The F Plus - 118: My Little Podcast: Fandom Is Tragic

Episode Date: December 8, 2013

My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic premiered in 2010, almost exactly a year after The F Plus' first episode. But despite this, we've intentionally avoided the topic of Bronies throughout the pod...cast simply because it seemed too simple and straightforward to spend an hour going "I find cartoon horses sexy". Of course, we should have realized that is the entry point and it gets more insane from there. This week, nuzzling!

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Also, Boots has accidentally coined a new term, Broner, which is a boner that a brony gets when he looks at rarity in Sweden Elite passionately kissing Princess Celestia Hooves. Now a rainbow's tale isn't quite as nice As the story we knew of sugar and spice But a rainbow is easy once you get to know it With the help of the magic of a Pegasus device 120-something episodes into this whole thing, we need to really make sure that we're exploring the content
Starting point is 00:00:47 that the internet has to offer us. So you're familiar with My Little Pony, right? I have been on the internet longer than 15 minutes, so yes. Sure, okay. And you know about bronies? Yep, I've heard of them. Okay, and you know that bronies largely, like seemingly want to have sex with cartoon horses?
Starting point is 00:01:08 Uh, yep, that's old hat, you know, I've heard about all that stuff, you know, not real impressed anymore. Sorry, yeah, I know, you're jaded. Do you know about magic spells to create My Little Ponies to watch My Little Pony with you. Hmm. You know, I gotta say, that actually sounds a little bit stranger than... Well, let's just say I'm not as familiar with that. Sure, sure. Do you know about
Starting point is 00:01:35 tulpas? Do you know what tulpas are? They're those flowers that grow in Holland, right? Yeah, I think that's right. Yeah, so this is My Little Pony pony there's talk of tulpas i understand about 14 of what's going to happen it would make more sense of vortex but here is but she isn't so here we go readers assemble in the room tonight we have Boots Reingear.
Starting point is 00:02:06 James Infrared is a dark and quiet earth pony. He wears a red fedora for good luck. Jimmy Franks? Sometimes I just like to think about fucking cartoon horses. It's fun. My cutie mark is an AK-47. Bump girl. I am my own Tulpa.
Starting point is 00:02:30 And Lemon. Okay, I must admit this. There was some manly tears shed when I read this story. It is one of the most beautifully written fanfics ever read. That said, not enough sex. Could be better. She sucks. Hey, how you doing, guys? Doing good.
Starting point is 00:03:09 Yeah. Great. Stuff. Yeah. How do you feel about irritating internet trends? Irritated. Unfortunately familiar? This episode is all about My Little Pony's fandom.
Starting point is 00:03:25 Oh, I've heard of that show. Yeah. I love Lemon's Little Pony. It's got quite a following. Okay, so we're doing a Bronies episode because, you know, we have to. And let's start out with Tulpas. Is that the name of a pony? What are tulpas?
Starting point is 00:03:49 What's the spelling? We'll probably figure it out. Isfahan? Yes. You are Bjornfot? Oh. Bjornfot. Hello, my name is Bjornfot, and I am a pink pony with my face smashed in. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:04 Questions and concerns about making a male pony with my face smashed in. Questions and concerns about making a male pony Tulpa. I learned about Tulpe about two weeks ago when I was linked to a thread on slash MLP slash. I usually try to stay away from 4chan.
Starting point is 00:04:20 That's in parentheses. I didn't think much of it first and dismissed it as silly, but curiosity got the better of me, and I was soon reading guides on tulpa.info. Okay, so you dismissed it as silly, now no longer do that. I'm sure the more that we learn about tulpa,
Starting point is 00:04:36 the more that we'll realize... As the title says, my tulpa is a male pony. I almost wrote I'm going to create a, but I've kind of already started and I like to view him as both existing and sentient if even if
Starting point is 00:04:51 that's not true semicolon I believe that he is here this wasn't really my plan from the start does anybody have a clue what we're talking about tulpas we're talking about tulpas obviously should we put down some guesses're talking about tulpas, obviously. Should we
Starting point is 00:05:05 put down some guesses as to what tulpas are? Okay, what do you want to guess? I'm going to guess it's something you can fuck. That's a safe guess. Like a pastry? Alright, alright. Isn't that that flower that grows in Holland?
Starting point is 00:05:23 Yeah. Maybe not. All right, well, keep reading. Maybe we'll figure this out. I had a hard time imagining anything else than a brown earth pony with a blonde mane because when I first read Irish and FAQ's Tulpa Forcing guides, Tulpa Forcing is all in word, apparently. Okay. I imagined myself forcing a tulpa.
Starting point is 00:05:45 What the fuck? Forcing a tulpa is painful, let me tell you. What the fuck is this? Who submitted this document? This is bullshit. We're like two paragraphs in. I don't understand anything that's happening. Just keep going.
Starting point is 00:06:00 How is that different from any other show we've done? Because I usually understand what's happening. I just don't like it. And identify with it. So you're not sure whether or not you should be not liking this already. Exactly. Like, I feel like I should probably be angry at it, but I don't understand it. I have a feeling once we get into this a little bit deeper, the least of your concerns is going to be reader comprehension.
Starting point is 00:06:23 Yeah. Anyway. All right. Well, keep going, but this better make sense at some point soon. I think I'll just continue doing what I'm doing, trying to believe really hard, be patient, and see where that gets me. Unless you guys have a better idea. No, I have no
Starting point is 00:06:40 idea. Okay. I don't really know a damn about all this stuff, even though I've tried really hard to learn. Maybe I just need some experience? Boots, what the fuck is happening? I don't know. No, I... What the fuck is this?
Starting point is 00:06:55 All right, look. We got, like, bullshit. We got bullshit, like, cartoony things. The word tulpa's being... I see the words anus, balls, sheaths, and penises, but I'm in some sort of fucking hellish cartoon infinity I don't understand. PORTEX, WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT? Huh?
Starting point is 00:07:14 Hi. PORTEX! Yeah, what? I'm so glad that confusing cartoon idiocy can summon you into being. What is this nonsense? What do you guys... Oh.
Starting point is 00:07:25 Were you guys trying to read someone trying to make a My Little Pony OC Earth Pony Tulpa without me? Yes. Yeah. What were those words?
Starting point is 00:07:34 What was that? Say them again. Tulpa is a concept that supposedly had originated as a form of Buddhist meditation. However, white people on the internet have decided that Tulpa means,
Starting point is 00:07:44 oh, I can make my anime best friends for real, for realsies. I can talk to them in real life. So naturally, bronies have taken a hold of this and figured, oh, if I can will my cartoon best friend into reality, they become sentient, and they become just
Starting point is 00:08:00 as real as you or I, and then I get to talk to them, and yeah. Well, that was a bunch of nonsense. So wait, I could do that? Boots is now taking notes. Boots! That's fucking awesome. Boots,
Starting point is 00:08:15 give me a quick pony ritual. A quick pony ritual? I need a quick pony ritual. Mine are all pretty long, but... No, no, no, quick one. Quick pony ritual. Okay, well, just... This is from friendshipispagan.tumblr.com. Oh.
Starting point is 00:08:30 Yeah, it is. Wait, that's not Buddhism. I'm confused. No, that's not a... Well, pagan just means non-Christian, right? Yeah. No, no, no. Because this part isn't about tulpas or Buddhism.
Starting point is 00:08:41 These are just pagans that have decided to instead of jokingly worship ponies, they decided no, we're just going to do it for real. Yes! That's the pagans or the buddhists? These are the pagans doing it. And why does my brain say that there is such a phrase now as buddhist brony?
Starting point is 00:09:02 I don't know. I don't know where to file this information Boots I need a quick pony ritual I've got a quick pony ritual Great, that's terrific I finished working on a ritual for the Friendship is Pagan tradition
Starting point is 00:09:16 It's a refinement of my earlier assumption of pony forms ritual intended for daily use That's like chloroform only you wake up as a marshmallow pastel colored horse that people fuck of pony forms ritual intended for daily use. That's like chloroform. Only you wake up as a marshmallow pastel-colored horse that people fuck. Yeah. Made out of marshmallows?
Starting point is 00:09:31 Oh! Couldn't you just kill me? No, but some things are worse than death. The central concept is to bring the elements into one's daily life, elevating a daily activity, and over time, integrating the element and associated symbols deeper into one's daily life, elevating a daily activity, and over time, integrating the element and associated symbols
Starting point is 00:09:47 deeper into one's unconscious. Not subconscious, but unconscious. Yes, that's what I'd like to be right now. So you lose a bar fight, and then you have the elements incorporated. Well, because the journey of self-discovery cannot begin until you watch enough cartoons. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:10:04 Cartoon Buddhism. Okay. No, because of Pegasus! My meditation word is Dexter's Laboratory. The ritual is structurally based on various spells for the use of a servitor from
Starting point is 00:10:21 chaos magic and the use of many of the same concepts. Well, of course. However, this spell is theurgic in nature and opposed to sympathetic. Oh, you're several kinds of nerds at once. Boy, am I. What's step one to this quick pony ritual?
Starting point is 00:10:37 Step one involves a physical movement. I know that's pretty hard, but... Some kind of sign with a hand similar to a mudra or god form pose. Be sure to smile beforehand. These are strange gods full of awe we're dealing with. They're ponies. Your pony audience likes what any audience wants.
Starting point is 00:10:58 Teeth and tits. Yeah. Also, you're not dealing with them because the cartoon characters that someone made up. That's ridiculous. Do not. That's a hate crime against religion. I recommend something either associated with the bearer's cutie mark
Starting point is 00:11:17 or something more abstract based on what you feel represents the elements. It's important to have a realized concept of how the bearers represent their elements. I wrote in earlier posts on my own interpretation as an example. I can barely stand this one. In earlier posts. We've got three more steps to go.
Starting point is 00:11:38 Step number two. Next is to speak the name of the pony. Now stop right there. Oh good. Did you want me to speak the name of the pony. Now stop right there! Did you want me to speak the name of the pony or not? Next. Speak the name of the pony and stop, maybe? This is chaos magic based, remember?
Starting point is 00:11:58 The name of the situation is intended only for you, and should be something to help bypass the conscious mind and push the symbolism deeper. What the fuck? What is the symbolism of Milo Pony? In true chaos magic style, come up with a personal name for the bearer. What is a bearer?
Starting point is 00:12:13 The bearer is the pony, so my personal name for it is cartoon character created to sell toys. I don't know who the audience for this is, but apparently this person is just assuming you've read the lexicon of fucking pagan terms, the same lexicon that he
Starting point is 00:12:29 has, or... I don't know. I mean, you know, if you end up at My Little Pony Friendship is Pagan, there's probably some assumed prerequisites. Because the next part of the step isn't really offensive or horrible or anything. Okay, so take the name such as a cartoon character
Starting point is 00:12:45 designed to sell toys, and I like to transliterate the name into Hebrew. Remove the vowels, then remove odd letters until I get something that's four letters long. What?
Starting point is 00:12:57 So what did you end up with, Portex? I don't know. Is that a laugh or your answer? Or a sneeze. If you take most Hebrew words and remove the vowels, you're just going to end up with a series of F's and K's. So my name is Fook Fook.
Starting point is 00:13:20 Okay, good. Well, this is tying into the original thing that is Fajano's reading I'm feeling a curious sense of resolution at the moment The resulting name should bear only the most vague resemblance to the original You can use whatever method you like
Starting point is 00:13:36 Keep the name secret This is something personal and tailored to you So this is like Base64 encoding your chant Yeah You don't want the Nazis to get at it to you. So this is like Base64 encoding your chant. Yeah. You don't want the Nazis to get at it. If you tell somebody else the name of your pony,
Starting point is 00:13:52 Tulpa, they will have power over you. Or the pony. I'm not following that part, I admit. We need to hire some code breakers. What? Yours is fuck-fuck too? I guess we'll have to kill ourselves. Yay. It also serves as an individual link
Starting point is 00:14:09 between you and the bearer, contextualizing the element as something within yourself and outside yourself. Not that I would know since I never go outside anyway, I assume. Yeah. Third step is a visualization. I like to visualize the cutie mark.
Starting point is 00:14:27 Ugh, my stomach turns every time you say that. What, when I say cutie mark? Ugh. Why do you have a problem with me saying cutie mark? It's designed for seven-year-old girls to be like, it's the cutie mark. And instead, we've got some sort of, oh, fucking hell.
Starting point is 00:14:42 Hey, baby, I'm going to make your cutie mark feel good. See, I told you I could make it grosser. Yeah, he succeeded. Yes, mission successful. I like the cut of his jib. Don't visualize the pony herself. When you spell things out too much, they lose some power.
Starting point is 00:15:02 You could also try some more abstract symbolism. I like the idea of visualizing a struck tree dropping apples as a symbol of sometimes painful honesty, striking delusion, and revealing knowledge. That's a terrible...
Starting point is 00:15:18 Are you just talking about ponies? That's a terrible visualization of that concept, too. Because one pony kicks a tree and the apples fall out. Ergo, this is very deep symbolism. Okay. Or the soul, or something.
Starting point is 00:15:32 It's a good thing Vortex is here, because that just made sense. Yeah, this would sound dumb if I wasn't here to explain the whole thing. We'd be lost. It'd be confusing idiocy if you weren't here. Use unconscious symbolism to affect the unconscious. So, I symbolize the pony.
Starting point is 00:15:51 Oh my god, keep going. Let's just summon a fucking pony and get out of here. Hey! Number four. Last step. The next step involves reintegration and closing. You may want to move your hands into whatever symbol represents closing and finality to you.
Starting point is 00:16:08 Visualize a bright light coming from your eyes. Can you imagine if this guy, like, wrote instructions on, like, how to build an Ikea bed? Use whatever tool is appropriate to your particular situation. Visualize the finished bed. That's just as good as
Starting point is 00:16:24 finishing one. It would take him a long time to write the instructions because one hand is constantly scratching under his chin. Insert your spirit animal into slot B. It's a good thing my spirit animal is a snake. This is a supreme light of friendship and magic. Feel the light coming from within and without. In closing, open your eyes. See your girlfriend telling you you have to move out.
Starting point is 00:16:58 Girlfriend? Jimmy Franks, you are awfully nice. Mother! That was just a political statement there. Oh, okay. While closing your eyes. While closing your eyes, open them. Wake up, America!
Starting point is 00:17:09 Pony Paganism Buddhist Tulpas are real! Usually there would be a step to come back down, but the point of the ritual is to maintain a sacred stance during mundane life. Wait, so you're always high? I'm pretty sure your eyes are always not closed, too, because I'm pretty sure it doesn't ever say to close your eyes. That sacred stance is
Starting point is 00:17:31 lounging in a beanbag chair with a party tub of Cheeto balls next to you. Oh, that fucking spell was really confusing. I didn't understand any of it. Bumpcurl, will you give me a better pony spell? This is from spellsandmagic.com.
Starting point is 00:17:49 This is a much better pony spell. It's our favorite website. What do I need? What do I need for the spell? You need two and a half things. You need an empty bullet point. That's a half thing.
Starting point is 00:18:04 A picture of the pony. Okay, that makes sense. And your hair. Alright. What does the spell do? It makes ponies appear for ten minutes. Alright, that's helpful, I guess. There's some casting instructions.
Starting point is 00:18:28 I want a ten minute pony party. My little pony spell spell. It makes the pony show up for less time than the show actually lasts. Which is interesting. It's a half hour show, right? But it's there and it's real. You still actually need the same things.
Starting point is 00:18:43 Make ponies appear from the start to one commercial break. Okay, so how does the spell work? How does the spell work? Say this. Alright. Lock of hair, picture of pony, join and make it real. Lock of hair, picture of pony, join and make it real.
Starting point is 00:19:00 Join and make it real. Place lock of hair on picture and wait three minutes and boom, insta-pony Wait a minute, it's not an insta-pony You have to wait three minutes That is a much better spell
Starting point is 00:19:20 Can I use a microwave to speed that up? Like spellsofmagic.com This spell is the microwave pony better spell than... Can I use a microwave to speed that up? Thanks, SpellsOfMagic.com. This spell is the Microwave Pony. You know what, TrixieMLP, I like that spell so much. I want to hear your other spell. Oh, good. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:39 That's great. It's a beauty spell. Yeah, so let's look at... What's your other spell there, Trixie MLP? Albino Alicorn spell. Alliterative. What do I need for Albino Alicorn spell?
Starting point is 00:19:55 Albino Alicorn spell. Albino Alicorn spell. Albino Alicorn spell. Oh god, she likes saying that. She's broken. You will need the following items for this spell. Okay. White candles.
Starting point is 00:20:11 Cinnamon. Okay. Cinnamon. Okay. The results of the spell. And I quote, will turn into an Albino Alicorn. Hey, bait and switch. You said I'd turn into an albino alicorn. Hey, bait and switch!
Starting point is 00:20:26 You said I'd turn into a albino alicorn. Yeah. Now suddenly you're going to start using the right article? Am I? No, a albino alicorn. It's like J. Jonah Jameson. Give me pictures of the spider pony! I really wish I hadn't been born to pagan parents.
Starting point is 00:20:43 Instructions for albino alicorn spell spell. Um, are... Light candles and say, Lend me the wings of flight, Give me the horn to use magic, And say, Light up the world, Burn the candles,
Starting point is 00:20:56 And cinnamon in the candles. What? Oh. You actually made that more confusing. Lend me the wings of flight, give me the horn to use magic, and say, again, light up the world, and...
Starting point is 00:21:13 To be fair, it's difficult to type with hooves, so, you know, you gotta... I didn't think this would work. I gotta tell the people! Shit! But how did they find out? They had some white candles and some cinnamon and just decided to see what would happen if they burned it?
Starting point is 00:21:31 Yeah, it's science, man. I'm sure some magic will happen. Magic is fucking easy. Nobody's burned cinnamon before. So how long am I going to be an albino alicorn? It doesn't say that. Ten minutes, I hope.
Starting point is 00:21:46 I'm pretty sure it's forever. Oh, crap. Actually, your name is Kevin Sano. No, it's someone writing to Kevin Sano. Oh, it's someone writing to Kevin Sano. Alright. Which it sounds like, maybe it's Kev
Starting point is 00:22:01 Insano? I don't know. Yeah, it's a good portmanteau. Anyway, so just if you want to read this letter that you shared with Kev Insano. Hang on. Kev Insano? Some Like It Hot is a novel that I like, and I'm sure this will be very similar. Regarding Twilight Sparkle. Oh, right.
Starting point is 00:22:30 This is probably written to the CIA, I assume. Dear Kevin Sano, this may be the strangest message you'll ever receive, but I do hope you'll take the time to read it and consider what I have to say. To put it simply, I would really appreciate it if the next time your birthday comes around, you would request that your clop artist friends who like to give you sexually-oriented pony artist gifts draw some pony other than Twilight Sparkle for you. Can I be reminded what the verb clop means
Starting point is 00:23:01 in the context of My Little Pony? In the context of bronies, clopping is the cutesy term they invented for masturbating. Oh, yay! Thanks for asking, Boots! Yeah, clop art is My Little Pony art that you jerk it to, so we good? We all good? Aren't you guys glad I'm here? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:18 Because I'm not really that glad to be on it. Do you want to go back to the void? The reason that I ask this is that Twilight is my fiancée. No, she's not. We're planning on getting married next June or July, should everything go as planned financially speaking. It costs a lot of money to fly. It costs a lot of money to fly ponies in. You have to buy cinnamon and you have to buy
Starting point is 00:23:45 white candles. And yes, I have actually found a wedding chapel that will let me marry someone that most people would consider a fictional character. The holy house of I don't give a fuck you got money. Now, before you go thinking this guy is either
Starting point is 00:24:02 completely crazy or just screwing with me, please hear me out on this. I can convince you that this guy is completely crazy. You see, I'm totally head over heels in love with Twilight Sparkle. Well, that makes it all okay, then. Yeah. I have been for about 11 months now, and at this point, I'm in a committed relationship with my Twily. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:24:24 You already got pet names. Now, by that, I mean I don't date anyone else. I don't sleep with anyone else. Really? And I have zero interest in having any kind of relationship with anyone other than the mare I adore. Yes, I believe too. I promise to keep. I won't be fucking all those supermodels that have been eyeballing me.
Starting point is 00:24:42 Don't you worry, Twily. I love her with all my heart, and I'm 100% committed to that love. To express my love in a real, tangible way, I have a beautiful, handmade, custom Twilight Sparkle plushie that I can hug, kiss, cuddle up in bed
Starting point is 00:24:58 to go to sleep with at night. Stop the list. No more. No more listing. No more listing activities. No, you have to read the last part of that sentence. You have to. And take out on the town to do all the fun things together that normal couples do. Oh, now I have some beautiful imagery
Starting point is 00:25:14 to wipe out all that other stuff. Me and Twilight! When a man child loves a cartoon character! Based on another reading, I have an idea of what I know what makes that Twilight Sparkle plushie custom. Twilight Sparkle's mini golf scores
Starting point is 00:25:30 are just out of the ballpark. I like to take her out to eat at nice vegetarian restaurants. We go shopping together. I take her out for coffee. We do normal social activities together like hanging out with friends, seeing movies, etc. Does he buy a ticket for her? I enjoy all the friends' looks.
Starting point is 00:25:48 Well, my friends are the other ponies, so it's fine. And I talk about her as if she is Twilight because to me, she very much is. When I look at her, I see Twilight sparkle. When I talk with her, I'm talking to Twilight. When I hold her in my arms
Starting point is 00:26:04 and kiss her, there are no doubts in my mind that it's the mare I love, whose lips are pressed against mine. Okay, so I think you're a crazy person, but I'm still giving you more time to turn it around. I'm sure that... Maybe the knockout punch is still coming. Every morning when I open my eyes and see her head on the pillow next to mine, with her gorgeous violet eyes staring back at me, I can't help but wonder how I ever got to be so lucky as to have a partner as smart,
Starting point is 00:26:32 funny, beautiful, and all-around wonderful as her. I know how. You went to Target and... Toys R Us. No. I had a coupon. This is not from Target. She's a beautiful handmade custom Twilight Sparkle plushie.
Starting point is 00:26:47 I think the customization came later. Every morning when I wake up to the sound of, Edwin! Edwin, did you find a job yet? All my friends and the people who know me well say my love is a thing of beauty and quite admirable. But from the outside perspective of someone who doesn't know me, you've got... You're probably going, wow, that's pretty damn crazy, and wondering why I don't just go get a real girlfriend. Fuck you, non-straw men.
Starting point is 00:27:15 The answer is I can't. Your move, asshole. The truth is I... Yes, that's the flesh man argument. Yes, that's the flesh man argument. The truth is I've had plenty of real relationships and sexual partners in the 27 years I've been around. Sure. Yep. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:32 Yep. A few short relationships, one that lasted 70 years, and a total of six different sexual partners. Thanks. I needed to know that. Yeah. That's something that you have to know about people that have actually had, like, lots of sex sex and a lot of deep relationships is they love to tell anonymous people about it all the time. Yeah. That's something people do.
Starting point is 00:27:50 Sure. So my love for Twilight isn't out of a lack of real world intimacy or relationships. I just fell in love with her and my heart didn't give me much of a choice in the matter. But you know what? What? I'm totally happy with my love and my relationship. It may seem weird to you, but it fills me with joy every single day of my life, and I've
Starting point is 00:28:12 never been happier. So what if it's weird? If it makes me happy and it doesn't hurt anyone, then where's the problem? I don't think there is one, and anyone who knows me well will tell you the same. That's true. You don't need to justify yourself. That's why you're writing this super long post. Well, also, he
Starting point is 00:28:27 started it trying to convince him not to ask for sex pony art, and now he's just gone into this autobiographical thing. He doesn't really know how to stick to a thesis statement here. Is the point here that he's trying to protect the like
Starting point is 00:28:45 sexual integrity of Twilight Sparkle? Uh, yes. And you can actually say that in the next paragraph. Oh, good. Yeah. Now you're probably
Starting point is 00:28:53 wondering why I'm telling you all this and how it concerns you. Oh boy. To you, I'm sure Twilight Sparkle is just a cartoon character you think is really hot.
Starting point is 00:29:01 Oh yeah, yeah. That's exactly what I was thinking. You wouldn't think anything of having your friends draw sexually explicit art of her as birthday gifts for you.
Starting point is 00:29:08 And hey, I think she's really attractive too, so I get where you're coming from there. Oh, this is a nice glass house you've got here. In fact, I often go on e621.net
Starting point is 00:29:23 and rule34.pahil to see what new erotic art people have drawn of her. Jesus. So it's okay if you're looking at it, but it's not okay if somebody else is. Well, she's his wife. Pretty standard, actually. So it's pretty much like cheating on him with... Is that what he thinks? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:44 Well, keep going. You'll see exactly what he's talking about. It just keeps the romance alive. Ishvahana, I think I can answer your question. Oh, okay. To me, she's more than a cartoon character who's sexually attractive. She's my fiancé,
Starting point is 00:29:56 who I love with all my heart and soon to be my wife. So it's been bothering me lately every time I go on to those sites and see a dozen or so pieces of art people have drawn depicting my girl in various sexual situations with the same person over and over. And that person happens to be you. You should challenge them all to a duel. I demand satisfaction, Kevin Sano.
Starting point is 00:30:17 I demand satisfaction, and then you bean them over the head with an anime body pillow. An anime body pillow fight. Just using their fake imaginary girlfriends to beat each other. And she's the same girlfriend, so, like, we can't really get off on that. Don't get me wrong here, though.
Starting point is 00:30:37 This isn't a jealousy thing. I'm very secure in my relationship. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I know without question that Twilight is just as faithful to me as I am to her. She's actually sitting on the couch next to me reading while I type this.
Starting point is 00:30:52 I think that you'll find that according to all of these other people on the internet, she hasn't been faithful at all. She seems to get around. What he's not divulging is that clearly he has kidnapped some girl and dressed her up like Twilight Sparkle
Starting point is 00:31:07 and she's just kind of tied up. Thank you for making this creepier. She's very real to me and I know she's not sneaking out in the middle of the night to go have kinky sex with some famous artist. Because she's not real. And I do respect your talent as an artist, and as an artist's
Starting point is 00:31:26 creative freedom to draw whatever they want. That's cool. But don't draw whatever you want. What bothers me is that in all these birthday images you've been getting, Twilight, is always depicted as if she were your sexual plaything, drawn wearing a collar with your name on it, to a speech bubble
Starting point is 00:31:42 saying something that would somehow suggest she was your property. Well, how was that his fault? It's not your property. She's property of Hasbro Incorporated. Clearly the letter... This is copyright infringement. Well, you know what, poor tax...
Starting point is 00:31:54 This letter could be entitled, I'm super easy to fuck with. Well, you know what, poor tax, they don't treat her right either. They treat her like she's their property. Yeah. Like she's an IP. I think if she wants some dom-sub relationship on the side in a polyamorous situation,
Starting point is 00:32:09 that he should respect her more and let her do that. Is that canon? I don't know. I'm pretty sure that's canon. I think that was in issue 14. Shut out of a canon. And I know quite well that Twilight Sparkle is not your plaything nor your property. She's my fiancé. So that bugs me a bit.
Starting point is 00:32:28 What I find really loathsome, though, is your pension for degrading my partner and both your art and the fan art you've been receiving. I'll point it on that pension. The government shouldn't subsidize that. Swing and a miss on that word. Twily is a sweet and fairly vanilla little mare who I treat with the utmost love and respect, and she definitely does not deserve to be portrayed
Starting point is 00:32:50 as some kind of sexual slave who likes being dressed up in sleazy attire, wearing a collar, getting sawed-off, and having her face ejaculated on. So Twilight Sparkle is vanilla. Can you even have missionary sex with a horse?
Starting point is 00:33:08 I'm sure he's tried. She's not into that kind of stuff, and the fact that there's someone out there in the world such as yourself who would desire to treat Twilight this way and have his friends support and validate his desires to demean and mistreat my partner by drawing pictures of him doing so really does bother me. And exist. I think he needs to communicate with her more. I think she's got some unfulfilled desires. No, baby, I didn't go nowhere! That's an A-plus impression.
Starting point is 00:33:48 Yes, 100%. That's what Twilight sounds like, right? Oh, did we get the real voice actor for this episode? Hey, how's it going? I'm Twilight Sparkles! Lemon brought in Tara Strong and then strangled her to death. My name's Tara Strong!
Starting point is 00:34:03 Tara Strong! So next year, when your birthday comes around, I strangled her to death. My name's Tara Strong. Oh. So next year, when your birthday comes around, keep in mind that Twilight Sparkle isn't just a lifeless cartoon character to objectified for your sexual gratification. She's the partner of someone who loves her very much. And by that time, their wife. So, both myself and Twily would greatly appreciate it if you'd pick someone else to request erotic art of for your birthday.
Starting point is 00:34:31 Based on the very large amount of different ponies you draw art of, I imagine there has to be many other ponies you find sexually attractive. Yeah, yeah, you should victimize the slutty ponies. Yeah, really. I assume you'll probably just dismiss this message as the ramblings of a crazy person and likely ignore it. But if by some chance you do take what I've had to say to heart, well, we'd appreciate it. So he's like, I don't like you, you know, this is my wife, my fiancee, she's going around, but oh, by the way, if you completely ignore me, there will be no consequences, so you know, whatever.
Starting point is 00:35:07 I also like that basically every paragraph he goes, this super infuriates me. I don't care, of course, but this makes me I don't care. Yeah, he's having mood swings like mid-sentence, which is interesting. Well, she's sitting right beside him. She's trying to
Starting point is 00:35:23 moderate his posting yeah she's his better half calm it down a bit like oh i think that part's a little aggressive maybe you should put in like she she's definitely his better half yeah so uh so hey you remember you remember uh tv tropes yes i did fortunately good good no tv tropes, in addition to giving us sort of that thing, spun off its own site called Fetish Fuel. Yay! Which is people who are too, like, broken and creepy for TV Tropes. Oh, good. So that's fun.
Starting point is 00:36:01 And we're just going to read some selections from the My Little Pony Friendship is Magic section of Fetish Fuel. Nice. You know what I like about the internet? What's that? It's that people are so eager to tell you about their masturbation habits that they will dedicate a wiki to it. This is my dick wiki. People have to know. People have to it. This is my dick wiki. People have to know. People have to know.
Starting point is 00:36:27 I want a sightseeing needed for the Venezuela side, actually. Alright. Alright. Boots, start us off here. Rarity in the episode, sweet and elite, passionately
Starting point is 00:36:42 kisses Princess Celestia's hooves. And if it was not enough... Sorry, if it was not kinky... If it was kinky not enough... My brain stopped on that sentence for some reason. If it was kinky not enough,
Starting point is 00:37:02 she repeats, thank you, thank you, thank you, while doing it. Oh, so hot. Oh, man. I'm sure that wasn't just a completely innocuous scene. It was passionately... You have to read between the lines, poor Tex.
Starting point is 00:37:18 Pump girl. The way Rarity psychologically dominates the Diamond Dogs in a dog and pony show does major things for this troper's dominatrix fetish. It takes her about two minutes to go from being their prisoner to having them serve at her beck and call with nothing more than her signature bratty charm. That look on her face when they say, We'll do anything, Miss Rarity.
Starting point is 00:37:43 And she just dreamily responds, anything says it all. Do you think that the writers... About you. Yeah. Do you think that the writers frequently, like, they'll type, type, type, type, type,
Starting point is 00:37:56 pause, shit. Yeah, like... How are freaks gonna interpret this? Yeah, if I worked on this show, I'm sure people would be like, oh, man, you're so lucky. That's probably, like, a really fun, cute show to work on.
Starting point is 00:38:06 I'd be like, no, everything I write, I know someone's jerking off to it. My inbox is a nightmare factory. Remember that time that pony looked at a thing? This troper is a literal nightmare fetishist. Evil elder gods with surprisingly sexy voices. What's not to love? So Cthulhu is in this? No, I want to point out, I have seen the show.
Starting point is 00:38:32 I have no fucking clue what they're talking about. I like that you're fetish. So this guy writes a bunch of fetish stories about like, and then she fell asleep and she was like in this house, which was like the house that she grew up in, but it was weird and different. And then she had to like take her SATs and her, and she wasn't studied for it.
Starting point is 00:38:55 And then her teeth fell out. And she was falling. And she fell. Yeah. All right, Jimmy Franks. Okay. Lots of things about ponies in general. For one, their hooves.
Starting point is 00:39:08 Good God, those hooves. And the sounds they make when they're walking on hard ground. Hard. Also, wings. Wingbone or any one. No. And for many, unicorn horns. Not to mention their flanks. The curve of those cutie marks, and their tails.
Starting point is 00:39:30 Horse tails are very sensitive. So you pretty much covered the entire body of the pony. Cutie marks equals ass tattoos equals hot. That is not an equivalence that I can agree with. This needs to be peer-reviewed. So the question is, is an ass tattoo
Starting point is 00:39:53 different than a tramp stamp? Yeah, I was wondering that. Nozzling! Nozzling! Nozzling! That idiot just goes to every fucking wiki and just starts posting that. Nozzling! Nuzzling! Nuzzling? That idiot just goes to every fucking wiki and just starts posting that. Nuzzling! Southeast Florida is a region known for its orange...
Starting point is 00:40:13 Nuzzling! Nuzzling! Nuzzling! Citation nuzzling. I wish the gimmick I picked for myself was a little more intricate. At the end of the episode, mystery onto the Friendship Express. Right before the cake is even tasted by Princess Celestia, Pinkie Pie dive bombs into the cake mouth first and consumes the whole thing in one bite,
Starting point is 00:40:41 plumping her up in no time at all. A very fanboyish moment for this expansion fetishist troper. You're also fat and immobile, that's great! Yay! It just pisses me off, because it's just like this and the flat fetish, the steamroller
Starting point is 00:40:57 thing, it's just like, it's gotten to the point where you can't cartoonishly exaggerate anything. It's just like, oh, I can't write this fat sheep falling off a cliff because the guy who jerks off to fat sheep falling off a cliff is going to fucking jerk off to it. And then talk about how he jerks off to it. Yeah, and then tell me all about it.
Starting point is 00:41:13 They wrote this for me. They must also be fat sheep falling off cliff fetishes. Yeah, was Tolkien a mud fetishist? He wrote about mud once. Fuck off. For further fat fetishist he wrote about mud once. Fuck off. For further fat fetish fuel, there's also the photo of Celestia
Starting point is 00:41:29 messily eating a hunk of cake in the episode Ponyville Confidential. So they can't even eat anything without someone beating off to it. Yeah, well, it falls in line with my Cookie Monster fetish. Well, Cookie Monster isn't eating those cookies. People can eat cake completely neatly. Well, for my
Starting point is 00:41:51 jamming cookies against the back of a puppet fetish. And the time she swallows an entire cake whole. This trooper just about came everywhere. Whoa. Just about. Just about.
Starting point is 00:42:06 They missed a spot in the corner. How come you never invite me to your birthday party? Speaking of fat fetishes, does anybody else think Applejack may be a chubby chaser? She offers tons of apple-based foods and desserts to Twilight in both the first and third episodes. She casually stuffs a cupcake in Twilight's mouth during the Catterlot Royal Wedding. Oh, yay. Feederism and shipping all in one.
Starting point is 00:42:32 Fuck! I really hope Applejack's a chubby chaser because then maybe I'll have a chance. Applejack could do way better than this guy, I think. What makes you think this is a guy? They're all guys. Oh, wait, sorry.
Starting point is 00:42:50 Season 3's episode, Magic Duel, has a plot load of this to the point where you have to wonder if the writers had fetish fuel in mind when they wrote the script. I'm going to go with no, they didn't. Seriously, we've got a tyrannical Trixie having every pony work for her
Starting point is 00:43:13 and even whipping her servants. Age progression slash regression spells, tickle torture, and even gender swapping spells. Sweet Celestia! Uh, nope. I think you attach those values to that yourself. You have to wonder, though, don't you?
Starting point is 00:43:34 No, I don't have to wonder at all. Yeah, you have to! I wasn't wondering before, I'm not wondering now. I'm wondering... I'm wondering about age progression regression spells being a fetish fuel. This is new to me! Oh, it's...
Starting point is 00:43:49 Yay! That's been around forever. And this age regression progression thing, this gender swapping thing, didn't even actually happen in the episode, so he's jerking off to somewhat tricking someone into thinking that they switched someone's gender. It's like, hey, you gotta meet him halfway...
Starting point is 00:44:04 Good for me! I'm sure these people are willing to meet the writers halfway on a lot of things. Maybe he stops the episode halfway through and just said, I'm done. He jerked off so much he passed out. He came... He just about came everywhere. Alright, in the next piece,
Starting point is 00:44:24 Portax, you are Firefly Oh, I'm Lauren Faust I'm the creator of the show Isfahan, you are Yawgmoth Discipline Disciple Yawgmoth Disciple
Starting point is 00:44:37 Jimmy Franks, you're Scootahoo And Boots, you are Cosmeon. Oh, good. So, I guess just a very brief setup is that for a website interview, Lauren Faust jokingly drew herself as an alicorn that writes scripts and scrolls and that sort of thing in the style of the show. She's an alicorn in My Little Pony. Oh, she used that of thing in the style of the show.
Starting point is 00:45:06 Oh, she used that spell. Yeah, she used the spell. An alicorn is a half-pegasus, half-unicorn thing. There's a link to the picture in the script. Which half? Well, it's got the head of a pegasus and the body of a unicorn. It's just a horse.
Starting point is 00:45:23 Now that's funny! But on DeviantArt you can leave comments on their profiles and so this Cosmian guy decided to talk to the creator of the show directly. Oh, that's, you know, it's always good to have proper interaction with your fans.
Starting point is 00:45:39 Yeah. It's always good to hear from them, right? That's nice. And I'm first! I get to's nice. Yeah, and I'm first. I get to go first. Every my way, I'm going first question. All right, go ahead. Miss Faust, I would say everyone is making sexy fan art of your OC pony right now.
Starting point is 00:45:59 I also hope your project goes well. People are drawing your OC pony in sexy poses. Also, I hope your project's going good. I want to come in your eye holes. How's the weather? I can't wait to see your next project so I can draw fuck pics of it. I'm kind of surprised that this woman has a Twitter. You'd think she would sign up for an account, get tweeted a bunch, and then be like, fuck this.
Starting point is 00:46:24 The link goes to her DeviantArt. Yeah, but she has a Twitter. Oh, okay. She has a DA. Oh, God. So, yes, I'm Warren Faust. Gotta admit, that kind of gives me the creeps. I'd rather not know about it.
Starting point is 00:46:40 And I'm going to guess cue, like, four dozen other people telling her more about it. But anyway. Yes, but I'd rather you know about it, so I win. My name is Yawgmoth Disciple. Out of sheer curiosity. Yawgmoth needs some followers. Yawgmoth Disciple. Out of sheer curiosity, do you think the community
Starting point is 00:47:06 actually owes you an apology so many of them seem to think you're going to smite everyone or something I mean wait do you think that she has like the powers of Odin yeah she's she's a god he probably does she's a girl on the internet
Starting point is 00:47:23 who draws cartoons she's basically all-powerful. I mean, even when it is stuff you'd rather not know about, is it really so bad that people are doing it? Yes. Yeah. It is more homage than anything, even if it is quote-unquote creepy. more a homage than anything,
Starting point is 00:47:44 even if it is quote-unquote creepy. Personally, I would be proud that people from all walks of life and interests liked me and something that I created so much. You know, I super, super, super, super like Deadwood. I think it's a fucking terrific show, and I have never stuck a thumb in my ass
Starting point is 00:48:01 thinking about Tom Nuttall. Just haven't. Then can you really call yourself a true fan? You're fucking casual. You know that, right? Dead wood dummy. Asshole.
Starting point is 00:48:17 I'm Scooter Who. Scooter Who. Hey, Lauren, think of it as a twisted compliment. You're now a popular enough individual to fall under Rule 34. Most people can't claim that. Jesus Christ. I'm feeling jealous.
Starting point is 00:48:33 Shouldn't be. Your perspective is terrible. You made a thing that we can ruin. Congratulations. That said, I can fully understand being creeped out. At least it's you as a pony and not the real you. Fuck off! Yeah, that makes it all better.
Starting point is 00:48:50 I mean, we got those too, but we don't put them on the internet. I fucking hate that shit whenever people do that. They say, oh, you just posted a picture of yourself or you drew a thing and you put it on the internet. And then we get to tell you about how we masturbate to it, no matter what your motivation was. And if you don't like it, then clearly you're the one who's fucked up, not me. Yeah, you're a big stick in the mud. No more text, of course, not talking from a point of experience. I can tell that this is a completely foreign concept to you.
Starting point is 00:49:17 I also like how the guy's saying, like, well, no, listen, it's not that bad. We're jerking off to animals, not like a person. That might be the icing on the cake. Alright, what's up, Cosmeon? This was on Cosmeon's
Starting point is 00:49:34 personal DeviantArt blog, so this is on his own journal, essentially. Okay. You win! In case you didn't know what to cause. Okay, a couple hours later, I've been blocked, and I then can't
Starting point is 00:49:50 make any comments. Why? You guys happy now? Happy to see me becoming miserable and burning at the stake? Becoming? Yeah. Cosmeon apparently put on a second
Starting point is 00:50:04 bit of headgear for his orthodontic work. That's his angry retainer. Retainer, retainer. Are you happy that you protected someone from me? Happy that I deserve this? Yes.
Starting point is 00:50:21 You do deserve this. Fuck you. Because you guys are such complete jerks. And this is proof why I got blocked. You happy now? Now I can't commit suicide. Yay! Good.
Starting point is 00:50:37 Fucking die. No, no, I can. Now I can commit suicide. Oh, yeah. I got confused there. Suicide. And go fucking hell. I thought you did say can. I couldn't hell. Thanks to this. I just want to cry so bad.
Starting point is 00:50:50 But I can't. I'm too mad when all this shit comes through me. All because of one stupid comment. That's it. That's it.
Starting point is 00:51:06 That's fucking it. Rejoice if you want on my life. Hooray! If I had one of those goes to a dark corner and dies. Good.
Starting point is 00:51:20 Oh, good, you're dead. Yay, well, Cosmeon's dead, so I guess we can just move on. Actually, all this is just ever being blocked. Wait, what the fuck is that? She's not going to forgive me ever. Oh, goddammit. Especially on what happened today. I feel so sad right now.
Starting point is 00:51:42 And I want to cry all over for real. And I did. Because all over for real. And I did. Because it was very depressing. It's all my fault, yes. Getting blocked. It's like I got hit by lightning. Meant to punish
Starting point is 00:51:57 me. And it hurts so bad. You know how depressing it is? Oh, my heart fucking bleeds for you. And I'm not gonna do a second account just to forgive her. For what? Wait, what?
Starting point is 00:52:13 Forgive her for what? For having a human reaction? I'd also like to point out that he said it hit him like a bolt of lightning, and that ties in nicely with Yawgmoth Disciples saying, so many people seem to think you're going to smite them or something. Yeah, maybe she does have powers.
Starting point is 00:52:31 Yeah, she gets smoted. I want to use this account to say sorry for her, for real, but I can't. So obviously the solution here is to unblock me? So that I can say sorry? Oh, by the way, here's more sex pics. I really creeped out this girl. Isn't anyone gonna, like,
Starting point is 00:52:58 cry for me? I mean, what about my feelings? Yeah, I got blocked. Yeah, you think you've had a rough day. Who's gonna apologize for the creepy? Yeah. My right to victimize others cannot be infringed. All right, so this piece is from Fimfiction.net.
Starting point is 00:53:26 The header image is, well, it's random, but I did get two ponies that are just hugging. They're just sort of enjoying the peace and solitude that the internet affords, which is very nice. So this is a story called My Little Dashie. It was written by Rob Cake Ran 53rd. A long line. And it was edited
Starting point is 00:53:54 by Sir Peppermint Jam. Oh, I loved his last album. There's a real pedigree on this. It's royalty, man. You don't know. It's Sir Peppermint Jam's disgusting deviant art account.
Starting point is 00:54:12 Do you see who's on the cover of Source? Oh, man. All right. So this is a very fucking long story. So, Jimmy Franks, just take an excerpt, please. All right. She considers me her daddy.
Starting point is 00:54:26 And quite frankly, I consider her my daughter. Even though we are of a totally different species, I still love her with all my heart. Sure. Okay, fine. That's fine. And it has taken her to speak those words to me to finally realize that. I think I've finally done it. I've broken my hard shell that had formed when my parents died.
Starting point is 00:54:44 Ding, ding, ding, ding. I've let a sweet little filly into my life. No, an actual filly, guys. A sweet little, oh, right. An actual horse. Real fake cartoon horse. I gave her a home to live in, food to eat, and now a daddy to love.
Starting point is 00:55:00 She's given me hope, love, compassion, and now something I thought I'd never utter. A daughter. Okay, so you have a love for a fake creature, but it's paternal, so I hope that doesn't get blurry, and I'm sure it won't, so good. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:15 There is a point in every parent's life when they have to let their child go, whether it be for the better or for the worst. It must happen at some point. That phrase works. Better or the worse. Never in the years we've lived there had anyone or for the worst. It must happen at some point. Better or the worse. Never in the years we've lived there had anyone knocked at the door.
Starting point is 00:55:30 No, we hadn't even made arrangements if someone did show up. I simply told her to go to her room while I took care of it. Once I heard the door shut, calmly and collectively, I asked who it was knocking, expecting some stranger, possibly lost on his or her travels.
Starting point is 00:55:46 A female voice spoke in such an elegant yet attention-grabbing tone. I felt myself listening to her with the uttermost attention. Oh, that attention-grabbing tone. The uttermost attention. As though to illustrate the attention-grabbingness of her tone, I listened to her with attention. Uttermost is
Starting point is 00:56:02 more utmost. Yes, it's the uttermost. Uttermostest. The most utmost. Uttermostest is more utmost. Yes, it's the uttermost. Uttermostest. The most utmost. She asked if she may come in. A question I'd normally refuse within a heartbeat. And yet, something about her voice was reminiscent. I couldn't help but walk over and open the door.
Starting point is 00:56:19 When I first saw the figure standing on my porch, I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or hallucinating. Standing there was the radiant and majestic Princess Celestia. I'm quite surprised. Celestia began. I had expected a little more resistant to us entering. Wait, are you a mongrel? I don't know. Well, it seems like Celestia is more on our side here,
Starting point is 00:56:47 because she's just like, aren't you kind of fucking freaked out that there's cartoon horses talking to you? Why, I know who you all are. Celestia nodded. Ah, so you do know, then. Well, he just told you. That you are fictional characters from a children's TV show, then yes.
Starting point is 00:57:08 Children's TV show? Yeah, right. If I point it out, then you're not allowed to tell me how weird it is. Otherwise, why you are all here, I have no clue. The last part I lied, hoping to keep my mind at ease. I knew the reason,
Starting point is 00:57:24 but I wanted to ignore it. Oh, I think you do know. My heart fell into the pits of my stomach. I did know. Many pits. I did know, and she was straight to the point about it. During all these years, I'd anticipated this moment, but as time drug on, that thought slowly dispelled
Starting point is 00:57:42 until it was nothing more than just a minor nip in my mind. A nip in your mind? It a minor nip in my mind. A nip in your mind? It's a nip in my mind. It's a minor nip. A minor nip in my mind. That's what always happens, you know, when everything is finally perfect and you don't have to worry anymore. I'd given up holding back my tears and at this point was openly crying. Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 00:58:03 The ponies could tell I was hurting, and Dashie didn't look to be faring too well either. Oh good, a pack mule for all my baggage! So I'm figuring it wasn't good to prolong the inevitable. I walked over to the chair Dashie sat in. Because horses sit in chairs.
Starting point is 00:58:20 Do horses sit in chairs in the human world or whatever the fuck is happening in the story? Mm-hmm. Melt down to meet her eye level as I spoke. Dashie, my little Dashie, I love you with all my heart. You have done wonders to open me up from the man I once was. You... I had to pause a moment to settle down.
Starting point is 00:58:39 You have brought me so much joy in my life that I can't possibly ever thank you for. I hope this has a happy ending. Where everyone gets toe mane poisoning and dies. At this point, Dashie too had begun to cry. That only made it worse for me. Do I have to go to daddy? Dot com. Your rainbow dash into Twilight sounds remarkably similar.
Starting point is 00:59:13 Thanks. No problem. It remained quiet for a few more minutes as we held each other tight. She didn't fight back or want to resist what was happening. She told me that she knew as well what must be done. I love you, Daddy. And I love you too, my little daddy.
Starting point is 00:59:35 Welcome. That's happening in your ears right now. Love you, Daddy. Can we get one of the fans to dub over an episode of My Little Pony? Hi. I'm sexually inexperienced, but curious.
Starting point is 00:59:52 Oh, God. Jesus Christ. What? What the fuck are you doing to me? Youth bunker, My Little Pony. Really? Oh, Jesus on a cracker. Keep going.
Starting point is 01:00:05 Then I opened up a piece of paper. I picked it up and immediately recognized the handwriting. Or more correct, mouth writing. I speculated this is what she had written down before she left. Dad, for 15 years
Starting point is 01:00:22 you took care of me. For 15 years you loved me, played with me, and made sure I enjoyed... This is all Portax's fault. Portax did all of this to you. Portax put together this document. I was like, I don't know. Portax was like, nope. I bet the person listening right now wants to hear this.
Starting point is 01:00:44 And isn't jerking off. I swear, honest and forever. And if you're jerking off to this, come to Ball Pit. B-A-L-L-P-I-T. Wait, don't do that. Don't do that. Don't come to... Fuck away.
Starting point is 01:01:00 Cosmion's already paid the $10. Damn it. Hi, Cosmion. I'm not a mayor of many words But even though I told you this in person I felt you needed A written version of it So you will know it was all real I love you daddy
Starting point is 01:01:18 You helped shape me Into the mayor I am now Poor text it's all poor text I'm not sure What is going to happen me into the mare I am now. Poor text. It's all poor text. Poor text. I'm not sure what is going to happen if I will remember any of this or not but I want you to know that you did a darn good job of raising me even
Starting point is 01:01:35 if I was a bit stubborn at times and short with you during others. With Celestia's permission, I hope to allow you to keep our photos, our memories, comma, with you so that you will never forget.
Starting point is 01:01:52 Again, I love you and thank you. Your little daughter always. Your little Dashie forever. Rainbow Dash. Thanks, Portax. Yeah, you know, no problem. I said if I were to come back, only the most disgusting, soul-crushing material
Starting point is 01:02:09 would do. Ah! Fuck! Oh wait, actually, Lemon, there's something I need to tell you about this story. It's that, uh, bronies consider My Little Dashie to be the most heart-wrenching,
Starting point is 01:02:24 uh, wonderful, beautiful fan fiction ever written. Oh, it's so nice. They figure that if you read this story and you don't cry, there's something wrong with you. Now, mind you, they're right. Just not in the way they're thinking. But, yes.
Starting point is 01:02:41 Oh, I hate it. Am I kicked out? Yeah Get out Back into the box Yeah back Back into the poor Dax box Back in the void
Starting point is 01:02:51 Back into the box Where Rainbow Dashie was found Oh god no Oh no Got a sequel in our hands Oh now I got a roommate Coming this fall on Fox I was thinking a second creepy guy would walk by and be like,
Starting point is 01:03:07 Oh, there's a poor Texan in this box. She's a ridiculous cheese pony. Dashie, you stay on your side of the apartment. Getting out the masking tape. So there you are, my dad. I'm getting out the masking tape. And there we go. Around about an hour of that. Of that. Of that.
Starting point is 01:03:42 Whatever that is. It's a hunt. Yeah. What did you learn this week? Clear things up for me. What did. Whatever that is. Isahan. Yeah. What did you learn this week? Clear things up for me. What did you learn this week, Isahan? I learned what this generation's latest incarnation of fan obsession is. And it's My Little Pony.
Starting point is 01:03:55 Yeah, clearly. I mean, it's like there's nothing that people talk about with more starststruck weirdness it's weird yeah it takes their breath away for those of you who are a little bit younger um this is not new uh you know about 10 years ago it was what invader zim yeah sure uh and 20 years ago it was tiny toon adventures really i don't remember that about Tiny Toon Adventures, but I'll take that as a story. Well, what I remember about Tiny Toon Adventures is that Tress McNeil, the voice actress for Babs
Starting point is 01:04:31 Bunny, got stalked by an obsessed furry fan. And so, yeah, this is not something the bronies have spearheaded, really. They've kind of refined it, and they've added new creative, crazy bits to it,
Starting point is 01:04:48 but at its core, it's just the wheel turning around. Yeah, I remember actually talking to... Oh, I don't know if he wants to have his name used, but I was talking to somebody, and he was mentioning to me that he was glad
Starting point is 01:05:04 that he never watched My Little Pony when it first went on television. Because he was like, you know, when Powerpuff Girls was sort of amping up, I was like, this is a good show. And I watched Powerpuff Girls, and he was like, man, I'm really glad I never did it with My Little Pony, because I think that it would have probably changed me, and things would have gone very poorly. There but for the grace of God kind of thing. Yeah, exactly. Portex, what did you learn today?
Starting point is 01:05:37 I learned something from this, and from actually a bunch of the episodes that we've done. I like cartoons. You do. And I even like the pony cartoon. That's not what I've done. I like cartoons. You do. And I even like the funny cartoon. That's not what I learned, but I like cartoons. But despite the fact that I like cartoons,
Starting point is 01:05:52 it is a bad idea to associate with very toxic and bizarre people just because you like the same nerd crap. As fan communities get bigger, they get more permissive, and crazy just builds on top of crazy and then you know someday you go from uh you know i like watching supernatural to you know
Starting point is 01:06:10 jared is a cat person and jensen is a dog person and they rape werewolves and get pregnant and that type of shit yeah it gets hotter yeah so if you're if you're so entrenched in this internet shit that you only associate with like dragon dildo fanatics and multiples and shit then you need to stop yeah yeah because one of these days you're going to lose all perspective and you're going to approach a you know your favorite musician and say you know i love all your albums and you know i'm now i'm going to list all the various and sunday trinkets that i shove up my vagina and you inspired it in me. And only after their horrified look does it occur to you, maybe I shouldn't have said that.
Starting point is 01:06:48 Yeah, and the second thing is that if you hang around people that act like that and you don't want to be associated with trinket vagina then you need to call them out and distance yourself from them because that is a mark that will stay with you forever.
Starting point is 01:07:04 I think that's actually a larger point that should be made a little bit more often. In these subcultures, there is... You can't be... It can't be, hey, we're all
Starting point is 01:07:20 in the same family. No. You can't let that happen. You have to draw some lines. You need to self-police. It's like mosh pits, right? Like, mosh pits, right, there's a bunch of guys and they're all kind of, like, running around and smashing into each other
Starting point is 01:07:35 because that's what they think is fun. And then there's the guy that, like, walks around in circles and starts hitting people and he gets his ass kicked because he's making it difficult for the other guys to bash into each other. Yes. Yeah, exactly. And so if you said, oh, but if I was
Starting point is 01:07:50 if I told that guy to stop running into people then that would just make me a horrible bully, well then that's going to give the next person the courage to start running into people and then it just turns into a brawl. Also, just before we close out, to everyone over the past like two years who've been asking for a brony episode
Starting point is 01:08:06 we did try to do one about a year ago but our material wasn't very substantial or varied so it kind of fizzled I also tried to coordinate a brony interview episode of a regular and that didn't materialize either because of schedule problems and I couldn't find a prominent fanfic writer
Starting point is 01:08:23 to go with my artist and composer so yeah that's why it's taken so long. Alright, that's enough of our proselytizing. The website, as always, thefbl.us, and our community is Ball Pit. And also, if you go to Ball Pit, I'm just going to nip this in the bud right now, I already
Starting point is 01:08:38 know that not everyone who watches the show acts like this, so you don't have to tell me that. I already know. Yeah, we don't need the holy war. Alright, we'll talk to you later. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
Starting point is 01:08:53 I missed you, Daddy. This is terrible vaudeville. Poor Dax! Oh my god! What the fuck are you guys doing here? No, you be quiet again. You tried forcing the tulpa. That didn't work at all. Nope. So much for the idea of not planning anything. Well, if only... That always works.
Starting point is 01:09:39 Lemon, you did call it. If only someone had suggested planning stuff. If only someone had asked about sharing the dock beforehand. You guys are morons. Anyway, I'm going to disappear now. You guys sort out your little skit there. Goodbye.

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