The F Plus - 405: Confessions In The Raw

Episode Date: June 5, 2024

RAW Confessions is an anonymous confession site with very lax moderation. Naturally, this means the content on this website is extremely dire. So what you have is anonymous people sharing anonymous opinions that run the gamut from "pregnant women shouldn't have sex" to "The Matrix is trying to turn me gay" to "I'm in love with the electric chair". Buckle up. This week, our mom lambasted us for releasing 405 episodes.

Say it again! My fat wife lay on the hood of our car one night eating a pussy. That was better that time, honestly. Alright. Welcome to the F Plus Podcast, the only honest place in the world for terrible things read with enthusiasm. And in the room tonight we have Boots Reingear. I lost his plushie and I feel so ugly. Nutshell Gulag.

I learned the details of human reproduction thanks to erotic sonic fan fiction. Hey, we've got ourselves King Lou Fernandez. Think having a really big dick is good? Think again. I'm real big, and some girls like that. Till they see mine, it hurts most, it makes them feel bad. Oh my god.

Oh my god. Okay. For the very first time on this podcast, we've got Shy Tea Latte. I like to troll other drivers by driving exactly the speed limit. Man, do they get pissed. It's a war crime. And lemon.

My fat wife lay on the hood of our car one night eating a pizza while I licked her pussy out. Not as good as the other one. No. Avoid the noise. Yep. Hey, S-Plus. Hey, Lemon.

Hey. Hey. Is there anything that you'd like to confess? I'm raw. Okay, well, there's ointments for that. Can I do it anonymously, Lemon?

I mean, anonymously insofar as your name is Chai Tea Latte, so like a pseudo-anonymous kind of thing. Yeah, someone who isn't me really loves mushrooms. Well, but only if the site is like a really poorly moderated lemon. Can you promise me that? Going right into it.

Okay. Fantastic. Chimtee Latte changed her name legally to Chimtee Latte because that way she can get free lattes at the cafe near her house. I'm realizing the fucking prison that you people have been putting me in for years because I've been so used to trying to start an episode and everyone working very hard to derail it.

So the very idea, Chai, of you coming in here for the first time and just being super stoked to just put the train on the rails is like, I mean, it's like the first time that somebody says something nice to you. And I'm like, whoa, I don't know what to do with all these feelings.

And I'm going to tie the listener to the tracks ahead of the train. So to that end, we are going to be going to a website here called Raw Confessions. Raw Confessions, their tagline is confess or digress. It's so raw, it broke two of our computers while we were trying to start the recording. It really did. I want to mention that, you know,

we've talked about this a little bit, but, like, we have sort of this theme that, like, we have sort of, like, people that'll submit documents and then a person will submit a document and just, like, start to go ham. That person at this moment is Vampire Software. Thank you so much, Vampire Software.

One email that I just got had four different documents in it from Vampire Software. Thank you so much, Vampire Software. One email that I just got had four different documents in it from Vampire Software. Thank you. Yeah, very much thank you. But this is a Vampire Software document and one that I wanted to reward because Vampire Software says in the beginning...

Well, actually, Lou, can you just read verbatim Vampire Software's editor's warning here? Editor's warning. Raw Confessions is an anonymous confession site with very lax moderation. Like any other anonymous unmoderated online space,

it is absolutely fucking dire. There is some seriously unpleasant material in just about every variety possible here, and you don't have to go looking for it. This content is heavily cherry-picked to be entertaining. This site is also broken, so it's incredibly slow.

And a lot of these URLs might not work. The posts are probably still there. This shit is just fucking busted. You have been warned. So, yeah, so we should reward that kind of archival effort. Because, yeah, no, like, we've been here for a couple minutes already, and this site sucks. This site sucks in several categories. Like, it visually sucks.

It technologically sucks, and also the content is not good. It wants you to download Linux. It does want you to download, what is it? Rocky Linux? Yeah, 8.9. Okay, okay, good. It's better than Blwingle Linux. You know, you open that up and a lion comes

out of your computer and eats you. I think I got the wrong distro. Anyway, so let's sort of get a little bit of a tone to two raw confessions, okay? So, Boots, we got just one section here for the either one post here in the introduction section. Yeah, yeah. You want to take that one, please?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My name's Anonymous. Okay. Yeah, fucking faker assholes. I get S sick and tired of the fucking assholes they have nothing better to do with their life and try to destroy confessions okay is you life so shallow that's all you're capable of doing granted some of the confessions are fake some may not be but most are somewhat entertaining. If you don't like

the confessions, get off the site. Go fuck a knothole in a number two pine board. Wow. That's very specific. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Nobody wants your comments. Not that you are mentally capable of putting a sentence together. Nobody gives a damn about you.

Wow. Wow. The sooner you go into a corner and die the sooner the world will be better off your kind should be exterminated just like cockroaches wow I regret anything that I put in the intro that actually should have been the intro like

not even music or reader intros just directly to that oh there's still time there is still time okay so I gotta say something here I think all of us just directly to that. Oh, there's still time. There is still time. Okay, so I got to say something here. I think all of us are called anonymous. If there's somebody here that's not called anonymous, we'll mention, but my name is anonymous.

Anyway, women who continue having sex while pregnant are selfish. So there is no logical reason for a woman to have sex once she is already pregnant. Oh, no. How dare she? Oh, no. Your usefulness is over. How dare she? Oh, no. Your usefulness is over. How dare she?

I think everybody knows that. Job complete. What are you trying to show us all up? Hole filled. I can't believe that women are willing to do that. As a father, oh. That's my least favorite series of words in this post. It's a very loose definition of father, honestly, as you go along in the post.

Well, okay, yeah, that's true at your least. I think you should reserve judgment on that. Okay, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. Maybe, who knows? Who knows what's coming next? No vacancy. I was, oh, God! Okay.

If y'all want to just start my fan club right now, that'd be great. I was manipulated into pregnancy sex one time by my ex-wife. This is my former co-worker. Hi, Ray. With lifelong consequences. I knew it was wrong, but I was weak and gave in. Immediately afterward, I had such a feeling of guilt, knowing that my penis and my sperm had come near my growing baby.

Oh, God. What is wrong with? When the baby was born, I subconsciously viewed it as damaged and could not bond with it. Oh, my God. Here's the saddest thing, Jai. You're about to really feel bad for me. Uh-huh. Oh my god. Here's the saddest thing, Jai. You're about to really feel bad for me. Uh-huh.

Yeah. I had to divorce my wife giving all of the custody of the child to her. Very loosely defined father. Spam donor. I mustn't. I wanted to love this child, but I couldn't. I'm sorry.

Think of all of the opportunities this child, but I couldn't. I'm sorry. It would be. Alexa. Think of all of the opportunities this child has lost. Alexa, play the theme from The Littlest Hobo. Even worse than having sex with your husband while you're pregnant is having sex with a man who is not your husband and therefore not your baby's father. Not while you're pregnant, just in general, that should carry severe legal consequences. A woman who does that should never be allowed to have another baby

and her husband should be granted an immediate and favorable divorce. Favorable, too. A favorable divorce. Oh, you're the best divorce boy. Get this bill in Greg Abbott's hands immediately. I'm laughing,

but... I got a comment here. I'm anonymous. Oh, that's great. Yeah, we're making friends. I say, sexy and cum helps the woman get the baby out oh okay all pregnant women should be fucked all day every day did you want to post the opinion i got one i guess i mean if normal abortion is uh illegal in your state but have at it but

uh hi do you think you can post you can read the uh the post that i just posted the title of there um yeah absolutely i can do that let me just count all the fingers on my hands for no reason while I stall. Stalling? I don't think you're stalling. It doesn't sound like stalling. I've heard stalling before. So here's why reality is fake and so is me and your parents and everyone else. Why reality is fake and so is me and your parents and everyone else. They invented music to keep us prisoners to hide the truth of the establishment want.

Yes! The game is rigged, and I am the stupid person falling for this fantasy. When fantasy becomes real, it basically just people with empty shell only oh god whoa I'm sorry is there a mogul on the snow hill girls and gay

Jews will get to have real freedom they want and I can't believe I said that in my voice if you were caught in the middle I'll eventually get dumped or tortured to death. I am reposting this on purpose to divide us so it's easier

to rule me and they won dot dot dot or lost. It makes no difference. The goal is to hide the truth and I falling for the same trap as them. And by the way, that is in the text right there. Ha ha ha ha ha ha

is in the text. And then a new paragraph. She's reading it. Although a laughing breakdown could occur reading this too. Listen, I'll explain it. The goal is to remove sex from my life.

Agreed, yep. And keep me as a prisoner here, which is why they split us, otherwise send diseased people after us. Otherwise turn gay. Okay. I am such a fucking moron. Man, what do you want, Pecker?

What happened? Whoever made me and brought me here did it to screw me over because other men tried to screw me over and whoever made this matrix purposely did it. Fuck with me. Boo ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ooh, now it's getting evil. Okay. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. So that they can push an agenda that it benefits others rather than me. And they can continue fucking and giggling at my suffering and they won or lost. It makes no suffering. And they won or lost. It makes no difference.

They won. I lost. This life isn't meant for me. You are a slave to FUD because other men who purposefully did this to me. You are a slave to fear, uncertainty, and doubt. I can't believe you would do that to fear uncertainty and doubt I can't believe you would do that to friend computer I got that joke

they read the post here to keep it for their own entertainment A slave to money or God or Bitcoin. And I really typed all of that. Yep. Every single little ha ha ha. Slave to Bitcoin. Banksy's very best piece.

Women, girls. That's one of the people every day uh uh what do you got there lou well this is just a little i just had to share some thoughts about my feelings about the goal of this matrix is to turn me gay so that i accept this form of slavery it's i think you'll see that i'm quite convincing the goal of this matrix is to turn me gay so that I accept this form of slavery. I think you'll see that I'm quite convincing. The goal of this matrix is to turn me gay so that I accept this form of slavery. Otherwise, turn to God because of where I was born, but they got to print you out of thin air and torture us so that these Hollywood and stars and others

can stay in the fantasy land because they rule this place. Okay. Yep. Yep. See where I'm getting? See where I'm going? No.

Not even a little bit. The goal of bringing me here was designed so that I be used part of their sewer system. Either way, a slave of religion, which is more powerful than me, and as is science, and as is Big Brother, and are the funeral directors, and are the funeral directors. I'm sorry. Starting from and as is science. Can I just get that one more time? Sure. I just want to really luxuriate on that one.

Sure. I just want to really luxuriate on that one. Sure. As is science. And as is Big Brother. And are the funeral directors. And are the funeral directors. And other religions.

And police. And the military. Wow. Wow. And is God. And the people who own the financial markets. He paints such a picture. They are just paying money to keep me quiet.

They did this to the Milky Way galaxy. And they did this to other worlds. And even if I do something, it's not going to make a difference. This is definitely the same person, right? Because of the boo-ha-ha-ha-ha. It might be a house style. Yeah. Yeah.

The goal is to torture me from behind so that we accept this form of slavery. The goal of owning me is so that they will want to kill the competition. Boo-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Boo-ha. So that I don't threaten their worlds, and rightfully so. Bwahaha. Bwahaha. Yeah, it's the same person. When women and girls and other men are stronger,

the next course of action is a gay utopia. Bwahaha. Bwahaha. When women or girls are stronger, then it's a gay utopia? Duh. Well, get to it, ladies. And they will, because I am not free, I am being watched. Fine, you pay for a gym membership and I'll go. Alright, yeah, no, fair is fair, fair is fair.

Doing my part. I am free now, and I am being watched and we are by a large group of people that we don't know and the medical narcissists so that they can drug me to silence me so it funds their organization so they can go travel the world for free at my

expense and they get to have cake and eat it too and get away with it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I won't have a choice because of my militant parents, and the goal is to torture me from front and control my sex drive, and who I fuck, and whether I fuck anybody at all. I have a parasite at the back of my head,

and I am trapped inside a computer program without my consent or will. And when I go back to where I go, I'll retain no memory. I was brought here to be the cure and then die so that I can cease to exist or get reborn under an inferior class or caste or inferior species or never to reborn at all. You were brought here to be the cure. Like Robert Smith? Mm-hmm. The whole thing. And then you're going to die so that you can die.

And then you're going to get reborn. But the world's not going to change. But you are the cure. Mm-hmm. Okay. He gets it. Okay. I'm confused by that sentence.

I have to pay the price for how women are treated back home? Agreed. Either way, my life is fucked anyway. Whoever made this matrix did it to play God because they can and they have every right to. If not, then other men will get in the way always no matter where I go to. Either way, I'm my own worst enemy. The only real sentence. So are loaves

not matrices? You're torturing me from the front! The system is self-correcting on purpose, and they need me to clean up the mess they left behind, or they'll take me away to torture me, see how I react. A slave to the penis, and the vagina, and the big head, and the pecs and arms, and the shit and piss, and the vomit, and the blood, and the jello pudding, no, and the AI, and the others.

They turn me into a wuss to see how we react so that they can collect information. All right. Yep. Okay. All right. Yeah. Good. Good point.

Good point. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. Yeah. So. I can't believe they did that to you. For the listeners out there, when doing hallucinogens. This is more disassociative. I think this guy's on Datura.

It's a good idea to have somebody who's not high in the room. Disagree. Okay. Yeah, that's great. More meth for me. Wait, meth's a hallucinogen? No. But some of these posts sound a little dramatic break yeah well sure i mean you know cocktail so let's see all right so we're now we're going into the

uh lots of sex talk and horny posting section hey nutshell oh boy why did i think that was gonna be the first thing you'd have me read? Exactly. But here's the thing. Here's the thing. I'm telling you that you're going to be in this section. There's a bunch in this section. You're seeing the same doc that I am.

So you tell me, what post are you going to read here? Oh. Because I know which one I want to read. The vulva is a place of great mystery. Agreed. Yep. I wish I could pronounce so that the listeners could understand how misspelled all these are and like how many homonyms there are in here but uh there is a mystery with the vulva us guys is dunt knows what goes on with the vulva uh i got interested in the labia parts of the vulva girls have two labias and i want to learn about the labias

and how they as parts of everything going on with the vulva. A nutshell? I found a follow-up to this one. Oh, good. Link, please. Yeah, you're in the link.

There you go. Oh, yeah. Sorry, i left out the title the title yeah what's the title uh the title's that the vulva is a mystery kind of spelled like uh ministry the band yeah the vulva is ministry yeah The band. The Volvo's ministry. Yeah, two males. When I was little, I see the girls were different down there, and I was blown away that the girls got Snowpecker. They're different, very different down there. It were too much for a little boy to process. Now there's a difference.

Now I'm older and understand better about vulva. Well, that's good. I mean, he's already got a leg up on all the men who think that the entire external genitalia of a woman is called her vagina. I think I'll be looking for a different

gynecologist doctor thank you i think i've in the course of this podcast i've learned three things about women uh one is uh the man has the penis to satisfy the woman the second thing i've learned is women is a past duck uh and then the third thing i've learned is the girls got snowpecker what the hell why don't make it a trilogy hell yeah here we go go for it congratulations none of them are true um all right girls with girls with are a mystery doto their vulva this guy sure is excited about vulvas i'm so i glad for him. At least it's like if you have a 50-year-old friend who learns how to cook with a microwave for the first time for themselves. And they're making horrible things, but they're just so happy about it. Or like when your grandpa starts smoking weed and he's like, have you heard about this stuff?

Yes. Girl's got the whole vulva thing going on. And it makes it a mystery that they got a vulva down below they have it hide between their legs the most hardest place to find something so it's a mystery to guys what she really got going on down there i look fucking everywhere for this thing between their legs that's why you can't trust women. They're always hiding stuff from you. Son of a bitch! Let me see this vulva. Well, I mean, what,

two-thirds of us are? Now, I heard that you ain't got no pecker. Then what do you got down there? Tarnation! It's a mystery! What? Sherlock Holmes couldn't figure out this mystery, what they got down there. Uh, uh, uh, Hal, um, hey, uh, can I tell you a story?

Are we on, oh, oh, is this Raw Confessions? Yeah. It sure is, Hal. Oh, that's, oh, that's so great. What is your wrestling confession, sir? Well, no, it's not a wrestling confession. Uh, uh, I was spanked in front of my wife's friend sure you were yeah okay so um my wife okay this is a true story my wife often yanks my

pants down and spanks me for minor offenses uh-huh okay yep i've also read Wheel of Time. Jesus. No, you haven't. Three books and I gave up. Jesus. That's a lot of spankings in those three books. This time, she had a friend over. And they were both in their 40s. And I forgot something in the back of the refrigerator.

Then she announced, you're getting spanked. She yanked down my pants and ordered me to lean over the back of the refrigerator. Then she announced, you're getting spanked. She yanked down my pants and ordered me to lean over the back of the chair. She started whacking really hard, and much to my embarrassment, I started getting hard. Uh-huh. That's nice. So she ended with a whack to the balls,

which had me groaning and bending over. Yeah, she said, that's for letting your little weenie stick out. Her friend was smirking and said, nice work. I should try that with my husband. I was extremely embarrassed. But jack off thinking about it. Goodbye. Nice.

Nice story, dude. Love it. Thank you. Great Nice story, dude. Bye. Thank you. Great story. He left. Thank you. Don't let the door hit you and give you a boner on the way out. No, it already happened.

I'm going to jack off about this tonight. Hey, I got a... That pussy smells basically the same as ass, right? Yep. I've talked about this with my friends, and they all think I'm crazy, but I know I'm right, and they just don't want to admit it.

I've had sex with five different women, and every single one of them has an asshole that smells great, and it's basically the same smell as pussy. Please can someone agree with me? Can we get a shirt that says, please can someone agree with me? Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. All right, all right.

Okay. Yup. All right. Okay, okay, Boots. You're absolutely right. We've been needing merch for quite a while. So, so by the time this episode comes out, we will have,

can someone please agree with me? That'll be merch on something. I'm not sure what, but like check T H E F B L dot U S when you're listening to this and we've turned that into some kind of merch. Also we need to do. I love content merch as well. Artists, get at me, please.

Please, can someone agree with me? That's funny. Yeah. Yeah. It makes sense, right? I have a little to-do list that I keep in a notion. It is in there. Please, can someone agree with me?

No context. Just that text. It's interesting. This one starts off with, I mean, my assumption was that it was going to be that it smelled bad. He thought it smelled bad. No, no, no. No, he just likes the crotch stink. He flipped the script on me.

He was like, I have slept with five different women. Who took a shower right before we had sex. Yeah. Please can someone agree with me? It makes sense, right? I'm not saying it's identical. Obviously not. If you blindfolded me, I could tell you straight away

my nose is inches away from a pussy or asshole. Also, please do that. That's a new game show on NBC. I'll be back in 10 minutes. But it's basically the same sort of smell. Sorry, I forgot I was doing a voice. It's a hot, sweet, natural must. Oh, hi, Boots.

Both smell incredible. There's not a lot of difference between them. Right, guys? Sure. Hello, hello, hello. The plaintiff, right, guys, at the end? Please, guys? Sure. Right? Hello, hello, hello. The plaintiff, right, guys, at the end. Please, please? Give me what I want.

Lord knows it'd be the first time. I have a balloon furry alien girl transformation fetish. Mm-hmm. Yeah, sure. Join the club. Yeah, well, I'm anonymous, though. So I always dreamed of turning into a squeaky, inflatable, sexy balloon furry alien girl. Yeah. When I would move around, my thick balloon thighs would squeak.

I would be aroused. God, I wish that would have happened to me one day. Oh, whoa. Just buy a pair of corduroy pants. Hey, Lou. Oh, yes, it's me again. Hey. It's that guy.

So, are you depressed at all? Are you depressed? Jesus Christ, that's a loaded question. And is someone fucking your wife? That's my questions to you. My wife? Not wife. I'm just looking for depressed.

The post that starts with the word depressed. I'm depressed. Oh, no. I'm sorry. It's okay. But I just wanted to tell you I'm a depressed cuckold because of COVID. Okay. That tracks of COVID. Okay. Yep.

Daniel Fauci. No further questions. I didn't get the jab. But my wife gets jabbed nightly. Yeah! Yeah! Woo!

Yes, I am a cuckold. I get off on watching other men fuck my wife. Sure you do, buddy. I'm depressed. I believe him on that. Because ever since COVID started, we have not been able to have fun like we did before. Oh, God. Oh, my God.

The depression is COVID. It's not that you turned into a depressed cuckold because of COVID. You are a depressed cuckold because... Right, right, right. It all comes together now. I think we all know that... We knew that COVID would change the world,

but I don't think we knew it would also get in the way of my wife getting railed by giant bulls. I was willing to social distance from my wife, but then so did the other guy. Yeah. Like the other guy wasn't into it. You see, because of COVID, a lot of the adult video stores closed down and many went out of business. I thought that was essential.

Plus the ones that are still open, not many people go to anymore. Still open. Not many people go to anymore. Before COVID, I could being my wife to a video store in the city, and she would drain eight to ten cocks dry in her mouth and pussy while I watched and jerked off. Drain those cocks! Drain those cocks! I used to love making her go to a video boothy. And strip-naked while guys lined up down the narrow corridor waiting to unload in her. Then take her home

all wet and sticky, smelling of cum and sweat. Well, that time seems to have passed now. So, I'm depressed. Why is this thing out loud? Please pause my neg wife

COVID only. Yeah, well that comes into it. There's layers to those jokes and all of those layers are gross. You're welcome.

Thank you. I not only heard that joke, I had to think about it for a while. It's going to stick in there now. I made a video about being sad because his wife wasn't getting railed. Anyway. Yeah, so

I don't know. All this has made me very angry so what do you got for us Lemon oh that's a great question actually it's not what I have it's not what I have not sure it's what you have because you've been telling me oh shit you're not anonymous you're not anonymous at all

your name is Killdozer Lives oh wow I'll try to find my angry voice Kildoser lives. Oh. Oh. Wow. Well, dang. All right. I'll try to find my angry voice. There it is. Kildoser lives.

No such thing as love. Not even online. Flirting. Maybe tone that down just a tiny bit. Okay. Not even online. Flirting in person is a no-go because I live in a post-Soviet shithole country. Why is it such a sin to, like, one guess what country they actually live in? I mean, that could be a lot.

That could be, you know, that could be Ukraine, that could be Latvia, it could be Lithuania. Well, let me just check. Like, oh my God, it's the one where nobody's married. Where nobody's ever been married. It's not actually Russia or any of the parts that used to be the Soviet Union. Why is it such a sin to like people...

Oh, okay. Yeah, you're real cool. Why is it such a sin to like people of your own race and want to only be with them? Good point, buddy. I'm white. Really?

You don't say. But of course, bankers, the CIA, the Rockefellers, and other Freemason asswipes want mutt kids and race mixing, therefore they shill it at us. Oh, boy. That's why I think the Rockefellers are really big into race mixing. Wow. Okay.

That's true. That's true about those Rockefellers are really big into race mixing. Wow. Okay. That's true. That's true about those Rockefellers. Online flirting was nothing but a mega shit show. God, I hope my neighbors can't hear me. This gets really racist by the end of this paragraph. Oh, good. It gets racist. I'm so delighted to have these words coming out of my mouth.

It's quite racist. It's going to get really racist is the problem. So, I don't know. Okay, so, yeah, I'm just going to do a summary. He complains about Asian people, and then he breaks it down into smaller categories of Asian people and winds back them individually. Sure, I don't just hate Asians, I hate specific Asians.

I hate the ones all the people are from. Then he switches a little bit and complains that white girls don't like him either. Could you just go, actually, you know what, you're summarizing, which is great, I appreciate the effort, but Killdozer lives. Actually, sort of summarizes himself're summarizing, which is great. I appreciate the effort. But Killdozer lives. Yeah. Actually, sort of summarizes himself. I'm going to say himself. Yeah, the bottom paragraph.

We end after all that with, now make no mistake, I'm no incel or pizza-faced nerd. I'm no incel. All right. I'm no incel. Women won't have sex with me. They are all cunts. No, no incel. Alright. I'm no incel. Women won't have sex with me. No, no, it's fine. He plays he pays plenty of women

for whom I have the deepest sympathy to sleep with him. Well, to have sex with him. I don't think any of them could be paid enough to sleep with him. I also think that those guys are a waste of skin, a result of useless parents and a corrupt school system. I am employed.

I do take good care of myself with martial arts, regular workouts, and a straight-edge lifestyle. Yeah. Military service works, just that I never had luck with women due to shyness. And still in my 30s, it's a huge hang up for me well stick it out bud and the sunniest days are still ahead of you i don't agree with uh i don't agree with chai there i i don't usually say this to anyone but um end it now oh you killed those are no longer lives. Sounds like you're obsessed with the man-hating cult that was started by the CIA, Rockefellers, and bankers. A.K.A. feminism. Or veganism, or whatever demonic shitshow religion that's out these days.

Yep. Or one of those room temperature IQ annoyances. Yeah, yeah. Hey, Boots. Yeah, yeah. Hey, Boots. Hi, Lemon. Yeah, what's one of the best things about going to an ICP concert? Okay, this is a light story, I guess. Oh, okay, nice.

It's well illuminated. Yeah. One of the best things about going to an ICP concert is that for once in your life, you get to feel like one of the most attractive women at the venue. Backstory. Backstory, I am not a juggalo. But I do have some ironic like for ICP.

So when a friend offered me a ticket, I decided to go for it. As you do. Honestly, it was one of the best concerts I have ever been to. And you are actually a juggalo. The energy was really positive. It was so silly and lighthearted and fun. Yeah, no, that's true.

Everyone was so happy to be there. Violent Jay and Shaggy tarred the crowd with wave after wave of Diet Root Beer Fego for an hour in feather dust through giant beds. I have to say, I fucking loved it. I screamed my head off for more. I was soaked through my clothing at the end.

They must have dumped 500 bottles on us. Four huge tubs of it. We tried to smoke joints in the club, and I got to pass to my right for the first time ever without being called out on it. What the fuck?

I never in my once thought of myself as a juggalo until I was that night. But yelling the words to homies till your lungs... But you knew, even though you're not a juggalo. Till your lungs are sore or chanting family family

family family with a crowd of 300 people it's gotta be more than 300 people not necessarily it depends on the venue. It's kind of transformative.

The ICP show that we saw wasn't more than 300 people. It probably wasn't. Yeah, exactly. But they did have a lot of fucking fango. They did have a lot of fango. And more fango than audience, probably. And for the first time in my life, I felt like I was in the top 20% most attractive

women in the room. You already did that joke. Usually I'm bottom 50%, if I'm being honest. I got hit on so much that night. It was magical. Great. Great. Okay.

Nobody seems to have commented on my post. All I had to do was join the wet t-shirt contest and suddenly everyone was really into it. Yeah, no. Well, it kind of sounds like that whole concert was a wet t-shirt contest just with, you know, Faygo.

Hey, H.I. How much Harry Potter fan fiction do you read? Are you asking the person posting this or me in real life? Because I have a confession in real life. Oh, dear. A raw one? So I read what one might consider to be an unhealthy amount of a Harry Potter fan fiction. You don't say.

Tell me more. And I'm anonymous. Okay. Specifically, Drary fan fiction. For those of you who don't know, this me more. And I'm anonymous. Okay. Specifically dreary fanfiction. For those of you who don't know, this would be fanfiction in which the characters Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter are in a romantic relationship.

Gosh. Sometimes it's explicit, i.e. full of gay sex, and sometimes it's not. Uh-huh. You don't say. Sometimes it's not. Of course, when it's explicit, the stuff I choose to read... Sometimes it's full of feelings and it's just a bunch of cinnamon rolls.

Oh, no. Also, sometimes it's a weird, like, murder mystery told through, like, ancillary dialogue and ephemeral objects. Of course, when it's explicit, the stuff I choose to read always has characters that are graduated from Hogwarts and well into adulthood. Oh, so there's a little

disclaimer, like the characters in this erotic fanfiction are all over the age of 18. Please contact this office at Van Nuys for their information. This is my story about 18-year-old orphans. And the high school they go to.

That's a coffee shop at this point. No, no, no, no, it's his stepbrother. It's his stepbrother that walked in. Good fucking God. I am physically cringing even writing that shit out to a bunch of internet strangers you're not my circle of friends on a03 i have a bachelor's degree in english literature that i earned magna cum laude i worked in a library for five years i am john wick. I still read really good literature for fun. I mean, I also read some Nick Sparks and similar pulpy nonsense sometimes.

I'm not a total snob. But I, like, also frequently read good shit. And here I am, wasting my time, reading a bunch of... Oh, man. Here I am, wasting my time, reading a bunch of absolute garbage slash fiction until five or seven in the morning, giggling like a horny teenager. You're a graduate student, aren't you? Yeah. I'm so far above.

Oh, my God. I'm so much more sophisticated than this. Oh, I really don't enjoy this or anything. No, no, the porn, no. You're probably thinking that... Heaven forfend! You're probably thinking I should be absolutely ashamed and mortified

of this guilty pleasure. Wow! The transformation is finally complete. I'll only read this trash on private presence. Hey, everybody, it's E.L. James. Welcome E.L. James to the podcast. I think you traveled from England to Australia in one sentence there.

That was definitely Kiwi. Occasionally, I'll feel a little adventurous and I'll read it in the living room after everyone else is asleep. Or on the loo. You read it on the bus. Yeah, but I don't jack off on the bus. I just jack off on the couch. Also, if you're living, if you're here,

if you're looking for a recommendation, my favorite. That is why I came to Raw Confessions, yeah, to look for a recommendation for me too i just couldn't you know all the old stuff wasn't doing it for me so my favorite fic of all time is the man who lived by sebastian ill it is an absolute masterpiece if you're going to be quite a pervading nuisance. What is happening? I've become one of these women. Kiwis. Chai said the word masterpiece,

Lou. That's what you just heard. You heard the word masterpiece. He's an absolute masterpiece. Yes. See? That's what that word is. I'll disgust meself. Okay, so this next section

is called Variations on a Theme. And Chai, why don't you take that, please? My mom just harshly lambasted me over pizza in the fridge. My dad brought pizza home, and my mom harshly lambasted me for it. My mom just harshly lambasted me for accidentally dropping some food. God effing did.

It was just an accident. God effing did it. It was just an accident. Also, my dad drops food all the time, but she never yells at him for it. Ten exclamation points. My mom went past me for eating snacks again. She also then started fat shaming me for eating too much. All I had to eat today was one small child slice of pizza.

My mom and sister both gave me a starry day to the day. Mom lambasted me over the fridge. Sis rushed me while I was in the bathroom. My mom lambasted me over exercise for feeling angry. My mom lambasted me over exercise again. I got angry. Then my mom lambasted me for feeling angry. So many moms lambasting.

My mom lambasted me for accidentally eating spoiled food. Eh, eh, eh. Last night I was eating dinner and everything tasted fine until it smelled off. A few bites later, I spat my food out and ate something else that was fresh. As a result,

I got mild cramps, bloating, and burping that lasted the rest of the night but fell again the next day. Then my mom lambasted me for it. Eh, eh, eh. My mom just harshly lambasted me for the following.

Pimples again and blaming it on the wine again. Drinking wine and calling Eve an alcoholic again. Giving her Eve? Giving her tape. This was the harshest lambaste of all.

Oh, I love that Smith song. The harshest lambaste of them all. My mom just harshly lambasted me over my pimples, blamed it on wine yet again, and called me an alcoholic yet again. Text of post. Ah! My mom harshly lambasted me because my phone has a cracked screen. harshly lambasted me because my phone has a cracked screen.

Then to add insult to injury, she harshly lambasted me for multitasking. I'm so upset I'm going to comment again. My sister and my dad drops their phones all the time too, and I asked my mom why she never lambastes them for it and only me. She says she does lambaste them, but I don't believe it! Eh-eh-eh! My dad put a water bottle in the freezer. And my mom lambasted me for it!

Eh-eh-eh! Yeah! That word of the day calendar is really working out for you, huh? Yeah, so the very last thing that we have here is a long list of confessions. The vampire saw her foot in front of the stand. Oh, boy. Chai, as the guest of honor, you want to take that long list of confessions for us, please?

Yeah, absolutely. So I keep a locked album of photos of my shaved kitty for the sole purpose of admiring how good I shaved her. Photos from all angles and in a non-erotic way. My white Christian wife Yeah, just, you know, for reference at night. Well, that's some good pussy shaving.

Well done. Great. It's a cat. Good craftsmanship. My white Christian wife wants me to fuck her asshole with my white Christian cock. Scammed by a fake prostitute? I do give a fuck anymore. I'm... Oh, okay, this is actually a really common kind of person.

I'm vicariously living through the detailed descriptions of unsolved murders. You and half the white moms in the United States. I fucking, I cum, I fucking cum, I fucking cum. I fucking cum. I do fucking cum. I fucking cum. Well, I also personally think that severus snape is daddy i have and and every oh my god um every time i see a large book i get turned on because the only

big books i've ever read was the harry potter series oh I think I hooked up with that guy once. And boy, do I have the hots for Hermione. Yeah. Yeah. People who announce there's something are usually not. Hmm. I. Followed by. Am a vampire.

I wrote a song called that. I'm sexually attracted to vampires. Actually. I'm sexually attracted to vampires. Actually, the love of my life left for vacation and returned engaged to someone who identifies as a vampire. Ugh. So common. Vampire software.

My ex is now a DID faker. I eat fruit cups by puncturing the foil lid thingy with my teeth and sucking like a vampire. I mean, who hasn't done that? Yeah, well now we're hooking up. That's fucking hot. I think of myself as like a Dracula. I'm starting to think my imaginary life, where I'm a vampire, is better than my real and kind of main life. Kind of main. Kind of my main life. I do really

weird stuff when I'm alone. I do some weird stuff when nobody else is around or when I'm home alone. I sing a song about putting the plastic wrap on the food. I bet other people don't do that. I'm a full-grown

adult and I still test occasionally to see if I can utilize the force. Dated that guy too. Oh man! I'm so sorry. Why are you always dating inside of your D&D group? None of those guys were inside my D&D group. Okay.

What group were they in? Computer dating, which is something I will never do again. I don't watch actors doing interviews in case they reveal how pompous or dumb dumb they are. Because it impairs my ability to empathize with the characters they're playing in their movies. Unfair. Intellectual. Intellectual. Ever since I heard Kristen Stewart is a bad mom, I can't believe her in Twilight.

Full grown adult. Oh my god. But weird childish emotions. Yeah, join the club. Welcome to Reddit. My brother has fallen down the alt-right rabbit hole because of Star Wars. That's the message of Star Wars.

Yeah, I mean... There are so many. You want me to keep reading these? Yeah. Okay, 53M. I feel like to keep reading these? Yeah. Okay. 53M. I feel like creepy while reading your hookup stories. Good.

Go with that feeling. Embrace it. Use it to change your life. I'm going to use it to come harder. I once banged a broad with a giant cunt. With a K? I banged a broad with a giant cunt! I wanna fuck a MILF. I can't stop banging super hot women.

I know, right? Totally! Oh my god! Broseph, you gotta help me out. Oh, this is- no, it is a problem. Like, there's only- like, my Google Calendar can only be so full, you know what I mean? I just wish there was some kind of scheduling app we could all use to fuck each other. I'm sorry. Scheduling. My desire for a female's foot to kick my balls. I'll do it. You'll have to pay me, but I'll do it. My desire for a female's foot to kick my balls.

I'll do it. You'll have to pay me, but I'll do it. Well, what if I told you I feel guilty about liking Joss Whedon's work right now? Would you charge more? I'd definitely still kick you in the balls. But you'd charge more, right? Sure, yeah. My sex life is kind of fucked up. Wait a minute.

My sex life is kind of fucked up. Wait a minute. Oh, my sex life is kind of fucked up. I'd pay good money to sit in the old, original old Sparky electric chair so that I can smell him. Gross. Who? Him who? Who him?

Old Sparky, the chair. The electric chair identifies as male. Oh, good. I'd pay good money just so that I can sit in the, wait, wait. That's a separate post. I'd pay good money just so that I can sit in the... Wait. I'd pay good money just so that I can sit in the original old Sparky electric chair so that I can smell him.

I'd love to fuck the original old Sparky electric chair from Sing Sing Prison. He's been retired since the 1960s. But I wonder if he has the chair version of arthritis and he'd fucking fall apart if I tried to hump him.

Yes, because that's how a capital punishment and furniture works. So Anonymous was sitting there on Raw Confessions, saw the one post, saw the other one, looked at it, sort of cocked his head, and then cracked his knuckles.

You shouldn't crack your knuckles. It'll give you arthritis. I sucked off a juggalo. Yeah. I'm a juggalo, but I hate ICP. Uh-oh. Okay. I want a juggalo wedding.

And another one. And another one. Juggalo wedding. I want to join a satanic sex cult. You shouldn't. They're really boring. This is another computer dating experience. I stopped being friends with someone

because he was a juggalo. Meth craving cock. Yeah, about that. Tell me about it. Do you just jam it up there and it kind of goes nom nom nom? I didn't want to waste any of the in-between words explaining the whole thing. Just the important parts. The real heads.

I got a taste for me. The real penis heads, though. I love Pokemon and I'm tired of being judged for it. I mean, who hasn't felt that way? I fell in love with a fictional character and I'm realizing what being in love is actually like. Sure. Loving and not being loved in return. I get obsessed with fictional characters who look like me.

And real people, too, because I'm not real. I become overly attached to fictional characters. I identify as a fictional cartoon character. I'm a furry for sexual reasons what? oh my get out of this country club

I dropped out of college so I could have more time to do drugs and draw furry porn this is the American dream I mean it's a legit career path at this point people don't like me once they get to know me. I'm tagging in. Okay.

My interests are way too broad. Awesome. I bought 150 bottles of sunscreen. Even better. I have large FOMO for not being Japanese. Get out. What does FOMO mean? Fear of missing out.

Oh, okay. Yeah, that's another Bitcoin term oh okay well no it's not sort of okay you're right every fourth of july a part of me hopes there's a terrorist attack that's super cool yeah it'd be the change bro every sunday morning i go to the laundry and i always go to the safeway right by it to get a drink and there's always this girl working there and i think it's super attractive if i want to talk to her one time but I just haven't because I don't have the guts way over fucked

way over fucked pickled my butt and pulled my pork I jerk off to myself in the mirror I just shed tears over an old episode of the Simpsons. I wish I had a micro penis.

Diapered always. I get off on being bullied and I've even been making people bully me since middle school to feed this need. I love it when mosquitoes bite my dick. Okay.

I am a fully grown man and I still try every day to see if i have superpowers shut up lemon my 20s were a very bad dating period for me apparently i looked up binaural beat just to help me poop. I named and talked to my poop. I have an allergy to peanuts, and I'm going to try peanut butter for the first time. Godspeed. I smoked weed. Sometimes when I get really high and eat peanut butter,

I get scared that I'm going to choke, but I keep eating it anyways. That's the most relatable thing I've read today. I'll go next. Yeah. I was the one who postered Fran Drescher photos around my high school eight years ago. My liege.

Sometimes I still think about the Italia role play I had on Omegle. Yikes. I grew up surrounded by artists, musicians, and free spirited people. I'm 20 now and absolutely despise the culture. When someone tells me they're an artist or a musician, I judge their character and immediately assume they're unstable.

Fair. You're right. I hung up on my friend slash ex while making plans to hang out after he said he might bring his guitar along. This is the correct decision. I try to get my employees to call me by my name instead of sir. I think it's because I'm trying to be cool, but it's actually because I get really turned on when they call me sir.

What do you mean I have to talk to HR again? Oh, my God. I'm not racist, sexist, or any kind of judgmental in any way towards anyone except this type of person, I guess. IDK why I'm like this. Advice? If I ever have a son, I will name him Boomer after the baby boomers. Fuck you. I try to speculate on if my female acquaintances shave their vajayjay based on their bikini photos on

facebook i know you shave your vajayjay i report half the people that kill this guy will call you and ask i report half the people that kill me in fortnite i report half the people that kill me in fortnite i report half the people that kill me in fortnite i report half the people that kill me in fortnite i report half the people that kill me in fortnite i report half the people that kill me in fortnite i report half the people that kill me in fortnite that's a great rap please don't stop fucking my mom all right fine i mean okay all right i'm co-authoring an op-ed that's going to cause enormous backlash from a particularly aggressive community and i'm 100 going to get doxxed for it i'm a little scared excited Excited, but scared. Pressing dislike on positive slash wholesome

YouTube videos. Oh, no. My wife's black boyfriend. Hey! Hey, buddy! Is COVID treating you better now? No! My wife's black boyfriend cooked food for me and my wife, but it was

too spicy and seasoned, so I started to cry, and he whipped me on the table in front of my wife's black boyfriend cooked food for me and my wife but it was too spicy and seasoned so I started to cry and he whipped me on the table in front of my wife I think she knows that I'm the true alpha male for taking the beating that's really good what

what vintage distilled internet that was a huge adventure to What vintage distilled internet. That is so great. That was a huge adventure to take in such a small amount of words. Oh my God, that is so amazing. Distilled eight times internet. Are you going to read a list of non-confessions uh sure so there's like a list of non-confessions which is like any guys here that have not seen my wife's ass and do they smell and taste the same

why isn't there a database for guys looking to blow or get blown? Actually, about that. It's called the phone book. Don't tell him. Don't tell him. It just doesn't exist, and I don't want to know why. Yep, exactly. Does anyone else feel like they love more than anyone else, or is it just me? Severe anal bleeding from drinking alcohol.

Please help. Maybe next time not rubbing alcohol. You're no god! Lots of badly educated losers posting here. And finally, aliens have every reason to wipe humanity off this planet. Aliens run this planet. What have we learned from any of this, F+. Woof.

Why won't the internet just let me be sad? The internet was a mistake. I learned that people are still in the 2020s posting like this on anonymous forums where you just get to hit post. Yep. I really thought it would be behind some kind of login at this point, but it's not. I really thought it would be behind some kind of login at this point, but it's not. Well, I mean, with Reddit, does this site need to exist anymore? It feels like it doesn't, but it's a leftover.

Well, but then you have to make throwaway accounts, and that's a whole thing. Do they have an app? I bet if they have an app, they'll be fine forever. I'd love to fuck the original Sparky Electric chair. I was going to ask, how do they stop bots but obviously they don't because the site just doesn't fucking load right now. No. I got to it and it's Again, it's bad in so many categories. Almost all

the stories in the most liked confession stories are really fucking gross. Yeah. And also at the top of the most liked page they throw up the like feeling suicidal banner. Oh boy. Uh huh. Uh huh up the, like, feeling suicidal banner. Oh, boy. Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Yeah, you did it to me. I mostly just get a shaking ass that apparently exists in Guelph. I'm not clicking on any of that. You're getting ads? I'm not getting ads at all. I don't get any ads. I'm never going to look at this site with my own two human eyes. No, you're a smarter you're a smarter

person than the rest of us for sure i wouldn't go that far but i would in this case i'm looking at this i'm looking at these uh posts i'm not going to read the titles of uh this site's bad this site's really really really well i peed in my water bottle and now i'm too scared to taste the water from it again what do you mean again what do you mean again? I got it. What do you mean again? I mean, obviously, yeah, the idea of just, like, you know, no login, just, like, straight to post kind of thing. You know, the internet's the internet. And so, like, that's going to happen. But, like, the thing that's strange to me about it is, like, there's, it seems like there's just, you know, vandalism or whatever. But, like, to what end?

You know, like, you're just taking a shit in the middle of shit. So, like, why would you? So it's a port-a-potty. Okay. Okay, yeah. Like, because I think that there's definitely stuff in here, and I believe probably stuff in the actual document that we read that wasn't written, like, from an honest place or whatever. But, like, why would you do that?

Why would you do that? What is the point of this site? Type it with one hand while you jack off with the other. What do you want? Okay. uh okay so the other thing that i want to know so this is a question this is not something i learned it's a question because i want to learn this the my mom lambasted me person what do you think what do you think's going on there i think they learned the word lambasted at some point we're really excited to use it i'm also not sure how old that person is. Yeah, no, I agree.

I think they're older than I assumed initially. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah, no, absolutely. Like, it could be, like, it could be 37. Like, I don't, I don't know with any sort of confidence. But, like, there's so many, there's so many places for somebody

to just, like, write down garbage for themselves I don't know what this is serving, you know And if you want to occupy your time with something with no purpose you can go to ball pit That's BALP It's a favorite website Lemon you like any threads on ball pit lately. Do I like any threads on ball pit? I mostly like the threads where, here's the threads I like on Ball Pit,

is like the F plus threads. People are like, they're like, I like that joke that Lemon made. It's pretty funny. It's a pretty good section. No, there was like, there was one in Completely Pointless Thought of the Day that I felt like just didn't get the recognition it deserved,

which was Bunniculous funicular. No, you're right. All right. No, fair enough. I guess that isn't a good enough joke. I was wrong. I mean, I'll give you like a point for nostalgia, but really. Update! With the considerable talents of Dynamo, we ended up making Can Someone Please

Agree With Me on a patch. We've got limited edition patches. I've only made 50 of them. They're embroidered with me on a patch? We've got limited edition patches. I've only made 50 of them. They're embroidered, they feel great, and they've got adhesive back so you can use them as stickers if you'd like to. THEFBL.US. Get yours unless they're sold out. In which case, let's make something else.

Okay, bye! I love content. Bye! Awesome! time. Bye. Awesome.