The F Plus - 371: Hopscotch Goblin

Episode Date: June 23, 2022

Rather than describe what's happening on The Crytpidz Wiki, I'll let the site describe itself: Cryptids are monsters... except that cryptids could actually exist! When talking about Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster you're talking about something that could live right on this Earth right now! On Cryptid Wiki, we document all of the possible information you can get about cryptids and determine if they're real or not. This week, The F Plus likes Utah, and that's pretty dang interesting!

Okay. Alright. That's enough hiatus. Let's release some more F Plus episodes! Turn out the light, for this is the F Plus. We've got spookily terrible things, and we'll read them with enthusiasm. We've got Boothring here. Alien big cats, or ABCs, and sometimes phantom cats, are not cats from outer space. Instead, they are large

cats that look something like black panthers, leopards, African lions, or cougars, but they are seen in Britain. Victor Laszlo! The spaghetti will only grow properly if watered with alcohol. The alcohol allotted for the purpose is naturally all drunk by the soldiers. Nutshell Gulag!

Alien, demon, or genetic mutation, the Enfield Horror encountered in Enfield, Illinois, is one of the absolute strangest creatures ever to be chronicled in cryptozoological lore. Your friend on the internet goes by the name of Adam Bozarth. Spirits might be new species of the birds.

Achilles Heelies! Honestly, I think the men in black are hybrids of Zeta Reticulans and humans serving as protectors of the paradigm. And Lemon. When he went up the hill, he was eaten by the hungry grass. Hey, F+. Hi, Lemon. Hi, everyone. Hey, are you afraid?

Constantly. Okay. A little bit. I mean... I mean, I think that's good. Fear is healthy. I'm getting more scared because you asked me. I feel like that's foreshadowing.

Okay. Nutshell, what are some things that you are afraid of? Death, dismemberment, hoop snakes. Tony on the third floor. Wait, snakes can hoop? Tony on the fourth floor. Wait, snakes can hoop? Tony on the fourth floor is actually rather nice, though. They look really a lot

alike, so it's tricky. My neighbor is doing stuff that sounds like driving nails into the floor above me at three in the morning. Well, I want to bring up a subject that uh will cause some fear will cause some panic in in your soul um and that subject is cryptids wow wow that worked really

well apparently it's just a scary word just the notion of the genre Terrifying And I could tell you I could tell you About cryptids But I would prefer Victor to Victor Oh wow

Just every time Okay That gag is going to exhaust you Victor Victor exhaust you. Victor. It wasn't me. Victor. Victor. I have a I've got this

document here. This document that was given to us by SecretGagant69 and thank you very much, SecretGagant. And I'd like you to just tell me a little bit about cryptids. Will you please? Sure. I'd like you to just tell me a little bit about cryptids, will you please? Sure I'd love to

so what are cryptids? cryptids are monsters except that cryptids could actually exist ah okay we don't

the possibility that they may or may not exist is what makes them encrypted so uncertainty when talking about bigfoot or the loch ness monster you're talking about something that could live right on this earth right now okay all. So, here on Cryptid Wiki, we document all of the possible information you can get about cryptids and determine if they're real or not. You can contribute to this wiki. Do you want to make a new article? Why do I? Do you have an idea for a cryptid? What do you mean idea? What do you mean idea?

What do you mean idea? That sounds like you're making it up I don't understand You mean fear of, right? Yeah, based on something you've seen in real life That's an idea that you had because you saw something So just to be clear We do not accept creepypasta monsters

Such as Slenderman, Herobrine The Rake or any others as they are well, creepypasta if you create a page like this you will be issued a warning and the page will be deleted yay

the rake is not like like a yard rake that's a monster rake? No, it's really scary because you'll step on it, and then it hits you in the head, and then you walk two feet, and then another one hits you in the face. Yeah, you go, ugh. Never see it coming.

Ugh. F Plus, I want to tell you about the bloop Yes The bloop Was a powerful Ultra low frequency Underwater sound of uncertain Origin

Detected by the NOAA Which is the National Ocean and Atmospheric Administration In 1997 and in the South Pacific. According to earlier speculations, the sound would have been emitted by a very large, still undiscovered marine mammal. There's a picture of a whale, but like bigger.

Yeah, goofy-ass looking whale with a big goldfish tail and a little tiny beaky nose about the size of three blue whales. And some sort of tendrils at the end. So that would have also been named Bloop after the sound. Consistent with noises generated via non-tectonic cryo-sisms originating from glacial movements such as ice calving or an ice quake, seabed gouging by ice. The previous explanation, however, is not disqualified. Right. It's a very specific drawing for a sound yeah yeah yeah uh and then adam your name is scdgs yes you are lost at sea you see a small island and swim to it. Inventory, aye.

There is nothing in your pockets. The island is strange. You have your swimsuit, a penis. It likes sitting on the... I told you, you have a swimsuit and a penis. Did you lose your penis already?

Oh, man. It sucks when you get to the end of the game and you don't... Terrible with inventory systems. When you accidentally threw the penis to the cat at the beginning of the game and you don't have it at the end and you gotta start all the way over to the beginning. You're gonna get fucked up. You're gonna get hard-locked at the third level for sure. Then you hear the bloop sound

and the island slow starts to sink into the depths. You're left treading water again. Then a large round orifice engulfs you as it massive mouth closes. You realize you're about to become bloop. Bloop Poop Yeah, yo, I'm amazing, ancient world. That would suck. You guys are a comedy duo.

You're the Smothers Brothers of the cryptid, Ricky. I wish they would smother And now we will sing a folk song Alright, well that was pretty scary Okay, show me them fucking yo-yo tricks That was pretty scary, but I've got something even scarier for you Oh yeah? It's the dingbat.

No! The dingbat is a fearsome critter from the tales of lumberjacks of North America from 19th and early 20th centuries, particularly in the area of Salt Lake, Wisconsin. It is described to be an avian mammalian creature with a short feathered body, large wings and short antlers on its head. The dingbat had the unique ability to eat bullets in midair. That is unique.

That is unique. So that means, does that mean chewing? Yeah. And digesting. Yeah. It's the heaviest pellets of any of the owls out there. Wow.

It was known for pranking hunters by drinking gasoline out of their cars and stealing their ammunition. It was known for this in the 19th century. Some fucking dingbat stole my gas and ate my bullets.

Out of my car that hasn't been invented yet. It sucked all the gas out of my horse. It is also described to be a very... It drank all the kerosene from my lantern. It's described to be a very fast owl. I guess so. And here's an artist's rendering,

but this one doesn't have horns for some reason. That's because that's just a picture of an owl. It's an artist's rendering of an owl. Is that an owl? That's in the cryptid wiki. It's a drawing of an owl, and then it says, this one doesn't have horns for some reason.

No, it's a dingbat. Sorry. It's a dingbat, though. Like, don't you own GIMP? Can't you just do that? One of them hornless dingbats. Why doesn't this owl have horns? This one doesn't need

bullets for some reason? Hi! Dingbat's known for looking straight at you and saying, Oh, really? I've seen the base podcast one. It takes two to make things go right! By eating bullets could what they is when they shot the dingbat.

They shot its beak so it looked like it ate bullets because that picture above looks a lot like a snowy owl. Got him! Who even could want to therefore want more like? Yeah, I'm Diacujulia. Cool. Yeah.

Eats bullets in midair. I think we could declare this one as fake. Oh, no. Now it's going to have to be removed from the cryptid wiki. I'm laughing Loch Ness Monster. Strong stomach acids? Maybe? Very, very strong stomach acids, yes.

Then you make another comment. Maybe it cracks the bullets in midair with its beak? Oh, but yeah, it's a quick time event, right? To get to the marrow inside. Victor, this next cryptid I believe is called a cap, capri, capri perhaps? Or a capper? Capri? I don't know.

Capri. Caper. Oh, there we go. Caper. Let's do that. Sure. Caper. Like we there we go. Caper. Let's do that. Sure. Caper. Like we've ever pronounced anything right before.

I mean. Especially not people's names. So the caper is a Philippine cryptid creature with the appearance of a phenomenally tall, long-legged god-type of hairy humanoid. It sits in big trees and smokes cigarettes. It's fully S-tier. It's that cryptid that looks like God. It is often seen waiting for people

as they walk through a path. It has also been described as similar to the North American Bigfoot, but with more human characteristics characterized as a tree demon. So it's a human-looking, bigfoot tree demon. Okay. But also a god.

Yeah, also a god. It is described as being tall, between 7 to 10 feet, brown, hairy male with a beard. Oh, this is a different movie. Capers are normally described as smoking a very large ganja pipe. Oh, yeah. That's awesome. He's often the one who's telling Cheech

that Dave's not here. Whose strong smell would almost always attract human attention. So if you smell a lot of ganja smoke, you might see this guy. There's no connection between... It's because he's the one

smoking. I've got a lot of them in my neighborhood, I guess. I've got a question for you, Boots. You're somewhat familiar with the subject. What would you describe a ganja pipe as looking like? Like an apple? Well, red,

green, and yellow in coloration. There was that one time in college that we made one out of a Coke can. Yeah, sure. It could look like many things. Just about anything, if you're handy. The term caper comes from the Arabic word kafir, so it's probably caper, meaning a non-believer in Islam.

The early Arabs and Moors used it to refer to the non-Muslim Indians who were dark-skinned. That's quite a drift from it being a non-Muslim To being a Massive tree demon Well and it's also Kafir is a It's the N-word in a lot of countries

Oh gotcha Now this has taken a turn Okay You're looking in the Behavior section aren't you Oh of course I am a turn. Okay. You're looking in the behavior section, aren't you? Oh, of course I am. Can you tell me something about the behavior of a caper?

Capers are not necessarily considered to be evil. Unlike the mananago. Mananago? Mananago? Mananago? Capers may make contact with people to offer friendship, or if it is

attracted to a woman. If a caper befriends any human, especially because of love, the caper will consistently follow its love interest throughout life. I like the notion of befriending out of love. And then consistently following it for the rest of its life. I like the notion of befriending out of love. And then

consistently following it for the rest of its life. Don't you understand? I befriended you out of love, Linda. She said she wants to just be friends, and I'm completely fine with that. That's okay with me. We can be very good friends.

Also, if one is a friend of the caper, then that person has the ability to see it, and if they were to sit on it, then any other person could see it. This proves capers are the friendly type of humanoid. Does that prove that? It proves it.

Okay. I don't think cryptids are awesome. If you can see me sitting on this cryptid's face, then we're all real. Don't worry about the ganja. The mysterious beanbag chair. Capers are also said to play pranks on people, frequently making travelers become disoriented. Again, don't worry about the ganja smoke

and lose their way in the mountains or in the woods they are also believed to have the ability to confuse people even in their own familiar surroundings for instance, someone who forgets that they are in their own garden or home is said to have been tricked by a caper

mom, no, no it was the caper. Mom, no, no. It was the caper. No. No. I know I said I'd be home at nine, but then the caper tricked me. I'm confused. And then it made my jacket smell weird.

Reports of experiencing caper enchantment include that of witnessing rustling tree branches, even if the wind is not strong. Some more examples would be hearing loud laughter coming from an unseen being, witnessing lots of smoke from the top of a tree, seeing big fiery eyes during night from a tree, as well as actually seeing a caper walking in forested areas. Wow, none of these things would happen if you were smoking weed. It is also believed that abundant fireflies in woody areas are the embers from the caper's lit ganja pipe. Okay, but a caper's most least known, but probably most horrendous feature. Most least known. Most least known. Yeah, a caper's most least known. probably most horrendous feature most least known most least known yeah most capers

most least known oh my god but properly i think my brain just refused to acknowledge that word most was in there uh but a caper's most least known but probably most horrendous feature is the fact that it reeks of goat. The weed smoke doesn't cover that up? If you reek so bad of goat that it is not covered up by a weed, that's bad goat reek. According to some experiences, the caper have moved on from smoking nigh-endable cigars to drinking beer. Oh, that would

explain why the goat smell wasn't covered up. Some caper are rather wise, some rated brute-like, but they all have one common thing. They have an odd desire of watching over farm animals and locals. That could explain the goat smell, too.

Yeah, their demeanor is that of protection and knowing of its care. But know this. If one were to make a caper mad, then all hell breaks loose, as the caper can go ahead and snap an Aikugan's neck. He has the strength of ten weed smokers! weed smokers. And then there's a picture of a caper sighting which looks like

somebody dropped their camera in a Pirates of the Caribbean ride. My name is Bayox83. I didn't write anything, but here's how I start. But anyway, here's a question of mine. Why the hell did any sighting photos always taken using a blurry camera?

I can see nothing but a blurry pixels details there. I don't even know if it was a sighting because it's damn hard to see, let alone identifies as one. If not the caption, I might think that's another failure at trying to make a bokeh style in photography.

Oh yeah, no, it's a bokeh style. Yeah, absolutely. That was definitely artistic choice. Yeah. Yeah, no, I'm a fan of the Tokyo art movement and also cryptids. This blurry picture of weed plants, weed monster, taken on a razor phone. Yeah, my name's Aurora Borealis, 1972. Maybe it was in the distance.

You can see some reddish stuff in the picture. Right? No. Yeah, you can. You can. I didn't say red, man. I said reddish. Brown is a color of red.

Anyway, that's around its head Like possibly its eyes Once you see the eyes You'll probably see the rest of the body Hi I am Hichame 201 dragon Wow I like this cryptid Like all the cryptid

I believe that he's a djinn Anyway Maybe we could be a good friend And help me with girls this is weird idea right i feel like that's that should be like that should be like the a24 twist on those like 80s films where a kid meets a magical creature It's this guy meets this weird skunk ape in the woods and he tries to get it to help him meet girls.

So I bet a lot of you know about Sasquatch, right? Yeah. Did you know there are different flavors of Sasquatch? You mean like blue raspberry? No, I mean more like different animal combos of Sasquatch.

Oh, okay. Like here in the Pacific Northwest, we have regular Sasquatch, also known as Bigfoot. You'll see him on a lot of merchandise and stuff. I remember there was an F Plus Live about that. Yeah, he came to the show. He did. He came to the show. He did.

But there is a lesser known variant known as Bat Squatch. Bat Squatch. Bat Squatch. I feel like Bat Squatch wants to show up and give me some beef jerky. Hold on. Sasquatch wants to show up and give me some beef jerky Hold on, this is the Sasquatch that watched his parents' kids shot in an alley and turned to a life of vigilantism

Watching the Mask of Zorro Sasquatch is a flying cryptid that was allegedly sighted near Mount St. Helens in the 1980s It resembles a flying cryptid that was allegedly sighted near Mount St. Helens in the 1980s. It resembles a flying primate similar to the Ahul and the Orang Bati of Southeast Asia, and its name is a portmanteau derived from the words bat and squatch. Sasquatch.

Oh, I see it now. Bat and squatch. I see it, yeah, yeah. A witness allegedly took several pictures of the creature, however these pictures have not been yet analyzed and thus cannot prove the creature's existence. Where are these pictures? Or displayed.

Description. This creature was said to have yellow eyes, a wolf-like muzzle, blue fur, sharp teeth, bird-like feet, and leathery bat-like wings that can span up to 50 feet! In addition, BatSquatch is said to be 9 feet tall and has the ability to affect car engines. This is

possibly a misunderstood sighting of Mothman, considering it also affected man-made things like Mothman can. Ah, you fuck, moron, it's not a BatSquatch, it's Mothman! Come on! Yeah, BatSquatch can't affect car engines, you fucking moron, it's not a bat-squatch, it's Mothman! Come on! Yeah, a bat-squatch can affect car engines, you idiot! Sightings! On April

1994, Brian Canfield was driving in Washington's Pierce County when his truck suddenly died. Canfield said a large creature landed in front of him. He said it was human-like, nine feet tall, with bat-like wings, and also sported a coat of blue fur. Ever since then, it has not-like, nine feet tall, with bat-like wings, and also sported a coat of blue fur.

Ever since then, it has not been seen, and skeptics dismiss it as a hoax. A possible second sighting was reported in 2009 here in Mount Shasta in California. Several hikers witnessed a huge creature with leathery wings spanning 50 feet fly out of a crevice in the mountain. wings spanning 50 feet fly out of a crevice in the mountain. At first, an eyewitness described the creature as having a head similar to a pterodactyl. However, upon reconsideration, the witness claimed it was more

akin to a bat or a fox. On June 2011, Phoenix Tiraz, a pseudonym, Oh, really? Not a given name? His real name is

Tucson Tiras was in his yard walking his dog he went to pick up the dog when he saw something in the sky. He said the following I saw something flying in the sky and it had bat wings, blue fur and a face similar to eyes glowing red. It was about nine feet tall

at the least. After I watched it, it just flew away. And on April 14th, 2014, at Archbishop Hoban High School in Akron, Ohio, a second period Spanish class spotted a giant black mass zipped by the window of the classroom at incredible speed. The class claims it was about nine feet tall with a 28 to 30 foot wingspan. Sorry, is that entire thing Phoenix Tiras' testimony? No, no. I don't know why they just go like, oh, this high school in Akron saw something. It's not nearby the Pacific Northwest and the kids didn't say bat or squash,

but I just thought I'd throw this in. Well, I mean, nine feet tall and 20 to 30 foot wingspan. What else could it be? I don't know. A hool or a rangbati? Hey, Boots, you and I are both fandom users. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and do these people understand what a tetrapod is? Oh, wait, yeah. set of limbs that would later turn into wings, given what this thing looks like. Evolution does not work like that.

Yeah, and I am a fandom user. What's wrong with believing that humans were created by... good? It's God, but censored. You can't talk about God. God's not a cryptid. And then, Adam, your name is Man Wolf

Hey maybe it wasn't a tetrapod Also no need to insult religion I'm a xenomorph 1117 And radiation can cause A random set of new limbs to appear Sure can it can give you superhuman strength It can make you fly. If the creature didn't die due to radiation

sickness, they could spring open. Hey, uh, hey, Lemon, I'm a fandom user, and so are you. Oh, yeah? Uh-huh. Okay. It might be true. Uh, no! It really is like a one in a trillion chance to be real!

Sorry if I come off as angry. Hi, I am Bobman the Depsy. The misidentified part needs to be changed to Owl and not Mothman. Boots, you and me are both fandom users. Okay. Yeah, Boots. This is the stupidest cryptid I've ever seen. Man, I love Bad Squatch.

It's not only stupid, it's a bad- The Sasquatch! How sick is that? I guess next Sasquatch models will have laser eyes. Cool, cool, cool, cool. I love being a fandom user. Hi, my name is Daily Skywalker. Oop! Batman and Bigfoot had a child

Alright Same joke It's my favorite Daily Skywalker Oop Oop We're gonna do We're gonna do one more Squatch

I have a question For you, Heelys Which of these squatches Seems the most compelling to you? Oh no Sorry, too scared It's very scary It's very scary

It's very scary. It's very scary. It's very scary. Sheep Squatch? Or Octo Squatch? I'll do the Octo Squatch. Okay, all right. The drawing for Octo Squatch is so good. What if you tried to draw Cthulhu, but you were asleep at the time?

I think this... That looks like a drawing from a Hellboy comic. I think that's Drooper from the Banana Splits. That's clearly if Cousin It fucked a squid. All your decisions are way more evocative than the actual picture. Wow. There's some crazy shit happening

in OnlyFans these days. I thought Octosquatch was the Sasquatch that was pregnant with eight kids. Oh, yeah. She got her own TLC show. That joke aged well. John and Squatch plus eight. It was in the summer of 1961.

Approximately 11 p.m. Archimedes. 11 p.m. in the summer. Wait, what? Summer, 1961. 11 p.m. Listen, it's only going to get more real from here. Yeah, it's going to sound more like a John Carpenter movie

the more it goes on. Archimedes Sanchez, a truck driver. I love it. Love it. Was navigating the steep roads of the Basque Mountains in the Spanish province of Vizcaya. He traveled these roads several times before, but tonight he would encounter

a creature unknown even to the most esteemed cryptozoologists. They gave the role to Archimedes Sanchez! Sanchez and his writing partner, who chose to remain anonymous. Oh no! Definitely, it was that.

It was definitely that. His name was too stupid. Definitely that, not that I couldn't think of another Spanish name. We're nearing Puerto de Berazar, ready to unload their goods and rest for the night. Dot, dot, dot. That was when their high beams caught something

at the base of the embankment on the opposite side of the road. Sanchez slammed on the brakes, and he and his co-worker stared in utter disbelief at what they were looking at. Sanchez would later describe this as a three to four foot tall, hairy octopus with a shaggy coat of rust-colored hair. Or a bush. Or a bush. No. The creature hastily covered its round, glowing eyes with one of its four tentacle-like appendages,

but remained unable to move, caught in the truck's headlights. I feel like you're describing an everything-is-terrible prop. He's describing a tetrasquatch so far. A, brutally armed Sasquatch. Yes. Neither the truckers or this creature moved for what the men estimated for several minutes. However, it must be noted that during times of fear or shock, time can seem to dilate due to the surge of adrenaline. Several minutes could in real time be less than a minute. Archimedes Sanchez was approaching the speed of light at this point.

Less than a minute. Archimedes Sanchez was approaching the speed of light at this point. Fear got the best of Sanchez, and he ordered his comrade to attack it with the jackhammer they had. And he was met with refusal. Get the jackhammer out of the, you know, the one we use for trucking. God damn it, co-worker. Get him with that jackhammer. Truck driver in the entire Basque region. I want you to Elmer Fudd this fucker, okay?

Sanchez decided to make his move. He threw the truck into reverse and it drove straight towards the entity, stopping mere feet in front of it. What? Sanchez repeated this several times, but never exited the vehicle.

After a while, another truck passed by, and the driver may not have even seen it, as he did not slow down or turn around. They eventually reached a standstill. Neither man was willing to escape the vehicle, and the furry bean was either unable or unwilling to escape. It was near midnight, and they realized there was nothing more they could do. They finished the run and left it behind. By the time Sanchez revealed his story all evidence of the creature was

long gone. Wow! Wow! Wow! Farewell, Uncle Spudge. Boots, found here in the comments uh you want to just take the comment there by Groot Slang

uh yeah Groot Slang yeah uh wow on what source you discovered this cryptid and then uh Adam you're praying mantis man Wow! On what source you discovered this cryptid? And then, Adam, you're praying mantis man?

I'm praying mantis man. I believe it is from American Monsters. And then, Nutshell, your pizza pies are cool. Uh, I, okay. You're right, Aussie. Alright, well that was not worth it. Fair enough. Bad job, Lemon.

Pizza pies are cool. Pizza pies are cool. Pizza pies are cool. I was going to move on to the next section, and there is more sections that we've got here from SecretAgent69. I'm excited for them. Before moving on, this was a kind of like recent one that the fandom.com, the cryptid wiki, was suggesting to me. And the photo was very compelling, so I had to learn more.

And this is Indrid Cold. he was suggesting to me. And the photo was very compelling, so I had to learn more. And this is Indrid Cold. Indrid Cold, commonly known as the Smiling Man, is an allegedly humanoid entity. Hold on, before you go any further,

I feel like it needs to be pointed out. This is just a drawing of a smiling man. Yes, that's why he's called the Smiling Man. He's a man who's smiling. Keep up, dammit! I thought we said no Slenderman and stuff on this website. The nickname, the Smiling Man, comes from the being's tendency to smile. I'm pretty sure

this is like a Trevor Henderson monster or something. Would you like to learn another fact about the smiling man? Yeah. Great. It is said that he still visits West Virginia to this day. Yeah, out them woods is the smiling man. He's taking home on country roads. Virginia to this day.

He's taken home on country roads. Hey, Adam, do you want to know what country he lives in? Well, he was sighted in the USA, though probably he does not live there if it's an alien. Hey,

can you skip ahead to the section that says, what's his deal? Okay, fine. Except for I just want to say that this habitat is possibly the planet Lanolus. Okay, but what's his whole thing? Because I'm not getting hooked into Ingrid Cold. His whole deal? His whole deal is what is where?

It's not anywhere. I just, like, what is the answer for me in a sentence? Why is he a cryptid other than just a smiling man? Okay. Sure. Men don't smile. That's true. That's definitely true.

That's true. That's definitely true. Well, he was first seen in October 16th of 1966 in New Jersey. So that happened. And then in November 2nd of 1966 in West Virginia, Woodrow Derenberger was driving his way home on Interstate 77 until he heard a crash. Then an unidentified vehicle appeared to land in front of his truck. He described it as an old-fashioned kerosene lamp chimney flaring at both ends, narrowing down to a small neck and then enlarging in a great bulge in the center. Okay. The grinning man came out of the vehicle with a dark tan

and walked up to Darren Berger and telepathically said his name was Indrid Cold. He said that he meant no... Yeah. Mm-hmm. Can you... He said that he meant no harm. Cold said he just wanted to know more about the human race

and that he would visit Darren Berger again. After the encounter, Darren Berger stated that Cold revealed that he was from the planet Lanolus in the galaxy of Genomedes. Can you not call me while I'm driving, Indrid? Can you read me a really scary quote?

Okay. You ready? Okay, here we go. Ready. Okay, okay. Turn off the lights. I've got to... I put my phone on flashlight mode. It's held underneath my face.

It was a big man. Very broad. I couldn't see his face very well, but I could see that he was grinning at me. He walked around the bed and stood right over at me. I screamed again and hid under the covers. When I looked again, he was gone. The end.

I was hoping for the scary story with Jimmy in it. Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, you wanted that. Okay, this is a little bit less scary than I hit under the covers. But, so Jimmy nudged me and said, Who's that guy standing behind you? I looked around and there he was, behind that fence, just standing there. He pivoted and looked right at us.

Then he grinned a big old grin. The end! Ah! This quote, What about this last part about, uh... Does he have any aliases? Does he have any aliases? Yeah. Okay, let me just...

Okay, so, um... I told you a little bit about Woodrow Darren Berger, but I need to tell you that Tanya Darren Berger mentions in her book that Indrid Cold might also be known as

Valiant Thor. Who spent three years at the Pentagon. How the fuck do you pass your background check if your name is Valiant Thor? It's a family name. Okay.

Victor found one of the Darren Berger's books on Amazon. What he wrote a book about this. Yep, yep, yep. Visitors from Lana List, My Contact with Ingrid Cold. The Kindle version only cost you $10. $10.

Reviews are mostly positive. Pages have been printed in the wrong order. Reviews are Mostly positive Pages have been printed in the wrong order Yeah So he's a guy He's a smiling man in a suit Watch out Anyway we're going to move on to the next section

So we've learned a little bit about the cryptids themselves But then we touched A little bit on On cryptids themselves, but then we touched a little bit on Aurora Borealis here. Secret Agent wants to point out that the Cryptids Wiki has a blog built right in. Most people don't use them

except for Aurora Borealis1972. And Aurora Borealis 1972 wants to say this. Adam, if you'll take this one please. Yeti found on Google Maps. So, a bit of a background.

When I'm bored, I sometimes spend time on Google Maps Street View. Used to use Google Earth, but it stopped working. So to look for things like tree structures and other things, other types of Bigfoot evidence while listening to podcasts and all that. So yesterday, I had the idea to look for Yeti stuff. So after finding a bunch of pretty ambiguous stuff on Mount Everest, I went to a...

It's a mountain. It's a mountain. There was a guy named Hillary involved in it somehow. I can't remember. The Google Maps street view of Mount Everest. Yeah. Why is that blurry? I went to a mountainous road in the Wangdu Fodrang district of Bhutan.

And while doing this, I found a strange, dark, hairy, ape-like figure sitting next to a rock in the bushes. I zoomed in and took a picture of it. But since I don't know how to take screenshots on my laptop, I had to take a picture of the screen with my phone. Ah, yes, of course. Damaging the quality. Although, I have a satellite image of the road I found on if anyone wants to try to find the road and get a better picture. When I get closer to the rock it was next to, it

clearly wasn't there. Do you think it was a yeti? I don't think it was a bear, as the only bear species in the area is a different color, and the shape is very ape-like. And I don't think a person wearing a ghillie suit would look the same, nor do I think

they would be likely anyway. Can we go back to your satellite image thing? These pictures are amazing. Yeah? There's never been a more clear picture of a fucking rock. This guy has just circled a picture of a rock. But it has a shadow,

Victor. It has a shadow. You're right. Rocks don't have shadows. Rocks don't have shadows. Rocks don't have a head and shoulders like the one photo is showing. Boots, you are also Aurora Borealis 1972. And what's going on? What's going on today?

I'm Aurora Borealis 1972. And now I'm angry! Oh. Yeah, my YouTube account was terminated! Alright, so my YouTube account named Aurora Borealis with Patty from the Patterson Gimlin film.

I looked that up. That's the classic Bigfoot walking film. Oh, the Bigfoot's nicknamed Patty? Yeah. As its profile with only one video, which was a time-lapse of Roblox footage with a free version of Old MacDonald Had a Farm playing in the background, which I

jokingly named Old MacDonald Had a Farm music video, was terminated a few days ago. The only even remotely possible guideline violation I've ever done would be that one video not actually being the music video for old mcdonald had a farm people have done worse i don't deserve this treatment while people with millions of subscribers can make a video where they walk around doing regular everyday things with the title doing the floss with don

elf trump gone wrong and a thumbnail of a photoshop picture of donald trump doing the floss with bright Day Things with the title, Doing the Floss with Don Elf Trump. Gone wrong! And a thumbnail of a photoshopped picture of Donald Trump doing the floss with bright colors in the background, a red circle around Donald Trump, get no punishment? They shouldn't be able to do that. No, that's not okay. And yes, that's a real thing! No way!

No way! It's as real as the Bigfoot you saw? So I've made a new account perfectly described these thumbnails though it's a perfect description so I've made a new account with the same name and everything just without that video and I'm going to use this account

until I can get YouTube to give you my account back so here's a link to my new profile I'm going to use a new account while I wait for my old account you know that account Here's a link to my new profile. I'm going to use a new account while I wait for my old account. You know that account that you banned? Putting it all back. I'm going to make a new account while I wait for the old one to come back.

And I demand the old one back. And that was several years ago, and I'm up to one subscriber. I've got three playlist. One's memes, one's worldwide Bigfoot research and evidence, and one's just paranormal. Oh, yeah. Victor? Yes?

Victor, you got some ridiculous reports? I do. I am Aurora Borealis, 1972. Again? And I have ridiculous reports of Santa. That's ridiculous. The famous cryptid Santa. Okay.

So today I found this article online, and ugh, I wish I hadn't. Found an article online? While this is luckily much more of an insult to the occult and the paranormal than cryptozoology, it is, in my opinion, ridiculous and bordering on being offensive to anyone with even a tiny interest in the paranormal. And although I have little interest in the subject and do not at all believe in most of the things it promotes, I am still cringing at the though of santa claus yes santa claus being seen and taken seriously apparently there's even an entire book about this called claws encounters can you believe that other people on the internet

believe in bullshit that's fucking crazy look i know it's not Christmas yet, but I just heard of this today and thought I'd post it. Here's the article I found. It has some encounters with Santa. Please don't tell me I'm being too quick to dismiss this or anything like that. Santa doesn't exist. End of story. Wow. Wow. And uh boots your dj moonlight yeah yo yo it's dj moonlight wow wow dj lala land

wow i'm in shock. I know that compared to some others in this wiki, I'm pretty young. But even I can't see why grown people believe in this. Like Stabwise said in the comment they posted, what Santa is supposed to do is illegal and impossible to do. Everybody knows a cryptid wouldn't break the law. Be outside of his alignment. Be illegal. Santa Claus is chaotic good.

You can't legally enter my fireplace. That is true. Santa Claus can't enter your house unless you invite him in first. Santa Claus a vampire? Yep. I mean, why do you think he wears that red suit to hide the bloodstain? Oh, that is smart. I remember being told when I was around 10 that Santa wasn't real.

My parents explained to me that they bought the presents and hid them from me until Christmas Eve when I was asleep and even told me that they would eat cookies left out for Santa. And even the carrots I thought were being fed to the reindeer. I was shocked. That's what they call a prover. I realized that by the law and by the rules of science that they were the only way we could be sure Santa was real was if nearly everybody had their house broken into on Christmas Eve, which wasn't a pleasant thought. I get that Santa is a nice idea for young children to get them to be good and have a nice holiday, even for those more mature. But we all have to understand that

he's not real at some point. Hey, FetLife, I'm looking for a mature Santa. Hey, FetLife, I'm looking for a mature Santa. Hey, I'm stab-wise. People are idiots. I don't know in which way to disprove the article first. First of all, the way Santa is pictured now was made by the Coke Company. Oh, fuck. That means he doesn't exist. the way Santa's picture now was made by the Coke Company. Bah! Oh, fuck.

That means he doesn't exist. Ah, seriously, look it up on Wikipedia. Two, the picture for that article is just a guy wearing a cheap Santa Claus costume with some deer. Three, I'm sorry to say this, if any kids is on here or something, but there is no magic. Sorry. Oh, hang on. I am debunking, or I am creating the Photoshop for your YouTube.

There are 50 Santa Claus debunked. The wikis on the wiki are now just like, ah! Just wait until you hear next week's F+, buddy. It's going to be, so it's going to be, pointing back, like, looking embarrassed, and it's gonna say, debunked.

Santa Claus isn't real, but Santa Squatch? It's gonna be a photo of your face and a tackling dummy that says haters on it that I'm gonna punch for seven minutes. If this guy did exist, he'd be arrested for breaking an entry,

breaking an entry into people's houses and stealing their food. Cool. Cool. Cool. How's the amazing atheist fan community that you're a part of? Santa surely doesn't live by logic.

I'm more of a CinemaSins fan. Okay, cool. That's also fun. I will critique your nostalgia. It simply doesn't make logistical sense. Five. It's physically impossible to go to every child's house in one night even if you're going 1,000 miles per

hour see cinema sins ding um fuck plus it's impossible physically possible carry so much presence end of discussion stab wise and why is every Spongebob episode past the fourth season so bad end End of discussion. I love a person that shows up in comments, says some nonsense,

and then is, end of discussion. I feel like Stabboy is telling himself more than he's telling us. Okay. You know what I mean? On my part, you can keep going. It's fine. He had to do that

because the last three posts that he left ended with, Anybody? Anybody? Didn't think so. Oh, no. I guess it is the end of the discussion. And then, Victor,

you were in your own comments there yes i know i posted this here because it was so ridiculous i'm still in shock that there's an entire book about how a bunch of grown adults genuinely believe in santa i know you knew i was agreeing with you that it was stupid. Do you want a kiss? I guess we're best friends now. Be gentle. It's my first time. The last section that we have here in this document is the forums.

Secret Agent pointing out the Cryptids Wiki has a forum as well. And boy, is it dumb. Most of the section is taken up by stories from their Scary Stories thread. But, Adam, I'm not going to lead you in. There is context. I was looking around and I did find context. But we don't need context. I remember this cryptid from the last Sasquatch episode that I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

My name is Terminator Ruin. And I got ten theories of the Dogman. Yeah. Okay, number one. The Dogman is walking upright, two legs, canine. Yeah. Okay, number one, the dog man is walking upright, two legs, canine. Yeah, and then number two, dog man might be a werewolf, who was a person transformed into a werewolf. Number three.

Number three? Yet another dogman theory? Number three. Dogman theory. New species of the wolf. She's a new species of the wolf. I got number four. Theory of the dogman now. Random person in a furry suit.

Okay. More likely than you might think. A little bit more closer to reality. The dog man can't get there from here. Number five. Theory number five. So yeah, it might be a random person in a furry suit.

What else the Dogman might be? Theory number five, though, is that the Dogman came from another universe. Okay. One that's much different than our own, though. Is there any probabilities to this list? Look, he's just a simple country lawyer, okay? Even odds for all these theories. Number six, Dogman might be a prehistoric wolf known as Dire Wolf.

Number seven, Dogman might be a new species of human. Nice day for it. The next step in our evolution is to be more like the dog. Next step in our evolution is to be more like the dog. Of course, there's theory number eight about the dog man. That dog man might be a super soldier mutant monster. A soiled-er. Oh, yeah.

I'm sorry. Dog man might be a super soiled-er mutant monster. Or theory number nine. Random wolf escaped from Cirrus Zoo. Or, sir, there's also theory number ten about the dogman, that dogman might be a demon.

The truth of the dogman might be a demon. Might be a demon. I can't disprove any of that. Thanks a bunch, Terminatorian. Terminator ruins the name, and guessing about the origin of the dogman is my game. Hey, Terminatorian. Terminator ruin. Terminator ruin. Yeah, Terminator Ruin. Terminator Ruin.

Terminator Ruin. Yeah, Terminator Ruin. So I clicked on your name there, and I was just looking at some of the things that you've posted here on the Cryptid Wiki. Just give me some titles. Just some titles of some of your posts. Well, I got my Nicobot Fairy. That's updated. Okay, thank you. I appreciate that.

I got... I've got Create Your Own Cryptid, but it's Latin and scientific names for creatures. Let's see what else we got here. Looks like I have a reply of my top favorite monsters. Top ten.

Oh, here's a question I ask. What happened a hundred years from now when cryptids start evolved in the future? Huh. And then the very last post here. The very last one at the bottom? The very last one at the bottom, yes. I see. Well, my very last post at the bottom is 11 theories about the dog man.

I have a bonus theory available on my Patreon. And that theory is that the dog man might be a hybrid, a human-wolf hybrid, with alien DNA, to shapeshift into human or to a werewolf and is also a wolf, but they have three forms. Awesome. Sorry, Adam, there's more

Terminator Ruin that I need to hear. This is the theories on spirits. Point number one is very long. So let's skip that. Okay. Seven theories about spirits.

Wow, that was really long. That was really long. I'll save you all the boring stuff and skip ahead to number two on my second theory about spirits. Spirits are might be new human species or primates that discover already from by

scientists. Oh no. The worm is eating his brain. What's number three? Theory number three. Maybe they're undead with real flesh body organ, unlike zombies that infected new virus.

That's good. That's good, but number four I understand very well. It was an unknown drug that using people to see hallucinations. Are you taking the drugs, or are the drugs taking you? The drug is taking you. Maybe it was long prehistoric animal that they thought when extinct they survived from modern day. New species of insects that they live in a world wide where people can see them. They're just fogs during the weather that people see the hallucinations. Let people see the hallucinations.

It sure can get foggy in Maine sometimes. There are just fogs during the weather. Just fogs during the weather. Boots, I happen to know that you are a fandom user. That you know about me. That's true. I do know that you're a fandom user. I also know that your IP, fandom user, starts with 8-4.

Yeah, that's true, yeah. Right, right, right. But anyway, hey, fandom user, have you ever had a scary encounter with an unidentified creature and possibly even have a picture to go with it? Tell us about it! If you have had an encounter with a cryptid that isn't or is on this wiki, tell

us about it! P.S. you actually don't have to include a picture. Okay. Phew. I am a fandom user. And a fandom discloses my full IP address, which is fun. Sure does, yep.

That's actually a lot of personal info. It really is. For the IP wikis. I'm just a fan of everybody's IP. This is fun to collecting IPs. Yeah, I'm over here running the social security number wiki. I'm over here running the social security number wiki. That's a good gangster voice you got there. Thanks.

That's good. A moment while I take a lozenge here. So the question is, tell us a story about your scary encounter. Yeah, no, leave that in your mouth, please. Yeah. I want to tell you about an unspellable horror. I had not... Okay, so it's going to be the cryptid's fault if you just misspell this shit, right?

An unspellable horror. The speaking spell. I had not really an encounter or didn't touh something or so, but it did hear something, so I live in Belgium. Are you the unspellable horror? And a few years ago,

I was playing. That's not what that says. I was pronouncing it Belgian. Oh, okay. This is from the cryptid's point of view. He's got a ganja pipe. I'll pronounce it in this accent. A few years ago, I was playing in the woods near my grandma's house, and suddenly I heard a sound.

It was deep and a little dark, and it didn't sound this sound really what jude call organic rather something between organic and mechanic but it was weird oh like a sepultura album if you listen close listen i like that if you listened, you heard it say something. It said, attention, attention. I stood still and tried making no sound at all. But a few seconds later, it said, don't run away. I immediately ran away.

And I never heard it again. Come on. It said, don't run away. I'm never going back to those woods again not alone not alone but the creepiness concludes a few years earlier it was halloween and i was in the woods with my cousin where we we were absolutely alone and suddenly we heard a dog growling behind us we again in in medetely ran away now you may be thinking that's not special right well the forest i'm talking about is so small that the biggest non-avian creature that could live there unnoticed is probably a squirrel. What browser are you using that allows you to type like that?

I got a postscript here. Okay. Yes, I am the same guy from your local cryptids post. Oh, that's why I recognize you. Hi, I'm the guy from your local cryptids post. Oh, that's why I recognize you. Hi, I'm the guy from your local cryptids post. Remember where you were posting local cryptids? I was there.

I remember your IP address. Hi, I'm also a fandom user. In fact, I might be the same fandom user. Oh, that's a very different IP. Because I started out saying, oh, and I forget some creepy stuff. There's a kindergarten nearby with number 666 while it's supposed to be number 26. Wow.

Okay. I also get creepy thoughts and dreams there about selling my soul and stuff. No, I am not schizophrenic or on drugs. I always had a creepy feeling about my grandma's Jew can hear people screaming sometimes. And recently I heard something Somali-ar to a didge or a motor bicycle but less acoustic and vibrating

coming from those damn woods and also it wasn't some music it was one thone played over and over again almost like it was played for a ritual some creepy stuff, right? Yeah, that is true.

And then, Victor, your name is Dalen5. I am Dalen5. Dalien5. Oh, okay, sorry about that. Please show me the respect of getting my username on Cricut. I respect the name and the office. Well, I see shadow people all the time. Cool.

Once it was late and I was watching TV and eating pizza and a dark figure with big round and white eyes was staring at me. I looked at it and it disappeared. No. When I was little,

I saw one sitting in a car and many in my house. I always wake up at night and see creepy stuff. Once I woke up and saw a monkey-like dark figure sitting on a cupboard in the living room. Did it look like Chris Kattan?

God, I hope not. Wake up in the middle of the night. Was it Messily eating an apple? Too scary. I froze. That joke aged well. Scared me. Just like Chris Kattan?

Yeah. I froze and closed my eyes for a while, and then it was gone. Once I saw a black figure sitting in the front of my bedroom's door, and it looked kind of like my dad. I thought it was him, and I whispered, Dad? And when I blinked, it was gone. It was Dad. And once late in the evening... My dad never did that. I was sitting on the was gone. It was, Dad. And once late in the evening. My dad never did that.

I was sitting on the sofa and I was watching TV. And I saw something with the corner of my eye. It was in the kitchen. And I went there to see what it was. And a shadow very quickly ran in front of me. And once my sister came to sleep in my room. Because she was scared of some kind of spider in her room, and I saw something little glowing in blue near her legs.

Oh, God. I was really scared, so I covered my head under the blanket. And when I looked again, there was nothing. My name is Leafland Hornet. And I've seen Bigfoot, I believe. It was midsummer in 2014. It was about 10 to 11 p.m. And I was about to go to bed.

There's no such thing as months or days. Yeah, okay. So it's again. There's only seasons of summer. 11 p.m. Anyway, so I was about to go to bed. I was at a window that was facing south, if that helps any. So before I go farther, I better describe the area.

You better. My house, I better. My house is on the corner of a pretty busy street. In the daytime, that is. At night, it's pretty quiet. Across the street is lots of woods. The street light was out, so it was very dark. And the only light was from the moon and the stars, which wasn't very bright to begin with.

The road is a two-lane road. very bright to begin with. The road is a two-lane road. Anyways, I was looking out the window, and across the street, by a huge tree, was a pair of glowing amber eyes. I nearly fainted of fear and surprise, but thankfully I didn't. I looked at it like it was staring at me, and I stared at it. It was very tall and dark in color, and I could tell there was hair and not clothing. I could also see that the hair was very long. The tree had a huge knot in it and the knot is pretty high off the ground and the thing's head was higher than the knot. I could tell

it had long arms and legs. I stared a few minutes and then ran to my room as quickly as I could. I watch the TV show Finding Bigfoot, which is on Animal Planet. I watch it every weekend. And from the information...

From the information from there... Oh no, that's... That's different. From the information, you know, in the reality show where they try to find Bigfoot and never actually do. I concluded a few things.

It is not a bear. So I looked, so I watched a reality show and then that led me to believe that the thing that I saw was not a bear. Got it. Got it.

Cool. Awesome. The show where they go that's not a bear. That's the one guy's catchphrase. That can't be a bear. That is actually how I came to that conclusion. What we're looking at here, this can't be a bear. Well, hang on a second. Hang on a second.

Because this definitely isn't just a thing that they say. Where I live is prime Bigfoot habitat. We're sitting in the middle of prime Bigfoot habitat. We're sitting in the middle of prime Bigfoot habitat. Look around here. Woods, trees, Bigfoot habitat. Look, would we even be here if it wasn't prime Bigfoot habitat? And people move into a prime

Bigfoot habitat and they don't realize that it's... If these were the Bigfoot suburbs, we wouldn't even... That noise they hear? That's not a bear. Okay, also, I'm not crazy. They frequently say, this lady's not crazy. Because,

because, there have been many other sightings of Bigfoot around my area. It's not any normal animals that I know of are scientifically real and that live in my area. Also, another thing I've learned, if it's a

Bigfoot, it's an adult male. Okay. How do they reproduce? I saw two amber eyes and a dick. That's all I saw. Are females tiny?

Yeah, it's sort of the opposite of the anglerfish thing. There's just female Bigfoots attached to them. There is also a 2013 episode of Finding Bigfoot that has a town hall in a building just down the street from me. me. After watching that, I'm pretty sure there is a Bigfoot, if not more, in the town slash woods of my bullshit town in Michigan. There's a Finding Bigfoot

that has its town hall in a building down the street from you. Like, that just... Yeah, the town hall is in the building. Down the street from me. The town hall is in the building down the street. That's a roundabout way to say there's an episode shot in my hometown.

No. No. The town hall is in... It's not shot in my hometown. You're drawing incorrect conclusions. It's not shot in my hometown. I live in some town in Michigan. And also, my town hall is inside...

Down the street. It's in Utah. It's the city's town hall is inside down the street. It's in Utah. City's town hall. Yep. Thank you. Thank you. Now you're on the same track. It's down a very long street. We call it I-95. Okay. One more little cryptid thing

some more cryptid stories here and Healy's this first of all this cryptid sounds fucking terrifying sounds fucking terrifying oh no

but Healy's Healy's if you will please take Mixed up trouble Oh I'm mixed up trouble I live in Utah and I'm a new But avid ghost encrypted investigator I was investigating a haunted Children's graveyard

Called Berker and I saw the weirdest things. Two graves were dug up and the bones turned about in a disorderly manner as if someone had been searching for something. This is just bones. I kept

walking. I kept a hand on my weapon. A quarterstaff with a silver head. Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

Yes! You see, as a druid, you can't use a blade, or else your gut will take away your spells. That's right. So I could try it at short notice. Oh, I love you, Mixed Up Trouble. With a free action. I heard... Oh, I love you, Mixed Up Trouble. With a free action. The investigators want me in their gang because I'm pretty good with the quarterstaff. I heard a scrabbling and scratching and the sound of bone against rock.

I swiveled to face it in the light of my flashlight. It's this gray, emaciated humanoid with sunken eyes and a lean body. It hissed at me. It hissed. Threw the bone it hand at me and fled. This thing moved at all fours and had long nasty nails like claws. Can someone tell me what it was?

I want to know what's happened in your life that the sound of bone against rock is instantly identifiable to you. That's the sound of bone against rock right there. Yo, you've been through some shit. My name is... Is my name the White Titan? The Whitetan.

The Whitetan. The Whitetan. Oh boy. Okay. I got this my response to Mixed Up Trouble. You you know i think that is the hopscotch filled goblin what the what he's filled with hopscotch okay so that was a what's that was a ridiculous time is that from that was a ridiculous thing to say now Now I'm going to say, I like Utah. And that's pretty dang interesting.

The only problem is that the goblin is... That was a sentence. That was a sentence. I like Utah, and that's pretty dang interesting, period. Only a person from Utah would say something like that. What if we got that on a shirt? I like Utah. I like Utah and that's pretty dang interesting. It's just the Aaron Tank shirt.

It's like a TKO entry. Yeah. I like Utah and that's pretty dang interesting. Ladies. But big dog, like big dog iconography though Yeah Like he's popping out Okay

T-H-E-F-B-L dot U-S Slash merge Please email me a design With that slogan Along the lines of like Big dog merchandise Yeah You know I'm into that no it's the hopscotch

phil goblin poking out yeah no it's got it's got to be two-sided because it's got to be the front is isla utah and then the back is and that's pretty dang interesting well like all big dog shirts everything good should be on the back and the front should just be a tiny big dog logo, but anyway. So we were talking about the perfectly normal hopscotch villain. Were we? Oh, right. Of course. The only problem is that the goblin is almost pure white, not gray.

problem is that the goblin is almost pure white, not gray. Perhaps it may be a different version of the greys, or a different gender or look on the alien. I know it's an alien because it is just like an excruciating amount of reports of the

slender bodies. I know it's the Hopscotchville alien because of its sunken eyes, claws, and a leaning body, unlike the greys. Maybe it's the Fopscotchville alien because of its sunken eyes, claws, and a leaning body, unlike the greys. Maybe it's the Foursquareville goblin. I'm doing a little bit of Googling here. It's the DuckDuckGooseville goblin. There is no Hopscotchville.

Yeah. What? That's what they want you to think, Victor. It's the Hopkinsville Goblin No it's the Hopscotch The Hopscotchville Goblin It's also an alien Hopscotchville Alien or Goblin

I don't know Hopscotchville is definitely a better name Hopscotchville Hopscotchville Hopscotchville! Hopscotchville would be an entire Twilight Zone episode. This entire website was run through the

your aunt trying to remember a movie or something like that. Everything's off. So it's this town called Hopscotchville. And there's a goblin. And this man named Indrid Cold And he's always smiling

He's just always smiling And that's what makes him weird There was a guy in New Mexico Wait no hang on in Ohio And the dog man Might be a new kind of human. Nutshell, what do you got? Yes.

I have a PBS viewers cryptid. I am sketchlooksatwiki. Is Barney gonna to be encrypted? Well, my bus dropped me off at my aunt's place where my dad would pick me up, and he was late, so it was night now. He arrived at 7, but he wanted to stay longer to talk to my aunt.

So I watched TV in the living room, and the window wasn't covered with blinds as it usually was. I was watching PBS Kids, but it switched to normal, boring PBS broadcast news. I heard a scratch coming from the windows, which was the window not covered with blinds. I feared this noise. I looked at the window. I saw a blurry figure that looked almost human-like. It had its hands on the windows and looked like it climbed on it like

Spider-Man does. I ran to another wall in the living room. The figure stood still. I went to the kitchen to tell my cousin, which also lived with my aunt, too. When we returned to the living room, there wasn't anything. When my cousin went to tell my aunt,

my aunt said it was Satan. Oh, yeah, no, tell my aunt my aunt said it was Satan. Oh yeah, no, that's Satan. Yeah, that was Satan. Anyway, go back to bed. He does that. He climbs on the ceiling like the baby from Trainspotting. Satan and Spider-Man, they're cousins.

They do the same thing. That's what you get for staying up late and watching PBS broadcasting news And then Adam, finish us off here Would you like to learn About all of the different cryptids These are Oh no This list is going to be very scary

And not stupid This is a list of the dumbest cryptid names They're all here Oh, no. Oh, this list is going to be very scary and not stupid, right? This is a list of the dumbest cryptid names. Oh, my God. They're all here. They're all ready to fap. I wish I hadn't read ahead. This is, oh, my God.

All on a four CD set? Yeah. There's the Abominable Swamp Slob, a.k.a. Ass. Nice. There's Alien Bigfoot. The Ant-Men. Is there Mecha Bigfoot? There's the bare-fronted Hoodwink. I like that one.

That's a nice old-fashioned cryptid name. Coming up next on Sci-Fi, Bassigator. Versus Beaver Eater. It's got all of the powers of an alligator and the powers of a bass. Everybody fear the beaver eater. Watch out. That's a 1970s Dutch porno.

Speaking of which, there's also the... You owe it to the beaver eater. There's also the Belarusian sky squid. What? Yeah, and Big Bird. Wait, what? No. There's also the Black Stick Men

and Bobo and Bunny Man. Echo is nowhere to be found. And Cactus Cat and Central American Wind Tosser and the cactus cat, and a Central American wind tosser.

And the raccoonigator. No, no, it's just the coonigator. And the crazy critter of Bald Mountain. Also a Dutch porno. And Cuba. That's the scariest also a Dutch porno and Cuba

that's the scariest one of all and the disco demon nice and Dodo and Dogagator Dogagator

and Dragon nice that was a good one And Dogagator. Dogagator. It's a cryptid, but it's still alive now. And Dragon. Nice. That was a good one. And Duckfooted Dum Dum. Hey, why am I on this list? Duckfooted Booby? This is starting to sound like Borderlands DLC. And Elves.

Also known as Elves. Also known as Elves. And the fur-bearing trout. Always uncomfortable. Like it doesn't have fur. It just wants to trade. The giant

acorn worm. The giant space brains of Palos Verdes. Wow. Pornographic text adventure. Grassman. Joined on stage by Halibut Mother. Get some.

Get some. Get some. I'll hail the Halibut Mother. I like the Halibut Mother. We're Halibut Mother. I like the halibut mother. We're halibut mother! Who wants an organ solo? Who ordered the hot-headed naked ice borer? There is also the cryptid known simply as Humility.

Wow. Unknown to the internet. And Jacko. And Jake the Alligator Man And Jump Outta Body And Loveland Frogmen And Lydia's Ghost And Lynx And

The Mexican Pet Oh no And the Micro pet. Oh, no. And the micro mermaid. And Momo. And the nameless thing of Berkeley Square. A nameless thing sang in Berkeley Square. Isn't that its name? His name is Jack Chick, and he's pretty nice

once you get to know him. Learn more about NASA's jellyfish anomalies and old saybrook blockheads and old spider legs. Old spider legs. My name is

Clarence, goddammit. Be on the lookout for opium pipe fish I will, good resale value on that fish There's also a rare Sasquatch alert Be on the lookout for the Pennsylvania White Bigfoot Ooh, that's a purple drop right there As well as the phantom kangaroo. There's also the monster known as the Popelik

monster. Well, see, that's not a stupid monster name. That's a stupid place name. That's a catchphrase from the cartoon My Pet Monster. I'm making a joke that isn't worth making. Don't do that. Wow. Can we? No.

Hang on. Let's take five minutes on? No. Because I, well, hang on. Hang on. Let's take five minutes on this joke. Because I know what my pet monster is. Yeah. And like. So. Yep.

Keep going. The bad monster was named Beaster. And Beaster would always speak in like, Beaster hate monster. This exposition isn't worth making either. No, it really is. It really is. We're going to get there. Okay. So it's like or hate monster. This exposition isn't worth making either. No, it really is. It really is. We're going to get there. Yeah, okay.

So it's like, Pope, lick monster. That's it. Okay, good. Good job, guys. Absolutely. You're welcome. There's also the quinotaur. Imagine the stuff we cut out of this episode.

Quinotaur. Are you sure it's quinotaur or is it quinoatar? Quinoatar. Gwinnotar. Are you sure it's Gwinnotar or is it Kienwatar? Kienwatar. Yes, Kienwatar. And it's going right in the trash. And there's also the Ratmen of the South End. Hail Ratmoth. And other real cryptids like the Rhinoceros Dolphin.

You mean a narwhal? No, I mean the Rhinoceros Dol? You mean a narwhal? No, I mean the rhinoceros dolphin. It's real. There's other real cryptids, too, like Sam Harris. We don't know if he exists. This cryptid's a total jerk. He can't prove his existence yet. There's also the sea monk.

And slowdown. And the Spaghetti Tree. Oh, no, that's real. That's where we harvest the spaghetti from. I swear I'm not making these up. There's also the Tall White Aliens. And the Tasmanian Mock Walrus. I'd wrestle for that

a vegan when you can't get real walrus so rarely in season there's also the telepathic football there was a 90's TV show about that

the entire show? like not an episode but like a whole The entire show? Like not an episode, but like a whole long-running show? Alright. She didn't say long-rolling. I guess, I mean, I can imagine an entire 22-minute episode. I feel like two episodes might be a little thick. Who would believe

the terror of the Cameron Village sewer blob? Okay, take us home, Adam. Then there's the terror of the Cameron Village sewer blob. Okay. Take us home, Adam. Bring it in. This is a real cryptid that you need to watch out for.

Yeah? The tumor seal of Mel's other hole. Fucking place names, man. They just... Not the first hole. Not the hole you're thinking of. The other hole.

If somebody told me that Mel's other hole was a place, especially like perhaps in Australia, I would believe them. Yeah. And they have a tumor seal. Oh, dear. Is that a photo? Do we have a photo?

Ew! Oh, it was somebody on Coast to Coast AM. Oh, it's one of these... I hate this. It's one of these things when a dead animal washes up on the shore and people take a photo of it. And they're like,

what kind of monster is this? It's like, death. It's death. It's the monster that comes for us all eventually. What did we learn from any of this, F Plus? Well, I really love cryptid names Yeah Yeah

I learned 10 to 11 theories of the Dogmen Yeah A bunch of Dogmen theories I want to found a city named Hopscotchville Yeah That's pretty good Yeah, it's not taken. We know that.

I feel like 10 p.m. is a pretty good time for cryptids. Summer. Maybe when they're the most active. 10 p.m. in the summer. Yeah, in the summer. Yeah, in the summer. I'll meet you at 10 p.m. this summer. Believing in Santa Claus. Well, you know, in tourism's down it's not cryptid season

believing in Santa Claus or even pretending to believe in Santa Claus worst thing you could do that's worthy of derision worthy of derision and spite it's okay to believe in imaginary things but only if you're completely joyless

about it. Yeah, no. That's true. There was really very little sort of magic going on here. Like, they seem to, like the people in these cryptid wikis, like they seem to enjoy these things, but not in a way that gave them any pleasure. They're super into the idea of these unexplainable things being explainable.

Do you think that you end up on the Cryptid Wiki just doing having fun doing research, and then you just dig deeper into it? Do you come believing or does fandom.com make you a believer? Hmm.

Alright. That show doesn't have an answer so that question just hangs in the air. Episode over. I feel like you've come to a website. You know what? That's fine. Yeah, absolutely. I agree. Bye. Bye. Bye. You are leaving now It was just such a good... What are you asking me for?