The F Plus - 231: Episode 231 The Hedgehog
Episode Date: October 23, 2016The Sonic the Hedgehog franchise has a fanbase that frequently creates their own "original characters" with all of the care, originality and effort that went into the characters they're emulating... (which is a compliment to nobody). At the Sonic Fan Character wiki, we're going to read about them, because the world needs to know about Sonic the Hedgehog's cousin, Jack. This week, it can be!
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Sonic the Hedgehog move. Sonic, he's got an attitude. Sonic, he's the fastest
thing alive.
Congratulations, you're listening to the F Plus
Podcast. It's a terrible place,
but there's terrible things, and they're red with
enthusiasm. In the room tonight we have
Isfahan. He is a
transformation called Angel of Death.
That transformation is stronger than overkill.
He can burn.
With gun, outrage met death angel.
They became into boyfriends.
Frank West?
Cream the Rabbit's mother, Vanilla the Rabbit.
She's attractive and is the size of an average human mother.
Bunny Bread?
I'm Ellie the Werebuddy.
I'm actually a thousand-year-old werebuddy trapped in the body of an 80-year-old.
Fuck this.
I'm circumcising the hedge dong.
And Lemon.
Likes England, weapons, music.
Dislikes to be immortal when his friends forgive him when he died.
He's the fastest thing alive.
He's the fastest thing alive. He's the fastest thing alive.
He's the fastest thing alive.
Hey, F+.
Hi, Lemon.
Hey, what are some of your favorite video games recently?
Doom.
Doom.
Half-Life 3.
Oh, I like Half-Life 3.
You got early access on that one?
No.
No, you just got access.
Skip me.
Come back to me.
I don't even like video games.
I assume that was out.
I've told you too much already.
Frank West doesn't like video games.
He's not good at them.
I would like to talk to you about a video game that a certain segment of the population,
the internet population, takes very seriously.
And that video game is called Sonic the Hedgehog.
To Dota 2.
Oh, Sonic the Hedgehog.
Yes, I've heard of Sonic the Hedgehog.
Yes, Sonic the Hedgehog is a game about a titular hedgehog
who runs fast.
And that is very exciting
and very interesting.
But the
internet collectively has decided
that it can
improve on the
model that Sega created.
Well, thanks for that, internet.
You're welcome.
And so to that... that internet is here yeah the internet's
here uh i got some words for you internet and so uh to that end uh we are going to be going to a
site called the sonic fan character wiki uh this is document provided to us by Stinky Pete. It's a first-time submission.
Thanks, Stinky Pete.
From Stinky Pete.
And, yeah, so Sonic Fan Character Wiki, in case the title didn't give it away,
is a place where people create their own characters to live inside of the Sonic the Hedgehog universe
and then post about them because we all need
to know.
Yep.
But I think before we get started here, we should probably look at the rules of the Sonic
fan character.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
So Isfahan, will you take us through some of these rules here, please?
Sure.
Thank you.
First, we have some chat rules.
please? Sure.
Thank you. First, we have some chat rules.
No flaming, trolling, spamming,
or advertising, except your
Sonic Man character, I imagine.
Okay. Be respectful to
everyone.
That's number two. Number three.
We can do that.
Stop doing what you're doing when a moderator
slash admin asks you to.
Just put that down.
Stop making that sandwich. Stop
going to school.
Attention! A moderator is speaking.
Wah, wah, wah.
Okay.
Number four, don't bring PM
issues into the main chat. I'm sure they mean private
messages.
Prime minister.
Prime minister issues, yeah.
Post-mortem issues.
Number five, keep
conversations and role plays all
ages.
NPMs, if the other
person is uncomfortable with sexual conversations
or role plays, stop.
No, don't start. Don't start.
Number six.
An argument with only one person should be
taken to private. But if you're
just going to fling shit everywhere,
then yeah, keep it. Yeah, keep it here.
Woo! Thunderdome!
Yeah, taking all comers.
Number seven. No bringing
up sensitive topics, e.g.
suicide, religion, real life, drama
apostrophe s. Okay. Okay, I'm sure none of that will ever show up in any of this, okay. suicide, religion, real life, drama apostrophe s.
Okay, I'm sure none of that will ever
show up in any of this, okay?
Well, I guess I don't get to use my character,
Suicide Jesus the Hedgehog.
That sounds good.
I hope somebody draws that.
Number eight,
no abusive messaging.
Okay.
Number nine, if a moderator or admin
kicks slash bans you, no excuses.
He, she had a good reason to do so, period.
That probably mollifies them.
Yeah, that's...
Oh, well, there was rule nine.
Oh, it was justified.
I'm so sorry.
I'm not going to make a stink about this now.
Rule number ten.
No begging for bans or unbans either.
Okay. Okay. Rule number ten, no begging for bans or unbans either. Okay.
Okay.
Rule number eleven, no texting emotions, e.g. cries in a corner, I hate my life, etc.
You're not allowed to hate your life if you're on this motherfucking thing.
So many people cried in a corner and said they hate their life.
They had to make a rule saying you couldn't do that.
Rule number
12, which I'm sure was very unpopular
with the Sonic fan character
body, is
no attention
seeking.
Great. Okay. Why do you think
people are here?
This place should have become a ghost
town after all. I want to make myself Sonic the town after all. I see there are more than one page
on this wiki, so that rule didn't work.
Rule number 13,
no using real life issues
as an excuse for causing drama.
You mean Asperger's?
You mean Asperger's, don't you?
Well, it's just general, you know,
backpedaling after the fact.
Oh, they didn't like the post I made.
I'll just blame it on something going on in my life.
Yeah, so then it goes through a whole bunch more rules, including non-enforced rules, which is weird, and then exceptions.
Oh, okay.
All the shit we just talked about?
Yeah.
But that's the chat rules.
Let's talk a little bit about the article rules let's finally take me through the article rules please
okay article rules yeah uh articles number one spell check your pages before publishing
yeah good luck with that okay whatever remind reminder don't do any attention-seeking. Number two, respect users and their pages.
Rule number three is don't use people's characters or pictures without permission.
You mean like Sonic?
Yeah.
That's somebody's character.
I'm sure Sega gave permission for all of this.
Yeah.
It's probably their idea.
They're looking for fresh new talent.
Guerrilla marketing, yeah.
Rule four is constructive.
Criticism is encouraged.
It certainly is.
I certainly do like the way you recolored Sonic.
Rule number five, each page should have
at least some sentences.
What happened before that rule was written down?
Just 50 pages saying fuck, fuck, cunt, bird shit. I want content, but I don't even want to make it.
I want to have content.
B, the hedgehog.
B, the hedgehog.
C, the hedgehog.
Print, okay.
I want to be responsible for content, but I do not actually make it.
Before that, people would just
URL-set different
popular potential names.
You know?
That's bizarre. Anyway, rule number six.
Swearing is allowed, but not recommended.
Again, respect users and don't
insult them with swear words.
Rule number seven.
Mary Sues and Gary Stoos are banned now.
Oh, okay.
Okay, cool.
No one's going to make a Sonic the Hedgehog character themselves.
Awesome.
Yeah.
As well as joke characters, they're banned as well.
So the grim, serious Sonic the Hedgehog.
Great.
So I won't see any Mary Sues or Gary Sto's, which is like a term that didn't need to exist.
What else won't I see?
Recolors in any distribution form are also banned.
You just don't want to exist, do you, wiki page?
Each page should have content, but all this content you could think to make has been banned.
Rule number nine, memes are forbidden if they are offensive to any member of the wiki.
Can I just join and say every meme offends me and therefore nobody can make any?
Yeah, but you'll have to become a member of the wiki first.
Oh, well, that is too high a price for memes.
Ishvahan the two-tailed fox.
I have three tails, so I'm one tail better than tails totally original all right
uh well i think it's time for us to dig into the characters and uh i want to start with jack the
hedgehog uh no no mary sue's or gary shoes uh but i want to start here with jack the hedgehog jack
the hedgehog is a cousin of Sonic Jack the Hedgehog
Is the name of my Sonic fanfic
Jack the Hedgehog
Jack the Hedgehog
And Frank West
If you'll tell me about Jack the Hedgehog please
Well
Sorry that's a great picture
Okay so he's on a Rainbow flag and he's sort of like He's... Sorry, that's a great picture. Yeah, it is.
Okay, so he's on a rainbow flag,
and he's sort of like... Like Portly?
No, that's just the Sonic body type.
Remember what we said about fat shaming?
I believe that was covered in something.
He's got a body type of Sonic
and a head type of extra-large Sonic.
Yes.
He's a big goal.
Jack the Hedgehog is a cheerful
hedgehog who goes on various adventures
with Sonic, Amy, and his sidekick
Patricia the Skunk.
He is the main male character and
fursona of Spongebob
100.
Don't know what he's doing here.
There's a recommendation in the doc to click on Spongebob 100's profile and see how long it takes to scroll down it.
Oh, don't worry.
We'll come back to Spongebob 100 later.
Yeah.
His hero adventure started.
And finally...
Oh, that's literally...
That's not a headline.
That's...
His hero adventure started, and finally, when he was 15, Jack
woke up and heard a strange
noise, eventually revealing to be
Dr. Eggman's warship.
I think that is the first time
that the start of something
has started with, and finally.
Yes.
In the beginning, and
finally, God made the Earth.
And in closing.
Jack thought of an idea to turn off the warship so he could get back to sleep.
By the time he got on Eggman's warship, he noticed Sonic was also there, slightly in trouble.
Uh, guys? Guys?
He lost his keys.
Can you do something about this?
I'm somewhat in danger.
Incredibly tired and drowsy,
he yelled at Eggman from the top of his lungs.
John Freeman yelled at the top of lungs.
Though the doctor wasn't intimidated,
Jack luckily found the off button and pressed it, half asleep.
Yay!
And this year your adventure ended.
Such tension and payoff there.
Roll credits.
Jack, unaware of the fact that he had shut down the engines,
attempted to tackle Eggman,
though Sonic notified his cousin of the fact that the warship was about to fall out of the sky.
Both Sonic, Jack, and Eggman escaped the warship from an explosion.
Where is this sentence going?
Sonic knew that Jack assisted him in defeating Eggman
and thanks him for his daring rescue.
Jack doesn't know what happened.
His daring what?
His daring what?
Oh, sorry.
His daring resus.
Yeah, maybe it's Italian.
It's resuche.
Resuche. That's probably it.
Jack doesn't know what happened
at first, but all he knew is that his
adventure was just beginning.
And finally.
Oh no, there's like...
Oh no!
Yeah, so there's
many, many, many words
about Jack the Hedgehog,
who is the fursona of SpongeBob 100.
So it's an important character,
and that's why the Sonic fan character wiki has repeatedly marked it for deletion.
But I heard that Sonic got captured by the Chaotix. Isn't that right?
Yes.
Later,
Sonic got captured by the Chaotix,
mistaken as Jack.
When Jack and the others get him back,
Vector apologizes and offers the fourth
emerald as a gift.
The Chaotix decide to tag along on Jack's
journey to find the other three emeralds,
much to SVO's
dismay.
When they get to...
No, there was another tenth shift.
I'm just going to have to make a chart with a bunch of
pictures and then
red pieces of string that are going
back and forth.
I mean, I'm assuming Jack
is a time traveler, because these tenths shift
twice a sentence.
When they get to Cream's house, the potential team notice that Cream has the fifth emerald.
Cream decides to help Jack.
Vanilla tells Cream to be careful as the heroes move on to find the remaining two emeralds.
Okay.
On their way, they're being stopped.
On their way, they, we are being stopped
by Metal Sonic.
Oh no!
Oh no, not Metal Sonic!
Is that a Sonic Pad Chalk that's made out of metal?
Or a Sonic Pad Chalk who really likes
Manowar?
Yeah, he's got a denim jacket.
He just wears black t-shirts everywhere.
So Jack and Metal Sonic
battled each other, but when Metal Sonic
was about ready to kill him, Jack was
saved by Silver the Hedgehog and Blaze
the Cat. Cool.
They both have this...
Blaze the Cat.
It's not a...
All of these have been real Sonic characters for the past
two paragraphs. That's depressing.
Yeah, let that one sink in.
Can't we make some Cypress Hill jokes real quick, though?
Is Metal Sonic a different Sonic than regular Sonic?
Yes.
Cool.
Is there, like, a wooden Sonic?
That's awesome.
I understand why this fan base is so active.
Is there an I'm-rubber-you're-glue Sonic?
They both have the Six Emeralderald, but they decide not to
assist Jack. So our heroes
zooms off to find the last
emerald, brusquely unaware of a
black and red hedgecat
named Blaze
the Hedgecat, following
Jack and the group.
Blaze the dead hedgecat.
So, this character
has the exact same name as an actual
Sonic character.
As an actual Sonic character who was mentioned
literally one sentence ago.
Yes.
This is all stream of consciousness, as far as we can see, right?
As our heroes moves on,
they...
They...
They moved on.
After he zooms, he goes...
Well, Blaze the Hedgecat
I mean that's a pretty long thing to say
so you wouldn't want to say the whole thing
you would shorten it down to
Blaze THC
dude
I mean
there's given what I know
about the sort of people who would write this stuff,
there's no way they know just how awesome that is.
They have no idea.
Yeah, my name's Blaze THC!
It's short for The Hedge Cat!
That's my juggalo name, no.
The Hedge Cat!
As our heroes moved on, they noticed Blaze THC, who attacks the heroes, but is eventually stopped by Darkstorm the Half-Bleed by putting Blaze THC to sleep using a tranquilizer.
Yeah.
Blaze THC's all sleepy.
Yeah.
And hungry.
and hungry when Jack
when Jack looked at Blaze THC
he began to fall for her
despite the fact that she has
attempted to attack the team
as our heroes leave with Blaze
THC in Jack's arms
Dr. Eggman is being
knocked out by Dr. Eggplankton
he's just finding any word and combining it with any other word at this point.
I've read somewhere on the
Sonic fan character
wiki that there are four stories
about Jack the Hedgehog.
What are the names of the stories?
Well,
Jack the Hedgehog's story,
Jack the Hedgehog's second story,
Jack the Hedgehog's
third story, and Jack the Hedgehog's fourth story. Oh Hedgehog's third story Can I guess the fourth one?
Jack the Hedgehog's fourth story
Oh shit that wasn't going to be it
These are just chronicles of him adding on to his house
So Jack the Hedgehog
Does Jack the Hedgehog have any weaknesses and phobias?
Does he ever.
Okay.
He is, Jack isn't capable of attacking someone who, what?
What?
What?
What?
Jack isn't capable of attacking anyone who what what?
That would make more sense.
Jack isn't capable of attacking someone who has more than one attribute.
Okay.
Such a video game term, such a video game term.
Such a video game way of thinking.
What does that mean?
Ah, she has red hair.
Oh, but also she has pale skin.
Fuck!
Hey, fuck you, Jack. I got an X and a
Y axis. You can suck my dick.
Damn it!
I have both strength and dexterity.
I'm mostly just effective against featureless blobs.
He has a fear of...
The one known as Sanic the Hedgehog fans.
Yeah.
Come to think of it.
He has a fear of elephants.
Whenever he's near an elephant, he gets frightened easily.
He gets freightened easily.
Freightened.
Freightened. He gets freightened easily. Freightened. Freightened.
He's a cartoon mouse. He gets packed up into a Maersk container
and shipped off to the coast.
It happens to the best of us.
Around elephants.
Whenever he has too much power inside him
he gets easily tired.
That's what power means exactly.
No!
The opposite of that.
That's supposed to be when you let the power come...
Okay.
He also gets easily... Is power the name of that. That's supposed to be when you let the power come... Okay. He also gets easily knocked out.
Is power the name of a dick?
Oh, I'm tired now.
I got all these dicks inside me.
I mean,
most women I end up with...
So deep, so deep,
so deep, put that ass to sleep.
To sleep!
He also gets easily knocked out by
immensely strong attacks.
Before he doesn't have the strongest defense
system.
Jack is weak to lightning
based attacks as he is mainly a water
type. Okay, so we got Pokemon in here.
The same rule applies to
dark based attacks as he is also a light
user.
I love I love
video game
characters with catchphrases.
Does Jack the Hedgehog have
any catchphrases at all?
Like really original ones, though.
He's got a few, and they're all really good.
Okay, cool. What are they?
Right at your juicy imagination here, babe.
Let's get ready to rumble.
He's the one who came up with that. That's no way that came from you. Alright, here, baby. Let's get ready to rumble. He's the one who came up with that.
Alright, here we
go. That's just a thing people say.
Yes.
Cowabunga! That's the sound I make
when I cum, too.
Wah-hoo-hoo-hoo.
Oh, he's goofy as well.
Just went down the, you know,
the ski jump.
When something bad happens, he says, oh, milk me.
Ew.
When you say bad, you mean gross.
Gross there, Jack.
I mean bad.
Something bad's going to happen after you order that.
Oh, yeah, I am incredible after getting an S.
Outstanding after getting an A.
Nice after getting an S. Outstanding! After getting an A. Nice! After
getting a B. Does he just like
read out his, uh, those words on
his report card or something? Yeah, exactly.
This is how he presents it to his parents.
Oh well, works for me. After
getting a C. Well, not for us, young
man.
Maybe I
should try harder next time. After getting
an E.
Oh, barnacles after getting an F
Oh this is more video game stuff
Yeah yeah it's the ranking
Yeah the ranking stuff
Put all this video game stuff at my Sonic fan
That's one
Caught one chaos emerald
Wow I've defeated the big one.
Defeated a boss.
Oh my god.
I've become the ultimate hero.
Defeated the final boss.
Wow, he's fucking pumped.
Okay.
Who are you people?
When he realized it's Deco and Beco in disguises of his cousins
in episode 8 of Sonic X
Regenerated.
Don't you remember that?
These catchphrases are extremely
situational.
I feel like it's nice that we've kind of moved
past the point where everyone's wearing that t-shirt.
You know?
My Who Are You People t-shirt.
It was really awful when he had that song
in the mid-2000s.
Who are you people?
Couldn't stand it.
Alright, Apollo.
May the best orange head win.
Apollo!
When he's ready to fight against Apollo.
Hey, Apollo.
Apollo Creed. Yep, Apollo. Apollo Creed.
Yep, that's the guy.
He's good, really good, but not good enough
when he is in the middle of the battle against Apollo.
So far as I know, Apollo never fought in Chicago.
You'll just wait there.
Rocky always fought in...
Get some more sausage in you, Ted.
Yeah, sausage.
Everyone remembers the time
when Jack the Hedgehog was fighting a Zizok
general named Heartless in the War for the
Mobius, and he busted this one.
Oh, yeah, that's what he said. Madabunga, isn't it?
Oh, man, okay, here we go. What did he say?
Madabunga!
Weepity, weepity, weepity.
It's like I'm back there when it happened.
The dude you've seen is what you get.
Just the dude that loves action and danger.
I'm Jack.
Jack the Hedgehog.
Jesus Christ!
That's one of his main introductions.
Fuck!
That was on his demo tape, yeah.
Fuck!
How much peyote did he take before that introduction?
I mean, those are all really memorable
and general use, as a catchphrase should be.
Oh, milk me.
Those are good.
Oh, man.
There's a lot more that we could learn about Jack the Hedgehog.
But I feel like we need a more well-rounded character than Jack the Hedgehog.
So we're going to move on.
I don't know if you're going to find one.
Well, no, we are going to find one.
And Bunny Bread, you're going to tell us about this well-rounded character.
This well-rounded character is named Bangs the Wizard Hog.
Is that a type of animal?
A wizard hog?
No, it's an MIA song.
Bangs the Wizard Hog!
Pew, pew, pew.
Uh, yeah, tell me about Bangs.
I shall.
Hello all, I am Bangs the Wizard Hog.
And I can bring you back. but even if you are back you will
never be the same bangs story yep bangs studies how to bring things back to life before they died
he can bring back back back zombies and things but he has never met any so he instead tries
to come up with other things but he can't seem to find someone who may be key to his life so
instead he makes creations.
Wow. That's a great story.
Want me to run that backwards? It won't really make
any less sense. It's worth mentioning,
by the way, I'm looking at the picture of
Bangs the Wizard Hog.
Do not look directly at him. He's too
beautiful. I only know this
because of Ball Pit, but Bangs the Wizard Hog
was created in
a Sonic
character generator program.
Yeah, you can tell because the hat doesn't
work. Yeah, the hat doesn't fit
and you can see a screenshot at the bottom
of the character creator.
So he's a good character.
Damn right. Armed with a staff
he can revive anything to its former
glory. He does have a weakness if you take
away a staff where you are close to him, you can strike him, seem to figure out what's going on. I can't.
And let's just assume that that sentence continues into attire.
He wears a jacket but always has his hood up.
He has a staff.
He also wears under his jacket just a shirt and some sweatpants.
He would rather wear dark clothes to avoid people.
He uses the purification of light to bring people back so he can also talk to his spirits and ask them personally one comment.
to bring people back so we can also talk to spirits and ask them personally one comment.
Bunny Brad, what are the headlines
in your summary of Bangs the Wizard Hog?
There's Bangs the Wizard Hog, you know him.
Yeah, of course, yep.
He's the guy who said Radabunga.
No, no, no.
That's Jack.
That was Madabunga, thank you, original.
Don't use that catchphrase to Bangs the Wizard Hog.
No, no, he copied off me. Okay. There That was Madabunga. Thank you, original... Don't use that fucking catchphrase to bang the wizard hog. No, no.
He copied off me.
Okay.
There's bangs the wizard hog.
There's story.
Right.
There's description.
And there's attire.
And there's also extra things.
Okay, cool.
That's it.
Hello, I'm Vanilla the cat.
I just have a comment on this.
Wizard hog isn't an animal, bro.
Shut your fucking face! It's't an animal, bro. Shut your fucking face!
It's not an animal, bro.
I want to talk about meaningless
tilting at windmills there.
Go around to every
article and say, that's not an actual animal.
Hedgehogs can't talk!
Also, they don't run super
fast.
I want to talk to you about Oliver the Bat.
Okay.
I was going to ask about Oliver the Bat.
Oliver the Bat was not created by a Sonic character.
He was created in the drawing of Oliver the Bat.
It's very wonderful.
Oliver the Bat is a character created by the real Dillinator.
Not the fake Dillinator.
No sir.
Yeah, I'm tired of these fake Dillanators.
It's like a real Donald Trump
thing, like somebody else took Dillanator from him.
There was another Dillanator
and this Dillon was like,
ah, crap, so he made the real Dillanator.
So here's the story.
Oliver is a 15-year-old
bat whose dad was a war veteran.
As most bats are.
His dad abused him.
It was kept secret.
No one would believe him anyway.
Many of his limbs are artificial as they would have been blown off.
Dad abuse does that.
That's hell of abuse.
off.
Dad abuse does that.
That's hell of abuse.
Oliver has a hard time fitting in but his two best friends
James and Buzzard.
End of sentence.
Oliver has a hard time fitting in but his
two best friends James and Buzzard.
Yeah, the end.
Also some abilities.
Oliver's plural metal wings
with rockets give him the power of high-speed plight.
There he goes, plying through the air.
Oh, God, please someone help me.
Is this my fate?
One of his eye can shoot out red energy waves.
Categories.
Brown.
Bat.
Bats.
Cyborg.
Able to fly.
The real Dillonator's creations.
I'm clicking on that one.
Okay.
Well, before you dig too deep into the real Diggaloo Dillionaire's creations,
Isfahan, will you tell me about Braum the Doolahan?
Braum the Doolahan.
Doolahan's not an animal, bro.
Okay.
Braum's are, though.
That's different.
The fear of death, stupid thing.
Life and death are no more than a door.
You can go in and out, but with
a certain price.
And this is attributed to
surprisingly intelligent quote.
I know that dude. That is a surprising
intelligent quote. Um, uh, can you
just skip down to, uh, completely
insane he began? Completely
insane he began to pursue
the living.
Spreading sadness and death.
But a day, somebody put an end to his chaos.
A man with a green business suit, sukkah to him.
Of course.
It's like, yeah, it's like a Mad Max intro.
I can understand your wrath, Bram.
How do you know me?
I was there, on that battlefield.
And I think you saw me as one of the counselors of your dear Pope.
Huh?
How much time has passed?
What?
It can be.
But it's possible.
Brown believes in a world of infinite possibilities. It's improbable, but yet it's possible! Brown believes in a world of infinite possibilities.
It's improbable, but yet it's possible!
It can be!
You are a...
Demon? Maybe.
But I'm no different from you.
What are you...
Meaning?
Christ! You kill. You destroy. Are you... Meaning... Cries!
You kill. You destroy.
The living. You hate them exactly like me.
And they hate you because you are
different. Charm speak.
But I'm like you. Let's
destroy them to hate her.
What the fuck is charm speak?
I think it's like a Fallout
dialogue option.
He's got high charisma
yeah uh and spoilers he accepted oh that's that's a good origin story uh does the brown
the hedgehog have any um uh he's not a hedgehog he's a dullahan oh i'm so sorry i forgot about
dullahans um hedgehog is the default setting for everything on here.
Does he have powers and or abilities?
He does.
Being a Dullahan, he can't age, and things like sickness are not effective.
He's able to summon a claymore, and I assume he means the anti-personnel mine,
and various other weapons from darkness,
and is armed with a deadly bone-made whip
that he uses properly.
He uses properly. Well, thank God.
That was my next question. He read the instructions, I hope.
He filled out the warranty
card and everything.
He is an able swordsmaster
and can wield a super heavy claymore
with one hand. He is an armadillo.
He's an armadillo
hand, dummy.
He's an armadillo. He's an armadillo hand, dummy. He's an armadillo?
Okay, so I looked it up on
Wikipedia, and a doula hand is a
Oh, you didn't know? Yeah, it's an Irish folktale thing.
Yeah, so it's a headless
horse rider? Yeah,
basically. So, it's an armadillo
without a head that's riding
a horse? It's an armadillo
that has turned into a possessed suit of armor that doesn't have a head. That rides a horse? It's an armadillo that has turned into a possessed suit of armor
that doesn't have a head, that rides a horse.
A.K.A. every Halloween costume
we've ever had. I don't see why it's, like,
not understandable about this.
So it
doesn't look like an armadillo, or...
I mean, I think it looks like a suit
of armor. Oh.
If it was an armadillo. Right. Okay.
No, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Now
I'm caught up. That was embarrassing.
I mean, you sure seem pretty
stupid right now. I sure do.
You should fuck, man. I wasn't gonna say
anything.
Marquis found a, we all
know Marquis, he found a particular spell
that transforms him in a giant
but costs a lot of energy
and Brayon finishes all his power
after the transformation and falls apart
like an Evari day
empty suit of armor.
He does have weaknesses, though.
And I feel like these weaknesses
are put in there to stave
off the wrath of moderators.
Because they always have the risk.
Not Godmode! Not Godmode has weaknesses!
Exactly.
Okay, bulleted list here. He is
very, very, very, very slow.
But he's on a horse.
Is the horse very slow?
He is slow. His horse is not.
Gold is truly harmful
for him.
He's allergic?
No, money corrupts.
Stupid.
Hey! Asshole!
Very, very, very stupid.
Is this because I didn't know what a doula hand was?
Yeah, that's your weakness.
If gigantic is even slower.
That makes sense because your legs get bigger
so you don't go as far with them.
Also, you would crush your horse.
I mean, Usain Bolt, for instance.
The eye he has on his chest is his core.
If destroyed, it's the end for him.
He's a Gradius boss.
And proud.
Well, he's proud of his Dulahanian heritage, yeah.
Yeah.
So there's a little bit about Brown's personality, and that seems
interesting, but I want to know about Brown's
romance. Ooh, yeah.
Okay. I don't
know how that works.
Oh, well, look.
Put yourself inside
my suit of armor, and we'll see what happens.
Yeah, just, you know,
sit back there, Frank West, and
have a gander at this. He has a bigger weakness for a woman in particular.
Agila the Dullahan.
Differently from him, Agila is the perfect knight.
Cold, brave, strong, na-na-na.
That's what it says.
Rainbows, rainbows.
Strong, na-na-na. Strong,! Strong na-na-na.
Strong na-na-na-na.
But every time he meets Aguila,
she wants to duel.
And at the end, they are both a pile of armor pieces
lying on the ground.
This happens if they finish their power,
if you know what I mean, folks.
Oh my god!
That is pervy in a way
that I didn't know
was possible
I can't hide that
Agila may feel something for him
but we're speaking
of doula hands
not exactly latin lovers
understood
not a bit thanks
another suit of armor
another suit of armor rubbing against each other until they fall
apart uh that was weird um but i don't think this one will be very weird um this is uh leblanc the
hedgehog um so i'm gonna yeah i'm gonna assume it's matt leBlanc yeah Joey Tribbiani's fursona
this will work
so yeah if you'll
Bunny Bird if you'll tell me about LeBlanc
the Hedgehog please
hey how we doing
hey
LeBlanc the Hedgehog
alright okay do you have any quotes
there LeBlanc the Hedgehog
do I fucking ever
yes you do you better be respectful there, LeBlanc the Hedgehog? Do I fucking ever.
Yes, you do.
You better be respectful, otherwise I will be forced to use, you know, violence.
Okay? You remember that.
It's a long threat, but that's okay.
Yeah, I've been entrusted with this blade here to stop those who criticize women.
Also God, you know him?
God shall aid me in my crusade against those who bully yes I was not bullied no sir this is not
going to come up later
this is not a projection at all
alright cool yeah tell me about
your backstory please
okay so I'm sick of my trivia
from London
Ontario
I can go eat it real fast.
It can get worse here.
All right.
LeBlanc is a knight hedgehog from London, Ontario,
where hedgehogs are often found as well as knights.
His name was originally Chris,
but he switched it in order to make it appeal more to women,
as French names always sound classier to women than English names do.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
It's like, hey, baby.
Want to know what my name?
It's Renee.
It's Jean, Jean, Jean.
He is the defender of women everywhere.
I've mentioned this and hates to see them being trash talked on video games.
Oh, my God.
So many panties dropping, LeBlanc!
Or having any sort
of criticism directed towards them at all.
He threatens
those who disrespect women
by using his trusty sword, Alpha,
which he found...
Oh, yeah.
I think that sword should be named after a different Greek letter.
Yeah, yeah, Omega.
Which he found a couple of months ago
at a video game shop.
Damn, LeBlanc.
Is your controller waterproof?
Because you must be drowning.
Yup.
With Alpha by his side,
he's defended hundreds of women from bad guys
by threatening him with his sword.
Hey, stop that!
By threatening himself with his sword.
Sword!
I'll kill you in this video game, you bitch!
There's so much projection here,
I feel like I'm watching a movie.
LeBlanc is a good Christian hedgehog
and attends church...
Ooh, okay.
Hedgehog church every Hedgehog Sunday.
He also goes to Mid midnight mass whenever he can.
Sorry.
He believes Hedgehog God, Hedge God, will aid him in his crusade against bullies, popular kids, and mean guys.
Take this, popular kids.
Why hasn't this guy kicked my ass?
He follows the Bible whenever he can.
The Hedgehog Bible, that is.
The King Sonic version of the Bible.
There we go.
Because of his religious following,
he does not partake in any sorts of drugs
or illegal hedgehog substances,
as he knows bringing the law is not hedgehog cool.
However, he does enjoy vaping.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Oh, my god!
But he does it without nicotine
as drugs are hedgehog bad.
We have reached maximum pussy!
Would you like to know about the blank?
Ladies, I have a sword and I vape.
Wow.
Sploosh.
But I don't vape anything that can do anything to me.
We have learned a lot about the author of this article here.
Would you like to know more?
Yeah.
Yeah.
My likes are Defending Women, Switchfoot, Reliant, Reliant K, I don't know, Flyleaf,
Video Games, yeah, didn't see that coming, uh-huh vaping fedoras and swords come on
is this a joke there's nothing funny about disobeying hedgehog god it kind of is dislikes
dislikes guys violence bullying popular kids drugs of any kind, atheists, and agnostics.
I just think the nature of God is unknowable.
Oh, you're on my shit list now, buddy.
I hope you're not a guy, aren't you?
Oh, you don't fucking get it?
I'm gonna go get my sword and two of my fedoras.
My sword has something to say about your philosophical ramblings.
You're just hitting all the buttons today, pal.
Hey, gentlemen.
Yeah.
Can I tell you about Nicky the Husky?
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
Pants off.
Excellent.
So Nicky the Husky is three foot tall, 130 pounds from the Oopier clan.
She is female, of course. um also she's three you had me at three foot tall right so so also she's three foot tall and 68 pounds
what what i'm just giving you different facts oh it, it's got the... The lady's so nice you had to say the same dumb shit twice.
It's got the tilde in front of it, so around
130 pounds, around 68 pounds.
Her occupation
is around a ninja.
Her occupation is around a ninja.
Her weapon is around a katana.
Roughly a katana.
Her first power
and skill is around...
Blank.
That's it.
Alignment, evil, formerly good,
tilde, later neutral.
Okay, so...
Around later neutral, yeah.
She's seen some shit, man.
I guess.
She's got some friends like Amy Rose
and Knuckles the Echidna enemies.
Hey, Lemon, what is her species?
Oh, species.
That's a great question.
And one that, oh, vampire.
Species is vampire.
That's why she's named Nikki the Husky.
Right.
Yeah, because she's fat.
Right.
I mean, vampire.
So, yeah, so she's got some friends like Amy Rose and Shadow and Tails.
And then she's got some enemies like Amy Rose and Rose of Nebraska.
And Flying Frog, give her insults.
She likes Sonic the Hedgehog, her teammates, Japanese food, her family.
She dislikes her second half.
And she's got some family, but we don't really need to super look at that.
So powers and abilities.
So because she was sired by Paul, her grandfather, Nikki is capable.
What?
She was sired by her grandfather?
Yeah, Paul. Paul, her grandfather sired by her grandfather yeah paul paul her grandfather
sired her paul the grandfather is that like a son no paul her grandfather paul her grandfather
i mean i i get i get your confusion if i didn't say paul if i would have said fred her grandfather
you'd been like that doesn't make any sense i'm sorry i'm sorry paul her grandfather sired her
okay so nikki is capable to resolve in her respectable age.
Nikki's vampire abilities are much stronger than most of vampires
and become significantly stronger after the consumption from her parents.
She got the consumption from her parents?
Yeah.
So the parents just coughed a lot and she poof?
Well, that made her stronger.
Oh, yeah, okay.
She is also great with fighting skills
and it shows
she liked to train a lot from her parents' side.
Oh.
So she's got a couple of abilities.
They're pretty good. For example,
superhuman strength.
Classic.
And also blood.
Oh, I have that superpower too. Oh, classic. And also blood. Oh, I have that superpower too.
Oh, congratulations!
When I cut, I get like all super and shit.
Superhuman healing.
Superhuman agility.
Telekinesis.
Teleportation.
All good.
But she's got some weaknesses.
Oh yeah, to balance all that out. Right, right, right. Oh, sorry, just weakness. she's got some weaknesses. Oh, yeah, to balance all that out.
Right, right, right.
Oh, sorry, just weakness.
She's got weakness.
Nikki the have some weakness, which sometimes it can hurt her from time to time, which can also be her into insanity, which there are also other witnesses that can easily bring her down.
Oh, my God.
What?
Yeah.
I want to sit the person down who wrote this
and say, okay, read this aloud.
Am I having a stroke?
And see if they even register.
Just blaze right through it. Yeah, yeah, no, I got it.
Yeah, it's fine. What are you talking about?
You don't speak English?
What's the problem? So, Garlic, as a
half-vampire, Garlic is Nikki's weakness,
which she is considering half-Nikki
become exhausted. From the smell,
she can easily...
From the smell, she can
easily be hurt by it. Silver-like
werewolves, Nikki are severely
allergic to silver. The metal can burn
their skin on contact and
cut through their flesh even
easier than iron.
Uh, Excuse me.
You earlier established that she is a full vampire
and now you're saying she's a half vampire?
I said she was around a vampire.
She was approximately a vampire.
Actually, approximately,
open parentheses, open parentheses,
vampire, close parentheses, close parentheses.
So she was a Jewish vampire, I think.
Yeah, I was going to say that.
Oh, there it is.
That's a joke I wanted to make earlier.
Shit.
Yeah.
Sunlight.
That's fine.
Then holy water.
As a dampier, Nikki cannot withstand pure salt water for a long period of time as it
will burn her acid like acid as Zavok throw water at her left cheek as they was fighting
against his team.
Oh yeah, I remember that.
Also, excess blood.
She got a lot of
super. Yeah, her power
is, her strength is blood, but her
weakness is excess blood. If Nikki
drinks too much blood, she will
display alcohol intoxication
like qualities
such as euphoria, confusion, stupor, etc.
Also, somewhat related,
exsanguination.
Yeah, that's a weakness.
If a vampire is completely drained of their blood,
they can become comatose and eventually perish.
Oh my god, am I a vampire?
That's an unusual weakness.
I don't know how she can get around
without being
exsanguinated all the time. All the kids on the playground
made fun of her. They were over there cutting
and bleeding out.
She's like, ah, we won't die,
but you would. Come on, Nicky,
do it. Nicky doesn't bloodlet.
Nicky doesn't bloodlet.
Yeah.
Magic.
Vampires have no particular resistance
to the effects of magic and are vulnerable to
necromancy in particular due to the
fact that they're technically dead.
So, does that mean that
she can be brought back to life?
Sure.
That's a confusing power. A necromancer
will make her more undead.
Unundead.
Yeah.
Yeah, so thanks for listening to my story
about Nikki the Husky.
If you go to thefbl.us, you'll see the document.
The wiki of Nikki the Husky is, I don't know,
a billion pages long.
It's got more than a few sentences.
She's got a story.
But Frank West, I wish you would tell me about
Lightning the Hedgehog.
I would love to tell you about Lightning the Hedgehog.
I have been
waiting for so
long to hit control F
and search for Lightning the
Hedgehog X.
I know the trouble that you're having is
the person that created Lightning the Hedgehog
actually spelt lightning correctly.
Yes. Which is weird on the internet.
Lightning the Hedgehog
X.
Fastest, whoa, curly brackets.
Curly brackets. And quotes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a JavaScript object.
It's like, okay, well,
the rule said no recolors,
so I just won't recolor the Sonic.
Oh, yeah!
It's just Sonic the Hedgehog just drawn first.
No, no, no, it's Sonic the Hedgehog with a tie.
Yeah, yeah.
It's business, the Hedgehog.
It's Sonic the Specials fan.
It's Embezzler the Hedgehog.
He's holding a ring.
Curly Braids quote,
Fastest thing alive? I think no.
You can only move to speed of sound.
But can you race at speed of light?
Lightning the Hedgehog
talking to Sonic for the first time.
Well, that was kind of rude.
Especially for a first conversation.
That's how you introduce yourself?
You can move at the speed of sound,
but you can race
at the speed of light?
Yes. Okay.
Appearance. He is a
mix of all the heroic hedgehogs
of the game. Sonic,
Shadow, and Silver. He has the color
and attitude of Sonic. Ring with
a protector Brolet.
Brassolet.
Brassolet.
Like Shadow. Electric shoes almost the same of Shadow's ones, and the same mind about Iblis of Silver.
Oh.
Personality. He has a shocking personality. Drum sound. No. Personality. He has a shocking personality.
Drum sound.
No.
No.
No.
No Foley for that joke.
No.
He's almost the same than Sonic.
Oh, is he?
He's samer than Sonic, even.
Sorry.
I love this.
Yeah.
But he's more calculator and funless because he lost one of his brothers.
He's more calculator and funless.
It's time for the calculator.
It's time for the calculator.
That's amazing.
Funless is a great word.
Funless.
History.
When he...
This one's hard to get through.
When he has borne
a lightning-headed the elemental
posts in Crisis City.
Crisis City?
That's actually, again,
that's a real Sonic thing.
God damn it!
Well, now we can't lock it.
It makes perfect sense now. No, we can. It's still dumb. God damn it. Well, now we can't lock it. Oh, jeez. It makes perfect sense now.
No.
No, we can't.
It's still dumb.
It's dumb.
It's real dumb.
Why would somebody move to Crisis City?
Who would name it Crisis City?
Let's buy a house in Crisis City.
Well, we moved away from shits, Bill.
Was this like a Boaty McBoatface situation where there are so many write-in votes for Crisis City and then they were forced to honor it?
No, we can't call it Ugly City.
What's number two?
Oh, fuck.
Dickface City?
Oh, for Christ.
He was in the center of the base that was in the north.
His brother's tsunami and flame were in the southeast and southwest, making a triangle.
Wait, when he was born?
When he was borned.
I guess I didn't show up for his birth.
Jerks.
Were you there?
Other was in the center of the triangle, Blast the Hedgehog,
who was the elemental hedgehog
getting the three elemental powers
of fire, electricity, and water.
Some years later,
Iblis attacked his time,
causing the
A-
A-
A-con-tissim-
me-ance.
That's not an English word.
It may be a word in other words.
Of Sonic 06.
What the fuck?
A-con-tissim-ience.
I don't know. I mean, that's what I said. Yeah, that's how you pronounce it. What the fuck? A-con-tessimians I
I mean that's what I was thinking
Yeah that's how you pronounce it
Attack this time causing
The A-con-tessimians
Causing the A-con-tessimians of Sonic 06
He secretly followed with his brothers
To Silver and Iblis
In one battle an extreme wind
Sent Blast to the death
A chaos control There you go A chaos control In one battle, an extreme wind sent blast to the death.
A chaos control... You don't need to take it.
There you go.
A chaos control take the hedgehogs to the Sonic World in Sonic the Hedgehog 1991.
They were scared, so they hid a lot of the time.
First period.
All right.
We got a little bit of oxygen here.
Just take a breath.
Just have a little sit down.
Can I get some water?
It's sort of an intermission for this paragraph.
When they found a chemical plant,
they said that was perfect to live in
because three points.
There was a lot of metallic parts.
Metallic.
Metallic parts, so lightning can use them for hitting intruders with his thunders.
Flame can use all the residual smoke for feed his power of fire.
Okay, so lightning can use thunder.
Flame can use fire.
Yeah.
And tsunami can purify the residual waters on it to use them for water attacks.
Oh, that's what a tsunami is.
A purification of water.
Okay. Yes.
Why are people always complaining about tsunamis
then? It feels like it's a nice thing, right?
Yeah.
You know how these big companies like to pollute, right?
It's introducing
water to places that
don't have a lot of it.
That is true.
Like coastal cities.
Yeah.
Very much things
happened, but one time in Sonic
Generations, Modern Sonic get into
Chemical Plant, and Lightning decided
to attack him. Period.
A long, long time after,
the Team X were alike Shadow.
First hate me, then we will be
friends. Later, when they all
met all the more,
Lightning gets hypnotized by
Cupid when he saw Blaze.
Holy God. Okay.
Okay, cool.
End.
Thanks, Lightning. I'm so glad
to have learned so much about you.
I remember the XFL player first hate me,
then we will be friends.
Yeah, she fucking
hates me.
It's fun. Can I learn about Samantha
the dove, please?
You sure can. Oh, thank you so much.
Samantha is a white dove
with love hair
and a bang that
covers her left eye. Courtney loves
hair. Yeah loves hair.
Yeah.
Sure.
At the end of her hair, their possessive is a green dot.
What?
She has, their possessive is a green dot.
Like each hair has a green dot?
No, I think you just got the one dot.
She just has the one. And also the one hair.
The one hair, yeah.
She's got one giant, not a giant hair, like one hair.
Yeah.
It's a pretty big hair though wow well she also has a bang so that one hair that one giant hair is actually the bang
that covers her left eye no bang was the other guy oh yeah the wizard the wizard cog wizard hog
yeah jesus christ that was bangs plural i've Wow, this is all interconnected. It's like a rich universe. It certainly is.
I didn't say that with a straight face, but anyway.
She wears a green emerald
circular necklace,
a light blue tank top,
black jeans, green boots.
So does the
coding of the site just insert
spaces randomly into this?
No.
This is a typing style because the person who wrote this also put spaces
before and after their periods.
Yeah, you've got to give them some space to breathe.
Yeah.
And here is a
wide-ruled notebook picture. I can't
even tell what that is.
I think that was just toilet paper they accidentally took a picture of.
Yeah, pinstripe toilet paper.
Yeah, that happens.
That's a thing.
Her personality, even though being in the Babylon Rouges team, she is also a nun.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah, nuns that wear light blue tank tops, black jeans, and green boots.
Samantha can be really hostile and aggressive, especially to males.
But she is a capital warm-hearted 21-year-old.
Now, some info.
Oh, finally.
Finally, some info.
I would like to know her age, please.
Her age is 21.
Her name is Samantha Dove.
So not only is she Samantha the Dove, her last name is also Dove. Her middle name is Dove, so not only is she Samantha the Dove, she's also her last name is also Dove.
Her middle name's Dove, it's fine.
Her powers and
abilities are Hydro
Kinesis,
Pyro Kinesis,
and Arrow Kinesis.
Okay.
So she can move everything that's not
solid, I guess.
Her OC owner, copyright 2016,'s not solid, I guess. Her OC owner,
copyright 2016, do not steal,
is Piggybird98.
Cool.
Gonna go out on a limb here and guess
1998 is when this person was born.
That is a good guess.
Her type is
aggressive, nice,
warm-hearted, fast, smart, intelligent,
religious, and short-tempered.
Hmm.
I thought these motherfuckers were supposed to be
like their type was water or rock or something.
It's not necessarily...
We're just getting down to the playboy profile of it.
All these ladies want is
an aggressive, nice, short-tempered,
religious guy.
But they don't want no short, short man.
Yeah. No, no, no.
Speaking of religion, hers is Christianity.
Shocker.
She likes church, God,
Jesus, her religion,
the team,
her family, and blades.
Oh, dear. That last one
is kind of troubling at the end.
This is going to be
up on the picture-in-picture
on a news broadcast.
She likes God, family, and
cotton, motherfucker!
Yeah.
She dislikes
male sometimes.
Bad language, porn, and nudity.
Her
team is the Babylon
Rouges
and her theme song is
Centuries by Fall Out Boys.
Oh, the Fall Out Boys!
Fall Out Boys.
Fall Out Boys, alright!
Any trivia about this?
Yeah, she is the only one
in the Babylon Rouges who has
powers.
She started being a nun at 18
and she is a misandrist
Well, not necessarily
because you said she only dislikes males sometimes
Sometimes, but she is a misandrist
At other times she hates them
Oh, I see
Does she transform in anything?
Does she?
Okay, she transforms into super,
into hyper,
into dark,
into dark spine,
into silver knight,
into fire,
into demon,
into angel,
and she also transforms
into Possessed.
Coming down
to the end here and there are so many
terrific original
Sonic characters to read about.
BunnyBread, I'm going to have to give you a choice here.
Which of these
two Sonic characters
strikes your fancy? Which of these
Sonic characters seems the most interesting to you?
Is it Darian the Demonic Chameleon?
Okay, okay.
I'm going to hold out for number two.
Or is it Beast the Dark Trooper?
Oh, shit.
Beast the Dark Trooper? Oh, shit. Beast the Dark Trooper.
Oh, God.
Which WWE character?
Man, this building is poorly lit.
We should get the Dark Troopers in here.
I don't want to.
Oh, God.
I will take...
Yeah.
Yeah, Darian the Demonic Chameleon.
All right, Darian the Demonic Chameleon.
He has a theme song
which we don't have time for.
Shit! That was the whole reason
I picked him. But know that
there is a theme song. THEFPL.US
will have that up there.
But yeah, tell me about
Darian
and make sure never to change his name.
Don't know if I can do that.
It's a tall order for these people.
See, I think he wants Chameleon and Darian to rhyme really badly.
He didn't know how to do it because he's stupid.
Okay.
All right.
So anyways, let me tell you about Larry and the Chameleon.
He's a sadistic, insane, deranged, demented douchebag of a wizard.
Since we're screwing up every part of this.
No, desert. He's a douchebag. Yeah,mented douchebag of a rizzard. Since we're screwing up every part of this. No, a desert.
He's a douchebag.
Yeah, a douchebag.
Oh, a douchebag.
How much for a douchebag, man?
You a douchebag!
Personality.
He is a vain, greedy, sadistic,
narcissistic, power-hungry, insane genius,
demented, deranged, don't do... Oh, he got it right.
Douchebag of a lizard.
He's a bitch.
Hey, let me ask you something, creator of this character.
Does Larian go to your school?
Fucking hate Larian.
The demonic
chimerion. Anyways.
Discord
his cell.
C-E-L-L, codename. Insert long
censorship here, douche.
Wow, that was...
This guy's a badass.
Does he have any skills?
Comma douche. Skills.
He is skilled in torture, murder, strategy, and most importantly, being a douche.
Yeah, this is totally a kid that goes to this guy's school.
I like Larian.
He seems cool.
That wasn't a point!
I want to hang out with Larian instead of you!
Stop it! Stop it!
Stop it, are you my girlfriend?
His weapon of choice is the inside of a locker.
Shit!
Occupation!
He's a ruthless dictator willing to murder innocent people to get what he wants, that douchey douche douche!
Will you go to the part of the wiki
where it outlines somebody's favorite tortures?
His favorite tortures.
Well, you got your Chinese water torture,
and then there's throwing somebody into a pit of spikes.
There's also Chinese bamboo torture.
All things I experienced in fifth grade.
His most evil deeds.
Everyone knows if a torture is Chinese,
it makes it that much worse.
It makes it more racist, or yeah.
All right.
Launching, he fucking,
he launched 300 nuclear rockets
at innocent cities, towns, villages, people.
You know, that place.
Traumatizing Nekuyo, the echidna,
and murdered over a lot of fucking big numbers of people.
361,996,927,464,000.
Shut the fuck up, Darian!
697 people.
So over that, so 698 people.
Yeah, 698 people.
Somewhere around there, right.
I didn't count that far.
So his allies and friends are the letters C-E-L-L.
And also enemies.
Every fucking buddy else!
I hate you guys!
This guy seems like one tough customer.
My name is Careful Spoon!
Man, this guy is evil!
Hey, quick question.
Since he and Faith are in the same organization together,
can they be acquaintances?
Maybe even friends, if Larian is willing.
It says his allies are members of the cell, so it would make sense.
Ah!
Yeah, sure, but he might try to kill him.
Ah, nothing new.
A lot of her friends try to kill each other. So she's used to it, lol.
Frank West, you're not being...
Lol seems so pedestrian there.
Main ad.
By the way, you're getting a copyright notice.
Yeah, I was going to ask
Frank West if he was getting jealous of this
people horning in on his territory.
It's okay if I just do a way
worse job than you.
So there are some role play excerpts.
Ooh.
And let's see.
I think the role play excerpt that we're going to read about is called A Christmas Party.
So, again, this is on the Sonic fan character wiki.
And this page is titled, parentheses, roleplay, A Christmas Party.
Oh, God.
There's a lot going on here.
So do each of us take a quarter of these?
It doesn't go very far.
I don't think it'll matter that much.
In fact, it looks like we only need two people.
Yeah, what the fuck?
Okay.
So.
Okay.
Okay.
So. We're going to assign some characters here. Okay So
We're going to assign some characters here
Yeah, we should list all the characters
That aren't involved
No, no, no, we're going to assign some characters here
So Frank West
You're going to be Knuckles
And Isfahan
You are going to be Red
Okay
So here's all the characters
red, knuckles, faith, amy rose
rouge, emily, julie sue
carson, sonic, tails
espio, raquette
sonitus
siren, eggman
sonitus
fiona, natasha, roxanne
jade, mina, chloe, blaze
kathy, sonia, manic sapphire, hayley, Jade, Mina Chloe, Blaze, Kathy Sonya, Manic
Sapphire, Hayley, Milo
Uh oh, Milo's here
Fire, Iron, Sasha
Bess
If you want to be in, let me know
User Red the Hedgehog
But there's actually only two characters
So, episode one
The plan
Red and Knuckles are on the snowy avenue.
So I'm planning on throwing a party.
You coming?
Considering that I live with you, what do you think?
Oh, I forgot.
You do remember what happened the last time you threw a party, right?
Blaze and Faith almost killed each other.
Sonic kept running from Amy,
living skid marks all over the house.
Feel the light.
He had some good toilet training.
Gotta poop fast.
Feel the light and told you
she was about to have your baby.
One guy jumped out the window.
And Chloe almost raped you?
What the fuck?
I just throw that word around.
It's just a fun conversation between friends.
Wow, what an embarrassing time.
Okay, none of that will happen again.
Besides, there won't be any alcohol at the party anyway.
I find that hard to believe.
Bullet point, red stops in front of a certain store asterisk.
Check out what I'm going to, Faith, if I do something
stupid. He points
at an expensive-looking necklace.
Might as well buy her the
whole damn shop. You're gonna screw up
even worse this time. No. Nope.
No, you're gonna do what?
You're gonna screw up.
Might as well buy her the whole damn
shop. You're gonna screw even worse this time.
Oh, I'm sorry about coming everywhere,
honey. Here's a shop.
I swear to God I'll get the hang of this someday.
Whatever.
Episode two, preparation.
The end.
Sweep Sweep is over.
The very last thing we're going to be looking at here is the page for user Spongebob100.
Spongebob100 started us off here with his character I wonder how many edits there have been
since joining this wiki
his character Jack the Hedgehog
Isfahan will you tell me about some of the
just select a few
of the original Sonic characters that you've made
okay
I haven't made too many I've only
you know edited this page
32,446
times.
Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Okay.
So here's some original Sonic characters.
Copyright 2016.
Spongebob 100. Do not steal.
There's Jack the Hedgehog, of course.
There's Jackpot Nega.
There's Bada the Gorilla
And then there's Bing the Gorilla
Oh fuck you
I bet they hang out a lot
Where do they hang out?
Is there a place where they hang out together?
I don't know
Crisis City?
It's called Famous Tit Place
Well known tit joint
There's Rut the Moose
There's Took the Moose.
There's Toque the Moose.
Kai the Hedgehog.
Ichabod the Rhino.
There's the Witch Sisters.
There's 14 of them.
So I'm just gonna skip the 14 Witch Sisters
and go to
Craig the Hedgehog.
No, you know Craig.
Fred the Frog, Black Skull the Hedgehog,
George the Fox, Bob the Echidna,
Sarah the Hedgehog,
Jackbot Series,
which I think is on sale on Steam right now.
Jackbot the Series, yeah.
Mr. E the Hedgehog,
who's a poo-a.
Oh, come on!
There's Chester the Crocodile,
Patty the Skunk, Mr. E's always
trying to get with her.
There's Brittany the Skunk Hybrid,
Alex Acorn.
The Skunk Hybrid with what?
What is the Skunk Hybrid
with? Sometimes he uses
gasoline, sometimes he uses gas.
Oh, that's efficient. I like that. That's very green skunk.
Whenever he's slowing down, he recharges
his battery. There's
Alex Acorn. He's just an acorn that
sits on the ground. There's
Combat Nega, Layla
the Fox Skunk. She's got me
on my knees. There's Zane the Gorilla,
Tanya the Skunk Hybrid,
Parkesha the Skunk,
Tank the Rhino, Mensk the Rhino, Jake
the Hedgehog slash Armor Jake. There's Spike the rhino jake the hedgehog slash armor jake there's spike
the were skunk fury the tasmanian devil there's sparky and there's the elemental skunks this guy
really likes skunks there's 30 of these elemental skunks okay we're only at 30
character number 34 of your original sonic, of which there's like several sub-phyla.
Yeah.
There's Clyde the Chameleon, Professor Vulcan the Vulture, Archer the Crocodile, Cole the Hedgehog, Bethany the Hedgehog, Kelly the Hedge Skunk.
Nobody knows how these animals work.
There's Jax the Hedgehog.
He's the son of Sonic the Hedgehog.
I'm sorry.
Can you just tell me a little bit more about Kelly the Hedgehog?
Okay, fine.
She's the ancient daughter of her ancient parents, Billy the Hedgehog and Stella the Skunk.
She's old, but her parents are really old.
Yeah.
parents are really old.
Jack's the Hedgehog, who's the son of Sonic the Hedgehog and Amy Rose, and there's
Sonya Rose, who is Sonic
the Hedgehog and Amy Rose's daughter.
Both Jack's and Sonya, huh?
Is Amy Rose a real person,
or is this just... That's a Sonic character.
It's a Sonic character, again.
Not a real person, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that.
Hey, hey, it's real to me, dammit
Of course it's real
There's SB100's Zeddy
And there's a list of 12 people with Z's in their names
Um
He looks like Zangief
Yeah
There's Layna the Fox Skunk
Who is Layla's heroic half
Pandora the Hedge Skunk
Tina the Tiger, Billy the Hedgehog the hedge skunk, Tina the tiger,
Billy the hedgehog,
Stella the skunk,
Vermillion the hedge cat,
who is daughter of Jack the hedgehog and Blaze the hedge cat.
What's that called?
Blaze the what?
Blaze THC.
Yeah!
Boom!
Sorry.
And then, finally,
at number 49,
there is Melina the skunk,
who is daughter of Patriciaricia the skunk and
anew the anubis or here we have we have four mortal kombat characters in here terrific yeah
um uh so then there's uh there's the moby moby and i is pokemon characters there's 11 of them
um with including the wild street beasts where there's nine sub-phila there.
Frank West,
can you give me just a limited selection
of the characters and crossovers
that Spongebob 100
has adopted? Now remember, I need
a limited selection, because
this page goes on forever.
Could I jump in with some Pokemon
characters real quick? Oh, I suppose, yeah.
We all know how you love Pokemon, Ben.
Yeah, fuck yeah.
I mean, I made my name on this, all right?
Okay, so you got Rocky the Balboa.
You got Dodo the Bird.
You got Oscar the Grouse.
You got Gilda the Radnor.
What?
You got Darian the Fuck You.
Yeah, shut up.
Stop it.
You got the Wild Street Beasts who are Ace the Flunker.
Snake the Liquid.
You got the Wild Street Beasts who are Ace the Flunker, Snake the Liquid.
I think Bunny Bread is breaking the rule about being respectful to other users' creations.
I don't understand where you think you're going with making Duncan. I was almost making real sentences.
More like Banny Bread.
Damn it.
Damn it!
That's right.
So yeah, what do you got?
Characters and crossovers.
What do I have?
I have...
How am I supposed to choose when they're all so good?
There's Dr. Eggplant and there's Patrick the Echidna.
There's Ed, Edd, and Eddie.
They're different animals.
What animals are they?
Oh, sorry.
There's Ed the Crocodile,
Ed the Chameleon,
and Eddie the Bee, and then there's like three more
characters, and then there's Ed the Crocodile,
Ed the Chameleon, and Eddie the Bee.
Oh, yeah.
That's consistency.
I don't know who that first set was, but I've seen
the second set.
Patrick the Echidna, Squidward the Fox,
Patrick the Echidna, Squid the Fox Patrick the Echidna
Squidward the Fox
SpongeBob the Hedgehog
This page isn't long enough
Anything else?
There is the entire cast of Total Drama Island
Mr. Krabs the Crab
Good one on that one
Solid work
That's SpongeBob's fault
The Rakeshi Created by Lego on that one. Solid work. That's SpongeBob's fault.
The Rank She created by Lego.
Several wolves.
Hank Wimbleton the Werehog.
Oh, Angry Birds
the Birds.
Solid.
What are the names of those? Red Bird,
Blue Bird, Yellow Bird.
Black Bird. Don't forget
black bird.
Original characters do not steal.
Yeah, he also animalized
Timon the meerkat and Pumbaa the
warthog.
Grim the Mobian skeleton.
You couldn't pick an animal on that one?
No, it's just a skeleton.
Flapjack the hedgehog.
Do you have any fan games?
I bet I do, yes.
In 2010, I released Sonic and SpongeBob Riders.
I remember that now that you say it.
You didn't know that was me, though.
Oh, Foley and the Swinto.
I was famous.
I didn't know that was you, for Christ's sake.
Could you sign my tits?
In 2011, I made Jack the Hedgehog an RPG fan game.
Oh my god, that was you?
Yeah, and then in 2012
I followed it up with Sonic and
the Six Piraka.
And then who can forget my classic
2013 hit,
Huh?
Shrugging motion?
Shrugging motion?
The five shrugging motion uh do you have any
the five question marks
listed
there's questy
there's questalia
there's quest
there's quest
question mark
yeah
do you have any
uh
do you have any friends
no
okay
um
wait yes I do
bullshit
friends
darkblood
234 amyroselove talesman 67 Bullshit Friends Darkblood234
AmyRoselove
Talesman67
Saruha
UncrushedDreams
Oh my
Tegiv
EpicPie
Blu-ray Originals
Who I think is a spam account created to sell Blu-rays
Apollo Oh it's Apollo Originals, who I think is a spam account created to sell Blu-ray.
Apollo.
Oh, it's Apollo. Hey, it's Apollo.
Apollo the Hedgehog.
Hedgehag.
Hedgehag.
Pingabird.
Kayumi the Wallaby
for Vegas Fox.
Josh the Hedgehog
12.
That's the one name I believe that there's actually 11 other JoshTheHedgehogs.
Yeah, it's amazing.
The user JoshTheHedgehog11 does not exist.
What the fuck?
MrGamingFight, which is fantastic.
Excellent, love it.
Come from a long line of gaming fights.
DanucciGzman.
The Skull Wolf.
Crimson Shockwave.
Crimson Shockwave!
Crimson Shockwave!
And Blaze the Cat 9.
And that's all, my friends.
And then, as you scroll past that... Oh my god, you were right.
We are about 10% down the page.
Yeah, yeah.
You were right.
32,446 edits since joining this wiki in 2010.
So, Spongebob 100 has outsmarted the wiki because they keep
deleting his pages and so he just
puts all of his
deleted wikis at the bottom of his own
wiki page. Ah, fucker!
You can't
take this one. This one belongs to me.
So, F+,
what did we learn from this?
That's a lot of internet.
Yeah, I mean
this is a lot of effort wasted.
It's good
to know that kids today
are still being as stupid
in the same ways as they were when I was
a kid, that they're still...
Yeah, and actually a couple of these
we alluded to this in the episode, but a couple of these
are like, honest to goodness, loose leaf notebook
paper drawings, like the same
kind that kids 20 years
ago would have drawn.
And genuinely less charming,
like it is.
That is because you look at it
and you go, that's definitely a 12-year-old
and it's fine, and it's definitely a 12-year-old
and then you click around
and you go, boom, I wish
I didn't...
Yeah, like, the thing is, like, most
of these are young teens.
Right. But, like, there are people who
were doing this as young teens
10, 15 years ago who are also still doing
it. That's the thing.
Spongebob 100 is definitely
in his 30s or 40s.
Like, I guarantee it. It's the, uh, SpongeBob 100 is definitely in his thirties or forties. Like I guarantee it.
Yeah.
It's the,
uh,
let's,
let's call it the Gaia online phenomenon.
Oh,
absolutely.
I wonder.
Yeah.
The people,
the people who should have outgrown this are still around.
This,
uh,
this,
this wiki is,
is sort of a,
um,
uh,
an example in,
um, never be smarter than your audience
because yeah
we ran up against this every once
in a while where
like the actual
characters like the actual Sonic characters
like who's like oh it's like
Sonic but it's a bat
it's like Sonic but it's a rabbit
like those exist in the world and so
like because the actual canon of sonic is like is so derivative that these derivations are just
sort of naturally seamed into them and that gives a good like entry point for their fan base you
know what i mean yeah? The Sonic design itself is
so homogenous that
even the first party
canon Sonic characters, they all
kind of look like each other.
So it's very low
barrier of entry to
make your character look
that way and look pretty much
almost as good as the
original. Well, you say that, but
right now I'm looking at some of these drawings.
You know what I mean, though, right?
They have not jumped over that hurdle.
Oh, that Sonic was sent back from the year whatever, and he's
here to save John Connor.
But I mean, Sonic has very flat
colors, and it's very cartoony,
and it's very simplistic.
The features are exaggerated, so it's
very easy to draw. It's very simple, and everybody is, like, friends,
and it's, like, a really safe place.
And, like, even the really bad guys who are, like,
trying to be super, super evil, like, never kill anybody.
And so it's just this really safe place
where all these kids can, like, be edgy and unique.
Yeah.
And, like, just like everyone else.
Yeah.
The website, as always, thefpl.us
We've got a forum. It's called Ball Pits.
I found a
steampunk show the other day
that I was posting about.
Anyways, if you want to roleplay your Crash Bandicoot characters,
come on down to Ball Pit. Oh my god, yeah,
yeah, yeah. We don't go for the Sonic
the Hedgehog bullshit.
Crash Bandicoot for life! Also, be respectful
of one another. I call dibs on roleplaying the loading screen. I, also be respectful of one another.
I call dibs on roleplaying
the loading screen.
Yeah.
I want to be
one of the boxes.
Okay,
bye-bye.
Bye.
Bye. from the city I'll make it through Follow, follow me
Set me free
Trust me and we
will escape from the city
I'll make it
through
Oh my god, Bunny Bread.
Get your cock out.
No, it was out.
Here's Fiona Fox.
Wait a damn second here. My cock can get outer.
You know what I love in women?
What's that?
De-emphasizing their feminine features and then blowing up their feet.
Hell yeah.
I love your moves, baby.
Blow up those feet, bitch.
I want like size 900s.
Shit.
Oh my Christ.
I like big feet and big fingers.
Hey, and her abilities, she can grind.
Oh?
Can she bump?
She can glide, grind, and climb up walls.