The F Plus - 65: God Bless You, Water Woman

Episode Date: February 1, 2012

The Sasquatch (or "Bigfoot", if you're prone to epithets) is a large ape-like creature which typically finds its home in the Pacific Northwest where it somethimes poses for blurry photographs. Also it can read and write. Also it has sixth sense. Also it exists both in our world and in another dimension which has neither shape nor form. Also it lives among The Star People. Also it can teleport. Also it farts a lot. Also it can shape shift. Also it actually exists. Look, the point here is that dolphin expert Joan Ocean has a website which introduced all to the beauty of nature, and now we want to teach others about it. This week, The F Plus starts to apologize for that long hiatus.

Bigfoot, you're the furriest dolphin I've ever seen. Hey there, this is the F Plus Podcast. My name's Lemon. And I'm John. How you doing tonight, John? I'm doing good. You want to know why? Because of the power of the F Plus Podcast. My name's Lemon. And I'm John. How you doing tonight, John? I'm doing good. You want to know why? Because of the power of the dolphin within me. You know, I keep trying to tell you, you need to come to our meetings. The grace, the beauty, the inner peace that you get by flowing through the water with these warm, lovable, rubbery creatures that will just lead you to... John, you've always been, like, a fairly rational person.

But then you have this weird weakness for dolphins. I'm not interested. I do not want to swim with dolphins. I don't think that they own, you know, sort of a sense of inner intelligence. Look, I thought that too, but ever since I watched Flipper as a child, it just touched something within me,

and I knew that my dolphin spirit had awakened. Well, that's because you got weird sex things, but that doesn't mean that you need to proselytize. Look, seriously. Look, what do I have to do to get you to believe in dolphins? Come on. It'll change your life. I'm not going to. I'm not going to.

You're not going to convince me that dolphins are the key to inner beauty and peace or whatever it is you're trying to teach. All right, all right, all right. What if I throw the Yeti in there? Hang on, what? Yes, first, Yetis exist. Newsflash. Second, they have even more spiritual power that will transform you and change you.

The power of the dolphin and the power of the hairy, strong, powerful Yeti within you. It'll change your life twice. You'll come back to life, it'll change your life twice. You'll come back to life and it'll change your life again. Well, okay. So now I'm conflicted because on the one hand, like, you know, if you want to throw dolphins and Yeti together, like,

which is the best solution for anybody's life. I know what you're saying. Yeah. I mean, that is, that is, I mean, I can't lie and say that that's not intriguing, but exactly. I mean, on the other hand, is there really, I mean, I can't lie and say that's not intriguing. Exactly. I mean, on the other hand, is there somewhere out there a person that believes both in the spiritual power of dolphins and Yeti? That's not possible. They revealed to me that you would ask that.

Yes. Yes, there is one person, and her name is Joan Ocean. Joan Ocean. She would lead you both up into the hills and down into the waters. Wait a minute. So Joan Ocean both teaches people about the healing power of dolphins. Yes.

And she talks to Yeti? Yes, they're very similar in a lot of ways. Okay, someone like that kind of sounds like an F plus subject. Come on, she's totally on the level. I don't see where you're getting at. Let's read some stuff from her and see.

I don't see what you mean. All right, well, we'll bring in our readers, but I'm sure none of them will judge. Exactly, and we will all have our lives changed. Here we go! In every color, there's the light. In every stone, sleeps a crystal. In the room tonight we have Victor Laszlo. Yay, Victor! Stog.

Spinning around until you vomit is a principle now. John Toast. We experience the swirling energy starting at our feet and slowly moving up, enveloping our bodies. At some point, if each of us is dead... It's fine. I can dematerialize at will. Or can I? Vortex?

I was camping in the woods. Low water place. Jack-Jack. The dolphins come to our boat and swim among us 97% of the time. And lemon. You know what big feet mean. Crazy ladies. All right, actually, I realized that we should start off with her pedigree.

Because, you know, the... Yeah, we do need to establish the authority of Joan Ocean. Right, exactly. She's not just some weirdo. Wait, she's not? No. That's the first line in her credentials. Not just... But there's a bullet point in front of it.

NJSW. But she is a communicator with both dolphins and whales, but primarily dolphins. What whales does she communicate with? Humpbacks? The nearby ones? Yeah. what whales does she communicate with humpbacks the nearby ones

alright actually Victor start us off with the introduction to dolphins dolphins and whales they want to meet us to introduce us to their world and to swim with us into the unknown

they are intelligent friends who exemplify qualities we value cooperation, harmony They want to meet us, to introduce us to their world, and to swim with us into the unknown. They are intelligent friends who exemplify qualities we value. Cooperation, harmony, peace, joyfulness, good health, beauty, wisdom, supple movement, grace, and unconditional love. Either that or swimming around in the ocean, eating fish, and raping. Yeah, they exemplify all these things. But they rape you unconditionally. That's the... Even if you're ugly! Dolphins and whales

are approaching us around the globe, filling our minds with visions of freedom and interacting with us to encourage us to attain many life-enhancing qualities. Lisa Frank's kind of got off the rails. I didn't start that saying to begin with, but yeah, she's

gone to the next level. I am a counseling psychologist by training, and I have understood from the beginning of my human-dolphin connection that experiences with the dolphins and whales are teachings about human potentials and spiritual unfoldment. That's a word.

That's a fun word that you have there. That's a dolphin for a stupid landowner. It's a psychologist word. It's an industry term. I'd like to return this word salad, please. I think it's rotten. I would actually look it up. Unfoldment.

Because it's possible. It's actually possible. It might be in a Scrabble dictionary, but I... It is a real word! So, take that, us. That is the first time I've ever seen that word. Yeah, that's the most cromulent actual word I've heard. The calling that I have received from the cetaceans is a call to people about our unlimited essence and our capacity to experience love more fully.

What? Dolphin rape. Two feet of it. This is what the dolphins have been showing me by their example as I swim with them almost every day. It has changed my life and it has affected the community of friends who live in

my neighborhood and swim with me. Oh, I bet it has. On this website, I will continue to share with you the teachings of the dolphins and whales. Like, orcas take, like, seals and smack them into the air with their flukes and just torture them before they kill them just for fun.

We're not talking about orcas. We're talking about dolphins. So they are very similar to an unnamed whale. Orcas are dolphins. I don't want to hear criticism from a lady who doesn't even know what unfoldment means okay just shut up orcas are dolphins look what you're saying is very cetaceanist and it's really offending me you know they have a lot of wisdom to teach us and if you just you get past your prejudices but they're dolphins and they all right well tell me about your history there victor well since 1989 i have lived with three pods or

families of more than 200 wild hawaiian spinner dolphins stenella longer rustrous i have logged over 6 000 hours in the water listening to the dolphins watching watching them, mimicking them, filming, recording, documenting them, and enriching my own life because of them. I have learned that cetaceans communicate in a way that requires an entirely different mindset than the human cognitive thinking model, rather than in words and sentences, dolphins communicate through vibrations,

through sonar and synchronized movement, through acoustic images, feelings, sounds, and group energy fields. They work with the electromagnetic grids of the planet using these underwater pathways to send messages from miles beneath the sea. Those dolphins never stop with their fucking acoustic guitars. It never ends. I'm sorry, Joan Ocean. Here I was trying to peg you as some sort of weird crazy lady, but you're actually using some fairly reasonable science. We do know that dolphins communicate by sonar, so you're in the clear.

Oh, wait. There's more. Oh, okay. They know how to access multiple dimensions. Oh, okay. This means they are simultaneously experiencing life in the ocean and life in an ontological world of multi-level subtle realities. What? All at the same time? That's got to be exhausting.

Please show your work, lady. As they swim with me, I am often fascinated by their ability to be wonderful three-dimensional physical friends, while they also interact with vibrational holograms that take them to fourth and fifth dimensional worlds. Oh, Jesus Christ. They serve as inspirational examples to us of the possibilities existing beyond our present

belief systems. In addition to living in another world, the Hawaiian spinner dolphins are at one with nature. They are nature. They're dolphins. course they are. They are nature. They're dolphins. They're wildlife. They live in a state of love that suspends judgment, anger, and retaliation.

Except rape, of course. That's not from anger. That's from love. And their abilities to use more of their physical, sensory, and intelligence potentials reminds us that we can do that too. The dolphins operate out of a different paradigm than the human race. Ooh, paradigm? If you try really hard, we can rape

porpoises to death too. They have not been raised in a culture that requires primarily rational thinking. Neither has she. That was just a race to that joke, wasn't it? They know there is much more than that. We can learn their ways and enrich ourselves. As we broaden our attitudes, the physiology of our bodies will change also.

Good, we'll get flippers. There are many wonderful adventures awaiting our entrance into the dolphin world. Hey, you know these things that aren't people? They're nothing like people. I can learn how to be more of a person from their not being people. Guys, which dolphin world? Are we talking about the physical world, or are we talking about the

multi-dimensional? No, the third dimension. The fifth dimension. No, fifth, man. The fifth one's kind of boring. I like the third one. John, what have the dolphins taught you? Well, let me tell you what the dolphins have taught me. Number one, to swim and dive. That's important to being a better person.

Dolphin, what's the meaning to life? Swim, dive, eat fish. I mean, if I were going to learn something from a dolphin, that's a good place to start. You know, that's the most reasonable thing I've seen on this site so far. Number two, to hear better and more in the ocean in general. Number three, to go wah. Number three, to enjoy the ocean and swimming.

Okay. You ever met a dolphin who hates swimming? That dolphin's life sucks. Yeah, but ladies, the dolphins don't have a choice. They're not going anywhere. Hi, I'm a human, and I like walking. That's good. You must not live in Arkansas.

Number four. To value living in a group of people and living like dolphins so dolphins value being dolphins in a group of people in the ocean all right so again this seems i think we're back on the insane uh what you've learned from the dolphins swimming uh should i I continue on the basic principles they teach? Well, I feel like just swimming, right? There can't be any sort of overreaching principles, can there? I don't know. Let's see.

I've got a feeling. These are some of the basic principles they teach. Supporting each other. Cooperating. No competition. Oh, yeah. Dolphins don don't walk that's called gangrene taking care of nature and it takes care of us oh yeah no the dolphins are really really concerned about their carbon footprint they talk about it constantly carbon fluke print

we are more than our physical bodies. We are able to communicate. I kind of already knew that. I don't think anyone's taught me that. I don't... Use your telepathic abilities. Okay, done. Sound vibrations can heal us. Use them. Study them.

Yes, agreed. Live simply. Okay. Live simply. Okay. Live simply with your telepathic vibrations to the fifth dimension. I'll just cut my arm. I'm going to put my PS2 controller on it. No, no, no.

Come on, guys. That's why people go to raves is for the healing properties. That makes sense. That's why everyone that goes to raves always looks really healthy and well-rested. And they look like dolphins. And that's why I feel so good after hearing Dubstep. Just the vibrations

of the dirty bass washing over my body. Yeah. It was really good. I always thought it was horrible. I like this next one. Breathe deeply all the time and avoid going places where you can't. Just picture her walking around going I can't go in there.

Dolphins breathe deeply all the time. Yeah, just hold your breath. They would drown, yeah. Is it avoid going places where you can't go or avoid going places where you can't breathe deeply? Oh, that makes sense. So don't go into

unventilated seats. Like the ocean. Go to the ocean. Don't lock yourself into a refrigerator. Don't go into those tiny tuna cans. Spinner dolphins aren't in tuna cans.

Alright, what else we got here? Sleep on your own schedule. Yeah, exactly. Easy to read the same as I don't have a job. See, me and Joe are in complete agreement. Dolphins don't need jobs. Eat what's in your environment.

That's everything. I live in a pizza hut. This Cheeto bag is in my environment. I always leave my environment to eat. Yeah, go out into space. Always smile. It makes you more beautiful. Dolphins can't smile. They don't have the facial muscles required. See, they're always smiling.

They're like the Joker as a fish. I've had enough of you, Portax. You do not know more than... You need to look up unfoldment first. Yeah, exactly. My fifth dimensional self is really annoyed by how you're trying to eject actual facts into this podcast. I'm just saying. Eye contact is a communication between souls.

You have control over your emotions. Express the good ones. Analyze the bad ones. Don't blame others. Okay, GLaDOS. Keep active. Enjoy making love. I hate all the sex.

Because we're going to do it to you anyway. Play more than anything else, no matter where you are. Respect your family. Share your feelings of love with everyone. Don't be stingy. Be fearless and face the things that worry love with everyone. Don't be stingy. Be fearless and face the things that worry you with faith. Use your

sixth sense and beyond. Have integrity. Love yourself. Keep your sense of humor. Please pick up your cup of Kool-Aid at the door. Spinner dolphins apparently didn't mention spinning at all.

That's like their thing. They spin? Why did they only say spinning? They only put half their brain to sleep at a time when they're sleeping anyway. How can they sleep on their own schedule? Are you bringing such negative emotions into the dolphin group? Please allow our leader, the dolphin, to change your life.

Your soul needs to be healed with the fifth dimensional vibrato. Shut up! Shut up! The vortex is the only one among us who isn't. All right, Isfahan. Resident Evil the shit up. The dolphins arrive at 6.44 a.m. today. The sun is just rising over the hill, and it is a welcome sight

after three days of rain. I swim a half mile to the cliff, treading water, waiting, knowing this is pod C behavior. Wow, this is Resident Evil. That's typical pod C behavior. I usually sonar me, have a discussion, and then swim over. Sure enough, I see them

now, playing and diving as they come. No hurry. After about 15 minutes, there and diving as they come. No hurry. After about 15 minutes, there are 11 dolphins beneath me. I hear soft whistles being exchanged. I wonder if

these are the only ones here today as I scan their bodies for identifying marks. They cruise on by. You just got cruised by dolphins? Yeah. Yep. Dolphin Pua? All at once, three dolphins surface at my side, nearly colliding with me. I'm momentarily

surprised and then filled with great joys. I recognize my old friend, X from pod A. He is swimming apart from pod C with Fancy and Ribbon. Wait, so you've called the dolphins X, Fancy, and Ribbon, and the best you can come up with for their groups is Pod A and Pod C? I'm more worried that this is turning into a straight-up rape fantasy here.

Seems that way. I'm excited. I'm not excited for this. Fancy and X sandwich me between them. And Riven swims to the right of X. I have to lower my body in the water as we swim because they

are trying to swim over me. I don't think that's what they're trying to do. Maybe they're just trying to drown her. They're like, this stupid bitch won't shut up. She's all, ooh, ah. They're getting as close as they possibly can, staying with me on the surface, occasionally diving slowly. If I don't dive with them, they immediately return to my side.

When I do follow them in a dive, they watch me with interest while staying in front and leading me down, turning their heads slightly so their eyes remain in contact with mine. They dunk me underwater. Call me names. They do not spin and circle me the way Bentley and Two Wave do. Two Wave? There's a popular rap group, Bentley and Two Wave. These three dive sedately together, swimming

deeper than I can go. I return to the surface, and they remain cruising along the bottom for a few minutes before slowly floating up, positioning themselves alongside me again. As usual, the dolphins seem very content to have me in their midst, as long as

I am gentle, graceful, and swimming synchronistically with them. They're murmuring something about a piece of ass. Always aware of this. I match their pace and mood. We swim... I'm cruising myself, too. We swim rhythmically together for two hours,

enjoying the benefit of the natural water flow field we are creating. What? That's a thing, sure. We're taking bets on whether flow field is a word. Occasionally, other people come along, but the dolphins guide me away. And we continue our interaction uninterrupted. Wait,

guiding someone away from a group of people, that's total rape behavior. Actually, that was part of the Pua episode. Yeah, yeah. Get them away from the grenades. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Dolphin situation. Ten dolphins are now below us.

This is getting dire. I notice a large area of churning water in their midst. Looking more closely, I see a great circle of tightly packed bubbles rising amid a sea of tiny free-floating bubbles covering an area five feet around. A large 18-inch bubble grows out of the profusion of tiny bubbles. As the cluster rises, the large bubble expands and suddenly bursts, leaving a clear passageway of undisturbed water from the surface to the sand below, surrounded by a frenzy of tiny bubbles. I react immediately, diving

precisely into this amazing underwater column, surrounded by a foamy bubble storm. Isn't that a Mega Man weapon? You got foamy bubble storm. Remaining in place upside down, all I can see is glittering lights sparkling in the underwater sunlight.

Dreamily, the six-foot column of bubbles ascends around me. Slowly, I swim to the bottom of it and then turn to go up for air while the bubbles continue to drift and pop at the surface. It reminds me of a transportation beam from Star Trek. What? Beam me up, dolphins. Good, good. I'm glad that happened at the end. This lady sounds like she was tripping balls during this whole experience. Yeah, that really did.

I was around dolphins and they did things. This is so transcendent. Way up in the north woods and deep in the dark pine did things. This is so transcendent. Oh. Alright, so I'm starting at meeting the Sasquatch? Yes. All right. It all began with an email. A person I do not know contacted me in an email and asked me how I communicate with dolphins. I said, I don't, and hung up.

And that man was Sasquatch. I'm really liking this pretty reboot of Harry and the Hendersons. Don't do that, you're getting ahead of it He was seeking advice and suggestions because he said, I am trying to communicate with Bigfoot and I was wondering how you communicate with dolphins I read the email twice and wondered if the writer was joking So I answered it cautiously

Yes, I communicate by using body body language swimming the way they swim diving with them and trying to match their pod behavior it seems to work they come very close to me so so you got an email from a guy that like talks to bigfoots and your initial response if i'm reading this right your initial response was cuckoooo! No, I think he thinks the person was, like, messing with her. Oh, okay. I think it's... Yeah, like if one of us emailed her? Yeah.

Who would... Oh, no. Are you responsible for this, Victor? God, I wish. To my surprise, the person wrote back with even more enthusiasm and proceeded to describe his interactions with the Sasquatch. Took a blurry photo once. That's an interaction?

Yeah. Explaining, he is feeding them by using a box that he made that requires delicate fingers to open the catch lock on the box to get the food. They were opening the box in a way no other animal could and so he was very excited about that. Now my curiosity was roused, so I

asked him many more questions. Soon, an ongoing correspondence was initiated, and I learned many things about Sasquatch. He left a note in the box. Thanks for the nutter butters. I love the question number one, is our Sasquatch in Hawaii? That was the first thing I was wondering. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I spent a week in one-person tent in the jungle, very naive about whom the Sasquatch really are and what to expect. Later, upon returning home, I began to read books such as Bigfoot Memoirs by Stan Johnson. Stan Johnson is a notable Bigfoot. Yeah. I'm a pretty big Bigfoot in the community. It's a big county. My experience in the jungle was filled with Sasquatch contact.

Their contact is a different type of communication than human interactions. So she's clearly an expert. Yeah. As a way of announcing their presence and also determining if I am really interested, they made strong, noxious smells one night all around me. if I am really interested. They made strong, noxious smells one night all around me. A bunch of Sasquatch just farting

in a circle around me. Some humans communicate that way, though. There's some overlap. Just frap-dusting all night. Oh, my fellow Sasquatch. They're walking me into their circle! How nice! Oh, God, is this... This isn't gargantuan.

Some fucking animal takes a dump and she's like, the Sasquatch must be near. I could not determine the source of that odor. It was so strong I couldn't sleep. Naively, I blamed it on something in the air from industry. In these pristine jungles?

Or thought that someone had left an old smelly sneaker in the jungle somewhere near my tent. A smelly sneaker that was so bad that it kept you up all night? Yeah, so that, no, I mean, it makes sense, though. It was either the Sasquatch or shoes. Yeah, when I'm out in the woods and I smell something weird, my first thought is, somebody must have left a shoe out here. weird. My first thought is, somebody must have left a shoe out here. If I'm out in the woods and I smell something weird and I'm in my tent, I'm thinking, my first

thought is, I'm definitely not going to move the tent away from the horrible smell. That would just be ridiculous. They created or facilitated the sound of trees falling to the ground with loud crashes. In the morning, there were no trees on the ground. They made sounds like crooning birds,

high-pitched, haunting, and a bit spooky in the middle of the night while the birds themselves were quiet. Because there's no nocturnal birds. And one night, they touched me. There we go again. In my tiny

tent, I was asleep. Oh, wait. She met her at a tent. Momentarily, I thought I was at home where my friendly donkeys often nudge my shoulders. Oh, my God. All of nature wants to jump this woman's bones.

I have had sex with all of God's creatures and they're all just as beautiful as they are in size. I am the St. Francis of Assisi of dick. Like a Dr. Dolittle porno or something.

Then, realizing where I was, I sat up quickly and opened my tent flap to look around. Oh, yeah. I keep getting it. God damn it. It's Sinead O'Connor in here to explain what is and is not is a euphemism.

Yeah. Well, if you get the chance, let the Sasquatch ride you up the josh. Alright, so Victor, will you tell us about Sasquatch and what you've learned about Sasquatch? I would be happy to tell you what I know about Sasquatch. Okay. For example, did you know that Sasquatch can read, write, shapeshift, project their voice,

create infrasound that affects the environment, dematerialize at will, or cause you to have an experience of lost time so you think they dematerialized. I always thought that. I wondered why I thought that so much. Travel 300 miles a day on foot. Live in

well-lighted underground facilities. Contact and live with star people. Tell us about our past and our future and have lived here longer than the human race I like that I like that she starts out with sort of like it gets less reasonable

the whole time did you know that Sasquatch exists? oh sure did you know they can read and write? yeah sure no problem did you know that it has fucking superpowers and like lives underground like a mole person? They dematerialize or make you think they dematerialize.

That's way more realistic. Yeah. I'm so fucking baffled. William H. Macy in his least favorite role. I like how the dematerialized Sasquatch is like grabbing his crotch, Michael Jackson style. Dematerialized Sasquatch.

That's his button. Stog, I think you have a startling revelation for us, don't you? Yeah, I began to learn all that I could about the Sasquatch from other people's experiences. A new friend who lives on the edge of the woods told me the Sasquatch

lived near her and she knows him. I sent her one of my dolphin books to of the woods told me the Sasquatch lived near her and she knows him. I sent her one of my dolphin books to give as a gift to the Sasquatch. Oh, this fucking book. This woman's neighbors must have a great time fucking with her. If you ever refer to a friend as one who lives on the edge of the woods, how can that

person not be crazy? I have a friend who lives on the edge of the woods. He's got a nice shack. He's always building something. Two weeks later, I received a gift in return. The Sasquatch had chosen a rock for me. Heavy?

What? This is equally as fun to read as your fucking book. Maybe he's threw the rock at her. Please bash yourself in the head with rock. Love, Sasquatch. A heavy quartz rock, weighing five pounds with many little crystal bits within it, gleaming in the light. Along with it came a piece of crumbled paper.

On it was the carefully printed words FOR WATER WOMAN. Holy shit! Actually, it looks more like the person tried to write FOR WATER WAMAN. WAMAN. W-A-M-A-N. Listen, it's a fucking Sasquatch. You're really gonna

get angry about its penmanship? What I want to know is how the Sasquatch acquired a college rule binder paper. Yeah, that's what I was wondering. Well, it's kind of crumpled a bit, so it's been in the woods. You notice how she doesn't go into detail as to how she acquired this gift? So she got it from her friend who lives on the edge of the woods, Kara of the Sasquatch. She found it in a Sasquatch turd. Oh, yeah, I totally know Sasquatch.

Can you deliver this to Crazy Woman? I'm busy all day. Could this be true? No. I was still doubting the veracity of this. Why? The lady gave her the paper. She's like, hmm.

This might not be from a Sasquatch. This might not be from a Sasquatch. It was the first time she'd ever had that thought. Wait, this might not be from a Sasquatch. It came from the medicine woman of the Sasquatch family in a southeastern location of America near my friend who I will call Susan. Dr. Sasquatch Medicine Woman a southeastern location of America near my friend who I will call Susan.

Dr. Sasquatch Medicine Woman. Yeah, I get it now. It was a person named Sasquatch. You guys, we were so confused. The Sasquatch family. Yeah, it's from Jane Sasquatch. Yeah. Yeah, they came over on Ellis Island as Sasquatch Dean

and it just got shortened. I like how she divines all that from a piece of paper that says, For Water Woman 2. Gotta read between the lines, man. College rules, man. Near my friend who I will call Susan to ensure her privacy.

Who's Susan Sasquatch? Apparently the great grandmothers of the Sasquatch family have had contact with white people and have learned to read and write in English, although they had their own language as well. Because black people can speak. White people are awesome. Like, of all of the people that we have fucking civilized, I mean, India, you know, you're welcome. Yeah.

You're welcome. You know, Aztecs. Yep. Did that. Not only all we actually we actually lettered other species well you know bonobos lemon i know you're being sarcastic there but a white person was able to translate smells to words i mean that's a big accomplishment no matter what the situation now in your language, this would be described as far. I like how pretty much every species on Earth likes fucking white women.

I'm just using King Kong, right? I mean... This may not be true of all the Sasquatch people, but it is definitely true of this clan. Having read my book, or at least receiving it, and understanding who I am through some intersensing abilities,

extra comma, they named me, extra comma, Water Woman. Water Woman! We read your book on dolphins. And we were somehow able to figure out that you had something to do with water. How would, but like, Sasquatch,

they've lived all their lives in the woods. You'd have to explain to them what an ocean is, what a dolphin is. They can run 300 miles a day. They can make it to the ocean and back before you know it. Guys, I'm almost positive this isn't entirely

accurate. What? No! She thought, she doubted this too. But eventually, look, as I'm going to explain to you, she doubted this too. But eventually, look, as I'm going to explain to you, as I'm going to explain to you, she, Joan Ocean, has actually researched this, and she's found out to be true. So here we go.

I travel to their forest home. After two months, Susan invited me to visit her at her home. I immediately said yes to the kind invitation. I had many questions to ask. Through her stories, I had learned to love and admire this mysterious race of tall,

hairy people called Bigfoot. My name is Jeff, you asshole! I chose not to use that name because it sounded somewhat demeaning. Their feet are not large for their height and weight. They are perfect in proportion.

They only are large compared to human feet. Anyway, when I arrived at my friend's home, she had told me that Sasquatch, that water woman, was coming. Oh, I'm sorry. She had told the Sasquatch that water woman was coming. There were two more gifts to welcome me. One was a Bundt cake. One was an

Xbox 360. I don't much care for Assassin's Creed, but the thought was nice. Assassin went Octo. I thought we agree. Small gifts this year. I got her Rock. You get her Xbox. Make me look bad.

Next time we'll leave PS2 bar open. One was a small, delicately carved, white bone image of a thunderbird. It was from the Sasquatch chief, and he called it a dream bird. I just knew that, because, like,

I don't know, telepathically or something? Yeah, they told her telepathically. He said the little people carved it for him to give to me. The other was a crystal cluster given to me by the medicine woman. It is beautiful, looking like a diamond city with crystal spires of all sizes. I was deeply moved by these kind gifts.

Real quick. It sort of looks like a honeycomb with some pebbles stuck in it. So we're in agreement here that this new friend at the edge of the forest has just dedicated her life to fucking with this lady. Oh, totally. And what a wonderful job he's doing. And you know what? Not once has this woman expressed disappointment in not meeting

the Sasquatch face-to-face. Exactly! He's always just exhilarated at all these gifts. Oh man, five minutes earlier totally would have caught him. Exhilarated at all these gifts. It was just here! Oh, man, five minutes earlier, totally would have caught them.

They had to go dematerialize. Or maybe they didn't dematerialize because they just made you think that they did. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I was deeply moved by these kind gifts. The note that accompanied them brought tears to my eyes as I read the last line. God bless you, water woman. Oh, they're Christian too. Yeah.

Christianity to the... Again, white people are fucking rad. Right. There were Sasquatch on Noah's Ark. They seemed to know me, although we had never met in person. I was seeing holes in the story all of a sudden. I began to wonder how I could ever express gratitude to these special people, or what gift I could give them in exchange.

Of course, they asked for nothing. Say, up in Harlem, at a table for two, there were four of us, me, your big feet, and you. From your ankle up, I'll say you sure are sweet. From that down, there's too much feet. Yes, your feet's too big. All right, so what we have here is a letter that seems like I think Joan Ocean wrote part of it, and the Sasquatch wrote the

other part of it? The Sasquatch wrote in Sharpie on her letter to the Sasquatch. So she so she gave the Sasquatch a letter and then the Sasquatch gave back the letter and wrote things on it? Yeah. Like see me after class. But wrote things in random wrote things in Sharpie in random spots on the page all right well let's just fucking read that okay paradise she said she likes your face she likes your rig man oh man them things are too big oh your feet's too big dear son thank you so much for the gift you gave me. The large cork rock is beautiful. There are many little crystals shining inside of it. I take it to the fire and hold it in my hands.

I feel your loving spirit all around me. I talk to you and I feel happy to know you. I happy! The owl bird is nearby in the trees. The small rock. I talk to you all. I keep in my pocket. It is with me wherever I go.

I hope I will travel to your country someday country? really? I declare this Sasquatchia here come the white people our currency is dream birds in my native land this place is called

would you like to join us at the fart circle don't smoke the peace pipe whatever you do the downtown district where there's all the shops jingles outside they just have different guys farting advertising their wares And then it shingles outside. They just have different guys farting. Advertising their wares. That's how they communicate. Can the whole episode just be this two pages of this letter?

Anyway, your country someday. I love trees and quietness. Much good. Thank you. Thank you. Sending love from Joan. God bless the water woman. Wonder woman. Water woman. Wonder woman.

I feel like that needed a slick voice, but oh good, there's opportunity. Oh shit, there's another one. I really think for the next letter it needs to be I feel like that needed slug voice, but... Oh, good. There's opportunity. Oh, shit, there's another one. I really think for the next letter it needs to be slug voice for the Sasquatch part. Letter number two, another correspondence between Joan Ocean and a Sasquatch.

Okay, I'm... Victor Laszlo will be the part of Joan Ocean, and Jack Check, you are the Sasquatch. All right, you guys are making me do this? Yes. Okay. Dear... Redacted. And Jack Check, you are the Sasquatch. All right. You guys are making me do this? Yes. Yes. Okay.

Dear. Redacted. I hope you have fun while Water Woman, Joan, and Dream Man are here. I wish I could stay for a few days also. Yes. Water Woman is so nice. I know you will love her too. Much love.

Who made the new medicine wheel in the woods at the farm? Bo Dark. I just went out this morning and saw it. Oh my god! Blue Stones on the dock? I have been missing you. Did you have fun with the family? Miss you! Have you had time to spend lots of time with Tishona?

Much! Your friend, S. Brand! That was the best Joe Cocker duet I've ever heard. Is it too late to change my influence name to Bodark? Yes. What would you do if I was a Sasquatch? Letter from Water Woman to you.

She is planning on coming to visit with Dream Man. They will come to see if you want to see if you can. Yes. Water Woman and Dream Man are the worst superhero duo ever. I know. Jack was completely astounded by the entire experience, since he had never had any kind of contact until this night.

His eyes were as big as saucers, and appropriately so! And I got this message. Son. Ninja star. Weird triangle with circles. Banana. Squiggly line.

Shitty voodoo doll. Guitar notation. Beautiful. I like that your language is regressing joan ocean made them dumber yeah they were able to write okay last time they had such an advanced civilization and skyscrapers we are now called the less wise ones. Oh my god! New Mexico, NATO, billiard ball racker, thumbnail,

Charlie Brown mouth, also creepy voodoo doll, discount comb. It's like eyeball discount comb. Discount comb. So page three has a lot of text um which i i don't want to bother reading but it also has a number of letters um jack chick will remain constant in his role as sasquatch jack squatch you've been typecast sir yeah uh, do you want to take the first one there from 7-11-06, Dear MW?

Dear MW, I have been thinking of you and missing you. I love you. I hope you can be with me this week. We Southwater! My friend John Luke is here with me. He makes pictures of the dream world. He is a good person. Oh, God. We will be here dash, dash, dash,

dash, dash, dash, dash, days. I think it's we'll be here I days. No, they'll be here for, let's see, 1,111,111 days. Yeah. Excellent. You're all wrong. Okay, I'll say it the right way, okay? We'll be

here I, I, I, I, wrong. Okay, I'll say it the right way, okay? We'll be here... I say hello to Sumac Pushoma, Tishoma, and your brother, BVT. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, Jack, you want to take the next letter? I'm sorry. No, wait, look. The We Southwater, the dot pattern on the right-hand side is supposed to be like marker from where it was folded, but if it was written that way,

it would be backwards on the left-hand side. Right, yeah. So they failed in their Photoshop attempt to make it look like that. Objection! That's what you got to do. Myth busted. Oh, no. Susan!

Islahan, do you want to go down to the nighttime activities with the wise ones? Oh god. Here's where the murders happen. With an amazing drawing. Such a good drawing. The nighttime activities with the wise ones. Wednesday night and it is nearly dark at 8pm.

I am outside where the full moon is shining brightly between openings in the porcupine trees. The light is beautiful and I savor the total stillness of the voice. God, I hate these long intros to these points. He savors the stillness. Standing unmoving among the trees, I express out loud my appreciation for the beauty of the trees and of the night. He did the mash.

That's nice! There is a sense of timelessness in this moment. The monster mash. I know. The moon looks huge and bright white. As I gaze at it, I wonder if there are U.S. or E.T. bases on the moon. It is a mash. Around me, I begin to feel an aura of capital L love.

It is a gentle frequency that expands a hundred feet on all sides. Because apparently she can see it. Right, yeah. I recognize it as the same welcoming vibration when the dolphin pods approach. Who is it? I wonder. I have the feeling someone is coming. There is something very loving in the air.

Could it be the wise ones? I gotta say, this is the weirdest Count Chocula commercial I have ever seen. Serious question. Sasquatch and wise ones, that's the same? Is that... Are they special Sasquatch? The wise ones are the smart Sasquatch. Oh, okay. The ones that wrote, hi. The ones that wrote,

Hi! The ones that wrote, They're the ones the white people elevated. Oh, okay. Yeah, so not only white people are awesome, but we also get noble savage. Oh, great. This is hitting all the bases.

Glancing outside the open door, I see movement at the edge of the porch. I bring my attention to the area and become aware of two gentle dark eyes looking at me. They are not staring or piercing eyes, but soft, half-closed eyes. Ooh, bedroom eyes.

I feel the warmth behind them. Widening my gaze, I see the rest of the head and a form standing just beneath the porch roof. In the fading light, I can see the rest of the head and a form standing just beneath the porch roof. In the fading light, I can see the head is big with curly hair surrounding the face. It's Epstein! Hey, Mr. Ocean.

I have pictured Sasquatch with curly hair. It looks very nice, like a child's favorite teddy bear. Well worn. I look steadily at the face to be sure I am seeing what I think is there. The head of this huge body is framed in the leaves from the trees. It seems to be merging with the leaves. I see a distinct curl over the right eye. There is no obvious neck, a dark outline of massive shoulders, long arms. The lower part

of the body is too dark to see in detail, but it blocks out everything behind it, giving me an idea of its size. I can't see its lower body, but I can't see the things that the lower body is in front of, so therefore

I get an idea of what the lower body is. What I know is that something on the lower part of lower body is in front of, so therefore I get an idea of what the lower body is. What I know is that something on the lower part of the body is enormous. No, the feet are normal size for the Sasquatch. It's all relative. Oh, dear. The eyes continue to stare

softly at me. The head is below the height of the roof. I estimate this Sasquatch is more than six feet tall. He throws a smoke bomb at the ground and says, Sasquatch out. I wondered if this is a Sasquatch or a wise one. I have heard that the wise ones do not have hair on their face and that their face is alike. They're white people. Yeah, exactly.

That's why they're wise. We are the wise ones. Wow, I learned something today. That they have large shoulders but are a thinner, narrow, long body. Stan Johnson described them similarly in his book. I wonder if their appearance changes with the weather, the temperature. I wonder if they're mood wise ones. Are they more bushy

in the winter? She is basing herself on absolutely nothing. Is that a come on? She read that guy's book. It's like ermine or something. It has been 80 degrees F

every day. So many questions. As I look at this alert being with sparkling eyes, I feel love and gratitude. Thank you so much for coming this close and letting me see you. I am happy to meet you.

I bring you love. Soon, too soon, the eyes look down and the Sasquatch moves silently to his slash her left, out of my sight. Ha, that drills holes in your theory, Victor. I hear two departing footsteps

crunching in the leaves, and then nothing more. I remain lying in the cabin, expressing appreciation. i remain lying in the cabin expressing appreciation once i came down i drew this picture yeah i'm appreciative i'm glad dot dot dot dematerializing dot dot dot i asked just materialized out of those ellipses yeah i asked to see the future of Earthling and Sasquatch contact. I then experience a round room with many ancient ones, Sasquatch and Earth people who appear gentle and wise. We are learning many things from the advanced Sasquatch people.

How to live in splendor in their forests in the fourth dimensional homes. I want documented proof of these fourth dimensional homes. No, you got me? You understand? No. No? Okay, let me explain a little bit more. They know about all the life forms in the woods.

Every growing herb in the forest has every different nourishing and healing characteristic. We are even learning about herbs for dreamwalking, dematerializing, shapeshifting, spirit enhancing, voice and sound projecting, and entering other realities. That's all weed. That's what that is.

Also, look at these people around this campfire. They are all high. No, they're dematerializing because it's not blurby. They're dematerializing. Oh, okay. Some of that's pey high. No, they're dematerializing because it's not blurby. They're dematerializing. Some of that's peyote. Wait, really? They're in Hawaii. Where are you getting peyote? New Mexico?

Yeah, where the Sasquatch comes from. Oh, Sasquatch are fucking couriers. Sasquatch have the best shit, man. What's up, man? You up? You up? you up you up you up you up i got what you need man i just let my beard grow out and put on a fur coat and they buy anything from me these fucking weird ass like 50 year old hippies will just you could do anything you want

hippie. I don't even understand what this is. They seem to recommend mind-enhancing herbs for out-of-body experiences as a preparation for entering the invisible, in quotation marks, worlds. If we can overcome our blocks to these inherent abilities, we can experience them. We have all the glands, consciousness, and active DNA to do it. Oh, so somebody needs to actually just tickle your dematerializing gland.

Yeah, which gland is that? It's right under the pituitary. In this way, we visit the inner earth people and the other beings that live on planet earth with us, although unseen by us. The wise ones know these places and these people. As we visit these places temporarily, I feel the sensation of being small

in the company of seven-foot Sasquatch and nine-foot Inner Earth people. Inner Earth people? Oh, man. You didn't learn anything about them yet. It's like Mecha Sasquatch. I think she meant the type... Sasquatch versus Mecha Sasquatch.

Sasquatch. Coming soon to the Sci-Fi Network. They are gentle and loving, beaming their welcome. Their world is green, lush, and peaceful. They are wisely discerning about who can enter in. This is just a small part of what I experienced. This dreamwalking

is the kind of communication the Medicine Woman wants with Earthlings. What? Yep, okay. I'm glad you're referring to yourself in the third person now. That all makes good sense. That really is the... No, Medicine Woman is one of the Sasquatch.

Yeah, Medicine Woman is a Sasquatch. Oh, okay, okay, okay. She's Water Woman. Yeah, but you figured that out again. Yeah, for some reason I'm a little confused. We can enter the world with them. Everyone in our group has a profound dreamwalking experience. As we return in our third-dimensional world,

there are more grumbling growls right behind Helena. You got me? I've been wide awake and my sock's talking to me, but you know, it's fine, really. I've been eating nothing but my own shoelaces for the past two days, but I'm not crazy. Thanks to these people, human beings are now known to inner-earth people as

the Orange Ones. They worship the one they call Banner. No one jumps up to run away. We all hold the space, feeling the peace. What? Yeah, that's true. That's definitely true. Sexy? Maybe?

We acknowledge the presence of tall Sasquatch around us. They can communicate in numerous ways, including growls and songs, whistles, and imitations of every animal in the forest. My watch has stopped a feeling of timelessness.

Wait, we depart from our cabins at 1230 AM. Wait, how depart our cabins at 1230 AM. Wait, how do you know it's 1230 AM? Because, because that's why. Well, now that our watch has stopped, it's always 1230. I'm hungry. There are seven stars. I like the color green. Cabins are ugly.

Pen tips taste good. My face is itchy. Anyway, Jean-Luc was not able to retrieve any sounds from his iPod. Oh, of course. You call a rescue party! Yep.

The line between different realities is blurred in this forest setting where magical lights and mists of swirling energy take us to their worlds, affecting the environment around us. Changing physical matter, we will return in October. I mean, most of the people that go to Burning Man

are nice enough to shut up about that. He's got shiny diamonds that he's got to protect. Look into the Sasquatch eye, then you know that Sas can fly. Sasquatch is my daddy and he's going to protect me half man half machine

on the cover of a magazine bigfoot is my father so obviously you uh you all want to learn some more from uh joan ocean because she's clearly a good teacher so isfahan do you want to teach us about seminars please yes i'm sure joan has to many seminars, many of them voluntary. In the year 2012, we welcome you to the lush tropical abundance of Hawaii's Big Island, where we have been led to live peacefully in times of remarkable, extraordinary changes. times of remarkable, extraordinary changes. Come enjoy the beauty of nature, sun, and stars at Sky Island Ranch, our remote mountain home where we host week-long excursions into higher consciousness.

Oh, excursions? Sure, that sounds great. What else is there? These gatherings are for people who would like to enter the next phase of their spiritual work. There are positive changes of great magnitude unfolding now. We will share many inspiring messages with you. This new and life-changing information will bring you tremendous joy along with physical and spiritual gifts of

fulfillment as we experience a new wisdom timeline on our planet. Will you actually share information with you, or will you just spout crazy shit in my ear? Well, you see, one half does the other. Here at Kia Lakikuka, about crazy shit in my ear. Well, you see, here at Kia Lakikuka, Pathway of the Gods, we honor

the significance of that Hawaiian name. Entering the deepest places of spiritual wisdom, we open communication with dolphins, whales, star friends, animals, future spirits, butterflies, birds, and multi-dimensional fifth-realm finer realm finer frequency beings of life

respond to our loving presence. What the fuck? No elves? Boo! What are the fucking drops that come from those monsters? Open communication with butterflies. It's Star Friends. Star Friends is actually my favorite.

Star Friends! actually my favorite. Yeah. Star Friends. They are here. You can quietly enjoy their company. Or loudly. Your call. We will swim with different species of playful, curious dolphins traveling in large pods and riding the bow wave of our boats. Playing with them in the ocean waters, merging with their essence.

We are transformed by their love and joy. I bet you are. Well, so what seminars can we visit? Well, from February 5th to the 11th, we're having dolphins and whales of Hawaii. Email us to register. That doesn't sound crazy. All right, good.

From March 11th to the 17th, we're having dolphins, whales, and time travel. Email us to register. I feel like one of those things is a little crazy. From April 21st to 27th, we're having dolphins in the fifth dimension. The making of Joan's new book, Adults Only. Oh, dear! No!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! The fifth dimension is what she calls her cunt. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. The fifth dimension is what she calls her cunt. Stuff goes into the fifth dimension. Time for you to swim up into the fifth dimension. Oh, no. July and August seminars. I just got back from the fifth dimension.

How was it? I wouldn't recommend it. It's full of stars. I came back with a disease. I've got star herpes. Don't drink the water, whatever you do. Jesus Christ. That's what we call our water woman. July and August seminars, TVA.

It's like, how do we top dolphins in the fifth dimension? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And then, Victor, if you would do the paragraph above that, please. And then, Victor, if you would do the paragraph above that, please. Above that. Sending messages. Learning to communicate telepathically

with dolphins, we also extend our welcome to loving extraterrestrial civilization. We've got aliens. We are inspired by the inherent wisdom encompassing this island that is presented on all levels in our waking, meditative, and dream states. There are many aspects to consider as we acknowledge the personal and global humanitarian paths that reveal themselves to us. land and of the special nature spirits who are drawn here by our love will enhance our awareness, thoughtfulness, camaraderie, and play,

experiencing freedom of mind and body. We are healthy, strong, and enlivened. Come swim in the waves of light with us. Figure one, Spencer Gifts poster. Jack, if you would actually go up to the schedule.

She has textbook crazy eyes. This is madness. Those are Bachman peepers right there. I think they're super Bachman, actually. They're even higher. If you erase the rest of her face, it'd be like the Cheshire Cat coming into view. Our schedule.

Mornings. Optional swims in the ocean from our boats to meet the dolphins. Four mornings. And two excursions to the dolphin beach for swimming and discussions. Okay, so... Swim, alright. Afternoons.

3 to 5pm. Joan will share with you the latest wisdom teaching from our cosmic friends and the cetaceans. Okay. Dinner time. No host. From 5 to 7pm. That's where you're just on your own

and good luck. Imagine you morons take two and a half hours to shovel food into your maw. No, it takes that long to find something because you're on your own. Oh, okay. Evenings. Joan, 7.30 to 10 p.m. Joan will continue to reveal the advanced plans and communications of our beloved star friends and extraterrestrial relatives as they provide information of what she is to include in her new book. Oh, wow.

So your $1,000 for a week-long seminar gives you like four hours a day. Yeah. Well, that's in our reality. That's a good point. Yeah. There really is a long time. Infinity hours.

And actually, if you go to just a slightly different part on the page, it says that it will cost $1,294. I don't know. And a $400 deposit is required to guarantee your space. Or maybe it's $1,200 at the door. Oh, okay. That makes sense. If you just show up crazy with $1,200, you can commit.

I got blood on my hands and $1,300. Do you accept sky money? I've just, like, colored pieces of paper with shit written on them. Like, symbols from the various flags of our union. I'm sorry, this is wise

ones dollars. Spinners spotted southern right whale, northern right whale bottle nose, and Hectors, Rezos, Frasiers, striped Indo-Pacific bottle nose. The humpback comes in maybe three or four or even five species, but there are many more than these, so pay attention, please.

And there we go. Around about an hour of compassionate men who are hairy and who are not Robin Williams. John, what did you learn this week? I learned that people who believe in New Agey bullshit are way more fun to mess with and read about than people who believe in, like, conservative religious bullshit. Because, I mean, conservative religious bullshit is all about hating people and you're going to hell and how you should change your life, give me money because I'm going to make sure you don't die whereas new agey bullshit is like i believe in dolphins and how

they change my lives and oh look this yeti totally wrote me a letter it's not some native americans fucking with me it's totally a yeti oh i feel so happy it's true yeah yeah like i mean if you write letters to fucking new age pagany fuckers and and, and say like, Oh, what you're thinking is right. You know, well then they just sort of write a bad book and then you can giggle at them. Whereas if you do the same, you know,

with a, with a Southern Baptist people die. Exactly. Now I'm not one for any religious thought, but I will concede if, if, if I had to proselytize something, it'd be this new agey stuff.

Cause it just seems like the world would be a lot more fun if people believed this kind of crap. It's true, and it's always fun because having dealt with New Age-y people before, it's always fun as far as they're always quick to eschew kind of mainstream religion, which is always fun because they're like, well, you know, Catholics believe in this mystical bullshit with transubstantiation. Now, Buddhism, on the other hand, that says that when like. And whatever your personal feelings are, we wish you would go to T-H-E-F-P-L dot U-S and leave some comments like, oh, oh my god they released another episode yes i thought they were dead jesus i mean seriously we know like yes that was a terrible long time

it hurt us i i actually stayed away from the site for like a month because i just didn't want to like i didn't i i assume that most of the comments right now are, what the fuck are you? Yeah, do you think they kind of justify it? I wouldn't totally blame people if they think of that. But, I mean, if you're listening to this, thank you for keeping us in your subscription queues. Yeah, yeah. And we got more for you.

That's the other thing I wanted to tell you, is that this is, hopefully, I'm going to cross fingers now, but this should hopefully be the start of a nice spate of episodes. Yes, yes. So if you are subscribed, you're going to be getting a number of them fairly quickly. And also, coming up soon, our first ever sports episode. Guess who has idea that was? What's a sport? I don't know what a sport is. I'm a nerd.

I don't either, but Bunny Bread wants to inform us. So that's coming up in the future. We got a number of fun ones on the future as far as a isolated

sort of city-state. We have the people questioning whether or not something is normal. We've got a Halloween one just in time for Easter. We have,

yeah, we have a Halloween one which I'll release when I get to it. Yeah. And a special, once we get to it, a special Valentine's episode that we record in advance. So anyway, all of that's on the horizon, and that's why you need to keep subscribing. You need to tell your friends, and you need to just say nice things about us, because we appreciate that.

Yes, and before we go, let me tell you why we're having all these new episodes. It's because we're inspired by the power of the dolphin. That's it. I am out of here. They are just so... You swim all the time. Hello? Oh, that's a... Jack, that's a picture of Quachie from the Vancouver Olympics.

He's got dot eyes, and he's fuzzy and squishy. Yay! I'm sorry, okay, we were reading something. Portax got distracted by that. Okay.