The F Plus - 254: I'll Show You The Life Of The Mind

Episode Date: June 21, 2017

The premise of the Millenial-focused superblog Thought Catalog can be neatly summarized in its slogan All thinking is relevant. This is infuriating by itself, and not helped by the dozen or so incredibly prolific bloggers who pose the challenge "All thinking is relevant, even... this!?" This episode, The F Plus were merely freshmen.

I have never had anal sex, and 16 urgent questions for my bikini waxer. Urgent? Urgent questions? You probably should have asked before. Bring your mind! Hey, welcome to the F Plus Podcast. It's a terrible place for terrible things. Right with enthusiasm. In the room tonight we have Boots Reingear.

The people with the widest smiles have the deepest cracks in their hearts. Dog! If you want my attention, then you're just gonna have to put in effort. A real effort. A text just isn't enough. Jimmy Franks? We're having sex in the car tonight, but you can pick where we park. Achilles

Heelys! Read your Venmo story. Sufficiently creepy and murdery. 11 out of 10. And lemon. I know it's only a matter of time until I crack and text you. Until my... Fuck it. No. No. I'm done. I'm done. Screw it. I don't care anymore.

We broke him. We broke him. Close in on them. Hey, F+. Hello. Hey, Lemon. Hi. Hey, do you consider yourselves thoughtful people? Hell no. Hell yes. Wow. Okay. Hell sometimes Hell maybe

Do you have thoughts That you journal about And try to expose other people to? Well I had a live journal once But that's been dashed to the wind and back Oh no What sort of mean comments do people leave on your live journal, Stog? Someone posted a picture of Marky Smith on the comments section about a thousand times,

and now it's really hard to navigate my webpage. That's a lot of... I think this is a real story. That's a lot of a big British sad face. Yeah. I'm sad. I'm still sad. I'm still sad. I'm still sad I'm still sad I'm still sad um well independent of uh Mark E. Smith

I would like to uh introduce us all perhaps not for the first time to a site called Thought Catalog yay that's thoughtcatalog.com um I think there was a sort of like

ball pit history to this thing happening but the important thing here is that is that after a series of events I got a document on Thought Catalog by Cheapskate that was 38 pages

and then I got an additional document on Thought Catalog by Achilleskate that was 38 pages and then i got an additional document on thought catalog by achilles helis that is 50 pages yeah so this all did start with the with jack chick so he is kind of to blame this will be an exercise in paring down um uhilles, you could probably explain. What is Thought Catalog exactly? I mean, I don't know if I can because it is an inexplicable website, but

it's just any kind of article that any asshole wants to put on the internet, it exists on this website. And I would say it is mostly like a people in college it's it's a it's a millennial website yeah definitely and uh and uh and it's terrible yeah it's it's a it's a brooklyn-based uh sort of journalistic website it's not a thing

where everyone writes for it there's only like probably like a dozen or so people that write for it. It's just that they are able to provide links to... I mean, they are able to provide hundreds of blog articles per day. Holy shit! Just a very top sentence here from Wikipedia

is, Thought Catalog is a website founded in 2010 by American entrepreneur and media strategist Chris Lavergne. Owned by the Thought and Expression Company, the site attracts 25 million monthly unique visitors. Their slogan is, All thinking is relevant. Oh, honey, no, don't do that.

So it is time for us to either prove or disprove that. It's an exciting time. We are living in the age of the democratization of knowledge. We're going to be starting off from the cheapskate document here. And Jimmy Franks, I have a question for you. Hey, how does a Libra want to be fucked? Well, I'm glad you asked that question. Excellent question.

Thank you. As a Libra, I'm going to be taking notes. Just like a Libra. Ah, the scales of the universe have shifted once again, leaving you eyeing that harmonious Venusian poster child of the Zodiac, Libra. You've read over and over the qualities of Libra. Peace-loving, witty, sexy socialite, and suave companion. Perhaps you may have paid little attention to them previously due to their indecisiveness,

lack of assertion, and occasional superficial smile here and there. Ha! Yeah. Are you seriously letting that airy, flirtatious conversation fool you into thinking that Libra is nothing more than a pretty face? Yes, because you just said in the previous sentence that I was doing exactly that. Well, luring a Libra begins with the mind. As one of the three air signs of the Zodiac, Libra needs to connect mentally before anything else. Right, air means mind, gotcha.

So let me ask you a question. Have you heard the phrase mind fuck? Yeah, absolutely. They were a Minneapolis hardcore band. Well, Libra coined that phrase far before the Big Bang, so get your freak hat and your classy hat out, because you will need both for this rodeo. Yeah, so way before the concept of months. Yeah.

Fucking a Libra takes preparation. Don't worry. Don't worry. I'm going to help. You have to order the 60-piece tool kit for fucking Libra off of thinkgeek.com. I am so frequently accidentally fucking Sagittariuses. Yeah.

It just happens. Yeah, I got my Capricorn kit from Harbor Freight and it broke immediately. You have to undo the torques screws on the back. You know, you can only use those things once anyway. After all, Libra is defined by the divine scales, the only inanimate representation of the entire zodiac. Imagine

the dirtiest thought you've ever had. Now, imagine the most glorious. Oh God, no, they shouldn't be in the same room together. Somebody help that poor woman! I guarantee that Libra has been both places 1,000 times over. Best part, however, guarantee that Libra has been both places 1,000 times over. Best part, however, is that Libra can live these polarities at the same time.

A walking paradox. A porno suggestion sidebar come true. So a complete fantasy then. Oh, God. Suggestion. Okay. Libra rules the lower back all the way to that heavenly, perfectly proportioned posterior. rules the lower back all the way to that heavenly,

perfectly proportioned posterior. This is dubbed by astrologers like me to be the go-to erogenous zone for Libra. The lower back? Stog, is that your good place? The lower back? Yeah, the lower back. The crack. The pussy and back.

Stog loves it when people touch his butt crack. Yeah. Like all Libras do. Yeah, exactly. Listen, you wouldn't understand. No, I wouldn't. You're right. Some Libra, some days Libra wants to be the individual of adoration,

turning your vanilla ass worshipping session into a three room, three table bonanza. Wait, is this actually just about a particular girl named Libra? How to fuck one of those Libras. Why does it got to be a lady? Why can't it be a girl? You're right. It could be a dude named Libra.

Continually tell your Libra how beautiful they are and reaffirm this with a playful nibble or slap here and there. You're pretty, clap. Jump back and forth between intense hair pulling and a sensual fondling of the part of your preference. Okay. When Libra becomes flighty, pin them down. Oh, no. Okay. When Libra becomes flighty, pin them down.

Oh, no. Good. Good. Slap, hair pull, pin them down. Gotcha. The key here is to be firm, yet natural. Anything too aggressive and primal will not result in a second booty call from this sign.

Ha ha ha. Light a candle together while mid-act. That is for bonus points only. Only during the trapeze act. Otherwise, it's just showing off. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Shit.

Flick. Shit. Flick. Shit. Flick. Got it. Some days Libra wants to prove everyone wrong. An expert debater, Libra is no stranger to the dominant role, although commonly stereotyped into the submissive role.

If your Libra suddenly wears that smug grin, you better soundproof the walls because they are about to deliver a load of dominance that will leave more than a sticky residue. That's not how dominance works. Hold still. I'm gonna jack off on your face. Hold still? God damn it. Where are you going? You know, you're saying two sentence fragments that seem to conflict with each other.

In a perfect Libran world, suitors would swoon them to their breaking point and tear away all of that innocence. They would also get to do the same to you. Only then will the ideal Libran Bond be achieved. Until then, reorganize your book collection, buy a blindfold or two, and pick up some roses. Good luck. Allow yourself to be moonstruck.

What do you think? Libran Bond? Would that be like Screamo Band? The name's Bond. Libran Bond? Would that be like Screamo Band? The name's Bond. Libran Bond. Post-punk. That was great. Thanks so much.

Now I know how to fuck a Libra. I'm assuming there's similar ones for all of the other ones, because this site has a million pages. But we're going to move on from here. So the title that came right after this one in Cheapskate's document is called I'm a guy who just discovered prostate stimulation, ellipsis, and I prefer it to sex with my girlfriend, parentheses, like by a lot, end parentheses.

And that is, of course, delightful, but, I mean, the title, really. It's the classic onion problem right there. Yeah. So we're going to move on to Achilles' talk, and Section 1 in your document, Achilles, is called College. Mm-hmm. college. I think I would like to find out about, you said that there was

a difference between the freshman year in college versus the freshman year after college. I don't know what that means, because if you're after I mean, okay. What year are you in in real life? Okay, sure. I'm in a quantum state of freshman year uh this one is written by uh lance pulker who has uh 540 pieces on thought catalog as of this

recording wow okay well, hi there. Hi. My name is Lance. Hi, Lance. And I'm here to help you out. Hi, Lance. Lance Fodder. So A is conversational fodder.

College. You'll spend the first three weeks of school having excellent surface-level conversations with as many people as possible. When it comes time to eat dinner, you'll find yourself galloping to the dining hall with about 20 other people who don't really know that well. You don't really know that well. There's a decent chance that an alarming amount of them will be from New Jersey. That's everybody, right? Yeah. I hear what you're saying, Lance.

People can only go to college from New Jersey. The one thing that I would say about college freshmen, if I had to sum it up in a single phrase, would be good at small talk. After college, you'll spend most of your time telling people about the intricacies of your commute. If you're taking a train or bus and are so lucky to transfer at some point, you must spend the majority of your time highlighting the details of said transfer. Oh, fuck off. Yeah, that's my life?

Are we still talking about how to fuck Libras or what? Takes me eight minutes to get to and from work, but sure, I spend all my time talking about that. If the person you're talking to has a more difficult commute than you, figure out another way to one-up them. Man, I hate to imagine the person who would find this material relatable. What about... Well, just me, Lance Parker, and everyone on this site.

Yeah, what about dating in college? Well, in college, most days will be spent avoiding eye contact with people you once made out with. In the rare instant that you have a sober conversation with someone you hooked up with, you'll probably end up dating for three months.

Okay. Yeah, sure. I mean, fair enough. Yeah. Gotcha. But after college, you'll complain a lot about dating a lot. Complain about dating so much that when you do find someone, you won't really know how to alter your worldview to fit the fortuitous situation. Break up and date

again. Realize that the primary reason society's emphasis on dating is so strong is because talking about it is extremely profitable. You know, I would do that, but I find myself spending all my time talking about commuting, so... There's just no time left in the day.

I've run out of time to complain about dating. What are you guys got to do with your dating voucher? I'm going to spend it on the next box. Is that how dating is? You'll get free dates from the government! What about

the perception of elders when you're in college? In college, you'll likely idolize the seniors you'll meet and strive to one day be as cool, confident, and successful as them. Nope. But after college, you'll look at Desmond from middle management and... Gulp. And then there's an asterisk but no footnote.

But there is a parenthesis. Cite your sources. In this instance, you'll fail to grasp that there are hundreds of variables in Desmond for middle management's life, and that looking down on someone with a relatively successful career is obnoxious, narrow-minded, and hilariously egocentric.

So, Desmond... Okay, Desmond. Desmond. Okay, it's been too long since we've talked about pop music. What sort of songs are there in college and after college? Well, in college, there's been too long since we've talked about pop music. What sort of songs are there in college and after college? Well, in college, there's the Freshman and the Verve Pipe. No, that's the Freshman by the Verve Pipe. That's really super...

Boy, that's on the nose. Hey, I'm a freshman in college. I want that song about being a freshman in college. Hello, it's my first year in college. We're the Verve Pipe. I've never listened to the Verve Pipe. college hello it's my right college anyway after college it's what's my age again by blink 182 oh my god okay okay now this is written by Markov like what the hell your song is called old People by the Old People. That was great.

That was really informative. We're going to now switch back over to Cheapskate's document. Cheapskate's part one is called Sex, and this piece right here is going to be presented to you by Mr. Roots Reingear, and it is called How to Have a Sex Party. No, it's not called that. You're wrong. I am anonymous.

It is called How to Host a Sex Party. Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was just too allured by your stock photo. I am not having it. I am hosting it. Thank you. Create the sex lobby in Modern Warfare 2.

Well, there's... This piece is way too complicated to host a sex party. With the grossest. There's 23 steps to host a sex party. That's far too complicated. So let's just go through this briefly. What can you tell me about?

Sure. The very first thing. We can't skip by the first point. You need to curate your guest list. Yep. Couples tend to be the focus of play events, so you're going to want to look through your underthrown... Thrinder.

Oh, I'm so glad that nobody knows what this is! I know what it is. Oh, Jimmy that nobody knows what this is! I know what it is. Oh, Jimmy Franks knows what it is. Yeah, Thrinder is a Tinder for threesomes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some enterprising Silicon Valley genius was like, Tinder's popular? Hmm. What if this was like Tinder, except with three people?

If you're already coupled, you'll have an easier time recruiting others to join you. If you're not, you're going to have better luck if you're a single woman, aka the unicorn to many. Then if you're a single man, unless, of course, you're bi and your manliness hovers around

alpha level, in which case you're going to have a lot of fun and then there's the girl the guy ratio heteronorms uh flexible better flexible you mean yeah yeah heteroflexible um step two is encourage to dress code, so that's fun. Step three is keep consent enthusiastic. So let's delve into that. Yes, I would like to give you a handjob. No, I do not. No.

Would you give me a handjob, sir? No. No. Shit. If you're planning on drinking or enjoying any other type of party enhancer, I strongly suggest practicing enthusiastic consent. And that's in capital case, so that's fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a movie. This is a form of verbal consent in which all touch and sex acts are discussed and agreed upon before acting on. To some, this may sound unromantic it actually encourages more activity and prevents anyone at the event from feeling like they are required to accept all physical advances is there like a boilerplate like contract you can get drafted up like one of those things you can buy at office max and yeah it actually seems like a really sensible thing so yeah yeah you think it's sensible to to discuss every possible

sex act in advance i i think well discuss limits i guess i guess i mean in the confines stuff you need to do that it's fair enough fair as well might as well do it up front and then anyway number four set some ground rules. That's the same thing as before. Number five. Discuss all aspects with your partner. If you're a partner, be sure to be on the same page regarding what to expect and what's okay.

Discuss how you might want the night to go. If there are partners that are off limits, it's okay to... Send out invitations. Yeah, there we go. There we go. I want okay to send out invitations. Yeah, there we go. There we go. I want to hear about these invitations, please. Put a little thought into your invitation.

If it's a small enough group, handwritten notes are suggested, but an email will also work in getting your partners in crime in attendance. I can't. Just imagine the awkwardness at the office. It's Friday. It's almost five o'clock. Everybody's ducking Gary.

Here comes Gary with his orgy of attentions again. Hey, how's it going, Jimmy Franks? Just so you know, I'm having a sex party this weekend. Listen, Gary, I got a church thing I got to go to. I understand that. Go to a sex party tomorrow! I mean, it says that it's going from 4 p.m. to question mark, so you can come by after. It's fine. Yeah, no, listen it says that it's going from 4 p.m. to question mark, so you can come by after.

It's fine. Yeah, no, listen, Gary, it's not really my thing. The last time I got sick on the mashed potato salad. Oh, that wasn't mashed potato. Never mind, never mind. Is anyone else going to the sex party tomorrow? I can't stress this next part enough. Don't publish your event publicly on, yeah, publicly on, publicly on Facebook.

Yep. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. The last thing you want is someone's mom raising a stink. Well, unless her mom's hot, in which case, come on over. Come on over, stinky mama. Yeah, we're concerned.

We're concerned. The only thing we're concerned about is the smell of your mother. Number seven, find a playlist. Number eight, set the mood. Purchase dimmers to bring the lighting down in your space. Oh, God. Literally be Zap Brannigan.

I can't wait until someone hacks the Internet of Things light bulbs I've installed in my apartment during our fuck party so I can be single handedly responsible for bringing down Bahrain's entire economy she's got that dick in her mouth all day

break out the votives pick up some red light bulbs cover lamps with scarves create a fire hazard I love fire hazards that's really sexy if you have a TV or projector find some sexy visuals to get people

in the mood not porn sexy visuals porns ain't sexy porns ain't sexy like reruns of MASH oh nine hire some staff um uh yeah they can prepare drinks serve light snacks and help with the cleanup

task rabbit is a great resource for finding our uh uh mr henderson I'm looking over your resume here. I see you have Orgy Bouncer listed as your last occupation. You know, I mean, I was picking up a little bit of money from Uber, but then it actually didn't make that much sense, so I switched over to

bouncing fuck parties. You're not friends with Gary, are you? Hey, Janice what does orange derves mean that's a joke that does not work typed out nope

number 10 light snacks ZD ain't sexy so you must like engulf these snacks from fire right all right uh zd ain't sexy you're right uh 11 stock the bar okay 12 set up a bathroom retreat um yeah just you a bathroom basket of stuff. 13. Create a play area. Get a ball pit. If there are a few kinks you want to explore, there are a number of options for swings, benches,

and other apparatuses. All right. Boots, I feel like we're getting into some minutiae here, and that's great. I mean, that's a formative. There's icebreakers. There really a test yeah there's fun getting to know your games maybe we'll play a little bit of heads up 7-up anyway trust falls sleep over but anyway I haven't chosen a location to have my fuck party

in yeah help me with that yeah sure choose a location if you live in new york and your place is the size of a prison cell yes what what is it what is it if it's not it probably will be after this night what what's what's the next sentence i strongly suggest airbnb for the night oh no oh no why do you guys airbnb implicate strangers in crimes oh my god uh stud double tuck 21 is talk dirty to me like to me the author of this page no no no no, no, no. You need to keep going on and choose your location

because there's more. You can ask guests... You can ask guests, Chip, in to upgrade your accommodations. Hey, Chip, can you throw me a 20 here? I gotta get this fuck place going. Add a note about respecting other people's place if you use it

and cleaning afterwards. That was a note to the author. Please, please, fuck respectfully in their apartment. Turn off your cell phones. Take only memories, leave only footprints and cum stains.

Hey, in the Talk Dirty section that you were talking about there, there's sexy requests. What are those sexy requests that you could make? Oh, yeah. Consider sexy requests like, may I kiss you? Oh, yeah. You look like a bad girl.

Do you want a spanking? Oh, hell yeah. This Christian singles party is going to pop the fuck off. Yeah. singles party is going to pop the fuck off. Yeah, consider a sex request like those will help make enthusiastic consent easier to put in practice. Do you know about

the Lord Jesus? Number 22, it's okay if nothing happens. Oh, wait. I don't know. How do you define success in fuck parties? Your first event may fulfill every one of your deepest desires, forging a bond with new

lovers and friends to add your sexual kin folk, or it may be a total failure with people rushing home nauseous due to your undercooked salmon. True story. Well, that's what you want to call your dick. That's okay. That's your thing. All right.

So we're going to now switch over to Achilles' document again. Section two is called Poetry? Poetry. We are only going to be, because there's so much more to cover otherwise I would love to you know hang out and and play around in the poetry fields

but we've got so much more to cover that I think we can only do one poem so Stog I'm gonna give you three options I want you to tell me which poem you would like to read there's a poem called please comma do not love me there is a poem called Please, do not love me.

There is a poem called We should be Fuck. We should go back to being just friends, but I know that's impossible. Or would you like Wild Hearts aren't meant to be tamed? Oh, you mean that Rod Seward song?

Yeah, I'll take the middle one. Alright, we should go back to being just friends, but I know that's impossible. The stock photo is a couple hugging. I'm putting you in the friend zone this time, bitch. Not in the poem yet. Just want you to make sure you know. We should go back to being just friends, but I know that's impossible.

By Tina Munoz. I love poetry. I hope everyone knows that we are going back to being just friends, but I know that's impossible. All right, all right, let's go. All right. I'm sorry to let you feel down. I shouldn't allow myself to love you, to be with you.

A bittersweet mistake of my life. We should just be friends. Stay as we are as friends. So every line in this poem starts with a capital letter and ends with a period, which means that the writer not only doesn't know what poems are, he doesn't know what sentences are. I-I-T-A-W-S. It spells out I-T-A-W-S I-I-T-A-W-S It spells out I-T-A-W-S

That's the sound I make when I write poetry. Anyway. Why do we push an uncertain thing that we knew will never work out? We're just being blinded by our feelings that lingers in the past. Oh my god. Look at us. We were committed, but we've never

been committed. Shit. That is a homonym. You're correct. Good job. I'm ripping my entire poem poetic style from the drill Twitter feed. Also not part of the poem't we don't have those lovers

conversation lovers communication lovers connection we didn't even have the chance to know what happened to each other's day what happened to the day what happened to each other's day. What happened to the day? What happened to each other's day?

I thought it was 24 hours, but then the craziest fucking thing happened! Hey, have you guys heard about this video game called Black Desert Online? It's 40% off on Steam right now. MMORPG.com says it's just phenomenal.

Stock, you have a poem to read, are you aware? I know, but it's so boring. It's a special ad. Oh, I see. We skipped weeks doing absolutely nothing at all. Our once-in-a-blue-moon date. We're being fooled by ourselves that the love is there. Or is it love anyway?

It's not. Where? It's just in the mind. It's just an imagination. An imagination full of what-ifs and I-have-tos. We only think about it. We don't care-feel it. And we never allow ourselves to feel it

oh my god we're just feeding up our thoughts as if it's the reality but no it's not it's not even fantasy not even a dream definitely it's not one of your wildest dreams

why am I still typing I'm still typing everybody look at me go uh if you're just tuning in listeners we are on hour three of the f plus reading a poem we should go back to being just friends but i know that's impossible i am reading vogon poetry i was trying to figure out why this was so familiar It lies in an area that I can't even That even I can't understand Whether it's dark, blurred, or faded

We used to just go with the flow And never mind what comes our way Oh my god Besides we have our own ways Our own individual ways. I think this was a bot that just took lines out of emo songs and just put them one after another.

Bring me to life. Bring me back. No connection attached. Forget about commitment. That's why we ended up like this. Fed up with the tiredness of waiting for your how are you? Good night every single day.

The reason why you didn't reach these past days? I don't know. I really don't know. I even don't know what happened to you How your boss treated you How your office mate looks at you

I really don't know I just really don't know everything Market everything Such a useless girlfriend I've been We shared in a place where walls blocking us up We shared a feelings with a brick walls building between us. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Yeah. Do you want to read my article that's about six things you should never say to introverts? Certainly, of course, I wouldn't. Why wouldn't I? There's a certain difference between Cheapskate's doc and my doc that I'm starting to notice. What is that? Oh, I went with just the terrible, hard-to-get-through bullshit, and he went with just the sex stuff. Right.

Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. Some other things. THAFBL.us, we'll have somehow both documents. And two other things. THAFBL.us, we'll have somehow both documents. And two other things. Can I read? I don't know if we'll actually get to this document, but just reading through, this would be Achilles' Dock. Yep.

You found one here that is maybe the most insufferable title I've ever seen. It is the realization that will trigger your quarter-life crisis based on your Myers-Briggs personality type. Wow! That one's like... Fuck you! That one's like for you, I think. Yeah!

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! That was a six-month study! It's also like four pages, so... Yeah, it goes through, uh, it goes through every type. Um, yeah.

Uh, uh, chiefs gets documents, uh, uh, has titles such as, uh, your vagina has the grip of a thousand gods.

Uh, but, uh, we're going to move into part two of Cheap Ticket Document, which is called Contrarianism. Oh, boy. Okay. Ooh, fuck. Okay, okay. Boots. Boots. Boots.

Are you ready to be the edgelord that you so much want to be? I was born the edgelord that you so much want to be? I was born the edgelord. Okay, terrific. So, which of these statements would you like to defend? Mark Twain is the Kanye West of literature. Yeah, I've always known that.

Or, Hitler was not evil. Ooh. Holy shit. Yeah! Thoughtcatalog.com! All right, flipping a coin. God, these are platinum number one hits in the making. I got a loony here.

So, birds is Hitler. Okay. It's Hitler. All right. It's Hitler! I flipped a Canadian coin and it landed on Hitler. Yeah. Oh, I'm anonymous for some reason.

Oh, no! Oh, really? Yeah, Hitler was not evil. Mm-hmm. Unlike most of the rest of the world, I do not see Adolf Hitler as the personification of evil or the most evil person that has ever existed. Hitler was simply a politician like one of the many politicians today.

This is where you're going. Okay, gotcha. Yep. And just like almost all politicians today. This is where you're going. Okay, gotcha. And just like almost all politicians today, his actions were defined by a core belief, greed, ego, and certain love for the country he ruled.

Certain belief, comma, a certain defined by a core belief, comma, greed, comma, ego. They were defined by those things in a list? Yeah. Okay. Yep.

Anyway, I'm going to adopt a tone of voice that indicates I'm writing in bold. The more sensitive readers will react now with, whoa, whoa, Hitler in love? Hitler is evil. Evil. That straw man has such a dumb voice, dog. Evil does not exist, but is a concept of the human intellect. What do we define as evil? We tend to associate unjust things with evil, or things we do not agree with.

Essentially, what we feel or think is evil is simply what we do not agree with essentially what we feel or think is evil is simply what we do not agree with huh right who cares about a technical definition what hitler did was evil aiming to wipe out the jews that must be evil right no right no no no okay okay i mean you know words are you know transient and and difficult but like genocide is evil like i feel like we can words mean things as i just said no one does anything without a reason and like i just said any man's actions are trigger by his own ego, greed, and his core belief. They are to him as trigger is to the cowboy that had the horse named Trigger. Yeah. Great.

I'm good at references. All right. I mean, it's a reference from the 20s that you were going for there. So actually, no, because it was TV. But never mind. I'm also better references. Hitler believed that the Jews were harming Germany. Hitler believed that the Treaty of Versailles was unjust.

Hitler believed that Austria and the Third Reich should become united. These all came from his belief. His beliefs were evil. No. Yes. Just beliefs were evil. No. Yes. He had a mustache. Mustaches aren't evil. Just like I said, we define

something as evil when this something does not agree with our moral standards. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Americans defined communism as evil during the Cold War because

they did not agree with it. Everybody being equal and controlled by the state. I don't know why this character has a tongue that's too big to fit in his mouth. I mean, we know one thing about this guy, which is that nobody wants to fuck him.

I mean, we know one thing about this guy, which is that nobody wants to fuck him. And it did not agree with these freedoms. Communism was defined as bad and evil. Now, in retrospect, can it really be defined as evil? No. Yes. No. Yes. Yes.

Yes. This is my idiotic soapbox. No. Yes! No! Yes! Yes! Yes! This is my iddy-dock soapbox. So, never mind. Chief Skate's dock is like mine. I was wrong. Okay. I'm gonna sit down because this is uncomfortable. No, you're gonna get punched in the face by me! That's what's happening

right now! You're being punched in the face by me! This's what's happening right now. You're being punched in the face by me. This is your face. This is me. You're being punched by me. Of course, I am not saying where Hitler did was right. No, you are finished. You know what you're not finished?

Being punched by me. America's war on terror may be justified by the core belief of 9-11 Achilles punched that man in the face for a while I guess I was just clapping at him which I didn't mean to. Damn it.

Bravo! Archer! That fully wasn't as good as I thought. Culture and art. Evil. Hitler. News. Politics.

Ratha. Theodicy? By the way, Stog... Shut up. Stog, what else did you find with the Adolf Hitler tag? Hi, I love Hitler too. What's the title of this other thing that you found? If you would bang Hitler, you're a prude.

If you wouldn't bang Hitler, you're a prude. I mean, God, Hitler was so dapper. No, no, no. I love that. No. L-O-L. Oh. Oh, God.

I'd love to see you shoot. So we are now skipping over to Achilles documents, and chapter three is called the horny part. Can't wait to get to the horny. I thought that was the last thing we just read. All right. I am going to skip over 50 phrases that would immediately turn women on if men would actually say them. And I'm going to go

into this, which is five real sex stories that will make you really horny. My name is Malanie Berliet, and I have written only 540 things for Thought Catalog.

I don't have that much output. Oh, that's what I look like. Okay, cool. So, five real stories that will make you really horny. Whether I'm writing about joining the Mile High Club, attending a kissing party, or the joy that comes with not caring about pubic hair,

I often address my sex life directly. Sometimes, I even dispense unsolicited advice based on personal experiences on matters such as staying faithful and which awkward scenarios I should expect face to in the sack.

Face in the sack. Sure. For this round of essential stories, however, I cast a wide net. What I discovered is that everyone seems to have a saucy tale We're sharing Below are the top five anecdotes of the lot Which are sure to leave you Flesh thirsty

I'm very flesh parched right now I have a flesh drink Number one Jer jerking around in flight male 30. My college girlfriend had an insatiable appetite for sex. So, an hour before heading to the airport to catch a flight

to Italy in 2002, the trip was a graduation gift to ourselves. This is all very important to the story. We had sex. By the time we were boarding, she was already ready for more. Naturally, we checked out the plane's bathroom, but agreed that it looked too cramped for a mid-air rump. Oh my god. Hey!

Sexy sex! Undeterred, my gal summoned a flight attendant shortly after takeoff and requested two blankets. Al summoned a flight attendant shortly after takeoff and requested two blankets. Then she draped the navy blue polyester throws over my lap, slipped her hand beneath the makeshift barrier, withdrew my dick, and massaged me to an erection. Bear in mind that we were in a three-seat row.

She was by the window, I was in the center. And a middle-aged European dude neither of us knew was sitting near the aisle. While jerking me off as slowly as possible so as to not raise suspicion, she whispered in my ear that she wanted to make me cum. Hence the handjob!

I'm getting mixed signals, babe. What do you want out of this? That's what you're doing. Spoiler alert! The pieces are all falling into place. I want to make this the most lethargic handjob you've ever had. What's the end goal here? It was odd being shoulder to shoulder with a complete stranger, and it wasn't easy to muffle my increasingly heavy breathing, but it was

incredibly hot to do something so daring out in the open. After about half an hour, I came smiling wide. What? The smoke rising from my jeans

may have tipped people off, but Story number two is called Starfucking It's by a female of 20 The Spring Fling concert is a major campus event At my small liberal arts college Skip DTF Skip

Wait, hold on Wait hold on There is a line you need to read It starts with to start Okay So to start The dapper Oh Okay

I was a little drunk I was a little drunk. I was a little drunk, and I decided that I was DTF. To start, the dapper rapper nibbled on my toes. The worst Batman villain. Oh, my God. That's what the TNT thing stands for. That's that fucking steampunk rap.

I'm the dapper rapper. Oh, Batman, it is I, the dapper rapper. Okay, so as soon as he left town, the dapper rapper, the reality that he was twice my age, lived in Atlanta, and traveled constantly set in. When he texted

a few days later, I was shocked that he hadn't forgotten me already. My ego begged me to respond. But rather than draw the whole thing out and make myself vulnerable to disappointment, I chose not to taint a precious one-night stand. Hopefully the disappointment didn't kill him. So I had sex with a guy on tour. Yay! Wow!

How did you get found? What a one in a million story! So, story three is... Oh, man. Okay, Boots, which one would you like to hear? Oh, I want to hear story four. Story four? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's got a title that speaks to me.

Okay. Story four is called... Story four is called Milf Schooled. That's got a title that speaks to me. Okay. Story four is called Milf Schooled. That's by a male of 27. Welcome to Milf School. At 21, I caught an older, beautiful, fit, blonde woman staring at me from across the club in downtown Fort Lauderdale. Ooh! Ooh! Somebody's passing something to somebody. Soon enough, she asked me to dance we didn't hook up that night but she gave me her number and I pledged not to let the

opportunity slip before leaving for school in a few weeks that Friday night she scooped me from my parents place in an escalate laughter laughter laughter laughter

a forklift on the front and drove me to a suburban McMansion where the other two badass cars were parked in the driveway. I was 21. She had the coolest baseball posters. It was Bigfoot Jr. and the Grim Reaper. My girlfriend's bed was a car.

There's Bigfoot Jr. and the Grim Reaper. My girlfriend's bed was a car. My ex-husband's a baller, she explained. I didn't ask questions. After the babysitter showed up, my MILF and I headed to the nearest strip club. Her choice, not mine. A dozen lap dances later around 5 a.m., we checked into a hotel.

As soon as the door slammed behind us, I started kissing her and fondling her breasts like I would do with a woman my age. Oh, shit, you guys have these, too? That's amazing! The nipples are even in

mostly the right place! Oh my god. Don't rush, she said. I took the cue. By the time I climbed on top of her, the sun was rising. Finally, I thought. I entered her eagerly, and she moaned loudly.

Oh my god. This hotel room's haunted! Yeah, yeah, yeah, so you know that this is a real sex story that'll make you really horny. So, overwhelmed by the excitement of pleasing an older woman, I blew my load in seconds. I was erect again at minutes

and I managed to prove myself during round two on top of checking off an important bucket list item I learned something about pacing and redemption well way to fucking go Ernest Hemingway redemption way. Redemption! The last story just ends with

right outside the packed hostel I gave him a blowjob with more gusto than I'd ever devoted to oral sex. Huzzah! Hey, you wanna see a magic trick? Suck! It wasn't totally magical. Alright. Alright.

The next chapter in Cheapskates is called You're Not Actually As Great A Writer As You Think You Are. No, I can't deal with that chapter. Never mind. Never mind. For more of that, check out our cartridge-lit episode. No, that one's just pain.

That was horrible. That one's really painful. Oh, here we go. So this is also from the Cheapskate doc and Jimmy Franks. This particular piece is provided to Thought Catalog by Anonymous. These are a lot of anonymous people writing these stories in Cheapskate's document. But it is called The Stigma of Being a One Direction Fan Triple M-Dash

and Why It Sucks. Yeah. You may have clicked this article for two reasons. You hate One Direction and is here to potentially make fun of a One Direction fan who's ranting or you're like me and you're

tired of the negative stigma wrapped around being a fan of this boy band. Well, if I have to choose one of those two things, then yes, I know which category I'm in. Well, if it's the latter, then welcome. But if you came here to hope to see another

teenage girl who will gush about these boys and hate on them, then either way, welcome make yourself comfortable and let me teach you a thing or two about respect Jimmy Franks, I would love that I would love that if you did that

that would be great if you set me straight about One Direction fans, but even though I'm excited about that while you were reading I scrolled down a bit in the document and I found the thought catalog piece called, I have been blessed with a nice butt. And I gotta say,

I'm just a little bit more interested in that one. Oh, well, yeah. I mean, I wrote that one too. Wonderful. Wonderful.

I go by anonymous on thought catalog. And maybe you've read some of my work? I go by anonymous on Thought Catalog. Maybe you've read some of my work. I have read a lot of your work now, it seems. Well, I have been blessed with a natural, fine derriere. Okay. Well, don't tell us. No squats required. No 10 effective butt workouts.

No plastic surgeries, silicone pads, nothing. It's just naturally round, soft, firm, and it is just the way you like it. Gentlemen. As much as I find it a blessing, I no less frequent find it a misfortune. Oh, dear. Do not get me wrong. I love my body. I love my curves, and I appreciate every piece of it.

And I know my derriere is a compliment to my femininity i would call it booty but that's how much respect it deserves from me okay this is gonna be good yeah um respect the butt respect the butt My butt is troublesome. Hey, you knock it off. You knock it off down there. My butt knocks things off of shelves. This could sound like an invitation to bed for you, but it is a turnoff for me. Sounds like a medical problem to me. My butt is an object to all you hungry boys out there.

I would call you gentlemen, but that's just how much respect you deserve, too. Oh, here comes some more fin-dom. I'm a cartoon on a desert island, and Jimmy's butt just turned into a honeyed ham. And now you're floating over to it with licking your lips.

Yep. My butt encourages you to look at me with disrespect as if it defines how proper or improper I am. No matter what I wear, you'd always think I am being playful. No matter what setting I am present at, be it a business meeting, a gala dinner, or a funeral. So you're just that sexy? Like, you're just that sexy

that no matter what, just people can't help themselves? Mm-hmm. Okay. And no matter what type of guy you are, be it a playboy, a happily married man, a public character, or even a religious figure, you still look at it in the most degrading of ways.

This is the way that Diablo Cody writes about herself. figure, you still look at it in the most degrading of ways. I've had stages of discovery and life lessons through my butt. Oh, boy. I have been fooled to be loved where all what about is my butt. I have been accepted in jobs fulfilling my career aspirations just for the hiring manager finding my butt attractive.

I have been fortunate with a lot of male friends whom I considered as close to me as siblings whom were only after a friends with benefits kind of relationship. So, yeah, my butt broke my heart a number of times and slowly killed my self-esteem. Oh my God, you are a medical abomination. My butt broke my heart. I'm at peace with the idea of all men being after my ass.

Yes, generalization. Not philosophically correct, but in reality it is. What? Despite some of them being boob guys, my butt would still be a tool for them to feed their manhood ego and brag around. You know I am super close to her now. I guess I can get a piece of it. Of course I'll take pictures.

I wish those were just creative examples for the richness of this article but unfortunately i've heard guys talk about my butt literally like that so anyway i decided i will build character and i will enrich myself so much that even if people initiate whatever kind of relationship with me primarily for my butt they would discover much more value hidden beneath my flesh i mean why would why would you need to? Like all the gold I stashed in there. I studied, I traveled, I created hobbies and a sense of art. I was not one of a kind, that's for sure, but I was rather more than just a piece of meat.

Sadly, my plan wasn't to be, and unfortunately I realized it was a pipe dream that had to be shelved. Like a piece of meat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The next idea that popped up was moving out of town, starting fresh. Oh, no.

I waved goodbye to that butt-thirsty society and just packed my bags and flew out of the city. Madam, welcome to the land of we-don't-care-'t care about butt-stopia. I had hopes to meet new people who would be interested in who I am. I had hopes that I would start a new butt-free life, only to realize I doubled the trouble.

Oh no, he walked off the bus ass first. Now everyone I formerly knew is visiting with hopes of a vacation mode of privacy away from everyone we know that would drive me to give them some pleasure. Then I have my new encounters who are just as the old ones, simply after getting a piece of me. I broke down. The love of my life, nothing but a sexual interest. My best friends, nothing but hopeful benefits.

My new acquaintances, booty calls. Has the world turned to be this superficial? Is it over? Can't there be a relationship based on inner beauty while appreciating physical beauty? Is there any depth? Is everything that cheap now? Flesh, sweat, and ejaculation?

Hang on, Durkin. Well, even if I will be the loneliest person alive, I will be crazy enough to appreciate the soul. I cannot degrade humanity to soul instincts. I cannot go destroy, and I cannot humiliate our perfect creation. I'm not giving up my worth. I am priceless, and my booty ain't for sale. But madam, what happens if you meet the man with the perfect butt?

He will be your undoing! he will be your undoing chapter 4 in an Achilles document is called infuriating bullshit and it is adequately titled and I just can't deal with it right now can you read the title

of the first article I sure can don't read the title of the first article? I sure can. I sure can. Don't read the parenthetical, but... Conversations with Dead People. A Medium Session with Marilyn Monroe. Oh, no. Did we skip over to medium.com now?

Oh, no. Pretty much. This is something I thought I'd'd never say i have a clairvoyant friend it goes on forever where there's an actual seance and marilyn monroe is involved it's a script yeah so we're gonna finish up here uh here with something out of Achilles' document, and it is called Five Heartbreaking Text Convos Between a Lover and the Partner Who Cheated on Them. It is a series of, I'm sure, not photoshopped text message screenshots. And Boots will be playing the part of Ashton. And Achilles, you are, I guess, Eco Hayden in this case. Yeah.

Hi, darling. How are you feeling this morning? Not so good. Oh, hungover? Very. Good. That's rude. So is cheat on your girlfriend

But that didn't stop you, did it? Very nice What are you talking about? Did you hook up with other girls last night? Why do you think that? Answer the question, Ashton I don't want to. Okay, I think we're done here.

A perfectly not suspicious response. Ashton was played by Ashton Kutcher in this piece. Why wouldn't you just say no? Or yes. I mean, at that point, just say no or yes I mean at that point just say yes because you did didn't you

you cheated on me yes no I was really drunk last night is that yes or no yeah I think it was wise capitalize if you hit enter it defaults to yes we'll play a telltale It's a multiple choice. Wise capitalize. If you hit enter, it defaults to yes.

We're playing a Telltale Games series here. You need to choose yes or no. Innovative. Yeah. YN, I was really drunk last night. That's not an excuse. Baby, I missed you. Yeah. And you thought that was the right

way to handle it? God, Ashton, I go out too, but not once have I even come close to touching another man. And trust me, it's not from lack of being hit on.

I know. I don't doubt it. I fucked up. And I'm sorry. Fuck you. No, baby. Please hear me out. It was a mistake, okay? I big fucking drunk mistake.

Did you guys know you can save these on Pinterest? You can. it's true oh man there's a bunch of pages of these let's just do one more page of this text message conversation eventually the images break mercifully Lemon do you want to be fuckboy G oh yeah dude I'll be fuckboy G

absolutely it's fuckboy G oh this section is called We Are Never Ever Ever Getting Back Together. Like that? Yeah. Yeah, Taylor Swift featuring fuckboy G. Hey, you up?

Remix! It's fire. Who's doing the blue? It's Achilles still. Oh. Uh, yes. Why? Look, this is hard for me to say

because I know how much a breakup has hurt you, but I miss you. Fuck boy. Fuck boy, yeah. Fuck boy. Look, Jack, it's so late. Can we talk about this tomorrow? Or maybe never, actually? But late. Can we talk about this tomorrow? Or maybe never, actually?

But why can't we talk now? You're up, I'm up. Let's figure this out. Us ended when you cheated on me. Oh? I'm sorry. I didn't know how many times I have to say for you to understand that I understand that I fucked everything up, but I miss you so fucking much.

I took you for granted and I'm broken image. Sure. Broken embedded image. How the fuck can you say that? Overcome this together? What the fuck, Jack?

You put me through hell. You have no fucking idea. You're such a dick. Please, I cannot be around you every day. I know I can keep fucking everything up even more. Yeah. Look, can we just meet up tomorrow for lunch? Add this to your calendar so we can talk in person?

No, I just don't think that's a good idea. Please! I'm a mess without you! Let me see that donkey, donkey. Okay, but we're not getting back together don't get your hopes up that conversation wasn't interesting enough to share with your best friend and somebody made a series of blog posts about it so then he was like i keep fucking up uh-huh're right. Yeah. Anyway, so how's work been?

And as should happen in every F Plus episode, if we could help it, we are going to close with a list of titles from Thought Catalog. There are many, many, many blog posts here, and here are just a few of the titles presented.

Fifteen tragic signs you're dealing with a fuckboy. Eight types of fuckboys that no single girl has time for. Twenty-eight surefire ways to tell you're dealing with a grade A fuckboy. That's one

grade A fuckboy! It's not really. The branding is grade A. It's a loophole. I feel like the USDA should stop having purview over fuckboys. Yeah. This is the kind of fuckboy a guy will be, according to a Zodiac sign. Next question, did Run the Jewels write all these articles?

Sure. Yeah. Got that dick in the mouth all day. Beware of the nice fuckboy. Oh my god. Beware of the nice fuckboy. It's time to free yourself of fuckboys.

Here's how much of a fuckboy your favorite Disney guy would be, IRL. Achilles, are these from the same author? No. Oh my god. My heart. LP wrote some of these. Killer Mike wrote some of these.

RZA. Red Band. Meta Man. I'm pretty sure I'm a fuck girl. And then there's a parenthetical to this one. And like... I'm okay with it. I feel like fuck girl is not, I mean, okay.

Fuck boys have feelings too. Fucking feelings. All right, that was the first section. Would you please lead us into the next section? Thank you, fuck boys yay you're welcome oh that jane's addiction album is over

do you use tinder well i have a lot to say about it oh boy clickety click click click shareity share share share i think every i think every article on thought catalog should follow that cadence, its statements. Well, I have a lot to say about it.

Apparently, I rule Tinder. Oh, that's nice. Just admit it. Tinder is perfect for us. This is what only Tinder can teach you about love. I hate the site. I hate the site. I hate the site. Why I suck at Tinder.

Well, that was a twist. Maybe someday I'll be someone's Tinderella. Oh, this is the great Gatsby except for Tinder. I quit Tinder, but it's not about Tinder. It's about me. My boyfriend told me he could feel my pubes during sex.

HP Lovecraft said he could feel my pubes during sex. I can feel your pubes. I miss you. I don't miss you. Do you ever miss my postcard mouth? No, Lisa Loeb, I don't. I don't.

Coming up next on this website, it's exact feeling of looking at a selfie of you in bed. Oh, boy. And after that, it's, I'm done lighting myself on fire just to brighten your world. Oh. Oh, boy. I don't... I kind of like that one, actually. That's sort of a so sad today kind of tweet. That's not bad.

I love that Disney Channel show. On must-see TV tonight, it's the importance of being orgy. Orgy, you've done it again. It's a bunch of actors in rooms opening doors and every one of them has an orgy behind it. Orgies, orgies, orgies. and every one of them has an orgy behind it. Orgies, orgies, orgies.

Tonight on the Fox Business Channel, it's O to Bill O'Reilly in Portland. I'm pulling my sponsorship. On the Millennial Channel, it's What Pokemon Go Taught Me About the Privilege of Happiness. Fuck. Ow! Ow! I'm hurting myself! In our midnight

sexy block, we have 21 things I've learned about life, love, and happiness by 21. After that, it's I am 27 years old, and I'm moving back in with my parents. Yeah, that is very sexy. Yeah.

On the early morning block, we have, how are you wasting your whole life based on your Zodiac sign? Backslash. So different people are wasting their life differently, perhaps? And after, and during the morning cruise zoo segment,

we have, I have the most difficult person to love. I don't know. I feel like you have a lot of company. This has been your broadcast schedule for this day. Temperature will be 61 degrees with a chance of light rain. To close this up here, I need to introduce you briefly to Holly Riordan. She is an aspiring science fiction author, dog owner, and Neil Patrick Harris fan girl.

Christ. She writes about love and sex by day and science fiction and horror by night. So she writes about sex by day and sci-fi by night. So she's Dr. Ruth in the streets and Dr. Spock in the sheets. Man. When she's not writing, which is rare, she's busy reading books by

Gillian Flynn and watching shows by Vince Gilligan. Yeah, so Holly here has written a hundred and... Whoa, fuck! Wow, that is a number I wasn't prepared to say out loud.

Holly has written 1,170 articles for Thought Catalog. Since when? Since when? She's the Stephen King of Thought Catalog. That's a great question. Since April 5th of 2016 oh my god holy shit let's get those mad ad commissions that is a difficult math problem i'm looking at her twitter profile and uh every every one of her original tweets

are how does she have time to tweet? It's just like a sentence of something like, stay single until you find someone who you could talk to about everything and laugh about with anything. And it's just those, but they're all written in quotes. Like she's quoting herself because she's not attributing to anybody else. They're probably titles of her articles. Yeah, well, I assume that as she's writing, she's quoting right herself because she's not probably titles of her articles yeah well i assume that she as she's writing she's like man that's a good sentence never settle for

anyone that makes you feel bad for being a badass i'm just gonna tweet that and then go back to writing because like all i do like i live in some sort of like like chinese work camp what i have to do is just produce thought catalog pieces every day. I work in the thought piece sweatshop. How you doing? So what we're saying here is that Holly is prolific. I don't know if we've clarified that enough. Make your person orgasm on the spot with these ten dirty talk tips. But here are some titles of her pieces

I've never been in control of my life and it's all because of a damn psychic I have a boyfriend but I'm still an independent woman I'll never be the cool girlfriend but I'm a good girlfriend.

Date someone you can go to Disney with. So literally anybody. Date someone you have a shitload of sexual tension with. Girl. My boyfriend literally ghosted after we had sex for the first time. I keep him in the basement now. She actually watched his soul leave his body. And when your almost boyfriend ends up in a real relationship with someone else.

Stop telling me to get over him because I'm allowed to be heartbroken. Fuck fairy tale romances. I want something raw and real. Raw and real. I like that read as, like, fuck fairy tale romances.

That's a different website. Why dating is so hard for those of us who want something real. I have too much self-respect to deal with a douche like you. I know it's a bad idea, but I want you in my bed again. Oh my god. Oh no. The damaged girl actually makes the best girlfriend. I'm sorry.

Clearly. Clearly. Let me hit that again. The damaged girl actually makes the best girlfriend. The restraining order is total bullshit. Let's check out my comic. It's called Damaged Girl. Okay, absolutely.

Eleven reasons why forever alone girls would make the best girlfriends. Except for the... Okay. And then I think really this is when she was finally honest with herself, which is... And a moment of clarity. When it comes to dating,

I honestly don't know what the hell I'm doing. Yeah, obviously. Posted seven minutes before the next sex advice thing. I figured out what the hell I'm doing. I'm a good date person now. Date me. F+, what did we learn from any of this? I learned that if you want the love you deserve, the love that you've been daydreaming about you have to stop guarding your heart and let it run

wild i mean if if you want to make if you want to make a living just making ad commissions while while sitting in your living room all day writing out the most vile boring shit i mean thought catalog just might be the best place for you. Who other than us is reading this? I mean, apparently 15... Allegedly 15 million people. Oh. Like, it's not

unpopular. It's not even unfunded. Like, it's got a readership and it's got money. I don't... They sell books? I don't understand. They've got a presence on Facebook. That's enough hard-to-read

bullshit. They're getting something. They're getting something from these vapid fucking idiots who read this. Brought to you by Thought.is. What is Thought? We don't know. We didn't even get into it, too, but they have a whole suite of just fiction stories and creepypastas, too. I feel like...

The parent company shows their locations. They're located in the Internet, Williamsburg, and Culver City, Colorado. Also, it's Williamsburg in the state of Brooklyn. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I couldn't tell. I feel like it's so difficult to me because all of that sort of millennial hipster bashing is... I mean, on the surface, it's fake because it's like everyone that I've met like, 23, 24 is a person that's 23, 24. Like, there's not this, like, weird, stupid zeitgeist about, like, well, self-hate and stuff like that. That's not real.

That's not real. And so it's, like, I don't understand why it would be, like, not only, like, is somebody going to write this garbage, but clearly there would be a metric that would be like, oh, yes, of course, I need you to write a piece called The Strongest Girls Have Been Through So Much Bullshit. And if he sends you these 11 mixed signals,

sorry, but he doesn't want to date you. Like, holy shit, what audience? Because this is clearly based on some sort of metric of, like, yes, this will absolutely attract visitors. Yeah, it's bachelorette. Well, if you'd like to go to a place that's unpopular, you can go to thefbl.us. It's fine.

You know, we post things, like, once a week or so. And our forum is ball pit this is uh achilles achilles what have you liked on ball pit lately um i've enjoyed uh ye good tweets and also ye bad tweets i post a thousand think pieces on ball pit every fucking day so come over and read them you can't say for sure he's not wrong all right thanks a lot bye-bye I want to know what you're feeling. Tell me what's on your mind. Should we stop the podcast and let Stug go listen to the bird pipe? It's everything that I have right now to not go. Don't do that.

I don't want to have to hear that. No, you're right.