The F Plus - 128: Pioneers of Squat Cracking
Episode Date: February 16, 2014Do you ever feel imprisoned by your own life choices? Bills, jobs, responsibilities... it's like we're not even alive anymore! Wouldn't it just be nice to be out there, alone, on the road, making... your own way in the world, contracting cholera and giving blowjobs to truck drivers? The people of Squat the Planet think so! This week, The F Plus makes sure there aren't any homos in the bathroom.
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Ride junk, ride drunk.
Smoke crack, ride stacked.
Toke weed, free of need.
Sitting on the park bench.
My little girl with bad intentions.
Sluts running down his nose.
Snots running down his nose Greasy face, good spirit, shabby clothes
Hey, Aqualung
Hello there, this is the F Plus Podcast, Terrible Things, Red Enthusiasm, my name's Lemon
Hi Boots Ringer
Boots, how are you doing?
Uh, I guess I'm okay.
I don't know.
I need a change in my life.
Okay, what's bothering you about your life?
I'm just sick of all this shelter.
Sure.
These clothes, the warmth of my home.
Okay, okay, that's...
Sure, well, that's a problem that can be fixed um
have you considered picking up a heroin habit you giving that any consideration that sounds
that sounds wonderful yeah yeah yeah get a fucking like a dog that sucks cool are our
cockroaches involved in this they certainly certainly will. I'm going to introduce you to a site called Squat the Planet!
Oh, boy.
And it is a site where squatters congregate to talk about the homeless life and homeless,
I don't want to say struggles, but let's say accomplishments.
And so, yeah, so, you know, like the fun things that you will encounter as a squatter.
And I don't know where they're getting their internet from.
But, yeah, it's going to be an educational process.
Sorry.
Giving me nothing.
All right, readers, assemble.
In the room tonight, we have Boots Ring here.
Wow, you're cute.
I'm hopping a train to Oregon in a few days, and I don't really know much about it besides it's cold.
Jimmy Franks.
Ride junk, ride drunk, smoke crack, ride stacks, took weed for your need.
Squiddy McConway.
Wait till you find out what true love is.
Left-handed radio's own Adam Bozarth
So I was randomly thinking of that song
50 Ways to Leave Your Lover
And thought of a parody title of
50 Ways to Use a Rubber
And Lemon
So recently I was in a jam after getting robbed by a couple of Mexicans
And I pretty much had to suck a dick for money money hey how are you guys like uh how's the uh how's the weather where you're at are you
like all warm and and comfortable is everything nice where you are it's cold itchy yeah i'm indoors
it's awesome okay so indoors So in whose doors exactly?
Did you break into a hospital?
Or do you have a tent outside of Jim Morrison's grave?
Where are you stealing residence today?
I got a home.
I pay mortgage.
Fuck you!
You fucking motherfucker!
I'm kind of freeloading off my husband.
Does that count?
Well, that guy must be a fucking sucker.
I want to introduce you to an exciting group of people that is an entire community of squatters.
What?
And they have a site called Squat the Planet.
So they've learned...
This is about ladies peeing in the woods, right?
No, that's Squat on the Planet.
It's a completely different
courtesy pee project.
This is Squat the Planet.
This is how to live
on the outskirts of society.
But I think Jimmy Franks can sum it up.
Jimmy Franks, what is Squat the Planet?
I'm glad you asked, Lemon.
Yeah, I'm glad I asked, too.
It's a wanderpunk travel blog and community.
It's not a travel channel show.
It's Squat the Planet.
That's good.
Bourdain does not need another fucking show.
He is on TV enough.
Squat the Planet is an online community exploring nomadic
lifestyles through minimalist travel.
That's a fancy way of
saying we're a bunch of gypsies,
migrant punks, hippies, and other
ne'er-do-wells. Our community is centered
around many different kinds of travel
and the freedoms they provide. This is a place
where people can come together, share what's
going on in their local community, read
about what's going on in the communities around them,
help others new to the wanderpunk lifestyle find a path outside of the social norm.
It's our hope that providing a space for people to come together
and make real-world connections that we can help others live a more satisfying life
and continue the growth of our community.
Do you think this website, like, squats on just different servers?
Yeah.
Generation euphemism.
So we're going to go straight to the forums.
There's an entire forum section to Squat the Planet.
And we're going to start out with Gary the Old Guy.
This is Gary the Old Guy.
You just joined the board.
Gary Old Man was already taken.
So sometime around August this year, I wound up in Birmingham.
I'm away to NOLA.
NOLA is all lowercase, so that's like an opposite acronym.
Things were okay other than the heat, but I had booze and smoke, so I was a pretty happy camper.
Well, I was by the yard flying a sign and drinking with some amusing home bums.
Home bums.
That's their word.
I think we're going to run into a lot of those.
When I see a train hopping couple,
so I went over to where they were hanging,
we start drinking and telling stories.
All is well.
Eventually, we got really drunk,
and apparently three or more people show up,
and it's a party in the middle of this park in Alabama.
Wait.
We're all having a great time,
shooting the shit, and getting fucking
plastered. At some point, we decide to
go to the hop-out and continue the festivities.
I'm assuming that's what happened
because the next thing I know, I'm waking
up in a well next to these two guys
I vaguely remember meeting the day before.
After some investigating, we figure
we're going to Waycross, Georgia, but that's
not our biggest problem.
We only have, like, one Nalgene between three people.
Every time we side, there's no water to be found.
We're going, like, 80 past tons of streams and rivers and farms and towns,
thirsting to death.
Eventually, dude remembers having some purification tabs in his pack,
so the next siding, we wind up getting some of the ditch water with tadpoles swimming in it.
I mean, this stuff looked pretty gnarly, but we dropped the tabs in,
and about 30 minutes later, when the tadpoles were floating,
we had some life-saving water.
You know it's good water when the tadpoles are dead.
I broke several of my own rules that trip.
Number one, I hopped out blackout drunk.
Number two, I hopped with...
How could he help it?
I hopped with people I barely knew.
Number three, I rode with basically no water.
Thankfully, everything wound up all right.
But ever since, I've been more careful.
This is really interesting.
Are you learning new life skills?
I'm learning new lingo.
Well, that's good.
That's good.
So if your husband ever ditches you, now you're right.
You decide to become a hobo.
You have a backup plan.
So this is a new thread on the forum.
So it's called Awkward Ride.
And Adam, if you'll take Jojo, please.
He's getting to know this place.
So I'm walking down the road and this old guy in a truck asked me where I was headed and offered me a ride.
And I got in.
We made small talk.
Then he just comes out and asks if I ever had my cock sucked.
It was Awkward Ride after that.
And he tried to offer me $10.
And I was like, i think i'm gonna walk
the rest of the way to town as soon as i got out of the truck i just started laughing out loud it
was pretty funny after i looked back on it xd uh jimmy franks you are a japanarchist
this is a pretty good name well giving or receiving a bj is a normal form of compensation when hitching. It's one of the rules of the road, man.
Suck it up.
Literally.
Squiddy, you are a thought poet.
Oh, okay.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Man, oh man.
You know, some people would look at $10 for receiving a BJ as a whole lot of ramen noodles.
La-mow.
Yeah, bro, acceptable compensation or not, that chit ain't my cup of tea either.
As we say in the South, that dog don't hunt.
He sucks a dick.
Yeah.
Boots, you are Ara Paula.
Ara Paula.
Oh, no, he was going to pay to such your dick.
Fucking BJ's of BJ's.
At least that's what Ma was saying.
Adam, back to Jojo.
I don't know about the unwritten book of the road,
but the guy was only driving me five miles.
Well, then I quit, BJ.
I don't know when the hand job to blow job crossover happens oh that's four miles on the odometer sucky sucky but the guy was only driving me
five miles and if i really need to make money i'll ask all around town for work or fly a sign Blowjob's $10.
I've been there a few times, dude.
I'm sorry, my name's Wisehop.
I'm a celebrated poster.
My home is Canada, but you'll find me anywhere.
Anyway, I've been there a few times, dude.
One time while hitching on the East Coast when I was 19,
I got this early morning ride from this big bearded dude.
Tried talking to him on the way, but he didn't say much. The second he pulls over to let me out, he straight up asked me if I want my dick sucked.
I said no, and then it hit me when what he actually just said to me.
He then proceeded to argue with me
for the next ten minutes.
This guy was a big fucker,
so it was a little tense.
He asked me,
you ever had your dick sucked by a guy before?
And I'm like, no.
So he says,
well, how do you know you don't like it?
Well, there's no question mark, though.
So how do you know you don't like it? And I there's no question mark, though. So how do you know you don't like it?
And I said, it's just one of those things, you know.
Whole time sitting on the side of the road in this green pickup truck,
wonder if I'm about to get raped.
After probably one of the most awkward conversations I've had to date,
he finally says to each his own, and I get out.
It was at that point that I didn't want to hitch anymore,
that that was the third time that trip the guy before started talking about recce recce and healing through touch and tried getting his hands on me fuck man i'm creeped out just typing this
shit oh man to be young and fit oh poor fella it's funny. The one that creeped me out the most was this trucker dude,
not to stay your eye-o type,
who one night brought me to his house for a quick stop.
He asked me if there were gays in the big city I was from out west.
Asked me if it was awkward going to public washrooms with a potential gay dude.
Didn't seem like an odd conversation.
I always check.
Any gays in this washroom?
Straight man coming in, toot toot.
Just look out.
Didn't seem like an odd conversation
seeing as he was a hick from a small town.
Then we started talking about boots.
Wait, why?
Why were you doing that?
I'm not into that stuff, man.
No, that's not me, man.
When I think about gay washroom sex.
No hobo.
Look, it's just a natural flow of conversation.
You start talking about gay washroom sex, you start talking about boots.
Anyway, he's asking about my docs, and we chatted about them and his cowboy boots for a while.
He says he may have a pair he can give me.
Well, I stopped at his house at about 11 p.m.
We go into the basement,
and he gets me to try these boots on and walk around in them.
Oh, my God.
I like how even this hillbilly gay dude is into shoes.
Put them on.
Try them on.
Anyway, I just walk around in them. around him oh fuck i feel so dirty in the end nothing
happened and he ended up dropping me off by a massive train yard i didn't clue into what he was
what was going on back then but fuck these days it creeps me the fuck out at least when people
are straight up i'll suck your cock like a slut it It's out in the open. It's that fucking, I'm ass raping you
in my mind that does the damage.
Yeah, that's okay.
We're drawing some very jagged lines here.
Wreck Liberty
needs to be...
Alright, boots, take it.
I'm glad to know it wasn't just me
that crap like that happened to other people too.
That's so funny and awkward.
I hate hick hiking.
No thank, I will walk.
No thank.
So, Adam, your name is Aura Licht, you're female,
as Aura licked your female,
and you joined the board specifically to tell us this story of your squatting adventures.
What is your story titled?
What did you title this post?
The Mud Alcove of Groundly Pleasures.
A sensual barefoot intercourse between my feet and the earth.
Oh, boy.
Otherwise known as walking barefoot.
But much sexier.
You fucking assholes.
It has been a while I decided to spend more time being barefoot, regardless of the type of surface, environment, weather.
I started with the medium-long walks on a, quote, dirt, quote, road. Jesus Christ.
I tried to wear my sandals the other day.
That felt total condition.
That felt total disconnection.
Is this going to be like stealth marketing for those stupid shoes?
With the toes?
The Bikram or the Vikram?
Yeah, Vibram.
Five fingers?
Vibram.
The shit the kumquat wears.
Yesterday I went for a walk in the forest following a new trail that passed along the river and it was full, oh so full, of mud everywhere.
I got dirt up to my knees and never felt that light and relaxed.
Ivy experienced a rainbow of emotions,
each prompted by a different element slash surface I came into contact with.
Oh my god, okay, Auralict, Auralict,
your prose is goddamn fucking infuriating, and I can't hear it.
I literally cannot hear anymore.
So please skip to your poetry.
The poem entitled, The Mud Elk Cove of Groundly Pleasures, a sensual barefoot intercourse between
my feet and the earth by Auralict.
Oh, so all that bullshit
was just a preamble to your poem.
Alright, great, good.
Fertile earthly maiden,
here I come to tease your senses
by walking the trails of thy
luscious body. There I sink
my feet into the scented
sex of yours.
Oh, dude! Dude! No!
No!
Sometimes I wish I had synesthesia, but right now I don't.
Those long blades of grass, like fingernails, scratch along my skin.
You suck my heels into thee, holding my extremities in an alchemic mystical embrace.
Those fallen leaves like pubic hairs.
Yeah, that's what fallen leaves remind me of a lot.
You should probably see a doctor.
Those fallen leaves like pubic hairs
hide the secret portal of your grace from profane eyes.
As I penetrate more into its...
Sheets!
Gross!
Getting all up into that guts.
This is a Randy Daly character.
The wet walls of warm mud open up like a trembling hungry mouth.
Its saliva orgasming pure water to further lubricate my next moves.
Yearning for more.
Those sharp thorns.
Like unexpected lustful bites.
Pierce my flesh's ejaculating red semen.
Earth to man.
Man back to earth.
Okay, Jimmy Franks, please take Scummy 1990 immediately.
Yo, this is Scummy 1990.
I'm sorry, man, if this gets me bad but jesus fucking christ
this is the gayest hippie shit i've heard yeah what are you scummy mvp mvp wait i'm not done yet
barefoot feet wow do we really need a whole fucking story about it mvp mvp holy shit holy shit what's your
what's your response to scummy
hi scummy
I just shared what I felt
thanks for your eloquent comments
you seem to be a very
straightforward person
again
thanks for your understanding.
This thread is entitled
The Worst Slash Dirtiest Squat
You Ever Squatted.
Also known as, hey F+, please read
this thread.
Before we proceed, I'd just like to point
out the fun drive going
on on the right side of the page.
Yeah, tell me about the fun drive.
Yeah, they're
trying to raise some money.
Let's see.
Okay.
There's a monthly donation.
Today's the 31st of January.
We're reading this.
And they've got a goal to raise $50 this month.
Okay, okay.
That's a good goal.
I like setting maintainable goals just so you can achieve and feel good about them.
Yeah.
So where are you at, Oak Curry?
Zero.
No, I thought there was 28 days left.
There's 28 days.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, because they're on the Christmas Islands or something.
All right, so this is about the worst slash dirtiest squat you ever squatted.
Hey, my name's Diagaro.
I was banned.
I don't know why.
Oh, dear.
But something brought the ire. I don't know why. But something, something, I brought the ire.
I don't know.
Maybe I had a bottle of water or something.
He paid rent.
Fucking sellout.
Just curious what horror stories might be out there.
My worst has to be this house I squatted in Seattle for a week.
Before I could spread my bedroll out,
I had to shove a shitload of skivvies and rigs out of the way.
I don't know what a rig...
Oh, like heroin.
Okay, good.
The rest of the house had floors so rotten that you could see the dirt lower crawlspace through the spongy wood,
which, as in a thing that casts spells, was the domain of the possums and raccoons.
Or the spongy wood witch.
Is the spongy wood witch summon the possums? The spongy wood witch. Yeah, into the domain ofy Wood Witch. Is the Spongy Wood Witch summon the possums?
The Spongy Wood Witch.
Yeah, into the domain of the possums.
Never had any human visitors, though.
All the Camando junkies were long gone by the looks of these remains.
And then, Squiddy, you are Monkey Wrench.
Oh, good.
Your title is Oogle Supreme.
Filthy undies and dirty rigs are to be expected no matter where you are
not really you just have to accept that if there's an empty room slash house trash
slash trailer slash hole in the wall some gross shit has probably gone down in it
i agree with that sentence yeah i had the pleasure of cracking a squat
i just like to point out this is a person who likes to put things in quotes
but did not put the word pleasure in quotes.
That is one of the best
sentences I've ever read in my life.
That would actually, if I was doing
like a techno
DJ thing, I had the pleasure
of quacking a squat would be a really good lead.
I think cracking means he's the first one in.
So it's fresh.
I think I
cut the figurative ribbon on it.
I think I played squat cracker
on the Amiga back in the day.
It was on one of the big five inch
floppies.
I had the pleasure of cracking
a squat.
Sorry.
Gotta get through that sentence.
Gotta get through it.
Alright, take three.
Here we go.
I don't count that.
I don't think any of those were bad takes.
I had the pleasure of cracking a squat, which would later famously be known as poop squat.
They are known as poop squat where?
In the 8th Ward of New Orleans.
Whoa.
Put up a plaque.
Poop squat.
Originally only inhabited by three awesome kids and their dogs, of course, their dogs,
but slowly overrun by kids who thought it would be okay to take shits and piss maybe
10 feet away from where we slept and ate.
Now I understand and accept the dynamics of living rent-free
and the social politics of squatter culture.
I don't think you do if you're complaining
about any of this shit.
But for fuck's sake, there are some basic
guidelines of sanitation that human beings
living in wilderness or city have been
adhering to since pre-history.
You do not poop
where you sleep and prepare food.
You will get sick.
Naturally, the three of us and a handful of others got sick from inhaling oogle shit.
I got a wicked case of pharyngitis.
Diego comes back and says, yeah, dirty rigs and underwear is kind of a meme now.
Meme to me now.
Someone says something about a nasty squat and I ask like
dirty rigs and underwear nasty or just regular
old nasty?
When you squat as long as I have, you have
different definitions of the word nasty.
I can remember when I first hit the road and finding
rigs freaked me out. Oh my god, this place
is horrible. Someone needs to get rid of these.
Now they're almost a static part
of the squats decorum.
Ah, a couple of rigs.
Kick.
Hey, uh, this is Dirty Rig.
Rigs only freak me out when there are dogs standing to squat.
Dogs don't wear boots.
On the second page, there's a poster by the name of Pigpen.
Pigpen, great.
Yeah, Pigpen, which is a pretty good username for the site.
Who are you?
Oh, Adam, take Pigpen, please.
Oh, but let me just briefly mention that EarthOwl says,
Okay, so I was in Berkeley, right?
And then there's text after that.
Who gives a shit?
Whoa.
I forget if it was Chestnut or Walnut Bridge in Philly,
but the last time I was there a couple months ago,
it was all kinds of fucked up.
Between the trash, rigs, shit, stained undies, gay porn,
and unidentifiable rotting matter, it was pretty bad.
Not to mention one night it rained cats and dogs,
and the shit flooded at like three in the morning after the four of us drank half a jigs of Old Crow and had an impromptu fight club.
I can't deal with this.
I'm drunk.
I'm beat up.
Oh yeah, and the steam pipes leak scolding hot water down upon you if you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Just like lecturing you on not getting a proper education. Yeah, needless to say, I didn't stay long and wouldn't recommend it as a camp spot for others.
Two stars.
Yelp reviews for squat places?
The pink house was pretty bad the last time I saw it two years ago.
I can only imagine what it would look like these days.
Sam I.M. was staying in an ex-hoarder house in Nola, 8th Ward.
That was pretty bad.
But he found a bottle of codeine and some gold jewelry in there, which was pretty cool.
Like he's telling this as somebody else's story.
It's like, man, that guy found the half bottle of codeine
and some gold jewelry.
This is the things we dream of.
That's what we all aspire to.
Yeah, one day I'm going to find a bottle of codeine and some...
Jimmy Franks, you're really angry about something, right?
Oh, yeah. Always.
You're weirdly angry when you went to the sex and relationships forum
and then you posted a type of caring.
Look, Lemon, don't tell me what I'm angry about.
I'm sorry, Doc Road.
Look, I know you're hungry for knowledge.
This goes out to all the little fuckers.
I'm sorry, I know you're angry.
Can you just very briefly, can you tell me what your occupation is?
Look, my name's Doc Road.
I'm hungry for knowledge.
And what's your occupation?
Ha ha, no way, tax man.
So you're hiding a lot of taxable earnings?
This goes out to all the little fuckers.
By which I mean all sex-driven, emo, hormonal drama junkies that we all are.
Sometimes in a house full of homo sapiens, all pairs with needs.
Either no fucks, shush on e, all straight dudes or doodadits.
Pretty lame, I know.
Or a fuck situation.
Okay.
By the way, this is not one of those things where it's like there's asterisks and we're replacing with fuck.
All of those fucks are typed out to be that fuck.
I.e. straight, bi, gay, les, all mixed in.
All open or all closed.
All that in between.
Date one, then the other, then the other is redonkulous.
Redonkulous.
That's a pretty good spelling of redonkulous, actually.
It's redonkulous.
It's redonkulous.
So much funner to just openly bang out.
Friends should be able to feel comfortable enjoying that part of human nature together.
What?
Jesus.
Jesus.
Wait, is he complaining about people closing the doors
when they have sex?
Yep.
That's what I've been trying to tell you.
Not talking relationships either,
but who the fuck wants those?
Play together.
You end up sharing in the end anyway if you think about it.
Just let go of the Illuminati time and space.
I suck at bullshit.
And then can't cure herpes replies with a picture of a wingnut.
I like some of these hobos.
Read the book The Ethical Slut.
No, no.
I'm never going to read a book called The Ethical Slut.
I think you should, though.
Is that a Kindle single?
It's about polyamory.
How we all share each other and love each other.
Oh, again, not reading it.
Yes. No way.
You just don't have the love.
Look, so
uh,
Squiddy, you're delirious.
Yes.
Tell me about the worst dumpster you've dived.
Ooh.
You look like John Worcester.
So what's the worst dumpster you've ever dived?
For me, it was while I was at work.
Always something to do on break.
I ended up finding a million old PCs and shredders slash printers slash scanners, et cetera.
Essentially, all those electronic goods that I cream for.
When I started pulling them out, I realized that all the power cords had either been cut slash ripped out.
The ones that were cut could be repaired, but the ripped ones just pissed me off.
It hurts to see all those fully working machines just tossed aside.
Look down in sad face.
Steve Wozniak is standing just
down camera, like shedding a single tear.
Throwing these things.
Boots your
wolf eyes and you enjoy a good spanking.
Don't know if this counts.
His payoff almost made it worth
it, but
behind a daycare center for ages
0-10, filled with dirty
diapers, sour milk formula, and
God knows what else, the day before
pickup, every two weeks,
and the weather has been above 90 that entire
time. Like I said,
though, the payoff was good.
A TV, an extra-large
coffee urn, and a newish DVD
player.
Yeah! I think we can leave the coffee urn, and a newest DVD player. I think we can leave the coffee
urn behind.
Adam, you are
a rice. Aris, maybe?
A rice.
And rice. Tampons
inside of
donuts!
Disgusting! Yeah, that last word
was necessary.
He dove through a whole dumpster full of tampons inside the donuts.
My name's D-Railed.
I jumped way too enthusiastically into a half-full dumpster with no flashlight
and was consequently mauled by a full-size raccoon.
Wow.
Ended up fucking my hands out but spent a night at the hospital getting
rabies shots and all that good stuff.
I was looking at the trash can
in Williamsburg and a lady came up
and threw a dog turd in there.
I was flabbergasted. I don't put
my turds on your goddamn dinner table
anymore.
Alright, so this is a thread
entitled The Best Sign to Fly Ever.
And, yeah, Squiddy, you get to take the hard shit, Colorado.
Okay.
Is it just a sign that says, fuck you, or is that illegal?
So, I'm having a kid, so no more sign flying, but I find it necessary to pass this one on.
It's our, when me, Ravi, and I married a Mexican.
We signed fine in Olympia listening to Easy E.
Then a moment of marketing clarity.
I wanted satire about the recession when the gangsta twist, so check it out.
Spare change for a pimp down on his luck.
Pimpinate easy.
I don't know why it works, but it does places down.
Doesn't.
Oh, my God.
Doesn't work.
I don't know why it works, but it does places down. Doesn't. Oh my God. Doesn't work. I don't know why it works
but it does.
Places like Pioneer Square
and Haight Street
take effort to hustle up
not with this one.
It was like a cultural phenomenon.
People took our picture
for art galleries,
MySpace, Facebook,
at least 50 of them.
No exaggeration.
Any place that has a demographic
that isn't ultra conservative,
it will work.
I don't mean to brag
but we had street kids
and home bums
give us money because of it.
No hard luck about being a vet or stranded, which is what
people expect. They are surprised to get a good
laugh unexpectedly. And watching people's reaction
is worth the time it takes. Total sociology
experiment. And it's damn
good, but I want to share it. I want it to be like
parents captured by ninjas need money for
karate lessons, visions of cheeseburgers,
spare change for a bigger sign.
I was stashed, but now it's my dream.
Kitten and some bacon.
A marketing bomb.
I was stashed with it, but now it's my dream
to one day see it somewhere, seeing as I can't ride
trains, it would help me emotionally. This is rough
trying to provide for my family.
Fuck you.
I need to monetize. I need to franchise
out my Pippin A.D.C. sign. Just need to monetize. I mean, I didn't need to franchise out my Pippin A. Dizzy sign.
I do.
Just a simple monthly fee.
You can license this sign.
Listen, I need to optimize my cash flow on this.
It's rough trying to provide for my family, but this idea of others using it gives me a spark that helps.
Kind of weird.
I know.
I love street kids.
Keep me going.
Tourists and college towns are the best for it.
It would mean the world to me if you did this and posted your results. Help me make it famous. Keeps me going. Tourists in college towns are the best for it. It would mean the world to me
if you did this
and posted your results.
Help me make it famous.
Keeps me going.
Safe travels.
Good luck.
Collage towns.
Collage towns.
So,
so,
so this is like,
this is like your opus.
Like this is your,
this is the reason
the sign,
the sign
that you wrote Pimpin' Ain't Easy on a cardboard sheet.
It's his legacy.
And you were like, oh my god, I'm going to change worlds.
It's my legacy for my kid that I'm about to have.
Well, that'll be a good kid.
Yeah.
Go to the library and post that on Facebook.
A real good kid.
We're going to go dumpster diving when my kid is like, what, two?
We'll go dumpster diving.
Those little hands will be great for getting into those.
Eventually the kid will need tampons.
Just pull them out of the donuts.
There you go.
Watch out for raccoons.
Adam D'Agaro.
He's banned, but, man, he's all over the place.
He caused some ruckus before he got banned.
Trying
to spare something green
in various cities. Obviously
Central California would be best for this,
but I can think of
a comfortable medium of green
things to get, I guess,
if you get enough and not
enough cash, you could always sell
said pot, but I don't know.
That seems like work.
Jimmy Franks, I am what I am.
Here's a picture of you wearing a Rasta hat holding a giant pot plant.
And that's what you are.
You are that.
When flying a sign at an off-ramp, I always liked the
bet you can't hit me with a quarter sign
with a big target drawn on it.
Get red and black colored markers so the target stands out.
Always fun trying to dodge getting pelted with change.
And they seem to get a good laugh out of it.
Well, that's both funny and sad at the same time.
I get a lot of money from monsters.
Dance for me, straight person.
Give it to me.
Give it to me.
Speed up, speed up, speed up.
Wango!
I got him.
I got him.
I hit him.
I pulled the car over.
I'm going to get my money back.
I won the bet.
By knocking you unconscious, I hit the money bag. I won the bag. If I knock you unconscious, I hit the jackpot.
Instead of a stuffed bear, I get all the money you collected today.
He's like Sonic.
You hit him and all these fucking coins come out.
All right, boost your blackout and you're on an 18-month probation.
Yeah, I am.
All right.
Hey, guys, a blackout.
Oh, how's it going?
Is everything okay?
Is everything good?
I'm on an 18-month probation, 30-day lockdown.
Well, I'm fucked.
Well, I just came back from New Mexico from a trip to talk to my atorney
for my little bro dying.
And I blacked out the next day.
You know, it's the kind of thing I do.
Right, yeah.
Being blacked out.
I got arrested for aggravated assault.
Age-
Whoa!
Aggravated did.
Aggravated assault.
Aggravated.
Yeah.
Asswaddled. Yeah. Asswalled.
Yeah, with a deadly weep on.
Then I never tooshed the dude,
and I went to court,
and they gave me a felony
and then dropped it to a Mr. Meaner.
Oh, Mr. Meaner, you've done it again.
Take this aggravated asswalled charge!
I never touched him.
The weapon touched him.
It gave me 18 months of probation
and 30 days in jail.
I have to know where to live, but
a bride with my road dog,
and wondering if any of you had probation
from a state and ran, will they bring me
back? Some people tell
me they won't bring me back, and
some people tell me they make me dod my time in prison.
So does any of you know anything about brobation?
Brobation.
Nexon Spike.
If you do, please help me.
I have to know money.
I have to pay for this.
And I want to hop out of Beeland.
So I'm just bad in itching to get out of here.
Any numbers I can call anything?
Yes, I know.
My grammar's really bad.
All of my grammars are bad.
Yes, but that's not really what we're...
Your typing is really bad.
Well, so you need advice, and that's okay,
because my name's 614 Crust,
and I'm a moderator slash elitist asshole.
Good.
Pretty much me.
For misdemeanor warrants,
they usually won't take you from more than a few counties away,
but don't take my word for it.
This just comes from my own experience.
I'm on a felony probation right now,
so that's a little different.
They'll take me from wherever.
That's just counting it down.
That's the second person in this thread who said a felony.
Yeah, that should not be.
I think there's probably more felons than not in this forum.
Can I ask you, what would be a title that you would expect to find in Squats of Planet forums?
Any guesses?
Living with Hepatitis.
Version with Syphilis.
It's neither of those,
but you're in the right category
because it is in the
Staying Healthy category.
This topic is called
How Do I Get Rid of My Lice
and My Dreads?
So my name's lost in space,
and I'm getting to know this place.
My current location is
Wish I Knew.
I love really tasty know this place. My current location is Wish I Knew.
I love really tasty grooves.
Anyway, so how do I get rid of lice and dreads?
I figured that if anyone knew, it would be the people on here.
Fair enough.
That's good detective work.
Great.
I'm about to cut my hair off, but really don't want to.
It's been at least a decade since I had a haircut.
I've had them for nearly a month now.
Haven't done anything thing about them
because I've been hanging out with a girl
I care about a lot.
And it's a rather
embarrassing subject to broach
by the way I have lice.
You try to get a girl to kiss you with
bugs.
I'll kiss you with bugs.
These are my bugs.
That was another episode.
What's up, hobo?
Really on the fence with that one.
Yeah.
Whatever.
I have been very careful not to spread them, though.
I don't know how.
I didn't fuck her with my hair.
I haven't sat my head on any toilet seats.
Or as careful as possible while still having them.
There we go, yeah.
If anybody has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated.
Otherwise, I'm just going to chop it.
Thanks. Wartel Mods boots? any advice would be greatly appreciated. Otherwise, I'm just gonna chop it. Uh,
thanks. Uh,
Wartel Mods boots? I'm pretty sure you'll have to cut those dreads.
And then, Adam, a dirty
rotten squatter?
Yeah, cut a man
and tell her cause that's whack.
Yeah, I know
what you mean, but we haven't been
intimate since before this happened.
And have keeping our distance since anyways.
If we were still in physical contact, it would be one thing, but we aren't, so I'm not exactly
contaminating her.
This guy needs to learn cause and effect.
Trust me, I have no intention of letting it spread to her,
which is easier because she doesn't want any physical contact.
She wants me to come back in a year.
And I actually mentioned that I was going to cut my hair already,
and she freaked out.
Okay, so I'm going to wait until I leave town tomorrow.
I do agree with what you said, but as I said, it would be different if we were still together.
Did they break up between the first time he posted and this?
It does seem like that.
I think maybe they have a crazy, fucked up relationship.
I think they've already decided that they didn't want to see each other, and he's like,
maybe it's the bugs?
I don't know. maybe it's the bugs.
It clearly seems like it's a lot of things.
Squiddy, you are Finn.
Next post down.
Oh, good.
Okay, here's what I'd do if I had dreads.
Chop them off, boil them, sew them back in after your shortened hair grows enough hair again.
Nice and simple.
The perfect crime.
Why don't you just get one of those hats
that has the dreads as part of the hat?
Gallagher.
Rasta Gallagher.
Also, people like you
are the reason I try to avoid hugs
from people I don't know very well.
Wow.
Judges.
I like to serve up some judgment with my advice.
Also, boiling hair.
To kill the lice.
To kill the lice.
And then you just have a big pot of boiled hair.
And then you make lice hair soup.
Okay, you're right. You're right, you're right.
Finn's suggestion was fucking asinine.
So we're going to go to Damion's suggestion instead, Adam.
Damion?
Damion.
His post is right under the post by WhiteyIsACommieFaggot.
Well, I agree.
That's a great username.
I agree.
That's a great username.
I've had friends who caught lice in their dreads, and here's how they got rid of them.
They went out into the woods for a week, dumped a shit ton of ashes in their hair constantly,
and wrapped their heads in plastic bags.
Seemed to work.
Are you encouraging this guy to kill himself?
Put a plastic bag on his head in the woods.
Make sure no one can find you.
And then Jimmy Franks
Jimmy Franks, this
is right here, is from
DMACC66.
I know for a fact
that you can kill lice with mayonnaise.
No, feed.
But you have to
completely saturate the hair
and then wear a shower cap over it
for three or more hours.
Oh my god.
Also, you need to be outside.
This has bothered me worse than the dick bugs episode.
Honestly, this is...
Was actually taught that way back in nursing school
while doing our community health semester.
Nursing, huh?
I do not know if it would work on dreads or not
Just cut them off
And if you can't take short hair
Buy a dreadlock wig
How am I going to get that
Dirty enough
So there are five more pages worth
Of how to get rid of lice and dreads,
and a whole bunch of people show up and confess, or not confess,
proudly proclaim their dreads also have lice.
But we'll move away from that.
There's plenty more if you want to check it out later on.
But this thread is entitled,
The Most Random Place You Have Fucked While Traveling.
I'll get it started here.
So, my name's Sky Dreamer, and I'm female.
My occupation is I'm a photographer and an independent filmmaker.
So I don't care whether you are gay or straight or anything else.
Two each their own, right?
But as a traveler slash squatter, what is the most random place you have ever had sex?
Mine has to be behind the store in downtown Tucson.
This girl and I drank a shit ton and we did a bunch of pills.
Was getting down.
That sounds so romantic.
He offered malt liquor and a shit ton of pills.
Like, you're always complaining that you never get a nice evening out
That is true
It's a nice
Honey do you want to go to the convenience store
Found these
Take some Dilaudid I found
I found some nice codeine from a
Squatter's house
Anyway we was getting down
When the owner walks up Looks looks at us, and says,
Guess I'll let you ladies do what you gotta do.
I'll take a long lunch.
Lol, I have a lot of other random ones, but I want to hear yours, though.
Lol.
This was tagged once for funny.
Ooh, it's also about lesbians.
I think that was burying the lead there a little bit.
Yeah, how come that guy didn't say when he walked out to see some, like, two women having sex
with each other on pills and booze, why didn't he say, jackpot?
I think I'm going to like working at the store.
It was a beer commercial.
I love walking in on junkies.
Jimmy Franks, you are a Prozac citizen.
Most random?
Whenever I met the girl who stopped my traveling
for two and a half years in New Orleans.
I was drunk standing in front of the rebuild
shouting at the Pope and the Catholic Church
and Shanna came up to me and was like,
dude, you're the sexiest fucker in New Orleans.
I said, oh yeah, what are you doing?
Following you until the day I die.
Is this Martin Luther? So I
took this sweet little thing and
I fucked her in every club on Bourbon Street
with my homeless asses in.
We always did it in the chicks'
bathrooms, like literally
shaking the walls and never got snitched
on. God, I miss
that bitch. But I mean,
bitch nonetheless. Avoid Shanna
if you ever go to New Orleans. This bitch will drive you nuts.
Whoa!
Would not recommend.
You just planted your flag there.
Alright.
Boots, Chelsea Hawk.
Chelsea Hawk.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh lord, well.
My friend is a hardcore Christian,
and so me and my man decided it would be funny to fuck in his room while he was sleeping.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
It eventually hit three in the morning, and he was still awake,
so we decided to fuck it.
Literally.
We were on the floor in plain view, and threw the blanket over us,
and fucked while he was still having a conversation
with my friend.
He still has no idea.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
And then, Adam,
Just Matt.
Just Matt.
Just Matt is more than Just Matt.
Yeah, it's Just Matt.
I'm from Willits, California
You are a classy motherfucker
I'm very classy
I just joined the board
I, too, that are deaf, worthy mentions
Right?
I, too, that are deaf, worthy mentions
Yeah
So are we all
Yeah
First one
Opening day of the movie
Sin in the city
I went W my chick And two friends It was packed theater Yeah. First one, opening day of the movie, Sin in the City.
I went W my chick and two friends.
It was packed theater.
We had sex right there in the stupid little seats and weren't finished when the movie ended.
So when the lights came on, everyone turned around and looked right at us.
I pulled this chick up off of me and she turned around and everybody deaf saw her ass.
And also her underwear was like ten seats away somehow.
I took the condom off and left that shit on the floor right there, and we bounced.
Unfortunately, I left my car keys in the theater and had to have my friend go back in and get them for me.
Ew.
That's, well, I'm, it's the next story equally as classy?
Second time I was staying at this friend's house whose mother is a pretty bad shape heroin addict.
She had been for years and years.
So I'm staying there dubbing my girl one night and she's giving me some head.
And this mom keeps coming in and asking me for money over and over again the entire time that I'm trying to accomplish this.
And it's like she straight up didn't even care that we were doing what she just wanted her to fix.
Okay.
Oh, and I saw my friend, heroin lady's son,
bang this chick on the floor right next to me.
And he no lie, his pit bull started licking her pussy
and she didn't even care one bit.
Oh my god.
I really like the mundane ones, like, in a cornfield.
In an abandoned farmhouse.
Yeah, I know you had sex in an abandoned house, alright?
I'm surprised everyone on here hasn't said on a train, but I guess that isn't so random, is it?
here hasn't said on a train but i guess that isn't so random is it um oh okay yeah there's plenty of gross ones all right all right um i think we gotta we gotta close this um so uh this
is going to be uh again uh reader reader's choice here. We have two options.
The first thread is entitled,
This is going to be long and ridiculous.
That's all I could tell you about that one.
The other one is entitled,
Nicknames and how you got them.
I'm voting for nicknames.
Oh, yeah.
I'm tempted by nicknames,
but I feel like long and ridiculous
is going to be more rewarding.
Okay. What do you think?
What do you think?
I'm hearing nicknames.
I'm saying nicknames.
Alright.
This is nicknames and
how you got them.
I'll start it out if I may. My name's Stove.
I was thinking this
over with my brother the other day, and I realized I've got a few funny ones. Anyone
else? My name's Stove, of course. And my name's Stove because I taught a bunch of Euro-huhers
or how to build a simple alky stoves at a gathering in Paris. Then there's Gun Kid.
That's because he hung a 2-3 target outside my door freshman year of uni to discourage
thieves.
Worked.
Then there's Munchichi.
He reminded a counselor of her stuffed monkey at summer camp.
I might have been 10.
My brother still uses this.
There's Lips.
Coach couldn't pronounce my last name, contrary to any sexual innuendo.
What?
What?
Okay.
Then there's Knife.
Always carried one.
Always do.
Ghost. Used to be pretty good at sneaking up on people in locked rooms from across town.
What?
What the fuck?
So, is he in a room that moves?
In a portable living room?
That's a hell of a reach.
Another, let's see, what other nicknames am I given?
Knife, Ghost, Munchie Chee.
I'm trying to think of any others.
Oh, yeah, God.
I'm Immortal.
Many have tried to disprove this, but none have succeeded.
Blame Kai, okay?
Also, Frodo.
Used to walk around in shorts and a t-shirt barefoot year-round.
Upstate New York.
In the snow.
Yeah.
And then there's Statutory Ape.
Statutory Ape.
That is a pretty good one.
Statutory Ape?
Yeah, it's an indie name.
Hey, how did I get the name Statutory Ape?
Well, I don't honestly remember.
But it was when I was Straight Edge.
Of course.
And then, of course, Matt.
Cheers.
I'm stealing that.
Statutory Ape.
Yeah.
I think it's fine.
Stove's got enough other nicknames.
He won't miss that one.
All right.
So, Squiddy, Ravy, please.
Okay.
Oh, wow.
That was the actual beginning of it.
I didn't even know.
Yeah.
I assumed you were reading.
I was not.
Okay.
Ravy, my best friend, named me Ravy because I think rames are dumb, so it was supposed
to be ironic, and I guess it stuck.
Blarg went to a show and got so wasted are dumb so it was supposed to be ironic and I guess it stuck. Blarg
went to his show and got so
wasted I thought I was going to die.
Puked and dry. He was so bad for three hours that
apparently it sounded like Blarg when I puked.
That's how you would write Blarg
if you were trying to write the automotive.
Come here, I have something to tell you.
The wind. Well, that's just something I started when I was stoned.
I'm the wind and I kick ass.
Me too, honey.
I want to kick your ass.
No.
Hey, you.
What people call me after a night of drinking lol.
No, no, you misspelled fuck.
Fuck you.
No.
Hobo.
Care bear with a K. Fuck you. No. Hobo.
Care bear with a K.
Childhood nickname, Lol.
I wonder what my mice face looks like.
Jimmy Franks, eat monksis.
Eyebrows.
I used to shave them off so no one could read me.
GG Logan. I love GG. Not sure where Logan came from.
Oh, I know where it came from. You love Gigi Allen and you love Jack Logan.
So you just kind of marry the two.
Yeah, okay, whatever.
And skunk. I tend not to shower.
Sure. Welcome to the forums.
Thank you.
Boots, dirty underscore feet.
How far down is that?
Also tends not to shower. Oh, it's dirty rotten squatter.
No, it's dirty rotten squatter.
You can't just control F for dirty on the forum.
That won't help.
You're going to hit enter a lot of times after doing that to get to dirty feet.
Okay.
So, yeah, we're all talking about our nicknames, right?
Well, I like to bite my toenails and spit them across the way.
And as a kid, I was always chewing on my toes and biting the skin off and whatnot.
My sister was absolutely disgusted by it and was always yelling about how I had dirty, filthy feet.
Every now and then, she would call me Dirty Feet.
Then I got a tattoo
on my foot that says,
Clean kids get sick and die.
So I found it justified to give
in to the nickname at that point.
When I hiked the AT, it became
Dirty Feet.
Due to the accent in the south.
And most times, just simply
Dirty. And I love it.
I already got the tattoo.
On the second page, Adam, your name is...
Fuck it!
Oh, boy.
Let me guess, something related to alcoholism or drug abuse?
Or just having no standards.
Smelcy.
Because my real name is Chelsea, and I can get pretty rank sometimes.
Right?
I don't even remember how it started.
I woke up at a party with it written on
the cup I was drinking out of, and everyone
just called me that from then on then.
Well, they call me Smelsy, so I
guess I better not shower anymore.
Um, uh, my name's
Merch!
My current location is immediately to your left.
Anyway, Grasshopper,
after the TV show Kung Fu,
partly given to me purposely that I call our boss Master,
but more importantly, Johnny Flash.
I used to be a pretty fast walker.
Then there's Red Blaze.
I ripped my arms up climbing an overhang in front of a lot of people on the AT
and left a trail of red blazes.
Ew, what does that mean?
That just means trails of blood.
But Red Blaze is really fun, isn't it?
Anyway, this string bean, my mom probably wouldn't have named me this if not for my dad, Monster.
What?
No, no, it's a different sentence.
Oh, okay.
My dad, Monster.
Monster, my sister-in-law calls me this for eating so much and lifting heavy shit.
Then Mert, because I mumbled really badly on my first day of work,
actually most of my first season on TFC.
And that's the one that really stuck, so I kept the moniker for Hobo-ing.
Hobo-ing.
Every day I'm hobo-ing, hobo-ing, hobo-ing, hobo-ing.
Well, I need to hear what the site owner has to say.
So, Matt Derrick, the STP founder, admin, and travel member.
Boots, if you'll take him, please.
Yeah.
What's your occupation, by the way?
I'm an adventurer slash pirate.
Okay.
Yeah.
Mine came from way back in the day, 1999, when I lived in Van Nuys, California. Okay. to move in with the promise that they would get jobs and help me out. Anyways, after three months and many, many ridiculous parties, they still hadn't gotten jobs, and I finally lost it,
kicked them out. They came back a week later and broke into my apartment and stole everything I had,
including my checkbook. They ended up writing a bunch of bad checks, and I couldn't pay rent,
so I got evicted. I left Los Angeles for a few months after that, feeling really angry about life and the ideals of punk rock,
and my conception of which was, at the time, anarchy.
So like I said, I was really angry a lot of the time.
Oh God, fuck you, never mind, I don't care anymore.
Don't you want to know how I got my nickname?
Don't you want to know how I got my nickname? Yeah, I do, but I don't think you're going to tell me, God. Fuck you. Never mind. I don't care anymore. Don't you want to know how I got my nickname? Don't you want to know how I got my nickname?
Yeah, I do, but I don't think you're going to tell me, idiot.
So like I said, I was really angry a lot of the time about how no one really cared about their ideals.
And they're all just a bunch of fashion punks.
So I drank a lot.
Yeah, that's the reason.
Your nickname better be Holden Caulfield.
So my name came mostly from being angry and drunk.
The UK English slang for
drunk equals pissed, spelled
P-I-S-T. And that's why they call you Matt Derrick?
Yeah.
It's kind of ironic nowadays as I'm
extremely nice slash laid back guy.
And you really have to push
my buttons to piss me off.
It's generally pretty hard to make me mad.
Also, I'm not nearly as
bad of a drunk as I used to be.
I would like to have a new name, honestly,
but at this point, everyone knows me by it,
so it's kind of hard to escape.
Smiley.
I got a suggestion for you.
A guy who doesn't understand the meaning of irony.
Oh.
Is that a good one, or is it a little long?
Who's that?
And he never said what his nickname was.
Pissed?
For your nickname?
Pissed nickname? I could tell you
all about it. Ironic
is when you did something at one point
and then don't do it anymore.
Sound cool?
On
page three, Jimmy
Frank's
Jomo
Jave
Jomojave.
It's pronounced Jomojave.
Oh, okay.
Fire hydrant.
Because I ran into a fire hydrant in XC and flipped, rolled, and kept running without missing a beat.
At least that's how the story goes when I tell it.
You know what? I just need to do a really quick bit
out of the ridiculous.
So we're not going to do the whole thing,
but just in that first post,
we would be sad if we missed this.
So this is going to be long and ridiculous,
except for this is going to be long and ridiculous,
upraged.
My name is Nelko.
I'm sitting here in front of you, computer. Since you're
the only thing I'll talk to straight
forward, I just don't talk to people
or let them get close. Get the fuck back,
fuckers. I'll probably never meet any of the
people reading this, so it's okay. Fucked up
ass life. I just can't extinguish
my existence with alcohol and sedatives.
Sorry, folks. Can't do that shit to
myself. I prefer existing.
Sitting here, working hard, avoiding everyone all the time so I can raise this kid on this island of hope.
Oh, no.
I hide from everyone so they don't try to take it from me because that's what people do.
Take.
Take.
Take.
It's hard to take that kind of shit from me.
Hope.
Love.
People walked away destroyed and blinded.
And you can beat me.
You can use me. You can hate and blinded and you can beat me you
can use me you can hate on me but you can't kill my soul you know it doesn't sound the same you
know if it had some new metal music underneath it it'd probably be a pretty bitchin song
yeah so this goes on for quite a while and then there's a picture of a bunch of really cute kids
and a badly MS-painted anarchy logo above it.
Oh.
I think we have our avatar.
That's really what summarizes this entire site, really.
Anarchy babies.
Bunch of kids and then a bullshit anarchy symbol.
Anyway, Boots, what did you think of my fucking really long poem?
That was sweet, Nelko.
I'm gonna go cry now.
For unrelated reasons.
Well, at the end of the night... I'm gonna go cry now. For unrelated reasons. Well, at the end of the episode...
I'm Michael!
He's charging up to be Michael!
Maximum Michael!
Multi-Michael.
Sorry.
Yeah? Did you find something fun?
There's a... No, I was just looking
through the sex and relationships and there's a title
of it's Licking Bloody
Vagina.
Where is it? Where is it? Where is it?
Oh, there it is.
And it goes on for like six pages.
Of course it does.
But wait, oh.
Jimmy Franks?
No, no.
Where's the...
Jimmy, Jimmy Franks.
Yeah.
If you would very please read the first post in the thread entitled Licking Bloody Vagina.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, no problem.
Fort Collins and Arco.
And curious if anyone gives a fuck if the thing is bloody, because most of the time I don't.
Lots of blood is no good, but a little bit of blood, don't give a fuck or take one either.
My name's CXR1037.
Can someone shut this stupid forum down now?
Rancho. I know, I! Rancho.
I know, I saw Rancho too.
Yeah, Squiddy, take it.
I'll do Rancho.
Call me a Rancho.
That's the right voice for Rancho.
I thoroughly enjoy it.
I always have guys go down on me
when I'm ragging. Never heard them
complain. That's because you've
drugged them.
There's Earth. That's because you've drugged them. There's earth.
It's times like this I'm glad I'm a homosexual.
Yeah.
No contact with gross things there.
There was a girl.
No, a woman.
I dated a while back who totally got turned on by me eating her berry.
This is the earth speaking.
I have never...
I've never done it before or since,
but have to confess that having her blood drip out of my mouth
and down my chin was a sight to behold.
Recently, I would tell my mates at the factory that it is the only way to truly show a woman
you love her, and they would think I'm out of my mind.
Even more astonishing is when they find out I'm a vegetarian.
You've got iron deficiency.
What is this post?
Wait, why would they bleed?
Oh, man.
My name is Can't Cure Herpes.
As long as it's not the first few
days or it's generally every month,
I don't mind. I just don't want to have
to wash blood out of my beard.
Slurricane on the third page is pretty good.
Hi, I'm River Dog.
I make your whole bleed if you make mine bleed.
Fair trade.
Ew, what the fuck?
Gross.
Yeah, Slurricane's pretty good.
All right, take it.
I'm Slurricane's pretty good. Alright, take it. I'm Slurricane.
People need to stop being bitches about what content is on a fucking website run by dirty, poor, filthy assholes anyway.
Get the fuck over it.
What made any of you so high and mighty?
F-20 migrant down to nom on some bleeding puss.
Get your head out of your ass and stick it right in the menstrual cycle, motherfuckers.
Oh, I sleep in bum shit.
I'm covered in my own piss
and vomit and eat out of dumpsters
but looking at a bloody vagina is nasty
and I shouldn't have to read about it online?
I love you, slurking.
Me too.
So eventually
Michael starts like sort of offering, like, to give money to Pist to lock the spread.
Except then confesses that he doesn't have any money to give.
Right.
Sure.
Okay.
Is that what the donations are for?
To turn the spread off?
Only $50.
We can stop talking about period blood.
My name's Ephemeral Stick.
As much as I would love to see this thread die a horrible death,
I will say it's been incredibly educational.
I've never learned so much about a woman's menstrual blood before in my life.
Y'all are still nasty.
I need a man who'll do this for me.
Lick the blood out of my twat.
Now that's true love.
I smell a lady song in the making.
Oh, God.
Boots blackout on the last page.
Oh, okay. Thisots blackout on the last page. Okay.
This site's fucking stupid.
Jimmy Franks, also last page, AYogi24.
Gotta take that pussy how it comes, even if it comes bloody.
Especially if it comes bloody.
Jesus.
Oh, no.
Ah!
No.
Also on the last page, there's Hobopo.
His first sentence.
Somebody.
Lemon.
My name's Hobopo.
I am late to this, but I have a saying. If you can walk through mud, you can screw through blood.
Oh, God.
Also, it's the best time to do something like that.
Shame on you for eating pussy when it's not bleeding.
Oh, that made the baby cry.
I know.
I know.
I got we go.
We're at about an hour of I'm a Wanderer.
Yeah, Wanderer.
I got a whole bunch of lice in my pubes.
Boots.
Oh.
What did you learn today?
A whole bunch of lice in my pubes boots.
Oh.
What did you learn today?
I learned that no matter, like, you know, if things go bad, if I lose my job, if I lose my wife, if I lose the kids I don't actually have.
Sure.
And I end up on the streets all alone.
Yep.
With no shelter.
I'll still probably have internet, apparently.
So that's good.
Yeah, it's a really odd site to exist because if somebody came up to you and said,
oh, hey, what would you think about doing a reading all about homeless people?
You'd go, that sounds great,
but I don't see them getting together on a website.
But not a problem.
Logistics seems a little difficult, but it turns out not a problem at all.
Or maybe this is not a full representation.
Yeah.
This is the privileged elite of the homeless.
Those who can pester frustrated family members and librarians.
Or just a bunch of posers.
Yeah.
You think they're just, like, just hobbyists?
Oh, yeah, the people that do squeegeeing but then still love it their parents.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
This was an episode from Daisy Mormont, who has done a couple of really nice ones for us lately.
So thanks a lot, Daisy.
And she posts on BallPits, that's B-A-L-L-P dot I-T,
a forum that exists.
And I'm super good at pitching the forum, I feel like.
Yeah, it exists.
There's words on there that could be read and for a marginal fee can be inserted.
You can insert words into the site.
Yeah, our lack of sales ability has definitely been a barrier to our success, not just in this podcast, but in our lives.
Yeah, yeah.
Expect us to post on Squat the Planet sometime soon.
And that's all we got.
So enjoy yourselves and keep submitting stuff.
Yeah.
Bye-bye.
Bye!
Bye!
Bye! Take a turn.