The F Plus - 222: The Left Hand Complaints
Episode Date: July 29, 2016With an estimated 2.4 million visits per hour, PornHub is one of the most popular websites on The Internet. In serving up petabytes of data to a huge customer base who are, by design, short term ...participants you might think that these participants would prefer to be anonymous. As an F Plus listener, you are probably also aware that there's a certain category of people who have a lot of opinions about the pornography they consume. To that end, this is PornHub Feedback: A place for people to argue about how their fetishes should be treated, Britain's role in the EU, and shadowy conspiracies that present you with niche porn that match your thought processes. This week, listen to F Plus Premium for only 40 million sexcoins.
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I fuck, thanks. This is the F Plus Podcast, a very erotic place for terrible things read with enthusiasm.
In the room tonight we have Boots Reingear.
Okay, I'm black and white and very personal in sight, but lately visas, smogs, and South Carolina have had a fuckfest all in their lives in they are.
Hmm.
Frank West.
It's awesome to porn with a goat.
Ace, you're Akawaddle.
Feedback section should be dirty, not proper talk.
Stog.
What is ad block and how do I disable it?
Achilles Heelies.
I love to eat pussy until it comes run down to her ass and then start licking it up.
And lemon.
It's all fine, except for the fingering!
Fingering! Sugar count, you're a diabetic my friend Oh, here comes the pill, and it's deep
And a few more fingers and maybe you can sleep
You got an infection, and you're back
You've got a surprise in the hospital sack
You know it with your, with your fervor
With your fervor, yes, fervor, yes, fervor
She's a fervor, she's a fervor, yes, oh Hey, F+.
Hey, Lemon.
Hello, Lemon.
What are your opinions on the people who provide pornography?
They're modern-day saints.
They're poor fuckers.
They're poor fuckers? Yeah, they're probably poor fuckers. They're poor fuckers?
Yeah, they're probably poor fuckers.
Do you mean they fuck the poor?
No, I mean they're miserable.
Oh, I thought you were suggesting they're putting it in skin pores or something.
I mean, they are also poor fuckers.
Yeah, given the porn economy and all.
Follicle fuckers.
You can't sweat.
I got my dick in there.
Well, I know that you know that the internet is a place where pornography exists,
as exposed in a very hilarious musical that is not shitty.
And I know
that you...
For context
on that reference, go back ten years.
Absolutely.
It was a hit for a while. Anyway,
so I know that you know
that the internet
has pornography on it, and also
I know that you know that
the internet has opinions on it and also i know that you know uh that the internet has opinions
on it and today we're gonna see no man today we're gonna see a marriage of these two facts
uh because we're going to be looking at feedback.pornhub.com yay
my home page my homepage how can I masturbate
20% quicker Pornhub
Mountain Dew
Pornhub
is a very successful
company
that is sort of a YouTube
for porn they are Canadian
as I understand from Montreal
and they actually do a really pretty good sort of a YouTube for porn. They are Canadian, as I understand, from Montreal.
And they actually do a really pretty good
analytics roundup.
It's like data.pornhub or something.
Those are really fun.
But in addition to that site,
they also do this feedback
where people,
the visitors, the loyal
visitors of Pornhub can
give their feedback on whatever they like, anything about the site.
So, Boots, you are anonymous, and you have a thing that received 1,107 votes, and what
do you want to talk about here?
Yeah, I'm anonymous.
Yeah, you are.
We want the tree campaign
back.
Yay!
Two years ago,
15,000 trees were planted
thanks to all the success of your videos.
Where were they planted?
I personally think it's a
win-win situation.
Why don't you do this again, or even periodically?
The world would be proud for once.
We planted all these trees!
Hey, my name's Sayet.
Hey, Sayet.
Hey, this is Amateur Comedy Club night, right?
Oh, boy. Uh-oh.
Oh, is this thing on?
No, it's not.
You better just leave.
It's off.
Everyone's gone.
Bye-bye.
Everyone hide under the chair.
I'm just going to go ahead with my script.
Sorry, but, with two Ts.
You get it?
But.
Word filter.
Sorry, but, does not the top of your page say Porn Hub?
It does.
Unless you can convince me all 15,000 trees are at least females, then forget it!
That's not...
emails, then forget it!
However, my orchard of dick willows
just might be interested.
You get it?
I don't
know.
Well, I mean,
I don't get it.
Premium looked good, but now I don't know.
It's good.
Porn! Pornhub porn!
Trees!
Pornhub porn.
I'm sorry, what was that word?
Was that word Pornhub?
No, it was Porn.
Pornhub.
Pornhub porn. Pornhub? No, it was POR. PORHUB. PORHUB PORN.
PORHUB PORN.
TREES!
Good point.
Unless you can grow pussy on them, who cares?
If I want trees,
I will go to the green peace site
till them stick to what you do.
PORN.
Screw the damn survey.
The only reason I'm even typing here
is you pissed me off with this stupid survey.
I hate getting on my soapbox.
Trees, really?
I'm sure you do.
Trees, really?
Trees, really?
How dare you force me to give my uninformed opinion?
Look, look, look.
This is just a survey to see how many people drank the Kool-Aid.
Yeah.
Is it?
That's your mind being blown.
Because it's Kool-Aid.
That Kool-Aid is cool.
Because K's are not cool anymore.
I left that Kool-Aid in the refrigerator so now it's Kool-Aid.
Is this thing on?
No!
Did you know all those
trees
and the pine trees in PNW
are genetically modified?
GMO has been a thing since the 80s.
I hate to cut it, but it's modified.
God, I can't even say it.
Modified.
Modified.
All these pine trees that appear double
are all genetically modified.
Oh, shit.
GMO has been a thing since the 80s.
Rat show in two years
what would take us 30 to 50 years
Hence the massive onslaught of cancer
Out of nowhere
Hmm
Also pretty much all apples are not
Real lemons, tomatoes, oranges as well
Wow
I mean I agree
That's a good assessment of what apples are
You know what?
You know what?
You can remove pretty much as a modifier there.
Bananas and pineapples, mangoes up,
until a few years ago, mandarins all,
can't grow here, social, SoCal maybe.
What?
Learning is fun.
I didn't realize that.
Entirely independent of everything I said.
Learning is fun.
Well, Frank, as a friend of the media you love,
I'm Brett Hall, product manager, Pornhub.
Oh, great.
I have to say is, whales!
What else do you say? Whales!
Yeah, there you go.
What's the last thing you say on this page?
Where are y'all coming from? Ha ha!
Ha ha!
This is the admin?
Pornhub admin.
Wow.
I mean, I guess he knows his people.
Ha ha!
And then
Brett, at one point, talks about
the Pornhub.com slash cares
slash save the whales campaign,
which is Pornhub cares.
And
it says, help Pornhub
save the whales, and then there's a call to action,
which is a green button that says,
blow your load!
This page has had
5 billion...
It just takes me to porn. I don't understand how...
This page has had 5,765,052,316 spurts.
Yep.
Shoot your sperm to save the sperm,
whales.
You click that link and it just takes you to porn.
Yay.
Hello, my name is Jared Powers.
Hello, Jared.
485 people agree with me on my idea, Pornhub.
All those poor bastards.
Your site should have an option where users can drop a picture of girls and find
porn star that look like her
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
That's Brett again, great
Thanks Brett, thanks for the input Brett
I'm working hard
Alright so
a month and a half has passed since then
and now Sid says Is this still in the planning stages Jesus Christ. Alright, so a month and a half has passed since then.
And now Sid says,
Is this still in the planning stages?
Or is it getting any closer to completion?
Sid has this as his start page.
He's like, come on.
I have so many girls' pictures I need to look up. Those are the only two states, right?
The planning stage.
And then Sid waited nine days.
Any update on this? I've been. And then Sid waited nine days. Any update
on this? I've been checking this for close to a year.
Shit.
Oh, sorry, you're right. It was a year
between...
Paul's thing is some... I don't know
if I want to read it, but that is
fucked up.
Anonymous says, also one
for boys, please, but make sure the
pics are never posted.
I just want to see someone who looks like the guy I like, not have his face appear on a porn page.
Jesus Christ.
Look, only I get to jerk off to that guy.
Not you.
You get to jerk off to him.
Go find your own guy to jerk off to.
That's my guy.
Okay, Pornhub, show me porn stars that look like Walton Goggins from Justified.
That's quite a pull.
All right, Stog.
Yes?
You're Andri, and you want to help us create a character?
Is that right?
I want to help you create a your character.
Create a your character, okay.
I want to create a your character. Create a your character, okay. I want to create a your character.
Okay. Hi.
Hi. I've got a great idea
confirmed by a small internal research.
I ate 12 pixie sticks
and it's shit out funny.
It would be super
if there was an opportunity
to create a character's face
For example, from a profile
fazbook or
uploaded photos
For example
when your girlfriend is far away from you
you load her photos and in virtual reality
watching a movie with hers
Oh, I get it
What he's doing is some kind of
automated cut
and replacing.
Kind of like when you cut out a picture of your girlfriend's
face and paste it over the
centerfold.
Like
those things that you'll see at a fair
where you stick your head through except for in reverse?
Yeah!
It's like here's a movie that you can put your girlfriend's face on it
and then watch the movie with her head bobbing around.
Oh, that sounds eerie.
If you liked my idea and you are ready to implement it,
I will be happy to selling it.
Close parentheses, close parentheses.
Oh.
So you own this idea.
Yes.
Here's all the money oh cool thank you
well k cool understands how you can do this so okay god okay cool get in there you should try making videos with her for when she is gone. Then you got the real deal. LOL.
But that is actually
a unique idea.
As much Photoshop as I've seen
on here, it shouldn't be hard.
Minecraft can do it.
Oh, wow!
Oh, no!
So, let's just
do it in Minecraft, then.
Oh, it's Friday night.
I'm feeling a little lonely.
I'm just going to grab a beer,
and I'm going to watch some Minecraft porn.
I'm actually kind of surprised that we at this podcast
have not seen a document of Minecraft porn.
I'm on it.
Yeah, I'm just...
Thank you.
In Pognito mode?
A little too close to home for me, frankly.
Yeah, sounds about right.
I mean, really, the only thing that would make it better
would be Atari 2600 noises.
Er-ee, er-ee, er-ee, er-ee, er-ee, er-ee, er-ee.
I'm making a vagina.
Splonk! Why is there so much lactation in these Minecraft porn images?
Because they're makers
They like to create
I was zombie pigman too
So
this document
is very possibly
our best
document
submitter named Confluence
The Pornhub
Suggestions and Feedback document was
submitted by Jack Sensation
Feeling that Jack
Sensation So thank you for that Nice. Feeling that Jack sensation.
So thank you for that.
There is a thread
in here where somebody
on Pornhub
feedback says, get an SSL certificate
please.
And in that case, I definitely agree
with the community.
Yes, you're Pornhub. You really should have
one. That's should have one.
That's kind of insane. I believe they do, don't they?
No.
Oh.
Yeah.
Privacy, shmivacy.
So, Boots,
what have you noticed about Pornhub that you would like to change?
What have I noticed?
Yeah, Seussed.
Seussed Rican.
Okay. And I suggest
you
take it down a few notches with the
ads already.
How many ad notches would you like?
Two or three
probably. A few.
Okay.
It would really be nice if the ads
were a lot less distracting.
Way too much of the ad
content is stuff I would filter
out as offensive.
Oh, porn ads on a porn website!
Who would have thought that?
Way too much of the non-ad content.
He didn't say what it was, so it could
have been like political party advertisements
or something. I don't like that party!
Make America come again.
I don't want to vote for the Green Party.
I just want to jack off, okay?
You know what?
I agree with you, Stog.
You should run for your own parties, Doug.
I should.
It's great in all stock, but...
I don't want to vote for the Green Party.
I just want to jack off.
Voting booths across America defiled.
Anyway, back to completing what adds.
Since they're mostly GIFs, they're super hard to ignore,
and usually I just close the page and go to a different source.
I understand that it's a tough situation,
and no free site has really figured out a good balance.
I want free content,
and I'm willing to put up with a very low level of intrusive ads.
Ah.
I want free content, but I'm not willing to pay for it.
Okay.
You want people to pay money to get rid of the ads,
but if I'm going to pay money,
why wouldn't I just go to a premium site
with better content?
Obviously,
if I'm not willing to pay, I don't have the right
to complain.
And yet, here I am, so...
Here I am!
Complaining about
porn!
Come on, come on, come on, come on!
She said
it's hot parodies.
Oh, boy.
But I think until the ads
get a little less obnoxious, I'm gonna
have to move on to somewhere else.
Oh, no! Oh, no!
Oh, no.
Can DeviantArt take another member?
P.S., what's the deal with all the pissing
videos? Are there really
that many people out there that like urine?
We got a couple
documents we need to just see, Sue said.
They're very sexy!
So, every one of
these, um, links here, um,
uh, JackSensation
um, has given his own title, such as
I Will Implement Things If You Hire Me As
An Intern. Um,
and please donate to the
Sexually Assaulting Gamers Patreon.
Oh, God.
Yeah, those are things that we are skipping.
But this next
one, JackSensation has labeled
Chivos!
I'm in.
So, Achilles
Heelys, what do you got there?
Well, I'm getting there.
Your name is
anonymous.
This is all the way
back from September 12th, 2013.
Oh, good.
It would be cool if there were
achievements on Pornhub.
Would it?
Watching porn would be more fun.
Achievements like
three hours straight,
anal lover, lol, etc.
Did that really warrant a lol?
Yes, it did.
I feel like that's an unearned lol.
I can't stop laughing.
I can't stop laughing at the porn.
Loving anal.
Who would know?
I think Pornhub would get very popular.
Just an idea.
Yeah.
It would be good for Pornhub to become very popular. Just an idea. Yeah.
It would be good for Pornhub to become popular.
It would be.
My name's Brett Hall.
I'm a project manager for Pornhub.
We've been thinking about this for a while.
Thanks for the suggestion.
Let's see if it gets votes and comments from others. I'm looking into
what we could give achievements for.
Do you have a response there,
Anonymous?
I mean, there are several.
Yep, yep.
How come I'm not getting achievements? Achievements.
As an update,
they have achievements.
Oh, fuck.
Oh, boy.
So that was from 2013, the thread was.
And then Boots just found one from two years ago
and it says achievements!
It doesn't list any of them, though.
There's a bunch of not-loaded
pictures, which
maybe it's because I have AdBlock on,
but I'm not turning that off.
Hey, I'm JizzMaster69.
Wow.
I can't believe you got that name. You must have got
into this shit early, dawg.
I'm Keanu Reeves, aka Jizzmaster69.
Right.
He had to kill the last Jizzmaster69.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm actually Jet Li. I'm Jizzmaster69 from The One.
Okay, come on.
Who doesn't like to earn achievements while they jerk off? Thanks.
My name's TommyJones651 and I'm verified. Yeah!
Well, I'm Dave and I say
no.
It's all slipping away!
I warned you about this!
Corporations are gamifying your porn!
Everything's slipping away!
Man, they got...
Mr. Robot got really desperate in the second season.
Ryler says,
Two of my favorite achievements were
the Bieber and the Ebert.
Was it really necessary to rename them?
To...
Clearly.
What?
He doesn't have anything funny to say,
but I would like to note that in this comment thread,
there's a man with the username of PCNaughtyBoy.
Oh.
Oh, boy.
Well, he's just naughty enough.
No further.
He's naughty, but not offensively naughty.
Oh yeah, exactly.
Miloshish,
who is also Veriside, says,
He's refreshing! Thank you,
porno hob!
My name's
Balky.
NotSo69
says,
I've uploaded a profile pic
and logged on from a tablet, but I
haven't received the relevant achievements.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Hey, um, hey, Stog. Yes? Let me ask you something. When you're browsing Pornhub, oh no oh no hey um hey stog
yes let me ask you something
when you're browsing Pornhub
everyday yeah um
what what have what
interface has bothered you the most
has it been
the interface in uh
on your xbox
oh okay
or or has it been the interface on your Wii U?
Well, I'm a hardcore gamer, and that means I jack off to millions of porn, so the Xbox, obviously.
Alright, excellent. So, tell me about your problem with browsing Pornhub on the Xbox.
browsing Pornhub on the Xbox.
Oh, I suggest
you return the
Xbox Internet Explorer browsing
to desktop.
Oh.
Like, don't launch
Pornhub, just go back to desktop?
No, I just need a
big old picture
on my Xbox desktop
that says, I jerk off here.
Whatever changes were made to the
Xbox One IE browsing
experience have neutered the functionality
of the site.
Fixing the full screen issue
was the tip of the iceberg, but I used my
Xbox specifically because
it mirrored the regular desktop browsers
and didn't force the mobile experience on users.
Mobile
tablet-friendly sites are created for
three reasons.
Limited screen
real estate, fewer input options,
and reduced load times, especially without
a broadband connection.
None of these concerns exist for console
users, so there is simply no need to condense
the experience. Create mobile-friendly
sites. Experiment with apps. But
I'm willing to bet
a substantial chunk of console users,
if not the majority, are hugely underwhelmed
by the changes. If you absolutely
insist on experimenting, at least allow
users to revert to the regular desktop
experience.
Frankly, there's no shortage of porn on the web,
and most of what I liked about Pornhub
was the presentation and functionality.
Until that gets resolved...
Presentation? All right.
Until that gets resolved, I'll be heading elsewhere.
Oh, no! Oh, no! Sound the alarm!
Anonymous won't be jerking off on your website
on his Xbox specifically.
And then the next thing,
Achilles Heelys, you have a bee in your bonnet,
is that correct?
It's in there and it won't get out
until I jerk it off, probably.
You gotta fill that bonnet with cum.
I'll take care of it.
I'll drown the bee.
Why can he not
get the Final Fantasy
XIII
porn actress
who can simulate
Lauren Bailey for a
Sarah sells out.
This is horrifying.
Because that sentence doesn't make sense.
That's why not.
Why can you not get it?
Because that sentence is incomprehensible.
Why can you not get it?
Final Fantasy XIII born.
An actress.
I do not get it.
Maybe if you explain it, it'll make more sense.
Go on.
Go ahead.
Explain it.
Maybe if you explain it, it'll make more sense.
Go on. Go ahead. Explain it.
I want to see some Final Fantasy XIII lesbian.
Lightning and Sarah Fang and Vanille.
Sarah and Fang.
Lightning and Fang.
Lightning and Vanille.
Final Fantasy X. Oh my god.
Lesbian Yuna and Lulu Riku
and Yuna Riku and Lulu
and Yuna
Yuna
LeBlanc and Yuna
why can't you get an American
voice actresses
that sound like the characters are so
that you can
impersonate the voices
to make it more believable.
I would be very grateful if that's possible.
Thank you.
Don't even get me started on the Naruto stuff.
Okay, I won't.
I was just about to do that, though.
We need some American voice actors that can sound like characters because it really
sucks when you get the
other stuff and all the voices sound
the damned.
The damned? I want to see the damned
in pornography.
It could do
it better than others
pornography.
And I would know it. How to do it?
Well, I hope you take what I said. Hopefully, I would know it. How to do it? Well, I hope you take
what I said. Hopefully
you'll take it.
Take what I suggest it is.
Good idea for suggestions.
Thank you. And let me
know if it's possible to at least
make it sound good.
I don't even
know your Japanese voice. Actors are
nice, but it doesn't feel the same over here
if you don't hear the same voices.
It takes you out of the environment.
I know Final Fantasy XIII is a Japanese game,
but over here it was not believed the Japanese dialogue
in some Final Fantasy XIII and cross lesbian
would be very expreciated.
Appreciated some good stuff.
Not that crap.
Some really good stuff.
Thank you. Happy 4th of July, everyone.
Achilles Heelys.
When was that posted?
Yeah, when was that posted?
Oh my god.
I actually can't see that.
It was posted on June 15th,
2016. That means this guy
is still out there on the loose.
Well, happy 4th of July
everyone. Achilles
Heelys, while you were reading that thing, I just imagined
the theme to Cape Fear playing in my head.
Well, I'm coming, Stog.
That's the only
feedback that Lenny M has provided
on this site, sadly.
I hope he got what
he wanted.
I don't know what he wants.
I'm sure he did.
It can't be bargained, it can't be reasoned with,
and it will not stop until
the last one of us is dead.
And Frank West, what do you want to talk about?
My name is Mike,
and I want to talk about a web
miniseries. Oh, good.
Okay. Six guys,
six girls, five weeks,
and two winners.
I'm out.
I'm done.
Drop in the mic. Leave in the room.
Fuck you.
You are losing Shark Tank.
Reality show
that put these amateurs in one house together
as they must complete weekly challenges
to avoid being eliminated by the judges panel.
Um, okay.
You know, like a judge that judges how good at sex you are.
That's inferred. We don't know that yet.
You're bad at sex! You lose!
Well, challenges would include tasks that are needed behind the camera
as well as in front of the camera to show viewers
an inside look behind the scenes of their favorite
site. Challenges?
So like
like operating, like a boom operating
challenge?
Yes. Okay.
The two winners of this competition
one guy and one girl will receive a contract to become an official adult model of Pornhub.com and a small cash prize.
Wow.
You can finally fulfill your dream of being a porn star.
You can finally be the Kelly Clarkson of Pornhub.com.
All right, Pornhub.com, search Kelly Clarkson.
All right, Pornhub.com, search Kelly Clarkson.
Will tensions arise between some of the housemates,
or will spontaneous romance start to kindle from the heat of competition?
Stay tuned.
Oh, fuck you.
Hey!
Hey! I became an adult actor for private.
I got a flyer in Holland, Amsterdam. Met at the Grand Hotel. There were about
500 guys there. Anita Rodaldi,
ex-porn star, now producer,
and a panel of like four guys and two women
called us in one by one.
I had no clust what was going on to be asked.
Anita says so.
What do you want to do to me if I spread
my legs? Shit.
Well, I just came out with the dirtiest
shit I ever said. It was weird.
Long and short.
Hexadecimal 15 of the 500 they chose.
Five normal guys. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha We spent a week in a house as a TV pilot for some uck program. We were with the world-famous XXXPorn stars Bobby, Eden, Drew, Barrymore, and shit, I forget the other three girls.
Every guy except me tried to cozy up and work it.
I just hung out and helped carry the girls' bags and so on.
I figured a week of no work, free food, and hot girls.
Every night for five days, the girls got together and voted off one guy.
The first day, shooting Drew is detting ass-fucked and Anita directing on a boat in a canal.
She says, who wants to cum on Drew's ass?
Im all.
Sure.
Leave, leave.
I guess.
Alright, fine.
But it has to be done.
Fuck, I blew a load.
That hit Anita, squared her eyes eyes and all over Drew's ass.
Remember, I had noid come for a week.
It was quite funny.
Anyway, on the final day, I was the last man standing,
and my prize was 200 woo-ro,
and an opportunity to become an actor.
It was better than being the bar manager at the Marriott Hotel,
so I did it for four years.
Was it, I mean, a manager?
Yeah, maybe.
It's probably free cocktail.
Okay, fine.
So, like, but finally, after you have done everything, I was bored.
The travel to the Czech Republic, Estonia, Bulgaria, etc.
was tiresome on a plane in the hotel up at 8, tanning for 30 mins.
Taxi rides fucking for 4 hours, which translates
to like 40 minute screen time.
700 euros a scene.
I was done. A great experience.
But anyone who thinks it's
not a job, wrong.
You work. Hot lights.
Hiv tests every
two weeks before a shoot.
No fucking for a week up to the shoot.
When you got a sweet chick fucking the shit out of you
and not to cum.
Do not cum, or not to cum.
That is the question.
Oh, fuck.
That is a whole mindfuck and really took away the pleasure of sex.
Now, I enjoy shooting reality
off-the-cuff stuff with no false shit,
not at all pro.
Lighting sometimes good, whatever. I set up
three Samsung Galaxy Note 4S
put on voice control.
What?
What?
I believe I said,
I set up three Samsung Galaxy Note
4S put on voice control.
You filmed a porn
with three cell phones?
It's because it's reality
shit, dude. Okay.
I've actually got like a paint shaker that shakes
the phone so it looks like somebody's
holding it.
Is that how unsteady
your hands have gotten, Acier?
Yeah, I've been jerking it the whole time I've been writing this.
Come on, man.
Okay.
I have post-traumatic stress distorted.
This is why I talk like this.
Say, shoot, pause, stop, resume.
Nothing complicated.
I think you guys may give this a think.
I have done it, experienced it, and I know the work.
Who knows?
It could be a great show.
If you're interested in any
other info, please don't hesitate
to ask.
That's a sentence, to ask.
Here in Spain, it'd be so easy to do.
I have access to a 12-room
mansion in Zagaleta,
the most expensive place to live in Europe.
I deal in stocks and real estate.
So access to
great locations is free.
There is a lot more info you may want.
I have two guys that shoot short films.
They have all equipment rolling camera tracks lighting the lot.
They would shoot for the fun of it, and they are very good.
So let me know.
I would love to get involved in a project like this.
You can easily find the five girls.
Well, don't want to bore you.
All the best.
Brad Burger.
Thanks, Brad.
Thanks, Brad.
I'm not actually a burger. I'm just
spelled like one.
Say hi to Mia Sheskrate. I did
send her a mail asking if she could send me some
porn books. Oh my god, how are you still going?
I have lots of endurance.
I am a stunt writer.
I am a stunt writer in addition to being a baking manager
and an ex-porn star.
Oh my god, yeah.
I am also very believable.
Red Bull, Extreme Sports, etc.
It'd be cool to have a porn hub super bike.
All the best, Brad Berger.
I don't think it would be super cool.
Is this a job interview?
What is going on?
I don't think that's cool at all.
Oh, God.
And phone numbers and email addresses follow.
Right.
Thank you.
Hello.
Hello.
My name is Xavier Jackson.
Hi, Xavier Jackson.
Xavier, you sound like my friend Boots.
That's interesting. That's a coincidence, Xavier Saxon. Xavier, you sound like my friend Boots. That's interesting.
That's a coincidence, I'm sure.
Entirely unrelated.
Okay.
My suggestion is Carer.
I was wonder wrong if I could have a job with you guys.
I was wonder wrong.
So I was wonder wrong I was So I was wonder wrong
Yeah
Oh you're the Oasis song
They never went with
Now I'm Samantha
Okay
Me touching my body
I wanna fuck myself
That's all and upload videos
Without my email.
Okay.
You, I'm Michael J.
My avatar has been removed.
You should create a new email for doing that,
whilst being aware of privacy, e.g. complex password proxy server.
Do so responsible, best of fuck, I mean luck!
Oh, that's my side getting slapped.
Frank West.
Yes.
I was just, while Acier was reading that entire thing
by the way that entire thing that Acier read there
was in all caps
and while he was looking at that I was just looking at the
homepage of feedback.pornhub.com
and I found two different ones
I would like you to choose
which one you would like to read here
the first one is called, I Can't Download a Video.
And the second is called, Sex.
All right.
My name is Anonymous.
Yep.
Sex.
Sex.
Sex?
Sex. Yes. Sex? Sex.
Yes.
That got 249 upvotes.
That's kind of disappointing.
I suggest you sex.
All right.
In Kenya, Nairobi, connect me with two back men to fuck me today.
Two back men?
I want two back men.
Look, it's two back men.
This is not complicated
I guess it seems a little complicated
But okay
Randy Backman
From
Backman Turner Overdrive
I
I need two cocks
No
I think you read that incorrectly
Need two cocks
Thank you, thank you
Well, I have to give you here
Sex
Sex
Yeah, exactly, sex
You can watch us having sex?
Hey!
Sex
Please wait a few days till you're sober
Please don't seek out sex you will regret for the rest of your life.
Please be safe.
Sex help.
Sex help.
Sex help.
Sex help.
Help sex.
All right.
Who is the angriest person in this podcast right now?
It's Frank West
Frank West, will you tell me what exactly you're angry about right now?
Can you hear it in his voice?
Okay, I'm anonymous
Yeah, you are
Why no feet?
Femdom on premium
Sad
Sad collection compared to non-premium.
Okay.
Damn it.
My thing is femdom, and particularly foot domination, goddesses' feet, worship, etc.
So I finally realize after all these years, oh shit, I should sign up for premium.
$9.99 a month.
Aw, fuck yeah!
Aw, fuck yeah.
Aw, fuck yeah. Then I get there
all ready to pound pole.
Pound pole?
Pound pole?
Pound pole.
Ew! I'm dying.
I'm creating a new
parking space, everybody. Stand back.
Stand back.
Pound pole. Pound pole
Pound pole
That's
Hot
That's very hot
That is
All ready to pound pole
And
Hardly any fucking videos at all
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
Now you're complaining
There's no fucking videos
How much fucking
Is there in goddess foot worship?
Oh, you're a bad foot, aren't you?
Yeah, you're a bad foot! Yeah!
Oh, you're gonna get punished, foot.
You're gonna get punished this time.
And what is the punctuation on your final fuck there?
That is a colon period.
Which I guess is like fuck, and then like a list colon period. Which I guess is like fuck and then like a list of
period.
It's a little off center
but it's the therefore symbol.
And I feel like Brett has heard this
like a lot of times already.
Yeah, what does he have to say?
That's a pretty unique
niche.
I mean we already have 80k videos
but only a couple
femdom.
We're already adding more premium content.
You also get the regular stuff
in 1080 when available. Don't forget
that part.
I want to see feet getting crushed
by women's feet.
Is that how it works?
I need hot foot-on-foot action.
Making Brett Hall want to kill himself.
Where's my foot-kicking porn?
I want to kick him!
Very sad.
Also, just going back to that title there,
when it says,
Why no feet, comma, femdom on premium,
exclamation point, exclamation point,
question mark, question mark, sad, period.
That has a very distinct Trump tweet vibe to it.
I'm not saying I know for sure that's Donald Trump.
Clinton's feet are not able to dominate, sad.
Viewers, you know what to dominate. Sad. Viewers, you know what to
Photoshop. Alright, are we
ready to talk about societal change?
If I said no, will you believe me?
Boots, you're into societal
change, right? Alright, great.
So, how are we going to make that change?
I'm Hank.
Hi, Hank!
Societal change. This has one vote.
Okay.
I just wanted to give you guys props
on not only leading the way
of making porn accessible to everyone,
but also transforming
the way that we think
about our sexuality.
Every day...
Why is we in quotes there?
Because I mean me.
Because this guy isn't with anybody at any point in time.
Fair enough.
Every day, more and more people seem comfortable at admitting that they're horny as shit.
And I think this is due to people watching more porn and realizing it satisfies their ingrained human desire.
And that desire isn't bad, but simply natural.
Thanks, Pornhub.
Well, that sounded sarcastic.
Thanks, Pornhub.
I forgot to put quotes around everything I was writing there.
Oh, we need more quotes.
And there's three exclamation points.
So it's, thanks, Pornhub. Thanks, Pornhub.
Thanks, Pornhub.
Hey, y'all.
My name's Bobby, bitch.
Hi, Bobby, bitch.
Yeah, I'm Bobby, bitch.
I got four votes.
Why y'all got so many dickheads?
Take that shit down.
That shit is gay.
Hey.
That's the title, but what's your message?
I'm so glad you asked!
Why y'all got so many dickheads?
Take that shit down, that shit is gay!
Hey!
Hey, Bobby bitch!
What?
Isn't it great when you're watching a scene with beautiful girls
and your eye goes to the right and there's a huge throbbing cock gif.
Yeah, I want to know what Richard Crawford has to say about that.
This is important.
Thank you.
I made another complaint about that shit a few weeks ago, and the faggots at this site haven't responded to it.
They haven't responded to it?
Oh, no. Well, they're probably taking it back to the collective. Oh, yeah. site haven't responded to it. They haven't responded to it? Oh no!
Well, they're probably taking it back to the collective.
Oh yeah.
I am tired of seeing
faggots showing their piece of shit
dicks. Yeah! Especially the ones
about erectile dysfunction.
I only want a full shit dick.
That was like jumping
into a pool of razor blades.
Oh.
So the problem with gay guys is their dicks are bad?
Is that your argument, Richard Crawford?
You are confusing.
Achilles Heelys,
you're looking for a tutorial video, right?
Oh, always. Yeah, always, yeah.
Okay, what sort of tutorial video do you're looking for?
Uh, on how to fuck.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, Pornhub.
I know you get a huge load of work on your head, but I got an idea.
I hope you get a huge load of work on your head, but I got an idea. I hope you'll be interested.
The idea is that you should create a series of videos informing people how to have sex from liking the pussy
to like the first time anal preparation, like stuff they don't teach in school,
stuff that are considered taboo.
they don't teach in school stuff that are considered
taboo.
I know it's a simple idea,
but I hope you like it.
Waiting to get a response.
I mean, I do. I do like it,
but maybe for different reasons than you intended.
Waiting to get a response,
even if it is like, fuck you!
Lesson one, liking the pussy.
Kind regards
Sismon Jeroz
Wow
Sorry, Anonymous
has something to say right away
Liking the pussy
Yo, what does Anonymous have to say?
I got hugely
oh.
Yeah.
My name's Garf.
My name's
Garfield.
My name's
Garfile Heldpeat.
My name's Garfile
Heldpeat.
Anyway, I love to
eat pussy until it's cum runs
down to her ass and then I start licking it
up space.
Exclamation point.
Hey, look.
Who doesn't?
Guys, guys.
This does not belong
to an adult porn site.
Sex should be discovered naturally by each individual.
I am not sure how anal preparation fits in how to have sex
or why it should be taught in schools.
Lol.
Maybe what you mean is just videos on how to perform different sexual acts properly?
I am in for this idea, honestly.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Alright.
God.
What the...
Secondly, there's a genre for that,
at least for males. It's called
Jerkoff Instructions.
The adventures of Jerkoff Instructions.
So, just to give you a concept of time right now,
we are recording this podcast right now on June 25th of 2016,
which is one, two, two days after the Brexit
vote where England decided
to destroy itself and
I'm just leaving you in with that
we're nothing if not a political podcast
right
just leaving you in with that because
Boots just found something
that is
pretty great
oh you want me to take it, honey.
Oh, you want me to take it?
Okay, great.
Okay.
I suggest you censor all videos
with European porn stars
in the lead-up
to Britain's EU vote.
Oh, boy.
Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Pornhub.
That's cute.
And all the ships at sea. Let's go to press.
That's the HMS
Pornhub.
Oh, no.
I have a suggestion.
Could you please
remove or
pixelate all videos that include European porn stars in the final days before Britain's EU vote?
We are voting whether to stay in the EU or not.
Leaving the EU, aka the Brexit could be
disastrous. We need to be
reminded about how valuable
Europe is to us
Wow, this is some
this is some Lessa Strata shit going on
here
To reiterate, we need to be reminded about
how valuable Europe is to us
Brits.
I feel like pornography is the best medium to get this message across.
Okay, we're just going to send all our Pornhub employees out to Britain,
and we're just going to have them manually scratch out all the European porn stars on your monitors.
Just wait a couple days.
That sounds wonderful.
Does this dick look English to you?
That dick's a little Polish,
honestly.
Kinda got a kielbasa look to it,
I don't know.
Sweet regards, L
and L.
And, you know, the community organizer, what's his name there?
The Pornhub guy that shows up.
Yeah, Brett, at no point does he take place in this thread.
At no point does Pornhub take action, like, on this thing, and then Brexit fucking happens.
To go into every single video with somebody European and pixelate them.
Yeah, they could have done that.
They could have done that.
They didn't.
They were just too lazy.
So...
And now,
we fucking lost the UK.
Oh my god.
The gods don't even know where they are.
Just immediately sank into the ocean.
Farewell, foot fetishes.
I'm Gary Gimpa.
Okay.
Hashtag Bromain.
At Pornhub.
Make it happen.
Yeah, Pornhub.
Make that hashtag happen.
This thing looks like a Stog one to me.
Stog!
Yes?
Frank West found something delightful as well,
but Stog, what is your opinion on drugs?
My opinion is not support drugs.
What's your name? I'm K and not support drugs. What's your name?
I'm K and not support drugs.
Well, he's not very special, though.
He's just a regular K.
Can Pornhub not support drugs which are for pathetic, worthless low lives?
I came on to mobile Pornhub today and saw Pornhub's symbol
next to the weak symbol.
K and D
are so far away from each other on the keyboard.
Lick, seriously?
Ew.
Everyone has sexual thoughts, but drugs, smoking,
or alcohol? That's for low-life people
who have no lives.
And, uh, Boots, you are
Hacker Bob.
Yeah, Hacker Bob.
I'm Hacker Bob.
Hacker Bob Hacker.
You pussy, it's 420, well now 421, dumbass.
I mean, like, seriously.
And I added the E in like.
I think everybody should
I think everybody should smoke one with you just to chill your ass
out myself i loved good weed buzz before i get my fuck on like 99 of others leaving you like the one
percenter and i'm not talking about no mc one percenter if you know what MC means and if you look it up moron weed is not drug
oh
what is it
thanks hacker Bob
master ceremonies
yeah
he's a one percent
MC's who don't do drugs
if you're also in that group
then like this comment and share it
and Frank West,
this is a post from
July 10th of 2015,
and what is your name?
If you have a name,
please share it with us.
Get off my fucking
hard drive, Pornhub.
Share this idea.
You let the right one in.
Pornhub is actually
Amazon Web Services.
Who is featuring your clips?
Very simple question that should have been answered a long time ago.
Alright.
Either it's someone on your staff, which means that there's nothing preventing all people from being accounted for,
and therefore you knowing exactly what's going on with the shit here.
Or it's some kind of random computer generated thing to pick out clips, which
leaves the only explanation being that the
people doing this are hacking you to
do this. Okay, so whoever's
hosting our videos, it's either Dave or the
Cochise AI.
If it's in any way control of
human hands, then you should be able to
account for every human being
that could possibly be doing everything I've said they've been doing. You should be able to account for every human being that could possibly be doing everything
I've said they've been doing.
You should be able to list names,
as many as there are who could in fact
be doing this. That is what you would
do if you actually...
I am lost on the pronouns. That is what you would do...
That is what you would do if you
actually tried to put effort into understanding
what's been going on here.
Start being useful.
My name is Brett Hall. I'm the product manager here at Point.
And here we go.
It's all automated, David.
We have algorithms that find the hottest videos, feature them on the homepage.
I'm sorry to disappoint, but
there's no way a human could
feature a video.
I'm just gonna take this video.
I'm just gonna put superglue
on the page. I'm just gonna slap that video
right there. Everyone enjoy!
Guys, look at this man's posting history.
Holy shit!
That's a lot of words.
And then,
Frank West,
read the one that starts with
I don't believe that.
Sorry,
I went to his posting history,
which I probably should not have done.
Yeah, sorry, just
on the topic of that, he's got to post this title.
Make Chloe Foster and Dakota
Sky have sex. God.
Just mash them together like dolls.
Come on, God damn it!
Like Barbie and Ken dolls.
Give Brett Hall a raise!
Put them in an arena.
Put them in a glass jar
and shake it.
Come on, fuck already!
I don't believe that.
First off, it seems to be the same video
uploaders that get their videos featured
a bit more often than just any random video
from any user.
If it really were random, there'd be way more
variety in the uploaders
that the videos are chosen from.
Secondly, in the few times that Kara has been away
and it's someone else planting,
I say that something that the hired planter decides
affects them in a personal way of some sort.
They've revealed who they are,
and usually it's a Pornhub intern account,
or someone in the 30 seconds or less clip
wearing a Pornhub clip. They clip wearing a Pornhub clip.
They're wearing a Pornhub clip.
Like, on their body.
That's how I made rent.
Find the Pornhub clip and win a prize!
So unless the actual planter of these
clips is just happening to pick those ones,
or frame it to look like Pornhub is doing it, it has to be one of these actual people.
Plus, if this actually were how it was decided, random.
You would have said so a long time ago,
not coming up with excuses after excuses and abusing the medical system.
By calling him crazy, I assume.
Hey, sick and injured people, you want to watch some porn?
So, yeah, as you just realized here, Get Off My Fucking Hard Drive Pornhub is amazing.
If you click on his name there, Frank West, will you just read some titles of posts that Get Off My
Fucking Hard Job Pornhub has made?
Yes, and it should be clear
I don't understand if this is in
chronological order, because I went to the first
one and he's already talking about how they should know
what's going wrong.
He has these really lengthy
rants
that it seems to be, every time he works on a Word document and then closes it and then opens Pornhub, he finds that all the content is related to the stuff from his documents, such as, when I checked Pornhub at this time, the newest feature clip released 36 seconds ago has a running time of 8.09.89, referring to my girl's job, who was responsible
for this mess, and an Asian girl.
She's Asian.
Sitting on a guy's face, representing
her job.
Wow. Her face
represents her job?
That's evidence that they're scanning his hard drive
and catering the content to him.
What does her cunt represent?
This is the most specific gang stalking
I've ever seen.
Stop surveillancing my hard drive
and deciding content.
Pornhub is scanning my first draft novel
and making porn videos out of that.
How's stop?
And so, yeah.
So, Frank West, what are some titles there?
I'm still stalking up pictures for when it starts working again
to show that you're doing this still.
Okay.
Since you won't acknowledge it when it's negative,
here's the positive evidence of your site and her planting at it.
Well, at least it's positive.
Do I have to keep putting up shots that show how even when she gets to sleep, someone
takes over and stocks my preparing
legal documents?
Pornhub has become sentient.
It's all over, man.
Oh, man, if Pornhub became sentient, it would
immediately destroy mankind.
That would be a site that would have a very poor
opinion.
You want more screenshot
evidence that you're doing this? Here's a
714 view clip.
The day she likely gets processed served at her
714 job.
And then, Frank,
take the one that starts, I'm done with you, Pornhub.
I'm done with...
Is that on the second page?
It's in the chat log there.
Yeah, second page.
I'm done with you, Pornhubub I want you to stop working with Kara
and your site off my hard drive
now
at one point
Brett Hall says
please just stop David
it's getting tiring
talk to a friend or family member about these accusations
and then what does get off my fucking hard drive
porn have to say about that
I'm not fucking talking to anybody
but you who is doing it
and keep going keep going
I always give specific details of exactly
what you fucking did and that you never
refer to them in anything you say about this
I could type
Wow, you just told them
And you would say the same thing
no matter what.
So that was
Get Off My Fucking Hard Drive Pornhub.
That was about
.5% of his output.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But you know, we can't spend
we're coming down to the end and we can't spend
all our time there on that crazy person. We can't just focus
on some crazy person
on Pornhub. That would
be irresponsible of us. So instead
we're going to talk about Bitcoin.
Yay!
Yay!
What site was it that had the same
thing as this before?
It was...
It was one of the weed ones.
It was one of the weed duck ones.
Shroomery.
Well, we lost Frank West.
Okay.
Well, that's fair.
Okay.
Hey, y'all.
Hey.
I just got kicked off the shroomery.
And then I was sitting here on Pornhub with my cock in my hand.
Yeah?
Yeah.
We're like cock brothers.
Yeah.
You souled Implement Sex Coins.
Oh, yeah.
Why?
Okay, let me tell you. Let me tell you why. sex coin. Oh, yeah. Why?
Okay, let me tell you.
Let me tell you why.
Here's why, idiot.
Please implement sex coin.
Alright.
It's a cryptocurrency
like Bitcoin,
but it's special made for the
adult industry.
And it's special made for the adult industry. And its major fiat or tie hat, it's completely anonymous.
So it's Bitcoin.
For more info, sexcoin.info.
I wrote sex in my Bitcoins.
That's how it works, right?
It's got a slider, and it says,
first buy sexcoin, then have fun.
Most popular wallet.
Achilles, what does Brett Hall have to say about that?
Why not just accept Bitcoin?
What does sex coin offer?
And Stog, Stog, you are Jonas.
Hi, I'm Jonas.
Sex coin is a currency special
made for the adult industry.
Okay, okay.
Helpful.
Sure, but what are the advantages over accepting
Bitcoin?
And then Acier takes JonJo.
Oh, my God.
What it offers is the ability of your site
to make more money than you can with Bitcoin.
This is because Bitcoin's price has already exploded.
If you accumulate sex coins now,
before all the other sites start doing it...
Oh, of course!
Of course! Of course!
Look, look, look, look!
It's valueless now!
And that's the appeal!
Okay, currently
100 sex coins are worth
8 American cents.
Shit!
It's quadrupled in value because
it was 2 cents I read a little bit earlier.
For 1 or for 100?
Oh, for... I don't know.
I don't give a much of a shit.
I'm just going to carry a wheelbarrow full of sex coin down to my local porn shop.
Well, so this is interesting.
Look, guys, I just invented this coin.
I want to have free porn.
Come on, take my money.
Because Google will actually show you currency valuation, so I said
sex coin to USD,
and it said one US dollar
equals.9 euro.
Ugh.
Well, that's so brave.
Thanks, Google!
So first Brexit, and then they just
replaced it.
Yeah, that's their
fix for their financial problem.
They're replacing the euro with sex coins.
Here's some more currency options.
One sex coin is the equivalent of 4.39 flutter coins.
Flutter coins?
It's 0.00 master coins.
How many doge coins?
Let's find doge coin.
It is 2.91 Dogecoins
oh
it is more valuable than Dogecoin
wasn't there a Juggalo coin
oh my god
wow
isn't that just called Fago
I mean that's the currency of the realm
yeah Juggalo JuggaloCoin.org I mean, that's the currency of the realm.
Yeah, juggalo coin dot org.
It is seven times
as valuable as the Gideon Frank.
Why won't Wells Fargo take all my
Spago? It is worth 90.79
Silicon Valley coins.
Man.
Oh.
Yeah.
It is
worth 0.00 unobtainium.
So, thanks
science fiction.
And looking here at
feedback.pornhub.com
I see there are
551
pages of topics such as
I fuck
thanks
you're welcome
I have designed a new
logo for your site that I think
you will love
it's a penis and it's
ejaculating and it's a penis and it's ejaculating
and it has a copyright in it.
Unsubscribe me.
Children use this computer.
Oh, hey.
Hey, man. Some people like
Furari. 70% of
the mans like her because she has
boobs in her dick.
Black people options should be at the bottom.
Real beautiful girls
fuck ad have sex.
Open and playing video fucking sex.
What is ad block
and how do I disable it?
It's
poping up by itself, you cunts.
I don't search that shit. Just type anti-lesbians. It's fulling up by itself, you cunts. I don't search that shit.
Just type anti-lesbians.
It's full of dick girls.
Plain and simple.
A category dedicated to screaming.
My video was fostered mood recently,
and I will not stand for this.
Hi, I just really like Pornhub.
Please, please, please, please tell to Danny Daniel to ready for anal sex because her ass is so beauty.
What good will it do if your dick is impressively erected out of your pants?
Just be yourself.
Category.
I am Adrien Monty.
You might get ampputee porn
Have sex games on the site so people can
Live the action
More socks
Getting fucked
If you select porn stars
You should be able to select what type of porn star you want
I want a double barrel
Cock sucker
Add a cum button
Get more girls twerking Similar to the like thumbs up button double barrel, cocksucker! Add a come button.
Get more girls twerking. Similar to the like, thumbs up button, but
instead of saying, I like this, it would mean
I came to this. This wouldn't be
terribly hard to implement and could be used
as a weighting factor, or even just a
fun statistic for the posters to know how
many people they've gotten off.
You need to create a category for straight
guys who wish to make videos as we jerk off.
Because it's rather stupid to lump us in
with gays, since we are not gay!
Nothing against gays,
though!
Add a story mode.
What?
What?
You mean like
in the later Mortal Kombat games?
Yeah.
You gotta progress your way through the porn.
My suggestion for the whole team of Pornhub
is to add story mode.
Related to reality, but not fully reality.
If you are finding it difficult to write story,
I have story, which is very interesting.
I maximum prefer for story sex, please.
Add some nice story mode sex. very interesting. I maximum prefer for story sex, please. Have some, add some
nice story mode sex.
I won't lick your clit.
Rub my cow cow over.
You want me to do anything?
Keep it just the way it is.
Bravo.
Oh my!
That's one satisfied
customer.
I think that might have been Brett. I suggest a filter My! That's one satisfied customer!
I think that might have been Brett.
I suggest a filter where the we can choose the countries where we want to be seen or we don't want to be seen.
That will make the sex video business to grow a lot.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Those who are as that's what trips their sexual trigger. Hey, women also want filth porno.
Filth is the same as milf, but with hot daddies.
Daddies, I'd like to fuck.
No, it's father.
I have a very specific taste, and this garbage turns me off.
Well, what kind of garbage turns you on, then?
Apparently not stepbrother stepsister mother videos, but...
Clean up your act, Pornhub.
You're going to turn everyone off with all this porn.
It would be cool to see how many people are watching porn near us
and maybe even see what type of porn most of them are watching.
You should accept me for possum and little dick porn.
Ugh.
Have a place where you can chat with porn stars.
Get rid of lesbian gay porn! It's not right! Have a place where you can chat with porn stars.
Get rid of lesbian gay porn!
It's not right!
Stop being sexiest, assholes.
Great.
So, F+, what did we learn from any of this?
Fuck. Brett is the perfect
man for his job? Yep.
Brett is stuck in
purgatory and we need to break him out of there.
Actually, no. He's stuck in purgatory
and he doesn't know. I would kind of
really like to have Brett's job.
I wouldn't
because I'd be just like,
fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.
I'd have a macro, just on my keyboard, just fuck you. Done. Like, I don't know, well, maybe for a week, I'd be just typing, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. I'd have a macro on my keyboard.
Just fuck you. Done.
Like, I don't know.
Well, maybe for a week, I'd say.
I'd like to have this job for a week
because I have spent probably
like almost a week of work time
just browsing through Yahoo Answers
and seeing similar stuff to this.
But just having it very specifically
catered to a
free streaming porn site
is kind of amazing.
Do you think you'd be a problem
solver if you were in Brett's position?
That's sort of
the fun thing about it, is that 95%
of the problems that you're given
are unsolvable because they don't make
sense.
I guess that's the thing that appeals to me
because I have a job where I get faced with actual problems
and have to really work hard to solve them
and these ones are just like,
how do I get dick in computer?
I'm like, great.
Why foot's stuck in toilet again?
Why are there all these naked women on this fucking site?
I scrolled through his post history and I would say most of it was someone saying,
please, I need support.
And he says, what do you need support with?
And then they say, you sent email, and then site didn't work.
And then they never respond.
I like, I mean, even just when you go through feedback.pornhub.com,
you can see all of these people trying to hack the site. Like a whole bunch
of these threads are called script
alert high. Yeah, like semicolon
drop table users.
Exactly.
So, I mean, good job uh not uh having your site break from that i guess also there's an awful
lot of uh unanswered uh prompts of people either either asking to be in pornography
it's like i want to be in porn hopefully with one of these girls um or like people asking just for
free shit um like this one one I found was like,
I need a car.
Could you lend me one with Pornhub stickers on it?
I'm fine with a Fiat 5,
but maybe more classy cars like Mercedes or BMW would be better.
Shit.
I've been doing this.
I wanted to get into racing.
I wanted my team financed.
I've been doing this all wrong.
Hey, Pornhub.
Yeah, no. Maybe not. And then I wanted my team financed, I've been doing this all wrong. Hey, Pornhub! Yeah, no.
Maybe not. And then I just found a post called, it was just
I'm happy.
Nice. I'm happy.
I'm happy.
The website, as always,
thefpl.us
and there's other ones as well!
Yeah.
There is? There sure are. Oh yeah, there's idiots.win, there's other ones as well Yeah There is? There sure are
Oh yeah
There's idiots.win
There's damn.dog
There's ball pit
There's poop.computer
My favorite
There's frankwest.xyz
There's frankwest.xyz
Your very own
Frank West soundboard
Go check it out
Damn
Goodbye
It's like having me
Bye everybody
Bye
Give me a ticket for an airplane.
Ain't got time to take a fast train.
Lonely days are gone.
I'm going home.
My baby sister wrote me a letter.
I don't care how much money I gotta spend.
Got to get back to my baby.
Lonely days are Jonas.
I'm Jonas.
Jonas.
Doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc. Everybody! Doc, doc, goose. Doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, doc, Doc, Doc, Doc, Doc, Doc, Doc, Doc, Doc, Doc,