The F Plus - 77: Go Get 'Em, Tiger
Episode Date: June 16, 2012In the four years that we've been cataloging the stranger parts of the Internet in podcast form, we've been asked why we've never done anything with furries. The issue mainly relies on the expans...iveness of this subject - with the sheer amount of furries and furry-related shenanigans on the internet, along with the fact that most internet-savvy people at least have some passing knowledge of what a furry is, we need to be selective in our focus. Fortunately, Zeis introduced us to Pounced.Org - a furry dating website similar to okCupid, but with far more use of the term "diaperfur". This week, The F Plus develops a clothes-wearing fetish.
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Offering one cheap ticket to the bones.
I think you missed. You let me penetrate you You let me complicate you
Help me
Hey there!
This is the F+, Terrible Things, Red with Enthusiasm.
My name's Lemon.
And I'm Isfahan.
And Isfahan, I'm glad you're here because we have a special little, let's say a long time coming
event. Oh, what would
that be? Well, what's something that we have never
covered on the F+, that people have been wanting
us to cover for quite a while?
People are into extreme
sports without the bungee cords.
Yeah, we tried that. It didn't really work out.
Anything else?
Let's say folks who want to bring
back LAN parties into the mainstream.
What a
horrible thought. No, actually
this is an episode
100% devoted to furries.
Furries! Oh!
That was going to be the next thing I said.
Specifically the mating habits of
furries. And
we have someone here that found
some comment for us.
Zace! Zace, how you doing?
Hey, guys.
Hi.
Hey, I'm doing all right.
So what site do you have for us here?
Well, it's called pounce.org.
Actually, let's start out by saying, you know, maybe if there's somebody that has never heard of the Internet and somehow managed to download this podcast, which is very, very Internet.
Can you, and let's say very, very briefly, can you explain what a furry is?
Well, a furry is someone who is interested in an anthropomorphic animal in some way.
Like, they might really like Tailspin, that old kids show.
Oh, I remember that, yeah.
They might have an unhealthy interest in mascot costumes. They just might like pretending
to be an animal on the internet. But it's largely like a community of people who get
boners from watching The Lion King, right? Yeah, there's a lot of that. All right, so
what's Pounce, then? Well, like any other community, really, people tend to flock together,
and they, well, they want to find a mate that has the same interests as they do.
Sure.
Do they want to be the same species, or is there a lot of cross-species action going on?
Oh, yeah, there's lots of cross-species action going on.
Oh, that's a lot.
So why is it that every person's profile has two photos?
I see that there's two photos.
Yeah.
Well, one is their disgusting real-world
human form that they
wish they could discard.
And the other is their
fursona.
Oh, I get it.
That's terrific.
So what we're going to be doing here
is just reading
the personal thoughts and
sexual desires of the furry community.
And I'm sure we'll all feel better about humanity afterwards, right?
I'm thinking this might actually be a little bit funny, too.
That's possible. Let's find out.
Readers, assemble! I want to fuck you like an animal.
I want to feel you from the inside.
I want to fuck you like an owl.
My whole existence is flawed.
You get me closer to God. In the room tonight we have Isfahan, you get me closer to God.
In the room tonight we have Isfahan.
I'm kind, loving, respectful, and sweet.
My skin color is white. I'm also very hairy.
Portex.
Copic markers, why are you so weird to use?
Booster and gear.
I'm a certified homopossum.
Stog.
I'm a clean jackal.
Vodka and fruity drinks are my favorites.
Heart base.
And lemon.
I just want friends who love Glee, High School Musical, and Passion of the Christ.
I'm going to pounce.org because they love all this.
Furry did start with wanting to fuck cartoon characters,
so maybe we should just start old school and have the gargoyles.
All right, all right. Gargoyles it is.
In that case, Vortex, you get to take this.
All right.
Look at that body type.
Yep. Yeah. Wow. right oh look at that body type yep yeah wow so now unfortunately what we're gonna have to do is
try to not comment on the photos because that'll just leave us with a whole lot of shit to cut out
so the listeners will just be like after they hear us got a new length and there'll be a bout
of laughing and they'll have to right yeah. It'll be like the first two minutes of a
Daily Show episode where it's all inside jokes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I will briefly say that I'm
Zay Gargoyle
looking for Master Dom and Friends.
Sure. Master Dom and Friends.
Master Dom and Friends.
Horrible Garfield and Friends
spinoff.
My fursona is Goliath from Gargoyles and his ripped, muscly glory.
And my real picture is a flabby nerd who can't even crop a photo properly.
It's Meatloaf from Fight Club.
Yeah, of indeterminate.
I guess it's male, but man, those are some tits.
I have a really important question for you, though, poor Tex.
What is your fur code?
My fur code?
Yeah, what is your fur code?
Yeah, just read it out phonetically.
Okay, phonetically.
My fur code is...
Are you done yet?
Yeah.
That's good enough.
What are you looking for in a relationship?
I'm...
What am I looking for in a relationship?
I am looking for a good friend,
or a casual friend,
or a short-term, or a long-term,
or
a quick yiff.
But gargoyles can't yiff.
That's the problem.
Gargoyles that think, that
masturbate to fox characters.
What, do the gargoyles think
they're fox furries or something?
I think that's persecution, saying that gargoyles are bloody.
It's called persecution.
Yeah, totally.
Okay, okay, okay, I'm going to back off then.
I'll back off.
Stog is gargoylist.
He is.
No one's identity is invalid, Stog.
Yeah.
All right, tell us about yourself,goyle That thing From Arkansas
I think it's Arkansas
Yeah it's Arkansas
Beating off to Disney y'all
Do you want to just do the full thing or
Yeah
I'm a 30 year old gay
Submissive male Gargoyle
Seeking a mate slash master
Slash dom between the ages of
21 and 50
Who's into BDSM mate slash master slash dom between the ages of 21 and 50
who's into
BDSM, CBT,
vacuum pumping,
electro
electro stem,
violet wands, and TT.
Okay, so
just two letter T's next to each other.
This guy here knows what I'm talking about, right?
So, any guesses on CBT?
Cockball torture.
Oh, that's actually probably right.
Okay.
Thank God we have stalker.
Okay, violet wands?
You know that specific color?
I don't know.
Well, you know, he's had a green wand for a while.
Got tired of it.
Herpulicus.
Yeah, this Harry Potter fanfiction is taking a horrible turn.
It looks like Violet Wand is an electrical current stimulation device.
So that's already covered by ElectroStim.
Right, yeah, I like ElectroStim, but also copyright-protected ElectroStim.
When I ElectroStim, I only use Violet 1.
Hi, I'm FatGuardOil.
I'm wanting to try milking, edging, sensory deprivation.
Oh, God, I'm wanting to try sensory deprivation right about now.
Wait,
there's a point here that's censored.
Yeah, sensory deprivation, comma,
hypnosis,
needle play slash piercing,
sounds,
Wanting to try sounds! I love
sounds. I like the noise.
It gets me hard. I've! I love sounds. I like the noise. It gets me hard.
I've heard of these sounds.
Upside down fermatas.
Breath play
if you are the right person.
And more.
I don't breathe for just anybody.
Anyone who wants
can pierce me or electrocute me.
Whatever. It doesn't matter.
Or torture my balls and cock.
Breathing
is off the table.
That's choking.
Okay.
My current limits are small,
such as no
scats.
WS
needs discussion,
which means it's not really a limit, but...
Hang on, I can't say peeing's off the table.
I'll never get a man.
Yeah.
Or permanent marks,
unless otherwise agreed on,
as my current living situation does not permit it.
Holy shit.
Oh, God.
So I have limits, but even my limits are negotiable.
Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, he's actually, the only limit that he really has is shit.
Yeah, which, I mean, that gives him a step up from supernatural fandom, so.
Fair enough.
Kudos.
How does his current living situation not permit permanent marks?
Is that like in his lease?
They don't want any kudos
I think he's married and this is all secret
Oh maybe
Dear, why does your left forearm say Foxy's bitch
Burned into it?
None of your business
Electrocute me
I'd love to one day
Have my wings Tail tail, horns, talons, skin color changes, and other body mods made,
but while some of these aren't available yet, I do want to get tats and my nipples pierced,
and any other mods would have to be discussed and agreed upon.
Sir, may I interest you in the island of Malatorra,
where your dreams can come true?
Yes.
Torture my psytran nipples more, please.
Oh, shit, psytrans don't feel pain.
Damn it.
I've also been told that I am what some people considers to be a pain slut.
Really?
Really?
No.
I like that he says, I've been told this, as though he has friends that talk to him.
No, he didn't even, no, he had to be told it, like he didn't consider it himself.
They were like, Jerry, dude,
the electricity through the nipple. You're something of a
pain slut.
Shut up and step on my balls!
See? See what I mean? This is
where this
is coming from. We're here
for you, Jerry. We're here for you. Just
back the car up onto my dick!
Wait, no permanent marks unless
otherwise agreed on.
That's alright, this dick is really resilient, it's fine.
Just sign this waiver and back the truck up on my dick.
Get that ball-kicking contract
from the...
That ball-kicking
contract is now a truck backing up
on my dick contract.
Calling back that same lawyer.
He's really considering moving his office.
How come you changed your phone number so many times?
What else are you into?
Also, I'm interested in
loosing weight and
get ripped.
I'm not that interested. It'll be a journey, but I'm interested in losing weight and get ripped. I'm not that interested.
It'll be a journey, but I'm up for it.
So I can look more like my true self.
That being Goliath, the copyrighted characters from Cargoyles.
So if he wants this, then he must not understand what it takes to get it.
What makes you say that?
No, like, I mean, yeah, I mean, right now he's 350 pounds and has huge tits,
but he's well on his way to being a muscular gargoyle.
He's interested in it.
They don't necessarily mean he's going to do it.
Like, he's thinking about it, being like, man, I can get into, you know,
not being a fat piece of shit.
Yeah, yeah.
I think that worked out for me.
That's how the internet works.
You like something, and that's all that matters.
Can you imagine being someone who was working on gargoyles
and finding this?
That would have made me really happy, honestly.
I think masturbation is the sincerest form of flattery.
That goes along with one of my
biggest fantasies.
Possessive.
To become a muscular
cum-producing monster.
Yes! Oh my god!
Wait, aren't you one already?
Oh, I'm sorry, that was mean.
I'm muscular.
He's already
a cum-producing monster.
There's only one piece of the puzzle left.
I don't remember seeing Goliath's cum-producing talents in his model sheet.
Well, clearly you haven't watched Disney's Gargoyles After Dark.
Or searched on the internet.
I'm just thinking of the model sheet with the turnaround and a giant dick sticking out like an arrow pointing to it.
Note, when drawing his cum, it has to be copious amounts.
Otherwise, it's off-model.
The producer gets it back from Korea.
God damn it!
These fucking Koreans never give him enough cum!
All right, all right.
I have always fantasized about being forced to take cum volume enhancing supplements slash drugs
and hooked up to a milking machine until I produce enough cum that my balls grow in size due to the experience
and be required to be milked multiple times a day because of it.
His balls leveled up.
He gets kidnapped and taken to a GNC.
This is from the same company that makes balloon juice.
You would become volume-enhancing supplements.
If you want an example, just email or IM me,
and I'll be glad to give you an example story.
Otherwise, you wouldn't
be able to understand how creepy I am.
We'll trade sex
favors for Monsanto's drug,
gargoyle growth hormones.
Is there an update
to your bio at all?
Update for 28
2011.
If you are going to immediately treat me like a piece of
trash without even talking to me
for more than 30 seconds
when you message me, don't bother.
If I wanted to be treated like a piece of
trash who is not a sentient being with
no feelings, then I would.
By getting my balls stepped on?
I do...
Oh my god, okay.
Okay. I do not like being called fatty or anything else that's a put down right off the bat without getting to know you and or having a few BDSM sessions with you first where treating me like might be appropriate.
I don't want you to call me a fatty unless you're also spanking my ass.
Calling me fatty in our private messages, that's just me.
You don't know me, or you're not electrocuting my nipples.
Can that be like the new internet?
Also, the implication here is that there are furries
who come onto the site and then call
other people fatty.
Yeah.
Just that...
Amazing.
Boots, do you want to tell us a little bit about
I believe his name is Ya Sonic
Ya
or perhaps he's Jamaican and that's Ya Sonic
Ya
Ya Sonic
Alright hey
Hey guys
Maybe it's Jay Sonic like his first name is Jason
No Nope No I'm from Montreal Alright, hey. Hey. Hey, guys. Hi. Maybe it's Jsonic, like his first name is Jason.
No.
Nope.
No, I'm from Montreal.
Okay.
This is an accent that doesn't make any sense.
Alright, just being a good friend and moving on.
I'm looking for a good friend, a casual friend, a quick if.
Okay.
I am a rodent other hedgehog.
Hedgehogs aren't rodents, goddammit.
Sorry.
I'm a rodent other hedgehog.
And it's sort of like Sonic the Hedgehog
if he had badly
photoshopped brown hair
and a giant chin.
It's Jay Leno.
That's what the jaw stands for.
It's Jay Leno Sonic.
Alright, right now I'm just good friends with Sarah Fox. It's Jay Leno. That's what the Jaws stands for. It's Jay Leno Sonic. Jay Leno Sonic.
All right.
Right now, I'm just good friends with Sarah Fox.
I am moving on.
Haven't had many girlfriends in real life because I don't play like that.
I am a monogamous hedgehog, and he wants to stay monogamous.
What is happening in your brain right now?
I'm almost positive. I am monogamous, and he wants to stay monogamous.
I think I never want to let go of having sex with my Sonic the Hedgehog plush toy.
Yay.
No, that's when he's monogamous.
He was married to the toy.
Okay.
I love him too much.
This is my only way of showing him my love and affection towards him.
Sorry, something got caught in my throat there.
My affection towards him, since he's not a real hedgehog.
So are you saying if he were a real hedgehog, you would still fucking...
Yeah, I'm pretty sure hedgehogs don't have spines on their backs.
That's cool, don't worry about it.
You guys want to know more about me in addition to the thing that I previously said, right?
Yeah, of course.
I am a plushophile also.
Yeah, okay.
That's good that you pointed that out.
That might surprise you.
But a real nice and polite one.
I don't bite guys.
So, just please come talk with me.
I'll be in the shower.
He just comes back into the living room
from the bathroom. Hey, I noticed a MyPetMonster
on your bedroom. Could I
fucking please? Nobody under 30 is gonna know
that joke either.
Please just come talk to me, guys.
I'll be in the shower using
a hedgehog as a bath sponge.
I like the
implication that there's some sort of stereotype that plushophiles are, like, rude.
Like, furries just be like, ew, I don't talk to plushophiles. Gross. They're rude.
Well, yeah, I mean, again, you know, he's the one that he asks.
Yeah, a rude plushophile would just go ahead and ravage your popple and take her innocence.
But a polite one.
We can hedgehogs pounce on other people.
Well, but a gentlemanly one would put a ring
on it first. A polite one just buys
their dinner first, a cotton ball
or whatever it is they eat.
Demi-plushophile. He only fucks plush toys
he has an emotional connection with.
Hey guys, I have an
important question. What's that?
Can a hedgehog pounce another person?
Because I can understand the
gargoyle wanting to pounce another person, but the hedgehog, I'm not sure. Well, a hedgehog manounce another person? Because I can understand the gargoyle wanting to pounce another person,
but the hedgehog, I'm not sure.
Well, a hedgehog man, I guess, could.
Okay.
That makes sense, I guess.
If it's, like, genitals down, because they're not spiny on the genitals.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I hope not.
For him, it's like, I pounce, but he does the pouncing.
All right.
Isfahan, do you have your Scottish accent ready?
Aye.
Aye.
All right.
You're from Aberdeen.
Scottish student.
We found this guy on our own.
Scottish student skunk bear seeks sausage.
Skunk bear. Skunk bear. He's half skunk bear seeks sausage. Skunk bear.
Skunk bear.
He's half skunk, half bear.
It's explained, actually.
The skunk bear part is explained, too, which is good.
I'm 19 years old.
I'm from Aberdeen.
I'm single and looking for a good friend.
Casual friend.
Short term, long term.
Quick if.
Whatever.
I'm seeking a male or a terranian?
Sure.
My species is other,
mixed breed,
and in parentheses, chocolate-colored
skunk-bear hybrid om nom nom.
I'm surprised that was
a choice in the drop-down list.
So he's what happens
when a skunk fucks a bear.
Yes.
That is actually probably one of the least implausible furry hybrids I've seen.
I like that he was like, oh, I kind of wish I was a bear, but just bears aren't smelly enough.
Like, I wish bears smelled worse.
Well, since, you know, Pepe Le Pew, a lot of furries think that skunks just represent, like, love.
I guess.
That's amazing.
And sexiness and stuff.
And they missed the entire point behind Pepe Le Pew in the first place.
The whole fucking point of that cartoon was that nobody wanted to be around him because he smelled bad.
So the most attractive thing in the world is a cat that had paint dropped
on it? Pretty much. Yes. Like, there's
also that Sabrina Online comic that was
drawn by a guy who was like,
yeah, I think skunk fumes
are actually really attractive. I have a bottle
of it that I sometimes rub on myself.
Oh, that's so horrible.
Yay! No thanks.
Why is this a thing that's happening? I don't know.
Anyway, this guy gets at least one point for having an avatar that has at least somewhat
in similar to the same body type as he does in real life.
Dully and Harry.
My description.
Philosopher.
Raconteur.
Intrepid Kingmaster.
Very European.
Well, I think most people in the UK get really pissed off if you call it part of Europe, but anyway.
Well, hello there.
My name's Danielson, and I'll probably want to meet you.
Yay!
I'm particularly bad at advertising myself, but here goes nothing.
Like I said, my name's Danielson, which I said in the last sentence.
Yeah, he's not good at advertising.
I'm a 19-year-old cockslut in Aberdeen, Scotland.
I think that's a pretty good selling line.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm a firm believer in trying everything at least once,
and there are plenty of things I've tried and liked,
and very little I've tried and disliked.
So if you're looking for something a little kinky,
I could very well be your guy.
That is, if you don't mind, guys who are a little on the large side.
I weigh in at 18 stone,
but don't be alarmed. While I could definitely
lose a few pounds, a lot of that
is 250 pounds of muscle.
Uh-huh.
A lot of the 250
pounds of muscle.
I wonder how much
of it is in his breasts.
I hope you...
If you don't mind, guys,
we're a little on the large side
and are also akin to lying.
And I'm in surprisingly good shape
for a man my size.
Yeah.
Besides loving the cock,
I am into normal person stuff
like going to the movies,
out to eat,
and avoiding pubs slash clubs at all costs.
Oh yeah, that's a normal thing to do.
I'm into normal person stuff like running,
screaming from a club.
A Scotsman who doesn't like the pub.
That's normal.
I much prefer sitting home with a good
DVD or anime. Surprise.
Then going out clubbing. That's just me.
I'm a big fan of music,
favoring rock and metal.
The more brutal, the better.
But I don't want to see you in the club, oh God!
No.
Whether it be power metal, black metal,
or simply alt-rock, that's not metal.
Jack Chick is angry somewhere and he doesn't know why.
Oh my God, that is so not metal.
Why am I punching my wall?
That's not metal.
That's the best Jack Chick impersonation I've ever heard, Scott.
It's a double impersonation because it's Jack Chick putting on a voice.
His anime voice doesn't sound that different from his real voice.
I'm also a big fan of MMA and professional wrestling, if that's your kind of thing.
We've touched on this before, but stop making profiles where you're like,
I'm really into metal and MMA.
To be fair, he is looking for another man.
Yeah, I guess you are looking for another gay nerd, so never mind. I withdraw.
I also don't drink, smoke, or do drugs.
But if you're a light drinker or smoker, then it's not a big deal.
I'm not going to jump down your throat about it.
Unless you want me to. Yeah.
Here are some buzzwords that can be used when talking about
me that could potentially scare you off, so let's
get them all out of the way now.
Baby fur. Diaper lover.
Nerd. Lives with parents. That's one word,
dammit.
Scat. Want to sports.
Filthy.
Etc.
Oh, I am turned off by the word etc.
Ugh, Latin.
So if you'd think you'd want to meet a smelly...
A smelly Scottish skunk bird.
Online or in person.
Don't hesitate to contact me.
You can message me on here, I think.
I don't know.
I don't know if interaction is allowed in Pounce.org.
And if not, I can be found on MSN and AIM.
To get those, either message me...
What the hell?
You can message me.
If you can't message me, get this.
But to get that, you have to message me.
And if that's not
possible, then find me on FAA as
Kokarka. Kokarsa.
Okay, I'll go to FurAffinity and fucking look up
his name.
I'll look forward to hearing from ya.
Respond to that.
And that's it.
I like how he just starts off with just, you know,
relatively normal, just like,
I'm gay, I'm looking for a guy, I'm kind of big.
Oh, by the way, baby fur, diaper lover, shit all over myself.
Lives at home.
Lives with my parents.
Alright, uh...
Stock!
Hello.
Stock, tell me a little bit about yourself.
This guy looks bored in his own profile.
Hello.
Hello.
Foxy looking for friends only.
I am 21 years old from Harrisburg, PA, United States.
What kind of relationship are you in there?
I am in an open relationship.
Which means she doesn't know.
Yeah, pretty much.
She doesn't know she's in a relationship with you?
Yeah.
Okay.
I am looking for a good friend
and a casual friend.
All right, well, let's...
Sell us.
What do you got to say for us?
Wait, I have to tell you.
I am a canine fox.
An arctic fox.
Sure. An arctic fox. Sure.
An arctic fox.
Yes.
Arctic.
Hello, my name is Hinodaru, and I'm an arctic fox looking for some friends to hang out and talk to.
Well, good luck with that.
People keep telling me that the problem with my tongue.
Is it my tongue?
Might be part of it.
Why don't you try to put the tongue in your mouth?
No.
Don't tell him what to do, human.
I made it to the most wonderful husky named Chiba,
who will be coming to PA for college and to spend time with his socksies.
Times three.
I live in Harrisburg, PA
with my dad.
I live in Harrisburg, PA with my dad.
I work as a
temp for a warehouse called
Virtus Communications
in York,
Utah. If you want
to know anything more than just
add my Skype and
let me know who you are.
Thank you for your time.
I need a room.
Really good
selling points. Like, I live
with my dad. I text.
Goodbye. I'm sure
you have a phone. I'm in Pennsylvania.
I'm in Pennsylvania. I'm in Pennsylvania.
Well, he's letting the photo do the talking.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
All this could be yours.
All this could be yours.
Yeah.
Alright.
I'm going to tell you a little bit about myself.
I am 24 years old.
I live in Sarasota, Florida.
I am single and I'm looking.
Good friend, casual friend, short-term, long-term, quickie-iff.
I am a kangaroo, light brown fur with a scar from my eye to my jawline.
So I've been in a dueling.
I don't see it in his picture.
Yeah, that's why I told you it's there.
It's on the other side.
Hey, all, this is Ron the Kangaroo.
Most of my buddies IRL call me Charles or Chaz,
but y'all can think up a nickname for me if you wish.
But pick a cute one, smiley face, ellipsis.
How about annoying dumbass?
Looks like he's drooling.
I'm about 6 foot 298 pounds, 24 years old.
I enjoy playing my PS3 and getting on SL.
Second Life?
Yeah.
Second Life.
Why isn't that 2L?
I am easy to get along with, and I'm very cuddly.
3.
I'm on here looking to find the one mate who will love me for who I am.
BTW, I'm a sexual, cuddly person mate who will love me for who I am BTW I'm a sexual cuddly person
I love Yiffin a lot
but just so you know that's not all I enjoy
there's no punctuation here
shit I do enjoy a good
chat or a nice time out of the town
or maybe just chillin
at the beach or possibly just
walk around downtown period
oh breathe that fresh air chillin' at the beach, or possibly just walk around downtown, period. Oh, good.
Ah, breathe that fresh air.
I was feeling exhausted for you.
I'm seeking a skinnier version of me!
Oh, what?
There can't possibly be one out there.
I want to fuck me, but I need to lose some weight.
Lose some weight, chubby.
I took a video of me masturbating while I was in here.
And thinking about me.
Masturbating on a treadmill.
A love and cuddle sexual person who can indeed love me for me
and not wish to make me into this perfect idea of a boof.
These are like save points in a really hard video game.
Furry souls.
But though I'm seeking a mate, I won't turn down any fun along the way.
Just afraid to hit me up, I won't bite much, colon three.
I won't bite much, colon 3.
Anyway, I hope I can hear from you.
And I hope whoever messages me is the one for me, colon D.
Add my Yahoo or any other messenger.
I don't mind.
Just be sure to tell me who you are.
And if we get to know one another, well, perfect.
I will give you my phone number,ist oh and before you think i'm
just some fatty i am i work out a lot maybe four times a week been doing so for three months now
i'm also an inveterate liar that doesn't mean you're not fat though yeah look i'm he's not
just some fatty he's a fatty who works out in effective ways.
I'm 300 pounds, but before
you think that's fat, I do work out.
That fat is all muscle, you know.
Just really squishy muscle.
He has the strongest chin I've ever
seen. Look how bulky that thing is.
He's a sink master cousin.
Look at that chin. He could open bottles thing is. He's a sink master cousin. Yeah. Look at that chin.
He could open bottles with it.
I gotta say,
we're only a few profiles in. I've already had to
install four different instant messenger
programs.
You only need one. It's called Fremuck.
Boots is a Minecraft widower.
He needs something to do in his life.
Alright. Boots, you Minecraft widower. He needs something to do in his life. Alright.
Boots, you
feeling seductive?
Yeah, I'm always feeling seductive.
I can tell.
You're a sexy dominatrix.
She doesn't know how
the MySpace angle works.
Yeah, the backwards MySpace angle.
It's the exact opposite.
Hang on, I bet if I do this, I can look
even fatter.
This is the Pounds.org angle.
Alright.
Hey, guys.
Hyena Queen, seek
submissives.
Findom.
I'm sure we'll find out what that means.
Findom.
Okay.
I'm 24. I'm 24.
I'm female.
I'm looking for anything.
Whatever!
A very elaborate array of various male and female symbols.
Yeah.
I'm currently in a closed relationship.
Why are you here?
Figure that one out.
Maybe she found someone on here?
Perhaps.
So I'm looking for a good friend or a casual friend.
Okay.
Who is either male, female, or trans.
So just something.
Whatever.
Doesn't matter.
Yeah, that's fine.
Oh, I know what FINDOM stands for now.
Yeah.
Tell us.
But I will now tell you what it is.
For those who are not aware of what financial domination is,
financial domination, where usually a submissive or money slave
will give gifts and money to a dominant,
the relation may often be accompanied by other practices of BDSM,
but there may be virtually no further intimacy between the individuals.
Wow, you've just invented the newest
profession.
Yes. Oh my god,
that is so fucking smart.
Outside the box, that is the smartest thing.
I'm seriously impressed.
I mean, I'm really...
God, I wish I had thought of it.
I think we found the first Kickstarter kin.
Yeah.
Alright, you guys want to know about me? Yep. Yeah. All right.
You guys want to know about me?
Yep.
Hi.
I'm intelligent, confident, and creative.
Also skinny.
I am a woman who will take you under her shoe and make you happy to serve me.
By giving her money.
I am fair.
I'm not cheap, but I'm fair.
Okay.
And give respect where respect is due.
But I am not the type to tolerate time wasters and liars.
Or cheapskates.
Quick with a witty quip or a harsh word to put a submissive back right into their place.
You didn't give me enough money.
Equally capable of showing kindness where it is deserved.
Thank you for the money.
I will eat your heart out.
And make you love every minute of it.
If you think my age equates to naivety, then I
think again. Because that's not
a word. Yeah.
It's like nativity, but
spelled differently. I will not tolerate
topping from bottom or playing games
and won't be jerked around. The only thing
to remember is that you need me more than I need
you. That's not true!
You depend on him for money!
Um,
no.
So come and throw yourself at the feet of a woman
you've never seen before.
And here's an unusually large number
of turn-
And here's an unusually large
list of turn-ons and turn-offs
that a dominant would give.
But anyway, my turn-ons and turn-offs that a dominant would give. But anyway,
my turn-ons are financial
domination, boot shoe
worship. Oh, there you go, boot.
Yeah. Yeah.
Foot worship. This comes
with comfort. I have to get to know you and
and there's a new point.
Know I'm comfortable before you're allowed to touch
my skin. Sure.
Bondage, light to medium.
Discuss your ideas with me.
Giantess.
Oh, that's what that picture is. It was a
normal-sized person taking picture
of a giant woman.
Oh, okay, yes.
There it is, yeah. Crushing,
non-living only.
Because some people really do get
off on women stepping on mice and rabbits.
Yeah, so she'll only step on baked beans.
Mouth fetish.
Age play.
Sissification.
Domestic servitude.
CBT.
Humiliation.
Pet play.
Costume uniform play.
Water sports.
Spanking.
Whipping.
Feeding.
You're receiving objectification.
Really?
You're receiving?
Hand worship.
It's flipping the script. Yeah. Objectification. Breast worship let's flip in the script
yeah
objectification
breast worship
hand worship
butt worship
blood play
nude male
clothed female
but what are your turn offs?
my turn offs
are vomiting
crushing animals
extreme
CBT
so that's
not in a stream
feeders mean receiving again you're lying CBT, so that's not in a stream.
Feeders, maybe you see this. Again, you're lying.
I'll take care of that.
Don't worry.
That's taken care of.
I don't think she's right about that.
Topping from bottom.
I'm the dom here.
Remember that.
I will be giving you no money.
Illegal activities.
I think prostitution is illegal.
I'm not doing anything here that might put me in jail.
You are not worth that.
And full frontal nudity. I'm not doing anything here that might put me in jail. You are not worth that. And full frontal nudity.
I'm not here to degrade myself for you.
Too late.
I'm a woman with dignity.
Wait, no. No, I'm not.
That's just a fringe benefit, apparently.
She's not here for that.
So anyway, message me and I'll provide you with further
contact info. Please be aware,
I'm not here to be jerk-off material for some desperate little wanker.
That's my job.
I'm only here for your money.
Yeah.
I will not send you naked pictures, otherwise I grab myself for you.
Yeah, because you have so much fucking dignity.
I get off on being a leech.
It's a feature, not a bug.
It's really all about how you sell it, though. It's like,
you give me money, and then you get a boner
from it. Yeah. As opposed to
you give me money and you don't get a boner from it. You're welcome!
I just get the feeling like
she was casting her net wide, and
she went to this furry dating site and be like,
uh, fuck it, a hyena, whatever,
I don't give a shit. Somebody give me money.
It's almost like if some really
corporate executive type people got
together and they were just like, what's a new fetish
that we can do?
Alright, Stog? I'm seeking
a stinky guzz.
God.
Wow.
We found a stinky boy, but alright,
let's see what you got here. No, I'm not a stinky boy.
I'm just looking for a stinky girl. I smell nice.
And you know, I think he might have a chance on Pounce.org. Yeah, that's why she got here. No, I'm not a stinky boy. I'm just looking for a stinky girl. I smell nice. Okay. And, you know, I think he might have a chance on Poundstar.
Yeah, yeah.
That's why I'm here.
Right.
Stupid.
There's a picture of a cat and Phoebe LeFium from Tiny Tin Adventures.
And it looks like she is giving him a handjob, or she's about to give him a handjob or something.
A stinky handjob, yeah.
Well, you're really excited about this.
Okay.
He's got like a TV remote or something in A stinky handjob, yeah. Well, you're really excited about this, okay. He's got like a TV
remote or something in his hand.
That's how I could turn her off after she finishes giving me
the handjob.
Does she stop stinking yet?
No.
Stink is eternal.
Yeah, no, that makes her more stinky. I'm a horrible person. Does she stop stinking after that? No. Stink is eternal.
Yeah, no, that makes her more stinky.
All right, all right, what do you got here?
I'm a horrible person.
I am 27 years old.
I'm from Philadelphia, PA, United States.
You spelled it right.
Philadelphia.
I'm looking for a long-term relationship with a female, and I'm a mammal skunk.
Okay. Okay, I'm a mammal skunk who doesn't smell, because I'm a mammal skunk. Okay.
Okay, I'm a mammal skunk who doesn't smell, because I wear a suit and I smell nice.
That's good.
But I don't stink, but I'm sick only a girl who is willing to stink for me, okay?
What?
Okay.
So not a girl who stinks for other people.
That's your personal smell assistant.
It's got to be monogamous.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I lost
my, I went to Afghanistan
and I lost my stink in the war.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Well, it's like when people have skunks for pets and they remove the stink glands.
Did you go outside while stinking?
You did, didn't you?
You only stink for me.
Yeah, yeah, the Taliban removed my stink glands.
Anyway, I won't be on here so much
since I'm the only straight, dominant
male on here looking for this, okay?
That's very presumptuous of him.
Look, look.
Stinky feet, armpits,
panties, and etc.
The natural female sense is so erotic
and beautiful, okay? Look, I am
loyal, loving, sweet,
caring, but I really won't be happy unless you stink
for me, alright? I also prefer to have butt sex with my girl.
I hope none of this will be wrong for you.
Yeah, how often?
How often?
I hope everybody is okay with the fact that I'm going to have butt sex with my girlfriend.
If you don't like it, well, you can just fuck off, alright?
I'm a war veteran.
But the important thing is that I'm loyal sweet care.
Yeah, yeah.
I prefer short girls, size 12, but this is not priority.
That's not what size 12 means.
Ah.
Well, no, it says short girls, comma, size 12.
These are different parts.
Oh, yeah.
What would her domestic situation be like?
You can live with me.
I'll work.
Ideally, you won't have to.
I think the government sucks for forcing women to work.
What? Forcing women to work?
Look, they should not have to unless
they want to, okay?
Well, it is.
Portax, are you in a
labor camp right now? Well, yeah, but
there's a given, right?
I didn't realize your animation job
was at an animation sweatshop.
Oh, yeah, I'm chained to this desk.
Why do you think I never leave?
We are slaves.
You don't have to be 30 to get that reference.
Female diapers first welcome.
Dirty diapers stink after all.
Yeah, yeah, we get what your main turn-on is.
You don't need to...
Look, I don't care.
If you're not wearing a diaper but you stink, that's fine.
But if you're wearing a diaper and you stink, that's fine, too.
I'm not partial.
And I will try to be into whatever fetish you have.
Paige.
You have to stink for me.
I'll maybe try to reciprocate for you.
I don't know.
Yeah, yeah.
It's a learning experience, right?
Oh, I love having my cock and balls tortured.
Whatever.
You sure stink good today.
Yeah, I'll do pain, choking, bondage, etc.
I want to have fun with you.
Just as long as you stink.
Wait, so what actually happened here was that this guy's looking for somebody to beat and humiliate him.
And he was like, oh my god, there's so many people that are into BDSM on this site.
I need a hook.
Oh, I know.
I'll pretend like I'm not into that shit.
And most of all, you will be my best friend.
Pick for pick.
Lemon, are you accusing this person of being insincere with his desire to want Sting?
I am.
Because I think...
How dare you?
That is quite an accusation, sir.
Yeah, that is a very bizarre accusation.
How dare you?
I don't know.
I think he just goes on about it too much.
I'm starting to doubt him.
He thinks the skunk doth protest too much.
The thing is, like, he doesn't really have much of a persona picture up,
so I really think he's like, I want a really smelly girl.
Where's a dating site?
Again, it's just the same thing as, like, the hyena girl,
who's like, doesn't really care about the furry angle,
but furries are pretty weird, so might have better luck on pounce.
I bet there's a lot of stinky girls on this site.
I'm not stinky anymore, but I bet I can meet a girl who's really stinky.
Also, how dare you?
All right.
Portex, you're going to enjoy this.
Yay.
Let's see what we got here.
That's about right.
Oh, my God.
Okay.
First of all, you got to read the title of the thing. John Lennon, okay. First of all, you gotta read the title of the thing.
John Lennon, no!
I'm the most extreme furry in the world, seriously.
Seriously, you guys.
How old are you?
I'm 21.
Alright, and if you'll just enter in your fur code here, please.
Fixie J3 Axie da da da da da da da
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ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha My real face is not, and my fursona is a purple Lucario
with Pokemon.
That's a Pokemon, right?
Holding a Christmas present.
Holding a Christmas present.
I think
your fur face
is every pedophilia
mugshot ever.
Seriously.
seriously every 7-eleven employee
what's your
species
I'm a Lucario
Pokemon
more specific
white with purple accents silver chest fur
okay now yeah
that's exciting.
Okay.
Tell me about yourself, most extreme furry in the world, seriously.
All right.
Basically, if you are dedicating your life to the pursuit of the perfect fursuit, and
by that I mean real anthropomorphic animals, then we might have something to talk about.
My best quality, intelligent and comfortable communication through any medium, though I
am shy when it comes to meeting
new people. So, to reiterate, I
am comfortable with any communication as long as we
don't actually have to meet face-to-face.
I can talk to you on Xbox,
I can talk to you on Skype,
it don't matter! Everything Boots just
installed, doesn't matter.
Trillion?
Sure. My ICQ
window is the second, ICQ window?
ICQ, wow.
You got Prodigy, Chad?
You got Prodigy?
I'm going to put this out to all the people listening to this.
You can friend me on ICQ.
My number is 147-3257.
Oh, man, you're going to get so many ICQ stalkers now. That is actually my ICQ number.
When's the last time you've logged into that?
I logged in a few months ago just to see if that was still my number.
I'm like, I think that's my ICQ number, because the number popped in my head, right?
And it was.
Uh-oh.
Yeah.
Uh-oh.
But ten years.
So old.
Okay, so that's my best quality.
My worst quality.
Yep.
If you're not exactly like me or a perfect saint, I will be very, very annoying, especially in competition.
Well, I'm probably not like you, so yes, you'll probably be very, very annoying.
Apparently nobody's perfect.
Nope, not even me.
I like sex, and I want sex, but humans just aren't for me.
I would also like to point out that abusing
animals is a sign of sociopathy, and
wait a minute, I shouldn't say that here.
My name is
warning sign. Yeah.
This is red flag,
the purple lucario.
If there is a person
I like who's wearing a full
fursuit or a partial with the rest of the flesh covered by clothing, including sheath shorts and the Cerberus adapter or comparable products, Yif is likely to ensue.
Okay, wait, stop.
That's jargon.
Let's just keep moving on.
Despite my unfathomable hatred of human physiology and appearance.
He punches every mirror.
Well, that's what he's basing it on.
All right, wait, I just wanted to say that I looked up Cerberus apparatus, and I got a pyrotechnic kit from eBay.
Adapter.
Oh, okay. I thought it would be something...
That sounds more fun.
So if you have flame shooting out of your dick, then
Yif is likely to win. This guy looks like he
sells fireworks.
He really does. I would like to meet
someone who shares my ideals and philosophies
of which I have shared none, and whom
I can spend time most
likely playing video games
and who will support me in my life's
work. Again, not stated.
He should have ended that sentence at
me.
What is his life's work? Shitting
in the backyard? Yes. Making a pile
of shit? Yes. For all we know
since he hasn't gone into it, I don't know.
This is my life's work. It's a
mountain of shit. Alright,
Isfahan. Let's get serious here.
With some serious, seriousfahan. Let's get serious here. With some
serious, serious demon wolf.
Serious.
Serious.
Wow.
Oh, here we go.
Hampstead, he's in my state. Lovely.
Okay, so
in the foreign code,
It's McGruff the Nazi dog.
Yeah.
I don't hear her.
Take a bite out of juice.
Apparently, in the furry code,
they make it a point to...
The very last thing on there is stating
whether or not you've had real, live, actual sex.
Is it a virgin tag?
Yeah.
All right, Demon Wolf, what do you got for us?
Right. My name is Demon Wolf. All right, Demon Wolf, what do you got for us? Right.
My name is Demon Wolf.
I'm 23 years old
and unfortunately
I live in
Hampstead, Maryland.
Unfortunately.
I'm in an open relationship
looking for short-term,
long-term,
quick gift.
Looking for males
or trannies.
I'm an other
werewolf,
which is why
I'm a German shepherd
or something.
This is the only
mask they had, okay?
A werewolf with surprisingly
human hands.
Yeah, that's his human form before he transfers
into a werewolf. His human side
wears a German shepherd head.
This body's just a vessel. It has become
what is that for animal spirits
and demons to take over.
I've retained little of what I was.
The devil has entered me, and I'm ecstatic by it.
Ecstatic by it, yes.
I no longer see
what the Christians call hell
as a painful place of misery,
but instead a haven for those of my kind.
Those who relinquish the bonds
of being human and give in to our
subconscious primal desire.
Don't be afraid of your kinks.
Don't be afraid of that dirty, dark thing you've always wanted to do.
Do it.
Let's become one.
It's neurotic pleasure together.
Our souls being transformed by the ancient magic with a K.
Imparted to us by what the Christians call Satan.
Take that, Christians.
I'm a dog of the devil.
But not a devil dog, thank God.
I want to make more of us.
Ew.
I want more dear dogs to roam this earth.
I want to take anyone willing to let their soul become like mine
and transform them with my capital and master's power
so we can be his.
Let us run on this sacred earth as dogs of hell together.
That sounds cute.
Not sure why I laughed there, but anyway.
Let our lust and desire give us power,
instead of make us weak.
Let our emotions and souls be channeled properly,
harnessed by the dark demon lord and focused properly.
Come, my canine siblings, let us become one.
Okay.
Yeah, I'm in, absolutely.
Yeah, yeah.
Just, you know, before we begin,
maybe you should let us know if you have any, like, one or two fetishes.
Yeah, I got a few.
I mean, like, I got, like, one or two, so just, you know, see if they make it.
Well, I got a few, so let's see.
Military uniforms, police uniforms, werewolves,
shapeshifting, occult philosophy, alchemy, magic with a K, slash, witchcraft, ritual sex, demons, Satan, animals, spirits, Native Americans, color, slash, leet, suit, slash, tie.
Wait.
Mind control, hypnosis, guided meditation, identity control, slash, removal, transgender, transformation, forced clothes wearing, forced nudity, forced fursuiting, bondage, master slave, harnesses, dog masks.
Dog masks, huh?
Dog masks.
Play, anal sex, oral sex, daddies, bears, older, heavier men,
younger men,
energy manipulation,
chakra healing,
and more.
This is not just
a fursona to me,
nor is it a character.
What I have said
is who I truly am.
That's not nettle!
So there's your
jack-check voice, Doug.
Yeah, that's totally accurate.
The thing is,
he's talking about
how evil he is,
and yet if someone,
if anyone trolled this guy
He'd be like, guys, stop it
What do you mean on the internet?
Suit tie fetish
I like that the suit tie fetish is sandwiched by collar, leash, and mind control
I really liked forced clothes wearing
Yeah, forced clothes wearing
No, stop it
So it's like if you're taking a shower
He's like, put the suit and tie off
Society dictates we don't go around naked.
That is so hot.
Come on, Demon Wolf.
You're going to wear these cutoffs.
Come on, Demon Wolf.
Get your shoes on.
We have to go to church.
Oh!
I hate it, but I love it.
Just a second.
Ha ha.
I'm forcing you to wear this button-up shirt and jeans in the shower.
And chakra healing.
That's another...
He likes older men. He also likes younger men.
Do you think, like, there's a lot of people
on the site that are going to help him
with his forced fursuiting fetish?
Wear it!
Be uncomfortable!
Oh, yeah, I hate
wearing this.
Forced fursuiting is like, they're slightly
too fat for the fursuit,
so they have to kind of push it on hard.
No, it's probably like
dress up as like, you know,
an animal that they don't like.
Like, dress up as a mantis!
Dress up as an anon!
Avalcors do exist.
Hello.
What the hell?
Oh, hi.
Oh, Avalcors?
I don't know what I'm looking at. You said Avalcors do exist, you said. Hello. What the hell? Oh, hi. Oh, Avalcor? Why, you...
I don't know what I'm looking at. You said Avalcor's
do exist, you said. No.
Avalcor's. I do believe in Avalcor's. I do believe in
Avalcor's. I do, I do, I do, I do, I do believe
in Avalcor's. I am an Avalcor.
Ask me about it
because Avalcor is my own species.
Anyway,
I'm just here to find fur friends
because Utah sucks.
Wait, can you explain what an Aval is no yeah you can okay it's an aquatic horse comma wolf comma dragon comma shark
it's like a fucking short for furries it's like a shortcut to uniqueness you just
take a whole bunch of different animals and you cram them together and suddenly you're a special snowflake.
For the end?
So they do exist, eh?
They do exist!
I had heard rumors about Ablechores, but I never
thought they existed before.
There seems to be more furries in Utah!
Woo!
Is that the sound Ablechores make?
Woo!
That's my mating call.
Goes on a rampage clomping spree.
I hope you don't hurt anybody.
500 people died.
Pronunciation.
This is a self-designed creature.
Do not waste, as in the part where your belt goes, your time goggling it.
That's a good point. I do not want to waste my time looking at that fucking horrible design.
Yeah.
He lives in the Kasori Forest.
Physical appearance.
Kuzi is an evil core made up breed by
Raikou Neon,
a fusion of canine, dragon with
multiple arms, horse and shark.
But he only has two arms
in his picture. That's more than one.
For a shark.
For a shark that has multiple arms.
Beautiful.
His eyes are a
lumance violet and his forehead has a rare tear and a diamond clash pattern Beautiful. His eyes are a luminescence violet,
and his forehead has a rare tear
and a diamond clash pattern that looks like a heart.
That's a rare tear.
Rare tear.
A rare tear.
His eyes have natural eyeliner
with a fang-shaped triangle under them.
His bottom jaw missing fur
for scales along his nose into eye brows.
What?
How old is this person?
21?
And they're typing like this?
It's almost as if furry stunts you or something.
It's not the case, but almost.
His tongue is prehensile.
Why am I talking in the third person?
I don't understand.
This is supposed to be me.
What?
And at max length is seven feet long and can switch between sandpaper
to Egyptian cotton textured.
Oh, you're fucking kidding
me. Now the switch in the back
of my jaw.
Also, the tip... Fuck you.
Also, the tip of his rounded tongue
Has a slit that seems to
Sucrette's assaulting
What?
Sucrette's? Those are delicious
Sucrette's
I don't know if he paid
Sucrette's for the brand name
It's even got a capital S
It's even got a capital S
This makes it look like A cock tongue His head It's even got a capital S. It's even got a capital S, yeah.
This makes it look like a cock tongue.
His head has a medium fin covered in scales.
He has three wind dragon fins on each cheek and two rows of dragon teeth in his mouth
angled back to make sure the food stays down.
I've lost track of all of the many things that happened to this guy.
But none of them are represented in his drawing.
His drawing is just like
a blue eel.
The food will stay down.
Now my body.
I'm sorry, his body.
His twink body has
a pattern of silky caramel fur and slithering white scales.
His sides thick with fur and a stripe of scales runs from jaw to his pants.
Males can find out more.
Females will not.
Two arms lay over a second pair, and his forearms are normal-sized.
No weird two stubs and two normal-sized arms.
What?
Damn, I can't follow this.
It's just like, if we're going to go out, you have to read my fan comic.
You have to.
I like to think he commissioned those shitty pictures at the
top, but they got it all wrong, so
he's like, fuck, now I have to describe what he looks
like. Who wrote this?
The Mars Volta?
Yeah, these are
liner notes.
Stock, tell a joke just for me and Lemon.
Thanks, Doc.
Where the fuck was I?
Okay, we'll say I'm here.
Sit normal three-digit claws, one thumb, and two medium figures.
Hummel figures, I think.
The palms and fingertips are scale, and the rest is fur.
His chest has one set of pecs shared by the four shoulders,
supporting two midnight black nipples.
Midnight black nipples.
I'm checking the picture again.
I wonder where I can order some midnight black nipples.
This is what I think happened.
Maybe he wrote the description, and then he tried to find something for that online,
and that was seriously the closest picture.
Well, it's got a name on it. Well, he could have put that
on there in MS Paint or something.
I love the color reference in the photos.
Yeah, here's the swatches just in
case you want to draw them. Yeah, here's the
Pantone colors in case you want to make some
billboards with this.
Where the fuck? Alright.
Voluptuous hips and ass! That's where I was.
His digi-legs! Oh, digi-deuous hips and ass. That's where I was. His digi legs.
Oh, digi-degrade, I think is what he's trying to say.
Oh, damn it.
Oh.
He's thinking digimon legs.
Covered in fur with long, thick hair from his mid-calves down to his hooves.
No, he doesn't.
Did he even put up the wrong picture on accident?
There's more.
His thick tail
fined at the tip and
semi-prehensile. His body
unrealistically flexible.
He doesn't have a tail in the picture!
He doesn't have forearms in the picture.
He doesn't have anything
that Woody's been talking about in the picture.
That's what I've been saying.
Wait, he has hooves. He did mention hooves. Yes, he has hooves in the picture. That's what I've been saying. Wait, he has hooves.
He did mention hooves. Yes, he has hooves in the picture.
Holy shit, he found something.
Six piercing hang from his head fin in
rainbow order, red at the top,
tip to violet at the base.
His left eyebrow has a spike
piercing. From both nipples
hang thick hoops with a ball.
His black
and chrome tech short shorts
barely cover his bulging sheath,
and so are his sh...
And what?
And are so short,
his lush ass is almost not even covered.
Wait, his foreskin is bulging out of his pants?
Yep.
Yep.
Yeah.
Okay. Almost. Okay.
It's really just falling off.
It's kind of sloughing off.
Thank you.
What?
I'm good.
His tech chest piece shows off his pierced nipples
as it covers the center of his chest
but only half covering his pecs
and then stops an inch below his
fem pecs. Fem pecs half covering his pecs, and then stops an inch below his fem pecs.
Fem pecs?
Fem pecs?
Yeah, we all know this term.
No, no I don't.
His tech gloves are used for
holographic keyboard that he
can render anytime.
My special power is being on the internet
forever. Oh, you mean like a second life dude?
His tech boots run all the way up to his groin to resemble fuck me boots.
And they cover his boots with an open sole wolf pal design.
P.S. Though my grammar may be appalling, my wit is not.
Oh, that's so old.
What the hell does tech mean?
Your imagination's fine.
He's got tech shorts and tech gloves and tech boots.
Is that like a brand or something?
Loser tech.
Loser tech.
Hey, guys.
Hey.
Hey.
I'm certified Fagwar.
Yes.
Awesome.
The Fagwar picture is so cute, though.
It's fun.
Will you describe briefly your fursona?
My fursona?
Yeah.
I'm an ocean blue jaguar.
Black rosette spots.
And can you describe anything else about yourself?
Yeah, I'm an ocean blue jaguar.
I've got a martini. It's an appletini.
I've got
an appletini. I've got...
What the hell is that? A gun?
He's pointing it at the camera.
Yeah, it's a gun.
I've got a
.97 caliber rifle pistol.
You know, the fag war is like
Max Payne except with multicolored hair.
My hair is a rainbow. Yes, Max Payne except with multicolored hair. My hair is a rainbow.
Yes, Max Payne is also a blue Jaguar.
At least it is in the mod I'm making.
Also, I wear a collar.
In real life.
I believe you, yes.
Hey, you guys want me to describe myself?
I would love that.
Please do.
All right.
Hi, waves. Hi, Waves.
Hi.
My fursona is a super gay, fluffly blue jaguar with rainbow hair, as you can see.
He wears a collar.
Sometimes it's spiked.
Sometimes it's just paw print tag.
In real life, I'm 6'0", 175 pounds, but losing weight.
I already lost 20 pounds this year with blue eyes, dirty blonde hair, and a soul patch.
He lost 20 pounds with a soul patch?
I was on the soul patch for a year.
Thanks, soul patch.
I would say that I have an athletic body type.
You do not. No, you shouldn't say that.
You would say it, though.
Though I need to exercise to get
backed into shape and regain my muscle tone.
Regain? So I have an athletic body type other than the fact that I'm flabby. Though I need to exercise to get back into shape and regain my muscle tone.
Regain.
So I have an athletic body type other than the fact that I'm flappy.
Yes.
He's athletic body.
He meant athletic body type for furries.
I'm very pale except for all the sunburn that I have.
All right.
I've got to get back to my Fagwar voice. Yeah, by all means.
All right.
Things I like to do include playing video games, hiking, camping, rock climbing, biking, swimming,
cuddling up in front of a movie with someone.
Oh, and video games.
I love console games.
I fucking love video games.
I don't have as many as I'd like.
That's so interesting.
But I have a few of the popular ones.
Brawl, et cetera.
Brawl and all the others that I can think of.
Wow, yeah, that's the worst example of etc.
I've ever seen in my life.
One example, etc.
I also have many,
many more interests.
Those are just the top few.
I have interests, etc.
I think this guy
might be a pod person.
Yes, I enjoy the interests
that the people have
that are good.
No, it takes someone real clever to come up with a Fagwar.
That's true.
Wasn't this like the only Google search result for Fagwar, too?
Well, no, we just found this.
So I think we were just looking for Jaguar or something.
We were looking for something else when we came up with this guy.
I'm looking for like-minded individuals of similar interest to get to know and be friends with...
Shit, I like video games. I guess I got a message in my mouth.
Yeah, me too.
God damn it.
So, if you're interested, please by all means contact me at the N-E-V-I-M scream names above.
You know, those I-M scream names above.
Yep, yep.
Or email me at my Hotmail address.
You know what it is.
I'll respond to this ad.
I look forward to talking to you soon also my new job that I got will have me
in Bellevue a lot until about 5pm
every weekday so if you want to get dinner
or hang out at the mall or what not let me know
Bounces and Scampers Off
I gotta say something tells me he'll be easy to spot
I'm going to say
right now certified
Fagwar most likable guy on Pounce.org.
Oh, yeah, without a doubt.
And there we go.
Round about an hour of dating profiles you might get rabies from.
Ishan, what did you learn this week?
I learned that I just flat out lack the perspective to understand why some things give people boners.
Yeah, absolutely.
I mean, there's a lot of talk on various websites of people getting boners from different
sources, and they like to
talk about the thing that gives them boners.
But I guess maybe that's
what we're trying to bring to light.
I can't even
convince myself that even furries
find this hot. I cannot
conceive of a furry
sitting down, going to Pounce.org
and looking at a profile and deciding, I've found a soulmate.
Totally, but you know it's true, because the site, I mean, it exists, it has a lot of profiles, right?
And then, you know, the loser that we read for profile number four, you know, doesn't have a girlfriend,
and the loser we read for profile number five doesn't have a girlfriend. So, you know, they'll meet
and do awful things with each other.
Yeah, but this is the answer.
There just seems to be a disconnect, you know?
Like, okay, you're into looking at
pictures of questionable taste of anthropomorphic animals,
but this is a dating site for actual people
who have to put their actual photos up,
or they don't have to.
But sooner or later, you know,
you won't even know what this person looks like, and that's the person you'll be
dating. You won't be dating the fox skunk
with two dicks. But, you know, if you
wear the suit full-time, you know,
I mean, a lot of those suits, you know,
they have little genital holes, like, uh,
you know, like, like, like, uh,
Hasidic Jews have. Just the idea of some of these
people wearing a big, hot,
woolly suit full-time just, ugh,
makes me want to take a shower.
I don't know. It'd be interesting to have
an irregular episode
with some furries, because I'd like
to know...
I feel like that whole sex inside of a
fursuit thing is
sort of not really true.
It's just sort of talked about, but
it does seem like...
Obviously, that's kind of hot and uncomfortable.
I mean, also it's silly, but obviously hot and uncomfortable.
You're really doing it on that?
And again, I just can't picture these people actually thinking it's hot.
They just must assume that everyone else thinks it's hot, and so they go along with it, you
know, like an emperor with no clothes situation, you know?
Somewhere out there is the furry patient zero.
Yes.
Who genuinely found it hot, and then through sheer force of
personality can make that move likewise.
Our website, as always,
thefpl.us
and, hey,
if you want to talk to us about furry shit, we're looking
for another regular episode.
So, let me know.
Lemon at thefpl.us
Yes, hit us up, we don't bite
Meanwhile, leave some comments
And tell your friends
And we'll see you next week
Good night
Bye-bye
I guess I'll segue the previous paragraph into sex.
My ad says,
Seeky quick yiff up there,
so of course I'm down to jam on some boners.
But I'm pretty picky about all that, really.
Thank you.
And I hope you like jamming too.
He's gonna play Tom Sawyer on those boners.
Jamming on boners.
Fuck a fuck a fucky, fuck a fuck a fucky.