The F Plus - 152: This Ain't Episode 152 XXX
Episode Date: October 11, 2014AdultDVDTalk.com is a forum where people talk about porn. And uh... Yeah, I think that pretty much covers it. This is definitely one of the gross ones. This week, The F Plus abandons our jerk off... station.
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And then he says, well, it's torn up now. The ass pussy entrance merged into one giant gash after about five to six uses.
Julie Ashton's cloaca is the best.
So if someone would like to take this thing off my hands, I'd be more than willing to sell it at a greatly reduced price.
Is there like a triple A you can call for a rubber pussy blowout?
Is there like a triple A you can call for a rubber pussy blowout?
Welcome to the F+, a disgusting podcast in this case, filled with terrible things, read with some enthusiasm.
In the room tonight we have Boots Ring here.
Anal orgasms normally produce four to six ounces of anal cum.
Cum quads up.
Did they really pack a bowl and smoke it?
Does cum bubble like water?
Does THC dissolve in smegma?
Oh, Jimmy Franks.
Yes, sometimes I do lose control and go cock crazy.
Vortex.
Kill me.
John Toast.
While there may be gay titles with Dolby 5.1 sound,
I do not know of any, but then that's never been on my list of purchase features.
And Lemon.
The question to ask yourself is, do I want to watch people performing sex acts?
If the answer is yes, then go for it!
Yay!
Hey, F+. Hi, Boots.
I got a question for you guys.
What's that?
From a scale of 1 to 11,
which film in the Stop My Asses on Fire series is your favorite?
I like the prequel.
I dressed up as a banana.
I mean, are we talking plot?
Are we talking action?
Are we just talking credit sequence?
Sort of overall, like on your eight criteria level.
Personally, I'm into the Hanna-Barbera cartoon animated series.
That's good.
Jim Henson's Stop My Ass is on Fire, Babies.
Oh, no!
Rather unappreciated.
Well, good.
I'm glad you guys all have strong opinions on this,
because we're going to be venturing into the site Adult DVD Talk.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, boy.
Yeah, it's a forum where people get to discuss the ins and outs of pornography.
I gotcha. The ins and outs.
Like the hamburger.
Yeah, I don't
think there's much else to say about that
as a introduction, so
let's start off with some handy tips.
John?
Yes?
Or should I say Mr.
Alalas?
Alalas. Hello.
I'm Mr. Alalas.
Mr. Alalas, if you could describe your avatar
real quickly. I am
a spade with a mouth,
a vagina,
and an anus, I believe.
And then an omega symbol at the bottom.
I wonder what he's into. That's about it.
That's the new Illuminati symbol.
How is Jay-Z going
to make that symbol with his hands?
Mystery.
Well, anyways, I am Mr. Alalas.
Right.
And I want to talk to you about porn star
hygiene. One tricky thing
for both male and female porn stars
is hygiene. But for guys, it's
simpler. Basically, you have to
keep your dick clean, and here's how I did.
What the fuck?
Wow, this is a long paragraph to start
out that way. I hired you for an
infomercial about
kitchen supplies,
not this.
Oh, it's simple. Look, before scenes,
I always trimmed my bush,
took a good shower, and washed my
dick and asshole very well.
End of post, right?
Girls will hate you if your dick smells like
rotten cheese or if your ass stinks.
They also hate to have their lives threatened.
Someone tell the Love Shy Guys that.
But I never cared to remove the
hair in my ass or my armpits,
or to shave my mustache, and I never had any trouble for that.
Girls understand you're a man as long as you keep it clean down there.
As to girls, they should do the same.
Wash their pussies well before the scene and trim their bushes,
even if they don't want to shave bald.
We guys don't care about a little hair down there, but that's it.
We don't like girls with hairy assholes, legs, or armpits, or pussies stinking like dry fish.
I didn't think dry fish really had a smell.
I thought it was the wet.
No, dry fish definitely has a smell.
All right.
In scenes with anal sex, I washed my dickhead very well, both before and after.
Finally.
But just the head.
Everything else, you know.
Finally, both guys and girls should get a medical test before scenes to prevent STDs.
The more you know.
Max Weinberg here for washing your balls.
So now that we know How to shower
Is this all going to be life lessons from porn actors?
That'd be nice
That's it for life lessons from porn actors
Oh shit
By the way, I don't know if this is our next reading
But I like that the next topic is cockhead appearance
Because I just like to think
Like outside, like out of doorway
The banner that I have on the top is
Featured New Release. How to Kiss a Girl.
Yeah, my Featured New Release is
Spoof Porn 2 by Studio
Cumlouter.
No, didn't really try.
What should we do a spoof of?
Spoof Porn? Does that happen?
Are they the New England
Cumlouters?
Sorry.
What you got?
I've got lemon. You want to start off this one?
Yeah.
So my post is
about small dicks.
Okay, so this is in the porn pool.
What's your name?
Oh, I like sexy time.
And what's your name?
I like sexy time.
Oh, that is your name.
Okay.
And thus the rest of the podcast was just that.
Okay, I like Sexy Time.
Okay, so small dicks.
There's so many monster-sized dicks in porn,
but I think it's hot to see a hot girl sucking and fucking a guy,
even though he's small.
What are some videos of guys with really small dicks getting blowjobs of fucking hot girls?
Come caught your dragon sign.
Obviously.
Also, my name is Dragon Sign.
I'll be a dragon sign.
I want this joke to continue.
Let's see how many times we do this joke. In my opinion,
there are too few monster cocks out there.
Monster cock hunter.
I've been looking.
There should be more if you listen to the rumors.
Rumors?
Yeah.
The monster cock written about in Fable?
Here is a legend of monster cock.
I would just picture a bunch of vaudeville, like, musically,
but like, have you heard about it?
I was just thinking it's like Sword in the Stone,
only it's a giant penis being yanked out of it.
No, there's just, you know, when you go into the town
and every NPC is telling you about the latest rumor
of the monster cock,
you sort of fall
into too many traps
these days
with people just shouting
about it.
What?
You meaning me.
Ah, it's a trap.
Monster cock.
It's often just an act.
These ain't real actors.
XXX.
So stop acting.
Monster cocks here and monster cocks there.
Big ol' monster cocks everywhere.
They did the cock.
They did the monster cock.
I was waking in my lab
lately.
On every
cover and every corner and every
fashion, these are bluffs
that crept up its own anal
by now. What the hell are you
talking about? I don't know, but
I got to use the word anal. Ding!
The spam bot is horny as shit.
I find
it lame with small dicks in porn.
I find it even more lame when covers
predict monsters and
content won't scare any pussy
at all.
There needs to be an OSCE standard
of monster cocks. Does he think that there's
like, they were talking about literal monsters?
That's a human cock!
That doesn't scare my pussy.
That is just marketing tricks
up the consumer's ass.
It's a nine to five days work
to stare away,
sometimes judged by all DVD covers out there.
This is the weirdest letter to the editor I've ever seen.
So what do you do for a living?
Oh, I try to not buy porn.
Not buying porn is my
anti-drug.
There's so much shouting in this forum
about can't get too
much anal. My hope
is that
the word anal one day
will be switched with monster cock.
Can that be our new F plus rule?
Anytime we read anal, we have to say monster cock.
I'm sorry.
Can you keep all of the forks and knives separate?
I'm just kind of monster cock about that.
If small dicks should join in and take over, it'll just be PornHell to me.
Ooh, PornHell.com.
That's a good name.
That's never been taken.
And...
It's taken by somebody, but it doesn't seem to be used.
This guy, he's spent the last seven years writing angry screeds about Obama,
and he's like, oh, I've said everything there is to say about that.
What else can I talk about?
Topic number two.
Dicks and porn are too small.
Yeah. I just picture him with like a stack
of DVDs going up to the same hairy
like porn store clerk.
He's like, you call these monster cocks?
He's like, sir, I just sell them. I don't
have any control over the cocks.
Come on, these aren't that big.
Do stand by your product. My name is Kink Williams.
On the midget porn front, there used to be a dude named Little Romeo who has turned in
some good performances.
Quite entertaining to watch him enthusiastically fuck away on his girl, fucking smiley.
That is literally, that is, it is one smiley, fucking another smiley.
Anyway, sorry.
We've dipped our feet a bit into this site.
Let's go.
Oh, I do not like this URL.
No, you don't like this URL?
Oh, God.
Well, Jimmy Franks.
This is horrifying.
There's something you really like.
Thanks, Boots.
I'd like you to tell us about it.
This is Steve Cube.
I'd really like.
Thanks, Boots.
I'd like you to tell us about it.
This is Steve Cube.
And I'd really like to see a guy go from a girl's ass directly to her pussy.
But there doesn't seem to be much porn like that.
Especially close-ups.
Any recs?
Oh, don't use that shortening.
I don't have time to type out recommendations.
I also really like to see a dude go from one girl's ass to another girl's pussy.
I'm imagining like the Indiana Jones arrow like traveling around from one to the other.
There was one scene from a year ago or so ago where the guy went pussy to ass, back to pussy, back to ass, then to another girl's mouth, and then second girl's ass, then to a pussy, back to the first girl's
ass, etc. He was just hitting all the holes!
Anything more like that?
Thanks! This is a fucking golf,
Jesus Christ. Can I see
a Vizio chart of this, please?
Picturing
like one of those dotted line comics, like,
going from one place to another.
Oh, P.S. I don't like women so much.
Should have mentioned that earlier.
Poor Tex or Dan.
According to WebMD, practicing vaginal sex after anal sex can also lead to vaginal and urinary tract infections.
Huh.
Such an infection might be difficult to treat, and if the infecting bacteria happens to be drug-resistant, period,
so we'll never find out what that means, it can lead to serious complications.
Oh, that's a bad idea then, huh?
That's a good thing.
Yeah, well, I'm pulmonarm.
Really?
Really, I'm boarded in internal medicine, sleep medicine, pulmonary and critical care, and I've
never seen data to support it's a problem.
Just anecdotal stories.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fecal matter in
non-rectums. Bad idea?
Jury's out.
Yeah, shoving germs and bacteria
right into your urethra? Come on.
It's fine. Hey, Polononorb,
eat shit and live.
Perfect.
John, can you be Jiggly Boobs?
Of course.
My favorite Pokemon, yeah.
I'm the lost Pokegirl.
Well, are
these... Okay, so this is
response to just anecdotal
stories. Oh yeah, anecdotal.
Anecdoty New York.
Are these stories really anecdotal, or is it just the case that you don't want to hear it?
Just like the religious zealots who deny evolution is anecdotal and unproven.
There are bacteria that live in the rectum and cause no troubles where they are,
but when introduced into the vagina-slash-urinary tract, they can have serious consequences.
Melissa Lauren is probably the best example.
She had a serious pelvic infection she attributed to A2P.
Jiggly boos!
Well, that's nice, but I'm Paloma Norm again.
Oh, fuck.
God damn it.
Do you believe there's some magical wall that separates the anus from the pussy?
Do you believe in anal
magic? I guess I don't believe that it's magic.
And
as the pussy violates it, E. coli and
other bacteria are there all the time.
If you show me a scientific study that shows
ATP is dangerous, I'm willing to look
at it. And then deny it and say
the sources weren't good enough. As long as it has
pictures!
Are we still in this thread, Boots? Uh, no.
Oh, God. Yay!
Uh, Kumquat, what did you find?
Oh, well, Kumquat found
a post about, uh,
cumshots. Oh, nice.
Kumquat, wanna tell us about that?
No, I wanna ask you about it.
Okay, good. Cumshots?
Dribbles or explosions?
That's the best news headline I've ever seen.
My name is R. Frog.
How do viewers like the cumshots?
Slow dribbles or fast explosions?
Michael Bay style.
Where?
On the woman's face?
In her mouth? On her tits? On the woman's face? In her mouth?
On her tits?
On her ass?
And what about cum swapping?
Yeah, what about cum swapping?
Do you like them in a boat?
Personally, I prefer the fast runny explosions.
That splatter everywhere.
On the woman's face when she smiles with glee.
Oh, for me, you shouldn't have.
So it's like when people get slimed on Nickelodeon.
That's an association that'll never go away.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's where this whole entire fetish came from.
I don't know.
Oh, no!
You can't do that on television at all.
The fountain is awesome, too.
Right? Yeah. That's what I call a cum shot fully erect. You can't do that on television at all. The fountain is awesome, too. Oh, right?
Yeah.
That's what I call a cum shot fully erect.
Maybe the guy's lying down, and the woman blows or strokes him,
and the shot shoots straight up, splattering and exposing everywhere
like a fountain or geyser.
I don't care for cum swapping. That doesn't appeal
to me.
Ladies, ladies, please!
Or maybe the cum
shots don't matter at all to you.
Any opinions?
I have an opinion.
Okay, what's your opinion? I'm Mamishka
and I prefer spray.
You know, when you turn the hose nozzle
to mist setting.
Yeah, like that.
Like a light fog coming in off a night sea.
That was beautiful.
It was poetic, yeah.
Hey, this is random precision.
Why random precision?
I like hard spurts.
Not that you see those very often.
I like it when they splash the girl's teeth and splatter in all directions with subsequent spurts either
shooting into the back of her mouth, up her nose,
or on her face.
Oh my god!
If she's choking to death on it, that's preferable.
Clearly!
I don't like dribbling cum shots.
I know the guys that do it can't change the way
they cum, but there have to be men in the world
who can spray.
Cum swapping can be okay and can be damn hot sometimes,
depending on how it's shot and how into it the girls are.
I'm Kensington, chap.
You're classy.
On the lips and chin, a streak across the cheek.
Don't forget the glob hanging off the chin and a few drops on her chest.
get the glob hanging off the chin and a few drops on her chest.
I think that resembles an external view of where the cum would go if she swallowed it.
Does that make sense?
It's like one of those plastic dolls that you get with the organ.
As for dribble or explosion, explosions are much hotter, as they somehow signify that the guy is really turned on.
A dribble just looks as though he's just perfunctory. are much hotter as they somehow signify that the guy is really turned on. Somehow.
A dribble just looks as though he's just perfunctory.
As though the men in porn don't matter.
But dribbles are far too common for my liking.
Anywho, I really shouldn't be here.
What the hell is that last line?
It's just his reminder to himself.
Yeah, like, can all of you just put that on your posts from now on?
Can I put that?
Hi.
Hi, I'm Cornell Lingus.
Hi.
Hey, Cornell.
Somebody else wrote a post, so here's my thoughts to it.
Okay. I just fisted one out reading Ward Queen Janee's response.
You have to love a woman who loves cum like that.
Anyhoo, cum is supposed to lay in the strands, not a puddle.
I want to see the human equivalent of super soakers.
Summer's here.
That can only mean one thing.
Summer's here That can only mean one thing
Just a warning, this next post
has some
very naked woman on it
Oh, well, that's gonna be the gross thing
Very naked thing
Oh, a naked woman, oh no
And poor Tex, you have a
strong opinion about porn
Unlike everyone else on this forum
What's your name?
about porn.
Unlike everyone else on this forum.
What's your name?
I'm Photo Retoucher.
I'm a deactivated
user. I don't know what that means. I think that means
I jerked myself to death. I don't know.
Probably. I want my username to be Photo
Toucher. No shit.
Photo Retoucher.
I believe...
What's your statement to begin with?
Women's erect nipples are too small and poor.
Too teeny tiny.
Where do I sign?
Not big enough.
Excuse me, sir.
Do you have five minutes for women's nipples?
Short nipples got no reason to...
I believe 99% of women's erect by blood engorged nipples
in the worldwide population are undersized
and resemble fat men's or fat boys' breasts.
And believe me, I really know what that looks like.
I've investigated and there isn't any adequate cosmetic surgery or procedure that has natural,
erotically stimulating, efficient results for women's nipple enlargement because that
capability is beyond current medical technology.
Or maybe it's not a priority.
One of the two.
That's why people are cryogenically freezing themselves.
Someday!
In the year 3000, I'll have amazing nipples!
If you can graft, like, the ends of baby bottles to your tits, that would be great.
Regularly for the last seven years, I've enlarged women's nipples by photo retouch.
Fuck!
Fuck! Fuck!
No fuck, because the nipples are too small.
From subscription, high-resolution zip files,
internet porn as a hobby.
Some people collect stamps.
Some people build model ships.
I keep going to the Hobby Lobby asking them where their nipple retouching section is,
and they always give me the strangest looks.
Sometimes I put the googly eyes on there.
It kind of works.
Hey, Bill, did you get that batch of bottle shots done?
Oh, no, not yet.
I've been distracted.
Really?
Because you're doing a lot of Photoshop.
I know.
Women at scale, actual life.
Size look feminine, only with 13 over 16 inch diameter.
And length double extra large nipples on a thin small and medium skeletal frames.
Beep, burp, I don't know what I'm saying anymore.
Suitcase apple fish.
Can this be expressed on Jensen's body?
In beauty theory,
women's nipple diameter
could increase dependent upon
if their breast size is over
average bra cup size for proportionate
ratio's sake.
Ain't that right, Neil deGrasse Tyson?
Excuse me, I'm looking for the porn
with the proportionate ratio's me. I'm looking for the porn with the proportionate ratio sake.
I'm stating the opposite of most people's view on the subject because they don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.
That fat boys or fat men's breasts resemble women's breasts because I think most women's nipples look too masculine when they are erect and still small.
And I don't have issues.
Below isn't photo retouched, but are perfect images of the one percenters of women's perfect erect nipples on a breast.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I'm Mac-09.
Mac-o.
Hey, Mac.
Mac-o? Oh, Mac-o. Mac-o, okay. I'm Mac-o. Sorry, I'm Mac-09. Mac-o. Hey, Mac. Mac-o?
Oh, Mac-o.
Mac-o, okay.
I'm Mac-o.
Sorry, I'm Mac-o-69.
Yeah, now you're getting it right.
I forgot the important part of my number there.
Anyway, everyone's entitled to their own opinion.
I must inform you, though, that your opinion is rubbish.
Hell yeah, Mac-o.
Oh, shit.
How dare.
Your opinion epitomizes everything that's wrong with the so-called beauty industry.
Little nipples for life.
Yeah.
It's a woman's body parts.
Don't fit.
Sorry.
Some sort of pre-configured template that she's somehow not good enough.
Nonsense.
What you doing on a porno forum there, Mac 069?
I don't know, but I'm waiting for a response from Photo Retoucher.
Visit my website on
gene-rivets-on-a-breast.com.
This is hardware.
Ah, the lure of eugenics.
Maybe you could have a sit-down with
Goebbels and Rudin in hell and discuss
its marriage with them.
Oh my god.
I am not a nipple Nazi.
It took nine posts to get to Godwin.
There's a reason eugenics is consigned to the trash bin of history.
Because it makes for bad porn?
The truth, Grasshopper, lies with Darwin, which means diversity is the key to success in nature.
And any attempt to standardize the human form is a step in the wrong direction.
Now, Darwin went to the island, and some finches' nipples were huge. Yeah.
The bigger nipples were able to break open the seeds
easier and so that trait survived.
Well now I'm just trying to imagine the royal
family's nipples.
Lapago's turtles had huge nipples. Toast?
Man. Oh man. Okay.
Wow.
Hey. Hey Mr. Peepers. I haven't seen you in a while Mr. Peepers. Your nipples are too small Mr. Pe, man. Okay. Hi, guys. Wow. Hi. Hey. Hey, Mr. Peepers.
Haven't seen me in a while, Mr. Peepers.
Your nipples are too small, Mr. Peepers.
Oh, I do have a fat boy breath.
I'm beautiful.
Shut up.
I'm Mr. Peepers, and which vagina is the best?
Help.
Tell me. Tell me.
Tell me which one.
Okay, I have been considering
buying a vagina and ass
from one of the stores.
Which store?
Yeah, just like...
You know.
Broker.
H-E-P, I don don't know I have read all of
the reviews on here but there are so
many which say this one or that one is
the best that is how reviews work
there's so many to choose from boots
are we at any point gonna read a
prosthetic or like fake vagina review
yes good okay cuz yeah I'm really like a prosthetic or like fake vagina review? Uh, yes.
Good, okay, because yeah, I'm really
Your dick fits in it!
Well, currently the only
vagina... That's the next post in this
that we're going to read this thread.
The only fake vagina review we've ever had on this podcast
was one where the guy wrote fanfiction
for his dragon pussy, so this will be a nice
change of pace.
I wrote that.
How do I wade through all of it
and tell which one is really the best?
The
Julie Austin one I've seen several
times that it tears, but is great
and is expensive.
Okay.
I have seen the Sky,
Kira, and Devin ones at half the
price and also say they are five stars.
Anyone have any experience with any at all?
Even ones I did not mention.
I just don't want to get burned.
Thanks.
Yeah, I would imagine you don't want to get burned.
Something wrong with the manufacturing process if it's burning.
Yeah.
Oh, God.
Ah!
Oh, God!
All of his paper route money saved from the last 35 years
and doesn't want to waste it on a substandard rubber pussy.
He's an informed consumer.
Yeah, Lemon, take Dark Cloud.
Dark Cloud, no problem.
Okay, so Mr. Peepers, the best vagina is Julie Ashton's ass.
Best defense is a good office.
Julie Ashton's ass.
Best defense is a good offense.
I've had a very hard day today,
and I just need kind of just a nice Zen cone to meditate on.
Just something that I can focus on.
The best vagina is Julie Ashton's ass.
Yeah.
It's fragile, but it can last a long time if you take care of it.
It's molded entirely in UR3,
unlike Kobe Tai's ass.
UR3 over a
coarse, hard rubber frame.
Those are all words that are pleasant.
Ew.
Therefore, the reliability is worse than a Yugo car.
Am I right?
Oh, I fucked plenty of those.
I don't doubt it.
Traditional vaginas such as, you know, Sky, Devin's, Cassidy's, etc.
They provide a different sensation, but not as good as Julie's ass.
Keep in mind that traditional vagina's canal length
is only about five inches.
Because the rest
of it's filled up with a gondolier.
The best handheld
type is the fleshlight, without a doubt.
Wonderwave being the best sleeve.
Julie's ass don't come with a
vibrator.
Julie's ass don't come with a vibrator. Julie's ass don't come with a vibrator.
The Fountains of Wayne song.
If you want a vibrator, then you should consider a traditional vagina.
Traditional vagina.
Organic, homegrown.
If you want a vibrator
You should consider a traditional vagina
Also known as a woman
A traditional vagina to settle down with
Hey there
I noticed you're in the same aisle
Buying shampoo as me
How does your vagina vibrate?
The traditional way
Where are you going?
Anyway, get the ass first.
Hee hee hee.
No, you're such a coward, Dark Cloud.
That's classic Dark Cloud.
This is my 85th post right there.
I'm not like Denver Dodd up at the top.
He's posted 13,605 times.
Well, Dark Cloud was an active poster
until he got hired away by Consumer Rubber Pussy Reports.
No time for this anymore.
All right.
For the favor of Kumpot, I'm going to be Fanman44.
And I have a...
Ever angry you can't own more porn?
Oh, so angry.
In today's internet age, it's just financially impossible
to subscribe to more than five sites for me.
If only there was free porn on the internet.
If only!
I was very thankful for Browser's Porn Portal,
which has saved me money.
Now I do Browser's plus Reality Kings for newbies.
It's my porn and I need it now!
Digital Playground for features.
Jules Jordan for IR.
Bang Bros for Miami-only chicks.
That's not a feature.
That's a bug right there.
That's not a feature.
If I see anything, any product, regardless, it says Miami-only chicks,
I'm walking the other way.
Gonorrhea guaranteed.
Still, I know I'm going to miss scenes from Naughty America, EA, Reality Junkies, etc.
Anyone ever figure out how to capture all the scenes of their favorites?
If only there were programs on computers that were made to capture screens.
Yes, hello, my name is Alexi David.
Oh, it's you.
I feel like the same
sometimes when I am
browsing my old collection.
On the
other hand, there
are videos or
girls I
have been in love with at first sight
and I still do.
I feel like Snape in the Harry Potter movie.
Yay!
I know how he found this thread.
Did you just?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
After all this time, always.
The end.
Okay.
Reviewers recommend Asian Fucking Nation 5.
Review by Bono.
All iTunes listeners get a fear.
Where the ass has no name.
Jimmy Franks.
Yeah.
You got a question for us.
Ideas for a scene that you've never seen done?
Oh, God. Here we go.
In the vast area of porn, many things have been tried to satisfy all the tastes of viewers.
However, I'm sure that there are a few that may not have been done,
perhaps involving a combination of different fetishes.
One I thought of the other day that would seem hot to me
would be to have two girls be treated with dignity and respect.
Yeah, something like that,
except get a bukkake from some guys,
and then when the guys leave,
have the cum-covered girls do a lesbian scene with a strap on.
You know, a scene may be out there like this,
but I haven't seen it done.
Any of you have a personal favorite
that you've never seen done?
It seems like that would be a lot of...
Hey, so I'm prototype 5588.
And I'm going to have real trouble not laughing
while I read what I've said.
I've only got 16 posts.
This is probably the number one.
So here's what I'd like to see.
Okay, so you know that noise
that happens when you blow across an empty or near-empty
bottle?
Perfect, thank you. Thank you, my
Foley guy. I'd like to see some
girl get pile-drived, pile-driven,
pile-drove,
have the guy pull out and
blow across her gaping asshole and superimpose
that empty jug sound so you want zany porn yeah see you could get a bunch of guys doing it to a
okay i'm gonna need to take another line you gotta take another line. You gotta take another... It's a girl. Okay. Okay. One more.
Don't do that.
Don't do that.
Okay.
Take two.
And forward.
You could get a bunch of guys doing it to a bunch of girls,
have each girl with a different pitch, as it were,
and play a song with it.
An empty asshole band.
That is what I'd like to see.
You know what prototype? You know what prototype?
You know what prototype?
Me too.
It's time for a good old fashioned
asshole jug band jamboree.
Why stop with that?
Why not add other cartoon sound effects?
Why isn't it just like, you know,
boop.
You're already growing.
Boing.
You didn't know me very well.
I'm Stink Fist.
Hey, buddy.
This is my 16,295th post.
Also, better together, vote no.
Sure.
So I just want to give you the perspective of people who are uh for a uh United
Kingdom like this is this is the kind of person that's against Scottish independence yeah yeah
better together vote no but here's what I do like okay we uh we have had had Steve Holmes as a cross-dresser banging Asia Akira in a JJ movie for so...
So for laughs...
Oh, okay.
We've had a movie where two people fucked.
Okay, so for laughs, here's my suggestion.
Okay, Mandingo is hung like a capital horse, like we all know, lucky bastard lol.
So how about a piss take?
Not that kind of piss, it's British, so it's fine.
Just be careful how you say things in a porn form.
I'll say it with an English accent.
That's what you need to do.
So how about a
piss take, invulsing that,
and cast him as a pantomime
horse for a movie, lol.
Smiley face. Okay, so for
this, we need two males,
and I'm sure Jules could go at the front with him being
a gentleman, with Mandingo at the back
and his huge horse cock hanging
down. I think
it would be hilarious to
see some girls lying underneath
Mandingo and the horse sucking
him off. Wait, the horse
underneath Mandingo
the horse? Oh, I'm so sorry. I read that
completely wrong. Okay, I think it would be hilarious
to see some girls, plural, lying underneath Mandingo the horse oh i'm so sorry i read that completely wrong okay i think it would be hilarious to see
some girls plural lying underneath mandingo the horse and sucking him off or him mounting some
porn girls with a close-up of the horse's face would be a laugh at the end of the scene you
could show the horse passed out on the sofa drinking a beer lol how is he passed out and
drinking a beer that's the part I want to focus on.
Yeah, I just want to see girls fuck horses,
you know, for a joke.
Just a funny, funny joke.
That's why I search for it every day.
You know, I like to think that this would be the thing.
It's like a furry would watch this
and then get that moment of realization.
It's like, oh, this is kind of ridiculous, isn't it?
I'm going to stop.
Yeah, the stink fist
whole thing is, I want cartoon sound effects
and I want girls fucking cartoon horses.
Now, there's a community out there.
You may not have heard of them before.
They're into
hiking. I can't post on a new forum.
When I commit, I commit.
Hello, this is Sex
Doctor. Oh, hello.
I've never seen a guy Wrap a girl's long hair around his
Cock and masturbate
Then ejaculate in her hair
I've never met a girl who'd let me do that to her
I imagine not
I keep asking them on the bus
And they all say no
Hi, I'm Cerebral Jedi
Okay, cool
For some reason that's Joe Gross' name so far Hi, I'm Cerebral Jedi. Okay, cool. Yeah.
For some reason, that's Joe Gross' name so far.
Yes, I'm sorry.
And I want to see a chick get her nose fucked.
MVP! MVP!
And when the guy comes in one of her nostrils, it shoots out the other one.
What, like that guy at the Enigma that throws the light through his nose?
Come what?
On page two, this one of Noodle Daddy's posts.
Sorry, I have to figure out which one it is.
Sorry, I'm too busy picturing the cum netty pot.
The cummy pot.
Well, my sizes are clear, but at what cost?
I know it feels weird.
It really does feel weird, but it does help.
Okay.
Nearly at the bottom on page two,
Noodle's Daddy posted on August 21st at 2.53 p.m.
This sounds like a court hearing now.
Why isn't it?
Ass bukkakis.
Oh, what?
Why doesn't this genre exist?
I want to see a hot girl or girls twerking
while a bunch of guys jack off all over those jiggling cheeks.
Aren't you?
The bigger their ass is, the better.
Seems confusing.
It's like a light gun game.
Like, you get the twerking.
I mean, like...
Groping, grabbing, and crack fucking
can happen
before the cum starts to fly.
Anal would be optional,
but not necessary for me personally.
Scene can finish with a
clean-up girl or girls
slurping the cum off those glazed buns.
Seriously, I would buy a movie like this in a heartbeat.
Jennifer Lopez.
Hype Williams.
Ass Bukkake.
I feel this guy got a boner at Cinnabon once
and he just got totally confused for the rest of his life.
Alright, so my name is Digital Lust.
Oh, hey Digital Lust.
I got a poll question for you.
Your jerk-off station?
How to clean up after?
Don't bother.
Your jerk-off station, you know.
All purpose to jerk-off stations.
You sunk my boner shiz.
What's your jerk-off station like?
How do you clean up after?
I personally jerk off in my basement where I have a carpet under the computer.
Fucking surprise!
Oh no, oh no.
I just sit in my chair and blow my load on the carpet.
I just leave my load there without cleaning up.
Makes sense.
I should start cleaning, though, because there is an unpleasant smell in that area, lol.
Yeah, there would be, wouldn't there?
Also, my social worker keeps complaining
1-800-588-2300
any suggestions for good cleaning liquids
I'm sex shop girl
you guys are so fucking gross
thanks sex shop girl
why am I on this forum
hey sex shop girl
I'm his dudeness what's up y shop girl. I'm his dudeness.
What's up, y'all?
What's up, his dudeness?
Hey, check it out. So I jerk off at my desk
and I come into hand towels.
My clean-up method is my girl doing
the laundry.
Yeah!
You feel me?
I'm assuming he meets his mom.
Why does everybody say fuck you after I talk?
I don't get it.
Hello, I'm control freak.
If I don't have a passenger,
I pull off on the side of the road
and open the passenger door
so the oncoming cars can't see me.
Oh-ho-ho.
And Lemon takes Stinkfest again.
So I jerk off at my computer,
then launch my load onto the laminate floor,
and then get up and with my socks on,
and I skate over to the cum,
and I soak it up,
and then I do a handstand,
and walk on my hands to the kitchen,
and bend over and put my feet in the bin,
then peel my socks off. After making a cup of tea, I go back to the bedroom with a smile on my hands to the kitchen and bend over and put my feet in the bin, then peel my socks off.
After making a cup of tea, I go back to the bedroom with a smile on my face.
Is that...
The best part of waking up.
There was a point in there where I was like, oh, now you're being facetious.
No, you're not being facetious. This is true.
Yeah, I don't...
I don't really know.
Also, it's, I mean, it's, you know it's it is a photo but we just want
to mention here that there is a there's a photo in this thread of a guy who has his uh his anonymous
uh three monitor display right and uh and underneath the desk of his computer is a toilet
paper roll he has a toilet paper roll mounted to his computer desk.
Yes.
And on his monitor,
there's a quote that says,
in the begging,
the universe was created.
That's probably an anonymous in-joke.
But yeah, like,
if he wants to come,
there it is, right there.
And as fuel for his coming,
apparently there's like
half a McDonald's coffee.
So it's good.
Nice.
Good for him.
Jimmy Franks? Yeah. So it's good. Nice. Good for him. Jimmy Franks.
Yeah.
You'd be Christy 95.
Oh, your avatar is a woman that seems to be drinking milk.
Yep.
It's important for osteoporosis.
Yeah.
Healthy bones.
That's good.
Good.
Drink that milk, lady.
Why do I do this podcast?
Hey, this is Christy 95.
Hi. lady why do i hey um hey this is christy 95 hi uh i bought dvd a no come dodging allowed serious but i can't understand more of their conversations
is there any subtitles about this i really want to understand what talked in
no come dodging for please help me yeah Yeah, that's all I wanted from that.
Good, because I can click out of that.
You can totally close that thread and not have to
see that picture anymore. That's good.
Nope, because I'm seeing it every time I close my eyes.
Yeah, you'll see it.
She's just enjoying drinking milk. That's all.
Alright, so
we've spent all our time so far
in both the porn pool and sex stories.
So have we.
What's the difference?
I don't know, but things are constantly...
Threads are constantly being moved from one to the other.
They ever clean the porn pool?
So only the administrators really understand where things belong.
But this forum is great because it has a sub-forum called Story Time.
Oh, boy.
Where people can tell various stories.
And there's all sorts of really wonderful stories.
There was a story I found earlier that's really long and we're not going to read.
but it is an explicit tale of James Coburn and Raquel Welch in a robot role-play scenario in 1973.
I was just about to ask.
I thought this was going to be about CBS story time, the old show.
There's a user named Charn on here that writes these stories, I guess.
I'm not sure what you call them.
And he writes a lot of them, and they're all amazing.
So I'm going to go through each of you and give you a choice.
I'm going to go through each of you.
Oh, dear.
And you're each going to get a choice.
So Portex.
This is like a Swedish film where two men are staring at a starless night sky,
and one man says to the other, it can get darker.
Yeah, so Portex, you have a choice between these two stories.
Okay.
The first one is titled, Leia shits a solid gold eggs during orgasms.
Jesus!
Oh my stars and gardens.
Wow.
The second one is called, Two friends stuck in a one whore town.
This is a false choice, you ridiculous asshole.
Obviously, I'm picking the first one.
Also, I recognize Charm from one of the What Have You Not Seen Yet thread,
and his thing was he really wanted made-for-TV edits to people's dialogues,
so they'd be like, gosh darn it, is what he wanted in his porn.
So I'm sure he has no hang-ups or issues whatsoever.
No, he is amazing.
Alright, alright. What do we got, Charn?
Alright.
My name is Charn.
Just, you know, just because this
podcast isn't gross enough yet, please re-read
the title of this post.
Leia shits solid gold eggs
during orgasms.
Isn't that
a mnemonic device to remember the planets?
I think.
My name is Charn
and my catchphrase is time to go
wankies!
Her boyfriend stops being a sensitive
total body lover and becomes more focused
on her butt.
When he has some gambling debts,
he makes her cum twice in one day.
Does that
balance out the debt?
Well, you'll see.
We're gonna have to break your legs
unless you can make your girlfriend cum twice.
For his new truck,
he doubles up on Viagra,
but she's still not quite there yet.
He fists her
and pulls the egg out.
I doesn't like that
scene from Temple of Doom.
He screams really loud.
He kisses the egg
and then runs out to polish his truck,
which that might mean his dick, I don't know.
She starts packing her
clothes. Curtain.
That's the story.
Finn.
Oh, you can tweet
this.
You can open a link to
Twitter and tweet this.
Does it work?
I'm not going to be the one to tweet it.
I'm not clicking that.
Twitter actually asked, would you
like to allow adult DVD talk
access to your Twitter account?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, sure.
They've got it on us, Nick.
Sure, why not?
Fuck it, I don't need to see my family again.
Hey, John.
Oh, yes.
Hey, you're getting a choice.
Oh, it's a good choice.
Would you like two ladies or father and future son-in-law?
I've got to go father and future son-in-law? I gotta go father, future son-in-law.
All right.
Gotta go with the weirder one.
The one son, future king of dick.
Oh, it's Charn again.
Hi, Charn.
Yeah, that's the theme.
They're all Charn.
Oh, hey, it's Charn.
Time to go Winkies.
Okay, so father and future son-in-law. Oh hey, it's churn. Time to go wankies!
Okay, so, father and future son-in-law.
Goa sometimes squirts like a fire hose.
Afterwards, she is exhausted and immobilized for a while.
Goa's boyfriend sneaks in through her bedroom window, and they fuck on the floor.
She is menstruating.
So it's quite a visual stunning effect of the red spray across the room.
Imagine people are stunned, yes.
The boyfriend leaves to get cleaning supplies and her father walks in.
She sees the mess and thinks she is dead or dying.
He starts CPR and the boyfriend comes back.
What he sees is a father kissing his naked daughter. They fight until Goa is revived enough to tell them to stop fighting you morons.
Oh, it's a morality tale.
It's a wacky sitcom mix-up.
You thought I was
dead? No, it was something even worse.
These are all
badly translated Latvian
jokes. I think this is Hans von
Hosel's pervert cousin.
His father
denubed the blood.
Come what?
Phoebe and the blood. Come what? Yes?
Phoebe and the gang or mittens?
These cartoons are terrible.
Gonna have to go with Phoebe and the gang.
Phoebe and the gang?
Okay.
I think I know which gang.
Unless this is... Oh, this is Charn.
Who knows?
I did not know.
Hello, my name is Charn.
Phoebe tries to direct a tit-fuck gangbang,
but some of the guys start a fight.
What?
What?
I know, right?
Nobody told you it was gonna be this way.
She releases the video as Naked Man Brawl
I mean I guess that's
That's not
That's not
Probably not the best title
Yeah
Some of the mopes come back
To protest their appearance
In a video that is marketed
As gay male porn
Other mopes
Want more work
Without the chicks
Getting in the way
Another fight starts
And Phoebe shoots
Another video on the fly
So Charm
These are your your erotic
stories? Yep.
Okay.
Lemon?
Would you like a Christmas tale or
more effective than prayer?
Okay.
I think I want
a Christmas tale.
You know, I think those are both songs by the
Christmas Shoes guys. Alright. A Christmas tale. Good. You know, I think those are both songs by the Christmas Shoes guys.
All right.
A Christmas tale.
My name's Jarn.
Ebenezer Scrooge III doesn't give a shit about money.
He was born rich, so his first priority is being right when he argues about Star Wars porn on PrincessLeia.org.
And that's Princess Leia.
Nonprofit.org. And that's Princess Leia. Nonprofit.
Yeah.
After, Leia was brought up in a previous, anyway.
Anyway, after he scares away another NWB,
which is an acronym that means noob with boobs.
The regulars summon the ghosts of three Jedi
to show him the past, present, and future.
The first Jedi, Obi-Ben-Blo-Me, four out of ten, shows him the flame war he started about lightsaber colors indicating sexual orientation.
It's like the hanky code, but with lightsabers.
Master Cherry Soda is not in the mood for this.
Was that a Yoda pun?
Is that what that was? Jesus.
Anyway, Master Cherry Soda is not in the mood
for bullshit. She sticks a finger
up Ebenezer's ass and makes him
shoot a load on his own face.
Having a ghost's ice-cold
finger up there is an intense experience
that gives him a heart attack.
Princess Pound Me
then shows up
and finds two ghosts and a stiff.
Cherry Soda is still cranky, so
Pound Me cheers her up.
I don't know how, though.
He doesn't specify how
Pound Me cheers her up.
There's a surprise party. Takes her to
Chuck E. Cheese.
You've been down lately.
Here's a pick-me-up bouquet.
Oh, it's a card that makes noise when you open it.
Ebenezer finally sees the scene of his dreams,
but he's shit out of luck with no dickens to stroke.
It's like a Dante's Inferno, like, ironic punishment.
Like, I'm doing a Christmas story thing,
and I didn't work the word dick in there
anywhere.
Hey, Jimmy Franks.
Here's your choice.
Either Katie did
or the first Midnight Madness sale.
The first Midnight Madness sale.
It wasn't really a choice.
This Saturday.
This weekend only. It wasn't really a choice. This Saturday. Yeah.
This weekend only.
Here we go.
The first Midnight Madness sale.
A house was consistently and profitably haunted until the ghosts went on strike.
The house manager said, fuck you, and hired replacement workers.
But they were not ghosts.
They were illegal immigrants.
He figured people would still be scared which yes
They were they ran out screaming and came back with torches and pitchforks. That was a big day for the local hardware store
Sometimes hit on the serious issues of the day
Sometimes Char likes to hit on the serious issues of the day.
And I'm going to go back and do Two Ladies with John Skip, because I like it a lot.
Okay.
This is Two Ladies by Char.
Lady Guinevere is driving an army jeep, and Lady Godiva is sitting in the back playing her mandolin.
They drive straight off a cliff and land on the back of a giant bird.
They fly to a spot on the mountain.
While they make love, the jeep falls off the mountain.
The bird doesn't catch it because he's busy taking a crap.
He leaves to find another vehicle and comes back with a pink Duesenberg.
When Lady Guinevere gets back to Camelot, Arthur asks, where's the jeep?
And what's that old pink car in the driveway?
And does she have to spend eight goddamn hours on the phone every day?
Gwenevere looks at him and says, you pulled a sword from a stone
and now you act so high and fucking mighty?
If you can stay high for one whole minute, then maybe
I'll fuck you after I take a bath.
Oh my. The end.
Who wrote like a script
that put like Werner Herzog's
dreams to text?
This Mad Lib is not as funny as I thought it would be.
He has an erection, but he only knows suffering.
That's an A-plus impression.
Well done.
Thank you.
I see a whole bunch of stuff that Kumquat's posted in here.
Which should we grab?
I think the Thor one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Kumquat, what did you think about the opening scene in Thor XXX? I think the Thor one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Kumquatsop, what did you think about the opening scene in Thor XXX?
My name is Mr. Sphinx.
The Thor XXX opening scene is awful.
Oh, no!
Does it get better?
So, last night I started to watch Thor XXX, and I was excited because it appeared that the flick was going to start with a BJ-only scene. And as I often do, I got down on my knees and prayed that just once in an American movie of late, I could get a BJ-only scene where the girl finished the guy.
Like, you know, how it happens in reality, but I digress.
This reading, I'm just picturing, like, David Frost just, like, looking on at horror.
I started watching the scene, and lo and behold, Andy Sandemus is sucking a cock,
and sucking a cock,
and sucking a cock. And sucking a cock.
She sucked Danny Mountain
for something like 15 minutes.
The movie was over the 17-minute mark
by the time she stopped.
And after all that,
he still needed to jerk off to come in here now!
Let me explain the things that are wrong here.
First of all, I had a terrible mother.
Number one. No, BJ, only scene should have gone on this long in a feature.
And if it does, you sure as hell better have the girl finishing the guy, which you should do anyway.
You see, Mr. Spinks, every time you notice something like that, a wizard did it.
I'm not sure how long it's been since these people, meaning anyone in porn, have had real sex, but on planet Earth, a blowjob between two young, healthy people doesn't usually, if ever, go on for 15 minutes and several positions.
When it does, and I guarantee you this, it's because both people are all enjoying themselves and want to make it last.
and I guarantee you this, it's because both people are all enjoying themselves
and want to make it last. Further,
not only on planet Earth, but in the entire
Milky Way galaxy and beyond,
when these rare and awesome feats occur,
no male has additional time
to jerk himself off in order to come.
I apologize
for the capital Z.
That's actually in there.
That's on the post. That's the only offensive
part of this so far.
Kumquat has a little bit more to read,
but I want the listener to just imagine
Sam the Eagle, the Muppet.
There's a good one.
So when Kumquat's not Grover,
he's Sam the Eagle.
He's there.
You people are weird.
Jim Henson character brought to life no matter what.
I am quite angry at how ridiculous this scene is.
Now I'm picturing it.
How?
Yeah, there you are.
In the most existential sentence I'm about to say.
How can a viewer masturbate to an
endless blowjob?
Oh, fuck!
That's like purgatory!
I think that was the
scene in No Exit 2.
50% Grey, the sequel.
This Mobius strip
was made out of dick.
Hell is other people
and other people's
eternal bliss.
No Exit, Keep jerking.
We can keep going.
How can a blowjob like that still require a guy to jerk himself off?
Please don't put this kind of garbage in a movie again.
I have sat through it too many times in too many often U.S. produced features.
It's American's fault, sure.
The one in Thor XXX was all beyond ridiculous.
I started to wonder if Andy Sandemus
was going to pass out.
That would have been great.
Don't film
BJ scenes if the guy
has to jerk off, and if that happens,
edit the damn scene down to a reasonable
length, or make the scene down to a reasonable length
or make the scene a long bonus scene.
Edit.
Oh, man, this is...
Edit.
You think that there's discipline enough in porn
that people are going to edit things?
Maybe this is Michael Barrier's account on here.
Oh, sure.
Ooh.
It's Andeema's blowjob's rule.
I was actually kind of hoping it would be something like that.
Oh, wow.
Oh, wow. Oh, wow.
Oh, wow.
Oh, wow.
Victor isn't here,
so I had to put that in.
Thanks.
I got...
I was actually hoping...
Oh, no!
Hey, guys.
I hate these URLs.
Oh, boy.
I'm Romilo,
and this is my only post.
This is my only post. Hey, Romilo.
This is my only post.
Okay.
I'm so sorry for what I'm about to do.
Not as sorry as me.
So, my thread's called Anus After Anal Sex.
Yeah?
If we watch porn movies which contain anal sex,
when Guy pulls his penis out and spreads girl's butt apart with his hands, we can see that anus is opened.
This is called gape.
I wondering about a couple of things.
In real life and with average penis, bullet point one.
PowerPoint presentation.
Bullet point one.
PowerPoint presentation.
After anal sex, can you tell just by looking visually that this ass is fucked a little time ago?
Just spread cheeks and look at the anus and it can be tell?
No, you can tell by the amount of rings. I like that this guy bothered to censor the word fucked.
Doesn't want to offend anybody.
Hey Boots, the faster you read, the faster this post is over.
Second bullet point.
If I answer to preceding question
is yes,
then what is betraying it?
Anus is more opened
or a different color?
If penis leaves anus traveling to San Francisco at 75 miles per hour.
If you touch your thumb to your pinky and press down, that's a medium rare anus.
I imagine that this is like a guy, just a foreign tourist lost in America trying to ask for directions and he just has no idea what to say.
Third bullet point.
and he just has no idea what to say.
Third bullet point.
I have always wondered,
after anal sex,
how long is anus open and not so tight?
I do not believe that after 10 minutes
it is exactly the same tight
as before anal sex.
I think that 10 minutes after anal sex,
if you spread girls' ass apart with hands,
you can see that this anus
is fucked not long time ago.
It is more open. But how
long it lasts? 30 min?
One hour? Two hours?
Six hours? Okay, after two hours
maybe it is not open
if you pull cheeks apart. But I think
it is not same strength as before anal.
And you can feel difference with finger.
How long it takes to be exactly
same as before?
Same strength as before.
Oh, my God.
Theoretically, if your girlfriend cheats on you and comes home two hours after some macho fucks her ass in a hotel room...
Ah, there we go. Finally.
Can you tell it just by looking at her anus?
Or if you put your finger in her ass?
Nope.
As you can see, English is not my first language.
Sorry about that.
Alternate title for this post, how to hello depression.
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
This is Joey Starr.
Welcome to ADT, Romulo.
I'd sniff it.
If some dude fucked her up the ass, you could probably smell it.
Does it work. Maybe train
a dog to do it?
Train a dog to fuck her up the ass, I'm assuming.
Sex up, girl.
Somebody.
Damn it, we're still in this thread?
Yep.
The legendary
asshound.
I'm sex shop girl.
Wow, this is like twice this week I've heard about the exact same question.
Once on FetLife and now of course.
What are the ads?
I don't know about anybody else, but mine goes back to normal pretty quick.
Define normal.
By the way, F is for 40 and fabulous.
Thanks. Nope.
I'm a senior member. Emphasis on
senior. And member.
Oh, good one, sis. Thanks.
No problem.
You should write for this site,
you know? You'd be really good at it. You've got some really good
ideas. Oh my god, really?
Oh my god, it? Oh my god,
it's an idiot to get the camera.
I like...
Nobody read Dave Bowman!
What was that? Read Dave Bowman?
No! What's the next
thread? God damn it! I like the person that just
responded with the 7-Up Cool Spot
dancing.
Yeah, I just love that!
Woo!
He's doing a little dance. Can we put that on the bulb? Is the anus the cool spot?
Let's just do a little palate cleanser before we finish off.
Oh no, I don't want to know what cleanses the palate.
What are you talking about?
I think that's farther down in that forum.
Alright, I like this. I don't want to know what cleanses the palate. What are you talking about? I think that's farther down in that forum.
I like this.
Is the palate cleanser a girl named Ginger?
This one I just like because there's some very strange advice in it.
Oh, this one has strange advice.
I'll start with a question.
What size would my penis be considered?
I'm Stephen M777.
I've been wondering this for a little while, and I'm not sure an exact answer.
I'm five inches when fully erect.
What size would I fall under, honestly?
Thanks in advance.
And, Jimmy Franks, we're going to have a conversation here.
This is his dudeness.
Average for the length. Does your junk fit inside of a toilet paper roll when it is hard?
That is the measurement standard that urologists use.
That's why they're that size.
It makes so much sense now.
Please answer the question.
Yeah, it fits inside a toilet paper roll.
Does it touch the inside of the roll, or does it go in easy?
It goes in pretty easy.
It goes right in, doesn't touch anything, but barely.
Okay.
Yeah, tell me how that paper toilet roll feels.
Yeah.
Was it erect when you tried it?
If it was, you are a little below average girth if it kind of touched all the way around.
So you'd be average length and a little under
on the girth. But in all actuality, who
cares? If you fuck a girl and you
enjoy it and cum, that's all that matters.
Correct? That's quite inspirational.
Yeah, that's the only thing that matters. What else would matter?
What about monster cock?
And then I took that advice and disappeared forever.
Yay!
He ran away with a paper tube on his dick.
This dude has really seemed into seeing how that guy's dick felt inside the toilet paper.
Yeah, very specifically interested in helping that guy determine how big his dick was.
And then the rest of this thread is a huge slap fight about dudes shaving their balls.
That's how a lot of threads turn into that, actually.
I like to imagine that every single thread turns into that.
Uh, my name's, uh, sorry, sorry, but my name's Soapy Suds.
Okay.
Soapy Suds.
Most cock sizes in porn are about seven inches.
At least.
Mine is five and a half inches.
It's supposed to be average, but it feels tiny as fuck.
I wish I had an extra two inches.
Hey, guys.
Hey, guys, I'm Dave Bowman.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, not you!
Hey, what's up?
Hey, guys, I wouldn't worry about it.
Most women are more worried about the size of your bank balance
than the size of your dick. and the size of your dick.
Doggy face.
Alright.
I got jokes.
Alright, so
what do you think we learned tonight?
Well, I don't know how
I don't know how good
vagina sleeves are.
Oh, don't you?
I don't.
I don't have any idea
what the top tier
vagina sleeve is.
I learned you don't need a vagina
sleeve, you just need a toilet paper roll.
I learned that I got so many pop-ups
after visiting this site that I'm going to throw my computer
in the garbage.
This episode brought to you
by Attawear. I learned that after you
throw up enough times, it's only bile that comes up, so that's prettyaware. I learned that after you throw up enough times,
it's only bile that comes up, so that's pretty cool.
I already knew that.
I found Sex Shop Girl,
a really interesting member,
because she's on the thing 1,503 times,
kind of everywhere,
and then in every thread,
she's like, tee-hee,
and then everyone then in every thread she's like she's like teehee and then everyone is you know gross and then and then she's like oh you guys are gross like that's that's such a weird
way to get male attention like it's it seems very like like the community is strange but like her
like her place in that is even stranger that i don't know why you would go into a forum
that is united by wanting to see women objectified
and then be like, I'm a woman, by the way!
Maybe that's her thing.
Well, there is that, yeah.
Maybe that's what she's into.
Everybody's got to have a thing.
Here's a crazy idea.
Maybe she's not actually a woman.
That doesn't make sense then either. Yeah, she's got a girl in the name. Yeah. That's a crazy idea. Maybe she's not actually a woman. That doesn't make sense then either.
Yeah, she's got girl in the name.
Yeah.
GRL. Girl.
Mm-hmm.
I think my favorite
persona of the whole thing was Noodle's Daddy.
He's really concerned
with the amount of cum that can
be on a woman.
You know, I like, I learned, I learned from the site that somebody went to, like, a free porn site, and then saw, like, the comment section.
It's like, you know what?
Let's make a whole site that.
This is a rich gold mine.
I learned.
We had, we had, we had.
Oh, we got someone else.
No.
I just learned that I hate boots
That's all I learned
Oh okay
You already knew that
You already knew that
Yeah
We had
We had Lou on here
I learned that Kumquat
Won't stop posting
Yeah
But this
This ties back
Back to boots original point
Noodle's daddy
Was talking about
Completus
Has anyone out there
Collected every volume
Of a series
With many entries?
I tried to do an Anabolic
Bollocks Ass Man series, but
gave up after number 25.
25?
Well, it's nice to see that a dick ass man did something good with
the fame after David Letterman.
There's another old man joke.
Yeah, that's a good one.
Jean-Yves Le Castel had handed over
the reins by that point.
Anyway, so I no longer regard subsequent volumes as being true ass-man movies.
This is not canon!
Collecting a series is pretty hard work.
They seem to make the films faster than I can watch them.
To anyone replying this, I'd like to ask,
what is slash was the most motivating factor behind going for every volume?
And can anyone answer a trivia question
I have, which is, what's the highest
number sequel in porn?
I remember Bill Hicks
in Arizona Bay renting
Anal Entry 500,
though I suspect that isn't a real life series.
No.
Anal Entry number 500
my name is Lex
Von V
I'm collecting
ass worship series 1 through
15 15 currently
missing oh I heard ass worship
climb on the ass worship
that's my series with the most entries Climb on the asshole ship.
That's my series with the most entries to date.
Since I'm a completionist, I collected them in their original issuing.
I.E. parts 1 through 8 from Evil Empire.
Parts 9 plus plus from JJV.
The series progresses rather slowly.
You know the plot. So there's no issue keeping track.
Uh,
but there's a... nevermind.
I want to stop reading.
Thanks,
Tomquat, you're a true hero.
Yay.
Yay.
Uh, yeah, no, it's, it's, uh,
it's, it's so, like, the,
the community is, is... I mean, you know, it's, it's uh it's it's so like the the community is is i mean you know it's it's
it's a question we've asked in so many forums but like why why would you do that why why i just i
find it fascinating the psychology people it's like okay the idea of porn is you get this thing
you do what you need to do and then you're You know, it's not like something like these guys like you collect.
So the psychology of people who crossed over to like, no, I'm making a collection of these.
This is what I choose to do with my life.
It's just, it's crazy.
I get the sense that a lot of these people don't enjoy pornography in the traditional sense of like, yeah, you could beat off to it.
But, you know, it's more important for me to have a complete collection of yeah that yeah that guy's really monster cock about it yeah totally
beautiful that's a fucking full circle uh and if you're looking for a place to post uh pictures
of your porno collection you should do it on ball pit that's b-a-l-l-p dot i-t uh the website
t-h-e-f-p-l dot u-s uh The website, T-H-E-F-P-L dot U-S.
Twitter, at the F plus.
Some of us have Twitter accounts you can follow as well.
And go do that thing.
Maybe you'll buy a shirt.
Bye-bye. Bye-bye.
Bye.
Perfect. I never knew she was theatrically inclined.
I saw Holly in a pony with a pony.
And I nearly blowed my mind.
Was she galloping?
I dusted my man pussy.
Wait, wait.
No, you already did that one.
Oh, damn it.
I'm a one-note tune, you guys.
And that tune is, I dusted my man pussy.