The F Plus - 33: A Frottage In The Woods

Episode Date: January 28, 2011

Jesus! Are you back finally!? Yes we are and thank you very much for asking. The F Plus finally shambles out of its involuntary vacation to bring you unpleasantness you'll probably wish you never learned about. What is it this time? Frottage. Man-on-man, dong on dong frottage, the way that it was intended, at least from one very crazy person's perspective. This week, The F Plus brings you content you should plug your nose for.

Hello and welcome to F Plus Terrible Things Read with Enthusiasm. My name is John. I'm Lemon. Hey Lemon, I've got a question for you. Something I've been wondering. I've got a feeling about you and I just want to make sure about something. Alright. This may be hard to admit, but are you or have you been a Cockrab warrior?

I gotta say I don't understand the question. You don't? You don't know what a cock rub warrior is? I've never heard of this, no. Oh, dude, this is going to be like. I'm going to guess it has to do with rubbing your own cock. Oh, you're pretty close, but there's a lot more to it. In fact, cock rub warriors are fighting against a bad society that has made them gay but not gay.

And there's a lot of... Yeah, okay, it's just about rubbing dicks. But there's a lot of thought behind it. So you're saying he has a lot of thoughts. Now, this is a guess. But I'm going to guess that somebody who has thoughts about rubbing cocks... Is it cocks together? Cocks against cocks?

Yes. Cock to cock. Man to man. That's what we call it okay all right i'm gonna guess that someone with theories is probably semi-literate and mostly crazy is that right wow for a guy who doesn't know anything about the cockrope warriors you are hitting everything on the head i don't know cockrope warriors but i do know f plus that's true that's very true You seem to notice a pattern here.

Well, let's educate you, and let's educate everyone on the Cockroach Warriors, or as we call them, the Frat Men. Okay. Yeah, let's do that. In the room tonight, we have Acerol Calabal. I'm a man warrior of something incomprehensible. Portex. This is Zordon. Recruit me some Cockroach Warriors with attitude.

Boots. Then my dick punched the other dick. Lemon. Phallus to phallus, belly to belly, hot and sweaty and so damn ready. Jack Chick. Okay.

Isfahan. Snake, do you believe that cocks can rub on the battlefield? And a very special guest, Proton John. My soul hurts. And I'm Regular John, and I'm part of the dominant culture of anal penetration.

Since we have a guest star, you know, we like to start new people out easy. So Proton John, could you please start from this website? And let's see, let's start at the Founders Message, right under that, and under the Two Dudes Wrestling. I am so glad this is the first episode I showed up for. Well, you didn't know that we found your website, and we figured we were going to make you read it. Oh, God, I was hiding it for

years. Wait, is Founders Message a link, or...? Scroll down under the picture of the two punk dudes rubbing dicks yeah i'll be saying that a lot during this podcast oh great hey dudes this is a site for guys in the cock rubbing frock cock to cock dick to dick bone on bone full frontism sensual frottage cock combat dick fiddies this took a turn no no no no

it's French it's dick fide oh sex wrestling boxing fighting and mixed martial arts excellent that's certainly an eclectic bunch of topics Excellent That's certainly an eclectic bunch of topics God it gets worse

Then it gets better Or better And who are proud of what they like to do Tired of being put down Because you're not into anal Then this is a good place for you to be Yeah It feels like I've come home

Think that nothing matches the freedom The quality, the romance And this is a good place for you to be. Yeah! It feels like I've come home. Think that nothing matches the freedom, the equality, the romance, and the pure masculine sensuality of two men joined cock-to-cock, balls-to-balls, chest-to-chest, face-to-face, and heart-to-heart? Aww. Are they, like, opening their chests up and shoving their hearts in?

Yeah, the heart of their cocks have joined as one. Well, you know, actually when I thought of romance, I thought it was like sending sweet letters to my beloved not... Yeah, brother cocks! Yeah! Rubbin' dicks. Rubbin' dicks. Alright. If you're into all that, then this is an even better

place for you to be. I'm feeling kind of left out, I have to say. You see, I don't know. That all sounds really great Proton John but give me a little more Sell me on it just a little bit more I think there's nothing on this earth More holy than mixing your cum with your

Lovers or best buds and feeling the white Hot jizz bathe your pecs And your abs and cocks and balls in that pure And purifying male essence Not really no White hot are you like Are you welding shit with this?

I don't understand. You might be. No, that's how hot prop gets, dude. It's way hotter than They're welding their hearts together. They're masculine hearts.

Oh, okay. All right. Do you sense or suspect that maybe, just maybe, that there's something heroic about your dreams and your life

and homo sex and that somehow the stuff you like you think that there's something heroic about your dreams and your life and homo sex? And that somehow the stuff you like. You think that there's nothing on this earth more holy than mixing your cum with your lover's or best buds and feeling the white hot jizz? Bathing your pecs and cocks and balls in that pure and purifying male essence? Bathing your multiple cocks. You're going to go off now. Well, there are two, at least.

There's two involved. This is the place for you. Oh, yes. And do you sense or suspect that maybe, just maybe, there's something heroic about your dreams and your life and homo sex and that somehow the stuff you like the body rubbing, the cock rubbing

the frot, the wrestling the fighting that maybe all that stuff is tied together with your dick oh wow then you know what? I think I'll stick around. I'm finally sold.

Now let's talk about frot. Basically, it's F-R-O-T, which comes from the French word to rub together. And basically, that's the whole idea, is that frotting and rubbing dicks is basically the only good way to have sex for men, because it's masculine and everything. So to talk more about that, about's masculine and everything so to talk about more about that about fraught and the epidemic hey it's fun i've been an activist among men who have sex with men for 38 years i know my way around the movement and around grassroots action i know that the number of men who are into frat and willing and even eager to talk about it is fast approaching

critical mass and that's the gay masses themselves are ready for change. For the last 35 years, anal sex has dominated gay male life. It's been a disaster. Wait, wait, it's been a disaster? It's been a disaster!

I guess they didn't want to call it a clusterfuck. Won't somebody please think of the buttholes? And the lives of the people we love have been consumed by an epidemic for which today there is still no cure and no vaccine. Well, really, the problem with the gay community is everybody they know Men, women, doesn't matter They're all buttfucking

And it's just a complete disaster on all angles Well they don't seem to realize that according to all these other episodes We've posted There's a lot of hetero buttfucking going on in the world as well Shush, shush In the last 15 years We've seen the failure of heart And the disaster of barebacking.

Anal penetration is a morass. You should see the killing fields. Jay and I, man, are ready for a way out. We can show them one. We can show them men living strong, powerful, loving, and committed lives, not through anal, but through cock rubbing and fraught our time is coming i'm sure it is i'm sure more than time is coming join this community become a fraught man and cock rub warrior cruise the personals or read the fiction or look at pics that's cool by emailing

a magazine or posting in personal stories or warrior speak, that'll be cool too. Neighbor dudes, Cockroach Warriors rule and front men rock. That's a really good use of the Blade Runner font.

It really is. I would argue that's the best use of the Blade Runner font. I would like... You guys are both wrong. Blade Runner was the best use of the cock-rubbin' font. I'm kind of wondering why he keeps like, instead of

rubbing, he says just rubbin'. And... Just keep it at light park. Oh, I'm not gonna understand oh I'm not gonna understand I'm not gonna understand most of this it's a guy thing alright these are for those gays can I become a cockroach warrior

I'm sure you could somehow I wanna be the gleek of the cockroach super friends if that's alright with everybody I imagine if you took enough testosterone and got a clit like China, you'd probably be pretty set. I see it more as a snarf. I don't know if it's a good idea to rub that cock.

I disagree. So, I think we all agree now that a cock rub warrior is like a superhero. So, let's see the origin story of this superhero. Have you found Credo Boots? Yeah. i'll read the credo credo spirituality is core to our alliance because spirituality is core to the lives of our core members our true warriors speaking for myself spirituality is core to my life. Actually, spirituality and sexuality are core to my life. No, I think about it. Just dick rubbing is core to my life. For me, they're intertwined. They cannot be separated. And they're bound up with my love of men and masculinity. Sexuality, spirituality, masculinity. Again, those elements can't be separated or taken apart

they're a whole when i was in my late teens and early 20s i entered into psychotherapy in an effort to become heterosexual and according to the psychosexual theories of the day the only way for me to do that was to deny my love of men and manliness. Here's how I described that process in a forthcoming memoir. For seven years, I toiled mightily in the vineyards of psychoanalysis. I learned to hate my mother, to date women, and to do my best never to think about men. It didn't work. The suppression of my erotic longings toward men was not compensated for by an increase in desire for women.

Rather, I was left with no feelings at all. I became more and more dead inside and began to fear that my spiritless body would itself become nothing more than a desiccated shell. That's not good. This isn't exactly a credo. When did we start reading MySpace? This is a bit of a bummer. This is my credo. You guys are just pulling a fucking credo. Sorry, Cockroach Bread.

In the Cockroach Batman part of the origin story, this is his parents dying. It gets better and crazier. The psychotherapist said, in order for you to be straight, you have to hate your mother first. Yeah. That's an important part of the process.

In short, I was being done to death not just physiologically but spiritually and I realized that if I continued with the process there'd be nothing left of me just a husk, spiritually and morally empty ironically I now realize the way to have awakened

my love of women would have been to give full and celebratory reign of my love of men but in the dichotomous and celebratory reign of my love of men but in the dichotomous theories of the day which have persisted into this era hetero and homosexualities were considered antithetical they're not as red keeps saying who's red red good old red now red red's gonna drop some science on us that's the link so let's find out Now, Red's going to drop some science on us. Let's listen.

It's a link, so let's find out. Well, let's just read this part on the second. Logically, to me at least, homosexual defines the sexuality of all homo sapiens. And given the fact that most mammalians demonstrate bisexuality, homosexual seems to be better defined homo sapiens. That is, species are attracted to their own species. Which means that all homo sapiens are homosexual. All are attracted to their own species. Hence, whether the attraction is man to man, woman to woman, and or man to woman, the combinations of which don't really matter, the attraction is homosexual.

Heterosexual would mean two different species. No, because the sex refers to the gender. Nope. Look, Red knows what he's talking about. Don't argue with Red. Not to mention that his argument is completely semantic in nature. In response to that, I say, right. And would that we could get people to understand that. Unfortunately, today most talk about sex and spirituality is governed by the religious right,

understand that. Unfortunately, today most talk about sex and spirituality is governed by the religious right, which seeks not only to divorce the two, but to silence all speech about sex, which is not their own. This is a huge problem because in our society, speech is regulated by the courts, and the religious right has worked long and hard to place on the bench people who support their censorious, I like that word, views about religion and sex. But the religious right will certainly try. They can't have it both ways. If they're allowed to talk freely about sex and spirituality, then so am I. Because my religious views and my fundamental right to freedom of religion are just as valid as theirs.

And in my system, masculinity is a divine principle, manhood a divine gift, and fraught... Take that, women! I feel left out. The marriage of manhood with manhood, a holy sacrament. Yes. To again repeat what Robert Loring has said, masculine men are co-creators with each other and with the divine. Fraught, the act of phallic bonding creates a higher order of man.

And for me, man is sacred. Man is holy. Man. Now he's just saying man. He just blew his own mind. I think he's getting sidetracked. He's thinking about men, and so he's just can't even remember what he's writing at this point.

He's getting off of himself right now? Exactly. Oh, man. I rub my own cock with my own cock. Made in the image of his creator, man. Though this sacramental act of the joining of the phallus with phallus, I and my bonded warrior brother create a higher masculine being. One with two dicks, I guess.

Why is Phallus capitalized? This is so good. Because it's mystical dick rubbing. It makes it more profound. Exactly. And masculinity is sacred. Well, maybe he's just really uncreative and he named his dick Phallus.

No, it's just... It's like how you capitalize God. You capitalize... Exactly. No, it's just... It's like how you capitalize God. You capitalize... Exactly. Oh, okay. Our lord and savior, Phallus Dick. It's like the Rastafarians always go I and I. Cock,

rub, warrior, religious dudes are Phallus and Phallus. This is easy. That's my favorite law firm now that I think about it. Robert says, masculine men are co-creators with each other and with the divine to me that says that two masculine men united in the act of phallic bonding bring forth or are visited by the divine which smiles upon their union as an act of creation the creation of a higher masculinity sacred masculinity and the sacred bonds between men. Okay. Scroll down to part two,

phallus to phallus and shaft to shaft. Okay. E pluribus punum. Let's put this in less technical language. All guys have same sex feelings and fantasies. Not a big deal. Because guys have sex with guys. Always have. Always will.

And all guys have fantasies about sex with guys. Always have. Always will. It's part of the human condition. It's part of being a man. I'm putting MAN in all caps because I want straight identified guys to understand that.

Oh my. We're going to learn a lot about ourselves today. Guys having fantasies about sex with other guys or just plain having sex with other guys. And when I say sex, of course, I'm talking about fraught sex. Vellus to fellus and shaft to shaft is not an unmanly or unmasculine.

Oh. Okay. So this guy, he has all guys figured out. So Skip passed a bunch of oddly dry text. He basically goes over the whole thing about... There's text on this page? He goes over the story of

two guys, you know, he's saying, hey, rubbing dicks isn't bad, and it doesn't make you less of a man. He goes over a story about two guys rubbing dicks, and he'll scroll down past the second big red manhood to manhood. I love the things that this page makes me say.

What is that part? Okay, so I'm scrolling down. I'm scrolling down and I see this drawing, this marker drawing of two guys with their dicks right in their dick. And it keeps zooming in. It zooms in on the dicks three times.

You might see a common thread on this site. You might see a common thread. I wanted to read the text, but I keep getting distracted by all these pictures. It's like the author figured that the people reading would start getting bored after reading too much, so he'd have to recapture their attention with a bunch of pictures.

I know what you want to see. Okay. Maybe he realized that some people might scroll past and he's like, oh, no, you're not getting away that easy. Nope. Look at him. Look. All right.

Okay. Stop looking at the rubbed dicks pics. I can't. It's strangely compelling. I feel like I'm not him because I'm not staring at them all the time. You can't make me stop. Okay. So the second minute, a minute.

And then, okay. So these guys have rubbed dicks and come, but sounds like a great experience, right? Somebody start off there. Sure. So soon they're aching to come or? Okay, so these guys have rubbed dicks and come, but sounds like a great experience, right? Somebody start off there. Sure. So soon they're aching to come, or everything about it? After that whole section, because... If we read every paragraph where he talked about dudes coming, we'd be here for like five hours.

All right. Everything about it has been terrific. If felt amazing. It really did feel good. It was obvious we both enjoyed the visual and physical sensations. They were eager to come, and they do, with groans and shooting copious loads. So, they've shared a really terrific, meaningful, and tremendously pleasurable male-male experience. They should be ecstatic,

feeling really great, or at the least, very happy. But, and it's a big but, you other brothers can't deny. At the end of the session, here's what happens.

We cleaned up without saying much, each feeling a little odd, but we knew it would happen again. Just a little. But knew we would do it again. Each feeling a little odd. Why in heaven or earth should they feel odd? Yeah, they're rough dicks. What's weird about that?

They're warriors. Because there wasn't enough fighting. It was only fucking. I don't know about being a cock-rub warrior, dude. This is weird. I'm more like a cock-rub private, okay, man? Need to level up. They've both had a truly wonderful masculine

and manly experience. yet they feel, quote, a little odd. Why? Here's why. We are very heterosexual. Then why would you do it in the first place? Yeah, so this is the plot twist. It's two straight guys. Next thing they know, they're fucking each other We're not gay. Why did we do that? I hope they said we are very heterosexual as they were rubbing

It's very see if you put like a lot of butter on your popcorn you say it's very buttery you don't say it's butter This is a straight thing right bro oh god you're like a girl with a dick oh no homo no homo is that like no whammies

it's only gay if the dick touches a butt yeah but let's see what Bill Weintraub has to say because they define themselves, and society defines them, as heterosexual, and because the two categories of homosexual and heterosexual are supposed to be completely discreet and exclusive of each other, the two men feel a little odd because they've transgressed. Not a religious transgression, they make no mention of that, but a transgression against the secular categories

of sexual orientation! Oh no! So do bi people not exist in this guy's universe? Is that... How do you rub dicks with cunts together? That's just, that's crazy together? That's just crazy talk. That's just goofy. Why would you do that?

That's not a dick, you goofball. You can't even grab hold of a cunt with your cock at the same time. Now you're getting it. This is like My Fair Lady for dick rubbing. You're all going to learn. That is to say... Oh, this gets better, even. That is to say, a transgression against heterosexualization,

the historical force which governs the day-to-day lives of men and women, completely and entirely. Yet, as our warrior says, absent heterosexualization, there would be no homosexuals and no heterosexuals either. And absent those two categories, what these men did would not fall under the rubric of a condition, but an act, which, after all, is all it was.

It was just an act. I'm really, really excited by this use of the word. Hold on, hold on. Just an act. Two guys getting together and rowing cocks. And there was nothing odd about it. Does it tell us anything else about them? No, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No! I think this guy is a closeted straight guy. Oh! Damn! Look, man, I just want to rub cocks. I don't know why I keep thinking of pussies all the time.

Cocks are the only ones for me. What am I going to tell my parents? Dude, I saw you looking at the girl. No, I'm a cock-ra-boyer. No, no, no. It's just an act which the two of them enjoyed, both because it felt great and because it exalted their mutual masculinity.

And the categories of sexual orientation, which are supposed to be mutually exclusive, are once again shown to be wrong. Okay, you can cut it off there if you want. If you find more good. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, that was sort of the climax of the...

Okay, so now we got a picture, we got the thesis going. Let's get some definitions in there. Let's get some... Let's get some... Is there a cock rub glossary? Actually, I had heterosexualization down, but I think we've

heard enough about that. The definition of sexual orientation, which is quite interesting. Alright. Who wants to take that? I suggest giving it to Proton John. He's our honored guest. Please read a set of cock rubbing for us.

I feel so honored. Oh, yeah, you sound very honored to do this. We don't give this content to just anybody. No one else gets to talk about sexual orientation. Nobody else gets to say gay space. It's like my space. A space for gays. Now we're going to rub cogs together.

I'm going to jettison you into gay space Let the man work, okay? In gay space, no one can hear you come Okay, are we at sexual orientation? Yeah, the definition, yeah A social classification devised by the forces of heterosexualization to medicalize and isolate normal

and natural same-sex needs, desires, and acts. Which, keep in mind, this guy includes every guy wants to do. Every guy wants to run. Right. And only rub dicks. Statistically, it's true. He does, so that's 100% of guys. Yeah.

That's fair. As one of our warriors has said this social mechanism acts to isolate male male sexual behavior from heterosexual spaces and group it with the third sex under a combined homosexual slash gay label all right he goes on to say that the gay space, or ghetto thus formed, represents the dustbin created by the heterosexualized society to contain the mutilated slash negativized remnants of male-male sex

that survives after the intense oppression of them in the mainstream. That was a lot of words to say almost nothing. It's important to understand that the sexual activity between masculine men is normal and natural, and indeed is core to natural masculinity. Under heterosexualization, however, such activity is severely denigrated and is forced into a space dominated by feminized males.

We call this space... We call this space analism. We're going to perform an analysis. Aww. Aww. The weirdest denomination ever. We call this space analism, and it's characterized in the heterosexualized

post-industrial West by anal penetration, promiscuity, and effeminacy. So in his world, the effeminate males hold all the power and they are shoving down these MMA cock-rubbing muscular dudes. Forcing a masculine-identified male who is in touch with and acknowledges his same-sex desires into the gay space is extremely destructive. Oh, no.

Okay, now, you heard about analism? What is that? Here's the link. Okay, so who wants to take this? Wait a minute. Talpas hasn't read anything yet. Oh, she hasn't.

I have a letter saved for her later, but yeah, if you want to read, go for it. I haven't met my gay quota for the day. Okay, so definitions. Dominant culture of anal penetration, copyright. Dominant culture of anal sex, copyright. Analism, copyright. Analist culture, copyright.

I was kind of hoping the first three would be copyright and the last would be a trademark or something. I like to think this guy actually has like custom t-shirts showing off like his trademarks on like dominant culture of anal penetration like if he sent him the paperwork and it said c diagrams one through four but it's the same diagram just zoomed in yay yay gay identified men today live under a dominant culture of anal Yay. Yay. Gay identified men today live under a dominant culture of anal penetration. That culture is defined by three behaviors. Number one, anal penetration. Number two, penetration anally.

Number two, not anal penetration. Oh. Number one, anal penetration. Anal penetration is regarded as the necessary and culminating act of any sexual encounter and the highest sexual expression of love, lust, and intimacy between men. Men who do not participate in anal penetration

are considered psychologically and sexually immature and are otherwise settled with their sexual choices are denigrated. No, they're not. Yeah, that doesn't happen. How many internet pages do you have copyrighted boots?

Yeah. Well, I can just see it right now. It's like Arnold Schwarzenegger type voice going, oh, you don't want to put your dick up my butt, are you? Little baby man. That's the weirdest Schwarzenegger impression I've ever heard.

My voice is completely raw from yelling Quebecois here, so you get what you get. It's time, Schwarzenegger. He's here to make you fuck butts. Oh, come with me if you want to live, eh? I'll be at your back.

I'll be at your back. Bravo, bravo, bravo. I would watch that. I would. Sperminator 2? That definitely puts a new bent on him demanding all your clothes. Give me all your clothes. I want your clothes, your boots, your motorcycle, and you.

Number two, promiscuity. Promiscuity, called by its academic proponents, multi-partnering and or poly-partnering, is also a core value of the culture. But its academic proponents, proponents? I do believe. They take tenure from anyone. Men are encouraged to be promiscuous and to experiment with a broad

range of sexual behaviors, such as oral anal sex, which those outside the culture generally regard as dangerous and bizarre. As with anal penetration, participation in promiscuity is viewed as a sign of mental health and as indicative of a positive self image. Okay.

Okay. Real quick, real quick to, uh, to address an earlier point. Uh, I Googled poly partnering and the first link is a poll on the second life forums asking if they should

add polypartnering within Second Life. We're overwhelmingly positive for it. How do you add that into the code? It's also the core value of the Second Life culture. Well, where Second Life goes,

so goes the culture. I would also like to point out that my roommate is kind of staring at me horrifying while I'm reading this. Excellent! It's in the name of the podcast, roommate. Just be like, dude, it's okay, it's just fraught, I can't participate. I'm an impartial observer. Consequently, many men measure their self-worth by the number and attractiveness of their sexual partners. Men who aren't promiscuous are chided for missing out on life's principal pleasure,

while those who don't participate in sexual experimentation are viewed as timid and their sexual taste characterized as vanilla. Look at me, I'm rubbing dicks. He's too chicken to rub dicks. You're not a faggot. He's too chicken to rub dicks. Number three, effeminacy. While on the surface, the culture would appear to be at best ambivalent about this behavior, in reality, effeminacy is supported and rewarded. Who's a good little twink? That's because the prevailing ideology within the culture views all human beings as being intergendered and encourages men to get in touch with their feminine side masculinity is suspect and homosexual men who are masculine in traditional ways are accused of being straight acting and

regarded as uptight controlled and rigid thus the dominant ideology encourages men to be penetrated anally as part of the process of shedding their masculinity. Yeah, go for it. It's like the hang-in. The worst trust fall ever. I was thinking it's like the hang-in, their poster only the cat's hanging off a dick. No.

And then it zooms in on the kitten more and more. So you've seen what's hanging around her. Effeminacy, then, is both a consequences and a cause of anal penetration, a relationship made explicit by such term as pussy boy, bottom bitch, and ass cunt. Oh my god. Our drum presents the further adventures of ass cunt. Oh, well. Our drum presents the further adventures of AssCunt.

While the culture of promiscuity links with the culture of effeminacy in terms such as slut, whore, and pig, outside of anally receptive sex, the ultimate expression of effeminacy in the subculture is drag, which has... Okay, this guy has never met a gay dude. What the fuck? He's met very heterosexual guys that rub dicks with him. I'm pretty sure this guy lives in, like, You mean, like, the guy that wrote an entire website of crazy drawings and, like, double-spaced bullshit and craziness over, like, a giant

webpage might be kind of sheltered? Well, it gets better because it says the ultimate expression of effeminacy in the subculture is drag, which has high status. Oh, it really does. Oh, yeah, absolutely. When you walk into a place and you see a guy in drag, you know you're in for

a classy evening. Hello, sir. I would like your finest crystal meth and cheap vodka. Men who won't participate in drag or in effeminizing languages, such as the use of words she, her, miss,

and bitch, to refer to other gay men are labeled as dragphobic, and of course, masculinist. It's okay, guys. Just be like, you're into men. You freaking freak. I think, and after this next sentence, it sums it up well.

These three components, anal penetration, promiscuity, and effeminacy, make up the dominant culture of anal sex, and are what give mainstream gay male culture its distinctive and distinctively maladaptive and dysphoric quality. Good God, that's... There we go. That's a word salad. I think the guy just took a thesaurus

and just found what kind of went with dick and just went with it. We've heard a lot of theory. We've heard a lot about frotting and about cock rub and all this. All the ideas. You know, and about all the bullshit that he's spewing. That's totally not crazy. But let's read from one of the fiction stories. Let's read from some little

frot fan fiction here to kind of get a feel for it. There's frot fiction? And this one is called Tough Guys. Oh, God, yes. Now, it's really long, and we couldn't do... We couldn't read... We couldn't read the whole thing right now,

but I got a good section that kind of gives a feel for it. And this is from... Let's see, this section is from Chapter 8, The Honeymoon Suite. So basically, these two guys are like fighters, like unofficial fighters. And they're like – Unofficial fighters.

Fighting unofficially. They're like a young guy against the old guy, and they're raring to go at each other. Okay, so Lemon is Mike. Who's Chris? Jack-Jack is Chris. Jack-Jack is Chris. Okay, who's going to narrate? I'm narrating.

Narrating? Cool. It is Chris. Jack-Jack is Chris. Okay, who's going to narrate? I'm narrating. Narrating? Cool. It is mine. Go for it. Chris led Mike through the grounds to the door of the cabin. Once inside, Chris pushed him back hard, suddenly feeling rage boiling to the surface. You're just dying for a fight, aren't you, kid? He said to Mike. Fine, fuckhead.

We can have it out here. No reps, no rules, no gloves, nothing. Just you and me. Skin on skin, flesh on flesh, bone on bone. That suit you, boy? Oh, I'm turned on already. This is so erotic. Yeah, said Mike.

Suits me fine. I'm gonna take her ass, bitch. Beat you into nothing. Sorry, nothing. Ass wipe. Look at you, boy. Don't have a job. Stink of tar.

And can't even win a lousy tough guys bout. Urges the white trailer track. As a side note, that tough guys was the Z. Tough guys. Sorry, go ahead. Guys, I'm performing a dramatic reading here. You're just a polite trailer trash, and I'm going to smash her face. And don't call me bitch.

Chris pushed him again, then, controlled as ever, walked across the room to the closet and started taking off his clothes. I'm a slang-talking narrator. Taking off his clothes. I'm a slang-talking narrator. Taking off his clothes. Only effeminized, heterosexualized gays use G. It's because only women have a G spot. Oh, there you go.

Remember, guys, there's no G in front. Oh! What about fratage? Oh, shut up. Fratage. Mike looked at him. Oh, so that's how ooh won it, huh? Should have figured ooh were a faggot. Well, we can play it anyway.

Ooh won a man. Chris got his shirt, shoes, and pants off. There's no commas to the shirt, shoes, and his pants. Oh, I love my shirt. I just made some shoes out of shirts. That's why they're fighting over each other's poor pockets. And so did Mike. Mike also had shirt shoes.

They were both wearing boxers. What about those? Said Chris. Fucking fine faggot! I'm sorry, I just looked out the window and saw a fucking five pack oh christ cheese and

commas are on the list of I hate cheese I don't know what's going on they yanked M off and stood facing each other both of M were getting boned fast They yanked M off and stood facing each other. We need an Emily. Sorry. Both of M were getting boned fast.

I'd like to take a second here and to give you some backstory, some context of the story, the whole tons of story that was born of this. They have not admitted that they were gay or they haven't even like given hints. They haven't said anything. They haven't said like maybe I'm gay. They just strip naked and are getting boners from each other. And they're just like, yeah, you faggots. And so we're going to go ahead. And they were quite a sight to stand in nude in that pit of a cabin. Mike Tall and Lean, his muscles straining and his tats popping out of his skin.

His 7.5 inches of uncut meat. Oh, yeah. Under a sunburst tat work. It worked into his groin. Really? Oh, yeah! Is that what they call it these days annihilate the psycho by the way the psycho is the psycho is bike and i want to point that out because it's at this point you'd be it'd be easy to assume that the psycho was referring to his dick come on man said chris let's see what who got fuck you yelled mike and charged they met up hard in the middle of the room right under the said Chris. Let's see what who got. Fuck you, yelled Mike and charged. They met up hard in the middle of the room, right under the heart-shaped

chandelier, and started pummeling each other with hooks. They're in a honeymoon suite. Because that's the only place they could stay? It was a really masculine heart-shaped chandelier. Well, no, it's not like the traditional iconic heart.

It's actually a human-shaped heart with dripping blood and whatnot. It's got, like, tattoos on it and shit. No, dude, even the chandelier is fucking flexing its muscles. Alright. It started pummeling each other with hooks and uppercuts. Short, sharp, savage blows that each hit their already bruised bodies with a thud and got grunts of pain out of each of them. The blood-filled cocks and heavy balls swinging wildly back and forth with each cruel punch and mean counter. The dude's just flopping around.

Okay, there's a little bit... There's a cut here. They've been fighting for a while, and now... Meanwhile, now the two fighters were in dead serious all-out cock-rub battle, with their fierce energies focused on the raw cock combat.

Raw cock! They start fighting and then their cocks touch and then this happens. Okay. Focused on the raw cock combat that neither had expected, but now held them locked in a primeval contest neither wanted to end.

Instead, the sensation of cock against cock was driving them both wild with lust and an insane urge to establish complete cock domination. It's one, two, three, four, I declare a cock war, apparently. Two dicks enter, two dicks leave very drained.

And their cocks are rubbing up against each other and they're both looking at each other going, I'm surprised this happened. Yeah, I know, me too, huh? Isn't that weird? They began pounding and grinding even more furiously. Their hot, full, boiling ball sacks

That's a great sentence. Their hot, full, boiling ball sacks slamming together while their blood-swollen pricks raged against each other. Each warrior cock seemed to have a barbarous will of its own, a bestial innate determination to outfire

each other until it completely mastered its foe. By this point, the cocks are yelling like Godzilla and Hecate. The cocks have actually sprouted arms and they'll be flossing. So more cockfighting

and... In this upcoming section, I want you guys to sound just as pissed off as you always did. Yes! Yes. Mike fought that strong, but he was getting tired. Plus he was feeling more and more overwhelmed by the cock rubbing.

He was panting and moaning, and his struggles were becoming weaker. And finally, Chris was able to keep his arms pinned down. Why? Mike gasped out, tossing his head from side to side. So I can kiss you! Said Chris. Mike paused for a moment, confused, and panting for breath. Then he looked wildly at Chris.

Okay! He said. Okay! Chris kissed him. Mike still didn't know what to do, so he just lay back and let their lips brush. Chris pulled back again. Hey! He said.

What else do you want? Mike groaned. Kiss back! Mike looked up at Chris's massive, beautiful chest looming over him, and he knew all he wanted was to feel it against his own again. Oh, man! Mike moaned. Put her chest against mine and I'll kiss you! I swear it!

Okay, and so... Do we want to keep going with this? God, yes. Okay, here's the next two paragraphs. Let's just keep going with this. See how far we can go. Okay. Chris dropped his body hard

back onto Mike's and pushed his tongue deep into Mike's throat. Mike roamed and snaked his own tongue back into Chris's mouth. They let their tongues duel with uppercuts. They let their tongues duel the way their dicks were too.

Oh, wow. And started kissing more and more deeply and passionately and then fiercely and then started up the relentless cock rub again, pounding and jamming and slamming into each other with fury and ardor. Each man hopping now

that what would happen between them could go on forever. And then both cocks were pre-coming furiously. Aww. That's a vivid bit of imagery there. And then both cocks were pre-coming furiously,

slicking the shafts and soaking the heads. Both cock heads getting redder and more sensitive with each violent pass. Both men grunting and moaning, their ass cheeks pumping savagely as they humped each other's dicks. Panting, moaning, groaning, they simultaneously shot out great

gobs of pure white jizz. Goodness gracious, great gobs of jizz! Wow. That's what this word... Hot, creamy, super tough guy juice. Tough guy. I can't take this seriously.

Why not? Tough guys should soak their bodies in a purifying essence Universal peace and love And then sweeping them away Universal peace and love? Did they just rainbows all over each other? Yes And suddenly realized that he wasn't cut off anymore Not from his creator

And not from his creation either that ecstatic orgasmic moment seemed to both warriors to last forever and both the fighting men lay quiet and still entwined with their eyes closed both drifted and let go finally sated and satisfied

those are words mean different things but just before he fell asleep sated and satisfied. Those words mean different things. But just before he fell asleep, sorry, but just before he feel asleep, as a reference to... It's Metal Gear. Mike thought he heard something. And it might have been

it might have been just, or maybe he thought it could be the cheers of the crowd. Yeah, we're going in, guys! And then a dragon ate them both. There is a little epilogue here. There's a couple of paragraphs after this that are just story stuff.

I think Mike deals with the time he rubbed dicks with some other guy back. Whatever. But here's the best part. Fleshing out the universe. We got more dialogue. Oh my god. They realize that they haven't felt this good. And so, Chris has a quest.

Chris has a quest. I'll pass narration on to somebody else. Okay, I'll narrate then. Hey, Chris. Ask Mike. Does this make us fags? I don't know. Said Chris.

Don't feel like a fag. You. Nah. Said Mike. I don't know, said Chris. Don't feel like a fag. You? Nah, said Mike. I feel great. Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, Chris saw a flash of movement beside the cabin door. He jumped lightly to his feet and yanked it open, but there was no one there, just a piece of paper that had been folded and slipped over the sill. What's it say? asked Mike.

Chris unfolded it. Cockroach warriors rule! Cue the electric guitar. There's a guy trying to get in frame of a camera shot at a concert. Cockroach warriors rule! Yeah, man! And then they high fivefive, and then the credits roll.

Note to myself. Cockroach Warriors? What's that? Mike wondered. I don't know! Hey, maybe it's a gang. Said Mike. Or a club. Said Chris. Yeah, a club

for guys like us. That's what we are, Mike. Cockroach Warriors. That's. Said Chris. Yeah, club for guys like us. That's what we are, Mike. Cockroach warriors. That's what we are. Yeah! Mike yelled. Cockroach warriors! Come out and play! Come on!

Chris said. Let's get something to eat. If his brain's not too fogged Tony can make us some veal parmesan That's the manliest dish ever Mike laughed At that moment the house phone rang It was Woody

It was Said Chris That get Mandela's back and he just took Lolita's table for 5k Who gotta do something Chris sighed silently Woody is always with WhiningK. Who gotta do something? Chris sighed silently. Woody is always with whining that I have to do something, he thought. Don't worry, boss. He said.

I'll take care of it. Chris hung up the phone. Sighed again. He really didn't feel like beating anybody else up. At least not today. He pondered for a moment, then turned brightly to Mike. Hey, Mike! He today. He pondered for a moment, then turned brightly to Mike. Hey, Mike! He said. What a

joke! The end. I love a happy ending. It got weird when Woody Harrelson and Howie Mandel showed up at the end. If I weird you mean great. Who gave them the Cockrab Warriors ripple sign?

That was the mysterious... Or did a crowd of fans follow them into their hotel room and watch? It's the Cockrab Warriors! That's true, man. It was going to turn out to be an arena floor or something. Yeah, that's what I thought. And then the chandelier

was just a completely forgotten bit. I thought it was going to turn out. They were in like a football stadium and just the entire fucking crowd. It's just good. It's the best halftime show ever. They fought underneath the heart-shaped chandelier. Then they fell into the heart-shaped jacuzzi. Still fighting.

Then they wrote heart-shaped dicks and that was the cock rub warriors aka the fratman aka a gay dude who's really obsessed with Robin Dixon, how it relates to society. Lemon, what are your thoughts? You know, gay and straight rehabilitation just never works. Never, ever. This is glaring proof of that. If anything, he has just rocketed off the deep end in a whole different direction. Oh, and we hope you enjoyed. We hope you listened. And if

any of you have awakened your warrior spirit and become Cockroach Warriors, we'd like you to post about it. No pictures, please. I want the pictures. Send them to me. That'd be at thefpl.us. We're on the Facebooks and the Twitters and all the other things and the Sketchers,

whatever it's called. What's that called again? Stitcher. Stitcher. There you go. We're on the stitchers too. Like us, favorite us, rub dicks with us,

whatever. Do everything to get us out there. And thanks for listening. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. It's hard to,

hard to win if you survive The Warrior The Warrior I am the warrior. The warrior. I am the warrior. Should we tell Proton John this is their intervention to make him gay? Oh, great. You blew it.

That explains so much. God. Okay, we're going to have this podcast for a couple years, and then we're going to invite John in. Put John in and tell him. You couldn't wait another week before I'm revealing your plan. I'm apoplectic with shock.

Damn it.