The F Plus - 337: Living In A Vacuum
Episode Date: October 2, 2020Five lucky ridiculists from The F Plus Podcast were selected to visit the forums of VacuumLand.Org and read what they found there. You’ll be happy to know that a love of vintage vacuum cleaners... totally isn’t a fetish, except for the times when it is. But they’ve got some pretty incredible vacuum collections that they bring to conventions, and also, eventually, it will be time for poetry. This week, The F Plus will need you to hide this in your closet for our boyfriend to smell.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Let me see you suck.
There's a place where you could go if you want to have fun.
There's a place for every need that you can think of.
Watch TV and...
Add this one to your collection. It's the F Plus Podcast.
A terrible place with terrible things read with enthusiasm.
In the room tonight we have Boots Reingear.
Do you ever dream of Vax?
It happens to me quite often, dreaming of me in flea markets finding several Vax,
especially in the most desired of mine.
Achilles Heeles!
When I bought my gold or yellow compact in the 70s,
the salesman called it a gold pig with a 30-foot tail, Dan.
They call him Frank West,
but I call him Mr. Games. It's Frank West. Hate on new vacuums isn't coming from normal consumers.
Vacuum land members are not like normal people. Squiddy! My beloved Dyson vacuum cleaner is full
of wasps, bees, etc. And lemon. Wow, Chase. The god of suction continues to smile
on you. for the child all the things we cannot do without
hey F plus
hey
I don't know
if the rest of you have been paying
attention to things that
are happening but I sure haven't
and
I've been thinking about how nice it would
be to return to an earlier
time.
Yeah? Do you
long to return back to
an earlier time?
Like you want to join the
SCA?
Are we joining the SCA today?
Are you inviting us to...
We're really fun.
We're really fun.
But we practice three times a week, and that is mandatory.
Is there mead?
There is mead.
I make it myself.
I'm in.
Yeah, you must bow for the king.
Who's the king?
Steve.
Steve, okay. Steveve i'm okay with uh yeah so uh you know i've
been thinking about an earlier time and uh it was an earlier time that actually was made uh aware
that we were made aware of very very recently um we uh we were doing an episode uh called doing
the robot that's episode 334 if you want to to look through. And as we were reading it, we came across a site called Vacuumland.com.
Or, sorry,.org.
Vacuumland.org is a fan site for vacuums.
People who enjoy vacuums.
They think vacuums are great.
They want to enthuse about vacuums.
vacuums. They think vacuums are great.
They want to enthuse about vacuums.
And so
we looked at that and we were surprised
and before the episode even came out
Secret Gage in 69
put together a document.
Because that is one committed
motherfucker. That's how great our
fans are.
At least I won. It's how great our fans are. At least I won.
It's how great our fan is.
It's everyone else.
There's luck along here.
Through quantity, we're losing all of our other fans.
Just by averages.
We only have one giant one left.
Welcome to the Secret Gagent cast.
Anywho,
so we're going to be going to
Vacuumland.org
Because as I said
A fan site for vacuums
But also the owner
Proprietor of Vacuumland.org
Managed to actually
Build his own forums
And by his own forums
I mean this is all custom software
The forums that power Vacuumland forums is all CGI that this guy wrote himself.
Wow.
Wow.
I mean, he's a kindred spirit woman.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, absolutely.
Except for I'm not going to build forum software.
But yeah, other than that.
Especially not in CGI.
Everything else.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly. Uh, the vacuum of the day, uh,
is,
um,
a GE,
uh,
floor polisher,
uh,
vacuum.
Uh,
Frank West has looked at this page 1000 times.
That's correct.
Do it again.
But,
uh,
but I'm going to,
uh,
start off just by a couple of the rules here of the,
uh,
oh,
it's called the Discusso Vac Forums.
Um,
so it's broken into some categories.
You've got your vintage, your contemporary,
your household, and your supermarket.
Those are the four classifications of vacuums.
And there's miscellanea, latest posts, and my posts.
I'm not really sure what that means.
But anyway, forum rules.
All information is to be used at your own risk.
Look, just so
you know what you're getting into once you get into the vacuum
world. Exactly.
Vacuum underground.
There will be no use for profanity
on these forums. This will not
be tolerated and can lead to immediate suspension.
I don't see how anyone could follow that
rule. It gets pretty heated.
However, well, actually, now that you mention it,
there's private slash upgraded forums,
as these forums are for adults only.
Oh, my God.
I can't wait to turn 18 and use the upgraded vacuum forum.
Absolutely.
Talk like an adult.
There's a rule about sex and vulgar subjects and or pornography
that has the same bisection there.
You can post items for sale.
That's okay.
Posting quality.
There will be no text message style talk allowed in the postings.
A minimum of 20 words per post will be required in most cases.
You can't do inflammatory stuff.
And then, you know, no spam.
But let's dig right in.
All the spam bots are just like, aw.
Shit, he got us.
Let's dig right into the Discussovac forums.
And then, let's see.
I think Frank West, you're the New York City writer. I'm the New York Frank West you're the New York City writer
I'm the New York City writer, hey
New York City writer
and I have to tell you
I'm very glad I stumbled upon this board
I really had no idea
there were so many vacuum collectors out there
you know what, New York City writer, me too
I'm glad I stumbled upon this board
I had no idea.
Agreed.
I've always loved vacuums myself, but never had the time or space to really cultivate a collection.
I do, however, have a small collection.
Working collection, that is.
A vintage telephone.
Boo!
What?
Get out!
That's a long discussion.
Fuck you!
Oh, God.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Anyways, my question here is, what drives you guys to collect vacuums
is it a
guy fascination for shiny
electrical devices with motors and lights
is it a yearning for a
bygone era
for gay men in particular
is it a subconscious affinity
for appliances we associate with
our mothers?
Oh, wow.
Oh, man. Wow. You just did that
to yourself. You did.
This forum's already going there, huh?
Whoa.
Huh. Okay. Okay.
I mean, I guess if you're the only one who believes in
the stereotype, maybe you gotta prop it up yourself.
Fair, fair, fair.
Also, what is your ultimate endgame in cultivating your collections?
End of the world.
I have all the vacuums.
I'm gonna fucking wrap the vacuum cleaner around my neck and go out like David Carradine.
My god, director, he's reached the endgame.
Is the action of acquisition
feeding a subconscious need?
Do any of you have dreams
of resurrecting, say, the Hoover
Company to its former glory, building
top quality appliances and employing legions
of Americans once again?
I'm just curious about what drives all you.
Love you guys.
That feels like a
question written by this second guy.
Just so he could answer it.
I'm Guardsman69!
Hi.
What you doing over there?
What you doing over there with your caps lock key, buddy?
69in.
What? Caps lock?
Ah! I have
been a one-man mission to restore Hoover Company
to its former glory!
Being their
first and only recognized...
Their first and only recognized
Hoover service product. She is six years
old and sales dealer at nine!
What?
Why?
They set the baby out on a cloth and it's like which item does he choose and he walks over the
vacuum cleaner he's the one my god he's the quiz that's hot rock
my hoover career began with the hoover family has spanned five owners in 38 years. I have worked all
its incarnations and have contributed
and inspired many models and designs
to their line, UPS.
As for the TTI...
UPS line of vacuum cleaners?
Who knows? As for the TTI's six
year span, I host their presidents and vice presidents
and division heads on a regular basis.
Oh dear.
Now we know where the 69 comes from.
Well, they know how to suck, ha ha.
Damn it, he got there before all of us.
Fuck.
Do you know how fucking much I was waiting
for the opportunity to steal that one from all of you?
Well, I'm the prodigy here.
You guys can just record without me. Fuck it.
It's done. Bye, Frank.
Come back, Frank.
Honestly, this blows.
Bye, Frank.
You know what? You can't leave.
That's okay.
I build prototypes of
units of the past to inspire future
product lines. The Hoover Anniversary Edition was born in my 218 East Drinker Street showroom in May 2007
and still is the number one selling floor care line after six years.
I also fought and won to save the convertible line and created and inspired the Hoover Professional Collection.
I don't know why he's going by his pseudonym. we can just clearly dox him from all of his many accomplishments i recently hosted our new
and amazing president dan gregory and our own john long oh my god the name dropping is embarrassing
oh come on if you have those names in your pocket you drop them too
got to meet and visit with him.
Which John truly enjoyed and even is getting any hoover of his choice from the upcoming new Upright Collection when available.
Guardsman 69 out.
Thanks.
Thanks, Guardsman 69.
And then, Squiddy, you are Guido.
Okay.
Why collect vacuum cleaners? Ten
good reasons.
Not going for the Italian accent.
David Letterman, top ten.
I could not maintain the Italian accent.
You know that.
You're the anti-bunny bread.
That is so true.
In so many ways.
There's one thing we know about bunny bread that we can maintain.
One.
Collecting butterflies or post stamps must be so boring.
The only other option, so sure.
Two.
Collecting vacuum cleaners means being able to see a soul in an ordinary object like a vacuum cleaner.
That ordinary people are usually unable
to see. Three.
I need to make an anime about
you. How are there any more bullet
points? That seems... What is
the anima of this Dyson?
Three.
Searching for certain old machines is a rare
treasure hunt and finding a missing
rare to find model has no
price.
Four. Vintage vacuum cleaners treasure hunt and finding a missing rare to find model has no price.
Four, vintage vacuum cleaners, like other everyday objects, are a reflection of a gone-by-times design and technique.
We are proud to preserve a memory of it, even if it's from an unusual point of view.
When you see them inside, how they were built, You get so much emotion for the good quality of materials,
the intelligence and care
of a then-modern, new,
brilliant idea which came to life
and was often handmade or hand-assembled
by persons, not machines.
Around Europe or USA,
China was still
far to come.
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun, dun-dun-dun-dun, dun-dun-dun-dun, dun-dun-dun-dun.
Restoration, five.
Five.
Restoration on older models takes time, experience, much information, and care, and can be very relaxing.
Six.
Vacuum cleaners are probably the most interesting electrical devices.
Hmm.
Ooh.
Okay.
Okay. The most, yeah, probably, probably the most interesting electrical devices. Hmm. Oh. Okay. Okay.
The most, yeah, probably, probably the most interesting.
Probably.
Probably.
In a normal vintage household, they move, light up, transform into something else, and
vroom.
Okay.
Well, okay.
Now I'm on it.
Yep.
Now I can see it.
Seven.
Seven.
You should see the face of your guests
when you show them your vacuum cleaner collection.
The one time they come over, I assume.
Would you like to see my Dyson?
Eight, the more time passes and the more difficult it is to find some older models Would you like to see my Dyson? Eight.
The more time passes and the more difficult it is to find some older models in their original spare parts.
It is really a great challenge.
Oh, kind of scarcity.
Okay.
Nine.
Vacuum cleaners or floor polishers were not created for display or collecting reasons like a beautiful vase.
Why not?
Why didn't they do that?
That should have been part of the original plan.
Indeed.
They did not anticipate us like a beautiful vase,
a picture,
a chandelier.
Their destiny is usually service.
And they were often discarded when not working properly anymore or replaced with smaller lighter models
we love to give them a new life and opportunity people threw away electronics in the past i'm
a little worried about the vacuum cleaner uprising at this point okay 10 i don't know if there's a
subconscious affinity for appliances we associate with our mothers. Could be.
But for sure, there's a sort of imprinting from the early years.
We all remember the first vacuum cleaners in our life. The guilty ones when it all began.
Italian friend and massive vorwerk collector.
I'm probably pronouncing that wrong.
And we're going to get vacuum cleaner heads in the... Hell yeah!
That sounds great! That sounds great! Come on in!
Vacuum cleaner heads!
Like all the requests we've had to make a
separate forum for vacuum cleaner
enthusiasts.
We keep turning them down, but I feel like
with this episode, we're just
going to get so many more. Listen, man, we know what
happens when we let you guys congregate,
okay?
You know, one or two at a time, that's fine.
You get a group together, you got trouble.
So you want me to continue with the name drop here?
I hope so, only if they're great names.
Okay, it's the Italian friend and massive vorwerk collector Tommy Milan.
Whoa.
With a hyphen in it for some reason?
Yeah. Visited me in December and brought me the best Christmas present ever.
The Italian Lisa 1957 floor polisher model L-E-S-A-L-U slash one.
Slash one?
Yeah.
That I'd been searching for for at least six years.
So, after collecting every old advertising about this machine for years, I finally got one.
Oh, yes.
It's the blue on the middle.
Yes.
I also spent a wonderful Sunday with Tommy, a very kind and funny person in a giant flea market, and enjoyed a great Chinese meal.
What more?
What more could you want?
Literally nothing.
That's the life, man.
Vacuums and Chinese food.
I take this occasion to share this picture of this
beautiful machine with you.
And here it is. Wow.
Wow. Wow. Wow.
That was quite the machine.
Wow. I like that he artfully
flanked it with two other vacuums.
Just so you know, I have other vacuum cleaners.
All right.
So we're going to be going to another thread here.
This is thread number 23,152.
Shut up.
Oh, God.
Again, it is custom-built software.
Yeah, so thread number 23,152
starts off with a photo of a child
from Awkward Family Photos.
That's the OP.
Not particularly interesting,
but he's just the OP there, Electrolux 137,
uh, starts to talk about, you know, what it was like growing up, uh, really being into,
um, uh, vacuums and, and asked other people to share their stories and, and boots.
Uh, Anthony had an aunt.
Is that right?
Anthony had an aunt.
Yes.
Yes.
Uh, yes, that's true. I'm Anthony. I had an aunt. Yes, yes. Yes, that's true.
I'm Anthony.
I had an aunt who hated my interest in vacuums when I was a boy so much,
so both her and her husband would call me silly names.
Whoa.
Puff queer spring to mind.
When I was 11 years old i paid her back by changing the wires round
and the plug on her twin tub and electrocuting her she never teased me again because she was dead
okay okay so this is a horror movie directed by john waters okay are we a true crime podcast now?
And why is there so much homophobia by these vacuum cleaner people?
Anthony seemed like he was a regular 11-year-old, but he harbored a dark secret.
No, the lethal twin tub didn't kill her.
If only she had been touching the taps at the time. But it did throw her across the kitchen, bouncing her off the cooker and causing her to be deaf in one ear for the rest of her life.
And then everyone in the GameStop applauded.
I forgot at the beginning of that to say hi again.
My name is Brian Kirby, class.
My mother was not thrilled with my love of vacuums as a child,
comma, comma, and was ashamed and embarrassed about it.
She would not even talk about vacuum cleaners when I was around or let me talk about it.
She considers a vacuum cleaner to be nothing more than a
fancy garbage can.
How dare she?
She even went as far
as making sure I was
not there or included
when the time came to buy
a new vacuum when I was a kid!
Oh my god. Something
I never forgot!
I've told her in later years that's
the one thing she could
have done to make me forever
happy.
Forever happy.
You fucked up as a mother
in this one specific event.
Forever happy.
Yeah, if you would have been able to buy a vacuum
cleaner with his mom, everything else
would have been fine. My son,
please, I don't have long left.
I just want to let you know
that thing about the vacuum cleaner is still stupid.
I'm sorry.
I'm really not sorry about it.
You were like six, dude.
I'm at peace now.
Yeah, she just grunted and walked off shaking her head.
Would it have been such a crime to let a six or seven-year-old come to the store with you?
Yeah, maybe.
Oh, well.
I got my wish in revenge, and
in the end, several years later,
when I was able to drive and had my own
money, I took that awful machine
she bought, and I traded it for
a machine I wanted, as I
was the one who did all the vacuuming, of course.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Yeah my god. Oh my god.
Yeah! My revenge is as cool as
that other guy's revenge. Yeah.
She was
miffed, but she never mentioned
it again. After I told her, since I'm
the one that does the vacuuming,
she wouldn't touch a vacuum cleaner if her
life depended on it.
I should be at least able
to have the one I liked.
We never discussed it again.
And it never haunted me.
My father was no help either.
Comma comma.
Every comma is twice.
He was indifferent.
Comma comma.
Didn't care one way or the other.
Comma comma.
But both grandmothers possessive and most of my, the rest of my family loved the fact that I was interested
in vacuums, comma comma.
And would you let me use theirs
whenever I visited, comma comma.
In fact, single comma,
I did most all of the vacuuming
at one grandma's house, comma comma.
She loved and appreciated the fact
that she didn't have to do it.
Hey, that's my time.
Brian Kirby, you're right.
Living well is the best revenge
maybe better than electrocuting your aunt maybe maybe hey i'm g sheen i am not sure my mother
ever understood she let me play with the vacuum as a child but I also remember her telling me to stop this obsession
if my gran, dad's side
cut out pictures of vacuums from magazines
for me, she would get upset with them
for supporting my enthusiasm
huh, okay
my teachers at school gave me a hard time
about it too
the one person who really supported me
my dad, Derek A
oh sorry, my dad Derek
A Awesome Man
who I only
I can only wish to emulate as I grow older
he would take me to
every store to see the vacuums
organized for me to see all the
vacuums at his work
get me pamphlets and brochures
on any vacuum he could
spent his Saturdays taking me to vacuum repair shops around Cape Town
He organized a tour of the Electrolux factory when I was 14
And helped me secure a job in my school holidays there
What a handsome vacuum, that's my dad
The friends that tease me at school now support my business holidays there. What a handsome vacuum. That's my dad.
The friends that tease me at school now support my business.
And those teachers all buy their vacuums from me.
Life is a funny thing.
Now I have the power.
I have to say, though, this is kind of
like therapy. Now I'm having all these weird vacuum
memories from childhood.
Like, please tell me I'm not the only one that's going through that right now.
Oh, shit.
Oh, no.
Somebody else goes through there.
The post from one squiddy on here, I see.
I mean, I could legit talk about my dyson for about 10 minutes but
i'm not gonna do that all right well that's fine
sidecast uh next thread here is called uh vacuuming up wasps comma bees uh etc that's
post 28 332 uh hel, what you got there?
Hi, I'm Nick Clonick.
I'm in Bonnie Lake, Washington,
and here's an unusual subject.
Today,
I went to my mom's apartment for dinner.
While we were eating,
we heard something buzzing near the ceiling
lights. I looked up, and it was a wasp!
Gasp!
So after eating, I whipped out the Dyson
plugged it in it was still on
and scared the heck out of me
grabbed the hose and vacuumed up the wasp
now it's trapped inside the canister
and still alive
oh oh dear
what you got there
is a wasp gun
now
do you think a vacuum
cleaner would be an effective weapon
against bees,
wasps, yellow jackets, and the like?
I couldn't get a good picture of the
wasp inside the Dyson canister.
Okay, so this is a
good opportunity for me to talk about my Dyson.
Oh.
Thank God.
Alright.
It's really great.
I got my head cut between my palms and my hands.
Good.
Thank you.
So it looks like a Gears of War gun.
Okay, well, now I'm interested.
Yes, I know.
It has a chainsaw bayonet, right?
Right.
It has a chainsaw bayonet.
My gaze just went from sort of looking over your shoulder.
I just suddenly snapped and I'm making full eye contact.
Yes.
It's disconcerting, to be honest.
It has a trigger.
So it's like you're really using a gun.
It's a canister and it's about like maybe two and a half, three feet long.
And it has a trigger so you can walk around shooting it like a gun.
It scares the shit out of my dog, which is fun.
And it's amazing.
I'm not going to talk about how it works or anything,
but when I hold it in my hand,
I feel like a big, strong woman who's going to vacuum.
I think you found your home, Squiddy.
Okay, well, maybe after the recording,
Squiddy, maybe after the recording, you could
talk to me about it for a bit.
I could take maybe a picture of it.
Let's just ditch
these guys right now.
Okay.
Alright, catch you later.
Hey, I'm Columbus.
Hey, Columbus.
I have just to say.
James and Marcus, it certainly has its pros and cons.
I have an adorable little miniature dachshund who is so inquisitive at anything moving.
A wasp tackled her and her little head swelled up twice
its size.
Tackled? A wasp
tackled your dachshund? Yes.
Okay.
Were the wasp and the dachshund playing
football at the time?
Yes. Okay.
I think Columbus might
use Google Translate. I don't know.
Maybe.
To me, she is my child and goes to work with me and I travel where I go.
After a Celesta mind shot,
she settled, but yes, in protection of my child.
Wasps certainly need to be watched.
By only killing it,
I found that there is usually a nest somewhere hidden underneath a sideboard table or chair, and more effective to follow it than bring in Kirby or Hoover, something with metal fan, as the nest is a mud-like cocoon.
I had no idea that Kirby was an actual line of vacuum cleaner.
Yeah.
That makes a lot of sense.
There must have been a lawsuit with Nintendo at some point, right?
I don't know.
I should probably know that, and I don't.
Okay, never mind.
Sorry.
I mean, it's just like a proper name versus a patented, I don't know.
I guess.
I mean, the thing that stands out is that, like, you know, the F+, as well as several other websites, are made in a software called Kirby.
And finding documentation is very painful.
Kirby was named after a lawyer who defended them so that they could keep the Donkey Kong copyright.
Oh, that's fascinating.
Yeah.
So now you know that.
Thanks, Frank.
You're welcome.
Okay.
Yeah, so now you know that.
Thanks, Frank.
You're welcome.
Okay.
Strangely that you mentioned that killing a bee is not a good gesture to nature.
Many people think that way.
Yes.
And as a matter of fact, once a bee stings someone or something, it dies.
Like with a snake, I also believe the only good wasp is a dead one. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, one. And then actual name.
Very interesting.
Thanks.
Actual name.
There's a lot of South African vacuum cleaner fans.
I have one check rate slash like.
Yeah.
I'm not really sure what a check rate is.
Check rate.
Check rate. Check rate.
So in this next thread here,
Squiddy, you're a Sebo fan.
Frank West, you are Kirby's the best.
And Healy's, your mark's here.
But I just have a question I want to ask you here.
My name is VacuumSuck213.
Oh, VacuumSuck.
VacuumSuck, yeah, VacuumSuck213.
VacuumSuck.
Anyway, so word for the nones.
I watched a movie today.
Maybe you've all heard of it.
It's called Harry Potter.
Well, in that they call non-magic people muggles.
What would you call non-vacuum lovers?
Who else?
Honkers or heifers?
How about dirty?
Dusty?
We should call them the Durstys.
Oh, they keep rolling, rolling, rolling.
Because this is a clean website,
I cannot write it on here,
but those who know me
know exactly what words I'm thinking.
Oh my god.
Yeah.
I save all my worst epithets
for the people that don't like vacuum cleaners.
All right.
Okay.
So this is about vacuum cleaners in films and movies.
My name is Super Sweeper.
And hi, all.
The original thread is no longer posted, Cy.
I've taken the liberty to start this new one.
I am way overdue to list the vacuums I've seen.
It keeps coming up in my Google calendar.
Let's start off with the lesser interesting cleaners.
On an episode of the A&E Neckwards Storage Wars Texas,
the Victor one pulled a unit from a Kirby 500 series in red
with a replacement tan bag,
then making the statement of,
looks as this thing's ready for the recycling bin,
terrible!
Now the Twilight Zone,
on an episode of Mr. Dingle the Strong,
see link,
a vacuum cleaner salesman is given the
super strength under the observation
of visitors from Mars,
pausing the video at 1.15,
reveals this
neat looking vacuum of a
vacuum.
Similar drums to that of a filter queen, almost,
but with a motor protruding from the top
and attachments around said motor.
Anyone willing to hazard a guess?
Definitely not one on your local market,
but only one available at your local wards.
Said wards only available in the
Twilight Zone.
Ha ha ha.
Ugh.
And then
let's take
Dyson Man 1, please.
Dyson Man.
I'm Dyson Man 1. Check. Yeah, yeah. Dyson Man. I'm Dyson Man 1.
Check out the movie Reefer Madness, made about 10 years ago.
It's a musical.
However, over half of the movie takes place in a 1930s living room.
And there's a Hoover 725 sitting on its own oriental rug through most of the movie.
What did you think of the movie there, Dyson
Man? Did you like the movie?
I liked the vacuum cleaner!
I only saw the last half,
because the first half, well, I was just sort of
distracted, I don't know.
Helios, take MJM
0424. Just saw the movie with jane wyman and loot the
loot the ring-a-ding girl is maggie mcnamara the ring-a-ding girl the ring-a-ding girls are maggie
mcnamara she was in a film called the moon is blue with bill holden and david nevin quite
controversial for its day because the word virgin is mentioned. Oh dear. Also in the film there's a
scene in David Niven's apartment where
the tub runs over. Niven and Holden
get some towels in the linen slash broom closet
and mop it up and you can see a Hoover 29 in the closet.
Oh!
Why doesn't this site
have a movie review section?
It's like the Mr. Skin for vacuums.
Yeah, absolutely.
Rewind.
235.
Scarlett Johansson's vacuum, dude.
You get a full on shot.
Full side vacuum, man.
Full frontal vacuum.
Hey, I'm gotta have a hoof.
You are.
Gotta have a hoof.
God.
Those are names I love.
You'll see a Hoover
constellation
in John Waters'
Female Troubles, starring
Divine as Dawn Davenport.
She gives birth and
chews the umbilical cord right next
to it. Oh!
Okay, I also
remember that scene from Female Trouble.
Because of the vacuum, right? But you and I remember that scene from Female Trouble. Because of the vacuum, right?
But you and I remember that scene very differently.
Oh, was it not a Hoover?
I feel like I remember it being a Hoover.
I don't know, maybe if I watch it again,
maybe I would appreciate some of the subtext
that Mr. Waters put in this film.
I'm going to tell you,
like from now on,
anytime I see a vacuum in a movie,
I'm just going to be scared.
Oh my God, yes.
Oh, no, we've done this to everybody, too.
There's a certain allure to this website.
I'll tell you why.
Look, great scene, everybody.
Divine did a great job chewing through that cord.
I just think we need to make the vacuum cleaner more in focus.
I feel like that's really
important to this scene. I feel like a lot of people aren't going to notice.
I guess, but then we'll have to, you know,
sort of like blur out Divine.
That's alright. She doesn't really pop for the
camera, Annie. The camera does
not enjoy her.
Okay.
So I have a very, very, very long post that I've titled Psychic Connections.
My name is Charles.
Okay, now I'm going to go out on a limb and ask a very strange question.
Have any of you heard of or do you think you have sweeper psychic connections?
Okay, I thought it was weird.
What I mean is back in the day when I did a lot of thrift shopping, all I had to do was walk
in the store and stand there for a moment.
If there was anything exciting in there,
vacuum cleaner-wise, I would
get mildly excited.
Sort of a tingly
feeling in the pit of my
stomach.
Same feeling
I had when I was a little boy and I'd go
exploring in one of the church lady's
homes and find an Electrolux
or a Kirby or especially
an Electrolux polisher.
Stronger that feeling was, the more I just
knew that there was an amazing
find in there.
When it was a polisher that was tucked away,
I always knew it.
Sometimes it's like some real digging and sleuthing and poking around.
And when there was some other people with me, they'd think that I lost my mind when I'd announce,
there's an Electrolux polisher in here somewhere.
You need to walk in the door.
Poke up his nose like a dog.
And just scurry in one direction.
Hi, I'm Marcy.
This is my boyfriend, Charles.
There's an electrical explosion right here.
Charles, no.
No, Charles, come on.
I've been trying to get him to do small talk for at least 15 minutes before he goes and looks for your vacuum.
There's time for that later.
Priorities, woman.
He's usually he's usually he's been so good recently.
I'm sorry about this.
I deserve a treat.
If you could just take this small handheld vacuum and hide it in the closet. OK, yeah. So then I'd look until I found it.
After a while, they'd say, oh, come on, there's obviously not one here.
Then I'd look under a rank of blankets or housecoats and something there would be.
It's Ghost Hunters.
I could tell you story after story like this,
of walking into a thrift shop or junk store,
a garage sale, an old vac shop,
and knowing whether it would be worthwhile
to do a lot of scrounging around there.
I do know that a couple of other hardcore collectors
have experienced this with their most beloved machines
because we have talked about it over the years.
With me, it's always been about the polishers.
Don't ask me why, but from as far back as I can remember,
I've been absolutely obsessed with them.
I told a long, boring story here that SecretGage and 69 cut out.
My mom has kidded that she thinks my association with the waxer
is because it reminds me of flying saucers.
Another interest I've had as a child, but
that's a story for another forum.
And then I made a joke, I guess.
Oh, come on.
Okay. Q. Theramon.
Ooh-ee-oo.
Yeah, yeah. You glad I read that, Helios?
Yeah, was that worth it? It was worth it. That's what Theramon sounds like.
Well, it's me, Aeolian Dave.
Boy, oh, boy.
Can I get some Aeolian on this, Dave?
Yeah.
Hi, Marty.
It's Dave who is an Aeolian.
Yeah.
Oh, from the planet of Aeolian.
Maybe a Martian?
I don't know.
Sure.
Yeah.
Aeolian Dave.
Boy, oh, boy.
Somebody named Aeolian Dave. Boy, oh boy.
Somebody named Aeoli and also a person named Ave.
Aeoli and Ave.
Aeoli and Ave.
One likes vacuums, the other is locked inside.
Until he likes vacuums more.
Boy, oh boy.
I go to work for a few hours and this thread explodes.
I echo Pete and Charles as a firm believer in the personal, logically unexplainable events, but I was there and saw it for myself.
You know, that thing.
Episodes.
I just know there's a pony under that pile.
Psychotic episodes?
I don't know.
There's a pony under that pile.
It's a pure pleasure to be
among such company of
avid seekers.
Oh, man.
My twinkle is associated with anything
to do with pipe organ pieces.
Late 1800s
quack boxes and medical devices
and, of course, anything
mechanically slash electrically
in tree queen.
I mean,
I get it, actually. That's
kind of cool. But is he allowed to
talk about pipe organs? Oh, God, they're getting to Lemon. Yeah get it, actually. That's kind of cool. But is he allowed to talk about pipe organs?
Oh, God, they're getting to Lemon.
Yeah, sorry, sorry.
I'm going to join the pipe organ for him.
Well, Lemon, I think he means, by twingle, I think he means, like, paranormal connection.
Okay, now I don't get it anymore, sorry.
Yeah.
Perhaps some of my rerouted brain circuitry response to the faint residual half-life neutronical emanations.
What?
You want to talk about your electroshock therapy?
He's about to.
Yeah, I made that word up.
It's a joke.
I credit the twingle to all those electric sockets I three-leaning stuck metal objects into.
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Oh, that's your own electroshock therapy that you did yourself.
You self-administered electroshock therapy.
It's the ghost of personal body trauma.
Well, someone had to do it.
Might as well be me.
Aeoli, but not Dave.
I'm saving the state so much money.
You're welcome, NHS.
I'm going to assume everyone's British, right?
This guy's Canadian, actually.
So I thirdly stuck objects into to complete the circuit from tauthood to adolescence.
from tauthood to adolescence.
I learned about the resistance and flammability of various materials in this way.
Oh gosh, this is like a precocious 14-year-old, isn't it?
Like, this language is too poetic.
I mean, if you put that much stuff in sockets that long you might always be stuck in that state
yeah I don't know
he's got the twingles
there's that
since I'm the only one who's thin and short
with blue eyes in my family I must be a
foundling thing
this is
absolutely not true of course I was
showered with buckets of love and encouragement by mom and dad
but early on I set out on a different path and the family saw coming.
Ooh, I'm fun.
Huh.
Huh.
I tell few about my interests because once started, I reached a fever pitch of enthusiasm for the subject and most listeners glazed over and politely excused themselves.
Yes, we've been trying to do themselves. Dave? Dave? Dave?
Am I talking to Dave
or am I talking to Aeolian right now?
There is
no Dave, only Aeolian.
Vroom vroom.
It's enough to take
something unfixable and return it to them fixed.
But get two kindred spirit folks together and they have no need of social indulgence from...
Standers-by.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Um.
Tell me this.
They have no need of social indulgence by Standers-by.
Mm-hmm.
So the family story...
And you're from Canada.
Okay. So the family story The family story is how Davey got a tin plate
Flying helicopter attached to a hand crank
By a long spiral cable
For his fifth Christmas
What fucking decade
That's the story they tell all the time
Every Christmas
Easter
Remember how Davey got a tin plate flying helicopter
Attached to a hand crank
So is Davey from
The fucking 20s or is he from
the future I'm not really sure yes yes just not would play with anything else all day when it
stopped working I took it apart after dinner in my room using things for my mom's sewing kit and
fixed it then there was my dear cat Austin who looked like no other cat in the neighborhood
who crossed the road
in front of my car on
the way home and
paused on the curb
one minute later I
pulled in the driveway
up half a block to be
told by neighbors to
instruct and killed by
a car three hours
earlier that was 15
years ago and since
then all my kittens
and cats have been
indoor or outdoor or
on the screen porch
only and so it goes
thank you for sharing stories and links dang how did I miss that white and gold polisher Dave of cats have been indoor or outdoor or on the screen porch only. And so it goes.
Thank you for sharing stories and links. Dang, how did I miss that white and gold
polisher, Dave?
Oh, thanks, Dave, I guess.
Oh my god, Dave.
I like
the cat story, though, Dave.
So that section
Secret Gageon
has titled
Aeolian Dave and the Twingle.
There's more Twingle-related
content in the document
on THTFBL.us, but the next section
is called, yes, it is a fetish.
Oh, thank God.
I've been edging this
whole time, thank God.
Okay, yeah, so
Do you know how hard it is
to edge with a vacuum get fucking to it
actually yeah no that makes sense you should see a doctor that's not great
yeah no it's a it's a problem uh anyway uh these are my new finds and yet another gay collector
is there a link uh Uh, I'm Edgar.
Hi, hi.
Uh, a few of the latest, a few pics of the latest finds.
I'll be moving to another house next month, so it may be a bit quick, a bit quit, but
I will be back.
Is it just me or are a lot of vacuum collectors gay?
I know a few collectors in person and all of them are gay.
Funny.
Could be there as a link.
This is the new Finds a Vampire 502
and a Phillips P50
both from the mid-80s.
And then the
return of Dyson Man. Was that you,
Boots? I think that was you, right?
Yes.
Dyson Man!
Dyson Man! Dyson Man.
If you count my time, six years,
as president of the Vacuum Cleaner Collectors Club,
as well as a curator of the Vacuum Cleaner Museum,
I've met thousands...
Googling both those fucking things.
I've met thousands of guys
who are dedicated vacuum collectors.
Every single one of them has been gay.
Some
didn't know it at the time.
But I told
them.
The first
the big featured article
on vacuumcleanercollectorsclub.org
is,
Who the heck collects vacuums?
And then the second one is you collect vacuums.
Join us.
But they have an annual convention.
So it's like a gay recruiting thing.
This is evangelical nightmare.
But it is always manifested itself sooner or later.
Don't know why.
Of all the collectors I've met and spoken at length about this,
we all seem to share a common childhood with relation to vacuums,
finding them in the storage closet at homes of relatives and friends of our parents, etc.,
standing at amazement at the vacuum display at stores,
remembering the demonstration vividly of a door-to-door cleaner,
watching the salesman at Sears
demonstrate cleaners, etc.
I imagined there would actually be
a straight vacuum collector
somewhere.
Cast him out!
Oh my god!
So, while Boots was reading,
we were spending some time on some other sites.
The 35th annual Vacuum Cleaners Club Convention will be in Atlanta, Georgia, June 11th through June 13th, 2020.
Footnote, event has been rescheduled due to the coronavirus.
We are planning to have the convention in Atlanta in 2021.
I hope that that means that they had a virtual Zoom conference appreciating vacuum cleaners.
The problem is with all the vacuums
going, it gets so fucking loud on the Zoom call.
They have vacuuming
competitions?
It looks like it.
Are there different classifications? Are there
stock vacuums versus heavily
modified vacuums? Yeah.
Yeah. So they have
taped off
Okay, so they have taped off lanes, and then each contestant has his own vacuum cleaner, and then has to clean that specific...
Oh, there's videos of it!
Oh, there is?
Yeah, close to the bottom.
This owns, though, actually.
Oh, goodbye marble racing.
This is the new way.
There's so many spectators for this event.
Oh, man.
Oh, man.
Oh, man.
It was in Spokane.
Wow.
It was in Spokane.
Man, you could have gone.
I could have.
Oh, man.
You got Kenny there
looking at a Eureka. You got Sean showing
us some vintage bags.
Okay, it looks like it's not a race.
They all just go up and down once
and they see which one was the cleanest.
It's still a competition, but it's a
cleanliness competition. That's even better. It's still a competition But it's a It's a cleanliness competition
That's even better
It's much better
So do you think there's any scandals if you mod your vacuum
Or are you supposed to
I would hope that there's brackets
You know
I'm just imagining one dude rolling up with an underlit vacuum
That's got hydraulics on it
Hey Imagine what it looks gets a gets a one
year ban for a wax vacuum imagine what that looks like when the uh people at the convention are
hanging out with each other if you guess guys sitting around not making eye contact and looking
at their phones you were right i wonder what that food is it looks gross all right all right we
got to get back i mean to be fair that's also about what half of f plus five yeah it's true
no well okay that's not yeah it's definitely familiar don't catch too many stones here mr
glass house um uh i'm one of the people looking at their phones to be clear. Scootie, your name is, I believe it's Sanitary Will.
I have always been into vacuums and have collected for about 20 years now.
I'm 30 and I'm not gay.
I have always loved and been addicted to women.
Okay.
Becoming less convincing as time
goes on, but continue.
I honestly find it very sexy
when I have a girlfriend
and she uses one of my
sanitaires.
I don't.
I'm lost by your jargon there.
My last ex-girlfriend surprised me for my birthday last year.
Yes.
I came home from work and she was vacuuming my living room with my 1986 Sanitaire SC886B in a miniskirt.
I don't know why you mentioned that detail.
It was awesome!
Lipstick on a pig.
Hold on, hold on.
Was she wearing the miniskirt or was the vacuum?
Okay, okay.
Okay, just came.
That was awesome.
Sexy girl using a sexy vacuum.
Unrelated, I always found the shape of the
800 series sanitaires,
especially 86's
beautiful.
That's not unrelated. That's super duper
related. Especially. Directly
related to what you just said. Especially
the shape of the hood.
And then
I don't even use a period. I just vanish.
Boots found a picture of it as just a normal ass vacuum cleaner
of course it is
wait wait
maybe do you plevians
okay you're right you're right you're right
it's like how I can't tell the difference in death metal
I just can't tell the difference in vacuum cleaners
yeah and you know what I fucking hate that vacuum cleaner
like those
oh god
yeah yeah stomp on it yeah I hate that vacuum cleaner. Oh, God. Whoa. Strong opinions.
Yeah, stomp on it.
You put a high heel juice and step on it.
Oh, my God.
I'm like the vacuum cleaner dominatrix, and I will step on your vacuum cleaner.
You're a clean little vacuum cleaner, aren't you?
And I'll drop shit all over the ground so you can vacuum it up with your vacuum cleaner.
Clips for sale?
You can barely vacuum this fucking stack of pennies, can you?
Ooh, I have a whole bunch of wasps in my pocket.
Achilles, your name is Kirby Dude.
You sure seem to like Kirbys.
Hey, Kirby Dude, do you like Kirbys at all?
Do you want to talk about Kirby's?
Welcome to Old Kirby's.
Just a message to share.
Once you have a Kirby fetish, always you have a Kirby fetish.
The old machines are the best machines.
The sound of a Kirby and the way the big bag looks when it's turned on is just sexy.
I had a good looking woman
cleaning with the hose and some of the attachments
and hearing the motor scream
up and down and
wah-wah.
Release me!
I make your motor
scream, baby.
Meatloaf?
Up and down and
wah-wah Heaven on earth
It's impossible not to watch and love
If you have a true Kirby fetish
This is
Oh my god
I don't even think you can buy a Kirby vacuum
Oh no I found some Kirby vacuum cleaners
Man that sounds great
Oh Trevor hates it though
Dang
What does Trevor say?
Trevor says, look at the profile of Kirby Dude
A very strange
And rather inarticulate posting
For someone born in 1955
No, that's exactly what I expect
Someone born in 1955 to post
Inarticulate old people on the internet?
Quote, a good-looking woman cleaning with a hose and attachments,
hearing the motors screen up and down while I'll have it on Earth.
I do not know how to interpret that other than blatantly sexually suggestive.
The last line in his profile, if you don't see things my way, look harder.
Kirby dude, if you really are a vacuum cleaner aficionado please feel free to
post here and share the passion we share if you are repelled by the fact that many of us posters
members here are gay well all i can say is well we'll play nice if you do that's been my experience
at least real name and then and then kirby dude uh you have a response there you're talking to
terry uh you you know give daft to terry which is nice uh but you have a response there You're talking to Terry
Give Daph to Terry which is nice
But you have a response there for Trevor
Thanks to Terry for being nice
You get an Elvis
Thank you very much
I have eight Kirby's form
The late 40's to a classic gold cover
To a green D80
A couple of the old ones are parts.
I paid $25 for all of them.
I got them from the husband of a wife who passed away and used to sell refurbs.
He wanted to clear his garage, so I got a good deal.
Trevor, you are far to proper.
Look at the ads for vacuum cleaners when women are used as models.
The skirts are flying in the air.
They have one leg dangling up.
Harlots!
They have a smile on their face.
Everyone has an opinion.
Thanks.
And I have opinions about QAnon.
So he was all caps in the previous one
and now he is zero caps.
Well, my dang grandkids don't want to defend themselves.
He has one cap.
He capitalizes the team things.
Yes, he did do that.
That was polite.
My dang grandkids broke my keyboard.
They did some kind of setting, and now all the big letters are small letters.
I don't quite know how to fix it.
Before moving into
the next section, we have
just a quick hit here. It's an
OP that says, the OP is
Why Am I Fascinated With Vacuum Cleaners? Blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah. More discussion about being
gay. What the fuck?
But anyway, GregVax28
says,
I came across this case on YouTube
a few days back.
Take a look at his video collection.
It's mostly fans, vacuums, and small appliances.
Some he demonstrates and often includes the proper names of appliances in the title.
Then he smashes them.
Yeah.
Am I wrong in thinking he is a frustrated, closeted, interest young person who's afraid to admit he has an interest in appliance?
I've seen videos of people who simply get off on damaging things.
They don't really care what they are. They certainly don't care
if models are there to demonstrate them they want to damage
a thing. Consider the state
he's from. Whoa.
Uh-oh. Oh my god.
And then someone keeps talking about the gay thing.
Ooh, this is...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's something.
Hey, F+.
Oh no.
It's time for poetry!
Yeah!
There's only one thing that it means when Lemon says,
Hey, F+, like that.
Oh, Secret Gage in 69.
You know, it's both quality and quantity here.
If you go to thefpl.us at this point, you can probably get It's Time for Poetry stickers.
Drawn by Puppy Time.
I think they'll probably be available by the time you hear this, unless they sell out.
Oh, good.
The puppy sold out in four days.
Anyway.
So, Frank West.
That's me.
Do you think you can give me your poem about your Eureka chrome top?
Yes.
I am Camelot's shadow.
My new Eureka chrome top.
I love her.
It was love at first sight when I spotted her standing stoically in the goodwill.
I ran over and put my arms around her, scooping her up so that no one else could claim my precious find.
Chalantly, I plugged her in to hear the voice.
They said this poetry reading would be quiet and no giggling for once.
Chalantly, I plugged her in to hear the four of her heartbeat.
She purred, and it was music to my ears.
I kept her close to me and under my watchful eye
as I breathlessly laid my money down.
And she was mine.
Carried her out to the faithful Volvo where she fit just right in the back seat.
Getting her cleaned up and soon will twirl a seven in the dance of dust.
I do love my Vax.
Okay, there's a come Lol
Hey, I'm BVAC6
Awesome
The dance of dust
That's hilarious
There's just nothing like chromon vacuums
It really dresses them up
Yeah, but it's just a reskinned safari.
Just for lemon.
Yeah, I feel like you're going to use chromium
in that particular case.
Maybe edge. Oh boy.
I've never found anything that classic
at a thrift store. My vacs
are like children.
I'm very protective of them.
As for dancing with vacuums, how about Cobweb Calypso, Dust Bunny Waltz, Tracton Tirt Tango, etc.
One step for dirt, one step for vacuum, step away.
Love, the brush roll.
Vibra Groom 1, replacement.
$50.
I knew she was special. Proper slam poetry at this point.
I knew she was special, but had no idea it was that old.
True old vacs are hard to find.
This is one of my best finds.
Only second to a mid-50s Hoover, upright and blue.
Love the deep roar of the motor.
The motor has a nice deep sound, too.
Have to clean up
the brush roll and area
underneath.
Pop on
a new belt.
And attach a
fresh wash bag.
And go for a spin.
Yeah!
Dance of Dust, dust eureka mambo
lol
this guy really loves writing poetry
i mean if i was that good at writing poetry, I'd love it too. Come on, Shadow.
Your vacuum poetry is sublime.
You describe the romance with a eureka.
Just perfect.
Oh, come on.
How do you spell eureka?
Wait, what?
Eureka's in your name.
Why are you spelling it wrong?
Oh, yeah, you're right. Your name's Eureka Prince!
Y-O-U space R-I-K-A.
It's like a King of Fighters character.
Yo, Eureka. Perfect.
The description of the motor hum and the brush roll vibration deserves a Pulitzer.
But the one thing you forgot to mention is that distinctive intoxicating Eureka Williams
aroma.
The entranced owner would be greeted with the unique scent when they first opened the
box and set eyes on the treasure within and then stayed with their vacs forevermore.
eyes on the treasure within, and then stayed with their vacs forever
more.
I can smell
a eureka bear floor
brush from miles
away.
Okay?
Hark!
Wait!
That's a scat!
The only difference with me is that for some reason, I always thought that my beloved Eurekas were men.
Oops. Too much information there.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Well, I guess you're just sort of being horny in the middle of this poetry thread, but that's fine.
Yeah.
You be you, man.
Hey, man, it's all about the experience of the poetry.
Whatever makes you feel, you know?
Touché.
Touché.
Touché.
Touché.
Guilty of having a Eureka moment.
So this is a joke where they just spell Eureka wrong?
Is that what's going on?
I mean, it's...
It's pretty good, though, you guys.
Is it a bad vacuum cleaner?
No, it's a good one. It's a good joke.
But that's Eureka.
Eureka.
Eureka.
So the way that the post is formatted, I thought it was another poem until later.
Okay, yeah, the Eureka is an actual brand of vacuum cleaner, so I guess it's like a don't take the Lord's name in vain kind of thing.
No graven images.
Well, you know, they have to be like the Scottish vacuum.
You can't say it or, you know.
Oh, I see.
I see.
Good luck with the vacuum.
No!
Yes, I can get down with the words, which was cathartic with this outburst, as it has been a while since I was so moved.
Guess wrestling with that bag removelle got me worked up.
Lol.
guess wrestling with that bag removelle got me worked up lol i'm not sure if i think vacs are he's or she's but that's just the way the words fell out
i can't get the sound slash vibration of the hoover i think model 63 from 1954
that's a he sound that sort of goes through your whole body. Bag is dry and just waiting for some spare time to clean the brush roll and area prop on a belt and take her out for a spin.
Hmm.
Maybe let him go for a ride.
Lol.
Lol.
Lol.
Lol.
It isn't until the very, very last post, or the very, very last
piece of content in this document that we learn
that vacuumland.org
has a sister site.
If you weren't
in deep enough, you
should know that vacuumland.org
has a sister site called
atomicwasher.org.
It looks the same!
Yeah, no, it's the same site design,
same forum software.
Oh, my God.
It's split up into Imperial, Deluxe, Super, Shoppers.
I can't read that font.
Gosh, do you think someone will make a doc from this for us?
Well, I don't know.
I don't know.
Oh, if only somebody...
I feel cautious about suggesting
Secret Gage in 69.
I mean, I would be surprised
if there was enough different stuff in here,
but, like, there definitely are pictures
of washing machines,
and they look real good.
And make a dock.
Squiddy, that's irresponsible.
The man has a problem.
Stop enabling him.
I'm just saying is all.
They have a picture of the date
and a patent of the day.
Hey, everybody.
The Dirty Laundry Forum
is a forum for upgraded adult members only.
Oh, my God.
Oh, no, I hope
nobody makes a
dock of the dirty laundry
forum. It's the
forum for anything that might be
controversial.
Oh no, don't
do that.
Hey, so everybody here fucks the
washing machine, right? That's why we're all in this
one? Yeah, cool.
None of it is this stuff, because this stuff was all publicly available, so everybody here fucks the washing machine, right? That's why we're all in this one? Yeah, cool. None of it is this stuff, because this stuff was all publicly available.
So I'm curious.
I'm definitely curious.
Anyway, Boots, this last poem here, because we don't have Jack Chick, so we can't get the one specifically for him.
But the last poem here comes from the sisterforumatomicwasher.org.
Yeah. My name is Ariston for him. But the last poem here comes from the sister forum, atomic washer.org. Yeah.
My name is Ariston for life.
And this poem is called.
Ariston.
Ariston for life.
Jesus.
It's like,
you don't even belong to the washing cleaner forums.
That's true.
Anyway,
this poem is called Washing Trouble.
The indecit struggles and the candy cries.
This is the future before our eyes.
Not bad.
The Electrolux moans, the Hoover squeaks, and the Beko can't stay on its feet.
That's good.
The Hotpoint whines and the Zanussi screeches.
The Frigidaire died from too many glitches.
Well, that was quite the de-evolution of a poem right there.
Good job.
The Miel lasts, but not forever.
Even the Ariston can't keep it together.
The Fajor freaks out in despair.
And how did the bendix get all the way over there?
The whirlpool bangs from wall to wall.
The service dances up the hall.
The bosh works, but only just.
Give it time and it will fail, just like the
many that did before.
Hey,
Boots, can you back
up two stanzas? I guess
I have one note, you know, take it or leave
it, but I just have one note.
Dance Hall Crashers
by Wang Chung.
I can't actually remember how that...
The world bangs from wall to wall.
That's good enough.
I'll just proceed.
And the bush works but
no okay
you've broken me lemon
yay
that's the last of us that was unbroken
that was it
mission accomplished
these days machine aren't meant to last that was unbroken. That was it. We're done. Mission accomplished.
These days machine aren't meant to last
and that, my friends,
it makes me sad.
Back in the day that
lasted forever and sadly
now they can't. But what
are we supposed to do?
But just sit and hope
our dreams will
come true.
Wow.
Standing up.
Wow.
I did not anticipate being like amused and then turned on and then just emotionally moved all in one episode.
And also I felt like it really shone a light back on us.
You know, it is a reflection back on us,
much like the chrome that's on top of a vacuum cleaner.
Are we not all just vacuums in the closets of our own lives?
You know, we're all made of vacuums.
You know what?
Society doesn't exist in vacuums, but vacuums
exist in society.
I think that's it, right?
Oh, shit.
F plus, what did we learn?
Like, I think that's it, right? Oh, shit. F plus, what did we learn? I think I love
vacuum cleaners.
Yeah, these guys are good.
More than washing machines?
I like these people.
Yeah, we've had a lot of fun here tonight.
I don't really like the gay stuff,
but everything else is great.
Okay, hold on.
Squiddy is not a fan of gay people.
Kind of wild to just say right now in 2020, but I...
Weird.
Shit.
Yeah, I mean, I feel like the...
What I liked
about this, because when we talked about it,
when we first discovered it, we talked about the flashlight forum,
how it seemed to be kind of similar to the flashlight forum,
which was a forum that kind of put our teeth on edge,
because it feels like you guys have a fetish,
but that shoe never drops.
It's kind of uncomfortable.
And the fact that they embrace a bunch of this other stuff, they're fixated, but they're also aware of uncomfortable. And the fact that they, like, embrace a bunch of this other stuff,
like, they're fixated,
but they're also aware of it,
which is great.
Like, go for it.
Go for it.
And also, like,
not the best forum in the world,
but, like, you built the forum by yourself.
That's awesome.
Yeah, and frankly,
it saves shit from the garbage
and collect it.
Why not?
Yeah, and, like,
Absolutely.
Like, on it, like,
the, like, taking old mechanical things and like
fixing them and liking them and learning about them it's like of all the nerd passions the one
that has definitely done the least harm to society hell yeah like like you know i like i like bioshock
too like i can't i can't disagree that like some of these old vacuum cleaners look cool they
definitely look cool i don't want to spend personally the time repairing them, but that's awesome that you do that.
Yeah, I would definitely say that of all the F-Less episodes that I've been a part of, this is all right.
These dudes are fine.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
But you were also in the one where people were putting cum in food.
Yeah, I did not like that.
Actually, I want to kind of call you guys out for that.
Website as always, thefpl.us.
Got merch over there.
Ball pit, blah, blah, blah.
And if garbage day hasn't happened, it's about to.
So that's fucking exciting.
Bye. Bye. Bye!
Bye!
Bye! Thank you. I think we really blew him away, folks.
Yeah. Yeah, folks. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
See, I put it.
It didn't.
No, it didn't suck.