so it's very dangerous. It was very dangerous for me for who I allowed just to support my limiting thinking, who I had around me. They weren't bad people. There's very few bad people. They just weren't people who were going to get me going in my life where I knew I needed to go, where I was born to go. I had read all the books on personal development. I learned about influence, kind of learned how to change my state, how to think

differently, been to a lot of the events that you go to. Why is it that so many people go to all these self-improvement, personal development, business events? They get all excited when they're there, they're ready to conquer the world. Then they get back home and life very slowly starts to drift back to normal. And that's because environment overrides almost everything in our lives. That's why. And so the reason you're so excited when you're at the event, the reason you're ready to conquer the world is the environment supports what you're doing. And so I had to start to address my environment and environment is all the place you are But most importantly your environment is the people that are around you

Because write this down number one in our lives the most powerful force that I'm aware of in the world is to be consistent and congruent with the Expectations of our peer group. Let me say that to you again The most powerful force on earth is we become consistent with the expectations of our peer group. Let me say that to you again. The most powerful force on earth is we become consistent with the expectations of our peer group. You're going to get out of life what the people around you expect of you. And so I had to begin to address who were the people around me and specifically what was the environment that I was in because number two, proximity is power. The closer somebody is to you, the more influence they have over you. That's why your personal relationship that you're in is something that must be evaluated

at all given times. And people ask me, how do I get more spouse support or partner support, boyfriend or girlfriend support? I don't know that you're always going to get more support, and I don't even know that that's needed. But one thing that's a foundation of all relationships is does this person believe in me? Most people love us. That's one thing.

If we're in a relationship, we kind of feel a level of love. But the deeper question is do they truly believe in me. Most people love us. That's one thing. If we're in a relationship, we kind of feel a level of love. But the deeper question is, do they truly believe in me? And when I started to evaluate my friends that were around me, if I asked myself, were they supporting where I wanted to go in my life? Not that they didn't love me or like me. In fact, what most of us do is we love to have people around us who accept us. We say, I want people to accept me as I am. And there's a benefit to that. There's a huge negative as well. If people are constantly accepting this version of you, there's nothing compelling you to go to the next version. There's no stimulus that says I better change. There's no discomfort. Because these people closest to us, their proximity has influence over us.

So number one thing I want you to ask yourself is, do the people around me believe in me? And if they don't, that needs to be evaluated. people say well, then what do I do? Do I get rid of them? Well, maybe in some case. I mean if they're antagonistic to you certainly but what you have to do is begin to add people in your proximity who do believe in you or who will believe in you and If they don't believe in you, perhaps they don't need to be eliminated from your life But one thing you may need to do is start to reduce their proximity to you. Maybe they're not as close to you as they used to be. I've had to do that many times in my life where I've had to eliminate a few people

from my life, but very few. This is so critical to you becoming successful because your environmental game is more important even than your mental game because it's what supports it. And so I want you to evaluate a few things. Do they believe in me? Number two, are they a past or future reference type friend? In other words, when you're around them, what do you find yourself talking the most about? Is it the past or the future? I want to be around people who are constantly talking about either the present, but most importantly, the future. In other words, I want people who are present with me so that

when they're with me we're together. You know you have those friends too are constantly not present even though they're in your presence. We don't want that either. But if people are constantly taking me in the past frame of reference, old stories, old things, remember when high school, college, previous date, previous vacation, previous business, remember when, constantly, you know, they're just always reminiscing. Or are they projecting me into the future? If at least 75% of your conversations aren't about the future with the people that you're around, these are not people supporting your future, they're supporting your past. They're reinforcing your past. The more we talk about something, the more we reinforce its importance in our life. And

so this is a very subtle thing. And I think even as I say it, you're going, whoa, they do love me. I think they might believe in me. But man, we talk about the past all the time. Well, this is somebody who's going to reinforce that state of your life. You need to add people to your proximity who are discussing the future with you. You know, you've heard about triggers before where you can learn in personal development that, snap your fingers, you put yourself in a state, or you walk, you hear a song, it's a trigger, isn't it? You hear a song from some point in your life, it triggers a memory, or a song you love right now

that triggers you wanting to work out or move your body. So things are triggers. People are also triggers. And if there are people in your life, just by their proximity, trigger events that are prior in your life that didn't serve you just by being around them. They are they're a trigger humans are triggers Do you have people that just when you see them they trigger peace for you? They trigger joy they trigger Abundance they trigger competing they trigger intensity they trigger belief they trigger Confidence they trigger your desire to grow. Ask yourself

what triggers these people are in your life. What do they trigger in you? And you begin to a you start to look at these things you're going wow we have this group of friends who they accept me but I don't know if they believe in me. Then I've got this other group of friends where they believe in me but we're always talking about the past and then you know what they kind of trigger these states of sort of comfort or average in me. Who do I have that's triggering my desire to grow? Who makes me uncomfortable? Who do I have like I kind of clean up the house before they come over? Who do I have where I get excited when I see them because not every conversation is the same? I don't know where

it's going to go. You should have those people that accept you in your life. There's nothing wrong with that. It's an important thing. But you said these other people who really don't accept this version of you, they believe in you so greatly, so much that they don't accept this version of you. They don't accept this performance from you. They don't accept this level of happiness, abundance, joy, performance from you because they know how much more you're capable of. Who do you have like that in your life? And the reason that that matters so deeply for us is because, and I want you to write this down,

we get our standards in life. We don't always get our goals. We don't always even get what we focus on. We end up ultimately getting what our standards are. Standards dictate everything in life. And the people around us help create that standard. For example, I was at a birthday party last night and the people sitting around me were all very fit people and

Dessert came it was birthday cake time And I probably normally would have probably had that piece of cake But the first three people that were asked have this standard for how they eat in their life And when their cheat days are their cheat meals are and all three people passed on it and immediately almost through peer pressure, I went, no, I'll pass too. And then my buddy goes, dude, it's okay, have a piece. I said, no, no, no, man, it's good. That standard alters us in every little area. Now that's an obvious example, but we're going to get our standards, our standards of wealth, our standards of faith, our standards of abundance and the people in our proximity help set the standard based on what theirs are in their life. So the

people around you evaluate next, what are the standards they help you set in your life. The other thing we win with is energy, and so ask yourself this, is this person in my life an energy giver or an energy drainer? This is massive. So when you're talking to them, do they feed you energy? You know, there's that one number where it shows up on your phone, and you're like, oh, oh, right? You know that conversation, that text,

is gonna be an energy drain. This person's proximity to your life is stealing some things from you. I'm not saying you shouldn't have people in your life who you're supporting and you're helping, because we're gonna talk about that next But if the vast majority of people around you are energy neutral or energy drainers What do you think that's doing to your environment that you're supporting yourself with?

Okay Or on the contrary is this someone who gives you energy feed your energy feed your belief Makes you stronger gives you that juice in your life because all of these things these people around us all these evaluations They're creating our environment so that it'll support our thinking it'll support the changes. We're making it'll support our goals This is supported by scripture as well Proverbs 27 17 as iron sharpens iron So does one person sharpen another and so one of the obvious questions about This is if someone is lower energy for me or is a past reference person or a trigger that doesn't support me or they don't believe in me or they only accept me as I am if you have some of these issues what do you do with them I'll give you three things I don't think you just eliminate people

from your lives it's not that hardcore a thing because this is more about adding the right people than it is eliminating people but it is reducing their proximity and so I think with people in your life that aren't supporting you the way you want to, number one, I would recommend you be kind to them. Be kind in your conversations with them. You don't have to become mean to them or adversarial to them. And I don't even think you need to let them know this. Number two, I think you need to be cordial.

But I will tell you that you begin to become three, which is concise. Your dialogue with them begins to be concise. Their proximity to you begins to shrink. And these are things people say, gosh, that's so difficult. Well, do you wanna be happier? Do you want to win? I mean, you've already tried the other things, right? You've already started to write goals down.

You're already working on yourself. You already got some habits that you're working on. Maybe this is the area. Perhaps this is the area. Those of you that have children, this is an audio or video they should be watching or listening to. Their school teachers influence them, that's their mentors. That's like what we're doing right now, right? But who really has influence over your children? Who really sculpts who they are? It's their friends and it's their closest

friends. That's why parents guard those associations so vigilantly, the good parents do, because they know the proximity of these kids around their children are going to influence ultimately who they become. Our lives begin to have a pace that's different than when we're young, but the same exact thing is true for us. These people closest to us dictate who we become. It's not our mentors like our school teachers.

They have some influence. I have influence, hopefully with you, but not the same as the people that you're texting with when you're done listening to this, not the same as who you're having dinner with tonight, not the same as who you have lunch, who you're around at work, who you're around in the evening, who you socialize with, right? They have the greatest form of influence over you. Because in your life, you're trying to build this

library of memories, aren't you? And in your mind right now, these memories are going to be different. They're different places, different experiences, different things, right? Different moments, different achievements, different breakthroughs, different things, right? Different moments, different achievements, different breakthroughs, different feelings with the same people, with the same people, with the same people you are likely to build the same types of memories over and over again. So if you love your life right now,

if everything in your life is rich and you don't want it to change and you don't want it to grow and you'd like to keep repeating these memories you're getting now, well then by all means keep these people very close to you and add people as you go. But if there's this party that's I want to change the memories, I don't want the next 10 years of my life, the feelings, the experiences, the accomplishments, the places I see, moments I have. So all I'm asking you to do today is do an audit on your environment. I want you to audit the people around you in

your environment and the things around you. What do you have around you in your environment? Are your goals up on a board? Do you have visualizations? Are you reading things that you can see visually in your life? Are you listening to the right things? These are all part of your environment, but the most important thing are the people that are inside that environment that are around you. And so that's how you eliminate. Now, adding people to your life, the best way to do that is to seek out, go to places where they are. So I mean, where do they have lunch? Where do they have coffee? Where do they work out?

Where do they worship? Go to the places where these people that you think could help you to become good friends and just become a part of that environment. And the more you're in the environment, you'll end up meeting people. It's a strategy. It's work to add people to your life I could tell you that I work very hard at this I also believe in the law of reciprocity

You don't just ask somebody to be your friend you find a way that you can contribute You want to become a friend of mine say how can I help you? How can I serve you? Just offer? Whatever you have you say well, I don't have anything to offer people you'd be surprised. Could you offer me your belief in me? Could you offer me your truth? Could you offer me your prayers? Could you offer me your belief in me? Could you offer me your truth? Could you offer me your prayers? Could you offer me your support? These are real gifts you give people not all of them need to be knowledge and breakthroughs and an example and a track record You'd be surprised someone like myself

What just your belief means to me your support means to me and I'm the type of person the people you want in your life When I feel like you've given me something, I feel obligated, obligated to pay you back even more. And so the way you add people to your life is with the law of reciprocity. Put yourself in environments where they are and begin to offer your belief, your kindness, your support, your love. Maybe it is your collaborations,

maybe it is your connections, maybe it is a talent or skill you have, but it doesn't have to be those things. When I was a young person, I ended up adding people to my life that were much more successful to me, much more well-known than me. But you know what? As I got to know them, I think they sensed this person truly believes in me.

They truly care about me. This is a real friend. You have those people in your life as well, where they don't necessarily have all the experience to support you, but they really believe in you. They really love you. And then the last thing I wanna ask you today is, because for you to add these people to your life, what I just said is the most important thing.

How do you show up in people's lives? How do you show up in people's lives? Right now, are you that person that's an energy giver or drainer? Are you a future frame of reference or the past? Do you help your friends set high standards or the acceptable standards they already have, right? Are you someone who deeply believes in people and they know it or you just kind of accept them as they are? These are the things you

begin to ask you of how are you showing up in other people's lives because that'll have an awful lot to do with who shows up in your life. How do you show up in other people's lives? And if you begin to evaluate these things your environment slowly but surely will begin to support your mental game, will be supported by your environmental game. And why is that so important? Because I want to remind you about something. You were born to do something great with your life. You were put here to do something special. All your life, since you were a little boy or a little girl, there was some point in your life where

you knew you were supposed to do something great, that you were put here for a reason, that you've got a calling, that you've got a home in your life you're eventually going to find where you're living the real true authentic version of you, your best version. You know you're supposed to do something great with your life. And right now if you're listening to this or you're watching this, maybe you're not quite there yet. And maybe it's your thinking, maybe it's some tactics and strategies and habits, which I cover all the time on this show.

Maybe it's all the mental stuff, but more than likely it's the environmental stuff. It's the standards. It's the people around you that believe in you. It's not just having people that accept you, because you want to do something so great with your life. I have this theory that many of you heard that when I die someday, I believe I want the Lord to say, well done, good and faithful servant. But I have this hallucination, as many of you know,

that when I die, the Lord's gonna do that, and He's gonna turn around and say, Eddie, I want you to meet the man I made you to be. When I made you in my image and likeness, this is the destiny version of you. This is the man you were born to be. And that guy's gonna be standing there, and I wanna meet him and go,

I've been chasing you all my life, man. And he's gonna say, boy, you caught me. You did it. I'm proud of you. You had all the memories, all the moments, all the contribution, all the feelings, all the difference, all of it in your life. You made it all happen. You became the man you were born to be. We're identical twins. To me, that's heaven when I pass away. Heaven is I meet the man I was born to be and we're identical twins. Hell would be that you'd meet that person and you're total strangers. You're total strangers. That woman someday when you die and you meet the woman you could have been and you're total strangers.

You went down different paths, different roads, different decisions your entire life and you never become that woman. You never become that man. To me that's hell. So if it's that important to you that you've always known, maybe it got buried as you got older. Maybe life sort of kicked us around a little bit to where not everyone in our life believed it. And then maybe our parents, our friends, our school teachers, just life started to happen

and we forget who we are. We forget who we are. And you know why you forget who you are? Because of the people that have been in your damn life. Because they haven't supported that great version of you. When you were really little, you knew it, you felt it, because you were closer to God at that time. And the more and more people were added to your life,

they began to treat you in such a way that they didn't expect those things of you. And maybe you've started to accept that. So if it's people that created these limiting beliefs, created this anxiety, created this fear, created this thing about us where we forget our greatness. If it's people who did this to us, it's people who are going to help us get out of it. If it's the environment that stole this joy, stole this belief, stole this confidence from

us, stole this sense of purpose from us and passion, it's the environment that will give it back to us again. What does the future hold for business? Well, let me tell you right now, you can ask nine experts, you're probably going to get ten different answers. Bull market, bear market, rates are going to get cut, they're going to cut it five times, six times, inflation is going to go up or down, who the heck knows? You don't really have a crystal ball and that's why I love NetSuite because you can get some

measure of control in the most important areas possible in your business. So if somebody can get a crystal ball together, that would be great. But until then, over 38,000 businesses have future proofed their business with NetSuite by Oracle, the number one cloud ERP, bringing accounting, financial management, inventory HR into one fluid platform, easy to use. We've been using them now for over a decade. NetSuite helps you respond to immediate challenges and seize on your biggest opportunities Speaking of opportunity download the CFO's guide to AI and machine learning at net suite

Dot-com slash my let the guide is free to you at net suite dot-com slash my let net suite dot-com Slash my let this message is sponsored by Greenlight and I'm really glad that it is. As kids get older, I've experienced that things about parenting can get easier and some things can get harder if you don't lay a great foundation. And I know one of the things I am grateful for

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You'll never miss an episode that way. This week's topic is really about reading people, creating a little bit more happiness and bliss and productivity in your life by dealing better with human beings, whether that be in a relationship or in your business life. And so I'm gonna give you some advice you probably never heard before. But what I want you to do is I want you to begin to turn the volume down on the people in your life.

Actually what I want you to do is I want you to turn the sound off altogether. Almost like watching people in your life like they're a silent movie. I just watched a movie recently, and if you don't like violent stuff, don't watch this, but it's called Sisu and in this movie it's basically an actor that you watch through the entire movie the lead character of the

movie doesn't speak he never enunciates a word in the entire movie yet it's gripping and compelling because you actually learn to love this person and understand them by watching actually how they behave and what they do as opposed to what they say. So you spend a couple hours watching this man go through terrible circumstances after a war, but you end up rooting for him and loving him and understanding him very deeply and he never speaks a word. See in our lives right now, people really can manipulate you with language and words

are used to really manipulate and trick. They're almost a mask. And we begin to believe what people say. And this can be very serious. I've had some situations in close relationships recently in my life where somebody was telling me something over and over and over again. But all of the evidence to my eye said something else was going on. But they were so persuasive with their words

that I took my eye off what I was actually seeing them do. And so especially in personal relationships, so often what people will tell us, we wanna believe and we wanna buy into, and it's a diversion from actually what they do. You would learn a lot about the people in your life, especially the people very close to you, if you turned the sound off and just watched them. I know this sounds sort of harsh but I really don't listen to what people say to me very much anymore in my life. I watch

what they do. What they do speak so loudly I can't hear a word they're saying. Yet most people live differently. They respond to the words and the things. I'm so excited. I'm so excited. They're someone in busy. I'm so motivated. I'm so excited. Great. Prove it. And when I watch them, they don't act that way. Or I love you so much I'll do anything for you, but they don't even clean up their dishes. They don't even get home on time. Whatever it might be in your relationship or in your business life. And so if you begin to watch, remember those old silent movies, the old black and white movies? They do

entire movies with no sound because it's so interesting to watch, remember those old silent movies, the old black and white movies? They do entire movies with no sound because it's so interesting to watch a human being. Words are misleading. And so many of you in your life right now, you're in a relationship with somebody who's saying all the right things, and you may even believe them right now. And the truth is, they don't behave in a way

that's reflective of those words. And it won't be until years and years and years of that behavior catching up with them that you finally realize it. But what if you just started to listen a little less and watch a little more? Some of those behaviors can be really detrimental and harmful too and if you're not watching and you're always listening you can become very very confused. The other thing is in business, you know people will say the right thing all the time but you got to watch them. What do they do? How do they show up? How do they work?

How dedicated are they? We've become a world really misled by language and it can be really painful. Can it? When someone's words, eventually you realize never match their actions or in business, it can be catastrophic to make mistakes and watch people say all the right things, but their conduct is not congruent with their words. or in business, it can be catastrophic to make mistakes and watch people say all the right things. But their conduct is not congruent with their words. The other thing is in life is that I think the people

that you wanna be around the most actually do act the way that they speak. Those are the people that you can get closest to. Those are the people that you can trust. Too many of us rely on the spoken word and not enough on what we're seeing right in front of us. And it's not until many years or long after, it was right there, the writing was on the spoken word and not enough on what we're seeing right in front of us. And it's not until many years or long after you go, it was right there, the writing was on the wall, I saw it.

Why didn't I act on it? Because you were listening too much. And so the best advice I can give you to live a happier, a more blissful life, and it's a sad thing to say, but the truth is, is watch how they behave. Even as a parent with our children, it's not what they say, it's what they do. In every area of life, what someone does should be speaking the loudest, but it doesn't. And then even on your own life,

what if you begin to really take a look at your own actions? What you actually really do every day, if you really love somebody, do you act like you love them? Do you treat them like you? See, love is a verb? Not a noun It's a verb You have to act in certain way and behave in a certain way and if you're not doing that to somebody you're not loving them

Like you should you say I'm dedicated but you're not there very often Right or as a parent. I'll do anything for my children. You say all these things we're supposed to say, but do you? You'll do anything? Really, do you? In business, man, all the right things. I'm motivated, I'm pumped up, I'm learning, I'm growing. Prove it. Do it. And so in our lives, eventually by the way, eventually everybody is revealed by their deeds. Everybody is revealed by what they do, not what they say. And you'd be a lot happy if you did it. The other side of that too, it's something that I really worry about, is social media,

where we're watching people say all the right things. See the one thing on social media, especially this time of year, is everyone's out having a great time. Everybody's partying, everybody's celebrating, right? And a lot of times you're sitting there with your own problems, your own life right in front of you, what you've gotta deal with, the actual things, actually things you've gotta do, and you're watching people show you

all this very orchestrated, very curated content. And it seems like, doesn't it seem like in life, everybody's at a party, everybody's on a yacht, everybody's in Greece, everybody's laughing, everybody's got great friends, everybody's enjoying their life, everybody's got plenty of money to spend, and then you're sitting there dealing with a problem, a frustration, an issue. You're dealing with the things you do, and it's one of the real detriments of social media.

I want you to remember this. None of that's real. I'm with those people a lot of times when they're posting it and they're in an argument with their spouse before they take the beautiful picture. They're struggling to pay the bill at the bar that they're celebrating and toasting to. And so it's not real. In life, it's never as good as it seems and the truth is, it's never as bad as it seems

in our lives, but it's very easy to get very jaded and frustrated and down over watching the words of people on social media or even the videos they post in little snip Snippets of their lives and it makes us think our own lives aren't all that rewarding Want you to remember something that I've really found out as I've gotten older Everybody's screwed up. Everybody's got problems. Everybody's struggling. Just some people are better at masking it.

Some people are better at covering it up. The truth is, is like once you know that, and by the way, I'll let you in on the inside. I have some of the most successful people in the world on my show. I coach some of them. I coached, I've been blessed to coach some of the top athletes in the world, some of them. I coached, I've been blessed to coach some of the top athletes in the world, some of the top business people, CEOs, entertainers, politicians, even myself. I have a laundry list of problems all the time. I'm struggling most of the time and I'm probably guilty of it as well posting highlight reels of my day in my life when the truth of the matter is I'm screwed up.

I'm just trying to figure things out as well. I think one of the reasons my show works is I'm vulnerable and authentic about that. That I'm working through many of these things. Success leaves clues. I'm 52 years old. I've got a lot of solutions because you know why? I've had a lot of problems. I have a lot of answers because I've had lots of questions in my life.

And so don't let other people fool you into you believing their life is perfect because you're watching them. If you begin to watch people with the sound off, with the social media off, you'd understand we're all human beings. We're all trying to get through this life and grow and improve and be happier and create memories and make a difference. We all are. We're just at different stages or different versions of it. Sometimes people are further down

the road of solving those problems maybe like myself but by no means did I not go down that road. By no means are there still not issues and problems and quite frankly tragedies often in life that happen from time to time. But we'd all be better suited if we were aware that that's the case. We'd all be better suited in our relationships and in our business lives if we did the silent movie. Turn the sound down, turn the volume all the way down. How are you really treating me?

How do you really behave? How loving are you really? How dedicated are you really? How committed are you really how dedicated are you really how committed are you really in our relationship it work how motivated and hard-working are you really how much do you really care and we only know that by watching we've become a world conditioned to listen to listen to listen we've become a world condition to look at social media and really believe that's real life

That's not real and in your real life. Neither are the words people speak I'm not saying that people don't have beautiful words and mean them. What I'm saying is we're fooled by them often We're deceived by them often We're manipulated by them often and it maybe we are because we want to believe it. Maybe we are because we would just like to believe that that's the case. And you know what's really cool? The great people in your life,

the loving people in your life, when you turn the sound down on their life, they're even better. In fact, most of the great, loving, and amazing people in your life don't spend a lot of time with their words trying to convince you. They just quietly go about their lives showing you.

In your business life, it's not the person who stands up and speaks all the time, it's the person who draws very little attention to themselves and just serves and makes the difference. Think about that if you have a great mom like I do. When's the last time your mom bragged about the things she did for you? My mom has never once said, you know how many meals I cooked for you? Do you know how many times I wiped your nose or your butt or took care of you when you

were sick? Do you know how many times I picked you up from school when I was sick and didn't want to? How many times I held you when you were crying or I drove you home from a sporting event after you struck out three times? How many times I've stayed up nights waiting for you to come home when you were in high school to make sure you were safe? How much praying I've done for you and loving I do?

How many minutes a day, even now that you're in your 50s, I think about you and worry about you? Our moms never point those things out to us. They just quietly do them. And probably neither about you. Our moms never point those things out to us. They just quietly do them. And probably neither do you. With the people you really love in your life, you don't need to point it out. You don't need to say it. Because love is a verb.

Work is a verb. Service is a verb. Contribution is a verb. And so start to turn the sound down. Man, your life will get better. It's maybe the number one key I could give you to be able to make better decisions, to assess people, to judge properly, to navigate your life, to decide whether to stay in a relationship or a business, whether to hire somebody or not, is to

watch them with the sound off. And then lastly, watch yourself with the sound off and then lastly watch yourself with the sound off When you turn all the noise down on you What are you doing every single day? So when you drown out all the noise all the social media all the distraction our life comes down to a handful of moments every day of the decisions and choices we make and When we make the right decisions and take the right actions, the words will come, the accolades will come, the rewards will come, and eventually everybody's revealed. If you're a person of faith, at some point in your life when you get to heaven,

you're not going to talk your way in there, right? You're not going to talk your way in there. It's the life you lived. It's who you accepted and believed in when you were here. That's what's going to count. It's not the words. Words go away real quickly. Actions live on forever. Actions are like seeds that you're planting that reap a harvest. Actions vibrate at certain frequencies and attract certain things in our life.

Words don't vibrate at very high frequencies. It's a very low frequency behavior. Actions and intentions vibrate at the highest possible frequency and they eventually draw into our lives basically a harvest of which we've planted with our actions. And so I just want to encourage you to do that. The people that I've admired the most in my life, and I'm a speaker by the way, so I do a lot of words and I host a lot of podcasts and I do a lot of interviews and I coach a lot of people.

But in my life, the people that I've listened to the closely speak very quietly, speak very little. They're the ones that I lean in when they speak because they don't have a lot of time to speak because they're doing so much action taking, so many deeds of service and love and hard work and contribution that the few times they do speak you really want to hear from them.

You all know this, you have that person in your life that when they speak everybody listens because you respect them so highly. And the reason you respect them so highly is not the previous words they've spoken, it's the previous actions they've taken, and the actions they've taken consistently in their life over and over and over again that reveal who they really are. Because long term in our lives, you show me your schedule, you show me your actions, you show me the behaviors of your life, and I will eventually show you your life. You show me your words, and I have no idea what your life's going to look like. So take it from a guy who's lived a little longer than many of you.

As I've gotten older and older, I listen a lot less and I watch a lot more. I listen a lot less to myself and I observe and watch myself a lot more. And I certainly don't pay attention to what I see on social media because I know better. I know we're all a little bit messed up in trying to get through this life. And by the way, when I say we're all a little bit messed up, I actually believe we're made perfect in God's image, but that we were put here to grow and expand and that we're given these challenges and these problems in our life as ways in which to reveal solutions, as ways that our faith in our lives is revealed.

In my own life, I have to tell you, I've reached the conclusion many different times that I'm not capable on my own, and that I look higher. I looked at Jesus in my life, in your life, whatever God is for you, but I look there for my comfort, for my answers, for my solutions, because I'm not always capable. I'm not always worthy. I'm not always ready to meet the moment, but he always is in my life. And it's not because of the words that he spoke,

it's because of the deeds that he did, because of the way that he lived his life, that I follow him. And because of the way that he lived his life that I follow him and Because of the way he lived his life those words have depth and meaning to me Because they're congruent with the actions that he took. I Hope this helped you today. I know it's brief What's really really important and I guarantee you there'll be a moment in the next few days where my words will be a healthy reminder to you in some situation. This will not take long to make an impact on your life.

It will not take long. It may not even take that many hours before a situation is going to come up and you're going to go, I remember what he said, I'm going to watch this with the sound off here. I'm going to begin to watch it like a silent movie. Watch this person like a silent movie. Because once they behave in the way that is congruent then their words really have impact and meaning it's like a validation on their behavior. There's three types of people in life there's motivational people, motivational people are awesome you see them and you get motivated what they do is they get you motivated based on your motives

if you do this you get a Lambo, if you do this you'll get money, if you do this you'll get a body, if you do this, you get a Lambo. If you do this, you'll get money. If you do this, you'll get a body. If you do this, you'll get a relationship. So you are moved by your motives. Nothing wrong with being motivated or being a motivational person. In fact, I'd like to think I am a motivational person. I am motivated, but that's a low level of movement. It's a low level of chase. It's a low level of juice, but it is a level and it's more than most people have. So if you're looking for motivation, you can get it. The second level is far more powerful though. If you can add it, you can stack it. I'm motivated and you stack to the next level. So you get

motivation. You want that. You want the external. You want motives. But then you move to step two, which is inspirational people or inspired people. Those people are a different type of force because inspired people, the root of the word inspire is to be in spirit. So you got motivation going, now you got inspiration going in your life. Inspirational people, they move mountains. There's an in spirit.

It touches your soul. It moves you at an energetic level. That life force, that soul spirit level that can overcome about anything. Motivational people can get stopped sometimes if they don't get their motive or they do get what they were motivated by. I watched a lot of people get what they wanted.

They got the car, they got the money, they got some position or title, they got the degree. And then what? Because they were only motivated, meaning they were only after their motive. And once you get it, what's left? Or if you don't get it, that next level is so powerful, which is to be inspirational or to be in spirit. That's to move people with love. What I'm talking about today is to go to the next level, you need to be inspired. And then the third type of person is very rare. Those are aspirational people.

Aspirational people are people you aspire to be like. So if you want to get your family motivated or your company motivated, let's take your company. Hey, if we do X or Y, I'm paying this bonus. If we do X, Y or Z, we're taking a company trip. If we do X, Y or Z, we're taking a company trip. If we do X, Y or Z, it'll mean a job promotion for you. That's motivating people and you should do that. The next level though is to get them inspired in spirit, which is to say, we're going to make a difference in other people's lives. We're going to make history. We're going to create change. We're going to change the planet. We're going to rewrite our wrong. We're going to do something great as a company. We're going to change the planet. We're going to rewrite a wrong. We're going to do something great as a company. We're going to make history that or as a family, we're going to take the whole family to a new level.

We're going to create generational wealth. This family is going to be joyous and different and amazing. I said earlier, one of the things about Dr. King that was so powerful was not only was he motivational, but he was inspirational. You felt something spiritual. You felt something in your soul. You felt an emotion. But he was even beyond that, wasn't he? The reason he was a transformational figure is because he was aspirational. People aspired to be like him. He didn't just speak. He went to the march. He stood in the line. He stood in the tough place. He took the hits. He stood in the tough place. He took the hits. He lived under threat for so long and still stood by his beliefs and his dream. He was aspirational. If you're a follower of Jesus, you sure heck was motivating. Man, what an inspirational man. What an inspirational figure when he was walking this earth. Unbelievably inspirational, but he was more. He was aspirational.

He lived it. He literally died for you and for me. Doesn't get any more aspirational than that. That's how you create a big movement. That's how you create an amazing family. That's how you do something great. Motivational, inspirational, and aspirational. At least today, start by being motivated.

But be working your way towards being inspirational. And take massive action on a regular basis and you will become aspirational. Back it up with massive action. Anyway, that's what I think you do to change your life today. Now, there's a million things I can talk about. I talk about them every week. But in today's case, it takes leaders with vision to help people with dreams. And everybody you meet has a dream. Everybody you meet has a dream in their heart or they

used to. And it is your job to reinvigorate, to turn that light on, to create that fire in other people with a kind word by telling them what you see. And then if they see you living a certain way, they want to more like you than you become aspirational. In your family, let me tell you what I see. Let me tell you what I see. I see a vision for our family. I see a vision for you, my son. I see a vision for you, my daughter.

I see a vision for you. You're gonna do something great with your life and you repeat it over and over and over again. You tell them about their giftedness and their greatness and what they're good at. You back it up with the actions you take. That's how you transform that in your company. It's the same thing. Let me tell you where I see we're going. If we get there, there's this trip, there's this contest, there's this reward, there's this promotion. But beyond that,

we're going to make history. We're going to do something great. We're going to change this industry. We're going to do something awesome. People are going to know who we are. We're going to be on the map. We're going to compete. And then they see you act in a certain way and then you're aspirational and you validate the dream. So of all the accolades that this man has, the most impressive thing isn't even what I just shared with you. It's that my mom has a massive crush on you. No, I'm not kidding. So mom, I've embarrassed you to millions of people, but my mom's crush is here today, Jay Shetty. Oh, Ed, thank you so much, man. I'm so kidding. So mom, I've embarrassed you to millions of people, but my mom's crush is here today, Jay Shetty. Ed, thank you so much, man.

I'm so grateful for this. Someone would pay a lot of money to do this, but I'm gonna let them do it for free for a second. Someone says, I'm watching this, and I really have this energy about me after listening to this or watching this, and I wanna change my life. And maybe I don't have super high self esteem right now,

and potentially I lack a little bit of direction. Or maybe I know what I wanna do, but I don't know that high self esteem right now and potentially I lack a little bit of direction or maybe I know what I wanna do but I don't know that I have the confidence to get there. If you just, I wanna turn my life around, I wanna have some of these emotions that it seems as if you experience on a pretty regular basis. What advice or counsel just in general would you give somebody who wants to live a better life?

Yeah, so one of my biggest things, first of all, would be that we do this wrong because we do either or, or we do them in the wrong order. So in life, there are two aspects that impact everything. Our thinking and our actions. And I read a quote the other day that was saying that the mistake we make is that we either act without thinking or we think without acting. And I think that's where most people are if

You're feeling stuck or you're like, I'm not sure what I'm doing right now You're either doing too much thinking or you're doing too much acting So you're just doing a lot of stuff, but you don't know why you're doing it or you're just sitting there procrastinating every day And you're doing so I'd say it's both so the first thing I would say to you is take a moment and So the first thing I would say to you is take a moment and speak to three different people Speak to a family member a friend and a colleague and ask them this one question What strengths do I have? What do you think is my superpower? What skills do you think I bring emotional strong soft hard? Whatever it is

Do that first get that sense check Second thing for the next month, take off every weekend, eight days, because there's eight Saturdays and Sundays all together in a month, and book a different course, workshop, seminar, online, offline, go to an event, shadow a friend, go and spend time with an aunt, uncle

who's doing the career you want. Go and have eight new experiences, and after each of them sit with yourself and ask yourself, did I like that? Yes or no? Whether you liked it or not, ask yourself, why did I like it or why did I not like it? And then ask yourself, would I like to do it again? And if the answer is yes, yes, yes, guess what? Go do it again. And if the answer is no, no, no, don't do it again. Leave it out.

But if you've had eight, and this is the problem, we do that over a year. We do that over eight years. And that's why life feels slow and boring and lethargic and stuck. But it just, in the next eight days in a weekend, just test eight new things, and you'll have just a great experiment.

And the worst thing that will happen is you'll find eight things that you don't like but I guarantee you that even if you have a sense of that reflection in the beginning and and what I don't get why we don't do this enough is wow we do it with food and movies all the time like you just Ed is such a kind man like I got here slightly late because of traffic and then he let me eat my lunch because I wanted to be full of energy I need to find out where that place is because it's local to here. My team got it ordered for me. It was amazing. And it's like, you know when you eat something whether you like it or not. You know when you watch a movie whether you like it or not. You know when you read a book whether

you like it or not. But why don't we ask ourselves after meeting people, completing projects or going to places. Most of us keep meeting people that take our energy. Most of us keep going to places that drain us of our energy. And most of us keep working on projects that just disturb our energy. All you have to do is ask yourself, does this bring me alive? Why does it bring me alive?

Really important to know why it works and do I wanna do it again? I got him. I got him. Ah. I got ET. Hey. So this is Eric Thomas as you all know and in my opinion, you guys know that I've been speaking for a long time.

I think this is an anointed, gifted, incredible communicator because it comes from your heart. But I love this analogy you have. I've never heard before. Some people have heard this but I want you to speak to this. Because big old reasons, you talk about the difference between a gazelle and a lion, and it's their reasons, their purpose, right? Speak to that for a second.

And the reason why I'm so big on that is because as I've been speaking for over 20 years, I study people. And I'm like, yo, my man graduated, magnum cum laude, summa cum laude, why is he broke? I'm just like, I was thinking if I was that smart, it would seem like I would just own half the world. But what I realize is it doesn't make a difference if you're smart, born in a wealthy family, born broke. I realize what

makes people different is the energy level that they have and the energy level is because of what's driving them. You feel me? So if you got a Ford Focus, that's a baby engine. It's not wrong with a Ford, it's just a baby engine. And when I was coming around here, I could tell it's not gonna make it in all these neighborhoods right here. You know what I'm saying? But when you look at a F-150, that engine is,

it can pull a lot, you can put bricks in there, you can, construction, you can, if you, snowboard, whatever you wanna do. You can put a vehicle on that can construction you can if you are so snowboard whatever you want to do you can put a vehicle on that sucker and drive it because of the engine and so what I try to explain to people it's like yo you got to understand that if you got these big old dreams with these little small engines you got these big old dreams with double-a batteries bro big old engine I mean big old dreams with a d battery you can't power nothing with that. So when I say DD, that's like, that's a big, that's V12. That's like, don't give me off.

So you got 87 octane, you know, you got 89, you got 93. It's all gas, but it's different. And so when I say a gazelle, like a gazelle is only driven by, I don't wanna get caught. You know what I'm saying? I just don't wanna get caught. You know what I'm saying? I just don't wanna get caught. So when you're running because you don't wanna get caught versus you chasing because you gotta feed your fans,

you got cubs, it's just a difference. So after running for so long, first of all, I didn't have no plans on running. So that's number one. Like I didn't have no plans on running. So now you got me running when I didn't have no plans on running. So that's number one. Like I didn't have no plans on running. So now you got me running when I didn't have no plans on running. So guess what? After so long the running and you still behind me, I'm about to give up because I didn't have no plans on running.

So now it's like I'm running, running, running, running. I'm looking at you and you still behind me. And I'm just like, you know what? Since I'm not running toward nothing anyway, I just get weak and give up. But if I'm running towards you and saying, my wife gotta eat, my son gotta eat, my daughter gotta eat, and they not gonna make it if I don't come back with something, then I'm not gonna stop until I get that thing. So that's why I'm saying like, yo, what's pushing you?

What's driving you? And if the right stuff ain't driving, look, you can't come back to Dee Dee and say, yo Dee, I'm sorry, I ain't catch nothing today. You can't say that to Dee Dee. Dee Dee don't wanna hear it. Dee Dee like, all right, come back to Dee Dee and say, yo Dee, I'm sorry, I ain't catch nothing today. You can't say that to Dee Dee. Dee Dee don't wanna hear it. Dee Dee like, all right, go back out again, don't come back until you get it.

And because I wanna be with her, I'm like, Gazelle, it's just a matter of, yep, it's you gonna, look, look, I don't even have to be strong. I'm just gonna keep running and you gonna stop sooner or later and I'm not gonna stop. And I'm gonna eat you, take you back to the crib. I'm going to eat you.

Such a huge thing, because people go, well, never quit. You just explained why you never quit, right? Because you ever heard someone say, I'm in the hunt. That's the definition of being in the hunt. And people struggle sometimes. I mean, I just love you. Likewise, I'm feeling this.

I'm feeling this. One people say to me all the time, well, I don't know what my reason is. I'm gonna give you a little secret. He's giving it to you. Almost always your reason is other people. Almost always your reason is faith or other people. Those are always the biggies.

It's not stuff, right? It's not stuff. By the way, stuff's great. You should get stuff. You should get stuff. If there's stuff, get some. You should get stuff. Right?

I've been happy poor and I've been happy rich. Happy rich is way better than happy poor. Yeah, I promise you. Yeah. And you know what guys this is so big because you know Didi and I, man we love our home. He bought our home before I blew up and this is why you need to be hanging with Ed. Right. That's why you need to be hanging with Ed. Because Didi and I were just talking, was like yo we love our home, we love our whatever. You know what I'm saying? Great church family, we love everybody, Michigan, you know, whatever.

Just wanna get out when it's cold. But then I came here today, I came here, and listen to me, y'all gotta understand something. This is not the first time I've been in a house. Like, you gotta understand, it's not my first time. Like, yo, I walked through this and it wasn't a museum. Like, I've been to houses before, it's like, oh, it's a museum, I'm good on that. You know what I'm saying? Like a friend, I walked through this and it wasn't a museum. Like I've been to houses before,

it's like oh it's a museum, I'm good on that. I'm like for real, I'm good on that. I'm like I'm good on showing people how much money I got, I'm good on that. When I walked in here and especially with cops like yo, this is like, yo I could do this. You know what I'm saying? And maybe I can't, I don't know yet.

You know what I'm saying? We'll talk later, you know what I'm saying? But no, for real, I'm just sitting here like yo bro. So this is why this is important and this is probably why I don't do podcasts a lot what I'm saying? But no, for real, I'm just sitting here like, yo bro, so this is why this is important, and this is probably why I don't do podcasts a lot, because I'm not really interested in just, you know, being on somebody's show. But I feel like you said, like,

there's a reason why I'm here today, and I'm about to go, like yo, I'm about to go to another level myself. You understand what I'm saying? Like, I'm about to leave and say, like yo E, like, yeah, you doing this, you doing that, you doing that. But like E, like, it's enough for you and DD y'all gotta chase something together now Yes, because before you was chasing for D

Not a D retired now you would D need to link up and they need to see yeah. Thanks, man Yeah, nothing honest to God. I'm not kidding you. I prayed about us meeting today. I'm not kidding you nothing man This makes me almost emotional I literally pray that you would tell me today that something happened today where you wanted to go to a new level and you got Clared I swear to you on anything important to me. That was my hope for today. That was your prayer was answered So amazing, I'm telling you we don't do this I was speaking in Irvine and and I called I said did he you cool cuz it's her time now, right? I'm like you cool with she like yeah, let's roll and I'm coming like Norman, you cool? Cause it's her time now. I'm like, you cool with it? She like, yeah, let's roll.

And I'm coming. Like Norman should be like, drop me off at the coastal mall and let me walk around. And I catch up with y'all when I catch up. Then you even saw her, she was in the car. She like, I'm good. You go in and do your thing. I'll meet you when you come back out.

She came in and thank God just wanted us to see that. Yeah, I've been not together. They gonna see us now. We're chasing them together now. And the reason is, because once you pick that next thing, you'll go get it. And the reason is,

is that you're what I would call like a dominator. Like I think you know how to, you can dominate a room. You dominate anything you want, right? But I can't get down around a dominator. I can already tell you for a fact that's never going to happen. Like you know about energy? Just forget it. I'm already telling you right now. I can tell tell you for a fact that's never going to happen. Like you know about energy?

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tall. Constant Contact.com. Very short intermission here, folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. You'll never miss an episode that way. Today, we're going to talk about patterns. Yes.

Every human being is almost runs like a software program in their mind. And they run these patterns of behavior, patterns of thoughts, patterns of words, patterns of performance, and most of these patterns run in our lives without us being conscious of them and they steal from us our ability to be happier, to be more joyful, to produce at the highest levels, to engage with people the right way, and they create for us oftentimes in our life a disconnect between what our beliefs are and actually how we behave. We call that cognitive dissonance oftentimes where we believe one thing but we often behave differently and that's because sometimes our patterns can even override our

thoughts and oftentimes in life if we can just become conscious that we do have these patterns, we begin to evaluate them and be aware of them. We can identify them when they rear their head and we can overcome them. We can create new patterns that serve us. And so the first thing I'm here to tell you today is that you do run a series of patterns in your life. You have a pattern of behavior, you have a pattern of producing results. There's certain stimulus that cause these patterns to happen for you, and unless you begin to evaluate them and be aware of them when they happen,

these patterns begin to really take control of our lives. For some of you, even as I say this, you're nodding your head in awareness, you're sort of aware, I fall into these patterns of when something happens, I begin to think a certain way, which creates another thought and another behavior, and I find myself running this same story again. Or if I get into a disagreement with somebody,

a pattern kicks in. Or if I have a failure, a pattern kicks in. If I have a success, a pattern kicks in. And so if we can become aware of these things, it's a breakthrough in our lives. I think today could be one of the more powerful programs I've ever brought to you. It's just becoming aware of what some of

these patterns are. Now before we get into those, I want to talk a little bit about what you really want. You know often in life just choosing the emotions we want. We've talked in a lot of my programs about the caliber of our life has everything to do with the caliber of the emotions we experience on a regular level. We are our emotions and so the first thing I'd ask you to do with the caliber of the emotions we experience on a regular level. We are our emotions. And so the first thing I'd ask you to do is to start to use the power of choice in your life. Yes, you get to choose your life. You get to choose how you feel, not other people.

There's these illusions in life. We really can't control anything other than our own thoughts, our own behavior, our own patterns. We can't control what other people do, say or think and it's this illusion of control oftentimes that we can somehow manipulate other people or manipulate situations that cause us to fall into these patterns. But what we do have the power of in life is we have the power to choose and I say this to you because I'm somebody just like you, I struggle with the different patterns I have.

Some of them serve me, some of them don't. I sometimes engage in thoughts that don't create the right emotions for me, that don't serve me. I know what it's like to be frustrated and angry and depressed and down and lost and fearful and worried. Worry's a big one for me. I love to fall into the pattern of worry when certain circumstances begin to happen. It creates a trigger and big one for me. I love to fall into the pattern of worry when certain circumstances begin to happen

It creates a trigger and a pattern in me and man do I love to worry And so I give you these tools and resources because these are things I too struggle with I've been able to overcome them by just being aware and choosing and so the first thing is the power of choice Finish this sentence for me. I choose to be blissful rather than blank. I choose to be blissful rather than blank. What would your answer be? One of the emotions I challenge you to experience more of in life is bliss.

You know, we are the calibration of maybe the five emotions we experience on a regular basis. And so if you're experiencing depression, frustration, worry, fear, anxiety, experience on a regular basis. And so if you're experiencing depression, frustration, worry, fear, anxiety, pain on a regular basis, you're gonna have one life. If you're experiencing bliss and fulfillment and ecstasy and joy in your life and contribution, recognition and significance,

if you're experiencing love, you experience those emotions, you have a totally different life. We have the power to choose which emotions we want to experience. And so I love the emotion of bliss. I love the word bliss as you know. I have an audio that's out called Blissful Dissatisfaction

that's a critically acclaimed and a highly downloaded audio and video on being both blissfully dissatisfied. Dissatisfied, desiring for more, but in a current state of bliss. I love the word bliss because of its definition. Its definition in Webster's is perfect happiness or joy. I love that. Webster's also says some of the synonyms for bliss are joy, pleasure, ecstasy, delight,

happiness, euphoria, heaven, paradise, cloud nine, Utopia, Eden, these are all synonyms for the word bliss. I like how all of those sound. Those are the noun versions in the dictionary of bliss. The verb, the action of being blissful, according to the dictionary is, to reach a state of perfect happiness, typically as to be oblivious to everything else.

Wouldn't that be amazing? To be in perfect happiness and be oblivious to everything else. Wouldn't that be amazing to be in perfect happiness and be oblivious to everything else? That's the verb or the action of being blissful. And the antonym according to Webster's to bliss is misery. And the last thing we want to be is feeling misery. So it's the antithesis of misery. So I choose to be blissful rather than what? What if you could choose every day to be blissful? But oftentimes we don't choose to be blissful rather than what? What if you could choose every day to be blissful? But oftentimes, we don't choose to be blissful because we choose to be right.

We choose to win. We choose to be significant. We choose to be in control. We make choices to try to experience other emotions. And by the way, all of these other emotions are typically outside of our control. Winning is outside of our control. Dominating is outside of our control. All of these things are something we can't control

and we choose them over bliss. But what if you just made a conscious decision right now? I choose bliss. I choose to be blissful rather than blank. And it's being aware of the other things you choose so that you can be conscious. When you go to choose those things, you go for instead and by the way not making a choice is a choice a non decision is a decision if you don't choose consciously to begin to experience the emotions you want okay for me bliss is very important joy is very important peace is very important contribution is very important connection is very important, peace is very important, contribution is very important, connection is very important.

What are the five emotions that if you could choose them you'd experience on a regular basis? Just take an inventory of that. You don't have to be perfect, they may change, there may be eight, but what are five ones right now? Say them out loud to yourself. What are the five ones you'd want? Is it love, is it ecstasy, is it joy, is it passion?

Is it intensity, Is it ecstasy? Is it joy? Is it passion? Is it intensity? Is it focus? Is it peace? Is it faith? What are the emotions you would choose? If you could choose five emotions and begin to tell yourself I choose to feel blank rather than this and when you just begin to become conscious of that choice you've already moved ahead of 99.9% of the world who just responds and reacts and goes into pattern mode all the time. So just choosing gives you an advantage. And by the way, once again, not choosing is a choice. You've decided to go into your pattern.

You've decided to let other people dictate to you your emotions. You've decided you have no control over your life by not choosing So choose I'd rather be blissful then blank. I'd rather be joyful than blank. I'd rather have ecstasy than blank What do you choose rather than so now let's discuss these patterns for a second Why do we have these patterns you have patterns because they serve you. There's a payoff to every pattern. And by the way, you say, well, no, because one of my patterns is I slip into worry and then I'm completely unhappy.

How's that a payoff for me? It's a payoff for you because it's predictable. It's become your home. And so you don't have any pattern that doesn't give you a payoff. Well, no, because when things don't go my way, I become combative, I become argumentative, that's my pattern. Then I get in a disagreement in my relationship and then I say things I don't go my way, I become combative, I become argumentative, that's my pattern, then I get in a disagreement

in my relationship, and then I say things I don't mean. How's there a payoff there for me? There's a payoff because it gets you what you want, even though you don't know it, it gets you out of the conversation, it gets you maybe to avoid your own responsibility, it gives you the disconnect that somehow you're more comfortable with than dealing with the problem.

But I promise you, every pattern you have, both healthy and unhealthy, you have them because there's a payoff for you. So the key to a happier life, the key to a more successful life, is to evaluate our patterns, and when we see them happening, begin to step outside of them

and create new ones that serve us. And so, what are some of the patterns you have, for example, that don't serve you? So for example, when a difficult situation arises, what is your pattern? What pattern mode do you go into? Do you become more resourceful, more focused, or do you become more fearful, worried,

and you begin to make excuses? When you get into a disagreement with a loved one, what is your pattern typically? Do you become more combative? Do you listen less and talk more? Does the pattern begin... You understand what I'm saying. Do you begin to run this program that you run in such a way that it puts you in a state you don't want to be in? When adversity strikes, when someone puts you down, when there's a hater, what pattern mode do you typically kick into? Do you start to repeat other negative thoughts? Do you replay videos in your mind of other people who have also said negative things to you in the past?

Or other thoughts you have about yourself that are lonesome and you begin to stack these thoughts. Often times, one person says something to us negative and it creates this pattern we run, doesn't it? We begin to think of another embarrassing moment, another person who saw something negative. We begin to create other negative thoughts about ourselves to stack it and you say, how's there a payoff for being that? Because it's what you're used to. It pays you off by reassuring you, you're right, you're a loser. You're right, you're not going to win.

There's a payoff because guess what? Now you don't have to do the real work because you were never one anyway because you're this terribly unprepared person. So that's your payoff. And so you have these patterns, don't you? Now some people, their pattern kicks into winning. When someone puts them down, they start to buck up. They start to get resourceful.

They start to feed themselves positive thoughts. They're aware of it that's there and they begin to go into a hyper productive positive emotion mode. Yes they do, believe it or not. When adversity strikes for some people they go into a fearful mode. They begin to think about all the things that could go worse and worse and worse and they depress themselves and that pattern creates the very situations you fear. The same is true when we're successful. Sometimes, some people when they become successful, they go into a pattern when they begin to sabotage themselves and slow down and stop the behaviors that got them there. They begin to believe their own press clippings,

that they've arrived, they don't have to do the work they used to do. Maybe they begin to fall into patterns where they get their relationships out of sorts and that's their pattern. Life starts to go well in business. My pattern is every time life goes well in business, I start having issues in my personal life and they sabotage the business success with their personal life and that's a pattern they run.

If it's happened more than once to you, it's not coincidental, it's a pattern. In my fitness life, you may say every time I start to get super fit, it seems then I get ill, then I don't go to the gym for a week, then I start eating poorly and I'm back to where I was. If it's happened more than once, it's a pattern, right? And so begin to evaluate these patterns you have that don't serve you and simply begin to choose to create new patterns, more empowering patterns, patterns that give you the emotions and the results you want to have in your life. You will be amazed at how many patterns you have. Your response to adversity, fear, success, mediocrity, criticism, strife in a relationship, your nutrition, your faith, all of the different patterns you run. There is such

power in beginning to separate and identify these patterns when they begin to repeat. Even as I'm saying it, I can feel you nodding your head. My gosh, I do have a pattern when I'm successful. Every time I climb up a little bit, I start this pattern where I sabotage or I start to believe too much or my relationships go sideways. Every time I start to get more fit, I start, I somehow get ill or I somehow miss a day at the gym or that's the day my car breaks down. Every time I have a pattern where I accumulate more money, I fall into this pattern where I save, save, save and then I spend it all on something I shouldn't or then I do something with money I shouldn't have or it seems like every time

then a repair comes up or something with my kids. You're falling into these patterns. There's massive power in beginning to understand that's not who you are. I've done enough training with you. If you haven't listened to my previous work, please go back and listen to it. You are not your possessions. You are not your accomplishments.

You are not what other people say you are. You are not what you look like. And guess what else you're not? You are not your patterns. But your life becomes a combination? You are not your patterns but your life becomes a combination and a result of your patterns. The great thing about us is that we can change these patterns if we identify them. The pattern has no power over you once you know it's a program and a pattern running. The minute

you start you go Mike I'm doing it again aren't I? I'm doing this thing I do every time I accumulate money. I'm doing the same thing every time me and my spouse get in a disagreement. I'm doing the same thing every time I'm starting to feel loved by somebody and I push them away. Every time things start to go bad financially, I spiral. Every time there's adversity, I do the same pattern where I start worrying.

Every time I get fit, I do the same pattern. When you begin to see these things, you begin to go, my gosh, this isn't who I am. That's not your identity. There's a difference between your identity and your pattern. And the more you begin to build your identity, as I've talked about my other audios, and be aware of patterns, and then simply ask yourself,

when this comes up again in the future, what pattern would serve me? What pattern can I take control of? What would be the steps I need to take that will create the bliss I want or the win I want or the production I want? What would the pattern need to be? The pattern immediately, by the way, stops when you identify it. The pattern only hurts you when it runs unconsciously. The pattern loses all its power over you once you see it. It's gone. It can't continue to run once you're aware of it

because all of a sudden you're like, I know what I'm doing, here I go. And you can begin to identify it and make a shift. So this is so critical. Start to ask yourself, am I running one of these patterns? What are some of the ones I typically do that serve me? And what are the ones that don't serve me? And what we do in our life is we compare too much. And so remember this, you're working on

your identity, okay? Everybody wears what I would call like a mask, a public mask, or even a social mask. It's the person they present themselves to be. You do it too, I do it as well. It's the person everybody thinks we are and so it's the person we reveal to the public. It's not whom we really are, it's not our real thoughts, our real behaviors, our real hope. Everybody wears this public mask or this social mask I call it where they're, it's who they want everybody to think they are. It's the best-put version of themselves and if you're not careful you begin to compare your own real identity with other people's public mask.

And this begins to create a pattern for you. Don't compare yourself. Most of the people you see on social media, or even in your personal life, or even when you go to lunch with them, or see them at work, they're wearing what I would call a public mask. It's the best possible version

that they can put out to themselves. And oftentimes what we do in life is we compare our real identity that we're working on and we're growing to their mask. And that's not fair to ourselves at all. Any comparison doesn't serve us. And it's oftentimes this comparison when you're in a disagreement with somebody,

it's the mask they're wearing compared to the identity you have and then you begin to run a pattern to respond to it. It happens in fitness, in relationships, in money and in business. Remember you're in charge of controlling your own identity and growing your own identity and being aware of the patterns you have that do and do not serve you. Not comparing yourself to someone else's public representative. It's just the representative they're putting out there. It's not who they really are and it's

not something that you need to be aware of because it's not something you can control. The more you can begin to delineate in life between things I can control and I cannot control would be to the extent that you're more productive and you're happier. You can control your own thoughts, your own emotions, your own identity and your own patterns, not other people's. So speaking of these payoffs we talked about earlier, how can you begin to get the payoff you want

from the new empowering pattern? And so a couple questions I want you to ask yourself today because we do want more bliss. Since that's my word, I'm assuming you want more bliss after you've heard all the synonyms and I know you want the antithesis to misery. So assuming you want more bliss in your life, decide to have it and take some actions towards getting it.

So let me ask you a question. What are you doing currently to create more bliss in your life? What are the actions you're taking to give yourself more bliss? You are intentionally seeking more bliss because bliss is going to lead to more wealth, more abundance, more fitness, more faith, better relationships, more happiness, more peace, more wins, more success, more recognition, more significance. So what are you consciously doing now that you've chosen bliss? What is the consistent action you're taking to create more in your life? What are you doing to give yourself bliss? Is it acknowledging victories you have?

Is it giving gifts to other people of your belief and your hope? Is it lifting other people up? Is it taking a bath, getting a massage, taking a walk, going for a workout, winning, achieving, knocking goals off your list? What are the things you're doing to create bliss in your own life, number one? Number two question I have for you. What are you doing to intentionally create bliss in the lives of the people that you care about? Because this is the pathway to getting more of it ourselves. The more we begin to give other people bliss, the more we begin to consciously make choices that give bliss to other people in their lives, the more we begin to experience it in abundance ourselves. So what are you doing to help other people win? other people contribute, other people get significance and recognition, other people have more peace and ecstasy and joy and passion in their lives.

Because once you begin to create it for other people, when you're intentional about it, you'll have more of it yourself. These are the patterns that I'd like to see kick in for you. That when they kick in, you begin to run a pattern in a program that leads you to bliss, leads you to a win, leads you to increase and also leads to it with someone in your life. That if you do have a conflict with somebody that you run a pattern that eventually leads, maybe it's understanding them, maybe it's confronting them, maybe it's talking about it. It's not always when you're in a disagreement that you lead to a win, that you must win this, that you must overcome the fact that they think this of you.

What if you were consciously choosing, every time you got into a disagreement with your spouse, this will eventually lead to more bliss? At least that was your outcome. Now the steps you take, it's probably gonna be ugly in the beginning, you're probably gonna have to some understanding, you may not even agree on everything.

But if your intention is that it leads to bliss, rather than you winning, rather than you controlling them, rather than you making it go away, rather than you running a pattern, if when you're beginning to succeed in business, if your outcome is more bliss, more winning, you'll run a pattern that does more of that. If in your fitness you're getting fit

past where you've ever been before, and you're making a conscious decision, how can I get more bliss out of my fitness rather than running this other pattern of sabotage? Let's see, the circumstances may be the same. There may be some ugly patches, but you're now consciously choosing to run a program and a pattern that leads you to bliss, to victory, to the win, to fulfillment, whatever the emotion is you choose.

Just making that choice gets you there, gets you closer to it, makes it an outcome. We are not as human beings doing enough conscious choosing of what we want in our lives. So what are you doing to create bliss in your own life? What are you doing to create bliss in other people's lives? And how blissful are you to be around? Just ask yourself that too. How blissful am I to be around? How ask yourself that too. How blissful am I to be around? How joyful am I to be around? How much are people winning when they're around me?

Whatever the emotion is you choose, how much of that do people experience when they're around me? People are great now, because there's all this stuff in personal development about choosing to win, choosing your outcome, choosing your schedule, choosing your habits. I'm the master of teaching this.

Go back through my content. Nobody puts out more specific content in teaching people the tools of how to choose the right habits, the right rituals, the right thinking, programming your brain. I do that at a level far beyond anybody out there. I'm not one of these influencers who just repeats mindless memes all the time, or I don't repeat

the same sayings over and over again. I don't just tell you very basic things you could read in any book or go to any seminar. I go very deep, very tactical, very strategic, but having said all of that, no one's talking about choosing the intentional emotion we want, which is why we do all this stuff in the first place. So that when the stimulus happens, the win or the loss, the adversity or the success, the disagreement or the tragedy, consciously choosing in that moment to chase bliss anyway, that it may be a while till I get to it, but this pattern I'm going to run, the choices I will make, the decisions I choose, even though there

may be some bumps between there, the end result is going to be more bliss. Choosing that emotion as your outcome. And remember, not choosing it is a choice. You've chosen to let an unconscious pattern run. And you know where that's gotten you. It's gotten to where you are right now listening to this. Whatever it is, good, bad, or indifferent in your life, your current level of happiness, of joy, of success, of fulfillment is exactly what you think you deserve. It's exactly what you think you're worth.

It's a hard thing to accept, but in our lives, we are getting out of our life right now exactly what we believe we're worthy of, exactly what we think we deserve. Our life is a direct reflection of our identity, which is the thoughts, concepts, beliefs, values, and worth we hold true to be about ourselves. And so as hard as it is to accept, we're getting out of life right now what we believe we're worth. And we believe we're worth it because of these patterns and our identity

and our lack of choosing to have what we want, not just the material things, not just the body fat, not just the body weight, not just the amount of money, not just having the relationship, but choosing the emotion we want. The level above all this stuff I discuss, and the level way down here where the people just cover the basic stuff,

then there's what I've been covering, the highest level is to choose the emotions we want to experience and to begin to run patterns that serve us and eliminate the ones who move us further from them. The final thing I want you to ask yourself today is we're talking a lot about these choices. I want you to evaluate for a second what these patterns are you're running and when they begin to rear their head, just identify them and begin to make decisions and choices that create a new pattern. It's as simple as it is. It's not that complicated. You've fallen into these

patterns because there's a payoff and so as long as you begin to identify it when it's happening and you begin to create a new pattern that leads you to the choice you've chosen which is the emotion you want. See because these patterns you run that don't get you there, the minute you choose the emotion you want, you're conscious about it and intentional, you can't run this pattern once you identify it. And the power of choice is critical in our lives. I want you to think about something right now. What are five of the most important choices you've made in your life?

Just think about that for a second. Begin to list them off in your head. Five of the most important choices you've made in your life. Maybe it was a decision to get involved in a particular business or to leave a particular business. Maybe it was a decision to get involved with a particular person or to become uninvolved with a particular person. Maybe it was a friend that you chose to walk across the room and meet and it changed your life. Maybe it was a friend that you had to walk away from

in order to improve your life. What are the five most important choices of your life? Just think about them for a second. And if you altered those five choices, good, bad, or indifferent, how different would your life be today? Because I'm a believer that there's everyday choices we make that when you stack them up, they make a massive difference in our life. But I'm also

believer that there are between five and ten, a handful of moments in everybody's life, that if we make the proper choices in those moments the complete trajectory of our life changes. And I think as you just asked yourself that question you may say there haven't been five, there's been two. What were they? And how'd they alter the direction of your life? Good, bad, or indifferent? Lady that picked me up a few weeks ago, an Uber driver, wonderful woman, but she was an older lady

and it was late at night when she picked me up and I asked her why she was doing what she was doing. It wasn't that she was driving for Uber because that's a choice and I have friends that do it, love it, it's extra money, they've done it in retirement, but I just had a sense that maybe she hadn't chosen it because she was complaining about her back and that she had had back surgery. I thought that's an interesting choice

to be driving at 11 o'clock at night and her back was sore. And she shared with me that she had chosen to leave a spouse earlier in her life that she wished she'd stayed with. And that it was a choice that altered the whole direction of her life. And I said, well, how did it alter the direction of your life? And she says, well, my ex, I moved away from my ex and my son wasn't around his father very much. And she said, I had no idea how that choice would impact him. But she said, the reason that I'm driving here

and I moved is I lost my home. And I lost my home because my 18-year-old son one night chose to have a couple drinks. And he had had three drinks at our house. And I was at work. And my son chose to take the car out of the driveway. And he chose to drive. And two blocks from our house,

he hit a family and killed somebody while drinking and driving. My son was a good boy. He had always got good grades, and he made the choice to do that that night, and he's in prison. He's serving eight years in prison. And I lost my home over the legal expenses,

and we've moved to Las Vegas, and now I drive an Uber, because that's what I've got to do just to support my family. And she, it made me think, you know, she said the choice to leave my husband really affected my son. And I thought, yeah, the choice your son made really affected his life. Those were two life choices that both of them made that altered the direction of both of their lives. His choice, that good boy made one choice that altered the direction of both of their lives. His choice, that good boy made one choice that altered the direction of his life. And I think if you evaluate, there may not be something that dramatic,

but there's been probably five choices, if you're my age, if you're in your 40s. There's probably been five major choices of your life. Maybe it's who you decided to marry or not marry, a relationship you got in or out of, a business you started or didn't start, something you left or began, a friend, a house you bought or didn't buy, an business you started or didn't start, something you left or began, a friend, a house you bought or didn't buy,

an investment you did or didn't make, you know, a decision you made in your fitness one way or the other. Maybe it's stopping using alcohol or using too much alcohol, the first time you tried a drug that you're now addicted to. I don't know what those choices are, but those handful of choices

alter the direction of your life. And I want you to begin to become conscious of choosing the emotions you want because they will alter the choices you make every single day in the small choices. They will also alter the decisions you make on the five big ones in your life. If you're very clear about the emotions you want to experience, if you're very clear on the person you are as you build your identity, if you have those two things wired,

I'm clear about the emotions I want to experience and I'm clear about who I am and my identity and my worth and what I'm worthy of and what I deserve, they will guide you in making the right choices in the small ones and the big ones. They will guide you towards the right patterns. The answer to changing these patterns, the answer to and the big ones. They will guide you towards the right patterns. The answer to changing these patterns, the answer to making the right choices

is perfect and specific clarity on the emotions we want to have in our life on a regular basis and on who we are in our identity so that we produce the lives we believe we deserve that we're worthy of. They will be your compass in making the small and big choices. They will be your compass in making the small and big choices.

They will help guide the patterns. If you're somebody who's addicted to being blissful and happy and you begin to run a pattern and program that you know doesn't lead you there, it sort of blows it up. It's like a virus in the program. You'll be aware and you can't run it. You begin to choose to create new patterns.

If you've got an identity of somebody who's worthy of great relationships and abundance and success and peace and fitness and health and all of the great things, if that's your identity, you won't be able to run patterns that lead you in this place on a regular basis. There is something called cognitive dissonance which is when we begin to behave in a way that's not consistent with our thoughts.

And the antidote to that is both of these things combined. It's the ability to begin to choose consciously the emotions we want combined with our identity. When you're conscious of choosing the emotions you want to experience and you're completely conscious of choosing who you are and what you're worthy of deserving, you have to act in congruence with both of those combined. One missing from the other can cause us to make poor choices. Both of them missing is a choice not to choose and will lead us into pain and mediocrity,

worry, fear, and all the emotions we don't want. Having one of them in place will guide you to a decent destination. But when you have both combined the identity and the choosing, the conscious intentions for the emotions you want, you begin to have great choices being made in your life on a very regular basis. Not every day, not every time, not every moment, but enough of the time where you make progress towards your dreams, progress towards the man or woman you're capable of becoming. And when you have the combination of these two things these patterns begin to change, we begin

to replace them. So I'd ask yourself today what are the patterns you're running that don't serve you? Begin to be aware of those patterns, know who your real identity is, get conscious of choosing bliss over blank, see those patterns when they're happening, interrupt them, continue to work on your identity. These two things combined, I think, are the critical components to making the decisions and the choices in our life that when we look back, I don't want you to end up in your 80s or 90s and regret the choices you made.

I want you to go back, I put it through what I call the rocking chair test, that someday for all of you who I love so much, who I believe in so much, I want that rocking chair test for you, for you to pass it. And that is, I'm proud of the choices I made. My life wasn't perfect. I made some mistakes, but I chose the emotions I wanted. I worked on my identity.

I created patterns that empowered me and the people around me. And you know what, by and large, I'm proud of the choices I made in my life. I'm proud of the man or woman I've become. That's how we know we've had a great life. I don't want you to be in that rocking chair someday and regret the choices you made.

Regret the patterns you ran and that you just unconsciously went through your life without choosing the direction of it, choosing the decisions, choosing the emotions, choosing to be the man or woman you're worthy of, choosing the decisions, choosing the emotions, choosing to be the man or woman you're worthy of, choosing the life you deserve. The final piece of the puzzle today is what are the three to five choices you must make

in order to create the life you want? Right now, what are the choices you must make? The big ones, the people that need to be in your life or out of your life, the patterns you will no longer run again, the choice perhaps to work on your identity like you never have before. Evaluate what the three to five decisions are you've made so far in your life

that have taken you a certain direction. Or what are the three to five you need to make in order to change your life and take it in the direction you want. These patterns will lose their power over you. Your identity and your conscious choice will begin to take charge. And I know you're gonna have more happiness and produce more results and have a much

better life and that's what I wish for you. So I have a funny feeling that today impacted you on a deep level because we all have these patterns we need to look at. We all need to consciously choose the emotions we want and I have a feeling that it made a difference in your life. If I'm right about it please share the program it's free. Brendan Bruchard welcome back to the show. Ed Mylett. It's an honor, man. It's really an honor. Now let me ask you this. Here's a tough one. People listening to this say to themselves, I want to change too, but I would prefer not to get rattled around in a car and have to get near death to do it. And you

said a minute ago, I want to pick that apart a little bit because some people do need a dramatic moment. But if someone's listening, how does this is such a broad based question, but it's, we've got two pretty good guys at it sitting here. We might as well work on it together, right? How does one begin to change? What is the catalyst for that? How does one, in your opinion, begin to change? Well, you know, in the old, the old books of personal development, I always answered that by, it's either inspiration or desperation, which we know. I'm a little more, I guess, framework driven than that.

I think that at some point, all change, it's inspired by ambition. Which is funny because people today think ambition's this bad thing. But ambition, whether you call it desire or drive, or you feel like you must, or in psychology, we call it psychological necessity. I feel like it's necessary.

Like it's necessary now. There's no choice, there's no going back. There was a threshold, there's something. Not everyone needs a car accident, because you know how many people I've told that story to? Millions of people in person, live on stadiums and arenas, or 500 million people on video views now, a lot of people say, I was in a car accident too.

My car accident was even more dramatic than yours, because they lost a limb or they were disabled or, but I didn't change. Yes. I didn't change, Brendan, why? And ultimately it comes back to psychological necessity. And we can think about it a couple different layers. One layer is that you are the way that you are

because of what we all call the comfort zone, right? There's comfort in who we are, how we be, how we behave, I should say, our natural strengths, talents, abilities, just who you are already. That's just your comfort zone. That's how you are. But what happens for other people,

there's a layer above that and they shift because now there's a demand zone. Circumstances demand you change. Yeah. Your dreams demand that you change. Something external demands that you change or you place the demand on your own shoulders because you want a different kind of life.

Most people are scared to demand anything from themselves. Yeah. And most people, when a demand hits them, it feels like an obligation and they fight it. They resist it. I don't want that. And don't, you know, you're at work. Don't give me more stuff to do.

How dare my manager ask me more? They fight, as soon as demand approaches them, it's a threat. Other people teach themselves because they're into growth. A demand approaches them. That's challenge. That's character development. Let me see if I can rise to that.

So the approach to demand and how we view that as a threat or as a challenge is a fundamental mindset or choice of attitude. And then above that, there's another layer, which is why don't people change? And which you, oh my gosh, every episode you do, I feel like there's a master class on that. And that's what we call the esteem zone.

Okay. Esteem zone. A lot of people have, you know, comforts and abilities. They could be remarkable. They have the natural talents. Other people have lots of demands on top of them. They still don't change, why? Esteem.

Yeah. How they view themselves, value themselves, express themselves, relate themselves to the world. Mm-hmm. They, even though they have so much opportunity or so many natural talents, because how many gifted people do we know who never potentialize that gift?

So many. Because their esteem, their value of themselves, their view of themselves, their belief in their ability to figure things out is so low that it doesn't matter. You could give them the greatest challenges, resources, tools, support, but no one ever cared for them.

And they never taught themselves to care for themselves. There you go. So how can they change? Care for themselves. Can I add to that? Yeah. I think about your story and I think of two things. I think of number one, the meaning you took from it. It's not the events of our lives that define us.

It's the meaning we take from the events. So you could have taken from that event, my gosh, thanks God. You have my girlfriend cheat on me that I went away to college with. Now I try to get a break and my car crashes and you almost kill me. I'm doomed. I'm doomed. Bad things happen to me. I never thought about it that way. Of course it didn't. And that's why your life is what it is, Brendan.

Many people would have taken that event and said, here we go again. I'm doomed. Bad things happened to me. Over and over again, tragedy. My relationship crashes. Now my car crashes. Now my spirits crashed.

You didn't do that. What happened was is you took a meaning from it that it was a golden ticket. You even have a term for it, which is a beautiful term, which by the way has resonated with me. And the way you got that golden ticket, the way you took that meaning was the questions you asked yourself. So the quality of our life is oftentimes the quality of the questions you asked yourself standing there. Did I love? Did I live? Do I matter? Did I matter? Those are powerful questions that shaped what it meant for

you and shaped what your life meant for you. And so I think both things are true. What you said is a hundred percent true. And for people listening to this, if you want to change your life, you have to change what things mean in your life. Most importantly is the esteem thing, change who and what you mean. Start to ask different questions about yourself and you'll get different answers. People say, I got to change the way I think. Okay, what is thinking? Thinking is the process of asking and answering questions to yourself.

That's what a thought is. And so if you can change the question, you can change the answer, you change the meaning, you have a chance to change your life. And I feel like the powerful part of that story is, did I live? Did I love? Did I matter? Since you said that to me a long time ago, I ask myself that often and it guides me. And so I think if you're sitting here going, what are the questions? What am I great at? What are my dreams? Right? These are the, what are my talents? What are my proclivities? What do I enjoy doing? What emotions do I want to have?

What do I deserve to have in my life? And I think if you begin to change those questions and ask them enough times because the story you tell yourself currently You've just told it a lot of times. Yes, you've asked the questions a lot of times. So it's become your narrative You've built neural pathways literally in your mind that you've diluted yourself into believing This is who you are. But the truth is there's been many versions of you. I'm looking at you There was this version of you that was the in love young college guy wanted to be a landscaper Yeah, then he goes to college then he's the depressed you then he's the car accident you then he's the live love matter you then you became This unbelievable speaker you then you became the personal development you and the coach you and the coach to the

coaches you and now I look at you and now you're like this software business mogul pioneer guy but and I think one of the things in this world today is people need more tools they need more resources I think winning and I've argued with this even Tony Robbins and I have argued about this. I think winning, and I've argued with this, even Tony Robbins and I have argued about this, but I think winning is as much environmental as it is mental. And Tony would say, no, you can overcome your environment. Absolutely. A hundred percent true. But if you can create a great environment around you, then you're more likely to succeed. Sure.

People have overcome their environments. I did as a child, you've overcome different environments, but the fastest way to win is to be in an environment of winning. Take an average player, add them to a perennial team like the Lakers or the Yankees. They just play different with that uniform on. A good clubhouse versus a bad clubhouse. This is the Enmiling Show.