The F Plus - 286: Topix Not Worth Discussing
Episode Date: August 7, 2018The website Topix has been around since 2004 and in all that time has yet to figure out a good reason to exist. It's a news aggregator website with specific regional subsections, and that's the p...art we're focusing on in this episode. Who called the cops on drug dealers in Indiana? Who is fat and talking trash in Western Kentucky? Who cares about any of this nonsense? 2 of those 3 questions will be answered! This week, The F Plus hopes we can figure out when you come in our mouths.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
One of those claps seemed really late.
Yeah.
I clapped twice because I don't think the first one was that loud, but it's...
Why would clapping twice help?
Why would I...
Think about that.
Get it in under the wire.
Look, I panicked, okay?
You understand the point of the clap, right?
I thought we were just happy that the time changed.
Is that not what we're doing? It's not like the
tracks sink because
clapping. Yay, we're starting the podcast!
It's not like it's a spell.
Oh, it's you!
And this is the F Plus Podcast.
It's a terrible place, there's terrible things, but they're red with enthusiasm.
In the room tonight we have Boots Reingear. He wants to fulfill his by-time-I-risks-behind-his-passenger-truck-seat-and-tickle-torture-me-as-well-as-give-me-an-engine-long-torturous-job-with-baby-oil.
Jack Chick?
I recently had a white owl screech and soar in front of me when I got home to my apartment. as well as give me an engine-long, torturous job with baby oil. Jack Chick?
I recently had a white owl screech and soar in front of me when I got home to my apartment at nighttime.
Does anyone know what this warning might be?
Yes, Fahan.
Dr. Poopstain posted,
Y'all are covered in poopstains.
Portex?
And ten lemion
introduce pad cost?
Hi, Ipertox.
And Lemon.
My husband was castrated
and it's great.
And he knows that my
cock head gets
ultra sensitive,
so he said he's going
to spend lots of time
torturing my pocket
and his socks are
going to be stuffed
in my mouth.
His socks are going
to be stuffed in my mouth with duct tape over my lips,
so I can't take him to stop.
I just have to enjoy.
Oh, torture that pocket.
Hey, F+.
Hey, Lemon.
Hey!
Hey, how are your social media metrics doing these days?
What?
Good. I'm getting a lot of engagements.
Ooh, engagements are good. A lot of clicks?
Yeah.
Excellent.
Well, really, it's not about the clicks. It's about the conversions, right?
So just because you have customer eyeballs doesn't mean that you're actually facilitating a successful solution for your CMO.
Hey, JetShit, could you choke yourself to death?
All you'd have to do is just tighten that tie.
You shouldn't take the customer's eyeballs.
It's not very nice.
So I want to talk to you
a little bit about
the little clickbait site
that couldn't.
And
this is a website
called Topics.
It's T-O-P-I-X.
I think I click.
I think I click.
I think I click.
Topics has been around
a long time. Yeah, 2004 according to wikipedia
um it's gone through uh many many many revisions um and it's never been any good or any use to
anybody um so it's sort of you know it's it's sort of along the like dig lines really um trying to do that sort of uh thing uh so here's uh from the home
page we've got um the 30 30 worst people of 2017 uh how much do you know about horror movie history
uh how did these 25 best new artist grammy winners hold up um and uh and lots and lots of things on
this uh on this website uh, not particularly worth reading.
However, there is a forum.
And that's where things adjust a little bit.
So this was a document given to us by a, I believe, first-time submitter, as far as I remember.
This is somebody by the name of T. Azimuth Schwitters.
And I'm just going to read this.
That's a good name.
I'm just going to read this synopsis right out of the documents.
Refresher.
Topics started off as a news and community discussion board with a section for every region of the United States.
So naturally, it is completely devolved into a mix of bored teenagers, people too lazy or afraid to try Reddit, sexual deviance, and targeted individuals.
Basically, it's just like any other very popular website, but with much more region-specific gossip. So, are we on board?
Yeah. And, you know, it's amazing that, like, all those people that T. Esmuth Schwitter's
just described are somehow always the most resilient forum denizens anywhere.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, they will hold on. Like, because we're about to, like, click through some
of these forum links, and everything about this forum looks like shit.
But they're still in there.
Website barnacles.
So this is a thread called Dirty Laundry.
And Boots, your name?
Wait, what's it called?
It's called Dirty Landry.
Dirty Landry.
So Tom Landry.
Take a bath with Tom.
Coach those cowboys.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Absolutely.
And Boots, your name is Leo.
Yeah.
Tell us about your Dirty Landry here.
I'm Leo Indiana.
Okay.
Or maybe Leo in Indiana.
Who knows how this site works.
So like I was in the ghetto a few minutes ago walking around with my spy camera
getting evidence to make an arrest and suddenly i was stricken with a bad case of of diaria
and so i noticed an ugly yellow two-story off eighth and walnut eighth on walnut had a carport
so i went under and take a squat and the pressure had built up something awful and i was spraying liquid funk and noticed someone was watching me well i couldn't stop the
bile was gurgling and spewing and burning so i continued all the while these two goombas
was just staring at me like they had never taken a shit before anyway there was an old hoodie on
the floor so i used it to wipe off as best as i could and left and went around the house and up
on the alley and these two freaks actually went and picked up the hoodie like it was maybe where
they stashed their dope or something because the guy was flipping it over and shaking it off folks
i don't know who they were where they what they was looking for but i must have been awful important
to them thanks who the fuck just walks into somebody's fucking carport and takes a shit
leo hey leo i gotta i gotta reply to this message you want to read my reply how exciting
yeah just finished some clandestine videotaping from a parking lot across the dollar deals
building where i observed several possible drug deals going down i also noticed several vehicles
seem to be hovering uh in the area every 20 minutes or so.
I would see the same cars in the area over and over during my two hours of surveillance.
Not sure why anyone would be driving around the same area.
Boots, Boots, Boots.
I have a big problem with this thread.
We're just starting off.
What's that?
I was having troubles sort of getting my handle around the website of topics and just kind of this whole thing.
around the website of topics and just kind of this whole thing.
I feel like the
understandability, the legibility
of this thread makes it a
hard one to start off with.
I would like to skip to another thread.
Okay, yeah, let's
solve this problem.
I want to skip to another thread and solve
this whole legibility problem. Jack, what do you got?
What do I got?
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thanks for snitching Lou out. Look down, look down.
You see that track baton that's just sitting right there?
Nope.
All down.
So I'm in St. Paul, Virginia.
Mm-hmm. Thanks for snitching Lou out, Usabs. So I'm in St. Paul, Virginia.
Thanks for snitching Lou out, ooh sobs.
Guess what?
You don't know who I am,
and I know all you Lou Ellen's buddies who are pillheads,
and I am going straight to Russell County in the morning and turning in some names.
I have a list of 32 wrote down,
and I don't care if it was any of you people
that I got wrote down or not
you're still getting your name turned in and then the
right person will get karma for doing her
dirty like you that you bunch of dumb
female so I
will be after you from man to man you will
get stop point blank you bunch of low down
fucking sobs
wow what
this guy's after me and I like it.
Is this just the forum that they direct all the homeless people using library computers to?
It's a really...
Who is he yelling at?
This is the first post.
Just like the other one, there's no punctuation.
Well, whoever snitched out Lou, you SOBs.
Oh.
there's no punctuation. Well, whoever snitched out Lou, you SOBs.
Oh.
I'd just like to point out that the third post here is from
somebody in Natural Bridge, Virginia.
And if you go to Natural Bridge, Virginia, you
can find a place called Dinosaur Kingdom,
which might be the
best nonsense theme park in the world.
Is it just a bunch of
big dinosaurs? Like big concrete dinosaurs?
It's big
dinosaurs and also
like civil war uh statues fight the dinosaurs yeah yes
they're invading the kingdom of dinosaurs i love it oh my god yeah uh bump girl and i went there
we drove like an hour out of our way to go there because we'd heard about the place and it was
closed so we broke in oh i don't know if you should admit that on a recording boots
now did breaking in just mean like climbing a fence or what what did that mean exactly
yeah okay those fences are electrified to keep the tear i said i don't even know how you this
person named him after you might be after you now. He actually had to hack the Gibson to get in.
Oh, sure, sure, sure.
The same guy that made all the statues for Dinosaur Kingdom also made Foamhenge.
Oh, no, I've heard of Foamhenge, yeah.
That's much easier to, years from now, they'll wonder how people wrote Foamhenge.
Yeah, Foamhenge is just down the road from Dinosaur Kingdom.
By the way, Jack Chick, what did I'm After You get for that post that he made there?
He got a checkmark, a flame, and a light bulb.
I think that's a peanut.
So this thread is called My Wife, Portex.
Your name is Glenn, and why don't you tell me about your wife, please?
My name is Glenn.
I'm from Marion.
Oh!
My wife makes me sick.
She has been with this guy now for almost three years. But here the thing, he's married.
His wife must be pretty dumb if she thinks they aren't fucking hell.
He got her pregnant twice and stood by her.
And she was in prison for a year.
Boy, she had miscarriages.
And not only did he stand by her but paid all her bills.
Now my youngest calls him stepdad.
I'm here to tell who that's not your kids and back off
or you're going to regret it.
Tired of this guy my wife with because he's all my kid
talks about when she comes visits
and he wants to talk about how good my wife is to him.
Fuck you!
Her name is Rachel Combs, who lives in Adda, and his name, Fred, who lives in Alger,
but been living with my wife, but he's going to make me fuck her and him up,
and I'm putting my real
name on this so they
know.
Three, no,
eight people disagreed with my statement.
Oh.
What sort of thing do you think they disagreed
with? What sort of nit do you think they picked?
Alger.
He's not upset that his wife is uh cheating on him he's upset that the person she's cheating on him with is such an idiot one person thought
it was spam but like rachel and ada replies oh dear your boots what, what does Rachel Anata say? Yeah, I don't know who you call in skanks,
but I'm not from Elgar.
I say tootin' about Glenn doesn't concern you or anyone.
He put me through.
He deserves everything he gets with his nasty cock suckin' ass.
For the man I'm with treats me and my kids like a quaid so glenn can rot in hell and die
for all i care by the way uh please subscribe to the f plus patreon because we uh we'll give you
asmr uh boots will tell you to stroke yourself in that voice that's pretty hot. That's actually a really phenomenal idea.
Bye-bye jerk-off
instruction videos.
My name is
His Queen.
Why, you don't have nothing
to say now. Why, we shut up.
Just thought you had something to say
since you started this form?
Who low life trash go be with her cottage cheese?
No good elephant leg ass bitch.
Leave me.
Fred.
Ours alone, bitch.
Yeah, my name's a bunch of consonants with an I at the end of it.
Yeah, you don't know me, trashy trash.
You don't know how I do.
I'm from Hardin County, and my family is a straight line.
Starting to be a disbe, do I don't know shit about cottage cheese, cream cheese,
biatch, elephants, and Fred don't know how I do, but when I be from Elgar, you know what it be like going down to watch some NASCAR and bang some cousins.
Duh.
Big old skanks and shit.
But that's not what I do.
Yeah.
This Hardin County.
Alja for life.
A little bit of mayor of baltimore
stepped in there
and boots oh uh i am just saying i'm just saying yeah they both nasty, and Fred's no good drug dealer woman beater unfaithful wanted by the cops.
He's a beach boy.
He's a beach boy.
No, I think that's a website address.
That's b.
Why don't I own that?
He's a beach boy, and she is nasty.
Just saying. Just nasty. Just saying.
Just saying.
Just saying.
Hi, I'm Mike Goldie.
Oh, hi, Jenny.
Who were fucking all her baby daddy's friends and, well, looks like are still hurting.
Don't no man want your trash and you let her kids get molested what type
of mother are you fucking men to baby your kids well we see your assistance got cut off
who better hurry and go sign bk who because who don't make enough everybody in Hardin County and Lima knows or a cheap who are and who abuse and treat
her kids like shit that's why they act like that because or a piece of shit and they hate you
or a miserable bitch that can't afford to wipe her own ass which you need how much money does that cost? She can't afford it.
Would you need to grow up and get off the heroin?
It's killing.
You can't feel it.
Don't hate.
You can't have a life.
This has been an NPR Reads Topics.
Thanks, Mike Goldie.
Hello, my name is Black Guy.
Oh, hi, Black Guy.
I'm from Longview, Texas.
My daily routine is every morning, get up, raise my wife's long, milky, strong thighs, and bang her.
Eat breakfast, go to work, come home, hug her muscular, broad shoulders and back,
let her wrap her body around me, kiss each other, and bang her however I want, and let her bang me however she wants.
I'm 5'11 and
160 pounds skinny and thin black guy,
and she's a 6'3 and every bit
of 190 or 200 pounds blonde
hair and blue eyes and muscular
athletic body frame Amazon white
woman I got blessed with.
What the fuck?
Just letting y'all know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Y'all, I'm just saying again oh hey what's up what's up
bitch please get out of here okay no one no one is scared of your fat ass yeah i know you and
your married so-called boyfriend and all this nasty gfs he and it nothing uh but a low-life
woman beat her dope selling wanted by the cops bitch ass and asked for your low down
fat nasty ass just got out of jail well for welfare fraud but oh i forgot i don't know you
oh and where are your kids oh and where and are you still letting you so-called boyfriend sell
dope out your house but like you said i don't know you you just don't know
me honey and will never know me nor will your boyfriend this hardened county everybody knows
everybody's business this is the tube toppiest thread we've ever read
these people seem to have a lot of information about each other.
Yeah.
Or at least assumed.
I don't, yeah.
Lemon, this is Hardin County.
Everybody knows everyone's business.
I didn't know.
Okay, I didn't know that was a truth in Hardin County.
Isfahan.
I mean, it's written on a forum.
Oh, yeah, fair enough.
Yeah, we need to go into the thread.
Somebody at Topics deleted this one for some reason.
But your name is InTheKnowXCop, which was the side project of GWAR.
I don't know why I volunteered that.
Like, hey, everybody, I know deep GWAR trivia.
That is of benefit to nobody.
Okay.
I'm proud of you, Lemon.
Yeah, no, I'm not.
I'm not.
So this thread is cops and rats you need to know.
My name is in the no ex cop.
Brian Wilson is telling all from prison.
Sam Miller, Heather Adkins, John Morris, a.k.a.
Bub Shane Topham's Sun, Rachel Carver
is telling some stories to law enforcement.
They're all a bunch of rats
and they say they are friends.
I know what they are all doing.
I'm an undercover officer.
That's the first thing you do
is tell people you're undercover.
This seems weird then.
He's investigating the bed.
I am the world's best undercover
officer because I
tell you I'm an undercover officer.
Are you
a cop? Shit, I have to tell you.
Yeah.
Who is pissed off that
the feds have fucked up my
investigation?
Dot.
Trust these people.
Feds fucked my case up.
So I help people know what's up.
A woman named Nicole Ellis was mentioned chess from Charleston.
This is all from my invest files. From Keith Haynes, Mary Haynes, all the way to Matt Little Trevor Ward act.
Cool.
Hey, I want to drop some knowledge on you, by the way.
Samantha Miller.
My name is Mark and Samantha Miller and Jada Martin.
Some of the biggest snitches in West Virginia.
Too funny when they do and sling
the most dope around. Tina
Osborne rats everyone out too.
Go ahead, losers. Tell it all
and still get your ass locked down.
Hi,
I'm Truthfully. Why
is someone who does the right thing
and reports crime to the authorities
called a rat?
They should be called heroes.
Sounds like Samantha
Miller and Jada Martin talk to me.
The less
worthless drug-addled
people we have walking the streets
around here, the better.
Yeah, cause these particular
rats are some of the biggest dope
dealer, thief, and junkies around.
They just snitchin' to keep their ass out of jail.
They need to rot behind bars.
What up?
Hi.
What up?
And who are you?
What up?
No, we're asking who you are.
You know, rats spell backwards as star, so take that and smoke on it,
you groovy asses.
What?
I mean, you're right,
but...
Argument
defeated?
Mom's smoking pot and acting cool again.
Now, I personally
don't mind a toke of nature's
finest on occasions, and today is one of those occasions.
Tomorrow also.
But that's where I draw the line when it comes to altering the old cranium.
Well, I mean, you shouldn't.
I mean, if you're doing drugs that alter your cranium, those are very strong drugs.
What up?
Try this, it's called trepidating.
Are we going to take everything literally today?
You betcha.
I'm just trying to find the fun where I can find it, man.
Peace out, you cool cats, and remember, Class of 2006 rocks!
So you're the Class of 2006 and you talk like a fucking grandma.
What up?
What up?
Boy.
All right.
One more.
We're still in the first section, by the way.
The first section is called Local Drama.
The last one here is a thread called meth heads
and uh boots uh what have you noticed since moving here uh well my name is eyes wide open
and since moving here i learned to recognize you thieving delusional addicts yes don't think
you're fooling around anyone with your oozing red faces digging into your skin and talking to
yourselves loudly bizarre behavior i feel sorry for you except that you made a choice at some
point to poison yourself and hurt the ones that love you. Pathetic. You'll be more likely to show up in a mugshot than a family photo.
God help you forgiving all those good for selfish self-destruction.
Thanks, Earth Crisis.
There's more responses to this, but I'm bored of this section.
So we're going to move on.
Section number two is called...
Do I have to erase these X's off my hands?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Untake the oath.
Positive use, positive ungrowth.
All right, stop.
Next section is called Locals Gettin' Laid.
Yay!
Locals Gettin' Laid. Yay! Locals Gettin' Laid.
Yeah, so this is Locals Gettin' Laid.
We're in Henderson County, Kentucky.
And Jack Chick, what's the question that you want to pose here?
Why do so-called stir-ate that smoke meth?
Oh.
I don't know that I can answer that question.
I'm gonna say five.
Alright, let me elaborate.
My name is Tracy.
What in the world
are so-called stir-ate
guys that smoke or do
meth?
Say that it makes them so
horny that when they
are just with
offer with guys
no ladies they say the meth
makes them suck there.
Guy friends dicks and mess
around with each other but BLAM!
It on the meth they
are doing at the time.
And even in this form,
there were no responses.
This would be a waste of my time.
My name's...
Hey, how's everybody doing?
Hey, hi.
Hi, Lemon.
No, not Lemon. My name's
Healthy Guy. I'm just Lemon My name's Healthy Guy
Just a healthy guy here in Taylor
Taylor County Kentucky
Just a healthy guy
Anyway do you like to masturbate
I like to masturbate
In church
There we go
Zero to seven thousand Last recording was Jack and Chad Uh... Whoa! There we go. Okay.
Zero to 7,000.
Last recording was Jack and Chad.
Uh, I said
in the back, when all the ladies
kneel down, I imagine
they're doing dirty things to me.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
You need Jesus more This is a Lamb of God album cover
You need a bonus Jesus
I wipe my jizz in a dollar bill
And then I put it in the collection plate
So God can eat my cum
Guys I found the edgy teenager.
I just imagine the priest on the other side of the confessional booth just looking.
I'm the luckiest priest in the world.
I was thinking terrified, but...
He's the luckiest priest in the world.
I was thinking terrified, but... Oh, yeah, this feels so good.
I can't wait until Sunday.
And Boots, take an Android?
Uh, yes.
I want to masturbate on a church.
On a church?
Then I want to go downtown.
And then I want to go downtown And masturbate in the road
He's got his whole cock in his hand
I want to masturbate in the road
So people will have to drive through my spooge
Open the doors
And here comes all the people
Honey what was that
Traction control kicked in
Why
Stock footage of a car careening off a cliff.
Like, she was doing
her makeup, and all of a sudden she's like, did we just drive
through seven milliliters or something?
Yes!
It's enough to make toonses crash.
I know that much.
So, listeners,
uh, it's right in my life.
Okay. Never mind. Chasing right in my life. Okay.
Never mind.
Chasing on a fast car.
Okay.
Last weekend, I had this lady.
My name is Reason.
So, you're listening to the voice of Reason right now.
Last weekend, I had this lady that I wanted to bone for a while, but I knew she had a husband.
So, instead of talking to a hotel,
I said, let me be a true man. So I took her to that movies,
but when I saw her, my
life changed. She had to
tough my parts by the end of the night.
What?
What?
I said what I said.
Oh, yeah.
She had to tough my parts by the end of the night.
Tough my parts.
So I decided to buy a box or bag of popcorn.
Oh, my God.
This completely happened.
Buy a box or bag of popcorn.
One of the two.
And cut a hole at the bottom of it and stick my parts into it.
The salt burned the hell out of it.
What happened next? Well, I knew what I had to it. The salt burned the hell out of it. What happened next?
Well, I knew what I had to do.
My parts would swing out in the open
while walking in the aisles.
Oh, you did this before you sat down?
Absolutely!
Absolutely!
And then he was trying to find his seat in the dark
with the popcorn
spilling down the aisle.
Meanwhile, all the popcorn's draining out of the box.
Well, this doesn't work nearly as well as it does in the comedy movies.
Anyway.
Porky's lied to me!
My parts will swing out of the open while walking in the aisles, and when I sat down, I suck it in.
I ate the first 400
corns in the box.
I counted, I guess.
I am a natural human
who does natural human things.
Yes.
So, yeah, I ate the first 400
corns in the box and I asked her if she
wants some of my popcorn.
When she reached down to get her share of corn,
there was a touch and a grab of the parts.
With a smile on her face, she gave
me two whole jerks.
I guess I should inflect that different.
Two whole jerks.
And the corn was no more.
Evaporated.
In a fit of ecstasy.
I mean, you know, you gotta give him respect.
Like, he came up with a plan.
It was a good plan. He executed it
as poorly possible. Well executed.
Yeah. And it went to
a terrific outcome. Yeah.
She touched my penis.
Mission accomplished.
I feel like we've covered how awesome and perfect hand jobs are on the podcast before.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Literally.
So, Portax, what's your question you want to ask?
Hello, I'm Jeremiah Hinkle.
Jeremiah.
I like to tie a rubber band around the base
of my junk
and really tight and leave it on
until it gets dark purple
and black from
no circulation.
Zero.
And then I wait till I have
Mm-hmm.
Can't feel nothing then. And wait till I have... Mm-hmm. Can't feel nothing then.
And wait until I have to pee,
and then I can't hold it any longer,
and I run to the bathroom
and rip off the rubber band
and start peeing,
and it feels like I'm shooting my load.
I feel there might be an easier way to accomplish this,
but I can't.
Alternately.
Just come?
Well, no, because...
My neighbor showed me that when he came back from jail...
If he's going to feel that pain, he might as well have a reason for it.
I just can't...
If it feels...
I just can't find any masturbation material on the internet.
My neighbor showed me that when he came back
from jail.
He's pretty cool.
Yeah, he seems pretty cool.
Yeah.
Jack Chick,
what's Evil Cindy's
fetish?
Men in ribbed
white wife beaters
tied up struggling,
grunting, gnashing their teeth
as hot fiery cigarettes
are crushed out on their chests
actual woman
also the same scenario
but sticking sharp
pointed objects into men's
chests as they struggle grunt
and gnash their teeth in pain
subscribe to my clips for sale channel poor men in white chests as they struggle, grunt, and gnash their teeth in pain.
Subscribe to my Clips for Sale channel.
Poor men in white-ribbed
wife-beaters tied up
as swords, arrows, and spears
are slowly, and I
mean slowly,
pushed into their chests
all the way through their bodies and
exiting out their backs.
You need to go to jail.
Like five
jail fetishes murder.
She just likes fucking dudes and
wife beaters being impaled.
Okay, this is my...
What, that's like, you're gonna kink shame now?
I feel that like
perhaps she should... She just likes men
being murdered by swords.
No, no, Lemon.
Oh, sorry.
Lemon, my fetish is men in white-ribbed wife beaters.
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
No, I know.
The ribbed is important.
I understand.
Slash tank undershirts.
Struggling, straining, grunting, gnashing slash grinding their teeth in maximum pain as I watch and masturbate furiously.
That wasn't clear before.
Okay.
Look, you might think this sounds strange,
but let me clarify.
Listen, I should clarify.
I should clarify.
As they're being impaled by swords,
they don't like it.
I like it.
At this point in the post,
everything's just in parentheses.
Yeah.
Like it's filters for an LDAP query.
What's the next?
I relate to that.
Also, men in white-ribbed wife beaters
being slowly squeezed or crushed to death
in a giant trash compactor,
like in Star Wars.
Thanks, Evil Cindy.
I feel that maybe a Matryoshka doll of
jails might be in order.
No, it's because
the jail that Evil Cindy
is in also broke the law, so they had to
put that jail in jail.
SCP-1265, Evil Cindy.
Hey, um... My name's colorado chick
yeah so uh rock on rockers that's what i say is colorado chick question rockers
futuristic human behavior are we are we gonna get the title of this thread? Yeah, of course! Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk.
Telepathic lover.
Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk.
Is this cheating?
Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk.
Fuck telepathic lover, fuck.
Is this cheating?
Fuck.
Futuristic human behavior may involve telepathy.
I am sure.
By the way, I'm just going to skip the ellipses because that would extend this out for 20 minutes. Okay. May involve telepathy, I am sure, by the way, I'm just going to skip the ellipses because that would extend this effort by 20 minutes.
Yeah, we could be here a long time.
Okay.
May involve telepathy.
I'm sure it would be a plus.
Am having a discussion with me, myself, and I.
My thoughts on the matter are simple.
Cheating can only, only be considered in the physical form.
Meaning, although my handsome neighbor is
so stud muffin material,
if I communicated with him
sexually, telepathically,
would this be viewed as
cheating in the real freaking world?
Or just thoughts
passing through membranes of time?
Also, if I fuck
a jabberwocky as a bestiality?
You mean the dance troupe, the Jabberwocky?
Hey, one never knows about the future.
Hell, we may be cloned by then.
Yikes!
Feedback, please!
It's like somebody was pinching her at random while she wrote that post.
Uh, poor text, your name is Lulu Bell?
My name is Lulu Bell.
Miss CC, if you are swallowing your neighbor's load via telepathic communication, and if he is spearing your cunny...
Hey, make that sentence slightly grosser, would ya?
Okay, okay.
Hey, make that sentence slightly grosser, would you?
Okay. And if he is spearing your cunny with his phallus, also in this telepathic fashion, then you are both cheating.
Has he made you orgasm yet?
Is it good telepathic sex, at least?
Chick, I'm referring to the future.
Future!
Chick, I'm referring to the future.
Future!
If telepathic thoughts imagining save the neighbor were possible,
how could anyone feel their strokes, caresses, or kisses, or et cetera?
If you are just transmitting these sensual pleasure thoughts,
there would be no actual taste, no bodily fluids exchanged. So, how could
that be considered cheating?
Unless a
hickey would automatically
appear while you and your guy
are in a telepathic
passion mode and both your spouses
were sitting alongside of you.
This infomercial is
wrong.
A more telepathic loving requires This infomercial is wrong. I got more.
Telepathic loving requires no appointment time, no messy cleanup afterwards, and no cigarette smoke clogging your airspace.
Anytime, anywhere.
Yum.
Oh, and it really.
It must cost a fortune.
How do I sign up for this one?
Special offer.
Back in the next 30 minutes!
Okay.
Oh, and it really is more intense
with smooth
musical notes and candles
scenting the mood.
Ah, it's only
it is only cheating
if the receiver
responds back.
Rock on, you friggin' rockers!
Oh.
So Lemons had a stroke, but anyway.
That sucks.
I feel different. A stroke of genius.
I feel different.
It's just from all that astral sex you've been having.
Hey, who in this recording
just sucked their first D?
I probably did
I think you sucked your first D
Congratulations
Just slowly raising his hand up and looking at the floor
I'm looking around to see
if anybody else is raising their hand
I know someone in here
has sucked their first D
So it's fine, your name is Tried It Tried It, yep I know someone in here has sucked their first D.
So this one, your name is Tried It.
Tried It.
Yep.
Lacked it. I'm from Newburgh.
In.
Obviously, I'm going to get a ton of pointless comments and remarks for this, but so be it.
I know I am not the first nor last straight male to do this, but wanted to give my honest opinion.
They say don't knock something until you try it. I know I am not the first nor last straight male to do this, but wanted to give my honest opinion.
They say don't knock something until you try it.
Well, I've often wondered what a girl experiences when she is giving her manhood. I am not gay, nor even consider myself bi.
However, I simply wanted to figure out one time what the other end was like.
I mean, good for you.
He has a clipboard full of notes.
You might say I was dick-sucking curious.
No, is that a term?
Yeah, I guess that is a term.
Yeah, some kind of curiosity overtook me.
I don't know.
Anyway, it finally happened last night.
I always thought to myself,
if I came across the right guy slash situation,
maybe I could do it.
I can honestly say I would never do it again.
It really wasn't that bad.
It is simply skin, just as if I was kissing a female.
It's a very short one.
Wait, how do you kiss a female?
Something that I've also definitely done.
I had to keep thinking that to myself at first.
There really is no taste in that regards.
The part that was the most interesting was when he finally came.
It took me about 10 minutes to get him off.
I was honest and upfront that I wanted him to get off in my mouth,
but I would most likely spit it out.
I didn't know if I would be able to tell
when he came until it happened.
I knew instantly.
That's one for your research paper.
I've completely forgotten.
How do these things work?
How do I know if he's come or not?
I don't know.
I've masturbated numerous times
and can usually tell when I'm going to.
I was like, oh, oh, wait.
Oh, it happened.
Are you sure you've masturbated?
Once I felt it coming...
He was standing stock still the entire time
and making absolutely no sound or movement
So
Acceptable
That's it
I'm going back to wrapping a rubber band around my dick
Is it supposed to be that color?
Anyway
Once I felt it coming through him
I started to panic but did not stop
I don't know exactly how much there was, but it felt like a lot.
Not enough to gag, but I decided to be a trooper and swallow.
There really was no taste there either.
This guy seems to be lacking a lot of his senses.
You know, I think what we found is we found an actual honest-to-God Yelp review of dick-sucking.
Just as a concept.
Jizz was tasteless.
Service was acceptable.
He's missing, like, at least
two senses.
Three? Anyway anyway i've heard many stories there really
was no taste there either i've heard many stories on that it was more so an aftertaste but i cured
it with dr pepper he dumped dr pepper on the dick all in all i will say medical professionals are not going to give you that oh i see all in all i will say this it wasn't as bad as people make it out to be
i have no desire to do it again simply
i simply did it out of curiosity all the guys on here can say what they want but most who reply
negatively have either thought about doing the same thing or have done it.
I've never heard a guy say negative things about two women eating each other out, so explain the difference.
I like that he's like, yeah, I know what's going on in every other man's head.
Yeah.
How could they have a negative opinion on this thing when they don't have a negative opinion on this
other completely different thing
yeah I know
ladies
thank you
to those who are willing to give in this manner
to your men
it is certainly very pleasing and sensational
Dana?
hi
oh yeah this was your first clue this guy was a fucking robot
i personally will not receive unless i can give back in some passion
i love big star i believe in respect and fairness sex can be a beautiful thing even orally
yeah captain i'd like to report it took this guy to be like hey some people might like this
it is all
it is just all of the derogatory things said about it
and how it is presented
bottom line I'd suggest anybody try it once
it's an interesting experience
good day
yeah that was totally data
he tips his bowler hat
and strolls away
shutting down
sucked a dick didn't much care for it, everyone should do it.
I am a hero.
Yeah, that's
pretty good cliff notes of that post, actually.
My name's Stevan
36.
I think
jizz tastes like ranch
dressing aftertaste.
I think that's just the person you were going to.
What is going on in Evansville, Indiana?
Yeah, I can't imagine any ranch dressing in Evansville, Indiana.
All dick recipes.
I mean, it's just a matter of quantity, right?
The majority of your body composition is ranch dressing.
I loved this recipe, but instead of ranch dressing, I substituted my dick.
Hobbies went back for seconds.
This recipe tasted like dick. One star. But if the guy eats fruit,
it tastes sweet,
like strawberry or melons.
If he eats broccoli or asparagus,
don't do it.
You will gag.
The end.
Yeah.
So this is the last thing we're going to read here from this section called Locals Getting Laid.
And this is a thread.
Boots, this is a thread called Crazy Sex Stories, which is possessive sex stories.
Possessive.
That's helpful.
We're going to skip over the guy who just randomly talks about pegging?
Okay.
Yeah, we're going to skip over the Lou Reed's material.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I have an attractive
lady who fucks my ass with a strap-on
while I wear a sexy lingerie.
She is a friend who ejaculates into a closet
for us. That's the pleasant part
of it. Yeah.
And folks, it goes downhill from here.
Yeah, so, Boots, tell me about these crazy sexy stories.
Crazy sex stories, yes.
My name...
Oh, the thread is dead.
Okay.
I'm moaning sideways.
Two years ago, my ex-lady was hella horny.
Oh, yeah.
So we cruised around the lano trying to look for a spot to falc yeah yeah yeah cruising around for an hour at 1 30 a.m still not finding
a spot we just couldn't get any privacy yeah we went We went near Morningside Park and was all like,
oh, I have an idea.
Let's falc in the playground.
Ha ha.
Is this Def Leppard?
I think it's Ace Up Rock.
Come on, Steve.
Guitar!
so we hope the fence they usually don't lock it
we went up the tall slide and from right there i was boning her dog on top of the slide yes cool i mean yeah okay i can see the appeal all right fair enough
yeah and then all of a sudden she said stop do you hear that so i stoked penetrating and i heard
footsteps we looked around and say a couple whacking towards the playground
as they hot closer they noticed us on the top slide and yelled i'm sorry but we come here this
late too oh man and said don't mind if you guys don't mind. So I yelled back, okay, it's coo.
Then they went to a section on the slide,
and that foo was scamming with his lady.
What kind of slide is this?
How big of a slide is this?
Yeah, this is like a giant water park slide,
because that's more exciting.
They're playing a confidence game.
So me and my ex watched them.
They began...
They began, yes.
Yes.
Never seen that word before.
I like it a lot.
They began foreplaying.
They began foreplaying.
And them did it kind of surprised it's been this long in the podcast and we haven't seen anyone's
oh yeah baby i am so good at foreplaying
i foreplayed a forewin so I turned back to my ex
and said Falcon
boned for a pretty
long time
when we were done
I noticed the dude was Falcon
with us in the park
was my neighbor
you didn't notice that
Falcon dude, hilarious shit.
It was dark in a very strange way in this park.
Because you could see each other,
you could see that they were foreplaying,
but you couldn't tell that it was your neighbor.
Well, they didn't make eye contact.
That was the important thing.
And Jack, your name is Selena Lovelyena lovely sure is four weeks ago my boyfriend and i went to the
movies to see some lame action film about halfway through i was bored and horny so i started rubbing
the outside of his pants just slowly lol after a little while i undid his belt and started fiddling
his balls he starried squirming and laughing at me, saying, Shush, because someone will see.
We had to be so discreet.
The ag...
Whoa, what the?
The, the adgrenaline rush.
When we're thought of getting caught
was such a turn on.
I jumped down on the floor in front of him
and started sucking his dick.
He moaned a bit loves it me he ripped open my shirt so i had titties on display no one was
no one was was was was we in five rows of us each way and no one was behind us
lucky i slid up onto him, trying to move as quiet
as possible, leaning arched back
over the seat face up towards him.
We were going for gold pussy
getting slayed when I had a torch
bright as fuck shown in my eyes.
The manager skits
that. Haga
haga haga haga.
Oh, they're British.
When I had a torch bright as fuck shown in my eyes.
I like that she'll sort of take you through, because she's like,
I sucked his dick, he was good with that.
He took my shirt off, my titties were underneath.
My name is
I think some words that would summon a demon
if I spoke them aloud, so
I'll have come
I have Kanata
Nope
It almost felt like it was something. Rawr, Davids.
I sucked a lot of the
RFK teacher's dicks
and I'm going to be honest, you didn't know me.
I did a 69, 47,
32, 51, 15, 3,
89, 54.
Mr. Floors
from RFK
and I had a 3-some with Maria, the security, and Mrs. Stevens.
Dude, it's so easy.
I was surprised.
And me and the PE teacher from RFK fucked in the gym restroom.
She had the keys.
She locked it.
And I sat on the toilet.
First, she sucked me dick for like five minutes.
Then she got a five-hole minute. Then she got up. Five whole minutes in a dick second.
Whoa.
Then she got up, turned around, and sat on my dick.
It as ironic as it sounds, believing my people from Delano, especially RFK,
take advantage that whole school staff employee.
There has a crooked side you just
have to find your way of
communication with them
it's like you're
communication
it's like you're
teacher
sitting on your dick while you're on the toilet
wow
you're welcome.
I think you mean Alanis Morissette,
who stopped by the podcast to sing that song to us.
That's a good point.
Lemon's Morissette.
My song parodies are very
well-liked, I'll have you know.
People are fans.
I'm not here for the rest of the cast.
I'm just here for Lemon's song parodies.
Lemon's hilarious song parodies that have never gone well.
So there's a 69, which, okay, fair enough.
Then there's a 47.
47 is very hard to do.
Yeah, I think you're doing something weird with your arm at that point.
But that's way better than the 32.
Holy shit.
The three is what you do when she has to go to the bathroom.
I'll be fine.
I'll be fine.
I'll just maintain.
Yeah, once again,
THEFPL.us, we have all the documents.
We're skipping over a bunch of stuff,
including love-smelling girl's feet.
Gur's feet.
Gur's feet. Yeah, yeah.
Gur's feet.
Love-smelling girl's feet.
But the final section that we have here
is the section number four
is called local loonies called Local Loonies.
Local Loonies.
Oh my gosh, are we about to
read posts from crazy people?
I don't know.
Well, let's find out.
I actually doubt that we're
going to read anything from crazy people.
Isfahan, here's a thread
not from a crazy person.
And this thread is called
Cave-Dwelling Flesh-Eating Centipedes.
Ooh!
Enjoy.
I remember that cartoon.
It was riding the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles bandwagon.
You had the street sharks.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You might want to skip a tiny little bit uh but your name is uh
no it's not no it's not it's centipedes ruined just say my life centipedes ruined my life
you're kind of doomed at that point if that's your name.
Alright, well we finally discovered what would break lemon.
My name is Centipede, ruined my life,
but I have something very important to tell you.
Centipedes are
actually really good, I don't know why people think I have such.
Yeah, yeah.
No, you were saying I should skip some stuff?
You know, just use your own intuition
there.
Centipede sense.
Okay.
This crazy shit isn't even an experiment.
It's just a torture chamber.
It's a concocted battlefield for their fun and games.
We're the most special to them for obvious reasons.
We're the mega flesh-eating centipede,
the laser-wielding dinosaur,
the brainwashable sniper ape,
the easily controllable mega beast.
Damn it, now I've got a...
He already took my idea for a cartoon
series. Now I've got to toss that one.
They crafted our hideous brains
and grew us like cattle and plants. They bred us like
animals, our true makers.
They divided us in every single
little way and facet, and they are creating a
very large cataclysm, a river of blood
and screams. They have been working for this for
a very, very, very long time
and have been with us the entire time the Earth has been here.
They want it, and you can't even tell anyone either.
Everyone comes into this thinking about the pretty colors
and starting a happy family as usual,
but this shit is going to go right off the cliff in every way possible,
and it's exactly what they wanted.
My special little monkey ass was taken in interdimensional ways.
Our fucking creators opened me to the making of this place.
It's by design, and yes, it's very, very evil.
They intentionally did all that people have ever known.
They select the worst to rule this place and be the ones who are well off.
The bad ones will have the most power here at all times, and it's always been that way.
We are made by the Satans of the universes.
All of them.
The mullocks, the psychos, highly advanced
psychopaths, war-loving pricks are
our makers. They love this place because
it's a toy for them. They have no love
in them whatsoever, none fucking zilch.
And we're the orphans of these
sick fucks lost in some galaxy which
who the fuck knows where and we're all dying
shitty deaths repeatedly but only having
every hope crushed out of us by the agonies
of this place. I heard from my
brother today that a woman was
slowly ground up like a cow
in a farming heavy machinery accident.
The good ones can't help us. They have
not the power to do so.
I tried for a while to go
back to the delusions. I couldn't do it though.
I couldn't go back. It was impossible. I even't do it, though. I couldn't go back.
It was impossible.
I even read holy books repeatedly and tried to ram it in over and over again.
It's for a reason.
It's for a reason.
It's for a reason.
Couldn't go back to hope again.
A victim of the truth.
A victim.
A victim of the truth.
A victim of reality I am.
And all because of the carefully crafted cave-dwelling flesh-eating centipede.
And I have an addendum post to that.
We're just their toys.
Thanks, that was...
Oh!
So that was posted in the schizophrenia forum, I'm not sure why.
Yeah, I don't know, I don't know.
This guy's from Las Vegas, Nevada.
Does he know that they grow peyote over there?
Is he aware?
Cave-dwelling
flesh-eating samurais.
That was a good
payoff at the end of that post.
Because it's like a horror movie,
and like, when are they going to show the monster?
When are they going to show the monster? At the very end.
Portax?
Hello?
I'm ready for some gang stalking.
I am also ready for gang stalking.
I'm always ready for gang stalking, because the gangs are always everywhere, and they're
always stalking me, so I'm always ready for them.
They think they can't get me, but they...
No, no, no.
You're just too smart for them.
Yeah, I'm too smart for them.
I'm too smart for them.
My name is Justice Will Prevail.
I'm from Cookville.
Perhaps Cookieville. Not entirely sure. Me from Cookieville. I'm from Cookville. Perhaps Cookieville. Not entirely sure.
Me from Cookieville, Tennessee.
The gingerbread men are coming for me.
The state of Florida supports illegal gang stalking activities in lieu of Tennessee,
as well as working hand-in-hand with ex-police chief Jimmy Hahn and his best friend Buddy Dale Peavy,
along with his wife or ex-wife?
Cheryl at Peavy, Derek Peavy, Dale Peavy, along with his wife or ex-wife? Cheryl it.
Peavy, Derek, Peavy, Shannon, Peavy, Tony.
Instead of Tennessee,
the state of Florida supports illegal gang-stalking activities.
Right, yes.
Well, Justice Will had to move to Cookville, Tennessee
to get away from the Florida gang-stalkers.
Oh, okay, okay.
Charlotte, Peavy, Derek, Peavy, Shannon, Peavy, Tony,
Sweet, a.k.a. Peavy, Luceve, Lufse. Charlotte Peavy, Dara Peavy, Shannon Peavy, Tony Sweet, a.k.a.
Peavy Luceve,
hired contract
killer Nathan Fisher from out of Tampa,
Florida, who not only is a killer for hire,
but runs a cult that recruits children
from foster networks, youth
centers, and troubled teens, full
Fort Pierce, and many others, I'm sure,
as for many other terrible illegal acts,
using them, training them to be like him
and his evil gang stalker family of killers
Nathan Jr. Anthony David Doris
or Dolores Tyrone Lyrone
more like Lyrone
all roads lead right back to
ex-chief Jimmy Han Dale Peavy
Charlotte Peavy
Derek Peavy Shannon Peavy Tony
aka Peavy Sweat,
Brewer Thompson, Dishman Lusphy,
her and her father
raped her in 1987,
had a child due to his Uzi gun.
What?
Due to his Uzi gun.
So that means that the Uzi gun
inseminated her.
Okay.
That's how the Uzi works. It was developed by the IDF to specifically inseminated her. Okay. That's how the Uzi works. It was developed
by the IDF to
specifically inseminate Palestinian
That's very efficient.
Tanya drove all the way to after her
husband Howard after the lefter tried
first to have him arrested for stealing
his car and then his own money.
Mr. Knapp was introduced to Nathan Fisher
at the old Walmart in Oki.
And she never introduced him to no one, let alone her son, I lost.
She said, hi, meet Nate, or a.k.a. Nathan Fisher.
This is the guy who hired to kill him after he figured out the rape,
the stepkid being the daughter of her grandpa.
Mrs. Lusfi drove all the way to Nye, claiming that she was going to work for a marriage, and she never told Howard S. Knapp that her family they were trying to do to him.
After she kicked her out, he went back to Flaw, still never telling him.
He had a bogus felony warrant for his arrest, and she waited to tell him only after he went to Flaw for divorce.
Why are you telling us this?
divorce.
Why are you telling us this?
After 20 years, all these agencies
have been involved in covering up illegal
bank stocking by CIA
affiliates. My life has been destroyed by
Mr. Dale Peavy, Jimmy Hahn, Tanya
Peavy, Sweat Derek Peavy, Sharon
Peavy, Cherylette Peavy.
If you ever wondered how to get evil justice
and cover up your sin, just contact
Chief Jimmy Hahn and he will help you out.
Oh, the Shadowrunners.
It's for Dale.
I wonder if he knew at the time it was to cover up a past attempted murder of Tom Dishman,
the fellow they tried pinning as Dale's daughter dad.
The killers and gang stalkers they hired at the behest of ex-belief Jimmy Hahn,
who has been very active in this situation since day one.
I remember when Howard tried to
go to Winter Garden.
Police stepped.
Jack, Jack, you have a question.
I just want to get to it. What's your question?
I do.
Something you were trying to ask
for the last, like, ten minutes that
Vortex was reading. I wanted to know what it was.
Well, so, you know how we've looked at a lot of gang stalking websites right yeah and they
always have like a billion different fucking fonts and font sizes and shit those are easier to parse
through you're right they really are yeah now that you see it out of its natural habitat, you recognize how necessary that kind of typography was.
Yeah.
I mean, this is just crazy, people.
Murr Hahn has also been called Murr Knapp's lawyer with Linus Wim.
Oh, God damn it.
I was questioning the one that was Wintergarden, Doug Garrick Fox.
At the very least.
No matter how many times this man and his brother have sought justice,
At the very least. No matter how many times this man and his brother have sought justice,
these agencies have banded together to cover it up.
Tin Lawrence.
Sinti.
Da.
Cover up.
Tabai.
Cover up.
Cokeville FBI.
Tabai.
Nashville.
Del Cab.
Decalb.
Sorry, that wouldn't make sense otherwise.
Sinti.
Sheriff.
Some of these deputies.
Smithville City.
Some of their officers.
Etheridge.
Tin Police.
Not only Stockton, but trying to run him off road.
Lawrenceburg City Police Officers, Lawrence City County Sheriff's Department.
Okay.
At the very least, what are the last six words in the post?
Is there justice left in America?
Yes, keep going, Lemon.
No, that's it.
You've got to read the machine song. This is all I can do is just this for a while.
Hey, my name is Mouse.
Okay. Hi, Mouse. My name is Mouse. Okay.
Hi, Mouse.
My name is Mouse.
Mouse.
Yeah, and I've got a completely different topic here.
What's your different topic?
It's organized stalking sponsored by government.
Oh, no.
That does sound very different.
Yeah.
Just do what I do.
Videotape everything
that's all proof you need take pics videotape your whole house and see with ichor enters playing
their role yeah they may are may not canoe it's. But we got proof right there. I don't think everyone wants to be charged with a felony.
I must say it was good for them at first, but I got more than enough to fuck my whole city over.
So they better come to an understanding that I'm here to stay and they are just gonna have to endure it.
Fuck all gang stalkers.
They love wasting time on new thing.
I simply laugh my ass away of this crip.
But police ain't right forcing individuals
to get, ooh, smut oh smuttered smut here
smut
up just to force them to become a snitch and participate in all this crap
i've even seen small children in Diz involved. Daz said Daz?
What is that supposed to be?
Daz.
Daz.
Oh, wow.
Daz.
Okay.
Daz said parents involve kids in Diz.
Boots, you clearly do not speak DeviantArt.
Or LiveJournal.
But if this was to happen to them, didn't i doubt they'd like it not everyone
is a snitch there's people out there that can really hurt you for being one c c c e in the world
would you rather would who do this to her children really god forbid god forbid would do this to her children? Really?
God forbid.
God forbid.
Do this to the wrong person.
God be with you.
I am a nice to do all that.
I like that.
I'm looking at what you're reading and I still lose track of where you are.
Yep. So I simply get my kicks doing
it right back yeah cops dick is this workers lawyers yup ooh name them so people if you're
big gangstock knew your rights learn facts and videotape everything.
Remember,
we're crazy.
So they say,
video didn't lie.
Get cell phone blockers to carry wherever you go.
Chances are they can text away.
But would
dat, how will
they lol?
Probably behind their hands. I love doing dat t dem remeber
toucan the famous rap artist toucan or the bird play at dat just stay clean no No drugs, no crime, and you're straight. Kiss my ass, Palmdale.
I can agree with that last one.
Good.
The very, very, very last thread that we're going to read on the topics forums,
and what a terrific and necessary place this is.
Just a really good place.
Just a website that should exist is what this is just a really good place just a website that should exist that's what this is
um the last thread that we're gonna read here is titled email slash msn emma watson
um it is a thread with only one participant other than the person that somebody searched
for harry potter than the person that uh post pretending to be emma watson um so uh so the
only person that participates in this thread is Alex.
And Jack Chick, what does Alex want to talk about?
Can you be my high girlfriend that you will love me and talk about me all the time and
I will love you all the time?
Also take care of you, help you, defend you, and falling in love with you because you're
cute and I will email you and dream about you?
Ellipsis.
Emma Watson, would you meet me at
Houston, Texas at the ballroom of
Harry Potter dances?
The ballroom of Harry Potter dances.
We only do Harry Potter
dances here at the Houston, Texas
ballroom.
Oh, it's the hot new dance craze, the Harry Potter.
Because I am going to dance with you,
because I will give you a present,
because we will be best buds and pals too.
I love you, Emma,
and I will look forward to see Rupert Grint, Daniel Radcliffe,
and you will be my girlfriend, Ellipsis.
September 12, 2007, that day will be a Harry Potter dance
I am going to sing about
Skulls of the Haunters
12 songs about Harry Potter and my crew
Will be there
Yeah, we got you, Alex
His breakdancing posse
9pm
Nighttime till in the morning
To stay 20 nights for one week only
You will be going back to England And I will kiss you and hug you all the time, Ellipsis.
I am a rock star of the haunters and I love to read about Harry Potter.
Do you now?
Do you know that I love Hot Topics?
Yeah, I did know that.
I have a T-shirt of Harry Potter.
I do that too.
So I think about you all the time.
Just more selling points here.
Wow.
My family really likes you because I am your sexy hot boyfriend.
Oh dear.
I don't know so much about this Emma Watson girl.
I'm just glad you're happy, son.
Wow, these get really good.
I am the oldest, also I was born on September 23rd, 1988.
Oh dear.
I will be 19 this year to sing on YouTube and MySpace too.
I will be making new website called Haunter's Ellipsis
I will dream about you tonight
We will love each other and email each other
I will hold your hand because
I love you so much
Do you know
what happens in Castlevania?
That is a haunted
Oh no
That is a haunted horror video game
It has haunted creatures
Also it has Count Dracula
That is a very long game
Some my haunted friends around my haunted neighborhood
Then he just says he loves her
Skipping down
You will date me in Houston, Texas.
I sing about spiders and scorpions.
You will date me in Houston, Texas!
I sing about the little shop of horrors in Star Trek also.
Alex, no, you're losing her.
I also sing Monster Mash of Haunters.
Monster Mash of Haunters. Monster Mash of Haunters.
Haunters.
He did the Monster Mash of Haunters.
He did the Mash of Haunters.
It was a graveyard smash of Haunters.
He did the Mash of Haunters.
Little shop, little shop of horrors and haunters. Little shop of horrors and haunters
little shop of horrors and star trek
i sing i sing about the ninja turtles and i sing only haunted on the haunters at the other county
countries at the other countries every year and month ellipsis yeah the other countries he doesn't
like he's just not like he's just not a success domestically but like france is all into him
emma i have to sign off now will you like to marry me obviously yes we will date and i will
think about you the most of the time and dream about ellipsipsis. Yes, I will talk about you, and you
will be engaged me at the final,
after the final movie of Harry Potter
and the Deathly Hallows.
But no haunters there?
I'm out.
No, he already sang about them.
You're not the haunter I married.
It used to be about the haunters, Alex,
and now you're not talking about the haunters?
It sounds like you just don't
know what happens
in Castlevania.
Emma Watson,
of course,
somebody that's
always Googling
her name.
Yep.
What's the
internet having
to say about
me today?
Yeah,
oh boy.
Oh my.
Oh good.
And now it's
time to relax
on my favorite
popular website,
topics.com.
Yeah, exactly.
Wow, so that went in a bunch of directions.
Yep.
Often in the same time.
It was real dumb.
And what did we learn from any of it?
Fuck.
I'm actually kind of grateful for sites like this
because they kind of work like the strainer in the sink
where it catches all the crazy people
and they stop here.
They get lodged here.
Yeah.
And they can kind of just crazy it out
to their heart's content.
Super duper.
Yeah, because there's enough other different's enough of like other different flavors of crazy
people and like different similarities of crazy people that like it's not like they're completely
shouting into a void like other people will engage with them i mean not engage with them
also scream in the same general area yeah um it looks like there are a lot of people who are
willing to rise to the occasion of respondlying to these posts. Which is good.
Yeah.
I don't know how much I learned about it, but I really,
really liked the guy who was just like,
I wanted to suck a dick, so I sucked a dick.
I was okay.
It was very
honest, forthright.
Well, I mean, just think about it, though. How often on the
internet do you experience somebody who is
just like, yeah, here's an experience I haven't had, and I'm going to do it, and, you know, it wasn't for me.
I will say this.
Like, it's not like we at the F Plus have ever covered something that could be described as, like, personal growth.
So to that end, I mean, here's a trophy.
But I mean, like that one post, like it had a lack of pretense, like almost to a fault.
Like, yeah, it was robotic.
It's lack of pretense.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, and topics will continue to exist probably forever.
I mean, and just like you said, we'll always...
Yeah, long after humanity has died out, somehow they'll still be like post-begenerated.
The subatomic particles left on Earth will be shitposting against other subatomic...
Centipedes.
I'm just glad we have this really old
style internet.
No, that's true.
Oh, these people are just saying things incomprehensibly.
Yay!
It does have kind of a throwback feel.
Yeah. Our website is
always thefpl.us. We've got a forum
called Ball Pit. We sell some
merch sometimes.
Other things as well uh
i don't fucking i mean yeah check out other things we don't really need anything from you
like thanks for listening other thin.gs yeah bye-bye Bye. Bye. Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away.
Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away.
Welcome to Plus Podcast.
Oh, I'm sorry. I was being weird.
This episode's about acne fetish.
Oh no!
This episode's pretty gross!
We're all gonna read about pus for an hour.
Puss me the garbage can.
I gotta puke in it.
Sick!
I'm not handing over this garbage can.
I'm already puking in it.
What a good concept episode that would be.
Communal garbage can puke episode.
No, just like our grossest thing, but we just won't give up on dumb voices.
Oh, God, it would be actually really good.
I changed my answer.
I changed my answer.
I totally won't.