The F Plus - 363: Here Come Da Advicinators

Episode Date: November 2, 2021

Predating some of the more well-known question and answer sites, the website Advicinators dates back all the way to 2003, and it hasn't changed a whole lot in the decades since. Teenagers will ask a question, typically about sexual health, and "columnists" will offer advice, typically unhelpful. And then at the end, we'll play a game about what site we're on. This week, The F Plus gets a real nice Fing Ring.

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and now and now and now and now and now and now and now and now and now and now and now and now and now And now I'm just... Amylyn Gass. Oh, hey, uh, hey, this is, this, like, it's a, it's a, it's a podcast called The S Plus, and I heard about it, and, like, if you listen to it, they do, they read terrible things, this podcast, but they, they read terrible things, this podcast, but they read terrible things with enthusiasm. So that's pretty cool. And in the room, we've got Boots Reingear.

Miley Cyrus is paid to put stuff in her mouth at twerk. While she constantly sticks her tongue out, yet wrecking ball is played everywhere. And what happened to clothes? Madonna was not very good, but became a big bag of money over pointy boobs. Achilles Heelies. At what temperature does the vagina gets wet?

Bunny bread. Penis is cross. My penis is cross when it is expanded. I mean, it just makes a frowny face the whole time. Uh, will I have any problem in the future while having sex, aside from just grumpiness?

Zarla! I am 19 year old. My menstrual cycle is on now. Tomorrow I kiss my boyfriend, and now I am observing continuously bleeding. Is it for the kiss? And Lemon. I'm male and want sex. I'm male and want sex.

I'm male and want sex, but now I can't? Also, I'm gay. I'm gay. I don't need some other life, cold and complicated. I don't need no Sunday tricks, sweet and sympathizing. Hey, F-Plus. Hi. Hi, Lemon. What's up?

Hey, everybody. Hey, do you need a mentor? Hell yeah. No. What the shit? Well, you didn't seem sure. You didn't seem sure. Maybe. Vote in both categories, I suppose.

Need guidance in this troubled world. Oh, yeah, that. I need that. You know, it's a complicated world. It's a complicated world, and I think that we all are just trying to get through day by day and what we don't have at this point is we don't have a website called Yahoo

Answers. Great tragedy. Rest in power. Rest in power. But fortunately we do have a website that dates back to 2003 called The Advicenators. Yeah. It's my favorite Saturday morning cartoon.

Yeah, and actually the logo looks like a Saturday morning cartoon, but like a Christian Saturday morning cartoon. Yeah. It's from 2003. They have a valid RSS feed never mind that link doesn't work so they don't they did they did at one point

and this is a place for advice columnists such as Dr. Stephanie Dragonfly Magic Solid Advice for Teens somebody named The Advice Mistress Dragonfly magic Solid advice for teens Somebody Somebody named The advice mistress

And X3 Twinkle Toes X You know to lend their expertise Whole bunch of topics here You got you know like work and school relationships uh families um uh mental health uh babysitting um virginity uh activism etiquette um doesn't fit any of these categories history meet and of course the top categories is in number

let's see okay so in number three is the category general sex questions number two is the category of love life and number one is a category called random weirdos yeah yeah so And number one is a category called Random Weirdos.

Yeah, yeah. So this document was given to us by Kanye Sutra. And thank you so much for that one. But let's just start out here. So how do you know if a question is decent or not? Like many other sites, we use miller test for defining indecency okay you pour beer on it does it taste bad um there are three guidelines used in this test uh but it's an unordered list the average person applying contemporary standards would find that the work taken as a whole

appeals to the purient interest, meaning the question isn't meant for honest advice. Columnist just here for fun. It's meant for cruel people who don't take the site seriously and prefer indecent content. Was I supposed to raise my hand on that last one? Really simple bullet point there.

I think that really covers everything. So I think we're all disqualified, right? Yeah, I think that's for us. Okay, so then another thing is the work depicts or describes in a patently offensive way sexually explicit conduct semicolon, parentheses

pretty obvious. That's number two. And then finally, a reasonable person must find the work taken as a whole lacks serious literary artistic or political or scientific value meaning the question doesn't contribute a darn thing to the site and then uh and then boots do you have any questions as far as my criteria? Yeah, I got a question. Yeah, what's up? Yeah, can I steal other people's questions or answers?

No, that will get you banned. Damn it. Skip one. I have another question. Skip one, yeah. What's the other question? Someone left me negative feedback, and now I'm mad. Don't take it too seriously it's just a website

no you can't change it uh oh i turned 13 can you unban me now okay when we find under 13 members meaning like we find we find eight of them when we find 13 members yeah so when we do that when we do that we ban them for at least a year we do not unban anyone just because they claim to have turned 13 because we because you cannot prove the time is linear you cannot prove so we proved that you're under 13 but we cannot prove that in the time afterwards you turn over 13. Lemon, Lemon, it's important to note that if they find someone who's 8 on here, they'll ban them for a year just in case they turn 13 a year later. Good point, good point.

It's a foolproof plan. Having members who lie about their age doesn't just make us mad. It puts us in danger of breaking federal laws pertaining to underage internet users so it's pretty darn serious. I really don't understand how COPPA works but that's fine. Too serious for us to just bring you back.

If you were underage we don't want you to come back. You're too high risk for us. Other members don't deserve to have their columns taken away because we think that there's actual advice columns. Just because the Fed shut us down. God, we were just about to bust the advice-nators.

They banned Boots 360, and now we can't. I'll get you next time, Advicenators. Actually, too bad. It's because I'm 12, isn't it? Helius, can you tell me some of the kind of questions that you now delete? I wrote this poem. Tell me if it's good. Please do not post your poetry here.

Next. Am I fat? That's a question for amifat.com. Next. What? What? Oh, sorry. Episode over.

Episode over. Going to amifat.com. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

If you're on your phone or on a computer or whatever, if you happen to be on a thing that browses the internet, we don't have time for this right now, but if you do go to, and it's not HTTPS, www.am-i-fat. dot com the site will impress you it's beautiful tax relief my kids fat anyway I'm sorry did you have any other sort of posts here

I mean not really but there's this guy girl I like what should I do well if you think even a little bit that they might like you back tell them about it the end okay how do i change the size of my boobs legs butt whatever most that magic is related to the dna that you were born with so there's no way to change it sorry okay i'm sure we won't see any of that. All right, all right. So section one, section one, and it's called Getting Healthy.

And so Bunny Bread. Yeah. I'm already healthy, by the way. I don't think I'm maybe necessarily the best person for this. Well, okay, okay, we'll try. Get more healthy. So Bunny Bread, your name is Dragonfly Magic. Well, okay, okay, we'll try. Get more healthy. So, Bunnybird, your name is Dragonfly Magic.

Dragonfly Magic, okay. And I just have a quick question for you. How to pop... What category is this under? Oh, this is under health and fitness colon health. There was an unhealthy person that was talking

over you. Could you repeat the question, please? Oh, yeah. My question is, how to pop? Ah. No question mark on that, huh? Okay. How to pop. You have a more elaborate question to ask.

Yeah, please. How to pop fest. Oh, yeah. Now that's a question. How to pop fest. Fest. All right. Thank you. Thank you for your fest. All right. On a pop fest. Fest. All right. Thank you.

Thank you for your fest. All right. Great fest, by the way. All right. Anyways, I'm Dragonfly Magic. And, you know, I took care of this whole thing on December 2nd, 2015. So everybody's been healthy ever since then. All right.

Question mark, question mark, question mark. That's how question marks work, by the way, Fest. The question isn't detailed enough for me to be certain what you are asking. My best guess is that you will want to know how to organize a music pop festival in your town. Or you want to find a way to afford to attend one. So, please restate your question to have a better chance of getting helpful answers from us at Advice-O-Nators. Thank you, good day.

I just want to pop first. How to pop fast question mark? Well, thank you. Okay. Now we're talking. The previous question was called Please Help My Dog, period. Mel will help you question was called, please help my dog, period. Mel Will Help You has an answer as well.

He needs to go to a little pop fest. Mel Will Help You says, I have no idea. Just go and have fun. Thanks, Mel B. Mel Will Help You. And then, Boots, you had a question you wanted to ask Zarla right of course I do the question is

banana eating I am fond of eating banana but my bros don't want to see me eating banana it's impossible for me to eat banana in front of them and in public. Why the banana is related to bad thoughts?

Why the banana? Why banana? I'm Chameleon247 and I will tell you why. Basically, we all know that most guys are gross and perverted. Whenever your brothers see you eating a banana, they refer to the banana as a penis.

It's because of the resemblance. Oh, I see. That's clever. Oh, I get it now. Oh, yeah. But don't listen to them. Keep eating bananas because they are good for you and have a lot of protein and potassium. Plus, they're yummy hearts, Camille. My name is Careless Fun. It reminds a lot of guys of a penis.

They are probably overprotective of you and don't want to think about you giving a guy head. I mean, what if she's just really chomping and slapping it up against her face like a moussinet and she's just terrible at it? And they just fear for her. And they fear for other guys' dicks in the future. Wow, you're eating that banana, but it's so dry. Yeah, what the hell?

Also, you never unpeeled it? You're just slapping it against your face? Hey, guys, I was just looking at the profile, like the bio for Mel Will Help You. Can I just quickly read that? Yeah, I'd love it if you did. Okay. the profile, like the bio for Mel Will Help You. Can I just quickly read that? Yeah, I'd love it if you did. Okay, all right, so this is all about Mel Will Help You. Oh my god.

For example, I like the Hunger Games, but I feel like they're in an arena killing each other then getting oppressed the fuck out of in districts and trying to fight against the government. So why are they falling in love? I haven't read the fifth wave, but from what I've heard, they're living in dystopian society where mayhem is happening the girl is trying to find her brother if she somehow has room in her mind to fall in love i like the

diversion series but why in the world would tris and toby has been making out every two pages when they're trying to remove the entire system i feel like if you had that much going on in your life the danger is unrealistic it's so unnecessary and pointless like a book will be like oh no aliens are running around everywhere my My whole family is the plague. Better get in that boy's pants. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes that makes sense. For example, I read Harry Potter. Voldemort didn't

attack till the end of the year. And throughout the year when bad stuff was happening, there was still room for things to be messed up. In the Percy Jackson series, there were times where they could interact without worrying about Kronos or Gaius. Hey, Buddy Brad! I'm 20 years old and recently had incontinence. Oh, good, good.

Okay, alright. Incontinence? Yeah. I need your help. I recently had incontinence and I wore Depends so I ran out. Now I wear Wherevers. They're great underwear, but I grate for bowel accidents. And I wore Depends until I ran out. Now I wear Wherever's.

They are great underwear, but I grate for bowel accidents. They are great for urine, though. So I need to ask my parents for Depends or adult diaper brand. Please help me. God bless Skyler. God bless Skyler. Okay. Yeah. God bless Skyler. Oh, thanks, Skyler. Okay. Yeah, God bless.

I'm Dragonfly Magic! This is something a doctor should check you out for or any other underlying causes. Also, don't call me anymore. Look up Kegel exercises. Do these several times a day. Really helps. I mean, not with the shitting. That's just fun.

That's just a byproduct. That's a good time. I also like to add I did pelvic exercises, which helped. Now I have fecal and urine problems. Now this is what started it. Oh, shit! I guess like magic you botched that one.

Wait, go do reverse pelvic exercises then. You did kegels and it ruined your poop? Yeah, it was good poop before. Damn good. Ruined? Shit, no! Drop the ball just like you dropped your pelvic

floor. Speaking of this Okay I know this is weird but every morning After I brush my teeth I have to use the bathroom to poop And sometimes I don't have to Time to use the bathroom

So my stomach starts To hurt really bad And because of this I don't have the appetite to eat in the morning which which i want to start doing so what do i do p.s stop brushing your teeth all together someone told me it could be the mint but i don't like the other fruity flavors fruity flavors oh i'm dragging flat magic no no now go ahead go for it oh sorry Oh, I'm Dragonfly Magic! No, no. No, go ahead.

Go for it. Oh, sorry. No, no, I didn't mean to. Oh, God. What have I done? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Dragonfly Magic answers pretty much every question on this. Oh, shit.

Okay, no, no. We need to pass around that Dragonfly Magic. So I'm Dragonfly Magic. Pass the dragon to the left-, shit. Okay, no, no. We need to pass around that dragonfly magic. So I'm dragonfly magic. Pass the dragon to the left-hand side. And Sarla, you are dragonfly magic? Oh, this is

this is a challenging This is I have to figure out I have to figure out how to approach this like a great artist. I believe I believe that

that letter is zero. Let's see. Hmm. You like I guess you could also pronounce it as an O, technically. So your oar is stoomic, and intestines are sensitive to O-so-thing in it.

Mint is for soothing the stomach, as many herbalists know. G-o-o-d for gas troubles. I know dirrs. I know dirrs.

That's the end of the sentence. Too old me when kids were little to not lead them. I know doctors. That's just a sentence. That's it. I know doctors. Definitely don't lead your kids. And you said I know doctors. Do not't lead your kids. And you said no doctors.

Do not lead them. Swallow any 2-0-0 toothpaste as their young systems might have problems with the fluoride and it could make their stomachs hurt.

Even if not swallowing it, enough of it might be getting into your stomach to give you problems. Mom, can I have a new keyboard, please? No!

Difficult version of pig Latin. Even natural F00D or T00 Even natural F00D or T00 toothpaste as a rule has fluoride. That's why I now use only backing soda

not daily but a couple times a week. Keep it in a glass jar with a lid and add a drop of mint flavoring to ooh it. Wow. I've ordered my oki and it will be coming tomorrow. I have some shocking news about Dragonfly Magic.

What's that? Dragonfly Magic occupation retired age 61. Oh! That's interesting. Oh no! What a weird... Blessings to you.

Magic is just passing along wisdom. You don't know. She has blessings for us. Blessings for all of us. Also, Kanye Sutra included the note, gird your eyes before clicking on this profile. Do you like swirls? Because she loves swirls.

Anyway, I have no name, but sounds ridiculous, but tissue stuck in balls? No. It doesn't sound ridiculous at all.

It doesn't sound possible. What kind of super, super strong tissue do you buy? Johnson's ball tissue? Johnson's super sharp ball tissue. All the balls, yeah. The toughest of balls. You can get through anything.

I guarantee I owe you money back. So, uh, first off, I, 16 male, randomly ejaculated earlier. What? Okay.

It's minding your own business and then spinning around in your computer. Blowing your arms. Holding a spork, and uh, no masturb masturbation no erections nothing I went to go and wipe my penis

and get the semen out of my pants with a tissue however I guess some bits of tissue just stayed there and they were too small to get out also you'll see how this ties in in a minute yay

suspense Also, you'll see how this ties in in a minute. Yay! It's like a Chris Nolan film. Suspense. Ball suspense. When I was pulling up my pants for you to wash my hands, a bit of semen dropped on the floor. I was going to wipe it up, however, just as I was about to. I couldn't hear where it landed even though I definitely felt it so now I'm worried that I stood on it and there's semen

in my feet whoa wow so this guy is like do you think your feet are pregnant now this guy is semi permeable I don't want to have no foot babies.

I'm too young. You might be a genie. Maybe. I have no name. Anyway, I went to change my pants. But when I was naked about to change them, I noticed some round white circles. In your vision? No, Gandalf was blowing smoke rings in my head.

Is he? Now, he stepped on my semen, so he's going to have the foot babies. He's going to have magic foot babies. He's going to have hobbit babies. Magic foot babies. Hobbit babies. Now this definitely isn't sperm as it had completely different thickness to normal sperm. And a completely

different texture to dry sperm. Okay. Okay. I'm glad you've been approaching this scientifically. Like you have your sperm board out and it is over here I've invented

non-Euclidean sperm I realized it was tissue quite quickly but didn't want to wipe it out for fear that more would get stuck I'd considered running a bath, but didn't want any semen to get on the cloth as I was still

What were you doing? What were you doing right now? What were you doing while this all was happening? As I was still randomly ejaculating by this point. It was like circus music playing at this point. Oh no.

I'm gonna get all the foot babies. Like clowns just pulling scarves out of... Now I'm gonna have a hair baby. Oh, that's an eyebrow baby for sure. Even though the semen was just sort of sticking out,

my penis stuck. I got some tissue to wipe it, but didn't want to chance getting any on the cloth. You're not really setting a scene that makes any sense. Are you from genital jousting?

Listen, I'm in the bathroom, I'm randomly ejaculating, and I'm worried about the cloth. Oh, oh, he's a priest. Okay. Okay, I get it. Randomly ejaculating. My line of work, they call that evidence.

I didn't want any chance getting on the cloth because other people in the house use it as well to wash their faces, armpits, etc. Were you going to get in the bath? Why did you throw that idea out the window so fast? I don't want any semen on the cloth. All right. Okay.

The tissue is still... It's the Shroud of Turin that you got right there. The tissue is still stuck in my balls now. Okay. I don't want to get in the bath and try... I don't want to get in the bath and try and scrub it out. Because, I mean, as other people use the same cloth...

Did you have your dick set on reverse? Do you just suck things in at all times? You were raised on a cult compound. They just call this cloth the bath. How do I explain this

situation to my parents? I don't know, you didn't explain it to us very well Yeah, you all Wait, you need to explain it to your parents now? Yeah I'm pregnant with tissue Well, it's all over the walls at this point He's just been doing it for like minutes

Just randomly ejaculating it And here's why I need to explain it Because neither of them were home when this happened Obviously if they were home they would totally understand the situation. Every time I leave! He's always ejaculating randomly. Also, why did the semen disappear that landed on the floor? In your foot, making you pregnant, obviously.

on the floor. In your foot, making you pregnant. Obviously. Why did I ejaculate randomly without thinking of anything even remotely sexual? You have a lot of questions and nobody on Advice-O-Nators has any answers that are worth a shit.

So instead, I want to ask you this question, Boots. Possible that I may be pregnant. Okay. Hi. Hi. Hi.

Hello. Hi. I had sex with my BF on 25 of last month. It matters the date, right? Okay. Yes. So 25 of last month and my period date is 13. It's been 20 days

and I didn't get in my periods. I always get my periods like a whole bunch at once. There's a lot of them. It's called the ellipsis. That's how many periods she gets. Reddit, tattletat,-a-tat, like that. Never hesitate to put my blood on.

Please don't get the periods on the cloth. Oh, no, I don't have blood, babies. Oh, I'd have to explain that to my mom. I always get my periods on time. Probably this is the first time it got so delayed. We had used a condom and done a water checking. Yeah, you know. What does that mean?

You're a witch. Oh, you check the condom with water to make sure there are no holes in it. You put the condom on the dick. You blow some air into it. Then you stick the condom with water to make sure you didn't have holes in it. You put the condom on the dick. You blow some air into it. Then you stick the dick in a bucket. How do you blow air into the dick? Is it through the urethra? It's through the balls where the paper gets stuck.

Oh, yeah. Okay, and that's how you blow it out. And then it comes out through the asshole. Yeah. Okay. So still is it possible that i may be praying to bliss out uh yes uh my name is dragonfly magic and i'm clearly an expert at women's health we are a female according to your column

right well here here i am a retired woman if no cum leaked sideways up and out of condom as he's wearing it then probably not pregnant oh more likely just the fact that you're worried has delayed your cycle women's cycles are very easily delayed and in one case comes earlier one person had one person had an early one just that one early she's been early online polls early if your period is regulating to occur the same time as other menstruating females you spend every day with it can be as easy as being around mom or sister or daily with female classmates oh come on it's fun and easy it is later when body is stressed i can be mental stressed and worry the stress of an oncoming

cold sickness or even hay fever or the fact that you just got over something like that and again regulating later to occur at the same time as other females glad i can help thanks thanks dragonfly magic but just just make sure that thanks dragonfly magic we're gonna hear that a lot thanks dragonfly magic make sure the cum didn't leak didn't leak sideways up and out of condom you know like jagged like lightning lots of cum

they just fall out clink clink like a pachinko machine. Yeah, pretty much. Bunny Brain, what's your page called? Or what's your question? Jerking my dick. All right.

That's my question. Okay, cool. All right, bye. Jerking my dick. I mean, jerking my dick? that's my question okay cool alright bye jerking my dick I mean jerking my dick wasn't sure hi

this is Siva from India this is how we sound this is a good accent I am 23 male I jerk in my dick from 9th standard jerk in my dick

jerk in my dick jerk in my dick what I jerk in my dick from 9th standard 9th standard that's a thing in Indian schools like it's

9th standard is It's close to 9th grade but it's not exactly Oh yeah It's fine move on You're from India okay I am I mean from the age of 2006 Back when I was

2006 years old Takes me back I was so young It's a simpler time Just jerking my dick young just jerking my dick all day jerking my dick mostly I do it at least a day

I do it for a full 24 hours and then take a breath alright and now jerking my dick at least thrice in a week. Thrice, listen to me. Sometimes when I make sex chat over the phone with girlfriend. Nice, Eva, nice.

Knuckles, all right, pound it, pound it. All right, give it up. I do it more thrice a day. That's like five thrices. That's like five thrices. That's so many thrices. You've got to know how to do it, guys. Man, that's a lot of thrice. Holy shit, so much thrice.

They're going to call you Andrew Thrice Clay. Slave to my thrices. That's a shitty joke and a botched it. Hang on. I'm like Anne Thrice. I'm so bad. All right. All right.

Anyways, unable to stop this habit. Oh, shit. This is the problem. Please tell how to stop this. Please give me suggestions. Please. Just the one. Don't give me multiples.

Rocket egg disease. We're going in this. Something like STD. What do you think the first letter in STD stands for? I don't know. Stanky? It depends on how creative he is with his... Thrice a day.

Self-transmitted disease. Yeah. Please tell me, do I get health problem? Does it make any challenge in giving baby in future? I want to give babies. I want to give them the way I want to give them the way my hands are

slippery. Does it make any difference in my kids' health issue? Can I continue this? Question mark, question mark. Oh, whoo! Tell him some food items to maintain this, huh? Wait, now you want to maintain this?

Hey, cheese slices. Hey, cheese slices. Should I reduce jerking? No. Okay, good. If so, why? Never mind, we covered this. No. If so, why? No.

Does it make a any problem? If so, then how to reduce it? So anyways, it goes in. What's your final sentence? Plus. Plus. Plus plus. Plus plus.

Plus plus. Plus plus. Hey, I'm the advice man. Very cool. Relax your normal, healthy 23-year-old male with a high sex drive that needs to relieve his sexual tension. Oh, good. Masturbation, jerking your dick, or jerking off is normal and healthy. You cannot get STDSS from masturbation, and it will not affect your ability to father children in the future or health of your future children. Look over there.

That's the advice man. Yeah. Hey, boy. You need some advice, bro? I got children. Look over there. That's the advice man. Yeah. Hey, boy, you need some advice, bro? I got what you need over here. Come on. Step in here. All right. I'm your mama.

I'm your daddy. He's got his trench coat just filled with advice. I'm your advice man. I'm your advice man. The only time masturbation is not normal is when it becomes an obsession and something you do to the exclusion of everything else. Masturbating thrice daily or three times a week is normal and not an obsession. I didn't say three times a week is idiot.

I said thrice because I'm a poet. Thrice daily or more is a bit much, but, you know, that's fine. Not to the advice man. Okay. It is the best way I know to relieve sexual tension for those dry spells between sexual relationship. So stop beating yourself up. You know, those sexual relationships where you're having sex three times a day every day. Yep, yep.

Relax and enjoy yourself. Can I read something real quick from the advice man's about page? Yeah, please do. My column's dedicated to telling it like it is. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. He's not here to make friends. I'm about to get red-pilled, aren't I?

I will always give the best information available to me with the best advice I can. I'll be up front and never hide the truth from you. Thank you. Thank you. The one thing I will not do is homework. Oh, shit. You get my next question.

Mom. I will try and point you toward the answer or help you find the answers you're looking for. Ultimately, you have to find the answer yourself. My profile image is for the Baltimore Ravens. Yes. Okay. Hi there, I'm Mr.

Wombat. Hey, Mr. Wombat. What's up? Tell me about jerking my dick. Yeah, jerking my dick. Only three times a week. What? Yeah.

When you said, can I continue this or what Only three times a week. What? Yeah. When you said, Can I continue this or what? That was a really good bunny bread. Yep. It was pretty good. Yep. Semen is like spit. Your body just produces the stuff.

Oh, okay. I'm not going to run around. It's just like spit. It's exactly like spit. When you said, Does it make any problem? Some people think it makes you less masculine long term reduces your drive to chase woman to the real thing man you're so then how do i reduce it you reduce it by reducing it oh this question is like people

who want to lose weight and they ask, but how can I eat less? Mr. Wombat took a little Steve Harvey turn. Shit. If you really want to reduce it, then it's the same as dealing with any other bad habit. There's plenty of advice out there. Google how to stop bad habits. You bet on it.

That's why I came here. So I don't need this site at all. No, no, no. Just Google it. All you need is to Google how to stop bad habits. How to stop jerking dick! That's some real fucking clickbait. This entire everything is clickbait-iest bullshit.

Oh, hi, life hacker. You're a bad website. Okay. Okay, so a question for you Zarla The question for you being Dragonfly magic not somebody Who doesn't have great advice Which is too bad because

The username is I give advice Username I give advice What's this thing you're saying Straight forward right to the point username uh give a face what's this thing you're saying straightforward right to the point anyway um so uh I'm in a heterosexual

relationship I just discovered my husband of 30 years is viewing gay porn for hours every morning on his laptop hours? every morning on his laptop. Multiple hours, yes, exactly. Every morning wake up.

Honey, do you want breakfast? I'm busy. I'm goddamn busy, alright? You gonna look for a job today? No! You're gonna take the kids to school? Leave me alone! Busy. Should I confront him about this? No! You're going to take the kids to school? Leave me alone! Fizzy! Should I confront him about this? No!

Every morning I wake up and slap the chronicles of Get Dick into my VCR. All the moves. This is happening for hours every morning! Should I bring it up? It's the next eye contact with me while he's doing it.

You, not this! He points to the screen and nods his head, then he points at me and shakes no. Oh, my god. So, I'm Dragonfly Magic. If you are afraid of the answers,

you are afraid of the answers. Fuck you who are afraid of the answers. If you are afraid of the answers. Which will understand possible ones as I go on. Then you may not want to ask him. Oh, yeah. Let's keep denying this shit. Okay, good, good, good.

So don't bring it up. This is how all marriages work out. It's fine. It'll be fine. Although I can't promise that keeping the crumbs and dust swept under the rug will mean it never sees the light of day. One day he may become brave enough to tell you, and you may or may not be ready for the answer. His answers could blow your mind. If you're really, really stupid, still.

Now, after what I mentioned... Wait, wait. But you're a fella. And you want to have sex with a fella? Wait, I'm in here like those fellas you've been watching every morning and stroking your dick to? Those fellas? Thought they were just your friends. I'm not having sex with fellas. I just don't.

How would that even work? Come on now. Oh, you've shown me. For the past year and a half. I have some visual guides you can see. Oh, I've shown me. I have some visual guides you can see. Dragonfly Magic, I'm really excited for the research you've done here, by the way. So, now for what I mentioned as a better alternative to watching porn is a venue through which one can experience all the things they want to, but never have for special reasons. I am talking of a program on the computer

called Second Life. Yay! That's the real Dragonfly magic, baby. It is a venue that is run with pretty much all the things one could experience in real life. Nope. Just furry dicks.

That's all. That's the only thing. Also flying dicks. That's all. That's the only thing. That's what you experience in real life. See, should I keep going with Second Life? Sure, yes. Let's learn some more about Second Life. I mean, you need to create an account.

Third Life. You have to spend a You have to spend a minimal amount of money to play and once in, people earn game money to carry on. You get an avatar and name it, dress it, go to dances, clubs, sing or perform on stage. Have furry sex. Have furry sex. Go swimming, surfing, riding motorcycles.

Yeah, yeah. But think of each other as raccoons. Anything you can do in real life. I used to play, and my hubby does minimally now. Just for the challenge. The challenge? The challenge of fucking me. Besides his male avatar, he created a female one

to see how good he might be able to do as a female, and through that discovered plenty of seniors who never followed their true path, were bi, gay, or transgender, but hid it. Now they can experience what it is like being the other sex or having sex with those they couldn't before. It seems to fulfill that part of a person that has always wondered or mourned for what they just couldn't bring themselves to do.

I can't swim so i trying with swimming and surfing and other water sports where i could have drowned in real life long ago if in the talks your husband is really curious to experience but isn't gay or bi then i would mention second life and support his getting into it i even tried i'll skip past the part where you referred to water sports in a different way. But like, but like, I'm swimming in Second Life. This is basically

the same. Such a realistic experience. I'm finding this very wholesome and nice. It's just like boxing in Second Life, you know. I even tried being a male and I could create really handsome one with great name and such but when it came to typing in my conversation with women

I just couldn't think of what to say to women though my husband is good at it he most definitely is not gay I hope this helps you but I will say there is a reason for his viewing this porn and if he says there isn't he is afraid of your response and that may be in part to how you have responded in other situations over the years

if you get over-emotional instead of remaining calm and such stuff. Hope this helps you. It does. So, play the video game and stay in denial. Never thought about the 60-plus-year-olds on Second Life. Yeah.

Yeah. Boost your name's TigerShark. I have a question for you. Why do I hate everything un-american i just don't want anybody to move here now if they're coming from a third world country and come to america for better opportunities then i totally accept that but i'm talking about all those freaky freakaloos. That's who I'm talking to. The freaky freakaloos from Europe or British land or wherever.

And they want to come here. This is a term that they use. They want to come here because they want to be cool. And become American. No, you can't become American. No! You can't become America. You either are or you aren't. Just don't move here!

Why do I feel like this? Just hate Europe and everything not American? I will become America! Destroyer of worlds! I am America. Alright, I'm Tiger Shark. I'm going to say some awful shit.

Yeah, you are. It's about fucking time. Read some history. America belonged to the Red Indians, the real Americans, natives. But I'm going to keep saying Red Indians here. So that's all right.

Whatever. Thanks, Tiger Shark. British who fled from the British who fled from Britain because of n number of reasons came to America and were welcomed by the Red Indians. But as it's always the case with Brits, they started

killing the red indians eventually killing them all they occupied their land and started to call themselves america so actually the real americans are long dead and the america is now basically brit breeds to start with but is a country filled with mixed breeds read now some history and stop claiming America to be yours and stop hating people for nothing. But behold, that's what your forefathers, Brits, did with the Native Americans. So it rings an alarm here. This post was written in November 3rd, 2015. I'm so confused because...

Yeah, saying red Indians was cool back then. I feel like you're basically... Wow, that's such a confusing post. Yeah. Look, there's no more Native Americans and the only colonists were British. It's true. Definitely a Cleveland baseball fan.

It's true Definitely a Cleveland baseball fan Sarla, I'm going to give you The choice of which question you want to ask The advice-onators next Option number one You can ban criticism Or option number two You can find some good celebrities

Both are mythical. I want to ban criticism. Ban criticism. Yeah, you should. Great. Okay. So like all questions on Advice-O-Nators, you do not have a name. But go ahead and find out how to ban criticism.

I spoke from the shadows to avoid my haters. How to ban criticism. I spoke from the shadows to avoid my haters. How to ban criticism. I understand criticism now, and I really can't stand it. It's very offensive. I remember in 2003, my stupid younger brother used to criticize my reading and call me stupid and boss me around like a little smart mouth he was, but he has already passed away. But saying things like punctuation, sorry, punctutation,

yeah, punctutation is sort of calling someone. That's my punctuation. My punctuation is sort of like calling someone's grammar stupid, which is really a groan. To do some people do that because they won't expect that their grammar is great or because they're stupid and won't admit it. That makes me angry. Seriously, you shouldn't do those things anyway. How can you punish those who criticize you to make you feel bad so I might teach them a lesson?

Period. Period. Jesus. Jesus. What you got there, Bunny Bread? I, I, I, okay. Hey, it's Dragonfly Madison! Oh, dear.

That's a lot of words for that voice. Wow, that is. Okay. Oh, I'm sorry. Let's take this down a notch. Hey, buddy. Oh, there we go. Oh yeah, perfect. You have some long-term anger about the comments directing you.

And it sounds like it may be for more than just your brother. There are many very talented people who can outright correct sentences in spell words that gosh darn. You know. I don't know when you. I am married to such a man. My second husband. God bless him. We met in an online dating.

So he had the right to me to give to my interest. So he had the other spell checking to fix what he had to say. It was a very long letter. Did he consider using his computer? No. No. Shut up. Wait, he wrote it in a letter and read it and then scanned it in.

Yeah, he came to wax and he stamped on the outside of the envelope. His penmanship was spectacular. He had to pluck a raven and dip it in his blood to write it. In a minute. Bunny Bread, just skip to the very last paragraph.

Yup! One more thing to help you understand why there's such a wide range of humans from very mature to very immature and everything in between as souls we are all at different levels of learning right okay yeah we yeah yeah very different very different levels some are brand new souls and that's like being a kindergartner who doesn't know nothing yet. That's stupid, though. Plus, there are souls who have spent several times coming back to Earth, living another life to learn and to grow more mature.

So, we have souls who are at a wide level of how they act right some have learning to become very loving gentle and forgiving slow to anger very understanding while others choose to exercise their right to do as they wish with their will and choose to not change or grow and cause trouble instead hurt others, rebel, retaliate, carry anger inside and dump it on the others. That was one sentence. You stopped short of indigo

children, so I guess I'm on your side. Yep. Sometimes these awful experiences are there in our life for us to learn and grow from them as happened to me. Hey, Boots. I've heard that you have solid advice for teens.

Is that right? Do I? You have solid advice for teens. And that's great because I'm a teen and I've had some musical confusion. Okay. So, my parents don't want me listening to Wizard Rock. Oh, that's important.

Okay. Yeah. My mom and I don't get along. For example, I listen to music revolving around Harry Potter. Wizard Rock. Oh, shit. Oh. You want us on your side, do you?

You do, and you don't want to be on my mom's side because she says I'm doing it purposefully to annoy her since she doesn't like it. Okay. Can't see how that would work out. I explained that I was not doing it to annoy

her, and I really did like to listen to it. She said that if I listen to it in a private headphones when she's not in the room the music sucks so bad that not only does he have to put on headphones he has to put on headphones in another room.

So today let me tell you about today. So when I was dancing to the Wizard Rock. Yes, yes. You should have a gift for that. I want to just picture you, eyes closed, headphones on, dancing to the Wizard Rock. Yeah, I got my little twig wand in my hand.

Oh, yeah, perfect. Like a glow stick. Robes billowing in the wind You got your fan on in the corner Just to It's perfect because it's Going to blow your Ravenclaw scarf You're spinning

Your Ron Weasley body pillow In a perfect circle Technotronica! So yeah, I was dancing with my headphones in and then she I was having a good time, okay? So she came down and blew up at me because I was listening to it. I reminded

her of what she said and she shouted she never said that. Her memory is fine. Then she said, maybe I should call your said that. Her memory is fine. Then she said, maybe I should call your teachers and tell them all how disrespectful you are and how they think you're a perfect angel but really a brat. Now that's how you attack a fucking nerd

right there. Maybe I should call your calculus teacher. No! I did what she told me to. Please give me some advice. I really don't want to lose my music. P.S. There is nothing bad

in my music. Except for the wizard part. And everything else. No, there's nothing bad in the wizard rock that I listen to. Thank you! Wizard rock has I listen to. Thank you! Wizard Rock has a Wikipedia page. Anyway, I am solid

advice for teens. Yeah. Wow, I gotta reply to you like you're not there. Oh, wow! That's just like a lot of people sort of do that to me yep

real familiar real familiar her parents probably said the same thing about the Beatles no that's the mother every kid who is now an adult has this issue you can listen to whatever music you like

and she cannot stop that. Unless the lyrics are talking about things that are morally wrong or disturbing and disgusting music from Harry Potter or any musical genre won't affect you adversely long term. She is being unreasonable.

What would I do? Give her the liner notes from the CD. Allow her to show her. Study has no negative effect. Also volunteer to listen to other types of music. She likes if you can keep yours to yourself and your own ears, maybe tone down dancing to it in her immediate vision. Okay.

So I showed her the lyrics to prove that there's nothing bad in it. And she blew up at me for showing it to her. And when I was bad in it, and she blew up at me for showing it to her. And when I was there... Why can't my son be cool? Shut the fuck up! I wish you were jerking off thrice a day.

It's a bad time to bring up. What the fuck is wrong with you? When I was dancing, she came in the room. I stopped dancing, but she still yelled at me. Get to jerking off. I said simple for,

for measure. God damn it. Simple four-form measure. God damn it. Nobody in my family likes Harry Potter except me, and the music no one likes but me, and they all say my mom is right and I'm wrong. My dad talked to my mom,

but she yelled at me for trying to be selfish and get in my own way. I forgot to mention my dad is David Bowie. Linda, I think it's all right if the child dances to wizard music. She says if I don't listen to her all the time I'll be a failure and rob a bank or shoot someone or something go on drugs excellent okay very very good

very very helpful things I uh so I'm just on the the Harry Potter wiki site list of rock bands rock bands spelled with a W

so we got you know Draco and the Malfoys Detention with Dolores Creepy Crisis the Butterbeer Experience I'm not supposed to be understanding this shit The Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office

Okay, shut the fuck up Here we go The thing I want to close this thing out with Is Kanye Sutra Gave us a game So the Game That has been provided

here is called the $1,000,000 Questorama. So I'm going to, one by one, give you a question, and you need to ask, or you need to tell me if that

question was asked on Advice-O-Nators, Question.com, or Yahoo Answers. Ooh. Oh. All right. Fantastic. Boots is a ringer for this shit, man. Okay.

So our first contestant here is Bunny Bread. Bunny Bread, do you want to tell us a little bit about yourself? Oh, hi. I'm 6'1", about nine inches uncut. Wait, what was the question? Okay, so the question was, does anyone know where I can get a female

mannequin with nice hips and butt a Coke bottle shape? I'll give you a clue. I am an upcoming fashion designer and I am in need of slim, thick mannequin i feel like it brings the designs out more when the mannequin has a great shape all the ones i found are super skinny yeah okay so that came from neopets forums right i'm sorry correct answer question.com

all right all right our our next contestant here is Zarla. Mm-hmm. All right. Much more straightforward. This question, how does your family have impact on you? I will give you further elucidation. How your family have impact on you? I think I know this one. I'm going to guess Yahoo Answers. Yahoo. I'm sorry.

That was Advicinator. Oh, no. Advicinator. Wow. Next contestant, Achilles Heeles. Yep'm sorry. That was Advicinator. Oh, no. Advicinator. Wow. Next contestant, Achilles Heelys. Yep. Okay.

Okay, so Achilles Heelys, this is your question, and it is from one of these three websites. The question is, how do I become a moderator on Advicinator? Don't use Neopets. I already used it. It's a trap. All right. Can you give me a clue, please, Lemon?

Yeah. So how do I become one? I just joined and read about someone saying that they were a moderator. I want to be one, too. Does it cost money? What are the rules on that? What can I do as a moderator? I don't even think it's a spy.

I'm going to guess eHow. eHow. No. No. Correct answer. YahooHow. No, no. Correct answer. Yahoo answer. That's funny. Exactly.

You got a question. You got a question. That's where you need to have it answered. We have no points. Nobody has a point. Hey, Boots, is the dog telling me something? Oh, can I get a clue on this one? Oh, sure. At home, there's a small drawer with a razor blade that we use to scrape crud off the stove.

One day I was getting some dishwasher capsules, and I was holding said razor blade. A little later, I saw my dog, and he was growling at me, and I put the razor blade back in the drawer, and he stopped. Can my dog be telling me something? I believe this is Advicenators. Advicenators is correct. Wow. You got a point. For you, Boots.

You ringing some bitch. All right. So this is round two. And of course, in round two, the points are doubled. Okay. So, Bunny Bread, good names. Good names. What?

What? Bunny Bread, your question. Good names for bowling babies? Oh. You should not bowl babies. Shut up. You don't know. Is there any name for a bowling baby?

Shut up. I don't get around that house. You dick face. You think you're so awesome because you got a point? Don't make it a sport, let alone name it. Oh, God. Okay, so bowling baby leagues or bowling baby? You know what?

Can I get some more information? Country of origin? Yes, I'm having a son. My husband and I are really into bowling. I want to name my baby Mookie after Mookie Betts. Yeah, yeah. But here's the problem with naming my son Mookie. My husband thinks this is too obvious.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, because everybody will. Okay, Oh, yeah. Yeah, no. Because everybody will... Okay, yeah, yeah. There's like... That was the second most popular. It was right behind Michael. Okay.

All right. So I'm going to go with... Advice and Haters was just taken. So we're going to go with WikiHow. Oh, I'm sorry. Yahoo Answers. Shit! Yahoo Answers.

Zarla, I have a question for you. I am trying to help. I am trying to find help to understand a mystery because it has seriously affected my life. Okay, so I need to. What is the mystery? Well, okay. They all have something in their head wrong there that makes them hate on me to the point of tears. And it just destroyed me.

I am afraid. I'm going to guess question.com. Question.com. Yes, correct. That is a point for you. All right. And that puts Zarla in the lead with two points. Two points.

Okay. Achilles, Elyse, this question rules. Yeah. Achilles, Elyse, I have a question for you. Can I get pregnant if my boyfriend fuck me in my hips hole? My hips hole. Your entire hips. Your entire hips, I guess.

Yeah. Can I get a clue, though? I have a clue. Okay. hips. Can I get a clue though? Okay, you have a clue? Can I get pregnant and my boyfriend fuck me in my back hole? That's a different question. Your entire back. It's a question that I think only

the Advicenators could handle. Advicenators is correct! Yeah! Fantastic. Now we're tied. So Boots, you could win this right now. You could win this or you could lose this. This is the most dramatic

game show that we've ever played on the F+, which is not saying much. Alright. So Boots, my question for you, what kind of poison powder would make your throat itch and your lungs hurt? I need a clue. You need a clue, by the way?

I do need a clue. Yeah, I can give you a clue. I have an inkling of... Yeah, I can give you a clue. These gang members that don't like me are dropping some kind of powder next to me when they walk by me at work. Oh, those gang members from work. It's chalk dust. Brushing off their hands.

Are you a cop? I think this sounds like a question.com. Question.com is correct! Oh my god! Oh yeah! Let's see, What do we have for Boots Rain? Nothing. We have nothing

for you. Congratulations. There's nothing at all. But I get something, right? Second place gets something. You still have your health. The best one that Kanye Sutra put at the end

of the game was it's from Advice-nators and it was, how do I get people to ask me questions? No. I think the heading was, um, how? Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. There's a great answer to that question.

How do I get people to ask me questions? Ryan 10 back in 2004 says, You rather can't. Well, you might. You have to give very good advice. And when people stop by to see your advice, they'll say that you're really good and they'll ask you stuff.

Thanks, Ryan. Yeah, Ryan, at the time of writing his profile, was 13 years old. You're not supposed to be on the site. Yeah, Ryan, at the time of writing his profile, was 13 years old. You're not supposed to be on the site. Oh, my God. Oh, he's okay, though. He's not under 13. He can't be under 13.

Oh, that's true. That's true. I love his occupation, movie, hanging with friends, and computer. Those are cool. That's what occupies his time. And I do want to like to find out what we've learned But before we find out what we learned

Achilles Healy, there is a brief list Of some titles from Advice-O-Nators I'd love you to read Oh yeah, I got that Pussy fingering In cucumber You're fingering the cucumber? That does not say fingering

Oh sorry, pussy fingering the cucumber that does not say fingering I'm sorry pussy fingering a cucumber my good fingering that movie with Emma Watson right the fingering I got cucumber all over my pussy fingering I put toothpaste on my clit we're not clit

you clit my clit. We're not clit. You clit. We clit. I'm glad BuddyBread got it. Can be disvergent if I finger sex? Disvergent. Guy has cancer. Swallow his cum. Yellowish chunks in semen when I ejaculate my dog won't lick me but licks everyone else

is puppy love legal dogs roll around on back and making noises they sure do dogs be doing that Dogs roll round on back and making noises. They sure do. They sure do. Dogs be doing that. I'm walking like a dog again. Where can I find a penguin in the state of New York? Penguin rehabilitation.

What'd you do with that penguin? We don't talk about what we did with that penguin. You mind your own goddamn business. Did you arrest the penguin for Grand Theft Auto? Where can I find a penguin? Just stole this car. I think this question comes from Frank West. Is it unacceptable to not play games at all on your computer?

Yes. Why do you have it? I'm having problems with haters in my Steam life. Yep. I will be asked on how to hack a Facebook account. That one's me. Prepare yourselves. Is it wrong to take the advice of an internet columnist?

Wait, let me see what the advice-o-nators say. Where can I buy the guns from the anime series Hellsing? What is Selena Gomez's phone number? That was me. Little Wayne is the best rapper alive.

Hell no or fo sho. Music that symbolizes lust first fucking music is it true that Justin Bieber hates Koreans that sounds like a Tuckerucker carlson segment true i just i'm just asking

and if he does hate koreans why does he hate koreans so uh what do we learn from any of this f plus uh i've learned not to eat a banana in front of my bros So, what do we learn from any of this, F-Plus? I've learned not to eat a banana in front of my bros. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they'll think about it. They'll think about it, and then it'll fuck them up. And it's weird, yeah. And then they'll just, I mean, they're forced to shove their dicks in my mouth.

Jesus, I can't. Why did you make me think about that? Yeah, come on, man. Now my dick's all, you know, you can't leave me like this. You and your banana ways. I learned that Muggle Relations are an Ames, Iowa band made up from former members of Ministry of Magic.

Are you still looking at goddamn fucking Wizard Rock? Oh, God, I'm looking at the Discord chat now. This shit sucks. Riddle, T.A. Oh, God. I'm looking at the Discord chat now. This shit sucks. Riddle TM. Oh, God. So one of the bands is called Riddle Trademark, and they

either are called Riddle Trademark or sometimes just Riddle TM. Oh, Riddle TM. Yeah, they're a wizard rock band from Oxfordshire. I learned that Web 2.0 or, like, Web 1.0 websites still exist. And the last question asked on this

was on Monday, July 5th, 2021. People are still here and the site looks like it's from 1999. It sure does. I love it. It's pretty cool because like, I mean, you know, I can't imagine this thing's getting much juice, right? Like it's not even

like HTTPS. Nobody's coming here from search engines. I'm not sure what's leading them there. It's all beautiful word of mouth, man. It's just like, hey. Multiple questions are getting asked a day. I want to know if I can get pregnant from fucking my girlfriend. Turns out I can't.

You know where I found that out? Yo. I'm going to tell you. You're going to write it down in your hand and not tell anybody. AdviceSanators.com knows that the two most attractive colors in the rainbow are gray and rust. Hell yes. Awesome. People love tables.

Welcome to the Midwest. Love tables. west i learned that there's there's a there's a link to shirts and stuff on advice naters and it just brings you to cafe press not a part of cafe press just cafe press fucking make them yourself go to cafe press there's probably shirts there. Bet would bet. Anyway, we don't get no money from them, but we just assumed you wanted some shirts. Seems pretty good. Oh, man. You can get different page backgrounds.

Yeah, they're free for download. Like hundreds and hundreds of tiled page backgrounds. This might be a new Lemon site, actually. This is so cute. I miss this kind of thing. People just make sites where they're like, here's a bunch of your graphics.

I made some little pixel fairies. Put them on your website, please. This is exactly in that spirit. It's very good. It's very good. I'm going to try to do something with these disgusting images. They made them in GIMP. Yeah, that makes sense. And if you're looking for disgusting images, They made them in GIMP. Yeah, that makes sense.

And if you're looking for disgusting images, you can find them on BallPithasPLP.it. There is a thread called Related to Nothing. I just like this image, which is up to 806 pages. It has been viewed a third of a million times. People on the internet love images.

Yeah. Take that to the bank. Looking at things. It's true. Yeah. All right, bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. How do you give a hand job? I know you use your hands, but what else?