The F Plus - 268: How To Win At ASCII Art

Episode Date: November 26, 2017

Since 1995, GameFAQs has served as a hub for video game walkthroughs and strategies. While this is of little concern to our podcast, the fact that this website also contains a forum where video g...ame enthusiasts can share their thoughts concerns us. Having now read the thoughts they feel are worth sharing, we're simply concerned. This week, The F Plus comes down with a bad case of Frenchman's Leg.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Frank West? Frank West? Yeah? Why haven't you ever shared your hentai with me? Hey everyone! Welcome to the F+. It's a weird, cool place, and there's- I hate this voice! There's terrible things right with enthusiasm! In the room tonight we have Frank West.
Starting point is 00:00:37 How do I do it? Bang, bang, boo, boo, with my way older, lusty Mexican co-worker. Yes, Fahan? If you hold the controller vibrating in your penis, your will come. Jack Chick? There are only so many word permutations, though nobody knows
Starting point is 00:00:56 the equation. Threff or all of life is may-nay-inkles. Stog! Number of e-huggies received today? Zero. Zero. Number of e-huggies received today, zero. Number of e-huggies wanted daily, one million. And Lemon. I don't know what came over me, but I just slacked one of her boobs out of nowhere.
Starting point is 00:01:17 Is this okay? She's not gonna get cancer or something, right? Hey, F+. Hello. Hey, Lemon. Hey, all of the, let's see. Oh, it looks like it's mainly gentlemen in the room tonight. Is that right? It's all fellas? Mm-hmm. Well, so that's see. Oh, it looks like it's mainly gentlemen in the room tonight. Is that right? It's all fellas?
Starting point is 00:01:47 Mm-hmm. Well, so that's great. So it looks like here I am in a room with other dudes on the internet, and that means that we should probably talk about video games, right? Yeah, that's something women never talk about. Yeah, women hate video games don't like video games they're trying to get them outlawed yeah uh yeah so i've uh i was uh the other uh the other day i was looking at um the uh analytics for the f plus we don't use google
Starting point is 00:02:19 analytics we use something else but i was looking at the traffic and i was noticing that you know there's a sort of a plateau and actually a very slight decline um in the uh in the the visitors to the fpl.us and so i thought that we could fix this by and here's an exciting exciting idea let's have a podcast where we talk about video games huh oh that's that kind of out of the box thinking that has kept this podcast fresh, Lemon? Is that really going to play with our core demographic? That's true. I don't think anyone would be interested in a podcast about video games. Well, I mean, here, let me just do some quick analytics by going to our forums, ballpit.
Starting point is 00:03:01 That's B-A-L-L-P dot I-T. And just looking at the video game oh god yeah it's like a big order of the forums lemon's trying to grow the podcast audience you know yeah yeah yeah untapped markets and all that organically and definitely not uh skeezy well well so uh we're gonna be going to a
Starting point is 00:03:18 uh a very uh good um and and and skeezy and not skeezy site it's called gameFacts.com Yay! So GameFacts you might remember is a place where you could
Starting point is 00:03:33 go to get a walkthrough to figure out how to play one of the Silent Hill games or figure out how to have sex in one of the Grand Theft Auto games. No, I mean, I don't know what it's like to need such foolish things.
Starting point is 00:03:49 Or to get somebody who exhaustively and painstakingly wrote out the entire script for Metal Gear Solid 3. I didn't know that that happened. Holy shit, how many bytes is that? That would crash a browser with that many words. But another thing that game facts has and in and uh in addition to the titular facts um is a forum um there is an extensive forum
Starting point is 00:04:15 um on uh gamefacts.com forward slash boards um and that's what we're going to be looking at this is a document uh provided by a trio of power players. I'm talking about Girlkisser420, Shellgame, and YavuzSultanSalim. Got a dream team. That's right. We're going to the Podcasting Olympics. This is the Harlem Globetrotters of the F+. There will be no physical activity at the Podcasting Olympics.
Starting point is 00:04:46 A lot of sitting. It's the sound check off. But yeah, so let's cut straight to it here. So let's start off with a very important topic. And that is... About video games. About video games. We're on GameFAQs.
Starting point is 00:05:01 And advice is fronted straight. Well, good. Is there a character in a video game oh right out of the gate this is so good what's our zero to no homo speed well I don't know we had a really long preamble this episode but my name is Cat Black Fever and
Starting point is 00:05:20 I partook in it with a friend we both consider ourselves straight this past weekend the grinding of our and this is game facts they're going to censor a lot so the grinding of our dicks together felt really good technically we didn't have sex because nothing went inside of an orifice that's what sex is. That's right. Every lesbian is a virgin. I knew it! What does
Starting point is 00:05:54 that make me? I'm not attracted to men, but I genuinely like the feeling of the same sex's genitalia on me. And the responses are unhelpful. So we're just going to move on. We just need to get that out of the way.
Starting point is 00:06:10 But Isfahan, your name is Modest J. Yes. And why don't you tell me about, well, something called Iron and Blood, whatever that is. He's no longer violent. Iron and Blood is the only fighting game I ever hated. Look, fighting games are sacred to me. I see the beauty in all of them.
Starting point is 00:06:36 Even Pit Fighter. Wow, take that, Kato. That's going back. But this was beyond the limits of terrible. Never have I been so disgusted by a fighting game in my life. I took great pleasure in playing Frisbee with it. Then I just snapped it in two and threw it in the garbage. Yep.
Starting point is 00:06:56 I, Modest J, who you all give a shit about, self-proclaimed lover of all fighting games, threw that piece of shit in the garbage. Oh no! And I'm proud of it. Oh no! What is your signature? Hooey!
Starting point is 00:07:14 I said, bug-a-dug-a-bug-a-dug-a-bug-a-dug-a-bug-a-dug-a-bug-a-duga. Okay. That's what I thought you said. Boris and Natasha. Thanks. Thanks, Modest J. That's the piece of pop culture I chose to rep myself. I, too, get all my advice from cartoon characters. Yeah, well, I don't think we're done being mad at video games. Stog, your name is Failio, and three years ago, you had something to say about Final Fantasy XX2 HD
Starting point is 00:07:46 remaster, apparently. Yeah. This shit is so fucking stupid! Oh my, oh my. I swear to God, every time I calm down, I just read something that pisses me off again. What the fuck is wrong with Square Enix? Is this
Starting point is 00:08:02 real life? Did I just fall through the fucking looking glass or what I mean on top of everything else is it really true that Yuna is annoyed by Titus's childishness someone even said she flat out starts crying for the bomb thing cause he gets excited about
Starting point is 00:08:18 the blitz ball well bitch must have thought it was a blitz ball too if she didn't make a move to stop him she's been acting described as acting cruelly towards him. Well, fuck Yuna. Isn't that why you fell in love with him in the first place? Because he was carefree and exuberant, a youthful spirit who lives for making Yuna smile? Now she finds his traits annoying?
Starting point is 00:08:39 Okay. So you're not engaged in the plot at all. That's what I'm gleaning from all of this. This is like the transcript of an argument at a convention somewhere. Apparently, he didn't age, but are they trying to say two years would make that much of a difference? Please, I'm supposed to like you in it, but right now I just want to take a fucking ice pick to her face. Oh, dear. Oh, my.
Starting point is 00:09:01 fucking ice pick to her face. Oh, dear. Oh, my. In X2, she became more like Titus, but all of a sudden, but now she all of a sudden hates that part. The fuck? This is all just character assassination. Oh, yay.
Starting point is 00:09:17 Can video game characters sue each other for libel? This is all just character assassination I can see why this damn book is so loathed why why why is you a bitch now why is Titus being tortured tortured I thought this was supposed to be your golden couple square stop it square stop shitting up my favorite. You act like you own him or something. What the fuck? I just want to say, I just want to say a little bit further down in the thread, Philvup says, Failio
Starting point is 00:09:58 is correct. This whole thing is getting worse by the minute. Some of that is the 24-hour Final Fantasy news cycle, though. It's all headlines with that game. Yeah. Frank, what do you got? My name is Mistletane. Do Asari have vaginas?
Starting point is 00:10:32 And that's one of the races in Mass Effect. I know who it is. Okay. Well, okay. Yeah. Our viewers also know what it is. Yeah, fair enough. I'm the dumb one.
Starting point is 00:10:43 Our viewers also know what that is. Fair enough, I'm the dumb one. We know that they reproduce via psychic connection, so is their birth vaginal? Oh my god. Seems odd to me that they would have an organ physically identical to that of a human woman's and connected to a womb, but it isn't meant for intercourse maybe asari just have a blank space between their legs and asari infants just pop into being beside their mothers hi i'm i'm i'm sage of life Sage. I figure they have a birth canal, but not a vagina. How is that possible?
Starting point is 00:11:31 There's a birth canal and it just stops? They probably view vaginal sex very similarly to how humans view anal sex. What? What? What? There's so much to unpack in that sentence, and I don't want to. And Isfahan, you're just a loser? I'm just a loser. I prefer to think that they do.
Starting point is 00:12:04 Yay! In my America. I prefer to think that they do. Yay! In my America. Isfahan, you like Metal Gear Solid, right? Metal Gear. That's right. So, Isfahan, will you tell me about the funniest Metal Gear Solid reference you have used in real life? Okay, guys, hold on to your sides because they might split.
Starting point is 00:12:31 I don't want split sides. My name is Todd Jammer. Okay. My best one was when some punk came up to me and started to steal my wallet. He's making wallet theft preparations. Man, my believability meter is really just going crazy. You hold the X button for like five seconds and then you steal the wallet.
Starting point is 00:12:52 This is my audition for not always right. It's so rigorous all of a sudden. Yeah, you can't just post there. You gotta warm up on GameFAQs first. I pushed him away and made the Oceloti hand gesture at the teen and muttered, You're pretty good. The kid actually
Starting point is 00:13:14 ran away. Yay! Oh my god, you have graduated! Congratulations! Alright. Well, unless you have another one you want to share oh well i i think i do this happens to me suspiciously often okay uh well the other one i forgot a guy was installing a new camera for the place that i work so i go and stand next to the camera and say a surveillance camera the man fell off the ladder laughing.
Starting point is 00:13:47 Wow. Wow, congratulations. Your second one is more believable. I walked up to an object and identified it, and the man magically knew that was a reference to a video game from 1998 and fell off the ladder laughing.
Starting point is 00:14:02 Holy shit, so good! Please note that it wasn't at his job, it was the place that he works. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. Yeah. My name is Cloud 100 Million. That is correct.
Starting point is 00:14:19 Yes, yes you are, yes. Hooray, I got numbers right today! Good job, Stock. I was in a field once with my friends in the middle of summer. I had sunglasses on, and I suddenly remembered Liquid's quote from MGS1. So I stood up and randomly spurted out, in a really good imitation, they said afterward. Of course, of course.
Starting point is 00:14:45 People are always talking about my solid snake impression. Snake, did you like my sunglasses? Then I remembered how an MGS4 liquid ocelot threw his glasses away in a dramatic fashion. I did the same. And I heard a faint splash. I'd thrown them into a river. Much hilarity was had.
Starting point is 00:15:17 Oh! Great. Are we in Offbeat Bride all of a sudden? But only two people got the reference. That doesn't sound like much hilarity to me. But those two people really enjoyed it a lot. Oh, I see. And then they explained the reference to the other people there, and they started laughing, right?
Starting point is 00:15:41 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like that puking scene in Stand By Me, but with laughter. Oh, yeah, yeah. Good. Hey, guys, I'm Razgriz101. Hey, Razgriz. Hi, hi, hi, hi. Sitting in class, teacher went, you're possessive, not doing well.
Starting point is 00:15:56 In the course, done the ocelot hand gesture and went, you're pretty good. Only four people in the class got it, and the teacher was baffled. But I got a black bandana for today since it's the last day of school and I'm gonna go about doing Pranks XD awesome! I'm leaving school finally. We're gonna release the sheep in the corridors. I think the most telling part of that story was
Starting point is 00:16:17 that when the teacher not getting your Metal Gear Solid reference somehow helped you join Antifa. Snake's bandana isn't black. It turns out the sheep is a secret Antifa super soldier. Let's date this podcast. Yeah, totally.
Starting point is 00:16:40 Hey, okay, this is time for a nice, good, long GameFAQs thread. Here we go. So my name is Milkman. And hey, I just installed a bidet today, and I just used it for the first time. Yay! I bought one of those little side control bidets off Amazon. It took me 30 minutes to install, which means that I already must have had a hookup for a bidet,
Starting point is 00:17:07 because, I mean, they need water and also electricity, so impressive. Anyway, I wasn't sure what to expect, and I just wanted to try it out. Being a man, I was somewhat hesitant to aim a stream of water at my butthole. What if the water thinks I'm gay?
Starting point is 00:17:26 To my surprise, it worked excellently. I couldn't believe how well it cleaned me. Wiping was only necessary to dry. I was expecting the cold water to be awful, but didn't even notice the temperature. I just had to
Starting point is 00:17:41 wiggle my butt around a bit to find the right spot and it was effortlessly cleaned. I highly recommend a bidet. Looking forward to pooping again tomorrow to try it again. I need to give myself excuses. He's just looking down at a stomach like cheering it on I am gonna introduce this guy to prune juice and his life is gonna be changed I'm also looking forward to saving money on toilet paper yeah whatever um it's fun uh you're Roger SKG1979
Starting point is 00:18:25 That made me LOL for real How strong is the water flow on the bidet? Is it like a little trickle like from a water fountain or is it like a garden hose spraying your ass at full force?
Starting point is 00:18:42 I ask because I often have messy shits The kind where you wipe and wipe and wipe And it ends up taking half a roll of TP to get clean Sometimes they are so messy I just say screw it Take off all my clothes and jump in the shower And use the detachable shower head to blast my ass clean
Starting point is 00:19:03 Wow, okay Do you know what the word bidet means? the detachable shower head to blast my ass clean. Wow! Okay. Do you know what the word bidet means? I don't know what that is, but I'm gonna guess it's a fire extinguisher. I'm more wondering if this guy knows what vegetables are.
Starting point is 00:19:21 Those are the things you can only talk about. So, no? Sorry. I would like to get a bidet, Those are the things you can only talk about. We're on GameFAQ, so no. Oh, yeah. Sorry. I would like to get a bidet, but I wonder if it would actually be effective at cleaning my messy shits. Or if I... Will a bidet be as effective
Starting point is 00:19:38 as spraying my asshole with water? Okay, so I'm milkman again okay it was enough pressure to clean my arse oh boy i'm british i'm thinking he's scottish oh okay he's a sheep in the corridors one of my concerns is the potential to spray into my butt, which I really don't want. That makes it kind of an impasse with what a bidet is. I've only used it once, but that hasn't happened yet. It has a control knob, and I started off slow. I opened it up all the way, and I feel like the gradual increase in pressure was easier to adapt to. I think if I just open up the pressure to full blast right away that it might catch me off guard.
Starting point is 00:20:33 It'll take some getting used to and some experimenting with. Just a couple hours alone every day in the bathroom. I guess it would also depend on the water pressure in your home as well mine seems fine but yours could be different i've also had issues with excessive wiping to the point where i wonder if my toilet will be able to flush all the paper i used it's like i'm wiping a marker i just quoted myself in saying. Well, he stole that from something else. Good. Great. Well, that's true. I'm a video game fan. I don't have
Starting point is 00:21:10 original thoughts. Another concern I had was, where does the poop go when it's washed off? What? That was a concern that I had. Now we're getting into the laws of physics here. No, it's, now we're actually fully talking the gig.
Starting point is 00:21:26 Poop? Where are you going? Is poop matter conserved? Where are you going, poop? Poop can neither be created nor destroyed. It can only be washed off. I thought it might spray and splatter all over the place, but it seemed to all go right down into the bowl
Starting point is 00:21:46 without creating any additional mess. Again, it was only once. I'm just so enthusiastic about this one time that I used a bidet. Were you standing over the... What? Does he not think that anybody designed these fucking things? Well, I know they're used in most of the world, but will it work for my ass?
Starting point is 00:22:08 I don't know. What if I think it's illicit? At no point during the design of the bidet did somebody write on the chalkboard, where does the poop go? And then underline it. Yeah, everybody's in the bidet design office. They're all really
Starting point is 00:22:22 excited. Someone just walks in angrily, writes on the whiteboard, where does the poop go? And looks, and they're like... I was really worried about getting what we call Frenchman's leg. That's a hurtful stereotype, Jack. Not to joke about it. Sorry, sorry.
Starting point is 00:22:41 Oh, God. Where the fuck was I? Okay. Read some of the reviews on Amazon if you're interested, F+. Some of the reviews definitely encourage me to try it out. Having never used a
Starting point is 00:22:58 bidet before. Hot damn! I'm excited about it! I feel really clean right now, which is often not the case after normally having a poop. Well, you don't know how to wipe your ass. Oh, right, game packs. Sorry. Keep forgetting.
Starting point is 00:23:14 Keep forgetting. And also, document makers, looks like you've got a lead on bidet reviews on Amazon. They probably get weird, I'm just guessing. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Wait, things on the internet involving the butthole
Starting point is 00:23:29 would get weird sometimes? No. My name... My name is Nuclear Vomit. Toilet paper industry has an iron grip on the U.S. Outside the U.S., the bidet is king.
Starting point is 00:23:48 You're the Alex Jones of clean asses. These are the secrets that big toilet paper just want you to hear. The deleted scenes in Dr. Strangelove are amazing. I only pump pure grain alcohol through my bidet. Also, the price of toilet paper is going up, and they are giving us less and less. I just recently listened to a podcast about toilet paper. Wow, there's a podcast for everything.
Starting point is 00:24:17 www.stuffyoushouldknow.com www.podcast.toiletpaper.htm Toilet hyphen paper. Oh, shoot. StuffYouShouldKnow.com slash podcast slash toiletpaper.htm. Toilet hyphen paper. Oh, shoot. Oh, sorry, let me say the whole URL again. We are going to do the last take here. And there's a, this is broken into sections, and this section is called a discussion in big giant scare quotes.
Starting point is 00:24:52 So, Frank, it's up to you what we're going to finish on in this discussion category. Should we read Dragon Ball General? Why doesn't Chi Chi get a job? Oh, God. Or Attention Missy, semicolon. Attention. That's it. Oh, God. Or attention Missy, semicolon. Attention, that's it. That's it, yep.
Starting point is 00:25:14 God. It's the end of a JavaScript operator. I want to know why Chi-Chi doesn't get a job, though. I want to talk about the economics of Dragon Ball. That does make sense, yeah. Okay, so your name is Sticky Nikki.
Starting point is 00:25:31 Lemon, please don't dox me. Sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm Sticky Nikki. Why doesn't Chi-Chi get a job? Oh, God. All she does is bitch to Goku about getting a job. Oh god. All she does is bitch to Goku about getting a job. He gets one, but she still sits at home
Starting point is 00:25:49 living off the Ox King's money, which isn't hers. Goku's tourney wins, plus his wages. Now I ain't saying she's a gold digger. Dot dot dot for emphasis. No. Anyways, dot, dot for emphasis.
Starting point is 00:26:09 Anyways, here's two... Sorry. That's not how you should... This is not how you should end a book. Anyway, here's two songs that describe their relationship better than I can. You know what my post needs? A soundtrack. Why don't you get a job by The Offspring?
Starting point is 00:26:24 Gold Digger by Kanye West. Also, way to pick an Offspring song. I mean, it really shows what a true fan to really get one of the deep cuts from the office. No pretty fly for a white guy by you. I think that one was the one that was in Tony Hawk. Okay. Excuse me, sir. My name is SSJ2 Gohan.
Starting point is 00:27:04 You're a Dragon Ball expert for sure yeah i'm a real dragon ball expert uh that that's the real reason why chichi is so ridiculous with her schooling so she has an excuse for why she doesn't seek a job i can't take a job I'm occupied 16 hours a day teaching my kids materials that's 10 plus years ahead of them. That excuse is outdated. You could argue she would have to when Goku was dead between the Cell and Booz Saga. You could, you should.
Starting point is 00:27:41 And you should. I mean, that's a good argument. I won't lie. But now he's home bringing in the bacon. Goten occasionally joins him or is studying alone. Gohan is an adult and lives with his wife and kid
Starting point is 00:27:54 and works. Chi-Chi just sits on her ass all day and bitches at everyone else when they come home. Oh man, we're really getting to the heart of the matter. Keep going, keep going. My name is Maijin Nemesis. You try to cook clean, taking care of kids and buying food and other stuff for the house, and then let's see if you call
Starting point is 00:28:10 it sit on your ass all day, especially considering our kids and Goku eat like an army in the closest store and maybe if Goku actually helped at all or got a job instead of causing disaster by giving stupid ideas to Zeno, maybe Chi-Chi could get a job herself. Bitch, I am too busy for periods! His power level is five.
Starting point is 00:28:26 My Genemesis' power level is five, but his heart is at over 9,000. Thanks. Thanks a bunch for that. You're welcome. I appreciate that. Yep. A plus.
Starting point is 00:28:36 Hi, I'm Prism Blade. Chi-Chi is a traditional life, through and through. The sad saps brainwashed by the media today. To look down on such things. Are the epitome of sad. Are they? I can think of other examples.
Starting point is 00:28:53 The man works hard. Maybe 40 plus hours a week to provide. While the woman looks after the house. And takes care of the children. After work the man can rest easy. To return home to a clean house. Well cooked meal and happy family. If Goku's not providing. Nor willing nor capable of Chi-Chi's normal responsibilities, then he is a useless dead meat.
Starting point is 00:29:11 Wow. That whole reading, I was just imagining what your bedroom looks like. And I bet I guessed to a hundred percent perfection. Fucking Gears of War figurine wearing a tiny little mega hat really you think there's you think there's any direct uh decoration at all well yeah yeah yeah there's there's uh all the limited edition animes that he has so i was gonna make a joke about how you know working parent, one stay-at-home parent used to be the ideal, but then Sticky Nicky literally makes that point earnestly, so fuck it. This isn't the 1950s.
Starting point is 00:29:53 Why should Goku be the one to provide everything while Chi-Chi does nothing all day and only cook when they get home? Oh, good point. Why can't she provide as well? Oh, good point. Why can't she provide as well? This isn't a typical family where a stay-at-home parent will need to bring their child to school, soccer practice, or whatever. They also wear the same clothes every day, so no responsibility for laundry.
Starting point is 00:30:15 God! That's not how laundry works. Wow. It's almost like this is a cartoon. Why is Mark Simpson always doing the laundry? Lisa always wears that orange dress. If you just wear the same thing over and over, you never have to wash it.
Starting point is 00:30:31 That is actually how I do it. Where do the gloves go, Matt? They live in the middle of nowhere. Goten and Goku can go wherever they want by flying or IT. Goten is in can go wherever they want by flying or IT. Goten is in high school. Weird.
Starting point is 00:30:49 Goku was always big into cable management. For those of you listening at home, I do know what that stands for. None of them do. Congratulations. You're welcome. There is very little for Chi-Chi to do. Like I said, it was justifiable when Goku was dead. She trained Goten, and they studied at home, and she had to provide
Starting point is 00:31:10 for them. Now that Goku is alive, she is redundant, yet bitches at him to provide even more for him family while she sits on her ass. What a bitch. No wonder Goku never kissed her. Wow. Holy shit.
Starting point is 00:31:25 They have, like, kids, so that's... Okay. And then before we leave the scare quote discussion section, Jackcheck, you found a thread title that you really liked? I did. This is by Best in Science,
Starting point is 00:31:44 and it is being single since birth wow wow yeah really got a feel for the guy totally i mean i'm assuming it's a guy uh yeah yeah i think i think you can safely assume that. Alright, well, that was the first section and we were able to go into that with guest mode, but let's turn off the lights now because now it's Game Facts After Dark. We are going
Starting point is 00:32:16 in the sex and sexuality section, which does require an account. I feel like I'm going to have to go AFK for 20 minutes now. I think you might. Mail drop CC, a good place for burner accounts or guerrilla mail. Anyway. Anyways.
Starting point is 00:32:33 I think we have a burner account at the top. Well, we do, but we won't by the time the episode goes on. Okay. So, yeah. So, we are in the sex and sexuality board. And Stog, what is it that you just discovered? I think I discovered a new fetish for me. Okay, congratulations.
Starting point is 00:32:55 Oh, yeah, thank you. You want to know what it is? Yeah, I sure do. Okay, my name is FF Redux, and my new fetish is being a patient in a hospital. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Yesterday, I had strabium surgery to fix my lazy eye. Okay.
Starting point is 00:33:19 I had lazy eye surgery. Yeah, that sounds sexy. That sounds real sexy. Yeah, and when I put on my patient clothes and stuff it was oddly titillating i didn't get horny or a boner but it was exciting and when i was put under anesthesia i felt oddly satisfied after i mean just the thought of being totally powerless while other people handled me was nice and weird Anyone that has something similar. Oh, dear.
Starting point is 00:33:48 This is dire. Because somebody needs to get Richard Lakeletter to follow that guy around for a couple of years to figure out where his life takes him. You just keep finding the tinier and tinier things to have surgery on. I need you to remove these moles. Does this toenail look ingrown to you? It does, right? Surgery, right?
Starting point is 00:34:20 I saw it. Well, my name is Wiley Coit. And, uh, I've got something to say here. When I had my stay at the hospital, the nurses were lowly female, and most of them were very pleasant eye candy. One in particular had heavy Russian accent that was both intimidating and sexy. When I couldn't go poo because of the opioids, she said maybe he shy in front of women because they had to monitor my bathroom activities. Lol, I'm not shy.
Starting point is 00:34:51 The drugs suck for me. I just couldn't go. Didn't matter who was in there. This one nurse had such fine hair when she leaned over to check my vitals, I brushed it, quote, by accident, just because I wanted to touch it. You can't be a nurse
Starting point is 00:35:08 and be shy, you bump, touch, etc., etc. Yes, you can! Yes, you can! That's not part of the interview! Well, I think I've got it right. You've got it wrong. Okay. Fair enough. When I was getting my blood drawn, the lady moved
Starting point is 00:35:24 my arm, and it took me a second to notice my fingertips were touching her breast. I can't contract my forearm. I joked she smiled and laughed she knew. There was no way of maneuvering it out of the way. I did let her know. She was nice, too. Very good medical staff. Not rude.
Starting point is 00:35:41 Funny, of course. I was a good patient, too. I tried not to be rude, but they had me on a mega dose of roid sometimes i'd get upset but we laughed about it let's see sound like a really good patient yep yeah yeah the russian lady said to my brother he's like my dog bark bark bark then he's so nice the way she said it was funny no fetish but i do like nurses ladies and gentlemen don draper in real life jesus christ oh god it's probably what bob hope was like in the hospital um uh okay okay okay Alright, uh, Chick Chick
Starting point is 00:36:25 Hi! It's time for us to talk about the sexiest females ever It sure is Who are the sexiest females ever? Uh, that would be Ada Wong and Nico Robin Help us out there, Frank West Uh
Starting point is 00:36:41 I think one of those is from Resident Evil Oh yeah, no Yeah, Ada Wong's Resident Resident Evil Oh yeah no Ada Wong's Resident Evil, Nico Robin is One Piece Jesus Frank West did you just look down at your own hands Nico Robin is One Piece Jesus Oh no
Starting point is 00:36:59 Jesus is the bible Alright so my name here is Pimp Master Shy Guy. Oh, dear. Okay. I know they're both fictional characters, that impossible to reach maturity, intellect, poise, and level-headedness they possess, as well as being realists, strong and hard to kill,
Starting point is 00:37:21 ellipsis, it's almost too much at times, anybody know what I mean no and that was the first period including through the paragraph break they're like perfect women the ideal woman is them too easy the ideal woman is them too easy alright
Starting point is 00:37:39 my name's Saul 4688 uh what in RE2 My name's Saul4688 Uh What In RE2 Oh god I gotta turn my mic down Okay In RE2 Ada's plan was to sneak into a zombie
Starting point is 00:37:59 Infested city to search for her Missing boyfriend On foot in an entire. To make no mention of the fact that her boyfriend didn't even work in the city, but rather a mansion, a mansion dozens of miles away in the middle of the woods. Nothing about that is mature, smart, or level-headed. But then, but then, but then that doesn't even matter because it was retconned and it didn't care about John at all in favor of making her into every single quote sexy Asian spy femme fatale end quote cliche possible into one thus actually eliminating anything original about her character in the first place
Starting point is 00:38:47 and I don't even want to start No stop! I don't even want to start! You're making me start! I'm not, I don't want to but here I am starting because of you! I don't even want to start on whatever the fuck happened with her in RE6 that goddamn train wrecking of a game. Also, and as for Nico Robin, one piece is stupid. How dare you?
Starting point is 00:39:17 Oh, fight, fight, fight, fight. How dare you? All right, so I never played RE re2 but i really want to i hear it's one of the greatest games ever made but yeah i just love ada wong for what she is in re4 and re6 she may have been dumb in re2 but a lot has changed since then and her character has matured i'd argue she's among the best in the series regarding survival. Eh, to each his own. Personally, I love One Piece. It has incredible potential
Starting point is 00:39:50 and it's already exposed me to one of the goat arcs. Characters in One Piece are really creative, but yeah, I got a friend who can't seem to get in. He's trying to... That was a perfect way to end that. I posted other things that aren't worth reading.
Starting point is 00:40:06 Yes, I think that's true. Frank West, do you want to ask us a question? Do you have a question you want to ask us? Do I ever? I have so many questions. Well, just narrow it down to one. In this case, my question is apparently sexiest females ever. Ada Wong or Deco Robin?
Starting point is 00:40:26 Let's try that again. Let's try that again. Now do you have a question that you want to ask? Another question I have is, any outlandish fetishes you got? I'm Mod Killer 1874. I'm sure the mods quake in fear as you walk by A century of tradition
Starting point is 00:40:53 I got a few weird ones I want to try out One, aiming my dickhole right at the woman's Hard erected nipple and coming right on it while trying to get a portion of the nipple into my dickhole. Hell yeah. I love living
Starting point is 00:41:16 in this time of innovation. It's really emboldening. Two, sticking a chick's hard nip down my butthole. Down? Down! Down!
Starting point is 00:41:28 Down the butthole. Down the butthole! Down butthole down! Down butthole. Three, I wanna spank my erect cowlick on a girl's pussy like fifty to a hundred times and see how she reacts to me just doing that as I gaze at the sight of her twat and look into her eyes slash facial expression. I thought it was tits.
Starting point is 00:41:49 It might be twat. It's gotta be tits. You're probably right. It is probably tits. I think this guy is a theme. Hello. Hey. Hello.
Starting point is 00:42:03 My name is BigTiggy23. My most outlandish fetish is probably something I'll never get to live out, but I do think it would be fun. I want to get together with the female little person of legal age, but have her wearing clothes for younger people, we'll say. It's a hypothetical. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:42:32 This is just, um... Take her out and do normal things together. Shopping. When I say step-sister, I'm gonna say step loudly and put sister part quietly. Step-sister, I'm gonna say step loudly, and the sister part quietly. Step-sister.
Starting point is 00:42:50 Shopping, eating, etc. Oh, okay, I thought this would get creepy. Dad, go home and screw until we can't see straight. Go to jail. Wait, I thought this wasn't going to get creepy. Hey, yeah, yeah, the sexuality section was not going to get creepy.
Starting point is 00:43:11 That thread eventually ends up with a man saying, what I mean is, asking a midget to age play is like making them wear a bib at a restaurant. You know, babying them and not treating them like a real adult person with respect. Oh, thanks, thanks. You just made that even a little adult person with respect. Oh, thanks. Thanks.
Starting point is 00:43:25 You just made that even a little bit worse. Congratulations. Hooray! I don't have a fetish anymore. Bye. Okay. All right. Let's get into the serious subjects.
Starting point is 00:43:38 Isfahan, what do you got? Yes. Should I be worried if every time I come I just ooze out instead of shoot? My name is... My name is Ryu Gaiden. You got a lazy cum, dog. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:57 I got the lazy cum. My doctor told me it's a condition. Yeah. Nothing you can do about it, really. My dick is more of a blunderbuss than a rifle. It just rams the
Starting point is 00:44:17 priming powder down and it's really fucking horrible. That's probably back in the crazy fetish thread, but anyway. So, being a lowly virgin, the only instances I have with having an orgasm is masturbation.
Starting point is 00:44:34 And each time I finish, it just oozes out instead of shoot. And the rare times it does shoot, it's just a weak little hop, then it oozes some more. So it just oozes out Instead of shoots but when it does shoot It doesn't shoot that much
Starting point is 00:44:49 You're never going to become a coxman at that rate No I've noticed if I Resist my urges to fap For at least a week Then I shoot pretty far But it doesn't take me as long to finish Wow what a miracle dick you have.
Starting point is 00:45:08 They must study you. Is there... Wait, wait, wait. So if you don't come for a while, you want to come more? Yeah. Huh. I don't get it. Okay.
Starting point is 00:45:22 I should just donate my body to science here. I think so, yeah, that would be fine. Is there some kind of way to ensure I'm able to shoot more often instead of ooze without having to drive myself crazy resisting my urges? Like drinking more water, maybe. Keep in mind we're on GameFAQs. Discover some sort of secret of the ooze. Ooh, not bad, not bad.
Starting point is 00:45:47 We are still on GameFAQs. Oh, hey, look, it's Pitmaster Shyguy again. Hello. Hey, Pitmaster Shyguy. It's interesting to me you never masturbated until age 27. What? What? Oh,
Starting point is 00:46:06 okay. That's also interesting. I agree. That is a point of interest. Yep. That is definitely what will be in somebody's psychological profile. Well, I mean, he's a GameFAQs user. He was just having too much sex to masturbate until that point. That's true.
Starting point is 00:46:22 So naturally, you were able to preserve all the things in your body that go into creating seminal fluid and all that sperm all those years, while most men were losing it daily decades before. Wow. Is this guy one of those life essence kooks? He definitely is a life essence kook. Yes, absolutely. Like, I wouldn't be surprised to see that the average age for masturbation to start with boys to be age 12, maybe. And you doubled that and more.
Starting point is 00:46:49 I'm only speculating. Right. But I bet you did grow a bit more efficiently than 99.9% of the males across the globe. Gotta say, man, first beating it at age 27 is an anomaly. And basically, I think whatever led you done that pat is a blessing wow that has nothing to do with the original topic just like fixated on that one fact i wonder where my mind would be at this point if I didn't think about women all those years and instead had more fun, more sleep, and more attention to other things than sex.
Starting point is 00:47:30 This guy's like a youth pastor, but for nofap. Yeah, he's like... Having sex has really held me back. Yeah, I know. I like the idea of more sleep, too. Like, yeah, whenever I beat off, I'm definitely not flooded with depressants or anything. This could have at least 300 more levels on Overwatch if it hadn't been for the women distracting him.
Starting point is 00:47:56 God, this BEMoid is really getting in the way of my Overwatch stats. Hey, uh, I'm turned on by dudes who get turned on by looking at dudes getting it on. Alrighty. Do you need me to repeat that? Because I'll totally repeat it. Here we go. I'm turned on by dudes who get turned on by looking at dudes getting it on.
Starting point is 00:48:22 Yeah, okay. I'm turned on by dudes fucking and there's a mirror on either side of them. This is a really weird They Might Be Giants song. Turned on. I found out something
Starting point is 00:48:34 quite interesting about myself recently. I'm turned on by dudes getting turned on. Whoa, what a twist. I was not prepared for that. Whoa, what a twist. Didn't see that one coming. He put two ellipses in front of him, too. He knew that he had you on the hook.
Starting point is 00:49:01 I'm not turned on or off by watching two dudes getting it on with each other in order for me to get turned on by an erotic scene, which is capitalized, be it in erotic books, which is capitalized, comics, capitalized, videos, which is capitalized, and games, which is capitalized. I need at least one girl, which is capitalized, and the scene, which is capitalized, be it in hentai, which is capitalized, or in stuff is capitalized, be it in Hentai which is capitalized, or in stuff with real capital life capital people, but I found
Starting point is 00:49:30 I find the thought that I'm a capital dude, I'm attracted to being turned on by looking at other capital dudes getting it on with each other to be a turn on. Wow. I wonder why. You know, I'm getting the sense that he's turned on by dudes
Starting point is 00:49:45 Who get turned on by dudes Getting it on This is not gay if the balls don't touch Taken to an incredible abstraction As we've already learned It's not sex unless something goes into Something else Yeah, we did learn that
Starting point is 00:50:01 I'm a voyeurism voyeur also as anyone found out anything interesting about themselves like this recently hee hee hee I'm coming for you oh Jack check your back
Starting point is 00:50:23 I sure am it's time for some more Pimp Master Shy Guy. Yay! Holy fuck, the way you worded this fuck just paralyzed my critical thinking skills for a moment. Yeah, that makes sense. Only thing I've figured out about myself that relates to your homosexual post is that I get off to the male cum shot.
Starting point is 00:50:48 Yeah, you do seem somewhat infatuated with the yes. But not because it's a male, but due to the fact that I know women are interested in the cum. That's, oh, man. Oh, yeah. It makes sure. They're interested in the cum. They sure are. You know, I would imagine every woman right now wearing headphones,
Starting point is 00:51:10 listening to you saying that, is just nodding aggressively. Well, you know why, Lemon? It's because it makes them feel like they just got a reward. Hey, baby, why don't you tug on my Skinner box for a while? Holy shit! hey baby why don't you tug on my skinner box for a while holy shit fuck oh my god you know keep going
Starting point is 00:51:41 and in a way the woman just weakened the man and he succumbed to her or was overpowered by her the moment he busted his nut with her right basically basically the male is vulnerable in this instant and it's exciting when a woman sucks all his cum and then continues sucking the penis because the man is in such a sensitive, weakened state, yet she still wants more from him? Yep, yep, yep, yep, exactly. You know, that, yeah, when you nut, but she's still sucking. That's just the truest thing ever written. Yeah, I kind of get turned on by the fact that the woman is overpowering him in a way.
Starting point is 00:52:21 It goes back to what I was saying about men and the women like to get a little aggressive and act like they own the guy's dick like it's theirs and they'll use it how they want we're learning a lot about pimp master shy guy here god he's freaking creepy he actually has not written the word essence in all of these posts either, which is really weird. But I'm back again. But if anyone's curious about how I found out this about myself recently, and by this I mean that I'm turned on by dudes who get turned on by ladies. Okay. Well, I was talking with one of my friends, who I'm very attracted to, last month.
Starting point is 00:53:11 Sharing some hentai with him. He showed me his hentai, and I showed him mine. What? Yes. Most of the hentai he showed me had two or more dudes getting it on. And? I got really aroused every time he showed me that... Oh, it's that word that I can't pronounce. The yaoi. How'd I do?
Starting point is 00:53:38 Bad. Yaoi? Okay, good. About a fifth of our listeners are like, that fucking guy. Okay. Yowie? Hentai.
Starting point is 00:53:50 Pictures that turned him on. I wasn't turned on by the Yowie pictures, per se. I was turned on by the thought that he was turned on by these pictures. He showed me a lipsis!
Starting point is 00:54:09 Exclamation point. The only possible conclusion there is you're turned on by dudes that get turned on by looking at dudes getting it on. Thank you, thank you. That's the conclusion I came to as well. I showed him hentai pictures with girls too, and
Starting point is 00:54:26 he liked them, but I got much more turned on by his arousal to the dudes than to the girls. Get a layer of abstraction in between you and the dudes getting it on, and you're still straight. That's right. That's the rule. Hey, F+,
Starting point is 00:54:42 guess what? What? It's time for poetry! Yeah! Yeah! Yes! All right. Stog, you like poetry. Yes, I do. Fantastic.
Starting point is 00:54:52 All right, so you get to choose here. There's two different poems I'm going to lay in front of you. You get to choose which one you would prefer to read. Poem number one is called My Poem, OCD Ode to PlayStation 4. Uh-huh. It's by Pocket Estes. The other poem is called The Kappa-ness of Frank Sappa.
Starting point is 00:55:10 Ah, yes. Yes, the well-known Twitch thing. Okay, good, great. I think I'm going to go with the OCD ode to PlayStation 4. Okay, great. This is the OCD ode to PlayStation 4 written
Starting point is 00:55:24 by Pocket Estes. Yes. Three years ago. Yeah, three years ago. I'm a Dark Souls. OCD ode to PlayStation 4. My sexy and distinguished italicized square. With the blue light of destiny you vertically bear. Okay, not bad so far.
Starting point is 00:55:47 The X-Bots have yet to write a poem for the one it's true. Okay, there goes the scansion. Took us line three. Wait, no, no, no, no. Here comes some syllables. But you, oh, the DualShock 4 creates the ambience and mood. And there goes the vending. Absolutely, right there.
Starting point is 00:56:07 It's right back on. It is now a regular post. My girlfriend left us from neglect some while ago. Us? Because I spent too much time on the couch in your heavenly glow. As I idle away in my leisurely time, awaiting to invest 160 hours in Final Fantasy 29.
Starting point is 00:56:32 You see, 160 is only three characters, so therefore it's the same amount to pronounce as the word two. Pizza and Doritos have my blood glucose in flux. Keep going, keep going.
Starting point is 00:56:49 How I haven't soiled my pants is a paradox. It actually isn't. They both end in X, so that's a rhyme. That's not a paradox. I keep you in a cabinet and dust you with a microcloth. I have too many games with few YouTube subscribers to watch me unbox. Ah, you're so bad at this. I turn the lights down and turn you on.
Starting point is 00:57:15 I have a pasty white tan from never mowing my lawn. God, how does that relate? Alright, just working my lawn into this fucking poem. And now, send. I mindfully admit I have a self-care deficit. But for my PlayStation 4,
Starting point is 00:57:36 I simply need more. No, you tried and then you just... Do you have a problem with my poem? You have no problem with his poem. His poem is perfect. Yeah, my poem is perfect. Um,
Starting point is 00:57:56 Isfahan? Yes. Oh, you know what? No, Isfahan, I got a different one for you. So, Frank West, choice for you. Poem number one is called Upon Homer's Attempt to Plumb the Depths of His Solely or a Misattribution of Family Guy
Starting point is 00:58:13 Is that both choices or is that just one choice? That was one choice. Upon Homer's Attempt to Plumb the Depths of His Solely or a Misattribution of Family Guy. One poem. The other one is called I Am Not a Teenage Girl in Japan. I'm gonna go
Starting point is 00:58:36 with Upon Homer's Attempt to Plumb the Depths of His Soul, or a Misattribution of Family Guy. Excellent. Okay, cool. I actually mispronounced it as or a Mesa distribution of Family Guy. It's worth noting this title is so long, it goes into the post. Excellent. That's GameFAQs' way of telling you to stop.
Starting point is 00:59:03 My name is Flaming Beast. Upon Homer's attempt to plumb the depths of his soul, or a misatee-tribution of Family Guy, Homer drank Ipecac in a closed cell of
Starting point is 00:59:19 ancolic qualities. Soon enough, a purge of all his sound and trail set on. A gush of vomit green and thick to breathe, the sick itself. Clogged up his air pipes to loosen again as the list of what made
Starting point is 00:59:36 up the chunks inside the churning vomit came chased wives, slow dawns, cool nights, tempest-strung... I don't know what this means anymore, so I feel like I'm just reading a list. This is basically a Homeric poem. Like, this is
Starting point is 00:59:51 probably somewhere in the Iliad. This is startlingly better than the last fucking thing. Yeah. Husband's lives stacked over storm-cloud sweep, worn kings of myths As cramps set in the bard
Starting point is 01:00:07 Kneeled over like his pauper blood Flew out his nostrils crimson green And spattered from his mouth His salty tears meant nothing Next to the ferric blood Slicks down his throat I think that may actually be the best poem we've ever read on the fucking F+.
Starting point is 01:00:27 Even with nostrils crimson green? I didn't say it was good. It was the best poem. And ferric blood. Thank you for clarifying. Like, he actually understood his source material and wrote it, like, in the
Starting point is 01:00:43 style. He didn't do a good job, but, you know. Yeah. He didn't just do stupid rhyming couplets and then fail at that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. Great. So let's keep this poetry train a-rollin', then.
Starting point is 01:00:55 Isfahan. Yeah. This is called Stoned Love, and it's by Strangelove. Okay. Underscore. Hey, everyone. I by Strangelove. Okay. Underscore. Hey, everyone. I'm Strangelove, and I got a poem called Stoned Love.
Starting point is 01:01:12 Where were you when I dangled from the chandelier, flower in your hair, a stiff brandy woven with a college education? Whose segments did you so arrange upon my bathrooms and linoleum? What friend of yours advised me that I'm taking this too lightly? Yeah, that's better. Whose father, mine or yours, would say, you're better off without the other? Whose childhood, laid front to end,
Starting point is 01:01:42 best encourages another's envy? Who commands and who reposes? laid front to end best encourages another's envy who commands and who reposes which of us in deposition makes a more outrageous statement and who in social settings can exaggerate more plausibly this is the poem where
Starting point is 01:01:57 I buy like three beers and attempt to chug them all at once in order to be able to get to the rest of this I'm so mad that they closed down periscope those videos were the best i'm gonna grab you by the hair and say tonight i'm gonna put this steak through your heart damn you and be done with it and never do it damn it you and i a bunch of backsliding underachievers i want i want I want one time. Wait, gather.
Starting point is 01:02:26 I want us to be sure of anything. Fuck yeah, I love disturbed lyrics. You feel me? Are you listening? No. Oh, I wish I wasn't.
Starting point is 01:02:40 Drowning deep in my sea of loathing. Now, here are the hiccups of my conditional love. Okay. It's not a comedy. Why are you laughing? Snap for that line alone. I'm pouring out my soul here.
Starting point is 01:02:58 The emotionally distant cheek pecks of my uncertain disposition. The, if I could, I would write it off and call it all caps. It actually says all caps. Hyphenated words for some reason. The modern condition. My charter school's education's remnants of dignified,
Starting point is 01:03:18 though insincere and frankly downright arrogant, breastfeeding to the point of sadomaso, mea culpa, BS Brady Bunch contrition. Can you handle that? Are you down with that? That being the sickness?
Starting point is 01:03:35 Fuck you! Can you handle that? Oh yeah, that word, that. Can you handle a real self-pity addict the way I handle an attention junkie? Can you handle a real self-pity addict the way I handle an attention junkie? Are you calling me to bed? Are we falling to sleep?
Starting point is 01:03:51 Am I a big... Oh man, this makes me want to grab my bass guitar and squat so fucking low. And am I... Crab walk all over this poem. Am I big, spoon, or little? And will we laugh about this in the morning over and over and over in ad nauseum you know like forever
Starting point is 01:04:10 my name's shy ox oh hell come on man I know you can do better than that I know you have it in you I said to myself I thought that was actually a good response to the poem. I did too.
Starting point is 01:04:30 I was actually going to read that. I was like, wait, why is this from reading when he read the, oh. All right. The very last section that we have in this document, once again, document provided to us by Girlkisser420, Shellgame, and EvuSultanSlim. Thank you very, very much. The last section that we have here is called Fact Highlights. That's right, we are on Game Facts, and we are going to be looking at
Starting point is 01:04:52 some game facts. It's only appropriate. So, this is a fact for the game Home Alone for the Super Nintendo. Oh, yeah. And
Starting point is 01:05:07 so Jim Fish, that's you, Jack Chick, and Jim Fish, you wrote this fact. Can you just lead me in? I don't need to know everything about the game, but if you could just lead me into your fact. I just want to know a little bit about this process, would you?
Starting point is 01:05:24 Yes, it's official. i love the attention give me your emails make my head explode to send me email that i will read please set it up with the following fields email jimfish at gmail.com subject line home alone guide now that you've got my interest you must abide by the rules below or else it won't be read instead ignored please if you want your voice to be heard follow the rules slash guidelines i hold the keys to the home Alone back and don't you forget it the dues inform me of errors that I've made either constant grammar or factual info
Starting point is 01:06:14 pass on strategies and solutions on how to solve parts of the game which I have not mentioned wait isn't this an all inclusiveinclusive game fact? Are you like level 1, do all this shit, level 2 and haven't got there yet? I'm actually quite bad
Starting point is 01:06:31 at Home Alone for Super Nintendo. Write in words, not internet shortcuts. I like to read emails with proper formatting and grammar. Please do be sure to write your email like so. What is the proper formatting for an email?
Starting point is 01:06:59 More importantly, I demand proper grammar, so I'm ending my sentence in a fucking preposition. Yay! And starting a sentence with a conjunction. The do nots. Send me chain letters or spam. That one's a big no-no. Send attachments. In some cases, I do accept them, but usually for pictures only.
Starting point is 01:07:27 Send me news. Not virus, virus, virus.exe. Use childlike emails with crap colors. I don't want to see 32 bright yellow font on top of a lime green background. Well, now that puts a question in my mind. What will you accept no stupid 1337 speaking if I see it it's deleted in a
Starting point is 01:07:56 flash and I miss that part of the internet yeah I think ball pitch should have a just type only and lead speak the rest of this is I think ball pit should have a just type only and lead speak thread. The rest of this is kind of boring, so. All right. Okay, so this is the Metal Gear Solid 3 boss fact by Industrial Rock Monster.
Starting point is 01:08:21 Why don't we take that, please? This guy belongs to me, Endrock Monster, alias. It's not my Christian name. Yeah. Copyright 2004. I claim sole ownership of this guide. Contributions from others found in this document
Starting point is 01:08:43 belong to the contributors. Metal gear solid, and all related names and other related material belong to Konami Copyright 2000X Only the following websites may use this guide GameFAQs and GameSpot Okay Any other website that hosts this document will be doing so illegally in ways right to defend against relentless taunts of profanities and owners of websites in violation may also be subject to...
Starting point is 01:09:07 Oh, okay. This is doing a thing. Okay. Violent beatings and mutilation. This is some fun legalese right here. Violent beatings and mutilation. This document may not be used for any commercial profits, only private profits. This guide may only be reprinted in its current and unchanged form.
Starting point is 01:09:23 Guys, I want to tell you about the end of my dino crisis fact. My name's Stinger316. Okay, I have some special thanks. Number one, God for everything. Sure. Number two, my family and my dogs. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:38 Two family and my dogs. Number three, Game Facts for publishing my facts. Number four, Cheat Code Central for publishing my facts. Brown nose. Number four, Cheat Code Central for allowing me to use their GameShark codes. Thanks, Dave. GameShark. These GameShark codes are private.
Starting point is 01:09:53 Don't use them. Your GameShark calls Cheat Code Central every time. Number five, my computer. Number six, those of you who sent me your compliments, thanks, man. Interesting. And then number seven, you for reading my fact. Okay, there's
Starting point is 01:10:13 the list of the damned. First of all, Vega. Okay? He plagiarized my Dino Crisis walkthrough and sell it in his store. He sold it for 12,500 Ruples. Although, although he
Starting point is 01:10:30 has translated my walkthrough into Indonesian language, I can still recognize it. That stupid son of a bitch translated words by words. The book's title is Game Guide Volume 9. All the previous volume of that book is also ripping
Starting point is 01:10:46 off someone else's fact, especially from Game Facts. Translate that into Indonesian for HS. The animal that I suspect responsible for that. I got a few words for you. Fuck you, bastard. How dare you plagiarize my walkthrough and sold it in your filthy
Starting point is 01:11:02 store. Enjoy that money while you can, because soon I will make you regret for being born into this world! A spittle or a monitor for any of the readers that want to do me any favor, please send flames, hate mail, viruses, bombs,
Starting point is 01:11:18 nuclear, or anything to his address. Jesus, would God and your dogs want you talking like that? I'm going to make you pay once I write fuck you in ASCII art. Number two, GameStation. I'm mad at him, but I'm going to skip to number three. XBoy
Starting point is 01:11:35 aka PansyBoy aka XGay. Oh, damn. This son of a bitch is the webmaster Of that fucking site Vendigo He is the world's dumbest son of a bitch That I have ever met In their fucking message board
Starting point is 01:11:53 It says that we Parentheses fact author Are the same as the plagiarist Because all we do is finish the game and then write it down Ha ha ha ha ha ha What a good reason Now you know why I said he's the world's dumbest son of a bitch.
Starting point is 01:12:06 If you said that we finished the game, then write it down, then why don't you do that by yourself, motherfucker? Why do you have to rip off my facts? Wow, Brady. And then finally,
Starting point is 01:12:24 the very last fact that we have here Stog Take it would ya Oh yes this is my fact for Bachelorette party burning desire By me fecal lord Fecal lord Yes I'm lord of the shit
Starting point is 01:12:39 Okay Great cool Anyway beat em and eat em is notorious for being one of the few leather bound porn games produced for the atari 2600 it's a basically arcanoid except only flipped sideways instead of vertical and instead of a ball you're using a naked woman and instead of launching her at bricks you're knocking her into a pack of naked men well i want to read a sean baby article about this immediately. Just think that someone came up with the idea for this game,
Starting point is 01:13:09 decided to make it, and sold the thing. Also, somebody actually bought it and enjoyed it. Isn't that great? Okay. All right. Good, yeah. I'm looking around the open mic club to see if anybody else is about to start clapping.
Starting point is 01:13:30 Keep going. You hit the, this is how to play. You hit the fire button to launch your woman. Then you move your paddle up and down. The idea is to get your paddle in front of the woman in order to knock her right. If you miss the woman, then you lose a life. If you successfully bounce the woman, she will hit one of the eight men to your right
Starting point is 01:13:51 and cause him to disappear, giving you five points. That's super right. Yeah. I can't wait to jerk off to this idea. Once you all knock out all eight men in the knockout game, another eight appear. The knockout game? What?
Starting point is 01:14:10 Once you knock out all eight men, another eight appear and you get one of your lives back. If your woman hits the back wall, then she starts moving twice as fast and she keeps moving at the speed until you lose a life. Well, I do like fast women and disappearing men.
Starting point is 01:14:27 Here's the next section tips. The woman flies at a different angle depending on whether she lands in the middle area of your paddle or near the ends. Use these angles to your advantage whenever possible. Don't wait for the woman to come back left before you move the paddle. Always follow the woman with it.
Starting point is 01:14:42 Am I right, fellas? Here's the experimental with it. Am I right, fellas? Hmm. Yeah. Here's the experimental tip section. Whoa. For a little while now, I've had a PayPal link in all my FAQs at the very bottom here, mainly as a small experiment since a few other FAQ authors also had the same idea. I had a few people email me before I put this link in because they wanted to send money, so it's here for those people. For the record, I've received about $87, which works out to a bit more than Canadian LOL.
Starting point is 01:15:10 Wow. Last I checked, so I've been getting cases of pop and making some excellent progress on a few facts. If you don't want to send money or can't, then send me an email. It's nice to hear what people thought about my work, and there's always room for improvement. Thanks, Fecal Lord. Thanks, Fecal Lord. So, what did we learn from any of this, F-Plus? I mean, I gotta admit, like, that last, the Bachelorette
Starting point is 01:15:33 Party Pack, I think that's the whole thing. But it's remarkably unpretentious. I'll give him that much. He's like, okay, here's an Atari 2600 sex game alright it's Arkanoid play Arkanoid I don't know
Starting point is 01:15:50 I learned that all of these sub forums we went to are either closed forever or hidden so thoroughly that only recurring users would know they're there in the first place which means that GameFAQs is somehow smarter than almost any other
Starting point is 01:16:05 site we've gone to. Well, also, like, it's apparently impossible for a forum to just focus on one thing, like, to have a theme. Now, it has to be, like, if you want it to be, it has to be, like, your everything. Like, you have to be able to post about anything
Starting point is 01:16:21 you want. Like, the entirety of the internet is about video games, so you can't just talk about video games. Yeah, you wouldn't be able to sustain anything with just talking about video games. Nah, I don't think you can. You just run out of stuff to talk about, I think. Well, I mean, some people would.
Starting point is 01:16:42 There are only eight video games ever released. Okay, what are those eight games? There's Arkanoid, there's Sinistar, there's Super Mario 64, Pirates of the Caribbean, Dead Man's Chest, the PS2 version. There's Call of Duty Black Ops 1. There's Wolfenstein 3D, the one, the Space Marine Edition, and there's also the
Starting point is 01:17:10 Crane game, but for the PS4 Pro. I hate to admit it, but he's right. He covered all the angles. And taken Stog to pub trivia night. Yay! I've never really looked at the whole list before, but yeah, it's
Starting point is 01:17:30 a lot smaller than I thought. My god. Glasses. The website as always, thefbl.us Perhaps by this time, or sometime close to this, we will have a new run of stickers. We've still been doing
Starting point is 01:17:48 stickers benefiting the Southern Poverty Law Center as well as patches and tattoos. We got tattoos. You can do all those things. Reformers Ball Pit, go away! Oh, okay. All right. Way! I keep sending it to your address and I never... it just comes back.
Starting point is 01:18:33 Come on, Frank, make with the hentai. It just keeps getting returned to sender. I don't know why you keep rejecting it. That's very rude. I wasn't aware that you were physically mailing it. Jack Chick, why can't you be a friend? Travel down the road and back again. I only deal with physical hentai.
Starting point is 01:18:51 I don't deal with that digital low-quality shit, man. Thank you. Thank you. Fist bump.

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