The F Plus - 37: By Demons Be Driven (Insane)
Episode Date: February 24, 2011Outside the walls of your apartment lie complications that are difficult and confusing. What will traffic be like on the way to work? If I go to the restaurant I like, will I get the awful waitre...ss who never remembers my drink order? Why is my son failing math? These may seem like different problems, but in fact they have the same cause and the same solution. DEMONS DID IT. Throw blood on things. This week, The F Plus looks at people tormented by demons, and wonders how often they wash the floors.
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Hey there, this is the F+, F-Busy!
Something strange. That we've been trying to do literally for weeks now. And there's always been an internet issue.
Or a weird sound hang up.
Or a program crashing.
Or whatever.
I mean a simple minute to explain how the episode works.
And it just never works.
And I think it might be Divine Intervention in this case.
Because this specific episode.
This specific episode I've never been able to record an intro for, is called DemonBusters.com.
It is a prayer site which is dedicated to getting the devil out of the various things
the devil's in, and according to DemonBusters, that's pretty much everything.
He's in your closet, he's in your car, he's in your computer, he's in your
beer bottle, he's in your
vibrator, he's in all things, which, you know,
I guess if you're supernatural, makes some amount of sense.
And clearly,
the demon has been inside of this intro.
But we got it out, and that's
where we're going to bring you DemonBuster.com.
Let's get to the readers.
In the room tonight, we have Aceroc Waddle.
I'm a demon of having a really weird name. Boots rain gear. Let's get to the readers. to understand this song. Yay! John! Demons, demons,
demons and demons.
Zekul 1620.
Kumquats up.
Trains the apprentice
for advanced Kumquats up.
Ishan.
Please be sure to install
the latest service pack
for Geese OS
coming this winter.
And Lemon onto death.
We have a sign over the entrance doors in our homes that says,
Whoever enters this home is covered with the blood of Jesus!
We don't get many visitors.
Sounds weird, you say?
No, not at all.
I don't hear you. Did you say it sounded weird?
I say it.
All right, good.
Well, one experience that Elizabeth had will show you, though, that there is power in those words.
Some years ago, she worked in an office that was on the main street in Meridian, Mississippi.
Oh, boy.
So three or four people are on that street.
Well, come on.
It's on the Meridian.
That's really popular, isn't it?
I don't know.
We've got a Walmart and...
You got a road.
Yeah, you got a road in there,
don't you?
Meridian had several people
that walked the streets of Meridian.
Stick your head out.
Again, shark.
As opposed to Meridian
having several people
that walked the streets of Ottawa,
I guess.
There were a few that, from their actions and appearances, had insanity demons.
Ah, the cackle. I missed that.
Well, some of these insane people would just walk in her office.
She was the secretary slash receptionist and worked in the front office.
Hello, editor.
They would come in for no reason and seemingly cause no harm.
Seemingly.
Seemingly.
But in reality.
Well, maybe they actually are causing harm.
You know, those insanity demons were just tearing stuff off the walls, knocking books over.
They're just making faces.
All the people that they're inhabiting are being very docile.
Oh, hang on. Here comes the harm.
Stealing half of their insulin.
They would ask for money.
I'm sorry, the demon had a previous owner.
I don't know what to do.
Wait, hang on. We get to find out what harm they cause.
They would ask for money or coffee, etc.
That also shoots holes and they would come in for no reason theory.
Oh, yes.
Can I have some coffee, etc.?
She put one of these notes over the doorway where no one could see it.
Oh, sorry.
She put one of those notes over the doorway.
No one could see it, but it was there.
After placing that note over the door,
those same people stopped coming into her office.
Even the hobos thought she was too crazy.
It's like, we got insanity, but damn, you crazy.
Let's get out of here.
They would come to the door and open it,
but they would not come through the door.
Soon, all of them stopped
coming in.
Praise the Lord!
Praise the Lord!
What the fuck happened there? I'm sure it was a miracle.
The Lord.
I've got demons, lady. What's your excuse?
They probably got tired with being drenched
with blood.
Yes.
What they neglected to tell you was the bucket of blood that they propped up above the door.
Would you guys mind terribly if I told you about another part of warfare?
I would not.
I would revel in it.
Please, let me tell you.
Another part of the warfare is to pray before you get on the road in your car.
Stan hit four deer, or rather, they hit him.
All at once?
No, but during a two-year period.
Oh.
He started praying this way.
In the name of Jesus, I take authority and dominion over all the animals of the road that they do not cross my path.
He was already doing that by hitting them.
It's true.
I ask that you, father, dispatch angels ahead of me wherever I go.
Dispatch?
It's like a taxi service.
I was thinking more like he was capping them.
Since then, he has not had another accident.
We have seen several on the side of the road,
but they would turn and run the other way
or cross before we got there.
Praise the Lord!
Praise the Lord!
See, I would have prayed myself.
I would have prayed, you know,
Lord Jesus, please send me some steaks.
Get them in front of my car.
Let me kill them cleanly so I can have
some dinner.
11 Gabriel 16. We've got a
255 in progress out on 310.
Please respond.
And just for the record, Hobos
and Deer 0. God 1.
Yay!
God 2.
God 2.
Witchcraft is a very
serious offense and is
rampant today. If we do not take
up our swords and fight the enemies of
our Lord, we will be destroyed.
Anyone who practices or plays around
with witchcraft has a curse of death
upon them. This also affects
us for four generations.
Sure. Had your fortune read,
then you have a curse of death upon you
and your children
and your children's children
and their children.
All of them?
Yeah.
Four generations.
Four generations.
But the fifth one, they're clean and clear.
Bang, that's it.
If you have your palm read,
your children's children will die.
If you don't, they won't.
This is the opposite of Mormonism,
where if you convert, all of your ancestors
get to come with you.
Oh.
Reading horoscopes is witchcraft.
Playing with Ouija boards is witchcraft.
Water witching
is witchcraft.
There is so much witchcraft
going on today that we must
be aware of these things and stay away from them witchcraft and the
effects of witchcraft is not being taught in the pulpit and the people of god are being destroyed
and deceived by them satanists are fasting and praying for the destruction of our families and
our relationship with the lord jesus when you do the warfare against the Satanists, then you must return the curses that they are sending to you.
Ungodly intercessory prayers are witchcraft prayers.
That is any prayer that is prayed on your behalf or on another person's behalf.
That is not the will of God.
Any words spoken in anger, hurt, sorrow, or bitterness is witchcraft curses being sent to you.
No shit. Damn. sorrow or bitterness is witchcraft curse is being sent to you no shit
damn
if you yell at somebody on the subway
that's witchcraft
that's witchcraft curse
or insanity demons
yeah
say fuck you buddy
your great great great grandkids are gonna die
insanity demons just make you panhandle
receptionists for coffee etc
witchcraft fuck Insanity demons just make you panhandle receptionists for coffee, etc Witchcraft!
Fuck!
What's water witching?
I think it's that
thing where you do it with the divining rod
Sousing rod?
Oh, okay
Which I'm assuming people in the modern
day do all the time
It's pretty fun, you should give it a go
I thought there would be like water slides involved.
Whee!
And then he gets to the bottom.
Oh, what a world, what a world.
There's more.
Psychic prayers, thoughts, warfare.
These two need to be broken.
There was a news program on TV that talked about the Russian people and the psychic thoughts that they used on each other.
My friend, it is real and deadly.
Especially if the Russians are doing it, apparently.
Fuck yeah.
If you do not recognize and use the weapons of our warfare against them, you could be destroyed by them.
All Catholic prayers that are being prayed for and against
you need to be broken.
What?
Yay!
Alright!
Oh, Catholics.
Catholics are Satanists, I guess.
I'm a Satanist then.
Or I was a Satanist, but I'm better now
because I'm an Atheist?
How does that work? I'm confused.
Somebody help me here.
When in doubt, you're going to hell.
He just needs to read further and it'll all be explained, I'm sure.
Again, do not
think that you are protected just because you are a
Christian. You have to appropriate
the things of God before they work
for you. You must cover yourself in the
blood of Jesus. Break
and loose yourself and family
from the witchcraft curses and
return the curses to the Satanists.
You can do this daily or any time
the thought enters your mind to break
them. Sample prayer.
Anytime I think about it,
I should cover myself in the blood. I should just
pour a bottle of wine over myself.
Covering things in the blood of
Jesus is sort of a catch-all solution.
Oh.
So that will fix
everything you're saying.
Father, in Jesus' name, I break and loose myself from all
witchcraft, curses, and demons being sent against me.
As your war club, I break in pieces the walls
of protection that Satanists have been put up for their
protection. I send all demons and curses back to them
sevenfold and bind it by them to the blood of Jesus.
I break and loose myself from all
psychic prayers, thoughts, warfare, all Catholic prayers
being prayed for and against me, all ungodly
intercessory prayers, all words spoken to hurt
anger, sorrow, or bitterness in Jesus'
name.
Jesus, watch out. The Christians are on the rampage again.
I feel very sort of purified
and terrific about all this, but
my apartment is
still kind of sinful. I don't want to say what's happened to my apartment, but my apartment is still kind of sinful.
I don't want to say what's happened to my
apartment, but dirty things.
You should house clean your apartment, I'd say.
What?
You should have
your physical house, not your spiritual
one, but your physical house or home
or your apartment house cleaned.
I wonder if I can learn more about that.
You can, my friend.
Objects that you bring into
your home allow demons to
stay in your home. The Bible is very
clear about accursed objects.
After destroying the objects that are accursed,
you must break and loose yourself
from the curse of anathema.
For more understanding, read Galatians 1, blah, blah, blah.
The word accursed
in these scriptures means anathema.
Am I saying
that right? I think it's anathema.
Yeah. I've never had to
say it because, you know, I'm not
a jerk.
Well, mispronouncing that word is witchcraft
so you gotta say that prayer again.
Oh, your great-great-grandchildren are
fucked.
Shit.
You can see from this chapter that having accursed objects is very serious and could be deadly.
Are you sick in your body?
There may be something in your home.
No, thanks for asking.
That is an accursed object.
I didn't ask.
I told.
Oh, okay.
Are you sick in your body?
Yeah, there is no question mark there.
There may be something in your home that is an accursed object making you sick.
Such as viruses
or bacteria.
Asbestos. That sounds like science to me.
Oh, here we go.
Now this really needs to be read
as like a disclaimer
at the end of a commercial or something.
Ah, yes. Yes. Some of her subjects are owl, frogs, unicorns, horseshoes, items from other countries such as Africa, China, Japan, American Indian artifacts, carving, pictures, Buddhist statues.
She is an Egyptian god found in kitchen canisters, curtains, paper dolls, plates, baskets, dolls, and stuffed animals.
Dolls originated in voodoo.
Oh, my God.
My mom's cookie jar just gave me the Satan.
I think that has to be done more straight.
It has to be done in a way that people can hear it.
Oh, okay.
I want to do it in part of that.
He's just basically said that I'm from Africa, an entire
continent. Anything from there is cursed.
Well, I'm going to
read it.
Because we don't have anything from China
in my house.
From other countries such as
Africa.
Okay, I got you. Yeah. Go ahead and read it straight.
If it wasn't a country, you couldn't
be African.
Right?
Some accursed objects are owls,
frogs, unicorns, horseshoes,
items from other countries such as
Africa, China,
Japan, American Indian artifacts,
carvings, pictures,
Buddha statues.
Statutes.
I'm sorry.
Buddhist statutes.
Subclause 10-B.
The popular goose with the blue ribbon around its neck is an Egyptian god found on kitchen canisters, curtains, paper towels, plates, baskets, dolls, and stuffed animals.
Dolls originated in voodoo.
The Lord will show you items in your home that are accursed objects.
Be obedient and destroy them by fire if possible and confess.
Repent!
Ask forgiveness for having these accursed objects in your home and break the curse of Anathema.
Be sure to command the demons attached to these articles to leave in the name of Jesus.
That's a real fuck you to horses, I'd say.
Well, like, what were they going to do 200 years ago?
Because horseshoes are accursed objects.
You're going to set horseshoes on fire?
I don't understand why this horseshoe isn't burning up.
Ezekiel, this is
taking forever.
So begin today seeking the Lord
for your deliverance
and have the attitude as the Canaanite
woman in Matthew 15, 22
to 28. And behold,
a woman who was a Canaanite from that district
came out and with a loud,
troublesomely urgent cry,
Beg your mercy on me, O Lord,
son of David. My daughter is
miserably and distressingly and cruelly
demonized by demons.
A demon's gotta do
what a demon's gotta do.
But he did not answer her a word,
and his disciples came and implored him, saying,
Send her away, for she is crying out after us.
He answered, I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel,
but she came and, kneeling, worshipped him and kept praying,
Lord, help me.
And he answered, It is not right, proper, becoming, or fair,
to take the children's
bread and throw it to the little dogs.
She said, yes, lord.
Yet even the little pups, little
whelps, Canaanites were called dogs,
eat the crumbs that fall from
their young master's table.
Then Jesus
answer her, oh woman, great is your
faith. Be it done for you as you
wish.
Sure, what the... Answer her, O woman, great is your faith. Be it done for you as you wish. Sure.
What the?
I don't feel like that's a real Bible thing.
I could be wrong.
Yeah, no, that's a real Bible.
That's a real Bible story.
I just, I have no idea what it, what he's trying to say
with it
I don't
I don't even
yeah
so
even with context that makes no sense
I'm glad he helped us out
with all the shit in brackets then
so
John
now that we're on the topic of cleaning our house um i would like you to
describe to me a little bit about dishwashing and demons oh no wait wait first can i uh there's
there's something on this page that I feel we missed.
Oh, okay.
Did you know what to say when you have any ungodly
thoughts?
Boy, I didn't.
I wouldn't do it.
If you have any ungodly thoughts,
you must pray this immediately.
Alright.
In Jesus' name, I circumcise these thoughts!
Oh god.
I'll still have the thoughts,
but they'll be uncomfortable.
Well, it could get
infected, you know.
That circumcision wasn't treated properly.
Yeah.
Oh, wait, wait, actually
all of these are good. If you are
serious about deliverance, you must play
Pray These Warfare prayers daily
and sometimes several times during
the day. Any ungodly
thoughts, pray this immediately.
In Jesus' name,
I circumcise these thoughts.
When
entering your office, grocery store,
anyone else's home, etc.,
pray this before entering.
In Jesus' name, I cover
myself and this place with the
blood of Jesus. I
bind up every demon in here, and I
ask for giant warrior
angels to protect me.
None of those runty
fuckers. None of those little guys. Those guys suck. Giant warrior angels to None of those runty fuckers. None of those little guys.
Those guys suck. Giant
warrior angels to protect me.
After hanging up the phone,
leaving work, grocery store,
neighbors, or visitors
leave your home, etc.
Pray this immediately.
In Jesus' name, I command
every demon that has followed me,
was sent to me, or transferred to me to leave me now.
There's demons in your bank account, guys.
I put him there.
I'm just a temp here for the week.
Before downloading email or opening webpages on the computer, pray this.
or opening web pages on the computer.
Pray this.
In Jesus' name, I bind up every demon
coming across the computer lines.
But do you do anything with them?
And I return them any curses.
That's horrible.
Imagine living above this guy
and you hear that every single fucking time
he clicks on something. Oh my god do you think he does this on his own site yeah yes yeah because they
might get cursed before or after getting into any vehicle wait isn't there already one of those
before after getting into any vehicle pray this in j name, I cover myself in the blood of Jesus.
Again?
Finally.
I cover this vehicle and the road I travel in the blood of Jesus.
That's got to take a while.
That's a lot of wine.
That would get kind of slippery.
I think that's dangerous.
Just pouring it out the side of the road as he drives by.
I take authority and dominion over
all animals and demons of
the road so they do not cross my path.
I dispatch angels ahead
of me to protect me.
Before going to sleep,
pray this.
In Jesus' name, I cover myself
and all my property with the blood of
Jesus.
I take authority over all demons of the night, bad dream, and nightmare.
And I command them to stay away.
I ask for giant warrior angels to protect me and my property as I sleep.
I don't know that Jesus has all the budget for this shit.
Like all of this blood, all these giant war area.
This place is like some kind of spiritual horror show there.
It's dripping.
Any sharp pain that comes on you suddenly is almost always witchcraft.
Just so you know.
That witch stubbed your toe.
When it happened, pray this immediately.
In Jesus' name,
I pull out all fiery darts,
pins, needles, spears, voodoo,
all witchcraft and curses and anything else,
and I return to the sender sevenfold.
Wow.
Wait.
Man, I just, I wanna
follow this guy around when he does that.
Dab him
repeatedly. I just wanna follow this
guy around and poke him. And every time
in Jesus name I poke him. In Jesus name
I poke him.
He's going to the hospital for
a ruptured appendix
and he's like, it's a fiery dart!
Don't do anything.
I'm going to say a prayer and that guy's going to have
seven ruptured appendixes.
To return all witchcraft, pray this
several times during the day.
Here we go.
In Jesus' name, All witchcraft, pray this several times during the day. Here we go. Oh, God.
In Jesus' name, I cut all ungodly silver cords and lay lines.
As your war club and weapons of war, I break down undam and blow up all walls of protection
around all witches, warlocks, wizards, satanists, sorcerers,
and the like, and I break
the power of all curses,
hexes, vexes, spells,
charms, fetishes,
psychic prayers, psychic thoughts,
all witchcraft, sorcery,
magic, voodoo,
all mind control, jinxes,
potions, bewitchments,
death, destruction, pain, torment, psychic power, psychic warfare, prayer chains, incense and candle burning, incantations, chanting, ungodly blessings, and hood. Crystals and everything else being sent
my way or my family members
just one member's
way or any deliverance
ministry's way and I return it
and the demons to the sender sevenfold.
But that means you'll have seven
times the demons. Isn't that a bad thing?
Well, this is why he's got to pray it
all the time.
Oh no, I know no he sent it back
and now I've got seven death and destruction sickness
you know there's some guy
somewhere trying to memorize that list
that's okay
I got the order wrong
well with the voice that Lemon did earlier
it's like side effects include psychic thoughts
all witchcraft
do you think having a cheat sheet for that prayer
would be a sin
I do write it on your hand and hope God doesn't notice Do you think having a cheat sheet for that prayer would be a sin?
I do.
Write it on your hand and hope God doesn't notice.
If you're a church, you need to memorize it.
I'm going to break these crystals with my fists in the name of Jesus.
Hi-ya!
I just love picturing that he's sitting
in his room and he's
picturing some Satanists across
the alley being like, oh man,
I was going gonna get him with
that hex but he said vexes and hexes oh he's stopping the voodoo let's try the hoodoo instead
i know they just have a thesaurus they're trying to find things that he left out
i have a rhyming dictionary i just i wish you had a page on every one of them what is a psychic
what's the difference between a psychic prayer and a regular prayer
what is a prayer chain
incense and candle burning
it didn't stop juju
on Saturday evening I was watching television
when my daughter of two came out of her room
to tell me that her doll was moving by itself.
I assumed that it probably fell off the shelf to satisfy her.
So to satisfy her, I got up and went to her room.
When I got there, to my surprise,
she had a stuffed troll doll dancing in the middle of her bedroom floor
to a Disney movie playing music.
Being raised in church,
I began pleading the blood of Jesus.
I was pleading
the blood of Jesus.
And I commanded that spirit
to leave the doll, went limp,
and fell over on the floor.
I took the doll
outside my house and burned it.
I'm still
high off the fumes from burning a
troll doll. Meanwhile, her older
brother, who was holding
it up from behind the bed, is like,
Jesus.
What would cause something like this to happen?
You not taking your medication.
Batteries.
Burning too many troll dolls.
Fingers and winches.
Oh my god, my Furby is alive!
Burn it!
Oh my god, my Furby is alive!
Please don't burn me!
Okay, guys,
you're all joking and all. It's all funny, but here's
the real advice, okay?
I'm ready.
We recommend destroying or burning all dolls.
Okay.
This includes stuffed animals.
Boys don't call their little toys dolls, but they fall into the same category.
Many toys in the park today are demonic in nature, and some even look evil.
As a Christian parent, you need to raise your children more in tune with God instead of the influences of the devil.
Mom, I told you they're action figures.
Not even just our dolls.
They have little penises.
Little plastic penises.
Conclusion. Number one.
God is total reality.
There is no fantasy or play acting in God.
There is no unreality in the Bible.
There's no
unreality in the Bible.
Talking to animals and people turning to salt.
Pure science.
Yes.
Christians should not deal in any spiritual fantasy.
Fantasy is very simply a lie that is not from God.
A lie that is not from God.
That's an important specification right there.
Yeah, God's lies are good lies.
God, number three, God does not need any human circus or sideshows to sell and promote the kingdom of God.
And here we are.
All it takes is a straightforward application of the Bible with signs, wonders, and miracles followed the true teaching of the word of God to attract people to church.
Jesus said, if you don't believe
me, then believe my miracles.
Wait! So we don't need a
sideshow or a circus or anything,
and that's proof of the fact that Jesus was
like, if you don't believe me, look! Water
and wine!
He is the
Job of religion.
The Job
of religion. Okay, but by the way,
as an end of a little note,
the dolls we have heard about the most walking and talking
on their own are Barbie dolls and Cabbage Patch dolls.
So, there you go.
I'm sure
somebody somewhere has like a graph with this
barge.
So, it's like there's some kind of
rolling scale of demonic possession
then? You're like, a little bit of demon, that's okay?'s some kind of rolling scale of demonic possession then. You're like a little bit of demon.
That's okay.
You're kind of pushing it.
A little bit more demon.
That's kind of dangerous.
And Barbie dolls.
No.
What do you think this guy's house looks like?
That it just like so much shit has to be burned and covered in the blood of Jesus.
I'm thinking it's just continuously dripping from the walls with all that blood of Jesus.
Oh, you think this guy has a house.
That's funny.
He does actually have a neighbor.
I forget which page was that.
You can put those cardboard boxes next to cardboard boxes.
Well, he was saying his neighbor kept coming up going, so how's it going with those demons?
And then his neighbor got cancer.
So clearly all the curses are being counteracted on him.
Thank you, God.
I send you the demons sevenfold.
I am vindicated
by a spiteful God.
I was ministering deliverance to a
former prostitute.
She had a spirit of subjection to a warlock.
She denied that she had a connection.
The pastor came running over from the other side of the church and said,
I saw a snake around her finger.
The lady had three rings on that finger.
The middle ring was stuck into her flesh and would not come off.
The pastor cut it
off.
She broke forth with the
manifestations and then we were able
to heal her from her AIDS.
So they broke her jewelry.
She probably then cussed them out
which they thought was like possession or something.
Right, yeah.
And then the AIDS.
When we examined the ring,
it had a tiny black stone,
about half a carat.
That's not how it's spelled, but that's cool.
It's a half a carat.
Half a carat.
And on each side of the stone,
there were two tiny goat heads.
Aww.
I believe my story. I don't know why you don't.
You could hardly see them with the
naked eye. Then a flood
of memories came, and she
remembered that her first boy
friend, who was a biker,
gave it to her. She was
instantly delivered, and the next night
she brought about 14 people
to the church. Revival broke
out!
Oh, officer,
it was terrible. They just started
reviving each other.
I barely got out
unrevived. There's so many heart attacks.
Oh, the bikers.
Oh, what won't those bikers do?
Oh, they're crazy people.
Like, does this guy still watch
like James Dean movies and be like,
grrr, what a ruffian.
Yeah, clearly.
He even says ruffian.
Good heavens.
Have you ever been in a restaurant that had loud music,
and after a short while, you started to get nervous
and wish they would change the dial,
or you just had to get out of there?
Oh, totally.
That song that samples the arithmetics, No More I Love You.
Fucking hate that.
Yeah, me too.
Your love, your love.
Okay, go ahead.
God made our bodies with the natural rhythm tempo. The heartbeat. Fucking hate that bit. Yeah, me too. Your love, your love. Okay, go ahead. I've been there.
God made our bodies with the natural rhythm tempo.
The heartbeat.
Okay.
Non sequitur, I guess.
Music that you listen to that does not make you nervous is in this order.
First, the rhythm.
Second, the melody.
Third, the beat.
Some people use different words for these three.
Much music has these three items out of
sequence by putting the beat first.
This subsets the natural rhythm in our being
as God created it.
It makes your body shake.
Makes you want to move. Makes you want to
dance. And that's central.
And you don't see a problem with that at all?
Rock and roll does this at most all music.
That's right.
Most all music,
including some so-called
Christian music.
Ooh.
One sure sign is the beat
of the drum,
usually starting out the song.
It's just out there
in front of most of the time.
The drum sound beat is
very obvious. The drummer's
not usually in front in a band. I don't know
what band you've seen.
I guess if you've only seen Rush, maybe that's true.
Well, I saw a drummy drummer in the drum-a-thon,
but...
I'm playing
a guitar drum, everybody.
I gotta ask you guys something.
Oh, yeah. Have you ever wondered
why drums are such a part of
Satan worship services?
I really totally have, yeah.
That's because they
drum up the demons.
Oh, man.
Oh, see,
I just assumed that's what they meant by ensnare me.
The witch doctors in Africa and other places
drum up the demons.
Oh.
When was the last time you said
you were going to drum up
business or something else?
You didn't love it.
Is it demons?
After every idiom,
just yell something about
the blood of the Lord. Just everything
you say. I was thinking about
going out in front of my insurance company
and just banging on the drums until people come in.
Is it a Christian insurance company?
No.
Then you're drumming up some business for Satan.
Cool.
Now, let me wrap this up.
That's your after school special on us.
Next time you're listening
to Christian music,
listen for the beat.
The words might be about Jesus,
but if the beat is in the
wrong place, the enemy
may be involved.
Find this hard to
believe?
Do some
deliverance on it.
Okay, so I think that
the position, which I'm sure is still
open after Brent DiCaschenzo,
should be
replaced by this guy. I think he would be a really
good pitchfork critic.
I would read every review.
So if you're listening to Christian music and it's at all
catchy, it's probably Satan music.
Yeah, but just do some
deliverance on it and you're okay.
You know who else led a
parade of wolves? Satan.
So,
Kumquat, I hear you have a song for us. What? I hear you have a song for us.
What?
I hear you have a song for us.
Christian Rock.
I do?
Yes.
Christian Rock.
That's what I was told in a memo.
Oh, this is a poem.
No, it's a song.
Oh.
It's a poem song.
I'm going to sing a poem.
It has to have a very good beat.
Make sure that the beat's right. No, it has to have a
bad beat. Don't you understand? If it has a good beat,
that means it has the enemy.
First, you got it all wrong.
See, the most important part of a song
that makes it Christian is
the rhythm, then the
melody, and then the beat.
You can't start it off with drums. The song that starts
off with drums is satanic.
It has to have rhythm, not beat.
That's right. The rhythm, but not the beat.
I don't know what I'm talking about.
I think this song
will send people to hell because I think it has
a bad rhythm.
At any moment, I expect a 90s techno
song to break out from this song.
I think this should be sung...
Move the rhythm of the beat in motion.
I was thinking
this should be sung to the beat of
Rapper's Delight.
Okay, Boots, do you want to try it?
Sure.
Why did I say that?
Christian rock is of God
We hear Christians say
Touch not God's anointed
Don't stand in their way
Other way
Judge not that ye be judged
They once again proclaim
They're called to this ministry
They're getting souls saved
Every time I hear this
Oh how my heart it grieves
To see the Christians
so seduced, so swayed, so deceived
So deceived!
Let's open the Bible, let's see what God has to say
about the abomination of rock
that's labeled Christian today
Christian today!
I'm downloading live!
We are indeed judged, let's levy this score
Just open your word
to John 7, 24
Leviticus 19, 15 Matthew 7, 1-5 this score. Just open your word to John 724.
Leviticus 1915.
Matthew 7 1-5.
Instruct us to
judge another's ministry or life.
Does it really rhyme? Oh, that didn't
know, but go.
You're rapping awful. Needle scratch.
You're rapping awful.
Probably good to see.
I'm just kidding. It's not. It's not. scratch. You're wrapping up. Probably good to see.
It doesn't get better. Do you want me to take over?
It's so long.
It is. Preaching Not Music to Christ's Souls
are one. Let's flip over some pages
to 1 Corinthians 1.21.
Okay.
Man, exposing this junk.
Rock supporters get angry.
Well, that's not of God.
See James 1 and verse 20.
Okay.
They look and sound like the world.
Prisons are supposed to transform.
They're enemies.
They're the enemies of God.
James 4 and verse 4.
Oh, that's really bad.
The men's hair is like women's.
Wear makeup and think it's fine. What about 1 Corinthians 1.11.14 and 1 Corinthians 4 and verse 4. The men and the heirs like women wear makeup and think it's fine.
What about 1 Corinthians 11 and 14
and 1 Corinthians 6 and verse 9?
He must
look away for the unsaved
one Thessalonians 5.22
is not open to debate.
Their stage lives are a shame.
Their private lives are no better.
2 Timothy 3.1-6 describes them
to the letter.
It's getting better. This song is I know better. 2 Timothy 3, 1-6 describes them to the letter. It's getting better.
This song is actually getting better.
But they bought all the records of the posters,
contrary to Exodus 20, verse 3.
But we've prayed about the music and not convinced at any time.
God will tell you just what you want to hear,
according to Ezekiel 14, 1-5.
Oh, never mind.
You got worse now.
You had it for a little while.
Be not conformed to this
world, says Romans 12, 2.
If you say you're a Christian, God is
talking to you. They say
their works are good. They're helping
the world and the kids. God doesn't
need Christian resumes. See Isaiah 64
in verse 6.
The face of Christian rock is
as wicked as can be.
It is rebellion and witchcraft.
See versus Ambul 523.
The back road is soggy, the peas are in motion,
the chicken tastes like wood.
Their lyrics aren't even godly.
They've been seduced by the devil.
For God is not mocked.
Galatians 6 in verse 7.
Oh, Jesus!
That was really bad.
He's got a little muscle with all the
stretching he's doing. Apparently witchcraft is getting
lines to scan. You know, the
rule is, anytime you say 7, you have to
rhyme it with heaven. And this is a
fucking Christian poem. You couldn't do that?
No.
Okay, we're almost together. Okay. Some
have even admitted we're trying secular
this time.
They've left out Jesus completely.
Isaiah 3 and verse 9.
Christians aren't the first about being clean. Get out of that junk.
2 Corinthians 5.17.
Wait, is that an order for
2 Corinthians 5.17 to get out of that junk?
Get out of that sin, 2 Corinthians 5.17.
Come on, buddy.
The wages of sin. Read Romans 6.23.
Repent for this trash and let Jesus set you free.
Millions of Christians follow a rock,
but the narrow gate leads to heaven.
Millions travel the broad road.
Verses 13 and 14 of Matthew 7.
Oh, yeah.
Fuck the police.
Fuck the Satan police.
Lucifer is a joke You down with OPD?
Yeah, you know me
Proteged often
Maybe demons
Years of fatigue
Proteged unto death
Tired, overtired
Overtired unto death,
weakness,
and weakness
unto death.
Very common demons.
They'll work in the same office.
I need to mute my mic.
Overtired to death. A John Carpenter
film.
Jesus' blood.
Okay, thank you.
That just cleared it right up. Moving on.
Physicians most
often cannot identify
the real source of the problem.
Consequently,
they experiment
with different medications
in an effort to relieve
the patient of the
embarrassing distress
of constant
rousiness, tiredness,
fatigue,
and sleepiness.
Four distinct things.
Look, if you list lots of things, it sounds more authoritative.
Medications often further
complicate things by producing
adverse reactions
that cause additional
discomfort.
Satanic diarrhea.
One lady The Tanak diarrhea.
One lady out of whom was cast
demons named Fatigue
unto death. Oh man, he must have
gotten beaten up at demon school.
A couple weeks later
and said that she had not
felt so energetic in
many years.
She was excited about being able to
be active every day
without the tired feeling.
That'll maintain.
About two months after the demon
was cast out, she was still in a
state of exuberance,
enjoying life in a dynamic,
exciting manner. Praise
the Lord.
What a tremendous difference
three minutes of deliverance
can make
for an individual.
In a short period of time,
bondages can be broken.
Oh, damn it.
Bring him back.
People's spirits cast out
and valuable qualities
of a person's life
were stored
for many future years
of pleasure
and serving God.
Wait, pleasure
and serving God?
Yes, that's what I said.
In the same year?
Another lovely lady
who worked a regular
40-hour week
exclaimed she was
always tired and had a
strong drive to sleep
excessively.
A powerful demon named
Overtired Unto Death
was cast out.
That must be the smith of the
demon world.
All day.
Very common.
The Lord wants his
people to lead a God-ordained normal life with no demonic interference
if saints permit demons to usurp privileges christ has given to his bride
and they may suffer and suffer exceedingly beloved i wish above all things that thou mayest prosper,
and be in health even as thy soul prospereth.
3 John 2 And these signs shall follow them that believe in my name,
shall they cast out demons.
Mark 16, 17
Let us perform all the commission Christ gave us,
and cast out demons.
Much misery and suffering will be eliminated.
Damn, you sound winded from reading that.
But I have this problem with nausea and vomiting.
Okay, bro.
Nausea and vomiting can be extremely stressful.
Excessive vomiting can injure the body.
Related problems such as sleep disorders, nervous conditions,
strained and sore muscles may place undue stress upon an individual,
weakening that person emotionally and physically.
There are times when vomiting may be very beneficial,
especially when harmful or poisonous substances has been ingested,
such as, you know little
giggle juice however
inhabiting demons take full advantage of
every opportunity to create a hazardous
condition out of what would
ordinarily be a useful body function
one person called for deliverance prayer
for prolonged and intensive vomiting
that necessitated hospitalization
another individual vomited for
seven weeks
that individual that's some endurance necessitated hospitalization. Another individual vomited for seven weeks. Get in there, individual!
Hey, home.
That's some endurance.
Morning, Gary.
Still at it, huh?
Did he get a medical condition?
No, demons.
One would obviously
suspect demonic activity in cases like these.
Nausea and vomiting during early phases of pregnancy may be due to evil spirits.
Really?
Really?
It's not because you've got another person hooked up into your digestive system.
Okay.
So you're pregnant and you're vomiting. person hooked up into your digestive system. Okay.
So you're pregnant and you're vomiting, so
therefore your child is the
Antichrist. On the other hand,
abortion is a sin. Fuck,
where do we go from here? No, it's God's way of
punishing her for having sex.
Oh, that's true.
No, she's
possessed by the demon getting up at 3am
unto death.
Fuck it with her. She's possessed by the demon getting up at 3am unto death. I think I know the answer
for this situation, for this demon baby.
Alright.
Deliverance!
Oh!
Oh wait, drums are evil.
Sorry.
They're fine if you play them badly
dude dumb
sing
anybody call me
alright bro listen up
when delivering an individual from these problems
have them repent of anything they may have done
to precipitate a condition leading to upset stomach
vomiting etc
follow the typical procedures of removing
protective mechanisms
cast out the evil spirits.
Speak healing.
Remove their shag reflex.
List of demons. Nausea. Upset stomach.
Vomiting. Vomiting without ceasing. Vomiting
until there is nothing left. Vomiting unto death.
Vomiting weakens. Dehydration.
Destroyed complete by vomiting.
Nervousness due to vomiting.
Other vomiting related symptoms.
Nervousness due to vomiting? Yeah, nervousness due to vomiting. Nervousness due to vomiting. Other vomiting-related symptoms. Nervousness due to vomiting?
Yes. Yeah, nervousness due to vomiting.
Ask your
doctor if Cyprexor onto death is right
for you.
I think if you notice the symptom
vomiting onto death, then
it might be a little bit too late.
I'm now looking
at the following large text
letters, and seeing that they're formed into words, but I'm refusing to believe that I'm reading what I think I'm reading.
Those words seem to be the problem of...
Are you talking about the next words?
Yeah.
Well, those words are antiperspirant and demon.
next words? Yeah.
Well, those words are antiperspirant and demon.
A lady
has been using an underarm antiperspirant
and deodorant scented spray for about two weeks.
A painful rash developed on her armpits.
We cast out a spirit of antiperspirant
pain and probed for others without success.
We spoke healing, and within two days
the problem had disappeared.
Haven't these people
heard of allergic reactions?
No, I know what you're all thinking.
I know what you're all asking.
One may ask the question,
what gives a demon legal grounds to enter a person
who uses an antiperspirant?
Really?
That's what you think I'm thinking?
Oh, and by the way...
You should call my demon lawyer.
Hi, I'm Smith Under Death.
And by the way, lawyer. Hi, I'm Smith under death. And
by the way, not all people would be sensitive
enough to receive antiperspirant demons.
Yeah, allergy, because not all
people have allergies.
The answer to the question
is in the biology of the body and the
interference with its proper functioning.
Generally speaking, anything that
adversely affects the godly operation
of any body part provides the necessary
grounds for spirits to take up occupancy
inside the individual or oppress
from the outside. That was a lot of words to say.
Demons, wasn't it?
Whatever happened to your grandfather?
He was shot by bullet demons in the war.
There's a lot of words here because we're getting into Whatever happened to your grandfather? Well, he was shot by bullet demons in the war. Yeah, exactly.
There's a lot of words here because we're getting into science.
Okay.
Chemicals that inhabit or prevent the proper release of sweat through the sweat pores are harmful to the body.
Antiperspirants are included in this category of dust obstruction.
Sweat glands associated with the coarse hair
of the armpits and pubic region,
are larger and
secrete fluid, which is much thicker
than the secreted glands in the other places
of the body. Sweat
contains many waste products that are eliminated
from the body through perspiration. Consequently,
sweating is a necessary bodily
function for good health.
Sweat demons.
I keep telling my wife that, but
she keeps saying I should shower anyway.
Blocking of the ducts causes the sweat
and waste products to become trapped
in the epidermis or dermis,
producing irritation, prickly heat,
itching, severe itching, inflammation,
and other possible problems.
Additionally, perspiring has a
cooling effect upon the body.
Sweat also acts as a lubricant.
Pubic region.
Spirits that could easily
be present under these
circumstances are antiperspirant,
pain, itching, severe itching,
prickly heat, rash, irritated skin,
inflamed skin, inflammation,
blocked sweat pores, block release of sweat,
spirits by the commercial brand
of the antiperspirant and names of the harmful
chemicals in the antiperspirant,
and other demons.
Wait, wait, wait.
Okay, again, the last one,
the last two, spirits by the commercial
brand of the antiperspirant and names
of harmful chemicals in the antiperspirant
and other demons.
Hey, I'm sodium lauryl sulfate.
How you doing?
I'm right guard
unto death.
Anyways.
Note, I was standing
in line in a convenience store one day.
There were two doctors in front of me talking about
antiperspirant and how bad it was for
you because of the mercury in the product that blocks
the sweat. Mercury?
Yeah.
They were doctors, dude. They're doctors
who don't know the difference between mercury
and silver. Okay. Guys, well, we got some
practical advice here, okay? If you
have not tried using apple cider under
your arms, you are missing a really cheap but effective
deodorant and time delivery ministry.
Apple cider? What the hell?
It just completely went off the rocker.
It makes sense. Rubbing apple cider
in your armpits is a really effective
end time delivery ministry.
Is it mulled apple cider?
Do I need to heat it up
with some cloves first?
Just do some deliverance to figure it out.
Jesus,
computers,
and demons.
Which one's which?
This first sentence.
We are
a triune being. Body,
soul, and spirit.
Speaking computerese,
we have body, computer
casing, soul,
hard drive slash hard copy,
like actual, like, you know, printouts of emails Computer casing. Soul. Hard drive slash hard copy. What?
Like actual, you know,
printouts of emails and shit.
And spirit. Software.
This metaphor written by Gil Reval.
Where's the tubes?
Aren't there supposed to be tubes involved here?
Those are the intestines.
Oh, okay.
Your feet are the truck.
Demons get into our body and soul, but cannot get into our spirit.
That is how Christians
can and do have demons.
Demons get into your
computer casing.
I'll just load up my anti-demon
software.
Somebody takes their stack of printouts
and writes, demons!
Demons are like cat hair.
They're inside of the computer case.
They can get into the case,
into the hardware, but not into the software.
But they also got into the hard copy.
Someone copied and pasted
demons into my word processing file
and now I've just printed it out
and it says, demons, demons, demons, demons, demons demons demons demons what do I do God pour wine on it some demons are like
computers so like I'm going to possess you.
I have 37 words into my article, and I've already used computers as metaphors for two different things.
So, demons have a computer casing, a hard drive, and a spirit.
Yes.
Okay.
If you have a computer that is turned off, do you still have a computer?
Of course.
Oh, okay. Of course you do.
Your computer could sit there with the power off for days,
weeks, months, or years.
Very much a computer, but with no power.
Some computers can be
on, but
goes...
Some computers can be on, but goes into
a hibernation...
End quote. Or open quote with no close quote. Stage. computers can be on, but goes into a hibernation end quote
or open quote with no close quote
stage.
It is still on, but in a state that
uses less power.
It only takes a little budge
on your mouse to
activate it fully.
Penis.
Yes.
On the chart.
Spiritual sex toy chart you can trigger
you can trigger your hiding demon
by something you do or say
like a hibernating bear
when it is time for him to get up
god damn it
my bear is a computer spirit
computers are hibernating bears
go ahead
so demon is like a computer
which is like a bear.
Yeah, I'm just wondering if there's a prayer for spiritual torture that covers metaphors.
God damn.
Like a hibernating bear, when it is time for him to get up and eat, nothing will stop him.
When he's hibernating, that is.
You can't stop me, I'm asleep.
Some demons are just like the bear The demon
The demon is in his den
You
I'm the den? But I thought it was a computer casing
You're a den and a computer case, yes
A den is like the type of room
In a house
No, like the bear's den that he's hibernating in
The demon is in his den, the bear's
den. The bear doesn't have a living room. God, that's
why we need these experts for this
because this is really confusing. I'm getting
mad. In the name of the blood of the Lord
Jesus, I have no idea what the fuck is going on.
And one day he gets
hungry.
This would clearly explain mass murderers
by such a nice
man next door. Wait, are mass murderers by such a nice man next door.
Wait, are mass murderers in my computer?
Yeah, because bear computers.
Because a bear
has a sole hard drive and he's going to be
in your den, which is you.
So,
John Wayne Gacy.
However,
fuck you, I'm pouring honey on my computer.
Honey wine.
You know, the bears aren't actually interested in the honey.
Don't you get it?
You see, the bears don't go for the honey.
They're going for the bee larva.
Anyway, however, most...
Nerd!
Canadian!
I took an apiculture course.
It's an elective.
Anyway, however, most demons are plugged in
All the time
Just waiting to manipulate you
Without you needing to do anything
To stir him up
How many times have you clicked on your
Print button
Then decided to cancel it
It's too late
55 pages.
Oh, God.
Except for unplugging the printer.
I found no way to stop it dead in its tracks.
There's a little app land.
You just go up there and you hit cancel.
Okay.
I have not found this.
Lemon, the bear has a mouse and he can't stop printing, okay?
That's what I'm talking about here. Follow along.
I recently printed a document not knowing
how many pages there would be. It kept going
and going. I wanted to unplug it, but kept thinking
maybe it's almost done printing.
It finally stopped on its own.
It finally stopped on its own
after it finished its job
without me intervening.
About 300 pages.
What the fuck was it?
What was it?
A recipe and then 200.
Oh, wait, never mind.
It would have been the site.
If you actually tried to print this site, it would be about 300 pages.
It would be more than that.
It's five pages for the text and then 295 pages for the code for the MIDI.
Yeah, it was just like 295 pages, like a single junk character in the midi. It was just
like 295 pages of like
a single junk character in the upper left.
Anyways.
To stop a demon dead
in his tracks, you need to unplug it.
To do this through...
You do this through deliverance!
Casting it out in the name of Jesus!
Don't sit there
day after day watching your printer
hoping it will stop soon.
Pain, torment, sickness,
fear, depression, sadness,
etc.
What?
What?
Etc.
I want to get the
AdvilJews guy's opinion
because I think he makes more sense. I want to make sense ofil Jews guy to give his opinion on this because I think he makes more sense.
I want to make sense of
what being unable to stop
a 300-page document is a metaphor
for.
It explains it.
See?
You know what I bet happened?
It's a demon that cannot
stop.
You know what I bet happened?
It's like a relative came over.
Well, it's like, I got this thing printing.
I can't stop it.
And it's like, why did you print a 300?
Oh, God.
Okay, let me get it to the printer.
Oh, God, I can't stop this.
What the hell is with your printer?
And then in the background, he's thinking, you know, this relates to Jesus somehow.
Jesus.
Jesus.
Let me stop printing.
Jesus is your only answer through deliverance
shoot an arrow
after the deliverance
fuck you nevermind
turn on your spiritual computer by first plugging
in Jesus and accepting him
as your personal savior
then install then install go on Accepting him as your personal savior. Then install...
Then install...
Go on.
Then install your hard drive
and do or get some deliverance.
How much money will I have to pay for that software package?
Do I have to torrent it?
Because that's against the Bible.
Does he want us to make shitty entendres
with all this hard drive
and plug in Jesus?
It's not a 12 year renewable license.
It's like a small novelty lamp.
Can I get it from Walmart?
The Bible, this website,
and others like it are your
hard copy telling you how to
operate and use the power of
deliverance. That's not how hard copy
works.
All computers come with built-in software
so it can operate properly.
We are born with
godly software.
Once we become of age
to know right from wrong,
we must upgrade our godly software with the best program and version that is guaranteed to work.
Jesus Christ through deliverance.
See, that's how they get you started.
They get you on a 30-day Jesus trial, and you get used to it.
Oh, it's just installed.
No, no, no. Best of all,
this upgrade is free!
Oh, wow. Oh, cool.
It's live, confidential, one-on-one
and discreet!
It's open source savior!
It's going to make my penis bigger. I know it.
It was paid for at
Calvary
when Jesus died
on the tree for you and me.
He died on a tree?
He coated himself.
One program on our computer
works just fine, but I found out
I could download a patch
that would improve some of the features
and thereby give me more power.
While most Christians
have downloaded Jesus!
Again, I just picture, like, the tech support relative,
and it's like, okay, you need to patch this software.
It's like, will that give me more power?
Yeah, Grandpa, sure.
Yeah.
Most Christians who have downloaded Jesus
don't know about or don't want the patch.
The patch is deliverance!
Wait, the patch... I don't need to make the deliverance! Wait, the patch
is deliverance?
You're not going to make the deliverance joke anymore.
Some have it downloaded,
but it's not being used. Another
patch is missing from most
Christian... Why is that in quotes?
Christian?
It's so cold!
In my metaphor, the Christians
are... Oh, wait, no, wait, no. Christians are actually Christians.
Well, it's like sometimes when you want to go print a 300-page document
and you can't stop it and you try to unplug things and it doesn't work
and then you just hit some quotes. Fuck, I don't know.
Good enough.
Another patch missing from most Christians is the speaking in tongues patch.
Wouldn't it just be easier to release some kind of Christian service pack?
Get everybody on.
Maybe you should have worked harder on the software
before releasing it if you need that many patches.
It just gives you a closer walk with
Jesus. Talk
about petty and power.
This article doesn't
date itself at all.
There is no match for the power
that is available to every true believer.
You can read this hard copy,
but if you don't load it into your computer,
it will just sit there on your table
until you forget about it.
How do I load this into my computer?
Continue to download software
by reading your Bible daily.
Damn it!
Don't download the devil's software.
Tell others about the new beefed up
spiritual computer you have.
Just plug it in.
Wait, wait, wait. How do I download the software?
The fucking Bible!
Oh, okay.
Wait, how do I
put the Bible in my computer?
The blood of Jesus!
It's a metaphor.
You order it from Amazon, and then Amazon
delivers it to you.
So I just pour wine
in my computer, right?
That's what it's working for.
I would love to be his relative and go on his computer
and make his desktop background
Winnie the Pooh.
What the hell?
Praying for three weeks
And there we go
About an hour or so of purity
And cleanliness
And peace unto death
I suppose
I hope you learned a lot
I don't know that I did
But I sure did enjoy myself
As always the website
Thefpl.us.
Find us on the
Facebook or the Stitcher or
what have you, and we'll see you soon.
Have a good one. Bye.
Jesus, watch out.
Oh, man.
I like that in the middle
of the prayer, he included Jeremiah
5120, just in case God
needed a reference to
remember that book you wrote
yeah
remember to cite your sources