The F Plus - 178: The Measure of a Man (Base to Tip)
Episode Date: June 8, 2015Body issues are a factor in just about everyone's life, but for a lot of men (and some women) the singular issue of penis size is an obsession which usurps just about everything else. The members... of the Large Penis Support Group (or LPSG) are bonded by this preoccupation, and large penises, as an abstract concept, begin to shape their worldview. Meanwhile, for our part, we made fewer cheap jokes than you'd expect. This week, The F Plus is going to destroy your toilet paper rolls. Editor's note: Between the recording of this episode and the time it was released, the Large Penis Support Group forum had a massive structural overhaul. Congratulations, guys.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Oh, it's so hard when I'm with you, it's so hard I've only said that 45,000 times in my life. Terrible things throbbing with enthusiasm.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's getting used right now.
All right, here we go.
Welcome to the F Plus Podcast.
A huge place with terrible things throbbing with enthusiasm.
In the rooms tonight we have Boots Reingear.
What's the best way to ensure my new friends have a small penis?
John Toast.
White males are so hilarious.
I bet that you would rarely see a black male state that he loves eating his own cum.
Bump Girl!
Why gay men? Why are they bi?
Yay! It's Nutshell Gulag!
I freeball when I was caged in the clanking sound
when the lock hit against the cage with every step.
It is just fun seeing my colleague wondering what was that sound they are hearing when I walk.
Yes, Bahan.
I understand that small-slash-average dicks are useless in a fight,
but a big dick could have a variety of uses as both an offensive and defensive weapon.
And lemon.
As a veteran porn star, I work around the veteran population,
and I was pleasantly surprised when I came across some porn models that were professional.
No biggie. I maintain my professionalism.
Good.
As usual.
No biggie.
No biggie.
No biggie.
So have any of your hung studs ever used
your big dick for self-defense?
Hey, F+.
Hey, Lemon.
Hi, Lemon.
Hi, Lemon.
So how are all of your dicks?
Huge.
Glossy and well-fed.
Retroactive.
Retroactive?
Is that a court order?
Okay.
I mean, I'm glad they would win in your favor.
So we have
an episode about
I think that
we as a podcast
sometimes don't spend
enough time
dealing with the struggles
of the disenfranchised.
The people for whom
life is unfairly difficult and complicated.
And that's something that we could fix,
because, you know, humor can be righteous.
And so to that end, I want to introduce you
to the large penis support group.
I'm surprised I hadn't heard about this before.
Such a prevalent problem.
Yeah.
So this is like a group of people that are able to prop themselves up on it.
It's like a literal support group.
Yeah, so this was a submission from Montreth.
She spent a long time on it.
And this is the LPSG.
And it is a forum for people with large penises.
You know, they're men,
they deserve dignity,
and they want to complain
about their problems, because they all have problems
having such
large penises. So to that end, my name
is D. Sir Ramic Potty.
Nice.
Deserving of dignity.
Ceramic potty No
D
Cer
Oh I see
Ceramic
Potty
With underscores
That's clever
I love it
So I'd love to hear
What made you realize
That you had a big dick
I do
Was it
Was it by looking at others
A girl telling you
Measuring your cock
What was your initial feeling?
You must have felt damn good, tonguey face.
And then, Isfahan, you are B625 Girth.
Yes, hi.
Hi.
B625 Girth.
Shortly after I turned 15, in about a two-month period,
my long, skinny cock tripled in girth.
My balls got huge.
About this time, my mom inadvertently walked in on me.
Wait, while it was growing?
I thought, guys, we've done inflation.
It's like Altered Beasts, just the orb floating towards him. It's like Altered Beast, just an orb floating towards him.
It's like, power up.
The parody would be Altered Feast.
The minute he mentions his mom, you know this isn't going anywhere good.
My mom inadvertently walked in on me after showering,
and I had a huge random boner.
There's no casseroles in here.
Oh, my.
That boner is so random.
Boner popped up.
It's like monkey, purple, ninja.
Spork.
She was most apologetic, but I could hear her quietly say to my dad,
He's big like you.
Because I guess the dad was there, too.
I don't know.
The dad comes in with a pipe.
Good job, son.
My brother came home from college for about a week that same summer.
I slept nude, and he saw me
coming out of the bathroom after an early morning
piss.
Later, after Mom and Dad went
to work, he said something like,
I see you got the old man's big cock.
Oh, fuck off.
This all totally happened. Shut up.
There is no reason to suspect
that there would be liars on the big cocks of pork.
It's the old man that
sold you the monkey paw.
You live and leave it to Boner, sure.
I said, huh? What?
So he said, pull your
pants down. No!
Even though I sleep in the nude.
Well, I sleep in the nude,
but I had pants on. That's it. I am never going back to
Literotica.
It was nice at first.
Was it?
I don't know if my searches are bad.
Rose-colored glasses, Lemon. Rose-colored glasses.
One day there was a day I had a big cock.
My mom saw a big cock. She's like...
Then my dad saw a big cock. He said, pull pants down.
I like to.
Like, comment, subscribe.
And as I pulled my pants down, so did he.
Al, he's
five years older than me.
Wait, what?
He's five years older than me.
What?
I was death larger.
This was back in the 60s.
I think you're talking about the brother. Okay, I thought it was the dad.
Yep.
Oh, that's not...
Oh, wow, it's all of them.
Yeah.
Oh, it's the brother.
Never mind.
It's just him and his brother that are comparing huge dicks.
Everything's fine.
They're just pulling down their pants in the hallway after he came out of bed.
All right, cool, cool, great.
Terrific.
This was back in the 60s, so we didn't know what was big.
Nobody knew what a big cock looked like in the 60s.
It was before measurement.
That's why it was so difficult for them to get to the moon.
They had no idea how far away it was.
Far out, groovy dick, man.
I was bigger than him,
but he could have been small and myself just average.
I played sports and looked around the locker room like
all guys do.
All guys don't do that.
That all depends on how
you're hanging at the moment, but I seemed
larger than some, smaller than others.
I had a young gal
sit on my lap at a party one night
some months later, and with her left pinky
finger, she subtly
traced across my
cock earth. She got
about halfway and realized she was only
halfway.
Look in her eyes.
I could tell because of the helmet that I
put on her that reads her thoughts.
Then I popped boner and started spinning her like
pizza dough.
She stopped talking as she finished.
God,
it's fat, and you're skinny.
She's a keeper.
That was probably when it hit me.
My huge cock popped over.
Your huge cock whipped up and hit me in the face.
That's how I stay skinny.
My dick exercises.
An entirely incomprehensible lifetime of people
complimenting on how large my penis was.
And it took this fifth time.
I knew she had been
with a few guys. Also, the gals
in HS High School supposedly
had a list
of guys with meat.
Apparently one of my male classmates was a
spy.
Confirmed bachelor. What?
The info came from sports locker room and gym class.
I made the list from what I heard.
So, okay, so he goes into the locker room with the graph paper,
you know, puts together some analysis, reports,
that he then brings back to the Temple of Girl.
Yes.
Okay, good. Yes. Okay.
Good.
Well, yeah.
No, he wasn't the spy.
The first time a spy like this being named Deep Throat made sense.
I'm glad that your story is so unbelievable because...
Yeah, be quiet.
What?
Be quiet in the presence of Senior Schlong.
I guess I will have to.
Be quiet.
The worst Mexican wrestling villain ever.
Or the best.
Yeah.
Probably when my girlfriend answered the question,
how do you make it not hurt so much the first time?
With don't get a boyfriend with such a huge fucking cock.
Yeah.
When I was standing right next to her
Winky
You misheard it was don't get a boyfriend
Who's such a huge
The girl who asked the question
Then went on to get her dildo
Sure okay great yep
It was about
Seven comma five inches
By five inches
It was a cubie.
Wait.
It's just a square.
Yeah.
It's a square dimension.
It was BMO.
The...
Thank you.
No!
Chips!
Ice cream!
Drink! chips ice cream chips ice cream twat
drink
which we had given to her
as a birthday gift
which we had given to her
which we had given to her
which we had given her
we had given her
as a birthday gift
and ask
what like this size
and my girlfriend played with it for a few seconds given her as a birthday gift. And asked, what, like this size?
And my girlfriend played with it for a few seconds.
And then said, more or less,
yay.
Yay!
And the girl moved her hands
to her pussy and let out
a smile.
Ouch. I'm so proud of my
dick that causes women pain.
I, like everyone else who's been read in this forum so far
is no longer on the forum
The website
I realized this just now is that
this website
disables and bans a lot of people
and then adds D to their names
Alright, so Bump Girl, you are D
Tickle, tickle Tickle, tickle, tickle
tickle foof, tickle foof.
You are D catwalking on keyboard.
How do you get to other pages?
Are there other pages?
Slap your dick on the keyboard
and it'll go to the next page.
One second.
Okay, okay.
You guys weren't pronouncing it right.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Anyway, yeah, fun story.
When I was 16, I lost my virginity to my ex-girlfriend.
To be honest, she was four years older and kind of a slut.
My arithmetic is telling me that's statutory rape, but go on.
It's okay, she was kind of a slut.
Okay, case dismissed. A slut clause, Your Honor. It's okay, she was kind of a slut Okay Case dismissed
A slut clause, your honor
She always told me that I had a nice thick cock
Her parent had a jacuzzi in the backyard
One evening, her friends, girls
Came to her house and we all sat in the jacuzzi
With swimming trunks and bikinis on
We got a bit drunk and
started playing games. Blah, blah,
blah. At one point,
her friend asked me how big my cock was.
I never cared to measure my
cock and I was never interested
in sizes of cocks or whatever.
So I said I didn't know.
They asked my girlfriend. She said,
I don't know. It's pretty big, I guess.
Of course, her friends wanted me to show.
I said, but it's not hard.
So it's meaningless.
Her friends laughed and told him my GF, she needed to get it hard.
And she did.
When it was hard, I stood up and pulled my pants down.
You skipped over the best part.
Yeah, so what happened to the interstitial?
Your mother!
Yeah, she like leans over
to his ear. It's like, imagine Bert kissing Ernie.
It's like, oh!
I'm 16 years old.
How am I going to make this happen?
Yeah.
How do so many people
live in porn universes?
It's crazy. It doesn't get any pornier, I promise.
It only gets totally normal after this,
because when I was hard, I stood up and pulled my pants down.
The look on their faces got me even harder.
I get super turned on by disgust.
Oh my god.
And that is fucking huge.
So yeah, from that point on, I know I was big.
All right. Dude, fucking... You seem really cool. And that is fucking huge. So yeah, from that point on, I know I was big. Alright.
Dude, fucking...
You seem really cool.
I like you.
You won me over.
I like...
And she did.
So ladies, my name's Crazy for Thickness, and I have not been banned.
And I just have a very simple question I want to ask you. Ladies, I'm having some trouble
in understanding what I have been told
by a couple of well-hung males.
Is it true that women actually turn down a large cock
because of its size?
Here's a whole bunch of punctuation for you.
A couple question marks.
Maybe about ten exclamation points.
And risk banishment from womankind?
I am so in love with big, thick cocks.
Oh my god.
Shut up.
What?
I am so in love with big, thick cocks that I could not imagine turning one down.
Have any of you experienced that?
I am in total shock that someone would turn away perfection.
Oh, another big, thick cock?
I couldn't possibly.
I've eaten so many already.
Oh, maybe one more.
And then, John Toast, your name is Call Me Daddy.
Hell yeah. Oh, no is Call Me Daddy. Hell yeah.
Oh, no.
Call Me Daddy.
Hi.
One of my best friends was single for almost 12 years
because women considered it way too large.
Woman would see his penis.
Come on, woman.
And tell him to fuck off, try it out, and leave in the middle of sex.
Or let him finish, but never have anything to do with him after that.
I actually heard a woman to tell him to cut his penis in half if he wanted to have sex with her again.
Okay, sure.
Lengthwise or crosswise?
Yeah, cross the street or down the road.
I was having that problem too
Alright so this site is so
God damn difficult to get around
But we're gonna try
Isfahan
Freddy909 please
Well it's a big world
And there are dicks that would out large me
Like I have a dwarf penis
Now I don't Think that any guy Should have a dwarf penis. Now, I don't think
that any guy should have a problem to put
his dick inside a girl.
Uh, uh,
parenthesis, but, of course,
maybe not be able to put inside
his whole dick because of the length.
And I
think that 99% of
the store ice told on this thread
can be bullshit because no one of the co ice told on this thread can be bullshit
because no one of the cocks I see here is at an impressive size, including mine.
How is he seeing the cocks?
We can't even get to a second page of the forum and he's seeing cocks?
I don't know if you've noticed.
They have photos under their names, but we can't look at them, thankfully,
because we're not members.
Yeah, there's a point.
So as you go through the forum, it'll say, for example, Prince Albert Dong.
Then it says gold member.
Then it says photos 14.
So I clicked that, and then it was like, oh, you can't see that because you need an account.
And I was like, all right, let me sign up for it.
Wait a minute, why would I sign up for that?
What am I doing?
I don't belong here.
What am I doing?
I don't belong here.
Yes, I don't think that many girls at all could deep throat Mandingo and Tony Duncan.
But a 9x6 is possible to deep throat if you're very, very skilled.
So is that like your backs are to each other and you're facing opposite directions?
Like you're just rubbing the smalls of your backs against each other?
So complicated.
Sexy.
And then, John, you are Justin87 in the same thread.
Hey there, I'm Justin87.
Well, there is a guy that went to my high school that has been turned down many times.
The woman won't walk away all the time,
but sex is rare.
The single woman at that high school.
He gets frustrated trying for sex,
knowing that the odds of it happening are putting in the work to bring a girl home
or low.
I haven't seen his dick personally,
but
it's rumors.
I just, rumors.
He pulled his collar away from his neck right there.
I've never seen it.
But it's rumors that run through the school and my small town.
A few of my really good friends have seen it, though,
and can confirm that he has a giant dong.
This guy that I know, like, in homeroom, who knows
this other guy who's, like, friends with this girl
in, like, math and stuff?
Headquarters still looking
on dick-sized confirmation over.
Bar doors open.
Girls in the school that he messed around with
also confirmed it. I know
that he had to have special track shorts
ordered because his dick would flop out of them
and hung lower than the shorts covered.
Coach? Coach? Coach?
What? What? What? What?
Why are you all red and sweating?
Yeah, I got a...
Oh, my God!
Yeah.
I got a problem.
Can I be excused from school today?
Well, now I know why you didn't want to wear cleats as part of your uniform.
The sizes I have heard is that he is up to a foot long and hugely thick.
I am guessing he is probably a real 10-incher.
That's a foot, right?
He's a real 10-incher.
I also do know and talk to him personally and see him every now and again
if one of us has
a get-together or something.
So I can say that there are guys that the majority of women
do change their mind when a huge dick situation
comes up. I wonder what you guys talk about
when you hang out. How is that a sentence?
It's not.
Oh wait, no, it has a period at the end.
It's fine. Oh, okay.
Is your dick still big? Yeah.
Is your dick still big? Yeah.
Hey, is the situation a huge dick? Yeah.
I have a name.
Tired of being known as a huge dick guy.
Now, this isn't to say
that they just walk away from it, but the guy
hopes for sex and he has to settle for a handjob
more often than not. Really sucks.
He will tell you that it gets a bit
depressing.
And yet he's not on this forum.
What are you doing on the big dick site?
It's just all
posts about this other guy from high school.
He has like the bouncer.
He's a publicist.
In every one of his posts he has to put in that, I haven't seen his dick
personally, but...
Hey dude, no homo, but my friend has a huge dick
and I've seen it a lot. Hey, speaking of no homo, but my friend has a huge dick, and I've seen it a lot.
Hey, speaking of no homo,
so Montreth has this broken into sections,
which is terrific.
The section we just read there
was called The Big Dick Elite.
The next section we're going to be here,
Montreth has called
We Are All Very Heterosexual.
Ooh, nice.
So my name's Eli22,
and I like cocks,
but I don't like guys. Right? Hey. Uh-huh, nice. So my name is Eli22, and I like cocks, but I don't like guys.
Right?
Hey.
Uh-huh, yeah.
That's my problem.
So anyone else feel the same as me?
I'm sure there are lots.
I love looking at cocks and often fantasize about sucking another guy's plural cock.
I've spent lots of time sucking my own.
That's a parenthetical.
Yep, but whenever there's...
I keep it in a jar. Whenever there's an actual
male personality
attached, I completely
lose interest in sexual
activity. Solution, drag queens.
I just picture him, like, sucking away at a
cock that looks up at the guy and is like
I like sports and cars
just like
oh fuck
oh well
just go for cronies
oh god no
no that's never the right answer
no
so anyone else feel the same way?
if you wanted to try
sucking another man's cock
how would you go about it?
how did you go about it? oh how did you go about it? How did you go about it?
Oh, how did you go about it?
If you wanted to hypothetical situation,
what exactly happened?
Yeah, because Eli22 is assuming
if you're on this site, you've already sucked another man's cock.
And you know what? Probably right.
I think he's assuming you've probably sucked
your own.
Oh, okay. And then
Bumpgirl, you are
22-0-4-8-3.
I get all the
pronounceable names.
Yeah, he's protecting
his anonymity,
that guy.
If it sucks
with another man
you want but have
any issue about
how to get there,
try having a
J-O buddy.
It's a good way
of starting
something physical, detached
from any initial feeling.
Okay.
I hope that's feeling in the emotional sense
and not feeling in the sensate sense.
It's definitely not.
Dude, I just want you to know I'm not jerking you
off in a sexual way.
I'm not jerking you off.
My hand fell asleep and I'll jerk you off, but I
won't be able to feel it, so it's totally cool.
It's a stranger twice removed.
Wow, alright.
If you're searching
for the confirmation
you're normal, and although
considering yourself
number eight,
you, like cock, yes!
You're 100% normal.
It's typical of men to be obsessed with dick.
I think this guy came from the Cockroach Warriors episode.
That's a lowercase d there,
unlike a lot of the uppercases we've been having.
Don't.
We start by our own one,
and then comes gym class in school. Dot, dot, dot.
That is the evolution of dicks.
It's not okay to look at guys in the locker room.
There's an uncomfortable amount
of gym class
chat in this forum.
I mean, really, that's the amount that you should have expected.
You're right.
Did you have a question for us, 220483?
Is it a personal question? Do you have just one
personal question? Just one personal question.
How can you suck yourself?
When?
Young, I was able to, but now, after gaining some pounds, I no longer can.
I think you just answered your own question, idiot.
Just analyze what you've given us.
Dot, colon, open parentheses.
I used, okay, look, in 1985 I was skinny and I could suck my own cock.
Now in 2015 I'm fat and I can't suck my own cock.
So in the future we just can't suck our own cocks?
Is that how it works?
Obviously when you get older you can't do it anymore.
Look, in one hand I had the taste of my cock.
In the other hand I had a taste of Doritos.
And one of those just started to outweigh the other.
I mean, well, I would make the same choice you did, but perhaps for different reasons.
I like Doritos.
And then Matty2009, what do you got to say?
Hello, my name is Matty2009.
Okay.
I often wonder about sucking my friend cock.
Blah, blah.
Oh, this is my friend cock.
It all started when I was 14 when my friend said he saw High Bother's cock in the shower.
Hi, Bother.
Hi, Bother.
Hi, Bother.
Hi, Bother cock.
Feel in love with a bother wife now.
And ever since then, I wanted to suck his cock.
P.S.
My friend said he had a very
huge flop and even bigger erect.
My friend is M.I. Channel.
I appreciate this joke.
Just a lady in the water standing straight up.
I've got something to add to this.
I'm Amador Del Sexo.
These names are completely incomprehensible.
Yeah, they are.
Yeah, at least you can say yours.
Yep, I can say my name, Amador Del Sexo.
You're right, mate.
One thing is the cock, and oh, there a remain body male.
No, wait.
Good start.
What?
Oh, there a remain body male.
And reason is because we feel our body is much better, and we take care of it.
Other male?
This is Senor Schlong's tag team partner.
Or we only feel good with our boy?
It means dick.
It means dick.
It's fine.
You're just talking about his dick.
It's all okay.
But concern to our dick matter is different.
Sure, we feel our dick is not enog... Viral and huge.
How do you know the word viral
but can't figure out how to make a sentiment?
Misspelled viral too. No, that's not...
I learned English from
porno spam.
I was trying to say Virgil.
You know, the bodyguard of Ted DiBiase.
Not enough Virgil and huge.
Wow.
So,
a tendency to other dicks is created.
Thank you.
Thank you, Alan Greenspan.
Of course, any man can accept his petite dick at and who will suffer are female.
Ooh, a period.
That's true.
It's true.
This person understands the basis of all sort of feminism here.
Okay, we're getting somewhere.
Hey wait, I have a small dick, but women won't like it.
That's an upside.
But the best for such problem is glory hole service or shemale with huge dick.
Just change your entire sexual preference and you'll be fine.
Yeah, her body will be same as regular male, but she-males look a little better, don't you?
Of course, they must have their problems.
Amador del sexo out.
Yeah, they must.
You wrote a bunch more, but man, I don't understand what you're saying.
So, Eric420 has a question, and that is showing it off at the men's room urinals.
Is there any
advice on a good technique for this?
I was thinking just standing
like a bit further back
than normal and kind of
leaning back, looking
up at the ceiling might
lend a general
opportunity for someone to risk a
peek. So casual! Hey, check it out. Let's lend a gender out opportunity for someone to risk a peak.
So casual.
Hey, check it out.
Hey, look at me.
I'm having fun pissing out on my giant cock.
Look at me.
This is great.
This is peak P-E-A-K as in someone is going to get an erection looking at this dick.
Now my niggas don't dance.
We just pull down our pants and we show everyone our dick.
Now, lean back.
Now, piss back.
So, anyone ever show it off before?
And then, truefitch jock.
Ispon, take that one, please.
Okay, bro.
I like doing it in the airport men's rooms where the urinals are lined up and there are no dividers.
Try and get the middle spot.
Stand back, Abbott.
Slurp.
He actually wrote slurp.
Slurp.
Slurp.
Nutshell, you're Eric 420.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
I wonder if it would be too much if I shaved, then went out free-balling, going to a public bathroom,
and when I take a piss and do the button and the zipper, really put it all out there.
I did it in the mirror, and it really gives a crystal clear view of my cock.
But it really might be too much.
By the way, I love your pics Such a robust cock And only in San Diego
Winky face
We are very heterosexual
See Lemon, we've been looking for a reason
To go to San Diego for a while
It's a very robust cock
It has nutty hints and aftertones
I really like it
Such a dark color
That leather aroma
Nutty, Nutty.
Nutty.
Eh?
Eh?
Nutty? Yeah.
And then, John, you are nude Preston.
The words you've been waiting to hear your entire life.
Hello.
I am nude Preston.
That's just every episode of Jackass.
Men are curious.
Every man looks straight
or gay.
I have a PA
and have to hang close to the
urinal as to not
pee on the world.
Namely me. You have a production assistant?
A personal assistance?
Yeah.
I drive
naked with my convertible
tap down up and down the state of Florida.
Of course you do.
And men always look into the car
and check out the driver and packs.
Got a Christian TV channel on, I guess.
Yeah, yeah.
I think this is one of the guys
probably featured on the Florida Man blog.
Yeah.
Women never look.
Same in the WC... Oh, what? Fuck, I'm in...
Oh, whatever. How am I British?
And also in Florida.
God damn it.
He takes trips to Florida just to do this.
Oh, time for another
dickcation.
Some nice, robust
cocks in Florida.
Oh, time for another dickcation. Some nice, robust cocks in Florida. Oh, time for another cockabout.
Oh.
Men are just curious
and subconsciously compare.
I don't think it's subconscious.
It's all in the competitive nature.
It's not bad.
Doesn't equal gay or closeted.
Just means that you're a man, plain and simple.
I disagree. Disagree.
I think women never look because they're usually not in the washrooms with the urinals.
No, I think he was talking about people looking when he was driving naked
with his convertible top down up and down the state of Florida.
The entire state of Florida, by the way.
The entire state of Florida.
Yeah, that's all he does.
From the tip right to the base.
Can you imagine the gas bills?
And then, Boots, you are big uncut eight.
Oh, that's a big cunt.
I was like, what's that person doing here?
Another trick is to use the urinal
on the same side as your dominant hand.
If you're left-handed like me,
the ideal, because
you take the urinal on the left
and you're exposed to the guys on your right,
who are usually also exposed to me,
since they're most likely right-handed.
People shouldn't be exposed to you.
Those handedness play into this.
It's not like you're writing a letter.
So what I'm getting from this is that men's bathrooms
are like an awkward hell of urine and dicks.
I'm feeling very sorry for you right now.
I think there's only ever two urinals, too,
according to this diagram.
Not in the way
they're portraying. Yeah, pretty much.
Not wrong.
But I mean, the hand in this shouldn't really
matter, because you're peeing from like two feet back,
right? Like, you know.
You're also swinging your dick around.
You put your hands on your hips, and then you thrust them out.
You're also swinging your dick around like a kangaroo.
Helicopter dick!
You get your left leg up on the top of the girl.
Called the Captain Morgan, yeah.
It's probably not the best time to ask somebody
if they want a little captain in them, though.
True fit John, man.
Yep.
I think you need the best time.
Excuse me
Excuse me lady
True fit jock is here and he has something to say
Yeah
Dude that's so true
Why didn't I think of that
Works better with only a few pee spots
Sounds great
Pee spots? Really?
Okay men really?
I only pissed myself a couple times
But that dude saw my dick!
Yeah!
I like to think that while you were saying the word thank, you were just snapping some dude's neck.
He's like, wait, are you trying to show me your dick? What? No!
Oh, this day started out so great.
After seeing this, there's nothing left to see.
Oh, this day started out so great.
After seeing this, there's nothing left to see.
So I'm dimwit.
As far as I'm concerned, showing it off is a must.
Everyone must know how big I am.
I whip it out as I walk in the door,
and I put it away at the sink before I wash my hands.
And I believe you.
I like, what is it, Chai481?
Say to the guy at the URL next to you,
do you like my watch?
He might instinctively look down at your wrist.
Lol.
I just like that he's nagging a guy into looking at his stick.
And Nutshell, you found a favorite, is that right?
Yes.
Hung Huge 11x7.
Okay.
The thing that really... Wait. Hung Huge 11x7. Okay. Wait.
Hung Huge 11x7.
It's
Hacksaw Jim Duggan.
It's Hacksaw Jim Duggan's neck.
The whole thing,
just the part that caught my eye,
which is, I like every other
well-hung guy loves to show it off the urinal.
As someone else said earlier, the best ones are the trough style. If the guy stares quite knowingly and we are alone, I, like every other well-hung guy, loves to show it off the urinal. As someone else said earlier, the best ones are the trough style.
If the guy stares quite knowingly and we are alone,
I have been known to bend over and lick my cock, too.
The reactions I received have ranged from shock to disgust.
Whoa!
They have ranged from disgust to disgust.
From shock and disgust.
Oh, dear.
I don't like that.
Well, he's quite flexible at any rate.
Yeah, that's...
I'd be like, who's your yoga instructor?
Throw it over my shoulder, walk out.
Like a continental soldier.
It's like a stole.
Well, sashay.
Don't need a belt.
So, we need to talk about science now
And that is the science of the big dick
So
There's a lot of math on this page
And
So disappointment size
My name is 1419
41959
Okay whatever What is with the numbers? I don't know I'm sure there's some sort of dick code in there But anyway 41959. Okay, whatever.
What is with the numbers?
I don't know. I'm sure there's some sort of dick code
in there. But anyway, when you unwrap
the package for the first time...
What?
Yeah, when you unwrap the package for the first time...
What?
You know the package, man!
The package!
For the first time?
For the first time!
What kind of wrapping did it come in?
Big unboxing video.
Okay, this is the new
Samsung Galaxy 6S dick.
It's like when people
write sequels to songs.
This is a sequel to Dick in a Box.
So, when that happens,
what is the size that goes from
okay, to uh-oh.
Whoa.
For example, for me, if I was to meet a guy for the first time and he was smaller than me,
I would be a little disappointment, so I would pick five.
Huh?
Sorry, that's what I wrote.
How about you?
And I just want to follow that up.
Though hardly scientific.
So people speak a lot about at what size would they become disappointed.
And the winner is, I believe, five and a half inches.
And 15% of the large penis support group says it doesn't matter.
But anyway, sure it doesn't.
I mean, I have a big dick, but if somebody had a smaller dick,
it wouldn't matter that much.
So, the Sardly Scientific,
so far it seems to be quite a blessing to have six inches or more.
80% are happy with that size.
On the other hand, 80% are disappointed with less than six.
Six seems to be the magic number.
No, the magic number is 80% plus 80% is 100%.
So now it's time to talk about the toilet paper roll test.
Yeah, this is a different toilet paper roll. Well, no, it's not.
But it's a different approach to the toilet paper roll test.
So my name is Blue Eleven.
Blue Eleven.
Listen to them dicks of the night.
What music they make.
Ta-ta!
I found this topic on www.measurection.com.
All right, clicking that. Me too.
Measurection.com, discussing man at length.
Wait, for me, it just redirects to Bing.
What the hell?
Wow, that's a lot of gay porn in the sidebar.
Yeah. And, well, and everywhere redirects to Bing. What the hell? Wow, that's a lot of gay porn in the sidebar. Yeah.
And, well, and everywhere else, I guess.
Yeah.
Anyway.
I think I remember someone in a post
mentioned the, quote,
toilet paper roll size test.
Also, I've seen a toilet paper roll
in a picture or two here.
I've never encountered one in real life.
Yeah.
So, I wasn't sure how large this was, so I measured
one of those cardboard cores
when I had to replace a roll of
toilet paper earlier this evening.
Oh, that's a good time to do it. It's Saturday.
It's Saturday night. Fascinating.
Fascinating life.
According to a little flexible ruler I keep
in my desk,
the roll is 11.5 centimeters or 4.5 inches long,
and it is some other dimensions in some other places.
If your penis reaches the end of the roll, some other dimensions.
P.S., my flaccid penis was snug in there, and I was able to stretch it to a little beyond most of the glans.
Oh, I remember that episode.
The end of the glans. Oh, I remember that episode.
The end of the roll.
I haven't tried it with a stiffy yet.
Why not?
Well, I just, you know, I don't have the time.
I'm so busy.
I got so many things to do.
So many things to measure.
Anyway, Bump Girl, your name is Pecker, and you have a response to me.
My name is Pecker.
I'm pronounceable. The Whitney is Pecker, and you have a response to me. My name is Pecker. I'm pronounceable.
The Whitney, Pecker, the Whitney.
Me neither, Jeff.
I can't remember a time when I can even get the softy in one.
The U.S., bless its bureaucratic little heart,
has the National Institute of Standards and Technology,
which dictates everything from the height of doorknobs, from the floor, to the accuracy
of the friendly neighborhood gas pump, but I
can't find a damn thing about standards
for the size of a toilet paper roll.
Thanks, Obama!
Better call InfoWars.
Must be a market-driven type of thing.
Or average penis size.
Yeah, my name's Dr. Rock.
Who the fuck sticks their dick
in a toilet roll, freak?
Dr. Rock,
you're my favorite person.
Then, uh,
Isfahan, you're Duracock9x6
and you've been banned.
I'm Duracock9x6. I'm Dora Cock nine by six.
I can barely get head of cock in
tube and I am 1.5
inches longer than tube
or roughly two fingers past cardboard.
Interesting side
knot if I tear like half inch on
either end of cardboard tube and then
get a rag and hard on.
I can rip the cardboard tube in half
with my cock period.
I like being get a rag and hard on, I can rip the cardboard tube in half with my cock, period. Yes!
I like being very addictive.
And then there's a Toast Emoticon I can't see.
Why am I... I write Hulkamania on the side of the cardboard tube.
Seriously, you just make me think of the Hulk
tearing his shirt off.
Why did I show up? What the hell happened there?
I didn't know I was...
Okay.
There's a form badge that says photo verified.
I was like, yep.
I went to his house
and yes, the cock was there.
This, so I have not
read this thread
specifically,
but
I am
completely in love with this title.
So I'm hoping
based on title alone, this will not let me down.
So this thread is
entitled Cockocracy,
Cock Supremacy,
and my opinions.
This ain't
Idiocracy XXX.
Well, that's a big wall of text about dicks sure is
here let me just give you highlights
I don't know why
but for some reason I felt compared to share
my thoughts about something which is
on the internet on a forum
deeply influenced my view on penis size
it is also about the effects which this has on the internet on a forum. Deeply influenced my view on penis size. It is also about the effects which this has
on the relationships between men.
I hope that this thread is in the right category.
Being a bisexual man, I understand for me
the penis has an erotic and sexual value.
I myself have never been interested in soccer.
I, however, am friends with a bunch of guys
who play soccer together for a small soccer club in Germany.
Let's skip a while.
Up until this point, size has never been of importance to me.
I've always been fascinated by the aesthetics of a penis.
Size was of secondary importance.
And suddenly all these straight guys
runting and raving about another guy's big cock?
Were they maybe aware of something that I wasn't,
that size is important?
Or why would they willingly
highlight the size of another man's penis,
thereby indirectly admitting that
they were not that big?
Uh...
Lemon, I'm not
happy that she's passed over
the part in red text and capitals that
said, long story about a soccer
team and a guy called Lewis who had a
huge cock.
Oh, well, great.
Thank you so much for summarizing.
You're welcome.
Okay, so, yeah, so, oh, my God.
Okay.
Fuck.
There's so much stupid, but then you realize the extent to which a bill.
Okay, so here we go. Based on Morris Roberts' ideal of masculine capital,
I have partly added on my own ideas.
Each member of a sports team brings with him
a lesser or greater amount of masculine capital.
This could be in form of sporting talent,
leadership skills, or embodied masculinity,
such as an athletic, muscular body.
Each player deposits his masculine... What?
Go on.
Please.
Each player deposits his masculine capital
into a, quote, central account
from which the entire team can then profit.
That is dirty.
It's a zero-cum game.
I don't think you're understanding deposits right there, John.
Ron Howard's a beautiful dick.
Now, in an environment which is explicitly masculine, such as an all-male sport,
explicitly male attributes are of highest value.
The penis is the defining organ of a man.
As such, nothing is more masculine than the penis itself.
The penis is the blue chip stock on the male capital stock exchange.
Well, you're really torturing this metaphor, aren't you?
Yeah, like the way I wrestle my huge cock!
I am both extremely aroused and completely confused.
Okay, so should one of the team members therefore have a very large penis,
this would be of great value to the entire team.
Of course it would.
It increases the masculine capital of the entire group.
Right, that's why it's of value.
They really need to revise the common core questions here.
I mean, this is terrible.
You know who it is, because when
they line up to block that penalty kick,
he's the guy who can't get his arms around the
whole thing.
No, it's hanging
up from the bottom of his shorts.
Okay, so...
Although I never had the pleasure of
seeing his ass, since I'm talking about my friend Louis here,
I now enjoy and can even join in on the jovial worship of his big dick.
His large penis symbolizes the masculinity of the entire group.
Each team member is allowed to partake in his hungness.
Each member can enjoy the idea of having a big dick.
By boasting to others about his size,
they follow a simple formula.
Louis has a big dick, therefore he is masculine.
He is one of us, therefore we are all masculine.
It's a power transfer between penis and the rest of the team.
I'll say it.
That's him on the town crotch.
His dick is our bodhisattva going to Dick Nirvana for us
and giving us of its dick.
The next sentence, you get to guess which phrase I have decided to capitalize.
All right, here we go.
So, Louis has entered a symbiotic relationship with the team.
The entire team has chosen him to be their supreme cock leader.
He gave him a little badge and everything
So it was the entire team, wasn't it?
Symbiotic relationship
Oh yeah, it's probably that
I think it was Cock
I mean, you're not wrong
They've given him a central and unimpeachable position
On the inner circle of the team
He has therefore rendered sole ownership
Of his big circle of the team. He has therefore rendered sole ownership of his big cock
to the team.
His large penis has become the
communal property of the entire team.
Those two statements
are antithetical.
But you can leave your dick in the
locker room when you go.
For the glory of great leader cock.
God, at this point, they could all
just be like trying,
like performing a blowjob on him at once,
and it would be less gay.
Cock of personality.
Like Joseph Stalin!
So we've met a bunch of very happy, healthy,
well-rounded individuals.
You can really spell like crazy.
Absolutely.
They can spell lots of words.
But, you know,
they've got big dicks, but
maybe they don't have big ejaculations.
Well, that's no problem
because there's a huge
ejaculation formula
which John
in the voice of
American Ronin will teach us about.
So, John, what's the huge ejaculation formula?
He's been working in the lab for months on this.
So, wait, is this like a mathematical formula or like baby formula?
Oh, we're going to find out.
Oh, God, don't start that.
So, I know there's a fair amount of interest in this site about huge cum shots.
Who doesn't love leaving their partner drenched in cum, shocked at the violent deluge they have been submitted to?
In the interest of science, I have been experimenting on and off for the last year and a half with different supplements to give myself massive ejaculations.
It's nice that science was in quotes there.
Keep in mind,
I am not a medical professional.
Really?
I'm more credited than Dr. Osdos.
That's not true!
That's not true! He's still a resident surgeon!
I mean, as of this recording.
But is his dick this big?
And have no idea
what side effects these are having on my body.
I've grown three arms and I can see time.
I want to tell everybody about a magic pill
that's going to increase your ejaculation.
You're going to want to write this down.
It's called peyote button.
We research for Pfizer.
The formula I continue to use has, quote unquote, no lasting effects.
No lasting effects.
Doctors agree it ellipsis works.
So no lasting effects.
But who knows what that means.
I have had some success and want to share that
information. So, without further ado,
number one, zinc, 10 to 15
milligrams. If you are at all interested in
coming more, start here. After
taking zinc and abstaining for a month, I came
easily four times as much as I ever had before.
In one daily J.O.
sessions, I see a significant increase.
Do not take more than suggested daily values, as you can develop zinc poisoning over time.
Okay.
Small print, small print, small print.
Step two, colloidal silver.
You'll be cumming.
You will fill your room with cum as you die.
Number two, L-arginine, amino acid, building block for cell growth.
It works to some extent.
Will make herpes worse.
Don't ask me.
Look at her.
Yeah, don't ask me. Don't ask me. Look at herpes. Don't ask me.
But you're right here on the storm. Why can't we ask you?
He was wondering why his herpes was getting worse
and then he looked it up and he was like,
Moving on!
Number three, L-Lycine. Amino acid.
Helps to counteract the downside of L-Arginine.
You know, all those herpes.
The herpes you all obviously have.
Number four, L-carnitine.
I choose you.
Amino acid.
Why not?
What the fuck?
Number five, Pai Gyu.
I think Pai Gyu.
Pai Gyu.
We're going with Pai Gyu.
Holy shit.
Take the recommended daily value.
A week later, your shit will be dripping at the thought of tits.
Man, tits?
Precum galore. That sounds horrible, your shit will be dripping at the thought of tits. Man, tits? Precum galore.
That sounds horrible.
Your shit will be dripping.
An infection, maybe, that just happened at the time.
Yeah, that sounds like a less-
Yeah, my precum is so thick and yellow.
My precum is so thick and yellow it hurts when I pee.
It's awesome.
Number six, lecithin. Makes your cum thick and pear and it hurts when I pee, it's awesome. Number six, lecithin.
Makes her come thick and pearly white.
That's nice.
Number seven, ginseng.
Good flow for your whole body, including
blood flow. Better blood flow.
Better everything.
Also, I'm a quack, so I just have to put ginseng
in everything.
It's part of the thing.
At this point,
your blood is basically
a monster energy drink.
Number eight.
Number eight.
Moira Puama.
Slash.
Macaroon.
There.
Number eight macaroons.
These are supposed to make
your sexual energy better.
Basically better blood flow.
They make my entire groin throb
and drive me crazy horny. What? It's not blood flow. They make my entire groin throb and drive me crazy
horny. What? It's not good.
It will make my dick throb and pulse
like a motherfucker.
It'll do nothing for your dick, but
every time you take it, my dick throbs
like a motherfucker. Then my left
arm tingles. Yeah, you take that macaroon.
Then it makes a hyper
screeching sound and waters off into the
bowels of the ship to mutate further.
Don't feed the macaroon after midnight.
Alright, I'm going to set this macaroon on fire
then we'll know who the macaroon is.
Nobody stay alone in a room with a macaroon.
So I tend to pop these like half
an hour before starting sexy time.
Or routine them for a couple
of days if I know I am getting some
at a specific point.
Number nine, fenugreek. This makes your
cock taste like maple syrup. Really?
I, but too
much, can increase estrogen levels.
Okay, well, yeah, no problem.
Combine this routine with kegels and edging.
I guess ass kegels?
I guess.
Oh, God.
And, and, most importantly,
you can bust a nut like a horse.
Scream in emoticon.
Yeah.
Let me know if this helps at all.
I mean, not really
I can post my specific routine if people are interested
But I don't have it right now
Sure you can
Actually, I got it here
Number one, pop a bunch of pills
Number two, jack off
Wait a month, pop a bunch of pills, jack off
Oh yeah
I wonder which had more to do with my increase in volume
The waiting a month
or all the shit I took.
Totally the kegels.
Oh yeah, yeah. The kegels.
The man kegels. Yeah.
And then,
so again, this is
broken into sections. That was the
science section, and then this section
is titled
Just Weird and or Gross.
So,
my name is
Fernando Perez
and I have a question. Hey, dudes!
Hey!
Fernando Perez?
Hey, dudes!
Can you comparing yours dick with
a girl's feet?
Oh, one of those. Oh, man. Hey, dudes! Can you comparing yours dick with a girl's feet? Oh.
One of those.
Oh, man.
Can you do that?
Can you do it on Skype?
This might be a question for the Mythbusters.
I don't know.
All right, so this thing has toes.
And this thing doesn't.
I didn't say compare and contrast, motherfucker!
Both of them go in shoes?
Gross. Okay, so, Boots, you're a two-ton.
Yeah, tootin'.
Twatintin.
Lol, yes.
My wife does the comparison.
She's a 10.5, and I'm at least as long as her foot.
Maybe a little longer.
Hey, friend!
Can you take a picture?
Any pics?
The ulterior motive comes out so quickly and then
okay and then
Isfahan your pecker check
okay
my dick is mine and some woman's foot
is hers that's one comparison
I think either of her feet is probably
better suited
to her walking,
whereas my dick works quite well
for my peeing
and other favorite activities.
My dick...
Peeing is one of his
favorite activities.
Oh, yeah.
Woo!
Pee!
Pee!
No, no, no, no, no!
Pee, no, no, no, no!
You mean you don't drink beer
so you have to pee later?
So you can hold it for a really long time and then try not to pee later.
Yeah.
My dick is slightly curved, and the foot of a randomly chosen woman may or may not be curved.
I think my cock is an excellent size for my six-foot-four-inch body,
but in its flaked state, it might be too small
for all but a tiny woman.
On the other hand, in its erect state, it might
be large enough to provide stability to the
walking of a respectively sized woman.
Okay.
Okay, yeah.
You're missing lots, lots
of salient points.
I mean,
woman size versus vagina size being one.
But also, oh, yeah, no, if I'm soft, it's not that big.
So if I was going to jam my soft dick into somebody, she'd have to be really small.
Otherwise, it would be weird.
No, no, no.
You're taking her foot off and replacing her foot with your cock.
Oh, okay. Oh, never mind. her foot off and replacing her foot with your cock. Oh, okay, oh,
never mind, okay, sorry, I'm an idiot.
I don't know why you couldn't see that sensible solution.
That's the sort of, yeah,
embarrassing, really.
This is like the fascinating side of a foot fetish.
A dick also has a hole in the end.
Dick feet. I'm googling
dick feet.
Oh, that's a mistake.
I already googled man kegels, and it was fine.
Farewell, bum girl.
Hey there, I'm Joey Dick Feet.
My dick also has a hole in the end, and I've seen very few feet with that attribute.
Then, too, my dick has a couple of sturdy ovoid-shaped things hanging below it.
It's nice that they're ovoid.
It would be rare.
It would be a rare woman's foot that had that such things.
And my dick definitely lacks painted toenails.
Hope this helps.
Thanks, dude!
But I was just referring to just compare the sizes!
And then FreakDickTwoHands
posted some pictures.
FreakDickTwoHands. And then Hands posted some pictures. Freak Dick Two Hands.
And then he posted some pictures.
Oh, good.
These picture links don't work.
Yay.
So he posted some pictures, and then I say,
That shoe is too small for your cock!
You need a bigger size!
Ah!
Ah!
He laughs like the hell out of me.
Who owns this shoe?
Ooh!
Who owns this shoe?
I'm ZingZong1987.
Yeah, what about that?
This is a hot thread.
Dick comparisons to other things is hot.
My dick's not as big as the Eiffel Tower.
That's hot.
Thanks!
Your pictures are really impressive! Your cock
is so bigger, tan her
foot!
My name is Tyrion
Seven, and I totally am
not a fetishist. Hey man, love the
pics. Can you do a compare with
her soles facing the camera and
side by side to your cock? Would love to see
that, thanks.
Now it's time for a choice.
And
Bump Girl, I think you get to make the choice here.
These are terrific choices,
by the way. Oh, lucky you.
So this is a
wide open field
that you get to take us down. So
whichever one you like better.
So topic number one is do you eat your load in company?
In polite company or just in any company?
Any company.
When the queen is present.
At your company, like at your workplace.
I don't eat your load with your pinky out.
I always forget which spoon to use in that part of the course.
And so that was, again, so...
That's door number one.
Gotcha, okay.
And door number two is,
has anyone ever had an open masturbation policy in their house?
Yeah, what would you like?
Morn, Jim.
Wink, wink, wink, wink, wink.
Yeah, don't pick the gross one.
Don't pick that one.
Okay, I'll pick the not gross one.
Come on, make a choice.
Policy, policy.
All right, the masturbation policy, terrific.
So I'm Jay Locke.
I've been thinking for a while what it would be like to share a house
slash apartment with other people and to be able to masturbate with
or without them in the open, say in the living room.
Like it's totally natural, which it is!
Why is the couch crunchy?
So has anyone ever experienced such a thing?
And then, Bump Girl, your RB quip.
Rip quip.
Rub quip.
No, wait.
That still doesn't work.
Rub quip.
No.
Okay.
Check out my Rubquip.
RBKWP says, yes, of course!
Open house policy for years and years.
Helped because of living solo, of course.
Yeah, I would imagine.
I would imagine that helped.
Massive amounts of... You sound like a great roommate.
Well, I'm totally considered a roommate
because I use massive amounts of chlorine, bleach, cleaning recommended when visitors are due, of course.
Which is never.
Everything in my house is white.
Don't question it.
Oh, I get it.
The joke is you're pathetic.
Yeah.
I get it.
I thought this would be all gross and awkward, but it's actually super sexy.
And then John Toast, your uncut Pete.
They call me uncut Pete.
All right.
Long ago in a shared house, my roommates, boys and girls, agreed that if one asked first,
masturbation in the living room was okay.
I assume they said that.
Yeah.
Hey, man, mind if I wank it here?
No, take that shit outside, man.
Oh, you said no, you don't mind.
Alright, fair enough.
Flop, flop, flop, flop, flop, flop, flop.
I have questions, boots.
I'm not going to ask them.
That's the sound of Uncut Pete
masturbating.
Flop, flop, flop, flop, flop, flop.op, boop, boop, boop, boop.
Ching, ching, ching, ching, ching, ching.
Oh, God.
It was in
California.
And we were nude most of the time anyway.
Oh, God. Fucking hippies.
Solitary masturbators were usually male
with others reading or passing by.
Hey there, what's going on? the girls got involved with two or more people
were doing it together
that's not masturbating
yeah we were just you know
masturbating to each other's genitals together
on each other's genitals
on within
all of the above
there was a fair amount of open sex, too,
but you asked about masturbating.
So I described the sex instead.
Alright, we are going to close this out
with a topic called
Male Physical Exams, Does It Turn You On?
And my name is
I Need You, I Want You.
That's what my name is.
Since the very first time I saw a video of a male physical exam,
it got me fully excited.
Then I found malefiacle.com.
I assume that URL doesn't work.
Let's test.
Who did exams on hot, muscular dudes with cum at the end,
and it got me instantly hard.
Too bad that does actual happen at the doctor, but one can dream.
So my question out to you guys, who find physicals arousing,
and if anyone has actually cummed in front of a doctor.
Oh, God.
Wish you were here, Victor.
Oh, God.
Turn your head and
cough.
No, because I'm imagining
when he hears that sentence, it's going to be
sigh.
Much like these video,
leave your thoughts, comments,
and more links to videos of male physicals.
And then, John, you are Miami Rit.
Miami Rit.
I am with you on this one.
I love going for physical and I've had more than one doctor who has been
very hands-on. I've been
boned up for them.
Oh, come on!
Why are you in jail?
I just picture
they're just so used to it at this point.
He's just waiting for them to say it.
He's like, hey, it's happy to see you.
Yes, I know.
Gary, I know it's happy to see me.
My current doctor has had me hard at almost every visit.
And I've blown a load maybe three or four times.
During the single visit?
RT stands for real truth.
I wonder if listening to this podcast is weird for guys named Gary.
I've been trying to make it that way for years.
Gary? Gary? Gary?
Gary's been in a lot of fucked up situations on this podcast.
Anyway.
The best was a visit late in the day and his staff was gone.
I got hard and remained that way for a while
and he keeps telling me that I should not leave it in that condition
and to go ahead and take care of it
myself. Bold! No!
No! And then he came back to the room.
God's untrue.
Does he come back to the room? Does he come back to the room? Keep going! Keep going!
Oh.
When he walked out of the room, I decided
to go for it. Doctor's orders.
The door was not shut,
and maybe he saw or heard.
Oh, God.
Doctor probably heard down the hall
and was like,
oh, I'm jacking off!
And the next thing you know,
he walks back in
and places a box of tissues
on the exam table
while I was stroking myself.
I came pretty quickly after that,
cleaned up and left.
And left.
Didn't even put on my pants
because the exam wasn't done.
That was a good doctor's appointment.
Oh, god. Fuck.
Shit. Fuck.
Oh.
Alright, uh, so then, uh,
Miami... Pro tip following that one.
Yeah, what's the pro tip? Oh, yeah. Yeah, here's another tip.
You've just got to find the right doctor.
Uh, and then, uh, what did you say after that? Oh, well, Yeah, here's another tip. You've just got to find the right doctor.
And then what did you say after that?
Oh, well, my doc has never had anyone else in the room with us.
Actually, two times.
Well, actually, two times.
He had an intern following him for the day when he had to check my penis out.
Whoa.
He asked them to leave.
On both occasions, it got me hard.
And the best part is, he does not wear gloves. This isn't a doctor.
Just ask your doctor out for God's sake.
Is this just some homeless guy you make wear a white coat?
In conclusion, finding a cheap lab coat
and a guy on Craigslist who's hard up for 20 bucks
will really make your life better.
I gotta say, it's super convenient
that there's a doctor's office in this meth den.
Nutshell.
Nutshell,
you're Thick Johnny, and you've been banned.
Sorry about that.
But before being banned, you had a terrific story
to tell us.
Alright.
I went to a durr once, and his
examination was what got me interested
in physical exams.
I'd go to another durr and show them a spot on my cock or nuts that I was curious about or ask about hemorrhoids.
Then I'm not sure if I have them, but it feels strange.
I get the strip and let's take a look.
They almost always ask me if I've had a prostate exam, to which I always say no.
Oh, no.
The thing I don't like is that most DURs put you on your side
for the prostate exam.
Only twice was it done on all fours.
What?
One time the DUR lingered in there
to the point where I was rock hard and dripping
and rocking.
Only one ever made me wear a dog collar.
Not just being motionless.
Nothing happened, however.
Damn.
No, something happened.
Something most certainly did happen.
Nothing happened, however, but I do have two more paragraphs.
Only one took a hot time going to a dermatologist.
Are you kidding me?
What?
I don't wonder.
What?
A dermatologist had a lot of bad bad luck.
Yeah, doctor, I have acne on my face
and this rock hard cock!
Did the dermatologist
suggest he do
a full body once over?
I stripped
and he had a microscope
of the light
and he slowly went over
from neck to toe
on my backside
then I turned
and he did the front side.
I was fully hard
and dripping.
He grabbed the tissue
and dabbed the pre-cub
as he looked over my belly
then my balls
inside my legs and down.
He checked out my neck, my back,
my pussy, and my crack.
Your back!
Your neck!
And he proceeded to pop them out!
Whoa!
I hate it
he noticed I had a scar on my balls
and asked what happened
and I explained that
and then he asked why I was circumcised
check doctor never had another
circumcised patient and was curious
about it
I explained it was common in the 50s
in the states and as I did that, I held my cock
as to show it, and I stroked it
ever so slowly.
Didn't mean to be so obvious.
Yes, you did. Yes, you did.
Fucking liar. He asked me if I
ever had masturbation problems
being circumcised because
he couldn't see how it functioned without
the foreskin.
I showed him how I stroked and
just kept it going as we talked.
I came and he gave me tissues to clean
up. Best exam ever.
And totally
true.
Totally 100% absolutely
true.
Oh, God.
God. Alright, we need
one cool down post, Zen.
Because, fuck.
Okay, so, Minneapolis Single Guy, he has some life advice.
Well, that's me.
I'm Minneapolis Single Guy.
Yeah, you're Minneapolis Single Guy, and you've got some life advice.
Yeah, I know it's totally unprofessional.
But sometimes, if there's a mutual attraction,
not a repulsion, it's kind of
fun to be sort of chubbed up
or completely hard
in front of another guy or woman
who's examining you.
It's a Minneapolis accent, is it?
I don't know.
I don't know what this is. This is a Minneapolis
single guy accent.
Are we sure it's not military police single guy? Very specific.
That's a military police
single guy accent.
After all, it's not that
unusual. You're naked
in front of another person who has your genitals
in their hands.
That's always odd. And you're being
manipulated. It's not a sign of
homosexuality to respond to touch
from someone of the same gender or perversion if the doctor is of the opposite sex.
To the guy who's concerned about wood, relax and enjoy it.
No! Don't enjoy it!
It means you're healthy.
We must have skipped the guy who was concerned about
No one we have been reading
is concerned.
Apparently an erection
in humans is like a cold nose on a dog.
It means you're healthy.
It's cold and wet. It's healthy.
I'd just like to point out the next
thread
that Montreth provided
the doc was like, it was how many celebrities
do you think are at
the large penis support group?
And one person says, I know of three.
That's it.
Well, either
no or celebrity is a
missing definition there.
Relax. Just relax
and enjoy it. Hey, F+, what did we learn
from this?
Cox!
Yeah, pretty much Cox.
For people who have big dicks,
there sure are a lot of insecurities I'm seeing in the text here.
Yeah, I think it really says
something about how homosexuality is viewed.
It's like, oh, we all
worship this guy's big dick and we
kiss it and we all rub it
and we give him jack-off, but you know this guy's big dick, and we, like, kiss it, and we all, like, hug and rub it, and we give him jack-off.
But, you know, it's not gay, you know, because that would be weird.
Yeah, there's a lot of posts where they talk about comparing dicks and showing their dicks off to other guys,
and, like, mutually masturbating or masturbating in front of other guys, but it's, you know, it's not gay.
Yeah, no homo.
I'm not gay.
No homo, yeah.
I think most of the people, like, openly, like, most of this forum is gay.
So I'm kind of wondering what the straight guys are doing in it.
I don't see where you're getting that from.
Yeah, there's a fair amount of gay, but there's a lot of no homo on here, too.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm just wondering how they're getting along.
Like, do they have little camps and, like, put little masking tape lines down, like, the forum and stuff like that?
And they're like, gay over here, no homo over here.
We also saw
a couple of fetishists, like blatant
fetishists in there too.
Dickfeet.
I have to say the Google image search for Dickfeet
is very disappointing.
I guess, I mean, the thing that's
to me, the thing that's
baffling about it is that
it's a large penis support group.
So already in that name, they're going forward with a concept of victimhood.
It should be called the humblebrag community.
Yeah, I think it's at least a little bit tongue-in-cheek, dick-in-cheek, whatever. dick and cheek whatever but I'm saying that like in the stuff we read like they're simultaneously
you know complaining about how hard
it is to have a big dick
and you know like oh
everyone's just so hard my dick's just
so huge but then
on the other hand they're spending so
much time
like just foisting their dick
onto other people
and that's an awful action to do as a human being.
It's a love-hate relationship.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I feel like if there were a guy who really did have the problem of, like,
oh, I've got a giant dick and that's the problem with my life,
he'd just go on this forum and be like,
oh, it's just a bunch of dudes writing fake porn stories
for themselves.
Well, this sure helped me out.
I also noticed that in the side, this site is awful.
This is by no means the ugliest site we have been to.
I mean, it's very black and white.
I like that about it.
So it's not design-wise, look-wise, but the building, it's horrible.
Yeah.
Like, in order to get to page two, like, it sucks.
And, yeah, so just, I mean, just, like,
whatever forum software this is is wretched.
But anyway, so on the side they have, you know,
latest threads, latest blogs.
On cam now,
because you can watch
Follow Cherry on a live cam.
But there's also latest posts.
And here is a
post from a minute ago
that was just posted right now.
This just in, breaking news.
Yeah, so this is
the topic.
LPSG main women's issues.
Fuck her in the pussy.
Oh, God.
No, that's that
thing.
Oh, you know, it's really...
Yeah.
You know, it's really telling that we've, like, for an hour
and 45 minutes, we've read about giant dicks and cum and all this stuff.
And the thing I'm most disgusted by is the Reddit meme that was brought up right now.
Oh, damn it.
I didn't even know that I did that.
And if you want to find an online urinal trough where you can show off your dick,
you should come to Ball Pit.
What's the URL for that?
That's ballp.it.
So when I'm peeing
and showing other guys
my dick,
it takes a while. It takes a while to get
through my dick because it's so big.
And
I wish... You know, I like to
play cell phone games.
Wow.
I've got my chin in my hands. Alright. I've got my chin in my hands.
Alright.
I want to hear how this ends.
All I'm saying is when I'm
peeing in a trough,
I like to play cell phone games
with other guys.
Do you have any recommendation for me?
Well, I think you should use the wrongest
words while you're with three to eight of your friends pissing in a urinal. That's terrific. What's the website for me? Well, I think you should use the wrongest words while you're with three to eight of your friends
pissing in a urinal. That's terrific.
What's the website for that?
Wrongestwords.net, I believe.
Wrongest.net, but close enough.
Wrongest.net is what I believe.
Alright, thanks for listening.
Bye.
Bye. this forum
this forum is so
fucked up
because every page is in pure html
so
it's super hard to...
Oh, it's super hard, huh?
Yeah. Alright, I'm going to take a break.
Can anyone figure out how to get to the second
page? I know there's a second page of this
thread. Do you think
anyone can figure out how to do that?
Thread tools? No.
Thread tools.
Link back URL.
Is it at the top of the page?
To a big...
I'm going to add two to the URL.
The permalinks go by.
Did Montreth have to join this forum to get the second page?
Okay, here. I think I may have it.
Actually, try
doing printable version.
And then you could actually...
There's a page at the bottom.
Page 1 through 9. Where's printable version? and then you can actually, like, there's a page at the bottom. Like, page one through nine.
Wait, where's printable version?
So you go to, um...
Instead of Fixed Screen Witch?
Jesus Christ! How the fuck do people get around
this piece of shit?
Okay, so, oh, so...
Okay. Okay, so genuinely,
like, if you add hyphen two...
Hyphen two, yeah. To any URL.
Oh, okay. God damn it.
Saying no to a big 2.
No, before HTML.
So saying no to a big
hyphen 2 dot HTML.
Oh my god.
Yeah.
Alright.
Alright.
Jesus.
Alright.