The F Plus - 268: How To Win At ASCII Art
Episode Date: November 26, 2017Since 1995, GameFAQs has served as a hub for video game walkthroughs and strategies. While this is of little concern to our podcast, the fact that this website also contains a forum where video g...ame enthusiasts can share their thoughts concerns us. Having now read the thoughts they feel are worth sharing, we're simply concerned. This week, The F Plus comes down with a bad case of Frenchman's Leg.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Frank West? Frank West?
Yeah?
Why haven't you ever shared your hentai with me?
Hey everyone! Welcome to the F+.
It's a weird, cool place, and there's-
I hate this voice!
There's terrible things right with enthusiasm!
In the room tonight we have Frank West.
How do I do it?
Bang, bang, boo, boo, with my way older, lusty Mexican co-worker.
Yes, Fahan?
If you hold the controller vibrating
in your penis, your will come.
Jack Chick?
There are only so many word
permutations, though nobody knows
the equation. Threff or all of life
is may-nay-inkles.
Stog!
Number of e-huggies received today?
Zero. Zero. Number of e-huggies received today, zero.
Number of e-huggies wanted daily, one million.
And Lemon.
I don't know what came over me, but I just slacked one of her boobs out of nowhere.
Is this okay?
She's not gonna get cancer or something, right?
Hey, F+. Hello.
Hey, Lemon.
Hey, all of the, let's see.
Oh, it looks like it's mainly gentlemen in the room tonight.
Is that right? It's all fellas? Mm-hmm. Well, so that's see. Oh, it looks like it's mainly gentlemen in the room tonight. Is that right?
It's all fellas?
Mm-hmm.
Well, so that's great.
So it looks like here I am in a room with other dudes on the internet,
and that means that we should probably talk about video games, right?
Yeah, that's something women never talk about.
Yeah, women hate video games
don't like video games they're trying to get them outlawed yeah uh yeah so i've uh i was uh the other
uh the other day i was looking at um the uh analytics for the f plus we don't use google
analytics we use something else but i was looking at the traffic and i was noticing that you know
there's a sort of a plateau and actually a very slight decline um in the uh in the the visitors to the fpl.us
and so i thought that we could fix this by and here's an exciting exciting idea let's have a
podcast where we talk about video games huh oh that's that kind of out of the box thinking that has kept this podcast fresh, Lemon?
Is that really going to play with our core demographic?
That's true.
I don't think anyone would be interested in a podcast about video games.
Well, I mean, here, let me just do some quick analytics by going to our forums, ballpit.
That's B-A-L-L-P dot I-T.
And just looking at the video game
oh god yeah it's like a big order of the
forums lemon's trying to grow the podcast
audience you know yeah yeah yeah
untapped markets and all that organically
and definitely not uh skeezy well
well so uh we're gonna be going to a
uh a very uh good
um and and and
skeezy and not skeezy site
it's called gameFacts.com
Yay!
So GameFacts
you might remember
is a place where you could
go to get a walkthrough
to figure out how to play
one of the
Silent Hill games or figure out how
to have sex
in one of the Grand Theft Auto games.
No, I mean, I don't know what it's like
to need such foolish things.
Or to get somebody who
exhaustively and painstakingly wrote
out the entire script for Metal Gear Solid 3.
I didn't know that that happened.
Holy shit, how many bytes
is that? That would crash a browser
with that many words.
But another thing that game facts has and in and uh in addition to the titular facts um is a forum um there is an extensive forum
um on uh gamefacts.com forward slash boards um and that's what we're going to be looking at this
is a document uh provided by a trio of power players.
I'm talking about Girlkisser420, Shellgame, and YavuzSultanSalim.
Got a dream team.
That's right.
We're going to the Podcasting Olympics.
This is the Harlem Globetrotters of the F+.
There will be no physical activity at the Podcasting Olympics.
A lot of sitting.
It's the sound check off.
But yeah, so let's cut straight to it here.
So let's start off with a very important topic.
And that is...
About video games.
About video games.
We're on GameFAQs.
And advice is fronted straight.
Well, good. Is there a character in a video game
oh right out of the
gate this is so good
what's our zero to no homo speed
well I don't know we had a really long preamble this
episode but my name is Cat Black Fever
and
I partook in it with a
friend we both consider ourselves straight this past weekend
the grinding of our and this is game facts they're going to censor a lot so the grinding of our dicks
together felt really good technically we didn't have sex because nothing went inside of an orifice
that's what sex is. That's right.
Every lesbian is a virgin.
I knew it!
What does
that make me? I'm not attracted
to men, but I genuinely
like the feeling of the
same sex's genitalia
on me. And
the responses are unhelpful.
So we're just going to move on.
We just need to get that out of the way.
But Isfahan, your name is Modest J.
Yes.
And why don't you tell me about, well, something called Iron and Blood,
whatever that is.
He's no longer violent.
Iron and Blood is the only fighting game I ever hated.
Look, fighting games are sacred to me.
I see the beauty in all of them.
Even Pit Fighter.
Wow, take that, Kato.
That's going back.
But this was beyond the limits of terrible.
Never have I been so disgusted by a fighting game in my life.
I took great pleasure in playing Frisbee with it.
Then I just snapped it in two and threw it in the garbage.
Yep.
I, Modest J,
who you all give a shit about,
self-proclaimed lover of all fighting games,
threw that piece of shit in the garbage.
Oh no! And I'm
proud of it. Oh
no! What is your signature?
Hooey!
I said, bug-a-dug-a-bug-a-dug-a-bug-a-dug-a-bug-a-dug-a-bug-a-duga.
Okay.
That's what I thought you said.
Boris and Natasha.
Thanks. Thanks, Modest J. That's the piece of pop culture I chose to rep myself.
I, too, get all my advice from cartoon characters.
Yeah, well, I don't think we're done being mad at video games.
Stog, your name is Failio, and three years ago, you had something to say about Final Fantasy XX2 HD
remaster, apparently. Yeah.
This shit is so
fucking stupid!
Oh my, oh my. I swear
to God, every time I calm down, I just
read something that pisses me off again.
What the fuck is wrong with Square Enix?
Is this
real life? Did I just fall through the fucking
looking glass or what
I mean on top of everything
else is it really true that
Yuna is annoyed by Titus's
childishness
someone even said she flat out starts crying
for the bomb thing cause he gets excited about
the blitz ball well bitch must have
thought it was a blitz ball too if she didn't make a move to stop
him she's been acting
described as acting cruelly towards him.
Well, fuck Yuna.
Isn't that why you fell in love with him in the first place?
Because he was carefree and exuberant, a youthful spirit who lives for making Yuna smile?
Now she finds his traits annoying?
Okay.
So you're not engaged in the plot at all.
That's what I'm gleaning from all of this.
This is like the transcript of an argument at a convention somewhere.
Apparently, he didn't age, but are they trying to say two years would make that much of a difference?
Please, I'm supposed to like you in it, but right now I just want to take a fucking ice pick to her face.
Oh, dear.
Oh, my.
fucking ice pick to her face.
Oh, dear.
Oh, my.
In X2, she became more like Titus,
but all of a sudden,
but now she all of a sudden hates that part.
The fuck?
This is all just character assassination. Oh, yay.
Can video game characters sue each other for libel?
This is all just character assassination I can see why
this damn book is so loathed why why why is you a bitch now why is Titus being
tortured tortured I thought this was supposed to be your golden couple square
stop it square stop shitting up my favorite. You act like you own him or something.
What the fuck?
I just want to say, I just want to say a little bit further down in the thread, Philvup
says, Failio
is correct. This whole thing
is getting worse by the minute.
Some of that is the 24-hour Final Fantasy news cycle, though.
It's all headlines with that game.
Yeah.
Frank, what do you got?
My name is Mistletane.
Do Asari have vaginas?
And that's one of the races in Mass Effect.
I know who it is.
Okay.
Well, okay.
Yeah.
Our viewers also know what it is.
Yeah, fair enough.
I'm the dumb one.
Our viewers also know what that is. Fair enough, I'm the dumb one.
We know that they reproduce via psychic connection, so is their birth vaginal?
Oh my god.
Seems odd to me that they would have an organ physically identical to that of a human woman's
and connected to a womb, but it isn't meant for
intercourse maybe asari just have a blank space between their legs and asari infants just pop
into being beside their mothers hi i'm i'm i'm sage of life Sage. I figure they have a birth canal, but not a vagina.
How is that possible?
There's a birth canal and it just stops?
They probably view vaginal sex very similarly to how humans view anal sex.
What?
What? What?
There's so much to unpack in that sentence, and I don't want to.
And Isfahan, you're just a loser?
I'm just a loser.
I prefer to think that they do.
Yay! In my America. I prefer to think that they do.
Yay!
In my America.
Isfahan, you like Metal Gear Solid, right?
Metal Gear.
That's right.
So, Isfahan, will you tell me about the funniest Metal Gear Solid reference you have used in real life?
Okay, guys, hold on to your sides because they might split.
I don't want split sides.
My name is Todd Jammer.
Okay. My best one was when some punk came up to me and started to steal my wallet.
He's making wallet theft preparations.
Man, my believability
meter is really just going crazy.
You hold the X button for like five seconds
and then you steal the wallet.
This is my audition for not always right.
It's so rigorous
all of a sudden. Yeah, you can't just post there.
You gotta warm up on GameFAQs first.
I pushed him away and made the
Oceloti hand gesture
at the teen and muttered,
You're pretty good. The kid actually
ran away. Yay!
Oh my god, you have graduated!
Congratulations!
Alright.
Well, unless you have another one you want to share oh well i i think
i do this happens to me suspiciously often okay uh well the other one i forgot a guy was installing
a new camera for the place that i work so i go and stand next to the camera and say
a surveillance camera the man fell off the ladder laughing.
Wow.
Wow, congratulations. Your second one is more
believable.
I walked up to an
object and identified it, and
the man magically knew that was a reference
to a video game from 1998
and fell off the ladder laughing.
Holy shit, so good!
Please note that it wasn't at his job,
it was the place that he works.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Yeah.
My name is Cloud 100 Million.
That is correct.
Yes, yes you are, yes.
Hooray, I got numbers right today!
Good job, Stock.
I was in a field once with my friends in the middle of summer.
I had sunglasses on, and I suddenly remembered Liquid's quote from MGS1.
So I stood up and randomly spurted out,
in a really good imitation, they said afterward.
Of course, of course.
People are always talking about my solid snake impression.
Snake, did you like my sunglasses?
Then I remembered how an MGS4 liquid ocelot
threw his glasses away in a dramatic fashion.
I did the same.
And I heard a faint splash.
I'd thrown them into a river.
Much hilarity was had.
Oh!
Great. Are we in Offbeat Bride
all of a sudden?
But only two people got the reference.
That doesn't sound like much hilarity to me.
But those two people really enjoyed it a lot.
Oh, I see.
And then they explained the reference to the other people there, and they started laughing, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was like that puking scene in Stand By Me, but with laughter.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Good.
Hey, guys, I'm Razgriz101.
Hey, Razgriz.
Hi, hi, hi, hi.
Sitting in class, teacher went, you're possessive, not doing well.
In the course, done the ocelot hand gesture and went, you're pretty good.
Only four people in the class got it, and the teacher was baffled.
But I got a black bandana for today since it's the last day of school and I'm gonna go
about doing Pranks XD awesome!
I'm leaving school finally.
We're gonna release the sheep in the corridors.
I think the most
telling part of that story was
that when the
teacher not getting your
Metal Gear Solid reference somehow helped you
join Antifa.
Snake's bandana isn't black.
It turns out the sheep is a secret Antifa super soldier.
Let's date this podcast.
Yeah, totally.
Hey, okay, this is time for a nice, good, long GameFAQs thread.
Here we go.
So my name is Milkman.
And hey, I just installed a bidet today, and I just used it for the first time.
Yay!
I bought one of those little side control bidets off Amazon.
It took me 30 minutes to install, which means that I already
must have had a hookup for a bidet,
because, I mean, they need water and also electricity,
so impressive. Anyway,
I wasn't sure
what to expect, and I just wanted to
try it out. Being a man,
I was somewhat hesitant to aim
a stream of water at my butthole.
What if the water thinks I'm gay?
To my surprise,
it worked excellently.
I couldn't believe how
well it cleaned me.
Wiping was only necessary to dry.
I was expecting the cold water
to be awful, but didn't even notice the temperature.
I just had to
wiggle my butt around a bit
to find the right spot and it was effortlessly cleaned.
I highly recommend a bidet.
Looking forward to pooping again tomorrow to try it again.
I need to give myself excuses.
He's just looking down at a stomach like cheering it on I am gonna introduce this guy to prune juice and his life is gonna be changed
I'm also looking forward to saving money on toilet paper yeah whatever
um it's fun uh you're Roger SKG1979
That made me
LOL for real
How strong is the water
flow on the bidet?
Is it like a little trickle like
from a water fountain or is it like
a garden hose spraying your ass at full
force?
I ask because
I often have messy shits
The kind where you wipe and wipe and wipe
And it ends up taking half a roll of TP to get clean
Sometimes they are so messy
I just say screw it
Take off all my clothes and jump in the shower
And use the detachable shower head to blast my ass clean
Wow, okay Do you know what the word bidet means? the detachable shower head to blast my ass clean. Wow!
Okay. Do you know what the word
bidet means?
I don't know what that is,
but I'm gonna guess
it's a fire extinguisher.
I'm more wondering if this guy
knows what vegetables are.
Those are the things you can only talk about.
So, no?
Sorry. I would like to get a bidet, Those are the things you can only talk about. We're on GameFAQ, so no. Oh, yeah.
Sorry.
I would like to get a bidet,
but I wonder if it would actually be effective at cleaning my messy shits.
Or if I...
Will a bidet be as effective
as spraying my asshole with water?
Okay, so I'm milkman again okay it was enough pressure to clean my arse oh boy i'm british i'm thinking he's scottish oh okay he's a sheep in the corridors
one of my concerns is the potential to spray into my butt, which I really don't want.
That makes it kind of an impasse with what a bidet is.
I've only used it once, but that hasn't happened yet.
It has a control knob, and I started off slow.
I opened it up all the way, and I feel like the gradual increase in pressure was easier to adapt to.
I think if I just open up the pressure to full blast right away that it might catch me off guard.
It'll take some getting used to and some experimenting with.
Just a couple hours alone every day in the bathroom.
I guess it would also depend on the water pressure in your home as well mine seems fine
but yours could be different i've also had issues with excessive wiping to the point
where i wonder if my toilet will be able to flush all the paper i used
it's like i'm wiping a marker i just quoted myself in saying. Well, he stole that from something else.
Good. Great. Well, that's
true. I'm a video game fan. I don't have
original thoughts. Another concern
I had was,
where does the poop go when it's washed off?
What?
That was a concern that I had.
Now we're getting into the laws of physics here.
No, it's, now
we're actually fully talking the gig.
Poop?
Where are you going?
Is poop matter conserved?
Where are you going, poop?
Poop can neither be created nor destroyed.
It can only be washed off.
I thought it might spray and splatter all over the place,
but it seemed to all go right down into the bowl
without creating any additional mess.
Again, it was only once.
I'm just so enthusiastic about this one time that I used a bidet.
Were you standing over the...
What?
Does he not think that anybody designed these fucking things?
Well, I know they're used in most of the world,
but will it work for my ass?
I don't know.
What if I think it's illicit?
At no point during
the design of the bidet did somebody write
on the chalkboard, where does the poop go?
And then underline it.
Yeah, everybody's
in the bidet design office. They're all really
excited. Someone just walks in angrily,
writes on the whiteboard,
where does the poop go?
And looks, and they're like...
I was really worried about getting what we call Frenchman's leg.
That's a hurtful stereotype, Jack.
Not to joke about it.
Sorry, sorry.
Oh, God.
Where the fuck was I?
Okay.
Read some of the reviews on Amazon
if you're interested, F+.
Some of the reviews
definitely encourage me to try it out.
Having never used a
bidet before. Hot damn! I'm excited
about it! I feel
really clean right now, which
is often not the case
after normally having a poop.
Well, you don't know how to wipe your ass.
Oh, right, game packs. Sorry.
Keep forgetting.
Keep forgetting.
And also,
document makers,
looks like you've got a lead on bidet reviews
on Amazon.
They probably get weird, I'm just guessing.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Wait, things on the internet involving the butthole
would get weird sometimes?
No.
My name...
My name is Nuclear
Vomit.
Toilet paper industry has an iron grip
on the U.S.
Outside the U.S., the bidet is king.
You're the Alex Jones of clean asses.
These are the secrets that big toilet paper
just want you to hear.
The deleted scenes in Dr. Strangelove are amazing.
I only pump pure grain alcohol through my bidet.
Also, the price of toilet paper is going up, and they are giving us less and less.
I just recently listened to a podcast about toilet paper.
Wow, there's a podcast for everything.
www.stuffyoushouldknow.com
www.podcast.toiletpaper.htm
Toilet hyphen paper. Oh, shoot. StuffYouShouldKnow.com slash podcast slash toiletpaper.htm.
Toilet hyphen paper.
Oh, shoot.
Oh, sorry, let me say the whole URL again.
We are going to do the last take here.
And there's a, this is broken into sections, and this section is called a discussion in big giant scare quotes.
So, Frank, it's up to you what we're going to finish on in this discussion category. Should we read Dragon Ball General?
Why doesn't Chi Chi get a job?
Oh, God.
Or Attention Missy, semicolon.
Attention. That's it. Oh, God. Or attention Missy, semicolon. Attention,
that's it.
That's it,
yep.
God.
It's the end of a JavaScript operator.
I want to know why Chi-Chi doesn't get a job,
though.
I want to talk about the economics
of Dragon Ball.
That does make sense, yeah.
Okay, so your name is Sticky Nikki.
Lemon, please don't dox me.
Sorry, I'm so sorry.
I'm Sticky Nikki.
Why doesn't Chi-Chi get a job?
Oh, God.
All she does is bitch to Goku about getting a job. Oh god. All she does is bitch to Goku about getting
a job. He gets one,
but she still sits at home
living off the Ox King's money,
which isn't hers.
Goku's tourney wins,
plus his wages.
Now I ain't saying she's a gold digger.
Dot dot dot
for emphasis.
No. Anyways, dot, dot for emphasis.
Anyways, here's two... Sorry.
That's not how you should...
This is not how you should end a book.
Anyway, here's two songs that describe their relationship
better than I can.
You know what my post needs?
A soundtrack.
Why don't you get a job by The Offspring?
Gold Digger by Kanye West.
Also, way to pick an Offspring song.
I mean, it really shows what a true fan to really get one of the deep cuts from the office.
No pretty fly for a white guy by you.
I think that one was the one that was in Tony Hawk.
Okay.
Excuse me, sir.
My name is SSJ2 Gohan.
You're a Dragon Ball expert for sure yeah i'm a real dragon ball
expert uh that that's the real reason why chichi is so ridiculous with her schooling so she has an
excuse for why she doesn't seek a job i can't take a job I'm occupied 16 hours a day teaching my kids materials
that's 10 plus years ahead of them.
That excuse is outdated.
You could argue she would have to
when Goku was dead between the Cell and Booz Saga.
You could, you should.
And you should.
I mean, that's a good argument.
I won't lie.
But now he's home bringing in the bacon.
Goten occasionally joins him
or is studying alone.
Gohan is an adult
and lives with his wife and kid
and works. Chi-Chi just sits
on her ass all day and bitches
at everyone else when they come home.
Oh man, we're really getting to the heart of the matter.
Keep going, keep going. My name is Maijin Nemesis.
You try to
cook clean, taking care of kids and buying food
and other stuff for the house, and then let's see if you call
it sit on your ass all day, especially considering
our kids and Goku eat like an army in the closest
store and maybe if Goku actually
helped at all or got a job instead of causing
disaster by giving stupid ideas to Zeno, maybe
Chi-Chi could get a job herself.
Bitch, I am too busy for periods!
His power level is five.
My Genemesis' power level is five,
but his heart is at over 9,000.
Thanks.
Thanks a bunch for that.
You're welcome.
I appreciate that.
Yep.
A plus.
Hi, I'm Prism Blade.
Chi-Chi is a traditional life,
through and through.
The sad saps brainwashed by the media today.
To look down on such things.
Are the epitome of sad.
Are they?
I can think of other examples.
The man works hard.
Maybe 40 plus hours a week to provide.
While the woman looks after the house.
And takes care of the children.
After work the man can rest easy.
To return home to a clean house.
Well cooked meal and happy family.
If Goku's not providing. Nor willing nor capable of Chi-Chi's normal responsibilities, then he is a useless dead meat.
Wow.
That whole reading, I was just imagining what your bedroom looks like.
And I bet I guessed to a hundred percent perfection.
Fucking Gears of War figurine wearing a tiny little mega hat
really you think there's you think there's any direct uh decoration at all
well yeah yeah yeah there's there's uh all the limited edition animes that he has
so i was gonna make a joke about how you know working parent, one stay-at-home parent used to be the ideal, but then Sticky Nicky literally makes that point earnestly, so fuck it.
This isn't the 1950s.
Why should Goku be the one to provide everything while Chi-Chi does nothing all day and only cook when they get home?
Oh, good point.
Why can't she provide as well?
Oh, good point.
Why can't she provide as well?
This isn't a typical family where a stay-at-home parent will need to bring their child to school,
soccer practice, or whatever.
They also wear the same clothes every day, so no responsibility for laundry.
God!
That's not how laundry works.
Wow.
It's almost like this is a cartoon.
Why is Mark Simpson always doing the laundry?
Lisa always wears that orange dress. If you just
wear the same thing over and over, you never have
to wash it.
That is actually how I do it.
Where do the gloves go, Matt?
They live in the middle of nowhere.
Goten and Goku can go
wherever they want by flying or IT.
Goten is in can go wherever they want by flying or IT. Goten is
in high school.
Weird.
Goku was always big into cable management.
For those of you listening at home, I do know what that stands for.
None of them do.
Congratulations. You're welcome. There is very
little for Chi-Chi to do.
Like I said, it was justifiable when Goku was dead.
She trained Goten, and they
studied at home, and she had to provide
for them. Now that Goku is alive,
she is redundant, yet bitches
at him to provide even more for him family
while she sits on her ass.
What a bitch. No wonder Goku never
kissed her.
Wow.
Holy shit.
They have, like, kids, so that's...
Okay.
And then before we leave the
scare quote discussion
section, Jackcheck,
you found a thread title that you really liked?
I did.
This is by Best in Science,
and it is being single since birth
wow wow yeah really got a feel for the guy totally i mean i'm assuming it's a guy uh yeah
yeah i think i think you can safely assume that. Alright, well, that was the first section
and we were able to go into that
with guest mode, but let's
turn off the lights now because
now it's Game Facts After
Dark. We are going
in the sex and sexuality
section, which does
require an account.
I feel like I'm going to have to go AFK for 20 minutes
now. I think you might.
Mail drop CC, a good place for burner accounts or guerrilla mail.
Anyway.
Anyways.
I think we have a burner account at the top.
Well, we do, but we won't by the time the episode goes on.
Okay.
So, yeah.
So, we are in the sex and sexuality board.
And Stog, what is it that you just discovered?
I think I discovered a new fetish for me.
Okay, congratulations.
Oh, yeah, thank you.
You want to know what it is?
Yeah, I sure do.
Okay, my name is FF Redux, and my new fetish is being a patient in a hospital.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Yesterday, I had strabium surgery to fix my lazy eye.
Okay.
I had lazy eye surgery.
Yeah, that sounds sexy.
That sounds real sexy.
Yeah, and when I put on my patient clothes and stuff
it was oddly titillating i didn't get horny or a boner but it was exciting and when i was put under
anesthesia i felt oddly satisfied after i mean just the thought of being totally powerless while
other people handled me was nice and weird Anyone that has something similar.
Oh, dear.
This is dire.
Because somebody needs to get Richard Lakeletter to follow that guy around for a couple of years to figure out where his life takes him.
You just keep finding the tinier and tinier things to have
surgery on.
I need you
to remove these moles.
Does this toenail look ingrown to you?
It does, right? Surgery, right?
I saw it.
Well, my name is Wiley Coit.
And, uh, I've got something to say here.
When I had my stay at the hospital, the nurses were lowly female, and most of them were very pleasant eye candy.
One in particular had heavy Russian accent that was both intimidating and sexy. When I couldn't go poo because of the opioids,
she said maybe he shy in front of women
because they had to monitor my bathroom activities.
Lol, I'm not shy.
The drugs suck for me.
I just couldn't go.
Didn't matter who was in there.
This one nurse had such fine hair
when she leaned over to check my vitals,
I brushed it, quote, by accident,
just because I wanted to touch it.
You can't be a nurse
and be shy, you bump, touch, etc.,
etc. Yes, you can!
Yes, you can! That's not part
of the interview!
Well, I think
I've got it right. You've got it wrong.
Okay. Fair enough.
When I was getting my blood drawn, the lady moved
my arm, and it took me a second to notice my fingertips were touching her breast.
I can't contract my forearm.
I joked she smiled and laughed she knew.
There was no way of maneuvering it out of the way.
I did let her know.
She was nice, too.
Very good medical staff.
Not rude.
Funny, of course.
I was a good patient, too.
I tried not to be rude, but they had me on a mega dose of roid sometimes i'd get upset but we laughed about it let's see sound
like a really good patient yep yeah yeah the russian lady said to my brother he's like my
dog bark bark bark then he's so nice the way she said it was funny no fetish but i do like nurses
ladies and gentlemen don draper in real life
jesus christ oh god it's probably what bob hope was like in the hospital
um uh okay okay okay Alright, uh, Chick Chick
Hi!
It's time for us to talk about the sexiest females ever
It sure is
Who are the sexiest females ever?
Uh, that would be
Ada Wong and Nico Robin
Help us out there, Frank West
Uh
I think one of those is from Resident Evil
Oh yeah, no Yeah, Ada Wong's Resident Resident Evil Oh yeah no
Ada Wong's Resident Evil, Nico Robin is One Piece
Jesus
Frank West did you just look down at your own hands
Nico Robin is One Piece
Jesus
Oh no
Jesus is the bible
Alright so my name here is Pimp Master Shy Guy.
Oh, dear.
Okay.
I know they're both fictional characters,
that impossible to reach maturity, intellect, poise,
and level-headedness they possess,
as well as being realists, strong and hard to kill,
ellipsis, it's almost too much at times,
anybody know what I mean
no and that was the first period
including through the paragraph break
they're like perfect women
the ideal woman is them too easy
the ideal woman is them
too easy alright
my name's Saul 4688
uh what in RE2 My name's Saul4688 Uh
What
In RE2
Oh god I gotta turn my mic down
Okay
In RE2
Ada's plan was to sneak into a zombie
Infested city to search for her
Missing boyfriend
On foot in an entire. To make no mention
of the fact that her boyfriend didn't even work in the city, but rather a mansion, a
mansion dozens of miles away in the middle of the woods. Nothing about that is mature,
smart, or level-headed. But then, but then, but then that doesn't even matter because it was retconned and it didn't
care about John at all in favor of making her into every single quote sexy Asian spy femme
fatale end quote cliche possible into one thus actually eliminating anything original about her character in the first place
and I don't even want to start
No stop!
I don't even want to start! You're making me start!
I'm not, I don't want to but here I am starting because of you!
I don't even want to start on whatever the fuck happened with her in RE6
that goddamn train wrecking of a game.
Also, and as for Nico Robin, one piece is stupid.
How dare you?
Oh, fight, fight, fight, fight.
How dare you?
All right, so I never played RE re2 but i really want to i hear it's one of the greatest
games ever made but yeah i just love ada wong for what she is in re4 and re6 she may have been
dumb in re2 but a lot has changed since then and her character has matured i'd argue she's among
the best in the series regarding survival.
Eh, to each his own.
Personally, I love One Piece. It has incredible potential
and it's already exposed me to one of the goat arcs.
Characters in One Piece are
really creative, but yeah, I got a friend
who can't seem to get in.
He's trying to...
That was a perfect way to end that.
I posted other
things that aren't worth reading.
Yes, I think that's true.
Frank West, do you want to ask us a question?
Do you have a question you want to ask us?
Do I ever?
I have so many questions.
Well, just narrow it down to one.
In this case, my question is apparently sexiest females ever.
Ada Wong or Deco Robin?
Let's try that again.
Let's try that again. Now do you have a question
that you want to ask? Another question
I have is, any outlandish
fetishes you got?
I'm Mod Killer
1874.
I'm sure the mods quake in fear as you walk by A century of tradition
I got a few weird ones I want to try out
One, aiming my dickhole right at the woman's
Hard erected nipple and coming right on
it while trying to get a portion
of the nipple into my dickhole.
Hell yeah.
I love
living
in this time of innovation.
It's really
emboldening.
Two, sticking
a chick's hard nip down my butthole.
Down?
Down!
Down!
Down the butthole.
Down the butthole!
Down butthole down!
Down butthole.
Three, I wanna spank my erect cowlick on a girl's pussy like fifty to a hundred
times and see how she reacts to me just doing that as I gaze at the sight of her twat
and look into her eyes slash facial expression.
I thought it was tits.
It might be twat.
It's gotta be tits.
You're probably right.
It is probably tits.
I think this guy is a theme.
Hello.
Hey.
Hello.
My name is BigTiggy23.
My most outlandish fetish is probably something I'll never get to live out,
but I do think it would be fun.
I want to get together with the female little person of legal age,
but have her wearing clothes for
younger people, we'll say.
It's a hypothetical.
Oh, yeah.
This is just, um...
Take her out and do
normal things together.
Shopping.
When I say step-sister, I'm gonna say step
loudly and put sister part
quietly. Step-sister, I'm gonna say step loudly, and the sister part quietly.
Step-sister.
Shopping, eating, etc.
Oh, okay, I thought this would get creepy.
Dad, go home and screw until we can't see straight.
Go to jail.
Wait, I thought
this wasn't going to get creepy.
Hey, yeah, yeah, the sexuality
section was not going to get creepy.
That thread eventually ends up with a man
saying, what I mean is,
asking a midget to age play is like
making them wear a bib at a restaurant.
You know, babying them and not treating them
like a real adult person with respect.
Oh, thanks, thanks. You just made that even a little adult person with respect. Oh, thanks.
Thanks.
You just made that even a little bit worse.
Congratulations.
Hooray!
I don't have a fetish anymore.
Bye.
Okay.
All right.
Let's get into the serious subjects.
Isfahan, what do you got?
Yes.
Should I be worried if every time I come I just
ooze out instead of shoot?
My name is...
My name is Ryu Gaiden.
You got a lazy cum, dog.
Yeah.
I got the lazy cum.
My doctor told me it's a condition.
Yeah.
Nothing you can do about it, really.
My dick is more of a blunderbuss
than a rifle.
It just
rams the
priming powder down and it's really
fucking horrible.
That's probably back in the crazy fetish
thread, but anyway.
So,
being a lowly virgin,
the only instances I have with
having an orgasm is masturbation.
And each time I finish, it just
oozes out instead of shoot.
And the rare times it does shoot,
it's just a weak little hop,
then it oozes some more.
So it just oozes out
Instead of shoots but when it does shoot
It doesn't shoot that much
You're never going to become a coxman at that rate
No
I've noticed if I
Resist my urges to fap
For at least a week
Then I shoot pretty far
But it doesn't take me as long to finish
Wow what a miracle dick you have.
They must study you.
Is there...
Wait, wait, wait.
So if you don't come for a while, you want to come more?
Yeah.
Huh.
I don't get it.
Okay.
I should just donate my body to science here.
I think so, yeah, that would be fine.
Is there some kind of way to ensure I'm able to shoot more often instead of ooze
without having to drive myself crazy resisting my urges?
Like drinking more water, maybe.
Keep in mind we're on GameFAQs.
Discover some sort of secret of the ooze.
Ooh, not bad, not bad.
We are still on GameFAQs.
Oh, hey, look, it's Pitmaster Shyguy again.
Hello.
Hey, Pitmaster Shyguy.
It's interesting to me you never masturbated until age 27.
What?
What?
Oh,
okay. That's also interesting.
I agree. That is a point of interest.
Yep. That is definitely
what will be in somebody's psychological profile.
Well, I mean,
he's a GameFAQs user. He was just having too much
sex to masturbate until that point.
That's true.
So naturally, you were able
to preserve all the things in your body that go into creating seminal fluid and all that sperm all those years, while most men were losing it daily decades before.
Wow.
Is this guy one of those life essence kooks?
He definitely is a life essence kook.
Yes, absolutely.
Like, I wouldn't be surprised to see that the average age for masturbation to start with boys to be age 12, maybe.
And you doubled that and more.
I'm only speculating.
Right.
But I bet you did grow a bit more efficiently than 99.9% of the males across the globe.
Gotta say, man, first beating it at age 27 is an anomaly.
And basically, I think whatever led you
done that pat is a blessing wow that has nothing to do with the original topic just like fixated
on that one fact i wonder where my mind would be at this point if I didn't think about women all those years and instead had more fun, more sleep,
and more attention to other things than sex.
This guy's like a youth pastor, but for nofap.
Yeah, he's like...
Having sex has really held me back.
Yeah, I know.
I like the idea of more sleep, too.
Like, yeah, whenever I beat off, I'm definitely not flooded with depressants or anything.
This could have at least 300 more levels on Overwatch if it hadn't been for the
women distracting him.
God, this BEMoid is really getting in the way of my Overwatch stats.
Hey, uh, I'm turned on by dudes who get turned on
by looking at dudes getting it on.
Alrighty.
Do you need me to repeat that?
Because I'll totally repeat it. Here we go.
I'm turned on by dudes who get turned on by
looking at dudes getting it on.
Yeah, okay.
I'm turned on by dudes
fucking and there's a mirror
on either side of them.
This is a really weird They Might Be Giants
song.
Turned on.
I found out something
quite interesting about myself
recently.
I'm turned on by dudes
getting turned on.
Whoa, what a twist.
I was not prepared for that. Whoa, what a twist. Didn't see that one coming.
He put two ellipses in front of him, too.
He knew that he had you on the hook.
I'm not turned on or off by watching two dudes getting it on with each other
in order for me to get turned on by an erotic scene, which is capitalized,
be it in erotic books, which is capitalized, comics, capitalized,
videos, which is capitalized, and games, which is capitalized.
I need at least one girl, which is capitalized,
and the scene, which is capitalized, be it in hentai, which is capitalized, or in stuff is capitalized, be it in Hentai which is capitalized, or in stuff
with real capital life
capital people, but I found
I find the thought that I'm
a capital dude, I'm attracted to
being turned on by looking at other
capital dudes getting it on with each
other to be a turn on. Wow.
I wonder why.
You know, I'm getting the sense that he's
turned on by dudes
Who get turned on by dudes
Getting it on
This is not gay if the balls don't touch
Taken to an incredible abstraction
As we've already learned
It's not sex unless something goes into
Something else
Yeah, we did learn that
I'm a voyeurism voyeur
also
as anyone found out anything
interesting about themselves
like this recently
hee hee hee I'm coming for you
oh
Jack check your back
I sure am it's time for some more Pimp Master Shy Guy.
Yay!
Holy fuck, the way you worded this fuck
just paralyzed my critical thinking skills for a moment.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Only thing I've figured out about myself
that relates to your homosexual post
is that I get off to the male cum shot.
Yeah, you do seem somewhat infatuated with the yes.
But not because it's a male, but due to the fact that I know women are interested in the cum.
That's, oh, man.
Oh, yeah.
It makes sure.
They're interested in the cum.
They sure are.
You know, I would imagine every woman right now wearing headphones,
listening to you saying that, is just nodding aggressively.
Well, you know why, Lemon?
It's because it makes them feel like they just got a reward.
Hey, baby, why don't you tug on my Skinner box for a while?
Holy shit! hey baby why don't you tug on my skinner box for a while holy shit fuck
oh my god
you know
keep going
and in a way the woman just weakened the man and he succumbed to her or was overpowered
by her the moment he busted his nut with her right basically basically the male is vulnerable
in this instant and it's exciting when a woman sucks all his cum and then continues sucking the
penis because the man is in such a sensitive, weakened state, yet she still wants more from him?
Yep, yep, yep, yep, exactly.
You know, that, yeah, when you nut, but she's still sucking.
That's just the truest thing ever written.
Yeah, I kind of get turned on by the fact that the woman is overpowering him in a way.
It goes back to what I was saying about men and the women like to get a little aggressive
and act like they own the guy's dick like it's theirs and they'll use it how they want
we're learning a lot about pimp master shy guy here god he's freaking creepy
he actually has not written the word essence in all of these posts either, which is really weird.
But I'm back again.
But if anyone's curious about how I found out this about myself recently, and by this I mean that I'm turned on by dudes who get turned on by ladies.
Okay.
Well, I was talking with one of my friends, who I'm very attracted to, last month.
Sharing some hentai with him. He showed me his hentai, and I showed him mine.
What?
Yes. Most of the hentai he showed me had two or more dudes getting it on.
And?
I got really aroused every time he showed me that...
Oh, it's that word that I can't pronounce.
The yaoi.
How'd I do?
Bad.
Yaoi?
Okay, good.
About a fifth of our listeners are like,
that fucking guy.
Okay.
Yowie?
Hentai.
Pictures that turned him on.
I wasn't turned on by the
Yowie pictures, per se.
I was turned on by the thought that
he was turned on by these
pictures.
He showed me
a lipsis!
Exclamation point.
The only possible conclusion there is
you're turned on by dudes
that get turned on by looking at dudes
getting it on. Thank you, thank you. That's the conclusion
I came to as well.
I showed him hentai pictures
with girls too, and
he liked them, but I got much more
turned on by his arousal to the
dudes than to the girls.
Get a layer of abstraction
in between you and the dudes
getting it on, and you're still straight.
That's right. That's the rule.
Hey, F+,
guess what? What?
It's time for poetry! Yeah!
Yeah!
Yes!
All right.
Stog, you like poetry.
Yes, I do.
Fantastic.
All right, so you get to choose here.
There's two different poems I'm going to lay in front of you.
You get to choose which one you would prefer to read.
Poem number one is called My Poem, OCD Ode to PlayStation 4.
Uh-huh.
It's by Pocket Estes.
The other poem is called
The Kappa-ness of Frank Sappa.
Ah, yes.
Yes, the well-known
Twitch thing.
Okay, good, great.
I think I'm going to go with the OCD
ode to PlayStation 4. Okay,
great. This is the OCD ode
to PlayStation 4 written
by Pocket Estes.
Yes.
Three years ago.
Yeah, three years ago. I'm a Dark Souls.
OCD ode to PlayStation 4.
My sexy and distinguished italicized square.
With the blue light of destiny you vertically bear.
Okay, not bad so far.
The X-Bots have yet to write a poem for the one it's true.
Okay, there goes the scansion.
Took us line three.
Wait, no, no, no, no.
Here comes some syllables.
But you, oh, the DualShock 4 creates the ambience and mood.
And there goes the vending.
Absolutely, right there.
It's right back on.
It is now a regular post.
My girlfriend left us from neglect some while ago.
Us?
Because I spent too much time on the couch in your heavenly glow. As I idle away in my leisurely
time, awaiting to
invest 160 hours
in Final Fantasy 29.
You see, 160
is only three characters, so therefore
it's the same
amount to pronounce as the word two.
Pizza
and Doritos have my blood
glucose in flux.
Keep going, keep going.
How I haven't soiled my pants is a paradox.
It actually isn't.
They both end in X, so that's a rhyme.
That's not a paradox.
I keep you in a cabinet and dust you with a microcloth.
I have too many games with few YouTube subscribers to watch me
unbox. Ah, you're so bad at this.
I turn the lights down and turn you on.
I have a pasty white tan from never mowing my lawn.
God, how does that relate?
Alright, just working my lawn
into this fucking poem.
And now, send.
I mindfully admit
I have a self-care deficit.
But for my PlayStation 4,
I simply need more.
No, you tried
and then you just...
Do you have a problem with my poem?
You have
no problem with his poem. His poem is
perfect. Yeah, my poem is perfect.
Um,
Isfahan?
Yes. Oh, you know what? No, Isfahan,
I got a different one for you. So, Frank West,
choice for you.
Poem number one is called Upon Homer's
Attempt to Plumb the Depths of His
Solely or a
Misattribution of Family Guy
Is that both choices
or is that just one choice?
That was one choice.
Upon Homer's Attempt to Plumb the Depths of His Solely
or a Misattribution of Family Guy. One poem.
The other one is called
I Am Not a Teenage Girl in Japan.
I'm gonna go
with Upon Homer's Attempt to Plumb the Depths
of His Soul, or a Misattribution of
Family Guy. Excellent.
Okay, cool.
I actually mispronounced it as or a Mesa distribution of Family Guy.
It's worth noting this title is so long, it goes into the post.
Excellent.
That's GameFAQs' way of telling you to stop.
My name is Flaming Beast.
Upon Homer's
attempt to plumb the depths of his
soul, or
a misatee-tribution
of Family Guy,
Homer drank Ipecac
in a closed cell of
ancolic qualities.
Soon enough, a purge of all
his sound and trail set on.
A gush of
vomit green and thick to breathe,
the sick itself.
Clogged up his air pipes to loosen again
as the list of what made
up the chunks inside the
churning vomit came
chased wives, slow dawns,
cool nights,
tempest-strung... I don't know
what this means anymore, so I feel like
I'm just reading a list. This is basically
a Homeric poem. Like, this is
probably somewhere in the Iliad.
This is
startlingly better than the last fucking thing.
Yeah.
Husband's
lives stacked over storm-cloud
sweep, worn kings of myths
As cramps set in the bard
Kneeled over like his pauper blood
Flew out his nostrils crimson green
And spattered from his mouth
His salty tears meant nothing
Next to the ferric blood
Slicks down his throat
I think that may actually be the best poem
we've ever read on the fucking F+.
Even with nostrils
crimson green? I didn't say
it was good.
It was the best poem.
And ferric blood. Thank you for clarifying.
Like,
he actually understood his source material
and wrote it, like, in the
style. He didn't do a good job, but, you know.
Yeah.
He didn't just do stupid rhyming couplets
and then fail at that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's true.
Great.
So let's keep this poetry train a-rollin', then.
Isfahan.
Yeah.
This is called Stoned Love,
and it's by Strangelove.
Okay.
Underscore.
Hey, everyone. I by Strangelove. Okay. Underscore. Hey, everyone.
I'm Strangelove, and I got a poem called Stoned Love.
Where were you when I dangled from the chandelier,
flower in your hair, a stiff brandy woven with a college education?
Whose segments did you so arrange upon my bathrooms and linoleum?
What friend of yours advised me that I'm taking this too lightly?
Yeah, that's better.
Whose father, mine or yours, would say,
you're better off without the other?
Whose childhood, laid front to end,
best encourages another's envy?
Who commands and who reposes? laid front to end best encourages another's envy who commands
and who reposes
which of us in deposition
makes a more outrageous statement
and who in social settings
can exaggerate more plausibly
this is the poem where
I buy like three beers and attempt to chug
them all at once in order to be able to get to the rest
of this
I'm so mad that they closed down periscope
those videos were the best i'm gonna grab you by the hair and say tonight i'm gonna put this
steak through your heart damn you and be done with it and never do it damn it you and i a bunch of
backsliding underachievers i want i want I want one time. Wait,
gather.
I want us to be sure of anything.
Fuck yeah,
I love disturbed lyrics.
You feel me?
Are you listening?
No.
Oh,
I wish I wasn't.
Drowning deep in my sea of loathing.
Now,
here are the hiccups of my conditional love.
Okay.
It's not a comedy.
Why are you laughing?
Snap for that line alone.
I'm pouring out my soul here.
The emotionally distant cheek pecks of my uncertain disposition.
The, if I could, I would write it off and call it
all caps.
It actually says all caps.
Hyphenated words for some reason.
The modern condition.
My charter school's
education's remnants of dignified,
though insincere
and frankly downright arrogant,
breastfeeding to the point of
sadomaso, mea culpa,
BS Brady Bunch contrition.
Can you handle that?
Are you down with that?
That being the sickness?
Fuck you!
Can you handle that?
Oh yeah, that word, that.
Can you handle a real self-pity addict
the way I handle an attention junkie?
Can you handle a real self-pity addict the way I handle an attention junkie?
Are you calling me to bed?
Are we falling to sleep?
Am I a big... Oh man, this makes me want to grab my bass guitar
and squat so fucking low.
And am I...
Crab walk all over this poem.
Am I big, spoon, or little?
And will we laugh about this in the morning over and over
and over in ad nauseum
you know like forever
my name's shy
ox oh hell
come on man
I know you can do better than that
I know you have it in you
I said to myself
I thought that was actually a good response to the poem.
I did too.
I was actually going to read that.
I was like, wait, why is this from reading when he read the, oh.
All right.
The very last section that we have in this document, once again, document provided to
us by Girlkisser420, Shellgame, and EvuSultanSlim. Thank you very, very much.
The last section that we have here is called
Fact Highlights. That's right, we are on
Game Facts, and we are going to be looking at
some game facts. It's only appropriate.
So,
this is a
fact for the game
Home Alone
for the Super Nintendo.
Oh, yeah.
And
so
Jim Fish,
that's you, Jack Chick, and Jim Fish,
you wrote this fact.
Can you just lead me in?
I don't need to know everything about the game, but if you could
just lead me into your fact. I just want to know
a little bit about this process, would you?
Yes, it's official. i love the attention give me your emails make my head explode to send me
email that i will read please set it up with the following fields email jimfish at gmail.com
subject line home alone guide now that you've got my interest you must abide by the rules below
or else it won't be read instead ignored please if you want your voice to be heard follow the rules
slash guidelines i hold the keys to the home Alone back and don't you forget it the dues
inform me of errors that I've made
either constant grammar
or factual info
pass on strategies
and solutions on how to solve
parts of the game which I have not
mentioned
wait isn't this an all inclusiveinclusive game fact? Are you like
level 1, do all this shit,
level 2 and haven't got there yet?
I'm actually quite bad
at Home Alone for Super Nintendo.
Write in words, not internet
shortcuts.
I like to read
emails with proper formatting
and grammar.
Please do be sure to write your email like so.
What is the proper formatting for an email?
More importantly, I demand proper grammar, so I'm ending my sentence in a fucking preposition.
Yay!
And starting a sentence with a conjunction.
The do nots.
Send me chain letters or spam.
That one's a big no-no.
Send attachments.
In some cases, I do accept them, but usually for pictures only.
Send me news. Not virus, virus, virus.exe.
Use childlike emails with crap colors.
I don't want to see 32 bright yellow font on top of a lime green background.
Well, now that puts a question in my mind.
What will you accept no stupid
1337
speaking if I see it
it's deleted in a
flash and I miss that part
of the internet yeah
I think ball pitch should have a
just type only and lead speak
the rest of this is I think ball pit should have a just type only and lead speak thread.
The rest of this is kind of boring, so.
All right.
Okay, so this is the Metal Gear Solid 3 boss fact by Industrial Rock Monster.
Why don't we take that, please?
This guy belongs to me,
Endrock Monster, alias.
It's not my Christian name. Yeah.
Copyright 2004.
I claim sole ownership of this guide.
Contributions from others
found in this document
belong to the contributors.
Metal gear solid, and all related names and other related material belong to Konami Copyright 2000X
Only the following websites may use this guide
GameFAQs and GameSpot
Okay
Any other website that hosts this document will be doing so illegally
in ways right to defend against relentless taunts of profanities
and owners of websites in violation may also be subject to...
Oh, okay.
This is doing a thing.
Okay.
Violent beatings and mutilation.
This is some fun legalese right here.
Violent beatings and mutilation.
This document may not be used for any commercial profits, only private profits.
This guide may only be reprinted in its current and unchanged form.
Guys, I want to tell you about
the end of my dino crisis fact.
My name's Stinger316.
Okay, I have some special
thanks. Number one, God for everything.
Sure.
Number two, my family and my dogs.
Yeah.
Two family and my dogs.
Number three, Game Facts
for publishing my facts.
Number four, Cheat Code Central for publishing my facts. Brown nose.
Number four, Cheat Code Central for allowing me to use their GameShark codes.
Thanks, Dave.
GameShark.
These GameShark codes are private.
Don't use them.
Your GameShark calls Cheat Code Central every time.
Number five, my computer.
Number six, those of you who
sent me your compliments, thanks, man.
Interesting.
And then
number seven, you for reading my fact. Okay, there's
the list of the damned.
First of all, Vega.
Okay? He plagiarized my
Dino Crisis walkthrough and sell it in his
store. He sold it for
12,500
Ruples.
Although, although he
has translated my walkthrough
into Indonesian language, I can still
recognize it. That stupid
son of a bitch translated words
by words. The book's
title is Game Guide
Volume 9. All the previous
volume of that book is also ripping
off someone else's fact, especially
from Game Facts. Translate
that into Indonesian for HS.
The animal that I suspect
responsible for that. I got a few words
for you. Fuck you, bastard.
How dare you plagiarize my
walkthrough and sold it in your filthy
store. Enjoy that money
while you can, because
soon I will make you regret
for being born into this world!
A spittle or a monitor
for any of the readers
that want to do me any favor, please
send flames, hate mail, viruses, bombs,
nuclear, or anything
to his address.
Jesus, would God and your dogs want you talking like that?
I'm going to make you pay once I write
fuck you in ASCII art.
Number two,
GameStation. I'm mad at him, but I'm going to skip to number
three. XBoy
aka PansyBoy aka
XGay.
Oh, damn.
This son of a bitch is the webmaster
Of that fucking site Vendigo
He is the world's dumbest son of a bitch
That I have ever met
In their fucking message board
It says that we
Parentheses fact author
Are the same as the plagiarist
Because all we do is finish the game and then write it down
Ha ha ha ha ha ha
What a good reason
Now you know why I said he's the world's dumbest
son of a bitch.
If you said that we finished
the game, then write it down,
then why don't you do that
by yourself, motherfucker?
Why do you have to rip
off my facts?
Wow, Brady.
And then finally,
the very last fact that we have here
Stog
Take it would ya
Oh yes this is my fact for
Bachelorette party burning desire
By me fecal lord
Fecal lord
Yes I'm lord of the shit
Okay
Great cool
Anyway beat em and eat em is notorious for being one of the few leather
bound porn games produced for the atari 2600 it's a basically arcanoid except only flipped
sideways instead of vertical and instead of a ball you're using a naked woman and instead of
launching her at bricks you're knocking her into a pack of naked men well i want to read a sean
baby article about this immediately.
Just think that someone came up with the idea for this game,
decided to make it, and sold the thing.
Also, somebody actually bought it and enjoyed it.
Isn't that great?
Okay.
All right.
Good, yeah.
I'm looking around the open mic club
to see if anybody else is about to start clapping.
Keep going.
You hit the, this is how to play.
You hit the fire button to launch your woman.
Then you move your paddle up and down.
The idea is to get your paddle in front of the woman in order to knock her right.
If you miss the woman, then you lose a life.
If you successfully bounce the woman,
she will hit one of the eight men to your right
and cause him to disappear,
giving you five points.
That's super right.
Yeah.
I can't wait to jerk off to this idea.
Once you all knock out all eight men
in the knockout game,
another eight appear. The knockout game? What?
Once you knock out
all eight men, another eight appear
and you get one of your lives back.
If your woman hits the back wall, then she starts
moving twice as fast and she keeps
moving at the speed until you lose a life.
Well, I do like fast
women and disappearing men.
Here's the next
section tips. The woman flies at a different
angle depending on whether she lands in the middle
area of your paddle or near the ends. Use these
angles to your advantage whenever possible.
Don't wait for the woman to come back
left before you move the paddle. Always follow
the woman with it.
Am I right, fellas?
Here's the experimental with it. Am I right, fellas? Hmm. Yeah. Here's the experimental tip section.
Whoa.
For a little while now, I've had a PayPal link in all my FAQs at the very bottom here,
mainly as a small experiment since a few other FAQ authors also had the same idea.
I had a few people email me before I put this link in because they wanted to send money,
so it's here for those people.
For the record, I've received about $87, which works out to a bit more than Canadian LOL.
Wow.
Last I checked, so I've been getting cases of pop and making some excellent progress on a few facts.
If you don't want to send money or can't, then send me an email.
It's nice to hear what people thought about my work, and there's always room for improvement.
Thanks, Fecal Lord. Thanks, Fecal
Lord. So, what did we learn from any of this,
F-Plus? I mean, I gotta admit,
like, that last, the Bachelorette
Party Pack, I think that's the whole thing.
But it's
remarkably unpretentious.
I'll give him that much.
He's like, okay,
here's an Atari 2600 sex game
alright it's Arkanoid
play Arkanoid I don't know
I learned that
all of these sub forums we went to are
either closed forever
or hidden so thoroughly that only
recurring users would know
they're there in the first place which means that
GameFAQs is somehow smarter
than almost any other
site we've gone to.
Well, also, like,
it's apparently impossible
for a forum to just focus on one thing,
like, to have a theme. Now,
it has to be, like,
if you want it to be, it has to be, like, your everything.
Like, you have to be able to post about anything
you want. Like, the entirety
of the internet is about video games,
so you can't just talk about video games.
Yeah, you wouldn't be able to sustain anything
with just talking about video games.
Nah, I don't think you can.
You just run out of stuff to talk about, I think.
Well, I mean, some people would.
There are only eight video games ever released.
Okay, what are those eight games?
There's Arkanoid, there's Sinistar, there's Super Mario 64, Pirates of the Caribbean, Dead Man's Chest, the PS2 version.
There's Call of Duty Black Ops 1.
There's Wolfenstein 3D, the one, the Space
Marine Edition, and
there's also
the
Crane game, but for the
PS4 Pro.
I hate to admit it, but he's right. He covered
all the angles.
And taken Stog to pub trivia night.
Yay!
I've never really looked at the whole
list before, but yeah, it's
a lot smaller than I thought.
My god.
Glasses.
The website
as always, thefbl.us
Perhaps by this
time, or sometime close to this, we will have a
new run of stickers. We've still been doing
stickers benefiting the Southern Poverty Law Center
as well as patches and
tattoos. We got tattoos.
You can do all those things. Reformers Ball Pit,
go away!
Oh, okay.
All right. Way! I keep sending it to your address
and I never... it just comes back.
Come on, Frank, make with the hentai.
It just keeps getting returned to sender.
I don't know why you keep rejecting it.
That's very rude.
I wasn't aware that you were physically mailing it.
Jack Chick, why can't you be a friend?
Travel down the road and back again.
I only deal with physical hentai.
I don't deal with that digital low-quality shit, man.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Fist bump.