The F Plus - 344: Meet, Fight, Jizz.
Episode Date: January 31, 2021The website MeetFighters is a social network for men who want to inflict pain on one another. This manifests in a number of different ways, plenty of them horrifc, and at least one involving Pres...ident Abraham Lincoln. This week, The F Plus is gonna punch that dad dad.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hello, F-Plus listener. It's me, Lemon.
This is an episode about men who want to fight each other for erotic reasons.
But if stupid multiplayer online games are more your speed, I just made a new one.
It's called Invalid, and it's a trivia game of unnecessary suffering.
I've been working on it for a couple months, and I'm happy with it.
I think it's fun, so now that you've run out of socially distanced things to do with your friends,
I'd love for you to give it a try.
The game and instructions are on kinda.fun.
All right, let's get to the violence.
It's time for the F Plus Podcast.
Terrible things.
Read with vocal modulations.
In the room tonight we have Boots Reingear.
My dad used to enjoy watching other guys beat me up in the barn.
They were not naked.
Bunny bread.
It was just his cock, balls, and ass that was kissed.
I mean, it's still not gay.
Don't worry about it.
Jimmy Franks.
Here's to a sweaty new year of a bulge that's always near,
and cocky players ready to taunt you and tease you.
Nutshell Gulag.
If there's a chance I could get my face stomped into the mud
or otherwise crushed against the uneven ground,
I'm definitely up for that.
Oh boy, Ironicus is back.
Don't you pay no mind to my boner.
I get hard all the time, sometimes over nothing at all.
Just want you to know that.
And lemon. Punch that dad, you to know that. And 11.
Punch that dad, dad.
Punch that dad, dad.
Let's smash.
Let's win.
We're going to fight.
We're going to smash.
Let's see it.
Punch that dad.
Let's fight.
Let's smash.
Let's win.
Just like getting up in the club with a fake ID.
If you don't run, we're going to do it again. Hey, F+. Hey, F-Plus.
Hey, Eleven.
Hey, are all of you feeling strong right now?
Oh, no.
No.
I'm feeling rather strong.
Like, emotionally?
I'm not strong, but I'm focused.
You mean like my odor.
I have the muscle tone of a bowl of
tapioca pudding. Aww, that's
cute. You smell good though, right?
I mean, I bet you kindergartners
love you.
Yeah, so I
would like to introduce you to this.
So this is a document given to us
a little while back
by somebody by the name of Napoleon Blown Apart.
And this is uh a website
uh and it's an active website it's an active uh sort of social website um where people meet each
other and it's called meat fighters m-e-e-t m-e-e-t f-i-g-h-t-I-G-H-T-R-E. Yeah. And will we be meeting fighters?
Well, here we go.
I'm just going to give you the description here from Meat Fighters itself.
About Meat Fighters dot com.
Meat Fighters dot com is a social network and personal site for people who share an interest in anything relating to wrestling, fighting, or the people who do it.
Our intention is to let people meet and get to know each other.
So, pretty good.
Also, it says that profile names that include or allude to eroticism, fetishism, escort service, or illegal activity are not allowed.
If your name is not allowed.
Eroticism is considered, okay.
Just the names, though.
It's okay to write about it.
Don't worry.
So Weedlord is not an available name?
It's becoming more available every year, to be fair.
So I couldn't register Get Your Rocks Off Balboa immediately.
That makes sense now.
Guys, guys, I like my forums like i like my boxing above the belt
so uh jimmy franks your name is a big foot fighter um and i have a question for you
um uh my name is grommet lad 74 would anyone like to go foot to foot
hey anybody here interested in going soul to soul and interlocking toes for a game of feet mercy?
There's no mercy here.
This is Bigfoot Fighter.
I think my feet and toes are stronger than yours.
I can put you down.
My feet are really very strong.
Foot Albert.
Hello.
Hey, Bigfoot Fighter.
You are nothing.
You defeated me once by mere luck.
Oh, dear.
I challenge you for a soul-to-soul fight this week.
Some weeknight.
I'm in Rio.
Loser posts on his forum describing the whole fight and punishments.
Winner rubs foot on loser's face
and poses.
Back to life.
Back to reality.
I once
stepped my big feet on your
fucking mouth and I will do it again.
Come and fight.
I'm Ingressor
00 and as you can see
I've fought 137
people
wow wow how's your record
that information
is not provided
I would stomp all your
foot pussies to the ground
foot pussies
especially you big foot fighter couldn't standard chance against my wide...
Standard chance against my wide man feet.
Come to the States and get crushed, slammed, whacked, wiped, and smothered under these alpha feet.
Nobody ever talks about their omega feet.
Hey y'all, my name's D. Gold.
Hey D. Gold.
What's up?
Not only would my feet take me,
but so would my ass.
Not only would my feet
take me, but so would my ass.
Stop it, ass! Stop it,
ass! Ass?
We gotta stay here. My white feet would demolish Earth's
punk face you ass
to ass to chomp.
My name's BigSouls44.
Ass to ass sounds good.
Banging and pressing our cheeks, battling
it out. Battling, yep.
So yeah, so just guys that like fighting So yeah, so just guys that like fighting.
Yeah, so just guys that like fighting.
It's unconventional fighting, just in case,
like what if somebody tears your arms off, huh?
How are you going to fight?
You've got to practice.
You've got to think of all eventualities here.
What if they tear your feet and your arms off?
You just got your ass.
So yeah, Napoleon Blown Apart does point out
that anybody with parentheses next to their name,
that number is the number of people the poster has fought off-site.
Oh, my.
Off-site.
Okay.
Yeah.
Do they go to, like, a ring that's...
And I'm wondering how they word that.
Do they say number of people you fought, or does it say body count when you fill it in?
Because that is different.
fought or does it say body count when when you fill it in because that is different uh yeah uh bunny bread your guy uh lutador karaoke uh lives in london but he's willing to travel 300 kilometers
i mean rio is nice this time of year yeah sure sure he wants some uh some naked jujitsu.
I don't see a reason to have clothed jujitsu, personally.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nutshell.
Yeah?
So your name is Baggy Trousers.
Anything that you're interested in there?
Yes.
Hit in the balls.
Okay. I'm interested in some ball busting and wondered. hit in the balls.
I'm interested in some ball busting and wondered
anyone here
been hit
slash need, etc. in the balls
accidentally or on purpose even?
Well,
what do you think, Slim Butt?
Oh, ha ha! A guy left
a nut abuse vid here years ago, which I loved.
I agreed to let a gut-punching gal come over while I was blindfolded, ear-plugged, and restrained.
I told him to punch me in the nuts when he arrived.
Left the door open and couldn't see or hear him, although I did pick up his scent.
Okay.
Should have plugged up your nose.
Oh my god.
You're not the nose ninja, aren't you?
You picked up his scent?
Yeah, I tracked him for three days.
I could smell his fear.
Punch me again.
Punch me again.
I will find you.
When you get home, I'll probably be in bed.
So if you just punch me in the balls, so I know you got home, I'll probably be in bed, so if you just punch me in the balls so I know you got
home safe.
Still didn't prepare
me for that shock of being punched.
Never again.
You say that now.
My name is
F.L. Dean, 2012,
and I've been in 96 of these fights.
I'm not going to
say no to your question about punching the balls, fights. I'm not going to say no to your question about punching the balls, Ryan.
I'm not going to say no since I am an erotic personal trainer.
What?
And sometimes I am hired by a person to come and train them,
show how to use their new gym in the house,
and do a full weekend of wrestling.
Show them how to wrestle.
I specialize in water wrestling myself,
but I can still smack a guy's balls underwater too.
I mean, whatever motivates you, I guess.
So there's a PS.
You're supposed to say whatever floats your boat.
Whatever floats your scrote.
Thank you very much.
Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
But PS, I do USA workshops all over the country,
so if you'd like me to come to your part of the country,
please ask me for details.
I have a question.
He is an erotic personal trainer.
Yeah, he trains people for their eroticism.
So I've never, that's interesting to me.
Does he work in an erotic gym?
And is that next to the erotic bakery?
And what would that erotic strip mall look like?
What other erotic businesses can I find at the shopping center?
Erotic oil change.
The H&R cock is not going to get you all of your deductions.
Erotic bail bonds.
Oh, H&R cock.
Good one. Oh, can I take the next one? yeah yeah but oh man every one of these fighters has the profile photos yeah and uh like really uh very very helpfully napoleon blown apart uh included
the profile pictures yeah yeah thank you for going the extra mile, Napoleon's Blood Park. A lot of melted candles
on this.
Alright, my name's
Radnor Bearman,
and I've got this topic that's
list the objects.
Hey, hang on here. Looks like you haven't been in any fights.
Why the fuck should we listen to you?
Oh, good point. Zero fights. What the hell should we listen to you? Oh, good point. Zero fights.
What the hell?
You're a bear, man.
Good God.
You better have some good abs.
I don't so much get in fights as it is I do this specific thing.
Oh, okay.
So I want you all to list the objects you've taken in the naval.
Over the years, I've observed the blunt end of a Louisville slugger bat, several different weight and size hard medicine balls.
In the navel.
Yep, in the navel.
I've taken them in the navel.
In the navel.
Soft ball in the palm of your hand, brass nooks, and sap gloves.
In the navel?
As a kick bike,ikeser You heard me.
I kicks and I bicks.
I kick bicycle.
As a kickbikeser, I've taken knees and feet.
I have been rammed with
the top of a folding chair.
That went hard and deep.
I felt it. Yeah, I would assume. I felt it.
Yeah, I would assume.
I hope so.
But I took it.
Let's hear from the rest of you.
These days I drive a 16-pound two-handled med ball into me as hard as I can to failure.
Sure, well, yeah, you and the rest of us, I suppose.
What do you think lived at?
Any things you've taken in the naval?
Mine ain't lived at.
I've been in three fights.
I've been hitting the head a lot, though, to make up for lost time.
Let's see here.
Things taken in the naval, like nothing comes to mind.
Oh, wait, wait.
Broom handle, rubber mallet, metal bar, screwdriver, scribe, knitting needles, pants, boots, pool cue, air gun dart, knee skewer, canes.
Air gun dart?
Baseball bat.
I think this guy went to Job Corps.
Yeah.
Scribe?
Scribe.
Yeah, yeah.
Next would have been a Pharisee, but he ran away.
Shove that whole damn thing in there.
Walked around for about a week and a half with him in there.
My name is Slimp.
Baseball bats, broomsticks, bedposts, river rocks, dumbbells,
acetylene tank valve covers, boots,, obviously. Shoes.
Sledge hammers.
Fossil rocks.
Lowered the front end tire of a Ford Tempo.
You lowered it with your navel? I lowered it with my navel.
That's why my chest looks like you see in the photo.
Hydraulic jacks.
Shot puts.
Chin-up bar expanded between my gut and the other side of
a door frame i know i'm forgetting some stuff too yeah after a while you would start to forget
yeah i got some i got some sort of black spots in my memory i'm not sure why that is
slimp has been beaten with an acetylene tank valve cover but he has never
been in a fight no that seems dangerous i don't know why you guys would do that my doctor didn't
advise that he said i would put my job as a circuit court judge at risk if i did that
so uh so we've uh we've started here and
we've explored some of uh we've explored some of meat fighters and uh we've learned that it seems
to be a place for gay men to hit each other uh for sexual reasons which is great that's great
obviously but uh but uh bill tampa bay which is his real name bill tampa bay uh he's got some uh
questions about this.
Nacho, will you take that, please? We're just going to skip over perm damage to the nuts.
Yeah, don't skip that.
It's short and sweet.
It's beautiful.
Okay.
All right.
Nacho likes damage to the nuts.
Ironicus, take...
Okay, so this is perm damage to the nuts.
Ironicus, take varsity track 23, please.
Any people out there that would nhb loser would
have to give up his balls and manhood it would be the ultimate defeat where the winner crushes
the loser's balls too much you got anything to say about that mcdrell in the uk uh jimmy franks
ahem uh you should probably use this site to find people to wrestle rather than suggest an injury which will require emergency medical and surgical intervention with long-term pain and consequences.
That's a bad man.
Shut that motherfucker down right away.
Yeah, so we've learned something about this, but Bill Tampa Bay, you've got a question here that you wanted to pose about this community.
Never get in a fight with Bill Tampa Bay.
You may be asking me, Bill Tampa Bay, the manliest man, why do men cockfight?
Oh, well then! This isn't necessarily sexual wrestling or naked fighting, as the rivals are trying to prove who's better at sex in a battle of sexual skill and sexual endurance.
The rivals are not trying to harm each other unless stated otherwise.
They are stating a lot.
They're stating a lot. A lot otherwise.
There's a whole lot otherwise there, yeah.
In a sex fight, the rivals attempt to out-kiss each other, grind their hard cocks together in an attempt to force the other cock to ejaculate,
finger each other's asses as they kiss,
grind, and 69,
to prove who's better at sucking dick
and preform various other sexual battles
such as finger-fucking your rival's prostate.
I don't think
they're actually supposed to go in the prostate.
Depending on
fetish and preference. In some matches
the rivals will insert into
each other's ass a double-ended
dildo so as to out-fuck the
other. So when they say ass-to-ass
they mean ass to ass.
Oh! Oh! Oh! That is a twist
I didn't expect!
No matter what sexual acts...
The twist you don't expect is the ultimate technique.
No matter what sexual
acts are engaged with their rival,
in the end, the loser is the man who
lost too many types of sexual
acts. The man who can no
longer come after hours and hours of sexual contest,
or simply the man that came first.
There are many ways to do a sex fight,
but when it is all said and done,
the rivals will know whose cock is stronger.
Can we just play horse?
Not with a horse, but like just play horse.
I'm sorry.
Ideas of sub or dom, top or bottom,
should melt away in a sex fight.
Right, there's certainly no dominance happening here.
The point isn't to prove who the dom is between two men.
The point is to prove who the better man is.
And yes, a sub can sexually be a better man than a dom.
I want to meet the Twin Galaxies Walter Day equivalent of this.
Like a person just with an umpire outfit who's the ultimate arbiter of who's the best.
What the fuck is that?
You call that a cum?
You call that a fucking cum?
Jesus, man.
You didn't even get past the first row.
God.
Nut fighting, a common act in man-to-man sex fighting where two rivals attempt to prove whose balls are stronger.
They swing their balls into each other or get into the scissoring position
and try to smash the other man's nuts with his own.
This is normally done until one man backs off from the pain,
but in some extreme cases can go until one or both of the men's nuts pop.
I'm so glad I don't have testicles.
I can read this and it'd have
absolutely no effect on me
Is anyone looking for a trip
to the emergency room?
The winner of a sex fight usually uses
the loser's body as a fuck toy
until the winner is finally finished
The winner can even have sex
after they've ruined their genitals
sex fighting
What the hell happened in the previous hour while they were sex fucking fighting?
Whatever.
I'm very excited that we've returned back
to the concept of testicles popping.
Yeah.
Once you pop, you may stop.
Do you think that you assist the testicles,
or do you actually just have to
just use the momentum of the testicles themselves
to pop the other testicles?
It's like that executive desk toy.
Oh, the Newton's Cradle?
Yeah, the clacky balls.
Okay, so, Ironicus, your name is Jobber Punisher.
Hell yes.
And Bunnybread, you're Auscol, A-u-s-c-o-l
hello there my name's auscol you know i just wanted to say a little something to you
uh never been to fight but i will take on any guy in a first to come loses wrestle
hey that's cool why are you giving my number out to other guys here and getting them to slander me?
I fought 20 men.
Oh, I would never.
Oh, that's just bloody ridiculous there, and I've done no such thing.
You are seriously mistaken, and I could not be bothered with that type of behavior.
So look elsewhere for your real or imagined person.
This has been Arsehole. No fights still.
Okay, then. Tell me me this how come after only
days after our match i'm getting texts from people i do t know about my lousy treatment of others
when i walked out on our matches i apologized to you and then got abusive messages from you
saying that just because i was not into the match that i am a loser boy
hey a bit of bits man that just because I was not into the match that I am a loser boy.
Hey, a bit's a bit, man.
I said see you later, boy.
You weren't good enough for me.
Here is one of the texts that have been sent to me.
Just heard about you and word is being passed around all that overseas wrestle circles about your lousy actions.
We'll all catch up with you soon, mate.
What comes around goes around,
and people are on your case.
You'll be a pariah, mate,
and won't get away with it, Simon.
See, that could be anybody.
Hey!
I'm Oil Fighter!
I've been in a fucking fight!
One of them.
It was against oil.
Good job, buddy.
I took on Exxon and lived.
Whoa.
Few people have.
Yeah.
Anyways, I'm back, punks!
Still the champ!
Under 45 seconds!
Woo!
Let's go!
You were the first to come.
Yup.
Under 45 seconds.
Oh, I just came again.
It's not that impressive.
Like, I can beat that.
Come on.
Prove it.
Boots, you're from the UK, and we're just going to have a little conversation, okay?
So my name is Matt Steve, and wrestling has turned me on since I can remember.
No matter what sex is doing it.
I guess since I'm a straight guy, I especially like to watch women wrestle.
My ex-wife was...
My sexual self-erasure.
My ex-wife was a good wrestler, having grown up with brothers who wrestled in high school.
Two of us had some pretty intense matches when we were married.
She even joined a women's mud wrestling team that did shows at local bars.
Yep, yep. Emphasis on the wrestling, of course.
I got to be a corner man who got to wipe the mud off the girls between rounds?
Aw, the good old days, lol.
She knew and understood my
wrestling fetish and had no
problem with me wrestling other
guys. Too bad
she got into hard drugs and couldn't deal
with her anymore.
Yeah, my name's Robbuck.
Obviously. I've been in
four fights. My first love was watching women wrestling or rules cat fighting
massive turn on for me i eventually thought i'd give mvm a try quite a few years ago i'm found
that a turn on too i've been lucky enough to persuade my wife to indulge my first love
and she has done six
private apartment style
bikini wrestling matches for
me with other sexy
housewife types
which have been great to watch.
She has won four and lost
two.
So we're going pro.
Yeah, this is
J.J. Reilly, a lucky man.
Hey, if you can humor me,
how did you persuade your wife
to actually don a bikini
and wrestle another wife? It's a
big step. It's wife-on-wife
violence! Let alone do
this a number of times. Also must
be great seeing her win, but odd
when she loses. was she cool with
being beaten in front again didn't her didn't put their off or was it a turn on seeing her lose
great i'm glad you gave me the opportunity to continue telling my completely true story yeah
yeah let's learn more about your brain because i'm sure it'll make me like you more. Yeah, good. You're going to really like me when I say whatever this is.
It took me about, oh no, it took me.
Yep, yep, yep, yep.
Get ready to like you.
Get ready.
Everybody, everybody start printing up Rob UK t-shirts.
It took me about 10 years of asking to finally wear her down and agree to trying wrestling.
Fuck you!
All right.
Well, hey, persistence pays off.
Good for you, Rob.
It was great to watch her first fight.
We found a couple with a bit of experience.
And so she wasn't fighting another novice, as that could have been awkward.
She wasn't expected to win her first match.
Some part of this could have been awkward. She wasn't expected to win her first match.
She lost, but it was
okay with it as she put up a great show
and both ladies looked hot in their
skimpy bikinis.
We also...
Yep, yep. What else?
What else?
We also got to see some tit.
Smiley face.
You got to see your wife's tit? You got to see your wife's tit?
You got to see your wife's tit, huh?
After a decade.
Lucky man.
Wow, hot.
Bonnie Brad, your name is Wrestler Do,
and this is not a particularly special thread.
I'm just sort of feeding you a line, is all.
Anyway, my name is Gregorio2.
Step in
and aggressively drive success.
Lightning chops against your man's
pecs with a goal to sting those
puppies into submission for some
nip work. Roll him
into a dragon headlock and with your
free hands start flattening and pulling
his nips. You feel his energy
shoot as his arms and legs
flail his torso aching your real rush was fighting mat work to trap him for his abuse
hello sir my name is wrestler do i've been in 79 fighting and uh that's my Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.
What's up?
It's your boy, Tough Titty.
Nothing hotter than...
I hate Tough Titty.
Nothing hotter than two mean men face-to-face talking trash and yanking titties.
Does it count as talking trash if only one of them can be understood?
Scott here.
Three fights.
Thank you very much.
Want to find out who has the toughest nips on this site.
Well, that sounds like a job for AI.
There's an app for that.
How tough are your nips?
Okay, so...
Let's see.
So, Jimmy Franks, your name is Duelist.
You're asking a question here.
Yes, knife fighter here.
And Duelist.
Five fights.
Yes, I fight with knives, mostly in Eastern Europe and Russia.
Looking to fight or learn?
Hi, Duelist.
By the way, did you ever get together with Dan?
Did it work out the way you expected with him?
No serious injuries, I hope.
Sadly, I haven't had any fights in the past 10 years,
partly due to my caring for the deteriorating health
of my mother from 2006 to her passing in 2010.
Anyway, let's slap nuts together!
Yeah.
Followed by the
sudden...
Followed by the sudden passing of my sister
four years ago from this deep-fading
trauma. Sorry, I, uh...
I want to stab, man!
Trombone.
And now
I inherited the two, three family houses in Brooklyn,
along with full catastrophe on being a novice landlord with these dreadful tenants.
Oh, poor baby.
Jesus Christ.
Bay Ridge, get to the fucking next level here.
You're just going to wear down your opponents with your boring stories.
Yeah, shit.
They've come and gone these past four years.
It's been a nightmare.
Nobody's going to pick up this sitcom pitch
I don't know how well mother and sister
Dealt with these responsibilities
God bless them but it's been a nightmare
For me
It's been giving me so much stress I wish I was
And Roman Emperor
And ordered those deadbeats into the arena
To get torn apart by lions and tigers
Especially
Especially these two So called young gay aspiring Deadbeats into the arena to get torn apart by lions and tigers. They're as stupid as his Facebook.
Especially these two so-called young gay aspiring white artist war who are Buddhists converse.
Is there such a thing?
They just bitchy 27-year-old parasites.
And you said so-called, which means that they call themselves gay aspiring white artist war who are Buddhist converse
is there such a thing they just bitchy
27 year old parasites
that's a stylish shoe isn't it
I imagine
that name is part of the art yes
that is what they call themselves
aspiring white like someday they'll be
white they'll get there
who are ex hustlers by the way
they've been...
Hustlers capitalize on these guys now.
They've been worse magazines.
No, they're former magazines.
They used to be that J-Lo
movie from last year.
Oh, they're just trade paperbacks.
They've been
the worst, using the metaphysical
enlightened
bullshit jargon on me in not paying rents in many months. I just found out Anywhere I like to stamp, Russell!
I've been in the process of getting rid
of these deadbeats since June.
Okay, fine. My nuts have exploded. You win.
Jesus.
This guy's the warm-up
act in all the meat fights.
You're about to get into the actual subject.
Keep talking.
Keep talking.
So I haven't
had much focus in doing any
combat, but the
fighting urge is certainly all
way in me. And another thing
that's in me is this massive
debt seeing as how...
So amazingly,
I'm being very compassionate
with all these alleged woos
of these tenants with their money issuers.
Even though I've lowered the rents on some of them.
Jesus Christ!
To continue, I mostly wrestled and have gladiator fights back in the 70s and 80s and early 90s.
I want to get back.
I can't believe I'm 65.
So many years have been used up
and helping others
and I got to think about myself, right?
So could somebody tell me
what is this American dream all about?
I think you have to be asleep
in order to achieve it
as George Carlin once said.
Oh, that's just,
that's a window into sad.
Was that a yes or no to knife fighting?
I think it was a yes.
I mean, he wants to fight George Carlin?
How many people fantasize about just landlords getting in knife fights with each other until there's none left standing?
I mean, I'm down for it.
I'd watch it.
All right, our next thread is called
Come Fight and Boots Your Johnstead.
I'm Johnstead!
Come fight.
I think we're building up numbers for a good fight.
Three in a battle royal.
So far, any others?
Tests of virility, stamina, and willpower.
You, too, will be on your knees before I'm done
Hello there, I'm London Luton
I've been in zero fights
I don't need them
Challenge accepted!
Crank has been in zero fights
I can come more than you, bud
Still zero fights, still London Luton
I do it every day
My dick outcomes yours any day of the week
No way, bro My cock outcomes yours any day of the week.
No, April.
My cock will break yours.
These balls are loaded.
You got kick.
This is J-Man 96.
I think I'd beat y'all down.
Kick me.
All right.
All right.
Would any of you like to hear about Paul's game? Yeah. I to hear about paul yeah no that sounds right that's that's a shitty stephen king yeah lots of lots and lots
of people uh have been banned from meat fighters i'm not sure what it does to get you banned
they probably had something like something slightly suggestive in their name or something.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That would really bring down the tone of the site.
With many, many, many photos on it.
Anyway, my name's Don Phoenix.
I've been banned.
Paul was a guy I knew who was extremely masochistic, partly due to his religion, which made him feel very guilty for his sins,
which were, indeed, considerable.
When I suggested to him that we wrestle in the nude
and that the balls would be a legitimate target for attack,
he couldn't see why we would waste time wrestling.
Just destroy the balls.
If we wanted to bust each other's balls, he reasoned,
why don't we just cut to the chase and get on with squeezing each other's balls, he reasoned, why don't we just cut to the chase
and get on with squeezing each other's balls
without wasting time wrestling first?
Curse these prophetic gifts of mine.
Innovation!
This is the coarsening of America right here.
New realms of ball-busting efficiency.
Yeah, they just don't court each other these days.
It's just that. It's gross, yeah. they just don't court each other these days. It's just not...
It's gross, yeah.
He suggested that we face each other in the nude.
We take a hold of each other's balls with one hand.
Both combatants would have to use their left hands
or both have to use their right hands.
And on command to start,
we would squeeze each other's balls with our free hand
and we would punch our opponent's upper right arm where it hurts
until one said he had enough.
You know, where it hurts, I said.
Yeah, the part in the arm.
While you're having your balls squeezed, you're like, ow, ow!
Ow, my arm!
Oh, my upper right arm, ouch!
Keep squeezing my balls, though.
Also, presumably, if you're punching the person's arm who's holding your balls, you're also hurting yourself while doing it.
Agreed.
Agreed with that.
America.
Well, no, I think they're using, like, their one hand, because he said that they either use, both use their right hands or both use their left hands.
But yeah, but it's still a two-handed exercise.
I think you still have to punch the arm that's holding the balls, otherwise...
Right.
So if you're punching the left hand...
Yes.
Yes.
Okay.
I've diagrammed it.
Oh, no.
That'll go in the extras.
I'm acting a physio flowchart.
This was a delicious form of sadism and masochism That'll go in the extras. I agree. I'm acting it out. He's got a physio flowchart.
This was a delicious form of sadism and masochism rolled into one as the harder your opponent squeezes your ball.
Oh, whoa, fuck.
You're also prophetic, Boots.
It was a delicious form of sadism and masochism rolled into one as the harder your opponent squeezes your balls, the harder you hit him on the arm, and the harder he gets hit on the arm,
the harder he squeezes your balls, and vice versa.
You see? It's not a bug.
It's a feature. I stand corrected.
Try it if you like, and report
back on your experiences.
What do you think there, Ironicus, ToughFighterMike?
Back in college,
I had a few fraternity friends,
and already you can see where this is going.
Oh boy.
We would put our erect dicks on a table and
take turns punching as hard as possible
to the other man's shaft. That's not where I saw it going.
Wow.
This is...
We all know.
First man to flinch and pull away got a knee to the nuts.
Best friends I ever made. What the fuck is
wrong with you? Best years of my life.
So you're frat bros and you all had to have erect
dicks that you just laid out there waiting to get
smashed
we can buy and sell you 50 times
over
okay so
Jimmy Franks
take the words of
Twice Shy won't you please my my my my okay um hush hush i die
uh what's the most humiliating thing a heel has ever done to you
i'm twice shy like a as opposed to a face
yeah exactly they have different moves you know getting to the game i think you're right
in the in the create a wrestler screen yeah there's different moves uh yeah this is twice
shy i've fought zero times uh i wrestled my longtime ugly love rival at uni after he stole
my fiancee off me he won close match first time with her watching but I wanted rematch but hadn't really dealt with the loss.
Oh.
Lost 7-0.
And he slapped his cock in my face
and told me, this is the one
she wants, not yours.
Okay, so who
was keeping score? Was it her?
Is this an actual high school
wrestling team?
No, of course it wasn't high school wrestling.
This is university wrestling.
And it's probably in London or something.
So, yeah, they don't have to.
Seven zip.
That's like he scored a touchdown.
I think this was on ESPN, too.
Yeah, no, this was easily the quattro.
I told him it was over.
He had won.
And he said, you can suck it if you like to show me it's over.
So I did.
I took it in my mouth.
How many points you get for that?
Still zip, right?
He left it there for a couple of seconds and then whipped it back and tried to pretend he was joking.
And I was a weirdo for doing it.
And the idea that I lost and tried to suck his cock was.
And then, wait.
And then the idea that I lost and then tried to suck his cock was born.
I think it was more of a reality than an idea.
Where did this rumor come from?
The idea that I lost and then tried to suck his cock was born,
which my ex spread around the uni,
and from being a popular guy, I became a bit of a laughingstock.
So not the losing 7-0 in a fuckfight, or whatever this was.
No, well, he did lose 7-0 in a fuckfight,
then had a cock in his face, and then sucked it.
I'm just doing... Just a little bit.
I'm doing this ironically.
Well, there's post-game rituals where you do the good game and slap hands thing, and then there's other stuff.
And I don't know.
This could be the standard.
My name's WrestleGuys, dude.
I did something similar to a kid I used to bully in school.
So funny, dude.
You sucked his dick?
That's what you did to him?
I think he's the other side
no I did the
yeah
no no no
I prefer
funny for you perhaps
frowny face
this guy's got 29 fights
yeah
aww
that's why he's twice shy
aww
alright
uh
uh
nutshell
uh
looks like we got another one here
from tough fighter mike
uh nutshell I have a very he's been around a lot yeah yeah Nutshell. Looks like we got another one here from ToughFighterMike.
Nutshell, I have a very... He's been around a lot.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, there's a lot of users on this website, but ToughFighterMike, lots of posts.
Lots of posts.
Maybe we should get more matches.
They wouldn't have to post as much.
But anyway, ToughFighterMike has...
I'll have you know I've been in 24 matches.
Well, I guess that's reasonable.
Do you have a really nice topic?
Just a nice, fun topic that we can all...
I do, but I'd like to clarify first.
When I refer to CBT, I mean cock and ball torture.
Cognitive behavioral therapy.
Oh.
Yeah.
Oh.
Country boy truckers.
I thought it was that oil to make your pain go away from the marijuana.
Feelings aren't facts unless the feeling is pain in your balls.
The causes of CBT arousal.
Hi, I'm Tough Fighter Mike again.
First off, thanks Dawn Phoenix for setting up this interest group.
It feels good to chat about an obsession, especially an unhealthy, addicting one.
I can't imagine. Is there anything unhealthy
on this website?
I was tested when 20
years old at the request
of my girlfriend at the time because she
knew what I was into. It's hard to
hide a sexual addiction like this from
your partner. I found out
then that I would no longer be able to
naturally procreate due
to a very low sperm count.
I offered then to try to
cryopreserve what sperm I did have left.
I accepted, but was not guaranteed
because being able to have kids
even with the frozen sperm.
Okay. Alright, alright.
Got it. Yep. As far as other
complications due to sterility, I was told
I have a higher risk of developing prostate cancer.
What is with these weird bummers?
There was never any one moment that I could say led to my sterility.
In fact, it could have been my first match.
When I was 18, I had a match that got out of hand
and was probably the cause of it, though.
Just a word of warning, the testicles may seem resilient,
but there is a reason why they hurt so much.
It's just constantly, all the time.
Are you trying to communicate something, testicles?
What is it, testicles?
Could it be the dick-punching parties at our fraternity?
It's a warning that abuse is bad for them.
at our fraternity?
It's a warning that abuse is bad for them.
I know full-forced trauma has a much higher likelihood
of causing long-term problems,
but so can repeated minor trauma.
So just be careful
and be ready to accept
what might happen in the long run.
Wrong accept.
To be very honest,
even if I could go back
and be challenged again to the match that caused my sterility, I don't think I would turn it down.
Not because I want to be sterile, but because manhood abuse is more of a need than a want.
The heart wants what it wants, guys.
We need to learn something about female arousal and how this works.
It's about time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is there such a thing in this world?
Demonstrably no.
The myth of female arousal.
So, Bunny Bread, your name is Iowa Submission.
And then, Nutshell, you will be Oh My Marshmallow.
And then, Jimmy Franks, you're Lily.
Okay.
Hey.
I'm Iowa Submission.
Okay, cool.
I've been fighting for, well, once.
I believe this is a primal form of arousal for any woman.
A way of choosing to dominate. And toughest male for her to breed to.
Oh, yeah, like rams?
Yes.
Or like walruses?
But with balls.
The rams have horns on their balls, right?
Caveman like standards.
Caveman like standards.
Where female is the prize for dominant man.
And she gets best sperm in her.
Now that's not what...
Yes!
Shut up, woman!
I just said that's what you need to believe.
What would that lead you to believe?
That prolonged damage to the nuts makes guys sterile.
But then if
any sperm gets out, it must be real good
sperm. Make tough that
sperm escapes. Only the best
sperm makes it through at that point.
Jumps out. Except for all the sperm
that survivors kill.
Iron sharpens iron.
My ex-wife was into this, as well
as physically confrontational
with other women, and loved seeing guys fight many times, admitting to me her sexual arousal, imagining herself as the prize for the winner.
Yes.
Yes!
I'm Iowa Submission.
You are.
This is Lily.
Zero fights.
Would you cockfight a mate for me?
Do you have a bi female to sex fight me for you body?
Hi, I'm Oh My Marshmallow, and this is absolutely what I would like to see.
When the fight is primal, my arousal is beyond apparent.
Ew.
Yeah.
This is Lily.
Come sex fight.
Sex match.
Loser first to come.
Or...
Fem-fem...
Sex...
This is Lily again.
Anything else?
I'm 5'6", 458, 54 years, and she...
Oh my god.
Whoa.
I sex fight her.
Fie, she dare.
No pain or she want, what her age weight.
Hey, there's no shame in having an active and healthy sex life into your old age.
That's not the number we were the most distracted by.
The number in the middle is the one.
Look, server racks are heavy, and Lily is clearly not a human being.
It's pretty heavy for a server rack.
No pain or she want
what her age, weight, or
gag, you're a match in Ohio.
And I can be prize or
I match her to see who the
prize nude matches.
My name's
Kelty Wrestle. I have
44 fights. Lily, would you
mind doing this form a service
by not commenting further?
I hate to come
across as censorious,
but when women like Oh My Marshmallow
contribute anything of substance about
this topic, along you come
with your nonsense.
Wow! Wow! It might look like i'm abusing you but i'm actually white knighting this other one please let's not discourage women who have a genuine physical and
intellectual interest in this sub fetish i only want to fight a match for me or to see a cockfight
i don't want to interfere with the males' conversations.
Sorry if I offend.
You have your say, Lily.
This is Iowa Submission again.
I was just jerking off to Lily.
You don't offend.
Gotta love a lady or server that likes fights.
Goddamn, yeah.
I'm into female-female sex fighting.
I like the idea of putting my body versus another female.
And my man loves to show me off and watch me.
He is older, so he doesn't fight.
I want to win my opponent's lover and do he or she and make the losser watch.
Hi, and I'm the same.
Nothing makes me hotter than watching two men fight.
It's the struggle for alpha, regardless of the same. Nothing makes me hotter than watching two men fight.
It's the struggle for alpha
regardless of the orientation.
Knowing that the end goal
is not only to prove your superiority
but to do so in a way
that inspires lust.
That is indeed
knowing your skill.
So true.
So wise.
So there's a story section in this document which i'm very excited
about um all this up till now has been non-fiction i'm sure exactly exactly um so there's a there's a
number of different stories and we can't get to all of them so we're gonna have to um we're gonna
have to choose uh so let's start off uh boots would you like the uh the penetration uh story of the penetration match
between griffin and spider-man brian or marine fighting ranger story um oh god um i think i
need the penetration match between griffin and spider-man brian okay well then then that's
fantastic so in that case uh your name is Spider-Man
Brian. And then
Ironicus, your name is Griffin.
Standing in ring, naked, ref
lubing up my cock and ass, ready to
fuck my opponent.
I walk up and press my chest
to yours, white.
I look up. Oh, that's
short for your turn. Oh shit, they're tag teaming. Oh, that's short for your turn.
Oh, shit.
They're tag teaming.
Oh, that's great.
Yipe.
Okay, great.
Whitey.
I look at you up and down.
Nice cock you got there.
Too bad you won't be able to use it.
I knee your cock.
Your turn.
I double over.
Your turn.
Did you miss the...
Whatever.
No, no, no.
Just keep going.
Come on.
I stomp on your back, roll you face up, and stomp on your cock.
Smile as I look down at you in pain.
Your turn.
Oh, my chest.
Your turn.
As you lie face down, I sit on your back facing your feet.
I wet my finger and stick one finger in your lubed hole.
Your turn.
I get on my knees and uppercut your cock.
Your turn.
I cry out in pain as you smack my cock.
I try to catch my breath after you let me go.
I roll to the corner to get away.
I drop an elbow to your chest again and again.
Your turn.
Flattened by you.
Your turn.
Okay, Griffin, I don't think you're trying here.
It's a squash match.
As you lie moaning, I drop an elbow to your back again and again.
Your turn.
Oh, good.
Oh, oh, oh.
I didn't say your turn.
I think he's got another agony.
You didn't say over.
I sit on your back again, facing your feet.
Grab one leg to put you in a Boston crab.
I wet two fingers and slide them in your hole with my other hand.
Your turn.
Oh, no!
Your turn.
Griffin.
Jesus, I want to see Griffin's record.
Hell yeah, Griffin!
That's some good writing, Griffin!
Everybody who bet on Griffin is just
tearing up their tickets.
It was two months of rent.. I feel like an idiot.
It was two months of rent.
After I feel like you've had enough, I let you go.
Then I sit on your legs and position my cock at your hole, ready to penetrate you and end this match.
Your turn.
No, please, I say.
Still squirm it.
Your turn.
Jerk your cock for me, loser. I want to see you shoot that load. Your turn. Your turn. Jerk your cock for me, loser.
I want to see you shoot that load.
Your turn.
Your turn?
Your turn.
I'm not going to breathe, you little loser bitch ass.
Any chance for a jerking vid from you?
Wait, wait.
How do we know who won the match?
It seemed pretty close.
We're going to have to go to the judges on this one. This reminded me a lot of the Pokemon versus Digimon fight.
I think Griffin won on points in the judges' decision.
Yeah.
Well, I think the other guy was disqualified for something.
All right. Okay. yeah well I think the other guy was disqualified for something alright okay so I got another story
here this one is
oh boy
okay this one is
a good idea whatever it is
this one is a good idea
I'd like to point out that at least half
these stories
end with the loser
dying
I did notice that
I did notice that from the one that's
called first meat first meat
ass pound contains the line
you're about to be
you're okay about the loser being
fucked and then nervously I said
yeah I guess.
Anyway, nutshell, if you will take Muscle Freak versus Twink,
which is not my story, and you can tag somebody else in if you like.
100 bucks on the Twink.
100 bucks on the Twink.
Oh, buddy Brad.
Let's just go paragraph by paragraph here. Twink. 100 bucks on the twink. Oh, buddy Brad. Buddy Brad.
Let's just go paragraph
by paragraph here.
All right then.
Nigeria.
1999.
Deep underground in a government basement
sits 35-year-old
Ben, a beautiful 8-foot
pitch-black hairless muscle monster.
Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun.
Every inch of his body
is completely and flawlessly black.
Okay.
He is so getting into
some more fetishes
that make me extremely
uncomfortable. Okay.
Wait, you were feeling good up till now?
Wait, wait, no, the next sentence is very good, though.
He is so muscle-bound he can hardly walk.
Ben is a tool
used by the Nigerian government
to demonstrate the genetic excellence
of African males.
He's so muscular he can't get up
from bed, but man, he's the
pretty good, huh?
He's free, too.
Not everything right with humanity i'll tag uh once a year a private and extremely secretive
tournament is held by the government deep underground five ivory white convicted twink
criminals are flown in from europe to face ben to the death in a naked wrestling match this is not
far away from a quentin tarantino movie only Only the super wealthy from the oil fields of Saudi Arabia,
the Wall Street tycoons from America,
the manufacturing giants of China,
the pound-strong United Kingdom businessmen,
and the corrupt Russian officials are welcome at this tournament.
So it's, oh, wow, it's, yeah, yeah, good.
It's a lot of...
This is a G8 movie.
What's the G stand for?
Yeah, this is what they do.
They never let the cameras in, but...
It's time.
It's time for the tournament to begin.
The fighting area is a pit in the ground,
neatly tiled out to form a circle.
It's impossible to climb out.
The first handsome twink walks in naked.
Especially if you can't move.
He's not sure what's happening.
The rich fat cats are cheering for him from above the pit,
sipping on the most expensive champagne and eating the finest of foods.
Oh, I see.
So this is a Bohemian Grove sort of situation.
Yes.
Enter Big Ben.
His bursting muscles shine under the downlights.
His cocks swing from side to side in front of him as he walks. It is the
most noticeable characteristic about him.
The fighter's
skin colors beautifully contrast
each other. The announcer announces
over a mic. On my
left side, we have 20
year old Jason from France weighing
in at just under 150
pounds. As thin as a
rake. Ha ha ha ha ha jason stabbed a neighbor to death
and is sentenced to life with no chairs of parole oh so this is running man yeah this is good all
right so the crowd boo screams the crowd on my my right side, Ben,
the perfect male specimen,
sporting a 19-inch cock,
8 foot tall and more
muscular than 10 Amazon
pythons put together.
And the crowd goes wild.
Ting, ting, ting starts the match.
Boom, boom, boom.
No, whatever.
Clang, clang, clang with the bell.
Zing, zing, zing with my heart strings.
The crowd chants, smother him, smother him, smother him, smother him, smother him, smother him, smother him, smother him, smother him, smother him, smother him.
Smother him, smother him, smother him.
Jimmy Frank.
A referee is called in and kneels next to them.
He lifts Jason's hand to see if it drops and counts 30 times doing this.
That's a long time.
Yeah, he's giving Jason a real good window.
Jason looks like a...
Traditionally a 100 count.
Yeah.
Jason looks like a rabbit on a YouTube clips being crushed by a python.
His white face is contorted by Ben's thick thighs, big eggs, and 19-inch cock harpooning him.
Is that big eggs?
His big eggs.
Yeah, his big eggs.
Ben.
His huevos.
His huevos rancheros.
Give me that donkey butt and them big ol' eggs.
Ben squeezes tightly every time Jason breathes out.
The referee decided it's over and waves his hands to the box with titted windows high up against the wall.
Ting, ting, ting.
There goes the trolley.
Ben releases Jason from the death grip and waves to the crowd.
Nutshell is back in here.
Enter Lou.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, God.
Okay.
Enter Lou, a punk twink from Sweden
and prison for kidnapping.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Yeah.
He got life.
Ben just rushes for him
and grabs his whole head with his massive hand
and knocks it against the wall behind Lou.
Repeatedly,
Lou never stood a chance.
Ben tosses him
to the ground behind them in the center
of the ring. With absolutely
no consideration for Lou at all
as a person, Ben begins
a 15-minute butt-dropping
session.
How do you do?
The crowd is not bored by this.
Ben tries out loose throat
in a classic jumping butt-drop
throat-sitting schoolboy pin.
Textbook.
Absolutely textbook.
WrestleMania 7.
Never forget it.
Lose windpipe is annihilated
on the 13th sit.
Ben aims for loose nose with his perineum.
Wow, that's good accuracy.
Boom! Broken nose after sit number 24.
How strong mustn't Ben's perineum really be, do you think?
Ref comes
in again, but there's no way
to tell if Lou's okay, because
Ben hasn't stopped butt-dropping him.
I don't think Lou's okay.
The crowd chants
butt-drop, butt-drop,
butt-drop, butt-drop,
butt-drop, butt-drop,
butt-drop, butt-drop.
Are we going to chant all those butt drops?
John from Germany walks confidently in.
A street thug charged with assault for killing an old lady.
He's standing five foot three.
See, you don't like the people, so when they die,
it's like Friday the 13th kind of situation.
Yeah.
He's a feisty little fucker.
Ben is exhausted.
John rolls his neck and walks towards Ben.
Ben is bending over and resting his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath from the butt-dropping session.
Suddenly, Ben leaps forward and stomp kicks John right in the face
John falls to the ground
Ben grabs his legs and gets him into a mean Boston crab
Job
screams in pain for Ben to wait
he keeps John there
oh John's back now
and he's in a lunch
the crowd goes wild
they shout
face it him
face it him
face it him face it him The crowd goes wild. They shout. Face it, hip. Face it, hip. Face it, hip.
Face it, hip.
Face it, hip.
Him face it.
Him face it.
Ben's beautiful black, typically African bubble booty swallows John's head convincingly.
Ben sits with his hands on his hips, still trying to catch that breath.
John is paralyzed and is forced to endure this
humiliating death.
It's soft.
It's soft and so warm
in between Ben's ass.
This is a good way to die.
Toodles.
That's it. That's the end.
Gosh, I love it when
I get
horrifying racism in my snuff sex wrestling story.
We'll never know what happened to the other two ivory white convicted twink criminals.
I think they were swallowed by his ass or his cock or something.
So this very last story, we're just going to take in little tiny parts here.
It is called Let's Rassle, Mr. President. This very last story, very last story, we're just going to take in little tiny parts here.
It is called Let's Rassle, Mr. President.
But to clarify,
but to clarify,
the president in this case
is Abraham Lincoln.
Wow.
He's had it too good
for too long.
It's a historical romance.
That's nice.
No, historically,
this is kind of accurate.
He did a lot of that.
I was afraid it was
going to be tasteless.
All right.
Yeah.
No, no, man. This is probably... So the characters did a lot of that. I was afraid it was going to be tasteless. All right. Yeah. No, no, man.
This is probably.
So the characters in this case are Abraham Lincoln, Ward Hall Lehman, who was a bodyguard
of Abraham Lincoln, and then David Dickerson, who was a different bodyguard of Abraham Lincoln.
So I will be Lehman, of course.
I want to be Abraham Lincoln.
I want to be the president.
Okay. Okay. Okay. Boots, you'll be David Derrickson. So I will be layman, of course I want to be Abraham Lincoln I want to be the president Okay, okay, okay
Boots, you'll be David Derrickson
Bunnybread, you're Lincoln
And then, Ironicus, if you'll do the narration, please
Sure, sure
Your Excellency
This is highly irregular
Lamont blurted out
I should be the one accompanying you
I'm your personal bodyguard
This man's a mere puppy.
He's unqualified.
Obviously, he's not fit to...
Before Laman could finish his sentence,
the officer, bristling, leaned forward
and sat in a curt, condescending tone.
Uh, is that me?
Who is that?
The officer.
Oh, no, no, okay.
I think Derrickson...
Is he arguing with himself at that point?
That's Derrickson
Oh okay
I am more qualified
Sir I have my orders
Now shut the door and allow us to proceed
Laman furious leaned down
Sticking his head inside the carriage
I am the one who always has accompanied the president
To soldiers home for his retreats.
Sir, if you'd like to discuss this matter outside the carriage.
The officer, enraged, began to shout.
I would gladly discuss anything you want, you fat, lumpy mountain of lard.
Without a word, the President calmly raised his hand between the two squabbling heads spitting fury.
The shouting immediately ceased, but the belligerent seethed
eager to make the confrontation
physical. The president
turned to his personal bodyguard
and said in a lowered but firm voice
Ward, the officer
beside me will be taking me on this
trip. Lamont interjected
but...
I didn't know that Abraham Lincoln
was also Mark Twain
everyone had the same voice back then
Lincoln continued
I appreciate your concern
but you will remain behind
this time
it's settled
it's settled Lamar and no. It's settled.
Lamont and the officer glared
at one another in such a way as to
communicate without any possibility
of doubt that their paths
would surely cross again
at a future date.
The president hesitated,
and then asked the captain in a new and familiar
tone, Since you brought
it off, you ever done any wrestling by chance, Wink?
Like gladiator movies, son?
Captain Derrickson puffed out his chest and replied eagerly.
Hell yes, I have.
Regular and often.
Whenever I come across someone willing to tussle, I leap at the opportunity.
Win most of the time, too.
Ooh, is that so?
The president was delighted to hear this.
Somehow I didn't think of yours being partial to the sport.
Captain Dickerson was slightly offended by the remark, but quickly recovered.
He sensed he was being baited.
No, that comes later and decided to
bait this straight talk of right back i live to fight end of quote at the beginning of another
quote for no reason right i reckon i enjoy it more than anything truth to tell where is your
aiming all that youthful cockiness at me? Right here, right now.
Consider me your very eager and willing opponent.
In a calm but deliberate manner, he then crossed to the captain.
I accept your challenge.
The captain flashed a toothy grin, already anticipating victory.
Hell yeah! Let's wrestle, Mr. President.
It's been a long time since any man's licked me. Take that as
a fair warning. All due respect, Robert Armstrong was a very long time ago, sir, and I reckon I
could have beat him just as decisively. Maybe, maybe not. You know, it's almost a shame to
tussle with a man as pretty as you, Captain. I keep thinking I might mess up your looks.
I'm almost downright
reluctant to fight a man as
good-looking as you. Like
fighting a woman, almost. It's not proper.
And I put one welt on you
already now. Uh, scene change!
Uh, let's skip to, uh,
the President raised a
triumphant fist. The President raised a
triumphant fist in the air and smiled tauntingly at the captain.
Thought I knocked you out.
Had enough yet, picklewood?
The captain, his eyes full of hatred, roared.
It's on now, you ugly, hairy, ape-bastard fuck.
The president, snarling in response, roared back.
How was your way there,
you soft pink pretty boy bitch?
Enraged,
seeking revenge,
he slid his middle finger
into the captain's anus.
Now you're gonna get it.
His long fingernail
cutting deeply
into the captain's anus.
This is what they meant
by the glory of war.
That's what you get!
The captain pivoted, grabbing, pummeling,
and clawing at the president's
ass.
The president's ass began
bleeding from the deep scratches.
The captain then worked his middle
finger into the president's anus
and retaliated in kind.
Both men swore at the
top of their lungs.
Bastard! Cut!
They broke away from each other.
They're both going to die of sepsis.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's the price you pay, man.
Their anuses will be amputated
in a dirty tent.
Just bite down on this belt.
An ass-ectomy.
It's the only way.
After another long pause, once more they struggled to get to their feet.
A deep purple suck mark was on and around the captain's still wet pink nipple.
The president's dark nipple had a long, jagged, bleeding scratch just under it.
Both men suffered from the strenuous hair and beard yanks.
The captain cupped his immensely sore tit.
The president felt his aching chin,
then his ass scratches and bruises,
then his sore anus.
As they came together once more,
they suddenly collapsed against each other,
staying upright only by leading hard against each other.
Their breath came in and out in waves.
Their arms encircled each other.
The president and the captain looked at each other, startled at first.
Their fists clenched.
I didn't know you were still here.
There was a long pause.
Their dicks continued to throb against each other, now soaked with pre-cum.
Then what happened? What happened next? What happened next? Their dicks continue to throb against each other, now soaked with pre-cum.
Then what happened?
What happened next?
What happened next to President Abraham goddamn Lincoln, you ask?
Yeah, yeah, President Lincoln.
What happened with President Lincoln and his bodyguard?
They lay on the ground and 69'd to climax.
Well, we knew that.
Wow, the uncensored version of Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter is just wild stuff.
But this is in Spielberg's deleted scenes.
A lot of people don't watch those.
Hey, if you skip a paragraph, what happened then?
The prospect of a future fight made them both hard.
Again. And so they both hard. Again.
And so they 69'd.
Again.
Yeah.
Hot.
This incredible blow-by-blow of a fight,
by the way, they 69'd. The end.
Yeah.
Two climaxes. They both came, by the way.
Yeah, they came. they had sex or whatever
blow by blow
a blow while blow
yeah
that isolated hut
became
I assume
became the president's
secret retreat
it is not known
how many times
Lincoln and Derrickson
fought each other there
and history does not
let us know
who eventually
was declared
the victor of their
tough man contest.
That was, yeah.
What did we learn from
any of this, F+. Oh, Jesus Christ.
History has come alive for me.
That's what I learned.
We want to learn things.
Yes. I finally am
paying attention to the rich history of America.
It's beautiful, really, when viewed through the right lens.
This is how it started, so now don't current events make more sense?
Yes, yes.
I learned that Spider-Man Brian's definitely a winner.
And Griffin's not.
Yeah, Griffin ain't.
I think Griffin won. Griffin earned all the accolades he was after.
Griffin won the moral victory.
I love that.
Yeah, Griffin was playing his own game, for sure.
Griffin was definitely the straight man, so to speak.
In a way.
In a way, in a sense.
Yeah, it's kind of interesting because uh this sort of uh and actually in the document
itself um the the document uh napoleon blown apart uh mentions uh cockrub warriors right off
the bat is the episode we did really early on uh cockrub warriors that ended up being sort of a
really kind of charming group.
Cockroach warriors aren't as violent as this lot.
Yeah, yeah.
Like, we read about cockroach warriors,
and they just wanted to, like,
they really, really, really wanted to rub their dicks on each other. Yeah, they revel in and are joyful of the male body,
whereas this is like, I'm going to destroy my opponent, literally.
And hopefully myself and the
person who's on board. So many of these threads are about
liquefying testicles.
Yeah.
It's cock grub lovers
and cock grub fighters.
Yeah.
Yikes.
Somebody is on both
of these, though. There is a lover
and fighter man out there waiting for me.
You'll find your prince.
Just keep on the forums.
Just keep going to those meetups.
Keep plugging away, then, baby.
A bunch of those profiles, they say that they're experiencing social distancing.
So they're not fighting right now
for COVID reasons.
If I give dick punch instructions,
will they punch their dick?
And I'll
reciprocate.
For like enough bits.
Give them a hundred bits.
A bunch of the
profiles, the fighters have
photos
endlessly
endlessly
wow
I like the guys
that just give head shots
they don't want you
to see the muscles
they just want to
look at Koi
that's a character
well that would be
too intimidating
he'd have no idea
that's a character
after appearance
from Toast of London
sure is sure is Yeah. No, well, that would be too intimidating. He'd have no idea. That's a character actor appearance from Toast of London.
Sure is.
Sure is.
Our website is always thefpl.us.
Our forum is Ballpit, and we'll destroy your notes.
Good fight. Bye.
Bye. Ain't nothin' nice It ain't nice
It ain't nice
Ain't nothin' nice
Ain't nothin' nice
Ain't nothin' nice
It ain't nice
It ain't nice. Very nice.
Punch that dad, dad.
Punch that dad, dad.
Punch that dad, dad.
Punch that dad, dad.
Punch that dad, dad.
Punch that dad, dad. Punch that dad, Dad. Punch that, Dad. Punch that, Dad.
Punch that, Dad.
This evening's on Fox Tuesday nights.
Punch that, Dad.
My two punched dads.
What happens when one dad punches another dad?
Honey, I punched the dad.
Punch that, Dad.