The F Plus - 144: Knowledge Is A Disease, I Have The Cure

Episode Date: July 20, 2014

The American medical apparatus is a frequenct source of discussion and consternation. We all want to be healthy and live long lives, but when for-profit institutions are supposed to help us with ...that goal, it's easy to get disillusioned. Lucky for us (and by us I mean the podcast), there's the eHealth forums. If you got a problem, and the only thing you're looking for is idiocy and crappy advice, boy do they ever provide. This week, The F Plus wants you to sniff our beer can.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Yeah, uh, how should I tell my current girlfriend that her vagina smells like poop? Uh, she's a real good girlfriend, it's just I can't stand the smell. And I just want to wrap a towel around my head and be looking like a Taliban. This is the F+, the internet's best resource for terrible things. Red with enthusiasm. In the room tonight we have Boots Rang here. Sex Hurts Butt. John Toast. Let's call God Electricity, or maybe Neutron.
Starting point is 00:00:49 Adam Atom. Eve Proton. Victor Laszlo, M.D. You can call him a rapist or a sperm donor or some bloke that got you drunk and took advantage of you, but it turns out the name and mobile phone number he gave you were made up. Jimmy Pranks! Why do I feel horny all the time? It's not normal for a woman.
Starting point is 00:01:07 And Lemon. He hits my G-spot perfectly that I literally soak the bed, but in the last few months, I'm not soaking the bed anymore. Yep, it's time to end that relationship. See you next time. Say you need it, say you need it, when you go. Looking better, shining brighter, there you go.
Starting point is 00:01:38 Hey, F+. Hey, Lennon. Hi. How are you doing? Are you guys feeling healthy? Yeah, barely. I think. I got a thing on my stuff.
Starting point is 00:01:50 Well, you know, I'm so glad that we got Victor here in the podcast. We've hinted at it before in episodes, but Victor is a medical professional, occupational-wise. That's the most awkward way to phrase that, I think. I think I couldn't have phrased that worse. He's a make-person-better thing. Anyway, so yeah, so Victor is a medical professional
Starting point is 00:02:15 and sometimes is, you know, gives his advice on ball pit, where you can use the Yay Victor tag to make giant yay victor graphics um but you know victor i wanted to take some of that onus off of you because i know that's that like you know and you want to help but i know that people are coming to you sometimes with medical questions you just want to jerk off and it's weird when people are walking in on you
Starting point is 00:02:40 jerking off hey look at the stink of my! If I had a nickel for every time that happened. So we're going to go to the eHealth Forum. The eHealth Forum is a question and answer website where people can ask medical questions and get answers. Now notice the word medical was not in the answer. All right, so let's start off here.
Starting point is 00:03:09 This is in Medical Questions Women's Health Breast Forum. My name is Dr. Question. That's weird. Maybe Dr. Question Hello, Batman! I'm Dr. Question!
Starting point is 00:03:24 Dr. Question's the Kmart Riddler. So, yeah, my name's Dr. Question. What medicine for making big breasts? Oh, off to a rolling start. Yeah. So let's go straight to the professional here. Victor, you'll be Dr. Coquille Mother. You're an MD.
Starting point is 00:03:43 Hi, and thanks for your query on eHealth Forum. There is no medication to increase breast size. You can do so by doing exercises to increase the size of chest muscles. Other than this, if your weight is on lower side, you can increase your food intake to allow some fat to deposit in breast also. to allow some fat to deposit in breast also. Ooh, that's... You should also consult a doctor to rule out diabetes, hyperthyroidism, worms in stool,
Starting point is 00:04:11 and hormonal imbalance as the cause of small breasts. Whoa, okay. Jesus. Jesus, lady. I want to make my breasts bigger. All right, first, do you have worms? I kind of want to be a fly on the wall for that office visit. I want big breasts. All right, well, look in your worms? I kind of want to be a fly on the wall for that office visit. I want big breasts.
Starting point is 00:04:25 All right, well, look in your poop. If no medical problem is diagnosed, then maybe you have small breasts. That's option five. Maybe, just maybe. There's a fucking flow chart for this. Well, next on the flow chart, you can increase breast size by wearing padded bras. But that's not what that does. You can't fuck.
Starting point is 00:04:49 Take care. You can't fuck you, doctor. If I keep wearing these, my breasts will get larger. Now listen, fuck you guys, because wearing padded bras is a way better answer than checking for worms in your stool. Yeah, but it's the third answer. First answer. Yeah. Jimmy Franks, you are chris estrada uh because you know this isn't a fucking like this isn't some sort of like oligarchy where like you know medical
Starting point is 00:05:17 professionals rule you know anyone can answer these goddamn questions so like dr coco math or md whatever chris estrada has an answer that is more useful, I'm sure. Here is the solution. Without surgery, you can make breasts bigger. You have to use boob pop, which helps to make boob bigger. From the makers of beer gas, boob pop. All right, so we're moving on here. Completely different topic.
Starting point is 00:05:47 This topic is Husband Sucking Breast Milk, page one. No, thank you. Toast, if you'll start us off with Thrill Learner. This is Thrill Learner. Thrill Learner. I recently discovered a new way to do away with engorgement. Thrill learner. I recently discovered a new way to do away with engorgement. Jerk off.
Starting point is 00:06:10 Yes, yep, that's it. Works for me. I was producing a lot of milk with my first child and used a pump a lot to try and get a little comfort when he didn't eat enough. The pump always made my nipple a little sore and it was terrible when I was cracked.
Starting point is 00:06:26 With this baby, I was really worried. She doesn't crack my nipples like my son did, at least not yet. Crack that nipple! Crack that nipple! Crack that nipple! Boo-doo dance! But I have had way more milk with her, and it has been impossible to not feel like an overfilled water balloon waiting to explode. Oh yeah, a fetishist didn't write you as a character. That's like
Starting point is 00:06:51 four episodes combined into one, just in that sentence. And then my husband came in with the chocolate cake nozzle and I couldn't... No. My husband said he wouldn't mind helping if I let him And one night I was in such pain
Starting point is 00:07:07 And the pump broke Grrr That I let him suck on me Oh wow Yummo Smiley face Was it ever good I thought it would be gross, but it was so sexy.
Starting point is 00:07:28 That's not the word I thought that would show up there. It was so sexy, I thought I'd die. Just the way he did it, too. Gentle, but vigorous. Almost like he's done it before. As I type, it sounds nasty. As I type, it sounds nasty to me, but it really does feel great. And I don't feel at all bloated and pained
Starting point is 00:07:48 when he's done. So my question is this. Oh, shit, I have to invent a question at the end. I need a cover story. Shit. Okay. Are we really perverted, or do other people enjoy this sort of thing, too? Yes and yes.
Starting point is 00:08:04 I read a study saying breast milk cures cancer, among other things, so it can't be bad for him. But is it a good and normal thing? Or not so much? I'm going to go with not so much. Well, come on. It was really sexy. Let me tell you about it again. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:08:25 Boots, Boots, you're Ebi, E-B-I. Ebi. I am Ebi. All male loves to have it, so let him all so enjoy it. I don't think it will cause any harm. And then, Victor, you are Ski Boat, Ski Boat 4. Ski Boat 4. Ski Boat 1 and 3 were already taken.
Starting point is 00:08:50 I just love how they're just normal, stupid forum names. That would turn me on to. Don't know why I didn't think of that when I engorged to the point that I thought my breasts were going to explode. Thanks for sharing. I...
Starting point is 00:09:07 I mean, I don't have first-hand experience with having lactating breasts, but I don't feel like it's just sort of this weird problem where it's like, ah, it's just all this milk! It won't stop! Cut it out!
Starting point is 00:09:23 Engorgement is... That's a common problem, but it's not usually to the point that you have to have somebody literally suck it all out of you. This man needs a pervert stat! Victor, going by this site, I don't know if I can trust you on that, because your name isn't KevinJamesFan0123.
Starting point is 00:09:39 You don't know what my username is on this site. Okay, fair enough, sorry. I didn't mean to judge. Hey, this is Drone B. Hey, Drone! What's up? Hey, check ANRD Dayton. There are a lot of people interested in adult nursing relationships.
Starting point is 00:09:56 Adult nursing is only perverted in the minds of intolerant people. There's nothing in the Bible that says anything negative about the practice. Who let you in here? Some positive references to it Doesn't mention anything about furries either Okay no no no no All of you guys right now need to go to anrdating.com And just look at their front page
Starting point is 00:10:15 I don't need to I run a podcast that has listeners And there's a listener submission process I'll look at that site Once somebody submits the document Details on the podcast On the podcast I'll look at that site once somebody submits the document. Details on the T-H-E-F-B-L dot U-S. Nice. Okay.
Starting point is 00:10:33 Boots, you need some help? You're Strom? I'm Strom. Please help. He says I smell like poop. I'm married and only when I have sex doggy style with my hubby. I've never been told this by anyone else before in my life. Okay, so you're married only when you have doggy style sex?
Starting point is 00:11:07 No, and only when I have doggy style sex sex? No, and only when I have doggy-style sex. That's when he tells me I smell like poop. Yeah, I shower and I clean myself, so it has nothing to do with my hygiene. Sometimes we have sex after I have stepped out of the shower, and apparently he tells me it has always been there, the smell. Apparently, he tells me it has always been there, the smell. Because of this, I haven't been able to bring myself to have sex that way with him anymore. Is there something wrong with me? I like that this is just part of your sexual life.
Starting point is 00:11:39 That, like, you're just having doggy style sex. By the way, you still smell like poop. Hey, honey, right out of the shower. Great, let's do some fucking... Oh, God, you speak like shit. Hey, honey, right out of the shower. Great. Let's do some fucking. Oh, God. You stink like shit. Well, goodbye. Is this person married to Patrick Bateman? You really smell like shit.
Starting point is 00:11:56 My name is Patterson 44. Buttocks smells during doggy style sex. Is this slam poetry? Buttocks smells during doggy style sex this is slam poetry buttocks smells then why are my buttocks smelly same issue with my husband he hasn't said anything but i noticed the distance in doggy style as of lately i noticed the distance in doggy style as of lately. I noticed the distance in doggy style as of lately. When we have doggy style, he fucks me from across the room. He's like, whoa! Hang on, honey, I need to get my caliper. And I always do a check myself
Starting point is 00:12:34 beforehand, and it just has that smell? I have begun using thick lotions and the combination of very fragrant hairdressings for African American women's hairs. Hair.
Starting point is 00:12:47 I am African American, for any of you that are white. Just go to the ethnic or Sally's hair supplies. Get some hair grease. Hair dressing. Slather it on between your... Sorry. Good advice coming up. Slather it on between and on your butt cheeks.
Starting point is 00:13:07 In and out. It will make you smell so much better. You will be amazed. Not a thick, gloppy coat. Just a nice, thin, moisturizing coat. Good luck. I also put a little in my vajayjay hairs. It makes it smell nice and good.
Starting point is 00:13:23 So if you're having problems smelling like poop, lube up your hand and finger your butthole. With hair products. With some butt glow. This advice was so good, I typed it twice in a row. And both posts contain
Starting point is 00:13:39 I noticed the distance in doggy style as of lately. So it's not like she decided to correct it the second time over. It was a double submit. Okay, we need to move away from that. Are you sure? Yeah, I mean, there's so much there. Are you sure?
Starting point is 00:13:55 Because I think my name is Rick White. Oh, you're right. Your name is Rick White. Damn right I'm Rick White. And I need to get a variety of opinions here. Well, here's a variety of them. Some men, like me, really love the smell of a woman's ass.
Starting point is 00:14:16 I love to go down on my CF from behind. This is your medical advice? I encourage her to skip showers. I absolutely love that womanly scent. Very intoxicating. Gets me hard in an instant. Does it? Did you find this post helpful?
Starting point is 00:14:38 Tell a friend. We need to contact a moderator and have that move that to the dysfunction, the erectile dysfunction page. So, Lemon, why did you think I needed to be here for this? Because I just want you to, like, you know, if at any point in this episode, if at any point in this episode somebody says something that's medically unsound, you know, just speak up. And since you haven't, sure, that's not happening, right?
Starting point is 00:15:08 We'll take your silence as a yes. Yeah, I'm just sad that we, you know, good job, John, because we wouldn't have moved away without that. We also would have moved away without Mrs. BH3. Boots, please. Yeah, try it once.
Starting point is 00:15:23 Personally, I've never had... Try smelling like poop? Yes. I've never had the problem, but I would suggest waxing like a Brazilian. Or having your butt shaved. Because the hairs near your butt hold the scent of your butthole. So, just a suggestion. You know, that's not incorrect. For some reason, that phrasing..., so just a suggestion. You know that's not incorrect
Starting point is 00:15:45 for some reason, that phrasing. This is great. If you like the position, which you obviously do, if you didn't, you wouldn't be upset by what your significant other thought. Wait, what?
Starting point is 00:16:01 It'd be an excuse to get out of sex that way. Just try it one time and see it changes. See it changes. That's a perfect line read. This document was submitted by Caroline, and there's 34 pages of it, so we're going to have to skip parts of it.
Starting point is 00:16:24 One of the pieces that we're skipping is the thread entitled Swelling Lips of Vagina and Throat After Zoophilia Acts. You're welcome, listeners. We're skipping that one. So if we're going to skip that, then what the hell did you bring me here for? I brought you here to read this question. This is a question by Sick Flowers. I am Sick Flowers,
Starting point is 00:16:49 and I have a problem with an old bottle of urine. Is it that you keep old bottles of urine? Yeah, it's my first diagnosis right off the bat. It's an old bottle of urine. Oh, this urine's gone off. Hello, everybody. This is my first post in this forum.
Starting point is 00:17:09 Something terrible has happened to me, so please post if you can really help me. I had urinated in a bottle one or two weeks ago
Starting point is 00:17:18 and put it in a closed shelf in my library. So that's your problem. Because I have a library. A library of urine.
Starting point is 00:17:27 It's all cataloged. But it turned out that the bottle was made of paper and the liquid inside managed to get out of the bottle. And the worst thing is that it came in contact with some important documents. What the fuck?
Starting point is 00:17:43 That I stored next to a paper bag full of pee. Were they your plans for the spruce goose? So today, after two weeks, I opened the shelf to throw the bottle to Rubish, but it smells so bad as nothing before I smell in my life.
Starting point is 00:18:02 I don't know what to do. I feel lost. Is there any way to clean my documents? Is this very... Is this very dangerous for my health? I really don't dare to open myself.
Starting point is 00:18:18 It smells bad as hell! I really want to vomit now, and the problem is I don't know my parents know of it please help me if you have any medical advice like just gang stalkers have replaced all of your bottles
Starting point is 00:18:34 with origami bottles and somehow you didn't notice yeah I'm really really wondering what he means by a paper bottle there's so many questions cause it starts off I'm really, really wondering what he means by a paper bottle. There's so many questions. So many, because it starts off, it starts off being like, okay, so I'm peeing in a bottle to put in my library, right?
Starting point is 00:18:52 Like we all do. And then things go haywire. This feels like something that he started writing with one fetish and then, like, forgot about and came back to with a totally different fetish at, like, three points. Oh, no, the fetish and then like forgot about and came back to with a totally different fetish at like three points. Oh no, the fetish randomized timer. These are the kind of
Starting point is 00:19:11 shenanigans that go on at alchemy school. I just want to know what came up that was such a distraction that he forgot that he put a bottle of pee in the cabinet. He's like, okay, I'm just going to put this here for a second and then, oh, the Golden Girls are on. And then two weeks later.
Starting point is 00:19:28 It was a marathon. It was a Golden Girls marathon. Jimmy Franks. Tell me about your penis, please. Gladly. Great. Thank you. What's your name?
Starting point is 00:19:42 My name is Mo Name. Mo Problems. Yeah. I don't know. Oh, I'm sorry. During intercourse for each pull out and push in of penis. What's the title of your problem? Oh, I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:20:00 Penis movement during intercourse. It doesn't seem like a problem. The title of my dissertation. During intercourse, for each pull out and push in of a penis, with average six inches, length in vagina is 12. For at least five minutes,
Starting point is 00:20:18 average number of movement is 300, and it move about 30 yards for each intercourse. If you compute for a year, you can find a minimum two kilometer moving. It is very interesting in sexual relation between wife and husband. Do you think your pee move more distance or less? Oh, my God. I didn't know there was going to be essay questions on this test. Yeah, there's a graph paper?
Starting point is 00:20:45 Is that necessary for your question? Somebody should invent a penometer. Yeah, I'm Kang. Hey, Kang, not Kang. Liss. Thanks, Kang! That's why we go to eHealthForum! Yay, Kang!
Starting point is 00:21:06 For these kind of definitive answers. I answered your fucking question. He really did give you all the information you need. That's the kind of answer I want to tell a friend about. I'm still baffled. I still have no idea what I just read. What about Vern? Really? With all of those numbers that didn't help you?
Starting point is 00:21:28 Oh my lord, Vern 01. Alright, take it, Victor. It also means a guy's buttocks move just as far during sex unless he has to get into a car and drive to where the sex is to be found in order to get it. In that case, I expect it as a journey of two parts, making a grand total of question marks. Well, I'm going to drive to the hotel that I usually have sex
Starting point is 00:21:53 in. I'll bring my dick with me. I'll leave my buttocks at home. These things are interesting and amusing. A person who smokes standard cigarettes at the rate of 18 per day smokes nearly two miles in 10 years. Oh, fuck you.
Starting point is 00:22:11 Hello, man at 7-Eleven. I would like your standard-length cigarettes, please. Make sure they're the ones with a camel on the box. I'll bet $20 Verno One has a newsletter. One I wish to subscribe to. Have your penis told about real time. Hey, F+, is it good or bad? Oh, it's pretty good.
Starting point is 00:22:37 Less. Okay, great. My name's... Hey, listeners, that's actually a theme. Yep. This is not an exaggeration. Yep. All right.
Starting point is 00:22:55 Hello. I'm 22 and my girlfriend is 20. She wants to know whether she can use vegetables like cucumber and carrot in her vagina when she's sexually excited, and wants to know whether it's good or bad. And we got the return of Vern. Vern! Vern! Yay!
Starting point is 00:23:19 Vern's going to drop some knowledge right here. Great, good, thanks. And he's using English this time. This is great. Women have been using vegetables and other suitably shaped and sized things in themselves since time began with few problems, I suspect. Generally, it is probably a good thing as a penis substitute in moderation if she isn't too ambitious or too vigorous. You need to lower your masturbation expectations.
Starting point is 00:23:52 I don't want to set that cucumber on fire, I guess. Carrots especially tend not to be too large and have an interestingly textured surface. Interesting. How would you know? Other textures could be added with a sharp knife or peeler
Starting point is 00:24:08 without weakening the vegetable very much. I assume. Okay. Ouch. Or just use the peeler. Fuck it. So is this who Ernest was talking to all those years? Cleanliness of the vegetable is important. Hey, Vern, Vern, stop
Starting point is 00:24:26 that. Come on, Vern. This is why Vern never talked to this commercial. Oh, he did. They just edited it out. Oh, we can't use that at all. That's why they always ended with, you know what I mean, Vern? And Vern was like, no, carrots have been in vaginas since the beginning of time. And then Ernest just getting
Starting point is 00:24:44 increasingly disgusted. I just realized something. Our listeners are really young. No, carrots have been in vaginas since the beginning of time. And then Ernest just getting increasingly distracted. I just realized something. Our listeners are really young. Okay, so there was these commercials. Oh, God. Ernest. Oh, fuck it. Just ask Wikipedia.
Starting point is 00:24:53 Google Ernest C. Worrell. Hey, Vern. Just ask Wikipedia, kids. Yeah, Google, hey, Vern, and then think to yourself, that was popular for a while. He made movies. Anyway. And then look up Zubas, and people are like, they still do. Zubas are coming back. Did you know that? popular for a while. He made movies. Anyway. And then look up Zubas, and people like to do that. They still do!
Starting point is 00:25:07 Zubas are coming back! Did you know that? Oh, they did. They are. Zubas are absolutely coming back. I want to hear Burn. Wear some of the sleep. They never left. Alright, finish that, Burn. Also, cleanliness of the vegetable is important, and in order not to leave any behind in the
Starting point is 00:25:23 case of accidental breakage, a condom should be used. Jesus Christ. Good luck! I like how on the site it goes from something weird and kind of fetishy sexual, and then it transitions to something else, like, oh, peed into a paper bottle? Well, here's document
Starting point is 00:25:39 retrieval. Hey, shoving things into vaginas? Well, here's how to clean your vegetables. Hey, Vern, what's your rank on e, here's how to clean your vegetables. Hey, uh, hey, Vern, what's your rank on eHealthForum.com? My rank? I am extremely eHealthy. Sure are, which is different than being
Starting point is 00:25:56 healthy. That's kind of a negative correlation there. Okay, so, uh, so this is another forum here. Uh, we are not in the, uh, sexuality topic anymore. We are not in the sexuality topic anymore. We are in medical health sleep disorders. Victor, if you'll take the words of Octopus123, please. Octopus123, I don't get up.
Starting point is 00:26:21 Wow. Those Little John songs are just getting worse and worse. Hello, everybody. I need some help and advices. I am 19, and apparently I live in 1884. Every night I go to sleep very late because I can't tear myself from the computer. I listen to music, read about psychology, whatever, just to stay on the computer.
Starting point is 00:26:48 When I want to get up in the morning, I just can't. If it was just a short sleep of up to seven hours, I won't even remember turning off the alarm clock. If it's more than eight... I get so sick of my roommate bugging me about the rent. If it's more than eight hours, I still find it very difficult to make myself get out of bed.
Starting point is 00:27:08 I don't want to, no matter what I am late to. Only when it's a very, very important thing can I get out of bed, and always at the last moment. Wow, welcome. Pizza's very important. Welcome to adulthood, asshole. I have some problem breathing from the nose,
Starting point is 00:27:25 but it's not severe. I feel it, and the doctor also told me. When I stretch my face in a specific way, I can breathe deeper through the nose. What, did you jam your nostrils open? And I also talk like this. Oh, this post was written by a pug. My face is so flat.
Starting point is 00:27:46 When I was chilled, I took a peel that helps reducing the symptoms and also has something that helps you fall asleep and sleep better. I remember that I woke up the next morning, and I suddenly felt like I really had a good sleep. It was very easy to leave the bed, and I felt happy when I woke up. Since then I don't feel this anymore. What the heck is my problem? I have
Starting point is 00:28:11 I don't know, but I'm sure people shout that at you a lot. I have some kind of thing in my college which I have to attend every morning. I think they call it I think they call it class. And I never do because of my sleeping problems.
Starting point is 00:28:29 Is there anything to do more than finding some impossible way to go to sleep earlier? Thank you! You're welcome, I guess. Okay. So yeah, that was the sleep forum
Starting point is 00:28:51 We don't need any more of that We need to go to medical questions, conditions and diseases poisoning and environmental health forum Jimmy Franks, you are AngelHeart89 Am I ever You are What's your question?
Starting point is 00:29:12 I'm getting to that Is there nothing invisible That can harm your body? Nope, nope You can't see it, it's not dangerous I'm sorry. I didn't read that right. Is there nothing invisible that can harm your body?
Starting point is 00:29:30 Who's nothing? Thank you. The answer is the same. There are nothing. I'm AngelHot89. This may sound weird, but important. I had a drink with a neighbor before, and he asked me to sniff the top of his beer can. What?
Starting point is 00:29:47 That was... Asked me if it smelled funny as i'm sweetheart no close your eyes first yeah i looked before and i didn't didn't see a thing so sniffed it and nothing smelled is there nothing invisible that can harm your body? What the fuck? BC, he's an ex-cop and kind of perverted and abusing. Oh, good friend. I have no idea why he asked it. Just freaked me out now that I think of it. I don't believe that your friend is perverted and abusing because
Starting point is 00:30:25 from your story he said, hey smell this. Does it seem like it's skunky to you? You'd ask me to sniff the top of your beer can. He's been through stress, divorce, PTSD and himself abused. I DK if he's trying to abuse me just ask him.
Starting point is 00:30:42 You see I feel he's unhealthy and hoping wasn't just messing with me. You hope he wasn't just messing with you? I'm hoping he wasn't. I'll sniff your beer can, but there better be poison in there. Look, just to give this lady some credit, the germ theory of disease is only 570 years old. Sure, sure. But are germs visible? No, not all of them,
Starting point is 00:31:10 and that's the thing. Okay. Okay, uh, hey, uh, hey, plus. Who are you? I feel like sometimes, sometimes, oh, oh, okay. Uh, ha, ha, okay, okay, okay, uh, sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just, you know, my mind's just, I'm thinking about a lot of stuff. Anyway, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just, you know, my mind's...
Starting point is 00:31:26 I'm thinking about a lot of stuff. Anyway, I'm ragged as a... Okay. This is the Poisoning and Vendor Minds... Fuck it. The fucking forum. The fucking forum, right? The fucking...
Starting point is 00:31:37 Okay, here's my important question. This is an important question about coke and what organs it destroys. Can we get more caffeine in it? Oh. Okay. Hello, members and guests. I would like to share some information with you that I've collected from back when I was first born.
Starting point is 00:31:51 What? Yeah, I collected it back when I was first born. When I was a kid, I used to never worry. When I read pages in books, I used to understand them very fast and well. My body could be very fast at decisions. I had no concerns at all. The drink made by the company
Starting point is 00:32:08 Coco Cola. It's made by Ice-T's wife. Don't drink that. Stop drinking that immediately. No, don't. People say that Coke is bad for you and some organs inside of our body.
Starting point is 00:32:24 Bad for you and our body What organs is it bad for? I have heard I've heard that the drink comes from Under earth and is slow poisoning For our bodies Coca-Cola or Pepsi destroys an organ Which is connected to the body
Starting point is 00:32:39 Or the brain And the central nervous system Via a specific gene. Just hanging off of one gene. I am trying to find the name of that organ. It is located in our digestive tract. So when we have coke, the worry effect takes place in our body immediately.
Starting point is 00:32:59 God, the National Treasure movies have really lost the plot here. So I am sure that it is an organ located near our chest. As far as I know, that organ filters water to our lungs or some other body parts that I think I am unsure of. What Coke does is destroys an organ so that water cannot pass by. Well, good thing we have an expert. Hey, Victor, which organ filters the water that goes into your lungs? Well...
Starting point is 00:33:32 Um... Oh, God. Basically... Come on, Victor. It's basic anatomy. No way. Honestly, there's It's basic anatomy. No. Honestly, there's an answer to this. What this jackass is getting at is liver damage, which... Oh, we know what he's trying to say.
Starting point is 00:33:55 What he asked is... So, I'm gonna... Let's pick something in the chest. Let's go with the... This organ is mainly used for water purification. Or filtration. Anything else would destroy it.
Starting point is 00:34:12 Then make us worry a lot, therefore disabling us to do work efficiently or without worries. We worry because that organ sends a message to our brain via gene. The gene doesn't function properly because the organ is gene doesn't function properly because the organ
Starting point is 00:34:27 is not able to function properly since it is destroyed. Fair enough. Organs don't function well once they're gone. That's a real problem with organs. Now that organ fails to
Starting point is 00:34:43 filter water, so the brain and gene and organ keep interacting with each other. So during our whole lifetime, that organ fails to function, therefore causing a side effect. Please can someone tell me the name or just research or tell me the name of an organ. Or just research. Resurrect. organ. Or just Reserach. Reserach. Reserach.
Starting point is 00:35:09 Or just tell me the name of an organ that may have a similar effect. As far. As far. As far as I know that this has nothing to do with our liver or kidneys. Well, that's the end of me.
Starting point is 00:35:30 Shut my mouth. You tried to put him in his little box and call logic, but he's busting out. Nope. Now he's describing the thymus, which. Yeah. So remember where I gave you a lot of hints. Yeah, it was located in the digestive system, and then it was located in the chest. Yeah, it was located in the chest.
Starting point is 00:35:52 I mean, they're kind of similar. Well, there's only one digestive organ that is in the chest, so that's really fucking easy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so that's where it's located. Anyway, let me continue this post. It is located near out throat or lungs. located. Anyway, let me continue this post. It is located near out throat or lungs. So since when coke is digested
Starting point is 00:36:08 into our tracks, it takes effect immediately. Why did nobody answer my question? Nobody replied. I really love that even eHealth is looking at each other like, I don't even know what to do here. I mean, the kid who peed into the paper water
Starting point is 00:36:24 bottle, I get that, but what the hell is it? Tags, kidneys, brain, liver, about the brain, liver function, brain function. Hey, Jimmy Franks. Miss Sanchez has a question that she wants to ask. Oh. Okay.
Starting point is 00:36:40 I'd like to tell you all about that right now. Oh, good. I was just going to tell you that, but if you want to read it, fuck it. It'll probably work well within the podcast format. Hello, this is M. Sanchez, 1030. Hey, M. That's my frequency. 1030.
Starting point is 00:36:59 Tune in. You're listening to M. Sanchez, 1030 in the morning. M. Sanchez, 1030. What's your question? My question, I get to M. Sanchez, 10.30 in the morning. M. Sanchez, 10.30. What's your question? My question, I get to that. My question is, alien living in my tummy? Good. Sure, we all do.
Starting point is 00:37:15 Please help me. I have a weird lump appear and disappear in my stomach a couple inches above my belly button. You can actually see and feel it going up and down. It reminds me of when I was pregnant with my son. He would press his foot or fist up against my stomach and we could see it protruding from my belly. I am 5'5 and 115 pounds. I thought maybe it was because I am so thin
Starting point is 00:37:39 that maybe I was watching my intestines contract. Then I thought, oh no, do I have a worm growing inside my stomach? And just wriggling against your stomach. I had my stool sampled, but nothing was found. I wonder if she also has small breasts. I had my stool sampled at a wine store. I've questioned my doctors about it, but they have no idea what I am trying to describe. Please help. I don't blame them.
Starting point is 00:38:10 You see, Victor, this is why there's so much contempt for the medical community. You ask these perfectly reasonable questions about aliens in my tummy, and then you can't even help.
Starting point is 00:38:26 I mean, can you even help this woman? No. And you know what? When I tell her that, she looks at me with a little snarl and goes, Then why am I hurting? And I don't have an answer. Ma'am, we can safely rule out aliens. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:44 Safely? Come on. I mean, you know, probability is one thing, but if you really can safely rule out aliens. Yeah. Safely? Come on. I mean, you know, probability is one thing, but if you really want to rule it out. Boots, what did you eat the other day? Well, I'm glad you asked, because I've been telling everybody about this. Okay, what did you eat? This is Victor's life, folks. So this is Victor's life. All, what did you eat? This is Victor's life, folks. So this is Victor's life. Alright, I want a little slice of Victor's life. I ate old
Starting point is 00:39:09 urine. Yeah, I ate old urine that was mixed in butter. The butter was in the fridge for weeks before I ate it. I've been ingesting it for the last week. Are there eye health risks that I should be
Starting point is 00:39:25 aware of? I found out about it on day two, but I figured hey, I don't want to throw this butter away. Is it the butter or the tea? Yeah, just since nobody's responding, I'll just, you know, give you a little bit more information about this. Just so you know, it wasn't
Starting point is 00:39:41 my pee, and there was also boogers in there. Wait a minute. So, you know, it wasn't my pee, and there was also boogers in there. Wait a minute. I've got a theory here. Hold on, J.O. Citizen. I'm starting to think this is a fake account. Yeah, I think this guy was just trolling for, like, another gross, whatever gross fetish this is. But, like, nobody took the bait.
Starting point is 00:40:00 They're like, there's also boogers. It's really gross. Anybody into gross stuff? Shit. Well, and what a weird thing to do. I'm going to talk about boogers and shit on the eHealth forum. No, no, you're fine. You're just in there with the rest of the community doing the same thing.
Starting point is 00:40:18 Some sullen 12-year-old just angry that his post got taken at face value. All right. Mr. Toast? Yeah. and 12-year-old just angry that his post got taken at face value. Alright. Mr. Toast? Yeah? You have a theory you want to share with us? Oh, yes. I have a theory about Bigfoot.
Starting point is 00:40:37 Oh, dear. My name is Oops again. I'm very e-healthy. Please tell me more, Joe Notion. Well, Bigfoot, perhaps is a spirit I've seen them, spirits manifest them before into the physical Is this singular or plural?
Starting point is 00:40:54 You have to make up your mind I don't There is a whole nother world out there and it has been proven that they can come here and we can see them. Yeah, this is Joan Ocean. Imagine that people would see all sorts of strange things, right?
Starting point is 00:41:12 I will not! Why couldn't this happen, then? What the bleep do we know? Fucking hell. No one could ever guess it. A big monkey guy just showing up in different places. He, she is a ghost become physical
Starting point is 00:41:28 and obviously a bit of a prankster as well. Who else would make us think that? What? They won't find him out there in the woods. What? This perhaps is one of the reasons I thought of shapeshifting during my psychosis with the ghosts because it's very possible that it actually happens.
Starting point is 00:41:45 Funny, huh? Maybe. Maybe. If I understood you, maybe it was. Anyone? Anyone? Okay, okay. Let me make another post, then. Okay, great. Come on. No one cares that there is a ghost walking around
Starting point is 00:41:59 making some people think that there is an ape guy walking around in the woods? This is what they used to call tricksters. That's good information to have. Think about it. There's a big foot out there in the woods. Yeah, I know. It's no big deal.
Starting point is 00:42:16 Yeah, but it's made put there by a ghost. A ghost! That's good information to have. That tip's free The next one will cost you Alright, so one more here This is the Medical Questions, Conditions and Diseases
Starting point is 00:42:36 Dental Health Forum Jimmy Franks, if you'll take this for me please You're Marianne 05058 You're a supporter Marianne 05558. Your supporter. Marianne 0558. Picking gums for the pleasure. Page 1. Sounds sick,
Starting point is 00:42:53 huh? I've been picking at my gums for as long as I can remember. It started in childhood with my fingernails. I would scrape at and poke the corners of my gums where my teeth meet until they bled. Didn't even hurt. It felt good. That's great.
Starting point is 00:43:07 Now that I'm 23, the habit is even worse. What? I can sit here for hours picking at my teeth. They don't even bleed anymore. I use whatever is small, sharp, and pointed. From thumbtacks, knives, the prongs on a fork, straws, toothpicks, nail files, I could go on forever.
Starting point is 00:43:30 And you will. I'm really worried that my teeth will eventually start to fall out because the gums are beginning to disappear. Oh my god! The weird thing about it is my teeth are relatively healthy other than that. No, they're not! Brush and floss them regularly, whiten them. Now that they fall out of my head, they're real easy to brush. No, they're not. Brush and floss them regularly, whiten them.
Starting point is 00:43:46 Now that they've fallen out of my head, they're really easy to brush. Yeah, they're all lined up on my shelf. They're on a necklace around my neck. I started thinking today that this was definitely a psychological problem, but I've never heard anyone else having the same problem. I tried to use aura gel too. It doesn't work. The tingling feels good, but then I feel the need to poke.
Starting point is 00:44:12 I put aura gel on the tool and jam it into my gums. Just feels good. I don't even know how to explain it. But you're going to go on and try. The best way for me to try to explain is it's almost like itching and a constant need to scratch. Yeah, that's healthy. Wish someone could help. I just love that feeling.
Starting point is 00:44:32 I am an addict. That's my name as well. Oh, good. I knew that I wasn't the only one who loves to pick at their gums until they bleed. It feels so good, especially after the picking occurs. I enjoy how the tingling occurs a while after the actual picking.
Starting point is 00:44:52 Makes me keep coming back for more. I mainly do this at night, even in my sleep or when I can't sleep. I love how the gums start to recede! That's pretty cool, huh? Yeah! Yeah!
Starting point is 00:45:06 Is anybody else here very acutely aware of everything that's going on in their mouth right now? A little bit, yeah. I mainly do this at night, even when I sleep. Sounds weird, but it makes me want to pick at them more. There is more space for picking.
Starting point is 00:45:22 Laugh out loud. In an unrelated story, I had a tooth removed in February of last year. I don't think that's unrelated. And the wound has long healed, but now I have an open space for picking at. I prefer my fingernail, but if a TAC or a pin becomes available, that is wonderful as well. I even found myself doing this in public places, like work. I don't even care. I don't even care.
Starting point is 00:45:54 Fuck, that's a difficult. Okay, I don't even care that I was doing it. The spaces in between my teeth are becoming larger, and I love how much easier it is to get something in there. Wow, this is fucking snowballing. Yeah, we're just shedding pretense by every word. Keep posting, I can't stop this, and probably need professional help, but fuck it. I have been doing this since childhood.
Starting point is 00:46:22 Signed, an addict in Arizona. Hi, I'm a completely different person named Mina Bird, 1993. Good, great. I have done the same thing. When I was little, I used to scrap my gums until they were raw. Then I started shoving toothpicks and sharp objects into them. It doesn't hurt. It feels good.
Starting point is 00:46:42 But like almost a euphoric feeling sometimes. I can't stop. I then rinse with scowling hot water and salt. What? What are you doing? It makes them sting, but it hurts them for a while, which takes the urge to pick away. Just try not to damage any nerves. What?
Starting point is 00:47:02 And then like a million more people will say, yeah, I do the exact same thing with my gums. Jesus Christ! Kind of a robust community of gum pickers. I can't seem to stop smoking. I know what I'll do. I'll set my lungs on fire! Jesus.
Starting point is 00:47:19 Yeah. Victor, your nightshade? I've been terrorizing the gums for a while now. Just the gums. Not mine. Hey, try this. Take an X-Acto knife and push it between your bottom teeth with the back end towards the gum. You know, the part that isn't sharp.
Starting point is 00:47:42 Then gradually push up on the handle. This applies as... Oh my god, I can that isn't sharp. Then gradually push up on the handle. This applies as... Oh my god, I can't even finish this. This applies as slow and steady pressure to your gum without cutting it. Still, it hurts and feels incredible. It works best on areas you've previously injured slash cut. Enjoy! Oh my god.
Starting point is 00:48:09 This is a weird surprise fetish just sort of crammed in here. I didn't know anything about this. We're learning. The whole point of this podcast is to learn. I didn't know about this ten minutes ago. The fuck you is for Caroline. Because I feel like Victor, where you live, people could be just using this as a cover story for their meth addiction.
Starting point is 00:48:30 I'm going to start suggesting that to people as a cover story for their meth addiction. I just really like when my teeth run out of my head. I'm a toothpicker. Yeah. Not a meth smoker. Gum picker. Yeah, gum picker. Wow.
Starting point is 00:48:44 There's so many people here. Awesome. Well, my name is Poofy. Oh. Hi, gum picker. Wow, there's so many people here. Awesome. Well, my name is Poofy. Oh, hi, Poofy. Well, I am just shocked that other people do this, too. Me, too. Between my gums of my two big front teeth on each side, I'd love to pick with a knife or anything sharp until I get a cut.
Starting point is 00:49:03 Then I like to get margarita salt, really coarse, and paste it into the cuts. No! Do not do that! Well, it burns like a mother, but for some insane reason, I love it. There's also pee and boogers in it. And then I pee into a paper bottle on some documents.
Starting point is 00:49:25 I can stop for long periods of time, but every once in a while, I start doing it again. Then I can't keep my tongue out of it. I also like pushing on the gums when they are dry and have salt on them. Wow. Some of the strange things that people do. This is fucking insane. The only way I can imagine this happening is sometimes when you get a cut in your mouth
Starting point is 00:49:47 or on your gums or something like that and you feel it with your tongue, you're like, oh, that's weird, I got a little cut there. Yeah, yeah. But then at that moment, that's the first time they got a boner and it's like, well, I guess this is it. God, that theory works for everything.
Starting point is 00:50:00 It's the only way I can make sense of this fucking world. Hey, Lemon. Yeah? Do you have one last topic for us? Oh, boy. Oh, man. I have one last topic. This is going to be...
Starting point is 00:50:16 Okay. We're going to have to choose. We're going to have to choose. I think, Jimmy Franks, do you want to make the choice here? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I love this. The devil's bargain. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:29 It's fun. Any way you choose, you lose. We all win. All right. All right. Here we go. Here we go. Okay.
Starting point is 00:50:37 These are both pretty good, I got to say. Option number one, effects of excessive masturbation. All right. I feel that we've covered that probably in about 100 episodes. Yeah. It's pretty much what the whole show is about. Yeah. You start watching My Little Pony a lot more.
Starting point is 00:50:55 Option number two, how many orgasms can a woman have? Well, you know. Two. I got to go with number two, I gotta go with number two. All right. Yeah. Uh, it's, I was actually wrong. I realized on my first reading. Is it more than zero?
Starting point is 00:51:14 My first reading. Yeah, no, no. She's, she's not happy. Like I know she says she's happy. She's not. Uh, I actually read that wrong. It's a, how many orgasms can a women have can a women have good good so you're a bandit man hey uh i'm bandit man okay i am 29 my wife 28
Starting point is 00:51:37 we have been married for four years now i have always been one to pleasure my partner before myself my wife had never had an orgasm until i came along despite a few guys before me wrote in on a silver cock i love to make my wife orgasm multiple times christ uh-huh why is it so hard not to read all of these in a southern accent i don't know i'm sorry all of these people in my brain are hillbillies. Anyway, I digress. I love to make my wife orgasm multiple times. Within our five years, dated for one year,
Starting point is 00:52:13 I have found two positions that I could hit her G-spot every time with every thrust. Wa-bam! Wa-bam! That's not bragging or anything. DDT! Wa-bam! Wabam! That's not bragging or anything. DDT! Wabam! Body blow, body blow.
Starting point is 00:52:31 Four fingers. The leg lock there. When we dig it into one of those two positions, she orgasms hard. Oh! She says sometimes she has multiple orgasms and sometimes she has one long hard one that doesn't stop. Put the cock back in, bro!
Starting point is 00:52:54 She has said that sometimes she orgasms so hard she has seen spots floating around. Maybe the ghost that brings the Bigfoot. LOL, but here's the problem. problem oh never let me get her past four orgasms what she will never let me get her past four you're just trying to break records here i have never heard of a woman tell her man to stop you know you haven't? All right. Enough. LOL. I'm worried that it may be too much for her. Is it possible for a woman to have a heart attack caused by orgasms?
Starting point is 00:53:35 Jesus, I've faked it four times. Just stop already. Yeah, no kidding. Come on, do it again. Do it again. Even assuming this is true, which, you know, come on. But even assuming this is true, she's like, okay, orgasm, that's awesome, I'm done for the night. And he's like, no, we gotta keep going!
Starting point is 00:53:54 Or maybe to stop breathing afterwards due to too much excitement. Exhidement. Oh, what? Oh, fuck off. I have never heard of this happening, but I wasn't sure. I don't want to kill her. LOL. You kind of do. Yeah, I'm a sinister
Starting point is 00:54:05 Just how many orgasms Can a typical woman handle Thanks Yeah I've heard If you go to prison For fucking a woman to death You just get high fives The whole way through
Starting point is 00:54:16 Hey guys I'm so good at sex I make an orgasm Just by looking at her But I don't want to kill her With my awesome dick Is there any help You can give me?
Starting point is 00:54:26 My name, Boris Badanov, 1960. Don't steal. Hello, Boris. Must stop moose and squirrel from having too many orgasms. Somehow that's the funniest thing. My topic called
Starting point is 00:54:42 Boris, oh no, my topic not called my name. My topic called Boris, oh no, my topic not called my name. My topic called female orgasms. My girlfriend and I really do connect on every possible level and are really into each other. The last two times
Starting point is 00:54:56 we were together, she orgasmed 41 once squirting and 30 times respectively. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Oh, honey, I orgasmed again. Oh, you're up to 30. Can you just fucking get off?
Starting point is 00:55:12 Tell me more, Boris. Yeah, hate is gonna hate. Of course, this involves stimulating her in many different ways, not just through intercourse or oral sex, and hey, assholes, I know she wasn't faking, because you
Starting point is 00:55:28 can't fake wet. Oh, well, science is science. Yep. It's not like there's a product that's specifically designed to fake wet. Let's see you explain that one, professor. It's just like
Starting point is 00:55:44 the version of the creationist and the scientist in the school, but it's like, you can't fake wet, professor, and it's like, oh no, you're right. Wetness, orgasm, same thing. John Toast, you are wolf with a zero. W-0-L-F.
Starting point is 00:56:02 Ha! I'm wolf with a zero instead of an O. Great. It's a fucking redneck palooza, this episode. I was trying to go for Wolfman Jack, but I'm... Oh, never mind! Never mind, you're right! You're right!
Starting point is 00:56:15 I'm sorry, that was a good choice. Your wife can have four, apparently. Yes. You can kill a woman with sex, but even vacuuming will give a woman a heart attack under the right circumstances. Vacuuming? Oh, I thought that was a sexual act. her ability to lubricate or cause her pain or overwhelm her brain's ability to crank out endorphins and make the sex unpleasantly intense for her,
Starting point is 00:56:48 which is more likely why her wife is stopping you. There are many, many easier ways to kill your wife if that's what you're asking. And now the great pretender. Okay. I am a R.E. Hey, R.E.
Starting point is 00:57:04 How often should a human female Have an orgasm As my girlfriend Never masturbates And only has an orgasm When we are together And sometimes it is six weeks Between the time we see each other
Starting point is 00:57:21 What the fuck I think she should have an orgasm just for health sakes. When she orgasms, she looks as if her head will explode as her face turns red and she tenses up for a few minutes. That sounds good for her. Minutes?
Starting point is 00:57:38 Sure. That sounds incredibly healthy. Yeah. I think she's sold have a few orgasms when she is alone just to keep in shape because I predict that someday we will be having sex and she will up and die
Starting point is 00:57:53 during orgasm that's what you think is it? anybody got the answer? that's my expert medical opinion next post down wolf with a zero is back. Hey there, I'm back. Wolf with a zero instead of an O.
Starting point is 00:58:13 It's hard to say how often a woman should orgasm. The more often she reacts, she reaches climax, the stronger her libido is and the better her emotional ability. Emotional stability, I'm sorry. I came so hard I forgot I was molested!
Starting point is 00:58:33 Comality, perfect. Alright, let's get to work on that game. I'm sure it exists. I'd say that a woman needs to orgasm as often as she needs to, but that she benefits from orgasm a lot more often. I like to masturbate every day. Don't cum or anything, just...
Starting point is 00:58:56 Something to do. I bet Wolf is available for hire. Next one down, Victor, you're average man. Oh, fuck you again, Lemon. What Victor, you're average man. Oh, fuck you again, Lemon. What? You're an average man. You're the everyman.
Starting point is 00:59:11 Yeah, you need to bring the everyman perspective to this podcast. I think that's what TV Tropes said about me. Just be good and humble, and it'll be great, I'm sure. I'm an average man. The most I made my girlfriend orgasm was ten in a three-hour session.
Starting point is 00:59:29 Oh my god. Thank god it was her birthday. Weird that you just said TV trope, seeing as how this is so much on that same tack. I was wearing fingerless gloves when I fingered her. Thank god it was her birthday. What a birthday gift
Starting point is 00:59:44 she got that day. Otherwise she would have died. This only happened once that she orgasmed ten times. For the most part, she has had anywhere from three to six every time we have sex. So many girlfriends are lying to their boyfriends. So many boyfriends are lying to the internet. Yeah, yeah, that too. They have come from any
Starting point is 01:00:11 and every way we have had sex. What? Of course a lot of you people will think this is a lie, but it is really the truth. Oh, I'm sorry for everything I just said. And thought. She is sitting right next to me while I am posting this reply.
Starting point is 01:00:29 God, I am a lucky man! You're going to watch me post about this on the internet. What kind of proof could you guys need? My girlfriend is sitting right here. Okay? And then he turns around and says, Now what's this I hear about other people drawing clop pics of you? Well, if he was lying about that, she wouldn't have let him hit send, so it makes sense.
Starting point is 01:00:51 It's true. How about orgasm? Oh, I want to hear this one again. I've never actually orgasmed before, because whenever I touch myself, I get bored after a while. I get caught up in the first, like, 10 to 15 minutes, but before I manage to orgasm, I just start to relax, and touching myself seems boring. It doesn't seem to have quite the same thrill.
Starting point is 01:01:22 Mew face. A face that goes, What the hell is that anyway? It's a stroke face. Anyway, is there something wrong with me, or is it something else? I do know about the G spot, and I know where mine is, and I focus on that
Starting point is 01:01:38 spot, but is there more to it? I kind of want help from anyone, please. So when you focus on it, is it like, do you actually touch it, or are you just focusing your chi on that area? I'm sorry, you didn't tell us your name, and
Starting point is 01:01:54 whether or not you won the first season of Work of Art, the Next Great Artist. Oh, yeah. Thanks for I like, you know, I don't like to brag, but my name's XXPeregrineXX. And I did actually win the first season of Work of Art.
Starting point is 01:02:14 I think I had installations about... I think it was unicorns that were fucking while smoking cigarettes. Yeah, that was it. I think that was my art. This has been jokes that Lemon and Boots will guess. Yeah, sorry.
Starting point is 01:02:28 I feel like that's a show with an audience of a hundred, but man, it was such a good reality show. And 50 of them were you in production. This one just goes on forever. This one is the gift that keeps on giving. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Boots, still next one down. Kelly Wong.
Starting point is 01:02:47 Hi. My knowledge is really limited, and it's always my boyfriend who does the explanation when I ask something about sex. I'll go blur most of the time, because I really can't understand.
Starting point is 01:03:01 Sorry, I all of a sudden became Southern. It's Jesus Christ! It's impossible not to do that on this site. Fucking Southern single! Well, he's not here. Oh, Jesus! Hi, Stog!
Starting point is 01:03:18 Here we go. Boots just got the vapors. He's not here sleeping. And I am surfing. Wrong surfing. The net. I wouldn't want to wake him up and ask, so what's orgasm actually?
Starting point is 01:03:37 It might seem silly to all of you, but truth is, I don't really know, and I'm already 19. Hey, I'm C. Dilly, 420. Oh, good. Multiple orgasisms. Stay out of Riverdale. Wow. I'm so glad all you people have replied to this blog.
Starting point is 01:04:20 I'm 19, and my GF is 18, and when we have sex, she orgasisms uncontrollably. I made her cum 23 times in an hour. Oh, God, fuck you all. Stop this. God damn it. I'm sick of this. Stop. And even after stoping, she had three orgasisms without me even touching her. I admire her dedication to her role.
Starting point is 01:04:48 Oh, I'm still coming! Oh my god! No, no, don't touch me anymore. It's still happening. Don't touch me for the rest of our relationship. You know like in a show where somebody tries to do a lie and it just spirals out of control
Starting point is 01:05:03 and by the end of the show they're committed to this really over-the-top lie? That's like every post in this thread. Now my girlfriend orgasms just when I walk in the door. My girlfriend orgasms when she says my name. I'm like Voldemort. She just says it and it summons my cock in her.
Starting point is 01:05:24 She used to have to say it three times like Candyman, but it's gotten worse. I am he who shall make her come. I'd like to read just a single sentence of the following post by Lucky Guy. I would estimate that in a three-hour period, she has well over 100 orgasms. Wow!
Starting point is 01:05:41 It's like if fucking Price is right! No, finish that sentence sentence because it's telling. Yeah. Some causing her to scratch and claw and lose all touch with reality. Reality? What the fuck is that? All right, all right, last one. My girlfriend literally loses her mind trying to get me to stop.
Starting point is 01:05:59 Control F thousand. How is it that in the eHealth episode I'm the one reacting like this and Victor is okay? Fucking hell. Okay, okay, last one. Last one. On page... What the hell is it? Page four. Page four.
Starting point is 01:06:16 Victor, take WTFHTM. WTFHTM. My girlfriend has a million orgasms! My girlfriend has a million orgasms! My girlfriend has a floating concept of an orgasm. She just has ascended to the next plane. I have literally never seen an orgasm, therefore I believe her when she says what. Okay.
Starting point is 01:06:40 Orgasms. My girlfriend... Good title. My girl has trouble having orgasms. It takes her an hour of oral stimulation. But just recently, she started squirting excessively. We have to have sex over tile.
Starting point is 01:06:53 It soaks the floor. Since this started a couple weeks ago, she likes it so much she wants to do it four or five times a day. I read it's female ejaculation. She says it's totally different from orgasm.
Starting point is 01:07:09 Finally, there's a period. I loose so much fluid, I wonder if female ejaculation this many times is safe. So, my... Yeah. Well, but the way that's written written his girlfriend is having so many orgasms that he is losing fluid to the point that he's no worried about he says he said loose he's
Starting point is 01:07:33 he's loosing it from her oh okay that's that's the first time that type has been correct yeah yeah i yeah i uh i like dislodged that much fluid from her that I worry about her health. I like that your sexual life is now at the point where you have to have sex in a containment field. No, we need to do it in the bathroom, otherwise the shit gets on everything. So, F+, what did we learn from all of this? So, F+, what did we learn from all of this? I learned that a lot of guys don't know what an orgasm is.
Starting point is 01:08:10 At least in regards to females. That if I do learn what an orgasm is, I may have to install a drain in my bathroom floor. We'll have to go to the basement. We'll have to have sex on the killing floor. I've learned that all of you are stupid and liars. Us? It's dope. You've learned that now? It's dope mean in the brain, you idiots. I didn't post that! I learned
Starting point is 01:08:34 that people are still making these kind of posts, and what I mean by that is, you saw these kind of, like, the way these posts are formatted, and the way they just kind of go off in this weird, like, fanfiction-y version of their own lives and stuff like that. You saw this a lot in like the early, like 2000s and 2001,
Starting point is 01:08:49 you know, you go onto any, like what Yahoo BBS or whatever it is. And it's a lot of the shit. And every one of these posts, I'm like, Oh, this must be something from 2002.
Starting point is 01:08:57 It's like, Nope, it was, it was last month. I like, I feel like this, I mean, cause,
Starting point is 01:09:03 cause yeah. So to your point, so it's like, like this, I mean, because, yeah, so to your point, Toast, like, this seems like something that kind of shouldn't exist in a modern internet. Exactly. Because, like, there's enough communities for, like, oh, you know, I'm a gay furry vampire that's into Supernatural. Like, there's specifically a community for that thing. There's enough of these little covens that can tailor to your specific...
Starting point is 01:09:32 Is it kind of like, is this the internet version of exhibitionism? Is it like, it's not fucking in front of people. It's like, just posting about your fucking in front of people. Like, is that sexually thrilling in itself?
Starting point is 01:09:52 God, I don't know. Fuck it, no. I don't know. I honestly don't know. I mean, if this is true, if they're lying, in any, like, conceivable reality, I don't know what they're getting out of this. I mean, if this is true, if they're lying, in any conceivable reality, I don't know what they're getting out of this. I really don't. People like
Starting point is 01:10:10 to brag. But, like, it's not bragging. It's like 30 words in a fucking cum corner of the internet. I'm assuming the answer is the same answer that it's been for a hundred and however many episodes. Boners. I'm just going with boners. But like, we're
Starting point is 01:10:28 kind of at a point where this medical advice kind of thing, it's as good as it's going to get, really. But I guess it gets better if, you know, you just type in your own thing. People are just bad
Starting point is 01:10:44 at searching. That's, I guess, what it comes down to in this case. I got a positive thing to say about this website. Great! You know how WebMD is sort of a reputation for being a site where you go to and you give it a symptom and you find out about a million different horrible things that are probably not wrong with you
Starting point is 01:11:01 but could be wrong with you and have made everything so much worse for your brain? Yeah. This site does not seem to have that problem. Fucking great point. You get sort of like one sort of confusing answer, and a whole bunch of people saying, you're totally fine, I have that too.
Starting point is 01:11:15 It's totally cool, just keep destroying your body the way you're doing, and then you can go away happy. Holy shit, that's, yeah, that's awesome. That's totally awesome. Like, oh, my cum smells like poop. Yeah, so does mine. Let's hang out. The website is always thefpl.us,
Starting point is 01:11:40 and our forum is Ball Pit. Victor has a thread in there where he will answer some medical questions although he'll ignore other ones so don't think these people can fucking flood it, it's not gonna happen and yeah, thanks a lot for listening see you next time
Starting point is 01:11:56 and still fuck you, Raymond thanks Caroline Caroline. A hard head make a soft ass, but a hard dick make the sex last. I dump in pools and make a big splash. Water overflowing, so get your head right. It's all in your mind, punk, so keep your head tight. Enough with tips and advice and things. I'm big dog having women seeing stripes and things. They go to sleep, start snoring, counting sheep and shit. They so wet that their body started leaking shit.
Starting point is 01:12:40 Just cause I'm a all-nighter, shoot all fire. Ludicrous balance and rotate all tires. Ooh, I don't wanna know me. I just can't no man, man, man. I don't wanna know man, man, man. Oh, shit. Hang on. Guys, stop.
Starting point is 01:12:56 Stop. I fucked up. I accidentally... Oh, you did? I don't know. Oh! Wait, no, no. I didn't.
Starting point is 01:13:02 I didn't. Oh! Sorry. Yeah, everybody keep recording. I'm recording. I didn't. Oh! Sorry. Yeah, everybody keep recording. I'm recording. Good. Wow, you totally punked us, Jimmy Franks. False alarm.
Starting point is 01:13:12 Did anybody else stop? Did you stop? Nope. Other than me. Jesus Christ. Oh, you totally punked us. You guys are so great at pranking. Okay.
Starting point is 01:13:21 No, I'm sorry. My computer freaked out. Now to have sex with Demi Moore. Game on. I wish every episode of that show ended with that. This is like, this is call sign tag.

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