The F Plus - 202: The Forum And The Fury
Episode Date: January 30, 2016Life can be frustrating at times. To that end, there are sites on the internet where people can go and type the subjects of their anger into a form for others to read. These screeds can be on any... subject, and restrictions of logic, spelling or grammar do not apply. Also, posting a screed usually means you get involved in flamewars with the other users of this website. And while none of this is helpful for the people involved in posting on the website, the results can be read aloud and help you feel better about yourself. This week, don't smash your keyboard. A portal might open up.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
I want to actually hear from anybody in the comments if anybody's under the age of 25 now who has ever actually still found porn.
Woods Porn?
Like rotting in the woods by the train tracks.
You found Woods Porn, right?
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah, I found Woods Porn.
I grew up in the golden age of Woods Porn.
The golden age of Woods Porn. Welcome to the F Plus Podcast.
An infuriating place for terrible things.
Right with enthusiasm.
In the room tonight we have Boots Reign Gear.
Doorknobs are f-fucking stupid.
Door handles are awesome.
Poor Tex.
Hi everyone, I love you.
Yes, Fahan.
I prefer the finer things in life.
Like my sneakers have to be Nikes.
Check, check.
Here's the deal, Baconator.
You're working in a job designed for a kid.
And Lemon.
Oh, great.
Thousands of men and women jerk off to you nightly,
and that fucking whore at the Food Lion said you were cute?
Where?
Hey, F+. Hey, Lemon.
Hi, Lemon.
Hi.
You guys have all of your issues under control?
Nope.
I sure do.
I'm bubbling rage underneath just at all times.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Yep. I'm sorry to hear that. Well, as you might be aware,
it has been
some time since our last
foray into Rage-centric
websites.
Oh, so it has.
Are we talking about the rapper
The Lady of Rage?
No, but that's a weird poll.
What's your favorite Lady of Rage song there, Jack Jack?
Afro Puffs.
I'm going gonna go canonical.
Yeah. Ruffin' stuff, man.
I go chronological.
Way too early for a reference like that.
Anyway,
what we're gonna be dealing with here
is a document that was
given to us by Caroline!
And we're gonna be looking at
three different
websites. All of them center around, you know, people on the internet who need to express their frustrations.
Who need to express them publicly and who want to presumably engage in meaningful and insightful conversation with those around them.
Sorry, I choked on nothing. meaningful and insightful conversation with those around them. Sorry. About things.
Sorry, I choked on nothing.
I was just snickering for no reason.
That's fucking weird.
Well, while I'm raging, I definitely want to have a meaningful conversation with people.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I hope you guys like the color red because here it comes.
Oh, I'm seeing red.
This is Rageagerant.com.
Good God, that's great.
Wow.
It's pretty much the No Fear logo.
Yeah, it is.
But anyway.
I like the speckle brush from Photoshop
with a bit of blur sort of stretched downward.
It's a nice effect.
That's Rage.
So let's start out with this rant here by Exile. That's a nice effect. That much rage. So, let's start out with this rant
here by Exile, and that's you,
Jack Chick. And, uh,
Jack, you're upset about vegetarians,
isn't that right?
Uh, yeah, I'm very,
very angry about fucking vegetarians.
Seriously,
I'm getting real tired of
hearing all this, I don't eat meat
bullshit! I've asked them why I don't eat meat bullshit.
I've asked them why they don't.
Their responses are always the same.
It's barbaric to slaughter animals.
I'm just trying to help the environment.
I just don't like the taste of meat.
Really? It's barbaric?
So I asked them their reasons.
They give me their reasons, and then they have reasons, those motherfuckers.
Lemon, do me a favor.
Yep.
Ask them lions over in Kenya who do it to survive if they'd ever switch to plants.
Okay, be right...
Oh, no.
Well, he's gone.
I don't think we're ever going to see him again.
All right.
Oh, this episode got awkward.
What would happen...
Let's keep reading.
What's about to happen to Lemon?
We don't need him.
They just look at you as a potential meal
because it's instinct.
Helping the environment.
Fucking seriously?
You are eating all the goddamn plants.
You're not helping shit.
I have to admit, that's a pretty weak argument.
But raising cows takes up more energy and space
than eating plants?
No, vegetarians are eating all the goddamn plants. Yeah, they're eating all the
plants, so then the cows don't have anything to eat, poor
tax. God, can't you vet this through your fucking skull?
Nettles, redwoods.
Just picks up an entire Venus flytrap
and just shoves it down your face.
I can understand if you don't like the taste of meat,
but really, how can you not like
something that is essential to your survival?
OMG, guys, have you ever really truly seen a healthy vegetarian?
They're all yellow and shit from a lack of protein.
Forget that shit.
This is seriously one of the most retarded preferences I've ever heard.
Nah, these people should have been swallowed at birth.
Give me bacon.
Give me steak, chicken, and pork.
It's tasty.
It's healthy.
It's life, people.
Give me life, people.
It's life, people. Give me life, people. It's life, people.
Exile out!
So, uh...
There's a guy named Randy who works at the
Minnesota Zoo, and
he does not fuck around.
He is
not nice.
He's stronger than he looks, right?
Yeah! That went really
poorly. I don't know what happened
in the rest of your rant, but I didn't like that suggestion at all.
Yeah.
It's really convenient that you live
in the zoo.
Now we're going live
from the lion exhibit.
Also, it does give you an excuse
to be a real mess when you eat your lunch.
Okay. Also, it does give you the excuse to be a real mess when you eat your lunch. Okay, uh, Portex.
Yeah?
So, what is it that offends you about Guy's hair?
I'm assuming Guy from, uh...
No, no, no. Guy. Guy.
I thought it was... wasn't it Guy from Fatal Fury?
No, he's from Final Fight.
How about...
You're totally right.
I'm so sorry.
He's baiting me.
Jesus fucking Christ.
I wasn't going to make a video game joke.
Trap sprung.
So anyway, Guy's hair, and then period, so that's the sentence.
It's just me.
Right. It sure is. Yep. We won't expect anything great. Is it Guy's hair sentence. It's just me. Right.
It sure is.
Is it guys hair or is it just you?
Okay, so please tell me I'm not the only one girl with this view.
I think that guys should
simply not have super short hair.
Longer hair that hit just about
their ears is hot!
So like a bowl cut?
Yeah! Three stooges, man.
Fucking hottest thing ever.
When they flip it to the side, I just find it attractive.
And when your boyfriend has a skater personality and style, his hair always looks better long.
When your boyfriend cuts their hair super short, even after they know you are strictly against it, that just pisses me off.
Admittedly, some guys look hot with short hair.
Look at Eminem or Justin Timberlake.
Guys shouldn't have super short hair.
Some of them look hot with short hair, though.
How are those the two hot guys
that come to your mind?
They have short hairs.
How?
Look, I tried looking at Eminem or Justin Timberlake.
Oh, the two hottest guys with short hair. Let'sem for Justin Timberlake. Oh, the two hottest guys with short hair.
Let's see, Justin Timberlake
and Kid Rock?
No.
I think
he didn't do that.
The certainly important thing about Eminem is that his
career was always predicated based on his physical
attractiveness and no other
details. That is true.
But other guys look better with long.
I just think that at 14, the guys
should keep their hair shaggy!
Zoinks!
What?
What?
What?
Okay.
All guys should have long hair, except for the ones who look hot
with short hair.
Yeah, exactly.
Alright, so which post
about God and religion
would you like to read,
Mr. Boots Rain?
We have
God Made Ignorant People
by CJ614.
Okay.
And then we have Religion by
Asphyxia.
Yeah.
I'm going to go with the more mysterious one.
I'll go with Religion by Asphyxia.
Well, you chose the one that talks not only about Christians,
but also it's got a rundown of all of the different religions.
So this will be fucking...
Everyone's going to the burn ward now.
Yeah.
So I'm going
to start by saying that every stupid
religion is full of hypocrites.
Sin like
crazy. Repent even crazier.
What?
Repent crazy.
Sin like crazy!
That's what my shirts at the shore say spent it in half
last weekend I went on a repenting spree
yeah
I am so tired of these bible beaters
and every time I meet one I want to beat them
with a bible
then you become the bible beater
no that's my joke
gaze too long into the religious abyss tell them to read it Then you become the Bible beater. No, that's my joke. I want to take their power.
Gaze too long into the religious abyss.
Tell them to read it instead of try to preach from it.
Because they're definitely not living by it.
And there's no chance they've read it.
That thing is fucking long.
Just give me the clips and that's fine.
Yeah, I got some opinions about Jehovah's Witness, but you don't need to hear about that.
You need to hear about that.
You need to hear about Catholics.
Oh, okay.
I mean, give me the second paragraph about Jehovah's Witnesses, actually.
Could you do that for me? Okay, if I have to.
Okay, thanks.
So I give these idiots their spotlight for about 15 minutes, and I say,
Wait, so you are Jehovah's Witnesses?
No.
The one guy who was actually talking the whole time says,
yes, sir, we are.
I replied without skipping a beat.
So, what did you witness?
You should have seen the dumbfounded looks on both of these idiots' faces
as they look over each other for an answer to my question.
No.
No, they definitely had a response to that.
They definitely had a response to that
They definitely had a response to that
No, this totally happened
Yeah, you weren't there
Okay, so
Did you witness this?
It made this off when you were visiting the lion
Those idiots faced each other
and made idiot faces
They totally did
The story checks out
I just said, okay, well I think we're done here
Have a nice day
I closed my door, walked in, started on this rant
After holding my sides, laughing
For 20 minutes
Then later I learned that they
They converted and now they're atheists
Like me
I destroyed their whole religion
Fedora's just fell from the sky
and landed right on both their heads. It was amazing.
Yeah.
Like a
were-nerd.
They open up their suitcase
and take out their trench coats.
It's like transforming into a werewolf,
only the fur comes out under your chin
and nowhere else.
No, the back, too.
Hold on, hold on.
Now, Catholics.
Do I really need to say much here?
I'm gonna.
The answer's yes.
These people have a
pope that's supposed to be
some holy old guy
who is all-knowing and awesome
and full of pure win.
Oh, fuck you.
You're right.
You're right. Good job.
Don't even get me started on the whole hilarious
rumors about Catholic priests either.
Hilarious, huh?
Child molestation is like
a fucking gas station.
This person laughed for 20 minutes over the word witness.
So the word Pope
was in quotes, but neither hilarious
nor rumors were.
Nope.
I don't even have time to write
so much here. Anyway, these are the
biggest of the hypocrites of all the religions
I've ever seen.
Okay. Hey,
what was the last paragraph that you
wrote about Muslims? Because it sounds fucking...
I'm sure this will be great.
At 72 virgins? What kind of reward is that? I was watching Robot Chicken and they showed those...
Ah!
Wait.
Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!
Did something happen?
Well, no.
Did something bad happen?
Look, in most major religions, if you don't live a virtuous life, you are sentenced to watching Robot Chicken for all eternity.
So they did the research here.
That would be effective.
Anyway, in Robot Chicken they show these 72
versions being nerdy World of Warcraft
retards that are all men.
And I hope that's what all you morons got.
Because that's
what I am and maybe I'll get laid then.
Yeah.
So wait, so you're
hoping that their religious beliefs actually are true, and so...
Yeah?
I don't follow, because isn't he making fun of the religion?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He was angry about it.
So then you went through, you did Jehovah's Witnesses, you did Catholics, you did Muslims.
And then, what are your feelings on Christians?
Christians? Hypocrites.
Ooh, a twist.
Great! Okay, thanks a lot! That was helpful!
Yeah, you're welcome.
In response, a few people registering usernames of various gods
to show up to just kind of mess with this person, and
Aspicia keeps, like, coming back
and arguing with them.
Even though it's obviously people posting as Thor and God
and stuff.
There's Thor, there's Odin,
there's God.
Well, no, because
you did some research, right?
Because I'm God,
right, Boots?
I'm God, and on
August 28th of 2010,
I noted something. It's my religion, so I know.
I noted that, except
Catholics were around hundreds of years before
Christians.
Yes, ma'am.
Yes, sir.
Did you salute when you said that?
No.
Are you saluting now?
That's good, because he's not a ranking officer.
No.
Nobody is going to come in and critique Lemon's trousers and how he doesn't have them properly set.
Your gig line is fucked up, Lemon.
You need to square that shit away.
Is that my
Google Maps
location to the next gig?
No.
Wow, you're just all laid up, aren't you?
You are unset.
Oh, no, I'm sitting in this chair.
Oh.
Well, I take back that salute I didn't do
So this one, will you tell me something about fat people
in scooters?
Will I?
Fat people
in scooters
Trying to keep their weight
Hi everyone
I'm CJ614
Okay, so it's really dawned on me that overweight people should not be going out and buying mopeds and scooters for fuel economy.
I really like capitalizing words, by the way.
Transportation.
Okay.
It's an ignorant choice, in my opinion.
Ignorance a bit, but whatever.
In reality, it's like a deaf child buying an iPod.
Am I right, folks?
For what apparent reason, I don't know.
Wait, no.
So they're not able to use the mopeds and scooters then.
So, no, your metaphor is awful.
Your metaphor is really bad.
For what apparent reason, I don't know.
Oh, sorry about that.
Yeah.
But really, fat kids, you would be better off walking burning the fat off
than trying to get great gas mileage, if that is your real name,
on your 50cc go-ped.
You deserve to have a brick thrown at your skull each time I see you on one.
Each time?
Well, I mean, there's just like
the one fat kid.
I really like his usage of the passive
voice there, where he's like, you deserve to
have someone throw a brick at you,
not me, whenever I see you.
Whenever I see you on a scooter,
someone will throw a brick at you.
Hey Gary, CJ614 sees a guy
on a scooter, you should throw a brick
I'm just confused
So he's seeing this like all the time
Is he living in like the bad fat part of town
where there's just like motorcycle gangs
of bad guys and rascals
Looks like someone's a little lost
It's Mary, where's the McDonald's
Quick, go through a narrow doorway!
Alright, so...
Hey, guys.
My name's Asphyxia, and I believe
this is the very last piece from
Rage Rants, because we have other
sites to look at. But anyway...
So I'm Asphyxia,
and texting...
You know, it's one thing to have to type on my damn
phone but to not be replied to is really annoying the other really annoying thing about texting this
is texting that's the problem right is people will text you saying hi right you reply hey what's up
then you wait a few days to call them to find out
what was up that day and they'd say hi
and then never reply again. I wasn't making
polite conversation I wanted to know what was up.
So like even then it's just like
birds, clouds.
Yeah.
No what was that movie
about? Explain it to me. Was the
guy's wife dead or not?
I have a touchscreen phone.
It's cool, but it isn't too much fun to text on.
Now, I have unlimited minutes to talk to anyone else who is on a cell phone, but 99% of everyone in my phone would rather make
my type on
my phone instead of talk
on a period period. I don't
mind text. I have unlimited
of those two, but
if you plan on having a conversation,
just call someone period period.
Don't make me break down my calling plan further.
I have four gigs of data, but right now I'm on a promotional for eight gigs.
But that goes away if I renew my contract.
But anyway, texting.
But I do get unlimited punctuation.
I just want to talk to all the people inside my phone.
If you just need to make them a quick reminder about something
or briefly ask a couple questions that wouldn't take much effort to answer,
sure, texting isn't a bad idea.
When you want to have a full-blown conversation with me through text,
I'll probably end up calling you going,
why the hell are you asking me loaded questions
that would take me all day to type?
Wow, you should take this comedy bit on the road.
Why don't we just call?
Or, you know, to the person that you're having the problem with.
So I am getting tired of texting at this point.
I get to spend 30 seconds to type something that I could
say in 5 seconds if someone
would just call me period period.
So they just call you and go, hi, and then hang up.
What's up?
They call back, hey, what's up?
And then hang up.
Over.
You do anything later today?
Society should have never advanced
past the walkie-talkie.
Roger Wilco.
I understand the great benefits of texting, though.
I used to text all the time or in places that I couldn't really talk a lot.
That is a huge benefit to text instead of call.
But when you're sitting in your room doing nothing and I am sitting in my room doing nothing,
you know, in the rare
chance that that would be the case,
I'd much rather just talk
on my phone than type
on it. Linda.
The moral of
my mini rant is that
I'd rather verbally speak to people
when using my cell phone instead
of typing. Do you get this yet?
Do you understand?
No, not really.
So not smoke signals.
So if you want to talk to me, then talk.
If you want to type, do it on Messenger, on the computer,
or on this epic website called Rage Rant.
Hold for applause.
You know, I just, okay, well, while Lemon's holding for applause,
I'm going to go ahead and pitch my idea
for an app. Fine, because I'm going to
hold forever, because it's not fucking coming.
It's going to be like
a really hipster app, marketed
to hipsters. Instead of texting, you have to do
semaphore.
That would
work, too, because the phones have the gyroscope,
right? Yeah. So you would actually... Oh, because the phones have the gyroscope, right?
So you would actually... You pick your flag.
So good.
The F Plus podcast, your greatest source for semaphore jokes.
The great part is that you'd need two phones.
Yes.
So there's an upsell involved.
You'd need two apps.
Or, well, no, you'd need the phone and then, like, the nunchuck for the Wii remote.
You'd need the phone and then the nunchuck for the Wii remote.
Now I'm picturing people
smacking themselves in the face with the phone attachment.
It's pretty great, isn't it?
Okay, so we are
leaving
the Rage Rants
because we have other really
angry places to go to.
Such as
the Rant Central Forums.
Before
seeing it, I'm going to guess we have a red
theme as well, but maybe with a black background?
Wow.
Well done.
What do you think is in the header image?
A giant airplane
that has been split in half
and is full of screaming ballerinas
I'm going to say also a screaming face
Now that's how you party in half
You didn't guess a guy in a hoodie with a scarf over his face
Okay, so
This is the Rant Central Forums
The background is in black, it's carbon fiber
That guy is really upset that there's a Photoshop filter
Has eaten his city
He's crying out for a minute
Oh no, the interlacing is eating into my arms
And so this is the Rancentral forums
And Jack Chick
Your name is Aris524
And you got a question to ask, right?
Is this considered abuse on her?
First, my mom never hits me.
Okay.
Good.
Me and my father got into a fight at McDonald's.
We threw ketchup on each fooling around.
Im older, Im 15, he is 13.
I got some ketchup on some woman clothes,
and my mom had to reimbursed her
for the damage
my mom never hits me but she reimbursed
other people
her head explodes like on scanners
but it's full of ketchup so it just made it worse
now you have the ketchup
it's her charge up attack
my mom freaked out on me
Told me I was immature baby
And my brother too
In front of people in McDonlads
McDonlads?
I love this post
Leaving McDonald's she told us
That she get us some
Pacifers and some Pampers
And a playpen.
People were looking at me.
Like she was right.
She took away my X-Space box and my I-Space pod and cell I can't go out on weekends now.
Yeah, because you're gonna...
Wait, she took your cell away.
Then you should be able to escape.
Well, no, just the one. It's fine.
Oh, I was talking about, like, you know,
biological cells.
Oh, yeah.
No, it's a terrorist sub-organization.
No, it's the Dragon Ball Z
villain.
It's an animation.
Alright, that's the rest of this episode now.
Yep.
On the car ride home, she is yelling at us,
telling us when she goes to Walmart,
she should buy us a crib and stuff.
Telling me we made her look like a bad mother.
She's being a total fuck to me.
Can I turn her into CPS for abuse,
saying those things to me?
I sure hope not.
What is that? No.
No, keep going, keep going.
Child Protective Services gonna take your mother away?
No, it turns her into
Child Protective Services.
Isn't it slander
or something saying lies about someone?
I don't think she's lying.
She said I was immature and now
I'm whining on the internet. Clearly
she's lying. Actions have consequences.
Saying I need pampers and making
me look bad in public.
For the record, he started it.
My brother, not me.
I thought it was your bother.
You were throwing ketchup at each other.
Like, oh, she made me look stupid.
I looked really fucking cool and I had condiments
all over my fucking face.
This is the first time his mom has ever been
mad at him, which
she seems like a very patient woman.
It's not fair she's doing this.
She took away my
games, and I can't go out now because of
that fuck.
I want her to chill out and give my
stuff back to me. Sure.
No one got hurt. She doesn't get that.
I really want my mom
to know I'm not a kid. She could not talk
to me like that. We were throwing ketchup at each other.
Well, and someone did. I mean,
she was inconvenienced by
A, being embarrassed, but also like
you spill shit on a woman's clothes, so then
she had to pay for the woman's clothes. You inconvenienced
her to say that nobody got hurt as being disingenuous and incorrect.
Well, I didn't get hurt, therefore nobody got hurt.
Okay, that's true.
I'm 13, remember?
Thanks for clarifying that, Lemon.
I didn't understand what the kid had done wrong, but now I do.
The first response to this is by a user named Sporkium, who's a supermod.
And Sporkium's title is The Voice of Reason.
And, yeah, it says,
No, it's not considered abuse.
You and your brother are immature idiots and should not be allowed in public
until you learn how to behave yourselves
and should definitely keep you off the internet
and revoke your computer privileges, too.
And what do you have to say about that, RS524?
What about her lies?
Telling me and my bro we need
pampers and stuff. She dissed me in public
for no reason.
You were throwing ketchup on each other.
So Wildcard
also tells this person
you act like an idiot in public, act
like a baby, get treated like a baby, and
he has a response to that, too.
It's true.
My mom just didn't call me a baby
but told me I belong in Pampers again.
Look, people, you heard her call me a baby
in McDonald's and tell me that she was going to
get me diapers in a crib for what I did.
I have witnesses.
Don't you think that would you
help with swycle services?
Yeah, call up
witnesses. Yeah, I sure did call her a baby.
I'm going to start a GoFundMe for this guy's mom
She needs something to drink
What's the end goal?
Yeah, exactly
What's the end goal? To ship these kids off to China?
No, no, just rye
Just deliveries of rye to her house
The end goal is rye
Well, the end goal is rye
Yeah, that's true, too.
It's not fair. It was only
ketchup we threw on people, and the people in front of
us were old, like in their 60s,
and wouldn't know even if it was
on their clothes if I wanted to say anything.
Oh my god. Okay, this is
way worse than it was before.
Yeah. It's not
fair, you know. I don't want to
sound like a Winnie baby.
Thank you.
She had to pay 45 bucks for the clothes I ruined, but that was her choice.
It was your choice to throw ketchup on each other.
You forced her hand.
I mean, she was being a good person in that particular situation.
I want to put this kid in a headlock and then fire him into the sun.
Lemon, I think you're going to reconsider that statement after you hear the next line.
Great, great.
My mind is open.
Bring it on me.
But no other mom would tell me that I should be in diapers and need a bottle.
Only mine does that.
Nope.
That's how uncool she is.
How many moms have you tried?
Other moms would have beat your ass.
For real.
Yeah.
It was only McDonald's, no place
fancy, and it was ketchup. The ketchup was
fancy, though.
It actually does say...
Well, does it still say? It used to say that.
I don't know if it does say that.
Her telling everyone name a baby and belonging
and pampers and stuff was foul, you know, and a bunch
of lies. No one got hurt. It was only ketchup.
Because of her, people think I need
pampers on me now. She needs to chill the out.
So was he
just like, no mom, you don't
understand, this isn't blood,
it's ketchup.
You're such a dumb bitch.
He is completely divorced from any sense of
remorse or responsibility for
like, he doesn't even think he did anything
wrong, because
that's probably why all his privileges have been taken away.
Because he's too fucking privileged.
And, yeah, so the rest of this forum...
I mean, everyone else in this thread just kind of, like, slaps him around.
And just...
Jack, will you just read the two other posts that he has to defend himself?
Sure.
I just want her to stop being a bitch and chill out with me.
Mom, bring some
of that rye over here.
And
if not a whiny bitch, don't I have
rights? No.
Nope. Nope. Nope.
Not the rights you think you have.
You are under 18 years of age.
I will say this is interesting
though, is that, cause though, because clearly what has possibly happened
is the reason this kid's acting like this in the first place
is maybe mom was just too permissive or whatever,
and now he's finally getting punished for maybe the first time ever.
Clearly.
We're just witnessing this total, like, wait, what?
Why?
A day of reckoning is at hand, but why?
And as reckonings go, it's pretty mild.
Yeah, she talks shit to him, which if he finds this podcast, oh man.
I hope he doesn't throw ketchup on me.
My shirt's super expensive.
So, by the way, we're not just in the Rant Central forum.
We are in Rant Central slash Ranter's Delight
Because it's on and on and on and on and on
The ranting don't stop until the break of dawn
Thank you
Just waiting for minutes to do that
Anyway, so this thread Waiting for minutes to do that Anyway
So this thread
Is
And also like
So this thread
Is called to fart or not to fart
That is the question
So
My name is Snillek
And I'm a gift master
And I have been banned for farting.
Let's find out.
To fart or not to fart?
Is farting acceptable in the part of the world where you live?
If yes, why and how can you
fart in public?
If no, why
is farting unacceptable?
Oh man, that was a great
rant. Fuck. Is this guy related
to the guy that was wondering why you can't
wear a KKK mask in
public? Is this like an idiot
friend?
Listen, just a random
question, and then boots your system folder. Yes, like an idiot friend. Listen, just a random question, and then
boots your system folder. Yes, I'm
system folder.
I fart whenever I have to.
I'm pretty sure you can cause damage
if you try to hold them in.
When it comes out, it comes
out. I don't care where I am
or what people think. If I know
I'm going to be in an enclosed space
with other people, I might drink
some milk beforehand.
Turn up for farts?
Oh, let me just use his image
macro again.
Yay!
That wasn't a macro.
Well, not macro. Sorry.
Jack Check actually just pointed out
that Snilock, the guy who was
banned, he was banned
after
managing
14,115 posts
in
probably three years, because he joined
in February 2012.
So this forum
was really dealt a blow when this guy
was banned.
Why is this thread seven pages long?
What?
Because we want to know if we should fart or not to fart.
There's so many.
The stats on the site indicate that his posts equate to 12.48% of all posts on the forum.
And then right under system folder
there, Isfahan, your name is Spud17.
I swear to god,
every avatar is
an animated gif.
The fish head one is legit making me laugh.
Alright, my name is Spud17.
I'm a potato doomhammer.
Low random.
Alright.
It's a normal human function and farting is
acceptable where I live, to a degree.
It depends on the mindset of the
person hearing someone else do it,
as well as the closeness of the fart.
And here's where I pull out my telescoping
pointer, and
I've got a chalkboard behind me.
If it's in a closed space like a lift,
then people will rightly screw their face up.
Not because of the smell itself,
but because they can't believe the farter
couldn't wait five seconds for the door to open.
Also, because of the smell itself.
I grew up seeing my Nana cock her leg
to make her anal announcements,
and it always cracked me up.
And being English.
Whoops.
What?
Who is?
What?
Jack Chick.
What the fucking fuck?
Yeah. Jack Chick, who is your favorite actress in anal announcements?
Um, uh
Nevermind
Pinky
Being English, I have a natural fondness
for toilet humor with a U
I admire a man who's not afraid to let
one rip in public, and if I know them,
I'll give them marks out of ten.
With all the shit we have to deal with in the
daily grind of life, I think those who think farts
are disgusting and should be let go in private
are somewhat uptight.
People like Joan from down the street,
who always held her farts in and claimed
she never passed gas, and then
died from bowel cancer, are a good reminder to forget the ridiculous notion that farts are and claimed she never passed gas, and then died from bowel cancer,
are a good reminder to forget the ridiculous notion that farts are gross
and just let them rip.
Although I won't deny that sometimes a little
discretion wouldn't go amiss.
I remember the, you know, you know Mikey from the Life Cereal commercials?
He didn't fart once and he died.
Hey Boots, hey Boots, hey Boots. hey boots did you see the word discretion is a link
you should click that link
where does it take you boots
it takes me to wiki how to conceal your farting in public
god damn it
13 methods
alright so how to conceal your farting in public
here we go this is like 4 weeks since I've been on this site Yay! Thirteen methods! Alright! So, how to conceal your farting in public.
Here we go!
WikiHow episode number five! It's been like four weeks since I've been on this site.
This is great.
I'm going to guess around step five.
It says, do you really want to conceal your fart in public?
Some people appreciate farts.
It's a bit like a perfume.
And again, this WikiHow article, by the way,
it's all broken into different methods.
And it's all the places that you end up farting,
like in a train, in the library, or at a disco.
Where the guy is thinking about giant musical notes.
Well, at the disco, there's that hugely loud music,
but if somebody farts, there's that record scratch,
and the music stops, you'll be like,
who farted?
Method 11, how to conceal your fart in public
while in high school still liking a boy.
Alright, alright.
Back to Raid Central Forums, guys.
Come on, back to Raid Central Forums.
You have to drag us back.
You're an even worse mom than the one
that didn't let me throw ketchup at people.
We're gonna call CPS and get assigned to a better podcast.
Here comes Aish!
Whoa, what?
Here comes Aish!
Oh, here comes Aish.
Hi, Aish.
Hey!
What's the worst thing you ever intentionally did to another person, either as a joke or out of vindictiveness?
I broke his arm off and then shoved poison in the stump.
I could think about answering that, but I'd kind of like to know your role.
Descriptive text.
Oh, sure.
Yeah.
Okay, so I'm...
You know how you sometimes use forward sl like when you say actor slash writer?
I use hyphens.
Good, so fuck you. That's my choice.
So I'm a poet,
and I'm a mage,
and I'm a warrior, and I'm a goddess.
Yeah!
Unless you're a poet minus the mage, warrior,
or goddess parts of being a poet.
I'm not a dental work goddess. Anyway,
drumroll! I once released hissing cockroaches
and scorpions
into someone's house
after pissing on their
CHA filter.
What's a CHA filter?
I was hoping somebody else would answer that.
Cha-cha-cha!
Isfahan, what's a CHA filter?
Their charisma filter.
I don't know.
I knew I shouldn't have asked a nerd this question.
Oh, it's the water filter.
So like the thing that filters water.
So like a Brita filter.
That's what that is.
Okay.
So pissed on the thing that goes into their drinking water.
I wonder if this person also calls band-aids adhesive strips.
Gelatin dessert.
I use Adobe registered trademark,
Photoshop registered trademark brand software.
I like using facial tissue to clean my nose.
Yes, absolutely.
But the worst is probably this one once upon a time my ex wouldn't leave me
alone so i fucked his best friend and a week later had a threesome with two guys and then
immediately went to his house and fucked him telling him all about the other exploits after
i came and shoved him off me saying i'm'm done now, thanks, go away. That's just confusing.
That's not real.
Yeah.
No way is that real.
That's a thing I did.
I'm an awful person who pretends to be even worse.
Totally.
I'm a shitty person and a shitty liar.
I'm a double threat.
I have ready access to hissing cockroaches and scorpions.
Yeah.
So Isfions. Yeah. So, Isfahan.
Yeah.
You are Lannister hater, and you are terrifying.
All right.
That's why you have that image.
Yeah.
Is that why I get this one?
No, I think you can speak to it.
So, what's your avatar there, Lannister hater?
My avatar is a semi-automatic pistol with the trigger lock on.
But oh, that's gonna change!
Okay.
I've done some pretty bad things.
Some of which I can not say because of legal issues and to preserve any moral dysanxia that any fellow ranchers might still possess.
Most involve sexual
exploits.
Some involve the deaths of animals.
This is an ad lib,
but some involve both.
When I was much younger,
I mostly cast spells on those
that angered me.
What?
Dave Boustain is back!
It's like Alex Bell.
Oh, it was horrible boyziness.
As I grew older, there were more violent things.
Semicolon.
Not so much your cliche ass whippins,
but physically harmful acts nonetheless.
Homemade napalm is a very versatile thing.
Ammonia iodine crystals work great as a non-lethal touch
explosive that it can print forever upon
a person's mind just how close to death
they may have come
not that I can talk about it due to legal issues or anything
yeah
I know what this person's read
I always regretted
harming animals
I love and feel great bonds with them.
Oh, no!
Oh, fuck's sakes.
Maybe it wasn't an ad-lib after all.
Holy shit.
Probably the reason why they were harmed, I guess.
I don't know.
Any man or woman of principle knows that...
Lenny!
Controlling your own fears and loves for the purpose of honor is requisite
to the most feared and loved this guy's this guy's a serial killer i only ever ruined one
waziness that nobody that knows that story would ever begrudge me that one that hey mark are you that. Hey, Mark. Are you okay? Squirt. My psychotic
break is getting worse. I don't have
nightmares anymore, in fact. I don't remember
my dreams at all. Haven't
for years. I've posted
749 times.
And what's your sig?
Fistful of Xanax.
Take more.
It's Lydian.
It's a two-fistful of Xanax morning.
Hey, are you guys talking about doing awful things?
Oh, yeah, we totally all are.
My name's Mark.
Cool.
Hey, Mark, you're like a Linux penguin that's also a Superman?
I'm a flying penguin.
Cool.
I'm a posting freak.
I once rapped my cousin Jonathan
in saran wrap head to toe.
Placed him in a 55 gallon plastic drum
and stuck a running water hose in the top of the plastic.
I'm not saying I feel good
about it. Tonguey face.
So your name, so you're
Walter White.
No, he might be
Oler Karbooster.
Oler Karbooster.
I'm a pastiche of the two.
Completely wrapped in
glum glum.
Alright, and we are
leaving the Rage
Central, Rant Central
forums, and we are
going to be going to our last site of the night
and that is
WTF.com
now that is not the site
owned by Mark Maron
WTFers, WTFanots
WTFanots
WTFers
listen here's something that's on my mind these days
need the rest of us to listen to that podcast in five years
let's say imagine like all of the people that like just heard me on my mind these days. Be the rest of us who listen to that podcast in five years.
Let's say,
imagine like all of the people that like just heard me do that
and just like reflexively
hit fast forward.
I was trying to.
Anyway,
so this is dedicated
to my PE teacher.
So you ask me why I'm not
representing the school in any sports?
Why I didn't try out for the badminton
squad when I said I
wanted to do it, but quote, missed
the tryouts? And on top of that
jizz yourself over
how quote, disappointing
that is in front of the class?
That's inappropriate.
Well.
Oh, you could have done so much better.
My life isn't so good, but at least I jizz whenever I'm disappointed.
Wow.
Well, in that case, you've hit the jackpot, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Fine.
Oh my god, I'm never going to mouse anything!
It's a dead-end job.
Everything I do is
wholly without merit.
Are you going to keep waiting?
I'm very disappointed in you.
Sir, are you going to keep waiting for your date or sheet order?
I think I'll just do it.
Also, I love the idea
of badminton tryouts.
It's the badminton...
It's the badminton squad.
So, you're fucking out of production.
Look over there, it's the all-stars.
Varsity badminton.
They try to run through the paper, but they're not strong enough.
A letterman jacket for badminton.
Guess what nerdy was badminton, Congress?
We just made a few fans very sad.
Okay, so what was I fucking...
Okay, so you assume that I'm antisocial, emotionless, and cold kid,
so I'll damn straight live up to that.
It's pretty obvious that you favor the girly girls
who spend hundreds of dollars on glam and fashion but so freaking what i say can say for certain that i've got enough intelligence to
make up for the sweet cute lovingly kind superficialness not like other girls
other girls can form sentences uh forgive me for protecting my ego and pride this year
while whilst you drown in your own,
I protected mine, you drown in your own.
Fucking metaphors are my jam.
But you have no power over me.
One is not obliged to join a team
at school. It's really part of the curriculum.
And hey, babe, guess what? I, too, am
disappointed.
I was wondering if you were gonna jizz.
Yeah.
There's the money shot.
In how you fail to conform coherent thoughts,
I mean, if it's really the exercise you're worrying about,
I do do sports.
I actually wrote do do.
Hi, Stog.
I'm going to go leave now.
Hi, Stog. I do gonna go leave now. Ice dog.
I do do sports in school.
Just not competitively.
So yeah, bam! Heroics get over.
It's not competitive.
So what, like, they're on the yoga team?
Yeah.
Stop talking and lift me up on your shoulders
and carry me around the room.
Hey Lemon, can you describe
what people's reactions to that were in terms Hey, Lemon, can you describe what people's
reactions to that were in terms of
if there was some sort of way you could
upvote it? Oh,
if there was some sort of way you could upvote it, yeah, okay.
So, my post got
some activity, you know. No favorites,
no retweets, it's not Twitter, motherfucker.
This is WTF.com.
So I got six likes, cool.
I got one lol funny, and I got one sword smite.
Sweet.
So the like involves a broken thumb.
Yeah, the thumb is like...
People can also facepalm me, or they could oh really me.
Yeah, they could agree or disagree.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Boots, what do you think about your parents?
You don't need to read that thread at all.
Just tell me what you think.
What do you think somebody on WTF.com thinks about their parents?
Is this a talk about Boots Moth?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Yep.
Oh, this is in the discussion forum of Life Sucks
Which is a sub-forum of Sparta
I'm Rose Arnt
I hate my parents
OMG, I'm so fucking tired
of my parents' bullshit
All they do is judge me
on everything I do
If I get a new piercing they flip That other guy's teacher just is All they do is judge me on everything I do. That's probably a good thing.
If I get a new piercing, they flip.
That other guy's teacher just is, so, you know, it's...
My parents, post-generator robot.
If I talk about getting a tattoo, they say I will regret it.
I'm 16, and if I ask to go to a concert,
my dad has promised me that any if I ask to go to a concert my dad has promised me that
any concert I want to go to
I can go as long as it's not
in Chicago.
So I find this band.
It'd be funny if they're like in Florida or something.
So I find this band.
There's like a backstory there. His dad in
Chicago. This band I'm
absolutely in love with.
Sleeping with Sirens.
Awesome, dude.
I'm going to go to YouTube and look this shit up.
It's a good idea.
How many seconds is he going to last?
You're going to love them.
They're very pretty.
That says good things about what this musical sounds like.
So, okay, go on.
And I asked my dad if he would take me.
And, of course, I get the usual Oh no
Where is it at? Who is the band?
When is it? Do you know how far that is?
Is it Sleeping With Sirens?
What?
Oh what's he saying?
It's not in Chicago
Why does your voice sound like that?
Oh god
Take that hat off, you asshole!
Alright, sorry.
Okay, back to the post.
And the all-time famous one.
Do you know what happens at concerts?
Honestly.
I live in Iron Mountain, Michigan.
It's a little town.
At this address, and anyone can come and see me.
We can go to the concert together.
In the Upper Peninsula, and the concert is in Grand Rapids, which is seven hours from me.
Now, to me, that's not far to drive, and I honestly think I should be able to go.
But, of course, I don't.
How is this even fair?
He's always telling me about these times
when he was my age and he went to concerts,
drank and smoked pot.
Why in the hell could I not go to this concert?
Because concerts are dangerous
and there are drugs.
Who the fuck cares if there are drugs?
I don't care.
And even if it's dangerous,
I'm 16
and we all die anyway.
It's just fucking bullshit.
They always tell me no and judge me.
She died as she lived
listening to the worst music imaginable.
That's not true.
I could give her recommendations on the worst music imaginable.
Party Balloon?
Is that what they're called?
Party Cannon? Is that what they're called? Party cannon?
Thank you.
One of the things that I think is kind of interesting in this is that when you look at this,
so then people are offering either advice or the F plus special,
which is somebody going, I don't have that problem.
Goodbye.
Which happens a lot. the F plus special, which is somebody going, I don't have that problem. Goodbye.
Which happens a lot.
But like,
but the interesting thing is like looking at the amount of people that are talking about like their like grown up experiences and their grown up lives.
And they're like,
yes,
I remember when I was a teenager many years ago.
And it's like,
wait a minute.
You're not a teen.
What are you doing?
Why are you on the site,
you motherfucker?
Also, sleeping with
sirens sounds really bad.
They're sirens.
Well, somebody disagrees with you.
Masquerade says, I like the sound of this band,
but the lyrics are fucking terrible.
You like just like...
They're poets, not singers.
What I think is interesting
actually is that the first response to this lady
is like a completely reasonable thing.
What's the
first response? The guy's basically
like, yeah, that's a really long
overnight stay. It's going to be a lot of gas
money, so maybe you should find something that's a little
closer.
It's just like, what the hell are you doing, internet?
You should be ranting at this lady or something.
Yeah, why is this making me so angry?
Isn't this reasoningwithteenagers.com?
Reasoningwithteenagers.com.
Look, I'm glad you actually brought that up, because on that note, we are going to be tackling
something that, you know, we're going to get to some really smart ideas here.
So to that end, this post is called, What the fuck is with some girls and the pictures they post on Facebook?
It's dumb.
Poor Tex.
I'm not poor Tex.
I'm not poor Tex.
What's your name?
My name is Lisa Marie.
And what forum did you post this in?
Posted in the Life Sucks forum.
Because life sucks.
Like Sparta and forums.
I don't know what that means.
Like, there is this girl
and she uploads pictures
every single day.
Fucking what the fuck? Fucking what the fuck?
She either uploads
pictures of her nails and nail
polish or her eyes or her
purses or her new earrings
and she'll even
post random pictures of herself multiple
times a day!
I'm assuming that silence means you're all as shocked as I am?
Yeah, I can't believe it.
Oh yeah, definitely.
I'm just, yeah, I just sucked all of the air out of my lungs.
A self-absorbed teenager will...
Yeah.
Well, I never.
It gets worse, it gets worse, okay?
I mean, I guess the constant
uploads of herself is alright.
I just don't see a point in uploading shitloads of pics of yourself in one day.
You look the same as you did three hours ago.
Is she the only girl that does this that I know?
Wait, no.
She is the only girl that does this that I know.
Well then, why do you say some girls as if this happens all the time?
It's just some girls. She doesn happens all the time? Some girls?
How fat is she?
Why does anyone give a damn what
color nails you have or what kind of nail
polish it is? Unlike my opinions
that everyone wants to hear.
No one does give a damn.
That's not why she's posting them.
Yes, yes, I see. I have purple
nail polish too. And yes, I totally. I have purple nail polish, too.
And yes, I totally see a reason in posting images of your purses.
And then you have girls who post pictures of themselves sitting on the toilet, high and drunk.
How do these people expect to earn guys' respect that way?
You know, by winning Grammys.
You're talking about Amy Winehouse, right?
Look, unlike other girls, I'm not Amy Winehouse.
Okay.
Isfahan?
Hi.
Time for you to make a choice. Oh, boy.
We got two threads.
Both of these, once again, all of these
threads we're reading here
Are given to us by Caroline
Caroline
You know what I like about Caroline?
What's that?
She's a real down-to-miles girl
I thought she was a crazy bitch
So, Isfahan
Which of these two threads
Strikes your fancy?
Is it Just Another Emo Kid by Flamebait?
Or is it Fuck Everything by Masquerade?
I think I want to fuck everything.
All right.
That's a circle jerk song right there.
Want to fuck everything fuck everything fucking everything my name is masquerade i've been banned what an asshat um
uh i've been trying hard as fuck to get a well-paying job. Clerical work or a chef's assistant or something. And they just now
decide to call me about a job as a
fucking chef.
So that's good, right?
No, it's a fucking chef.
Fucking roasted balls,
sand ranch sauce. I'm fucking
joining the goddamn military now,
so I can't take your motherfucking job
even though I would really, really fucking like to be
a goddamn chef. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Semicolon.
I used to drive to the dog.
What the fuck was it?
Lost it.
Did not knew.
Affin slash Pacific.
Oh, God.
The portal is opening up.
Oh, no.
Hey!
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far.
I hope he doesn't run away too far. T6 open bracket Pete... God fucking damn it.
That portal just opens to the next pen over in the zoo.
Yeah, exactly.
Those lines are out there.
He'll be back in a second.
Guys, that same zookeeper
was in that portal.
Did the lions banish him there?
And then I edited to add
21 pictures of a nuclear
explosion and words cannot express my frustration
and rage even though I just
used a bunch of them to do that.
Clearly the answer is
join the military.
See? It'll work.
Oh boy.
Fucking damn it.
That's quite a setup. Fucking damn it Just let that hang Just let it sit there
That's fine
Hey Boots
Coming to the end
This is the second to last piece
But your name is Beef Roller.
All right.
I'm Beef Roller.
I'm a pizza slinger.
I'm a Decepticon.
Sure.
Ever been kicking back on a nice sunny day in your backyard, you think?
Ain't no one else around.
I think I'll just go full body tan while I'm out here.
Well, I did while I was sunbathing, buck naked.
I happened to fall asleep in the 105 degree weather.
I woke up with a star all right.
Can rotisserie chickens spin it around?
I ran in, took a nice cold shower.
I've had plenty of sunburns.
This one wouldn't be so bad if my penis didn't get it too.
It's actually blistering, cracking, peeling.
Yay!
I have no way to describe how it feels as I sit here on the comp with an ice pack on my genitals
and try to keep the painful throbbing down.
Fuck!
I hope I get this better.
Fuck!
I hope this gets better soon.
Beef Roller Saturday. It's Dustin's girl. I get this better. Fuck. I hope this gets better soon. Beef roll is sent to you.
My name's Dustin's girl.
I'm really sorry.
I shouldn't mock your pain and laugh at your duress,
but ha ha ha, your penis is burnt.
The end.
That's the purpose I put it in here for.
Don't expect sympathy.
DG.
So if he's laying on his back,
it's probably got,
it's just like the top half is burnt,
so it's like a two-toned penis now.
So he looks like a killer whale when it tans.
That'll be great.
Yeah.
All right.
The very, very, very last piece here.
Is... Yes. Thank you, Caroline.
So, the very last piece here.
I think Jack.
I think Jackie burned us.
He has.
So, this is
in
whatthefuck.com
forums, Insane Asylum.
Ask a ranter, and your name is Slacker, and you're right near Da Beach.
That's true.
Where girlies are giving me kisses.
What the fuck is this shit?
How do I deal with this?
I have a tick.
I don't know how it got there.
On my sack.
No, it's just your other testicle.
Don't worry about it.
I am freaking out.
I have a big ass fear of ticks in the first place.
But on my fucking ball sack. I have a big-ass fear of ticks in the first place,
but on my fucking ball sack!
What the fuck do I do?
No good. No good.
I pulled on it at first because I had no idea what it was.
Truthfully, I thought it was a piece of my shit
that go away.
You should backflip onto your dick there.
I...
What?
Everyone knows that the going
away process for shit involves getting it
smeared all over your nutsack.
Come on.
Let's not stall on this.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, Boots. I meant not stall on this. Hey, Boots.
I meant to talk about this, but
Gigi Allen did not do a good job
when he toilet trained you.
Not Gigi.
Great Grandma Allen.
Great Grandma Allen.
Oh, you mean the punk artist GGL and the raise me.
Yeah.
But it wasn't coming
off, so I examined
the area, and I nearly passed
out when I saw it.
Help me quick!
Colon, gun,
colon. I guess it's an emoticon that doesn't work anymore.
Edit.
Yeah.
I've never had a tick before, and I've looked it up,
and God knows I do not want to pull the tick out wrong
and have an infected ball sack.
Go to the doctor, Dad.
If only there was trained medical professionals
that could help me with the situation.
Yeah, but they'd be like,
Ew, balls!
No, no, they'd be like,
Well, did you smear your shit all over your ball sack
like you were supposed to?
Gross doctor, I've got a tick on my balls.
I need you to get it off.
Ew, gay.
Can you read your next post?
So Great White Ninja tries to help him here
and he says that you can use
a pair of small tip tweets to remove
the tick. And then
he says that if you're worried about
a disease, you can save the tick and take it to
a doctor. Where I live,
some doctors are happy to identify
a tick free of charge. Happy?
I don't know about that.
That's...
I can identify that! That's Mr. Bubbles! And that one's free of charge. Happy? I don't know about that. Hooray! Oh, boy!
I can identify that. That's Mr. Bubbles.
And that one's
Rainbow and Kittens.
Like a
law and order scene
where the guy's putting away
file folders. Yeah, I've seen
them.
Anyway, so that's
my suggestion is, you know,
get tweezers or pick it off.
I don't recommend going to the doctor
at all, other than afterwards.
You could always go medieval on your sack with an
exacto knife. This would reduce
the risk of improper removal.
Apparently.
Just get a square
out of your scrotum.
Reduce the risk from what?
Of improper.
Where did it start?
He was going to blow Torch's nuts off.
Obviously, when you pick up an X-Acto knife
and are going to put it on your balls,
you're obviously not doing anything improper.
So cut it off with a Chinese chef's knife?
Maybe X-Acto knife?
Look, it says X-Acto right in the name.
Like, I'm pretty sure he knows what he's doing.
Anyway, so that's Great White Ninja's recommendation.
And what do you have to say, Slacker?
Thanks.
I currently do not have access to tweezers as they are in my parents' bathroom.
I do not want to wake them up at four in the morning to tell them about this.
Yes, you do. What kind of fucking night did you just have? What did you do.
What kind of fucking night did you just have?
What did you do, slacker?
Was it slacking?
No.
Fuck, that's not a tweezer.
Yeah, yeah, it does.
What? twisting the tick when I try to pull it out. Yeah, it does. It's not too good. I also found out that it's a dog's... What?!
Which reminds me that I did have my dog next to me,
and I did pet it quite a few times.
Oh, my God.
Then I did my business right afterward.
So I could pretty much see where the tick came from
and how it got on my nuts.
We have the tick's origin story.
Shit.
And then Dustin's girl comes in and gives Slacker three links, none of which are wiki how.
Yeah, I'm really disappointed by that.
Yeah, totally.
So none of that's going to work.
So, F+, what do you think we learned from any of this?
I learned that
Sleeping with Sirens is awesome.
What's your favorite Sleeping with Sirens song?
Kick Me.
It's also the only one that I found with a googling.
That one.
With a googling.
Which one of them do you like?
The one with the bad hat.
Okay.
Oh wait, that's his hair.
I've learned that
being angry
makes it difficult to think straight.
But apparently some people
it doesn't really matter much.
So they might as well be angry.
I think people also
really, really just
love
having people just pat them on the back and just reassure them on how right they are.
And I think in the stuff we were reading, it gets more obvious how young of a teenager the poster is, depending on how much they were demanding justification for anything that they were mad about.
Just like, I cut a dude's head off, but he kind of deserved it.
Like, you guys are with me, right?
And when they're told no, they just kind of wig out.
I like to think that there are probably like a thousand of these sites,
thousands of these sites, that exist out there,
that all have a community of 150 people
and just all offer
the exact same service.
Starting one of these sites
with the angry smileys and the black
background and the red text is kind of
like putting a bad religion CD
in a Best Buy shelf.
The Teenage Moves will eventually show up
and glom onto it.
It's just a matter of time.
In that case, could we just make a line of them,
like E.T. with the Reese's Pieces just under a giant box,
and then just trap all the teenagers there until they can't pose anymore?
You're right, that is a good point.
The masses of humanity have always had to suffer.
Now Satan allowed him to sing her voice.
The website is always thefpl.us, and I think T-H-E-F-P-L dot U-S.
And I think we have a forum.
Isn't that right, Boots?
We have a forum.
Yeah, it's called Ball Pit.
Tick on your ball pit.
And I don't know.
See you next time.
Bye-bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye. We'll see you next time. We haven't done a Rage episode in forever! You were accidentally doing the old-style intros.
That makes me more mad!
I thought we ditched that shit!
Yeah, we phase out these kind of bumpers
because they're weird skits and they don't really go anywhere.
I thought you were immediately going to tell us what we were reading
as soon as this was happening.
I thought it was going to be,
Oh, you're angry!
We'll never fear, we have Rage Ran, boom,
we're forward.
I'm saying this is not my fault at all, so you guys know.
Yeah, no, no, no.
You got any more notes for me?
Alright, hang on, look to camera one, and wink, and then start the fucking recording over again.