The F Plus - 337: Living In A Vacuum

Episode Date: October 2, 2020

Five lucky ridiculists from The F Plus Podcast were selected to visit the forums of VacuumLand.Org and read what they found there. You’ll be happy to know that a love of vintage vacuum cleaners... totally isn’t a fetish, except for the times when it is. But they’ve got some pretty incredible vacuum collections that they bring to conventions, and also, eventually, it will be time for poetry. This week, The F Plus will need you to hide this in your closet for our boyfriend to smell.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Let me see you suck. There's a place where you could go if you want to have fun. There's a place for every need that you can think of. Watch TV and... Add this one to your collection. It's the F Plus Podcast. A terrible place with terrible things read with enthusiasm. In the room tonight we have Boots Reingear. Do you ever dream of Vax?
Starting point is 00:00:30 It happens to me quite often, dreaming of me in flea markets finding several Vax, especially in the most desired of mine. Achilles Heeles! When I bought my gold or yellow compact in the 70s, the salesman called it a gold pig with a 30-foot tail, Dan. They call him Frank West, but I call him Mr. Games. It's Frank West. Hate on new vacuums isn't coming from normal consumers. Vacuum land members are not like normal people. Squiddy! My beloved Dyson vacuum cleaner is full
Starting point is 00:00:58 of wasps, bees, etc. And lemon. Wow, Chase. The god of suction continues to smile on you. for the child all the things we cannot do without hey F plus hey I don't know if the rest of you have been paying attention to things that are happening but I sure haven't
Starting point is 00:01:41 and I've been thinking about how nice it would be to return to an earlier time. Yeah? Do you long to return back to an earlier time? Like you want to join the
Starting point is 00:01:57 SCA? Are we joining the SCA today? Are you inviting us to... We're really fun. We're really fun. But we practice three times a week, and that is mandatory. Is there mead? There is mead.
Starting point is 00:02:17 I make it myself. I'm in. Yeah, you must bow for the king. Who's the king? Steve. Steve, okay. Steveve i'm okay with uh yeah so uh you know i've been thinking about an earlier time and uh it was an earlier time that actually was made uh aware that we were made aware of very very recently um we uh we were doing an episode uh called doing
Starting point is 00:02:41 the robot that's episode 334 if you want to to look through. And as we were reading it, we came across a site called Vacuumland.com. Or, sorry,.org. Vacuumland.org is a fan site for vacuums. People who enjoy vacuums. They think vacuums are great. They want to enthuse about vacuums. vacuums. They think vacuums are great. They want to enthuse about vacuums.
Starting point is 00:03:07 And so we looked at that and we were surprised and before the episode even came out Secret Gage in 69 put together a document. Because that is one committed motherfucker. That's how great our fans are.
Starting point is 00:03:24 At least I won. It's how great our fans are. At least I won. It's how great our fan is. It's everyone else. There's luck along here. Through quantity, we're losing all of our other fans. Just by averages. We only have one giant one left. Welcome to the Secret Gagent cast.
Starting point is 00:03:43 Anywho, so we're going to be going to Vacuumland.org Because as I said A fan site for vacuums But also the owner Proprietor of Vacuumland.org Managed to actually
Starting point is 00:03:58 Build his own forums And by his own forums I mean this is all custom software The forums that power Vacuumland forums is all CGI that this guy wrote himself. Wow. Wow. I mean, he's a kindred spirit woman. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:13 Well, yeah, absolutely. Except for I'm not going to build forum software. But yeah, other than that. Especially not in CGI. Everything else. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Uh, the vacuum of the day, uh, is,
Starting point is 00:04:26 um, a GE, uh, floor polisher, uh, vacuum. Uh, Frank West has looked at this page 1000 times.
Starting point is 00:04:33 That's correct. Do it again. But, uh, but I'm going to, uh, start off just by a couple of the rules here of the, uh,
Starting point is 00:04:41 oh, it's called the Discusso Vac Forums. Um, so it's broken into some categories. You've got your vintage, your contemporary, your household, and your supermarket. Those are the four classifications of vacuums. And there's miscellanea, latest posts, and my posts.
Starting point is 00:04:56 I'm not really sure what that means. But anyway, forum rules. All information is to be used at your own risk. Look, just so you know what you're getting into once you get into the vacuum world. Exactly. Vacuum underground. There will be no use for profanity
Starting point is 00:05:16 on these forums. This will not be tolerated and can lead to immediate suspension. I don't see how anyone could follow that rule. It gets pretty heated. However, well, actually, now that you mention it, there's private slash upgraded forums, as these forums are for adults only. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:05:33 I can't wait to turn 18 and use the upgraded vacuum forum. Absolutely. Talk like an adult. There's a rule about sex and vulgar subjects and or pornography that has the same bisection there. You can post items for sale. That's okay. Posting quality.
Starting point is 00:05:53 There will be no text message style talk allowed in the postings. A minimum of 20 words per post will be required in most cases. You can't do inflammatory stuff. And then, you know, no spam. But let's dig right in. All the spam bots are just like, aw. Shit, he got us. Let's dig right into the Discussovac forums.
Starting point is 00:06:21 And then, let's see. I think Frank West, you're the New York City writer. I'm the New York Frank West you're the New York City writer I'm the New York City writer, hey New York City writer and I have to tell you I'm very glad I stumbled upon this board I really had no idea there were so many vacuum collectors out there
Starting point is 00:06:39 you know what, New York City writer, me too I'm glad I stumbled upon this board I had no idea. Agreed. I've always loved vacuums myself, but never had the time or space to really cultivate a collection. I do, however, have a small collection. Working collection, that is. A vintage telephone.
Starting point is 00:06:59 Boo! What? Get out! That's a long discussion. Fuck you! Oh, God. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:07:07 Anyways, my question here is, what drives you guys to collect vacuums is it a guy fascination for shiny electrical devices with motors and lights is it a yearning for a bygone era for gay men in particular is it a subconscious affinity
Starting point is 00:07:24 for appliances we associate with our mothers? Oh, wow. Oh, man. Wow. You just did that to yourself. You did. This forum's already going there, huh? Whoa. Huh. Okay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:07:39 I mean, I guess if you're the only one who believes in the stereotype, maybe you gotta prop it up yourself. Fair, fair, fair. Also, what is your ultimate endgame in cultivating your collections? End of the world. I have all the vacuums. I'm gonna fucking wrap the vacuum cleaner around my neck and go out like David Carradine. My god, director, he's reached the endgame.
Starting point is 00:08:06 Is the action of acquisition feeding a subconscious need? Do any of you have dreams of resurrecting, say, the Hoover Company to its former glory, building top quality appliances and employing legions of Americans once again? I'm just curious about what drives all you.
Starting point is 00:08:22 Love you guys. That feels like a question written by this second guy. Just so he could answer it. I'm Guardsman69! Hi. What you doing over there? What you doing over there with your caps lock key, buddy?
Starting point is 00:08:41 69in. What? Caps lock? Ah! I have been a one-man mission to restore Hoover Company to its former glory! Being their first and only recognized... Their first and only recognized
Starting point is 00:08:56 Hoover service product. She is six years old and sales dealer at nine! What? Why? They set the baby out on a cloth and it's like which item does he choose and he walks over the vacuum cleaner he's the one my god he's the quiz that's hot rock my hoover career began with the hoover family has spanned five owners in 38 years. I have worked all its incarnations and have contributed
Starting point is 00:09:27 and inspired many models and designs to their line, UPS. As for the TTI... UPS line of vacuum cleaners? Who knows? As for the TTI's six year span, I host their presidents and vice presidents and division heads on a regular basis. Oh dear.
Starting point is 00:09:45 Now we know where the 69 comes from. Well, they know how to suck, ha ha. Damn it, he got there before all of us. Fuck. Do you know how fucking much I was waiting for the opportunity to steal that one from all of you? Well, I'm the prodigy here. You guys can just record without me. Fuck it.
Starting point is 00:10:07 It's done. Bye, Frank. Come back, Frank. Honestly, this blows. Bye, Frank. You know what? You can't leave. That's okay. I build prototypes of units of the past to inspire future
Starting point is 00:10:23 product lines. The Hoover Anniversary Edition was born in my 218 East Drinker Street showroom in May 2007 and still is the number one selling floor care line after six years. I also fought and won to save the convertible line and created and inspired the Hoover Professional Collection. I don't know why he's going by his pseudonym. we can just clearly dox him from all of his many accomplishments i recently hosted our new and amazing president dan gregory and our own john long oh my god the name dropping is embarrassing oh come on if you have those names in your pocket you drop them too got to meet and visit with him. Which John truly enjoyed and even is getting any hoover of his choice from the upcoming new Upright Collection when available.
Starting point is 00:11:14 Guardsman 69 out. Thanks. Thanks, Guardsman 69. And then, Squiddy, you are Guido. Okay. Why collect vacuum cleaners? Ten good reasons. Not going for the Italian accent.
Starting point is 00:11:29 David Letterman, top ten. I could not maintain the Italian accent. You know that. You're the anti-bunny bread. That is so true. In so many ways. There's one thing we know about bunny bread that we can maintain. One.
Starting point is 00:11:49 Collecting butterflies or post stamps must be so boring. The only other option, so sure. Two. Collecting vacuum cleaners means being able to see a soul in an ordinary object like a vacuum cleaner. That ordinary people are usually unable to see. Three. I need to make an anime about you. How are there any more bullet
Starting point is 00:12:12 points? That seems... What is the anima of this Dyson? Three. Searching for certain old machines is a rare treasure hunt and finding a missing rare to find model has no price. Four. Vintage vacuum cleaners treasure hunt and finding a missing rare to find model has no price.
Starting point is 00:12:32 Four, vintage vacuum cleaners, like other everyday objects, are a reflection of a gone-by-times design and technique. We are proud to preserve a memory of it, even if it's from an unusual point of view. When you see them inside, how they were built, You get so much emotion for the good quality of materials, the intelligence and care of a then-modern, new, brilliant idea which came to life and was often handmade or hand-assembled by persons, not machines.
Starting point is 00:12:56 Around Europe or USA, China was still far to come. Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun, dun-dun-dun-dun, dun-dun-dun-dun, dun-dun-dun-dun. Restoration, five. Five. Restoration on older models takes time, experience, much information, and care, and can be very relaxing. Six.
Starting point is 00:13:19 Vacuum cleaners are probably the most interesting electrical devices. Hmm. Ooh. Okay. Okay. The most, yeah, probably, probably the most interesting electrical devices. Hmm. Oh. Okay. Okay. The most, yeah, probably, probably the most interesting. Probably. Probably.
Starting point is 00:13:28 In a normal vintage household, they move, light up, transform into something else, and vroom. Okay. Well, okay. Now I'm on it. Yep. Now I can see it. Seven.
Starting point is 00:13:42 Seven. You should see the face of your guests when you show them your vacuum cleaner collection. The one time they come over, I assume. Would you like to see my Dyson? Eight, the more time passes and the more difficult it is to find some older models Would you like to see my Dyson? Eight. The more time passes and the more difficult it is to find some older models in their original spare parts. It is really a great challenge.
Starting point is 00:14:15 Oh, kind of scarcity. Okay. Nine. Vacuum cleaners or floor polishers were not created for display or collecting reasons like a beautiful vase. Why not? Why didn't they do that? That should have been part of the original plan. Indeed.
Starting point is 00:14:35 They did not anticipate us like a beautiful vase, a picture, a chandelier. Their destiny is usually service. And they were often discarded when not working properly anymore or replaced with smaller lighter models we love to give them a new life and opportunity people threw away electronics in the past i'm a little worried about the vacuum cleaner uprising at this point okay 10 i don't know if there's a subconscious affinity for appliances we associate with our mothers. Could be.
Starting point is 00:15:09 But for sure, there's a sort of imprinting from the early years. We all remember the first vacuum cleaners in our life. The guilty ones when it all began. Italian friend and massive vorwerk collector. I'm probably pronouncing that wrong. And we're going to get vacuum cleaner heads in the... Hell yeah! That sounds great! That sounds great! Come on in! Vacuum cleaner heads! Like all the requests we've had to make a
Starting point is 00:15:32 separate forum for vacuum cleaner enthusiasts. We keep turning them down, but I feel like with this episode, we're just going to get so many more. Listen, man, we know what happens when we let you guys congregate, okay? You know, one or two at a time, that's fine.
Starting point is 00:15:48 You get a group together, you got trouble. So you want me to continue with the name drop here? I hope so, only if they're great names. Okay, it's the Italian friend and massive vorwerk collector Tommy Milan. Whoa. With a hyphen in it for some reason? Yeah. Visited me in December and brought me the best Christmas present ever. The Italian Lisa 1957 floor polisher model L-E-S-A-L-U slash one.
Starting point is 00:16:19 Slash one? Yeah. That I'd been searching for for at least six years. So, after collecting every old advertising about this machine for years, I finally got one. Oh, yes. It's the blue on the middle. Yes. I also spent a wonderful Sunday with Tommy, a very kind and funny person in a giant flea market, and enjoyed a great Chinese meal.
Starting point is 00:16:44 What more? What more could you want? Literally nothing. That's the life, man. Vacuums and Chinese food. I take this occasion to share this picture of this beautiful machine with you. And here it is. Wow.
Starting point is 00:16:57 Wow. Wow. Wow. That was quite the machine. Wow. I like that he artfully flanked it with two other vacuums. Just so you know, I have other vacuum cleaners. All right. So we're going to be going to another thread here. This is thread number 23,152.
Starting point is 00:17:22 Shut up. Oh, God. Again, it is custom-built software. Yeah, so thread number 23,152 starts off with a photo of a child from Awkward Family Photos. That's the OP. Not particularly interesting,
Starting point is 00:17:40 but he's just the OP there, Electrolux 137, uh, starts to talk about, you know, what it was like growing up, uh, really being into, um, uh, vacuums and, and asked other people to share their stories and, and boots. Uh, Anthony had an aunt. Is that right? Anthony had an aunt. Yes. Yes.
Starting point is 00:18:03 Uh, yes, that's true. I'm Anthony. I had an aunt. Yes, yes. Yes, that's true. I'm Anthony. I had an aunt who hated my interest in vacuums when I was a boy so much, so both her and her husband would call me silly names. Whoa. Puff queer spring to mind. When I was 11 years old i paid her back by changing the wires round and the plug on her twin tub and electrocuting her she never teased me again because she was dead
Starting point is 00:18:33 okay okay so this is a horror movie directed by john waters okay are we a true crime podcast now? And why is there so much homophobia by these vacuum cleaner people? Anthony seemed like he was a regular 11-year-old, but he harbored a dark secret. No, the lethal twin tub didn't kill her. If only she had been touching the taps at the time. But it did throw her across the kitchen, bouncing her off the cooker and causing her to be deaf in one ear for the rest of her life. And then everyone in the GameStop applauded. I forgot at the beginning of that to say hi again. My name is Brian Kirby, class.
Starting point is 00:19:30 My mother was not thrilled with my love of vacuums as a child, comma, comma, and was ashamed and embarrassed about it. She would not even talk about vacuum cleaners when I was around or let me talk about it. She considers a vacuum cleaner to be nothing more than a fancy garbage can. How dare she? She even went as far as making sure I was
Starting point is 00:19:53 not there or included when the time came to buy a new vacuum when I was a kid! Oh my god. Something I never forgot! I've told her in later years that's the one thing she could have done to make me forever
Starting point is 00:20:11 happy. Forever happy. You fucked up as a mother in this one specific event. Forever happy. Yeah, if you would have been able to buy a vacuum cleaner with his mom, everything else would have been fine. My son,
Starting point is 00:20:36 please, I don't have long left. I just want to let you know that thing about the vacuum cleaner is still stupid. I'm sorry. I'm really not sorry about it. You were like six, dude. I'm at peace now. Yeah, she just grunted and walked off shaking her head.
Starting point is 00:21:00 Would it have been such a crime to let a six or seven-year-old come to the store with you? Yeah, maybe. Oh, well. I got my wish in revenge, and in the end, several years later, when I was able to drive and had my own money, I took that awful machine she bought, and I traded it for
Starting point is 00:21:17 a machine I wanted, as I was the one who did all the vacuuming, of course. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah my god. Oh my god. Yeah! My revenge is as cool as that other guy's revenge. Yeah. She was miffed, but she never mentioned
Starting point is 00:21:33 it again. After I told her, since I'm the one that does the vacuuming, she wouldn't touch a vacuum cleaner if her life depended on it. I should be at least able to have the one I liked. We never discussed it again. And it never haunted me.
Starting point is 00:21:50 My father was no help either. Comma comma. Every comma is twice. He was indifferent. Comma comma. Didn't care one way or the other. Comma comma. But both grandmothers possessive and most of my, the rest of my family loved the fact that I was interested
Starting point is 00:22:06 in vacuums, comma comma. And would you let me use theirs whenever I visited, comma comma. In fact, single comma, I did most all of the vacuuming at one grandma's house, comma comma. She loved and appreciated the fact that she didn't have to do it.
Starting point is 00:22:21 Hey, that's my time. Brian Kirby, you're right. Living well is the best revenge maybe better than electrocuting your aunt maybe maybe hey i'm g sheen i am not sure my mother ever understood she let me play with the vacuum as a child but I also remember her telling me to stop this obsession if my gran, dad's side cut out pictures of vacuums from magazines for me, she would get upset with them
Starting point is 00:22:53 for supporting my enthusiasm huh, okay my teachers at school gave me a hard time about it too the one person who really supported me my dad, Derek A oh sorry, my dad Derek A Awesome Man
Starting point is 00:23:08 who I only I can only wish to emulate as I grow older he would take me to every store to see the vacuums organized for me to see all the vacuums at his work get me pamphlets and brochures on any vacuum he could
Starting point is 00:23:24 spent his Saturdays taking me to vacuum repair shops around Cape Town He organized a tour of the Electrolux factory when I was 14 And helped me secure a job in my school holidays there What a handsome vacuum, that's my dad The friends that tease me at school now support my business holidays there. What a handsome vacuum. That's my dad. The friends that tease me at school now support my business. And those teachers all buy their vacuums from me. Life is a funny thing.
Starting point is 00:23:56 Now I have the power. I have to say, though, this is kind of like therapy. Now I'm having all these weird vacuum memories from childhood. Like, please tell me I'm not the only one that's going through that right now. Oh, shit. Oh, no. Somebody else goes through there.
Starting point is 00:24:19 The post from one squiddy on here, I see. I mean, I could legit talk about my dyson for about 10 minutes but i'm not gonna do that all right well that's fine sidecast uh next thread here is called uh vacuuming up wasps comma bees uh etc that's post 28 332 uh hel, what you got there? Hi, I'm Nick Clonick. I'm in Bonnie Lake, Washington, and here's an unusual subject.
Starting point is 00:24:52 Today, I went to my mom's apartment for dinner. While we were eating, we heard something buzzing near the ceiling lights. I looked up, and it was a wasp! Gasp! So after eating, I whipped out the Dyson plugged it in it was still on
Starting point is 00:25:08 and scared the heck out of me grabbed the hose and vacuumed up the wasp now it's trapped inside the canister and still alive oh oh dear what you got there is a wasp gun now
Starting point is 00:25:23 do you think a vacuum cleaner would be an effective weapon against bees, wasps, yellow jackets, and the like? I couldn't get a good picture of the wasp inside the Dyson canister. Okay, so this is a good opportunity for me to talk about my Dyson.
Starting point is 00:25:40 Oh. Thank God. Alright. It's really great. I got my head cut between my palms and my hands. Good. Thank you. So it looks like a Gears of War gun.
Starting point is 00:25:57 Okay, well, now I'm interested. Yes, I know. It has a chainsaw bayonet, right? Right. It has a chainsaw bayonet. My gaze just went from sort of looking over your shoulder. I just suddenly snapped and I'm making full eye contact. Yes.
Starting point is 00:26:10 It's disconcerting, to be honest. It has a trigger. So it's like you're really using a gun. It's a canister and it's about like maybe two and a half, three feet long. And it has a trigger so you can walk around shooting it like a gun. It scares the shit out of my dog, which is fun. And it's amazing. I'm not going to talk about how it works or anything,
Starting point is 00:26:34 but when I hold it in my hand, I feel like a big, strong woman who's going to vacuum. I think you found your home, Squiddy. Okay, well, maybe after the recording, Squiddy, maybe after the recording, you could talk to me about it for a bit. I could take maybe a picture of it. Let's just ditch
Starting point is 00:26:52 these guys right now. Okay. Alright, catch you later. Hey, I'm Columbus. Hey, Columbus. I have just to say. James and Marcus, it certainly has its pros and cons. I have an adorable little miniature dachshund who is so inquisitive at anything moving.
Starting point is 00:27:21 A wasp tackled her and her little head swelled up twice its size. Tackled? A wasp tackled your dachshund? Yes. Okay. Were the wasp and the dachshund playing football at the time? Yes. Okay.
Starting point is 00:27:40 I think Columbus might use Google Translate. I don't know. Maybe. To me, she is my child and goes to work with me and I travel where I go. After a Celesta mind shot, she settled, but yes, in protection of my child. Wasps certainly need to be watched. By only killing it,
Starting point is 00:28:01 I found that there is usually a nest somewhere hidden underneath a sideboard table or chair, and more effective to follow it than bring in Kirby or Hoover, something with metal fan, as the nest is a mud-like cocoon. I had no idea that Kirby was an actual line of vacuum cleaner. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense. There must have been a lawsuit with Nintendo at some point, right? I don't know. I should probably know that, and I don't. Okay, never mind.
Starting point is 00:28:35 Sorry. I mean, it's just like a proper name versus a patented, I don't know. I guess. I mean, the thing that stands out is that, like, you know, the F+, as well as several other websites, are made in a software called Kirby. And finding documentation is very painful. Kirby was named after a lawyer who defended them so that they could keep the Donkey Kong copyright. Oh, that's fascinating. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:00 So now you know that. Thanks, Frank. You're welcome. Okay. Yeah, so now you know that. Thanks, Frank. You're welcome. Okay.
Starting point is 00:29:10 Strangely that you mentioned that killing a bee is not a good gesture to nature. Many people think that way. Yes. And as a matter of fact, once a bee stings someone or something, it dies. Like with a snake, I also believe the only good wasp is a dead one. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, one. And then actual name. Very interesting. Thanks. Actual name.
Starting point is 00:29:32 There's a lot of South African vacuum cleaner fans. I have one check rate slash like. Yeah. I'm not really sure what a check rate is. Check rate. Check rate. Check rate. So in this next thread here, Squiddy, you're a Sebo fan.
Starting point is 00:29:52 Frank West, you are Kirby's the best. And Healy's, your mark's here. But I just have a question I want to ask you here. My name is VacuumSuck213. Oh, VacuumSuck. VacuumSuck, yeah, VacuumSuck213. VacuumSuck. Anyway, so word for the nones.
Starting point is 00:30:23 I watched a movie today. Maybe you've all heard of it. It's called Harry Potter. Well, in that they call non-magic people muggles. What would you call non-vacuum lovers? Who else? Honkers or heifers? How about dirty?
Starting point is 00:30:40 Dusty? We should call them the Durstys. Oh, they keep rolling, rolling, rolling. Because this is a clean website, I cannot write it on here, but those who know me know exactly what words I'm thinking. Oh my god.
Starting point is 00:30:59 Yeah. I save all my worst epithets for the people that don't like vacuum cleaners. All right. Okay. So this is about vacuum cleaners in films and movies. My name is Super Sweeper. And hi, all.
Starting point is 00:31:17 The original thread is no longer posted, Cy. I've taken the liberty to start this new one. I am way overdue to list the vacuums I've seen. It keeps coming up in my Google calendar. Let's start off with the lesser interesting cleaners. On an episode of the A&E Neckwards Storage Wars Texas, the Victor one pulled a unit from a Kirby 500 series in red with a replacement tan bag,
Starting point is 00:31:40 then making the statement of, looks as this thing's ready for the recycling bin, terrible! Now the Twilight Zone, on an episode of Mr. Dingle the Strong, see link, a vacuum cleaner salesman is given the super strength under the observation
Starting point is 00:31:55 of visitors from Mars, pausing the video at 1.15, reveals this neat looking vacuum of a vacuum. Similar drums to that of a filter queen, almost, but with a motor protruding from the top and attachments around said motor.
Starting point is 00:32:16 Anyone willing to hazard a guess? Definitely not one on your local market, but only one available at your local wards. Said wards only available in the Twilight Zone. Ha ha ha. Ugh. And then
Starting point is 00:32:38 let's take Dyson Man 1, please. Dyson Man. I'm Dyson Man 1. Check. Yeah, yeah. Dyson Man. I'm Dyson Man 1. Check out the movie Reefer Madness, made about 10 years ago. It's a musical. However, over half of the movie takes place in a 1930s living room. And there's a Hoover 725 sitting on its own oriental rug through most of the movie.
Starting point is 00:33:06 What did you think of the movie there, Dyson Man? Did you like the movie? I liked the vacuum cleaner! I only saw the last half, because the first half, well, I was just sort of distracted, I don't know. Helios, take MJM 0424. Just saw the movie with jane wyman and loot the
Starting point is 00:33:29 loot the ring-a-ding girl is maggie mcnamara the ring-a-ding girl the ring-a-ding girls are maggie mcnamara she was in a film called the moon is blue with bill holden and david nevin quite controversial for its day because the word virgin is mentioned. Oh dear. Also in the film there's a scene in David Niven's apartment where the tub runs over. Niven and Holden get some towels in the linen slash broom closet and mop it up and you can see a Hoover 29 in the closet. Oh!
Starting point is 00:33:59 Why doesn't this site have a movie review section? It's like the Mr. Skin for vacuums. Yeah, absolutely. Rewind. 235. Scarlett Johansson's vacuum, dude. You get a full on shot.
Starting point is 00:34:21 Full side vacuum, man. Full frontal vacuum. Hey, I'm gotta have a hoof. You are. Gotta have a hoof. God. Those are names I love. You'll see a Hoover
Starting point is 00:34:46 constellation in John Waters' Female Troubles, starring Divine as Dawn Davenport. She gives birth and chews the umbilical cord right next to it. Oh! Okay, I also
Starting point is 00:35:02 remember that scene from Female Trouble. Because of the vacuum, right? But you and I remember that scene from Female Trouble. Because of the vacuum, right? But you and I remember that scene very differently. Oh, was it not a Hoover? I feel like I remember it being a Hoover. I don't know, maybe if I watch it again, maybe I would appreciate some of the subtext that Mr. Waters put in this film.
Starting point is 00:35:20 I'm going to tell you, like from now on, anytime I see a vacuum in a movie, I'm just going to be scared. Oh my God, yes. Oh, no, we've done this to everybody, too. There's a certain allure to this website. I'll tell you why.
Starting point is 00:35:37 Look, great scene, everybody. Divine did a great job chewing through that cord. I just think we need to make the vacuum cleaner more in focus. I feel like that's really important to this scene. I feel like a lot of people aren't going to notice. I guess, but then we'll have to, you know, sort of like blur out Divine. That's alright. She doesn't really pop for the
Starting point is 00:35:56 camera, Annie. The camera does not enjoy her. Okay. So I have a very, very, very long post that I've titled Psychic Connections. My name is Charles. Okay, now I'm going to go out on a limb and ask a very strange question. Have any of you heard of or do you think you have sweeper psychic connections? Okay, I thought it was weird.
Starting point is 00:36:26 What I mean is back in the day when I did a lot of thrift shopping, all I had to do was walk in the store and stand there for a moment. If there was anything exciting in there, vacuum cleaner-wise, I would get mildly excited. Sort of a tingly feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Starting point is 00:36:43 Same feeling I had when I was a little boy and I'd go exploring in one of the church lady's homes and find an Electrolux or a Kirby or especially an Electrolux polisher. Stronger that feeling was, the more I just knew that there was an amazing
Starting point is 00:37:00 find in there. When it was a polisher that was tucked away, I always knew it. Sometimes it's like some real digging and sleuthing and poking around. And when there was some other people with me, they'd think that I lost my mind when I'd announce, there's an Electrolux polisher in here somewhere. You need to walk in the door. Poke up his nose like a dog.
Starting point is 00:37:30 And just scurry in one direction. Hi, I'm Marcy. This is my boyfriend, Charles. There's an electrical explosion right here. Charles, no. No, Charles, come on. I've been trying to get him to do small talk for at least 15 minutes before he goes and looks for your vacuum. There's time for that later.
Starting point is 00:37:48 Priorities, woman. He's usually he's usually he's been so good recently. I'm sorry about this. I deserve a treat. If you could just take this small handheld vacuum and hide it in the closet. OK, yeah. So then I'd look until I found it. After a while, they'd say, oh, come on, there's obviously not one here. Then I'd look under a rank of blankets or housecoats and something there would be. It's Ghost Hunters.
Starting point is 00:38:22 I could tell you story after story like this, of walking into a thrift shop or junk store, a garage sale, an old vac shop, and knowing whether it would be worthwhile to do a lot of scrounging around there. I do know that a couple of other hardcore collectors have experienced this with their most beloved machines because we have talked about it over the years.
Starting point is 00:38:42 With me, it's always been about the polishers. Don't ask me why, but from as far back as I can remember, I've been absolutely obsessed with them. I told a long, boring story here that SecretGage and 69 cut out. My mom has kidded that she thinks my association with the waxer is because it reminds me of flying saucers. Another interest I've had as a child, but that's a story for another forum.
Starting point is 00:39:10 And then I made a joke, I guess. Oh, come on. Okay. Q. Theramon. Ooh-ee-oo. Yeah, yeah. You glad I read that, Helios? Yeah, was that worth it? It was worth it. That's what Theramon sounds like. Well, it's me, Aeolian Dave. Boy, oh, boy.
Starting point is 00:39:29 Can I get some Aeolian on this, Dave? Yeah. Hi, Marty. It's Dave who is an Aeolian. Yeah. Oh, from the planet of Aeolian. Maybe a Martian? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:39:41 Sure. Yeah. Aeolian Dave. Boy, oh, boy. Somebody named Aeolian Dave. Boy, oh boy. Somebody named Aeoli and also a person named Ave. Aeoli and Ave. Aeoli and Ave.
Starting point is 00:39:57 One likes vacuums, the other is locked inside. Until he likes vacuums more. Boy, oh boy. I go to work for a few hours and this thread explodes. I echo Pete and Charles as a firm believer in the personal, logically unexplainable events, but I was there and saw it for myself. You know, that thing. Episodes. I just know there's a pony under that pile.
Starting point is 00:40:30 Psychotic episodes? I don't know. There's a pony under that pile. It's a pure pleasure to be among such company of avid seekers. Oh, man. My twinkle is associated with anything
Starting point is 00:40:46 to do with pipe organ pieces. Late 1800s quack boxes and medical devices and, of course, anything mechanically slash electrically in tree queen. I mean, I get it, actually. That's
Starting point is 00:41:02 kind of cool. But is he allowed to talk about pipe organs? Oh, God, they're getting to Lemon. Yeah get it, actually. That's kind of cool. But is he allowed to talk about pipe organs? Oh, God, they're getting to Lemon. Yeah, sorry, sorry. I'm going to join the pipe organ for him. Well, Lemon, I think he means, by twingle, I think he means, like, paranormal connection. Okay, now I don't get it anymore, sorry. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:21 Perhaps some of my rerouted brain circuitry response to the faint residual half-life neutronical emanations. What? You want to talk about your electroshock therapy? He's about to. Yeah, I made that word up. It's a joke. I credit the twingle to all those electric sockets I three-leaning stuck metal objects into. Oh!
Starting point is 00:41:46 Oh! Oh! Oh, that's your own electroshock therapy that you did yourself. You self-administered electroshock therapy. It's the ghost of personal body trauma. Well, someone had to do it. Might as well be me. Aeoli, but not Dave.
Starting point is 00:42:06 I'm saving the state so much money. You're welcome, NHS. I'm going to assume everyone's British, right? This guy's Canadian, actually. So I thirdly stuck objects into to complete the circuit from tauthood to adolescence. from tauthood to adolescence. I learned about the resistance and flammability of various materials in this way. Oh gosh, this is like a precocious 14-year-old, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:42:36 Like, this language is too poetic. I mean, if you put that much stuff in sockets that long you might always be stuck in that state yeah I don't know he's got the twingles there's that since I'm the only one who's thin and short with blue eyes in my family I must be a foundling thing
Starting point is 00:42:58 this is absolutely not true of course I was showered with buckets of love and encouragement by mom and dad but early on I set out on a different path and the family saw coming. Ooh, I'm fun. Huh. Huh. I tell few about my interests because once started, I reached a fever pitch of enthusiasm for the subject and most listeners glazed over and politely excused themselves.
Starting point is 00:43:23 Yes, we've been trying to do themselves. Dave? Dave? Dave? Am I talking to Dave or am I talking to Aeolian right now? There is no Dave, only Aeolian. Vroom vroom. It's enough to take something unfixable and return it to them fixed.
Starting point is 00:43:44 But get two kindred spirit folks together and they have no need of social indulgence from... Standers-by. Hmm. Hmm. Um. Tell me this. They have no need of social indulgence by Standers-by. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:44:01 So the family story... And you're from Canada. Okay. So the family story The family story is how Davey got a tin plate Flying helicopter attached to a hand crank By a long spiral cable For his fifth Christmas What fucking decade That's the story they tell all the time
Starting point is 00:44:15 Every Christmas Easter Remember how Davey got a tin plate flying helicopter Attached to a hand crank So is Davey from The fucking 20s or is he from the future I'm not really sure yes yes just not would play with anything else all day when it stopped working I took it apart after dinner in my room using things for my mom's sewing kit and
Starting point is 00:44:39 fixed it then there was my dear cat Austin who looked like no other cat in the neighborhood who crossed the road in front of my car on the way home and paused on the curb one minute later I pulled in the driveway up half a block to be
Starting point is 00:44:51 told by neighbors to instruct and killed by a car three hours earlier that was 15 years ago and since then all my kittens and cats have been indoor or outdoor or
Starting point is 00:45:01 on the screen porch only and so it goes thank you for sharing stories and links dang how did I miss that white and gold polisher Dave of cats have been indoor or outdoor or on the screen porch only. And so it goes. Thank you for sharing stories and links. Dang, how did I miss that white and gold polisher, Dave? Oh, thanks, Dave, I guess. Oh my god, Dave. I like
Starting point is 00:45:16 the cat story, though, Dave. So that section Secret Gageon has titled Aeolian Dave and the Twingle. There's more Twingle-related content in the document on THTFBL.us, but the next section
Starting point is 00:45:32 is called, yes, it is a fetish. Oh, thank God. I've been edging this whole time, thank God. Okay, yeah, so Do you know how hard it is to edge with a vacuum get fucking to it actually yeah no that makes sense you should see a doctor that's not great
Starting point is 00:45:55 yeah no it's a it's a problem uh anyway uh these are my new finds and yet another gay collector is there a link uh Uh, I'm Edgar. Hi, hi. Uh, a few of the latest, a few pics of the latest finds. I'll be moving to another house next month, so it may be a bit quick, a bit quit, but I will be back. Is it just me or are a lot of vacuum collectors gay? I know a few collectors in person and all of them are gay.
Starting point is 00:46:22 Funny. Could be there as a link. This is the new Finds a Vampire 502 and a Phillips P50 both from the mid-80s. And then the return of Dyson Man. Was that you, Boots? I think that was you, right?
Starting point is 00:46:40 Yes. Dyson Man! Dyson Man! Dyson Man. If you count my time, six years, as president of the Vacuum Cleaner Collectors Club, as well as a curator of the Vacuum Cleaner Museum, I've met thousands... Googling both those fucking things.
Starting point is 00:46:59 I've met thousands of guys who are dedicated vacuum collectors. Every single one of them has been gay. Some didn't know it at the time. But I told them. The first
Starting point is 00:47:16 the big featured article on vacuumcleanercollectorsclub.org is, Who the heck collects vacuums? And then the second one is you collect vacuums. Join us. But they have an annual convention. So it's like a gay recruiting thing.
Starting point is 00:47:34 This is evangelical nightmare. But it is always manifested itself sooner or later. Don't know why. Of all the collectors I've met and spoken at length about this, we all seem to share a common childhood with relation to vacuums, finding them in the storage closet at homes of relatives and friends of our parents, etc., standing at amazement at the vacuum display at stores, remembering the demonstration vividly of a door-to-door cleaner,
Starting point is 00:48:05 watching the salesman at Sears demonstrate cleaners, etc. I imagined there would actually be a straight vacuum collector somewhere. Cast him out! Oh my god! So, while Boots was reading,
Starting point is 00:48:22 we were spending some time on some other sites. The 35th annual Vacuum Cleaners Club Convention will be in Atlanta, Georgia, June 11th through June 13th, 2020. Footnote, event has been rescheduled due to the coronavirus. We are planning to have the convention in Atlanta in 2021. I hope that that means that they had a virtual Zoom conference appreciating vacuum cleaners. The problem is with all the vacuums going, it gets so fucking loud on the Zoom call. They have vacuuming
Starting point is 00:48:50 competitions? It looks like it. Are there different classifications? Are there stock vacuums versus heavily modified vacuums? Yeah. Yeah. So they have taped off Okay, so they have taped off lanes, and then each contestant has his own vacuum cleaner, and then has to clean that specific...
Starting point is 00:49:13 Oh, there's videos of it! Oh, there is? Yeah, close to the bottom. This owns, though, actually. Oh, goodbye marble racing. This is the new way. There's so many spectators for this event. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:49:35 Oh, man. Oh, man. It was in Spokane. Wow. It was in Spokane. Man, you could have gone. I could have. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:49:47 You got Kenny there looking at a Eureka. You got Sean showing us some vintage bags. Okay, it looks like it's not a race. They all just go up and down once and they see which one was the cleanest. It's still a competition, but it's a cleanliness competition. That's even better. It's still a competition But it's a It's a cleanliness competition
Starting point is 00:50:05 That's even better It's much better So do you think there's any scandals if you mod your vacuum Or are you supposed to I would hope that there's brackets You know I'm just imagining one dude rolling up with an underlit vacuum That's got hydraulics on it
Starting point is 00:50:23 Hey Imagine what it looks gets a gets a one year ban for a wax vacuum imagine what that looks like when the uh people at the convention are hanging out with each other if you guess guys sitting around not making eye contact and looking at their phones you were right i wonder what that food is it looks gross all right all right we got to get back i mean to be fair that's also about what half of f plus five yeah it's true no well okay that's not yeah it's definitely familiar don't catch too many stones here mr glass house um uh i'm one of the people looking at their phones to be clear. Scootie, your name is, I believe it's Sanitary Will. I have always been into vacuums and have collected for about 20 years now.
Starting point is 00:51:18 I'm 30 and I'm not gay. I have always loved and been addicted to women. Okay. Becoming less convincing as time goes on, but continue. I honestly find it very sexy when I have a girlfriend and she uses one of my
Starting point is 00:51:38 sanitaires. I don't. I'm lost by your jargon there. My last ex-girlfriend surprised me for my birthday last year. Yes. I came home from work and she was vacuuming my living room with my 1986 Sanitaire SC886B in a miniskirt. I don't know why you mentioned that detail. It was awesome!
Starting point is 00:52:07 Lipstick on a pig. Hold on, hold on. Was she wearing the miniskirt or was the vacuum? Okay, okay. Okay, just came. That was awesome. Sexy girl using a sexy vacuum. Unrelated, I always found the shape of the
Starting point is 00:52:26 800 series sanitaires, especially 86's beautiful. That's not unrelated. That's super duper related. Especially. Directly related to what you just said. Especially the shape of the hood. And then
Starting point is 00:52:42 I don't even use a period. I just vanish. Boots found a picture of it as just a normal ass vacuum cleaner of course it is wait wait maybe do you plevians okay you're right you're right you're right it's like how I can't tell the difference in death metal I just can't tell the difference in vacuum cleaners
Starting point is 00:52:57 yeah and you know what I fucking hate that vacuum cleaner like those oh god yeah yeah stomp on it yeah I hate that vacuum cleaner. Oh, God. Whoa. Strong opinions. Yeah, stomp on it. You put a high heel juice and step on it. Oh, my God. I'm like the vacuum cleaner dominatrix, and I will step on your vacuum cleaner.
Starting point is 00:53:17 You're a clean little vacuum cleaner, aren't you? And I'll drop shit all over the ground so you can vacuum it up with your vacuum cleaner. Clips for sale? You can barely vacuum this fucking stack of pennies, can you? Ooh, I have a whole bunch of wasps in my pocket. Achilles, your name is Kirby Dude. You sure seem to like Kirbys. Hey, Kirby Dude, do you like Kirbys at all?
Starting point is 00:53:44 Do you want to talk about Kirby's? Welcome to Old Kirby's. Just a message to share. Once you have a Kirby fetish, always you have a Kirby fetish. The old machines are the best machines. The sound of a Kirby and the way the big bag looks when it's turned on is just sexy. I had a good looking woman cleaning with the hose and some of the attachments
Starting point is 00:54:08 and hearing the motor scream up and down and wah-wah. Release me! I make your motor scream, baby. Meatloaf? Up and down and
Starting point is 00:54:24 wah-wah Heaven on earth It's impossible not to watch and love If you have a true Kirby fetish This is Oh my god I don't even think you can buy a Kirby vacuum Oh no I found some Kirby vacuum cleaners Man that sounds great
Starting point is 00:54:43 Oh Trevor hates it though Dang What does Trevor say? Trevor says, look at the profile of Kirby Dude A very strange And rather inarticulate posting For someone born in 1955 No, that's exactly what I expect
Starting point is 00:55:02 Someone born in 1955 to post Inarticulate old people on the internet? Quote, a good-looking woman cleaning with a hose and attachments, hearing the motors screen up and down while I'll have it on Earth. I do not know how to interpret that other than blatantly sexually suggestive. The last line in his profile, if you don't see things my way, look harder. Kirby dude, if you really are a vacuum cleaner aficionado please feel free to post here and share the passion we share if you are repelled by the fact that many of us posters
Starting point is 00:55:32 members here are gay well all i can say is well we'll play nice if you do that's been my experience at least real name and then and then kirby dude uh you have a response there you're talking to terry uh you you know give daft to terry which is nice uh but you have a response there You're talking to Terry Give Daph to Terry which is nice But you have a response there for Trevor Thanks to Terry for being nice You get an Elvis Thank you very much
Starting point is 00:55:57 I have eight Kirby's form The late 40's to a classic gold cover To a green D80 A couple of the old ones are parts. I paid $25 for all of them. I got them from the husband of a wife who passed away and used to sell refurbs. He wanted to clear his garage, so I got a good deal. Trevor, you are far to proper.
Starting point is 00:56:21 Look at the ads for vacuum cleaners when women are used as models. The skirts are flying in the air. They have one leg dangling up. Harlots! They have a smile on their face. Everyone has an opinion. Thanks. And I have opinions about QAnon.
Starting point is 00:56:40 So he was all caps in the previous one and now he is zero caps. Well, my dang grandkids don't want to defend themselves. He has one cap. He capitalizes the team things. Yes, he did do that. That was polite. My dang grandkids broke my keyboard.
Starting point is 00:56:58 They did some kind of setting, and now all the big letters are small letters. I don't quite know how to fix it. Before moving into the next section, we have just a quick hit here. It's an OP that says, the OP is Why Am I Fascinated With Vacuum Cleaners? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. More discussion about being
Starting point is 00:57:15 gay. What the fuck? But anyway, GregVax28 says, I came across this case on YouTube a few days back. Take a look at his video collection. It's mostly fans, vacuums, and small appliances. Some he demonstrates and often includes the proper names of appliances in the title.
Starting point is 00:57:35 Then he smashes them. Yeah. Am I wrong in thinking he is a frustrated, closeted, interest young person who's afraid to admit he has an interest in appliance? I've seen videos of people who simply get off on damaging things. They don't really care what they are. They certainly don't care if models are there to demonstrate them they want to damage a thing. Consider the state he's from. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:57:59 Uh-oh. Oh my god. And then someone keeps talking about the gay thing. Ooh, this is... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's something. Hey, F+. Oh no. It's time for poetry!
Starting point is 00:58:12 Yeah! There's only one thing that it means when Lemon says, Hey, F+, like that. Oh, Secret Gage in 69. You know, it's both quality and quantity here. If you go to thefpl.us at this point, you can probably get It's Time for Poetry stickers. Drawn by Puppy Time. I think they'll probably be available by the time you hear this, unless they sell out.
Starting point is 00:58:39 Oh, good. The puppy sold out in four days. Anyway. So, Frank West. That's me. Do you think you can give me your poem about your Eureka chrome top? Yes. I am Camelot's shadow.
Starting point is 00:58:58 My new Eureka chrome top. I love her. It was love at first sight when I spotted her standing stoically in the goodwill. I ran over and put my arms around her, scooping her up so that no one else could claim my precious find. Chalantly, I plugged her in to hear the voice. They said this poetry reading would be quiet and no giggling for once. Chalantly, I plugged her in to hear the four of her heartbeat. She purred, and it was music to my ears.
Starting point is 00:59:40 I kept her close to me and under my watchful eye as I breathlessly laid my money down. And she was mine. Carried her out to the faithful Volvo where she fit just right in the back seat. Getting her cleaned up and soon will twirl a seven in the dance of dust. I do love my Vax. Okay, there's a come Lol Hey, I'm BVAC6
Starting point is 01:00:14 Awesome The dance of dust That's hilarious There's just nothing like chromon vacuums It really dresses them up Yeah, but it's just a reskinned safari. Just for lemon. Yeah, I feel like you're going to use chromium
Starting point is 01:00:34 in that particular case. Maybe edge. Oh boy. I've never found anything that classic at a thrift store. My vacs are like children. I'm very protective of them. As for dancing with vacuums, how about Cobweb Calypso, Dust Bunny Waltz, Tracton Tirt Tango, etc. One step for dirt, one step for vacuum, step away.
Starting point is 01:01:10 Love, the brush roll. Vibra Groom 1, replacement. $50. I knew she was special. Proper slam poetry at this point. I knew she was special, but had no idea it was that old. True old vacs are hard to find. This is one of my best finds. Only second to a mid-50s Hoover, upright and blue.
Starting point is 01:01:39 Love the deep roar of the motor. The motor has a nice deep sound, too. Have to clean up the brush roll and area underneath. Pop on a new belt. And attach a
Starting point is 01:01:57 fresh wash bag. And go for a spin. Yeah! Dance of Dust, dust eureka mambo lol this guy really loves writing poetry i mean if i was that good at writing poetry, I'd love it too. Come on, Shadow. Your vacuum poetry is sublime.
Starting point is 01:02:32 You describe the romance with a eureka. Just perfect. Oh, come on. How do you spell eureka? Wait, what? Eureka's in your name. Why are you spelling it wrong? Oh, yeah, you're right. Your name's Eureka Prince!
Starting point is 01:02:48 Y-O-U space R-I-K-A. It's like a King of Fighters character. Yo, Eureka. Perfect. The description of the motor hum and the brush roll vibration deserves a Pulitzer. But the one thing you forgot to mention is that distinctive intoxicating Eureka Williams aroma. The entranced owner would be greeted with the unique scent when they first opened the box and set eyes on the treasure within and then stayed with their vacs forevermore.
Starting point is 01:03:21 eyes on the treasure within, and then stayed with their vacs forever more. I can smell a eureka bear floor brush from miles away. Okay? Hark!
Starting point is 01:03:40 Wait! That's a scat! The only difference with me is that for some reason, I always thought that my beloved Eurekas were men. Oops. Too much information there. Okay. Okay. Okay. Well, I guess you're just sort of being horny in the middle of this poetry thread, but that's fine.
Starting point is 01:04:07 Yeah. You be you, man. Hey, man, it's all about the experience of the poetry. Whatever makes you feel, you know? Touché. Touché. Touché. Touché.
Starting point is 01:04:22 Guilty of having a Eureka moment. So this is a joke where they just spell Eureka wrong? Is that what's going on? I mean, it's... It's pretty good, though, you guys. Is it a bad vacuum cleaner? No, it's a good one. It's a good joke. But that's Eureka.
Starting point is 01:04:40 Eureka. Eureka. So the way that the post is formatted, I thought it was another poem until later. Okay, yeah, the Eureka is an actual brand of vacuum cleaner, so I guess it's like a don't take the Lord's name in vain kind of thing. No graven images. Well, you know, they have to be like the Scottish vacuum. You can't say it or, you know. Oh, I see.
Starting point is 01:05:08 I see. Good luck with the vacuum. No! Yes, I can get down with the words, which was cathartic with this outburst, as it has been a while since I was so moved. Guess wrestling with that bag removelle got me worked up. Lol. guess wrestling with that bag removelle got me worked up lol i'm not sure if i think vacs are he's or she's but that's just the way the words fell out i can't get the sound slash vibration of the hoover i think model 63 from 1954
Starting point is 01:05:39 that's a he sound that sort of goes through your whole body. Bag is dry and just waiting for some spare time to clean the brush roll and area prop on a belt and take her out for a spin. Hmm. Maybe let him go for a ride. Lol. Lol. Lol. Lol. It isn't until the very, very last post, or the very, very last
Starting point is 01:06:05 piece of content in this document that we learn that vacuumland.org has a sister site. If you weren't in deep enough, you should know that vacuumland.org has a sister site called atomicwasher.org.
Starting point is 01:06:23 It looks the same! Yeah, no, it's the same site design, same forum software. Oh, my God. It's split up into Imperial, Deluxe, Super, Shoppers. I can't read that font. Gosh, do you think someone will make a doc from this for us? Well, I don't know.
Starting point is 01:06:42 I don't know. Oh, if only somebody... I feel cautious about suggesting Secret Gage in 69. I mean, I would be surprised if there was enough different stuff in here, but, like, there definitely are pictures of washing machines,
Starting point is 01:06:58 and they look real good. And make a dock. Squiddy, that's irresponsible. The man has a problem. Stop enabling him. I'm just saying is all. They have a picture of the date and a patent of the day.
Starting point is 01:07:15 Hey, everybody. The Dirty Laundry Forum is a forum for upgraded adult members only. Oh, my God. Oh, no, I hope nobody makes a dock of the dirty laundry forum. It's the
Starting point is 01:07:31 forum for anything that might be controversial. Oh no, don't do that. Hey, so everybody here fucks the washing machine, right? That's why we're all in this one? Yeah, cool. None of it is this stuff, because this stuff was all publicly available, so everybody here fucks the washing machine, right? That's why we're all in this one? Yeah, cool. None of it is this stuff, because this stuff was all publicly available.
Starting point is 01:07:49 So I'm curious. I'm definitely curious. Anyway, Boots, this last poem here, because we don't have Jack Chick, so we can't get the one specifically for him. But the last poem here comes from the sisterforumatomicwasher.org. Yeah. My name is Ariston for him. But the last poem here comes from the sister forum, atomic washer.org. Yeah. My name is Ariston for life. And this poem is called. Ariston.
Starting point is 01:08:14 Ariston for life. Jesus. It's like, you don't even belong to the washing cleaner forums. That's true. Anyway, this poem is called Washing Trouble. The indecit struggles and the candy cries.
Starting point is 01:08:30 This is the future before our eyes. Not bad. The Electrolux moans, the Hoover squeaks, and the Beko can't stay on its feet. That's good. The Hotpoint whines and the Zanussi screeches. The Frigidaire died from too many glitches. Well, that was quite the de-evolution of a poem right there. Good job.
Starting point is 01:08:57 The Miel lasts, but not forever. Even the Ariston can't keep it together. The Fajor freaks out in despair. And how did the bendix get all the way over there? The whirlpool bangs from wall to wall. The service dances up the hall. The bosh works, but only just. Give it time and it will fail, just like the
Starting point is 01:09:25 many that did before. Hey, Boots, can you back up two stanzas? I guess I have one note, you know, take it or leave it, but I just have one note. Dance Hall Crashers by Wang Chung.
Starting point is 01:09:44 I can't actually remember how that... The world bangs from wall to wall. That's good enough. I'll just proceed. And the bush works but no okay you've broken me lemon yay
Starting point is 01:10:15 that's the last of us that was unbroken that was it mission accomplished these days machine aren't meant to last that was unbroken. That was it. We're done. Mission accomplished. These days machine aren't meant to last and that, my friends, it makes me sad. Back in the day that
Starting point is 01:10:33 lasted forever and sadly now they can't. But what are we supposed to do? But just sit and hope our dreams will come true. Wow. Standing up.
Starting point is 01:10:55 Wow. I did not anticipate being like amused and then turned on and then just emotionally moved all in one episode. And also I felt like it really shone a light back on us. You know, it is a reflection back on us, much like the chrome that's on top of a vacuum cleaner. Are we not all just vacuums in the closets of our own lives? You know, we're all made of vacuums. You know what?
Starting point is 01:11:30 Society doesn't exist in vacuums, but vacuums exist in society. I think that's it, right? Oh, shit. F plus, what did we learn? Like, I think that's it, right? Oh, shit. F plus, what did we learn? I think I love vacuum cleaners. Yeah, these guys are good.
Starting point is 01:11:53 More than washing machines? I like these people. Yeah, we've had a lot of fun here tonight. I don't really like the gay stuff, but everything else is great. Okay, hold on. Squiddy is not a fan of gay people. Kind of wild to just say right now in 2020, but I...
Starting point is 01:12:16 Weird. Shit. Yeah, I mean, I feel like the... What I liked about this, because when we talked about it, when we first discovered it, we talked about the flashlight forum, how it seemed to be kind of similar to the flashlight forum, which was a forum that kind of put our teeth on edge,
Starting point is 01:12:35 because it feels like you guys have a fetish, but that shoe never drops. It's kind of uncomfortable. And the fact that they embrace a bunch of this other stuff, they're fixated, but they're also aware of uncomfortable. And the fact that they, like, embrace a bunch of this other stuff, like, they're fixated, but they're also aware of it, which is great. Like, go for it.
Starting point is 01:12:52 Go for it. And also, like, not the best forum in the world, but, like, you built the forum by yourself. That's awesome. Yeah, and frankly, it saves shit from the garbage and collect it.
Starting point is 01:13:00 Why not? Yeah, and, like, Absolutely. Like, on it, like, the, like, taking old mechanical things and like fixing them and liking them and learning about them it's like of all the nerd passions the one that has definitely done the least harm to society hell yeah like like you know i like i like bioshock too like i can't i can't disagree that like some of these old vacuum cleaners look cool they
Starting point is 01:13:23 definitely look cool i don't want to spend personally the time repairing them, but that's awesome that you do that. Yeah, I would definitely say that of all the F-Less episodes that I've been a part of, this is all right. These dudes are fine. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. But you were also in the one where people were putting cum in food. Yeah, I did not like that. Actually, I want to kind of call you guys out for that. Website as always, thefpl.us.
Starting point is 01:13:57 Got merch over there. Ball pit, blah, blah, blah. And if garbage day hasn't happened, it's about to. So that's fucking exciting. Bye. Bye. Bye! Bye! Bye! Thank you. I think we really blew him away, folks. Yeah. Yeah, folks. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:15:06 Yeah, yeah. See, I put it. It didn't. No, it didn't suck.

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