The F Plus - 396: No Poo For My Real Friends

Episode Date: January 14, 2024

While their name might confuse you, the NoPoo community is actually dedicated to abstinance from the use of shampoo. They have all realized that by not using any cleaning product in their hair, they will all end up with hair that is healthy, luxuriant, and beautiful. So their only question: Why is my hair thinning, waxy and smelly? This week, The F Plus is tried for warcrimes at the Showerhaig.

I do a guy at university who changed his name to Caligula Caesar. Was his opening line to women, hey, can you guess what I'm into? I knew a guy that did a Salvia trip and came out of it waking up like the Undertaker out of his coffin and was like, my name is Pantafly now. pantafly now. This is the F+, a wonderful and helpful place for terrible things, red with enthusiasm. And in the room tonight, we have Booth's Rain Gear. Oregano is good

too, but no one wants to smell like a giant pizza all day long. Jack Chick. I currently have peppermint, rosemary, lavender, and cinnamon essential oils, as well as castor oil, vitamin E oil, and fractionated coconut oil. Kendrick Lobstar. My last shampoo wash was the 14th of October. I'd say I'm not quite there yet.

But it somewhat smells like pencil sharpenings. Not quite, but I had this even before I started using eggs, so that's even better. Oh, shit, It's bunny bread! And lemon. Guess what? Hair mites poop around your hair follicles. You begin to lose your hair. Hey, F+. Hey, hi, Lemon.

Ooh, everyone seems pretty chipper. That's great. That's great. All feeling good on this Saturday night that we're recording this? Today I had a really good workout, and after that I had a wonderful shower. Really? I just, I got clean. I used some good

i had some new shampoo it feels nice but i'm clean i'm so clean and it's nice it's nice to feel clean why okay okay okay okay okay boots take a breath take a breath we can we can fix this this is fine i'm not mad. I'm disappointed. But I'm not mad. I'm mad. I'm pretty fucking mad. Okay. God, I... Wait, are we recording?

Is this just an intervention? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so here's something that we were all going to introduce to you, and we didn't think that it was necessary. I had all this shit written down. I was going to say to you how you're... Oh, okay.

and we didn't think that it was necessary. I had all this shit written down. I was going to say to you on how you're, oh, okay. So this is a document provided to us by the lizard, and it is about the no-poo lifestyle. Oh. I've been there a couple times. I most certainly did not poo in any of that. No, no, no, no.

No, no, no. I'm talking about no Yorkie poo poodles. Not going to happen, all right? Yeah, no. The no poo lifestyle comes from Reddit, so that means it's a good idea. We're not going to be spending our time on Reddit most of it, but this is the idea of people living a no shampoo lifestyle. Oh.

a no shampoo lifestyle. Oh. Both the avatar for the subreddit and the banner image are just a water painting, like a watercolor painting that says natural healthcare.

So let me just get you started here, Boots, okay? Okay. So here's some basic tips on going no poo which again again we're gonna hear it a lot like they had the ability so first of all this is a fucking community of people that do not use shampoo i like how the very first one is i can see when i click it is i had bad dandruff i don't know why yeah weird oh so they're also no conditioner secondly they were like,

obviously we should call ourselves NoPoo. That won't be a problem. Anyway, NoPoo has a variety of meanings, but they all refer to the eliminating the use of sulfates and harsh chemicals, which is commonly found in modern commercial shampoos that

strip our hair and scalp of its natural oils, which causes dry, frizzy, damage-susceptible hair and makes our scalp's oil production go into overdrive. There are many ways to go shampoo-free and still get clean-looking, nice-smelling hair. Every method can do something different for your hair. This is a learning process. Don't get discouraged if one method doesn't give you the perfect results right away. There is a method that works for every hair type. It just takes a bit of tweaking to find out. That's what this sub is for. Before you put anything new on your hair and skin, make sure you use the recommended

ingredient amounts and ratios and follow the directions. So, you know, this is your body we're talking about. So, like, make sure you follow directions from Reddit so that everything will go good. Oh, good. That's how I run my life, and look where I am. Try new ingredients or products in small amounts first, especially if you have any skin sensitivities or are trying something completely different from usual.

Here's some of the common terminology, because there are acronyms. WO, that's water only. Then there's BBB, that's the boar bristle brush. BS would be baking soda. Cowashing

means conditioner onlyonly washing. Okay. All right. And then there's CGM, which is the curly-girly method. And in case you thought we weren't in, like, woo territory, yes, of course, ACV for apple cider vinegar. Oh, so that doesn't mean annual construction volume. It does not. It does not.

No. It does not. It does not. It does not. I don't know why charlatans have anything other than apple cider vinegar in their cupboards. Yeah, so that's cool, and we're gonna learn

about the healthy brains that are in the no-shoot, no-poo community like this person right here, Bunnybread. This fellow's deleted, but that's okay. That's okay, because the question

still remains. What's your question from four years ago? Let me think back to four years ago. I've been experimenting with shampoo and it's been really messing up my chakras. Okay, hang on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.

Oh, yeah, I know what we're talking about. Is shampoo leaching to your bloodstream until it reaches your brain? Probably. Space question mark for added drama. Yeah, I remember this episode of Space Ghost. Yeah. for added drama. Yeah, I remember this episode of Space Ghost.

Yeah. Try Shambrain. Shampoo for your hair and your brain. And your brain. And your brain. Is this confirmed by someone here? Space question mark. Is a type of shampoo so powerful that could damage

the brain and so does development and cognition space question mark wow hmm oh yes yes okay am I supposed to answer is that a question well no I was just waiting for your

minds to get unblown right my name's my name's my name's Trip on your clothes. Okay, hey. Yeah, Google hair and body care products disrupt hormones. Okay, done. Okay. I can't read. Yeah.

Boots, you're orange, you excited? Yeah, orange, you excited. Yeah. I was going to flat out say no, but your comment made me think maybe it's possible. Bunny Brady got an answer for that? All right. You're goddamn right, I do. If it was a thing, I assume it would have been a thing in the 50s. The 50s

were such a strange time. Sure. Whoa. I was making a joke about how dumb the question was. No, you weren't. Of course shampoo doesn't leak through your skull to make you dumb. Okay. Damn it.

You got a response there? I'm on real reddit no don't do that there's something terribly wrong here you fool oh god alright I know I just thought if it did

happen the 50s would have done it you know with all the doo-wop and the world war 3's the 50s would have done it. With all the doo-wop and the World War III's. The 50s would have done it? Yeah. If we were going to have this technology, the 50s would have pulled it off.

The technology's just been on the decline since the 1950s. Absolutely. Absolutely. Okay, so that's all the Reddit we have today. Yay! That's all the Reddit.

We're done with Reddit for the entire day. We solved Reddit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So now we're going to go to nopoo.net, the NoPoo forum. And Jack Chick, your name is Lauer86. Yeah. And tell me about your journey, would you please? Yeah, absolutely.

Hour 86. And tell me about your journey, would you please? Yeah, absolutely. So I've been doing water-only washing since Magidow 2022. I only gave in once recently to see if there was a difference and washed my hair with Trader Joe's Tea Tree Mint Shampoo and Condition. I like the way it felt after, but decided to stick with no poo. I'm still having dandruff. Any suggestions?

Currently, I water wash my hair about every other day and then spray rose water on it. This water isn't doing the trick. How about slightly smellier water? Any tips of how to stop the dandruff? I also brush daily with a boar brush. Well, of course you do, darling. Madge Due 2022. My favorite sporting event is always

Madge Mardness every single year. No, it's the Madge for the Paul Molliff commercials. Oh, you're right. Madge, I love your due. It's very 2022. It's very 2022.

And then Kendrick, if you can take a hair bro there. Hair bro, what a great name. I'm going to read more from you, hair bro. Do you preen when you wash with water? I remember reading that people preen their hair while washing like birds preen their feathers. If you do and you still have dandruff, it could be an overproduction of a yeast leading to growth of a kind of bacteria on the scalp. I forget the details, but I believe people used ACV,

apple cider vinegar, plus something else to help their scalp and clear away the excess yeast and bacteria. Apple cider vinegar, the thing that's lacking in bacteria? The thing that doesn't have any bacteria in it? Well, regardless, good luck. I'm out of here. Hair bro for the future, just in case I in it. Well, regardless, good luck. I'm out of here.

Hair bro for the future, just in case I need it. Oh, he's got a lot of posts. Hey, Bunny Bread. Hey. Crittergirl here had a problem she was hoping the NoPoo forum would help her solve. Yeah, Critter Girl, my sister. I know.

Okay. Yeah. This is way, way back in Jun 22. All right. I'm a white girl with fairly thick... Wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. I just said my normal voice.

Yeah. I'm a white girl with fairly thick tuba hair. What's that? I decided... Tuba. Tuba hair. Tuba hair. Yeah.

That's just how my hair makes when I try to wash it. I decided to go no pool because my hair is super long, down past my butt, and I hated having it wet for pretty much an entire day. Every time I washed it, I exercised daily, and after I exercised,

I spritzed my roots with diluted witch hazel, squished my scalp, I go squishing, I hang on to the back of a truck with my rollerblades on. Comb my hair out. And then do 100 strokes with a boar bristle brush.

Must do 100 strokes with my boar bristle brush. Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. Exactly. Jack wins. I'm overall satisfied with my hair texture. However, I'm starting to notice some serious funk in the hair at the nape of my neck. Oh, no. Oh, the funk.

The funk is pretty bad. George Clinton is just jumping up and down on my neck. What is all that witch hazel? Apple cider vinegar. Yeah. Especially when it's been hot for a few days. It's somewhere between the

musty wet laundry and unwashed baseball cap. You know, those universal stanks. Oh, God. Boy, that must be, wow, that is an unsolvable. I am very fuckable. I suspect sweat and not getting dry is the culprit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But, given that I exercise in the mornings, yes, it has to be in the mornings, don't ask, and go to work right after, my hair has to be braided or in a bun for work. I'm not sure what to do. I'm in a cult, by the way. I water wash it maybe once a month. What's the alternative to water washing?

Is it like sand washing? Yeah, you just spritz it with apple cider vinegar and say, fuck it, it's good enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you, Jack. I feel stupid. I'm glad there's a doctor in the house. No, that's what I'm here for. When I do notice some decrease to the odor... Wait,

so the times that you wash your hair with water, you notice a decrease to the odor. Correlation does not equal causation. Go fuck yourself. Wow, wow, wow, wow. We'll have to fund a study. We'll have to possibly solve this problem.

Or more vinegar on it. We got lots of NASA scientists working on this. What I do, I notice a decrease to the odor, but only till the next time or two that I get sweaty. I know! Finky face!

Yeah, let me go work out. No, I don't want to shower after that. Does anyone have a suggestion maybe for stuff I can spray on that won't make me greasier? But will cover up the smell?

You don't want to be greasy. Aqua Velva. Oh, that sounds nice. You just got to cover up that smell with more smell, man. Can you spell that? Get a cat and have it lick you all day. Okay.

Other suggestions, maybe? I don't want to wash it more often, because yuck. Because that's a royal pain in the butt, washing. And if I can't wash it less often, I might as well be using shampoo. Oh, come on. Come on. You're gone. You're out.

Hair down past your butt. No, no, no. It's just apple cider vinegar. I was only joking. It's a fucking plant. Get him. I'm from Big Shampoo, and you guys are all busted. It's one of the Johnsons.

You thought I was Critter Girl, but in fact, I was Shitty Girl. Hey, my name's Carissa Carissa Baking sode leaves hair greasy What to do? Okay, thanks for coming here, Carica I'm sure I can help Yeah, hi guys

I've been using the no poo baking sode Plus apple vinegar For six weeks now Try again Try six more weeks and then check back. That's so bad. Yeah, here I go. I've been using the no-poo baking soda

and apple vingar. Apple vingar. Apple vingar. Vigar. Apple vigar. Oh, wait, you're right. It is no-poo. No-poo.

No-poo. Also, can you pronounce it? Soda. Soda. Youode. I've been using the no poop. Okay, whenever I come out of the shower, my hair is just greasy as hell. Huh. Yeah. Yeah.

You're drying water in your shower? Well, okay, so here's what happens when I go into the shower. I do an elementary school exercise of a volcano. Uh-huh. Yeah. And then, like, stuff's gross afterwards. Oh, yeah? Yeah, it's fucking weird.

Anyway, I feel as if I have no chance of removing any of the oil or even making it worse. I feel as if I have no chance of removing any of the oil or even making it worse. No chance of making it worse. Yeah. Yeah. I accept this as my fate. So what's on your menu, then? What are you using there, baby?

Well, okay. So I usually use two packs of baking soda. Uh-huh. Two packs. Okay. Two packs. Yeah soda. Uh-huh, two packs. Yeah, that's 30 grams or two tablespoons. I don't know if that's a good... What the fuck is a pack of...

Yeah, you get them at the McDonald's. You get the large fry and you're like, can I get some extra baking soda, please? Oh, I don't measure mine in packs. Okay. Bourgeoisie.

It must be a Canadian thing. Oh, these people are British. Okay, so I put that in a half liter bottle, I massage that into my wet hair, and then I rinse, and then I do the exact same thing with vinegar. No, no, no, you do the exact same thing with the...

With the Vingar. With the Vingar. Wait, wait, wait. So you... I don't want people to be misled. Basically put a bunch of baking soda into wet hair making glue paste. Yeah. And it's awesome. Correct. And then you make paper mache. It makes smells so bad.

It does! Why? Why? That's my problem. That's the weird thing, yeah. You and I have noticed the same thing, that it smells bad. What I'm asking you is why does it smell bad? You are violating the Geneva Convention in your own bathroom. Yeah, it's a great mystery, and you're doing it all correctly, so I don't know.

I made mustard gas. Why does it always smell so bad? Why don't you put the vinegar in when the baking soda's in the wet hair? Hey, guys, white phosphorus is making my scalp itchy. Any recommendations? Should I be using more? It must be shampoo. Okay, I have very long

and rather thin hair, and presumably getting thinner. What did I do wrong? What did I do? What? What? I thought maybe my water is too hard. Yeah, that's the problem. Yeah, that's the problem. So, so... What did you try to do?

I got a solution, so I tried to chuck it before mixing the stuff, but that didn't seem to work either. What does that mean? How did I de-chalk my water before showing? You take the chalk out of the water. I think it's pretty obvious. God.

Okay. Okay. Listen, I've paid my $15, all right? You're right. Yeah. Does anyone from the advance no-pooers has an idea what I can do differently? I thought advance! I'd like to escalate this complaint.

Go ahead and check the... Hey, Lemon. Can I speak to your smelly manager? I found something really valuable. I looked up how to de-chalk water, and I found this site that tells me that de-chalk is not currently in the top 100 baby names popularity. What has happened to our people?

God damn, America. America? Microsoft David knows how to pronounce D-Chalk. The numerology number for the name D-Chalk is eight. That's the expression number, in case you were curious. D-Chalk

is desirable, entertainer, confident, honesty, astonishing, laudable, and Callan. Callan? Yeah, that's what K stands for. Oh, I got it. That's like number four on the male baby names, actually. Oh, okay.

All right. Let's see. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Next up. Actually, Jack Chick. Oh, never mind. That one's Reddit. I said we wouldn't go back to Reddit.

Yeah, fuck that post. Yeah, so that post was somebody was trying to cheat. Sorry, never mind. That one's Reddit. I said we wouldn't go back to Reddit. Yeah, fuck that post. Yeah, so that post was somebody was trying to cheat. Sorry, the lizard. We already promised we weren't going to read it, so we're not. Arbitrarily, I made a rule. Yeah, so somebody tries to cheat by using a dog shampoo. Unbelievable.

What is happening to our people? So yeah, so Jack Chick, anyway, that was a bad idea anyway. So let's go back into good ideas. Jack Chick, you got a good idea for us? Yeah, so I'm here to talk to you about coffee rinses and coffee ground scalp

scrubs. Oh my god. I mean, after you use the enema, what are you going to do with it afterwards? Uh, yeah, so my name is Quendicar, uh, and this is, uh, this post was made in October 2020, so, you know, uh, height of the

pandemic. Meshack, Shadrach, and Quendicar. Yeah, I'm absolutely from, like, one of the, one of the planes. Mm-hmm. I've only recently Yeah, I'm absolutely from one of the planes. I've only recently discovered no poo. My hair is thin, fine, long, brittle, and either dark blonde or reddish brown, depending on who you ask. Basically the worst kind of hair you can have. I also produce a lot of sebum

and have to shampoo at least every other day. Hoping going no-poo will restore some strength-slash-volume-slash-space body to my hair because it's falling out at an alarming rate with my current regime. I'm only 34! Oh my god.

Okay, okay, okay. Alright, just for the listener, Seabum is like a excretion that sort of creates dandruff. Is that the guy from Star Wars? Oh, it's the bulb, I'm sorry. I think it's funnier if I think of it as like, jizz.

It's jizz, it's jizz. Yeah, thank you. Just for the listener, it's jizz. I'm on day six of not shampooing. I've noticed my hair isn't falling out nearly as much, which is a relief, but is quite possibly the greasiest

thing in the world. It's not falling out because it's stuck to your fucking head. Did you happen to see glued to your scalp? Even when I comb slash brush with nylon bristle brush, it still

looks wet and gross. Since I have to go out in public frequently, even with the lockdown, I'm very self-conscious about how disgusting my hair will look during the transition and how long it might possibly take. I've read a bit about coffee scrubs

with grounds for scalps and coffee rinses. I tried it once, four days after last shampoo. I saved up a bunch of used coffee grounds, applied them to my scalp, massaged and left on for about 20 minutes, then rinsed first with cooled coffee

and cold water. My scalp did feel better and my hair was softer, looked shinier, and slightly less greasy once it dried. For that day, I was able to go out

with my hair in a bun and smelling of coffee, which was nice for me, with minimal shame. Minimal shame. I can see that. I can see that. Minimal shame.

I would like to go a day with minimal shame, actually. That sounds all right. You know what the problem is? You're drinking the coffee. You're not using the coffee. I really think this is Liz Truss. Might be. It was right back to its full greaseball glory the next day. My questions are, does anyone else have experience with this?

Is it helpful? Is it an acceptable cheat? Or am I sabotaging my no-poo progress? No. No, it's not acceptable. Are you trying to impress us, or are you trying to get healthy? Why does it have to be both?

Why does it have to be... Never mind. I broke my brain. You know what the problem is? I'm using shampoo. Por que no los tres? I'm using shampoo. That's my issue. Yeah, yeah. And anyway, you haven't found your groove. Isn't that right, Kendrick? I am still trying to find my groove.

I am Miami B-Fly. I'm 2015. Hi! By groove, you mean like the space between the buildup and your head where the hair stops growing? Yeah, I can go with that. Hi, I'm very grateful. More of a cranny than a groove. Grateful, with two L's.

For all of the postings that have helped or inspired me along my journey of no-poo. But I seem to be in a rut and not sure how to get out. I hope someone might read my post and have some advice to share. I went no poo six months ago, and I am having little success keeping away the waxy, gunky, heavy feeling. Hair type blonde,

type 2AB down to mid back. Water, using shower head filter, high pressure during wash slash scrub. Brushing, scritch and preen two times a week. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Baking soda ACV routine. It cleans hair well, but dries hair out and breaks at the root. Eek! I'm not going back to this.

No, I don't know. Honey wash and ACV rinse. Waxy and greasy. No shit. Weird. Then I poured wax and grease into my hair. It was a lot like honey wash and ACV. I'm going to go ahead and real quick just see what this word is before I... Bentonite.

Okay, sure. Bentonite, ACV, honey wash, plus or minus an acid rinse. ACV or chamomile. Those are the equivalents. Hang on, hang on. So in step two, you did honey wash and ACV rinse, and you were like, that didn't work great. Let me just add more stuff in there.

If it doesn't work, just wait until I tell you the other two. I can't get rid of this buildup of shit in my hair. Wait until you what else? Additional agreements in the bucket. I tried to tweak with different amounts of ingredients. The end result was that my hair just kept getting more heavy and gunky and waxy. So I went to number four. You don't see a theme here, baby?

And number four was a whole egg. Was that for a Clip for Sale video? Can we say it was a mess of straw? And then you'll never guess what number five was. Wait, no, no, no.

I'm just, hang on. A whole chicken? I'm trying to imagine, because there's a bunch of ways you could shampoo with a whole egg. Yeah. Well, first I tried. Did you like, did you like, like, like scramble it up like an omelet? First I tried just rubbing it on my hair. And then I was like, I probably gotta crack it.

Yeah, and then it turns out I hard boiled it beforehand, so that didn't really work out very well. You see, you separate the yolks from the whites. And I added a little salt, a little flour, a little sugar. And then I rubbed some cookies on my head. Oh, it didn't work, and I went to number five, the egg yolk only wash. Oh, there you go. There you go.

This is a pro. It was the whites that were fucking you up. I understand. But it was after a coconut mask. This lady knows. And finally felt like my hair was cleaner. It actually made suds on my head. Did you just water?

That's an Italian meringue, not a French meringue. She's going to die. Can you imagine how much fucking work it would be to make an egg yolk only wash whenever you wash your hair? But I still had a slight sick, slick feeling after it was dry. So not ideal. Yeah, a slightly sick feeling. Yes, I would imagine.

It's not really a sustainable choice of hair wash. What? They don't make egg yolks anymore. Yeah, a slightly sick feeling. Yes, I would imagine. It's not really a sustainable choice of hair wash. What? They don't make egg yolks anymore. Yeah, that's true. When the dinosaurs died, it's... You know, the problem I think is that they were using chicken eggs and not quail eggs. Right. I was thinking

platypus eggs, yeah. After the egg wash, three weeks ago, I decided to try water only, thinking my scalp or hair was just overreacting to the things I was putting in it. Well, I mean, you're not wrong. What? It was reacting. What?

I feel like it's a little bit of a judgment to call that overreacting. I have followed all the tips and I'm slowly building up the gunky waxy feeling. Ugh! Oh no. Ugh! Ach, ach, ach. Chocolate, chocolate shit. I'm slowly building up the gunky, waxy feeling. Ugh! Oh, no. Ugh! Ach, ach, ach. Chocolate, chocolate shit. I'm averaging water-only washing every three days,

but I've done two egg yolk washes with no coconut mask, which brings things to a manageable level, but not ideal. I was hoping it was still transitioning to water-only, but it seems that might not be the case. After water-only, when my hair is dry, it already feels gunky. I'm so frustrated and I don't want to give up. Please, any advice might help me. Tags

water only. Any advice? Okay. Man, I miss Kathy so much, you know, like the way that she just smelled like mayonnaise. Mm-hmm. Is anybody else shocked that this is the first time we've heard somebody referencing yoga?

No. Like, in this... They all are, we just haven't caught it yet. Yeah, well, yeah, okay, there's probably code. Yeah, there's secret code. That's what Coconut Mask is. You capitalize all of the third letters type thing. Right.

All right, Boots, I'm feeling brave. I'm feeling brave. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want you to give me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want you to give me a scary, scary horror story. I'm going to tell you a spooky story. Okay. Hold on.

I'll gather around the campfire and turn my flashlight. I'm assuming you're... Yeah, it's right there. Okay, there you go. Got a point on my nose. That's an angle. I guess. I guess. From below. That's what you do well you just keep pushing that thing further in there all right i mean go ahead i guess

i got a right up the nose now it's great uh after strategically avoiding having my haircut for oh nine months i had to bite the bullet today my reasons were the same as many others who have posted in this topic not wanting to explain my no poo lifestyle to the stylist only to be talked into shampooing anyways i went into the salon feeling confident and ready to rebuff any attempts to shampoo my hair like can, can hairstylists just say, no, get the fuck out of here? They definitely can. They definitely, because like,

because they're, I mean, almost always, like they're working as contract labor, right? They pay for the chair. Exactly. So like that money's their money. So they can definitely just kick you out and just be like, no, thank you. Good.

I would rather not. Hey, any hairstylist listening to this, if you give your cat or this person fucking do that. Anyway, back to me. Right off the bat, the stylist tried to shampoo my hair and I said, can I get a cut without shampoo?

She hesitated and asked if my hair was wet. I said it was damp. She sat me back down and started picking through my hair with a disgusted look on her face, mind you. She was looking for mites. Couldn't find them. Yeah, she was disgusted.

Because it's damp. I mean, God. Yucky. Damp hair. Honey, we're going to have to shampoo. Your hair is not clean. Unclean! Just your opinion, okay?

Having washed with shikakai... Shikakai? Yeah, that sounds good. Good enough. Took a shower with shikakai. What is shikakai? I don't know. A spiny climbing shrub native to China. Great, awesome.

And rinsed with ACV this morning. I felt a little insulted it is renowned as a raw material for shampoo i asked if we could just rinse my hair again and explained that i had stopped using shampoo shampoo her response was uh interesting she informed me that i was going to lose my hair if i didn't start shampooing it again. Have any of you heard of this? Sounds like sounds kind of like hyperbole, but I am still a little freaked out.

No, you shouldn't trust the person whose job it is to like cut hair and deal with hair a lot. They probably don't know anything about hair. Because she's in the pocket of big hair. And we all know what it has to do with big shampoo. Lemon, haven't you ever done your own research before, by which I mean going to Facebook? No. And we all know what it has to do with big shampoo. Lemon, haven't you ever done your own research before? By which I mean going to Facebook?

No. And then she convinced me to let her wash my hair with a custom-brewed organic SLS-free shampoo. She insisted that there was nothing harmful in it and that you could actually eat it. I didn't feel very good about it. Just eat the shampoo. But I figured it was better than having her give my hair the stink eye

you can eat the shampoo while she cut it come on eat the shampoo give me your money eat the shampoo moving on while she was cutting my hair she told me more about her brew that she'd been developing it for over two years and how she is just waiting for organic certification to put it on the market i found it a little ironic that she said the goal mean the printer to finish printing organic certificate okay yeah yeah yeah you know i don't know maybe this isn't a country where the organic the word organic means something who knows yeah does that exist i found it a little ironic that she said the goal with her shampoo Maybe this isn't a country where the word organic means something. Who knows? Does that exist? I found it a little ironic that she said the goal with her shampoo was to only have to wash your hair once a week.

D'oh. She kept saying things like, yeah, this is so great. I love having clients like you that are concerned about what they're putting in and on their body. I sat there and nodded like a dummy. She sent me home with about 10 ounces of her shampoo. Nice. Well done. Back at home now, I'm having some pretty mixed feelings. Why? I have been

no poo for about eight months, went through an ugly, ugly detox period, and have yet to have really great hair. Oh, you're just doing it wrong. Don't get me wrong. I don't regret my decision and i know that everything eventually this will pay off however after being pooed with this brew my hair looks and feels fantastic see picture what the fuck i know it's lemon can we fucking turn this

sick shit off? Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ. I know it sounds absurd, but I feel dirty with this ultra clean hair. It makes me want to go back to shampoo. What kind of black magic did the stylist conjure up and use on me? Now I am faced with trying to decide whether to just judiciously use the brew on occasion or simply throw it out and try to forget what my hair feels like right now i definitely don't want to go back to the to shampoo but my current routine of shikakai and acv isn't producing the greatest results i could use some advice from those of you who have been there

done that i somehow feel like i use this shampoo alternative every now and then i will feel like I use this shampoo alternative every now and then, I will feel like I'm giving up on no poo. Oh, my God. Wow. So, okay. So, by her own story, she says that she went no shampoo for eight months. Yeah. And during all of that time, it was gross.

She didn't like it. I didn't commit hard enough to it. No, exactly. You didn't have enough faith. This is a community. They're like, well, I must be doing it wrong, and then I'm going to get kicked out of my cool community where people smell like shit.

I'm dumb and ugly. Oh, God. I got to say, the fact that Tao of Coffee is a deleted account, I feel like is a good sign. It makes me kind of optimistic that that's a deleted account. You've been on the internet. Optimism isn't acceptable here. Well, you know.

I'm still gonna go for it. Bunny Bread? You! Your name's Your Hair Smells. I'm sure this will be very sane and normal I need to laugh a little bit longer No, your hair smells

Your fucking hair smells, bitch Hey, Bunnybread, click on Your hair smells And give me your title I'm a filthy fucking scumbag And this is the only thing Click on Your Hair Smells and give me your title. I'm a filthy fucking scumbag. And this is the only thing you ever did on this forum. Why did you pick me for this?

You posted for one day only. Yeah. My hair no longer smells, so therefore I feel like I've moved beyond that name. All right. Hey, how's it going, everybody? Oh, boy. Back to Deadwood. Yep.

Owie. Partner dumping me over hair odor by the way this is your old buddy your hair smells so it's Brack the prospector yup you betcha so I haven't washed my hair in years

right my new partner says my head slash hair smells like a wet dog. It is easy to wash it or they are moving out. By the way, his butt region smells a lot also.

Oh. Well. It's unfortunate that I have to place my head near his butt all day. But anyways, who am I to complain any suggestions on either my hair

or his butt I think you should shampoo his butt yeah yeah how does his butt like it gonna shampoo that butt right out of his hand. Oh, wow. I love South Pacific.

The deepest of guts. Okay. So we've heard from a lot of neophytes, and that's great. I'm so excited that you're into this community. You're seven or eight months, though pathetic, is heartening. Sorry, can I bring up one thing about that last thread? So I looked up every

other user that posted in that thread and it appears to be like that they just had a sock bucket argument with themselves because that's their only post. No, fuck me! No, fuck me! No, fuck me, Dan! Right to the boyfriend that was like, look at this. Well, well, well.

Stink ass. We all agree that you need to chop your butt off. Yeah. And then shows it to the boyfriend Look, look The internet agrees with me The internet says your butt smells

Yeah Who the fuck Somebody's putting fucking rye flour In their goddamn hair Don't fucking do that And if you're gonna do that Also add caraway. Yeah, exactly.

You know what? I bet their butt doesn't smell. Yep. Some nice, real, real, thinly sliced pastrami in your hair. Marinated onions. Oh, delicious. Yeah, some black olives. A little spicy mustard

wouldn't go amiss either. Okay, so seven years without shampoo, some experiences, and questions. Hi all, I've been using shampoo, I stopped using shampoo seven years ago, summer 2008, but this is the first time I've been on this site. This is the first time I've been on this site. I wanted to eliminate unnecessary packaging, cost, and artificial chemicals from my life. I had dreads and henna at the time. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Another one. It took us so long to get to henna. Hang on. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I had dreads and henna at the time. I started. Thought it would be the perfect excuse to try it out oh yeah i've had sex a few lots you still respect me in the morning of course darling that's great so your name is your name is it doesn't matter that's what your name is it doesn't matter? That's what your name is? It doesn't matter is your name? Yeah, no, I had hippies for parents. They let me select my own name. Just like Peekaboo Street, yep.

Anyway, at the time, I washed my hair with shampoo and sometimes conditioner about once every four to five days. My transition lasted seven months. I combed out the dreads a few weeks in, with the worst, greasiest point being about six weeks in. My transition consisted of largely water only every four to five days with raids of the kitchen cupboard, sometimes supplementing. Yeah, just the shit that you would use to shampoo, right? Like, you know, just talking about like, you know, egg yolk, vinegar, tea. Just tea in general. What kind of vinegar?

Mr. Tea, any kind of tea. Mr. Tea cereal. Arizona iced. If it's in the morning, it'll be a black tea. In the evening, it'll be like a chamomile. Yeah, like lemonade brisk. If you're feeling spicy, you go with the Rube Ball.

Half and half every once in a while. Are you palmy? Your hair smells like Arnold Palmer. Actually, no, you're not wrong because my next ingredient was lemon juice. I did actually make an Arnold Palmer. Boy, who smells like that?

And then henna. Of course. Just threw some henna on top of that. Every like six weeks-ish. Maybe, I don't know what henna is. Okay. So, I found that my scalp became itchy about two weeks in.

There was lots of buildup of grease and skin. I developed an unpleasant head-scratching habit. However, after several months of perseverance, my hair finally became socially acceptable again and looked much nicer than it was before. Socially acceptable. So, like, she was walking outdoors and people were just, like, pointing and going,

get the fuck back in there. I don't know what... No! No! You! Go! Die! I don't know why you think this is a woman. You're right. You're right. I don't know why. That smells like egg yolks, vinegar,

and Arnold Palmer's back. That's a drunk golfer right there. Get out of here. Like a fire hose. Get out of here. Get out of here. John Daly. Spanish.

John Daly. Like garden hose. Like, get out of here. Get. Go on now. Come on now. We told you not to come back. You're the devil.

So anyway, so sometimes I go like three weeks, and I once managed five weeks without any water. Any water at all. Oh, God. So just eggs? Yeah. Yeah. Socially acceptable.

I sometimes use an apple cider vinegar. My voice changed. A splash in a pint-sized cup if I'm feeling vain. Oh, yeah. You're worth it, honey. Wait, a pint of apple cider vinegar? Pint. Yeah, but like an English

pint. Oh, yeah, sure. That makes sense. I told you, they're all British. That's larger. Right, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. 20 ounces. Yep. I still henna too, and I mix in tea and lemon juice. Overall, I'm very happy with my results. I find that in a two-week cycle, my hair looks good and feels great.

In the first five days, after water only, then gradually it gets a bit greasy, you know, towards days like six to like eight-ish. And then it softens out a bit after the eighth day and it gets greasier and becomes itchier, you know, towards the day of like 14 or like 21. A lot of math in here. Gross. Right, right, right. Of like 14 or like 21. A lot of math in here. Gross. Right, right, right. I can put on a little line graph of like the greasiness and itchiness of my hair.

I find that the longer I leave between water only washes, the longer my hair can stay ungreasy. Oh. We got a fucking mathematician here. But my scalp gets itchy, so that's when I want to put it in the shower. Also, I don't like to bother with soap. Just eggs.

Yeah, no, she sounds great. Flour, whatever shit I find in the back of the pantry. Like, oh, here's old oatmeal packets. So anyway, a couple things. A couple things I've tried. Eggs. The white made my hair very frizzy. The yolk was the best conditioner. But I couldn't get rid of the smell.

But, like, who gives a shit? Avocado. Expensive. The end. Rosemary oil? Yeah, no And their avocado shampoo My hair My hair and focaccia are the same thing

Yeah Well, we learned the yeast earlier Witch hazel There's possibly like a slight scalp benefit Who knows Apple cider vinegar It's the best All hail apple cider vinegar

Baking soda I don't really use It's actually quite harsh And it's actually used in some commercial detergents So no Yeah No Only things we use to bake, like donuts.

That's not a good one. You must avoid anything that's ever been used in commercial products. Yeah, if it's been, yeah, right. It's used in some. And then tea, that gives it a nice shine and a nice smell, but I usually get bothered. You gotta steep it. Hannah, Hannah, love it. Love it.

Love it. Period. And then hot water. I kind of feel like it's not as good as lukewarm water. Oh, does it hurt? And here's the problem that I have with hot water. It doesn't melt the grease away. Okay. Okay. It doesn't melt the grease away. Okay.

Yeah. If only God, if only something like existed sort of naturally. Some kind of solvent-based. Yeah, that would break down the grease and help remove it. But you know, I mean God hasn't granted us that and technology just hasn't advanced.

Okay, so let me name the things that exist in the world Apple cider vinegar Hannah Bristle brush Yeah Okay And then

Okay, so There's some problems that I've never actually Got to figure out In the seven years of having no shampoo. For example, like gray gunk. I still get that. Oh, weird. Yeah. Gray gunk.

Also, yeah, we all deal with gray gunk, right? Who doesn't deal with gray gunk? We're all gargoyles here. This is all around her house. Waxiness? I think I understand what this is. I don't understand it as much as waininess. And then please feel free to ask me any questions.

This is possibly the smartest joke that's ever been told on this podcast, buddy. No, it isn't. All right. Smartest joke that's ever been told on this podcast, buddy. No, it is. Oh, all right. Uh, okay. Uh, the,

uh, next thing we have here, we are, oh man, I am excited for this next section. Before we get to that next section, um, we've got some,

uh, some alternatives, uh, some alternatives to shampoo that, that you haven't tried. Oh, oh. So is you. Nope, nope. Hang on a second.

That was from Reddit. Wow. Oh, stop doing that. Come on. I don't know. I was actually expecting you to be like, you know what? Before we do this, it's time for poetry. So I'm kind of pleasantly surprised.

Wow. Oh, God. I'm kind of pleasantly surprised. Wow. Oh god, I wish there was poetry for this. It was the night before shampooing all through the house. Yeah, so there's a thread in here called Weird Smell to My Skelp, which is funny, but you know, sort of the same content. But let's get to the last section that we have here, which is recipes!

Okay, so check, check if you'll start us off with this first recipe here. Your name is Stephanie B13. And it's also a night before Christmas. It isn't. Don't worry, I got this, I got this. I got this. What's this? You can get the scanning right. Hi, fellow no-pooers.

I'm on day 82 of my no-poo journey. Anyways. And my future in this is looking up. Oh, good. I was water washing about once a week, and the results were horrendous. My hair was extra sticky, icky, and goopy. Yuck!

This week I found this recipe and used it once on Sunday and my hair has been wonderful since and then without that dry, stripped feeling after baking soda. It's a new era for my hair-a! Huh? Yeah!

Go, Quain! Yes, Quain! Yes, queen! Okay, okay, okay. So here's the recipe. Okay? So, three tablespoons of brown sugar. Okay. Ha! Ha! What? Alright. Well, that's a new ingredient.

What's the problem? Nothing. Okay, good. We're gonna add some brown girl magic. It's going to be fine. One tablespoon of pie at every step. One tablespoon of lemon juice. Okay.

Then there's three drops of lemon, as in Jack Lemon, essential oil. One teaspoon of water. Yeah, don't want to get too much water. And that's it. Mix it together to form a paste. What the fuck? Wait a minute.

There is no what the fuck. Wait a minute. Brown sugar, lemon juice, lemon again. Yeah. Proceed. Are you done? Go. So brown sugar, lemon juice, three drops of a substance that you do.

There's more sugar than anything else. Three drops of a substance that you don't want to have touch your skin at all. And then a little bit of water. You know what I think it is? I think you cowards won't try it. That's the problem. Yeah, we're gutless. Correct.

Guess who's not a coward. So I don't have any lemon essential oil. Oh, this will be your next viral tweet. Man loses all his hair for a bit scrub into hair for two minutes and then let sit for five minutes and rinse with water i think it's the closest my hair is going to get to having that post-shampoo look and feel without feeling stripped. Hope it helps! Did I mention I hate water washing? All the scritching and preening does not

solve anything. Happy no pooing! And if you want to see me try this, go to Ball Pit. No, I'm kidding. And if your hair is sticky, you can go clout for you on ball pit this is all so stupid oh god

hey I got a recipe oh cool what's that my name is deleted hope it's a normal one and this is a recipe for this is a rye flour recipe this is from red egg rye flour yep so there's a video I found on YouTube a recipe for... Oh, this is a rye flour recipe. This is from Red Egg Rye Flour? Yep.

So, there's a video I found on YouTube. It's in Spanish! Don't freak out about it. I will post... I will post the recipe transalted in English for anyone interested.

Thank you for transalting. This is a UN transalter. This is a substitute for baking soda. Uh-oh. Wait, wait. You need something other than baking soda for your life? Yeah, if you need baking soda, use rye flour. Okay.

Oh, boy, don't do that. No. No, I'm going to do that. And vice versa, by the way. Oh, I've got a grease fire. Shut up, Jack. And vice versa, by the way. Oh, I've got a grease fire. We'll throw some rye flour on it. This man's a fire fighter. You listen to him.

Some poor fire inspector's like, but you did what? What the fuck is wrong with you? It's, you know, I just grabbed stuff. Okay, there's a community called NoPoo. Let me explain. We found this entire unopened bag of baking soda. We found a half-burned empty bag of rye flour. Don't touch that! It'll kill your hair!

So, I'm a little concerned because this doesn't specify if it's dark rye flour or light rye flour. Someone at the farm feed store is like, boy, you're probably eating a lot of rye flour, man. God damn, boys fire. You try feeding your cows and they get something instead. What are you, Polish? What the fuck?

Oh my god. This is science. All this. Okay. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I came here to learn. I'm sorry.

The recipe starts with you mixing rye flour and water. The ratio mix it is one to two. For every spoon of rye flour, you add two spoons of water. Great. Mix it fully until a liquid paste forms.

That would definitely happen. When washing, leave it for a few minutes, then rinse until clean. So do you just get rid of all of it? Just do all that work for nothing? Yeah, okay, just pour down the fucking drain. Then throw it in the toilet. But cross your arms and turn away from it like a Klingon.

You have to, like, trino your pipes. No, I'm relieving myself of legal liability by not telling you to put it in your hair. That sounds right, yeah. Sounds good to me. Thank you, lawyer. Whatever, fuck it. This is your counsel? This is, okay. I'm not a

lawyer, I'm a hooker, I keep telling you. All of this is explicitly not legal advice. I said, thank you, lawyer. Okay, I'm a hooker, I keep telling you. All of this is explicitly not legal advice. I said, thank you, lawyer. Wink. Okay, I guess that's legally binding. Good enough. After that, use apple cider to avoid dryness.

Not vinegar, just the apple cider. Yeah, just, okay. Well, it's fall. At the end, use a brush to remove any of the flour that is still on the hair. Great, great, great. It's like, hey, man, what are you doing in here?

So, uh... Well, yeah. Fun fact, this could actually really fuck your hair up if you didn't use the apple cider or apple cider vinegar. Oh, my God. Either one is acceptable here, Jack? Yeah, you need to have Rye flour does some really weird shit If you don't provide external acid to it

But what if I want to start a sourdough starter? Yeah, on his head You don't want to do that with pure rye You don't want to do that with pure rye Yeah, yeah, yeah You can't tell me what I don't want to do I'm living life on the edge, god damn it Bunny bread

Yeah, so First of all, I hate shampooing Secondly, I want to clean my hair Third of all, I got all these bruises on my head Yeah, yeah, well you've come to the right place Thank you Sit your dumb bruised head down, baby Great

God, yeah You've come to the right place. Thank you. Sit your dumb bruised head down, baby. Great. All right. God. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Oh. God. I'm so happy you finally, finally saw the light and came to the right place.

Okay. There are so many good ones. I want to tell you about my moisturizing aloe honey no poo recipe. Good. Yes. Okay. Good. All all right my name is leah yeah if boots can play the role of your husband i want you to tell me the story of just sort of like how you came up with this recipe oh okay all right yeah you're right chocolate chocolate chocolate this no poo hair thing is driving me nuts my hair feels like straw and I can't help thinking I should be shampooing my hair.

Duh. Then shampoo your hair already. Boo! Boo! Fuck Ron. Yeah, exactly. Fuck him. No!

You don't get it. If I shampoo, I'll just ruin the whole thing and I'll have to start over. Leah! Leah! Leah! Leah! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me! Duh. Well, why not whip up some kind of potion to wash your hair

that won't undo what you've done? Problem solved. What's for dinner? Boots, will you marry me? You said the theater is dead. This guy is in a laundry detergent commercial. Christ. Him and his boys are so into the big game.

Frowning because he's right. Yeah, maybe. Let me do some research. Dottie, Dottie, Dots. Frowning because he's right Yeah maybe Let me do some research And see Oh my god Alright let's run it again but this time More realistic This time be dumber husband

Ron I want you to be depressed You should be depressed Okay Alright okay duh alright alright I need this recipe please yeah you're right you're right okay sorry Boots thank you for being so sexy alright you're welcome

aloe honey no poo recipe ingredients one fourth of a sea of homemade aloe gel learn how it's easy by the way you can skip all that bullshit so and then you can like do all the other stuff and i it fuck with science okay so or you can just purchase aloe gel online it's 16 ounce for less than six fucking dollars i mean just go if you need six fucking dollars go to your Ron. Alright. Two tablespoons of honey.

Yum. Okay. What kind of honey? Directions. Yum. So aloe honey no poo recipe contains aloe and honey. Got it. Okay. Also no poo. No poo in there. Remember. Where's all the egg yolks?

Don't rub shit into your solution. Directions. What do I do with all this bacon? Yep. One, combine all in your mini food processor or blender. Make as smooth as possible. You don't want any aloe chunks left in your hair.

I never have aloe chunks in my hair. That's true. I know. See, and that's because he's a lady. Two. Take straight to the shower and shampoo. Straight to the shower. Don't even unplug it. Get an extension cord.

Your lawn should have one. It's very important that the blender is in the shower. Exactly. What are you doing in there? I'm blending mom get out fuck off yeah we keep having to buy blenders

leave on for a few minutes you mean the blender yes oh my god what the hell does a blender do I didn't know this yeah

yeah you like that anyways leave on for a few minutes the longer the better. Then rinse out completely with water. I know we don't like water for our hair a lot as well. Anywho, that's it.

Fuck it. All right, well. Do you have any updates for us? You're welcome. Yeah, any updates there? Well, I can tell you about the benefits. Oh, great. Okay, benefits, yeah.

Feels kind of like real shampoo. Kind of. All right. Wait, we hate you. Why is that a benefit? Oh, fuck. Ah, yuck. All right.

It's really good for adding moisture to your hair. Love it. Love it. Makes hair shiny. Double Love it. Love it. Makes hair shiny. Double love it. Triple love. Can help shorten your transition phase if you're dealing with cotton or straw-like hair.

So, thank you. And... I do... Oh, you have an update, though, from March 27th. I do? 3 of... 3-27, you have an update. For those of you

wanting to grow your own aloe vera, which, who wouldn't? Yeah. You can order aloe vera plants online from Amazon

for about five bucks! Yeah. Who knew? They really do have everything! I can't imagine you could find them anywhere else.

Alright, very last thing that we have here. Last recipe. Kendrick, you want to give us some tea rinse chips? Tea rinse tips? There you go. Rinse tips?

I like chips. Hi. I'm MysticRain13, and it's 2011. My current mood? Hopeful. While I loved how easily my hair detangled and the way the coppery red coloring in my hair was being brought out when I was using ACV, I recently

quit using ACV to try using tea rinse. What? No, no, you don't quit ACV. ACV quits you. The reason for this was because my hair had become incredibly waxy and nothing was fixing it. I've used tea twice now. The first time I used three tea bags of black tea. You don't not the tea. And it was rather difficult to untangle. You don't blow dry the tea.

You don't blow the tea. The second time I used tea, I only used two tea bags of black tea for the 12 ounces. Still was staticky, harder to untangle than it was with ACV, and not quite as shiny as it was when I used three tea bags. But the wax was back in full force. It's wash day, again, and I just brewed more tea. This time I'm using one teabag of rio- oh, okay,

oh boy. This time I'm using one teabag of- I'm sorry, I thought you might have been British, but here you are using black tea in your hair without milk. That's uncivilized. I'm using one teabag full of rio-boy's tea and one teabag of

black tea combining to the 12 ounces of water. I'll also be doing an applesauce mask on my hair first before doing my BS wash. And then finger painting. What the fuck is wrong with people? I love it that they really do shorten

it to my BS wash because hey it's just winking at us, the audience. Here's a bit of info about my hair. Officially quit shampooing on September 19th, 2011. Never forget. All right. We all mourn in our own way. I definitely read that on September 11th.

Slightly wavy auburn hair with some spiral curls around my face. I got it cut so it's only three or four inches below my shoulder if i blow dry it straight uh it's fine and medium and my routine is i wet my hair with warm water i apply my bs mix to scalp and massage in i let it sit for 90 seconds and rinse thoroughly with warm water apply tea rinse let it sit 90 seconds and rinse thoroughly with lukewarm water wash the rest of body and rinse thoroughly. Do a final rinse with cool water. It's not iceberg, being the lettuce, cold, but it's definitely not warm or even lukewarm.

I have some questions for everyone, and you can just assume that all of these are going to be kind of the same, and I just keep changing the word. How many tea bags of black tea should I get for 12 ounces of water? How long should I brew it? How many. How many teabags of black tea should I get for 12 ounces of water? How long should I brew it? How many teabags of Riububo's tea should I use for 12 ounces of water? How many teabags of each tea should I be using for 12 ounces of water? Can Riubo's tea be its own as an own rinse? I'm worried it wouldn't

be acidic enough. Can honey be added to either? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Tea isn't very acidic. Maybe Riuboos tea is. Not like shampoo is. Can honey be added to either or both of these tea rinses without a problem?

My hair seems to like the occasional use of honey. Thanks in advance to all who reply, and I never post it again. Yay! And then I like that someone did reply and say, this seems like a question best answered by trolling the longhaircommunity.com archives. Ooh!

Fuck you! I remember that. That was a blast from the past. Ooh! Dang it. Oh, wait. No, that's not the same thing. That's not the longhaircommunity that we were familiar with.

Wait, were you talking about hippies? No. It's an F+. It's an F-plus episode. But Buddy Brad's still just mad about hippies. I learned why. Fair enough. Fair enough.

I spent my time in Nam, those pieces of shit. All having sex while I was over there having sex. With who? I fucked a Viet Cong. I fucked a Viet Cong inside out. I fucked a Viet Cong. Never mind, I don't want to know. I fucked a Viet Cong inside out. I guess I figured out... I fucked a Viet Cong!

I fucked a Viet Cong! I figured out why it was so hard to get eggs during the pandemic. I'm just blown away by how much these people were like, well, this is a community I can join, so I guess I'm dedicated to this now. And like, well, this is terrible for me,

and it really isn't working. So clearly I'm doing it wrong. How can I? Because otherwise I'd be kicked out of the community. Over and over and over. Hey, hey, hey, guys, this shit ain't working. I'm wrong? Yeah.

Right, exactly. Yeah, no, yeah, this is the exact same. I'm wrong? Right. Exactly. Yeah, this is the exact same energy as the meat-only people, except they're not killing themselves nearly as fast about it, so it's much less dire.

It is? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, their hair's falling out, but they'll live through it. I mean, you got waxy, shitty smelling egg yolk hair, but whatever. Yeah. It's fine. You're not dying.

You're going to get fired. But like, you know. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So you just got egg yolk dreadlocks. Who cares? It's just fine. You'll look real good, honey.

Instead of just using a bottle of like Pert Plus, that's going to, I guess I age myself. Like they're just going through everything they can to not use shampoo by creating their own in shampoos i know i i poured flour in there i poured gravel in there i poured sand in there i poured jizz in there and not just and not just not use shampoo but like not not pay attention to cause and effect. Yeah. Like, Hey, once a month I wash myself and then I don't stink. Like, and do they apply that?

Do they apply that same lack of logic to everything else in their lives of like, of like I do shit and then shit happens. Fuck. Hey, how did I get here? You're right, it's a brainwash Yeah, yeah Ooh, that's good

With knowledge crystals There was a moment There was a moment really early on Where I was like, oh, I'm a little, you know Because, I mean, whatever I don't know. Like, you know, is there a way to like, you know, make your hair nice and clean without shampoo?

Yeah, probably. Like, like I'm sure that there's a bunch of ways and I'm sure that there's gross chemicals and shampoos and whatever. Like, I'm sure that there's a whole bunch of ways that you can, uh, you know, do that thing in a way that's reasonable. And so I was like, oh, you know, is that going to be what this is of like just people? No, of course not.

It's the internet being the internet. Absurdities on absurdities on absurdities. I've joined a community about making terrible choices. And now I'm just like desperate to find like the elders who will tell me that I'm doing everything right. And they'll give me like half the recipe for a beignet and then say, put it in your hair. Hey, dick measuring

community, why is my dick so weird? I'm glad you sent out the dick signal. I think I've made a grave mistake. Has anyone else made this very grave mistake? And it's like, well, yeah. We've all done it. Yeah. You just have to make that grave mistake harder. Like, well, yeah, we've all done it. Yeah. We fought through it.

You just have to make that grave mistake harder. Yeah. And now I'm bald and beautiful for six years. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, once these people, like, learned the word detox, it's like, well, that's a magic spell. Yeah. The website is osthefbl.us, where there's links to other websites.

Sometime between recording this episode and editing this episode, Kendrick and I made a website together called isthisnikimanage.com. The simple test to demonstrate your ability to tell the difference between Nicki Minaj and people, places, and things which are not Nicki Minaj. So that's at isthisnickimanaj.com. What you been up to lately, Kendrick? You know, just hanging out. Every once in a while. Cool, cool, cool. Stumble upon something that turns to viral.

And if people want to come over and hang out with you, what's your personal address? Like your home address that people could to come over and hang out with you, what's your personal address? Like your home address that people could just come over? Our website's ball pit, or forum's ball pit. Bye. Bye. Degenerate Anonymous Degenerate Anonymous Degenerate Anonymous Degenerate Anonymous

Degenerate Anonymous My favorite, oh, what's this? The Spinal Tap and Better Call Saul. What's his name? Michael McKeon. Michael McKeon? Michael McKeon, yeah. My favorite Michael McKeon line is, man, God bless ACDC. They had the worst singer in the world he died and they

found a worse