The F Plus - 127: Cosplay to Win the Cosgame
Episode Date: February 12, 2014Hey, did you ever have a good friend, and your friend was a really good dresser, and you thought "I'm gonna steal her entire outfit and wear it myself and pretend to be her and go to social gathe...rings specifically for other people who do this sort of thing?" Of course not, that would be creepy. But what if it's not a friend, but a cartoon character? Still creepy? We'll find out as we read Cosplay.com. This week, we're selling our eggs.
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I could smell...
Pocky?
Pretty sure somebody nearby was eating Pocky.
The chocolate kind, not the strawberry.
Right, back to the sex part. Hi there! This is the F Plus Podcast.
Terrible things, right with enthusiasm.
My name's Lemon.
And I'm Portex.
Portex.
Portex for now.
Uh-huh.
Uh, okay, what are you going to be in the future? What's going on?
Well, see, now I know that you...
You know, every day I tell you what anime I've been watching.
Boy, you sure do do that.
And you are interested.
It's weird that you keep changing your phone number
so that I get phone calls from strangers
and I'm like, oh, what's that?
Oh, hey, it's Vortex!
You seem to have accidentally blocked my number,
but here's what anime character I am.
That's just resourceful of you.
Yeah, it's good.
And, you know, so I figured that now that we're in these bumpers and you can't get away,
I figured I'd just let you know that I've been really getting into Attack on Titan recently.
It's this really awesome anime where anime kids fight giants.
And the giants are really gross
and it's really awesome.
But I got a problem.
Yeah, you do have a problem.
No, no, no.
What do you think your problem is?
No, no, no.
Look, this isn't a problem a doctor can fix.
This is a problem that a tailor can fix.
A tailor?
Yeah.
I was thinking that maybe if I got some stilts
and I got some hamburger meat
and splished it all over my body,
I could make the perfect Colossal Titan costume and then I'll just be totally into character
and then I'll get to go to anime conventions and everyone will really, really think I'm really clever.
It's going to be great! It's going to be great! It's going to be so great.
So you're saying you want to devote your life to the anime lifestyle.
want to devote your life to the anime lifestyle,
you want to
have being
a fan of a thing
be the most, like,
the only facet of your life,
would you be
surprised to learn that there are people
on the internet who spend
all of their money and time
committing themselves to
one anime or another.
Really? Yeah, it's a surprise.
Oh, man. So, cosplay.com,
they have a forum,
and presumably there's a forum
where people go like, hey, here's my costume,
pretty cool, huh? Anyway, I'm gonna
go to work. But that's not who we're reading.
We're gonna be reading the people that are
fucking committed to the idea.
Yeah! Here we go.
Readers, assemble.
In the room tonight, we have Portex.
You all are dressed like idiots.
Jack Chick.
Hopefully, I'll finally have Date Masumune from Senguko Basu Arcoira completed.
Great. Alright. It's fun.
The woman shall not wear
that which pertaineth unto a man.
Neither shall a man put on a woman's
garment. Ace Arcoiro.
I hugged a tiger and quickly
felt its chest. Turns out it was
a girl and she was pretty disgusted.
Kumquats up! She had no elf ears. Her hair was metallic and made of Christmas tree tinsel
for Walt's sake. And lemon. I'm not going to drop you, I assured her. Well, I tried
to assure her. With my face buried in her tits, it probably sounded more like mu-mu-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M You're wearing money? Nothing. I'm certainly not wearing a heavy metal t-shirt.
That would be out of character.
I'm wearing swim fins and a tutu while you're at it.
Holy shit, now that is erotic.
All right, I want to introduce you to the ladies and gentlemen, but really mainly ladies of cosplay.com.
Mostly ladies?
Wow.
Goodie.
So this is people who have devoted their lives to cosplay.
And we're just going to look at a lot of examples of how they've made a really good decision in their life.
This can't be so bad because a well-made costume is still something that you can appreciate, right?
Even if it's a costume based on a cartoon character. Alright, so we are going
to start off with
cosplay.com
and then cosplay
chat, general cosplay chat,
rude cosplay comments.
That is a thread that has
475
pages.
And it has a rating of 4 stars.
So we're gonna be
reading, we're gonna be reading
all of them. Also, I have a question.
I have a question.
Is this pronounced
cosplay as in a cosine
or cosplay
as in a costume? Well, it's supposed to be
cosplay for costume play, but
seeing as that lemon pronounces pagan as pagan,
I guess we can go either way.
Wow.
It's fine.
I always thought it was cosplay as in from Bill Cosby.
Was there a Bill Cosby cosplay?
I'm going to look.
Where's Bill Cosby?
All right, all right, all right.
Shut up, shut up.
All right, here we go.
Kumquats up.
Will you start us off as Eerie Butterfly?
My name is Eerie Butterfly
and I would like to talk today about
rude cosplay comments. I usually
find out about rude comments
about me cosplaying
through my
normal friends.
Lame.
It's in quotes. That's nice.
Keep in mind I was a member
of the cosplay club at my old
high school. Is that where you met your normal
friends?
I think you're saying she's OG.
It's totally a relevant thing
that I said there.
Through them, I found out
that a guy in my class that was
nice to everyone would act nice to my face,
but when I would leave, he would mock me and tell others I dressed like a Sideshow Freak
too chunky or busty for the characters I cosplayed as another comma
or doesn't look like the character at all.
Parenthesis, Fridays were cosplay day for a club.
Oh.
Oh, that's why she brought...
See, it's payoff.
So, Fridays were cosplay day.
So, the leader of this...
In the cosplay club.
The leader of this high school cosplay club went,
you know, the people that are involved in this club,
they just don't get beat up enough.
I think we should make it mandatory
that they show up to school in their fucking cosplay once a week.
I would like to think that the person
who's, like, making fun of us is also in a costume.
Your Goku sucks!
The guy from Symphony of the Night is like,
you're just, like, an idiot!
Keep going.
After I found this out,
the very next Friday,
I cosplayed as Toru Honda Fruits Basket and punched him in the face!
I totally did that, that's totally a thing I did.
Saying, if you are going to insult me or the club I'm in, say it to our faces, and not behind our backs, we won't get butthurt
over the critis...
Critisem you may have.
Ask your doctor about
Critisem.
As I was going back to
my seat, I turned back and said,
Oh, I punched him
in the classroom? Yeah.
Totally happened. Yeah.
I turned back and said,
Oh, before I forget,
we win awards and other high honors.
I can't say the same about the team you play for and the thanks for participating ribbons aren't high awards.
And then everyone carried me out on their shoulders.
Yeah.
And then I took down the Sicilian mafia.
When I moved
and transferred schools,
I was told by my friends
that story was made a legend
in the cosplay club.
And the football team started to win.
Oh yeah.
We were losing, but then we got that
locker room pep talk from that chunky
girl who dresses like as Toa Roo Honda Fruits Basket.
All right, guys! You guys have had a shitbag of a season!
Now our cosplay club keeps winning awards!
Jack Chick, you are also very badass, and your name is Smoted.
Is it? Okay. Hey, guys, I'm Smoted. Oh. Is it? Okay.
Hey, guys.
I'm Smoted. I'm a deleted account.
That's badass.
This happened literally two hours ago.
Me and a few friends were coming out of an Albert Sands.
We were stocking up some supplies for a big
50-person airsoft gathering down at a friend's
property. What happened was
me and four of my buddies were walking
out with shopping bags
and this happened.
Us, randomly chatting.
Oh good, it's formatted like a script now.
Guy.
I can't believe you freaks were let into that store.
What's the matter?
Couldn't buy any normal clothes
so you walk around in camouflage?
Sorry, camo-flouge?
Camo-flouge?
I'm sorry.
We're all out of jeans.
All we have is sailor suits.
My friend.
It's amazing how the people with the smallest brains have the biggest minds.
Oh, snap.
What was that, boy?
Me.
You heard him.
You better calm down.
You're getting riled up for no reason.
God, oh yeah?
What are you going to do about it?
Me, not a thing right now,
but once you step out of range,
those security cameras, I might do something.
Let's look at the believability meter.
No, it's fine.
It's just going up.
Totally buying this.
People who want to kick your ass always love to hear you just talk about how they're totally going to kick your ass.
I mean, it harkens back to other readings that we've done where, like, people will be in fights and having these long dialogue exchanges.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I mean, no, he's not in a fight right now because he looked at his, like, Metal Gear Solid heads-up display and saw that the security camera could see him.
Oh, shit, I'm in the cone!
This is a cone conversation.
Yeah.
Nice.
Guy.
Oh, yeah?
Me.
Yeah, you see, when I'm not lifting 75 pounds of concrete and cement, I'm at the box office.
Nope, nope, nope.
Go back.
What are you lifting?
Oh, sorry.
Nope. Go back.
What are you lifting?
Oh, sorry.
Yeah, you see, when I'm not lifting 70 punned bags of concrete and cement,
I'm at the boxing ring training to beat the SH percentage sign T out of guys who run their mouths for no reason.
It's people like you that need to be put in their place.
So when the whistle blows and you go on break,
the foreman tells you to go
Think about beating the shit out of guys
I lose 75 pound bags of concrete
Samantha traded the boxing gym
And I'm into cosplay
I'm a person
The thinnest Venn diagram is just this one person
Oh yeah
Me
Yep you see my record is
15 wins 5 losses in, and 1 tie.
With the concrete?
But that was a bogus call.
Just because I was bleeding didn't mean I couldn't carry on the match.
You're talking to this guy about this shit.
You see, I'm what you call a bastard, and that means I enjoy fighting.
Yeah, that's what that means.
Bastard, that's what that means. Bastard, that's what that means.
It's the literal definition, literally. Yeah, exactly.
Guy.
Well, well, well.
No, read that right. That's not how Guy
said that line. Yeah.
Okay. How did Guy
actually say well, well, well?
Well.
Well.
Well.
There we go. Terrific.
Me. But you should be glad my friend here doesn't want to fight you.
Guy.
Oh, yeah.
Which friend?
Me.
You see that big Ford with the eight guys in the back?
Yeah, why don't we find out?
What?
What?
Now you've got your, like, cosplay posse?
He's making up the stories he goes along,
so he might as well have a trunk full of friends.
Also, this was in Vietnam!
Those guys are going to be really disappointed
when they find out this fight isn't going to be turn-based.
Wait, I didn't explain how much of a badass I am.
Why are you punching me already?
I choose you! Oh, God. Why are you punching me already? I choose you.
Oh, God, why are you punching me?
Guy.
No, no, that's okay.
Actually, I was just leaving.
Jesus Christ.
Friend.
Yeah, you do that.
Guy goes inside the store.
Thanks, narrator.
Yay.
Friend.
Aw, crap, we forgot the chips. Thanks, narrator. Friend. Aw, crap.
We forgot the chips.
I better get them.
Me.
Alright, take the last
of the cash and get some
and don't scare the guy
by following him or anything.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Friend.
Fine, but I'm keeping
what's left over.
Why didn't they just
muck the guy?
Oh, yeah, and pick up
some Magnum condoms for me, too. I'm gonna need them later when I'm keeping what's left over. Why didn't they just muck the guy? Oh yeah, and pick up some magnum condoms for me too.
I'm gonna need them later when I'm banging a girl.
A really hot girl.
In a costume.
Acier, you are a minty fresh ninja.
Oh, of course I am.
Take criticism with a grain of salt.
Sure.
Chances are all these crap talkers are just that
and I'll talk
just like the previous post
personally I like when people are looking
like they want to say something to some nearby
cosplayers walking down the street
then I pull up right beside these fools in my car
in my ninja outfit
yeah okay then I pull up right beside these fools in my car in my ninja outfit.
Yeah.
Okay.
And then they rev my engine and jerk my chin up as if to say
hey, I'm in mom's car.
What's up, fools?
Their smiles turn to
ah, shh. Let's not piss off
the ninja.
I'm sorry, what did they say? What did their smiles turn to?
Their smiles turn to that Their smiles turned to.
That's it.
And then, ah, shh.
Let's not piss off the ninja.
This was at A-Fest 06.
Which takes place in feudal Japan, I assume.
Portex, your moon song.
My moon song? Moon song. All right. In feudal Japan, I assume. Portex, you're Moonsong. I'm Moonsong.
Moonsong.
All right.
I've never had much worse than being ignored by a group of friends at a convention.
I fully expect some sort of negative remarks eventually, though.
And I have my response all set up.
Good.
What is it?
What response is that? Are you guys ready?
Yeah, please.
No, I'm not.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't realize this was a bitch convention.
And then I'll walk away.
Oh, snap.
All right, so you're more likable than the other people so far,
because at least you thought of a timid thing that you never said.
But you're totally doing it.
And you owned up to it.
All right, Isfahan, finish up this 475 post thread.
Moon Song is into Hetalia.
Yeah, with Twisim.
Hello, my name is Twisim.
I was watching Maid one day with my brother,
and they had a girl who
cosplayed a lot.
One of her classmates commented on her,
saying, it's a little weird
to dress up like anime characters
regularly. My
brother has a problem with me cosplaying,
so he just looks over at me
and laughs. I yelled at the
TV screen, isn't a
little weird to dress up like a slut
on a day-to-day basis?
I felt better after that.
Yeah, take that TV.
Sweating smiley.
These fucking cosplayers are just
sending people to the burn ward
last night.
Yeah.
My Pokemon trainer's gonna send you some burn heal
for that. If I personally blogged
every time that I yelled at the TV,
I would do nothing but watch TV and blog.
Some people do that.
Fair enough.
Yeah, that's a strange phenomenon that you just described.
Yeah.
All right, so this is a thread about people that are less cultured,
and specifically people who just aren't cultured enough to appreciate cosplay.
Oh.
I thought you were going to say opera.
No, cosplay.
Cosplay.
All right.
My name's Facebreak, which is a good name.
I mean, it's pretty good.
You like it?
Facebreak.
Are you a fan of the Nuge?
Is that what's going on here?
Wangozy tangozy dressing up like a bunny.
I've never heard of that anime.
You're going to have to show it to me.
Okay.
When I cosplay in public, I almost wait in excitement for someone to say something along the more disrespectful or mocking lines.
Because I just love seeing the type of people who don't understand
that we may not all be clones, colon three.
It just makes my day a whole lot better.
And it's usually stupid people that care enough to say something, too.
Which I find interesting and amusing.
Like, someone stops you in a mall,
what the hell are you wearing? And I say interesting and amusing. Like, someone stops you in a mall,
what the hell are you wearing?
And I say, a cosplay.
What?
Which I don't think is how that's supposed to work.
That's not really a noun. I don't really know the lexicon as well as this guy does,
so whatever.
Anyway, I say a cosplay.
Then he says, a what?
Laughing with friends, he says?
He says that.
And then I say, a what? Laughing with friends, he says. He says that. And then I say,
a cosplay. Clearly you're not
cultured or intelligent
enough to understand the fine art
of holding memorial to a favorite
character. Did they die?
They stuffed me in my locker.
No, that's not what happens. I'll tell you what
happens. At which point, they either
walk away, glare, or
give a really
stupid comeback
and only makes me laugh, colon
three. Ah, I adore
these people. They have nothing
better to do.
Meanwhile, I'm in a costume at the mall
for no reason.
Maybe they're talking about their friends, you know.
Holding memorial, no less.
ACR, you are Heather
Foe-Eva 06.
Of course you are dressed as someone.
I'm Heather Forever until I stop being Heather,
so it's not for very long at all.
Anyway, they laugh
because they don't understand,
and that actually makes them feel stupid.
So, what do they do?
They do whatever they can to make themselves
feel better. You see, those interested in anime
are actually cultured
Jesus Christ
Yeah
We explore Japanese
entertainment
We're also
talented in making our costumes
Click that picture
That is not true
We have knowledge and skills these people don't have costumes. Click that picture. That is not true.
We have knowledge and skills these people don't have, and they are
actually quite
jealous of that.
Yeah.
You can't get that word out.
Oh my god, you're dressed up as
some god, I don't even know what the hell that is.
I'm filled with jealousy. I'm gonna say something stupid
at you. I like that the
jocks would be at
the mall and they'd be like, whoa!
People dressed up like a Pokemon? That blows
my mind! I don't even know
up from down anymore.
I think we just got inspired to wing the big
game on Friday.
Thanks,
cosplay. Trending montage!
Alright.
Isfahan, you are a dragon?
My name is Dragon.
Anyway.
My friends and I were meeting up at the train station a couple of weeks ago.
If this helps your characterization, you are a German girl wearing a fedora.
Just in case that helps.
You're also a German girl covered in cardboard
trying to look like a Mega Man character.
Anyway.
I think a German accent would be
too exhausting for this.
Yeah.
My friends
and I were meeting up at the train station
a couple of weeks ago for a private
photo shooting. Apparently,
it was some sort of...
Private photo shooting. Apparently, it was some sort of... Pole!
Private photo shooting, yes.
There are Polaroids in here. It's good to make a shooting.
Apparently, it was some sort of festival
at the same time,
and we were almost complete
when someone laughed at us
and asked mockingly,
and what are you supposed to be?
Harry Potter?
Were they?
I don't know.
You haven't established whether or not you were.
You said what costume you were wearing.
My friends were glancing at the guy and his friends, but I couldn't help but break into a heartfelt chuckle,
which caused my friends to laugh along and made them apparently feel incred-de-de-de-bull stupid.
And they were.
A heartfelt chuckle.
So you laughed and you sort of brushed your hand against his face.
Yes.
Oh, you.
This is why the guy should feel stupid, apparently.
And they were.
I mean, Harry Potter XD.
That was a good one.
Especially considering our costumes.
Which, yeah, that really should be mentioned first
But go ahead
We had one of the Turks from Final Fantasy VII
A Sebastian from Kuro Shitsugi
A wolf girl in creation
A girl from D. Gray Man
I always forget her name
That doesn't sound very cultured
Sanso from One Piece
And me as Taegong Wang
Asian looking guy
That had to be clarified Sanzo from One Piece and me as Taegong Wang, Asian-looking guy.
That had to be clarified.
So just so we're clear,
Taegong Wang is an Asian-looking guy.
From Warriors Orochi 2 at that point.
Right, sure.
Noon of us looka anything remotely close to anyone resembling Harry Potter.
It was less insulting than proving how brainless people are.
If anyone is going to attempt insult us, they should at least know what they are talking about.
This group apparently didn't knew any of our character, nor did it knew Harry Potter.
Now I really wish I had the German accent for that last paragraph.
I think that says a lot about the type of circles, social circles a person's in.
It's like, you don't even know anything about Harry Potter is like an insult.
What the fuck?
Who's to say?
Kamkwasov, what would you say is the eternal struggle in life?
I don't know.
Oh, well, I'll tell you then.
The eternal struggle, of course, is parents versus convention.
Oh, yeah. And this seven-page thread is the topic of parents versus convention.
You are Oshii.
You either have an acne problem
or you've been scalded by hot wax.
Oh, I have green hair. Good.
Okay. Yeah, it's important.
Wow! I gravely mistook
my mom! That sounds gross.
I told her about
how I wanted to pick up some fabrics
for my safer costume
after classes today
and she's all
pissy like oh
and what is this for
good questions
um October
and February
no you're not going
to any of those anime things
during the school year
man what a
chicken wuss
then she went on about money during the school year. Man, what a chicken wuss.
Then she went on about money.
I owe her like $400 for this school book.
Focus on my studies, etc.
Blah.
Kind of tuned her out.
Someone needs to slap her and remind her that I'm legal.
I don't know And I'll frankly
Do go
What? We're even?
The fuck I want?
I'm an adult now, I can't owe people money
I'm an adult now
I don't see why living at home counters that
Um
On the second page
Um
Jack Check,
you are Alchemist Merlin.
Bust out your best wizard voice.
What are you, some kind of Harry Potter?
Alchemist Merlin.
Grrr. Parents
anger Merlin much.
My parents
think I'm an idiot for watching
anime. Of course my dad can't say much because he plays video games at work, lol.
I always walk into his office and he's sitting there playing Age of Empires on his free time.
So I use that against him.
Do you work with your dad?
My mom just keeps mumbling mindless whenever she walks by
and I'm watching it.
If it weren't for the nudity,
I'd tell her to shit
and watch Ghost in Shell.
Just ask her how mindless that was.
I personally felt ghost was really, really deep.
But she would just see the nudity
and ban me from anime altogether.
Emoticon.
Right, like anime does anything worse to my mind than her Spanish soap operas do to hers.
Emoticon.
That's a fair point, actually.
Quite frankly, parents aren't meant to understand.
They never have, they never will.
Too bad it's their loss.
Hell, I'll still be watching anime when my kids are 15 and I'm 30, lol.
Whoa!
What's your life
plan like there, buddy?
He's gonna adopt. Yeah, totally.
Well, there is a
four-year waiting list,
so you'll need to be on the adoption list
at 11. Sorry, did I say adopt?
I meant kidnap.
Alright, Acier, you are Red Chainsaws with a Z.
Red Chainsaws?
Delarcious.
Uh, well, a while ago, before my obsession with cosplay, cosplay, cosplay, I was indulged.
What? Come on, I, cosplay. I was indulged in... What?
Come on. I like verbs.
I was indulged in Magic
the Gathering and other random
card games like Pokemon and
Yu-Gi-Oh. My mom
absolutely hated that I was so
into card games and she repeatedly took
them from me slash threatened to throw them away
if I ever got too caught up in them,
etc. Well, once
I ditched cards for manga,
you could say...
How did I know Lemon was going to laugh at that?
Things are looking up
for me.
I moved up to manga.
I'm not playing Magic the Gathering, Mom!
Are you ready for the bad news?
Hey, well, hang on.
Well, you could say my mom was relieved
that I had found something a little less time
slash money consuming. I mean,
reading manga online or watching it for
free really isn't a big deal.
But the cons were
what she really didn't like.
At Comic Con last year, she threw a fit and basically called me out by saying,
Cosplay? Isn't that dorky?
So your mom is Lemon?
This guy got the cool mom and he's just like,
My mom sucks!
Come on! Come on! Don't you want to just drink Jameson with me?
No! Magic the Gathering!
My only response was a more polite
get foe comment.
I really wish parents were less stupid
sometimes. Making assumptions
for things that are for kids
and whatnot is by far the most annoying thing
I've ever heard in my life.
Sometimes I just want to beat the sense into them.
Uh, less than
greater than underscore less than.
Lucky for me, I keep my costumes away from her at a friend's house.
Whoa!
I can't tell that these people are teenagers at all.
What happens when the parents find the costume,
and then you have to have that, I was holding it for a friend.
Oh, can we, yeah, is there going to be like a PSA? Like, have you talked to your kids? Oh, I was afraid it for a friend. Is there going to be a PSA? Have you talked
to your kids?
Oh, I was afraid you were the prostitution
or something. Oh, you're just
showing up as a character. That's cool. Keep it up.
Oh, so in the
PSA, can they be like, I learned it from watching
Pokemon, okay?
I learned it from watching Pokemon.
Oh, those font colors are hideous.
Alright, my name is Crystal Lake.
Hmm.
My parents won't let me go three days to FanimeCon,
and I've been waiting a year and a half.
Damn it!
To go!
T underscore underscore T.
So, to retaliate, I'm going to wear my costumes I planned for a week in public.
I don't care what people say.
First, it's Lenny.
Then, original bell dandy.
The pretty hair.
Then, Anko.
The young Itachi.
Then, femme Sasuki.
And then, last but not least, EGL.
Original Lenny.
Stupid parents will rekaive horrified stares at church and gossip about how they're raising me for not letting me go to fan of me.
Con.
Damn it.
I am so pissed.
The way she worded that sentence, it made it sound like people will be in the pews.
Whisper.
Did you hear she didn't let her?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my gosh.
Those people are horrible.
She had so many planned costumes.
Yeah, well, seriously.
She said she's wearing all her planned costumes.
She listed, like, seven.
Yeah, yeah.
Even if they beg me to take off my costume
and wear some tickling,
proper to church, orchestra practice, and art school.
I don't know what proper art school attire is, but
alright. Yeah, you're going to
Oh no, someone's going to be dressed like an idiot at
fucking full sail. That'll be
new and different.
Wait a minute. See that girl over
there? She has brown hair.
And a button-up shirt.
Get her.
I'm still going to wear it. Looks like someone's a little lost.
This will be my outcry against parents who dislike anime and cosplay.
Yeah, protest.
I'm sure it'll be a watershed moment.
It'll be the stone wall of anime.
The anime stone wall riots, yes.
I do think I have a good reason to shock my parents
by wearing my cosplay in public for four days straight with full makeup.
Immature? Yes.
But justified? Totally!
I don't plan to annoy the public with it.
Whether or not I plan to.
Don't plan too hard on that.
But simply tell the world that I am a cosplayer
and I'm proud enough of my work to wear it in public,
but have you ever tried to make one cosplay perfect
by working on it for a year and a half?
Also, my parents lied.
So they will be disgraced, church.
Too bad for them.
They have a cosplaying daughter,
and if they don't like it,
I can't wait till I go off to college
so I can wear my cosplays
every day!
Cat face! Everybody will be totally cool
with it at college.
Because there's no parents there.
It'll be fun. I can wear it to all the parties
I'll get invited to.
Cosplay parties, man.
She'll be like, are you into Odin Sphere?
And they'll be like, fuck yeah, I am. Let's have sex.
Ha ha ha.
be like, are you in the Odin sphere? And they'd be like,
fuck yeah, I am. Let's have sex.
Your college experience was very different than mine.
Yeah.
ACR, you are Avskull.
Oh.
The audiovisual skull. All right.
Audiovisual skull.
I couldn't see that as a band name.
That's not bad.
Any costume that covers my pirate parts well,
I'll wear it.
Yeah!
What?
Arr!
Let me try that again.
So I guess that's like an eyepatch.
Yeah, I was going to say they have a hook,
and they're like, does the character have a long sleeve?
It covers up the hand, and the eyepatch covers up the eye.
Yar!
It's driving me nuts.
Scurvy discoloration.
You scurvy
dogs. I'll wear a public
meeting downtown in the afternoon
on a Friday.
I don't have any friends.
I'm trying to pretend.
You don't have any what?
I don't have any friends who costume up
where I live, so I solo it all the time.
Sure. I've already
lost my dignity. Shocker.
So I might as well dress however
I want. The more elaborate, the more
fun. That's what I think.
That really should be a
time when you take inventory of your
life when you start writing sentences like
I have no shame. I've
lost all my dignity.
You can get it back!
Believe me!
So you're saying you've never walked around
in costume in public?
I'm not saying that. No, I have walked around
in costume in public.
You know, I wish Halloween
was more than once a year, but it's alright.
Oh yeah, Lemon went as a mauled zebra last year
I did yeah
yeah but you didn't wear it like
you know on a date
you didn't wear it like at the movie theater
I mean how can you know
I just think that you need to rethink your life
you still have shame
I do you still haven't lost all your dignity
yeah I think that's really what I've been
missing is none of the really what I've been missing
Is none of the dates that I've been on recently
The lady has shown up in cosplay
I know and you just can't get hard can you
She's only dressed up in like a metal t-shirt
And stuff
Isn't it embarrassing
If you go on a date
And you're both wearing the same metal t-shirt
We can't go out like this Oh let me change You're both wearing the same metal t-shirt.
We can't go out like this. Oh, let me change.
You're also wearing a hellhammer tee.
So I will say that I have shown up
to a show and had somebody wearing the same
shirt and we definitely did the like,
oh, I can't believe you wore that.
We're just going to have to change.
So one of us, it was actually that we
wore the same hoodie and so one of us took it was actually that we wore the same hoodie,
and so one of us took off our hoodie and just sort of wore it,
like hid it somewhere or co-checked it or whatever,
so that we didn't look identical. Sure, sure.
Because we had different t-shirts.
Yeah, of course.
Right.
Cool.
That would have been weird if you were both wearing the same t-shirt.
That would have been, yeah.
Well, you guys had the same hair, I assume,
so what if you have to shave your head?
Alright, alright, lithium flower.
Ladies and gentlemen, skinny and stout,
I'll tell you a tale I know nothing about.
The admission is free, so pay at the door.
Now pull up a chair and sit on the floor.
Wait, why would I pull up a chair then?
What am I doing with the chair?
You just gotta pull it up. He needs to sit down!
We all have to bequeath
him a chair. Alright, fair enough.
Once
upon a time at ACON 21
in Dallas, Texas, my
friend Manny worked security at several
conventions and was getting my friend
and I tickets as part of the
here's a whole crap ton of extras for you perk
he got for donating his time and manly
madness to Akon. Period.
However,
problems arose,
and he wasn't going to make it to the first day
at all, knowing my friend had flown from
Orlando to come. He was so kind and noble
as to wire us over money to get our
tickets.
The problem was that the place
we were picking
it up for was
a seedy, nasty, farty-smelling
corner store in the downtown area.
It's a good, like,
primer for the convention itself.
Downtown area close
to the convention center.
That's how you know the bad neighborhoods.
People just go into 7-Elevens
and fart.
Well, maybe there's a Sasquatch there.
Oh, fair enough.
Wait, I think he's telling us something.
Picking up McUltra.
The store was about wide enough to fit four people standing next to each other, and fairly long.
Now, keep in mind, these four people are convention goers,
so they're a bit wider than the average person.
There was a wall of lighters
behind fogged and scratched glass
with a lot of scratch-offs on the wall,
run by a couple of mafia-esque
looking fellows with greasy hair and a lot
of gold chains. So,
a gas station. Why are you explaining this?
How, yeah, how fucking long
did he, like, he to set the scene
for you? It was not like CVS
slash 711
slash Average Chain Drugstore.
Yes, it was!
Average Chain Drugstore
Next to... Not all of us have the privilege of leaving the
basement, okay? She's bringing valuable information
from the outside, and I feel
interested. Tell us!
What have they in the outside
world? What have you seen?
It was dank and stinky and clearly
not at all the place for two barely
legal young ladies to be alone in.
Problem two was we wear
goddammit, both in costume.
Were your pirate parts covered?
My friend as the
Mad Hatter and me as Alice,
trotting through downtown Dallas,
through the stinky ghetto-ness areas,
to this nasty little nothing of a corner store.
Jesus Christ.
I am fairly sure they thought we were some kind of prostitute.
Cartoon prostitutes have crossed over to our dimension.
Disney's gotten really dark lately.
Listen, I want you to put a top hat
with a little coupon in it.
Now, the thing is, okay, so this has been going on
for a couple of paragraphs. There's only about
three sentences left, and we still haven't
gotten to the story part.
Exposition's very important.
At the time, the guy claimed there was a
$2 sign fee to withdraw.
Manny had told us he paid this already,
but frankly, this was not the man to argue
with, and we were desperate to get
out, so I paid it. Ooh, was that
the conflict and resolution? I don't know.
Later, when I told Manny he had a fit
and was going to call up the place since they'd
ripped us off, hardly by much, but as he
put it, what if you hadn't had an extra $2 sign on you at the time?
And I know he was looking out for us.
What?
But still, creepy ghetto money order picking up was creepy.
God damn it!
What?
I'm glad we read that.
That was great.
Fuck!
Don't you feel it, Rick?
I mean, it's entirely plausible.
Isn't that a great story?
Jesus Christ!
It's entirely plausible that two cosplayers would not have two dollars
Well, they bought all those kawaii posters
But they did
Alright, so this thread is entitled
What are is the craziest stupidest thing you did for cosplay money?
And this is the thread that I was looking through this and I was like
okay, yeah, yeah, maybe, maybe, maybe.
And then I saw this thread and this was
definitely where
it became, yes, we will read this.
Alright, so
Portex, if you'll
start us off as
Alorel?
Alorel?
I'm Alorel and I'm dressed as a skitty from Pokemon.
You're proud of your Pringles.
Because I'm subhuman.
Sure.
Yeah.
I beat up my brother once because I only needed 20 more bucks for this fabric once.
Happy D-Face!
My name's Mr. Kitty!
You're awesome!
Awesome!
I don't know why I found that so funny there's an xddddd
it was almost like a skit
curtain
alright
Jack Check mango chutney, please.
I briefly considered selling my eggs.
Thank goodness they're too stale to use now, and that option is off the table.
Thank goodness for everyone.
What did I just hear there?
Okay, so selling eggs not to
pay for the rent or anything.
Yeah.
You know, it's gonna be a new musical
like where
everyone needs to cough up their money
for the cosplay costume.
What an awesome costume
I could make with $5,000
and a bloodstream full of nesting hormones
Jesus Christ
That's good because
your costumes look so great
If I read that correctly
is she like in menopause
now?
Well no I don't think you
I think that your
time span for being able to donate
eggs is pretty short.
I'm not sure, but I think you have to be
mid-twenties.
I think the absolute highest
it will go is like 30
is the cutoff point.
Okay, sure.
I thought that
bloodstream was full of domestic hormones.
Anyway.
So, Ace here, you are Kelly.
She dressed up as a jellyfish.
You know,
I should really look into that.
That could be
the answer!
And then later.
Sadly, I found out
I'm not quite old enough.
I'm 20, purple, frowny face.
I'm talking to my dad
about cosigning a lawn with me.
I really want this costume
to happen.
Oh, boy.
So, see, that's what you
meant by cosplay, Lemon. I got you now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cosign play.
And I could pay off
nearly all of it by the time I'll be
wearing it.
Fuck!
Well, it might be
seriously poor judgment on my part
to even consider spending a year's college
tuition, in my defense I go to
a community college at the moment, on a
costume, but I have OCD
problems with doing it right.
That's not what OCD is.
Also, you're not doing it
right. You're doing it very wrong.
Really?
I could sell my eggs and pay it off by that time anyway.
Yay.
So you've come to the conclusion,
cosigning alone to pay for my cosplay costume,
bad idea, but I could still sell my eggs.
Yay.
Right?
No?
I was like, I was gonna use these anyway.
I'm not sure if anyone that has trouble
having kids would want your DNA.
Jack Jack, you are
Chrissy Black X? Chrissy Black X?
Chrissy Black X.
I'm not going to my senior prom this year,
so I can go to Otakon and D-Star Con.
Hey, Chrissy Black-X, I'm distant array.
If you've been to prom before, it's cool,
but if you haven't, Ben, go just to get it over with. It's something you could
possibly regret in the future.
And Kumquat, you were
a silver star boy?
Not necessarily!
I got rejected by
ten girls for my senior prom
X3, and I don't regret
not going!
I'm a little bitter. And I don't regret not going. I'm a little bitter.
And I don't regret
not going, so I regret going.
If I had to wear the prom,
I think I would probably look less stupid
at the prom.
At the prom, all they were serving was
punch and chicken, and I prefer sour grapes.
Oh, sweet fatal fury. He's the one on the right. grapes. Aww.
Oh, sweet fatal fear. He's the one on the right.
Alright. It's still Terry
Bogard.
Um... Snowstorm.
Is applying for unemployment
just so you can buy materials for your
next cosplay is considered crazy?
Yup.
Also, he doesn't know how
unemployment works.
Yeah, you have to be employed first.
What?
Look, well, I drew DeviantArt
commissions,
and then I stopped doing it, so I'm
unemployed, right?
Were you paying unemployment insurance
while you were making the DeviantArt commissions?
That doesn't matter, alright?
The point is, I was making $5
and now I'm not.
Give me my cosplay money.
Alright.
I'm just going to start
this thread off. It's called Cosplay Wedding
and I am
Shiyuki-kun. Next GTO here, fear me.
I don't know what GTO is.
Like a car?
Yeah, have you ever heard of High-Speed GTO by a white wizard?
Jesus Christ.
No.
Here, let me link it to you.
No, I haven't for some reason.
Here we go.
Has anyone ever thought about having a cosplay wedding?
I think it would be cool.
I want to know what other people would think.
If you did, how would you want to set it up?
I would have a ninja wedding, not Naruto.
Well, maybe.
I have standards.
Oh, well, maybe I don't.
Do you, Shiyuki-kun, activate your trap card?
Jesus.
Wow.
A ninja wedding, you have to find the pastor
Pretty expertly done joke there
Alright
The pastor like smoke bombs in
Yes Fahan
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
Ninja
First off I must say a wedding is for the bride
For the most part it's her big day.
And for the groom, his big day total.
But bride is in charge.
Second off, if you want to see a cosplay wedding,
I'll have it after OhioCon09.
That's not the state, It's a Japanese thing.
Sure. But it does take place in Ohio.
I'm my Frane's guest
to his Frane's wedding.
Smiley face. It's gonna be at Ohaycon
09.
I mistook
for last time. It's actually Ohaycon.
And we'll be
Brady and
the Beast.
The Beast and the Beast. The Beast and the Beast.
Jesus.
Pride's choice.
Groom was excited
to say the least.
What was he to say the most?
Uh-huh.
Vortex, you are...
Oh, wait, no, wait, no, wait.
Who is... Ace Ace here were you
Abscull last time
I was Abscull
Abscull Redux please
I have to ask before we do that
Portax what the hell is Clamp
Clamp is
They make Cardcaptor
Sakura and other cute things like that
If I do a cosplay wedding
I can't talk like a. If I do a cosplay wedding,
I can't talk like a pirate.
I don't even know how to talk.
If I do a cosplay wedding,
this place is going to be cosplayed out too.
The walls are going to look like futurists paddling with flashing lights
with fire everywhere
and anime music playing
and battles every 10 minutes
with gallons of fake blood
and a card for the weeding
would be all cosplayed out too.
So in other words, you're not getting married.
Well, it's not going to happen anyway, so you might as well dream big.
You're getting metal, other than the anime music.
I'd also like to remind you
that I have no friends and no dignity
and no pride.
Yeah, we have already learned a little bit about you,
as well.
Alright, Portex, you are Shadow Ying Yang?
Shadow Ying Yang.
Shadow Ying Yang.
Hells yes, I have.
Hells yes.
Hells yes.
Can I get a hells yes?
No.
Nope.
No.
Fuck.
I actually never thought about my wedding until recently, Beastly.
My friend was talking about it, and I never thought about it, Beastly.
I don't plan to get married or have kids.
And you would think that would be the end of the post.
One would think, yes.
Wait, that would stop me from talking about myself,
however. Yes, so let's just
back that big fat jerk up here.
But anyway,
when I finally thought about it, my mind just
screamed, cosplay!
And I was basically, I'm such a genius!
It'll be cheap and it'll be fun! I just screamed cosplay! And I was basically, I'm such a genius! Yes.
It'll be cheap and it'll be fun!
No, it won't.
Those are all the people that are selling their eggs for their costumes.
Yeah.
And honestly, I'd rather have wedding gifts of anime slash manga slash video game merchandise
than China and furniture.
Oh, boy.
My house is just going to be an empty room.
Those are the only things you get at regular weddings.
In regards to
my parents,
well, they never
really cared about anything I do.
They'll think I'm crazy for doing a cosplay wedding,
but they wouldn't care. Not only that,
if I supposedly do get married,
I may talk to my spouse and do us
cosplaying as one of my fave shounen
yaoi pairings.
Oh, that would be my perfect wedding.
Fucking.
Fucking.
So you talk
to your fiancé
and you say, look, I'm really
into weird
pretty boy anime gay porn.
If we could dress like
a couple of characters from that,
where are you going?
So do I fuck you up the ass, or are you
fucking me up the ass?
The thing is that all of these
girl Yahweh enthusiasts,
because then they're going to dress up as their
favorite dudes, and then
they hit the sack, and then they're like,
wait a minute. Fuck, something's missing
from this equation. This is not working
out so good. As best I can tell,
thanks to censorship laws in Japan,
a lot of those comics and stuff,
the guys, they can't even draw the dicks or anything.
Oh, that's a good point.
So she'll be extra confused.
So he'll be confused, us will be confused,
and she'll be confused because there is a dick there.
It's not going to work out for anybody.
I thought this was a bunch of pixels.
Is she just going to bang his butt with her pelvis or something?
Just bap, bap, bap, bap.
Someone just start feeling good.
Where do we get to the part where you shove the corn up my butt?
Oh, my God.
All right.
So.
Oh, my God.
We are going to move away from cosplay.com.
There's some more fun stuff.
There's a woman that's dressed up as a drow who has a very long post that we're not going to read.
There's also a discussion about looking for love at conventions.
Not going to read that either because we need to get to the Christians overreacting.
Of course we do.
Nice.
You weren't kidding.
So, come Quatsop, if you'll start us off here with Eric Diamond, the affiliate member with 1,804 posts.
Holy shit.
Hello. Hello.
Hello.
Hey.
My name's Eric Diner.
What's on your mind, Eric?
Someone asked me about her troubled and rebellious teenage girl
who is obsessed with growing movement called cosplay.
Costume play.
Okay.
I know very little about it Cosplay. Costume play.
I know very little about it.
Because I really never heard about it before.
Does anyone know more about cosplay?
Can you tell us what's really wrong with it, biblically?
Thanks! I already know it's evil. I don't know anything about it.
It's clearly evil.
And also, reinforcing that stereotype
about how conservatives use
the internet is that they go like,
I don't understand this!
Please tell me about it!
That's what research is like.
Please tell me why I should be
offended by this. Please affirm my
biases. Right, absolutely.
Can we just skip to the
part where you tell me which book of Leviticus
I can quote?
Or not. You can say it's somewhere in there.
What
passage of Leviticus do you think mentions cosplay?
My name is Joe Johnson.
To call this a threat to Christianity
is stupid. Christianity
has much more serious problems to worry about
than kids dressing up as superheroes.
Superheroes are Spiderman
and Spacemen.
And Eric Diamond responds?
Joe, based on what I
have researched on
cosplay
and the drawings that 14-years-old girl
prove otherwise!
Oh, no!
So, alright, so, that was the first...
Kumquat read the first post,
and this post he's reading now is, like,
the fourth.
So he went from not knowing anything about it to
pretty much answering his own questions.
Well, he knew his opinion, regardless.
He knew his opinion from the start.
How much time passed in between?
Over a day.
30 hours.
Yeah, that's enough time to go to YouTube.
Hell yeah.
That's what research is.
I do not think you have researched
deep enough on cosplay, Joe.
Wow.
Casting aspersions already.
It's much worse than you think.
That's a quote from the Sarah Palin vice presidential debate.
I know nothing about cosplay in less than two days later.
Man, you guys haven't read up enough on cosplay.
Cosplay is a root of abominations
after abominations
of Pokemon
Foodtunary.
What? Really? Okay.
Lolita
Fashions and
Furries that out of Japan.
Oh no. Cosplay
is also responsible for furries
that out of Japan. Sorry dude dude America came up with furries
that's our problem
tell me more about these guys
these unsaved freaks
dress up
in all manner god mocking costumes
and prance
about pretending
to be some animated
cartoon characters or pretending to be some animated cartoon characters
or pretending to be someone else with sexuality freedom
to express rebellion.
Did you get this write-up from Japan?
Wow.
I think we need to go to Scripture
and find out what God actually says about it.
Oh, nice.
All right, so then you go to the Bible and you pull out some random Bible quotes.
We're going to skip over that. It doesn't matter.
But underneath your second broken image link,
you summarize it for us.
You see, cosplay is not about children dressing up as superheroes,
gaming characters, etc.
God does not see them as cute and as no different from Halloween or gay parades.
Dear, oh dear, good lord.
The truth is, they pass on the abominations
and damnation to their children
by forcing them into the
cosplay cult.
No.
I will say, you know, at my age,
I think cosplay is rather silly, but
calling it a cult is...
It's really a magical time when a new mother gets to first
introduce her child to the supernatural fandom.
It's time for your first episode of Sailor Moon, a very important step in any young girl's life.
So at a certain time in a kid's life, you have to sit them down and talk to them about the Birdos and the Bezos,
and, you know, then they find out.
Wow! Wow! Yeah, that happened. sat him down and talked to him about the Birdos and the Bezos, and, you know, then they... Ooh. Wow.
Wow.
Yeah, that happened.
That was...
You know, that was actually pretty good.
Yeah, all right.
Oh, wow.
You were disgusted at first, and then you thought about it.
It's kind of...
I was...
It's kind of...
It's a terrible joke, but so well-crafted.
Yeah.
Thanks?
And Eric Diamond
You can't even stop there
No, no, no
I am visiting my father where my half-sister stays
I am concerned about her
She moved in with dad
From mother, not my real mother
Home, filled with abuse and ungodly things
My sister, Brianna, is 14
And got involved
with cosplay.
I saw red flags
about it last year and told
my dad to have her go
see Counselor.
She did, but Counselor
says that cosplay is an
escape core.
It's like a giant robot
that helps you with your problems.
I am Kausalor.
I am Kausalor.
Please insert emotional problem.
Cosplay is an escape core her from realty.
Right.
Sure.
You know, long hours sometimes.
All I want to do is dress up like Naruto.
Stop trying to push
these closing costs onto me.
The sellers said they would take care of it.
This year
she grew darker spiritually.
For example,
she painted her face
to represent
two chakators.
Yep. Two chakators. Yep.
Two checkators.
Great.
She thinks she is a boy.
She has history of voliant behaviors
that my dad's wife is consider leaving my dad
if he won't do something about Bray Yowdna.
What's going on?
Whoa. Why did her name get stupider? won't do something about Bray Yowdna. What's going on?
Why did her name get stupider?
Maybe it's a sin to consistently spell words
the same way.
I did some
researching
on cosplay.
You did. You certainly did.
To dad, it seemed nothing
and is just an art of
costume. Costume
Costuoma
I warned him
That it is evil spirit
That plagues upon young
Children that introduces them
To
Homosexualities and
Sucaties
Homosexualities is like the one word that he spelled.
He can spell the hell out of homosexualities.
Suicide. Nope. Swing and a miss.
He spells more frequently.
Yeah, which one did he do more Google searches on?
My father is not sure what to do with...
Now the I is capitalized too.
Or it's an L. Maybe it's Brella
in an L.
I think if you find a post that
where he talks about
his sister long enough,
eventually all the words become capitalized.
Yeah.
Now her mother don't
want him.
Does anyone have better suggestion to deal with this situation?
I think you need to ask Yahoo Answers the way you're typing this.
Is there some verses that teaches against cosplay?
Or anyone know a good book for a reference?
Just in general.
You know, sometimes I have a hard time
This is after Eric Diamond himself
provided passages that
speak against cosplay.
What do you mean? Like some books by Osamu Tezuka?
I could give you some of those.
Anyone
familiar with
cosplay? Thanks!
So now you're going to make friends with cosplay
people?
I don't know.
I like, I mean, the whole thing is that, like,
it's somebody else's daughter,
and then he's like,
he's like,
your daughter is infected with the devil!
And the father's like,
no, it's fine, shut up.
No!
I need to fix your daughter!
Okay, for our last
piece, it is
your choice on which
of these two wonderful, wonderful, wonderful
sites we will visit
to close. So we can
either look at
cosplay-related material on
kickstarter.com
or we can view
cosplay- related material on
wikiHow.
Oh god, wikiHow.
I'm going to say Kickstarter.
Kickstarter? I got one on one.
wikiHow.
I'm looking at this. Yeah, it's wikiHow.
Alright, I think wikiHow wins.
Okay.
So, um...
Sorry. Okay. Do you think we chose them wisely? So Sorry
Okay
Do you think we chose them wisely?
Yeah I think we
Think we chose correctly
Alright ACR
How to cosplay as Garfield please
This was written by
Maniac, Amy Wright, Ranked,
and Zach, and 11 others.
No, 11 other people
have edited this.
I wish I could do Stog's
voice justice. Yeah, I was just missing
Stog now too. Alright, how do we
cosplay as Garfield?
Cosplaying as Garfield can be a challenge.
He rarely does anything except
eat, sleep, and enjoy his day. I realize I cosplay as Garfield can be a challenge. He rarely does anything except eat, sleep, and enjoy his day.
I realize I
cosplay as Garfield every weekend.
Oh, damn.
Alright, steps.
One.
Find a costume hire place
that has a Garfield costume.
Oh!
Why in the fuck
is there a step two?
Your mind is blown, isn't it? Okay. Why in the fuck is there a step two? Let me take some notes here.
Your mind is blown, isn't it?
Okay.
I would love it if some girl sold her eggs for a Garfield costume.
If not, you will need to whip up your own
using the fur fabrics available
at many good sewing stores.
If you have to sew one for yourself,
try to copy the markings of Garfield as pictured here.
For really serious cosplaying conventions,
you will need to copy the Garfield look exactly.
Otherwise, they will make fun of you.
Kick you out.
Garfield is inferior.
All right, step two?
Two, do your face as a cat
Only
It will need to have Garfield's
Large eyes, pink nose
And big smile
So not a cat
There is no step three
Step four
There is a step three
I don't see it in the Garfield.
Step three is carry around a model lasagna.
It's Garfield's favorite food.
Yeah, that's a good step.
Or just carry a real one around. That would be silly.
Oh, okay.
I thought...
Maybe they meant like the perfect lasagna.
Oh, okay.
I thought step zero was going to be to eat like 25 lasagna.
Lasagna by which all other lasagna is judged.
Yeah, the gold standard of lasagna.
I think that factors into step four.
Step four sounds very important.
What's step four?
Make sure there is plenty of fat around your body.
You may need to tuck some cushions into the costume.
Nope.
Probably not.
Five.
Look sleepy almost all the time.
A few horns here and there and mentions of finding a basket to curl up in.
Jesus Christ.
Six.
Walk lazily as if you're really heavy.
Garfield does not go out of his way to move quickly under any circumstances.
Unless there's food involved, of course.
So you need to capture the spirit of Garfield.
So to cosplayers, they need to get into the mindset
of somebody who is lazy
and unmotivated.
Unlike cosplayers.
I don't think I've ever heard of anyone gaining weight
for a cosplaying role.
Well, you've never met the fucking serious people then!
The hardcore.
I've only met the casuals.
Dammit, they're artists!
The method cosplayers.
The Matt Damon's of method cosplayers. The method cosplayers.
The Matt Damon's of the cosplay universe.
Yes.
Seven. Try to be calm
all the time. Garfield
never panics and takes all
in his stride. He does beat up a lot of people
though. I mean, he's not Heathcliff.
Eight. Tell
people
that you hate Mondays and dogs.
God damn it. Oh, Jesus Christ.
I'm already ahead. Play attack
any cosplayer dressed as a mailman.
Why would they be dressed as a
mailman? I don't know.
Also,
I'm mailman kin.
Oh.
Well, maybe I spoke too soon I'm naturally good at sorting
Give cheese and be nice
To any house mice cosplayers
Jesus Christ
This is getting tedious
Another costume you are likely
to encounter.
Ten. This is going to be a reach.
Say sarcastic thoughts.
This is a Garfield trademark.
I
disagree with your
definition of the word sarcastic
then. Copyright
Jim Davis. Yeah, right.
Eleven.
And finally, carry around
a stuffed toy to represent Odie.
Better still, have a
friend cosplay as Odie, and you
can carry out a routine together.
Oh god, how do you
cosplay as Odie?
I kick you off
a table.
I've kicked you off a table. I kick you off a table again.
That's it.
Is there a tip?
What's the tip?
Another name for Garfield is the Caped Avenger.
Use a blue blanket as Caped Avenger's cape.
Thanks.
Thanks so much.
That build is too strong, man.
Jack Chick,
how do we cosplay as
Princess Leia, please?
I don't feel qualified to do that.
Jack, are you familiar with cosplay?
Okay.
If you love Star Wars
and need a unique costume for a convention,
look no further.
This step-by-step guide will teach you how to cosplay
as Princess Leia.
Step one.
Actually,
is there a How to Cosplay as Lemon
cosplaying as Princess Leia?
That would be pretty great. That is a fantasy
of yours, isn't it?
How to Cosplay as the Sir Lack Pit Monster.
It is now.
Step one.
Study a picture of her. You can also watch
videos to know her look and how she moves.
Share her look. I don't know what videos you can watch.
Step two. Get a white dress.
You can sew or buy one.
You certainly can.
Step three.
Find or make the appropriate belt.
Make sure it
fits you.
Okay.
This guy is really succinct.
Step four. Get the right shoes.
Okay, good.
Step five.
Style your hair.
If you are having a hard time, you may search for some videos on the internet.
I'm sorry, I said that wrong.
It's just how to style your hair.
You may search for some videos in the internet.
Hello, hello, hello, hello.
Step six. Put some light makeup. Hello, hello, hello, hello.
Step six.
Put some light makeup.
Maybe a little blush and lipstick will do.
Oh, shit.
Jack Chick, we're almost to the end of this wiki how.
We only have one more step, and I still don't look like Princess Leia. Don't worry.
I got you covered, okay?
Step seven.
Okay, okay.
Step seven.
Okay, what is it? It's like the rug in The Big Lebowski., I got you covered, okay? Step seven. Okay, okay. What is it? It's like
the rug in The Big Lebowski. It really
ties everything together, okay?
Step seven. Okay. Act like
her.
Oh! There you go, Lemon.
Oh!
You gotta go around telling people
that they're your only host. Do you have any
tips to make it better? Okay.
Find good clothes.
Find good clothes?
I'm having a hard time.
I'm having a hard time.
You can get some help from videos
if you are having a hard time.
But I do have to warn you.
Don't wear a metal bikini Right
Because that's not how everyone cosplays
Because you can't pull it off Lemon
I'm sorry to tell you
What are you talking about
I'm just kidding you
You can't pull it off
Last time you got stuck and we had to shoehorn you out of it
Oh that's true actually
I can put it on pretty well, but
taking it off is a challenge.
And just emotionally, I don't
want to, you know?
We tried to force you so many times
to take off that fucking metal bikini.
That would be funny if that was a tip.
Do not force
a friend to cosplay as
Bikini Princess Leia.
Next time we're staging an intervention
if I see you in that fucking thing again.
Alright, alright, alright.
So, we need to decide
which of these
two things is going to be the finale.
How to stop acting
like an anime character
or how to quit cosplay. How to quit cosplay Like an Anime Character, or How to Quit Cosplay.
How to Quit Cosplay is pretty good.
How to Quit Cosplay is pretty good.
All right.
All right, I think I want this one for myself.
So now we've been pulled into the cult.
We need to find a way back out.
Sure.
All right, so this is How to Quit Cosplay.
It was edited by Arian Ong, Teresa Maluniu, BR, and someone else.
So you want to quit cosplay, huh?
Maybe.
Quitting cosplay may be bad that if you always can have another hobby to date,
or maybe if you are at the age of 30 or older.
Cosplaying is like Logan's run.
Bravo. Bravo.
Fucking bravo.
Oh, yes.
Oh, no. My Yu-Gi-Oh
bandana is turning black.
Come with me if you want to cosplay.
Okay, shut up.
What was I looking for? Was that the other? Eh, whatever. Anyway. Come with me if you want to cosplay. Okay, shut up!
What was I looking for?
Was that the other one?
Eh, whatever.
Anyway.
Okay.
Steps.
Step one.
Do you have to quit cosplay?
Yes, I do.
I don't have any eggs left.
I'm so bad.
And I'm at the age of 30 or older.
They won't take them anyway.
Do you have to quit cosplay?
If you do so, you may as well just study, have another hobby, or give yourself a career such as science or medicine or culinary arts
or aviation or business, journalism, politics, music.
This is just random jobs.
That sounds horrible.
Why would anybody want to do that? Those are the things that adults do. Shit. Okay, I got you. politics music. That sounds horrible.
Why would anybody want to do that?
Shit.
Okay, I gotcha.
I like how it's assumed you don't already have a job.
No, just when you turn 30,
you transition directly
from cosplay to APA.
Thanks, DeVry.
I never could have done it without you.
Get your degree in television repair.
Or being a pilot.
Or being Porco Rosso.
Okay.
Step two, no tearful goodbyes.
Just go for it.
I just, alright.
Step three, you might as well just find a new job.
Seriously.
I just, I'll find a new job.
Wait a minute.
Did everybody's mother
write this?
This is clearly one of those things
where there's the wikiHow edit
fights.
Where it gets sarcastic
about the topic itself.
Step four.
Erase your online presence.
I can't. I'm in this fucking podcast.
It's eternal.
Lawsuit.
Step five. Get rid of your
cure and deviant art accounts.
Just go with it.
Step six.
Are you sure that you have to quit?
You kind of have to because you already have a new
job and erased your own presence.
I don't even have to appear anymore.
I'm now on the lam from people dressed up
as Mewtwo.
Cosplay protection program.
I'm on the lum.
The cosplay protection program
where they don't give you a mustache?
Yeah, they take away your mustache and your sunglasses.
Instead of putting them on your forehead, why not on your eyes?
All right.
If you said yes, you are advised to quit cosplay.
If you said no, you can keep on cosplaying for real.
Yay!
Wait, wait, wait.
No, I have to quit.
I have to quit.
How do I quit?
There's got to be one.
Step seven.
Say to yourself that comma, never I have to cosplay for all those anime and manga.
Never I have to cosplay for all those anime and manga.
Don't try to parse it, motherfucker.
I said it.
You just say it.
I got it, set it down
Is that what's going on here?
Step 8, stop going to cons
Okay, done
Oh, what?
Well, okay
Step 9, face it
Do you want to quit cosplay?
Fucking yes, why do you keep asking me?
And keep pulling me back in
And finally, step 10 Fucking yes! Why do you keep asking me? They keep pulling me back in!
And finally, step ten.
Give a quit cosplay report.
If you are reporting to quit cosplay,
you should sell your costumes.
Now!
This evening at ten.
I erased my online presence.
How do I do this?
Do I have to give it to my teacher?
You need to make a new DeviantArt account. Oh.
Okay. There's some warnings, though.
I think you need to warn people. Okay.
Yeah. Warning number one.
You can't be serious
on quitting cosplay!
God damn it, I want out! You figured me
out, damn it. Alright, alright.
There's another warning.
Cosplayer, I want out.
There's another warning.
There's another warning.
This may be harmful to quit cosplay.
That got really mafia at the end there.
Find that guy, yeah. He'll find you.
This may be harmful
to quit that cosplay.
Nice costume. Shame something were to happen
to it.
If I quit
cosplay, I'd put a bullet in my head. If I quit, if I quit cosplay,
I put a bullet in my head.
Here,
here,
and here.
And there we go.
Around about an hour of Sonic shoes on my feet!
Sailor moon shit on my head!
Other sailor shit!
Moon shit on my...
Oh, whoa.
I lost the thread there.
You need to watch more anime for that.
Yeah, it didn't work out as well as I was hoping.
Portax, what did you learn this week?
I learned that it's okay to be nerdy.
And it's okay to be super nerdy.
Sure, I mean, yeah.
And if you want to make a
costume and make it look perfect and get
every detail right, that is totally
fine and you can do that and no one's really gonna
judge you or care. Yeah, obsessions and commitments
usually are entertaining.
Yeah, so
however, if you
do stuff like that, you just have to remember to have a life outside
of that you can't have this this thing be where uh you know i'm a cosplayer and and this pop
culture thing is the thing that purely defines me and if anyone says anything bad about it then my
whole world just crumbles you can't do that You have to have a life outside of that.
Totally, totally.
Like, there's, like, you know, like,
I mean, some of these people are obviously not young, but most of them are pretty
young, and so, you know,
the idea of, like,
of, like, you know, I got this outfit
that I want to make, and I want it to be fucking perfect.
I get that! I totally do get that!
And it's fine.
And, you know, like, whatever.
Probably not worth selling your eggs over.
Probably not.
But, you know, like, yeah, just do the thing.
But keep it in that perspective of it's a silly thing.
And also recognize it's a big world.
There's a lot of cartoons out there
there's a lot of things that aren't cartoons out there what now that i'm gonna take issue with a
lot of pop culture out there you don't need to commit yourself to that one thing it's not uh
it's not gonna help you it's not gonna help you out uh big big fucking thanks uh to lady frenzy
uh for this document uh and also to ladyrenzy for this document,
and also to Lady Frenzy for having the name Lady Frenzy.
If Lady Frenzy was a musician,
I feel like it's kind of like hard techno,
like German, like Austrian techno band.
Hello, this is Lady Frenzy. Yeah, like three blonde guys, and then we are Lady Frenzy.
Uber, Uber, Uber, Uber, Uber.
Anyway, thanks to Lady Frenzy for that submission.
She went to THEFPL.US and does occasionally hang out on Ball Pit.
That's B-L-P dot I-T.
And I just briefly about Ball Pit want to mention, you know, we don't do subscriptions.
We don't do, like, the donation drives.
We don't do that shit.
Like, Ball Pit, the $10 Ball Pit donation fee is really the only way that we try to recoup any expenses.
So keep that in mind. I'm not saying
you're a bad person
if you don't
donate, but you are
stealing, like you're a common
thief.
Here's this
entertainment, and if you don't
pay... Oh, come on. I can't even
fucking keep up with that. Alright, bye-bye.
Bye. Oh dear.
On such dates, I've worded around campus,
to malls,
to stores,
to movies,
to friends' houses,
with a fox in a box,
and just in public!
In general!
Oh.
I have no shame! Yeah, you already said that.
Did I mention that before?
I will cosplay in a hall.
I will cosplay at the mall.
I will cosplay at the house.
I will cosplay at the house.
You're about a minute late on the...
I do not like green eggs and ham taro.
I do not like...
Six out of 10