The F Plus - live6c: F Plus Live 6 | Conjuring Satan | Part 3
Episode Date: September 11, 2017For the last segment of F Plus Live 6, we consult a supercomputer and our nearest available Frank West to learn that we have not yet collected enough magicks to summon Satan. And so, we take dras...tic measures. Lemon & The Audience: badfic snippets J W Friedman: Read how Katy Perry's video Firework is witchcraft and how the spell is cast Adam Bozarth: The Yahoo Answers of Spanky Gazpacho Frank West: Shelia Thong Sandal Goddess by mrstanley Lemon's reading (provided by Lady Frenzy) was cut for time and then performed the next day at the karaoke afterparty. Here is a video of that.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
F plus live returns.
Ladies and gentlemen, the satanic MLM marketing scheme that I subscribe to has delivered this very, very impressive technological device that works like this.
Now you see that and you think that's really visually impressive.
And it is. It is really visually impressive.
It is really visually impressive.
But in addition to that, this supercomputer is channeled to Frank West's soul.
to Frank West's soul.
And therefore, Frank West can calculate exactly
how many McGicks
are in this room.
Frank West, consult
the device and tell me how many McGicks
are in this room.
A bunch. I need
an actual number.
Five. Five. That can an actual number. Five.
Five. That's not, that can't be right.
That can't be right.
Sorry.
Fifty.
Fifty. Are you sure?
Give or take a hundred.
Okay. Okay.
Jesus.
Jesus.
Jesus.
I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this.
Boots, I'm sorry. Boots, I'm I wouldn't have to do this. Boots, I'm sorry.
Boots, I'm sorry that I have to do this,
but I have to do this.
I have to take this spell
and I have
is made up of dozens
of single sentences from fan fiction.
It was provided to me by Zarla.
And I am going to dump this into this cauldron.
There's a lot.
There's more.
Okay, there we go.
Okay.
All right.
I will upend the cauldron.
Stog, take that no talk into it.
Yes. Yes.
All right. Dog, take that no talk into it. Yes. Alright.
Alright.
I'm going to reach into here
and find something.
His mind
was like an Ikea dresser
built for hand grenades.
He remembered the battleships, the Imperial cruisers.
It was a night no Care Bear would ever wish to remember.
Two thousand for guests.
I need you. I need to have you.
For everything and anything, I just need to have you.
Need to feel you underneath me, writhing and panting,
our hearts beating together as I
make love to you. He screamed through
his bullhorn at the hostage negotiator.
So he entered the bar.
All the dinosaurs were in there, playing cards.
Rour, said Jesus, trying to blend in.
Plus 20,000 McGicks.
I love you, I whispered to no one.
That's from my journal, Lemon.
Very rude.
I'm pregnant, or whatever.
There was a pause for celebration.
Plus 5,000.
Christian smiled.
His purposeful piercing eye
is not unlike two penetrating penises.
Ah, yes, that's it.
Do it, yelled the sexually energized TX model.
Fuck me.
Really?
I really want you to fuck me.
Oops.
Plus 6,000.
Plus a couple extra for me.
Where would you be without me?
Well, I'd be single, Arthur says,
and I wouldn't have any mutant were-kitten babies.
Plus 2,000.
All right, great, great, great, great, great.
This is going really well.
Yeah, you're really building it up.
Draco leaves Ginny because he's so...
What's the word? I don't know.
What do you know, Hagrid?
You're just a little Hogwarts student.
I may be a Hogwarts student, Hagrid paused angrily,
but I am also a Satanist!
Plus 10,000.
What the king saw changed his life forever.
By that, I mean he exploded.
Well, you're not wrong.
The group appeared to all be elves, judging by their ears and the forest around them.
Plus 1,050.
Frank West, are we on track?
Are we on track?
Are we there? Are we there?
I don't know math.
Okay, that's a really...
Lemon, I hate to tell you this, but I've been making up the numbers.
I'm glad this is so visually impressive.
Welcome to F plus 5, 6
where the megits don't matter.
I'm sorry I have to do this,
but I actually need your help
to summon the Dark Lord.
You're going to
come up to the stage, and you are going to
quickly, quickly,
quickly
read one of these
spells and summon the Dark
Lord. Come on up.
Oh my god.
Upside down. The scarred
brunette knocked the vial out of the way,
falling on top of Hercules.
And as these things happened,
Leon was sucked into the greased gaping vagina
and disappeared.
So it goes.
So it goes.
Come on up, come on up.
Plus a thousand.
Oh, yeah.
All right, what we got?
Oh, fuck.
Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma.
Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom,, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, Zuma, and Gaston respects strength, so he shows his respect
through a blowjob.
Plus 5,000.
Lorana was so caught up
in singing that she didn't notice
when the coins being thrown at her
changed into knives.
Thanks.
Jean Valjean
gives Javert
a slow, sexy
striptease.
Hell yeah.
Yeah.
Bam!
Bam!
Bam!
Bam!
Bam!
Bam! Bam! Bam! I don't see any reason that the rest of the podcast can't just be that.
Aiden never knew he could do magic until a cat dared him to have sex.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God Not grunted as she was. Fuck! That's fucking... He is a braver man than you or I.
He can put a lighter against his genitals and hold it there.
Whoa!
Plus 5,000.
Laura was being raped by a damn dog.
She honestly couldn't believe this shit.
All right, what do we got?
Realizing that he was a lion and thus pantless,
Simba decided that hiding his rather uncomfortable erection would be difficult.
Wait, General!
You want us to paint the moon blue so that the sea creatures can remain mermaids?
Asked a NASA scientist.
Ha ha ha!
He needed to chose a whore for his monthly breeding.
This was a quirement of all Japanese samurai vampires.
I really love Twilight Sparkle.
She is my love and my everything.
But the problem is, she is a princess and I am a communist.
Chapter one, epilogue.
You already went, right?
You first, you first.
All right.
What have I got?
Plus 50,000, because I forgot to do my part in this gimmick.
Sebastian zips him up,
pats the front of his jeans,
fondly patronizing, as if to say,
good job, Chris's dick. Good job on all that jizz.
Good job, Chris's dick. Good job, Chris's dick.
He smiles fondly in the face of their hopeful, eager eyes and issues an abrupt nod.
Fine. Okay. I accept your Christmas present of two dicks.
Give it up for yourselves!
I think that's going to make this thing go a little lot better.
And that means that
coming up next to the stage is J.W.
Freeman!
Freeman!
It's me, the Heartbreak Kid.
I'm sexy.
I'm sexy.
I'm sexy.
I'm sexy.
I'm sexy.
I'm sexy.
I'm sexy.
I'm sexy.
I'm sexy.
I'm sexy.
I can't dance.
I'm sorry.
Oh, my goodness.
Look at this.
All right.
So I'm opening this incantation.
What do we got?
We have read how Katy Perry's video Firework is witchcraft
and how the spell is cast.
A magic spell of evil provided by spooks.
Excellent.
We begin with a quote. I wanted
to be like the Amy Grant of music,
but it didn't work out,
so I sold my soul to the devil,
Katy Perry.
Since Katy Perry sold
her soul to the devil,
she has become the biggest pop star
this side of Lady Gaga.
In 2010, her studio album Teenage Dream
boasted five number one hits.
She was MTV's 2011 Artist of the Year.
Having gone double platinum and to number one,
the song Firework came in as Billboard's
number three song of the year for 2011
and won Video of the Year, the main and final award in the 2011 MTV Music Video Awards.
It is shot by the Danube River at the former royal family's medieval Buda Castle Palace Complex Courtyard in Budapest, Hungary.
The video may seem sweet and empowering on the surface as an inspiring anthem for discouraged
people to overcome their self-esteem challenges and shine, but I feel there is a very deep occult
meaning. Ask yourself if someone who has sold their soul to the devil would make such a positive video.
To me, the video is a play on what happens to our souls at death if we go into the light.
I have a 1080p high-definition copy of the video, so I suggest you find the best quality available.
The video begins with the very soft sound of a siren as the camera pans across Chain Bridge
and then across the sun wheel of a tower, which is too dark to be seen clearly,
on which Katie is standing over a balcony.
She's singing about feeling dead or being six feet deep.
There is a Masonic checkerboard pattern beneath her feet.
I had to do a lot of research on Google satellite maps
to identify building tops,
so I know exactly where she is standing.
It is not at the palace.
Once I found the building,
Google identified it as Hell Energy,
which makes an energy drink called Hell
Energy Drink, whose motto
is, gives you power like hell.
By the way, this is in the
text. You can't make this stuff up.
Why of all the possible
site choices to shoot the video,
did the director decide to use a place called
Hell Energy? She sings, you gotta ignite the light, did the director decide to use a place called Hell Energy?
She sings, you gotta ignite the light and own the night. Her heart starts bursting on fire and shooting sparks across the sky like fireworks on the 4th of July. She says to
go boom, boom, boom, and be brighter than the moon, moon, moon. Fuck it. Having seen
her heart at night, countless others start copying her behavior,
and they let their hearts ignite too.
This may be forms of what is called imitative magic and sympathetic magic.
As they sing moon, they show the dome of the castle.
So, since most people have short attention spans,
I'll get right to the core of the ritual
to show how Katy Perry and her producers are using witchcraft in her video Firework,
and then I'll go into much more detail to show supportive evidence.
Witches are known to practice magic by gathering in circles and rotating the circle
either clockwise or counterclockwise, depending on the intent.
When you see the dancers form in the lion's courtyard,
they form an eight-spoke sun wheel, which is based around the solstices
and known to witches as
the wheel of the year.
Katie is spinning counterclockwise
inside the circle like a
whirling dervish. Then
they form a sun
swastika with its tips pointed
to the left, which is negative.
Then finally,
I believe
they form a labyrinth. Since on the right side, there's a small opening or entrance,
just like you see in mazes or labyrinths.
Plus, underneath their feet is a six-mile underground labyrinth.
The energy is directed at you, the listener,
because Katie is singing the song in the second person,
commanding you to ignite using the power of suggestion.
In fact, she sings the word you or your about 35 times because there's a spark in you.
You just got to ignite the light because, baby, you're a firework.
People will listen to these suggestions over and over as the song is in heavy rotation on radio stations.
Word.
Many people will sing along to the song and internalize the subconscious message.
Countless others who watch the video will remember the images of people igniting, perhaps with a positive
association reinforcing it, but
it is being bound with the symbolism
of the sun imagery. She sings
another verse and then repeats the chorus.
One guy runs past her wearing a sweatshirt
that says Soho
District on it.
No,
Soho may be an entertainment
district in London, but Soho is also the name for NASA's Solar and Heliospheric Observatory, and their website is known for posting images of the sun.
The macabre images in this video, when the hearts burst or ignite, are very similar to when the souls were taken up and renewed in the fiery ritual of Carousel in the movie Logan's Run.
The participants of the ritual in the movie would all chant,
Renew! Renew!
As the ascending spirits would ignite into flames.
Katie advises you to ignite your inner spark.
Go boom, boom, boom!
And become a firework that shoots across the sky.
The t-shirt of the middle hoodlum
harassing one of the heroes of the video reads
Nyon. In Celtic astrology
which Wiccans and Druids hold in high esteem
Nyon was a mermaid or
siren of the god Gwydion,
a lunar deity symbolized by the
ashtray whose symbol was the trident or seahorse
or mermaid. Nyon is probably
also where we get the word union.
In effect, a band named
The Union has a song called Siren
Song.
If you pause the video
at just the right time, you will see
that the middle thug has vampire
fangs. Also,
the hoodlum to the right in the hood
looks like the evil-looking Jedi
warrior, Nyan, in the Star Wars
movie series.
Why did the director choose a musician
who practices magic for a character?
The video was released on Thursday, October 28, 2010
for the Halloween weekend,
which is the Gaelic Harvest Festival,
which is the biggest holiday for witches.
The witches' triangle of manifestation,
which is the symbol Jay-Z, Rihanna, and all
the rappers give, also Diamond
Dallas Page, needs two points,
space and time, in
order to... It's me.
Alright, sorry. In order to maintain
so the video may use hell energy
and a labyrinth for the space and Halloween,
aka All Souls Day
for the time. The theory
of this website
is that the video and song show
that at death our souls are ripped apart,
R.I.P.,
and are shot across the sky
to be used as hell's energy in the sun,
which is the wheel of rebirth.
They are lured to the light moon,
which is a siren,
probably the alien beings
Katie sings about in her video,
E.T. To whom she
sings, lead me into the light.
The energy is stored there and then most likely
during a solar eclipse. Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Hey guys.
Alright. Hey, it worked.
Solar eclipse set to the sun to be ignited
as solar flares are directed back to Earth.
We are then renewed on Earth,
which is a matrix, a maze, or prison.
Prison.
J.W. Freeman! J.W. Freeman!
The boy your girl should worry about.
Hi, I'm Lemon.
Okay, hi.
I have a communique
from the Dark Lord himself.
The Father of Lies.
Is there anybody in the audience named Poops Reingear?
Is there somebody here named that?
He would like to thank you for your service
to the Uncle of Filth by presenting you with this hat.
This is
for you.
That's
yeah. Okay, okay.
Kumquat.
I really
like this. Sorry, you have a pun, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
This is
poop of the Hat.
Okay, so
in anticipation of the possibility
that you might be bringing me a gift,
can you pass me a backpack there?
I've purchased you a counter gift.
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
Oh, no!
Jesus Christ You know
Your enthusiasm and your excitement
Has always been a driving force in this podcast
And in spite of all the shit
We've had to face... Oh my god.
Oh my god.
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?
So, normally, can you hear me?
Normally, I would give you some glib speech.
Normally, I would give you some glib speech about, I would mix up a funny thing about Lemon, but he really wanted
to bring you awareness of a really
important issue in his life.
So
in lieu of making a bunch of jokes
I thought that I would present
Lemon with a thing to bring awareness that he
really cares deeply about.
I do care deeply about.
The thing that I care deeply about is...
It's about to get shirtless in here. Crickets are the gay bug.
Oh, crickets are the gateway bug.
I want to bring you to a gay bug.
I want to bring you to a gay bug Yeah, crickets are the gateway bug
Fantastic
Let me know what you want to know about that, bye
Bye
Come quads up
Fantastic
Fantastic
He might actually keep that on Fantastic.
He might actually keep that on.
Coming up next to the stage, we have Adam Bozarth!
A handsome young man with a handsome young spell.
How do I follow Poop? How do I follow poop? How do I follow poop swap?
Hello?
How do I follow the poop swap?
Where you swap poop back and forth forever.
What you got there?
Well, I have a reading from my enemy on the internet,
Girlkisser420.
I hate both of those things.
And what is your reading? My reading is The Yahoo Answers of SpankyGaspachoDW.
Do you guys know who that is?
I guess these are all the same questions from the same person, SpankyGaspacho.
Question.
Question.
Is breakfast a good time to have mangoes?
Smiley face.
Oh, mangoes.
I have them for breakfast.
And when I have a snack and for dessert and for supper.
I make protein drinks out of them, too, by adding protein powder or raw eggs.
I slice them up and have them with frozen yogurt.
I freeze them and eat them as refreshing ice block.
There really is no limit to the enjoyment of this sweet fruit.
They are a meal on their own and provide instant complex carbs for energy,
and the mango tree is an attractive plant.
Sexually?
What are your favorite fruits?
What do you do with them?
Question mark, smiley face
Over the last three weeks
I have personally consumed around
50 capital M mangoes
That's a lot of mangoes
But they're in season
So I eat them fresh, blend them with rum and drink them,
and I also kind of smear them in. On Christmas Eve, I bought five kilograms of fresh cherries,
and there's still a handful left if you would like some. I really like cherries too. Everybody likes cherries. Question.
I know what Jesus said in reference to fig trees,
but is there any mention of mangoes in the gospel stories?
Of course we know that Jesus ate them.
There is conjecture that it was the humble mango that inspired the phrase,
turn the other cheek. Of course, who would deny the mango its proper place in history?
And mango leaves are much better shape and significantly much more comfortable,
no prickles, for covering one's genitals.
Does anyone here know someone that is nicknamed Gaspacho?
Yes, we do!
Icy Gaspacho, that is the cold, emotionless, acidic, tomato-based soupy guy.
Gazel, that got suspended by Yamster on Christmas Day.
Obviously a beaten-up individual bruised by many years of haunting.
Not all like a sweet, juicy, dribbling, tropical mango man.
Smothered with affection from caring and giving strangers who would have taken him under their wing,
a truly one-sided affair for which he is overwhelmingly the person who takes the benefit of others' selflessness.
Question.
Who scratches your back when you can't reach it?
I'm married too.
22 years.
And in all that time with my wife has never even scratched my back that I can remember.
Boo.
Why isn't my wife like a mango?
Invariably, I am immensely flexible
and can scratch any part of my own back with ease.
No thanks to my wife.
Along with other more interesting talents.
Question.
What are some sexy foods besides hot dogs, pickles, et cetera?
Mango is really sexy.
Don't cut it up and eat it with a fork, though.
You have to let the druze strip down your face and onto your naked rack.
You have to suck on that seed, you know.
Share it visually, expressively, and then literally nothing better than a beautiful sweet mango smeared all over the body and slowly kissed and licked off.
Question.
Is it really possible that the fruit of knowledge in the Garden of Eden was really a mango?
Yes.
It's sinful, all right.
I'm salivating at the thought of a great big mango tree chippering with fresh, juicy, fleshy mangoes,
plucking them ripe from the limbs, and notice the shapely mango cheek.
Why is it called a
cheek? It's much more
like a breast than anything
else apart from
a breast that is.
And what man
can resist it when
it's being handed to you.
Is it really possible that the fruit
of knowledge in the Garden of Eden was
really a man? Oh, that's a question
I already asked already.
Sorry.
The next question is,
how do you get rid of that burning feeling?
I was cutting up some jalapenos earlier, and I guess I didn't wash my hands thoroughly,
and I touched my foreskin, and it's really burning.
How do I make it stop?
make it stop.
I did a similar thing once. I did a similar thing
once when making a model airplane.
That glue
stings like a bastard on
your dick.
Never make model airplanes in the
nude.
Wash your junk with some
mild soap, obviously.
Then rub mangoes all over it.
Dash it with
some coconut ice.
And obtain some
assistance in licking it off.
This is
advice. Stop laughing!
Unless,
of course, you are flexible enough to do
it yourself. Oh, okay.
You probably won't get any volunteers for that last part.
But for the rest of us, that's the jizz.
Jizz with three Zs.
Spanky Gaspacho DW asks,
Commando and Leather Pants
yes or
no way?
No.
The options were yes
or no way.
No way?
Guys,
I'm getting a lot of
conflicting answers here. Some people are saying yes getting a lot of conflicting answers here.
Some people are saying yes.
A lot of violent protesters are saying to burn down mango trees.
I don't agree with that.
I ask this in motorbikes, but they don't take me seriously because I'm new to bike riding. The ladies always seem to treat me the way I like, so it's like I'm asking here, sorry, but you people are the best.
Anyway, those guys said to buy leather duds, but it's so expensive. Anyway, I did some research,
and kangaroo skin is the strongest leather for weight that money can buy.
And this is the best for bikers, obviously.
I mean, kangaroos bounce all the time.
And if you are going to wear pants on your bike, get some that bounce when you fall off.
So the set of custom Kangaroo would cost me
$2,500.
And I got this
idea. I've been to
a golf course down at
Molly Mook
New South Wales.
And there's kangaroos everywhere down there.
And you gotta shoo them out of the way
to put a putt on the green.
So I figured, since I'm better than Tiger Woods,
only I'm too busy riding to be fooling around
on the golf course like he does all day.
I figured I'll go and use my two wood
instead of my putter
and bag myself a couple of skins for free.
Perfect plan.
Sneak in late.
If you want some, people were staring at me kind of funny.
Maybe that's because of where I parked my bike.
Anyway.
They're real comfortable and they don't even need
a winter lining on account of that
soft fur that I left
on the inside but I was
kind of wondering now that I
am all set up and you know
I go commando
cause it feels
kind of jingly
but I
mean if I fall off I'm concerned about it feels kind of tingly. But I mean,
if I fall off, I'm
concerned about
skid
marks.
Haven't
gone all, do all that
trouble. I don't
want to get skid marks.
You know, my butt is precious,
so what's the go?
Do you wear underpants for extra protection
against the skid marks?
You know, this is really serious
and important.
So no funny jokes.
I'm sick of people making jokes
every time I ask
a really important
question.
Thank you.
Adam Bozarth!
Before I go to this,
before we do this last thing,
I got a couple things to say.
One of them is merch in the back.
The second thing is
karaoke party tomorrow at Grumpy's
Roseville. Please do come
down. I will
be drunker and more talkative. And
tip your
fucking bar staff!
And with that,
we are ready
for the final ceremony.
The final ceremony, Frank West?
Sheila, thong sandal goddess.
A McGick spell of evil providedided by Achilles Heelys
Outstanding
Sheila Thong Sandal
Goddess by Mr. Stanley
Copyright
I better not see any of you stealing that fucking name
As we left the club Sheila grabbed me in the parking lot and shoved her tongue down my throat.
As we French kissed, I massaged her large ass and could feel a thong g-string through her dress.
I moved my hands higher and felt her huge breast as I shoved my tongue down into her throat.
Sheila did something I am never had done to me.
She swallowed my tongue and deep-throated it.
It was as if she stole my very soul.
She looked up.
I have no gag reflex.
I am very oil.
I can take very large objects into my mouth and swallow them into my throat.
Can you think of something besides your tongue for me to swallow?
The moon!
The mango!
I grinned.
My thumb, my big toe, my nose maybe.
Sheila smirked.
I can put most parts of a man's body in my mouth. I can think of other things to tickle my throat.
We left for my car and drove to her home.
It was only about ten o'clock. We got out and walked to her home. It was only about 10 o'clock.
We got out and walked to her house.
Two periods.
As we walked, I noticed her pretty sandaled feet.
Her toes were fire engine red and totally exposed in her sexy, high-heeled thongs.
Her toes spread out as she walked.
Her thong sandals had very thin straps that wrapped around her ankles.
Sheila caught me looking at her feet.
Do you have a foot fetish?
This next bit is all one quote.
Sort of, I replied. I adore sexy feet and thong sandals.
In fact, I am turned on by your sandals and feet.
I hope you are attracted to me more than my feet and sandals.
I live in thongs 24-7 in the summer.
Except at work.
I have to wear ugly Crocs with my scrubs.
As we entered the small adobe structure.
Period.
Sheila threw me against the door and swallowed my tongue again.
Got your tongue.
She pulled my penis.
She pulled my penis out of my pants.
And explored my erection with her fingers.
I'm assuming in another room, maybe.
Yeah?
Yeah?
Yeah.
Shelia. I looked at that like five times. Jesus. Shelia threw me against the door.
My cock is circumcised with a small head not much bigger than my thumb. It has a pointed tip with a slight curve to the left. At about two inches from the head, my cock widens to a six-inch circumference with thick, sturgeon
veins. When erect, my cock is 8.5 inches. Flaccid, I am 5.5.
When erect, my cock is 8.5 inches.
Flaccid, I am 5.5.
Wow, David, you have a magnificent penis.
I am going to have fun with this tonight.
Is that all right with you?
Shelia's hand gripped my cock and stroked me three or four strokes.
Let us shower, and get fresher, my
cunt is a little tangy.
I want to be
sparkly clean for you.
You do eat pussy, I assume.
Yes, I eat
pussy, ass, armpits, belly, buttons,
and toes.
Head, shoulders, knees, and toes.
You're a cannibal!
Well, I have never had my toes or ass eaten, David.
I can't wait.
If you didn't eat pussy, that would be a showstopper.
The towels in the hall...
The towels are in the hall. Grab a couple.
You go first, David. I will take longer, she instructed.
I quickly washed my face and body.
I wrapped my body in a towel and walked back into the bedroom.
As I walked, my erection was sticking out and tenting the towel.
Shelia smiled. I will be out in a few minutes, baby.
I lightly stroked my cock to keep it primed.
I worked my cock for a few minutes.
Hey, don't waste that on your hand.
I will be with you as soon as I get dressed, she hollered as she ran by me. I thought, dressed?
In a few minutes, Shelia returned.
I was stunned.
Shelia had a shaved head, smooth as a bowling ball.
She wore a red negligee with matching g-string.
On her foot were high-heeled thongs on a five-inch heel and ankle straps.
What do you think of my sandals, David?
I put them on for you.
Before I could answer, she put her right foot into my face.
Suck my sandal toes,
David.
I opened my mouth and swallowed
her little toe.
Then two, and three.
I managed to swallow all four
of her toes into my mouth.
Hold on.
Did we miss a...
Is this The Simpsons?
Her foot was fairly large.
I estimate size 10.
I looked at the bottom of her other sandal
and noticed 10.5 wide on the bottom.
You know what gets me horny, folks?
Numbers.
That feels amazing, David.
I have never had a man suck my toes.
It feels divine.
She smiled as she patted me on the head.
Get up.
I want you to eat my pussy.
Get up.
Get up.
We switched positions.
Now I was between her thighs.
I placed her sandaled feet behind her head.
She was very limber.
I am going to eat out your pussy and ass
and make you cum, I announced.
What are you waiting for? She growled.
I attacked her shaven cunt with my tongue.
I sucked and swallowed her huge clit, which was about two inches long.
This drove her crazy, and she was beginning to shake.
I buried my entire fist in her cunt as I attacked her clit.
After about
ten minutes, she was very
close to orgasm.
We're getting there.
I kept my
fist in her cunt and started
performing analingus on her
rectal opening, which I guess means that was
in there for ten fucking minutes.
After a few
minutes, I put three on my
fingers in her ass
and pulled out my fist
out of her vagina and
resumed teasing her giant clit.
This sent her over the edge
and she grabbed my head
and clinched my head with her thighs,
holding me in place as she came.
David, you sure can eat pussy.
What you did to my ass was amazing.
I have never come so hard in my life.
I am not kidding.
She had tears in her eyes and was shaken.
I love your body, Shelia.
I was sharing my skills with yours, I explained.
You haven't come yet.
I want you in my pussy next, she demanded.
I positioned her with legs and feet on my shoulders
and in a high missionary position.
I buried my thick penis into her pussy.
Yeah, like, I guess they're up.
It's a tall bed.
As I entered her swollen cunt,
I placed her sandaled feet where I had access to them.
Yeah.
I worked all of her toes into my mouth
as I plunged into her cunt.
This was freaking her out, and her breathing was getting heavy.
I could tell she loved having her go sucked while getting fucked.
David, this is nice.
I love you mouth on my toes as you fuck me.
I am glad you like my fetish,
I replied.
In the realest exchange
that has ever happened.
It is my
fetish now, she smiled.
We did it!
We have one task unfinished, I announced.
Your orgasm, she asked.
And your ass, I replied.
Scene change!
I stayed with Sheila for three days,
and we spent half that time fucking and sucking like animals.
days and we spent half that time fucking and sucking like animals. I came to her so many times. I must... I do. I mean David, not me. It's a guy I know. It's real. I must have emptied my loads into each of her holes four or five times.
Shelia wore a different pair of thong sandals each time we had sex.
I counted 97 pairs of shoes in her walk-in closet.
Get ready to do the math, folks. She had three pairs of tennis shoes, five pairs of flip
flops, six pairs of pumps, three pairs of clogs, and eight a pair of sandals. Everyone was a thong.
Only seven pair were without back straps, and those were high-heeled mules.
About half of her thongs are flat.
We are a married couple now.
Hey, hey, Dad, how'd you meet Mom?
Shelia has me wearing thin-strapped, handmade thong sandals as well.
I came in her so many times that I got her pregnant.
Because that's a matter of volume.
We have been married for five months and Sheila is six months pregnant.
We are adding to her sandal collection.
Lucky we are in Tucson.
That's the last line! I don't know!
No!
Frank West!
You know what?
If anything was going to summon Satan,
that must have summoned Satan.
Look around.
Just be.
What is that ominous music? Where is that ominous music?
Where is that ominous music coming from?
Everybody look under your bar stools.
Is there a little tiny, tiny Satan there?
A beer, that makes sense.
No little tiny Satan, that would be menacing, but also cute.
On Washington, does Satan walk on Washington?
No. Does Satan walk on Washington? No.
Does Satan play
Buck Hunter? Probably
later.
In the back!
It is Satan!
Satan!
We have put together this show for you.
We have brought earth itself to your grasp.
Satan, now that you're here, what will you do with us? Thank you. Hey, you know what?
You know what?
This song has a sort of conga beats. This song has a sort of conga beat.
This song has a sort of conga beat.
I think everyone should conga with Satan.
Make a line.
Make a line.
There we go.
There we go. There we go. That's right.
I don't know where he's going to take you,
but I'm sure you're going to like it.
Keep up the spirit. Come on, let's do it. Feeling hot. What? Fog Machine.
Ladies and gentlemen, that was F Plus Live 6.
Thank you so very much for coming down.
We are very, very close to bar close.
So finish up your drinks, pay your tabs, give each other hugs, and be good to people because everything that went
into this, everything that went
into this, the people that
the people that
came here, the
people that provided this material,
the things
that we've done over time
genuinely makes me so
very, very happy.
And I hope
that tomorrow I'll be both happy and drunk.
More people to thank than I even have time for.
My name is Lemon.
Everyone here is amazing.
Thank you.
Have a great night.
Thank you. Have a great night. Thank you.