The F Plus - 132: Skyrim Has Crashed (User Decency Error)
Episode Date: April 4, 2014With over 20 million units sold, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim has been a shared part of our cultural experience. It's an open world game where you can slay dragons, accept missions, and explore a ...world created for you. But you know what you can't do? Drink a potion to make your penis four feet long and then use it as a truncheon to assault thieves. And that's where the mod community comes in. We're looking at loverslab.com - a place on the internet where perverts can share and discuss different Skyrim sex mods and complain about how none of them are any good for some reason. This week, The F Plus isn't going to judge your personal footjob technique.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Stag doesn't think there's enough dicks in video games.
I don't think there's enough dicks in video games.
Thank you. More tequila! Sex! Sex! Sex on the beach!
Sex! Sex! Sex on the beach! Come on now!
Sex! Sex! Sex on the beach!
Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex on the...
Skyrim.
Welcome to the F Plus Podcast, your home on the internet for terrible things right with enthusiasm.
In the room tonight we have Boots Reingear.
My penis is missing!
Stog!
I only have the sex lab framework
and the matchmaker add-on to have sex with anybody
but you're getting kind of bored just going around
casting a spell on random people.
John Toast?
You have no ankles.
Welcome back, Montreth!
Spanking fans don't are fans,
not all, from black
clothes and extreme crazy sex
toys. And
Lemon, impale people with your
dick?
No. Sure, we all do.
Impale people with
your dick? Sure, we all do. Just call
555-2495.
Hey, F+. Hey, Lemon.
Hi.
How are you doing?
John, welcome back, Stog.
Welcome back. Thank you. Thank you. I John? Welcome back, Stog. Welcome back.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm glad that I'm actually here.
Are you excited for a nice, fun, lighthearted episode?
Yeah.
No, I'd like to do something non-sexual for my first time back.
Change it up a little.
That's what you'd like, is it?
That'd be really fun, you know, do something really unique.
Okay.
Well, you know, let me look through everything that we have
in the hopper. Of course, you know, we
do on the F+, keep a track of
all the submissions and score them
and everything. So there's a lot of
fun ones. There's a document
on people that chew ice.
That's really good. Oh yeah, I saw that. There's
the Tao of Dungeons and Dragons.
That's pretty good.
But I think we're going to go with this one, which is Sex Mods in Skyrim.
Okay.
Yay.
I'm going to get some lizard dicks.
Finally, that's something you've been waiting for.
Just hoping to get to that point.
I've been waiting for the lizard dicks.
Okay.
You'd think an El Paso would be easier to find.
You'd think it would.
So
this document comes to us
from Montreth, and
unlike other times, we actually have
Montreth here in the room,
so we can all thank her in person
for everything that we're about to read. Hi, Montreth.
Hello, Montreth.
Yes, yes, I'm going to thank her for this.
I'm going to get really drunk because of you.
Excuses, excuses.
Let's start out with a question that I find myself asking,
you know, not daily, but weekly at least.
Shlongs of Skyrim, what's the point?
The computer people can't reproduce without them. Hey, we've got the words point, what's the point? Wait.
The computer people can't reproduce without them.
Hey, we've got the words point and schlong in the same sentence here.
Oh, I was wondering why I was so aroused by this article, and I wanted to take it home and have sex with it.
Give me a tip on the schlongs of Skyrim.
Uh, okay.
No, but honestly, with the rendering that these dicks probably have, the point is probably at the end of the penis.
All right. So, just saying probably have, the point is probably at the end of the penis. All right.
So, my name is Gwilgy, of course.
And I just want to say that at this point, there are mods to make penis fully erect in whatever size you want.
So what's the point?
Mind you, I mean this in the least angry manner possible.
People are usually very angry about the schlongs of Skyrim.
I just want to learn.
Boots, you're a D-man XX2?
What's the point?
Name just one of those mods that can accomplish
what this mod currently can.
It's not just erect other mods.
You only have
two erect and inflated.
But this mod allows you
change by animation.
So you can point it to
where other mods can't.
I would rather
ask what the point of this
topic.
Yeah?
You would rather ask what the point of this topic. You would rather ask that.
I believe Vector Plexus is the creator of Shlongs of Skyrim.
Is that correct, Mantraith?
I don't know if he's the creator, but he's certainly the spokesperson.
All right.
Well, if you want to take VectorPlexus, then.
He's very invested in this.
Good, good.
I like a man with a mission.
Okay.
I may have been a little bit harsh on my
first reply, so I'll just teach you
what's different about SOS.
And if you can point me out
what other mods have these features,
would you please be so kind to tell them out for me?
Thank you.
Animated male genitalia with some jiggling physics.
Yeah.
I'm going to go to third person,
and I'm going to make my Nord jump all day.
Look, I knew something was missing from Skyrim,
and it was jiggling dead or alive testicles.
Yep, yep, absolutely.
Bouncing around everywhere you moved.
Does it have a...
I'm assuming it probably has a slider,
like, ball jiggle.
Yes, I think it does.
The penis erect position...
It has, like, dicks and, like, slideshows.
How can I get both?
Is there a slider for each individual testicle?
The penis is actually animated
with keypines.
One of them is
stationary and the other one is bouncing around
like Flubber.
What other features?
Male genitalia variety
within the same game session
and the ability to change it without having
the need to equip it without having the need to equip
it.
Oh, sure.
So,
go through town to town.
James mailed
Genitalia Sky within the same game
session without the need to equip your
penis.
Isn't it embarrassing when you leave the house and you forget your penis.
Isn't it embarrassing when you leave the house and you forget your penis?
Let's see, my keys, my wallet,
I know I'm forgetting something.
Normally you store it in your pants, but every once in a while you can just
equip it in your left or right hand.
You can probably equip it in both hands.
Skyrim usually supports that.
Still more features.
Each NPC has the shape
slash size recorded on the game
so the game always knows what's the
correct shape and size to use.
I doubt it knows the correct shape and size.
I doubt
most of these penises are the correct
shape and size.
Oh, we're getting there later.
There are plenty of more features
that I'm not going to bother to list them.
Tell me of a single mod capable of doing at least one of these things listed.
At Monsto.
I don't get why you use bouncing breast mod as well.
Yet, judging by your signature, you do, right?
Why?
Wasn't a normal no bouncing breast not enough for you?
So what? I don't get it.
What is it that you don't get?
I can try and draw you a picture if it helps you getting it.
Weird, equal sign, uppercase S.
We are on loverslab.com, by the way.
Loverslab is the place where you can be called a hypocrite for not downloading a jiggling balls mod.
I disagree.
I think the site is called Loverslab, where they construct lovers.
Yeah, I had some debate about that with the people who I've shown this form to.
John, you are
a rock.
A rock.
A rock.
Well, because in addition to a fully erect
penis, SOS offers a flaccid
penis and a scaling animation to toggle
between the two.
As well as options to change penis
size and shape.
Alright. So just at the opening animation, you got your hands bound. What kind of penis are you? as well as options to change penis size and shape. All right.
So just at the opening animation, you got your hands bound.
What kind of penis are you?
That's a Facebook quiz?
I would like a triangle penis.
All accomplished with a single skeleton and mesh,
a very nice-looking mesh with great textures.
Also includes the most realistic and
best penis mess I've seen thus
far, and I have downloaded a lot
of penis meshes, I tell you what.
Adweek
presents the six best penis meshes.
The Penis Examiner
weekly rates this mod as the best.
Like, comment, and subscribe
to my penis mods.
The skeleton includes six penis nodes.
Penis node?
Isn't that called a vagina?
Yeah, baby.
What do you think of my penis nodes?
Install some cyberware into your penis node.
Oh no, Max Headroom is on my penis.
For detailed animation,
along with scrotum node for sack
animations.
Just one node for the Scrotum?
How can you not have two?
I don't like this mod at all.
All you can do is increase the data storage
within your Scrotum node.
Somebody
hack my Scrotum.
Finally, the mod includes specialized Havoc modular animations
that allow the penis to react realistically to direct movement,
meaning your schlong wags and bounces realistically
during all-game animations.
In my opinion, the greatest feature.
Does that mean that I can jump into the water,
lie flat on my back, and use my penis as a sail to take me from island to island?
I think he means that the schlong wags like a dog's tail when he gets excited.
Only if you have a very weird penis.
I do.
He does.
He really does.
I just picture this guy playing the game, and he goes into a kill animation.
He's just looking longingly at his character's crotch like,
If only I could see how his penis
wags and bobs realistically.
Someday.
Maybe it'll
implement penis kills.
Oh, okay.
There's nothing like watching
SOS during a sex animation I made.
Oh, okay. Nothing like it.
Nothing like it.
Seeing the ball swing back and forth,
slapping the ass of the female actor.
Actor.
Realizing this is happening automatically,
thanks to SOS.
Thanks, SOS.
By the way, I don't, I think it's,
I wonder if it's on purpose or subliminally
that this is named SOS.
Please, please help me.
I don't, this is what my life is.
Yeah, I mean, yeah.
I'm doing tech support for a jiggling
balls mod
on Skyrim.
Like, that's your sexual trigger.
Because, like, you're looking at
the balls
of a CG thing
slapping the ass of
another CG thing, and then you're like,
yeah, that's
the height of eroticism.
No, he clearly said
an actor, like the female actor,
so...
He's not talking about the game, he is
actually directing porn, I think.
Oh, well, good for him.
That's, uh...
You'll probably end up reading
the review for that. Earlier in the dog,
I just wanted to point out that Halford Taylor
compares
these Skyrim 6 mods
to people inventing
the Steam Engine.
People like us
Who will jiggle the Skyrim balls
Just picture it in history class
Now the invention of the cotton gin was a great innovation
But it wasn't until the jiggling balls mod
That we saw the true depths of innovation
That humanity could achieve
Let's think about all the scientists that broke the color barriers
In Skyrim
building penis mods.
This makes the jiggling balls mod for
Pac-Man look like
fucking Stone Age shit, man.
Yeah, Johnny Red
also calls this
Monumental Milestone.
Sure.
More like milestones, hey?
Am I right? Nope.
All right, so let's dig in here.
We are, of course, looking at loverslab.com.
It's all geared towards...
Oh, we're not going to be in Smurf,
because I think Smurf is the actual maker of this mod.
Oh, okay.
Oh, I thought it was a stupid, you know,
stupid name. It's a community effort.
You know, it's open source software.
I'm pretty sure Shurfnut
is actually the
person who is the lead
developer in this mod, and he
is the lead developer because there are more than
one. They have like a team.
Bootstick Smurf, please.
I am Smurf.
Thank you for your honest
opinion and valid concerns.
I will try to communicate
our slash my reasons for these
decisions. First of all,
God, I love this corporate
customer service talk for this kind of stuff.
We value your opinions. If you're not
satisfied with the digital penis that you
have been given, it's important to keep your customer base happy, otherwise you won't get repeat business.
Yes, yeah, sure.
Fair enough.
First of all, the real core idea was to bring variety to the schlongs, be it size, shapes, textures, animations, whatever,
so that people do not have to choose one mod over the other.
They can have all the ones they like at once.
Put a bunch of different kinds of
dicks on your things.
To make this possible,
we had to put all the features into the core mod,
adding this as an option on top of
a concept with a narrower scope
is technically impossible.
Oh, code bloat!
How offensive!
With all the
effort to put in to make these things possible,
we needed a lore-neutral way of making it accessible to the users.
And the potions were the most straightforward solution
to give every user the ability to set things up the way they like it
and to have a little extra fun if they like role-playing.
Fun. Fun.
Hey, if I drink this potion, it makes
a weird worm thing grow on my
hips.
We figured it would be acceptable for people
who want a Mega Shlong
and be done with it to cheat their
way to the desired Shlong via
the console.
Yeah, that's not acceptable.
It's unacceptable.
I don't care.
I'm gonna do it
anyway. Yeah.
I'm gonna hack into cyberspace and give
myself a huge cock.
Alright, alright. Let's see. Startup Skyrim.
Tildekey. Skyrim set cocks
equals infinity sign. Enter.
It is basically the same thing
as, why should I do quests, kill
monsters, and sell loot to be able to
afford the breeze home? Yeah,
just cheat yourself some money in the console
and buy it right away. And while you're at it,
go ahead and set the story quest stage
to complete. So you're the
hero right from the start. But honestly,
what's the fun in that?
Oh,
so you have to earn your boners?
Is that what you're saying?
Yes, you have to earn them.
You can't just make them happen.
Or you can, but what you're supposed to do is
well, he explains
you're supposed to collect ingredients
and make potions
because, you know,
it's very important to be
lore neutral to these guys. Because, you know, it's very important to be lore neutral to these guys.
Because you need to acquire the mystical skill of getting a hard-on without watching Sailor Moon cartoons.
You need eight hill troll feet for that.
I'm sure the thought process of the people downloading this mod is, I really want to invest some time into the lore of this giant dick mod.
I'm sure it is!
I'm sure it actually is.
You got it.
No, I'm pretty
sure they just want to say, like, I want to push button, make
dick big.
Finish this bitch up.
I don't need to finish it.
Mantra summarized it enough.
We can move on.
I think we're good.
We are on loverslab.com,
the place for all of your...
It looks like it's completely devoted to Bethesda video game mods.
I see that there's a section on Skyrim.
It seems to be the most popular.
There's also Oblivion and Fallout.
The most popular Fallout sex
mod is called Sex Out because
naming's hard.
Could have called it Fuck Out.
Or like Sex In.
So
there's all sorts of different
mods that we can get here
including this
one which is about foot fetish
slash worship.
That's good.
You know, the developers of
Skyrim forgot to put foot fetish
and worship into the game.
It's because you can't say the word sex on the internet
without a hundred people showing up and saying,
Hey, what about feet?
Hey, what about feet?
What are we going to do about the feet?
So, John, you are Leon0006.
I am.
Mm-hmm.
With so many movimentation sexual positions or sexual mods in Skyrim,
why anyone make a foot fetish worship mod yet?
Yeah, why?
Why anyone?
Why anyone make...
Okay.
Why?
I think it will be perfect.
I am not a modder, but I think using finesse, sex lab, or the vanilla actions to make it real, please, if someone know how or when to do it, so why waste more time?
Yeah.
Not making a foot fetish mod is wasting your time.
I can't tell if he's for or against it.
He seems to...
I don't know if it's bad writing,
or he keeps unconvincing himself.
It is weird, yeah.
Happy face, by the way.
I'm letting pictures, screenshots,
from the game,
who can make you think in what I'm trying to request.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Wow.
Look at the screenshots below!
I'm sorry.
I just...
I had...
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to do that.
You got into a fucking fist fight
with the English language
and lost.
Oh, and...
Oh, and by the way,
Smiley with the face
being nothing but a light bulb.
Thank you.
Sure.
Right.
Stog, you are Johnny Red.
What the hell is that, Smiley?
Sorry.
Let's see.
Johnny Red.
Hey, my name's Johnny Red.
I think eventually someone will get to it.
It's not that no one cares or read it.
Someone might be working on one right now and are just keeping it
under covers until it's ready to be
unveiled. Like an actual
foot.
Oh, they might
also be a bit tough to make, given
that feet weren't really made for
sex. You take that back! How dare you!
How dare you. How dare you. Well, they weren't really made for sex. You take that back. How dare you? How dare you?
How dare you?
Well, they weren't.
Oh, my God.
I'm going to send you such a flame.
If you've ever seen a woman giving a foot job,
you'll notice...
Well, I noticed.
I haven't seen this.
So, please, paint a picture with words.
Well, if you've ever seen a woman giving
a foot job, you'll notice that it's
actually a pretty awkward
position. In bodily
mechanics terms.
I'm a pretty awkward person
so it all works out.
I figure it must also be fairly
difficult to get it to look right
as an animation.
I mean, where does the penis go?
Hey, Montress.
Maybe between the feet?
Yeah.
I feel like you're the best person to ask.
How do you give a foot job?
Like, do you just fuck the feet?
Do the feet fuck you?
You've seen plenty of pictures of foot jobs.
How does it usually go down? Well, with the feet fuck you? You've seen plenty of pictures of foot jobs. How does it usually go down?
Well,
with the feet.
Okay, so the feet are the active
members in that relationship?
No, I think the active member is the penis.
Honestly, I think it's pretty much
up to each individual and
how inventive they are.
That's nice. I like joy.
We're not going to dictate how the listeners of this podcast
are all going to do their foot jobs.
You're right. Foot jobs should not be prescriptive.
I'm sorry, continue.
Make sure to put some soul into it.
Oh, Jesus! Welcome back, John!
Yay!
You stopped me from making a David Cronenberg joke.
That would have been
way better than the soul soul one!
Fuck! I feel bad now. Cronenberg joke. That would have been way better than the soul soul one. Fuck.
I feel bad now.
Somewhere there's an alternate history where there's a David Cronenberg joke there.
Stop. Keep going.
Just wait patiently.
As stated before, a foot fetish
is the most common one
in the world.
Oh shit, I lost family feud again. is the most common one in the world. Wait, what?
Oh, shit.
I lost Family Feud again.
Good answer.
Good answer.
Show me foot fetish.
I'm not even sure it should even be considered a fetish given how common it is.
Wait, what?
The internet has given you the wrong impression on this one
yeah just a little bit skewed I think
I'm one of the few people
that has had the internet normalize
his fucked up sexual practices
I mean everyone I talk to
is into feet
but it took a while to see one
for Oblivion as well
Skyrim will get a few with given time.
The game has only been out for over two years.
Okay, okay.
So it's really just, I mean, it is inevitable, I guess, as you think about it.
Stop right there, criminal scum.
Show me your feet.
Moore's Law foot fetish mods.
Show me your feet.
Morse law foot fetish mods.
For the meantime, though,
you can have your speedy needs met
using the various pose mods
rolling around.
That's not in between time.
That's angry time.
For the meantime.
Do you think after typing
your speedy needs met,
he just paused on the keyboard,
like, considered hitting backspace and just continued?
Oh, feety needs.
That one's going in the notebook.
Yeah, I really don't think he could sit.
The moment he considers that, this whole house of cards is falling down.
Lemon, I'm just saying.
It's pretty shaky.
A couple of them seem to focus on the feet a little.
I know I have this way.
Oh, you don't say.
Boots, your soul of exploration.
Oh, boy, I am.
Good day.
Soul of exploration.
Good day.
Good day.
Good day.
Good day.
There is some sort of foot job type animation made by Josh New Zealand,
but not really a big fan of his foot job mod, though.
Oh, burn on Josh.
It's not based on a male character,
so the only thing you get is a woman standing kind of awkwardly and static
while kicking another female in the opening, if you will.
Oh.
Oh.
That's not the kind of foot job I was
thinking about.
And it's only lesbians, so you can't do this with
a male character. And besides,
the Java joke
in the interaction menu kind of breaks
the lore for me.
Sure.
And the voice acting is kind of...
Well, it
used to be better without the voice acting.
Oh, my God.
Do you, like, have your own...
Like, are you paid for...
Like, are you an employee of About.com?
Where you, like, post...
I write the tech column for TMZ.
Oh, okay, good, good.
This is probably a life better wasted thing.
You know, this cunt punt animation was pretty bad,
but it's the Java joke that really brings it for me.
I mean, I'm not trying to be a dick or anything.
I do give this guy kudos for at least making something
in the direction we would like to see.
But, well, I don't think this will arouse a lot of people.
Uh, no shit.
But still, at least he's trying
and he's not even a foot guy. So yeah,
I think it's pretty awesome of him trying.
He's the guy who...
Holy shit, he's not even a foot guy?
Yeah, well... Why did he fucking do this?
Well, I guess that does
give me kind of sense. He's like, uh...
Maybe it's just he just doesn't know anything about foot finish stuff, so he's just like, assuming like a normal person,. He's like, uh, maybe it's just he just doesn't know anything about foot fetish stuff, so he's
just, like, assuming, like, a normal person.
So a foot goes in a vagina?
Is that what that means? People just kick each other
in the junk? Alright, fuck it. Here you go.
I guess. Here you go,
guys. Foot goes on pussy?
Foot goes on pussy?
Thanks, Doug. No!
No! Bad computer!
It's my favorite Pokemon right there.
But still, at least he's trying.
He's not even a foot guy.
So, yeah, I think it's pretty awesome of him trying.
He's the guy that did the Fallout game foot job animation, by the way.
Now, come to think of it, it's really weird, isn't it?
Foot fetish is so common, yet no
modder of Skyrim has come up with a footjob
mod yet.
What world do these guys live in?
The internet. The footjob world.
Have you met the internet, John? Sorry, I forgot for a sec.
Yeah, I know. It's been a while since I've been on the
podcast. I forgot. Sorry about that.
Maybe all the footlovers are
waiting for another footlover animator to
come along and animate them, so nothing is happening.
Wear it.
Oh, here's Foot Job Jesus.
Or maybe there are no animators in the foot fetish community, so yeah, we shall see.
So, you know, that was fucked up, foot fetish.
What the hell.
Sorry we read that.
Yeah, gross.
Let's move away from there and into the topic of breast expansion.
Yay!
Good.
Hey, I don't know if any mod...
I'm sorry, my name's Jerb...
Jerbizator.
Jerbzenator.
Jerbzenator.
Somewhere in my avatar there's a penis head,
and somewhere there's...
I don't know.
There's a lot of flesh in there.
I think there's a penis involved somewhere.
Anyway, hey, I don't know if any mod like this exists yet,
but it would be cool if someone made a mod slash armor slash tool
that you can use to make your character's breast or ass
expand in real time.
Like in real life.
I'm not talking like race menu mod.
I'm talking like you can fight or you can talk or you can run or you can walk, whatever.
And while this is happening, your character's boobs will getting bigger and bigger.
I would like my armor not to fit anymore.
Just picture like a quest giver.
It's like, you need to kill that dragon.
And then the whole time, just the breasts are growing and growing.
It's like, I think you need to kill a dragon.
Are you?
The character's like, what?
What's up?
Who said that?
Who said that?
Maybe have a set limit on what the min and max size are,
and have it fully customizable,
so that if some people don't like their boobs to get too... to get radicabig,
they can set it to whatever they want.
That's a word.
The breasts would reduce in real time as well,
presumably when you prick them with a pin.
What the fuck do you mean by
real time?
I think the internet's
real, right? Skyrim's real.
Something like this could also be
expanded into sex mods. Oh, you don't
say. Like the needles in hentai
that make breasts grow or fill up
with milk. You could use sex to reduce your character's
breast size by expelling milk
during orgasm.
Because that's how cumming works.
Women cum from their tits.
Didn't you know that?
You're a horrible lover.
That's a kind of sentence
that could stop NorAD from blowing up Russia
Hey it would be
This is a pretty great world that I'm describing
But it would be even better
If you could have stat bonuses
Or penalties
Dependent on how large your breast get
Like minus 15
agility, plus 15 speech, or whatever.
Plus 15 speech?
Because it would be really easy to talk to
people with giant breasts
that keep getting bigger.
I've got the broken spine perk. I rule!
Say, do you know where I can
find the same...
Anyway, that's just my thoughts.
Thank you so much.
They're good thoughts.
Mantras. Take Nostris, please.
Nostris.
Ceiling have made a breast
expansion ring mod.
It's work fine, but the rings
expand only to 150%
max. Oh, what the
fuck?
Might as well not even bother.
You can edit the Breast Expansion
script from the rings in Sky Editor
Creation Kit.
Creation as in
Crashing. Crashing.
You must
edit the script
in the Brenl quest.
One, five, two,
three or more
of some kind of ears.
Carrot, carrot.
0.01 to
0.001 for slow grow.
Good luck.
Yeah. I don't need
luck. I got great instructions.
Also, that word was, you must edit the script.
I think Nostris is one of the German guys.
And the German guys will be very obvious.
A German pervert?
Yeah.
Who would have thought?
Germany? What's that about? A German pervert? Yeah. Who would have thought?
Germany?
What's that about?
No, they will be very obvious because most of the German guys don't know English and they use Google Translate instead.
Oh, okay.
I think Stog needs to take the next one.
Oh, okay.
Stog, Arnaiko.
Arnaiko.
Hey. My name's Arnaiko. Yeah. r nico r nico uh hey my name is r nico and i my avatar is like a school girl with some really fucking huge tits sure so you are you into this at all or why are you asked oh never mind
hey uh who can remake this enlargement rings to give 300%, 500%, 1000% breasts in size increase?
Smiley face.
At that point, aren't you just a breast Katamari just rolling around?
Obviously you haven't seen our Nyko's avatar.
Just collecting
smaller breasts
to add to her breasts.
If I cover my giant
boobs in honey, I can pick up anything
I want.
It's a useful thing.
I should have you clean up parks.
But
I need someone to remake
this because I can't do it.
And then
you post it again
like 12 hours later.
Please.
Smiley face.
In the 12 hours, nobody released a
I've been holding my dick this whole time.
Hello?
I've only got an hour
before I have to go to work.
John, you are Kim Bale.
I am Kim Bale. Kim Bale.
You're a whole bale of Kims.
If you put a lot of Kims into a trash
compactor, you get a Kim Bale.
Hello, I am a
crushed cube of Kims.
Right.
I just saw Manu Hakencho, an anime about...
Well, there's this girl that can steal bus size with a specul technique.
What was that er? Was that you being coy?
Yeah, why am I being coy?
I don't know if the guys in the breast expansion will want me to get all dirty.
Get out of here, pervert.
You're ruining the community.
So anyways, 1,000% breast.
Wait, some people are having their breasts get smaller in this?
I do not stand for this.
Get out of this thread.
Hipster.
Well, the thing is, I'm thinking of making a mod based on this, taking boobs instead of lives.
Yay!
What happens when you kill dudes?
Do they get, like, holes in their chest?
No.
Well, based on the guys on this forum, that won't be a problem.
You collect the boobs on a bandolier.
Just outside the castle walls, boobs on pikes.
Just wear them like a necklace.
Okay, yeah.
Short answer.
There would be the technique that makes a victim's breast smaller and the player character's bigger, leading to mental defeat.
Watch the anime.
It's hilarious.
Hilarious, that's the word you're going to use.
The PC would grow
player character,
would grow ever bigger breasts
from this, in the end reducing
carrying capacity when he gets too excreted.
Just store things in your breasts.
Look, again, watch the anime.
Fuck you, no.
Hollow him out, throw him around your Fuck you, no. Hollow him out.
Throw him around your back like a backpack.
It's hilarious.
Throw him over your shoulder like a continental soldier.
Can you tie a man in a knot?
Can you tie a man in a knot? Yay!
After training enough,
the player character would acquire the second secret technique
to give your own boob size to anyone.
I'm the giant boob fairy! Yay!
Immediately get stoned to death by women all over the world.
That's nice. I like that.
I know you guys are wondering what this is about.
What is it?
Yes.
This is, in the end, about boob justice.
Wait.
Isn't that a Roger Corman film?
No, it's Pamela Anderson's new pilot.
I don't know if it's going to get picked up or not.
You know, I don't take care of anything these days.
We want to be a content provider.
Come on.
After you're done watching whatever that
John Goodman thing is, watch Boob Justice!
Boob Justice!
No, I...
When you said bail, I initially wanted to do a Christian Bale voice,
and I kind of wish I had done that just for that final line.
I don't know if it would have been worth it.
Unless it would have been like Christian Bale freaking out on the set of Batman.
What the fuck are you doing?
This isn't boob justice.
We are done professionally.
I'm skipping this bit on necrophilia.
Hey!
My name's Lack... Lacku Iwis. Lacku Iwas.
Lacku Iwas, perhaps.
Something like that.
I'm a junior member.
I have eight posts.
Is there no butthole on the UNP body?
Oh, boy.
Is there no butthole on the UNP body?
I downloaded the main UNP body, and it looks amazing. But there is no butthole on the UNP body? I downloaded the main UNP body, and it looks amazing.
But there is no butthole.
There's not butthole.
Oh, there's not butthole.
Not butthole.
I then installed the UNPB Redux.
Unix Network Programming?
Yeah. This Unix network programming? Yeah.
This Unix has no butthole.
University of Northern Philippines?
No, look, I downloaded that, the Redux
I'm talking about, and it's new texture.
University of Northern Philippines.
Parentheses butthole.
God, the Accomptia A-plus certification
is getting really good.
Oh my God.
Okay, okay.
Turn that train around.
There are jokes.
Okay, so I downloaded all of those various acronyms that you Googled,
and there is no butthole.
Am I doing something wrong?
Well, yes, but that's part of this, but not what you're asking about.
Well, yes, but that's, you know, that's part of this, but not what you're asking about.
Also, I then installed Fahag's PriVat tattoos, and it replaced my body textures, which seems to overhaul the whole private area on females.
New vag, and a butthole!
What is going on?
What is going on?
What is going on with these buttholes?
Check out my shiny new vag.
Boots, you are a jacksam.
Yeah.
Oh, that's a good face.
I've never noticed.
Then again, I've never looked.
Are you honestly spending that much time with the camera that close to the ass?
Yes! It's bothering me!
Hours spent being like, wait, maybe there's a pit...
No! Damn it!
There's no battle!
So there's a lot of discussion,
but we're just going to go straight to Dork Diva.
Mantra, if you'll be Dork Diva, please.
Which I think might have been your username in past life.
Yeah, sure, probably.
Well, I made a couple.
I even posted them here.
I had a strange evening then.
I was obsessed with making
anuses for you and me. I was obsessed with making anuses for UNP.
I remember someone coming over and asking,
Why are there a bunch of anuses all over your desktop?
It was a very awkward moment, to say the least.
I had no good answers and just turned up my music louder and continued with the anus creation.
Making anuses for UNP sounds like a mission in papers, please.
Oh, God, Dad, leave me alone. Jesus.
I never really thought about it, but I suppose seeing 100-plus anus transparencies all over desktop would be kind of strange, I guess.
100 plus haters transparencies all over desktop would be kind of strange, I guess.
Yeah, yeah, kind of. I would post a link, but someone peaked me to it above.
Ha, see what I did there.
But, instead of but, yeah, I know, sorry.
Again, fuck you.
I wonder what comes up when doing a Skyrim search for ye olde brown eye.
Oh, I don't need to know that.
This is why people don't stop by the accounting
department anymore.
Just his desktop is
Skyrim underscore anus dot exe
Skyrim underscore anus two
dot exe
Skyrim anus
I gotta install these three packages to install the buttholes in Skyrimus2.exe. Skyrim. I gotta install these three packages
to install the buttholes in Skyrim.
It's gonna take me all night.
So, of course, there's all sorts of
butthole mods
and boob inflation mods
and all of these mods
that exist.
But we need to talk about...
And you just found another one. Okay, great. But, um... but we need to talk about... And you just found another one. Okay, great.
But we need to talk about
something that really...
How much use do you actually get out
of your adult mods? Boots, if you'll start us off.
I like the word
adult is in quotes, and the word use
isn't.
Oh, great.
There's an anime picture of a child on this forum. That's what I want to see right now. Hooray! Oh, great. There's an anime picture of a child on this
form. That's what I want to see right now.
That's great. Wait, you know what?
Never mind. Never mind. Never mind.
Never mind. I like this one much better.
Okay.
So that was all about buttholes
and, you know,
we need to change the
dynamic of Skyrim.
So this is a request for a different kind of nipple.
Can it be an octagon?
A cube nipple.
Boots, Boots, start us off, please.
I'm a bunch of Freitas.
I'm Freitas.
Freitas.
Yeah.
Scott Weiland was probably in Freitas at one point
I have a request
for a different kind of nipple
I originally considered posting this
in the where can I find thread
but I ultimately decided
that my question was too long
and covered a topic that goes beyond my personal
hankering
spent the last week familiarizing myself
with what all seems to be available in Skyrim,
body-wise.
A little background.
I'm coming fresh off a final playthrough
of Fallout New Vegas.
Sure.
Final playthrough of Fallout New Vegas.
The body I found for New Vegas
had a particular kind of nipples
that is actually not too uncommon in real life and extremely common in manga and anime.
I attribute this phenomenon to the comparative attractiveness of nipples, much like bigger eyes are more attractive than commonly sized eyes.
In a word, they're puffy.
Professor Pervert. sized eyes. In a word, they're puffy. Professor
Pervert.
Please,
Dr. Pervert.
We had to cancel our guest
lecturer. He is in prison.
Mr. President,
I speak for my whole community when I say
we demand a different kind of nipples.
Hell no!
We won't jack off. We will jack off, but
begrudgingly.
Every single Skyrim body
I've seen in every screenshot has showcased
nipples which remain essentially
featureless flat on the areola,
only extending beyond
the breast at the actual nipple.
This has been a frustrating
revelation.
I imagine! How did you stand
for it? Now,
I invite you to examine... I think that's what your mom
would call you, a frustrating revelation.
The only thing
that evil needs to triumph
is for good men to not create nipple mods.
Now, I invite you to examine the effect I speak of by trying to take a look at the character model I've been using in Fallout New Vegas.
Yeah, sure.
And there's a real doll.
There's some fucking gross looking CGI big boobs.
Those are the deadest eyes.
Just scroll down.
Take a look at the profile of the nipples.
Those are so dead eyes. Note how the
entire areola gets its own shape.
Not like a volcano, but more like a
fully concave suction cup.
By concave,
I mean to specifically point
out that where the areola meets the breast,
an angle is formed.
Much like how one is formed
where the nipple meets the areola.
I hope this is clear.
After mentioning this model in another thread,
I've had more than one person tell me
that they were inspired to rethink
their own character design choices.
Is this gonna be on the test?
Yes.
Yes, it will.
This is going to be the test test? Yes. Yes, it will.
This is going to be the test.
Dr. Puffy nipples.
It's just really... God damn it.
This is some of Jacques Derrida's lesser work right here.
Now, there are two points to this thread.
The obvious point is to see if anyone knows whether someone has in fact taken one of the popular bodies and adjusted the nipples so that they match this look.
I know that this would probably...
I wish the two points thing was...
I'm just saying, I wish the two points thing actually was like a bad nipple joke, just because it would be something other than what he's doing right now.
Just droning on about nipple jokes.
Please, please. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. The longer this will take. Sorry droning on about nipple geometry. Please, please.
I'm sorry. The more you interrupt, the longer this will take.
Yeah, he makes a good point.
I know this would
probably generate clipping with any
of the armors made for the unmodified body.
Concerns for another
day.
Second point.
That was my logic reading.
Perfect reading on that emoticon.
Second point.
As I said, I think this is a gaping
hole in the repertoire of options available
to Skyrim modders. Do not say gaping
hole on this forum. A gaping hole.
Doom!
We'll get to those later.
Please.
Wait till you hear my opinion on gaping holes I like having Mantra here
It's like somebody says gaping hole and Mantra's like
I've got a whole nother doc
I've got three hole forums.com last week
There are some extremely skilled 3D artists here
And I have seen some of them pump out entire armor sets in a lazy
afternoon.
Don't say pump out either.
I have to imagine that such a person
would be able to make quick work of this
if they were so inclined.
Finally, the third of my two points.
Did I leave the podcast for six months again?
Of course,
there always exists a chance that I've overlooked
something simple, despite my exhaustive screenshot hunt.
And the look I've been discussing has been available all along with this or that tweak.
I won't discount this possibility. I've hardly seen everything.
In any event...
In any event, thank you all for taking the time to read this.
Oh, yeah.
Thank you for reading it.
Yes, thank you.
Someone's going to get their tenure taken away.
Please, I'm an assistant professor.
Still fight for tenure.
Oh, you're done
okay sorry I blacked out
sorry I'm back now
I should have a musical cue for my finishing
I just noticed there's another
but don't say the word for it
I just noticed there's another
from Fedos in this talk
and it's equally creepy and detailed.
You don't say.
Yeah, yeah.
This doc and creepy
are just two words that really go together.
This is, just as you know,
this reading edit is significantly toning down
on what you provided us with, Montreth.
Yeah.
So, hey, you know, all these mods exist,
and they're all super fucking fun and not weird at all.
But, you know, sometimes I need something that's a little bit,
you know, kind of get me in the world.
So I want to hear about the...
John, John, start this thread out for us, will you?
Okay.
Beast sex quest.
Hold on.
I need to stop laughing at the concept of this that you posted to me.
Okay.
Okay.
Oh, hi, Ghost421.
How did you know it was me?
Oh, you know, around these parts you're pretty famous.
You've posted 33 times.
That's true.
Well, I'll post a sex story to base mod on.
Oh, boy.
I want to make a mod to give context to the sex animations available.
What?
Oh, hey.
The world of Tamriel
fucking finally discovered
what sex is.
Good job.
Oh, you just delivered
the sweet roll.
What's inside it?
It's full of sex.
Well, I was just
wondering if anyone
had a good idea
to base a sex quest mod on.
No one on this forum.
I think Sierra put that up.
I'm looking for stories...
I'm sorry, am looking for stories
that make use of the lore of the Elder Scrolls
and will fit well into the game.
The story can be a large main quest-like story
or something fun and unrelated
that can be collected to form a bunch of mini-quests.
I'm looking
for something that will make use of human
animations and beast.
Through your suggestion
doesn't have...
Through your suggestion doesn't have to use both.
Aw, thanks for the freedom.
You walk up to a guard who says,
Oh, I'm sorry, I seem to have lost my something
to put a penis in.
Can you help me find it?
No. I seem to have lost my something to put a penis in. Can you help me find it?
I found it, but my horse ran over it.
Sorry, dude.
Oh, my.
I just picture all the coral guys and, like, the boss theme queuing up,
and then you just hear them all go, Ugh.
I won't use your
ideas without asking you. And if any
other modders want to use this thread,
feel free to do so.
Also, this should be for female characters.
Sure, yeah, yeah.
No homo. I'm going to be
open. I won't judge. No homo.
Well, my name is
Ritual Clarity.
I'm really into being a pervert and Mars attacks.
Hey, hey, I just had a question for you, Ritual Clarity.
Are you a shrink ray aficionado?
Hey, I am a shrink ray aficionado.
Like, did you know?
Oh, sometimes I tell people that I'm a shrink ray aficionado.
I had a feeling.
I believe that's...
You have lots of options if you want to create a series of small mods.
Okay, here we go.
Lydia the follower.
Something along the lines where she gets mad at you for making her a pack mule.
If you don't like that, remember, she's sworn to serve.
Dot, dot, dot.
Smiley face.
You can enter into all sorts of perversions there.
And people have.
I'm sure they have. I forget
the elf in Riverside that is in love
with Camilla. Perhaps you can change his mind?
Want animal.
What?
This is a new concept, like a new thought.
Just want animal.
Want animal.
Perhaps Barbas. Complete
his quest. Ask if it gets
lonely. If he wants to get lucky
before he returns to Clavius Vile.
That's just the talking dog, right?
Yes.
Yeah, that's the talking dog.
Yeah, this is the kind of world
that excites these people.
It's just the dog comes up and is like,
can you help me get rid of my master?
Oh, I can help you, all right.
Well, I can help you get back with your master,
or you can suck this dick.
If there is dragon animations,
perhaps Parthenox
would like some attention?
After all,
he probably hasn't seen any
since the last age, lol.
Wow, human on fucking dragon.
Yeah, they're pretty keen
on that, too.
I would imagine.
Serena, after dispatching her father and taking over the castle, if're pretty keen on that, too. I would imagine. Serena, after dispatching
her father and taking over the castle,
if you have a good relationship, why not continue?
There is already some
conversations that can be used to jump from
all
the marriage followers,
separate quests, and...
Nothing, nothing. Continue.
Yeah, no, good. All the marriage followers,
separate quests,
and rewards
for each.
You get it? Rewards?
No, I don't get it.
What do you mean?
Okay, let me elaborate.
Sex, of course.
Anal, three-way, swap, beast, solo, public, etc.
That's the hottest one.
Each level getting harder as you progress.
I don't get it.
Because that's how marriage works.
The longer you're married,
the kinkier the sex gets.
Honey, I just feel
until you level up, it's not going to be exciting for me.
But I'm sex level 12.
I just...
I'm married for 20. This area is for little
babies only. So it's all dog gangbangs at this
point? I need you to go onto the field and fuck
some slimes first.
Fuck eight slimes and then come
back to me, please.
Hey, Helga in
Riften, she worships
Diabella and practices
it regularly
and gives Mark of Diabella
to individuals. Trigger your
quest after the player learns this,
except the player can, I don't know what I'm even
saying anymore, partake in the
ritual ellipsis smiley
face once a week, repeatable
words. You can
make it harder to practice
the art with her if you follow the
Thief's Guild questline.
Dot and then two more.
Money, speech, etc.
and get her back. I am sure
that the jewel can be valuable so the
money used to gain her
favor back can be regained in time.
Wait, how is that a...
What are the quotation marks around money?
Did you just start using quotation marks
and you forgot what they mean?
That's money.
Dick dollars.
I'm going to cum in your vagina.
When you get in jail, the guards can have their way.
With you, if you have a very high bounty.
Hey, you missed the best one.
How do you work off a bounty?
Yeah, you skipped one there.
Oh, you like Bersie Honeyhand?
Yeah.
Well, Bersie Honeyhand, that's the Thieves' Quest line.
Instead of the two options, breaking the dwarf base or frisk fighting,
what about a three-way with him and his wife?
Good God.
Well, normally I break this thing you like, or I punch you,
but I could also fuck you and your wife.
All right, prove yourself to us, the thieves guild.
We want you to break into their house
and then have an erotic
threesome with a couple.
Take this porn soundtrack. You'll need it.
If you get detected,
the quest is over then.
Get out of the house! Wait a minute.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, these beats are
doing something to my head.
And my dick.
So did that help?
Did that help, you know,
get your ideas flowing?
Um,
yeah, sure, sure.
Harry, could I have a sex story
for my mods? Yeah, you can have. Eric, can I have a sex story for my mods?
Yeah, you can have them having sex.
Come on.
Just slap them together like dolls.
None of that was a story, though.
It was just a situation you could have them have sex.
Allow me to demonstrate with these gummy bears.
So, you know, we've read a bunch of mods that exist we've read
mods that are in development um all sorts of different options but uh but this is a free
for all thread so it's going to be a lot of fun fun is the word i'm using it's gonna be a mess
um why does this potpourri smell like shit? Because it is shit
Oh, I was wondering
So, uh
Montreth, if you'll start us off here
Danund
Okay, what's your dream mod?
Free for all
The mod that uninstalls all of these
Mine personally
would be one that allows for growth in game,
depending on your eating habits.
Sweet walls go straight to your model's thighs.
What?
Drinking too much ale goes to your gut,
and meat would go straight to the breasts or penis like a true Nord.
Winky face.
What?
What is wrong with you?
I, you know, I'm enough of a nerd to read the Skyrim books, and I miss that book.
I don't remember that part.
I want a mod where drinking makes you fat.
Unless you're drinking me, and that makes your dick big.
Yeah, I also need to have a mod where I can try to figure out my 1099s.
Wouldn't that be fun?
Oh, oh, Danand.
Danand.
Oh, I got it for you.
Just hit me.
Okay, so here's what you do.
You close Skyrim, and then you start playing San Andreas.
There, you got it.
I got a great game for you.
It's called TurboTax.
There's more.
It would only affect the Dragonborn, though,
so I'm not sure what would be the best way for that. Well, there's more. It would only affect the Dragonborn, though,
so I'm not sure what would be the best way for that.
Maybe a separate model in the game, like Dovahkiin,
that can be edited on the fly.
That'd probably have to be a weight meter, too,
depending on how heavy you are, etc.
It can turn awesome hips to Chubbutt.
Chubbutt's my favorite candy bar.
What's your dream mod? Is it already made?
In that case, you lucky ass.
I think that's the emoticon we're going for.
Yeah, that's how we've decided.
It is not good to make a Danand.
But you're a fan of really great usermames, right? I don't know why you're picking me for this one.
You love terrific usernames.
Yeah, I do.
So you're Stoner with a Boner.
Hooray!
Yeah!
Stoner with a Boner.
Actually, not the first one.
Do the second one.
How did Montreth stumble across
one of Boots' accounts?
So good.
He would be like
the guy that you would have to
seek out
for advice.
You must find the stoner with the boner.
He's at the top of Weed Mountain.
He made his own weed mountain. Yeah, so, alright.
Yeah, I'm stoner with a boner.
How about have the glass armor clear?
It's glass, so should be see-through, right?
You have the titties all pressed against glass.
You're desperate.
You are so desperate.
You have weed and you can't get any.
Yeah.
How about a giant purple dildo weapon?
Two-handed, lol.
Have it all flop around when you hit someone with it, lol.
I can't just play it. San Andreas, lol. Just play it in Saints Row 3.
I mean, laziness isn't even a point here.
They've already done...
Team Fortress has a dildo bag.
Maybe a backstory about how everyone in Tamriel uses magic spells
to magic away the poo from their bowls.
What?
What the fuck?
We've never seen the shit in this bowl before.
Yeah, bowls.
And shazam, it's gone.
You're shit, my bowl.
Get rid of it, please.
Are you tired of having shit in your head?
Well, there are like no bathrooms
or outhouses anywhere.
It's either that or they poop in the woods
like animals.
You never see Lydia
pinching off a steamer anywhere.
No, you don't.
You're right.
Somehow him talking like a
middle-aged guy about poop makes it even worse.
Yeah.
What other ideas do you have?
Yeah, a shout that's like, I want a whopper!
Fuck.
It summons the Burger King to slay your enemies and satisfy your hunger.
Fuck you! How about an Arnold Schwarzenegger follower
that has all of
Arnold's awesome lines?
He would be all
like about to kill a guy
and he would be all like, remember when
I told you that we'd kill you last?
I don't do a very good Arnold.
Oh, that was in my
favorite Schwarzenegger movie,
Commander.
Or like
when you dismiss him and he'll be all like
I'll be back.
Oh, that was in the
Taminatraw.
No, we're talking about the I'll be back
from The Running Man.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I meant to reference The Running Man.
Yeah.
When you tell him to follow him,
you tell him to follow himself.
He would be all like,
come with me if you want to live.
Oh, that was from
Tamanatra 2 Judgmental.
Like some of these.
Then I fell asleep.
Wouldn't it be
terrific if there was a video game that just referenced pop culture all the time forever?
If only one of those existed, that would be awesome.
He's already played the Family Guy game three times.
This is his dream mod, so this is the best he can imagine.
This is the top.
Stog, what would Ugg the Viking like to see?
Hello, I'm Ugg the Viking.
Ugg.
I'd like to see a mod where my character
could wet herself.
Yes, I'm the one who boasts
in support of the proposed P-mod.
The mode where you
marry P.
The courtesy P-mod.
You all laughed at me, but who's laughing now, huh?
I am.
Oh, okay.
All right.
Yes, I'm the one who requested the dirty underwear mod.
And I'm glad.
Your representation precedes you.
I'm glad. Your repression precedes you.
Other than that hang-up,
I'm really a fun-loving,
beer-drinking, football-watching kind of guy
who loves his commas.
Oh yeah, you're just a regular dude
who's really deep into this
Dream Skyrim sex mod thread.
I'm sure the other guys in your
Monday Night Football
are going to sign up right after you.
Well, that's part of his OKCupid profile.
Five things I couldn't do without.
Wet panties, sweater panties,
dirty underwear.
Oh god, the first sentence of the next one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So my name's JDoz13.
Maybe I'm JDoz13, like my father was J-Dawes the 12th.
Anyway, I'm so glad you brought this topic up because I just want a mod that makes it so your wife knows when you have sex.
Start over. Sorry. Sorry. I just want a mod that makes it
so your wife knows when you have sex with her.
I'm in you now!
I'm having sex with you. Can you feel it?
Can you feel it?
She's just been in the...
She's just been lying down for years
asking, is it in yet?
Is it in yet?
Is it in yet?
Is it in yet? Is it in yet? Is it in yet? Is it in yet?
Is it in yet?
Is it in yet?
Yes!
Is it in yet?
Oh my god.
Okay.
That sentence is amazing.
That's the best short story in one sentence.
Back to J-Dawg's The 13th.
One of the best.
There's a ton of
sex animes and triggers
for them, but the
NPCs that you're
doing it with...
People don't understand euphemism.
Yeah,
no, just quotes.
I've heard that before. I was quoting somebody.
They wouldn't want to be so vulgar as to say
fuck. Come on. The ones that you to be so vulgar as to say fuck. I mean, come on.
The ones that you're doing it with, so to speak,
capital have no idea what is going on.
They all have that thousand-yard stare
like they just don't really care that you're having sex with them.
How come all these Skyrim models look like they're in the uncanny valley?
That's weird, huh?
Dear Bethesda, please rewrite Skyrim so that my pervy mods have an effect on the actual dialogue in the game.
And sent.
Look, it would be nice to see someone develop a framework for sex slash relationships that has a little impact on the actual gameplay.
And the AI understands what the act
means.
Understand sex equals yes!
Yeah, so
Skyrim, please make
computers understand the
societal and emotional connotations
that sex brings.
Yeah, let's, uh...
I made a consent mod to
add to other people's sex mods
where nobody will agree to have sex with you.
That's fine.
Computer understands sex?
Computer understands sex?
If that makes
any sense.
Right? If it does.
It doesn't make sense in the worst way.
I don't even need
sex animes, honestly.
I would be satisfied with a fade to black
and some sounds, all a fable.
As long as the sex meant something to the AI characters.
Anyway, bye.
This is the saddest post.
Just give the characters plus one to sex
and that'll be all I need.
You know, I'm glad they didn't go with this early script for her.
John Corwin.
Corwin is fucking angry.
Have you noticed that?
That Corwin is just really brimming with hate?
I noticed that.
My dream mod?
I noticed that.
My dream mod?
Making Skyrim slash Dawnguard a sexual
odyssey to come along with the character plot development
adventure aspects.
Okay.
My player character, who is
female and beautiful, of course,
would either be sexually innocent
or the victim of earlier abuse.
Okay.
Work through it. Work through it.
Work through it.
In any case, she's not
repeat not interested in
having sex with anyone.
Oh, what a great dream you're having.
I'm so glad I'm part of your dream.
That's a good foundation of a sexual odyssey.
Oh, okay.
Until
she realizes that the only way to get ahead in Skyrim is to use her gorgeous body to her advantage,
both by selling it and by giving it to various powerful and or otherwise useful NPCs.
Oh, you're a gross person.
And then we have to explain to it to awful people about how this is actually really feminist because it's about female empowerment.
Oh, fuck.
Yes.
After a while, she overcomes her distaste for sex and becomes a raving
lesbian nympho.
Because that's what happens to people
who have been sexually abused.
Yeah.
Maybe I'm just latching on to anything
that'll make it so I don't have to dwell on the grossness of this.
But the fact that it turned into raving lesbian nympho, it's like, oh, this went from gross to ridiculous gross.
I feel like I'm reading the fucking comments for Jezebel.
Then, she meets Mrs. Wright and falls in love.
Uh-huh.
Okay, that's one glimmer of hope in this.
Trials, tribulations, adventure,
lots of hot girl slash girl sex,
and finally she and her soulmate find
happiness together.
This is a weird sexual journey.
Along with further adventures, of course.
It doesn't have to be animated, though that
would be nice. It just has to be interesting,
sexy, and fun.
Fun! Fun! Alright, yeah.
All of this working as a prostitute,
it sounds like a lot of fun.
Excuse me while I indulge in a
brief rant. I am so f-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s Wait, wait, wait, wait. Did Loverslap genuinely censor the word fucking?
No, I think he censored it.
Oh, because he wouldn't want to offend people
while he's writing his rape fantasy story.
Yeah, I don't want to start being gross.
John, you've been away for a bit,
so you probably don't remember,
but there's a bunch of stars together.
It stands for fuck. Right. Oh, okay, but there's a, you know, a bunch of stars together stands for fuck.
Right.
Oh, oh, okay.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
You know, I remember that from the other episode.
I'll need to.
I'm sorry.
Okay.
So I am so fuck, fuck, good.
Pissed.
There it is.
Off at Bethesda for a including same sex marriage, but screwing it up by making it so F-Fuck-G-Ho-Hum.
Okay, yeah, sure.
Open parenthesis. Oh, and my next point,
open parenthesis, glasses face.
Making Serana
the only interesting aspect
in all of Skyrim, off-limits.
What the F-Star-G-Gal
were they thinking?
That they weren't making a hardcore sex game?
That they're not owned by Vivid Video.
That's what they were thinking.
Ahem.
Anyway, that's a sketch of my dream mod.
Well, go die in a fire.
Oh, that's a good idea.
Excuse me for a second.
Ow!
Yay!
He died in a fire, everybody!
Cool. Plus a thousand, everybody! Cool.
Plus a thousand
experience points
for everybody.
Is it really that easy?
No, see, he really,
yeah, he really
understands women,
you know,
a lesbian forced
into prostitution.
That's just gonna
turn into, you know,
a real happy
sexual life and
experience, you know?
It's got a happy ending,
so it's got a nice
plot arc.
Yeah.
Montreth, close this
thread out with
Simon60605.
I want pretty nipples!
I want your pretty nipples!
You know what, Simon?
You know what, Simon?
Me too.
George, can I have your pretty nipples?
This is the first guy I've agreed with
this whole time.
Alright, Alright, so there's a spanking mod.
Of course there is.
Just know that it exists.
Come on, we have to read at least one Winnie257 post.
Yeah.
Alright, you know what?
Just take the Winnie257 post. Yeah. You know what? Just take the Winnie257
post of your
preference. Whichever one you like.
I know that you're
emotionally invested in the
world of Lovers Lab.
No, it's just
there's one in longer pubic hair
and editing.
That's just
his take on the
whole pubic hair thing.
Okay, so the thread is
about the wish
for longer
pubic hair on Skyrim models.
Well, actually someone is making
pubic hair
mod and asking for advice.
And Winnie257
comments,
What is that? I prefer snakes
naked, no pussy hair,
because you have the leak no hair
in the mouth.
But at that...
What
the fuck was that?
That was Winnie257.
What does snails naked mean?
I have no idea, but...
Winnie257 uses a translator.
Yeah, he's the guy who uses Google Translate for all his posts,
so none of it makes any sense whatsoever.
So, yeah, Winnie257 at one point opens his own thread.
It's called 100 Sex Mods and No Convincing.
It says,
100 Sex Mods and No Convincing!
I do not speak English.
Text was written with translator.
Sex on the street that works perfectly
where all I can watch right now,
pipshow!
But where is the sex in neat ambiance
like a brothel in any large city?
Or running around whoring where you can buy commercially love?
Oblivion hats in the given, since there was a nice brothel in Imperial City.
Sex darkness. Sexlivion.
Why is it not yet feasible to make this mod, or should I be wrong?
And there is such a mod.
All right, then.
Sir, sir, sir, it's an emergency.
The Spambot AI has escaped.
So there's a lot of links that Mantra's put in this document.
Such topics as idea stacking Bukkake effect.
Idea the yarl of sex.
Idea the Yarl of Sex
My penis is missing
I'm going to make you my thing
And my penis is missing
I'm taking my penis and missing
I thought we were doing that
This is a request
So Stog
You are allowed to choose
Whichever one of these you would like
The other ones will not be red
So option number one
Oh shit oh so many choices
He hasn't given you a choice yet
Option number one
Requests cock sucking spell
What do you have the time
What's the second one
Option number two A femboy body replacer request.
Or option number three is called facehuggers?
Facehuggers!
All right.
No, I'm sorry.
It's facehuggers?
Facehuggers?
So you're Houdini.
You're kind of like Houdini, but you're just a big slut.
Houdini.
You're kind of like Houdini, but you're just a big slut.
Watch as I escape from this vagina.
He actually doesn't escape. That's the whole idea.
So tell me about
your facehuggers.
Hey, my name's Houdini.
Houdini.
Facehuggers! Facehuggers?
Facehuggers?
That's a hard question to answer.
Can you elaborate?
I'm moving to a different seat on the bus.
Has anybody made facehuggers?
Xenomorphs?
Yeah, the guys who made aliens.
As in ones that will latch onto the head and face fucking victim and stuff?
Bulls.
And they made a whole bunch of movies.
I don't know why you're asking this.
I saw a YouTube...
Stop laughing at my aliens!
It better force you into first-person perspective when that happens.
Sorry.
I saw a YouTube video some time ago, and they had a mod like that in Oblivion.
What?
Right.
Stop, you violated the law!
Airwaves, if not not Probably still good mod idea
I'm sure there are a lot out there
With that fellow
I do
Are you done?
LOL
I know I do
LOLs
XD
Nobody responds with anything meaningful LOL, I know I do lols, XD.
Nobody responds with anything meaningful, but that's not surprising.
Okay, so one more choice that we have here.
John, would you like to read a story about Morning Wood?
Or a story about Look for Two Bikinis?
Oh man, those are both great.
I want to go with Look for Two Bikinis because I just pictured some blues clues.
Like some blues clues type show.
Alright kids, wear the bikinis.
We just figured out our sexual triggers.
We just figured out our sexual triggers.
We just figured out our sexual triggers
because we're very gross.
I look for two bikinis.
My name is
Kang.
That's the sound my head made
when it collided with that concrete wall.
Kang.
Kang.
I am Krang's very dumb brother. when it collided with that concrete wall. Zing! Zing! Zing!
I am Craig's very dumb brother.
Okay.
Am look for two bikinis two weeks ago,
but never found some bikinis like this.
Anyone knows where I can get this bikini?
Nope. I hope someone
knows something about this
mysterious stuff.
I think one is for
7BaseBody, the other for
UNP.
See ya, Kang.
Kang, hooray, hooray.
Thanks for stopping by, Kang.
I mean, how are they so popular?
Oh, guys, wait a second.
Cool, I found one.
Coray, coray.
So you found one, and then the main wolfman responds,
hey, the first one is entitled Hot Pants Bikini Bombshell BBP,
which can be found here. Like, you saw a picture. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, the first one is entitled Hot Pants Bikini Bombshell BBP, which can be found here.
Like, you saw a picture, oh, yeah, yeah.
No, no, no, I've seen that.
Yeah, looks like it's a hot pants bikini.
I just wanted to take this very briefly.
Something I found here.
Grey Beard Sex Mod Rack.
Is that a Dutch Dynasty mod?
My name is Robot X-Rock.
I have posted 62 times.
Gwize.
Gooey.
Gwize.
Gris.
Gwize.
Why is no one working?
Correct me if I'm being ignorant.
Is no one making a sweet sex mod that involving the gray beards?
Not involving.
Oh, is no one making a sweet sex mod involving the gray beards?
You mean the boring monks on the mountain?
I wonder why nobody's getting hot over them.
Like, female players would only learn the shouts
by learning the dragon tongue,
a.k.a. sucky sucky GI.
Gastrotestrel?
But being face-fucked by each gray beard
sounds good.
Yeah.
I'm so glad he spelled that out for me.
I wasn't getting it.
Sax bot shutting down.
No, it doesn't sound good.
Yeah.
Somebody needs a firmware update.
Sex bot horny.
Sex bot plug into Ethernet.
How can I unplug you, Robot X Rock?
Sex robot.
Sex robot.
Petrel status. Four.
Cheese.
So, F+, what did we learn from all of this?
Well, I really think there's a lot of modern games that are made with modern mods,
like there's Dota, Counter-Strike.
Sure, sure.
There's also Team Fortress 2 wouldn't exist without the mod community,
but this is just really fucking weird.
Yeah, because I didn't really care for any of the Elder Scrolls games,
but I played a fuckload of Fallout, and
you know, like, it's
kind of theoretically
fun to look for
mods, and then you install them, and then your
game breaks, and then you go, oh, right.
Yeah, that's why I shouldn't have done that.
The best part of Elder Scrolls, honestly,
is installing 120 mods and then figuring
out why the fuck your game doesn't work anymore.
And then moving on to something else.
I learned that just getting all these different fetishes and all these, well, both the bad writing and the fetishes all at once, it's just deformed into, it's just, all words lost meaning.
All concepts lost meaning.
It's just, it wasn't, I was, at a point it wasn't even discussed it anymore.
It's just like, gray beard, I was, at a point it wasn't even discussed it anymore. It's just like,
well, scary beard, sex,
tit, nipple, blah. And it's just like,
and I'm just like, this is having no effect on me
because I'm not even following. These aren't
even words anymore.
It's just totally devolved
for me. Language lost
all meaning is what I'm saying. I can't
think anymore. Because it's
kind of, I mean, it's one of those things that
really should be
self-evident, is that
there's billions of dollars
in pornography.
And every once in a while, some of those companies will try
to make a game,
and it's the same thing every time, of like
hey, we make a lot of money from
pornography, and people like video
games, let's make a...
Oh, right, that didn't work, okay.
And then they keep making the same...
Because that...
I mean, regardless of anything else,
that Uncanny Valley thing is really going to fuck you up.
Yeah, you see, the problem is they're not doing it
as a labor of love like these people are.
Oh, sure, that's true.
I'd like to take a moment and congratulate
everybody for avoiding making a comment
about the Dragonborn coming
so
you know I was actually I was watching
the clock tick by
in real time and
I was going to mark the exact
time that somebody made an arrow
in the neutral
and that didn't happen so congratulations to all of us.
Fucking well done.
So it was in real time,
so your clock was a couple of expanding breasts, right?
Look, I'm a shut-in video game dork,
but even I wouldn't make a narrowing-in-the-knee joke.
Yeah, so there is so much
I'm probably going
to edit this doc
just a little bit before I release it to the public
but if I don't
if I don't remember to do that
please be warned that there are
links about terrible, terrible
things in this doc
As usual
And there was much more terrible stuff that I left out.
Yeah, so there's
plenty of discussion of rape
in this actual doc.
Like nature rape. Can I just say
what I learned from this? Oh, yeah.
Yes, please do. Go for it. I learned that
I am gonna go back to FetLife
and fuck video game nerds
because you guys are worse.
So wait, so actually
as somebody that has spent
hours and hours in this thing,
what would be better?
If I was like,
I got a gun to your head, you're going to spend the next eight hours
on either video game sex
mods or FetLife.
I'm going for FetLife every time.
Wow.
There's a website blurb for them.
I'm going to FetLife every time.
Yeah, like, that's not even a choice.
It's FetLife all the way.
That's an amazing statement.
Can you give a primary reason why that would be?
It's because at least people on FetLife, they're like, you know, they're so open about it,
like, oh, this is weird shit, and it turns
me on, and people on this forum are like,
yeah, I'm looking for a mod
that's, you know, lets my dog
rape children for,
you know, realism.
I'm looking for sex lab
hentai pregnancy.
That is, I mean, and that actually comes
back to something that we keep coming back to, like,
in this podcast, is that, like,
if you're a fucking freak
and you're just into whatever, and you just, like,
talk about your being into whatever,
you're probably irritating,
but at least you're probably
safe. It's when people
are, like, creepy and
not owning up to their own fetishes
that shit starts to get
really dark.
That's exactly it.
I have all of this chloroform in my bathroom
for fun!
Yeah, I really like...
I do like how bad they are at lampshading it.
It's like, oh, I want a mod where I can turn into a pig
and fuck the talking dog, but
make sure it's in lore, because the story's
a really important part of this.
I keep all my Dragon 6
mods on a jazz drive.
Well, thanks so much for
showing up to this thing, Montreth. I know it's like
four in the morning
in your time,
so congratulations on being
funny at a time when it's very difficult
to do so. Thanks to you for
listening. T-H-E-F-B-L dot U-S
ball pit is the forum. Fucking sign up or you're a thief. Bye for listening. THEFBL.US. Ball pit is the forum.
Fucking sign up or you're a thief.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye, thieves.
Bye-bye.
Skyrim.
Skyrim.
Sex, sex, sex on the beach.
Sex, sex, sex on the beach.
Sex, sex, sex on the beach.
Sex, sex, sex, sex on the beach.
Skyrim. More like Sky Rim Job.
Oh, I'm sorry.
See, because
it's like you put a tug at an
asshole. It's funny.
Kevin, you liked that joke,
didn't you?