The F Plus - 357: Vintage Conspiracy Theories From 2002 Or Earlier
Episode Date: July 28, 2021None of the websites we read in this episode are still online outside of archive.org, but all of them follow one basic rule: Every conspiracy theory must have been written before 50 Cent's In Da ...Club. In stark silence, do you hear children crying? This week, Victor finally wins an episode. Lemon's note: I'm still very much interested in an Artainment cassette. Contact me.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
I thought we were going to learn how to be lesbians.
I love the lesbian bounty hunters, like the A-Team, except...
If you can find her, maybe she can help.
Connection received at 1400 bots.
Welcome, internauts.
You're logged on to the F-Plus Superhighway,
a web ring with terrible things,
read with enthusiasm.
We've got Boothring here.
The alien threat is presented as real
through the use of secret technology
originally developed by the Germans
and their secret weapon programs
during World War II by geniuses
like Nikola Tesla and others.
Our cyber chat room also has bunny bread.
Politicians are controlled through the dossiers by the FBI, CIA, the NBA, PB&J, Mossad, the
ADL, and BET.
Change your profile on MSN to Finger Victor Laszlo.
13 is the number of death and rebirth, death and reincarnation,
sacrifice, the phoenix, and the Christ.
Not the one you know.
A true prodigy.
In a world of script kitties,
we call him John Toast.
I know for a fact that Art Bell
has repeatedly visited this website.
And Lemon.
Come a little closer
so I can slap you upside the head.
Internet, not Internet. Come a little closer so I can slap you upside the head. Hey, F+.
Hello, Simon+, hello.
Hey, how do you all feel about living in 2021?
Hate it.
Itchy.
Compared to last year?
It's becoming quite familiar.
Yeah, agreed, agreed.
It is a familiar feeling.
You know, I was listening to a couple of our recent episodes today,
and I was realizing that sometimes we have started off on a little bit of a down note,
sort of recognizing the place that we're at, and by the place that we're at,
I mean the same fucking place, because we can't go anywhere.
And so I was thinking about that state that we've been in,
and how we used to read about conspiracy theories.
Right?
We used to.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We used to.
We used to.
So I got a document here, and it is provided by Ludwig Tittgenstein and Sinestro.
And I have summarized it as thus.
The only rule,
each conspiracy theory has to be from the year 2002 or earlier.
Ah, nice.
Vintage.
All right, so I'm going to set the scene.
Okay?
The scene.
An AIM chat room, 3 a.m.
One user is helpfully explaining to you
which members of Bill Clinton's administration
came from space,
while another is trying to tell you
about how George Bush covered up
the CIA's involvement in the Kennedy assassination.
You can learn all about it from various sites in his web ring.
Today, we're exploring the conspiracy theories of years past.
Grab your IBM 5100, spin up your Tipler cylinder,
and let's get this Chevy rolling.
All right, all right.
So we're ready to go.
And actually, I think we'll just start here.
So Boots, your name is D-Troll.
D-Troll.
And you're the Enigma editor.
That's me.
Yeah, exactly.
I'm the Enigma editor on Arcade.org.
Yeah, you're on Periscope.com.
So you edited this.
Is that just part one?
Yeah.
It's a different Periscope than the other periscope that we might be more familiar with.
Oh, that's just what they want you to think.
Oh, para, like paranormal scope.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyway, do you have some education you want to bring us?
I like that the logo for this is a Sony Handycam
with a bunch of swirls on it.
Yeah, yeah.
I want to talk about the Psy Station.
Game over for corporate ESP projects.
For years, it has been reported that Sony was involved in some sort of psychic research,
but the details have been few and poorly corroborated.
The company plainly took deliberate measures to maintain low-key status
for this most unconventional R&D semicolon unit
so that the average consumer would have no idea
what strangeness might be unfolding
at the home of the Discman and the PlayStation.
Although more specifics are surfacing now
that the program has ended,
the full scope and substance of Sony's adventures in ESP remains unknown.
Continue to do so because you made up all of this.
Okay, so in that first paragraph, it is widely reported, but it hasn't been corroborated.
But the average consumer doesn't have any idea.
But more specifics are surfacing,
but they remain unknown,
but they remain unknown.
Yes.
Strap in.
We're in for a ride.
It's like,
it's like at the start of the hit man movie where it's like these part of
like the,
the main hit man,
Mr.
Hit man,
whatever his name is,
was part of the hit man organization.
That was like nobody
knew about them they were super secretive but they were also the hitman organization that everybody
called on hello 47 i have no idea what any of this shit says just kill somebody i guess yeah
the founder and former director of the sony psy Labs is researcher Yoichiro Sacco with a background in mathematics and computer science.
Sacco first worked in a variety of multimedia and artificial intelligence departments at Sony.
After establishing himself at the company, Sacco began to pursue a personal interest in paranormal matters from within the bureaucratic corporate structure
like Sony's answer to Fox
Mulder.
I can definitely find him on LinkedIn, so
yep, got it.
In 1990, Sony allowed Sacco to head
up a study on scientific evidence for the
biological energy known as QI.
QI.
QI, man, QI.
Is that pronounced QI? Yeah, it charges your cell phones, Qi. Is that pronounced Qi? Yeah.
It charges your cell phones wirelessly.
Let me tell you about it.
Which is an integral part of many
Eastern spiritual beliefs.
Sokko's proposal might have never been
approved if it were not for the support of Sony
co-founder Masuro Ibuka,
who was a firm believer
in the principles of Qi energy.
The following year, Sokko was granted his own laboratory devoted to paranormal investigations,
which is codenamed ESPR, Extrasensory Perception and Excitation Research.
I would still have a Samsung Galaxy.
Which is separate from the Good Vibration Research.
Doctor, doctor, come quick.
She's so excited and she just can't
hide it.
Oh my dear God, she's
about to lose control and I think she likes it.
The glasses sliding down while they're like flash
dances.
Staff with a small team
of five researchers,
Saco's program covered a wide range of the phenomena,
including telepathy, remote viewing, synchronicity,
the practice of qigong, the nature of consciousness,
and undoubtedly much, much more.
But Sony made no announcements of its entry
into a bold new field of research
and remained virtually silent on the subject of Esper
through the first several years of its existence.
The company's first public
acknowledgement of Saco's Psylab came in
1995 in the aftermath of the nerve gas
attacks in Japan's
subways. Public anxieties
over the occult activities of the
Aum Shinri Kyo terrorist organization
forced Sony to speak
out on its rumored dabblings in the
supernatural.
What does chi have to do with nerve gas?
You know.
Okay.
Yep.
Yep.
Got it.
Thank you.
Clearly you haven't been listening.
Sacco's main interest in pushing on the boundaries and definitions that shackle traditional science main interest, whatever.
Sony executive Mika Ishida told Wired wired magazine in 1996 there might be a new
type of communication system out there a system that transmits data through the mediums we've
never before considered we don't know but we're trying to find out by killing people in the subway
for some reason esper continued operations for several more years under extensive confidentiality
until sony announced in July 1998
that the laboratory had been closed down
so it was a secret program
but then they had a press release saying
we've shut down the secret program
okay thank you
don't worry folks it's done
only then did Sony make an official statement
on the findings of the program
quite casually and without pomp
or circumstance.
Neither of them.
No, neither of them.
Hey, hey, stop it, stop it.
Neither of those.
Sony issued the claim that its Psy Labs
had verified the existence of psychic abilities,
but there was one little problem.
The company couldn't come up with any way
to turn this incredible breakthrough into something marketable.
Yeah, you're right.
You're right.
Mike, control would be an economic dead end.
We found out experimentally that, yes, ESP exists.
But that, this isn't quotes.
Just blow right past that.
Wow.
Okay.
Quote.
Quote, quote, we found out experimentally that yes, ESP exists.
Settle down, settle down.
It's less interesting than it sounds.
But that any practical application of this knowledge is not likely in the foreseeable future,
Sony spokesman Masanobu Sakaguchi said in the South China Morning Post.
Cool.
Yeah, that was really helpful.
Thank you so much, D-Troll.
You're welcome.
So on the information superhighway, like the dawn of this,
they couldn't figure out how communicating via thought could help.
Hey, Bunny Bren.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Still over here on Parascope.com, P-A-R-A-S-C-O-PE. Bren. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Still over here on Parascope.com.
P-A-R-A-S-C-O-P-E dot com.
Yeah, yeah.
And Charles Overbeck,
can you tell me about the hemp conspiracy?
Well, hey, guys.
I'm Charles Overbeck.
I'm the matrix editor over here at Parascope.com.
So as soon as Bill,
I didn't inhale, Clinton, i hope this isn't too dated
and took george war on drugs bush out of the oval office the taboo against marijuana use
in america receded to some extent television you've heard about a president by the name of
nixon but never mind never mind ge. George Bush. Okay, got it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
George Bush was, yeah, I believe there were two presidents in the U.S., correct?
Yep, agreed.
Bill Clinton had, like, from 1900s to, say, 2000, and George was before that.
And George Bush promised that there would be a war on drugs.
That he didn't do it.
And that's why, read my lips, no new war on drugs.
Got it.
Okay, so anyways, the taboo against marijuana use in America receded to some extent.
Television and music began making guarded references to cannabis, culminating with rap artist, if you call it that.
I call it crap.
Artist, Dr. Dre's album,
The Chronic, which
featured... That did make a
guarded reference to the cannabis.
No, no, you gotta read between the lines
on that one. Which featured a
pot leaf... This is the culmination of
guarded references. Yes.
There's these Cypress Hill fellas
that didn't exist.
Which featured a pot leaf covering the CD itself.
Use of marijuana, especially among the youth, began suddenly climbing after a slow decline after the previous decade.
In a sense, this is ironic since more people have gone to prison for marijuana-related offenses during Clinton's presidency than ever before.
Incorrect use of the word ironic before. That's a true.
Incorrect use of the word ironic, but that is a true statement.
What do you think his population does?
This lady in the last Morissette, she taught me English.
But all the hoopla and controversy over the act of smoking cannabis sativa serves as a
convenient distraction from the true purpose of marijuana criminalization.
Like so many other crimes, quote-unquote, in our society,
the principal reason for pot's illicit status is economic, not social.
When actor Woody Harrelson was arrested for planting four hemp seeds in rural Kentucky
to publicize the industrial uses of hemp, his point was well taken.
That was it.
The weed was legalized afterwards.
Anyways, this article will examine
the real motives for marijuana's criminalization
and the vast, unharnessed
industrial potential
that the hemp plant presents to a world
struggling with food shortages,
high petroleum prices, environmental
degradation, and finite resources.
And then he just goes on for quite a long time.
And in case you were wondering, yes, the doors are locked.
And fast forward 20 years, it's now legal to grow hemp in Kentucky, and nobody does it.
Well, Woody Harrelson probably stopped by from time to time.
nobody does it.
Well, Woody Harrelson probably stops by from time to time.
Hey, Victor,
is there any
known medical
downsides to
tobacco smoking?
Just say no.
My good
friends that make
Chestertons assure me that
it's actually medicinal.
It relaxes you, especially if you're pregnant, like morning sickness.
Just one after another, just chain smoke them, and the problem goes away.
Smoke the pizza away.
I heard it cures lung cancer.
I've heard that Winston's tastes good like a cigarette should.
Gets rid of those coughs.
I've heard that Winston's tastes good like a cigarette should.
Yeah.
Gets rid of those coughs.
Can you scroll down in the document, page seven on this document from Sinestro and Ludwig Tickenstein? Can you scroll down to the media live for a statewide smoking ban?
I sure can.
Thank you very much.
much estimates suggest that at least 53 000 americans die every year from diseases that result from exposure to secondhand tobacco smoke according to four groups the american lung
association the american heart association the american cancer society and smoke-free wisconsin American Cancer Society, and Smoke Free Wisconsin. Wisconsin!
Woo! This is not like the other.
The Environmental Protection Agency has classified secondhand tobacco smoke as a Group A carcinogen,
which means it is known to cause cancer in human beings, the four organizations report.
Wow.
Okay.
Thanks.
Thanks, Victor.
You know, you turned me around on this whole thing.
I mean, I thought that there was no danger in this thing, but yeah, you read that quote.
I feel emboldened.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I saved your life today, Lemon.
There's more text, right?
No, he saved a life.
Let him walk away.
Let me take the W yeah come on man okay
all right this is the first time ever in his medical career something went right
a lot of people have died this year lemon give me this one
victor won this episode already sorry it's a whole new leaf for this podcast. But wait.
Wait, what?
What if I told you fact their vaunted EPA report was written via illegal pass-through contracts through fronts to an anti-smoking fanatic consultant to the ALA?
Fanatic.
Psycho.
And what about this fact the acs ala and aha created their
fraudulent claims by suppressing research and deliberately using defective studies in order
to falsely blame tobacco for diseases that are actually caused by infection. Oh, big infection. I see. You got, you got some like reports or like facts to say,
I got,
I got another fact.
Oh,
okay.
Oh shit.
Yep.
Not even the author of the EPA ETS report chapters on asthma.
Dr.
Fernando Martinez believes in the garbage that he wrote anymore.
Citation not needed,
I guess.
If you're not going to listen to Dr. Fernando Martinez, who are you going to listen to? I mean, that he wrote anymore. Citation not needed, I guess.
If you're not going to listen to Dr. Fernando Martinez,
who are you going to listen to?
I mean, I was thinking you were bunk,
but when you brought up
Dr. Fernando Martinez,
I got to listen.
The Dr. Fernando Martinez.
Yeah, we can find Fernando Martinez
on baseballreference.com.
He was a left fielder
for the Houston Astros. Okay, cool. That was after he was a doctor. He decided He was a left fielder for the Houston Astros.
Okay, cool.
That was after he was a doctor.
He decided it was
a little more challenging.
Got it.
So I got one more fact
for you there, Toast.
Ooh, yeah, yeah.
Maybe you didn't know,
but the lying scum in the media
have systematically concealed
these crucial facts
from the public.
They do not inform
the mass of their readers.
Only the tiny minority who participate in forums have ever been exposed to the public. They do not inform the mass of their readers. Only the tiny minority who participate in forums
have ever been exposed to the truth.
And no thanks to the journalists themselves.
Osama bin Laden is right.
U.S. democracy is nothing but a lie, a sham, and a fraud.
Well, you were winning me over with all this talk that smoking is actually good for you and all the scientists are lying.
But when you said Osama bin Laden was right, that got me right over near the camp.
Yeah.
Right on the razor's edge.
I mean, I don't believe that Dr. Fernando Martinez.
He seems kind of shifty.
It's true.
This Osama fellow.
Wait, no, no, no.
Dr. Fernando Martinez is on the money.
He's no Osama bin Laden.
Dr. Fernando Martinez is on the money.
He's no Osama bin Laden.
This presentation just makes me picture like a Shapiro type,
but like who like goes into hacking coughs whenever trying to make his point.
Okay, so let's assume hypothetically that... Like, comment, and subscribe.
Oh, keep going, please. Oh, keep going, please.
Oh, keep going.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, let me...
Not that you haven't already won us over, but like...
Well, yes.
Let me tell you about anti-smoker racketeering.
Uh-huh.
All right.
Every time you turn around, the tobacco companies are hemorrhaging more money to the blood-sucking anti-smoker filth.
All that anti-smoke getting up in your lungs.
The poorest small American tobacco companies.
It is all part of the-smokers' benefit,
while their obliging whores in the media spew a smokescreen of lies,
pretending that big tobacco's money is a threat to the non-existent integrity of its gloating anti-smoker-controlled recipients.
gloating anti-smoker controlled recipients anti-smoker controlled rj reynolds meek settlement of the cool mix lawsuit by illinois attorney general lisa madigan maryland ag joseph curran
and new york ag purposely handed 1.46 million dollars to four anti-smoking hate groups to
spread ignorance and spew defamations against tobacco.
I love that losing a civil suit would be evidence of collusion.
Like, this guy lost a lawsuit and then he paid this other guy money?
What the fuck?
Whoa.
I gotta say, I gotta say, like, maybe it's years of this, maybe it's years of being on
the internet or years of being on this podcast.
But usually when it's like this, you know, this, you know, out there rambling, I can get like what their form of logic is, even if it's twisted.
But I have no idea what angle they're coming from here.
OK, so.
So the anti-smokers are hate groups against the smokers.
But the smoking company, like the tobacco companies companies are run by anti-smokers?
They're like double agents.
His entire
thesis is that this would have
been during a point when there was a bunch
of successful lawsuits filed against
Big Tobacco.
And so therefore, they were just
doing it in order to get the money from
Big Tobacco. That's
the underlying thesis here.
My favorite thing about this is that
the term he uses for what the
anti-smokers are doing is
spewing a smoke screen.
Coughing their bullshit into our
face.
It looks like they got a lucky strike
on the companies.
Giving us second hand lies
Take this next paragraph
Won't you please Victor
Yes
So anyway the bloodsuckers
Use smokers money for a hip hop party
Dedicated to their message
Of hate and lies
Instead of the
Namby pamby feel goodism
Of a tobacco campaign
The bloodsucking filth smugly proclaimed that
these are young people that value the culture,
that respect the culture,
and are not going to allow it to be prostituted,
are not going to allow it to be pimped,
are not going to allow it to be punked or played.
While they dance to music funded by money
stolen by corrupt attorneys general
whose victories came from their opponents throwing the fight
so rj reynolds control by the anti-smokers began at least as early as the 1950s when henry roemer
of the law firm davis polk and ward, which was involved in the Guarantee Trust's funding of anti-smoker Adolf Hitler,
became its counsel.
We did it! We did it, everybody! Congratulations!
That was time for Pond of Circumstance.
All right, man, we learned a lot.
That was really that was really
good really cool really helpful um so uh now i now we're going to be going to uh uh sibology
uh s-i-b-o-logy uh sibology.com this is this this is for people that were on the
sybil shepherd side side of moonlighting yeah
I finally found another
yeah I think history proved
that group right
that's true
oh come on I mean Bruce Willis oh right
Bruce Willis fuck
just imagine an alternate universe
where Sybil Shepard starred in the
Die Hard movies
that's a better universe than ours for sure that's pretty good universe where Sybil Shepard starred in the Die Hard movies.
That's a better universe than ours, for sure.
That's good. That's pretty good.
Hey,
so here we are
in archive.org again, and
John Toast, can you tell me
about the BBs? I will tell you
all about the BBs. Thank you.
But first, I must ask you to exercise.
Let me move back a little.
Caution!
The BBs.
Oh.
Most regrettably, the necessity
of this page is precipitated by the
type of person to abuse the privilege
of viewing this web site
capital letters on web and site
and are weirdly compelled by their basic lack of intelligence,
comprehension, and manners to conjure up
and spread exceptionally childish, vile,
and derogatory comments about this website
at their favorite internet hangouts.
That's super fair.
That's really fair.
For such parasitic bums, the public
bulletin boards.
B-A-L-L-P dot I-T.
Go visit.
Ten bucks. It's great.
If you have a parasitic bum.
By
their despicable,
immature actions, they have earned the descriptive
title of BBs.
Bulletin board Bums.
Wait, you forgot a B, didn't you?
Why would that not be BBB?
No, because the first B stands for Bulletin Board.
Okay.
Oh, yeah, that's right, of course.
The first B is silent, yeah.
The early internet was BYOB.
Unix.
See, Boots gets it.
See, Boots gets it.
These BBs, within apostrophe after that, before the S, yeah, exactly.
These BBs are the type of persons who, when challenged to do so, cannot come up with a single contribution that they themselves have made to science or society. It is quite apparent when they go berserk and wildly criticize this site, capital S,
in their childish, immature manner, they are in reality venting their jealousy and anger in an uncontrolled reaction to their own very severe shortcomings.
No, you're fucking stupid.
Yeah, yeah, you tell him.
Yeah, you tell him.
Yeah, you're small and you're dumb and you're drinking out of control, fuckface. Yeah, that's, yeah. Yeah, you tell him! Yeah, you tell him! And you're dumb, and your drinking's out of control,
fuckface.
Also, you abandoned
your chance, so fuck you.
If someone trolls your website, it means
they like you.
Pull on my pigtails more.
If you have already
proved by your uncontrolled actions
to be one of those BB bums, buzz off.
Don't look at the rest of the site and crawl back into your hole.
All right, so I guess we're ending this recording then?
Good night, back in the hole.
Otherwise, if you are not a BB, to all others, a continued welcome to the site.
Regardless of what some of these bbs falsely state there is
absolutely nothing in the site which is fake or a hoax everything is absolutely true and factual
if after seeing bummed out toast i can kind of interrupt for just a moment yeah go ahead bb
is obviously a pejorative and yet i'm right, and you haven't once substituted my name in.
I'm kind of hurt.
Okay, Toast, just letting you know.
Bunny Breads.
Yeah.
He's a Bunny Breads, falsely stated, because he lies.
It was implied all the time.
I was thinking of you the entire time I called him idiot.
Okay, okay.
Because you were yelling out that other boy's name the whole time.
All right, okay. I only think of you, baby. I only think of you the entire time i called them okay okay because we're yelling at that other boy's name the whole time all right okay i only think of you baby i don't think of you everything is absolutely true and factual if after seeing the first few pages you are undecided as to
fake or factual weird way to phrase that as you view and read the next pages try to imagine
just how we could possibly fake the highly detailed
and unusual photographs shown throughout
this capital S site.
Yep.
I'm seeing some of them right now.
Capital No, capital Way,
non-BBBs.
Okay.
That's a sentence. That's a sentence for bulletin board
bunny breads, yeah.
That thing that you just read there, that was homepage page one.
So having now read homepage page one, it is time to read homepage page two.
Ah, well, I've set up who I think is an idiot and who I think is smart.
So going by this thread of thought, UFOs, sun, moon, planets, and extraterrestrials.
Right.
Of course. this thread of thought. UFOs, sun, moon, planets, and extraterrestrials. Right.
Of course. Super intelligent beings.
The SIBs, or
Sibs. Okay, so it is Subtle Shepherd.
Yeah.
So without the slightest help or cooperation
from governments, the news media, scientists,
or astronomers, who are apparently
tragically short of adequate brain power,
there is now absolute, positive
incontestable proof
that contact with Earth has
finally been initiated by extraterrestrial
super intelligent beings, the Sibs
the Sibs
repeated attempts to spread
the astonishing news and associated amazing
discoveries to the world, first through
pathetically incompetent stone dumb stupid
uncooperative US government officials through totally overwhelmed and dumbfounded Wow.
Not just me with envy. But in spite of repeated efforts with these groups, these astonishing new discoveries have repeatedly and extremely ignorantly been ignored by all of them, giving no choice but to establish their website, this website, to inform you.
The world public who has the right to know of these astonishing developments and discoveries affecting the universe, the solar system, including Earth and all living things and beings, including mankind.
Oh, you did it.
Tag. Oh, God. OK, including mankind. You did it. Tag. Oh, God.
Okay. Thank you. The initial contacts
by the sibs to gain my attention included
on two occasions the display of strange
glimmering multicolored lights,
definite evidence of spaceship
landing and the careful placement of chemical
droplets from a controlled cloud
where I could not avoid noticing them.
Don't laugh. Some clouds are controlled by the sibs
to a certain extent. They got little steering wheels on them. Don't laugh. Some clouds are controlled by the sibs to a certain extent.
They got little steering wheels on them.
Soon after these attention-getting
initial contacts were made by the sibs
and being totally unaware as to what it was
happening next, I was subconsciously
led to photograph an area of the sky
where there appeared to be nothing but a few
clouds, but upon viewing in a computer
discovered a massive spaceship
fabrication area stretching
across the sky for nearly three miles from the horizon up to an altitude of 3 000 feet all of
which otherwise was totally invisible to the naked human eye and apparently all immune to earth's
gravity immune to it astonishingly immune to gravity so the one one of one of several universal constants.
Yeah.
There's a vaccine, but it's really heavy.
Oh, there is a vaccine.
Astonishingly, the photo of the seemingly empty sky also revealed a multitude of other highly detailed images embedded within the photo,
showing a cross-section and an amazing time regression capability, the step-by-step massive process of fabrication and metamorphosis
of their huge spaceships from the very initial stages
of cocoon-like objects to completion of each spaceship.
Did you notice how that font was pea green with envy there?
It was.
It was, yeah.
I felt like I read it in a pea green with envy.
Yeah.
So she took a picture of the sky and in the sky there were pictures of the construction of their spaceship?
Yes.
Okay.
All right.
That just makes sense.
Subsequent to the initial contact with the Sibs, investigations have revealed many other startling discoveries about these wonderfully magnificent and benevolent sibs, including the discovery of the universe
of invisible matter
in which they exist,
and many other startling discoveries pertaining
to the solar system and the universe,
including
that the sibs and their millions
of helpers have already
removed billions of tons of
chemical pollutants from our
atmosphere and are continuing to do so every day,
greatly benefiting Earth, mankind, and all living things,
plus materially reducing the dreaded greenhouse effect.
So, wait, they're all widget the World Warrior?
Tag!
Captain Planet.
I was like, you need to tag me.
Notice to all patriotic citizens,
this is best viewed at 800 by 600 pixels.
Packs of ferocious and ignorant U.S. government dogs continue to invade our computers every second we are on the Internet.
In spite of firewalls, these dogs, through their paid Judas ISPs, which includes everyone we have tried,
constantly download and steal our very valuable private files
and wreck our email systems.
If you are a patriot, whatever you do,
do not vote for the idiot behind all this anti-constitution,
anti-democracy, anti-freedom, anti-intelligence,
anti-knowledge idiocy, the nation and world destroyer,
anti-god, pro-devil, Nazi G.W. Bush.
You should see the plan, which is a link, but I'm not going to
follow it. All of our emails
are being blocked by the rotten
U.S. government. Keep trying.
Don't let these Nazi-ized
Nazi-ized
Nazi-ized
Nazi-ized
Nazi-ized
Nazi-ized, Bush-ized
idiots defeat us rotten U.S. government, including all Nazi Bush-ites, Nazi NASA.
Surely they could shorten that.
Nazi.
Nazi.
I mean, her methodology's flawed, but her conclusions are sound.
You point out we're now on a completely different site,
right? No, it's the same site?
No, we are not. No, we're sure
not. We're not on a different site. We're just
on a different page of the very same site.
Oh, boy.
Yeah, exactly.
This is all of a piece.
Anyway,
if it helps, there was some
low-res photos that I had to prove all of this shit.
Oh, okay.
It was just a bunch of corrupt JPEGs.
Yeah, it was.
Anyway, so Nazi NASA and the Nazi FBI and co-conspirators Earthlink and AT&T and Juno and MSN and Adaptive.net.
That's the worst one of them all.
Apparently CompuServe is the only ally
we have.
Stand by.
All government paid backstabbing
Judas's are not welcome to Symbology.
Don't stay dumb and mean Judas's.
Wise up. If you don't find what you're
looking for, go to one of the indexes
superseded listed below.
My bad website is the big conspiracy's fault.
Regardless of who you are and where you come from, the U.S., Netherlands, Russia, Saudi Arabia, China, Canada, India, France, Germany, Japan, Denmark, wherever you are and whoever you are, the rotten U.S. government under Nazi Bush is stealing big time from you and all others of the world.
Had these Bush-ized, Nazi-ized, idiot
devils and their co-conspirator
Judas ISPs and website
hosts had just left us alone, there would be
at least ten times more
herein explaining the one and only
true gods of the universe and the sib gods
and the tremendous achievements that have made
their creation
yet
it would benefit them and the world greatly.
If only they just had the brains to comprehend it.
Do keep the faith for the gods will prevail.
Not Nazi devil Bushness, Bush eyes, idiot follows.
And then, oh, I had a postscript, but I wrote that in 2004.
So that doesn't count.
a postscript, but I wrote that in 2004,
so that doesn't count.
But, actually,
Bunny Bread, Bunny Bread, Bunny Bread.
No, no, no.
Bunny Bread.
This screed that I have, it all comes together.
Oh, okay.
There's an animated gif that explains a chain.
So it goes, Infinite Gestapo, then it goes a chain. So it goes Internet Gestapo,
then it goes Nazi NASA,
then it goes Earthlink or Evilink,
then it goes SETI thieves, and then it goes
hired guns.
That's what we call the chain of evil.
Oh, the chain of evil. Starts at Internet Gestapo,
ends with hired guns.
Yeah, exactly.
So, Bunny Bread, can you just take it from
this particular sentence? Hello, exactly. So, Bunny Bread, can you just take it from this particular sentence?
Hello there.
Anyways, here's what I'd like you to do now that I called you in.
I'd like you to wake up to intelligence, honor, and duty.
King George II, if that is your real name.
Foghorn Patton here. King George II, if that is your real name. Wait, but wasn't there
a King George III?
Foghorn Patton here.
Mm-hmm.
Yes, you,
King George W. Bush,
a.k.a. King George II,
a.k.a. Czar Bush.
I think Bush appointed...
Didn't know I knew
your real first name was Czar,
did you?
You must begin to comprehend that you are making an unbelievable, tremendous, and exceedingly ignorant, politically fatal mistake in your support of the constant, ongoing, anti-constitution, anti-democracy, anti-citizen, anti-American, harassing, and hobbling.
Attempted total destruction.
The harassing and the hobbling.
And the hipping and the hobbling. Attempted total destruction. The harassing and the hobbling. And the
hipping and the hobbling.
Attempted total destruction
and unbelievably evil
and sadistic suppression of this
effort being made possible
by slaughter engineering with the help
of the tremendously brilliant
and capable extraterrestrials.
One would think there would be a period
here, but...
There was a moment where I was like, what is it
that George W. Bush is doing? Oh, right.
He's trying to fuck with this website.
He took away our periods.
Our engineering
is a proper noun here,
and that's great. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They make sweet-ass guitars.
Our friends, benefactors, and creators of the entire universe,
the Seahubs, I mentioned them earlier,
you must stop the alien sea and stop it now.
What you are doing is tantamount to treason.
Not only against American citizens, but the entire world!
Hey, I found a period. Look at that.
So much.
All right, every time it's an orange, let's do a little...
You must finally wake up to intelligence, honor, and duty.
You, King George II, must comprehend that you must get the rotten to the core,
disastrously disruptive and destructive, destructive,
FBI, NIPC, moronic idiots, off our backs,
and prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law,
as repeatedly requested of you.
Zalbush, the world is awaiting your required action now and without any further delay.
If Zalbush doesn't finally stop his devastating and idiotic support of and permitting...
Funny, Brad, I have to take my pants off for this part. devastating and idiotic support of and permitted requested investigation
and prosecution
of the most inept
and foulest department of all
government, the FBI.
As repeatedly
demanded by slaughter engineering
and now Congress,
we will be given no choice
but to pursue this matter with all those in government
who are now wishing up to the character of zombies, as we have been subjected to for many months.
Bush!
You must comprehend there is no room in our democratic society for czars
and destruction of knowledge and intelligence vastly superior
to your own and then another page with a huge screed god i feel like i feel like i accidentally
listened to bobcat goldthwait doing vocal warm-ups just think how nice it was for these people though
to like like the internet you know every everybody found the
internet convenient but like when you used to be typing this shit up on a typewriter and like
xeroxing it at the public library yeah yeah and you know that's right big advances for psychos
that year right yeah the late 90s early 2000s were just a godsend yeah but then like you put
the thing up on your Earthlink site,
and then Czar Bush takes the website down.
That is a bummer.
I mean, that's got to really fuck with it.
It was tougher for him to do with individual zines passed out, wasn't it?
Isn't that really what you wanted, though?
I guess that does give you a war to fight, so that's nice.
Yeah.
Hey, F-Bus, can I tell you about the Lesbian Studies Institute?
Please do.
God, explain what those things are, those lesbians. Okay, F+, can I tell you about the Lesbian Studies Institute? Please do. God, explain what those
things are, those lesbians. Okay,
awesome. So, blood-sucking
parasites, that's sucking.
Blood-sucking parasites, or
preface, or when being heterosexual
became their crime.
So, this
is what? You're on board,
right? Is that the sound of you being on board?
Lesbians suck blood.
That's, yeah.
I'm just, I'm hedging it a bit.
Okay, okay.
Just a little bit.
Well, all right.
I mean, okay, so that's fine.
You're like 80%.
I'm going to win you over.
Yeah, probably.
When being heterosexual became their crime,
as in the lesbians or the...
Yeah, when the lesbian,
so the blood sucking parasites,
when they became heterosexual,
that became their crime.
Oh.
This is an open letter to Sally's soccer moms
and Joe Sixpacks and all others
who foolishly believe that, quote,
lockstep conformity and unquestionable obedience
to government social cleansing agents
is a reflection of one's cultured civility and intellect.
All right.
In stark silence, do you hear children crying?
This one, again, we're always in archive.org.
Are we sure that everything Lemon has said
is not just the lyrics from a Revolting Cocks album?
Okay.
So we are actually on
lesbianstudies.com
Uh-oh.
Dot com, not dot edu.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh-oh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This introduction and hereafter frightening saga
with photos should be a clarion call
to such well-intended persons
who helplessly want to believe the proverbial saw
all roads are paved with good intentions. That's not how that quote goes. No, no, it is. to such well-intended persons who helplessly want to believe the proverbial saw,
all roads are paved with good intentions.
That's not how that quote goes.
No, no, it is.
That's how lesbians read it.
I missed a real important part of that quote.
All roads are paved with good intentions. And to others who find it easier, bunny bread, to mock warning signals
rather than think and investigate the engineers of the good road.
My bad.
Yeah, you got me. That does sound like me. So there's all roads are paved with good intentions, and the engineers of the good road. My bad. Yeah, you got me.
That does sound like me. All roads are paved with
good intentions and then there's a good road.
In stark silence, do you hear
children crying?
Even though one
can almost predict with certainty
the laissez-faire attitude from most,
nevertheless, hopefully
the hereafter posted true
story will trick the emotions of some from smugness to reality.
A soul-stirring case of what the frenzied, lesbian-controlled government agents wrought upon an unsuspecting, innocent, happy family.
Boots, how you doing? You're at 90%, 95%?
Somewhere in that vicinity.
Okay.
Somewhere in that general range.
What does it take to drive a lesbian into frenzy?
Is it like that red cape that they flash in front of them a few times and they get them to charge?
In stark silence, do you hear children crying?
What you are about to read and see hopefully will stir your emotional sorrow enough to bring tears to your eyes.
How an unprovoked attack by the lesbian-controlled family-busting bounty hunters destroyed the lives of seven innocent Americans.
In stark silence.
I don't think you read that correctly.
What did it destroy?
In stark silence.
No, they didn't actually.
Okay, the thing that I said, I'm so sorry.
You know, this text, it's a living document.
It's a living document.
Sorry, did I do my line too early?
No, no, no, you definitely did hear children crying.
Okay, sorry.
But these, you know, remember the lesbian control,
the family bust, and bounty hunters?
Yeah, so they actually destroyed the lives
of seven, seven innocent Americans.
Oh, shit. Yes. Like a seven-incent Americans. Oh, shit.
Like a seven in cola?
Like, oh, God.
Seven score and seven years ago.
Yeah, they killed seven Americans who were drinking a seven and seven.
All right, all right.
I'm sorry.
Let me get back to my mark.
Okay.
In stark silence, do you hear children crying?
You're doing perfect.
However, before you go on, I want you to pause for a moment or two.
Now close your eyes.
Okay.
Listen close, my friends.
In complete silence.
I hear children crying.
Do you hear children crying in the distance?
Do you hear three little kitty cat cute girls crying in the night,
frightened nearly to death for all they want is their mommy and daddy.
Then what about the two newly born who were snatched by their beasts at birth?
They were snatched, they picked them up right by the beasts.
And now they're demons.
They are all crying for their mommy and daddy.
Do you hear others crying?
Listen close.
for their mommy and daddy? Do you hear others crying? Listen close. Do you hear
the mother and father crying in the dark, dank
prison cells, still traumatized
and bewildered as to what
sort of crime deserves this beastly treatment?
It's breastly treatment, sorry.
Yeah, it's a breastly treatment.
Little did they know their only crime
was being heterosexual.
Oh, that's bad.
That's right.
Okay, so, like, Butots, you're at, like,
113%? Yeah, I'm somewhere
between zero and
not much more than zero.
Okay, okay. You know, I haven't found many people
that are over zero, so this is good. Okay, great.
Do you hear the children crying?
It's the crying of the straights.
You had me at
lesbian bounty hunters.
That's good. That's good good You can buy my Kindle signal
Only $2.99
So you're still in deep thought
Yeah
My eyes are closed, I'm meditating
All sound is blank
Except for what you're saying to me
I want some visual images please
It is pleasant, this voice is pleasant
It's very pleasant. Please just give me
something to think about.
Well, so you're in deep thought,
and I'm not even going
to talk anymore.
I'm just going to explain
what you're hearing.
Okay.
So here's what you're hearing.
This is what I'm hearing.
Yeah.
You're hearing a pack
of blood-stained lesbian beasts
milling around,
licking their chops
over their latest catch.
Attack on lesbian.
Sure.
Very, very powerful, yes.
Right?
You're hearing the government agents
traumatizing little girls under bright lights
using mind-altering trickery and drugs
to instill only hate against their mommy and daddy.
Right.
Are the lesbian bees going to save them from this?
There are X chromosomes!
Do you hear a network of lesbian judges
and lawyers and physicists and
psychologists and psychiatrists
licking their chops and getting in line to
secretly snatch one of these
button-cute girls for their own pleasures?
Never let us forget these
girls. Now...
I say that just picture the
person writing this in a suit, like in a courtroom.
I say it's Lilith
Unfair.
Unfair.
Love that.
Love it, love it, love it.
No, girls.
Okay, so here's what you're going to do. You're going to click next
to read the most emotionally
draining saga of one of my
of one American family
busted forever.
Simply, simply for living the heterosexual life. Man American. draining saga of one of my of one American family busted forever. Simply.
Simply for living the heterosexual life. Man American Busters.
Man American Family Buster.
Buster.
Oh man. I'd be a Buster Buster.
Lesbians make me feel good.
I mean American
Family Busted would be a decent title
for like a gonzo porn flick.
Oh god.
Help
Okay, so
here's what you're going to do, okay?
Help distribute this tragedy
through the internet. Download
download photos of the
storybook family and distribute it
through the network. Then you're going to make wallet
sized photos of the internet
and distribute through your circle
of friends and family.
Straight ones, obviously.
When alone and in quiet of the evening,
take out the photos and listen
very closely.
What do you hear?
Oh, no. What do I hear?
You hear these
cute girls crying for help
to take them back to their mommy and dad. These bootin' cute girls crying for help to take them back to their mommy and dad.
These bootin' cute girls.
It's like a seashell.
You'll always hear the cries of the ocean.
Yeah, if you roll up the thing, you shove it in your ear.
Oh, my God.
This next line, I think it's all coming together.
And last but not least Please pay Send a generous contribution
To me
Yeah
To help this family's legal fees
Address of attorney posted at the end of the article
The address is
The law office of give me some damn money
Esquire
Good
Mr. John Toast
Yes I You know Esquire. Mr. John Toast. Yes.
I, you know,
I'm a little bit,
you know, we've been living in this,
we've been living in this American,
and, you know, Boots, obviously,
everything politically is fantastic over there in Canada.
Yes, yes, of course.
Yeah, just really, really good.
Just perfect.
Just perfect political operation happening over in Canada.
Unfortunately, in America, we've had this two-party system.
Don't I know it.
There's some problems, right?
And so, you know, there's the Democratic Party, the Republican Party.
It's true.
It's true.
Yeah.
Is there a third party that we could be maybe behind and that would represent us better?
Oh, you know what, Lemon?
I think you're out of luck.
I think there's not another option
unless you're thinking of the Light Party.
My God, that's exactly what I was thinking of.
The Light Party.
Let there be more light.
More, okay.
The Light Party is a synthesis of the Republican, Democratic, Libertarian, and Green parties.
We take the worst of all of them and put them together.
All right.
By the way, not all of this, but as you're listening, dear listener, assume that I am capitalizing every word.
You'll get most of it.
You'll be mostly right.
Yeah, mostly correct.
I'm just really excited about the love child of Pat Buchanan and Jill Stein.
Yeah.
I shouldn't be.
Stop the reactor. Stein. Yeah. I shouldn't be.
Stop the reactor.
Start the reactor.
Toast,
seeing that this is obviously like a proper name with an acronym,
I've written it into the chat
for you.
Yes, you have
written something into the chat. regardless oh oh okay oh oh okay okay
i i i get it now i get it now so the light party is a synthesis of republican democratic libertarian
and green parties together through the law of synergy we have an unprecedented opportunity now
to co-create health, peace and freedom for all.
So that's all capitalized.
That's pretty long.
Yes, I understand. And to make it
easier, let me give you
a neat acronym.
It'll stick in your head. It'll be easier to say
at parties. R-D-L-
G-P-T-T-T
L-O-S-W-H-A-U-
O-N-T-C-C-H P-A-F-T-T-L-O-S-W-H-A-U-O-N-T-C-C-H-P-A-F-A.
Or,
R-E-T-H-I-N-G-O-M-A-N-T-C-C-H-P-A-F-A.
Yeah, you know me!
You down with R-E-T-H-I-N-G-O-M-A-N-T-C-C-C-H-P-A-F-A?
Everlast, old man!
Oh, Lord.
We urge you now to consider our programs
and co-create with us a new reality
where health, peace, and freedom for all prevails.
Your support allows The Light Party
to further refine, articulate, and network
our inspired, scientific, holistic, multidimensional programs.
Enjoy the good news.
In service to humanity, DaVidMD.
My name, my first and last name is just one name.
Founder, the Light Party.
Medical Director, the San Francisco Medical Research Foundation.
David.
No, no, no.
David.
No, no, no.
I know.
That is my favorite fake name.
It's very good.
I'm literally posting it to Ball Pit right now.
David. Founder of The Light Party. podcast. I'm literally posting it to Ball Pit right now. David,
out with the late party.
Take it from me,
Toast.
Now,
you would think that just donating
$30 to the light party would be good
in and of itself. It would free your soul, it would make you feel
better, but you'll be getting more with that $30
With your $30 tax deductible donation
To the light party you receive
Number one
The truth about cold fusion technology
Oh
Just throwing that out there
That's worth at least $10 to me
By the way
Boots posted a picture Bo boots post a picture of david and he looks exactly like i expected hey wait a minute
this guy seems to like tie dye shit that's interesting a revealing 30 minute video which
details the advent of clean free unlimited energy uh next the human ecology program a comprehensive Next, the Human Ecology Program A comprehensive health maintenance
And rejuvenation process
This 78 page holistic health manual
Clearly explains how to activate
Does that say holistic?
I think so
Okay
Holistic usually doesn't have a W in front of it
I don't think
Oh, you're right
I'm sorry
I was just so wrapped up in the light
That I didn't realize what i was
saying i should have been saying who
won't get fooled again because the the
grinch stole your chi
well then let me continue this 78 page
holistic health manual clearly explains
how to activate your creativity while
simultaneously de-stressing yourself, your cells, and our planetary ecosystem.
Just go up to Antarctica and give the Earth a back rub.
It'll be great.
Detailed material on the Light Party's inspired, scientific, and synergistic six-point program,
which serves to successfully resolve our current Socioeconomic and ecological challenges
I really feel like I
I really feel like I
Led with cold fusion and everything else just sounds like a disappointment
Yeah
I'm sure it's going to pick up from here
Oh well this next one does look promising
I mean all this science and shit is great but I like arts
And entertainment but I find it too long to say
Oh you might be
You might be in luck, my friend.
An art-tainment
music video. Damn, thank you,
sir. You just shave seconds
off every day.
A magnificent program magically
integrates computer graphics with beautiful
music, inspires, delights,
heals, and enlightens. That's an
italics in quotes. I don't know what that means.
Moving on
So all of these have been in bold
At the start
So the next thing I'm going to be selling you is learn about
We're going to go on a learn about
Oi governor let's go on a learn about
I'm from Great Britain That's brilliant Oi, governor, let's go on a learnabout.
I'm from Great Britain.
That's brilliant.
Oh, you might think this is a load of rubbish, but you're wrong.
So in this learnabout, we're going to learn about the conversion of Alcatraz Island into the Global Peace Center.
Yeah, because that's really the tone we want to start with.
Now?
So is that happening currently?
Wasn't that like a week ago?
I thought I remembered.
I read an Artainment article about that.
So when they buy those t-shirts... It's an upcharge on the tour.
Yeah.
Okay, okay, okay.
Well, next...
I've got a realization.
Oh, shit!
I love those.
That one is part of a powerful, organic, global networking organization.
Blah.
God.
Okay.
I've got to massage my jaw muscles.
That one is part of a global, organic, global networking organization whose primary function is to expand conscious
awareness while offering definitive solutions to our man-made problems i've just devolved into
corporate jargon at this point yeah i'm going to synergize your souls whatever i'm sure that's not
true i don't think there's any corporate speak that's happening. What's your next point? Oh, my next point is three points in one.
Encouragement, inspiration, and knowledge.
Oh.
You'll get all three of those motivational
supporters.
What sort of knowledge, Toast?
Well, the knowledge of how one may work
in harmony and synergy.
Oh!
Integrated.
Integrated, vertically integrated.
Yes. With millions of others. In further initiating the process of Integrated Integrated Vertically integrated Yes Synergy
With millions of others
In further initiating
The process of
Health
Peace
And freedom for all
And lastly
After all of these
Telling you about
All these gifts
I have
A gift for you
Oh finally
Okay
This is actually
Something physical
Which I really
Hope in my lifetime
I can actually find
An artainment
See, like that buddy
Yeah, I heard about this on the A network
An artainment
Music cassette which brings joy
To one's heart
Oh man, I love joy
Wow
I like that
We started with
We're going to tell you about cold fusion to,
to,
to a cassette tape is going to make you happy.
So,
so I know,
I know that,
uh,
in,
in an episode that we just recently put online,
uh,
boots paid,
uh,
Frank West $20 for a drawing of thighs on thighs.
Um,
I'm just going to
forward it to the very first
listener. Any listener
that can provide me an
attainment music cassette,
I will put $45 cash
on the spot.
I'll join in on that
contribution, Lemon. I'm not joking.
90 bucks.
We'll share it. We'll share it.
We'll share it.
At this point, I've only got two cassettes.
It's the one that J.W. Friedman made
and it's the one that Boots made.
But both of those brought joy to us.
What do you do with them?
Now, before we move on,
I can see everybody
in the convention center is looking at their watches
and eyeing the food table back there.
Eyeing all the Jason's Deli sandwiches.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So before I lose you completely, let me wrap up.
Good.
Now is the time to lighten up, enjoy the music, simplify our lives, accentuate the positive, choose peace, choose freedom, and choose to go to health.
Where there is vision, go straight to health. No choose to go to health. Where there is vision, the people prosper.
No, you go to health.
No.
Choose to go to health.
No.
Do not pass.
Go, motherfucker.
No.
You go to health, motherfucker.
So that's what that guy was yelling at me in the parking lot today.
And finally, where there is vision, the people prosper.
This is courtesy of the Light Party, and you
will not believe it, I am in somewhere
in goddamn California.
Thanks, thanks a bunch.
Thanks a bunch, David.
I have a fax number.
Yeah, you do. John Tost, I
think that every good political
party needs an excellent logo.
I think the branding is very
important in a political party. I mean, obviously there's
the elephant, donkey, that's all fine.
But do you have a logo for your
light party and can you describe it?
Yes.
I have a
Delta Airlines symbol in blue.
Another Delta Airlines symbol in blue
inverted so it kind of looks like Star of David.
There's a lot,
a lot, a lot Star of David. Until you mentioned Star of David. There's a lot, a lot, a lot of Star of David.
Until you mentioned Star of David, I didn't see it, but now.
Yeah, it was a very obscure reference there.
It's a treble clef.
And then, yes, a treble clef in the middle of that star,
and then a halo behind it, and the blue background.
It's a very complicated...
Light party.
Very complicated political party logo.
It's very expensive to print that on a sign.
I mean, I put it all over my travel keeper.
It's very expensive to print that on a political sign.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I feel like more people will see the Star of David
than you think.
All I see is a treble cliff, you anti-Semite.
Okay.
I guess
I just see the joy of music, you
dick, and artainment.
Maybe I need to
appreciate artainment more. Maybe.
Well, now I know
everybody wants lunch, but I'm
getting paid for another hour, so I'm going to take it.
In Hindu teachings, the hexagram, known as the Sri Yantra, is the symbol of the Atman, the supreme being whose name is Om, I am, peace.
That which was, is, and shall be.
Cut me off at any time.
Hey, Victor.
Oh, Lord.
Yes?
I've got a choice for you.
It's an exciting choice.
So, this section
is, we're taking
a site called
home.erols.com
E-R-O-L-S
dot com, which is actually
cross-linked to a site called
tax-freedom.com.
Oh.
Uh-oh.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I bet that's totally, yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
If you were expecting American flag gifts, you got a bunch of them.
About time.
Cool.
Cool.
So on this site, the tax-freedom, you got a couple options.
I'm just going to give you some options. You tell me which one you want.
Okay.
So number one
is called
Perfect Tax Avoidance Through Knowledge
of the Tax Law.
Ooh.
That sounds a little dry, though. What else you got?
Okay, well, the next one is
called Social Security
is Voluntary.
Ooh, that sounds juicy.
That sounds like knowledge everybody could use.
I got two more choices, two more choices.
Choice number three is, have you been deceived by the IRS?
Has this happened to you?
And the fourth option is
How America Will Be Destroyed by 2010.
Oh, that's a good...
I know, I know.
It's a wealth.
It's a lot to choose from.
There's no wrong choice,
but just keep in mind I'm going to yell at you.
Yeah, there's not really a wrong choice in this.
Ah, gee.
It goes in sort of descending order of animated
gifs, if that helps. I don't know.
There's a bunch of Grateful Dead
dancing bears in addition to
the American flags. I think I'm going to
go with Have You Been Deceived by the IRS
because that feels the most conspiratorial.
Have You Been Deceived by the
IRS. Alright, I can't give you a
solid link for that, so if you go
to
30, that's the bottom of page 30.
It starts and ends with a Jolly Roger.
Have you been deceived by the IRS?
Yeah. All right.
Have you been deceived by the IRS?
Does the IRS willful of me commit fraud, extortion, and theft?
If you are a graduating college student, you better read this before you start your first real job.
Otherwise, the IRS is going to be stealing from you for the rest of your life.
Pow!
Zock! This is the nuclear information bomb that explodes the tax myth and totally demolishes the IRS in court.
The truth will set you free.
Talk some shit about the frills on the flag and how the gold pattern doesn't match the whatever.
And then every judge will be like, yeah, you're right.
Sorry.
My bad. I guess we don't have jurisdiction over you definitely what you should not say is you have lit the fuse and now the clock is ticking tick tick tick tick
i don't know why but I wasn't expecting that one
before you decide to just
now before you decide to just skip
this website because that's crazy
I dare
you to just check my table
of contents
fuck but don't miss the main
menu either
I wouldn't please join the disciples
of truth.
Please tell as many...
That's the Grateful Dead teddy bear.
That's the Grateful Dead bear.
Please tell as many people as you can
about the existence of this website.
Like the sword of Damocles,
the truth revealed in this website
hangs over the head of the IRS
waiting to drop.
I like that they should have a sword to show us what a sword is.
Yeah, over a dragon.
How long?
That dragon's named Damocles. He's kind of cute.
Yeah, it's a super glittery Excalibur over an animated dragon.
Yeah, it's a very bedazzled sword.
How long will it take for enough men to take hold of this sword
to collectively sever the head of
the beast god damn it that's the last four rooms i've walked in how long will it take for enough
men to take hold of this sword more grateful dead bears and then like the lighthouse beacon
this site guides you in the darkest night, shining brightly through the black
void of the unknown
waters of tax law
to brilliantly illuminate the
safe course and path
to freedom.
And upon
this H&R
block, we shall build our kingdom.
I wish you would
sell your plan a little bit more.
So understated.
It's dangerous to go alone.
Take this fraud.
So there's plenty more, and it keeps changing fonts and colors, and that's great.
and it keeps changing fonts and colors and that's great.
But then, Victor, you've got sort of a
beat poem that is
all in all caps red
like 45 font.
Oh yeah.
America is now
a nation of slaves.
Our false beliefs
chain us to this
beast as peons.
Now stand up and be men and take back America from the bankers politicians.
They got married.
The bankers and the politicians got married.
America, you have been betrayed.
We cry treason.
Treason.
So do I now not have to pay taxes? trade, we cry treason. Treason! So,
do I now not have to pay taxes?
Is that, am I good now?
Wait, we just have to cry treason a few times?
Like, declaring bankruptcy?
Treason! I'm a little
disappointed that I can't subscribe to
this guy's newsletter right here.
Man, I love...
Because I'm all in, baby.
I love these sites where
if someone was into Sovereign Citizen
stuff and read this, even they would
be like, wait, how does this work?
Come on, man.
I don't think you've read
SovSit.ly before.
That's fair.
Are we going to dive right into the next...
this next heading here?
I don't.
Okay.
We need to be concerned about the future, about what's coming up for us.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
Boots, boots.
We don't have a hell of a lot of time.
We don't have a hell of a lot of time in March 19th of 2021.
We don't have a hell of a lot of time. But in uh march 19th of 2021 we don't have a hell of a lot of time but can you
just give a warning yeah okay the only non-american as quickly as you can how america will be how
america will be destroyed by 2010 shit okay okay there's not much time left oh well if you've read
this far by now you understand that there is no real money left in America anymore.
Only evidence of debt notes.
Debt must eventually be repaid.
And when it is, America will be left with an insufficient amount of currency left in circulation to conduct even the business of daily necessities.
How could this happen, you ask?
Well, there are several scenarios that are possible, actually.
One is called deflation.
Like inflation, it also destroys currencies and nations that fall victim to their unseen farce.
Inflation destroys currencies and deflation also destroys currencies?
Yeah, they all destroy currencies.
Just one has an N and the other has a D.
Google Ron Paul.
Yeah.
And then a much larger font in italics and in quotes as goes the currency so goes the fate
of the nation each monthly death payment has the has the effect of reducing even further the amount
of currency in public circulation and less and less money is left in circulation to use
okay no i believe that money is physical shit yeah that's the opposite. I believe that money is physical shit.
That's the opposite of true?
I pay in bars, don't you?
Unless new money is introduced, loaned back into circulation,
a recession, and then
rapidly falling.
Don't interrupt him. He's about to bring truth into my mind.
Yeah, they can't print enough money to make
this money work. Of course.
You can't just print money.
How many zeros can I put on this
Zimbabwean dollar? I just
don't know. This has all been
engineered by the Federal Reserve Bank, which
will be foreclosing on everything
and everybody that misses
three payments for the entire
depressionary cycle
just like in the 1930s.
Eventually resulting in
a ridiculous situation
where the bankers, oh, gee,
entitled to the most desirable properties in America,
it stays like that for a while,
so I gotta stop that.
Okay, so what if the bankers owned property?
I'm gonna skip to the next paragraph.
Bankers rule!
Woo! Woo!
Yeah!
Honking my horn
outside the Federal Reserve
I thought it was only San Dimas High School football
but also bankers
Every time he says that you all have to do a line of coke
Damn right
I was going to do one anyways
Way ahead of you.
So that was from 1997.
F+, what have we learned from any of this?
That we're already dead.
Well, except for Boots.
He's in Canada.
Sure, sure.
Everything's fine. I learned that Web 2.0 has taken away one of the joys of the old internet.
I mean, it's taken away a lot of the joys of the old internet,
but one in particular that this threw in stark relief is formatting.
You go on Facebook, you go on whatever platform.
Maybe somebody will make a meme GIF
or go on Mematic or something
or make something.
But beyond that,
and that's not great,
anyways,
beyond that,
it's just text in the box
and you hit submit
and then, you know.
And here,
we've got different fonts,
we've got different backgrounds.
It's just,
we've got GIFs.
We've got GIFs demonstrating
the metaphors that they're using. I mean, it's just, I realized I missed it. I missed it. It's so much we got GIFs. We got GIFs demonstrating the metaphors that they're using.
I mean, it's just, I realized I missed it.
I missed it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I spend like my entire professional life doing that to the internet.
And it is a mistake.
Like it's not, it's worse.
It's not. It's worse. It's worse. Like, if you see, like, if you see, like, the old, because the old Bob Dole for President site is still on the internet.
And it's fucking way better.
Oh, I'll have to look that up.
It's way better than all of this, like, dumbass bootstrap thing.
It's so much more interesting and so much more fun.
Space Jam.
The Space Jam website still exists.
It still fucking rocks.
Yeah. so much more fun space jam the space jam website still exists it still fucking rocks yeah
um i i was i was sort of distracted by and this is this is maybe me but like i was sort of
distracted by um horseshoe theory of of that that there would be points when, like even with this last guy, right?
With the guy about like, oh, currency is this.
And all of a sudden he would say something
and you would try to give him a whole bunch of benefit of the doubt
and go, well, maybe you're actually right if you,
oh no, you're super wrong.
Which is one of the
Is one of the things that's
That's
Supposed to be good about crazy thinking
Is that crazy thinking
Is supposed to be good
Because you're supposed to think crazy
And then come back
But sometimes
You can sort of pick up your walking stick
and your sun hat and then go,
I'm just going to go crazy thinking for a while.
No, it's called a think about, remember.
Oh, yeah.
Going on a think about.
Our collective gift from Da Vin.
The learn about.
I do, I mean, and mean all sort of
kidding aside and whatever
I would
argue that
I do want the internet to be
as active
and sort of in people's lives
as it is now
sort of like the accessibility
I think is important
but I would personally argue that this internet is totally as it is now. The accessibility, I think, is important.
But I would personally argue that this
internet is totally better.
Would you agree?
Oh, yeah. Oh, totally.
I don't want to
be seen as
saying yes to any
of the shit that we just said.
That's a good point, actually.
Maybe I approve of the form, we just went into. That's a good point, actually. Maybe I approve of the form,
if not the content.
That's all I'll say.
Also, I'm like three whiskeys in.
And if you like getting drunk,
ball pit is the place to go.
That's how we plug that.
Yep.
Bunny bread, that sounds real good.
You know, bunny bread, bunny bread, bunny bread.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I, I like to lie.
I like to lie, you know, to women, obviously.
Oh, do you?
Who?
You guys are just bonding now.
That's a real skill.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyway, bunny bread, what I was going to say was that, like,
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyway, Bunny Bread, what I was going to say was that, like, if there was, like, a fun game that I could play with my friends that was a whole bunch of lies that were all basically all written by Bunny Bread.
First off, I don't appreciate the implication that I lie to women.
I lie to everyone. I lie to everyone.
I just happen to only speak to women most of the time.
Okay.
So anyways,
if you did want to play a game,
let's say on the internet
that we were speaking of earlier,
I don't know.
Maybe there's some words out there.
And, you know,
we like the wrong words,
but we like them wronger.
Maybe even wrongest. The wrong wrong words, but we like them wronger. Maybe even wrongest.
The wrongest words, I believe, is the way to sum this up.
Boy, that took a while.
That did take a while.
Kinda.fun slash wrongest.
Sounds kind of fun to me.
Is there a version of Kinda.fun where it looks like it's 1999?
Every single time that somebody has,
because the Cameo game's done well, the other two less so.
But, like, every time that somebody has said something nice about the wrong words,
the only complimentary thing that they've said is, like, those lies were really funny.
Look, if there's one thing we know how to do here, it's bullshit.
Okay, ball pit, bye-bye.
Goodbye.
Bye. We're gonna celebrate, celebrate and dance for free. One more time.
This got me feeling so free.
We're gonna celebrate, celebrate and dance for free.
One more time.
This got me feeling so free.
We're gonna celebrate, celebrate and dance for free.
Okay, it's not awesome, but fuck it.
I'm good.
The F plus.
Fuck it.
I'm glad we were all still recording that.
We got a stinger for this episode.
Yeah.
All right.