The F Plus - 305: You Get Wet

Episode Date: July 24, 2019

There aren't a whole lot of people who visit the iSoaker family of websites, but you can't deny the passion they have in their hobby. This is an episode of meticulously documenting all the squirt guns to have ever existed, of the life-changing obsession of being super into squirt guns, and about the super cool bad ass things these full grown adults do when they're holding a squirt gun and dressed in a ninja outfit. This week, The F Plus can't decide which soaker for bear.

I'm glad you're here, soldier. Shut the door and have a seat. As you know, this is the F+. It might be a terrible place, we might have terrible things, but we're gonna read it with enthusiasm. In the room tonight we have Jimmy Franks. Pressurized reservoir blasters should be depressurized, then open to completely drain the reservoir of any unusable water. Frank West?

For those who think the president should be armed, he, she can be given a small pistol weapon to use. Poor Tex! Ah, super Soaker episode. What are you doing to me? Achilles Heelys! My game is Soaker Golf.

This game is basically akin to golf. Basically. And Lemon. Most would wear black and some sort of tactical vest for storage and equipment of smoke bombs. The game is always played at night because at night, your senses play tricks on you. And it's a heck of a lot more fun to shoot someone in the dark. Hey, F+. Hey, Lemon.

Hi! Hey, what is Hey, Eleven. Hi! Hey, what is war good for? Five things. Well, it's often used to jumpstart an economy. It's often used to continue the economy going. It's good for overthrowing regimes that don't agree with your policies. Okay, okay. Sometimes if a country is doing something unjust or aggressive, war

is the only way to... It dictates which thumb is stronger than the other. I believe it was John Lennon who said, all you need is war. War. War. Well, a separate question

from that. What is water war good for? Absolutely not. Say it again. We're going to be going to a site that is fun to look at. And for those of you listening at home, I would recommend take a minute. It's even better on your phone. Go to isoaker.com.

Happy to leave a newer. Whoa! I hadn't gone there yet. Yeah, this is good. I know we talk a lot about the design of websites here, but this is really good. It's nice. It's nice.

Powered by Nerf. So we, from the site itself, it says, iSoaker.com is your dedicated portal to the world of water warfare, water guns, water blaster, soakers, and soaking. Our mission is to promote fun, exciting, yet safe water warfare for people of all ages. Leave no one dry!

Hell yeah. God, did I make this website? Killy Sealy is leaving everyone wet. So actually, to that end, Jimmy Franks, we're going to go into the about page. Oh, good. And do you think you could tell me about Isoker and the mission here? Yeah, absolutely. Thank you.

Water provides the foundation of life. In essence, the ability to enjoy water and its many uses is a celebration of life. Wasn't this the thing Stogger read in like the second or first F Plus Live? I still think Stoggerhead in like the second or first F Plus Live. Isoacre.com strives for a world where everyone can freely enjoy the pure bliss of drenching another during a fun, safe, yet sometimes fierce water fight. Dedicated to all water warfare warriors, water fight enthusiasts, soaker files, and hydromaniacs. That makes me rip my wet shirt. I don't feel comfortable throwing

terms like that around because I'm not a licensed psychotherapist. The overall goal of isoker.com is share its love and respect for water blasters and water warfare with the help from various related websites. isoker.com strives to promote the exchange of water blasters and water warfare with the help from various related websites. iSoaker.com strives to promote the exchange of water blaster information as well as water

fight tips, tactics, technology, and experiences from the novice to the elite water warrior. Water fight should be a recreational activity enjoyed by anyone and everyone. Soak on. Saluting. Saluting American flag flying in the background before you before you do that I would like you to jump one paragraph up because you're grateful to a couple

companies for their services oh okay okay yeah I so for calm is grateful for various informational and product support from companies such as Busby toys Inc Hasbro Inc Johnson Research and Development Co Inc Adobe Inc and Macromedia, Inc., as well as numerous individual submissions and contributions. So, I mean, I'm assuming that there's Adobe Flash on here somewhere.

Yay! That was just provided gratis. So, Lemon, did the Netscape Cool Site of the Day Web Ring award at the bottom of the page not tip you off that something was in it? Yes, yes, this site was featured on Netscape's Cool Sightings. I mean, it was SuperSoker.com 2002 Webmaster's Choice. Oh, man. I always thought that they didn't, you know, they put a good showing, but I always thought that the other websites were just better that year. Achilles. Yes. good showing but i always thought that the other websites were just better that year uh achilles yes uh i want to take us to the glossary here and uh there's there's a whole

bunch of terminology to learn we can't go through all of it we're just going to go through a little bit of this terminology if you wouldn't mind um so uh i've got a uh i've got a small soaker what would that be oh it's a mini no no it's not a mini it's not a mini how dare you sir i have a small soaker oh uh the 15 to 25 centimeters yeah yeah yeah yeah okay sorry that's all okay that's all what would be an what would be an oversized soaker that'd be 90 centimeters cool it'd be five and a half kilograms or 12.1 pounds full that's a heavy gun it's a big ass gun it's a big load to handle okay so uh yeah so you've got some terminology some uh some war lingo here uh what is an air shot the air shot is when you're firing out primarily air from a blaster.

Now, sometimes trace amounts of water may also be expelled. This is a good technique to use when cleaning out a blaster, but horrible to experience when in the midst of a combat situation. Oh, baby, I'm sorry. Oh, by the way, this is also known as war lingo. Sarge, my gun won't shoot. It's just air shove. Fall back, son.

What is a blaster? Blaster is the standard term for any device used for dispensing water over range distances. Short form of the term, water blaster. Now I'm imagining Marvin the martian with a water gun uh what is a water calculator what is a bomb sea water balloon okay thanks appreciate that yeah uh and uh uh camouflage is camouflage? It's a term describing colors and materials used to make one and one's water blaster match the terrain to minimize the chance of being detected. My friend was in a water fight and he said that he dodged. What is that? It's avoiding a water attack.

Of course. Of course. And what is a grenade? Seaw water balloon. Okay, so somebody told me they said they were in a water gun fight. They said they were hosed. What does that mean?

Sea soaked. Cool, cool. And a miss shot? Sea air shot. So, what does SW, what does that stand for? Acronym for Star Wars. It's a series developed by Laramie Limited and released in 1999. Oh my god.

A friend said that he was saturated. What did that mean? He's completely covered with water. Worse than being just soaked. Oh, worse than being soaked. And what does soaked mean? Covered quite thoroughly with water.

And I'm mostly made of water. It's best done with sponges and avoided by oneself. What's a sponge? If you tell me. Sponge. Enemy person slash individual.

Sponges should be soaked as intensely and often as possible. Hey, whoa, whoa. I know that talk was cool in the war, but we're at peace now. We don't want to just throw that kind of stuff around. We thought the sponges got you, 8-Ball. Frank, it was a different time. Every night I dream of the sponges. What's a water balloon now that we've...

Ah, it's a standard term for water-filled balloon, dumbass. Typically, water balloons are a one-use-only water dispensing device. Typically, sometimes they re-for. That makes sense. And a water grenade? See, water balloon! So, Super Soaker. What is a Super Soaker?

Super Soaker. What is a Super Soaker? Super Soaker. Trademarked. The general term used for most of the water blasters Laramie Limited makes. And then a WWF Super Soaker? Acronym for the World Wrestling Federation series of Super Soaker. Developed by Laramie Limited and released in 2000. Cool. I just want to say that Laramie used to make the fucking best squirt guns.

Yeah, well, this guy seems to agree with you. Battery operated Laramie, like AK-47. Oh, man, those things are the best. Hold on. Shut up the 30 feet. I need to teach you the words for water, though, real quick. Please tell me. Do you?

Those words are wire, English, and H2O, English, scientific. That's it. Oh, you don't want to try to read them? Yeah, then we have it in French and Italian and Japanese and Korean.

And Pig Latin. Is it actually in Pig Latin? Yes. Yeah, then we have it in French and Italian and Japanese and Korean. Okay, so... And Pig Latin. Is it actually in Pig Latin? Yes. Yeah, there is a Pig Latin one. Otter way. Otter way. Okay, so...

Portax. Dux Burian has a missive to share, and Dux Burian's missive is users not guns win wars. Oh, yeah, that's true. I am Dux Burian. Okay, this is... Yeah, hi. Just hi. Hi.

Hi. Okay, this is a very simple concept. People all the time ask which gun is better, which gun will win, or the such. However, it's not really correct to compare two guns and try to decide which one wins unless user skill is defined in that situation. There is no instant win button in Square Gun Fight. A gun is only as good as its user. Never forget that. A noob wielding a big gun like a CPS-1500

can be driven back by a seasoned veteran wearing a small gun like an XP-310. I'm so glad we're already gatekeeping in this thing. In the same way, two users, two equal skill with guns such as a 1500 versus a 2500 will balance each other perfectly. These are not based off logic.

These are based off of actual observations. These are not based off logic. You people, you armchair generals sitting at home talking about which gun is better. You were in the fucking trenches. I was in the shit.

I mean, the water. Well, every year they meet and do a standards testing, like a double blind test with all of these. Can you just skip down to the paragraph that starts lots of newbies lots of new yeah lots of newbies with bad guns versus a handful of that's all good ones this is an old debate and in this situation the battle could swing either way depending on the terrain and how severe the gap is okay um yeah What if you're like fucking like Neo and you're running around with like a million score guns strapped to your gun?

Whoa, I know how to use a water gun. Oh shit, wrong program. However, no matter how powerful your guns are or how many years of experience you have there will be situations where inferior armed enemies,

much like a T-Rex, will overwhelm you purely by numbers. It happened to me as recently as the last war. Oh no. Yeah. So, you're talking about the sort of like turning

the tide of war. Yeah. And it's confusing to me because when you're in a squirt gun fight, like people just get wet and that's it, right? No, there's winner and loser. How do you define a winner and a loser? Look, I'm Fish Fahan and I know how water war works. Well, that would be a cute drawing. That would be pretty adorable. I can take on three at once, but as the battle showed, four is too many.

When the better armed soldiers have the numbers advantage, there is no excuse for defeat. Well, there is, but that's the subject of yet another article so so you're saying you're saying every user is different you're saying uh three three's company but four is a crowd yeah every user different uh just because someone with a cps 4100 fights badly doesn't mean every 4100 user fights badly in. In the inverse, not every 2,500 user will be like the guy who just kicked your ass today. So you have to treat each user independently and form a strategy against that person as an individual. You know, get to know him.

Infiltrate his family, find his secrets, exploit them. Yeah, because otherwise you're having fun with friends, and wouldn't that be a bummer? No, only for when. Each time the person behind the gun changes, you have to change too. One strategy will not work against every user of a

certain soaker. Switch up your tactics and make them appropriate for the enemies you are fighting. To beat the neighbor kid, you must become the neighbor kid. What, oh, that misconception we all have where everyone

who uses this kind of super soaker fights the same way. Is there like a page of like Evo style? TPS 15,000 people who shoot like this. Rolling around in the theater aisle. Hey,

Frank West. Yes? You've noticed some changes in retail, haven't you? Yes, uh, thank you for coming to my TED Talk, the Changing Water Blasters. Oh, God, why are the doors locked? Oh, God, you just put the water guns... You can only leave if you can defeat me in a water gun duel.

But, Sensei, I cannot! What are defeat me in a water gun duel. But sensei, I cannot! What are the rules of the water gun duel? Water the guy. My shower wins every time. Notable changes in retail. Now that we're well into spring 2017... Whoa, this site is from 2017? Yeah, I mean, it's from 2000, but it's been active the whole time.

Yeah, the thing I read was 2006, so this is just ongoing. Yeah, copyright 2000 to 2019. All right. Most local stores have begun putting out their offerings for 2017 water blasts. Offer to the water water blast products onto shelves. Target seems to still be carrying Swimway's Food Force. Sorry, Food Force. That's not a good water gun. Swimway's Flood Force brand. Walmart has its private little Adventure Force series.

But neither appear to be carrying any Hasbro's Nerf Super Soaker branded products. The bastards! No, no, no, that was banned. It was just too powerful. In fact, though Target is actually carrying some of the new for 2017 Nerf Super Soaker models,

those are found mixed together with other Nerf dart guns and other Nerf products instead of with. Those are found mixed together with other Nerf Dark Guns and other Nerf products, instead of with the pool and water toys. Wait, what do you mean toys? Uh, sorry. Tools of war. That was a typo. Buzz V Toys

Water Warriors branded products are appearing in Kmart and Walmart. Canada. But is still lacking from Target, and no signs at my local Toys R Us yet. Lesser recognized water blaster manufacturers such as JaRoo and Zuru also have items on the shelf.

I hope that's the JaRoo brand. How good would that be though? It costs $40,000 and it doesn't actually exist. However. I just imagine this guy at Target picking up his stool softener and he's like, you know what? I think I'm going to pop by the toy aisle and go home and update the iSoca database.

I was just trying to think of how often this guy finds himself at Toys R Us. Oh, they know who he is at Toys R Us. Oh, they know who he is at Toys R Us. Like, we'll send you photos so you don't have to show up, okay? Do you think that I could take these ones out of the package and try them, sir? Please. Or maybe he tried to hold up

the store with, like, a super soaker. No. I'm pretty sure this is this is the guy that nobody told him that the water wars ended and he's kept fighting them 20 years since 2002 nobody told him that's why

they'll work for water just eating eating goats in the hills of Vietnam I just come home aside see I assume the Toys R Us is where they have the water gun sommelier like in John Wick. It's got a special room where you can try out all the water guns.

We get a water gun full of Fred? That's the good ammo, actually. However, one thing is for certain. This is dumb. No, that is not for certain. Eject that man. Eject that man. Eject that man. Yay!

My friend works! I point the water gun to his head. He has to listen to all of it. The only way to win the water war is not to play. The entire water blaster category's footprint is shrinking in retail stores. Oh no! Oh my god. I recall the days back in...

Is this the liberals' fault? I mean, probably. What isn't? I recall the days back in the 1980s and 1990s when, during spring, water blasters and water guns would occupy at least one

entire side of a toy aisle. Goddamn social justice water warriors. From 16 to 24 feet, sometimes over 40 feet of shelving space, floor to ceiling. Today, walking down the toy aisles. Some kid just staring wide-eyed, really grandpa, really? Today, walking down the toy aisles, I would be lucky to find a water blaster section occupying four or eight feet of shelf space. The remainder of the seasonal water toy aisle now occupied by pool toys, beach toys, and other water play related items.

Does no one respect the troops anymore? They're stealing water valor. stealing water valor yeah i wonder i wonder what's happened since the 1980s that's made kids less interested in shooting like these guns and supposed to maybe some other more fun type of play gun in some other sort of environment yeah probably nothing while these other products would usually be in the same aisle as water blasters, they were previously found on the other side of the aisle. Can I speak to your manager?

In short, retailers simply no longer carry very many water blasters, which is a reflection of consumers' interests in these types of toys nowadays. Oh, it's the invisible square kind of the market okay um so then you have a a fairly long uh diatribe uh which which is a lot uh but i do like that it's called the commodification of water blasters wow you don't understand a lot of things. Name one. It's like a commodity now. But you've set yourself some sort of challenge, is that right? Ah, yes, I'm glad you're interested in my challenge. It's a good eye.

Well, almost second nature to me. I admit I still fail at providing a concise, convincing argument to explain why a good pressurized water blaster is worth the premium over a larger pump-action water blaster sold for the same price. Truthfully, at the lower 5 to 10 US dollars

price points, even if I find it difficult to easily justify pressurized over the pressurized over pump-action water blasters. That's a lot of I fell down in your jargon. I don't. I think he did. That's not a full sentence. I'm slipping in it like a clown.

Oh wait, yes it is. I also got lost. You want these pros and cons? Yes, I guess so. I guess so. I'm sure they'll be easy to understand, right? Okay. The pros of a pump action is that it's easy to use, pump to shoot, relatively large for its price, active water output on par with most similarly priced pressurized water blasters, though functional output is lower, able to hold more water than a comparably sized pressurized water blaster,

Able to hold more water than a comparably sized pressurized water blaster. And able to achieve similar ranges to a comparably priced pressurized water blaster. The cons... Please, please. The question's at the end. I understand. But it will end, right? It's going to end at some point. What if I have a statement that I hate you and you're very tedious?

How dare you? How dare you? How dare you? This is not so much a question as it is an eye roll. Don't you dare question the water lord. The cons of a pump action is that its actual effective maximum output is roughly half or a third of a pressurized water blaster and it's less accurate when blasting. Of course, it's both hands and arms must move significantly

during the pumping action needed for stream crew. This is when it's not blasting. Hardly needs to be said. And of course you do need pinpoint accuracy. Well, yes. How else are you going to win? In your squirt gun fight with gnats.

And now that we've talked about the pump action, the pros of a pressurized, via air or elastic, water blaster is that it is able to produce a longer-lasting, continuous streams of water on demand. It's easier to aim more accurately since blaster only requires a trigger pull once pressurized adequately and a higher overall functional output

uh huh uh huh the cons of this thing that I'm advocating well there's five of them compared to the two of the thing I'm not advocating but the two are so important that it's usually noticeably or significantly smaller than a similarly priced pump-action

water blaster. It typically holds less water than a similarly priced pump-action water blaster. It typically must be pumped 20 to 30 times to achieve good functional pressure for blasting. The pressurized reservoir water blasters cannot be refilled easily or safely while pressurized.

We've all had the friend who tried to refill his gun while it was still pressurized. It just... One minute he's there, the next minute you're reaching your hand to a pile of water that used to be your best friend's face! It's just like that scene in X-Men. And of course, there's no significant output advantage for water blasters

priced at ten dollars usd or below but if you're paying that much what do you i think i think you forgot the last one which is your wife will leave you for having oh i don't have one for having an inferior water blaster yeah right yeah yeah just don't stack up to other For having an inferior water blaster, you mean? Yeah, yeah. Just don't stack up to other dudes.

Your boy Tony's got the biggest water gun. And your predictions for the future, do you have any of those? Oh, many, but I'll try and keep it brief as I have for the rest of this talk so far. Without a significant change in general consumer behavior or significant improvement in manufacturing technology, it will require a dramatic change, improving water blaster

technology to get consumers to notice and once again seek out better quality, higher performance water blasters. Improvements in mass manufacturing techniques may help slow the further deterioration of water blaster quality. But unless the $15

US dollar price point ceiling can be raised, the likelihood of a higher output performance water blaster being released in retail stores is extremely low. They still make them! Sure, if you like buying trash out of the garbage i mean i do but regardless

unfortunately for those of us seeking better performance we shall need to find alternate creative paths to acquire or attain the soaking capabilities it's like a like a frankenstein deal where he's just in a lab. Guys, I want to recategorize pressurization systems. Yeah, we all do. Yeah, my name is isoker.com. Well, perhaps not as detailed as some may prefer. For isoker.com

I will be adopting the following water blaster pressurization categorization system until a more preferred one, if found or devised. Great. Good. You're welcome. It works better than the existing one, fits in with how the database querying works, and doesn't feel too heavily or overly detailed. By the way, the site, the one thing that we will not be reading on the site is the database of water guns, which is fucking extensive.

The only thing I'm copy reading on the site is the database of water guns, which is fucking extensive. Like, it's way more extensive than all of the movies that feature women getting haircuts database. What a flicky feat, though. There is many, many pages of different water guns, including ones that look like Soviet-issue rocket launchers. Oh, that would be so good, though. I actually do want that. And M16s. This one, which just looks like a fucking submachine gun?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very cool, very cool. It's so good to surpass Metal Gear. So the primary classes, the piston for all finger and or hand-pumped water blasters. This includes everything from syringe-type blasters to the small finger-pumped novelty water pistols. Air for all air-pressured blasters. Both pressurized reservoir systems and water blasters with separate air-pressurized filing chambers would fall into this category. Elastic, of course, is for all rubber or spring or other elastic material water blasters.

The term CPS is being removed from the categorization scheme. Thank God. Presently not opting to differentiate between elastic bladders versus cylindrical or spring-based systems. Motor, as for all motor-based

water blasters, presently not opting to differentiate between motors that use rotary pumps versus motors that drive small pistons to pump water. Sir, how dare you? You just grouped the rotary pumps and the small motors together. How are we supposed to have a proper taxonomy system if you're not going to do the work? Here's a word that I swore nobody on this site was familiar with,

but hose. Which is for hose-based or hose-requiring water blasters. That seems like the best. That seems like Metal Gear to me. Yeah, I mean, that's how I always won.

And then other, you know. Anyway, modifiers. While the categories above cover the fundamental pressurization systems, there are a number of water blasters that make use of multiple types of systems. So some water blasters may also be given an additional modifier term in their categorization, such as bracket class one, class two hybrid for water blasters that use two systems in tandem to generate a stream.

Example one, obviously, I'm sure you know, the Water Warriors Scorpion would be classified as an elastic motor hybrid. Oh, I thought that was just the nickname of the most legendary water gunfighter in Volta. This is called the Scorpion. The Water Warrior's steady stream would be classified as a piston-elastic hybrid. Class 1, Class 2 combo would be for water blasters that use two systems independently to generate a stream.

Example 1 would be the Super Soaker Oozenator. That me. That's my name that that would be a air piston combo and then of course uh the class one and class n novelty which of course would be for water blasters that are considered not particularly useful for typical water wars. What's, is it useful for atypical water wars? Have we defined water war yet? Well, I mean, in a head-on war, you obviously want the best equipment,

but in an asymmetric or guerrilla warfare, sometimes you, it's more useful to make do with what's already there. Sometimes you need the tiny, like, dollar store ones to, like, pick it up.

You can get them off from the trees. Well, you drop, you drop your big soaker, and then you grab the little one you taped on your back. Actually, yeah. To your question, Achilles, the glossary does not define

water war at all. That's good. I'm just imagining It's a well understood term in all of our vernacular. It's like well-understood term in all of our vernacular, so... It's sort of like, it's like the end fight, only it's some asshole sitting in the tree with, like, a water sniper rifle or the hose. Yeah, so it wouldn't be useful for Water War, like a keychain water blaster or a sprinkler. I feel like I could do a pretty good job with the sprinkler. This modifier is semi-subjective, okay?

You've got no range with the sprinkler. I should note that many back-end changes need to occur for this new system to be implemented on iSoaker.com. I hope to update the system in the near future, but there may be some glitches after it goes live at first. Hopefully nothing too problematic, and hopefully glitches can be quickly identified and fixed. I really, uh, I apologize for all the deaths. fixed. I really apologize for all the deaths. I know that I know that I did so much

blood from my software bugs here. Wait, no, you didn't read the last thing. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't read the last thing. The last thing, of course, is SOAK ON! Soak on what, though?

The Geneva Conventions need to be very explicit about what I can and can't do. Soak on this blaster! Come on! Soak it! Soak it! Yeah, soak it! Oh, is it time for jokes? It's always time for jokes. Is this the part of the podcast where we start being funny?

Yeah, I mean... Well, no. No, no, no. Let's not. Water gun jokes or soaks, as we like to call them. They're soaks. Yeah, why would we start now? Yeah, so we're going to isoaker.com forward slash info forward slash humor with a U, which

means that we're on a British site. Or Canadian. Oh, Canadian? I think it on a British site. Or Canadian. Yeah. Oh, Canadian? I think it's Canadian. Is it humor in Canada, too? Okay. Okay.

Anyway, so Jimmy Franks, you, when do you know that you have too many soakers? You know you have too many soakers, Wim. God, it's long, too. Your local fire department calls on your help for backup. Nothing? No? Okay, I got more. Okay.

Oh, good. I'm sure you do. Your nickname is Tsunami. You've run out of numbers naming them all. You know, you know, you know. That would indicate you have quite a few. You know you have too many soakers when you turn your local desert climate into a tropical rainforest. That also would mean you're magic.

Yeah, I believe that is actually scientifically possible. I don't know how that one works. You know you have too many soakers when you cause regional water shortages each time you fill them. That's environmentally unconstitutional. No, wait, no, I got it. They get better. They get better. You know you have too many soakers when the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration has been tracking your movements as a category one to five hurricane depending on how many you're carrying at a time.

That one's got a little too much happening. Yeah, I mean, I think... That would actually indeed be quite a number of soakers in order to cause such an environmental... Yeah, I think gravity is the death of wit or something. I don't know. All right. Here, let me try this one. You know you have too many soakers

when you laugh at how little water Olympic-sized pools hold. Hey, but isoaker.com, Olympic-sized swimming pools carry... Oh, shit! Oh, my God! Because there's a lot of water in a swimming pool. See?

There's a lot of water in a swimming pool. Oh, here we go. All right. There it is. You know, you know, you know you have too many soakers when your neighbors have all lifeboats just in case you hold a water fight. See, because it's a lot of water going around. You do one very spontaneously. boats just in case you hold a water fight.

See, because it's a lot of water going around. You do one very spontaneously. You just bust down the door to Grandpa's funeral and start shooting. Whoever's editing this, how many different clips of crickets have you found? I'm sorry, you have to go find more.

You know you have too many soakers when you can out-soak a thunderstormakers when you can Out soak a thunderstorm Or maybe you can't remember The last time you were ever dry Or there are no longer any Fires of any sort within a 10 mile Radius of your collection

There's also no dry spots within the same Radius Yeah but there's not usually fires In a 10 mile radius of me. All right. Yeah, same, because you have all the super soakers. Listen, I feel like if you dissect these,

they don't really hold up. Sorry, I'm sorry. You know you have too many soakers when newlyweds now book hotel rooms to watch the firing of your entire collection as it overshadows Niagara Falls. Oh, that would be romantic.

Yeah. Wow, look at how that dumbass flails around in his backyard. It's beautiful. All right, all right. I've also got a shillelagh. All right, listen, they're giving me the light. I just got time for a couple more here.

You know you had too many soakers when you gave your fiancé a soaker and a towel when you proposed? Excuse you. That was an act of love. And your wedding. Wait, did you wrap the soaker in a towel and then step on it?

And then your wedding. Sweet. And then it's a two-parter. No, those things are expensive. Don't you see? They don't make good so, and then it's a two-parter. No, those things are expensive. Don't you see? They don't make it so easy. It's a two-parter. And then your wedding party all wore raincoats for the ceremony.

That's so sad. Do you mean like condoms or? Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant. They were all wearing condoms. And last but not least, you know you have too many Soakers since When did you have too many soakers

Alright that's Good point That's a walka walka Don't forget to tip your waitress Thanks that's a bunch Thanks a bunch Okay okay And then poor tax Adrian has a couple

more. A couple more. Why would we be done? Why would we be done with this? You're listed as a reserve unit for the fire department. Yeah. It's a matter of pride that you no longer

would need to call the fire department a case of, oh, this is going to be one of these things where every joke, like, every five jokes is just the same one. I feel like all of these are kind of derivative and just sort of come off. No, I'm the Carlos Benzino of Super Super Jokes.

The main premise, which is that you really enjoy water guns and being wet. There's a lot of water. Okay, how about this? I just want to make sure that we don't belabor the point too much here because it might sort of kill the

spontaneity of the humor. How about this one? Go on. You look at a digital clock and you try and try and your first thought, I don't know, and your first thought is which soaker designation is that?

Also, all of these have semicolons after them and I don't know why. Well, it's all one sentence. That's... Yeah. It should be stated that the beginning says you know you have

too many super soakers or you know you have too many soakers when colon and then bulleted list which means that this follows that so therefore this is how this joke should be read you know you have too many soakers when that includes the United States

how about this one? You had more soakers than the army did people. And another one is you beat the army in a water fight? I mean, probably. They don't have a lot of soakers in my experience. Again, what connotes a win?

Look, okay, how about you know you have way too many super soakers when your homies have been to Knob Creek. That seems really ultra specific. Like the whiskey? Yeah, to get the bourbon? Is that what you mean?

Like a super soaker full of bourbon would be a very powerful weapon indeed. All right. Okay, how about you've honestly considered the question, which soaker for bear? Which soaker for bear? Which soaker for bear? Which soaker for bear? What else have I considered?

How about this? You've honestly considered the question, which soaker for zombies? Which soaker for bear? Which soaker for zombies? You've honestly considered the question, which soaker for zombies? Which soaker for bear? Which soaker for zombies? You honestly consider the question... Oh no, it's the wicked zombie of the west. Which soakers would you want in a SHTF situation?

So a shithead to the fan situation where there's still running water to fill up your water gun with? Yeah, which one? I guess to clean it off the fan. I'm gonna have to fill this Of course these people are everyday carry people. I don't know why that's surprising

to me, but they are. Yeah. I'm gonna have to fill my soaker with my own blood. It's the only way. Five minutes later, why am I being detained? How about you've... When you go shopping at Walmart,

you don't even look at the carts. You go straight to the gardening and request a pallet. The plastic that makes up your collection is responsible for drying up six Kuwaiti oil wells. Ha. These are, uh... Like, there's so, like, the fact that there's not a California

drought joke in here is just weird to me. Okay, how about this? Okay, look, this is definitive proof that I'm not derivative of Jimmy Franks' jokes here. You get torqued You get torqued off when some guy online starts

one of these, do you know you have too many soakers when threads? Doesn't everyone know you can't have too many soakers? There's pretty badass. That's why he's the opener and you're the headliner. Which soaker for bear?

You know you have too many soakers when you get a Soakers or Life The Rest Is Just Details t-shirt. Sure. I just want to say thank y'all for coming out tonight. I just want to bring out another friend of mine

whose name's CA99. He's got some more. Get to the strippers. Take it off. Yeah, what does CA99 have? When the neighborhood smells like latex rubber. From CPS Chambers. From CPS Chambers.

Yeah, of course. Of course. Almost screwed that one up. Let's see. What's my second joke? From CPS Chambers. From CPS Chambers. Yeah, of course. Of course. Oof. Almost screwed that one up. Let's see. What's my second joke? When your shirt smells like latex rubber. What, though?

CA-99, what's going on there? Plastic. Lupicid from Ball Vals. Oh, boy. Look how this sounds. The flop sweat is pouring out of him at this point. I'm proud of you, son. I'm proud of you.

Get off the stage, you suck. Hey, shut up, that's my son. PVC and dirt, water and sweat, even after it's washed. Oh, yeah. That's a good Southern accent you got going on there, Elyse. You're a very supportive mom. When all the steel manufacturers

have gone to producing ball valves and rods for trigger systems. He's very advanced for his age! In what? Super-soaker-ing in a 10th grade locker. Water wars, you idiot

When your weapons condense squirt guns Your weapons? Your weapons Most weapons condense squirt guns Jesus, what's next? That guy wants a banker I love supportive idiot dad I think you suck That guy wants a banker. It's so blurry. I love supportive idiot dad though. I think you suck.

When you're and everyone else frantically trying to get acid to gather water back from Mars. Just gotta go. I'm supporting you. I love you. I love you so much. When your basement never stops flowing thank you alright that's been

the gathering of the juggalos late night comedy stage we're gonna wrap it up up next bone thugs and harmony the clown from the Apollo theater sweeps them off it's good that you didn't The clown from the Apollo Theater sweeps him off the side. It's good that you didn't touch the stump. It was really gross.

Oh, well, that was fantastic. That was really good. And so that means that it is time for maybe this is a real story. Maybe this is fiction? I don't know. But but Portax, tell me about a nighttime free-for-all, won't you please?

A nighttime free-for-all? Alright. A nighttime free-for-all. The following takes place on Wednesday, April 7th, 2010. Around 20-30 military time for all of us in the water wars. It was hot. Hot. Some people rockin'! Oh, sorry. What? A perfect day for a water fight. The only problem is, whenever me and my brothers, I'll refer to them as K and J, have a battle, it always turns out rather boring.

K and J are deep undercover. Our property is very open with no cover at all, So what always happens is this. I'm walking around the house and I see one of my brothers and we both charge forward until we're almost at firing distance and then one of us will run forward a couple of steps and fire before quickly

jumping back to avoid the opponent's fire. That happens a lot. Yep, that sounds like a water gun fight. Alright, yep. So it's basically back and forth until one of us decides to run back to behind a shed in the house or something

to try and set up an ambush. Occasionally we'll get a few successful ambushes, but aside from that, I'm bored most of the time. Which is why we keep doing it and I come to this forum to post about it. So you got close to each other and shot at each other with water guns. Well, these are next level tactics.

So I decided why not hold it at night? It'll be much harder to see each other and the darkness will add spookiness and makes it more dramatic. I'm really hoping you have like a boombox of like theme music going on in the background. They were all in Warriors gang makeup.

Oh, could they though? That would actually be really good. Water gun fight at Coney Island. So it was settled. I mean, they used to use big gang makeup, but it kind of just comes off. So it was settled. When it got dark enough, we chose our soakers. Next 30.

We chose our soakers and headed out. So it really is the Matrix. They have, like, the line with all the guns on the wall. I chose my Max D6000. And my younger brother, K, chose his nasty XP 270. Whoa. I'm gonna go in the database

and look at the stats on these things. I'm not lying when I say it's nasty. This thing can get 40 feet of range. And my youngest brother, J, took his Max D Secret Strike. Oh, yeah. took his Max D secret strike. Oh, yeah.

That's a silly looking gun. It sure is. That's good. That's hot. Is this clips for sale? Or, I don't... Just men in black, water gun fetish. We left a light out in front so we could see while

refilling. The rules were simple. It was similar to 1HK, except you had to get hit with a good portion of water. Determined by the receiver. Wait a minute! Couldn't you just at any point just be like that wasn't enough water?

In order to be dead, just getting hit with a few drops doesn't count. Headshots were instant death. If you got hit, you had to lay on the ground for about 25 seconds before being able to get up again, and you couldn't shoot someone while he was refilling. Oh, yeah. Rules and shouting that one was refilling. Oh, yeah. Rules and shouting, that one didn't count. Oh, yeah. Note, I made up some of these things that happened during the battle

because it's hard for me to remember everything that happened and the order everything took place. Everything I wrote, however, is based on things that actually happened. We started off with everyone refilling. I made this up, but, you know, based on a true story. We started off with everyone refilling. I made this up, but you know, based on a true story. We started off with everyone refilling. Names and events have been changed to protect the innocent.

Well, yeah, he did change. Once we were done, we lined up, steeled ourselves, and they're off. Their pants. The pants are off. Rosary beads. We started off running in opposite directions pumping as we went i really hope it was off like away from each other it took them a while to get over once i got far enough away i slowed down and

looked around the only sound i could hear was my own breath and And obviously my heartbeat, which was going a mile a minute. I slowly made my way around the shed in the driveway and headed across the lawn, my blaster clutched tightly against my shoulder. Suddenly I saw a shadowy figure of someone with a blaster

near the rabbit shed in the back. My mom raises rabbits. I tiptoed over and when all of a sudden he turned around it was Jay! He fired a shot that grazed my shoulder. I ran around the rabbit shed and tried to ambush him from behind

but then Kay ran out from under the porch and took a couple of shots at me. I ran around him going for a flanking move. We exchanged a few shots and finally one of my shots found its mark. K fell to the ground and began counting. Unfortunately for me, J had snuck up behind me and hosed down my back with his secret fan blast.

The forbidden technique! I thought it was law! the forbidden technique i thought it was long i lay on the ground slowly counting 23 24 25 i got up and looked around k had gotten up before and j had gone somewhere both of them were nowhere in sight and i couldn't hear a thing i started circling around the house i'd only walked a few steps when I heard shouts. They were coming from the septic hill. I ran over and found Jay lying on the ground.

I looked around quickly and saw a jet of water flying towards me. I reacted a second too late and it hit me square in the face. Headshot. Oh no! No, that's the one thing that can't happen! Oh no! Headshot. Oh no! No, that's the one thing that can't happen, oh no! Oh no! Oh no!

After I was done counting, wait, I thought that meant you were dead. Just dead forever? Or not? I don't fucking, I don't care. I caught up and went back the way I came. Upon passing the refill station... Oh god, okay, so, uh, Portex So, Portex, can you please skip down to running back in the other direction?

All right. Well, after the shadowy figure of a head peeking out from behind a big pile of rabbit droppings happened. Yeah. You got in a water fight with Slenderman. Yeah, you got in a water fight with Slenderman. Which part was it again you said? Running back... Shit, it was... Running back in the other direction?

Yes, yes, yes. Haha, you thought I was out, didn't you? I laughed. Running back in the other direction, I came across Jay. He leapt out of the shadows and we began to fight. Jumping back and forth, firing like crazy. But none of us noticed that Kay had respawned and was coming up behind me. He fired quite a lot of water into my back.

It was cold. I was down again. Him and Jay were starting to battle when my mom stuck her head out of the front door and said it was time to come in. Yes, how all battles end. We emptied the rest of our water by blasting each other.

We then went inside, took fast showers, even though we already had showers, and then went to bed. Oh, I get it, because of the water guns. Yeah. It had been an awesome night. It had been a alright night.

I mean, he says this was pretty much the best battle I'd ever fought. It was not extremely exciting, but compared to other battles I've been in, it was like World Water War 2. So he doesn't really like water gun fights very much. He's not really

very into them. I guess this is as good as it gets, huh? That's fine. Signed, Seal Captain of the Catskill Mounds Seals, Soaker Elite Assault Legion. Read your little bio at the bottom, please. Oh, yes.

Seal, I am the current leader of the Catskill Mountains Seals, one of the only hardcore water warfare teams still in operation since 2007. I regularly attend community wars and have hosted several including first of its kind i have been into water blaster since 2002 and while these days i am a fighter first and foremost i still appreciate the tools that define water wars so you're 27 ish does that sound right? This is a 2011 battle report, so. I mean, look, the horrors of war ages a person, so really mentally

he's probably much older. Frank West, you found webcomics, didn't you? Yes. So the webcomics, I was looking at them, they look like XKCD, which, you know, that makes sense. Well, I don't think you need to be that rude to XKCD.

Yeah, I'm all right with it. So just read one, would you? I know that there's 162 different. There's so fucking many. Oh, my God. It is a web series that has been going on since 2008. Let's see. I found one that was...

Okay, so there's one. It's called Communication 2. Okay, good. There's a group of stick figures saying happy birthday, and then one says thanks, guys. And then the group says, for your birthday, instead of getting you something from each of us we pulled our money into one big gift and the guy goes oh and he's like surprised yeah well i mean there's no facial expressions but we'll have to assume right his arms are in a different position it's not a surprise position and then the group says and here it is a functioning super soaker cps 2500 we bought from ebay wow and the guy's like wow awesome you shouldn't have and then

the group says really and then the guy is like surprised because he has the exclamation point question mark yeah and then the group says well in that case we'll keep it and use it ourselves come on guys and they start to walk away with the gun and then the group says, well, in that case, we'll keep it and use it ourselves. Come on, guys. And they start to walk away with the gun. And then the guy says, wait, what I meant was. It's not always just stick people, but the. Listen, can someone please call 911? My sides are splitting. Oh, my god.

Get a paramedic on Jimmy Franks. Hey, Jimmy Franks. So wait, I just want to say one other thing about the webcomic. Anytime someone gets soaked, the entire background is like this special effect of a watery blue circle and then in it it says soaked with an exclamation point.

But then there's one comic where he's talking about a gun that doesn't soak very well, and it says, soaked? Which is actually really good. Ha! Ha ha! Wow! Yeah.

The zing of the day. It's a good thing. It's a good thing that these webcomics are watermarked. Get it? They're watermarked. Get it? They're watermarked. Oh, damn it. Jimmy Franks, which story will we close on? Will we close on the story, the second battle of Southridge?

I remember that. I remember that war. Or the big Showdown. I mean, how can you not close with The Big Showdown? The Big Showdown. The other one has dialogue, but this one is mercifully shorter.

Because we all want to go about our lives. Just move on, move on. Yes, this is a story by Evangel Evangel Evangel Evangel it's the G is silent

Evangel Evangel yes this is from the we're still on Isoker we were on Isoker.com now we're on I'm sorry. We were on iSoaker.com. Now we're on iSoaker.net. Yeah, these got so popular that they had

to move them to their own special place. It's a more modern website, although it actually somehow looks worse. And yeah, it's mostly war stories. The Big Showdown by Evanyel. Unfortunately, this will probably be my final water war,

after which I will most likely retire due to complete lack of the kind of warring experience I'm really looking for, with the possible exception of this one. Dear Miranda, I'm afraid this will be my final little home for you. I'm going to lay in my final little home for you. I'm gonna lay in some battle sound effects behind this.

Ken Burns on all the photos. Anyway, this time the battle takes place at my condo complex, Southridge. Sorry if it runs a little long, but this is pretty epic. Even though this

was only a short two-on-two, this may be our most epic battle yet. This time Gonzo and I were pitted against the two deadliest opponents we know. Gonzo? I mean, this would be the kind of battle Gonzo would fight. It's our best friends Sparrow and Seraph, because it makes sense that this guy would have

a best friend named Seraph. Seraph. Wow. This is some Hunter S. Thompson shit happening here. Well, Jake was a formidable adversary. Sparrow's ninja-like style skills are legendary. He's the only one so far to actually beat me one-on-one. And he did it in two out of three of our wars last year.

Seraph is potentially just as dangerous, possessing incredible physical strength, enabling him to... What? Who cares? Who cares? Yes, you are. Handle even the heaviest weapons

like they were ordinary pistols. Oh, okay. He's got two backpacks on. Hey, Lemon. Hey, Lemon. Lemon. Yeah. I'm just going to step out of my time machine here

and go back to... What was the other choice? You're going to go... Oh, no. You're going to go to the second battle of Southridge you're gonna go to the second Battle of Southridge. Yes, I choose the second Battle of Southridge. Hold on. I got something to say if you're gonna move on.

Oh, okay. Wait, what do you want to say? What do you want to say, Achilles? I then performed the six hand signs for the Chidori, the actual hand sign combination from Naruto. Yes! Yes! When I was ready, I rushed at him with a

drastically improved speed, agility, and energy flow. Anyway, that's it. Thank you. Keep going, the entire paragraph is lovely. My new agility enabled me to easily stay from Seraph's line of fire, even at close range.

And the way I held my arms behind me when I ran made me go even faster. This, however, was not enough to actually get inside for a flood without him counterattacking. I had to try a new technique. I just mastered from my... I just mastered from my ninjutsu classes.

After a quick step to the right, I immediately dashed to the inside left and leaped into a Zen pokaiten shoulder roll Good which allowed me to get on his backside without him able to track me when I completed the role Got on his backside the flood nozzle is widely exposed body mass and fired Really hitting him directly in the groin region. It was safe to say he was done in,

but just to make sure, Gonzo and I finished off both of our opponents. They were decapitated! We ate the bones! No, I just want to say, to be fair, it was going to take me three days to get to that part Yeah

So you kinda cheated there Achilles We just couldn't lose that Yeah, so so we're gonna do we're gonna do the the second battle of Southridge and There is a story. This is also by Evangel. And there's also Sparrow and Seraph are also in here. The legendary warriors. Yes. Seraph.

Seraph says, dude, you are so fucking hard to track. One moment I'm following you. Then suddenly you disappear. Then you, Jimmy Frank, say, thanks. I stealth killed Sparrow twice. Thanks, I stealth killed Sparrow twice. And then Seraph says, ha ha, nice. After brief dialogue, Seraph attacked with a barrage of vaporizer rifle streams. Despite my repertoire of agile maneuvers, including shoulder rolls and cartwheels,

I was having difficulty evading the attacks while keeping a range for sufficient damage of my own. I was also having trouble breathing because I'm morbidly obese. Anyway. Why don't you bring an extra inhaler? Eventually, however, I learned to respond with a nimble counterfire maneuver involving a rotating low-to-the-ground sweep movement allowing me to duck under each stream

and disperse any damage followed up with an outward underhand wave shot from my gun's main nozzle. Difficult to explain. Similar to swinging a sword. Anyway, I continually use this sweep attack about three more times to backslash Seraph's vaporizer attacks until he adapted by simply aiming lower.

That son of a bitch. Wait a minute. If I aim where he is... The time then came to serve it up by disengaging my aqua pack for a boost of mobility it's just like when goku takes off the weight boots and they hit the ground really hard you know removed my ballast after charging him and hitting him with the flood nozzle, he backed off and I pursued. Failing to catch up with Seraph, I ran into Sparrow and continued

my pursuit of him with several onlookers watching as we two watered. You two? You wanted you two? You two or what? Oh, okay. Failing to catch up with Seraph, I ran into Sparrow and continued my pursuit of him with several onlookers

watching as we two water shinobi chased each other Nice. Around the yard. Gregory, get inside no mom I'm fighting with Seraph when I stopped to clear a jam with my I never knew warfare could be so beautiful they shouldn't be glamorizing a water war like this

honestly when I stopped to clear a jam with my equipment Sparrow took this opportunity to hit me with his flood nozzle, after which I quickly retaliated with my own flood attack, hitting him as he made his egress. His egress? The next time we met, it was all three of us in the middle of a turnaround driveway. Oh, good, it's the end of Reservoir Dogs. I was thinking more good, mad, and ugly. It's an actual, literal reservoir. Okay, that's Oh, good. It's the end of Reservoir Dogs. I was thinking more good, mad, and ugly.

It's an actual, literal reservoir. Okay, that's cool. It's the ugly, the ugly, and the ugly. Seraph, now wielding his monster axe, fired at me, and I outran the blasts. Sparrow came up and attacked Seraph, diverting his attention away from me. I was now presented with a golden opportunity. An opportunity I've been... Is it two on one?

This seems unfair. An opportunity I've been waiting for all season. One of my big resolutions for this season. To execute... To execute Kakashi Hitake's... What? Hold on. This is a real thing.

Yeah, it's an art. You can... Yeah. Oh, I just... I genuinely thought this was like a regular show episode. Do it. Okay, okay. Yeah.

I've now presented with a golden opportunity, an opportunity I've been waiting for all season and one of my big resolutions for this season to execute the kakashi hitake's 1 000 years of death jutsu i just want to say you know i've been a professional broadcaster for two decades over two decades yeah and that's the dumbest sentence i've ever read i don't believe it. And you've said so many complimentary things about garage doors. With his back turned, I rushed up to Seraph, rammed my flood nozzle into his rear end.

Whoa. Hot. And unloaded an entire chamber of water up his, God, I wish I could swear here. Makes it sound so much better. With a massive wet spot in the back of his pants, it looks like an accident. Seraph charged at me with his mad rage while I hastily ran away laughing. While he returned

his attention to Sparrow, I quickly refilled my flash flood and returned to find that both of the other fighters lost sight of me. And were calling out for me. Seeing that they didn't see me behind a carport, I used the carport as cover to get close to Seraph, whose back was turned,

and executed another thousand years of jutsu into his pants! Another one! Another one! That's good screenwriting! He then attempted to shoot back with the Arctic Blast, which Sparrow lent to him, but unfortunately forgot to pump for him, which irked Seraph further. He aggressed behind a fence, Seraph closing in on me.

Fortunately, my skill and knowledge with shadows was undoubtedly my greatest weapon of all, usable both offensively and defensively, while my shadow stayed safely. My skill and knowledge with shadows. I have trained with with shadows. I have trained with the shadows.

Part of the ninjutsu school. Cool. That's awesome. I lunged out at the very sight of his shadow while he was unable to spot me for a few split seconds afterwards, at which point it was too late to react. And he received a flood blast to the chest, making him let out a shriek

as I aggressed to the opposite side of the building where Sparrow was waiting. I dueled with him until Seraph could catch up. Uh, yeah, you heard me screaming, didn't you? At this point, everyone was worn out and ready to calm down until I snuck another flood blast into Seraph. Excuse me.

Enraging him enough to chase me down with his monster axe. I get Mountain Dew is pretty carbonated. It's all that water. It's all that gamer fuel. I was Sparrow close behind. I lost my footing and took heavy damage from Seraph's rapid burst, but Sparrow got him off with what little ammo he had left.

Seraph and I were also running low, but I was able to evade their remaining attacks and deliver whatever counterattacks I could until all ammo was expended, ending the exercise. I can't get any more water. Aight. This is how the Chinese retook Hong Kong. I'll tell you what I learned over all this game.

Yeah, what did you learn? I'll tell you what I learned overall this game this game revealed much of what we especially I were truly capable of I learned new techniques and strategies there's no rules and everyone else lots of fun as a bonus they were there too

to watch me develop it's always good to have spectators and being seen around the neighborhood as full-dressed ninja greatly... Wait. Oh, very cool. I just want to say this. And being seen around the neighborhood as full-dressed ninja greatly boosts our notoriety.

R spelled A-R-E. Yes. Yes. Yes, I would imagine your mother agrees with that sentence. I'm sure we are very well known in this neighborhood by now. Maybe they meant like they're juggalos. Add that to accomplishing my season's resolution of successfully executing 100 years of death. Thousand.

Twice. And I'd say this was a very successful game. Wow. What did we learn from this episode? I learned new techniques and strategies and everyone else has lots of fun. Oh yeah, like what? What techniques did you learn? So, the thing I

learned is that I'm lucky that we were still on, like, dial-up and shit when I was doing this in my backyard. Yeah. I'd be Seraph right now. Yeah, except for, again, what's Jimmy Frank's

Avenagel is definitely too old for this shit. Yeah, maybe. Like, for, again, what's Jimmy Frank's Avenangel is definitely too old for this shit. Yeah, maybe. Demonstrably so. No, Avenangel split off from iSoaker.com to have his own flavor. So he made.net?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there's a couple of different enthusiasts involved in this thing uh frequently asked questions from isoker.net question i thought you didn't have time to manage a forum isn't this a forum answer my amount of free time is extremely limited these days but my passion for water blasters remain question aren't water fights and water wars important? Answer, of course water wars are important! I spent a lot of my summers doing this, but you just did it. That's it. You just did it.

I mean, yeah, like, I would applaud this kind of, like, cul-de-sac of water guns, right? Because, like you were saying, like, these guys are just sort of, like, everyday carry Because like you were saying, like these guys are just sort of like everyday carry people with a different outfit, which is true. And that's awesome because it means that they're not everyday carry people. They just have these stupid water guns, which is way less threatening to society in general. And I like that about this a lot. I'm excited to hear that they're wearing ninja gear and not utila kilts. That's awesome.

That's way awesome. But yeah, it's yet another cul-de-sac of like, this is such a stupid dumb thing to do. such a stupid, dumb thing to do. And yet, and yet, something in the brain says, this is a stupid, dumb thing to do. I like doing it, and therefore if I like doing it, I have to take it

really seriously. It's like, oh, do you like this thing? Oh, we can change that. What if you blog about it forever? You'll fucking think it sucks then. You know, I think it's best if you have a hobby. It shouldn't be, as an adult, it shouldn't be a hobby where you can just easily be bested by a seven-year-old. Well, a seven-year-old would never beat me.

Exactly. Yeah, like, yeah, does a seven-year-old know the thousand hours of death or whatever. He just shot you in the crotch with a dollar store squirt gun. Nuh-uh. I've got my new jutsu. Fuck that kid. I can see it. It looks like you pissed yourself.

Go home and change your pants. That's just my actual pee. You didn't see me. And if you're looking for a website That'll make you piss yourself You should go to Ball Pits That's B-A-L-L-P dot I-T No, don't, no, don't The website T-H-E-F-P-L dot U-S

Has content from our 24 terrible hours of garbage day All up there So you can go there for all that stuff Also Around about the time That this episode comes out all up there. Uh, so you can go there for, uh, all that stuff. Also, um, around about the time that this episode comes out, uh,

we are selling tapes. That's right. Cassette tapes. We are selling cassette tapes. That's a thing I can play. Because, because that's the most fun graphic design experience that I've, that I wanted to take for myself.

Uh, so THAFBL.us buy a tape, and when you get the tape, obviously you get a download code so you can actually listen to what's supposed to be on the tape. Okay, bye! Bye! Squared! Squared! Squared!

Squared! Squared! Squared! Squared! Squared! Squared! Squared! Squared! Squared! Squared! Squared! Squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared, squared