The F Plus - live6b: F Plus Live 6 | Conjuring Satan | Part 2
Episode Date: September 11, 2017Lemon receives a phone call from his supervisor and the plan changes. More readers! We need more readers! Ironicus & Cheapskate: wikiHow (The Good vs Evil Edition) Lou Fernandez: A religious tre...tise on Satan and Hell by High Priestess Maxine Dietrich Kumquatxop: Blow Up The Moon (one of several usenet essays by Alexander Abian about the moon and the blowing thereup) Jimmyfranks: Human Furniture (an erotic tale on Pixies Place by Mojoel) bumpgrrl: The organized crime (which is) against men (married or/& unmarried) & marriage that which is known as feminism is legalized criminality or/and mental disorder. This is part 2. Part 3 is here.
Transcript
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F Plus Live continues!
And only at F Plus Live do you try to get up to the stage
and somebody stops you and says,
Lemon! Lemon!
And then shows you a picture of a penis cake.
This is a magical place. This is a magical place. This is a magical
place. It's a magical place with
a fog machine!
A fog machine!
Alright.
This is, as you no, no, no. All right.
This is, as you understand, a professional operation.
You can tell this is a professional operation
because our camera has been replaced
with a phone gaffer tape to withstand...
And we are going to summon Satan.
We're going to summon...
Oh, shit.
Okay, hang on.
I'll be right...
Just hang on.
I'll be right back.
I'll be right back, okay?
Lemon's just got to take a phone call, guys.
Hello, Lemon.
Oh, hi, Christy.
Good to hear from you.
Yes, this is your supervisor, Christy.
Yes, yes.
Hi, Christy.
I'm sorry. I meant to say this is your success coach, Christy. Yes to hear from you. Yes, this is your supervisor, Christy. Yes, yes. Hi, Christy. I'm sorry. I meant to say this is your success coach, Christy.
Yes, yes. Hail Satan.
Oops, that's an outdated term.
I meant to say this is your life goal simulator business team official.
Yes, yes.
Christy, I know who this is. Hail Satan. Yes, hello.
Well, I wanted to check in with you and see how the summoning is going.
All of us back in hell are really jazzed about this opportunity.
Yeah, me too. Victory to the Dark Lord. Hail Satan. I got five on it.
So, how are things? Are the hearts of the pure being crushed in the Talons of Hawks?
I mean, I wouldn't say that would describe it.
Hmm. Is a gondola of unspeakable horror drifting through a river of human blood?
No.
I mean, not that I've seen.
Like...
Uh, well...
Are people getting drunk and reading a bunch of crap?
No, that's a big 10-4 on that one, Christy.
And what effect is that having on the doomed souls?
Like, laughter, I guess.
I mean, except this one guy doesn't seem to be enjoying it, but I think that he might have a...
Lemon, I need you to stop talking.
Okay, that's actually kind of difficult for me, because I have this thing where, like, I...
Lemon, stop talking, Lemon.
Okay, okay.
Okay, I'll ask you this slowly.
How many McGicks have you acquired so far?
Lemon.
Oh, wait, do you want me to talk now?
Yes, talk now.
I know I told you to stop talking.
That was probably something I should have.
Okay, so yeah, you're talking about Magix, right?
Magix?
McGicks. Oh,ics? McGicks.
Oh, right, McGicks.
Yes.
How many McGicks have you acquired?
Uh...
So is there like a website that I can go to for the...
Some things aren't about fucking websites, Lemon.
That's sadly true.
Lemon, this is of crucial importance.
Okay.
Before F Plus Live 6 concludes, you must amass one million megix of satanic energy.
Okay.
I'll send a courier to deliver you a device to measure this,
I'll send a courier to deliver you a device to measure this,
but you'll need to read enough terrible material to collect one million McGicks or this satanic epic cannot happen.
One million McGicks?
Don't fuck this up for us.
We need powerful spells.
I don't just want some bullshit where you giggle at wikiHow.
Some people like that.
Okay, okay, okay, we'll do it.
We'll do it, Christy.
Hail Satan.
Hail Satan?
Hey, incidentally, is Bunny Bread around?
Sorry?
Just, I mean, yes, obviously,
go out there and crush humanity in Satan's name,
but can you give the phone to Bunny Bread?
A couple of months ago, he took me to see the stars,
and, well, I'm not sure, but I think I might be...
Yeah, I gotta go, Christy.
You take care of yourself okay
okay because tell them that my lawyer
yeah we're back okay uh okay um is this satan coming lemon uh well okay, okay, shit's changed. Shit's changed. Okay. Okay, okay.
I can't actually... Okay, this is actually not going to happen
with just one reader anymore.
I actually need to get two readers up on stage
right now at this exact moment.
I need to get Ironicus and Cheapskate up on the stage.
Woo!
Woo!
Now, fellas,
I have two things for you.
First of all, I have a document or spell which should hopefully help us resurrect Satan,
if you'll open that up for me.
And I have something else,
but I'll get to that in just a second.
What do we got? What is it? What do we got?
What is it?
What do we got?
Tell me what we got.
We have WikiHow! WikiHow!
Good versus
evil edition.
Yeah.
A megic spell of evil provided by guess who?
Tell me. Satan.
Tell me.
Boots reindeer.
Boots reindeer.
Boots reindeer.
Twinkie how.
Yeah, you know it.
You know which one I am.
I'm a good boy.
You guys don't look like the strippers I normally order.
How many copies were in there? How's this going to go?
Let's figure it out.
Oh, oh, okay, cool.
Alright.
This says one at the top,
so we're starting with this. Do you have, is yours number two?
Oh, okay, I'm odds. Cool, cool, cool.
Wiki how to attract
a Christian girl.
What's that?
Do you have a thing for that pretty girl in your youth group or church?
Is there a particularly religious girl in one of your classes that you've got your eye on with a few simple steps?
It's not hard to show your affection and hopefully
get her to like you
back. Respectfully
wooing a Christian girl.
Talk to her!
Yes! You've
heard a million times
but it works. If you're in the same
youth group, talk to her about the Bible
study. Ask her if she's planning
on going to the meeting next week or if she's planning on going to the meeting next week
or if she's planning on going to
the upcoming worship night.
That sort of thing.
Cock worship night.
Hey baby,
you want to worship?
Yeah.
Worship
these nuts. Those
are great conversation starters.
It's worked.
This is the good one.
Yeah.
Don't say, oh, so you help your dad clean here on Saturdays.
How interesting.
Ask her opinion.
Do you think it's interesting that you help clean on Saturdays?
What do you think of these nuts?
Spend more time
with her. You can't truly love
someone without getting to know them.
So if you have a crush on some girl,
start trying to get to know
her better. Look for opportunities
to share God's love
together.
For instance, try sitting
next to her in Bible study.
That's how
I get the ladies.
Got a little song of songs
for you, if you know what I mean.
Don't be afraid to talk to her.
More than likely, she'll be happy
to start a conversation with you.
Yeah.
Make her laugh.
There is no greater joy
than God's gift of
laughter. Have you ever had a boner?
That's why
I am God's second gift to women.
God created women to laugh at
men's jokes. Yeah!
You hear that?
You're supposed to be laughing.
Have a strong, healthy love for the Lord.
Often, one of the things a Christian girl
will find most attractive in a guy
is a heart for God.
Can I get a show of hands?
Who here is in a relationship
and was attracted to their partner
because of their heart for God
Hands have gotten even lower
We may not be a representative sample
You'll probably want to attend a mass regularly
especially the masses
she attends
and to take an active interest
in scripture.
And that is how one woos a Christian girl.
You know what?
I'm about this God thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What do you got for me, devil boy?
What are you bringing? I am so this God thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you got for me, devil boy? What are you bringing?
I am so glad you asked.
Because I'm going to present for you
wikiHow to date a stripper.
Yeah!
Woo!
She's my stripper.
It's the same advice.
You go to mass, you read the Bible study.
So you've spotted a beautiful woman who you'd love to date.
But if she's an exotic dancer, that complicates things.
How so?
There are a lot of stereotypes you need to be aware of and ignore
before you make your move,
or else you'll ruin your chances of ever getting to know her better.
Her name probably isn't Cindy or Candy or Mindy or anything that ends in Y.
That's his girl.
Number one, know what you're getting into.
Yeah, you saw it.
Pussy!
You made the cover, Josh. You already know.
Strippers get lots of attention in the club and oftentimes out of it.
If you can't handle your partner getting plenty of admiration,
dating a stripper is probably not for you.
Oh, dating.
Oh, okay.
All right.
Dating.
Like more than once?
Okay.
Number two, find a club where you feel comfortable.
Usually the type of club you go to
will determine the type of women that work there.
Some clubs are characterized by very young, inexperienced girls.
Jaded veterans.
The JV team, yes, yes.
Jaded veterans Gold diggers
Or all of the above
I go to Variety Pack Tuesday
We call that the supreme pizza
It's a good idea to avoid women
Who are usually attracted by
The gangster type male
What do you want? I'm evil
You guys hear a dog want? I'm evil!
You guys hear a dog whistle?
I think I hear a dog whistle.
This is the Steve Bannon guide to dating a stripper.
We all know that gangster type males
don't read wikiHow. It is our secret
place.
The gangster type male
who can give them some sense of
protection and follow their party
life rhythm.
You might get lucky with them,
but they're not good dating material.
There's a difference?
Yeah. You can't take those strippers home
to mother.
To mother. Number three.
Tip her on stage,
but don't get a lap dance from anyone.
If you pay for a lap dance from her, she will consider you a regular.
All my girlfriends know I'm highly a regular.
But do pay her for her time if
you're wrong you're talking
her up for a while. She is
after work. She is at work
after all. So don't pay her
if she sits on your lap and does her thing
but if she simply
says hi. Pay her. Okay.
You've done this before
the devil. Have not. Don't know shit.
What are you talking about?
She will never date you once that business relationship with her is established.
There's a very strict policy.
And finally,
ask her out!
Would you like to go to the ice cream
social?
Why didn't you just talk to her?
Hey, this is Bible study group.
Be yourself.
If she isn't willing to meet you outside the club to hang out,
she's playing you.
Yes, she might be reluctant and cautious,
but if she keeps turning you down,
there's no need to pursue her anymore.
Keep... But if she keeps turning you down, there's no need to pursue her anymore. Keep your dignity, man.
If she does agree to go on a date, do something sweet and romantic.
See previous reading.
And that is how to
wiki-date a stripper.
Wiki-date.
What you got?
I wish the pictures were still in these, man.
Alright, alright, alright.
People are getting very invested
in this rivalry.
And I'm feeling a little attacked,
so we gotta learn Wiki how to cope with insults.
Yay.
Everyone gets insulted once in a while,
and I'm feeling that very acutely today.
No matter your gender, race, or age,
while you probably expect to feel
verbally slighted at some point,
it doesn't ease the pain,
embarrassment, or humiliation
when it happens!
Sweet Jesus!
Learn how to evaluate
the offensive remark for motive.
Embrace the
vulnerability that comes with being
a target. Can you believe this guy?
Embracing vulnerability?
And minimize
the chance of future insults.
Beat me outside, motherfucker.
Decide what response,
if any, is necessary.
I will be taking the high road.
Use the information
gleaned about the person,
the context, and how an outsider
might view the insult
to determine your reaction.
Ignore the insult.
Choosing to ignore
an insult can give you power over the offender.
The power to cry later.
Yeah.
Power on your own tongue.
The power to bottle it all inside and start five podcasts 20 years later.
I think this is over.
He's still phoned.
I can't talk about it.
Hey, what do you know?
The next tip, laugh it off.
Another way to be a good sport or prevent someone from getting under your skin
is to react with a brief chuckle
and a witty comeback.
Humor can serve to undermine
the insult, bring the audience
on your side, and remove tension
from the environment.
So when do you get to the puppet master
defense?
Look behind you.
Master! Master!
For example, your
co-worker insults your idea on how you should handle a client.
You might respond by saying,
Ha! Here I was thinking you actually had a solution.
This is the best Congress money can buy.
Congress money can buy.
Debbie.
Accept it. Accept it.
Think of the insult
as the other person's opinion
only.
We're all entitled
to them.
But it doesn't necessarily
mean the opinion is true
or shared by others
like your own mother. mean the opinion is true or shared by others like
your own mother.
Yeah.
Mother.
Linda!
What have you got?
I bet you thought
that was pretty good, right?
Yeah.
I bet you
think that I
need to take out my frustrations on him, right?
Maybe.
Well, fortunately for you, my next reading is entitled
WikiHow to get revenge on anyone!
Revenge!
Revenge!
Anyone? Anyone! Anyone?
Anyone!
Anyone?
Anyone?
Anyone?
Anyone?
Anyone.
I'm going to start with a lie.
Revenge is never pretty.
Lie!
It's pretty pretty when I do,
let me tell you.
But then again, it isn't supposed to be.
You can get
revenge on anyone passively
by ignoring them
and pretending you aren't bothered.
And this is usually the
best option. This is usually the best option.
I think it's in the same writer.
This is usually the best option!
No, no, I got it right.
This is usually the best option!
It's the first one!
Best option! Since it's also the one
most likely to help you move on from the
experience, carefully
consider if revenge is
the best course of action before proceeding.
If it is, then use caution and keep your wits about you.
Yeah.
Ask your doctor if revenge is right for you.
Yes.
Number one, show the other person up.
If they've opened you up to harm,
don't hold back speaking your
mind around them.
Use your wit to make passing
comments about the other person's attitude
or lack of it.
Insult them
to their face.
Be careful.
Being picky
or nasty means you stoop to their
level.
It can also be tiring constantly observing them.
Constantly observing them.
Constantly observing them.
And finding ways to pick them apart.
It's likely that they'll resort to doing the same too,
so this can backfire and result
in a circle of Hadfield and McCoy
type revenges.
So, cause and pocket.
They're called feuds.
Famously, they're called feuds.
Hadfield and McCoy type revenges.
Number two!
Freak them out!
When in doubt.
I see we skipped number one entirely.
All right.
Send them something nice, like flowers,
but from someone creepy or disreputable.
Like anyone in here.
Make sure you place the order anonymously and pay in cash
So if they receive flowers that say
Your backyard at 123 Smith Street is really comfortable to sleep in
Or something else creepy
Well, yeah, it's an Airbnb
I put a lot of work into that
They'll be terrified
Terrified of Airbnb.
Maybe right.
Lucifer rises.
Satan.
Satan.
Satan.
Satan.
Satan.
Satan.
Satan.
Satan.
Satan.
Satan.
Satan.
Lucifer rises. And Jesus. Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, On their windshield in lipstick or piled stones in gothic-looking patterns on their front stoop.
Like the crow?
Yeah.
Gothic-looking crow patterns.
These patterns are always dressed in black on the sunniest days.
It's very uncomfortable.
Gothic-looking patterns.
Unks!
That's what I mean.
Unks!
Ugs?
Unks! Ugss? ARKS!
Uggs?
You don't mean Uggs.
Yeah.
Make a super creepy voodoo doll with a picture of their face on top and leave it in their mailbox.
Watch them look sleepy at work the next day from the nightmares you're dishing out.
I offended a seventh grader.
Ooh.
This just in.
Oh, oh, alright. I'm not done yet, motherfuckers.
Alright.
Alright.
Oh, we have the same.
Okay, cool, cool, cool.
Alright. Now we got some more I think we say this part. Oh, we have the same. Okay, cool, cool, cool. All right.
Now we got some more
WikiHow titles for you.
Rapid Fire.
All right.
WikiHow,
to be an awesome sibling.
WikiHow,
to annoy your older brother
without getting in trouble
wiki how to respect parents
with lightning speed
wiki how to disown your family
wiki how to become friends with a stranger.
WikiHow to kiss
a stranger.
That's just really
good friends. That's not...
WikiHow to use a
fork and knife.
WikiHow
to create a fire
in your hand. Whoa, whoa, whoa. WikiHow to prevent a fire in your hand!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
WikiHow to prevent arson in your community.
WikiHow to convince your parents that you're innocent.
Oh, motherfucker.
WikiHow to create a fundraiser
using an Easter egg hunt.
WikiHow to make it
rain money.
Bitch.
Take a stripper.
WikiHow to cram for math.
WikiHow to cheat on a test using electronics.
WikiHow to write a good love song for your crush.
WikiHow to enjoy mega death.
WikiHow to enjoy Megadeth.
Can you put a price
on WikiHow?
WikiHow
to quit pornography
and masturbation warm
turkey over a seven
month period.
Warm turkey.
What was that about masturbating a warm turkey?
Over a seven month
period.
WikiHow to not
get caught looking at porn.
WikiHow to grow
patchouli.
WikiHow to
choose ninja weapons.
WikiHow to prove murder.
WikiHow to get off a criminal charge.
Either meaning of get off.
WikiHow to identify a psychopath.
WikiHow to act like a normal teenager.
Yeah, you're barking up the wrong tree there, Doc.
WikiHow to imply to a manipulative friend that you are angry.
WikiHow to ditch your friends
WikiHow to make peace with a friend after a fight
WikiHow to move out of state
WikiHow to get over losing
a best friend
WikiHow to forget a person how to get over losing a best friend.
Wiki how to forget a person.
Wiki
how to be your own
best friend.
Aww.
Wiki
how to know when it's time
to find new friends
wiki how to avoid talking to people
wiki how to be popular in high school quickly
wiki how to make any outfit look emo
yeah yeah wiki how to make any outfit look emo wiki how to ask rich people for money wiki how to prove to your parents you can look after yourself
wiki how to marry a millionaire
wiki how to marry a millionaire.
Wiki how to talk to emo boys.
Wiki how to become powerful.
Satan.
Wiki how to make your room my chemical romance themes.
You want to meet me halfway here?
He's trying.
How to choose the right hotel in
Bali.
How to run away
and live on the streets as a teen.
Good?
Good?
Wiki how to deal with someone yelling at you.
WikiHow to make money selling things on the street.
WikiHow to survive a long fall.
WikiHow to handle finding a dead body
stand by me wiki how to become a ghost
wiki how to change your identity.
Wiki how to gather earthworms.
Wiki how to open a bank account in the Cayman Islands.
Good. Good.
Wiki how to compost.
What? Evil? Wiki how to buy a vacation home.
We are done!
Alright, a kiss and a kiss, guys! Ironicus and Cheapskate, everyone.
And Wiki Howe!
And Ironicus.
You forgot Ironicus.
I said Ironicus and Cheapskate.
Oh, I only heard Cheapskate.
There's no monitor up here.
Judgment is just, it's really kind of overwhelming.
Is it judgment?
It is judgment.
Is it competence?
Okay, well, yeah.
What are you guys talking about?
And just because your judgment of my competence is well placed,
it doesn't make it less hurtful.
I want to say something,
is that I'm looking out at this crowd,
and I know that we have people in this room who have come for this.
From Israel.
From Australia.
From Texas.
From, shout it out, shout it out. From Texas. From...
Shout it out.
Shout it out.
All that stuff.
Canada.
From Canada.
From the U.S.
And we've also
had
for a very brief moment
a wedding party
that walked up to the bar
and said
what the fuck is this?
They're not here anymore.
El Satan!
But you know who is here?
Who's here is Lou Fernandez!
Lou Fernandez!
Hello, everybody.
Lou Fernandez, you hold in your hands a document or spell created just for you.
I am glad that it is not horribly encased,
as some of the other ones have been.
Just rip it open. I had a vision of myself sitting on the floor trying to undo this.
I think this has helped.
I think that last reading has gotten us a lot more magics.
Oh, good.
And I think that we'll just amass a whole bunch of magics.
My goodness.
And then we'll be able to.
Satan is definitely coming, right?
What?
Satan's definitely coming.
Definitely coming.
Soon?
Probably.
When is not a helpful term.
All right.
Lou, what do you got there?
I have in my hands
death, hell, and the
afterlife.
Hey!
By high priestess Maxine Dietrich.
Surely you all are familiar with the High Priestess. The Maxine Dietrich?
Maxine!
Holy shit!
Who provided it to you?
I'm sorry, what?
Is that an original?
Is there another?
Never mind.
There is no other sheet.
So.
Oh, I missed.
Oh.
Sorry.
Death, Hell, and the Afterlife provided by Mix.
Does this make a difference to you?
It does not make a difference to me.
Okay.
Alright. Death, Hell, and the Afterlife by
High Priestess Maxine Dietrich.
Many people
are understandably frightened
in regards to hell
being a place of torture
and eternal damnation and fiery
torment. Personally,
since coming to Satan,
I have had extensive experience
both in working with human souls
who have passed from this earth
and in seeing Satan's hell,
which is a safe place for the souls who are there.
Yeah, it's not so bad.
In contrast to souls who go to the light
when leaving their physical bodies through death,
Satan is responsible and protective.
He sends demons to escort satanic souls to hell.
This is to ensure these souls will be protected from the light, which is the enemy.
It's the enemy.
Oh, light is the enemy?
Light is the enemy.
I always heard the light wasn't the enemy.
Okay, yeah, that's a loss.
Well, you were wrong.
In addition to working with many different demons,
Satan has had me work with human spirits.
Though the physical bodies are dead,
they are very much alive and do not like to be referred to as, quote-unquote, dead.
I am talking those of importance in hell.
Most spirits who have resided in hell have reincarnated.
Some are still there for specific reasons.
I can tell you, Satan's hell is not some place of fire and brimstone,
but a safe haven for souls who are of Satan.
Oh, hey, Good to be here.
It sounds pretty
great, everybody. It's pretty nice so far.
There is
another place.
Okay. The Christian
quote-unquote hell
where Christian believers who fall short
wind up. This is
where the horror stories come from
and angels have taken some unfortunate
individuals on a personal
tour of this as they are
human hating. This place
of torment is not of Satan
but
is and was created by
Judeo slash Christian
quote unquote God. Those
who tie into Christian beliefs
and energies are all vulnerable.
Yeah.
I don't like this.
It's not okay, everyone.
There have been cases.
I'm pretty sure.
There have been some cases.
There have been cases of certain individuals who have seen horrors and such from near-death experiences.
They're called F-plus listeners.
And related.
Some of these people have ties to angels who show them this sort of thing.
This is this Christian, quote-unquote, God, and has nothing to do with Satan.
Most tours of, quote-unquote, hell, such as the story of, quote-unquote, Dante's Inferno,
are guided by an angel.
quote-unquote Dante's Inferno, are guided by an angel.
Now, when I say quote-unquote Christian God,
this term is a collective label for the human-hating entities out there that have been exploiting humanity
using their invented Christianity religion as a tool.
Why would they do that?
Long before... They hate humans.
Oh, all right. Well, that makes sense.
But what did we do?
I think he's going to get to that.
Long before photography was readily
available and knowledge of extraterrestrials
was made public.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, okay.
We're all on board.
I'm on board.
Occultist
Alistair Crowley drew a picture.
Oh.
Of Jehovah.
Oh, yeah.
That is his real name.
And the image was of a gray extraterrestrial.
Uh-huh.
Grays hate humanity.
Fuck yeah.
What?
I have heard Christians, brackets ad nauseum, go on and on about how, quote unquote, the devil hates humanity, quote unquote, was a murderer and a liar from the beginning, quote unquote, is all about materialism, quote unquote, works to prevent humanity from achieving everlasting life and immortality.
The list of bullshit goes on and on.
The smear campaign.
In reality, this
applies to Jehovah.
Oh, I've heard of him.
Their, quote unquote,
God. One only
needs to look at all the murders,
the endless lies, and the genocide of Gentile
nations in the Old Testament
of the Bible.
Christians keep compulsively parroting
quote-unquote Jesus loves you when the real
truth is quote-unquote Jesus
hates you! What?
My Jesus? Yep.
Jesus
hates humanity! Oh, shit.
What? I know!
This sounds a lot like
what Jesus said Satan would say.
Just hear me out, guys.
Okay.
All right, all right, all right.
He seems okay.
He's got a blessing.
Quote, unquote, Jesus is nothing more than a subliminal tool for ushering in the, quote, unquote, Messiah
and to keep the deluded from spiritual knowledge.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Advancing their souls and achieving everlasting life slash immortality.
Why would Jesus do that?
Quote, unquote, Jesus also serves as a distraction
so that believers never mediate or, wait, meditate, sorry,
or do anything to advance their souls.
I know.
Everything about this Jesus sounds pretty terrible.
Wow.
I'm not on board.
I don't like that dude.
Me too.
The deluded believe, quote, unquote, Jesus will take care of everything
and that, quote,unquote, Jesus will take care of everything. And that, quote-unquote, Jesus saves.
When in truth, all we save are our own souls,
given that we have the knowledge and that we apply it.
Try running this by Christians.
They keep parroting, quote-unquote, the devil deceives.
When in truth, it is their own, quote-unquote, God.
And this so-called, quote-unquote God. And this so-called quote-unquote God of theirs
is afraid of humanity obtaining knowledge and spiritual power,
is threatened by our physical nudity.
Quote-unquote, wait, is threatened by our physical nudity?
Sorry, these are all questions.
Quote-unquote, loves you so much
he will damn you to a fiery pit to burn for all eternity?
Hardly our creator.
Everything that Christians accuse
quote unquote the devil of is
really their quote unquote own god.
This is their deception.
Quote unquote he deceives
the masses.
Now getting back to those
near death experiences and such
like I know you were waiting for.
Yeah, near-death experiences.
Lilith told me something very enlightening.
Now, you may ask who Lilith is.
Is this written by Niles Crane?
What?
Is this being written by Niles Crane?
It's not Lilith Fair.
It's Lilith.
Oh, okay, okay.
Lilith told me something very enlightening.
She told me that those who have had strong ties to Christianity in their past lives are very open to the enemy.
Even if someone is non-religious, an atheist, or agnostic,
if there is a strong essence of Christianity in that person's soul from former lifetimes,
it is an opening for the enemy to manipulate him slash her in this lifetime.
Damn right.
Note that
those who have had frightening
experiences run straight back to the enemy.
The enemy will always
use the individual for an example into
scaring others and
in many other ways.
This is
truly terrifying.
I have learned so much about the soul
and I have had the privilege of working directly
with a few human spirits
who are of major importance to Satan.
They do not like to be called, quote unquote, dead.
They are very much alive, alert, and aware
with the same personalities, character traits, likes, dislikes
emotions and everything else
that they were in their physical lives here
everything else
even the boners
the only thing
go to the boners right now
the only thing is they do not
have a physical body yet
yet
reincarnation is the only way one can have a physical body yet. Oh, forget it. Yet. Yet.
Reincarnation is the only way one can obtain a physical body.
I suppose.
Most people reincarnate because the souls who are not without a body do not eat.
They do not sleep.
Yeah.
And basically, they stagnate.
It is very boring for them.
I'm sure you can imagine. No. The soul can enter the body of a living being, brackets, as the one I have been working with does with me, and enjoy physical
pleasures such as eating, touching different things. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And enjoying anything
else physical. That's the boners I was talking about earlier.
Oh, boners.
Okay, you're getting back in here.
The soul by itself is also able to feel sexual orgasm.
Oh.
Yeah.
I'm a big fan of that.
Why not?
I don't feel orgasm, but okay.
Sexual orgasm is not only physical, but is also spiritual.
As when orgasm occurs, the chakras open.
And this is one of the main reasons the Christian churches are always,
are and always have been against sexual pleasure.
It is a spiritual thing, not physical, that they are against
as they work to destroy all
spirituality.
It's just like the church.
Yep. This is all
too familiar for everyone here, I'm sure.
The goal of
spiritual Satanism is
physical and spiritual
perfectionism and
immortality, so
you don't have to die and reincarnate
and forget everything you learned
in this life all over again.
Satan takes care of his own.
I asked a
VIP human spirit of whom
I have been working with.
Oh, okay.
This is a very important phantom.
Very important.
Phantom! Phantom! Phantom!
Phantom! Phantom! Phantom! Phantom! Phantom! Phantom!
Phantom! Phantom!
Phantom! Phantom!
You don't want to forget all that custard work
you've done in your previous life.
Shit no!
I asked a very, a VIP
human spirit of whom I have been working
with what happened when he died.
He told me four of our
gods showed up, took his
astral hand, lifted
him from his body and took him to hell
where others he knew who had passed on
were already there and where he
had been secure, safe
and very protected.
This sounds awesome,
guys. Another VIP
spirit who swallowed cyanide
was escorted this
way.
Yeah. That's just a pro tip, guys.
The VIP spirits have been segregated as they are given protection.
This sounds like a little bit from Charlotte, everybody.
A woman that had a family member of mine worked with related her fears years ago concerning her husband seeing demons on his deathbed.
These were the messenger demons, the gargoyle types, and he was frightened.
Again, at some point in his past life, his soul was of Satan.
And Satan took responsibility for him.
Well, Satan's good like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's a good dude, Satan.
Yeah, he's got your back.
Yeah.
These demons are here for the protection of Satanic souls to ensure they're not abducted by the enemy.
By going to the light.
Right.
The light.
Yeah.
Am I right. The light. Yeah. Am I right?
The light.
As essence,
as essence is like a trace of energy
left behind with a violent death,
so-called, quote-unquote,
haunted houses and that sort of thing.
An essence is just energy.
An essence does not have a personality,
emotions, or awareness.
I'm not sure where this
is going. Or a
bank account or responsibilities.
The experiences
in the above article are not just
my own, but of other dedicated
Satanists who have also confirmed
their own experiences regarding
hell and working with those who
have passed on and are now in
spirit form.
Satan never murdered anyone.
Nuh-uh.
You can't prove shit.
Can I get an amen or is that what you say?
I don't know what you say there.
Satan never
lied to anyone. The father
of lies never lied to anybody.
He's just the father of them.
Yeah, he never told them himself. He just Never lied to anybody. He's just the father of them. Yeah, he didn't tell them himself.
He just gave birth to them.
Satan accepts you as who you are
and does not hate human nature.
Satan rules over what is called, quote unquote,
the occult, which is completely spiritual.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Satan gives us knowledge and does not fear human spiritual advancement.
And finally, Satan does not fear humanity.
Hell no. Hail Satan. That's it for Satan. Hell no.
Hail Satan!
That's it for Satan!
Hail Satan!
What was that about aliens in there?
Wasn't there aliens in there?
Was there aliens?
There was a lot of stuff.
There was greys in there.
Oh yeah, there were greys.
There were greys.
Satanic greys, I guess.
Lou Fernandez!
Lou Fernandez!
I can feel these magics
rising up.
I can
feel this room
filling with magics.
Coming in here tonight.
What?
I mean you mean McGix.
I don't mind McGix.
I mean McGix.
I mean McGix.
All right.
And once we get to one million magics.
McGix.
McGix.
McGix.
McGix.
Once we get to one million magics,
we, oh, fuck.
We will bring forth Satan.
But first, this stage needs to get a lot prettier.
And to that end, come Quatsap! Come!
Hello. Up and down the street, the Ghostbusters They the police, always wanna pull a nigga over for a speak Not me, I get in the street
Hello
Hello
Hi
Come closer
I have a document or spell
Made just for you.
Yes, hello!
Hey, so real quick, Bunny Bread doesn't have a beer,
and I don't know why the fuck that happened.
That's weird.
We're in a bar.
Somebody could probably fix that.
Not beer happening here.
This is a very aroused man that needs a beer.
There we go.
Who is my boy?
All right, problem solved.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you, sir.
Applaud that man.
Thank you.
All right, what do we got here?
Blow up the moon!
Who wants to blow up the moon?
Blow up the moon!
Thank you!
Blow up the moon!
Hey, it's Jimmy eight times.
A McGick spell of evil provided by Portex!
Yes!
Featuring toast.
Where?
Where?
I don't know. I don't know.
See, it says blow up the moon.
But does it say it like five times?
Do you mean blow the moon?
You better read it again just to be sure.
I don't know where it went.
Hello! An essay by Alexander Abian posted to Usenet,
the most evil of sources,
sometime around 1988.
The most evil of years?
Hey!
Hey!
What's up?
Yes.
Yes. Yes.
Yes.
We must get rid of that moronish.
Moronish.
On the cusp of moron.
Moronish.
Idiotic and imbecile.
Trunk of perverse.
Piece of refuse, the moon!
Once and for all!
The moon must go!
Must be eliminated! Enough of billions of years
of the evil presence of that piece of
refuse with its morbid presence hanging over
our heads! Enough of that
terrorizing spy in the
ski!
The terrorizing
spy in the ski!
That evil watchful eye.
That disgusting, boring,
depressing piece of abomination.
We must radically change
the cosmic surrounding scenario
of our planet Earth.
Enough of the same billion and billion
of years of continuous misery
of rotten, decadent,
pestiferous, and idiotical celestial
setup surrounding our planet Earth.
The next part is in all caps,
so I don't know where to go.
Swallow
the mic.
Radical change is absolutely necessary.
The most practical, the most effective, the most urgent radical change is to blow up the moon.
I hate the moon!
Fuck the moon!
Fuck the moon!
Fuck the moon!
Fuck the moon!
Fuck your moon!
Guys, I fucked the moon.
It wasn't that great.
I keep trying.
Buddy Brad, have you tried to fuck the moon?
Not tried.
I succeeded.
Yeah. Did you get the moon pregnant? Well, I don't know where the moon? Not tried, succeeded. Yeah.
Did you get the moon pregnant?
Well, I don't know where you think Venus came from, but okay.
Yeah. Yeah.
Fuck.
Get rid of its evil presence once and for all.
Now it's no longer all caps.
presence once and for all.
Now it's no longer all caps.
Moon,
with its dull, stupid,
depressing,
condescending,
and disgusting,
boring presence had, and
has, the most damaging
influence on human life
behavior and actions.
With its tide creating in the flow of blood,
especially in the brain of mankind,
it has created a monstrous beast of human species.
We must blow up the moon!
I heard the moon is kind of a bitch.
Do not worry.
Okay.
There is life and existence without moon.
A much better and a much healthier and interesting life. In fact, the blowing up of the moon will jolt our planet Earth
and will get rid of the layers and layers and layers
of accumulated during billion and billion of years
of filth, faculance, drugs, and protrudity
on our planet Earth.
Uh,
what the fuck are you talking about?
Politician! Oh, yeah, okay, okay,
yeah, we're back on board.
Politician,
especially the
UN representative.
Hate that guy.
And the self-appointed
guardians of setting political
systems for better life on the planet Earth are only good for organizing banquets, cocktail parties, and lavish hotel arrangements
for the conduct of their useless efforts,
meetings, conferences,
committees, committees,
committees, and committees
to change dictatorships to democracies.
Fuck committees.
Fuck committees.
Fuck committees.
Fuck committees.
I keep trying.
How do you think subcommittees were created?
I fucked it.
First of all,
UN is the most
undemocratical
UN is the most undemocratical
establishment
which has the temerity
nerve and obnoxiousness
of claiming to establish
democracy in the world
the UN has a self appointed
and not elected
for perpetuity
a security council with a veto power appointed and not elected for perpetuity.
A security council with a veto power.
Uh, uh, uh, uh.
Do you understand that?
Do you understand that?
Not one word.
Do you understand that? No, no. Do you understand that? No.
I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.
Stop talking. No.
Self-appointed for perpetuity with veto power and that UN
professes to establish democracy.
It is like Hitler appointing
himself to be the president of the
Israel.
Yeah.
Yeah. Like seriously. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
UN's claiming of being
of, of being of,
of being of, the guardian
of democracy is an insult
to the intelligence of any reasoning
human being. It is a disgustingly
phony, ludicrous, and obnoxious claim.
A totally unabashed and insidious lie.
Edo power belongs to a self-appointed superpowers for perpetuity.
What a masquerade of democracy is that, UN?
Excuse me
Hello
UN cannot change life on earth
You sure?
No
No
No
No
I'm just asking
No philosopher
No politician
Can change the life and earth
No
To jolt the earth into a truly radical change, the surrounding celestial
scenario of the planet Earth must be radically changed and for that we must blow up the moon!
Yeah!
Fuck the moon! Fuck the moon! Fuck the moon! Fuck the moon!
Fuck the moon! Fuck the moon!
Fuck the moon!
How to do it?
We'll figure that out.
Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about the details.
Yeah, shit.
You're the idea guy.
Yeah, yeah.
Very easily. Okay, we're done idea guy. Yeah, yeah. A-bomb. Very easily.
Okay, we're done.
Okay, yeah, great.
There is an overabundance of nuclear fuel on the planet Earth.
Especially at the disposal of all those superpowers which ban the others of not creating new nuclear arsenal,
but which they themselves constantly
augment their own nuclear arsenal.
Duh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Would they let me
inspect the nuclear production centers
in France, Germany, US, Russia, England, China? Would they let me inspect the nuclear production centers in France, Germany, U.S., Russia, England, China.
Would they let me inspect?
I don't know. I didn't answer my own question.
So, I propose to locate all the nuclear explosive material on the moon.
Why, you ask?
To blow up the moon! Just to change the five billion years of rotten celestial scenario surrounding the planet Earth. Believe me, no change can be worse than the present scenario.
We must...
Oh.
We must reject Darwinian surrender
to the evolutionary dictates
of the Mother Nature.
I have literally nothing to say about this.
That mother nature is indeed a wicked stepmother nature.
Oh, yeah.
I'm going to call you Jessica.
I'm not calling you mom.
I'm not calling you mom. And we must teach her a couple of lessons.
Punch that bitch!
We must jolt the planet Earth into a new orbit.
If the jolting of the planet Earth requires the blowing up of the moon,
the blasting that dull, stupid-looking
moon into pieces, so be it.
The most practical and the most expeditious way of jolting the planet Earth from its
future rotten and decadent orbit is to blow up the moon.
There is no other practical and swift way.
Blow up the moon!
Blast it into pieces, jolting the planet Earth into a new orbit.
Blow up the moon! The moon stands for radical change and liberation of human spirit and intellect.
And imposition of the will of human genius on the orbit of planet Earth.
On the setup of the solar system.
And even on the setup of the entire cosmos.
Blow up the moon!
And make radically profound changes of cosmic magnitude.
No use of sending mosquito-type probes to moon and to Mars.
Blow up the moon and join the planet Earth
into a new rational cosmic era!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Fuck the Moon!
Fuck the Moon!
Fuck the Moon!
Fuck the Moon!
Fuck the Moon!
Fuck the Moon! Fuck the boo! Fuck the boo!
Fuck the boo!
How you doing there, Lemon?
So, let's see.
So, Lemon, what's wrong aside from everything?
Well, you know, he's had a hard couple minutes, this microphone stand.
Okay.
It's not a relaxing time for that microphone stand.
Okay.
We don't need a microphone stand anymore.
Fuck that stand!
Fuck that stand!
Fuck that stand!
Fuck that stand!
Fuck that stand!
Blow up the stand! You should probably read from this one at this point.
Alright.
Okay.
Let's take a little self inventory.
And let's think about
what that reading did to us.
I hate the moon!
I mean, who doesn't?
I see some fucking...
By the way, I see some beautiful fucking biceps
around this place.
It's very, very good to look at.
Also, I know that some of you have been
maybe engaging me in conversation.
Maybe I've been short.
It's only because I'm genuinely trying to
make sure that this whole Satan thing happens.
We do have an after party tomorrow.
I will be more than happy to talk to you
a little bit more further there.
It's going to be fucking fun.
Are we going to blow up the moon at the after party?
Fuck that fun!
Fuck that fun! Fuck that fun!
I assume somebody already did at that point.
Oh, good point.
If I've learned something,
it's that one maniac screaming about things
usually makes things happen.
But I'm going to change the energy just a minute
And I'm going to bring on
The velvety smooth voice
Of a one Mr. Jimmy Franks
Hello friends Love isn't always on time For the life
Hello, friends.
Jimmy Franks.
Yeah.
What sort of document or spell
do you have to fill this entire room with magics?
Oh, man, I don't know.
That was a tough act to follow.
That last thing, man.
I was like, whatever it was that came after the Beatles
on Sullivan. Fuck.
Let's see. Oh, here we go.
Yeah.
This is actually perfect
because this is something that's near and dear to my heart.
What you got there? I have
a document on human furniture.
Yeah!
Yeah!
I'm a
geek spell of evil
provided by Kanye
Sutra.
Oh, boy.
So, if you're
a do-it-yourselfer, maybe you're
flipping a house, listen up because we got
some tips on human furniture from Pixie's Place.
So my friend and I answered an ad for fornifilia subjects and replied for a 10-week study assignment at $500 a week tax-free.
$500 a week tax-free.
Yeah, Dave was only 23.
I'm 22 and unemployed,
so we figured this live-in assignment would be perfect for us.
We were actually interviewed the same day we applied.
The tall, sexy Lisa was very impressed with our enthusiasm and asked us to strip to our underwear for some simple body-type shots.
Little did we know that we were being watched
by two other sexy ladies
as we stripped and prepared to be photographed.
The tall one, the blonde, I have a table design
just made for him, Lisa's assistant, Tawny, said.
And the short one, look at the bulge in his shorts.
He's a perfect tabletop
for that ladies club downtown.
I mean, who could take your
eyes off that bulge?
All three
ladies quickly reviewed our profiles.
Young,
stupid,
no jobs,
and Dave was an orphan.
My parents thought I was in New York somewhere.
I have the designs ready.
Let's start tonight, a third lady.
Sue said.
Surprise appearance by another character.
After the preliminary picks were taken,
we were both given a strong drink, and we were out cold
in minutes. Yeah!
Woo!
Oh, wait, no, that's creepy. Yeah.
That's a bad joke.
Fuck. Fuck you, Lemon.
Fuck you, Kanye Sutra.
Just like,
like,
zero to unconscious.
Hey, you don't know where this story's going.
That's true, that's true.
I'm sure it has a happy ending.
I'm sure everything's going to be okay.
I awoke strapped down to a doctor's table.
Okay, we know where this story's going.
Never mind.
Dave was nowhere around.
The interviewer, Lisa, was standing over me smiling.
I was naked, and as soon as Lisa laid a hand on my cock, it was hard.
Yeah.
How would you like sexy young girls swarming all over you every night,
and they won't be able to keep their hands off this?
She gave my cock a squeeze squeeze and I was all smiles.
We want to cast you for a tabletop in a nightclub,
but you have to lie real still so we can mold your body.
I agreed and with a big grin,
and moments later was transferred to a big aluminum cooking sheet looking tray,
about ten inches deep. There
were hoses all over the bottom of the tray and Lisa explained that those would be cooling lines
for the plaster-like substance to be added to the tray. So this is the DIY portion. I hope you guys
are taking notes. I laid there totally naked and unmoving while the bottom half of the table was set.
I didn't like the hose inserted into my ass.
Well, then maybe that's the wrong job for you.
Yeah, you wouldn't.
That's the best part.
But Lisa explained that this was in case I needed to go.
To go where?
Where are you going?
Now,
now we have to keep this up and out of the way,
she explains. So she tied a string
around my cock and balls and put them
upwards towards the ceiling.
Yay!
He said he was hard earlier.
I don't know. Alright.
I was greased up with a Vaseline-type goo to keep the acrylic from sticking to me.
Then the clear liquid plastic was poured over me, filling the tray and completely covering my body.
When Lisa returned again, I was beginning to get worried.
I couldn't move a muscle. And only my face, my cock, and
my balls, and my toes
were exposed above the now
crystal clear and rock solid acrylic
tabletop. Oh, they're doing a Han Solo
and Carbonite thing. That's very cool.
This is the extended cut.
I always hate what Lucas did.
Oh, Lucas, you and your special
editions. Why would you want to move?
Lisa asked.
You're beautiful.
Lisa released my cock then and again easily aroused me to a full erection.
Yay!
Yay!
I heard running water and felt the table's base begin to cool me.
Then, below me, someone attached the hose from my ass
to a built-in holding tank.
I can't
get up, I protested.
You don't have to, Lisa
explained.
There's a
drain hose in your ass.
You can still pee.
You can still see.
You can hear, and you'll be fed generously.
But I'm a fucking table, I complained.
Yes, you are, Lisa laughed.
And you're going into service tonight.
Lisa slipped a plug gag into my mouth and screwed a plastic funnel into it.
Small Straps has snap-secured the funnel to the tabletop.
Next, she stripped off her panties and gently stuffed them into the funnel.
Okay.
I get the feeling it's not going to be the weirdest thing we talk about tonight.
And poured a small glass of water onto them
to saturate them.
Seconds later, her pussy-flavored water
trickled into my mouth.
Yep.
I don't think that's how that works.
I was covered, taped up, and loaded onto a truck.
An hour later, I was carried into a downtown nightclub
when the female owner saw me.
She was thrilled.
Her hand went right to my crotch,
and I was brought to a huge erection, hard.
I was almost nine inches.
Yay!
The drivers were paid, and I was left there.
We'll talk later, Lisa laughed.
But here's the basics.
This place is loaded with horny women.
But here's the basics. This place is loaded with horny women. And this, she said squeezing my cock, is what they come here for. You're going to be swamped by sexy women tonight. Drink whatever they pour down your throat. but they won't let up if you do. Just makes them rowdier and show them a good time.
Two hours later, the place was packed.
And not a man in the house.
It was true.
I was surrounded by gorgeous women,
being manhandled and fisted viciously.
And they couldn't keep their hands off my cock.
I was given a Viagra and whiskey cocktail,
and I'd already come twice and was still hard.
There were empty shot glasses lined up trying to get cum out of me.
How did that work?
My cock was
shut shut shut
and be sure to tip your bartender
my cock was already
sore and was still being jerked off
yay
later I saw Dave off to my right
he was also in a table
But he was on his back with his legs pulled up to his chest
His calves pointed up and his feet high in the air
Dave was in the center of the room with access to both ends of his table
At one end, his naked, bent double ass and cock and balls were exposed.
Double ass?
Good old four-ass Dave.
Old double-ass Dave.
A woman was sitting on his upturned butt, fucking herself on his cock.
his cock. His head was far below the tabletop, below crotch height, and a big black dildo was strapped over his mouth. Another woman was fucking herself on this, and what I couldn't see was that the dildo had a hollow core.
I like where this is going.
You know, those hollow core dildos.
Oh, wait, no, I know.
You really want the solid core ones.
They're going to last a lot longer.
As the woman fucked herself to the whoops and hollers of her friends waiting their turn,
Dave's mouth was flooding with her juices.
All I could see was him gulping to keep from drowning.
As soon as one woman climbed off his cock or he dildo on his face,
another one mounted him.
When I'd had so much to drink, everything from shots spit into my
funnel, to drunk women spitting
into it, to dribbles of piss
and my own cum,
and I
had to pee,
it was collected in a pitcher
and passed around like fine wine.
It's a living! Needless to say, when anyone else had to pee, that pitcher was empty down my throat
Lisa was right
This was more wild women, sexual attention, and sex than I'd ever had before.
I was nearly dead by 2 a.m.
You were literally dead.
Please note, this author has never had sex before.
And everyone cleared out.
The owner finally came over and told me I had $400 in my tip can.
That's not a lot.
This is the gig economy. my tip can. I just
stared at her blankly.
I need to rest, I
moaned. Is my cock
still there?
She laughed
and assured me that it was.
Then I asked her about tomorrow.
Lunch crowd comes in at noon till 3.
Night crowd comes in 6 till 2 a.m.
I just grinned and closed my eyes.
I'll be ready by then.
Ha ha ha!
Yay! A Jimmy most Franks
Yes
Yes
You paid to listen to that
That's the fucked up thing You paid to listen to that That's the fucked up thing
You paid to listen to that
Once again, merch table in the back
Thank you so much for coming out
This is so very special to me
I hope it's special to you as well
And I want to bring to this stage
a lady by the name of Bump Girl!
Bump Girl!
Yeah! It's just another girl now. Hey now, hey now. Hear what I say now.
We'll be there for you.
The bingo buzz is coming.
And everybody's jumping.
New York to San Francisco.
And in Pacific, Francisco.
The wheels are still tuning.
All right, bump girl.
You have a document or spell in your hands.
Sure to fill this room with even more magics.
You can do it.
You can do it.
It's all fine.
There you go.
Hi, thanks.
Hi.
Just rip it open.
It had a little thing, and it doesn't work.
Oh, wait.
Don't take that literally.
That's a general model of this entire podcast.
This room looks drunk.
This is a drunk-looking room.
Not drunk enough.
Not drunk enough.
Not drunk enough.
Not drunk enough. I'm enough! Not drunk enough!
I'm not as fuck as you drunk I am.
Once again, please, please, please tip your staff.
What do we got here?
What you got?
The Trojan horse that is feminism.
Hell yeah. You better rock, my men.
Is Zekka on Minecraft?
Because I'm going to dig a really big pit
and Zekka's going to fall in and stay there forever.
Okay.
This is a magic spell of evil provided by Zeka.
Thanks, Zeka.
Yeah, Zeka!
Yeah, Zeka!
This is a sentence.
Okay, so we're going to get through this together.
The organized crime, which is against men,
married or and slash, or slash and unmarried,
ampersand marriage, that which is known as feminism,
is legalized criminality, or slash and mental disorder.
Only a man can write a sentence that is that good, really.
Okay, the organ...
Fuck that, never mind.
We're never doing that again.
Okay.
I hate you, Zekka.
The Trojan horse that is feminism,
created by feminists,
are attempting to rewrite
the 8th amendment of the USA
to enslave the male species
that sounds really hot
that sounds really hot
thank you
I'm so happy
I was worried about this
but I see now that it's written by a biologist, a
true scientist, so everything's going to be fine.
Okay. Through
slash parentheses
by having, end parentheses,
the courts to create
a fascist rule
by feminist ampersand
their army of cops
as their pimps.
Similar to that of the
parenthesis fictional, or
was it
fictional?
And parenthesis capital
Amazons, equally shallow
as the men they wish to be free of.
Everyone's following
this completely clearly, right?
Total, okay, good, good, good, yeah. Men bad, women bad. Everyone's following this completely clearly, right? Total...
Okay, good, good, good, yeah.
Men love women bad.
Because this next part is going to blow your fucking minds.
Like, forget the fucking red pill.
This thing is fuchsia.
It's going to blow something.
Something's going to blow.
I'm taking an entire bottle of red pill.
Jesus, into schizophrenia, or he was a con artist like his mother,
was likely a con artist or slash and brainwashed by Jewish priests
to take on the role that she did after committing adultery
and it even possible that he was prostitutes so both false
gods but worshipped which shows how fickle humans are why there is no such
things democracy which is an illusion in the USA which was created by a con
artist the so-called founding fathers of the USA were not working for democracy, but for the elite merchant class who were Jews.
Feminism!
Feminism!
There's four pages of this.
Where the fuck are we going to end up?
Okay, let's keep going.
We've got to get through this.
We've got to get through this.
Okay.
That was the destroyer of the great Roman Empire,
which also had excess, which, like feminism,
will bring down the USA
into another third
civil war, maybe
in
the year
2345.
So clearly, in the year
2124 was the second
civil war, and we'll get
to that, don't worry. Everything will make sense.
The second one's kind of a wash, honestly. You can skip it.
Okay.
I'm going to take you at that and
just fucking throw one of these pages.
Okay. With the second Civil War being
feminist... Oh, see? I was right!
I was right! Feminism in the 20th
century by feminists who are
anti-marriage extremists
who will bring down USA,
which is under threat not
from foreign terrorists,
but excess from
feminists, which is the
greatest threat this country, USA,
and the world is under, or
has ever faced, worst
than any
nuclear or slash
and biological attack.
Can you guys think of anything worse?
Honestly, I got 99 problems and bitches are all of them.
Yeah.
I was warned that I might be offended by this,
and I really am because they keep on doing or slash and
and not and slash fucking or.
God damn it.
Okay.
Speaking of which,
and any feminists...
Oh, square brackets.
One of many Pandora's boxes,
most recent being feminism,
which... Who turned cops into pimps,
but then these same feminists complain
about guys acting like pimps, colon,
talk about being oxymoron, colon,
stupidity in many different forms,
this being one of many,
end square bracket, but start a new one,
male for slash and female.
Okay, is anyone fucking following this? bracket, but start a new one. Male for slash and female.
Okay, is anyone fucking following this?
Okay, okay, okay, okay, yeah.
Okay,
that attempts to destroy marriage
institution between a man and a woman should be
very quickly ignored. You now have feminists
that are trying to marriage
into prostitution, which is
illegal, but they want alimony, child support, and palimony.
And just as a bad apple in a basket full of good apples
will ruin that basket full of good apples,
feminists that bad apple will ruin this great nation
that is USA and rest of the world
and pull into a dark age in a manner
that a cow with mad cow disease,
which is contagious,
as this is evil feminism.
Hail Satan.
No, no, no, no, no.
That is the problem of having an army of Neanderthals enforcing the law, colon.
That is, they enforce the law blindly, without any common sense,
making the police badass or worse than the criminals,
which the police were hired to reduce.
But from what I see of the cops on TV,
they seem the police seem bad or as worse than the criminals, which is bad.
Police laugh about beating up people like hoodlums.
Not right.
Many, many sides.
Okay, now we have some accounting
and some negative energy and women
wanting to act on the act, enforcing
the law blindly.
But don't worry. The movie
I bought symbolized
that there is greater force
than either God or slash
ampersand Satan.
I don't think so, really. No.
In the movie I bought,
symbolism is dual
between creator God, ampersand Satan.
The creator is the white scientist
and Satan is
symbolized by the black dude.
Wanting his sermon.
Sorry, the black dude.
That's America's black dude, thank you.
Okay, but the Creator rescues Satan, who backstabs the Creator after Satan is rescued by the Creator.
The Creator is killed by Satan,
but not before creator accidentally imprisons Satan,
his imprisonment symbolized by the society that the creator created.
This is Revelations, motherfucker.
In the movie I bought,
where did this fucking come from?
The black dude has nightmare,
maybe plural, maybe only one,
which is symbolic for him wanting white girl,
whom he failed to rescue,
but he probably...
Oh, my Lord, there is square brackets,
parentheses, and curly brackets
in this paragraph.
I think you say that in a shouted whisper.
But he probably, assuming he, the black dude, is an incompetent in terms of morals,
cop, set the whole thing up so he could play the hero,
but didn't have enough negative energy to succeed,
symbolizing that she, I don't know who that is anymore,
was a minor and was out of his reach.
So, anyway,
he would later create a more elaborate conspiracy
to get a white woman, that of the scientist who recused him,
using a more complex plan
or slash and
conspiracy so that he
would not fail a 2ND
time. The creator of the
iBots gets the same
hashtag of points that
of the black dude who wants to use
his points for to attract a white
woman rather than for science.
Yeah, absolutely.
To digress,
the egg-shaped quintessence is symbolized by their high status,
equivalent to that of a woman. The robots would be at one unit less than their master, quintessence,
just as most of the iBots were at C3,
except for one, which was at C2,
symbolizing Adam,
while his sister robot
symbolized Eve.
Oh, this is the plot of Neon Genesis
Evangelion.
Okay, it all makes sense now. Who tried
to get rid of harm,
cripple, and tried to kill Satan,
but didn't succeed, for Satan was too
lucky to get killed,
symbolizing that evil never dies.
And her younger brother,
the sentient ibot, was too inexperienced
not to be brainwashed by Satan,
the sentient ibot, to obey himwashed by Satan, the sentient iBot, to obey
him to destroy his sister,
who was trying to prevent
him from stealing the creator's
woman, after Satan killed
the creator, Colin,
show that the audience
will believe whatever they're told
to believe that
to believe that they're told to side with the Satan,
which is what the audience do.
Okay, do it, audience.
Okay, yep.
This is still the same sentence.
Symbolize that government knows that the people are fools
when it comes to politics,
just as the white woman thinks that Satan is good
because she is seduced by him.
Satan!
I am not reading the last line.
Okay, no, I'll read it.
So do not trust feminists nor pimps, ooh, fancy,
as the only pimp a woman should be allowed to have is her husband.
Pimps.
Pimp girl! I think we just committed a hate crime
Fuck you Zeka
Oops
We're going to take one more quick break Oops.
We're going to take one more quick break.
We are going to be back with a little bit more F Plus Live and some wonderful, wonderful, magical things.
Come on back.
Well, I mean, stay here.
If you leave and come back, it'll be weird,
so you should actually just stay here.
Okay, bye!