The F Plus - 162: Eee! Pinions!
Episode Date: January 10, 2015"Caveat Emptor" the old adage says, but that adage is in Latin and doesn't mention the drive-thru window, so it might as well not even exist. We're looking at two different sites: ePinions and Me...asuredUp, two different places on the internet where consumers can demand their voice be heard. Of course, nobody's actually going to pay any attention, but they can certainly demand it nonetheless. This week, we're all worried about Dimmy.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Let's talk. Let's talk. What's your problem there, Molly Rose?
My name's Molly Rose.
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
My name's Molly Rose.
What are you doing? Look at that paragraph.
Look at that paragraph.
Welcome to the F+. A terrible place with a terrible face.
And there's things red with enthusiasm.
In the room tonight we have Boots Ring here.
I have been banned from Uno for unknown reason.
Victor Laszlo.
I was played on My Little Pony app and just one day out the blue, I was banned when I had been playing the game.
Dog!
Why is it that before I even entered the store, a feminazi security employee is bending down where I'm standing?
Frank West!
Owner is rude and threatening. He insulted my mother and told me to go fuck myself.
And Lemon.
I purchased two packs of sweetened dried cherries, and they both tasted of oily substance.
I was very disappointed, since I love the dried pineapple.
I ended up washing them in Dawn detergent and rinsing them with health sum.
That's presumably how you eat them afterwards. So you won't remember what you're good for There's much more to life
Under the sun
It's not what they can see
Until it's done
The secret's safe with me
Hey, F+.
Hey, Lennon.
Hey.
Hello. Hey. Hello.
Hey, guys.
So, everyone in the room, I want you to do me a favor here,
and I want everyone to give your opinions on the new F+, website, on the count of three.
Alright, one, two, three.
Squares.
I hate it.
My eyes are bleeding all the time.
That's not related to the website, Stuck.
I should probably stop sticking knives in my eyes.
You should probably stop that. One of the
things about the internet
that's too bad is that
if you're an angry
idiot on the internet and you have
strong, uninformed opinions,
it's really
hard to figure out a place where you
can vet your strong
idiotic opinions.
Isn't that really too bad?
We've had a hard time finding those.
Well, that's a problem that's
solved now because there's a website
called ePinions.
It pretty much looks exactly like you would expect
it to. I can't imagine
why it exists, but apparently eBay owns it, so it's that special eBay kind of ugly.
But yeah, so we're going to be visiting ePinions.
It's a place where people can write reviews on anything.
Anything they like.
If it doesn't exist on the website, you can create it and then review it.
That's wonderful. So, for example, we're going to start out here with
sugar-free jelly bellies.
Victor Laszlo.
Yes?
What did you think about
sugar-free jelly bellies?
Sugar-free jelly belly jelly beans.
The 3.1 ounce bag.
This doesn't apply to the 5 ounce bag.
Sure. Sure, sure, sure, sure.
These are tasty, but terrible for you.
What's your name there?
Oh, my name is Miss Mary J.
The pros of these jelly beans are
they taste almost like the real product.
The cons...
The cons, it's a possible laxative effect in less than a quarter of suggested serving.
Full of sorbitol.
Expensive.
So, pros, kind of tastes like food, sort of.
Cons, makes you do shit everywhere, and it costs a bunch.
I don't see what the problem is.
I can see being on the fence.
So, I'm more than a little bit of a health nut,
so I really try to restrict my intake of processed sugars.
I'm not diabetic.
I just try to get the majority of my sugars from fruit and the like.
However, I do have a sweet tooth that can sometimes not be satiated by fruits.
So I am always on the eyeball for things that might stave off a craving.
I like inventing expressions.
I have a giant eyeball I actually ride.
Hi-ho, silver away!
People who know me know that I keep this sort of lookout,
and I was given these in a gift basket made by a well-intentioned friend.
Jellybelly has created a sugar-free version of their popular staple product.
They come in a 3.1-ounce bag, which I found to be a bit pricey at the
$2.49 the store they came from had
them store it for.
Well, Victor,
your review there, it goes on
for a little while, and that's cool
because I think that we'd like
to be informed, but we also would like to get a
variety of e-pinions.
Let's get the word,
the paragraph that begins with the word, which.
Which leads me
to my biggest problem with the beans.
They are stamped, both front and
back, with warnings about a laxative effect.
Listen, man, when I'm shitting myself,
I like to be surprised.
The warnings actually say they suggest starting with eight beans or less.
That's the noob quantity.
I made the mistake of eating nine jelly beans and I've been up all night.
Well, yeah, there's several different opinions that we can go through here.
Victor had one there.
But there's another opinion
that is shared by
Lou Animal. And Stog,
if you'll take that, please. Lou Animal.
Yeah, Lou Animal, what did you think
of the sugar-free Jelly Belly
Jelly Beans 3.1 ounce bag?
Well, they causes
excruciating pain, but I still eat them.
Stove hot!
Touch stove!
You know, the pros are,
they have a great taste
and you can eat the whole
without feeling guilty.
But they should have these
during the Spanish Inquisition
because they hurt so bad.
The bottom line,
eat at your own risk.
Eating these jelly beans is like torture.
Four out of five stars.
I'm a masochist.
Well, tell me a little bit more about
the jelly beans, would you please?
Okay. Recently I have lost
a great deal of weight, so eating candy
has become out of the question for me.
I've always been a particular fan of
Jelly Belly Jelly Beans,
so when I found a sugar-free version at the stores,
I practically jumped with joy.
Unfortunately, I did not read the warning on the bag.
I believe it recommends not eating more than 12 beans at a time.
I ate the entire bag in less than half an hour.
Oh my god.
Uh-oh.
This is going to turn into a teen comedy any minute.
They are not like regular jelly bellies,
but if you are used to eating sugary things,
you will hardly notice the difference.
The problem with them is,
after about an hour of eating them,
I experienced such extreme stomach pain that I thought something inside me was going to rupture
and I would die.
If it wasn't for my husband rereading the bag, I probably would have seen a doctor.
It hurt so bad.
Wait, so you saw a warning that said, don't eat too many of these?
And you went, okay, I guess I'm fine now.
Yeah.
Doctors are expensive.
That being said,
I have eaten these copiously
since and just put up with the pain because
I enjoy them so much.
Good God!
This is what happens in a post-Ronald
Reagan world.
They're cheaper than S&M sessions.
Say boots.
Say lemon.
What do you think about Bill Nye the Science Guy?
Oh, well, let me load this page and find out what my...
He's no Mr. Wizard.
I'm Red Sox.
Yeah, so you want to know the pros and cons about Bill Nye the Science Guy?
Yeah, what's the pros?
The pros are bring back memories of Mr. Wizard.
Oh, that's sad.
Cons?
Are there any cons?
Cons?
He's no Mr. Wizard.
He's the Mr. Wizard Sucrose.
Bill Nye the Science Guy is yet another clone of a formerly great television show.
Bill Nye has taken the subject that Don Herbert, Mr. Wizard, had made great and turned it into a mockery.
Unlike the great Don Herbert, Bill Nye is a real jokester.
His experiments are not researched, and he attempts to use humor to cover up the fact that he has no knowledge about the subject matter at hand.
Sure.
Sure, Bill Nye copied the general idea of Mr. Wizard, using kids to help teach your kids by doing experiments.
I mean, yeah, he did kind of plagiarize that whole idea of science on television.
Of incorporating children in children's entertainment.
That's crazy talk.
But he left out the part
where he was supposed to be
an irascible cunt the whole time.
Yeah.
No, no, you didn't do that right,
did you, Demi?
Demi?
The kid named Demi on Mr. Wizard's World?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he was stupid.
That was Demi's whole thing.
Oh, Demimmie.
But I'm afraid your kids will be too busy making fun of Bill Nye's unruly hair
or his bad jokes to truly learn anything.
A show about science should be serious and to the point,
not unlike a class about science.
We want our children to learn not to laugh at serious subjects
such as chlorophyll, cell structure, and the law of gravity.
That is no laughing matter!
Take that, slapstick.
Listen, I like jokes as much as the next guy, but when it comes to matters like chlorophyll...
Folks, if you want to view a real show about science, call up Nickelodeon Network and beg them to bring back Don Herbert.
Or perhaps you can mail order some tapes.
Either which way, I implore you to stay away from Bill Nye, the non-science guy.
Oh, shit!
Do I recommend this product?
Yes.
You know what?
It's actually pretty good now that I think of it.
So, I bought Grand Theft Auto 4 for my Xbox 360 in 2008.
for my xbox 360 in 2008 uh and i just want to tell you a little bit about like my experience with grand theft auto for the xbox 360 okay rockstar is awesome okay i'm geeko and uh i got
some pros and some cons pros the best thing about that is that you can do whatever you want to.
But there's a con.
The game is also leading some bad Elminates.
Elminates.
Elminates.
Okay, the bottom line, my finale recommendation is graphic cards because if i would not have a graphic card i would
haven't played so for me as graphic card
thank you hr say no more i think i know enough to buy this product
i will continue well the new gta is all about the fun and explore yourself.
Oh.
Yeah.
Oh, my lord.
Have a little private time with Grand Theft Auto.
Playing that sort of game can make your mood good all the time,
and this way you can learn many things about how the gangsta mind is,
space, period,, period space,
or how they deal with it.
Ellipsis and another period.
My personal experience about this is really awesome.
By help of this game,
I come up with some new things about the gangster life.
Well, in movie, you can also watch is,
but when it comes to games, it is really more
fun or more real than game, according me, because in game, you have to play the lead
role, so when you play, you automatically starting to feel the role of your job.
Who?
Aren't you glad I continued so that I could elucidate
my opinions?
Make them more precise?
This is the best thing
about the games. I like it.
That's why I prefer
games than
movies. So, according
to me, it's a beautiful
game. The city is alive. You can
interact with anyone and anything the graphic and
physics are awesome and the best part is gameplay sometimes i start laughing over the dialogues
rado and tv talks the show is awesome if you want to play this game you need gtx 260 and quad-core thin. You would be able to get above 25 FPS.
Recommend this product?
Yeah!
What did you think?
Did you like that?
Are you going to go get Grand Theft Auto 4 now?
Because Rockstar is awesome.
Why did you pass it through Google Translate eight times before you posted it?
Why do I need a graphics card?
Because I thought that they would crystallize my review
and make it make more sense.
When he first wrote it, it was a little hard to read,
so we figured he would translate it into better English.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I tried to stick a graphics card in my 360,
and now nothing works.
How I put graphics card in 360?
Step one, get hacksaw.
Step two,
install computer.
Alright, so we are going to be going to
other places other than ePinions.
There's more places to view.
Yeah, there's other places that are also just as well-researched and well-thought-out,
such as MeasuredUp.com.
MeasuredUp has a whole bunch of different sections,
but there's a section for Burger King,
and we're going to learn a little bit about Burger King boots.
Your name is Bad Customer Servicey.
His title is Bad Customer, and his name is Servicey.
I have Burger King complaint.
Oh.
What did you review Burger King as?
What sort of score did Burger King get?
It got a frowny face.
A really frowny face, as opposed to a slightly frowny face.
That's the worst thing you can get unmeasured up.
Yeah.
Frowny face!
Uh, yeah.
A bad customer service, and you all are liar!
Customer service.
Hey!
Hey! I really can't
trust it, you
all. Customer
service is too bad.
Wow!
You know that the promotion
of the hottest deals?
When I went to
Burger King near Leisure Mall
for I wanted to
order the set, but
you know the people who
serve us didn't take
any paper about promotion
to the consumers.
Uh-huh. Okay.
Yeah. Outside
3 Addy have
a big billboard
just showing us that have the promotion
why the person done even give the customer
to see the paper, just keep it in the counter.
And us to ask,
it has got promotion of set rum 5.95.
Wow. I lost you sentences ago oh let me win you back okay cool the person only give us the paper with a unlike face
oh they measured you up already yeah wait you ordered a number six and he just gave you a
frowny face?
Yeah, that's why I'm giving you one back.
Burger King preemptively reviewed this guy and measured up and gave him a frowny face too.
What do I think of you, man?
This are a big center.
There have many Burger King in this hall, but why was Earth's customer service
are so bad
it is one us to upload to
Facebook and say all the things about
you all if us
customer service can be
good I think you can win that
Mick Donald
and hope done keep the paper
of the hottest
deals because the
billboard Ady's showing
us so big promotion
if like this many people
would like to buy
this meals
if you all not showing us means
you all is liar cause the
billboard addy's said but
you all not showing us the
paper please you
guys I can sure that your customer service is so, so, so, so, so, so bad.
All right.
Now we get to play Guess What Actually Happened.
Any guesses?
Severe concussion?
He was actually in a Wendy's?
He was actually in a Wendy's?
There was $5.95 of rum involved.
I know that much.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There was a billboard.
There was a promotion.
There was a billboard promotion.
I know that.
Yeah.
They guess they didn't honor it.
I can't... Yeah, okay.
Well, let's move on to less confusing matters,
such as the Disney Channel.
Uh, Victor?
Yes?
If you had to say what your one problem
with the Disney Channel is...
I know you have a couple problems,
but what's your primary problem with the Disney Channel?
Retarded people?
I'm B. Buchanan 3, and I have a complaint about retarded people.
Sure you do, Mr. Buchanan.
Eugenics?
Lately, I have discovered that Diosney Channel has been putting stupid people in their shows.
Stupid in quotes.
I mean, PJ from Good Luck Charlie, Cameron from Ant Farm, Cece from Shake It Up, Max from Wizards of Waverly Place, and Dez from Alston and Alley?
How come all the people act so retarded?
That's cruel.
Is this your business?
Claim your business fee and reply to this customer.
Dear retard.
Yes, I am the Disney Channel.
I am Mr. Channel, yes.
Hello.
There's actually another complaint here about Disney Channel. Stog, if you'll take that, hello. There's actually another complaint here about Disney Channel.
Stog, if you'll take that, please.
Your Rivers on Me Louie?
Rivers on Me Louie.
Rivers on Me Louie.
Disney's horror movies.
Disney Channel went down after That's So Raven
and went back up.
But now I am watching Disney
and Monster
is terrible.
First, this is a
Childrebs show.
Childrebs
Chandly. What is this?
This is a Childrebs show.
Okay.
Second, half of the religions do not worship this, no offense to monistic movies.
Wait, so which half of the religions do worship Monstober?
Hindus are crazy for Mom Stober.
Below there are more reviews about this tribal whore.
The least they can do is have left witchcraft commercials.
Share this review.
I'm too angry to spill, Chick.
I'm gonna pin it.
I give the Disney
Channel a big
sad face. That's right.
Oh,
that's too bad. Man, there's so many complaints
about Disney Channel. Here's another one
by Roscoe14.
Frank West, if you'll take that, please.
I'm Roscoe14.
Roscoe.
Soddish Posers.
I am outraged
at Disney Channel.
I was watching an episode
of The Suite Life, and at the start
there was Scottish bagpipers
talking to Mr. Mosby, and I
want you to know that no Scottish person talks like that.
If we were to say,
someone has poured milk into our bagpipes,
we would say,
here's someone's poured milk into our bagpipes.
What?
What?
I don't know where Disney Channel got the idea
that Scottish people are incoherent.
Not what Disney Channel has made these American actors say.
I am finding this somewhat racist and would like an apology.
Disney is channel is amplying.
All Scottish people are like that. Well,
we're not. That is
like us saying all Americans
are fat and eat junk food all the time,
which they don't.
I am sorry to anyone finding that
offensive, but I am making a point.
Are you, Roscoe?
Are you really? Is it the point you think you're making?
Soddish
pausers.
So, uh,
I don't know, um,
do you like the
Kraft Buttermilk Ranch Dressing?
You a fan?
Yeah, yeah, well,
you know, as far as
Buttermilk Ranch Dressing goes, I'd say
I'd put it within my top ten.
What do you think about the new buttermilk ranch dressing?
Oh, the new buttermilk ranch dressing?
It is terrible.
And I have legally changed my name to Want Old Craft Back.
So, Mr. Craft Back.
What?
Old Craft Back? What old craftback?
What old craftback?
I'm afraid your application to Wendy's has been rejected.
What old craftback has no friends yet?
I'm writing because I'm a lover of craft buttermilk ranch dressing.
I buy at least ten bottles a month.
Oh, my...
Go on.
Well, you gotta bathe in
something.
Anyway, I buy it.
Remember, at least.
So that's the minimum amount.
This is the way we wash the dog.
Wash the dog.
Why does he eat his own legs?
When I go to the grocery store, I buy ten bottles of ranch dressing,
yet I still get to use the express aisle.
Oh, it's the ranch dressing idiot again.
It's a luxury I don't need, because I'm not much of a mover.
Anyway, so you buy ten bottles of Kraft Ranch dressing a month.
Yeah, but now that you've changed the taste, it tastes horrible.
It tastes like sandwich spread.
I started buying the large gallon size of Buttermilk Ranch, and now Walmart don't even carry it anymore.
I've tried several stores.
This stuff tastes horrible, and I can't buy enough of it.
The portions are so small.
Wow.
I've tried several stores.
They only carry the original gallon ranch, but not buttermilk, and the smaller new bottles
is terrible.
So now I'm online trying
to find the original buttermilk craft ranch.
When the world ends, I'm gonna have
all the old buttermilk ranch
craft ranch dressing.
Gonna get her own show on the Food Network?
Hi there.
I want old craft back. I'm Juan Old Craftback.
I'm looking for craft buttermilk ranch dressing.
In hundred gallon drums.
This is where I keep the corpses.
No, wait, that's just more ranch dressing.
I put the corpses in the ranch dressing like I put the corpses
in the ranch dressing like Breaking Bad.
This next one is
up to you, Victor.
So, which would you like
to read?
Let's see.
McDonaldsReviews.MeasuredUp.com slash ComplaintApplePieBigMac
or Leonardo DiCaprioRipoffActorReviews.MeasuredUp.com
ComplaintSpecialArtistAgency.
That one.
Alrighty.
So you have a complaint about Leonardo DiCaprio, is that right?
Terry2020? I have a big complaint about Leonardo DiCaprio, is that right? Terry 2020?
I have a big complaint about Leonardo DiCaprio.
Boy, you do.
Yes.
This is longer than it should be, but we'll get far enough.
Jesus Christ.
Yeah.
Wow.
Special Artist Agency.
Care of Special Artist Agency.
345 North Maple Drive, number 302.
Beverly Hills, California, 90210.
USA.
Is she attempting to mail the website?
I think so.
Leonardo DiCaprio is a rip-off actor.
His salary is bankrupting our country to live his greedy, rich lifestyle.
Oh, that's what's fucking doing it
god damn it
fucking Obama just keeps giving DiCaprio money
I'm sorry I just really liked Inception
I don't know what to do
have you ever gone to the movies and said
these tickets are too expensive
or questioned why you have to pay more for products Have you ever gone to the movies and said, these tickets are too expensive?
Or questioned why you have to pay more for products that endorse films with Leonardo DiCaprio?
And Dorch?
No, but the first thing, first thing bothered me.
The second thing, I think you might have just made up.
Have you ever questioned the movie and the people behind the movie, what they make in earnings?
Yes.
Let's take a look at actor Leonardo DiCaprio.rio have you ever seen a movie with leonardo dicaprio yes yes leonardo dicaprio
gets 20 to 40 million per movie that's per film salary i really like saying leonardo dicaprio
the average time for an actor to film as an actor is about 40 days work if you average 30 days work at 20 million dollars
that's about twenty thousand dollars to thirty thousand dollars dollars an hour
all five-star hotel expenses traveling first class and, all paid for besides the actor's salary.
Leonardo DiCaprio earnings.
Annual, U.S. dollars, $77 million plus.
Monthly, U.S. dollars, $6,416,666.
Weekly, U.S. dollars, $1,540,000.
Daily, U.S. dollars, $308,000.
That is no... You cannot raise a kid on that salary.
I don't care what anyone says.
Just to prove my point, I can use a calculator.
So, Victor,
you go on about this for a while,
but what's the problem
with rich, greedy actors and actresses?
What's the problem?
The problem?
Yeah, what is the problem with rich, greedy actors and actresses?
Sorry, there was a lot of scrolling down to happen there.
Sure was.
The problem with the rich, greedy actors and actresses is that they all get paid for two months worth of work or less than three and the leave on vacation or the next film,
leaving everybody behind their set working months to a year,
trying to get the film finished.
That's what they do.
The leave and fly on a private jet while everybody else flies commercial on an
economy plane.
If they have to travel or not.
Wow.
This is the angriest caterer in the world.
Everybody else has to fly commercial
even if they don't want to.
And even fly home on weekends
and back on set
while the crews are sleeping in tents
or dumpy trailers
while actors like Leonardo DiCaprio
staying in every five-star hotel during the entire set. actors like Leonardo DiCaprio staying in every five-star hotel during the entire
set. To think
Leonardo DiCaprio is in the actors
unit, but treats everybody else
like garage because he is rich and
famous.
Hey, can I park my car
in you?
Stop doing fucking
woodshop hobbies inside of me.
I'm not the place where you store your tools, asshole.
But I do smell like old paint.
Hey, what are you doing? What are you doing?
Oh, it's just Leonardo DiCaprio. He's getting his skis.
You know there are so many people behind the set that made the creative shots, location scenes, camera rolls, or risky stunts, and etc.
They are not Rick Connick's for anything.
And here you see Leonardo DiCaprio at the Academy Awards or etc. Awards.
All paid to travel.
Everything all paid for.
He gets his eight-fig dollar paycheck people behind the set get no credit and get about hundred dollars a week talk about sick
and greedy how these actors expect to get their money and think less of all the people living on
low incomes behind the set so oh my god and there's so many more words, and it's all the same words.
So Leonardo DiCaprio invented Hollywood?
And apparently if you're on a DiCaprio movie, everybody else lives in a shantytown behind the backdrop.
That's actually in his contract.
Yeah.
I don't feel rich unless everyone else is poor.
Call it Leonardoville.
Hey, Boots, do
you remember the
website Pogo.com?
No.
Or yes.
It still exists.
It still exists.
Yeah, I remember Pogo.
What was Pogo?
Yeah, so it's an EA,
kind of like Congregate,
but wouldn't it be great
if Congregate tried to...
Oh, yeah.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, Boots,
what's your problem with Pogo?
I mean, specifically the headquarters.
The headquarters of Pogo.
The Pogo headquarters.
Yeah, my problem is that I have a complaint.
Oh.
Well, that's a problem, I guess.
Yeah, I have an avid X-crosser.
Misspelled cross-dresser, I guess.
Yeah.
Cross all my X's.
Anyway, site is acting like a pimp and selling advertisement for sex, as described in complaint.
All right.
Yep.
Recently, I've noticed ads for women.
The girls in the ads are skimply dressed
and almost falling out of the tops.
This devalues women
and destroys any hope of family orientation.
Oh, no, it's all gone.
The kids are all pointing the wrong way.
God damn it, Timmy.
Face forward.
You want to be like Timmy over there?
I love to play Scrabble, but with the ads, I don't think I will be playing much longer.
My name is Eve Conway, and I responded to your review.
Today, Pogo changed its format again.
Almost immediately after the change, sex ads started appearing in the header.
I could not believe my eyes. I went from game to game, and after clicking on start,
a different sex ad would appear.
I then clicked on a page listing various games of a particular kind
and didn't see the sex ad at the top.
However, as I was looking at the left of the page,
there was an ad that read, like Asian women,
and below that was a picture of a very young but well-endowed Asian girl in a pool
holding on to the side, and her breasts were exposed so much that one of her nipples was visible.
Easy, Eve.
Sorry.
Sorry.
It's just, oh, so angry.
Oh, I just need some time.
Underneath the bath faucet to be angry.
Breathe into a paper bag.
Oh, no, it's fine.
Okay, unbelievable.
Kids and teens play Pogo games. What in the hell is going on?
I think they were logged on during Pogo After Dark.
What in the hell is going on?
I think they were logged on during Pogo After Dark.
I'm Larry Frinton.
This is Pogo.
The best part about that to me, well, not the best part, but the second best part is that is Eve Conway's only activity on this entire website.
It's a fucking serious subject, man.
She has an account, just to make that comment.
I don't understand electronic arts.
Why do you think your audience is horny teenage boys?
And then you also, Frank West,
you also had a complaint about Pogo games, right?
I certainly did.
Oh, God, it's the same guy.
It's Avid X-Crosser.
I'm Avid X-Crosser.
No.
And what's your problem there?
Do you want me to?
Oh, it is a different one.
I'm sorry.
I thought it was the same link.
My bad.
Nope.
Nope.
Got a lot to say.
Sorry.
I didn't realize that the same person
would file two complaints against Pogo Online.
The file was so inconceivable
I assumed you must have made a mistake.
And those are the only two things
he's ever done on the site.
Pogo Online Games Complaint
by AvidXCrosser
Game totals change daily.
Fuck!
I have been playing
Bejeweled Twist on the site,
and for the some time, I have
noticed that the total changes
from the total that was present when I finished
the game the last I played it.
So I have written down the total.
There's a fucking detective here.
What the fuck?
07-01-13.
I started with a total of 80,000 and ended with a total of 90,600.
Today, 7-02, I started with a total of 78,600 and ended with a total of 89,000.
This is not the first time
I have noticed problems with this game,
but I thought I would bring it to someone's attention.
Oh, the
big-titted Asian girl isn't going to like this.
And by someone, I mean nobody in particular.
Eve Conway.
Don't you worry about
the big-titted Asian lady, because I was
very happy to see that the sex trade ads had been removed.
They lower the standards that I had thought of the site.
Not the extremely frustrated teen boys with parental blocking software on the family computer!
What will they do now?
So, uh, this is...
Oh, I forgot to mention, but this piece was put together by Montriff.
Thank you, Montriff.
And I remember, actually, the timeline in her putting together this ad, which is because she was basically just messaging me, like, for an hour.
She would just, like, message me links.
And then she was like, there we go, I'm done.
I think this might have been her fastest doc ever.
So anyway, this is a complaint about Walmart and Glenn Beck.
I personally don't particularly care for either of those institutions, but Stog, what's your problem there, Molly Rose?
Glenn Beck.
Heading Walmart complaint, subheading Glenn Beck. Heading
Walmart complaint, subheading
Glenn Beck.
And publish.
I would like the Walmart CEO
and other top management to know
the disappointment you have aroused
among those of us who appreciate
what Glenn Beck has done
and is doing to inform us,
the public, about our government.
Oh, boy.
Oh, no.
Our Congress isn't doing its job
to inform its constituents
and our media except for Fox.
Is that what Glenn Beck taught you
the Congress's job was?
And our media except for Fox
and radio talk shows
is carrying the huge job
of letting Americans know what is factually happening in our country.
Don't you think it...
You know what?
Like, I've heard this argument hundreds of times, and it never gets less stupid.
Don't you think it odd that none of the major TV stations, only Fox News, is reporting on the graft,
dirty political connections,
and waste of our tax dollars
connected to Acorn.
How is this a screed against the left-wing,
like, liberal organization of Walmart?
So you, Walmart,
have dropped your sponsorship
of the Glenn Beck TV show. We are wondering why? So by, Walmart, have dropped your sponsorship of the Glenn Beck TV show.
We are wondering why?
So by reading this, am I legally Walmart?
We're all legally at Walmart now.
Good luck going home.
Why do you not want us to be informed of how our government is using our tax dollars?
Why do you not want to support a one-man effort
to expose this corruption?
Because Glenn Beck is the only one exposing...
Yeah.
She pointed that out earlier.
Yes, exactly.
That's exactly right.
Your store has been my one-stop shop.
What a surprise.
But I have almost finalized my decision
to stop supporting you.
I love this sort of
internal white trash conundrum
where you're like,
Glenn Beck, Walmart,
Glenn Beck, Walmart, cannot decide!
This is the Sophie's Choice of America.
This is the Sophie's Choice of America.
I tell you, if Kraft Mac and Cheese gets involved in this debate, I'm going to be fucked.
You don't love our working people the way you would like us to believe if you don't support those who do try to track down and let us know what's going on in our country
to rob us of our hard-earned money.
Uh, sure.
Yep. I'm not alone in having
this point of view. I am a
retired teacher. As a
teacher belonging to a union, I was
told not to shop at Walmart.
I ignored that
directive. Woo!
We staying with Scott Walker?
Now I have reason to reconsider my actions and follow that advice.
How can you not support a man who is dedicated to letting the public know what is true and happening around us?
My friends, family, and so many people I know are so disappointed with your actions.
By which I mean so annoyed by me talking to them about this.
Mrs. Molly, P.S. I've done the math correctly.
What math?
Friends plus family plus so many people I know equals a crowd.
Okay.
Fuck.
God damn it.
We will rise up and protect America.
We will throw either Walmart or Glenn Beck into the fire.
This is a hard choice that America has to make.
But you know what?
As long as you just make the decision fast.
Just chop, chop.
Like ripping off a Band-Aid.
It'd be a hard choice for me to make, too, but not for the same reasons.
Hey, Victor, what's your problem with Blizzard?
Problem with Blizzard?
Blizzard.
You know, the people that make World of Warcraft.
Oh, yeah, Blizzard. Yeah, Blizzard. You know, the people that make World of Warcraft. Oh yeah, Blizzard.
Yeah, Blizzard. Blizzard Entertainment.
My name is Mr.
Pinch. You're a mean one.
Gamer,
let's take more time.
I think Blizzard should have two systems running, so when they need to take
the computer offline, they can switch
over to the other system once upgrades
are done, switch it back.
That's how data works.
People are paying
40 bucks every two months, and how
much time has the network crashed in
uploading time, and the customer service is
terrible. If I have
to give them a review, it would be very
poor. Well, back to killing orbs.
Bye, guys.
I'm on all day, every day,
and my major complaint is there are some times
when I'm prevented from playing on World of Warcraft.
I'd just like to shine a light on that last sentence.
If I have to give them a review, it would be very poor.
Yes, it would be a very poor review.
Yes, indeed.
That's on me, I guess.
Frank West, will you
please read the thing you just found?
Oh, yes. Direct TV
complaint by Carolyn54.
Sales rep calls
cops for no reason. Go figure!
No reason, huh?
I'm suspicious, but I'm sure you'll prove me wrong.
Be sure you check your bill, because I was charged for my boxes,
and I turned them in, and they still took out for them.
I got $806 a month, and they took $573 out of my checking account without me knowing it.
Then on top of that, the lady calls the
sheriff's department where I live
I guess you live in the sheriff's department
and told them I was going
to kill myself, and they came
and tried to break my door down.
So that's DirecTV
for you!
Not for me.
I'm keen on
1989 to have a
Walmart complaint.
Oh, what's your
Walmart complaint?
Why can't I get
out of Walmart?
I've been trying
for a long time
to get a higher
order at Walmart
in Owensboro.
Okay.
Well, I call them.
I get the same answer.
They take my name, my phone number, and tell me they won't call me
back. They never do.
I call them the next day, I don't get anybody impersonal.
I call them the next day, same thing, I hear Walmart
workers complaining about their jobs. I just want to
tell them, you got on to Walmart? I haven't
tried, I can't, I've been trying for a long time.
So I don't even get on to Walmart,
I've got the online, I call them, I want to know how to get
on to Walmart!
And then a thousand question marks.
Walmart.
Again, what happened there?
Is she trying to get a job at Walmart?
Is that what she – get on to Walmart?
Is that what she's talking about?
Yeah, she keeps calling the Walmart and asking for a job,
and they just keep going,
Uh-huh, yeah, we'll call you.
Okay.
Every day for...
Ever.
So, hello.
I'm T'Kat422,
and I have a complaint about Anheuser-Busch slash Budweiser.
Oh.
What is it about?
A consumer of Budweiser beer have been for some time.
I like the taste.
Well, this last 12 I purchased was the worst acting beer I've ever put in my mouth.
I thought maybe it was my taste buds.
So I had someone else taste.
I was right.
It was so bitter.
Worst I ever had.
The numbers on the box are 37-246-19.
How can I be assured that this will not happen again?
The numbers on the box bit seems like it's a hidden message to someone.
The numbers on the box are 37.
Go.
If I remember correctly, I think that Anheuser-Busch puts an expiration date on their cans,
but they don't have it readable because they don't want people to know whether or not something's expired.
I genuinely have heard this several times, and I choose to believe it,
that they have an expiration date that's encoded.
I thought they went to the Bournon dating because people don't know how long beer lasts.
Oh, okay.
They tell you when your beer was made so you know whether or not
it's fresh, even though you
have no concept of
what that means.
Did you know that the new Coors
cans have multiple indicators
of how cold the can is?
Ooh.
First they had the thing where the Rocky Mountains
would turn blue if it was cold,
and then they had another
gauge for super
cold.
Is there one where you just put
your hand on it and feel how cold it is?
That wouldn't work.
Damn it.
There's giant letters that say, warning, you're going to taste this beer.
Ah, I'm making a colder.
Can I read this other review by the same guy?
I guess you'll have to, yeah.
Yeah.
I purchased your product, Bud Ice, on a regular basis.
I purchased a 12-pack today
and it was the worst it ever had.
I had
Omeone-als tastes.
And it wasn't just my taste buds.
It was real bad.
Really bad, bitter.
Owls, it wasn't
just one or two.
It was a whole 12-pack.
If this continues to taste like this, I will stop drinking it.
How many beers do you have left in your 12-pack?
The whole 12-pack tasted like shit.
I'm going to stop drinking the last beer.
Does he expect him to come to his house
and fix the individual bottles of beer?
I usually like the taste of mud, ice,
bum, completely dissatisfied.
Bum completely dissatisfied.
I've got a great solution to your problem.
Taste all 12.
What's the solution?
It's called drinking another fucking beer that isn't shit.
That would taste even more better.
You mean like Bud Light?
No, Bud Lime.
You want that?
Bud Lime?
Or wait, what's the one that's like the beer margarita one?
Bud Lemon?
They have one...
What?
But this 12-pack of Bud Ice isn't going to drink itself.
Someone needs to complain...
Someone needs to drink it and complain about it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's America.
Drink shitty beer and complain about it.
I just imagine that every...
He comes home from work every day
and is like, I hope they fix the beer by now
and takes the same beer he still had
in his mind.
Still didn't fix it.
God damn it, Budweiser!
Oh, the beer technician didn't fix
the problem.
I posted on MeasureDump twice.
Alright,
Stog, I am a representative of PepsiCo, and you are Jamie Chabon.
How have we not gotten to Mountain Dew yet?
Yeah, right now.
Right now it's about Mountain Dew.
So you're Jamie Chabon.
I am the representative from PepsiCo, and let's just go through this here.
Okay.
PepsiCo beverages and let's just go through this here. Okay. PepsiCo beverages Kifuts complaint.
PepsiCo, Pepsi, and Mountain Dew keep raising prices,
but refuse to give a single coupon to loyal customers.
Hmm.
Okay.
I have been an avid Mountain Dew drinker for 20 years.
I currently drink about a 12-pack of 12-ounce cans a day.
Jesus.
That's 144 ounces.
I emailed PepsiCo and let them know how much I enjoyed their products
and asked if they could send me any coupons, and this is the reply that I got.
Dear Jamie,
Thank you for taking the time to contact us at Pepsi-Cola regarding Pepsi and Mountain Dew coupons. And this is the reply that I got. sign up for Pepsi Extras, which is like capital X and a hyphen. You'll be
among the first to know about exciting sweepstakes
events and Pepsi World news. About every
two weeks, you'll get a Pepsi Extras
email with things like free
all caps exclusive
access to special sweepstakes, cheat
codes, and even free samples. Plus,
you'll get the insider's edge on Pepsi music
sports promotions.
Go to Pepsi.com and click on Join Pepsi.
Thanks for thinking of us.
We greatly appreciate the support.
We're going to fight the Russians.
Anyway, so that was my letter.
Upon receiving this, I sent them another email letting them know how horrible I thought it was that they earned $1.43 billion last quarter in the U.S. alone and couldn't even condescend to give a loyal customer a coupon.
It's like they think their customers are suckers or something.
I let them know that I would be posting this to every consumer website I could find and would no longer be a Pepsi customer, and I meant every word of it.
I have not received a response, and don't expect that I will.
By the way, I have been subscribed to their promotional emails for almost two years and have never received a coupon, not even my birthday, when they send out those lame videos.
This behavior is despicable, especially in such tough economic times.
All right, all right, all right. I'm going to go solve the...
Everybody gets a free six-pack of 12 red, except that guy.
Fuck that guy.
gets a free six-pack of 12 red.
Except that guy. Fuck that guy.
I'm gonna go solve the mystery of why my piss
glows in the fucking dark.
Let us know your findings.
I will.
Rick West, do you have a complaint?
I do have a complaint. I have a complaint about
waste management.
Subtitle, me.
Huh. Okay. You're waste and somebody needs to manage you.
The guys that drive the trucks are a bunch of psychic vampires.
Yay!
Back to the bingo card look it up
they steal energy from the citizenry
and have been for a long time now
your karma is to lose
your contract to that other company
Seattle is using
also you lose police protection
for yourself and your families
since you hide behind them
without the cops I'd have come
out and punched your guy in the gut already.
Honestly.
This just became second person.
Thanks for
taking my trash, asshole! Bam!
Damn those police
stopping every one of my plans.
They didn't want me to punch the mailman either,
those fucks
It would be less punishment to slap you one
Than the misery you people have put me through
What have I got for you today?
Maybe something you don't want
And don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about either
You know when someone's draining
You
Hey Brian Como
Do you have any sort of special rank or something on this site?
Oh my god, I didn't even notice.
I'm Brian Como, and I'm a measured-up partner.
Yay!
You're a partner.
Are you involved in the profit-sharing, maybe?
Victor, what you got?
I have a complaint about Arby's.
Sure, makes sense.
I'm Taylor Jay, and I am upset about Arby's Pepsi.
Dear sirs, I recently visited Arby's and loved the food.
End of complaint.
What's wrong with me?
It has been a long time since I have been there.
I have noticed that you serve Pepsi.
I also know that Pepsi supports gay agendas such as the queering of elementary schools and gay marriage.
Whoa.
The queering of gay marriage.
Yeah.
This gay marriage is pretty gay, man.
I can no longer visit an organization that supports or sells
products from an organization that promotes
a decadent, perverse lifestyle.
I know that I am small voice,
but I can and will spread the
word. I wish you would reconsider
serving Pepsi, as I would love to continue
to visit Arby's.
Respectfully, John Taylor, Tyler, Texas.
And
that was obviously all in all caps.
Yeah, my wife's sleeping upstairs.
I can't yell.
Yeah, so I wish there was...
He's just one small voice.
Maybe one day, angry homophobic idiots will have a voice in America.
Maybe the internet can bring that to us.
We got a little short on time here.
What the fuck is this, Boots?
It's a review of a ball pit.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well, that wasn't on the agenda, but it's a review of a ball pit, so we gotta do this.
Yeah, I know.
I'm Danny L.
And this pit is a pit.
I give it one star.
The pros are, we're back on the opinions here.
The pros are kids like it.
The cons are expensive and poor construction.
This was a great toy for a day or so, until it started leaking from several locations.
It takes up a lot of room in the house, yet there isn't much actual playroom.
The kids spent a lot of time throwing balls over the room, which didn't make Mom very happy.
A terrible waste of money, as, don't do that.
Dead monsters.
Yeah.
I was just looking at some of the other reviews here for the rough and tumble ball pits, such as put your balls away.
I don't want to blow anymore.
And how much do you like to blow?
Corbin's mom says, I wish I could play in it, too.
Thigh High says, this got old quick.
Too quick.
Wait, it's just a fucking ball pit.
Hang on a second.
My house is filled with balls.
All right, so coming down to the end here, there's a Hollywood video one that looks very fun.
The website, thefpl.us.
We got this document from Montreth.
Thank you, Montreth.
With some stuff here.
But which of these Microsoft complaints, Frank West, would you like to do here?
We have a complaint about Windows 7, and we have another complaint about Yahoo,
which is not owned by Microsoft, but it's a Microsoft complaint nonetheless.
I think I'm going to go with the Yahoo.
All right.
Would you just read the full subtitle for your complaint there?
Microsoft cut me from my Yahoo connection because I have installed many times the Windows XP.
Perfectional?
Why?
I hope we learn why.
This will be a journey of discovery.
Dear sirs,
We only hire men at Microsoft.
Your company has cut my account
of Windows XP Professional
and I cannot use my email.
Redacted.
My second email to replay me.
Redacted.
My question is, why?
Who has the right to do that?
How many times I can install the Windows XP?
Have you given me any limited installations?
You know the catastrophe that you make me
wow i'm gonna spell that one out for the catastrophe how is catastrophe spelled k-a-t-a
s-t-r-o-f-y yeah! That's amazing. Because you are not the god, you cannot do that.
I remain a solution to...
Fuck!
I can't get through that!
I'm sorry, you remain what?
You remain something?
I remain a solution to my problem now.
I wish you for a prosperous
new year.
I can't wait for this.
What's wrong? Do you have a question or something?
Do you have some sort of question?
Come on, come on.
Get to the bulk of your argument here.
Here we go.
Wrap it up here. Here we go. Wrap it up here.
My back.
All right.
It's finishing up for him.
Is that what you're saying?
It's finishing him up for him.
No, I got it.
I got it.
He's got it.
Okay.
My main question is.
End of post.
End of post.
Scene.
Is this your business?
Click your business for your reply to this customer.
This is a super quick one here, right before the last one.
Stog, what's your problem with Febreze?
I'm swim running 0104, and this is a Febreze complaint.
It ruins the ozone layer.
It ruins it, and then
more people get sun cancer.
I would like it to be in one
that you push down and up instead of
pushing down.
Alright, and the last one here, I know that
we did
some stuff on Microsoft, but this is
actually a complaint about Bing, bing.com.
I know you're saying, who could possibly have a complaint about Bing?
It's a terrific service.
Well, Tracy McKee found one, so this is a bing.com complaint.
Hey, bacteria that eats uranium, internet information and knowledge base.
Internet information and knowledge base.
So, recently, I was on a webpage about bacteria eating uranium,
which is interesting to test technology as far as dealing with nuclear waste from nuclear plants and stored waste wasted of the past.
Plus, it's super cool, the photos of the bacteria eating the uranium on a still-life molecular level. Unfortunately, Biggs' site of images of the bacteria that eats uranium
also has many when there should be none of the human-eating or flesh-eating bacteria.
It's appalling and scares people off.
Please be more respectable to physics and Seaprot these two images.
We want to encourage science,
not terrify people. Thank you.
Also, not cool. There's no way
to reach Bing on the phone
or by address.
Conveniently
from the internet.
Thanks and have a nice day. Share this review.
So,
I just, you know, it's just such a bummer that, like,
you start reading about bacteria and then there's, like, pictures of bacteria and shit.
Disgusting.
Filter that thing out specifically, Bing.
Just hard code something.
If somebody wants to search for bacteria that eats uranium,
they should not get bacteria that eats anything else.
to search for bacteria that eats uranium,
they should not get bacteria that eats anything else.
So, F+, what did we learn
from
measuredup.com and ePinions?
I learned that I am a solution to my problem.
If you whisper that in Puff Daddy's ear,
he'll probably make a t-shirt out of it.
Alternatively, I've learned that most people are the cause of their own problems.
Yeah, right there.
Do you think anybody at all considers when they write this,
is like, yeah, this will show Walmart if Walmart takes a lot of effort to search and find it?
I absolutely think so, yes.
Walmart totally gives a shit about my complaint.
I posted on some internet forum.
Yeah.
No, I mean, that level of ignorance is still incredibly strong.
And, like, you know, just like, you know, like, you've talked to your aunts and stuff like that about the internet.
And, like, they don't kind of understand the network and they don't really really understand the utility of just, like, typing some bullshit in on some website.
Like, they think everything that happens on the internet is, like, an important and worthwhile experience.
And if that were true, BuzzFeed wouldn't have money.
Well, yeah.
I mean, this is a little bit like that ripoff report one where this company, the measured up people, like they're trying to do that same thing.
Yeah, well, this is even more feeble than it.
And especially like sites like ePinions.
It's amazing because like if you – I'm not sure how Montreux actually found anything on this because all you ever get when you search
are prices for the products on Amazon and eBay.
Right.
It doesn't tell you.
You have to click on the product and see who's selling it
before you can find out whether or not there even exist reviews for it.
Hey, you don't want to listen to this.
It is a shit site.
Just buy this toaster instead.
Even by the eBay corporation standards,
it is a shit site.
Yeah, that's really saying something.
Well, to be fair,
it actually was discontinued March of this year,
so that may have something to do with it.
That site is not actually...
You can't do anything with it anymore, but
I guess they've kept the archive up.
For
presumably us and nobody else.
That's the best thing eBay's ever done.
Somebody was like,
oh, this is fucking useless.
Has S++ done an episode on this yet?
Alright, let's keep it around until that shows up.
Maybe somebody find Mantra's email address.
And the really crazy thing, measured up, it's got this weird thing where you can sign in as your business and reply to people.
And, like, no one would ever do that, so that doesn't happen.
And like no one would ever do that.
So that doesn't happen.
I'm assuming it's just like a thing that they do to make it look even more legitimate and attract more advertising dollars.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because as though that would help out, you know, like if you were some sort of like, you know, customer service for Best Buy or whatever.
Like it's not like you could be like, well, did you consider the fact that you're a fucking idiot?
Yeah, no one's going to be like, whoa,
Joe in whatever the place is still
drinking the rest of his fucking
12-pack that's diseased?
We better go and replace that.
No. No one will ever do that.
They'll just show up
in the Budweiser squad van
with fresh Jesus and 12-packs. Fresh Bud-ice. that. They'll just show up in the Budweiser squad van.
Fresh Bud Ice.
The Budweiser geek squad.
Yeah, I
mean, yeah, it's
an interesting thing, like that
sort of, like, customer rage
and then, like, you know, just like,
just put it somewhere. And maybe
that's just it. Maybe it's just putting it in the form is just enough.
Yeah, well, see, they're informing other customers.
Not really, because it's super hard to search the site.
It's easy.
I'm sure it's not easy to post things to the site,
but I'm sure it's very hard to do the other things.
The website is always thefbl.us.
It's a whole new website.
We would recommend you to try out a Flatter account, if you would.
It's a little thing where you can sort of voluntarily subscribe to the F+,
and whatever other podcast you like.
It's worthwhile.
And our forum is Ballpit.
That's B-A-L-L-P dot I-T.
What threads are you liking on there lately, Victor?
Do what?
That's why it's a really great forum.
All right, good night. Okay, guys.
I got it.
Wait.
Wait.
Hang on.
Okay.
Hang on.
I got it.
Okay.
Okay.
All right.
All right.
I got it.
I got it.
Hey.
Yeah.
I got it.
Okay.
Okay.
Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring.
Phone.
Missing something.
God damn it.
That was a hell of a setup.
That was so premeditated.
Yeah.
I bring my A-game
to that piece of shit recording that we
cut out
and have never used.