The F Plus - 395: This One Is Exclusively About Buttsex

Episode Date: January 2, 2024

The Anal Only Lifestyle is a community where heterosexual men who only like one thing can overshare about their hyperspecific sexual fantasies, brag about how great their lives are going, and opine about the futility of the female vagina. It gets real gross real fast, but if you make it to the end there will be quite a bit of poetry! This week, The F Plus needs to prepare you for a shareholder meeting.

I'm stroking two dicks and sucking another you're all feeling good and high-fiving each other let me tell you something baby I'm in a limousine I know where I go to right This is the F+, a place for butt stuff and terrible things. Red with enthusiasm. In the room tonight, we've got Boots Reingear. That's why I don't have sex with women anymore. They are horrible when it comes to lesbian sex. Achilles Heelies.

The bacterial flora for digesting vegetable matter is very different from that required to decompose flesh. It makes a really big difference in taste, smell, and biocompatibility with other orifices. Smiley face. Cum quads up! I have really enjoyed the rectal valve, second sphincter, and colon flap discussions. We got him again! It's Dijon Dujour!

My wife wants to add no cum left behind in her behind by direct swallowing every load she makes me blow. And lemon. in her behind by direct swallowing every load she makes me blow and lemon your dick's in my ass it feels real great

anal sex is the best it's not up for debate go sex go sex don't cry do it rock it Go Sex! Hey, F-Less. Hey. Hi, Lemon. Hi. Hey, how are your sex lives? Yes, doing all right.

We're taking a little bit of a, you know, we really try and take a little bit of a turn in the show. Sexy! Tell me about your sexy sex life, sorry no no yeah you you please i have too many choices in my sex life you don't say you don't say what kind of what kind of choices do you have at least three okay all right great one i get uh helios i always really love the way that you uh you like to lead towards the destination as fast as possible both in the podcast and in sex yeah my my lovers enjoy this as well Well, Heelys is determined. He is focused. He is upright.

He is turgid. And he is the one who's been lobbying for this episode. He's lurking behind all of us. So this episode is about anal maniacs. Oh, no. Which was a joke I thought about about two minutes ago. Yeah, so

we're going to be reading a document. This is a document from No Longer Kanye Sutra. Good call. Yeah. So No Longer Kanyeutra says,

Here is a document about folks who eschew vaginal sex and live the straight-edge lifestyle, a.k.a. the anal-only lifestyle. Yeah, and then TLDR, people are really bored in quarantine. So this is definitely a document, a little bit of a time, but we are going to be spending our time, I think exclusively. No, no, no. I'm sorry. Not exclusively.

Yeah, we're going to go to a delightfully named blog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to go some other places, but we're going to be starting things off on analonlylifestyle.blog Wow. The icon The icon for the anal-only lifestyle blog

is the flag is the flag for Greendale Community College. It's that one page in Practice of Champions. Yeah. Correct.

Yeah. Correct. And our Kurt Vonnegut reference score goes slightly higher. Yeah, so let's start off this one. By the way, Kanye, no longer Kanye Sutra, titled this document. Hey, sorry for this one. So I'm just going to tell you a little bit about what is the anal-only lifestyle. May I?

Of course I may. Great. I'll be gentle. So despite the fairly straightforward sounding name, there can be some nuance to the anal-only lifestyle, and this can lead to some confusion. In its most fundamental form, going anal-only, A-O, means that you are replacing all

vaginal sex with anal sex, and instead, and no longer taking part in vaginal intercourse. It does not restrict oral sex, though there are some who choose to intercourse. It does not restrict oral sex, though there are some who choose to do so. It's not a natal. That's still sodomy.

It does not restrict clitoral stimulation, though there are some who choose to do so for the various benefits that can come from it. What? From restricting it? Yeah, yeah, the benefits. Yeah, cool. Impurity, I guess?

It does not even necessarily eliminate all vaginal penetration. Cool. So it's anal only. Okay, yep, that makes sense. It's okay if you're using the vagina to access the ass. What, do you think there's some sort of magical wall between the vagina? Listen, we're not going to shame you for your fistula. There are some, however, who only have anal sex with their partner,

but will still use a dildo vaginally during sex if they feel the need. It is highly personal and variable, with the only real restriction being on vaginal intercourse. Wait. What? I'm making sense. Beyond that, you can customize it to your own needs and desire. What the anal-only lifestyle is not. It does not include vaginal sex.

So, I probably wrote this all in one sitting. Did I black out at several points? Forget what my rules are? Okay. It does not include vaginal sex. You can certainly enjoy vaginal sex. Wait, okay. I could.

You could. You could enjoy it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but that isn't anal only. Some people consider themselves anal mostly. It's really more of a Shelbyville idea. I'm more of an AM. I'm not an AO.

I just hired this young ingenue singer-songwriter. Her name is Anal. Okay, so, yeah, so they primarily have anal sex, but indeterminately or on rare occasions have vaginal sex. And some are curious about the idea or find it appealing or have a goal of being anal only in the future but aren't currently. It's, hey, hey, hey,

F us, before you get all fucking judgy. Oh, yeah? I am sensing judgment in your voice. It is not about degradation, humiliation, or control of women. Oh, really? Though, people enjoy...

Enjoy... People enjoy taking part in consensual DS or BDSM relationships. Can use anal only as part of their... Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, of the dynamic. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so come quads up. I guess, so I've explained a little bit about the sort of policies here, our bylaws. Can you give me some reasons that I would have to do this particular

activity? Of course! Well, you see, anal sex can be more pleasurable than vaginal. Okay, yep. For who? Parenthetical. Men and women both can benefit from increased pleasure with anal sex.

And it's very common it's very common. It's very common that after trying both vaginal and anal, people simply people, people simply prefer anal sex. So this is

like a Pepsi challenge, so they have to be blindfolded. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it. I mean, not to hit this nail too much, I think that is true. Those people are called gay men. Yeah. The anus itself has far more nerve endings than the vagina, and so purely penetrative sex tends

tends to be a lot more pleasurable from anal than from vaginal, and for some can be amplified even further with an anal plus clitoral combination.

Oh, wow. That's like when you get your, like, 4X anal streak. So you, like, hit the whammy bar. I don't want to do it because I don't want to get, like, repetitive stress syndrome. And parenthetical. Okay, thanks. Anal sex is more intimate than vaginal. Interesting. Anal sex is natural birth control.

Sure. Yeah, you know a lot about how the body works. Yeah. Anal sex boosts arousal and a stagnant sex life. Now can you do that in Alex Jones' voice? Missing parenthetical for me. Medical conditions can restrict

vaginal sex or make it painful. I mean, well, yeah. Okay, that's not, okay. Yeah, sure. If only there was a better way. All this Tupperware falling out of my asshole. Throw away all this cunt.

Being anal only can preserve vaginal virginity. Yeah, I've seen that movie. I've seen that movie. Great. All right, great. Okay, so there's some more. We got a section here that's helping to advocate the anal only lifestyle to others. Be annoying. Correct.

Yeah, that's correct. But, Boots, you're a badly drawn brat. And then, Dijon, you're a subgenius butt pirate. I have a question. Yeah. I have a question for both of you. You do, huh? Yeah, I sure do

So Now that we've gathered Some of our best minds in the anal-only community What is the science behind anal sex? We're on Reddit now Oh, that makes sense That makes sense Where all the scientists are

I was clicking on some of these links And I was like, how did we not end up on Reddit? So it's good to know that we did. Hey, sorry. This post was deleted by the person who originally posted it for some reason. What the fuck? Throw away 1, 2, 3, 8, 7, 3, 6. Didn't want to sully your reputation. Right, right, right.

Anyway, so question for you. Anal virgin here, and I want to sully your reputation. Right, right, right. Anyway, so question for you. Anal virgin here, and I want to study the position that I'm applying for. The position. Real go-getter. Is there like one of those LinkedIn quizzes I can do? Do you have any room in your study group for anal? LinkedIn quizzes I can do.

Do you have any room in your study group for anal? Anyway, is there a scientific reason why people find it pleasurable? If so, what is it? I'm a badly drawn bat. Pity the scientists trying to win a research grant for butt-fucking-lol.

Yep, that... Okay, weucking-lol. Yep, that... Okay, we are on Reddit. Yep, that's a Reddit post. Hmm, I'm subgenius butt pirate. Does it matter? It probably has something to do with how your anus is right next to your genitals. That's science, baby.

Nerve endings just kind of grow there as a result. That's science, baby. Nerve endings just kind of grow there as a result. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Unless you mow them regularly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Guys, I fucking love science.

Yeah. To keep your vagina healthy, you have to repot it occasionally and wouldn't you know it pooping is good for you okay all in agreement on that yeah within reason so Okay. I'm in agreement on that. Sure, yeah. I mean, yeah. So it follows.

Within reason. So being able to feel good about that, as opposed to it hurting, means that back when we weren't so sophisticated creatures, think mice, never mind monkeys. What? The direct lineage of mice to man. Right, yeah. think mice never mind monkeys what? the direct lineage of mice to man right yeah

oh that's where that expression came from of mice and eventually men yeah that just did things that felt good it was an evolutionary advantage ow so that's that's why people poop It was an evolutionary advantage. Ow.

So that's why people poop. That's why people poop. Just for the fun of it. Fuck, I love pooping. Oh, my God. That's your new Facebook group. If only I had a way to simulate pooping. Just the most enthusiastically shitting mice.

In the end, though, just think about the scientific reasons for having an erogenous zone behind your knees. Or in your armpits. Or at your earlobe sometimes. Oh, you're in several subreddits. If I could poop out of my ears, that would feel so good. Who cares? It feels good. Do the thing that feels good. Poop.

Keep pooping. Thanks, hedonism poop bot. And that's why you should only do this one thing that feels good forever. Alistair Crowley is taking a shit. Well, excuse me. My name is Michielos7.

There are many factors why anal is feeling good and different as vaginal sex. They share the same nerve root, which is attached to the clitoris, the anal, the vagina, and the anus. The clitoris. You mean the spine? Is that what you mean?

The spine? My nerve root, yes. Okay. Yep, yep, got it. Yes. The clitoris is also connected to the anus. The clitoris is really big. Clitoris is connected to the anus.

Clitoris is really big. Clitoris is connected to the anus. When you take a look at it, it goes inside the anus and connects... Hey, hey, excuse me. What clitorises have you been seeing? Excuse me. I have the damnedest time getting it out of there.

Excuse me. It connects to the sex muscle if you will that's a little rude I will that was in air quotes by the way the sex muscle

that's the muscle that can make your anus move and vagina and is needed to create a orgasm uh talking about kegels the anus is sensitive in different ways and in different spots of course you have the anus itself that can be sensitive when you put a penis or a object it, but many people don't know there are two other spots in the anus which can create a spectacular feeling for the female anatomy. Is it one of those things where you have to push both switches at the same time? It's like nuclear keys.

Yeah, your co-op partner has to also go up. But it's a really annoying timing quick time event. Sheva, come on! About plus minus eight centimeters in the anus is a second anus. Whoa!

The secret anus! What's inside of that anus? I need to do super messes up in this one. Which is really sensitive and gives a lot of pleasure when you go through. And it goes even deeper. Just before the curve, you can also can trigger the nervies of the cervix, which can also give a high pleasurable feeling. I personally can even get wet anal if penetrated wheel.

Oh, you're a lady, huh? Yeah. Yeah. But she can get wet anal, man. She can get wet anal. If she is penetrated, she can get some wet anal. It's like a wet burrito. I can't believe you get self-lubricating anuses.

Yeah. Also. I thought like a wet burrito. I can't believe you get self-lubricating anuses. Yeah. Also, I thought only Megiverse got that. You trigger the nerves of the vaginal whale. Really important is that you take things slow that you relakes

and use lubricant for the first time. The first time. The first time. The first time? The first time! And then it's there? It's just there forever? Yeah.

And then the ass goes like, oh, you want to be like this? Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I lubed her a couple months ago.

Like a car. Try to explore how to make anal more and more enjoyable for you. And if it hurts, don't give up and never try again. Because you don't know what you miss if done good. Heart. If it hurts, don't give up and never try again. Cool.

Yeah, so that section, no longer Kanye Sutra, called What is Anal? We just don't know. This next section is called We Are Better Than You. So we spent a little bit of time on Reddit. Now we are going back. Oh, wait, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

This is a Reddit post. this is a reddit post this is definitely a reddit post all right oh yeah um you can you'll be able to tell from the title uh so uh so uh healy's what you got to talk about here yes hello i'm that one is for nsfw and this one's for FW as well! Projective market cap of AO relationships. Yes, butt coin. Oh wow, this is, yeah.

Assuming that enough exposure to the wonderful lifestyle was able to be presented to people along with likely good past experimentations too, how much would you suspect the percentage of AO

relationships would go up to? Oh. Oh. Oh. I see. I see. So peak anal. That's right. Buy the dip into my asshole. Oh. I was thinking That's right. Buy the dip into my asshole.

I was thinking butt the dip, but that works too. Okay. Based on how many women in my past were forever changed by their introduction to anal, I honestly... I honestly... I've read some of your stories, buddy. You should have checked that one section off of I5. I honestly believe it's about 25 to 50%.

At least for hetero relationships. I have no numbers from memory to base a guess on for other people. But you have yours, and your numbers are somewhere between 25 and 50 percent. 25 and 50 percent of the many, many women in your past said to you, said to you, I am forever changed.

I am forever changed. Right. Anyways, that's all we seem to protest the loudest that the idea at first in a few post-enlightenment actually thanked me for not giving up. Lol, that's not hard. And motivate them to take the whole cock. Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ. The more normalized we can make anal, the more natural interest will arise in cutting through the chase and dropping the vagina to the lowest whole priority permanently. The lowest whole priority. Anal is all. Shout it from the rooftops people open up my stock ticker app oh vagina's down today oh my god all right uh yeah so this uh document uh as a note to the listener, this document is just going to keep getting worse.

We've barely even gotten into this document. Goddamn. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So here we go. So, Dejan. Yeah, yeah. Hey, hey. I'm Smoked Matak.

And I'm here to tell you about our kink. Good. Matak and I'm here to tell you about our kink transforming my girl's butthole into her new pussy suggestions needed hello how can I be grosser hello butt lovers and fellow butthole imperialists

uh are we playing new vegas again me me and my girlfriend really enjoy the idea of turning here into a new woman who is

greater than, absolute less than, anal centric. She really wants to do everything with her asshole. Making omelets. Going to the bank.

Golfing's really hard. These fucking dishes. What's taking you so long? Honey, do we need a bunch of chocolate cake? What are some of these? honey do we need a bunch of chocolate cake like like with a real pussy oh except except bearing children and peeing of course

she's also doing those with her pussy The term pussy means Like nature intended For us And is not associated with her vagina That hurts my brain What?

Well this next sentence is The sentences are just gonna make your brain more healthy. Her pussy should be absolute meaningless to us. Great. Wow. Good. Don't seek therapy.

Wow. Oh, no. Hard, hardcore fetish, but we enjoy the thought of it much. Also, I guess I'm a lucky guy. Disagree. Disagree. You've been dealt a bad hand, buddy. Things we already practice.

We took the term pussy and associate her with her anus, leaving her vagina without an actual term. We unnamed it. No, no, no, go on, go on. And we call her vagina just her useless thingy. Wow, that's sexy. Wow, that's sexy. Oh, that's so sexy. Hey guys, I just want to remind you, it's not about

degradation, humiliation. Unless! However. Though. Are you going to do useless thingy doctor again? Alright. We only have anal sex obviously

obviously She is only allowed to masturbate anally She achieves powerful anal orgasms and takes all my cum in her ass like with a real pussy She can get wet with her anus like with a real pussy she

she can get wet with her anus and needs almost no lube just like with a real pussy I mean just you ever thought about what that wetness might be yeah yeah

with some tricks with some tricks tricks okay yep go on please with some tricks we want to get her pregnant

with bee coming in her ass this will be a challenge though yeah that's alright you seem like a determined guy we shift her center of lust from her vagina to her asshole with mantras and other supplemental suggestions.

Oh my god! You relocated her pussy chakra? Yeah! That's awesome! So she perceives her ass like a real pussy. Holy hell. We enjoy anal-only porn, and this makes us truly believe that the anus is made we enjoy anal only porn

and this makes us truly believe that the anus is made for sex and that anal sex is actual real sex between lovers anal sex you are true believers she only wears backless panties in our bedroom

and other anal only related stuff like lettered collars or labia chains to close her pussy lips like it's comforting to know that this is a guy that's never left his parents basement

oh is this a real doll is Is that what you're suggesting? No, not even. Yeah. We already discussed vagina chastity piercings to get her. Yeah, okay. I'm with you, Boots.

And are looking forward to this happening one day. One day. This is about it. You think? That's it. That's about it. We live a simple lifestyle.

Well, hello there. Welcome to my home. You know, my girlfriend and I are into the anal-only lifestyle. We don't even call her a pussy. We call her a useless thingy. Oh, do you have any positive reinforcement for me? Hey, my name's Chicago Lark. Hooray.

Have fun. There is no way to get pregnant from anal sex. Anything you find that says otherwise will be written by someone with zero understanding of anatomy. Like me. That comes up a lot. Yeah. Anyway. Okay.

So, so, So, Boots Your name is Bicultural Hell So you're cool And I want to hang out with you Oh, I'm so cool I just, oh, I'm a woman too Great, cool Of course you are

Oh, a real woman, yeah I can't assume that It could be a gay man on this On this subreddit that's clearly obsessed with ignoring vaginas. That doesn't work out. Nope. Apparently not.

Okay. I just asked my man to be AO, and he said, yeah, okay, sure, lol. This happened incredibly fast. I found this thread and read almost every single post here. The pussy denial is so incredibly hot for me. A woman.

A hot woman. I already come really hard doing anal. I had my period two days ago, so we've been having only anal these two days anyways. That's the only choice. I was nervous to ask him. You guys have a real good relationship.

I was so nervous to ask him, since we both really like my pussy and pussy in general. Sure. But he prefers fucking me in the ass already. Well, then that's all you can do ah i am so excited i could barely contain myself sorry my writing prob sucks but i just wanted to say a big thank

you and share my joy kisses and hugs my name's ABC, which stands for always be covert. Let's talk about sex. Some guys have all the luck. Well, I'm not too lucky. I asked if he'd fuck my ass to commemorate the day we are committing to AO. He passed out asleep so early. I thought I'd get more dick in AO, but still empty. I wish this could be played as some kind of denial slash my pleasure

doesn't matter dynamic, but he just laughs. Hey, do you have an OnlyFans? Is it possible that maybe you have an OnlyFans? Yeah, it's called Anal OnlyFans. Okay, sure, sure. I want you to grade me.

Girlfriend, you're so silly. So, uh... I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It wasn't until right then that I read my name. Now I know what my name is. So, this is my name. My name is Bum Degrader 6.

It is not about degrading women. It is about degrading their bums. Oh. Making this bum worse. Yeah. Okay, here we go. Bum is five points down today. Anal only is making my life a lot better.

It's a little early, but tomorrow makes 10 days since my girlfriend accepted being anal only, and it has already been life-changing. She's on layoff, and my internship is suspended. We're both home,

so it was the perfect time to ask her to be AO. Huh? Yeah. Don't know if any of you noticed changes this early, but my sex life improves so much already. The fact that I don't have to do PIV, which we've learned from other episodes.

Penis and vagina. It stands for penis and vagina. I don't have to do that. Yeah, so the fact that I don't have to do penis and vagina allows me to last way longer in the ass. And I spend more time on foreplay, Kumquat. So, yeah. Yeah.

Sex is overall much more pleasing, and I orgasm a lot harder. My girlfriend has been a lot more vocal, too. As soon as I penetrate her ass, she starts screaming. Or moaning. And seems way more excited each time we have sex. Now, she used to be really quiet. Lol, it's crazy how her behavior

changed in a little over a week. I don't know if these changes are normal or if the quarantine is helping. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's it. The quarantine is helping. In the way

that it's helped all of us. Yeah. Sure, mental health is great. Yeah, grateful for that. Absolutely. But it's real eye-opening. The benefits of doing anal only, I'm starting to think, this is how I was supposed to have sex all along.

It just feels so natural. how I was supposed to have sex all along. It just feels so natural. We're all just pooping mice. It's natural. I just wanted to thank whoever started writing about this lifestyle.

If it weren't for the forum and Tumblr, I would have never thought it was possible to be anal only and probably would have just settled for vaginal sex in every relationship. So thank you. And thanks every user for the advice. Some actually paid off. And thanks every user for the advice. Some actually paid off.

And Kumquatsop, your name is Ripe Baby Lady? Hello, I am Ripe Baby Lady. I am happy for you two. Young and in a relationship with no judgment. Please enjoy that moment in your lives and treasure your woman. I also noticed great changes pretty soon even though I don't have sex as regularly as you young people.

If you're skipping right to the sexual act, you like it the most. It's only natural that sex becomes instantly better. And that's the last part you should read. That's the last part you should read. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. We're gonna go to Cora. And that's the last part you should read. That's the last part you should read. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. We're going to go to Quora, one of the sexiest websites in the world. We're going to Quora. Great. And so Boots, your name is Alana Brown. Yeah.

Somehow related to Alton Brown. And this is exciting news that I want you to comment on. Would you please? Okay. Yes, sex 2 has been confirmed. Oh, yeah. Sex 2. Is that like anus 2?

Has been confirmed. There's more NFTs in it. Oh, like internet 2. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sex 2.0. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So sex 2 has been confirmed.

What are some features that you would like to be added? Yeah, so here's my answer. No more clips. And vaginas don't feel... So, let's end this meeting. Vaginas don't feel or give any particular pleasure from being penetrated and are universally recognized as simply existing to get pregnant

and give birth anal sex is normal and default for everyone and serves as the primary means of shared pleasure and bonding between all people and can give incredible orgasms easy to everyone who has it like people are like almost on a point.

And then a much more streamlined approach. Vaginas are for babies and asses are for normal sex. I would say that if you... You can go on Quora

you got to Franklin Franklin Ville there who's a small business owner sexuality educator and writer

so the sexuality educator Franklin posts I would say 12 times a day on Quora about butt stuff where butt stuff is not the topic.

I found the profile language for Alana Brown. I'm going to put that in the Discord here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I am an active follower and evangelist of the anal-only

the anal only. The anal only, double anal only, and triple anal only lifestyles. 13 plus years anal only. Three years double anal only. And now triple anal only. I am never using my pussy or doing single or double anal again. It's triple anal minimum for here on out.

That's inconceivable. I don't know. Inconceivable. That's the number of penises that are simultaneously in my butt. How is that fucking possible? Because like assuming that the penises that are simultaneously in my butt. How is that fucking possible? Because like assuming that the penises are connected

to other things. Like what's the physicality of the part that's outside of your asshole? Maybe some of them are dildos. Yeah you just taped a bunch of dildos together like a Gatling gun. Oh like a

crank? Taped a bunch of dildos together like a Gatling gun. Oh, like... Like when batters are warming up. So, Litterbrown has answered 1.3 thousand questions on Quora. Very specific subjects. Related questions. What are the sexiest sex games with sex in it? Thanks, Quora. Hey, um, this lifestyle's going good for you, right? I love it. Yeah. Good, good, good, gillies eelys. This lifestyle's going good for you, right?

I love it. Good, good, good. How's Cobra Ty doing? Well, I'm Cobra Ty and having anal daily during quarantine is damaging my ass. Oh no.

Why are you stating two unrelated facts? I don't know Okay Hi, Ty here I'm having trouble dealing with the frequency of having sex daily And seriously wondering if asses are indeed as suited for intercourse compared to vaginas I'm not implying they're not

Okay, thank god I was putting on my brass knuckles Chinas. I'm not implying they're not. Okay, thank God. I was putting on my brass knuckles. But gosh, you know, I just never had any trouble in the front, no matter how much it was used. And as for anal, no matter how much I prep and lube before, my limit seems to be three to four times a week. Within this magic number, I never have any troubles. Now, we've been on lockdown for more than a month. So that's 30-something days, give or take a few exceptions.

Right, it's so long. And this past week, it started to show. A few days... I prolapsed a little. Once it pops you really should stop. Can we get a Jimmy Francis train whistle in here? We didn't do anything extreme. Just penis to ass a few times. And today my ass looked blown out after.

Like I developed a little hemorrhoid. Which you very possibly did, yeah. Now we're a bit rough. But we're always careful with lube and lots of fingering before to prep it. Even when I use toys, they're never bigger

than my husband's penis, because otherwise he gets insanely jealous. Okay, sure. So, a little bit rough, but you know, okay, sounds like you're doing, being pretty healthy about it, so I'm sure you're fine. Yeah, well, speaking of health, we were trying to get into

fisting, dear, but decided to let the quarantine do its work and loosen me up naturally. What the fuck? What? It's been doing it all right. A terrible job. We call that a wide COVID.

I'm standing. I'm literally standing up. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Excellent. So could it be that asses just aren't meant for frequent sex? And by the way, if anyone had trouble with a blown out asshole,

could you give some advice on how to fix it? Thank you. That takes us back to the rubber asshole review. Yeah. I mean, yeah, a couple weeks ago I bought this hot glue gun. Oh, no. Fix a lot of stuff with it. Yeah, really.

Hot cock. Somebody should be Dull Woodpecker 7. Alright, I guess. I guess that's T-Shot, then. Hello, I am Dull Woodpecker 7. Nope. Ashes are meant for pleasure.

Many, many species have a cloacoa. Cloacoa a Clo-a-coa Clo-a-coa, yeah I like to sit down On a cold night with a nice warm cup of Clo-co It's like barbacoa An angel sex has been around the world in history

Delight and contraception yeah some species have a cloaca so that means you can have anal sex as much as you want many species have the cloaca you don't loves it oh okay all right great oh do i want to do Oh, do I want to do this next? Do I want to do this next Cobra tie? Do I want to do this next? The automated teller machine one?

Yeah. I don't know what the problem with that is. Something about the automated teller machine. Oh, wait. Actually, we had a question. A question that Kumquat's Up just answered. Oh, yeah. So, yeah.

So, we were on Quora before, and we were talking about Alana Brown there. Oh, yes, Al just answered. So, yeah, so we were on Quora before, and we were talking about Alana Brown there. Oh, yes, Alana Brown. How Alana Brown is... You had a question earlier, and I think, you know, Quora is all about answering questions, so you typed a question into Quora.

Yeah, so here we go. So here we go. Kumquatsop, I have a question for you, which is, how do you get three cocks in position to give you

anal? Well, my name is Alana Brown. Well, you see, we usually do a couple positions for triple anal. Colon. Yeah.

Bullet point one. One guy below me with me on my back, lying on top of him, and the other two standing slash kneeling and coming in from the sides. Okay. I mean, yeah. I mean. Okay. Coordination. Yeah.

That's different different it's really so like I think they need to have very long dicks for that to work well they're both they both have to straddle the guy that's on the bottom right yeah and then okay and also wait that's the problem well no I know I'm just trying to

figure out because like the physical logistics of it yeah right right where do various knees go yeah um right yeah bullet point two me in cowgirl on one guy and another guy crouching above me in a sort of doggy and the third guy standing and coming in behind also in doggy i got i can't even 12 like in the like oh the guy behind is like in the middle Is in the middle? What? Yeah

No he's crouching over the guy In cowgirl and there's another guy in front I got I would like to announce Think of what order I got 12 upvotes There really should be a diagram You did get 12 upvotes. There really should be a diagram. You did get 12 upvotes.

Do we have to commission an artist to draw this for us? I can't picture it. Just so you know, the guy that asked the question was by old guy who has a Bachelor of Science from the School of Submission. Excellent. He's currently working for the Bachelor of Science from the School of Submission. Excellent.

He's currently working for the Bachelor of Science in the School of Submission. Class of 2027. I just wanted to mention... Lives in over someone's knee. Bye, old guy. you're great all right uh boy there's some fucking human disasters going on here come quads up i guess i will uh put the question to you

the question to you. The question to you. Okay, so I'm going to give you a couple pieces of information about your choice. So, option number one is called Hey Ladies dot dot dot I have a question to ask dot dot dot.

That is a post by BackdoorDeliveryMan3. With responses from... Love my wife's ass. Yeah, with responses from love my wife's ass and butt woman. And then the other option is anal only disagreement. Which means they disagreed with their anuses, I believe. That's a post by deleted, but there are responses from Slutgles. Slutgles.

And Daddy's Baby Girl 24. Oh, great. No, based purely on nothing else but usernames, I really find myself identifying with BackdoorDeliveryMan3. All right, that's BackdoorDeliveryMan. Here we are back on the anal-only lifestyle. Now the forum is very modern in a sort of Windows Metro kind of way. Yeah, and I have some sort of PHBB flashing smiley face that's

excellent. Your avatar says, ass the other vagina. Wow. Ass the other vagina. Great. Terrible. Hey, ladies. Hey, ladies. Great. Terrible. Hey, ladies.

Hey, ladies! Ladies! I have a question to ask. Parenthetical semen in rectum. Okay. Hey, ladies! I had to ladies! Ladies!

I have to say that again. I have always and love to come in my girlfriend's ass. Always. And she have never complained about it. I sense a butt. Butt! He always senses the butt, yeah. I have read

elsewhere, on the other places I read that's not analonlylifestyle.com. I don't know why I read elsewhere. I have read elsewhere about some women. Oh, oh, some... I don't know who these some women are,

but theoretically there are some women. Doesn't, like, cum in their rectum? Huh? Okay. Because it may feel like diarrhea to some and may spontaneously leak out any time after anal sex. Any time. Is that weird? Does stuff come out of the anus?

That's bizarre. some woman may refuse to go out for the day until her next BM to make sure it is out of her rectum without the embarrassment of wet and bubbly fart

in public. Woof. I understand that. Yeah, because you understand ladies back in the day. Yeah. Like, I'm not going to talk to my girlfriend. But I did research on Reddit about my girlfriend.

Right. The easy answer to this is don't come in your girlfriend's ass right before the big shareholder meeting. Fine. No, no, no, no. I'm playing this. It's a Yakuza mission. But the twist is the CEO really respects her for it. no, no. I'm playing this. It's a Yakuza mission. But the twist is the CEO really respects her for it. Yeah, yeah.

Or sometimes it would just peacefully exit. I might leave you now. As opposed to. In the next BM my girlfriend have never complained about that and also I wonder if any of you ladies ever feel

the cum flooding in your rectum or anal passage when your man are coming in your butt my girlfriend for science please describe it to me Your man are coming in your butt. My girlfriend. You know, for science. Yeah.

Please, yeah, describe it to me. My girlfriend don't feel it in her ass, but she know I'm coming. Parentheses orgasm, though. Oh, thank you. Thank you. I was not used to, yeah, I didn't understand that euphemism. Yep. I am just wondering wondering because I have read many adult fiction anal

sex stories. You don't say. Oh, really? About women feeling her man flooding her rectum with hot cum and yada yada.

Give me that yada yada. Yada yada. Give me that yada yada. Oh, yeah. Hot cum and... Hot cum, Jerry. I am hoping you ladies could share your experience on that with us. Thank you for your time, and I appreciate your honesty, Ellipses Smiley Face. Hey, Boots, I see that you're on the Twitter. It looks like this is the Twitter for anal sex only.

Yeah, they've got a Twitter account, and mostly it's just retweets of porn. So I can... Yeah, that makes sense. Right. I can tell you, Alana Brown was kind of right. I wish I didn't see that. It's good? Hmm. Anyway, so, anal only lifestyle,

anal underscore sex underscore only on Twitter. Still posting. So go to Twitter. You're going to find that. So that's nice. That's nice that's still happening. Anyway, they tweeted at some point last year.

It's finally here. The 10th annual hashtag No Pussy November has officially begun. It's time to adopt the Anal Only Lifestyle for the entire month of November and beyond. If you enjoy it yourself, share your plans. Does that mean I have to give my anus a mustache? Really big fight between the anus on Twitter and the anal-only lifestyle

on Twitter over that hashtag. Anyway, also in August they posted, hey, did you take part in anal-only August? Are you going to continue anal-only going forward into September? 40 40 said didn't try 4.1 said not continuing anal only 8.2 said trying another month in 48 46.9 were like staying anal only um and then uh uh at the beginning of May, they said, anal-only April is over. What? But your adoption of the anal-only lifestyle doesn't have to be.

Fucking brands. Fucking brands, man. Man, they get three months a year. I also, it was an image graphic that said, ignore the pussy and anal on. Yeah, that one's pretty clever, though. Yeah, it's really clever. That's pretty clever. That's a good subversion of a meme yeah yeah yeah thank you uh okay um bum degrader uh all right so uh wait uh anal only march let's do it So this is the erotic poetry section.

Oh, good. Yay! Yay! Yeah. So, uh... Yay! Yeah. Um, so this is a poem called Ass. Ass. Ass.

Actually, uh, uh, uh, Kumquat, can I get you to read, uh, like, uh, a single sentence from the story Anal Academy? Oh, uh, yes. Just as his cock released its last spurt into her rectum a security guard cleared his throat So, yeah, so here we go. We are in the erotica section, and this one's called Ass.

And then, Heelys, you are law robber so existential law robber so this poem gives me like big school assembly vibes, cool, from Cadence from Cadence, so here I go yep

that was anal sex is the's way to school. That was it. Anal sex is the only way to go. If you ask to fuck my cunt, the answer will be no. Call it what you want, butt, arse, or ass. If you're not into anal, I'm afraid I'll have to pass. Some say it's just an exit, but for me it's an entrance too. If you desire to be with me, anal sex

you'll have to do. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Like, very strong say no to drugs in the community. Yeah, exactly. Call it what you want, rosebud, brown eyeye, or Booty, giving me hot anal sex will be your one and only duty.

Fuck! It's such a short poem for you to get so distracted in your cadence. Giving me hot anal sex will be your one and only duty. I'm also the law robber.

Oh, are you? What's your poem called, law robber? I love asses. Are you an ass pain? I love asses! Do you like girls with junk in the trunk? Does the sight of a shapely backside make you want to spunk? Oh, okay.

Do you like plump booties? Is the butt your favorite body part? Seeing a jiggly ass make your erection start? Do you like to smack that ass when your weight waxes? Do you like

to smack that ass when you're waxing it from behind? I have a tiny butt. You probably wouldn't like mine. Perfect! Yeah! Oh, yeah. Yeah!

World star! World star! Closing it off with some self-deprecation. Hot. My name's Law Robber. And this is always anal.

My need for anal is strong and massive when it comes to fucking. I'm anything but passive. I love it up the ass. I'm not ashamed of that. At any given time, that's where your dick should be at. Get the lubrication. Spread it

on my rear. I'm so into anal, I should make it my career. My dairy air is delicious. I should give it a try. I love I love anal more than a homosexual guy.

Whoa. Go on. Why'd the cheers stop? It's fine. No, no, we're just thinking about butts. Okay, booty banging, asshole assault. I'm the founding member of an anal worshiping cult. You can fuck my rosebud

any time that you wish. I'm serving up sex with my ass as the main dish. Dick me up the butt. Dick me up the butt! Dick me up the butt! Dick me up the butt. Hooba-jumma, hooba-jumma,

dick me up the butt! Oh my god. Dick me up the butt. Hooper jammer, hooper jammer, dick me up the butt. Oh my God. Dick me up the butt. If you want to make me cum, you can even use your toe, tongue, or thumb. Getting anal is my favorite. I'm the princess of the pooper. If you fuck me right, I'll be in a satisfied stupor. Oh boy. fuck me right, I'll be in a satisfied stupor. When it comes to

receiving anal, I'm a real sex machine. I take it like a pro and reign as the queen. My asshole's always open. So you know what to do. Only after I've been buttfucked can I say

that I'm through. My brown eye's waiting to be done. So here's your chance. How is this getting so much worse? I pull up my skirt. You pull down your pants. Is this the order that we do this? This is the only time you're doing this?

If you want to bring me joy, put your dick in my hole. When a dick's up my ass, I lose complete control. Total. There's only one way to my heart. Okay.

There's only one way to my heart. And that's straight up my butt. You've got to be astonished, because I bust one hell of a nut. Yeah. Yeah. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. Dr. House, there's only one way

to her heart, and that's straight up her butt. Oh, Law Robber has 428 words on literati. Yeah, sure does. My name is Law Robber. Zippity-doo-dah, hip-hop hooray. I'm no longer a virgin.

My cherry got popped today. I'm a college student, and I banged my professor. I hated being a virgin. It was a major stressor. We did it on his desk right after class. I came on to him. He wasn't the one to ask. Officer.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay, you're going to like this one. Come quiet, you're going to like this one. He went down on me. My head began to spin. I can't believe what I was missing by remaining a pure virgin. I got so wet. His face got so messy. He stood up and began to undress me. When he

kissed my lips, he was a little rough, but my cut was on fire. I just couldn't get enough. He was stroking my clit and groping my breasts. My eyes were closed and I was feeling hashtag blessed. Last line. I nutted all over his fingers, then I

licked them clean. Nutted all over his fingers, then I lick them clean. I nut it all over his fingers, and then I lick them clean. Today my professor, tomorrow the dean. Oh yeah, so a little bit ago you were just looking at all of the Law Robber poems. I was indeed, yes. And all of them were written in 2009. Some were done in early 2010. No, I've been researching Law Robber's extensive repertoires. And the early career of Law Robber began as far back as. The early career of Law Robber began

as far back as 2005 when a couple of tentative... Yes, the span of 2009 to 2009 was what we call the... The golden age. The prolific. The prolific.

Oh, oh, oh. Oh. Can you... I mean, obviously you can't read all of these Are you threatening me? No, I'm definitely not threatening you I'm just saying if you could read a small selection of titles

that Law Robber has written Adjectively speaking Ain't that some shit all about anal all about asses all fucked out always a lady always anal always up to something anal ecstasy anal sex 101 and the

Oscar goes to animal instincts I gotta point out that and the Oscar goes to is the only one here that's listed as non-erotic poetry very unsexy. Animal instincts. Around the clock cock. As nasty as needed.

Asking for anal. Ass. Ass to mouth. At our happiest. That's in the ass two part series. Yes. At our happiest. Awaiting the pussy.

Bad day turned good. Bald and beautiful. Bald and ass. Banging at the pussy. Bad day turned good. Bald and beautiful. Balls and ass. Banging at the beach. Banging Barack. Beast fucked. Being Lisa. Best sex ever.

Bidding for pussy. Big black dick. Bigger, longer, louder. Bill's little girl. Bisexual. Bless. Bitch. Black beauty.

Black butterfly. Black stallion. Body heat. Body language. Booty call. Bottoms up. Boudoir buffet. bitch black beauty black butterfly black stallion body heat body language booty call bottoms up boudoir buffet bravo baby breakfast yeah yeah yeah yeah breakfast

breakfast breakfast erotic poetry I'm gonna skip ahead some. No, no, no, no, no, no. Of course you're going to be hard if you wake up next to me. Who could blame you when I'm the first thing you see? Who needs eggs and bacon

when you can have a side of me? Part of a well-balanced breakfast is eating my sweet pussy. Yeah! is eating my sweet pussy! Yeah! Oh, God. Okay, keep going. Caution! Hot! Certified semen slurper!

Cheat mark! Excuse me, one second. I got an excerpt from Certified Semen Slurper. Damn it. Protein shake, jizz juice, cum cooler. Call it whatever you choose. All I know is I love the flavor of man's ball booze. Man's ball booze. Man's ball booze.

Ball booze. Wow. I'm going to give you my ball booze. Thank you. Appreciate that. Is this a rye? I thought this was going to be a short episode and then all of a sudden...

Thanks, Law Robber. There's one of I thought this was going to be a short episode, and then all of a sudden... Thanks, Law Robber. One of Law Robber's poems is called Coochie Connoisseur, which I believe needs to be read in the voice of Humpty Hump. Coochie's with Pearsons, hairy or bald, I'm a Coochie Connoisseur, I love them all. Can you read all the ones that start with the word dick. Well, let's find out.

Good man. Dick deficiency. Dick junkie. Dick me. Dick writer. Dick sucking done right. Dickless phrase. Oh my god! Oh my god!

I'm looking at dick sucking done right and it's a Little John song. Wow. It's a dick, not a toy! Fisher Price didn't make it! Suck that shit down your throat as fast as you can take it! Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Oh, God. Yeah. I would like to read you an excerpt today from the Law Robber classic Foot Fetish. Huh. Is that such a thing? Is there?

Okay. Do you prefer them in shoes, stockings, or socks? The mere thought of my feet gets you hard as a rock. You love painting my toenails and rubbing your dick on my feet. I've lost count of the times that has made you skeet. Perfect. The poet that

Litterotica needs and deserves. I'd like to share with you an excerpt from I Spilled My Juice. I was just looking at that. From the oeuvre of La Robert. Fast food joints are popular. Then again,

so am I. And my fur burger stays moist. So go ahead, dip your fry. Dip your fry? Lemon, can we bring back that one podcast? Can we interview Lob Robber? Yeah, yeah. I would like to read a selection from the poem Jerking and Sucking.

A fine choice. Jerking and sucking. When I'm jerking your cock, I'm sucking it too. That combination gets the biggest load out of you. I might take it in my mouth or catch your cum in my hands. There are a lot of women like me who are cum fans. Jerking and sucking really gets you excited. This was my first time and I'm glad I tried it.

Hi, I'd like to read Straight Hoan Oh, that's it Ram my shit Drub me from behind while I rub My clit Stroke my pussy It's hot and gushy Ne trim snatch yet neatly trim snatch yet still quite bushy shoot your nut all up in my gut as your white cum drips from my pussy to my butt

my juices are flowing excitement is growing fuck being a lady tonight i'm straight hoeing nice nice this one's called this one's called what a lame lay Excitement is growing Fuck being a lady tonight I'm straight hoeing Nice, nice This one's called What a lame lay I thought you were so sexy I wanted you so bad When I finally got you You were the worst sex I ever had

Your dirty talk was weak Nothing you said was unique Your so-called foreplay Nearly put me to sleep Yeah, this is my diss track was unique. Your so-called foreplay nearly put me to sleep. Whoa. Yeah, this is my diss track. Your nails are so long they nearly cut my insides. This night has been a disaster.

I just want to run and hide. I think my nipples are bleeding because you bit on them so hard. Either this is your first time with a woman or you're a lame cowboy. Oh, no. Reddit. Reddit. You're a lame cowboy. Oh no. Reddit. Reddit. You're a lame Reddit. We need to fight 20

fingers because we got a new front woman. Nothing you do arouses me. That's why I'm still quite dry. You're huffing and puffing like you're doing something and all I can do is sigh. Don't want. Don't want. Don't want. Don't. Don't. Don't want, don't want, don't want.

Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't. Excuse me. Excuse me. Yeah. I have tiny hands, so my entire fist fits. If you've never been fisted, you should definitely try it.

You can get a really good pounding, and you're opened up so wide, if babies can come out, a fist can fit inside. Well, yeah, okay, yeah. You're probably looking at your fist, wondering if it will fit in my snatch,

and wishing I was your girl, cause man, I'm a sweet catch. I'm gonna make a killin' by selling this shit. Lisa's fisting video, come buy it. What the fuck? Oh, is this part of the Lisa A-part series?

It's part of the Lisa Extended Universe. Okay. You want to lick my pussy inside and out? Vying for my vulva is what this poem's about. My pussy is thirsty and needs a drink, so shoot your sperm

deep into my pink. It's soothing to have a pussy full of skeet it cools me down when I'm in heat what did we learn from this episode I learned that I need to spend more time in the scholarly libraries of Law Robber because I

need to I mean prolific as hell you know like yeah yeah yeah like what's the biography of so Law Robber is a female obviously weight is average height is average okay wait wait wait wait are you looking at the

biography yeah okay uh kill these heaths i have a couple questions yeah what's up robber what's your what's your uh gender my gender female yeah, and your weight? Average. Okay, and your height? Average. Okay, your sexual orientation? Bi. Intro, okay. And what exactly are you interested in? Nothing. Nothing.

I can think of something, honestly. You have any fetishes there, LawRubber? Fetishes? None, no. No. I'm looking at your favorite favorite law robber

say law robber do you have any favorite authors oh this isn't loading for me for some reason oh law robbers I love law robbers I love law robbers a good choice. Love yourself first.

That's, you know. Yep, yep. 428 poems. So I learned that some people have not forgotten about the asshole. No, no, no, no. Frequently. Frequently reminded of it. So I learned that some people have not forgotten about the asshole. No, no, no, no. Frequently. Frequently reminded of it.

Frequently reminding each other of it. Yeah, yeah. Frequently. Frequently spending a lot of time on a Reddit where they are reminded of it. Every month, apparently. Well, just four months. What is that? I think it was just four months out of the year, right?

Right, Poots? November, September, April. months. I think it was just four months out of the year, right? Right, Poots? November, September, April. March. March. March, yeah. So, yeah. And February. Oh, okay. Okay, yeah, five out of 12 months.

Winter and spring and autumn. Yeah, I don't, I mean, like, like, I don't i mean uh like like what what like so many other things what what is what is what is what is the cell like why are people why are people into this not butt sex i get that i'm saying'm saying why this lifestyle, as a lifestyle, what the fuck is the appeal here? Anal sex. It's fine. It's good. Great. Sure, yeah.

If that's a thing that works for you, that's wonderful. That's awesome. Nothing is healthy in here. Nothing doesn't make any sense. It's not that they are having anal sex, it's they are having not

vaginal sex specifically. Right, right. It's like, well, we have one other option, so we're gonna make it all about that. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, I mean, it's not that dissimilar from NoFap. Uh...

Except for it's worse. I like chocolate ice cream more than vanilla ice cream, so I'm never going to eat vanilla ice cream again. I wish you would redo that analogy with a different ice cream flavor. I will not. Pralines and cream?

Fine. I love Rocky Road. More than vanilla ice cream. There it is. Yep, yep, yep. Yep, yep. You just improved. You just workshopped that joke.

Yeah, yeah. What I learned is that, at uh if this document is any indication is that there's there's an entire like subreddit full of like heterosexuals who are just like uh how do i put the penis in the butt i don't know how to do this and not a single like gay person showed up and went I'm gonna help I'm sure you guys looked at it and said

this is a lost cause bye no yeah their discord has 5301 members 171 of them are online right now oh it's ain't lonely October Their Discord has 5,301 members. 171 of them are online right now.

Oh, it's Ain't Alone We October. Right. Right. Right. Of course. Of course it is. Our website, as always, thefpl.us. Our forum is Ball Pit.

My website, ahoylemon.xyz. Other websites are also things. Yeah, other websites are also things. Yeah, other websites are also things. Yep, yep, yep. Go to sane.science. Fill out the question, or fill out the exam, then I'll get you a sticker. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Go to UFO Porn, I don't know if it still exists. Yeah. I was just thinking about it today. I don't know why. Does UFO Porn still exist? I don't know. Yeah, and go check out Law Robber's profile. Go check out Law Robber's poetry.

It's R-O-B-B-U-R. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of it. Yeah. 460 of them or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, bye. Bye. I'm sure this comes up a lot Girl, I want to make you sweat Sweat till you've got sweat no more I'm sure this comes up a lot.

Oh, do you want to read the response? Oh, God, no! No! No! It's your fault. You went... Ugh! Ugh!

No! No! No! No, I don't want... No, no, no, I don't want No, I don't want It's not real I know, but I just don't want you to read it It's just horrifying Okay, okay, okay

Okay, okay, okay It's like a go-bar device, but with one step Yeah, yeah Yeah Honestly, at. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Honestly, at this point, I think the listeners can probably put that piece together.