The F Plus - 14: A Conservative Estimate
Episode Date: January 17, 2010If there's one thing that Conservatives, as a whole, have decided about the internet, it's that it has a liberal bias. YouTube has femmy kids crying about Britney Spears, so conservatives created... GodTube. Google News feeds talk about American casualties in Iraq, so conservatives created The Free Republic. And Wikipedia says that Iran Contra happened, Nixon was impeached, and G. Gordon Liddy went to prison, so conservatives created Conservapedia. This is a site which is not so much meant to inform the publc (rather the opposite on a number of occasions), but is meant to reenforce stereotypes and fuel agendas. And it is delightfully insane.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
All right, let's talk vampires.
The country is full of vampires.
The country is full of vampires.
We are the only country in the world today
where the vampires come from every other country
to suck the blood out of the prostate.
To suck the blood out of the prostate.
Hey there, welcome to the F Plus Podcast.
Terrible Things, Red with Enthusiasm.
My name's Lemon. And I'm John.
And, you know, this week
we actually
we had a lot of ideas this week.
We've gotten a lot of, you know, submissions
from people on the website, which have been fantastic.
And some other ideas
that we've wanted to do.
And some ideas that, previous episodes that we've wanted to do and some ideas that previous
episodes that we wanted to revisit.
And it was a lot of small bits of content in a lot of different categories.
And then it got down to crunch time.
We were close to record.
And then, well, frankly, we just took the coward's way out and just went conservapedia.
Yeah, basically, we were looking at stuff
like Lemon said and seeing
what different stuff we have, little bits and pieces.
Then we discovered Conservapedia.
You just press the random article button.
It's basically a bad
things to read magic button.
You just press it. Instantly, you got great material.
It's an F plus content
generator. Exactly.
I'm assuming you're probably familiar with Conservapedia.
You know, The Daily Show and Colbert Report have done a number of segments on it.
But it is the conservative answer to Wikipedia.
Their belief is that Wikipedia has a liberal bias.
And so therefore, they create their own wiki in which you have to be a registered member
and they'll ban you if you say liberal things.
And that way you can get to the unbiased truth.
Yeah, see, the neat thing about Conservapedia
is that their idea isn't,
oh, no, the liberal media has so much of a liberal bias,
we should work towards being more objective
or not being as biased as that and being more objective.
Their idea is, oh, it has a liberal bias.
Well, we need something with a conservative bias to show them how wrong they are so it's more like it's it's like combating
bias with bias like the whole idea is editorializing the whole thing i don't know i feel like i feel
like in their efforts like that that they seem to talk like they're actually trying to approach
truth um which they certainly don't.
Maybe someone involved in that site has that kind of idea,
but it's not the majority.
Every article starts with,
this guy is a liberal and he hates children
and wants to stomp on kittens.
It's like editorializes on everything right out the box.
And the whole idea is like,
it's not like a better news source
or more objective news source.
It's like decidedly conservative.
Well, as the name would say.
So, yeah, that's what we got tonight.
A whole stream of false facts and conservative insanity.
I hope you enjoy this because I know I did.
Oh, we both did.
And the whole group did.
And, well, just listen.
Let's get to our readers.
In the room tonight, we have A.C. Rockwaddle.
What? What? Oh, shit! Oh, it's my turn. Hi!
Portex.
Portex is a sometimes food.
Boots Reingear.
Boots Reingear is a liberal conspiracy.
Bunnybread.
Animal! Animal! Animal!
Feedback! Feedback!
Oh, I'm sorry.
Distortion.
John?
I am actually Barry Sotero.
Easy Conspiracy.
Jack Chick.
Hi, guys. I'm going to a shotgun gay wedding
Gum Quadsop
Gum Quadsop could not appear due to
dying from second hand dick
yes Fahan
the following podcast has a decided
liberal bias
Stog
you know what I'm gay for?
I'm gay for America and Werther's Originals.
And B.
It's a conspiracy!
It's a conspiracy!
I don't care!
You don't care!
I don't care!
You don't care!
I think I want to start with this
because the opening sentence is really fantastic.
Who wants to read about Che Guevara?
I do.
I do.
I'm wearing one of his shirts right now.
From his line.
Only one of his shirts?
Well, okay.
I'm wearing a short sleeve.
I'm wearing a shirt over a long sleeve shirt.
And the long sleeve shirt
has just pictures of Che down each sleeve.
Yes.
The icon on the left says
The Trustworthy Encyclopedia.
I'm just following up
some of these references
and they're really something else.
Oh yeah, the citation.
There's also, it comes up eventually,
but there's the standard Wikipedia citation where you have, like, bracket one, bracket two, right?
Yeah.
There's another citation that's specific to current Servopedia, which is bracket, who says?
That's really a good citation.
Their proof that white hipsters are into Ernest Che Guevara is apparently a really sarcastic fake shirt-selling website.
Uh-huh.
Just Che Guevara's on the link.
Yeah.
It's called CheMart.com, so you know.
CheMart.
There's the t-shirt designer thing And the script
Every design that you click
Puts it over it
So you can just have 50 Che designs
This is a joke site isn't it
Three Che moon
Thousands of Che's
Okay okay
Ernesto Che Guevara Born June 14th 1928 Thousands of Che's. Okay, okay, okay.
Ernesto Che Guevara,
born June 14th, 1928,
executed October 9th, 1967,
was a sadistic Marxist guerrilla leader with Fidel Castro
during the Cuban Robolution.
And he was a cultural icon
for leftists, socialists,
communists, illegal aliens,
and white hipsters.
Quote-unquote.
Photogenic Ernesto Guevara
failed spectacularly at everything
he attempted in his life.
Nobody's ever heard of him.
Say the second part of that again.
He died alone and forgotten.
Ernesto Guevara
failed spectacularly at everything
he attempted in his life,
except at the mass murder of defenseless
men and boys.
Despite being a terrorist,
and terrorist,
despite being a terrorist, his image is still used as leftist propaganda, which adorns millions of t-shirts and dorm room posters.
In the words of one of his former political prisoners, there was something seriously wrong with Che Guevara.
That's a good movie title.
Che Guevara was fine.
Che Guevara was fine,
but there was something seriously wrong with Che Guevara.
That's bizarro, Che.
The quotes that came up earlier,
this Ernesto Guevara
fails spectacularly is from
Front Page Magazine.
Wow!
The URL of which
is 97.74.65.
Ha ha ha!
It's a trusted news source.
You know their jingle.
If you're looking for the hottest news,
go to 97.71.65.51.
What's the port?
Oh, God, what's the port?
Hey, you know who else liked DNS servers?
Liberals.
All right, Stog, tell me about his early life.
Early life.
Guevara was the eldest of five children
born in Rosario, Argentina.
His schoolmates nicknamed him Pig, Chancho, because he rarely bathed and smelled bad.
He also enjoyed killing dogs.
I don't enjoy killing dogs, but I enjoy enjoying it.
I don't enjoy killing dogs, but I enjoy enjoying it.
Oh, man.
He flunked out of medical school, never got his diploma,
and still was chosen to be the medic for Fidel Castro's so-called revolution.
So-called.
Just because there was a revolution, that doesn't mean you can call it a revolution.
Well, it was a failed revolution. Fidel Castro didn't ever get into power
that's true
he was sidelined
for the entire thing
his so called country
with his so called human beings in it
who eat so called food
embargoes that are so called
has anybody gone to
look at the source for the
guy never bathing?
Mm-hmm. Yeah, I just looked at that.
It's a wall. Something he was rather proud
of, it says. Yeah, but look at
the page. It's the Star Wars
page.
My pet Jawa.
My pet Jawa.
It's not loading at all, either.
The Jawa Report.
Because we just deluged it.
I have a source that knows about these things.
Oh, yeah, who's your source?
A Wookie.
The real Che was a revolutionary Ringo Starr
who fell in with the right bunch
and rode their coattails to world fame.
Oh, man.
Ouch.
Wow.
I thought there wasn't a revolution, though.
It was a so-called revolution.
No, he was a really good drummer, is what he's saying.
I really love the underlying subtext of Conservapedia's writers toward the Beatles.
Man.
Yeah, if you look at the Ringo Starr page, Conservopedia just hates Ringo.
Capitalism is a failed system
and it exploits its workers.
That's funny because isn't
Thomas the Tank Engine right-wing propaganda?
Thomas the Tank Engine is on PBS,
so case closed.
The Cuba Revolution.
In 1955, a hobo-living Guevara met Raul and Fidel Castro
to plot the overthrow of the U.S.-backed Fulgencio Batista government in Cuba.
Their first revolutionary plan was an assault on Cuba from Mexico.
During the war, Castro promoted Guevara to commander status,
and Guevara won the Battle of Santa Clara. This defeated Batista's forces and allowed the bearded
guerrillas to march on towards Havana. On New Year's Eve 1958, Batista's forces were defeated, and on New Year's Day, Batista
fled to the Dominican Republic.
Castro and Guevara
became Cuba's new socialist
revolutionary leaders.
Of the revolution that didn't happen.
I like how they just put bearded in there.
These gorillas had beards.
That means they're not to be trusted.
I believe you mean Robolution.
Oh, sorry. It's's true it is a Robolution
Well hobos have beards so clearly
Terrorists have beards
So they're all hobos maybe
Yeah I like the whole hobo living Guevara
They beat people to death with their
Bindle sticks that's how they won
They couldn't say poor
Or destitute
It's like a hobo living They're not aware that they just made They couldn't say poor or destitute.
It's like a hobo living.
They're not aware that they just made Shaguar more appealing to hipsters.
I don't know about you guys, but I'm really tempted to edit the page and change hobo living to illegal immigrant.
You can.
I think any time they make an assertion, you should put so-called in front of it.
Actually, it does that a lot.
There's more examples.
The sentence about the real Che should have been the so-called real Che was a so-called revolutionary,
so-called Ringelstar,
who fell into the so-called right bunch
and so-called rode their coattails to so-called world fame.
So-called, so-called, so-called, so-called, so-called.
We got our bases covered, guys.
Let's go out to lunch.
All right.
It is the only encyclopedia you can trust.
Yeah, I just love how this, you know,
purportedly reference, you know,
this purportedly legit reference source is just like,
this guy sucked.
Look at how much he sucks.
Anyways, there was a revolution and blah blah blah, they took it over.
This guy never took a bath.
I'm looking forward to the point
in the readings tonight where
they put so-called in the middle of one
of their own metaphors.
Accidentally.
Okay, okay.
Castro's Cuba.
Guevara was appointed commander of the La Cabana Fortress Prison. He oversaw the trial and execution of many former Batista regime officials. Roberto Martin Perez was imprisoned for 30 years in Castro's dungeon prison. Roberto says Castro ordered mass murder in order to consolidate his power.
Ellipsis. That's always a good quote when it's got an ellipsis in the middle.
Guevara, as Castro's chief executioner, relished the slaughter of defenseless men and boys.
I love killing boys.
I know because of the chip I had in his mind
oh wait
here's the site for number 8
well I mean he's not white so of course he
enjoys killing people
he relished
and then he mustered
oh wait the source for that
the source that he relished killing boys
is also
97.74.55.51.
My favorite news source.
Front page magazine.
By the way, I love the source right under that.
It's by Johan Hari, and the title is,
Should Jay be an icon? No.
I don't need to read the article then.
I already know.
I'm sad that it's not no way instead.
No way!
Or how about,
James Guevara should be an icon,
not...
Guevara became feared for his brutality
and ruthlessness.
During the 1961 Bay of Pigs invasion,
Castro ordered Guevara to take up a command post in western Cuba.
He never saw any fighting and did not participate in the Cuban victory.
However, he dropped his pistol and shot himself in the face.
What?
He dropped his pistol and shot himself in the face.
He loved killing people so much that faced with no other option, he shot himself in the face.
I'm gonna kill a man. He's a psycho pussy.
Man, I gotta kill myself, I gotta kill a man so bad.
Oh yeah. Ow!
Ah, yes.
Violence.
Guevara was the main
proponent of missiles in Cuba
and urged Khrushchev
to nuke
the United States.
In December 1964, he gave a speech before the UN General Assembly, mocking the imperialism
of the USA.
The number of executions he ordered is unknown, with conservative estimates ranging from 400
to 2,000 over his lifetime.
Wait, that's a conservative estimate, huh?
Yeah. Well, they're conservatives conservative estimate, huh? Yeah.
Well, they're conservatives, and they estimated it, so...
400 to 6 times 400?
Exactly.
Unfortunately, lack of records mean that the exact number
will probably never be known.
What is clear is that he was a violent communist
who thought nothing of killing
anyone who opposed him.
Amazon.
Oh my god, have you looked at where that link goes?
Wait, they quoted Amazon?
It's a t-shirt. It is a link
for a t-shirt on Amazon.
No, it's actually
a book.
No, it's a book.
It's a book cover with a t-shirt on it.
Oh, man.
Way to ruin it.
I know.
I know you guys want to be just like Conservapedia and not look at the facts.
Actually, I think it's better that they quoted it as the reference being Amazon and not the book.
Like, they're not referencing the book because they haven't read the book.
They're referencing the book blurb.
According to Amazon's blurb.
According to Amazon, give it more credibility, or is Amazon also, like, liberal conspiracy?
It's the most credible source we've seen so far.
South America.
Guevara authored an insurgent booklet called, entitled, Guerrilla Warfare.
He left Cuba to lead a communist guerrilla movement in South America.
Bolivian soldiers, trained, equipped, and guided by U.S. Green Beret and CIA operatives,
hunted him down in the Bolivian jungle where he was captured.
He pathetically cried out,
Do not shoot! I am Che Guevara, and worth more to you alive than dead.
How pathetic.
What a fucking sissy.
However, the U.S. and Bolivia knew better.
He was executed by Mario Teran two days later
and his hands were chopped off
and put into a jar.
Serves him right.
I don't think they did know better because they didn't shoot.
It took them two more days.
I heard that his last words
were, shoot fool, you kill only a man.
This paints a very
different picture of his last moments.
Pathetic. Pathetic, in fact.
I think the real quote was,
I'm a liberal and I peed my pants.
Don't shoot.
Your guns are big and
scary. Don't shoot me.
I'm gonna ban your guns.
I love gay abortions.
Who will raise my gay babies?
All right.
Well, let's move from a...
Wait, wait.
Can we stay on this topic for a bit?
Because I want to read something from the comment section of this Wikipedia page.
Oh, yes, please.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Okay.
Can I...
Okay, so in the Wikipedia comment section, there's a comment...
There's a little bit of discussion about the term Robolution.
Okay.
Okay.
So here's someone asking a question.
In the first paragraph, the text says, Ernesto Che Guevara, born June 14, 1948, died October 8, 1967, was a sadistic Marxist guerrilla leader with Fidel Castro of the Cuban Robolution and became a cultural icon for liberals, leftists, communists,
illegal aliens, and dumb white teenagers.
Oh, it was originally dumb white teenagers!
Yeah, they took that on.
Cuban Robolution should be changed to Cuban Revolution,
as that was the historical name for that period of Cuban history,
and Robolution isn't encyclopedic or professional-sounding
and comes off as the author's
personal view rather than a historical
descriptive term. I can see
such a term in an essay piece, but not as an
encyclopedia article.
BMCP. And the response
from
TK Admin.
Unlike liberal encyclopedias
with an apostrophe,
BM, conservative, Unlike liberal encyclopedias with an apostrophe, Conservopedia believes if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it is indeed a duck.
The so-called communist revolution robbed the Cuban people,
plain and simple.
Anyone who does a few hours research
knows that Guevara
was a sadist
and indeed,
finally,
a cowering coward.
Wow.
A cowering coward.
Yeah,
a coward who cowers.
The man did nothing...
The way you cower
is so,
I don't know,
unmasculine.
You should cower with more huevos.
The man did nothing in his life to admire,
so a person would have to be pretty stupid,
as all of the classes identified in the article are,
to admire such a fraud.
I just wanted to read that.
There are a bunch of straight shooters over there at the
conservapedia.
It calls them like the season.
I like how he's like,
you know,
this is,
this is not technically an accurate description of the event.
And we could,
you know,
pursue more accuracy.
And the guy goes,
well,
we're not going to do that for completely different reasons.
You know,
Ravolution really sounds kind of
dumb. I hate those shirts.
He makes a good point.
So, hey, F Plus readers,
do you like poetry?
I like poetry.
Yeah, I love it.
Who's your favorite poet?
Andy Schlafly.
Charles Mikowski.
What about
Neil Cavuto?
Yes!
This is a
article on the
Tax Day Tea Parties
and it contains, I believe,
free foreign poetry from Neil Cavuto.
Awesome!
Alright, Bunnybread, you want
this one? Yes, please. Do it, do it.
Wait, should I skip
straight to the poetry, or should I give you the intro?
No, because you get to find out that
tea is actually an acronym, which
I did not know.
Is that actually a poem, or did
somebody just smack the
edge more often than usual?
We'll have to find out.
It looks like it has really good
rhythm to it. Like, all of the
lines are about the same length, it looks like.
So, I think it'll be pretty good.
Okay. We'll see.
We should really get a bass guitar
in here. Yeah, I feel like I should have some
bongo drums accompanying this
Can we all snap when he's done?
Yes
I'm already wearing my beret
Text
But not spent
Not by a long shot
Here's the deal, let's stick with the deal
The rallies, the protests. Apparently
what happens at a tea party doesn't end at that
party. Word now.
These guys who fumed
are now on fire.
And far from
cooling off. Indications now that they're just
heating up Philadelphia this weekend.
A huge new push for a
proposition in California this week.
And that's just for starters.
The rage dismissed as a Republican rant by much of the media this week.
Peril and awe are owned by a lot more than just Republicans these next few weeks and months.
And to hear their most rabid supporters tell it, yeah.
Supporters who are rich and not so rich.
And not at all rich.
They're Republicans and Democrats
Conservatives and liberals
Average folks, ticked off folks
Folks Washington might dismiss as kooks
But would be kooky even thinking that
Oh man
I just remember this
I'm just raging stuck like this
Always have, always will
It's a stuff of history
And as you'll soon see
About to make history.
Yeah.
Snaps, everybody.
Oh.
Woo!
Oh.
Yes.
Yes.
That leads me to alternative lifestyles and drug abuse.
Me too.
Liberal infiltrators?
Infiltrators?
Yeah, so that's the poem by Neil Cavuto but
you gotta read
the intro and then
okay
liberal infiltrators
alright
so we have
alright
alright
tax day tea parties the earliest manifestation of the tea party movement we have. Alright. Alright, um...
Tax Day Tea Parties. The earliest manifestation
of the Tea Party movement.
From an acronym for Tax Enough Already.
Tax Enough Already.
Locally organized multi-event
that protests the generational theft
of public tax dollars by the federal government
on April 15th, 2009.
In the spirit
of the Founding Fathers, Boston Tea Party,
the local organizers, top conservatives on Twitter,
and just ordinary citizens who use various social media sites
created a massive grassroots movement
which held protests on all 50 states on April 15, 2009
and another scheduled for the July 4 Independence Day Tea Party.
The largest tea party held today was the Dallas Tea Party,
held July 4th, 2009 at South Fork Ratchet.
But wait, what the shit?
They didn't bother updating the first part
and another schedule for the July 4th Independence Day Tea Party.
And then we jump to the future.
Adding text is easier than editing text.
I suppose.
I just have to say I love the conservative goofy voice.
Conservative Donald and Mickey, that would be great.
By the way, I want to point it out.
I was wondering what generational theft means.
Apparently what they mean by generational theft is the taxes set up now will screw over future generations by taxing them so much.
It's just such great cognitive dissonance.
We don't want these taxes messing with our kids.
Environmentalism?
Ah, fuck it.
Whatever.
We're not going to do it.
Okay.
Okay, so as for the liberal infiltrators,
Lee Corn, Huffington Post, and other Barack Obama supporters criticize the tax-daisy parties,
calling them a gripe fest by a bunch of conservatives.
How does that qualify as infiltration?
That's the definition of infiltration.
So apparently a spy is written down.
Look, don't ask us to explain what words mean,
just because you don't know.
I bet words mean anything to you.
It's not called conservictionary.
Words mean anything to a moral relativist like you.
Yeah.
I just love it's like their idea of a spy
is a guy standing off on the side and saying,
you guys suck.
Spy! Spy!
So, you hear
all of this stuff about the
gay agenda.
It's hard. No one really has
defined what the gay agenda is.
That is, until now.
Whatever it is, a lot of pink.
Oh, shit.
Conservative media have their own article
on the homosexual agenda.
Four seconds.
I think I'm going to give this to you.
Alright, tell us about the agenda, won't you?
Where should I start?
This is quite lengthy.
Well, you gotta
start at the beginning, and then the
one called the homosexual agenda,
the chapter called the homosexual agenda on the one called the homosexual agenda the chapter called the homosexual
agenda on the page called the homosexual
agenda
so after
explaining the homosexual agenda on the
homosexual agenda article
I can start on the tab of the homosexual agenda
it's gays all the way down
oh alright
the homosexual agenda or
homosexual ideology consists of a set of beliefs and objectives designed to promote and even mandate acceptance and approval of homosexuality, and the strategies used to implement such.
Look at this! Look at it! You must approve of this picture!
I forced you to accept it!
This article notes that the goals and means of this movement include indoctrinating students in public school, restricting the free speech of opposition, obtaining special treatment for homosexuals, distorting biblical teaching and science, and interfering with freedom of association.
All right, you're going to prove all of that. Well, when I think of conservative media, I think of non-distorted science.
Free speech and exchange, that's what's going on here.
Well, I like interfering with freedom of association, so it's just like, look, it's my choice to say I'm not going to hang out with fags, and you guys shouldn't interfere with that.
No! No, you're going to hang out with me and watch Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.
I'm not going to! You can't make me! No, no, no!
Among all the liberal belief systems,
the homosexual ideology is the most
self-centered or selfish.
Wow.
What?
Well, which is it?
Is it the most self-centered or is it selfish?
To their dirty desires.
Liberals generally give much less
than conservatives to charity.
But gay charity work in particular
is virtually non-existent.
Citation needed.
Yeah, there are 57 references at the bottom,
but not one for that line.
Yeah, all those halfway houses for gay
and lesbian children
in need and trouble. That's so selfish.
Shut up, Babel.
Well, you don't need a citation
for something like the sky is blue.
This is just science fact here.
It's true.
They haven't been charging at all.
That's not
charity. That's an act against God.
It's very selfish of them
because they're not participating
in the capitalist economy.
Donate to the Larry Craig Foundation. selfish of them because they're not participating in the capitalist economy. That's true.
Donate to the Larry Craig Foundation.
Not only am I the president, I'm a member.
Not only am I the president,
I'm a charity case.
Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia referred to the so-called
homosexual agenda
in Lawrence v. Texas
549
U.S. 558 blah blah blah, dissenting opinion.
The homosexual agenda.
Joseph P. Goodall, in That Which Is Unnatural, contended that the homosexual movement has been militantly demanding not just the homosexuals' right to do whatever they wish to do behind closed doors, but more importantly
that society fully accept their
lifestyle as both healthy and normal.
Even demanding special
rights and legislation as an
oppressed minority.
Goodle quotes various
sources evidencing this.
Yeah.
Quoting sources like an asshole.
We don't do that here at the
Conservapedia.
We don't follow the bi crowd
around here.
Yeah, this whole group is
fighting for their civil rights. What a bunch
of assholes.
Probably queer.
In
a 1987 speech
to the National Press Club in
Washington, homosexual spokesperson
Jeff Levi proclaimed,
we are no longer seeking just a right
to privacy and protection from wrong.
We also have a right, as
heterosexual Americans already have,
to see government and society
affirm our lives.
Whatever, dude.
How dare they.
In an article entitled
Gays on the March in 1975,
Time magazine quoted gay activist
Barbara Giddings, who stated,
What the homosexual wants,
and here he is neither willing
to compromise nor morally required
to compromise, is acceptance
of homosexuality as a way of life
fully on par with heterosexuality.
In response, Time opined,
it is one thing to
remove legal discrimination against homosexuals.
It is another to mandate approval.
It is the goal of full acceptance
which no known society, past or present,
has granted to homosexuals
that makes many Americans apprehensive.
Um, Greece.
Yeah. Rome. We don apprehensive? Greece. Yeah.
Rome.
We don't know about Greece.
Turkey.
I also like how we're going back in time here.
The Ottoman Empire.
1975.
A primary goal of the homosexual agenda
is to promote the lifestyle in public schools.
What?
I wasn't allowed to have gay sex in school, but okay.
You went to the wrong schools.
Apparently. You gotta take the right electives.
Yes.
Yeah, I'll be shot for this.
That's what photography means.
Well, now, well, promote the
lifestyle in public schools makes me think of those
really stupid generic, like, posters
of the cat hanging on the branch, like,
hang in there! That cat was actually gay,
so there you go. Oh, okay.
This occurred quickly and intensely
after gay marriage was imposed in Massachusetts,
where homosexual relationships are taught to children
as young as kindergartners,
and recounted by the decision of Parker v. Hurley.
In a 1992 report by John Leo
in the U.S. News and World Report, he notes some books which were part of New York City's public school curriculum.
The first grade book, Children of the Rainbow, stated on page 145, which states the teacher's most...
Which I in no way purchased and read through cover to cover a lot.
It states on this states, it states,
it states on this page
that it states that where it states
that it states
the first grade book, Children of the Rainbow,
stated on page 145
which states that teachers must
be aware of varied family structures,
including gay or
lesbian parents.
Oh, yes. That's ridiculous for the gay agenda to demand that teachers be aware of the fact that the students may have gay parents.
That's fucking ridiculous.
That's insensitive.
If they start acknowledging reality, what's next?
Children must be taught to acknowledge the positive aspects of each
type of household.
Another children book is
Heather Has Two Mommies, which is about a
lesbian couple having a child through artificial
insemination. Another
book, Gloria Goes to Gay Pride,
states, some women
love women, some men love men,
some women and men love each other.
That's why we march in the parade so everyone can have a choice. That's horrible!
When they say Gloria goes to gay pride, they mean Gloria Gaynor, right?
I mean, she was born in gay pride, pretty much.
So, shit.
Leo commented,
A line is being crossed here!
In fact, a brand new ethic is descending upon the city's public school system!
In fact, a brand new ethic is descending upon the city's public school system!
In traditional civic virtue of tolerance, if gays want to live together, that's their own business,
has been replaced with a new ethic requiring approval and endorsement!
If gays want to live together, we must acknowledge the positive aspects of their way of life!
This and the general agenda is seen to be overall implementing a marketing strategy
explained in a book called
After the Ball by gay rights
activists Marshall Kirk and
Hunter Madison in the late 1980s
in which a six point plan was set forth
as to show how they could transform
the beliefs of ordinary Americans
with regard to homosexual behavior
in a decade longlong time frame.
The agenda of homosexual activists is basically to change America from what they perceive
as looking down on homosexual behavior to the affirmation of and societal acceptance
of homosexual behavior.
Thus, propagandistic advertising can depict all opponents of the gay movement as homophobic bigots who are not Christian,
and the propaganda can further show them, homosexuals, as being criticized, hated, and shunned.
The goals of the homosexual movement include...
Number one, destroying Christian morals.
Yay!
Every time I kiss a boy, I kill an angel.
Changing the definition of marriage,
even if doing so infringes on the religious rights of Christians
not to recognize it as anything other than sin.
They can still recognize it as whatever they want.
No.
Because then people will think they're bigoted.
God, when you think about it, really, Christians are the one being oppressed.
Yeah.
That's true.
You know who's really the oppressed people in the world?
White Christian males.
They're the ones who are getting short-ended.
They have suffered so much.
There's no white entertainment television.
I know. I mean, think about it.
Special white scholars.
You guys are making fun of it,
but you're not really thinking about it here, right?
Because think about what white Christian males have built throughout the world.
The greatest music, the greatest architecture, the greatest history.
And what thanks do they get for it?
Nothing.
They get people infringing on what they have to try and corrode their values and thoughts
and art and architecture.
And where's our history month?
Where's our straight pride parade, huh?
Exactly.
Number two.
Number two.
Promote pseudoscience that legitimizes
homosexuality, such as claims
of a never-identified
gay gene.
Evidence that gay gene is a
hoax.
Number three.
Censoring speech
against homosexuality by branding it
to be possibly hate speech.
Their agenda includes labeling hate speech as hate speech.
Adding those quote marks really makes it more vicious, doesn't it?
Yes, it does.
We don't hate homosexuals, we just think they're subhuman and don't deserve any rights.
And they're going to hell.
Number four.
Number four.
Establishing affirmative action for homosexuals.
Yay.
Yay.
Yay.
Number five.
Expand hate crimes legislation to include sexual orientation.
That was number three, but yay.
Number six.
Ending the military's and Boy Scout's
restrictions on homosexuality.
Yay.
I can explain this one,
you see, because conservatives are all
up and high and mighty on supporting
the troops, but if the troops are gay,
they can't really
support the gay troops now, can they?
Their heads would explode. They would. I support the gay troops now, can they? Their heads would explode.
They would. I think they would
implode, I think, out of existence.
They can support their balls
with their chin.
And I'll tell you, before they
allowed it.
That was so, like,
under your breath. That was great.
Number seven. Stopping children under your breath. That was great. Number
seven. Stopping children
as young as five years old from attending
therapy to repair their sexual
preference. Oh my god. Yay!
Repair!
Because
the five-year-old gay children
are clearly going to the
therapist under their own volition.
Billy, remember last Christmas when you asked for an Easy-Bake Oven?
It's like it doesn't work, and there's no real proof that it's a problem anyways.
It's like, why do you want to stop a good thing?
You're messing it up for everyone.
Next up, number eight.
Promote homosexuality in schools.
Oh, yeah.
Right next to the Reed posters.
Be gay!
They call it promoting homosexuality
in schools. I just call it cruising.
In places like
Massachusetts and California,
where the gay lobby is the strongest,
it starts
as early as preschool.
They tell seven or eight-year-old boys,
if you only like boys, there's a chance you may be homosexual.
Or if you only like girls, maybe you are a lesbian.
Well, at that age, all members of the opposite sex have cooties.
There's no citation there.
Did they seriously use cooties as justification?
It's true.
Cooties aren't the reason that the homosexual agenda must fail.
I mean, the evidence of cooties is incontrovertible.
The pro-cooties lobby.
I'm seven years old, and I find the concept of sex horrible, and I find the concept of sex horrible and I find
the concept of sex with someone of the same gender
even more repellent
on the other hand cooties
eww
and also
under that it says you're planting a seed
that can totally mess up the normal development
process later when at 12 or 14
kids enter the age of sexual confusion
and discovering the opposite
sex.
Why didn't you use the second person for that?
I don't know.
I'm sorry.
I think you're talking to me.
I'm sorry, Conservapedia.
I didn't know you were watching.
Sorry for all those seeds I planted.
Yeah, I just love how that quote, they just totally
tossed out the pretense of having any objectivity or distance. It's just like,
don't even put quote marks on it, it's just
saying it.
Whatever.
It also says
when they're about 12 or 14,
they enter the age of sexual confusion as if
every single kid
once they get that age
You look down and go,
what the hell is this?
And also, at the hell is this? And also,
at the age of 15,
you're a very sexually mature boy
that has everything figured out.
That's right.
Which is why you should have sex with your pastor.
I just like...
It makes it seem like
a choose-your-own-adventure book.
Do you want to enter the age of sexual confusion at 12 or 14?
Yeah, it's only those two years.
Only even number, 12 or 14.
At 13, like right when you hit 13, you're like, oh, I don't care about girls anymore.
That was a weird year.
And if you choose 14, it's like you enter the lake of fire and go to hell forever.
Number nine.
Force businesses to accommodate their lifestyle.
Yay!
An online dating website for discrimination, for example.
Yay.
eHarmony.
So if a business accommodates gay lifestyle,
that's like, okay, here's the gay sex room.
That was actually a big thing.
eHarmony wouldn't have
same-sex
like hookups on there
because they're all kind of funded by Christians
I guess the eHarmony thing
the eHarmony like
stratagem or matrix or whatever
when it's applied to gays it just breaks
What I absolutely love
about this point is it just says
suing an online dating website for discrimination
This is their example. It gives no context
of anything whatsoever It just doesn'ting an online dating website for discrimination. This is their example. It gives no context of anything whatsoever.
It just doesn't say anything at all.
When you go to the bank and they have the handicapped sign
where you have to go to the teller window for handicapped people,
you forget the sign for the gay people window.
Number 10.
Oh, here it is.
Here it is.
Undermining the resolve of latent homosexuals
so that their will becomes too weak
to resist the temptations of homosexuality.
Oh, no!
Wow.
That doesn't even really make sense.
I'm so perplexed by that.
Your anti-gay force field has been cracked.
Yeah, I gotta say, this whole
conservat- this whole conservapedia page on the homosexuality
is- the homosexual agenda is really long, and they could just
break it down to the homosexual agenda is to fuck you!
Be careful! They will get ya!
The homosexual agenda
More like the invading your butthole agenda
The resolve
I just like the idea of like
Resolve of latent homosexuals
Like you know
Until the gay agenda is there to turn on the gay switch in your mind
They're going to go and be
Happy being straight and all
They're going to unveil the gay race
Men in Speedos?
Oh, God, now I'm gay. There's such the closet
mentality in that, too. It's like,
undermine the resolve of latent homosexuals.
If only they hadn't gotten to me.
Goddamn.
How deep in the closet
was the guy who wrote number 10?
Temptations of
homosexuality with their
muscly chests. Oh, yeah, it's bad. Temptations of homosexuality with their oiled, muscly chests in their...
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
They're hard sausages.
That's a
dead-on impression of a gay person.
Why don't you write me anymore?
They're in a constant state of lust.
So, the
Conservapedia article on Barackack hussein obama junior i expect nothing but glowing reviews
oh dear now the whole thing is podcast worthy i'm gonna read this i'm just gonna i'm just gonna
give you a couple highlights that i found if i may okay so this is the introduction of of uh
If I may.
Okay, so this is the introduction of Barack Hussein Obama II,
a.k.a. Barry Sartoro. Sartoro.
Because that was the name on the birth certificate that O'Reilly Tate's had.
No, it's Barry Sartoro, allegedly, and then there's five references.
Right. Oh, there's five references. Right.
Oh, there's six references.
Okay, so allegedly, born in Honolulu, August 4th, 1961.
Allegedly.
Is the 44th President of the United States and previously served as a first-term Democratic
Senator for Illinois, 2005 to 2008.
Obama's running mate, Senator Joseph Biden, won the presidential election, citation.
Oh,
Hey,
good job there.
After 23 months of campaigning that spent over $700 million,
much of it raised from undisclosed or fraudulent donors.
Obama spent far more per vote than McCain did.
Obama spent $7 and 39 cents per vote. While McCain spent only $5 and 78 cents per vote than McCain did. Obama spent $7.39 per vote, while McCain spent
only $5.78
per vote.
As President Obama has pushed for establishing
a Palestinian state over
the objection of Israeli's Prime Minister,
inclusion of Turkey
into the European Union
and holding Guantanamo
detainees indefinitely without
trial.
Wait.
That's something they would want.
Huh?
You see the bad things
that Bush did before him,
they're all done by Obama now.
He's there, so shut up
about it.
You can't hold people against their will in Guantanamo.
Wait, that's un-Christian.
That's only something the liberal would do.
Oh, God, Guantanamo is Obama's fault.
I had no idea.
I'm glad he signed that thing his first day in office to make up for that mistake.
Why didn't Obama do anything about 9-11, huh?
Huh? There you go. Since scraping the war on terror. Scraping. make up for that mistake. Why didn't Obama do anything about 9-11, huh?
Since scraping the war on terror scraping, since scraping the
war on terror in Obama's first year,
the United States has suffered more
terrorist attacks
with deadly intent on American soil
than in the previous eight years
combined.
It did, however,
it did suffer less attacks
meant just to annoy.
Obama's budget and stimulus bill
advances his socialist
idea of spreading the wealth.
His healthcare plan
would force employers to pay healthcare
or pay a fine
and will force many
into poorly run single-payer system.
To announce his trip to Berlin in July,
Obama used posters which show a marked similarity to posters of Lenin and Che Guevara.
And then the cycle is complete.
They've got a face on them.
They had a face of a person on them all.
Interesting.
During Obama's youth in Hawaii, he developed a
strong, almost father-son relationship
with Frank Marshall
Davis, a high
level Communist Party functionary,
while Obama has stated that his
favorite professors in schools
were themselves Marxist.
Obama has stated,
we cannot continue to rely on our military
in order to achieve the national security objectives
that we've set.
We've got a national security force
that's just as powerful, just as strong,
just as well-funded.
Catholic Archbishop Charles Chaput of Denver,
where Obama was nominated for president,
criticized Obama.
So that's something. where Obama was nominated for president criticized Obama.
So that's something.
Well, yeah, I mean, it's the same city.
Coincidence? I think not.
As the most committed abortion-supporting candidate since the Roe v. Wade abortion decision in 1973,
which the presidential election ran for Congress.
We'll wait in on, I'm sure. So here's a list of most committed. 1973, which the president of the nation ran for Congress.
So here's a list of most committed
abortion-supporting candidates.
Number two, Barack Hussein Obama. Number one,
Roe versus Wade.
Well, he's the
abortion-mating
candidate.
I mean, the decision
has abortion.
His name is Roe v. Wade.
Yeah, Roe v. Wade was a terrible independent.
Got about 12 votes.
I think Roe v. Wade ran with Ross Perot.
Yeah.
Oh, Roe v. Wade.
Obama said the first thing I do as president is sign the Freedom of Choice Act.
It would invalidate
virtually all state and federal
limitations on abortion and make
partial birth abortion legal again.
The Association of Americans, Physicians,
and Surgeons observed that Obama used
techniques of mind control
in his campaign.
Oh my god. techniques of mind control in his camp.
My fellow Americans, you are getting very sleepy.
My fellow Americans,
wow, wow, wow.
That's why Obama had that
big umbrella with a big spiral on it.
All those times he was at the podium
massaging his temples,
he didn't just have a headache.
Uh-oh.
Scanners.
Scanners 2.
Black president.
John, I want to try this one out on you.
Uh-oh.
After the gay article, I don't know how to take that.
Here we go.
I'd like to try something out on you, big boy.
Okay, you ready? Are you listening?
I'm listening.
Alright, I'm ready for it.
Okay, now imagine that I'm a charismatic
Muslim Kenyan.
Got it.
A light will shine down
from somewhere.
It will light upon you.
You will experience an epiphany
and you will say to yourself,
I have to give Lemon $10
with PayPal.
I have to give Lemon $10 with PayPal.
Yes! Yes!
Yes!
Barack Hussein Obama.
You got $10!
Could you turn off the light, please?
It's kind of bright.
No!
What are you talking about?
That's the mind control light.
He has to keep it on.
Oh, damn it.
So, in a Wikipedia page,
which, as you should well know,
has a liberal bias,
in a Wikipedia page for a politician,
they'll usually have a section about the campaign where they'll go
like, oh, he ran against whoever, and then
it was this percent to this percent.
And then they'll talk about the
actual time when they were
in their position.
Let's say the presidency
for Herbert Hoover
encompassed this.
So there's a section on
Barack Hussein Obama that has presidential
election, which is a single
paragraph.
It wasn't really a historical or noteworthy
And then
the next section is presidency
2009 to present.
And the text reads Obama is likely the first Muslim president.
The evidence that Obama is a Muslim includes,
Obama declared in prepared remarks,
the United States has been
enriched by Muslim
Americans
many other Americans have
Muslims in their families or have
lived in a Muslim majority country
I know because I
am one of them
I think he meant
Americans there
no look he clearly said he was a Muslim I think he meant Americans there. No.
No, look.
No.
He clearly said he was a Muslim.
The parts that I yelled were in bold.
So if you read those, it's Muslim Americans, comma, I am one of them.
It's more like a gotcha, you're a Muslim now.
Obama's background, education, and outlook are Muslim.
And fewer than 1% of Muslims
convert to Christianity
oh no
what?
what the hell does any of that have to do
with it?
Obama's middle name, Hussein
if you didn't know, references
Hussein
who was the grandson of Mohammed
which most Christians would not retain.
Oh.
Most Christians would be like,
man, that's evil.
That's from some other devil religion.
I'm dropping that.
No, no.
It's true.
No, no, no.
You're not reading this right,
or not hearing this right.
Who was the grandson of Muhammad,
which most Christians would not retain?
Most Christians
don't have
much use for their book
learning.
Osama mentioned his religion
as my Muslim faith.
And then the reference
is Obama saying
John McCain has not talked about my Muslim
faith, meaning he's not trying
to tell the smear that I'm a
Muslim.
That works.
Gotcha. And you know, if you
listen to that, you know, whatever.
He has said that
Islam can be compatible with the modern
world. No, it can't.
Shut up. You need Windows 30 for life.
Fuck that.
So all Christian politicians don't...
All right.
Obama said that the Muslim call to prayer
is one of the prettiest sounds on Earth at sunset
and recited with first-class Arabic accent.
A little too Arabic. Top-shelf Arabic there. Why first-class Arabic accent. A little too Arabic.
Why first class?
The opening lines, Allah is supreme, I witness there is no god but Allah.
Obama stated that the autobiography of Malcolm X,
a nation of Islam leader who became a Muslim,
inspired him in his youth.
Fancy.
Obama raised nearly $1 million
and campaigned for a Kenyan presidential candidate
who had a written agreement with the Muslim leaders
promising to convert Kenya to an Islamic state
that bans Christianity.
Sure.
Obama claims... Okay. Obama claims
Obama's claims
of conversion to Christianity
arose after he became politically
ambitious, lacking a date of conversion
or baptism. That's complete
made up. In the book
Obama Renegade,
his friends say that he wasn't
really much of a churchgoer.
His friends say that he wasn't really much of a churchgoer.
How will he get in touch with God now?
I heard he smoked, too.
He was busy going to a Muslim church in secret.
On the campaign trail, Obama was reading The Post-American World by Fareed Zakaria,
which is written from a Muslim point of view.
Wow.
Oh, God.
I hope the person that wrote this article is a lawyer,
because I would just love to see a trial already on this kind of logic.
The person that wrote this article is both a lawyer and a dentist.
Oh, man.
And he can repair VCRs, right?
Contrary to Christianity,
the Islamic doctrine of
Taqiyya,
which is delicious, by the way,
encourages adherents
to deny they are Muslim
if it advances the cause of Islam.
Alright.
So he denies it,
and he says he's not Muslim.
Oh, so if you denyies that it's actually true.
People denying the existence of robots, maybe robots themselves.
Obama uses the Muslim Pakistani pronunciation for, and I'm going to do it now, Pakistan, rather than the common American one.
American one.
Obama was thoroughly exposed to Christianity as an adult in Chicago
prior to attending law school
yet no one at law school
saw him display any interest
in converting.
How was he thoroughly exposed yet nobody
saw any interest?
We all exposed
ourselves to him and he didn't show any interest.
He burned a lot of crosses on his front door.
I drew a little picture of Jesus on my wang.
Obama has chosen the Secret Service codename Renegade.
Which is way more Muslim than Maverick.
Conventionally described someone who goes against normal conventions of behavior,
but its first use was to describe someone who has turned from
their religion. Its word
derived from the Spanish renegado,
meaning Christian turned
Muslim? No, it isn't!
This guy obviously
does not know anybody who speaks Spanish.
Wow!
You guys don't know.
You're not Spanishologists or nothing.
Take up some shit.
What a useful language that they have.
But, you know, the original word,
the original meaning of the word renegado,
that's not something that people who speak Spanish would normally retain.
Obama used his Muslim name when he was sworn in as president.
His Muslim little name.
Oh.
Oh, wait.
He didn't use the designated Christian name for him, George Walker Bush.
Oh.
All right. Obama botched his public oath of office. George Walker Bush. Oh.
Obama botched his public oath of office,
in which he placed his hand on a Bible,
then chose not to use the Bible for his real private oath.
His real private oath.
Because oaths sworn in public are just for show.
Yes.
He couldn't concentrate with the Bible burning his hand.
That didn't count.
The Supreme Court was around.
Well, the sound of a thousand angels screaming in terror just probably made it hard to concentrate.
Bloodsuckers.
They have their fangs into the necks of everybody.
Immigrants.
Presidents. Prime Ministers., speakers of the parliament in Australia.
Well, there we go.
I feel edified.
I do too.
Yeah, I learned a lot.
That certainly opened my eyes to a number of beliefs that, well, I don't think are true, but are certainly different.
Yeah, if anything, you could say they're different.
John, what do you think you learned this week?
I learned that anything can be a source as long as it agrees with you.
Seriously, the sources are just all around there,
and I think some sources either reference back to the articles themselves
or other articles on Conservapedia, and it's just,
and the sources don't even necessarily prove that much what they're saying
or credible, but, you know, it agrees with what they say,
so whatever, you know, whatever.
Yeah, I think it's a weird thing.
I've never been able to figure out this need, you know,
and certainly, you know, the left is very guilty of it too, I've never been able to figure out this need.
And certainly the left is very guilty of it too with Air America and stuff.
I never understood this idea of people pontificating
on things that you agree with.
How is that not a waste of time?
Like how so?
Well, the idea of your of your of your opinion shows and and you
know your rush limbaugh and stuff like that where some guy goes goes oh yeah hey i don't like these
people and then you go me neither like if i go to wikipedia i go to wikipedia because i don't know
something and um i would like to learn a little
bit about it and you know, there's
usually some facts in there. But that's
not the goal here.
It's just reinforcement.
Facts are so boring and they're
not exciting and they're not presented
in a way that makes me angry
at nebulous things at all times.
Maybe that's it. Maybe
it's just that we as a whole
of we F plus people because
of my strict
initiation ritual.
I think that we're not hate based
enough.
Yeah, we're more of the point
and laugh crowd.
There's just this level of
anger that I've never been able to kind of understand.
Well, you know,
it's the echo chamber type thing.
It's like a lot of conservatives are
fat men, you know,
fat middle-aged men with
addictions to certain things and
possible gay undertones. So you turn on
the radio and there's a guy just like me.
And he has opinions just like me. And there's
unaformed, he's as unaformed as I am. he talks really loud yeah there you go they feel good and then
you know it's like man i go go to wikipedia and they don't say that all gays are secret muslims
that want to install che guavara architecture into everything or something weird like that
then you go to conservapedia wow this agrees with me in every way it's like i don Then you go to Conservapedia. Wow, this agrees with me in every way. It's like I don't even have to think.
It's a whole worldview
that
they're
instigating separate but equal but to
themselves. Exactly.
Want to have their own schools and
everything. In any case, that was a
small fraction of
Conservapedia highlights.
The Barack Obama, there's plenty more goodness in there.
The Barack Obama article alone is a treasure trove.
Yeah, the Acorn article is fantastic.
The Fox News is not very good, but at the end of it, it says,
Red Eye actually has really great ratings.
No source.
A lot of fantastic
stuff. If you've got some time, if you're bored,
go ahead and check it out. The other site that you should check
out...
That was your cue, John.
Oh, yeah, right.
Thefpl.us.
That's correct. That's the F Plus website.
Submit stuff.
To those of you that have submitted stuff, we do have it still.
It's a backlog.
We'll be getting to episodes in the near future.
This is a weekly thing that we're trying to get to.
And until next time, something clever.
Yes.
Thanks for listening.
Goodbye.
We are letting people die on the street in this country. A legal immigrant. Thanks for listening. Goodbye. Get off my town! Get off my town!
Get off my town!
Get off my town!
You're right.
Just we're going to read just a very quick part from Franklin D. Roosevelt, which is,
He is still the great hero to liberals, but castigated by conservatives for shifting the nation to the left,
growing the federal government, imposing regulations on business, following a no-growth economic policy.
Huh?
No, there certainly was no economic growth between the 1930s
and today.
Of course not.
He was a great hero
and what he did worked and he did great
and he actually kind of served for three terms
but he was a liberal.
So, pfft.
Shit. No growth economic policy
catering to labor unions
and building a permanent New Deal coalition.
On the other hand, conservatives
admire his strong military leadership that led
the Allies to victory in record time in World War II.
Yeah, they beat their previous...
In record time.
That's the important part.
World War II only lasted like a year and a bit.