The Fighter & The Kid - Ep. 700
Episode Date: June 23, 2021The gang talks Christian's newly botched haircut, young Bryan Callen, Shapel getting pulled over and getting a ticket for the first time, getting massages, who's more threatening ...between Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, Subway's tuna sandwich controversy, Steven Crowder ambushed by Sam Seder and much more!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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A few housekeeping tour dates for you guys.
The thick boy tour is hitting the road in July, July 16th through 17th.
Los Angeles doing my first full weekend in LA.
It feels good to say it, man.
I'm at the Ha Ha Ha, shop and friends, thick boys and friends July 16th through
17th.
Those tickets will sell out.
It's four shows two on Friday, two on Saturday.
Ha Ha.
It's like near Toluca Lake.
I've never been there.
It hurts a great spot. Great family run spot. Ha Ha, it's like near Toluca Lake. I've never been there. It hurts a great spot.
Great family run spot.
Ha ha, Los Angeles California, July 16th through 17th.
And then just announced,
Las Vegas, Nevada, baby, Vegas, I'm coming.
I was gonna say, coming home, I'm not from there.
So it makes no sense.
Las Vegas, Nevada, I'm at the new grand opening,
first comic to do wise guys in Las Vegas Vegas Nevada, August 12th through the 14th
Get your tickets man FATKZ.com next week pre sale for the biggest show of my career
The AT&T garden center out there in San Antonio pre sale goes next week. I will keep you guys posted other than that
San Jose, California September 9th through the 11th, ticket to FATKZ.com. And then also for you guys, Honolulu, just went on sale too.
That's in October. Honolulu, Hawaii cannot wait. Never been out there. October 29th through
the 30th is Hawaii. Honolulu, hell yeah, dude. So tickets to FATKZ.com. And then also thick
boy merch drops Friday
sleeve this hoodies in black and gray that you see me and the boys rocking all the thick boy
YouTube channel those are available Friday along with the shorts the yellow and the gray some of my favorite shorts
That is thick boy.com thick with three C's and there you go man see out there
What's up, find the kid listeners and viewers
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Just what?
Crubs.
Christian.
Rob here.
Cut this.
Yeah.
What are your last names?
They remind me of the cartel.
Farne.
They gave me the filling.
They fade.
They asked me if I want to want to.
You look like Drake.
Well, a guy did that to me.
He did that.
And I read.
No.
But the joke. got the same stuff.
The thing's that makes the line feel better about his hair cut
because they fuck mine off too.
You got the same barber or what?
No, the line under didn't even speak.
Mine doesn't matter.
Did you go in there and ask for the John B?
Ooh, the John B.
What's the John B-chin?
Yeah.
I'm doing okay, like, an accent, like, like,
screwing around, making an accent.
Someone said it looked like John B from all my block really. Yeah, you look like John
At least you're like an age where you can make like
Look at that. It's better. It doesn't get better
He's in too little fixed-year beard man. Is he so alive? Yeah
You look like a young Brian count. Oh, it's he looks like young you don't ethnic more
I was young
Young Brian count please don't look at our hands. I'm I
Your way, I'm gonna send you a picture yeah, yeah
Young Brian count hot
So John B's still performing yeah, John B's killing he's doing good
So John B is still performing yeah John B's killing he's doing good
Is that work? No, not that
His finger he's our be single. He has he come out with any new music, too
Oh, I don't think so
No, he is not that I'm aware of I think it's last time was like 2011
Right how old were you in that 16? I was 40 now last time was like 2011
16 I was 40 now. It's my 30's there. I am
You're got the same long face Yeah, you know, yeah, I'm I got a better one. Hold on. I got a better one.
Yeah, you know, I mean, yeah, love.
It's like an almond head.
You got a almond head. You look great.
I'm sending this to you.
What do you, you said I have an almond head?
Yeah, but I have.
But that's not it.
Or a fat head, though.
Yeah, the almond heads are in, though.
Yeah, that shape.
Yeah, that shape.
Only I said that.
Christian, what's the Harvard Goods structure? So I went to it's called
like the the corner barber shop and we're I mean, yeah, perfect. Like North Hollywood like
literally right up here Lincoln Barbers dog. I all Mexican. Well, that's what you said. I say,
you know, you were gonna ask you where you got what I forgot not, but I forgot to ask. I'm not sure. Yeah, go to his guy. Yeah.
What you're gonna like text you guys?
Go to my guy.
Actually, my guy, my, my, my is probably closer to you, but it's in like Hollywood.
I'm like Beverly.
Beverly's not bad.
Um, look at that.
I got a great season.
Young brother.
Okay.
Yeah.
Yeah, the guy, the guy asked me, is I go, what do you want?
Like, I told him what I wanted.
And he looked at the guy, cut in my hair and spoke to him in Spanish.
The guy cut my hair didn't even speak English.
The showboy.
I did.
What's your picture of Javi?
No, I'm not.
I like to do, you know Tom Hardy, obviously, right?
Yeah, I know who he is.
Have you ever seen the show, but have you seen Taboo?
Like that show?
Yeah, I see on FF.
I like that.
I like the tear of that as well.
What's that I do?
Tom Hardy and Taboo bring that up, J.
Tom Hardy and Tiz. that up Jim Tom Hardy and
Yes, you know that's what you want you got a great face. You got to be careful about trying to look like Tom Hardy Yeah, no, but that that's also takes place in like the six or 50s
Yeah, but I like that hair style like I used to have a long hair
What about you on Wallace do the lawless haircut Tom Hardy and Wallace is I when he had a shy above really long
Yeah, I can't get the style above he's you got curly hair
Shyla buff and I moved on oh he does I had long hair for a while and I just was sick of there you go
So that I did something like that for a while
I just I changed it up like recently. He's a hell of an actor. He's so I spent about
Two months. You got thick hair huh? Yeah. What's the longest you've had it like down here? Like uh, yeah around there
Like in high school like when I played hockey like I would have like I had
Really really long hair regret it cuz I put it like a lot of
Redis your back out stop playing how's it? You know, you know, Chink has here. I don't talk about it. You're already producing back out. Stop playing. I'm not. You know, chink out here.
I don't talk about that.
You got a hair chin?
Yeah, that's my haircut.
You cut your own hair.
I've always come on hair.
What the fuck?
He's talking about his own hairs.
I didn't know that.
Really?
How did you do that?
Mirror and Eclippers.
Oh, you get the back.
Well, you do a damn good job.
I know.
I'm not doing it.
It's not bad.
No. That's amazing. Not too shabby with clipper.
You never go to a barber.
No, never.
Damn.
Hey, how about we're in zoo that time, this guy clearly
on the spectrum.
We're on the bench.
Oh, he's up.
He's staring at me like this.
And at first, I was like, all right, well, here we are.
And then I'm like, talk to someone.
And he's still there.
I go, what's up, man?
And he goes, I need a bench.
I go, well, cool.
We're using this one. And he goes, right, right, right. And then he just keeps standing. I go, what's up man and he goes I need a bench I go well cool. We're using this one
He goes right right right and he just keeps standing up. I go what's up man and he goes you Tom Hardy I go
I go you ever seen Tom Hardy and he goes
Tom Hardy small dude. I'm not Tom Hardy
I'm going cool and walks off and'm not Tom Hardy. I'm like, cool. And walks off.
And then I looked at Marcus Rangel.
He said, what the fuck was that, man?
I didn't even come back in.
Yeah, he was done.
So you know a guy, and I'm not gonna say his name,
because it's not a great story about him,
but he didn't know, but he's a hothead.
He's a hothead, and he'll punch in face.
And, but he's a good person, but a guy, we're at a bar,
and this is in Venice,
and a guy with a,
like he's holding onto the dishes,
like the thing with it for the dirty dishes,
like a little glass of beer.
And he walks by,
and he kinda like,
he's got one of those eyes,
and he's just looking at my friend,
and he kinda just bumps him.
And my friend goes like that,
and he keeps going, fuck him, my friend goes like that and he's going fuck and whatever.
And then the guy comes back and looks at my friend and goes move.
He just goes move.
He's got to be a bus boy, right?
He's the bus boy.
I might have told you that story.
I don't know.
So my friend, my friend goes what?
Move?
You move, motherfucker. And the guy goes move again.
And now my friend goes,
all right, let's do this.
And he's gonna fight the guy.
The bus boy.
The bus boy who is a little bit big though,
a looks kind of tough.
And he's got a neck and he's kind of looking at him like this.
So I have in the day too.
I have in the day.
Well here it gets better.
So my friend now is, now the guy kind of moves over.
He kind of moves over and puts the, he puts the tray down.
No, he doesn't.
Yes, he does.
So now, now I have another friend who's there,
who's there.
He's dead.
He's talented over his shoulder.
He's like, all right.
That would be a good story.
That would be good.
No.
Instead, he stands like this like the ready.
So my friend who will fight goes,
let's go and he starts to come at him. And my friend is rather muscular and rather scary.
And this guy is standing there and not backing down. Well, this dude's on the clock.
Well, he's on the clock. He's not backing out. He's working overtime.
And I don't know what's going on. but he says he said I said to move again.
The bus boy said that he said I said to move again.
So my other friend is your size, actually even a little bigger.
Who?
I don't want to say his name.
He said you played basketball in college.
He's a very big guy.
You don't know him.
He grabs my friend who's very strong, but not as big and kind of holds on to him like this.
And I'm now in front of my friend because my friend's going to do something and get in
serious trouble.
What are those?
Guess what?
Guess what happens.
The other bartender comes running around and goes, dude, dude, dude, dude, dude, he's
on the spectrum.
He's autistic.
He doesn't know what you're doing.
Well, my friend also has a child who happens to have that condition.
Oh.
So the guy didn't know what was going on.
He was looking and he got to take up social cues.
He got stuck in move, move, he got stuck.
And so now my friend is like, and my friend goes,
oh no.
And now he doesn't know what to do.
And I'll show the guy in the back and he's all messed up. So my friend of course now goes over and goes, oh no. And now he doesn't know what to do. And I'll show the guy in the back and he's all mess up.
So my friend, of course, now goes over and goes,
hey, I want to be your friend, I'm sorry,
I want to be your friend.
And he has him, he's fine.
He helped him.
He gave him a million dollars.
Well, he knows him.
He knows he has family.
He has family.
So he held onto him.
He held onto him.
And now they're friends and he made friends with him.
And he wouldn't leave his side all fucking night
He almost beat his ass. I know that's
But this guy was big and this guy was staring at him like this
I thought he was coming out you're fried in with your friend is you're still too old to be acting the whole thing
He's a problem even if that kid was done this way. I will say this
I'll say move. I'm like I'll say this the way he did it looked like he was literally trying to fight
He did but think my
He's a bus boy. He's probably has one hell of a day
It was dude just get the fuck out of the way it was so weird though
It was so kind of confrontational and all he was trying to do is he didn't know how to go this way
He didn't know so I am what I'm saying is that you can see how that kid could get himself in trouble
Yes, because if you didn't know, he was standing there ready.
He was standing like that.
We've been funny.
He was doing it.
He was funny if your boy came at that kid.
And he went from the kid.
He beat the shit out of him and then he fanatized on the spectrum.
That's the, that's the, that's the, that's the,
well, I don't know if you noticed with that guy that came up to you.
Like when he was at, when he was sitting at the bench,
he was like kind of like, rockin' and stuff.
That's why I figured I was like, he was like, he's probably,
oh.
No, he was cool.
I talked to him after that. I talked to him after that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he's figured I was like, he's probably... No, he was cool. I talked to Matt to that.
Yeah, because I was like, you ever seen Tom Hardy and he was like, uh-uh.
And then he went sat down and then after I'm like, dude, Tom Hardy's like,
five eight and he's like, what? Okay, he's not a big, big guy.
So one of the things about... He was like, he was as baby-looks huge. I know that's the movies,
but he's kind of a small guy. Yeah, so the thing about...
I mean, I hate to shut up but he's kind of a small guy. Yeah, so think about artistic, oh, artistic, I don't ever call with an open hand.
He just gave him a gay paintbrush to shit out of the face.
No, I still see him in there.
See, who come with this?
Let's give him nothing.
The thing about artistic children a lot of times
is that when they miss cues, it's really subtle.
They don't read cues, and then they get lonely.
And then they're alone, and they don't know why. It's fine, I'm so happy. So I was at, I don't even cues and then they get lonely. And then they're alone and they don't know why.
It's fine.
I was at, I don't even have too much.
I was at a birthday party, kids' birthday party,
one tiger's friends, and I was talking to dad.
And he go, I go, you know, everyone's,
they started at this preschool
and then everyone goes their own way to different schools.
They got in California at the night,
but you got to apply to schools like in their colleges.
Yeah.
And so I go, where's she going? going he goes. Oh, she got into this school
Well that school is like
the X-Men Mutant School all the kids are
Geniuses literally to get in the school you have to have certain IQ and I go damn she she got the IQ test
He goes yep 162 IQ and I was like isn't Elon Musk 155 or something like 160?
He goes yeah, yeah, holy shit
I'd be stoked man. He goes stoked becomes with a different set of problems
Yes, like what do you mean he goes well like her social skills aren't great
So and then also she's so smart like it's tough to communicate with her
You know what happened? She was like she's on a different frequency. I was he goes she on a spectrum
He goes I don't think it's that because she's really good with her sister. He was like, she's just moving at her
mind that a million miles an hour. So she just, it's different. So, like, and I go where
their signs are, he goes, yeah, like, she started full sentences when she was one. And then,
like, we'll show her something, like, soccer or something like that. And she can get it
down like that, like, her athleticism and her download of,
like the, that's pretty cool.
Yeah, he was like, so I think sports,
because she's tall and athletic.
He's like, wow.
She's gonna be really good at sports too.
Yeah, because they say that a lot of times,
when you see a kid who's in college at 14,
it statistically doesn't work out for them.
As smart as they are, that what happens is they don't,
they don't know how to socialize,
they don't learn those crucial skills. So what happens is they don't they don't they don't know how to socialize they don't learn those crucial skills
so what happens is yeah you either go into something a lot of times they become hermits they so they've done these studies on the smartest
this one guy was speaking when he was six months old something crazy the smartest guy they you know IQ and stuff like that
and he he didn't know how to deal with people who said no he just never learned that so he would just quit and run away and so he never actually even went to college because of
uh there was a some kind of a weird glitch in the administration thing and so
fuck it and so he ended up just being a hermit and know that some of those
geniuses come up with an app or some of them are you on it will become millionaires
and then they're like oh cool I don't speak great to women
yeah I'm just gonna how horrors wait a minute horrors huh and I'm gonna build cool. I don't speak great to women. I'm just gonna how horse
Wait a horse, huh? And I'm gonna build programs and I don't need to talk I'll get my dick sucked left and right because I have the money. Well Bill Gates was it Bill Gates is a very strange dude apparently strange
Or awesome
The boy I read about my keys pretty cool. Yeah, they're like yeah
He used to throw these extravagant parties at his house, all these women.
I'm like, oh, you talk about the nerd
who never got chicks in high school,
created fucking Microsoft and all of a sudden,
he's like, you're killing it.
And he can finally get women.
That guy.
I'm gonna ask you this.
Yeah, dude.
And let me ask you this.
Like, if your girl stepped out on you with Bill Gates,
would you be that threatened?
Would you be? I? Would you be?
I think you would be.
Yeah.
You were like, babe, Bill sent a G6.
That's fine.
I know you're on Southwest.
Yeah, but I'm gonna jump in this G6.
Well, I'm gonna fly to Seattle.
I'll be back tonight.
He's gonna send a helicopter.
Like you can't compete with him.
But I'd also be like, is there an extra seat for me?
Because I'm not at-
You try to kick it.
I'm just not that impressed.
Like, you're not doing anything in bed.
I think it's not gonna ruin it.
It's not gonna be like knocking the boot.
You say he can't be great in bed.
I look, I don't think he's not.
He's not.
He's not.
He's not throwing it down.
If she let me.
I think he's in some kinky shit.
It probably comes out like the fucking leather mask.
He's like, yeah, yeah.
I can see that.
I can see that.
But if she left you for LeBron James, you'd be like I I get what happens when you're naked with him there's a there's a carnal
like a desire I can't compete with with billets like warm cheese or this yeah yeah I don't know maybe
I wouldn't be as worried no we'll build gates well about a few on must-stoyer girl because he's
sold Johnny my upscarrow my ex wife. My ex wife, Elon Musk.
I love Elon.
One of Elon's kids went to my school, my kid's school.
And so my ex wife was very into Elon Musk as our most famous.
How could you not?
Well, he's six four and he's a genius and he's big like fucking Dutch ass out of Africa.
It talks like a robot, but whatever.
Yeah, but she, but yeah, I would be jealous.
Yeah.
He would do.
I would.
I would because he's trying to get us to Mars.
And we tell Dick Joe.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, you know, she comes home, she's like,
what's up?
I'm trying to sell these taken San Antonio.
What'd you do today?
She's like, oh, Elon Musk, I guess they're making some progress
on Guinness to Mars.
Yeah. We were in the, with the president.
Yeah, no doubt, that's cool.
That's what I mean.
Like for me, I'd be like, there's nothing,
I guess, you know, I think this is what happens
with when your girl leaves you for Elon Musk, watch this,
you go like this, ah, I'm funnier.
That's all I got.
And she's like, very cool.
Yeah, very cool.
Fucking funnier, I don't care if you don't like the laugh.
She knows all my jokes, so, you know,
if you're a comedian, just said they're used to your
Fuckin fun anyone you can't like keep reinventing kind of just like existing
Even that doesn't work anymore. Yeah, they said they said Elon
Well, we come over to what's our Amanda herds house like at midnight just like pull up just sneaking up
Yeah, like bad guy. I remember hit the gym. Would you rather have him? Well, I think I'd rather have Elon then then
Bill Gates Steve Jobs or Steve Jobs. Steve Jobs. She's smack girl round
What's a man. Wait, what you don't know about Steve Jobs?
The rock roll a whole time. Yeah, I'm not a huge fan of great book. Yeah, but we're using his phones
No, yeah, are we ever oh, yeah, but yeah, he didn't program
I think I might guess is any of those dudes
Have an energy like a vitality a life force a brain that is so
Furnace that's you fall you all the time once you look in those eyes
It's point and no return. You're fucking dumb. So you actually when they look in your eyes
And they're making love to your girl, she literally forgot about you, dude.
No, she gets smarter.
And then she comes home and we look like Legos.
That's right.
You think Steve Jobs would put it down like that?
I think all of them do.
I think they might have a backpack of stamina
and energy that was shot.
Was it probably you should never get in it?
Yeah, and they're looking in your girls eyes
and they're geniuses and you are a fucking,
you're just some dude.
You're just some dude.
And so she, who are funny?
Yeah, you know what?
Burn, it burns the memory.
She doesn't remember you.
She goes like this, she goes,
why are you doing my house?
You know what, I will live here.
I'm your boyfriend.
You go, oh, you know, that's what happens.
Amnesia, that's the power of that kind of genius, I think.
But who would you rather, who would you more,
you think they're packing?
Like, I bet Jeff Bezos has the deck on him. Probably. I think but who would you rather who would you more you think they're packing
Jeff Bezos has a dick on him probably he probably so so who you who you the most jealous of
My me is Elon Musk just because he's tall the least is Bill Gates. Yeah, he's he's also weird. He's in weird shit Yeah, won't shut the fuck about vaccines and shit. Um, I would probably go with
To to dick down my girl.
Bill Gates might want to choice his not a threat.
I got so well.
So vanilla.
I mean, just like this.
There's no base.
No, Bazos is on TRT.
I bet he fucked your girl real proper.
He is on TRT.
Yeah.
He's Cuban too.
I mean, I've got his base.
Yeah, he's got some rhythm.
And he has that I so he's like, you know,
it's fucking not a hypnotic icon.
But you can tell him by the side. It's not a match. And he is that why? So he's like, you know, he's fucking hypnotic. The hypnotic eye. You can tell him by the side.
It's not for a comment.
Package is still getting here on time.
You're gonna miss.
So then, and you have to use his products every time.
So in a Amazon, you're like,
fuck!
Yeah.
I'm just calling him prime.
I gotta get the next package.
I get just a, there's a dick pick from him in there.
He's like, I'm going to use something else.
Go ahead, good luck.
I'll turn it to Amazon
Yeah, I would I probably more jealous of I guess you don't mask yeah, but really Steve jobs because he looks like
Jobs is this shit. Would you be
Mark Mark Zuckerberg
Bring up bring up them. Let's see if there any pictures of these guys
I mean he's as rich you know not as up, bring up them. Let's see if there are any pictures of these guys. I mean, he's rich, you know, not as rich,
but he's fucking rich, rich, man.
Oh, Mark's not the worst.
Mark's not the worst.
I'm not a fucking bioter.
No, he's not.
I'd rather hand fuck my girl than Bill Gates.
Correct.
Yeah, he's the least threat in the world.
Let's see if somebody, let's see what they look like
with their shirts off.
See Jeff Bezos chilling, though.
I'm bad, dude.
I'm happy with this.
Shurking.
Shurking.
Yeah.
No, yeah, baby.
They ain't like what's going on. Five, what, five, baby. They've got five whiff. Five whiff.
If dude, if you have his money, why won't you hire the best doctors in the world and
just get shred, shred, shred fill?
Yeah, he looks great.
I don't know if I do that.
I wouldn't.
No.
I have doctor.
I probably rather work for it.
Well, they're still working for it.
I'm not mad at you.
Oh, you should have just.
That's not even like that.
He's not that lucky.
Let's call for it.
I don't know if you can see you.
I don't know if you can see you.
By the way, Tom Brady, look at the
body.
Okay, elite athlete.
It's kind of regular body.
Regular body.
I don't think all the
you ones body up, Bill Gates has the
worst body.
You told me that.
You told me in a football
like locker room, a lot of guys,
not the greatest bodies in a lot of
guys. No, they're not going to win like any physique challenges or anything like that. Yeah, I feel like besides a
Titans wide receiver some of them not great. Yeah, it's not like that movie
What's the way with Willie Beaman?
So was it?
That's Bill Gates body you know how any given Sunday walked in the locker room everyone's
Oh, yeah, other might it's not like that. What's his name? He like Bill Gates, Jeff.
Bill Gates got some old Steve Jobs.
That's Bill Gates.
Steve Jobs, he's never a girl with that black turtle neck on.
I heard you get that.
No pants, black turman neck.
Because someone's a spectrum, he doesn't shower a lot.
Who's that?
That's him younger.
Steve Jobs.
No, Steve Jobs didn't shower.
No, that's him.
That's him younger.
That's him.
That's him.
That's him.
That's him, young girl. So you know, As in place. That's in place. That's in place.
So you know, Ashen Kutcher, he got complaints because when he worked for Atari and he
wouldn't wear shoes and when it's shower, so they got a lot of complaints.
So like, dude, you smell like shit.
Nobody wants to work with you.
So he was like, cool.
Give me a project which he created, you know, helped with the pong game and he's like,
and I'll do it at night.
So he's like, he's like, well, he's like, I don't work well with others.
So he's like, just like, give me the project. I'll outsource it and I'll do that night. So he's like, Well, he's like, I don't work well with others. So he's like, just like, give me the project,
I'll outsource it and I'll be here at night.
So, because he didn't work well with other people.
No.
Who was that?
You got fun, who's the job?
What was the trivia question?
What is his book's great?
He's such a monster.
trivia question.
What is, what is, what is half his nationality?
Who Steve?
Yeah.
What was, what nationalityity was his estranged dad?
Well, he was adopted.
Yep.
So what was his estranged dad's nationality?
It's just a weird trivia thing.
Swedish.
Nope.
Turkish Latin, right?
Nope.
Not Latin?
No.
Really?
No.
Bulgarian?
No.
Hungarian?
Good though.
I mean, it's not a mixed sentence.
Yeah, what is that?
He's Turkish.
I mean, I'm sorry.
Serian. Serian. Bulgarian? No. Hungarian? You're good though. I mean, it's not a mix. Yeah, what is that? He's Turkish. Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry Syrian Syrian.
This time was serious. I make sense. Yeah. Yeah, he had like
You know big chip on the short because he was adopted. Is he okay? How old was he adopted?
Like a baby baby. Yeah, they just left them. Oh shit. Yeah, he didn't put furniture in his house for a long time right because he couldn't figure out
Genius, you can figure out what you can can still, they've been knocked it on yet,
but at the house that he lived in
where he eventually died, you can go there.
You know, the kind of cancer, yeah?
He had a type of pancreatic cancer
that wasn't that kind of kills you.
There are two types of pancreatic cancer.
One is your fucked.
The other one actually, the other one,
Kema works on and you can actually survive.
And that's the one he had.
And he did, he refused it.
He wanted to use, uh,
to use her medicine.
So he was like taking,
he's like, he's like, he's a spinach and shit.
No, I dude, if you just go with the regular chemo,
you're gonna survive,
I'll get through this and then.
And no.
That's like, my friend of mine did that with breast cancer.
And her sister was like, no, I'm gonna do this,
I'll turn it around.
And they're like, oh, they're trying to do like,
my friends doctor, my friends like,
they're, we can cure this for you. It's, it's gonna be a's gonna be a bitch but we can act I he was I have patients that have been cured for 20 fucking years
I can cure this. It's about man. They're really and she was like no she kept going there. I'll turn around she died
It sucked she had a little game. Yeah, it sucks man. It fucking but I remember I tried to talk to her
She was French and it's fucking bullshit. Dude, guess what?
What? I got my first traffic ticket ever.
Oh, it's your first time being ever being pulled on me.
Speeding? Ever.
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You're a goody-touchy, Tom. You're a goody-touchy.
I'm a goody-touchy.
You are a fucking goody-touchy.
I'm never gonna go in my life.
You don't drive fast.
I don't do anything.
I don't drive fast, my car is brand-aid.
Oh, you're a bad guy.
Too.
Relax.
I'm gonna go in this Lamborghini and Florida.
What's Paul Beige, dude?
We're trying to go to Lamborghini.
You're in US's driving and now I'm like, run, run, run, run,'re in US is driving And I'm like that's a rental driver like you
So I guess that speed is scary driving like you stole it. You're a very unique guy
I mean it's terrifying. Yeah, yeah, so would you get the ticket for speeding? No, he said it was on my cell phone
That makes sense, but I wasn't
Why would I okay listen? Why you, we for a second maybe,
could you text me on the way to the gym?
You said five minutes out.
No, I didn't.
I did.
I know, I talked it.
Okay.
But were you talking, you thought?
No, I wasn't doing anything.
I was saying made it up.
And it, because white, white, white,
white Mike was sitting next to me.
The cop made it up?
Well, I don't know.
But I know it wasn't on my phone.
He was gonna tell a cop. But he was saying, he was like, he's like, he go. Yeah, he won't ever give me a ticket. Oh, he did get a ticket. I don't know, but I know it wasn't on my phone But you go
Yeah, we'll never give me a ticket. Oh, you think it's take some as watch it
Yeah, yeah, so you know you can like when I'm in the carpool lane. I'll see cops the drive up
And then the look at you to see if you're in a cell phone and keep going they'd look in the windows now
It's the only the the bike cops
Window and to see if you're on your cell and keep going
But what I was so many people on there, so
But like I saw one I saw one bitch on the 405
Doorknor makeup
Staxing not and not gonna test like
I'm like
I'm a fucking neat problem so yeah with her knees
I can't be here to fucking traffic at your living room
I'm like what the fuck?
No, it was we because I just had turned the corner because I was looking at there's a guy dresses the Joker on Hollywood Boulevard
It was on the other part and then I'm at a stoplight
And I'm you know, it's me and my friends in the car and then he was like pull over
I was like, okay, I don't know what the hell went on I was like because we thought it was like me turning on
Red but I was like that light green.
Was it you and two white guys?
It was me, my boy Toby from H2O and white Mike and Toby's son.
White Mike.
White Mike.
I caught and token white Mike.
Token white Mike.
I gave him that dick.
And, but like when you pulled up,
he was like, lived up those cans.
And it was that, you know that liquid death that I drink?
Well, it looks like a beer can.
Sure does.
And I said, oh no, this is water.
And then he was like, I'll pull you over
for illegal cell phone use.
And I was like, what?
That's why I was like, I can't.
Sometimes this guy can quote us.
Can they, yeah, for sure.
Can they, can they, can they,
oh yeah, they have quotas.
Yeah, they have to do it right in a certain amount of tickets.
Oh, what?
Yeah.
But if they meet corn and they pull you over, they're kind of cool., yeah, yeah, I was like, I was like, okay, like in then he was like
He proves it. That's what I'm saying. Thank you. He was giving me this long speech about stuff
And he goes I know you probably have a habit of
Use it. Uh, texting while driving. I was like, what have a habit. I was like, uh, it was just like this guy
I was like, it was just, it was like this guy. I'm like, my buddy, my buddy was like,
I like where this guy is from.
It was cool with him, like, you mean.
My neighbor was a motorcycle cop
and when I lived in Marina Del Rey
and I see him come home
and I just see him walk any at a little baby
his wife is wife and kiss him on the head.
He got this kiss me brother
and he just take his guitar
and just sit there and just go have a ding, ding, ding,
just try and decompress.
And I was like, how you doing? He goes, want to blow my brains out every time I got the negative shit you get all day long
Well, he was being a little
Steven worse now. It's even worse now
Yeah, they're on edge. Yeah, yeah, Christy. I'll high violent promise now. So
But also I don't I mean I was just being nice to do it
It's like yeah, you know, whatever.
And he was, you know, cool, eased up, or whatever.
Like, like, nothing.
I said, the cops always say,
you're not gonna talk me out of a ticket,
but you can talk us up into a ticket.
I was, hey, I don't know.
Like when I got pulled over going fast,
it's fucked in my poor stern COVID
when there's no one on the road, he pulls me over.
He goes, Jesus, man, how fast can I go?
I go, I know, right?
How can I know?
I said, dude, there's nobody on the road.
I went, there's no one on the road.
And he started laughing.
He had a lot of chores.
He said, I get out of here.
Later, dude.
That's awesome.
So that's what scared me when you were driving that Lambo.
I was like, what if someone like, you know,
casually walking out?
That's a risk.
I mean, it was, it was like one of the important things.
I talked to you, you were going to be like,
I'm almost every take it.
Just because I fuck around like this,
I'm always in my Prius and I'm doing doing I don't know what the fuck all this doing guy goes put me over and he goes I go officer a fast
What's that going because you're doing 65 and a 35 you know, I'm about to get the ticket on my life
And I go yeah, I go here's a problem
You see how it has an eco and it has a sport button on the sport button
Saw the road she was open
Sport button on the support button. I saw the road.
She was open.
I had to take her.
You know what I mean?
And I go like this.
You don't know what it's like to be behind the red ran.
It was her red.
He started laughing.
He was so fucking hard.
He said, I mean, I go and I drive like this.
And I made it.
I go see those little horns.
He was fucking, he goes, dude, you just made my day.
I go, it's not my fault.
She's got a mind of her own.
See, I go, I go, don't be surprised if I peel out.
I remember when I first met him.
I had that red, that red, like my room.
And hurt your feelings.
Yeah, that's right.
And I used to park it illegally.
I fucking park it illegally.
And then the guy, the guy was good at me.
Give me a ticket.
I was with Anthony, some of my friends.
And I go, I just go, before you give me a ticket,
a couple of things you should know.
Number one, that's Barcelona Red.
And I got a sign.
Barcelona, I go, yeah.
And as a result, a park where I want,
and I will continue to.
Cool man.
No, he was cool.
He's like, I, rock.
What is telling me about the cellphone stuff
is that like, I guess on July 1st, there's a lot, like, so if you get caught about the cell phone stuff is that like I guess on July 1st
There's a lot like so if you get caught with your cell phone get pulled over blah blah
That can go on your driving record good good. Wait. Wait. We've got to make it You caught all your car with a cell phone good. They should a lot of people die
They said they said you can more accents happen from the cell phones driving than any yeah
Yeah, if you're worried about COVID you should also be worried about fucking cell phone.
But also, my screen tells me you can tell me what people,
yeah, I wasn't on my phone.
I mean, whatever.
But even if it's a screen,
that means you're looking at a screen.
No, no, no, no, no.
Your phone.
Your phone, my color.
So, I, if I'm still looking at a screen and not the road.
Well, I was at a red light.
Every time you had a red light,
that was when that happened.
I'm sure.
That was when I was at a red light.
And I'm sure you had this. I'm sure you had that happened I'm sure And who are you?
I'm sure you had a sip of a bit of a goody tushies now now I believe
I'm mostly the definitely Texan driver no
Now I believe you're a little goody tushies, but what I'm normally my car. I throw my phone in the back
See you're I believe I believe you're a straight up the square you're an alright fight
You're a rough you're a real fight
I don't want to do it. He do follow rules. You get your hands full. I was there. Yeah, he follows rules. Hey, I'll take what though
She's cuz cuz if I come at you, I know he's got my back. Yep, I'll be both of you
But you won't say time because I know how he's got this stuff
I'm gonna disappoint him first. No, no, he got that stuff
I'm setting John down her
So what happens is he gives you business in the front?
I'm in the back
I snake here I get down here look at your fights not with me your fights with Christian and he is that new haircut
I can't find his head
He's got to fight you to get to Christian. Yeah, there's levels to this game. There's levels like double dragon. I know.
I'm peppering the back of your head.
You're like this.
Problem is you gotta watch out,
he's gonna snap your head down and do this weird thing.
And that's a problem.
I'm okay with being on the front line.
Look, look, look.
You know what, though?
I'm okay with being on the front line.
You know what, though?
What?
The more we're on the road and you see me drinking
whiskey in the back, I keep seeing you smell it, dude.
You smell it.
He doesn't drink?
No, completely.
I mean, it's a bell go all in.
You used to get on the road in May.
He used to get on the seven years.
Oh, you sniffed, you sniff.
Yeah.
While turkey was his drink of choice.
Yeah, I was like, oh, let me sniff it.
Now while turkey,
and now don't get involved in some good whiskey now,
because you get involved in some good whiskey.
Well, turkey is good whiskey.
Talk to whiskey, Pete.
They'll tell you. Yeah, that's a state. But there's some good ones. well turkey is good whiskey talk to whiskey Pete. They'll tell you it's a yeah
It's a state there's some we have good whiskey in the green room some good Japanese
Yeah, but nobody why don't you we have you tried while turkey. Oh, yeah, I don't mind. Oh, you know
Yeah, I just like it's not my first
They asked me and then would you know what the way I was drinking the whiskey is not the way like he drinks
Yeah, you don't enjoy it. You're just trying to fuck
Put a little hair in it The way I was drinking the whiskey is not the way like he drinks. Yeah, you don't enjoy it You're just trying to fuck the little heritage What I do people you a good drunk you happy drunker
Oh bad the dark side comes out dark side comes out right because that's when I will win the fight if you gave me while
Turkey right now
You know you know saying you got it the whistle fight against that guy, but you're
You're gonna fight against that guy, but you're in bed.
Other people maybe.
No, I wasn't like trying to,
I guess I was just, I drank a guy like sad.
I was at the time of the year.
You get depressed.
And you're at the bar by yourself.
What do you think you go with the sun?
And bar, if a bar, if a bar, if a bar,
God, that's it.
Well, I would just sit there and watch that,
because this bar would go through such a dive bar.
In Phoenix?
They would play the, what's that old sex lady? Oh?
Lady yeah, what's it doctor Ruth? Yeah, yeah, they play those videos. I just sit there and just drink
A guy your size comes out you in a bar. You have to fight it myself. Yeah, you gotta find it's coming out
Yeah, it's coming out. Are you are you on right or are you gonna?
You have no choice. He's coming. He's trying to put you can you get under hooks. Yeah, I'm not gonna break my hand
I'm just tossing the ground. I'm sure you are. Yeah, you're gonna want to go hands. Yeah. Oh
I like that. I don't want to break my hand. What if he's this guy? I pray when I get on a plane
There's one of those crazy people on this. Yeah, and then one's like yeah
I'm like thanks everybody
Yeah, I'm gonna make it in like, here's our golden ticket.
No more waiting for you, buddy.
Oh, yeah.
When they be sick.
First class for lives.
You just fucking, you just got them in a fucking.
Yeah, and everyone's all, you assay.
You, what are you saying to them?
You going, shh.
Easy, take a little, take a little nap.
World's best, come up from light, data dark, data dark.
Go to sleep, sleep, sleep.
Go to sleep sleep
And I'm right here and I'm like this in his face
And then I'm gonna look up and go how much longer we have that you have another about 90 minutes I'm gonna it's gonna be a long day for you
But okay, this is one of many you don't want to move I need cooperation
I'm gonna go like this. Ooh, you need a little cooperation. I'm gonna be the shits to stir.
And I'm gonna say that old man's end over right now.
He's gonna get his dick down and piss on you.
And we're gonna film it.
Old man piss?
Yeah, but it gets everywhere.
I don't care.
It won't get everywhere.
We'll make sure you get that.
Maybe you're into that.
Hey, now it's gonna be, now it's like,
I don't care.
You can go ahead.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna work it.
You pee in my face.
You got, somebody order a wet work. Why are you making your face? There's a little wet work
to everybody. Then everyone turns on me like, oh, you know, I just old friends start peeing on.
Yeah. I'm like, here goes nothing. He told me to do it. He said that's gross. Yeah, I'm not thinking about it. That's old man piece
What happened you you got pissed on no, I just remember fucking
My friend while I was young and he was older and he goes do you have a jack off and I go?
And this is when he was probably 13 and I was fucking
Nine I'm fucking nine.
I'm fucking no 10.
And he goes, okay watch this.
I'm sorry, Jack.
Go on, say, out on the big friends.
He was clearly a kid.
I'm looking at his dick.
He was, he was Portuguese.
He had a dick on him.
And I was like, he had reached puberty.
And I was like, Jesus Christ,
it looked like a monster with a tail.
And he's just going like this, Jack.
Jack.
And he's jacking on a balcony going
Gang and getting in the eye with his pants down
I'm just like I remember I'm in the window and he told me to watch and I'm like like this
Gang and on the window the window next to it's his mother and I'm like
Like that and she goes and he comes in he's so embarrassed and she comes in and he goes he goes Brian told me to do it
oh my god I'm fine and she goes I'm gonna tell your mother you are in trouble and I'm
gonna tell your mother Brian and I'm like oh no I'm really fucked she came to pick me up
I'm waiting in the car I'm like well my life's over she came in nothing she's
insane I thought I was done I thought I was done you know it's the me your kids
do you think yeah you're terrible I didn't say name over I didn't say anything thought I was done. I thought I was done. You know, it's the me your kids. You think you're terrible. I didn't say game over. I didn't say anything, but I'm like, I'm fucked.
How about yesterday, Tiger's at the Sydney summer camp. He's on this
water slide and there was a rock and he stepped on the rock and got a
scratch on his foot. So I get a call from the nerves.
Like, yeah, Tiger's scratch is fun. You know, I have to pick him up early,
but we give him a popsicle. I'm like, all right, is it bad?
She's like, hold on. And she must walk down the room. She's like, no, no, it's literally a scratch. He's fine. There's no blood, but we have
to call you. So I come out and tiger slumping. I go, oh, no, dude. I said, you hurt your foot.
It was pretty bad, dad. I go, the foot's bad. He was pretty bad. I can barely walk. I go,
man, what are we going to do? I don't know. I don't know. He's in the car and he's crying. I go,
I, while I look at it, I want to get home. I take it off. You know, I'm talking literally like like I took my,
someone's took their fingernail. He's grubbed his legs like this.
And he just happened to throw it.
And he goes, is it bad, dad? I go, uh, I want to say bad tiger. I say it's just a little
scratch. And he's like, ah, you think I'll have to go tomorrow? I go, do you think you're
playing this up so you don't have to go to summer?
There it is. And he's like, what?
Come on, dude.
My son this morning, he goes, what's the code to the iPad?
I go, it's your birthday.
And he goes, what is that?
I go, all right, well, it's numbers.
So I told him that month, July is 7, 07.
I go, when's your birthday?
And he goes, July 26, I go, what year were you born?
And he goes, I don't know.
And I go, we gotta learn your book.
Now I'm mad, how old is he?
Now I'm mad, he's nine.
He's doing what he's not doing.
But what he's doing, what he's doing,
is he's fucking with me a little bit.
He's being a little bit lazy.
He's just being a little resistance.
So what I do is I do this, so I go,
you know what the problem is?
I'm pissed at myself, I'm pissed at myself.
I'm mad at myself.
He goes, why?
Because I'm too easy on you, dude.
I'm too easy on my son.
And that must mean I don't love you that much.
And now I'm mad because I'm not being a good dad.
He goes, no, you're not, you're not too mad.
I go, no, I'm way too easy, dude.
I let you play on your video games.
I let you watch TV.
You don't work out.
I don't teach TV. And is done I'm done he's
all I just wanted to I'm like this you said I go so we're gonna learn what your birthday is yeah
and we're I fucking that's how I do it with him because otherwise otherwise yeah I go you know
what I don't love you enough to be hard on you and I got to take myself to task him and have
talk with myself I'll be back oh and then he knows it's it's serious. Don't not because
Chivalry you fucking resistance. They will come up with a test. They have to go to school the same shit
I test every band I get this
My throat no like really you're throwing high
Yeah, I feel
He says one of school, you know, you know, you'll be like, they'll do whatever they can.
And I think too because I've seen so much shit
and like UFC and football like bad injuries,
like my girl cut her finger, like,
I don't know, open up the fucking assaults
the can over the fuck she's doing.
And she's like, it's bad.
You think I need to go to the merch room and get stitches?
I'm like, let me see on my go.
Well, no, well, no, how about you just put a bandaid on it?
I'm like, this isn't bad in any
What's it? I mean, I'm sorry my fingers not falling off like you can get them birds in the room
That's true though. Yeah, you see the different world of fucking
I mean my my my my ex was like that should but she'd hurt her shoulder doing some
I don't have time for it and she's's like, I don't know if I can,
I don't know if my shoulder is.
Seven years of pocket.
And I'm like, and I'm like, and I'm like,
well, it's fine.
She goes, no, you think it's fine,
but it really hurts me while she's doing this.
I'm like, well, you can move it.
I go a little crazy.
And this, I will get in trouble for this,
but I would say, don't you think that women,
because their mothers, a lot of times,
typically tend to be much dramatic,
they tend to be more dramatic and cobbling of their children
than a father is.
For me, I always look at it.
I'm like, you guys are being way too cobbled a lot of times.
I mean, moms can be strict, but in my experience,
I don't know, there tends to be more,
I know what it is.
I think that the women will tend to give more time to a child's emotional life and listen
to them and hear them.
And with my son, I'm like, dude, I know what you're doing, bro.
I'm cutting this off.
I'm cutting out.
I'm five steps ahead of time.
And guess what?
Life's the kick and then that's where I'm going to be a bit of a kick.
Did your mom cuddle you?
No.
No.
No, maybe that's my problem.
Yeah, there it is.
Boom. Maybe I have problem.
Boom.
Boom.
Okay.
You're calm.
You're a carvel and you're a loving dude.
I was not.
No, you're pretty loving.
Yeah, I mean, I like to be touched and stuff.
Yeah, I get it.
Yeah, fuck yeah.
He's like Jay now, Jay hates massagers.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I never been had a massager in my life.
But you're different because Jay's a little bit. Because now now that COVID's over they need money and they're up for whatever
I ain't going in there.
Dude, 100 dollars goes a long ways these days with a masseuse.
No, you feel me though?
No, oh, I know.
I thought I did, but I don't.
Dude, long way.
You had your little shoulders rubbed?
Oh, dude.
The whole mind, feet, everything.
Feet! Yeah! The room you'll feet! Oh, yeah. That's your bad shoulders rovers. Oh, yeah, dude the whole mind feed everything feet. Yeah, oh yeah
This is a lot of these though all the time. This is a lot of me. Oh you big. Oh you big
Back you get massages. I'm that one. See no, I love you would though. I love it. Oh you like it
What you said massage just I mean you know you'm doing fast. Yeah. Well you said those massage shoes. I mean
You know when you get a good massage from a fucking person who really knows there was a Russian dude who used to do dudes
I don't mind. I can't relax. I'm just too tired. Do you get massages?
It wasn't too recently. I had my first massage. I want to say a month ago. It was a girl. Yeah, it was a girl
Yeah, it was a older like yes, I love it. Would you be down for a guy to massage you?
Cause they're kind of not.
They're not.
They're like, they can't.
Probably not like guys.
So some of those thighs and like, you know,
you get, if my hamstrings are tight, you get that ass.
Yeah.
So I don't want some big dude.
I prefer.
Which probably give me a better massage
cause they're just trans crawling.
They get in there.
Those little Asians do surprise you.
Oh, they'll step on you.
Oh yeah, they do.
Time massage, they will.
They will stop on me. Yeah, time massage can fuck get, they'll get you. Dude, they'll step on you. Oh yeah, these dudes. Time massage, they will. They will stop on me.
Yeah, time massage can, fuck, get, they'll get you.
Dude, sometimes takes two of them to get in there
and they have the brackets up top.
They're just fucking,
and with you side, a guy your size getting in there.
Oh, I come in either, I go.
Cause you're back like,
you got those, especially in him
cause of the wrestling and shit or whatever.
Yeah, they don't work.
You got those two like strip loin.
Yeah, they're doing work.
Yeah, that's deep.
You got to get deep in there. I feel bad for him. Yeah, that's kind work you got those two like strip loin. Yeah, they're doing work. Yeah, it's deep you got to get deep in there
Yeah, I feel bad for him. Yeah, that's kind of where you're strengthening
But then I tell you know, they'll be like oh get Gary like Gary doing this. Yeah, Gary comes in big
Harry forums the worst but probably the best I used to get it done this guy named beat there and he was why are guys to and he
Brookes down. He's all guys and he had a he would wear a bandana He wasn't gay and he had a big mustache and he would come in like this and he beat the fucking shit out of me
Damn and just do all this stuff and then he'd go I'm sorry Brian not my fault
Like that he would just get
I don't know all that
I'm not like massage or nothing. Oh
I don't like me touched like that.
Have you ever had a deep tissue after you work out in your sore though?
Like a deep sweetest massage?
Nope.
I'm gonna work you out.
No you not.
Come on, let's get you out.
You're touching me.
You like massages?
I just started getting them.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, so everybody acting brand new neck.
You're 40.
Dude, but you know since my back is a mess, I already know.
Are you doing those exercises. I am you promise
I did it. No, he's so nice. I did it three times
Three times
I don't know I don't know no, I just took it off
But no, so I'm like you I don't like the guys
But then me and my girlfriend went to go recently and they switched on the massage
Yeah, I know she's in a different that shit. She's in a different different room
But they switched it on us that day.
We just have guys left over and I was like, fudge.
But we went anyways and it was good.
Yeah.
It was strong.
Yeah.
Yeah, they're strong.
But then a guy on massage hurt you, which I'm like,
oh, you don't really think that.
Get off my back.
Especially if he's got like big man.
No, I saw that.
Those couple of massages are lame too.
Cause you're like side by side.
No, different rooms, different rooms.
Sometimes it's not those times they put the beds
next to each other.
Yeah, that's weird.
I told you I used to do that thing.
I forget what it was called,
but they sent them a suit to the house
because I love massages.
Oh, massages, envy, right?
No, no, no, it's called that.
I forget what it was.
It's an ass.
It's an ass.
Oh, sooth, yes.
I used to sooth and then just this
smoked show black girl came to to house. I was like
Time piece came on the guys I can't do.
This can all be yours.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'll pass on that.
Yeah, that's an issue.
I don't know, I'll just pass on people touching me in general.
Really?
Yeah.
You could do it, dude.
This episode is,
Yeah, I am a goody-two shoes.
I would say.
I mean, when she upheld up, you're on stage
or slap her ass.
Yeah, every time.
Yeah, every time. That's why I do it. And I've been marking it down. I've say. I mean, when she upheld up, you're on stage a slap is ass. Yeah, everything hates that. Yeah, that's why I do it. And I've been I've been marking it down. I've
been putting the dates. So every time he's fucking sex one, I'm going to go on a HR at these comedy shows.
Yep. You're looking at it. Yeah. Just going right to HR. Yeah. It's got a strong hands. But no,
you know, he like, he like gets in there because I got a big ill football slap. You know,
who's just slap people in the ass? Super hard, you know what football player he used to fuck people up.
What a slap in the ass?
Guy named Fred Farve.
You ever see that, the...
You slapped this?
Yeah, I see.
Fred Farve, watch how hard he would slap dudes.
He just goes.
Like his teammates?
But like he's crazy strong and he would just go,
yeah, yeah.
Watch these guys, it's not fun.
You're just kind of hanging out on all of a sudden
somebody smacks you in the ass.
Fred Farve's slapping butts. Watch watch watch is it possible the top one? No
We'll put slaps ass. Yeah, no just go right there. Which one? I don't know the top one
Maybe right we'd hit get far slap of woods ever saying my life. What a funny start else we can do
So right now this ain't it. They I'm one of the funniest stuff I can do. I'm not saying it. I'm not saying it.
I'm not saying it.
I'm not saying it.
I'm not saying it.
I'm not saying it.
I'm not saying it.
I'm not saying it.
I'm not saying it.
I'm not saying it.
I'm not saying it.
I'm not saying it.
I'm not saying it.
I'm not saying it.
I'm not saying it.
I'm not saying it.
I'm not saying it.
I'm not saying it.
I'm not saying it.
I'm not saying it.
I'm not saying it.
I'm not saying it. I'm not saying it. I'm not, like his whole body in there. He's just like, ugh. Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, you can stop slapping my ass before I go on stage.
No, you got to do it.
How you got to go?
I like how you, he just sneaks it up on me, too.
I come out of nowhere.
Comes out of nowhere.
Now, Brian, is this, oh, fantasy?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's not very popular.
Is something you dream?
Now, did a friend tell you this?
Because it didn't really happen.
I saw it.
It's not completely slapped. Somebody's asked once. No, he's not, he was known to do it. What's some you dream now did a friend tell you this because it didn't really I saw
Slap somebody's ass once no, he's not he was known to do it. I don't think so. I've never heard that
There hey, oh shit. I mean
He's known for it. All right, she gives some carnivans. Please get me out of there. This is fucking hell. You tried Brian, you tried, you threw it out there.
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Okay, so Carl Neseeb, who plays for the Las Vegas Raiders,
recently came out on Instagram. and on top of coming out
He said that he donated $100,000 to the Trevor Project which is a
Echarity that helps young gay youth. Oh
But yeah, his Jersey is currently the
Most sought out Jersey current after that announcement
the uh... number one sought out jerseys
real after that
that announcement
uh... i think
private gay community
uh...
that's a lot of that community
he's a really good player
he's good
he's better than that
oh yeah
sam guy was very good
he wasn't
that's the problem like let's say the raiders cut him next year which is a
nigh thing side of five year deal but let's say did it cut just for bad
play like oh it's because he was gay and the rages like no he just went to the the Raiders cut him next year, which they're not, I think, signed a five-year deal, but let's say they get cut just for bad play.
And he's like, oh, it's because he was gay.
And the Raiders like, no, he just wouldn't get a player.
Yeah.
Has nothing to do with it.
But that was the thing with that.
It's risky.
It's risky, right?
Because sometimes he's coming out.
Because then he's a soldier.
He didn't have that, though, for, you know, he was big 10 player
of the year, defensive player of the year.
That's a good player.
Yeah, teams would then, if they then they resign you and
they're afraid to let you go because then I'll
Yeah, that's that it's that it's a weird thing. It's a weird catchaway, too
But good for him and I mean, you know, that's that's that's gutsy to do that because you're in a locker room and
His message is pretty cool. Yeah, there's more but they just you know
Yeah, and several of his current teammates actually came out in support of him
Yeah, he's great guy
we just want to support a lot of fucking way you guys are all young for me
i'm telling you right now most of my life
was weird most of my life in this country that was a liability
you didn't come out as gay
you came out as gay you weren't getting promoted you were getting fired you
were getting shamed you were getting made fun of
by the way you're getting a shit kicked out of you or worse
That's that's that's in my life different like this didn't even like when he came out and so on something
The article like I cool it was it he said like he kind of said that like he was kind of like
Says a little on the lines like he goes sucks
I have to like we still have hopefully we have to do this anymore
But you know, hopefully he said hopefully this video would make it to where, you know, it's just-
Yeah, because who wants a height?
Yeah, yeah.
Who wants to be walking around?
Yeah, he's a big dude, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah, right.
Yeah, because I've seen some gay dudes fight.
They can fight.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, dude, you're fast.
I saw a gay dude slam a dude into a car, bro.
Hey, bro.
What did that dude up?
The guy who used to manage the New York comedy club, Nicholas, was a, what had, was a
giant gay man. Oh,
six seven. The captain the fucking
Yeah, fuck it around. Yeah, I say something to him. Yeah, put it on.
I remember I remember this guy Nicholas who was really big heavy. Uh-huh.
And a guy was at the comedy club trying to fight the bouncer and called Nicholas the F-word.
And Nicholas went
Nicholas just dropped his thing and he goes let's go outside. I'm gonna beat the living shit out of you
And he turned and he just talked like this. He was I swear to God. He talked like this
He was and when that guy said that that will drop step outside motherfucker
I'm gonna crush your fucking skull. He turned into the scariest mother fucker the biggest redhead
I went bro you are no joke
Because he dealt with that as a kid. Yeah, you're not gonna do that to him as an adult
Ready for you. He's he's he built like a Simone. So go fuck yourself and he would have crushed this dude and that guy
Realized he goes oh this dude's not if feminine this guy. This is a guy who's gonna beat the fuck out
I beat the fuck he's being polite and he would prefer to be this way
But when you push him against a wall he's gonna fucking turn into a bear I wonder if more guys gonna come out
maybe in the next few years depending on how this goes
I remember that there's that yeah most guys retire and then come out there's that big Simone
guy for the Vikings who came out you don't say don't let me see yeah, I don't know I forget his name
There are a lot of guys. There's a very famous player now who I've heard this gay
Who to wallow to wallow in the NFL? Yeah, who oh?
You tell my ear Rogers. Yeah, that's been rumors for this dude. Astorah to all of real. Yeah, he's engaged
Any other hot girlfriend before that so that was all boasting
I'm sure who cares? I'm sure.
I'm sure.
Why did they use that photo on Michael Sam?
Oh, God.
That part's like that on time.
This dude right here?
Yeah, he came out as gay.
There he is with his man.
Big, wild, fuck.
Gain the NFL.
Hey, bro.
That's a big, strong fella.
Right.
So.
There's a picture of him and his man's right there.
See the whole family, too? Yeah, there they are just big gains a moment. All right cute family though. Yeah
Yeah, I wonder how many others there are probably a there's gonna be a few in there. Oh for sure
It's got and there's been no you have see
I know what I mean there's for sure is you have any on your team that you suspected no
Yeah, no I know what I mean there's for sure is you have any on your team that you suspected no now
Yeah, no But of course there are but of course, but also I mean it's not like you know
It's not like they're super flame boy in the locker room so you know, well, I don't think we would carry
Yeah, they grew up on teams for a long time
All right, what else you got?
That guy's gay. Sounds like it. I can't. Oh, there was a guy, there was a guy who was on
the, I think he was a detack of a 10 Bay came out recently to set his buy. So good for
him. Yeah. That's going to go. The thing about that is that's like when people go, I mean,
I'm attracted to both. I mean, I'm man, you know I get excited by men too. You get a yeah
There's a lot of things they do like both
Oh, that's a good-looking guy and looking at that picture. That's the guy. That's just boyfriend. He plays he's currently plays
Wow, that's fantastic right there. Oh, wow. That's a good look. That's Brian's dream. Of course
Of course it is. I wish I was a man that'd be my bridesmaid. Oh, he's a current player.
Uh, yeah, I think so.
Kim and I was bisexual.
My joke is I have, let me ask you guys.
They're cool.
They're cute.
Let me ask you this.
It's a cute couple.
You know, it's like a poor man's Michael B. Jordan.
Why are you dissonant?
Not so poor.
Not so poor.
Yeah.
Not so poor.
Christian, you know, man, he's a good looking guy.
Look at him and he's very sensual there.
Now, there's another picture where he's in the beach.
The beach one?
That's a beach one.
The beach one's a good picture.
Yeah, that's a good looking couple.
So it is, he's in the map.
Just strong.
Yeah, that's, that's, that's, uh, well it says, it comes out as bisexual and introduces
boyfriend. Not out. Just
Well there you go. That's that's not a bisexual man and that's fine. You know
Please understand that that's his boyfriend. No, that's what I'm also saying that that's no that's his boyfriend. No, that's what his son is. No, but I'm also saying that that's,
that's belongs to him.
Oh, he's like, this is my man.
This is my man right here.
Look at them.
It's not the other way around.
Oh, damn.
Oh, no.
That's the answer right, Christian.
Christian Christian.
Christian Christian.
Christian Christian.
Christian, look at Christian.
Why don't you tell us what's going on?
Because if that ain't Christian,
you're out of your mind.
So it's with that new haircut, you guys.
Come on, that's a twink.
Come on, Christian.
Yeah, he's dealing with some heavy equipment.
That's right there.
He's dealing with some heavy equipment.
That poor white dude, he's dealing with some heavy equipment.
Night after night.
Oh, look at that.
Dude, that size 16 shoe.
Yeah, probably working with some, not to be stereotypical, Oh, there. Night after night. Oh, look at that. Do you like that size 16 shoe? Yeah.
Probably working with some,
I'm not to be stereotypical,
but I would imagine he's got something going on.
This, under them, under them shorts.
Want it?
Yeah.
A boy dude.
Wanted him, one of them things.
He's going to work.
Well, there you go.
Just happens to be a sick athlete.
Yeah, what's his, what's his position?
I think he's a detacl.
Detacl.
Oh, that's cute.
That's cute.
Yeah.
Just what it is.
A lot of, is there any,
the bisexual, is there any,
him and women?
No, is it just,
I'm just kidding, man,
these game, man.
First of all, maybe you thought
by saying bisexual people wouldn't,
like be as harsh on them maybe?
Maybe. I mean, yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot to come out here and play.
Yeah. Different rhyme Russell. Nice.
Friend.
Nice.
A fraction.
She's a fraction.
She's a fraction.
She's a body.
There's nothing for sure.
She's a body.
No, just a lot of men.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's like a rider ride.
Let me see the body's like you see the
Okay, all right, well, we want the speedo, too. Yeah, that's a good luck. Oh boys
Christian
I can't see it that's We know Chris and we don't care.
I thought it's a man.
Oh my god.
He's so big.
Big mother fucker.
He's always got a hand on him.
He's always got a hand.
He's always got a hand.
He's always got a lot.
Hey, get over here. Get over here. Uh-huh. Yeah, they're never noticed that it's always get it out of the box. Hey get over here
Uh-huh, they're doing the damn thing. Oh, look at the playing football. Oh football
Oh football she old pitch skin around football on the dick So I got right there. That's a different guy. It's a little Sunday afternoon. I got Kalim Lutz actor
Who is he an actor? Oh?
Actor. All right. What else you, Jim? We spent a lot of time
here. We just have been trying to have everyone. Have you tried one? Yeah. All right. Well, there you go.
Okay. So XCub's player Ben Zobrist is currently trying to sue his former pastor for having an
affair with his wife as well as defrauding his charity got help how long is it going to take for when learned most of these like
pastors these big celebrity pastors are just completely full of shit man
from that hill song one all those fuck boy hill song pastors
this guy
are there any red flags that you see in a celebrity pastor that you're like sketchy
uh... why you should go that Hillsong one here in LA?
The guy with the E.J. right?
That's the dear one right?
Yeah, he was like the fuck boy pastor.
Yeah, and anyone who's that, it was just,
it was like, it was like this weird network
in the everyone there was famous.
I'm like, oh, this isn't about the religion.
This is just them feeling good about themselves
and networking, that's all this is.
Yeah, it's basically, I'd also be pissed if that guy,
that's the guy that,
it's basically,
had an affair with homies wife,
hit him.
Yes, so he was the pastor who helped them
with their marriage counseling
and during their sessions,
he would actually tell the husband,
hey, you should give your wife a little more space,
which then gave him a little more.
He also gave that,
he said,
he has a stud player,
he also kind of did him a favor. Oh, player. He also kind of do my favor. Oh
Absolutely It's better that you find out real is tough man. I can't see oh
I mean all right comes on comes on
Look at right, he's better off
You know you the glass
master dimma favor
Fat there where there no next no that's her that's right there
Where Brian pink in the pink she's sexy. That's not her that's her right there. She's is it. That's her
Hard pass. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I I heard some fucking carbs Is that right?
Leader teeth there, come on
She's got nice teeth
She's cute
It's just her lips are real small
She has violent, she has no face
Yeah, that's what makes her teeth really stay that
Her lips like Brian Gumball
She's might be a real
Like Brian Gumball
Yeah, Brian Gumball's not a real horn
I think he's Lester Holtz
Yeah, he's lester holts.
What I said, brain gole.
You don't have lips either.
Brain gole.
Lester holts has no time.
I feel like pastor boy got the eyelid surgery I did.
Look at this eyelids.
Yeah, you can always tell.
So when you get eyelid surgery,
you can get this just the skin like I did.
What did you do?
What did you do?
What did you do?
I didn't, I know. So whatever you did, I need to know. I need to know the future.
Here's what a lot of people older do. They make the mistake of this. Watch this. They get. No,
I've been sick. That's shit. Now their eyebrows are fucking like this. And you think he did that?
Yes. You see this. You'll see it with older men who get the eyelid surgery and the doctor goes,
just pull your eye. We're're gonna pull you up a little bit
here so now they're like this and they have like,
you can see their eyelids but they're old.
But they do it up here, right?
It's technically a brow lift.
Yeah, they pull your eye brows up, they sell out to you
and it's like, get the fuck out of here.
It doesn't look good.
Like that, see that guy?
You just, you're like,
I can't, it looks 100% top right?
Top right looks 100% better.
Yeah, you're the next one, you're like, something up. Yeah, she looks better great. He actually looks better lighting in the first photo is shitting. Yeah, but look at that
Still look at that nut hanging off. I hate to say it. It's a though a lot of times. It's not
Yeah, it looks like shit before well, that's quite better. He looks better. They do this side. They only look terrible
But he look better. This guy mugshot or what? Fuck is going on here. He looks better though. Fuck yeah.
It no works, it's better.
Look at me.
What?
I can't see it.
I can't see it.
He said to me, my doctor goes, you're just gonna look a little more awake.
I'm not gonna do anything else.
I was like, oh, what's up, homie?
Well that guy's looking, well that just, he changed his hair.
He's like, bro, I'm just fine.
He got a haircut.
He's got a haircut.
Yeah. Why's everyone so ugly? Yeah. I'm just high.
Everyone's so ugly. Yeah, well you're older. There is. Oh wow. We got just that a dead body
You just like
Let's see that guy broke version. There you go. That's set a lips on him. Yeah, he does look better. Yeah, okay We found one he had his fucking lips done. I wish
Yeah, you can't get your lips done. No
I mean, I don't know. Okay, so a lab has tested
several tuna
Tuna sandwiches from subway at different LA locations
I believe was eight and they found that they couldn't find
any fish DNA in the tuna.
It's all collapse.
No, they couldn't even identify the type of fish.
That's not to do with fish.
So they're thinking that it's technically like a meat
substitute that they call tuna and taste like tuna,
but is it actually?
Or they have to do fake crab first.
So imitation crab or they think it's so processed,
the DNA just doesn't show up.
Yeah, that's what I think it is.
I don't, I think it's that one.
I think it's some sort of rubber.
They did other studies too,
where it showed that they had tuna in it.
So it's just this particular one
that New York Times did, I think,
they couldn't find any tuna in it.
Also, if you're eating tuna from subway,
yeah, you're already lost.
You took a fat ill right there.
I was telling you, Subway's had a tough week. We had that guy calling on, Tuna from subway. Yeah. You're already long. Remember? You took a fat L right there.
I was telling you,
Subway's had a tough week.
We had that guy calling on,
and the anonymous calling king,
the thing who said he would change
the expiration date on all the meets
that Subway, remember?
Yeah.
They're just having to use an
on them a tough week.
Yeah.
Not anymore.
Yeah.
Yeah, right?
But like, I haven't had one in years,
but if I get like a foot long
meatball from Subway,
what if I'm still going to, who's still going to sit there? I get like a foot long meatball from subway I'm not
What if I'm still going to still going to say a lot of people once Jared
People look kind of for
Anything else, yeah
That lots of times it's going to eat around there like place certain neighborhoods not really there's more McDonald's in subways
Yeah, I think yeah, I feel like there's more that's yeah, for sure
What's that Jen fight on foot long?
So I thought this was just interesting.
That Adrian Brody is now with Harvey Weinstein's ex.
Yep.
She's beautiful.
She's been through some shit, huh?
Yep, and she's fucking good.
You got it?
She's an actress?
I think she was a model.
Model?
No, she's a designer.
Really?
She had a whole clothing line.
You have to be a little curious.
You married that fucking gargoyle?
Yeah. That's your... I know he's a powerful dude, but you married that fucking gargoyle. Yeah, like that Sure, I know I know I know he's a powerful dude, but you married that fucking gargoyle
And then you know what it is. It's you know, yeah, and she's not even an actress. Yeah, he was he was instrumental in her in her
Fashion line and then people boycott her fashion line
They don't buy her fashion stuff. Oh, she wanted to get the settlement before he got
Super pretty she looks terrible. Yep. He looks so bad
Oh, dude she paid the price
She got a big old here
Every night with that. Yeah, when you when for money, you pay for it every day.
Oh, yeah, you gotta wake up next to that fucking thing.
Goddamn.
And you're gonna use that mansion in the Bentley
and you still gotta deal with that gut and little dick.
You snipe her on.
I mean, that's the least of his problems.
Sheesh.
Adrian Brody, you're not gonna invite him
to a cocaine party, are you?
Oh, he's career-cotted, dried up a little bit.
It's interesting. He didn't, he stopped working. He did-cotted, dried up a little bit. It's interesting.
He stopped working.
He did the pianist and then kind of after him.
Wanted Academy Award.
Yeah.
The things didn't.
Something happened.
Super pretty.
Yeah, she really is, dude.
How old are your mom?
Your mom looks like that?
Yeah, you want to see?
How old are your mom?
Yes.
How old are your mom?
How old are your mom?
You sent to my laptop. She's a can. 48 into 54 year old. Yeah, much younger. Who got their
lids done? Yeah, my dad's 53. Oh, she's still with your dad though. Yeah, my parents are together.
Oh, they're happily together. Well, I will say.
Paris says stay away from my mom. That's what she said sometimes sometimes loves Sometimes loves love you have 53
I'll introduce little little danger. Yeah, sometimes cube it'll come through. Fuck you
Keep it with that old arrow that old wrinkly arrow
The old wrinkly arrow. Oh, rink. Oh, rink
You're gonna get you right. Yeah, her face is super pretty.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Damn, it's beautiful.
God damn.
You're mom is gorgeous.
You're mom is set eyes on her.
Jesus Christ.
What a beautiful woman.
I didn't get those.
Killer boots, man.
Good Lord.
48.
Yeah, you're mom's 48.
Yeah.
Wow.
48.
That's only four years different from me
That is so true that makes that you take your older sister your mom's
She's state she takes care of herself. Does she have only fans or no
So
Can you
She's You're a master. You're a master. Super-precious. Super-precious. Super-precious.
She knows what she doesn't write.
She knows what she's doing.
She's so stupid.
No, got white witchy.
I would want 100%.
Yeah.
100%.
I mean, I have to.
She's gorgeous.
Oh, yeah, you're not super pretty.
Super pretty.
You have other sisters?
They're 11.
You're the oldest?
Yeah, I don't know.
You look so much like my ex's cousin.
It's astonishing to me. You keep saying that, but we don't know her, yeah. You've got pictures. Yeah, I'm the oldest. You look so much like my ex's cousin, it's astonishing to me.
You keep saying that, but we don't know her, yeah.
You got pictures.
I'll get a picture.
I'll get a picture and show you.
Has your mom always been pretty?
Or is she one of those late bloomers?
No, she's always been pretty, like, my whole life.
And then, like, in high school and stuff,
all the guys would be like, oh, I'm 18 now.
Like, you throw your mom, like, let your mom know.
And I'm like let your mom know
They're sure they're shot. Yeah, I'm trying hard like it wasn't even like to me They'd like go through me to pursue my mom. Yeah, it's stuff
Yeah, we got a fine ass
Not you it's time. I'm like, yeah, I know I know I always be like yeah, I know she's pretty
Yeah, exactly people sing that to me. Oh, so you know that song will well, yeah, good for your dad
How long has your dad been with your mom?
22
long time that's a tough bond to break
I'm in the reason that they got together. I was a mistake. Oh, I was an accident and it was like
in the reason that they got together. I was a mistake.
I was an accident and it was like,
I didn't say together.
You're 20 something that other kids are 11?
I'm 22.
Yeah, my sisters are 11.
They were an accident, too.
I know.
And I have a brother who's 18.
Oh, you got twins.
Yeah, they're twins.
Yeah, they're twins.
A brother.
Oh, dance.
My brother's 18 just graduated high school.
And then I'm 20.
Good for your parents still together.
Good for them.
Yep.
They got married in Vegas when I was 15.
They weren't married or anything. One of them, they had me. So just. parents, still together. Good for them. Yep. They got married in Vegas when I was fifteen.
They weren't like, because they weren't married or anything when they had me, so just...
And you're close to both of them obviously, aren't they?
Yep.
You brother going to college?
No, he's going to trade school.
I'm going to take over my dad's business.
What's your dad do?
He does HVAC, or when he's heating an air conditioning as his business.
Good, it's a good business too.
Yep.
Colorado.
Along the front range.
There you go.
Yep.
What does he get, Jim? That's awesome.
So, your other brothers and sisters athletes?
No, my brother's really musically talented.
My other siblings aren't really into sports like I was, which was tough on my dad.
I mean, his only son, and he put them in sports, and he just didn't stick with any
use.
Especially wrestling, too.
Like, my dad was a wrestler, so he really kind of pushed him in that route.
Did he know Leastaster before they were neighbors?
Yeah, they had met.
Does Leaster was like Mr. Rest.
He has a charity golf tournament for his company that Leaster would golf in and like Shane
Carwin, golf tonight and like TJ Dillshaw, all those.
That's how I met all those guys.
Wasn't Leaster like a really good wrestler?
Yeah, the high school was like 127 hours, some sort of like that.
And you every look at him, like you ever see at least her and he's he's kind of a rounder fella
Like it's not like he's not fat. No, he's not bad. He's like a bowling ball
But not fat. I just mean like he doesn't look like he look at you would not want to fuck with no well
His son looks exactly like that tough looking. I disagree
his son looks exactly like that that tough looking i disagree
it's because you know his problem with that dude
you know any any no any has short and burls right there
any any has that like look like he doesn't fuck around either like he's very
yeah he's intense he's not a guy you'd want to fuck with
and now huge head the white guy
like that
well he was your wrestling coach right
yep i'll look at it yet you don't want fuck with the dude that got head like that.
No, he's a beast.
Take a head like that.
You know, what is he actually?
No, I don't want to.
Yeah.
USA Today posted this, it's a fact check
that guy, the soccer player, Christian Erickson,
you know what they said that he got their vaccine
and then he passed out.
I guess.
Apparently he never got it.
I guess I believe this.
Wait, wait, wait.
You'll see today, yeah.
Hillary Clinton was not hanged at Quantanahoe Bay either.
Nor does she drink the blood of babies.
Sam.
Well, you get the guys right.
How do they need a fact check that thing about Hillary Clinton?
I know.
Well, when you were doing this...
Well, you were going to see that, and this isn't take the COVID vaccine?
I guess I trust this website.
But it's like the mayor of Chicago, they said Lori Lightford had said she wouldn't take any questions from white reporters.
She didn't say that.
And everybody was saying that.
Everybody was talking about that.
No, she didn't.
She didn't fucking say that.
What she said was that I'm in Chicago. It's like, I think like it's predominantly,
parts of Chicago are predominantly black or people of color. And most of the reporters are white
and male. So she said, and they don't live in those neighborhoods, you might want to fucking like,
it's just that it's those those neighbors are not represented by people who live there or know that neighborhood.
That's all she was saying.
It's the fucking opposite of that, like,
well, she's only, you know.
So you don't know what to believe anymore.
A fucking annoys me,
because you make money off of coming up with a catchy title.
So you can be a part of that.
I'm wondering if you know much about this, Brian,
because you know, Stephen Crowder and Sam.
I know both those guys.
So this is trending like a top 10 on Twitter, yes.
What happened?
So Stephen Crowder, apparently this guy, Sam Cedar So this is trending like a top 10 on Twitter. Yes, so Stephen Crowder apparently this guy
Sam Cedar who's also like a political
Yeah, Sam's a left wing political guy. Yeah, I've always liked about Cedar at least I knew him well back in the day
Sam was always a guy who just he was very liberal
But he was also fair and intellectually honest like he tried to look at all the sides of the argument
And he just and he could argue he could have as his meltdown after realizing Ethan Klein brought Sam Cedar to
pay. Yeah, I'm surprised. Sam Cedar's tried to get on Rogan and tried to get on Crowder and try to
have a month. Ben Shapiro. Oh, they have one. He's far left. He's far left, but he's also one of
the he's always been trying to debate them and what what those guys claim Crowder and those guys
that Cedar has doesn't have a big following
and he's trying to build his,
oh, you know what, you know what,
it sounds like they're scared.
I don't know if they're scared
because crowd are debates,
crowd is really good at debating
and crowd are does a really cool thing
where he'll debate,
he's done it with Jordan Peterson,
a lot of people,
he will literally take a liberal side,
he will mount a liberal argument against conservatives,
he's done it with Shapiro,
he's done it with all those guys and he knows the liberal side really see this
Chin, so I don't think it was a I think he just I think that cedar was nasty about him
And they don't want to do it. Sam tends to be a little bit. Sam was a really good stand-up comic for when he was younger
Oh really? I know him. Oh, yeah, he stopped. Let me see it, so there's just a clip of it
It was like 15 minutes long, but then so
Crater actually bounced. Just Crater. Anything client don't like you. I was yeah, Stephen. Do you know that the Spartans are
Did they are like a
Practice man love with children. Oh, geez. Okay. So this is what's gonna happen. I you what did I tell you he was gonna do anything he could to avoid oh Oh, there is oh no Sam Cedar what what a fucking nightmare. I had no idea this was going to happen
I thought I thought even was a stand-up guy
This is where we are yeah, I told Dave. Dave remember I told you I told you I said this is I guarantee you
He can't do avoid the debate. Oh, I just think it believes that he should debate you. No, no, he doesn't.
He just takes advantage of women with mental health issues.
He's in common, doesn't stand up and do too much.
I can't say.
Right, it's just a little lie.
But going on FM, you would do anything to avoid talking to me.
I think you're the point that you made.
Yes, it's really in the middle of the day.
You're a broken invention.
And they've ruined it.
And David Rosen, Peter Sin and Noem Shopsky and Sam Yes, it's really in the room. Yeah, it's your room in the bedroom. And they've ruined it. And they've ruined it.
One Peter, son, and no, I'm sorry.
And Sam Harris, everyone's been avoided.
Not just his head.
His feet are all.
It has to be a reason why they ruined him.
Yeah, well, yeah.
All those guys are so brilliant.
They're not avoiding him because this is him.
It's about issues.
It's about issues.
That's what you're doing here.
That's some valid points.
You're so flimsy.
It's just a good idea that you were taking your show off early last time coming in today
with your pig pen peanuts.
That was every...
Yeah, unfortunately...
This is what I turned into.
But like, as somebody who knows Sam, Cedar, like, I don't know what the background is
this.
I don't know why they haven't had a lot of...
I don't crowd on that other...
That client guy hate each other, right?
Like, they were on...
They were actually battling. Yeah battling yes they've been debating back
before I think Sam Sam Sam was so Sam and that client can debate with Crowder over what
I am that he's for like his show was big podcast or yeah but I know what the
topics were H3H3 yeah yeah Crowder Crowder they those guys are not to Shapiro Crowder
those guys Sam Harris definitely,
those guys do a lot of debating.
They're not afraid at all.
And I don't believe that they're afraid.
I don't think what it is is that Sam.
So does he not debate them at all, Chin?
No, he just, it's weird too,
because crowd are his point out like no one watches
your podcast and then he would like reference stuff
that he said on the podcast.
So he was, Sam was like, oh, so you do watch my podcast,
all right? And it it looked really it actually made Crowder look really bad. Let me see
internet. It's kind of like destroying minute left. It doesn't show the whole debate though.
I don't know why. No one would be worried about why this shown the psychic. Exactly.
It's another thing. I know but why not show Crowder. This is a great opportunity.
I don't start a debate based with people on start a debate. Based with people on a lie.
And how about you get to do it?
How about you get to show yourself the audio power?
Stephen, show yourself.
Stephen, don't show your co-host.
Stephen, you should show yourself.
Stephen, how can you respect yourself as a man, Robert?
Stephen, you are such a coward.
Stop showing your little leopard-like co-hosts
that comes out dressed like a gay cat.
Stephen, why do you have to bring him up?
I'm going to sleep in. Stephen, you're going to sleep in. Wow do you have to bring it up? I'm a cool person He did
Wow
You want to mess yeah
I think I've had chaotic
So you have to show it with these
Viewers to come on to debate him because you
Oh
Obviously if I'm a
Apparently I'll be a
I'm a
If I'm a layup
Not a debate
Well
Yeah why wouldn't he debate him if that's
Plenty brings out this gap
I'm a little bit with crowd
Or like hold on
I thought I was talking to you to bring this,
you do it.
It was a ambush.
We would this dude like fuck this.
So I think that I think what Crowder is,
I haven't talked about it,
but I think what Crowder's probably responding to is I think
there was some nasty talk and.
And clining Crowder.
Between Sam Cedar and as, you know,
I think so.
And also Rogan has never had him on.
And so Sam was a really good standup comic
and had a lot of development deals with TV shows
and did TV shows.
Sam was like,
what happened?
Did he fail?
I think things didn't really,
things didn't really, you know,
sometimes things don't work out as well.
And so I think what he did,
he got into being political,
he got into the show,
and he got, he's on the left
and he's unabashedly left-wing.
My experience with Sam and I've had my own little private
debates and talks with Sam Cedar is that Sam's fair,
Sam is open to critique and he's open.
He's not hurt of him, so I don't know.
He used to be, he's my age, so you know,
but Sam was open to a lot of,
he's open to the different ideas. I don't know what happened. I don't know what the fuck this is
But having known both I don't know the background, but it has a little weird do that to somebody on your show
Yeah, you can't
Because what happens is it's like dear, you know it ends up like the
Yeah, cuz Crowder is known for debating. He goes to college campuses. All those guys like to debate. But he goes to college campuses and he goes,
he'll take a stand.
It says something like,
trans men, outwomen, trans women are not women,
change my mind.
And he asks people to come in and he can't debate.
Yeah, I like Croutter.
Sam referenced that to you saying like,
of course you can debate college kids.
Why don't you debate someone that knows how to debate.
But he debates.
He debated fucking Shapiro and Jordan Peterson as a liberal.
I mean, he's Peterson as a liberal.
I mean, he's done that a lot.
He's, Crowder is, I don't know what that meant.
That motherfucker is.
You better be ready.
He knows his shit, man.
He really does, so.
But so does Sam.
That was weird.
I don't think Sam Cedar is, I think Sam is,
if you want to get an intelligent viewpoint on the left,
something I usually disagree with,
I'm sure I disagree with a lot of what Sam has to say, but is informed Sam works hard at his opinion. That's what I remember. I haven't talked to him at all
The show's still not that big
Well, he has a million subscribers on YouTube, but they're saying that's not big enough. Sam. Sam
Yeah, because I was a big fan of mine. Go to his YouTube for me. We could have a hard pass, Brian
That's right. It's not so. I'm on the Brian Calanchion. It's Brian, stop it. Have them on the Brian calendar.
It's big and hung.
Yeah, the majority, but one one.
So here's my thing with this.
Go back, go back.
He has a mill, no, right there.
Leave it right here.
So it says he has a mill and subscribers.
Go to his videos for me.
18,000 views, 800, 8,000, 8,000 views,
77,000 views, I don't, 800, 800, 800, 700, 700, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, 800, yeah, so if it, yeah, you can buy them. And now I'm not accusing my buying them, I'm just, it's a little, well, it's not like,
like if you have a million subscribers
and then a video only has 6,000,
then that, so point six year fans, watch your videos.
I will say this though, so it says three days ago,
three days ago, so you're supposed to,
so you're supposed to,
oh wow, I'm supposed to, shit.
Yeah, yeah.
But even five days ago, 47,000.
Yeah, so some are not that popular.
I'm, I'm, I'm,
five days ago, 6,000.
I'm more like on your side, we've had discussions about this before too. Yeah, it looks a not that popular. I'm bleely. I'm on days ago six thousand. I'm more like on your side
We've had discussions about this before too. Yeah
But the thing with Crowder to he was wearing a shirt that says fight like hell, you know
Like that fight and then he didn't fight and also if he's already ambush at that point
I would say you're gonna look so bad if you bounce, you know, you already have a bad Crowder's
Talent where I could debate like that. Yeah, I wouldn't be scared. Yeah, just take them down
I know what and then light is ass up. Yeah, you're just because that's your platform like you
You know good. He would look to be the lit is ass up and sick and I like I don't know the same guy. I like router
Yeah, he's a funny dude
All right, move it on this guy has a million subscribers, but then that video has
6,000 views from five days.
Well I think that's and I think Crouter who's huge, who's got a fucking huge platform.
He has five million subscribers.
Yeah but he's got a big reach and I think he knows that that's the case with Sam.
I think he knows that.
And they don't want to give him a platform.
That's why there's something up because for sure he's not going on all the other shows
too so something's up.
Yeah.
I don't know the guy but if Roganate and having a mom yeah something's going on and Rogan's not on a long time
yeah there's something yeah I'm sure if they can't be certain he's not having a
mom something's up I'm gonna have to do some research
we'll talk so this is a tea pain talking about usher I think this might be like a
little documentary I'll just play a little snippet for you
okay tea pay take one in the bit for you. Okay, T-Pay. Take one. I heard a story about you and Usher on an airplane.
We were actually going to the 2013 BT Wars and we were all in first class and I went
to sleep.
I was awakened by a flight attendant.
She said, I was going to talk to you in the back.
So I got up and went back and it was like, you know, how's everything going?
Quick small talk, no big deal.
And it was like, man, I how's everything going? Quick small talk, no big deal. And it was like, man, I wanna tell you something, man.
I think it was good.
I thought it was about to tell you something real.
He's not real concerned.
Sit you real music.
You kinda fucked up music.
I didn't understand.
I suppose it was my friend.
It was like, now man, you really like, you really fucked up music for real things?
Hmm, damn.
Literally at that point.
I couldn't listen.
Is he right?
Did I, did I fuck this up? Did I fuck up music?
And I, and
that is the very moment.
And I don't even think I realized this for a long time.
That's the very moment that started like a four-year depression for me.
Shit.
He is not keto.
Me, Wal, he could suck at eating.
T-Pain is not keto.
T-Pain, I don't know T-Pain's beauty, but he's big, huh?
Yeah.
Huge.
And really good, right?
Yeah. He's big, big, big game enough.
He does not need auto tune, by the way.
He's a stylist, he can sing.
He can sing.
Why did, he seems like a very sensitive artist.
I like him right away.
Yeah, I like him right away.
The, the, the problem, yeah, he's great.
It was a type of music he was doing,
but then other people really couldn't sing,
got on that bandwagon,
so they kind of fucked up music.
Autoed, yeah.
Yeah, it would and everybody everybody
Everybody, I don't have to really sing I can just do it
Yeah, tronically so then they jumped on that way
He was kind of a pioneer in that he's yeah, but he can sing
But he can actually sing
He was a lot of people can he?
Well Kanye West did a lot of that too you know
So yeah, yeah, auto tune has been around forever
And like all the bands that you like all the singers
You're like most likely they they've been tuned, but you do like a tune speed right so if you just hit them make sure you hit the nose
This makes your voice look cool like he pain turned the tune speed all the way up to make that you know digital
But it was a vibe like it was a
It goes far back is like Zapp and Roger
It's been forever. It's been forever. I talked to two moms
That would Roger was like that. He's been forever.
It's been forever.
I talked to two monster.
He did fuck up music.
He said for singers.
He said for singers, which I understand.
I mean, I talked to these two monster Broadway singers,
like crazy voices, like big time stars.
And I said, they're known for their voices, right?
I said, who do you commercially?
Do you kind of blows you away?
You know what they said?
It was a woman.
Who do you think they said?
Maybe three guesses.
Pedal.
Pedal.
Well, Del, of course.
The answer?
Huh?
The answer?
It was fucking, uh, it was Ariana Grande.
Oh, yeah, she's awesome.
I didn't know.
She's a songbird of her generation.
I thought she was like, she's cat from the show.
She was like, killer.
Yeah, she was inside.
She was like, she can fucking crush.
And I was like, oh, okay.
She was on Broadway for a while.
Yeah. There you go. Yeah, oh, okay. She was on Broadway for a while. Yeah.
There you go.
Yeah, it's crazy.
She's so smooth.
She's like,
we've been doing our whole life and they're monster singers
and they were like, she's just, you know, we'd be like,
and we're like, no way.
I don't know, I ain't got singing that.
Cause I'd been like, no shit ladies.
Yeah, I would've fucking shit.
No, she had things she's commercial
and she was just pretty and they,
they both the thing around her. No, that's not an accident. It was like Beyonce. Remember when I told
our boy
Who's a singer? Come on?
Yes, I go yeah, but Beyonce and he goes what she can say bow down dude. Yeah, they're okay
Because we don't know singing she can see we don't know singing now. But I know Ariana Grande can fucking sing.
I know Andrew Day and fucking Adele can sing their ass off.
So some of these people are very different.
One of those big-time people.
Also Beyonce singing and dancing at the same time,
which not a lot of people can do.
Yeah, she's like it's saying that's an old, old one.
And like actually singing.
Yeah.
What else you got?
More?
Yeah, give me one more.
All right, let me pick one.
Give me one more, man Yeah, give me one more. All right, let me pick one. Give me one more man.
One more.
One more.
This one I thought was kind of cool,
Devin Booker.
He had his nose busted and then he just got a stitched up.
And then he saw that fucking ball.
And they still won.
Phoenix and four.
God damn.
Is that a little generous?
Yeah, that's a straight up girlfriend.
She finally came out because they were like dancing around
and then fine and shit like that's guess that's my that's my man's
that's my man's
that's my man's
he's super bonk
they won last second alley dude point seven seconds left
car alley you sons and four so I can't stand the clippers so you'll see the
impact right here it happens happens right here. Yeah, right here. Bam
And then they've all had Beverly they both had blood on them too. Yeah, Patrick Beverly
He can get in your face dog. What did you just because a handsome kid? Yeah? Yeah
His mama's little different
That's black and his dad also
As I say both got it Patrick Beverly get up in your face. I don't think you meant it. Yeah, you just didn't mean to yeah, no
They almost kiss
Yeah, they still call to fell His violent hobbies are filthy Phoenix and four see on a popular opinion that doesn't really
In freshman because you see that all the time and hockey
On a popular opinion that doesn't really infresh me because you see that all the time and hockey
You literally will see people to say this was all respect no one gives the fuck
Staying cuts are right now right people care and last year in Canada. No, buddy. That's crazy. Oh really look at ratings
All right, you know you know you could see you want to talk about hockey come on dude You're out. You're out. No, I never watch the game. It's the best it's the best
Best sleep live. I'll give you that yeah, but there was like there I don't know who it was
He was on the Dallas stars. He wanted to cardiac arrest on the bed Jesus. They brought him into the like the
Training room like worked on a little bit and he tried to get back on
No, they're tough as fuck.
There's no doubt.
I don't like to take pups to the face.
Like, I know people who've literally gotten puked to the face.
They are tough.
No, they're tough.
They're all missing teeth.
They're tough.
I know look a lot of them.
They're tough.
No, they're tough.
They're tough.
Look at them.
40 points.
40 points. And they were the worst fucking team do that 19
There are a lot of people watch hockey. Yeah bring up ratings, Jen
Come on, dude. It's like we have a computing and find out comparison to what to any other sport and basketball rating suck cock
Yeah, the reason why hockey doesn't have as big of a game cup final TV ratings down
161 percent 2019. Yeah, it's 959 The reason why hockey doesn't have as big of a fan base. Gave him a cup final TV rating down to 61%.
Yeah, it's 95, 953,000.
Why so, why so, why so, the world?
Why so few?
Because there are less white people in the world.
Hockey is probably one of the most expensive sports to play.
Like sticks that break every game, they're $200.
Skates, the ice time.
Skates, $500.
How many?
About 100.
Shoulder pads, like realistically,
like getting good gear, probably your audience team.
But red rings are damn kids in expensive sports.
I'm just saying the fan base isn't as big
because it's expensive.
Because it's expensive.
Yeah.
No one cares.
It's just what it is.
Who's your favorite team, Brian?
Fucking.
I was.
I grew up in Colorado and the abs were the fuck what Peter
Forsberg Patrick Waw Joe Sackett. I was so fucked. The
abs were making a run this year. I was so excited. I want to
win the cup because the McCain and Landis got a bug. They
got. You play hockey. Did you play ice hockey? Yeah, I started
skating when I was three years old.
I've been playing my whole life.
Riggas, I don't know.
I'm just saying, I've never heard of this guy.
I don't keep up with it.
I know like, Crosby.
You know Alex of Aachen?
Who?
Alexander of Aachen?
Yeah, yeah.
I think he's better than Crosby.
Crosby's is a debate, right?
Yeah, Crosby's two injury prone with his concussions.
When the Capitol's made a San on Cup run
when they won the San on Cup,
there was a rookie in the league
who tried to fight Alexander Oveschkin.
He's not a fighter, he's like,
but he's like six, four, two, 35.
He knocked the guy out like clean
and like the announcer started freaking out.
Who's the stud for Edmonton?
David.
I'm already bored, huh?
I know.
I'm seeing these tops.
He's fucking top.
I'm already losing interest.
Cause there's like no big like Americans crushing it.
So it's like,
Oh, this is USA.
USA, you know what I'm saying?
Hydra cane, TJ Oshi,
they're American boys.
The other thing is,
I'm still bored now.
And then there's also no black guys playing either really.
You know what I'm saying?
Ryan Reeves is a black, he's not the one guy.
He's a chocolate black guy.
But it's also like soccer.
No, Ryan Reeves.
Like soccer's so big all over the world.
And the US like we don't have like we have that one stud guy
at a place where Chelsea, other than that,
soccer is this shit.
In America we're not as good as the other so.
I want to be a soccer player so bad.
The women's is good.
The women's is good men's is good. The women's a soccer player so bad the women's is good
The women's is good yeah
I'm gonna say I'm gonna take you guys when I'm out changing mine about it. What'd you say? I said I'll take you guys
I haven't I'm a fan of hockey. I'm just saying ratings are down
Their toughest they're the as far as like professional sports, probably the toughest sport.
We can go farther, tough.
I think we should go to next season
when the Kings are planning again.
We should all give me a call.
I won't.
I'm on that group check.
That group check.
That's what I'm saying.
We're going to a Korean barbecue.
Brandon's like, ah, I can't, where is it?
Yeah, I'm curious.
No, no, Tigers got your Jitsu.
No, no, the cat goes. Korean barbecue, 5 PM, no, no, cat goes cream bar. You 5 p.m. downtown. I said,
cat, brother, slip my foot.
Drive to downtown at 5 p.m. Oh, we'll do it at 7.
I'm not Friday. I forgot.
Tiger has to get his hair cut.
I'll come up with, hey, I was like, I have karate. I can't do it.
No, I put, oh, there's a rerun of intervention. I can't miss.
I mean, I, yeah, I have to do it. Oh, yeah, I put oh there's a rerun of intervention. I can't
Yeah, I have to kill myself. I can't do five PM downtown What if someone said hey, there's five grand free in an office building downtown 5 PM. I'm like
Can I pick it up on Sunday? Yeah, well there's it when I went a Sunday at five I waited two and a half hours
Get my passport renewed and I heard there's
There's a woman who's standing alive for two grand. I was like
Just a life I thought about it, but then she leaves and you get in yeah, I thought about it
No, no she'll do the whole thing, but she can't you have to be there
No, not to not to schedule an appointment. Oh just schedule
That's a little steep though. You know what I want like what's Kanye or Tom Cruise do to get passports
Make pay people to do it. Yeah, that's what they do
But they have to go to the for COVID you had and I've done it. There was an expedited service
Yeah, I used to do that so it's 200 bucks or something you get like two days three days that's gone
It's gone with COVID. They're like can't help you. Oh, yeah, is that it Chin? That's it all right kids all right
Come see me at Philadelphia this weekend.
Friday Saturday.
And my boys at Suplex, obviously not getting sneakers from them.
I definitely don't give you sneakers.
Haven't come in the show.
Well, hook them up.
Yeah, but they know all the best restaurants.
Oh, and they have good restaurants.
They take you to the Genos or two Genos.
The Genos.
It's your boy, Bradley Cooper, when he goes to Philly's
from there, this is the only place to eat that. I'm the best food player in here. All right, George Janos.'s your boy Bradley Cooper's when he goes affiliates from there. Yeah, this is the only place to eat that
I forget that
Hit me up. It took me to I'll give you their cell you don't need angels
No, you know
Fuck I can't remember boy Brad Cooper's
Fuck I hate that I can't remember fucking really you know me
You know you you're talking about it's it fill's cheese tastes or is it just it's dude Pete like real proper like they the guy the owner
Bakes the bread gets a free. Yeah, yeah
You're talking about real Philly cheese dude my mouth. I'm all the best food in the world
Right, they got this little secret area where they take you upstairs
That's what Cooper's by so that it took me off the road. You watch the eagle game.
Yeah, my girlfriend.
I jacked off of the chicken.
I grew up in my girlfriend's chicken.
I grew up in a family.
Yeah.
And she took me to, so she took me to this place that was,
I was like broccoli robber, provolone.
What place is it?
Can't remember it.
So the place I'm talking about,
I went to your girl's place,
excuse, shits on it.
Yeah, it's really, really good.
I'm going.
I'm telling you that. They'll take care of you. Great, great. I'm going I'm tired. Yeah, they'll take they'll take care of you the great great
I'm already super like don't give them shoes. Don't give them shoes. Why not? I want some shoes
You know they said they go they go we'll find something that will work for him
They said what do you think I said these dunks?
Really? Yeah, like bait like the passport dunks. I would check with him. I go what about these shoes the passport
I like those for you. I don't like these. Oh, there's so much.
You'll find something.
But yeah, you'll love it.
You're on the road?
No, not till July 15th through 17th.
I have so many days coming up.
Oh, you just go in a run-mine?
Sorry.
I can't come up.
I've got enough.
You're in Baltimore, dude.
July 15th through the 17th.
LA is July 16th through the 17th.
Shob and friends is there. and then going on sale soon we have Vegas coming up
I'm doing the first club at wise guys the grand opening that's for the
locals that that's outside the strip there that's August 12th through the 14th
that's Las Vegas Nevada I haven't been there for fucking ever Raleigh North Carolina August 19th through the 21st
September we have San Jose San Jose improv September 9th through the 11th and then also
in September next week tickets presale
AT&T theater outdoor theater there
San Antonio those tickets would presale will go on next week and then I'll have Denver on their September 30th through October
Say it check out Honolulu Hawaii. Why do you do that?
I'm Hawaii. You can't come where is that doesn't matter?
Where do they have the pro ball at it's not there October 29th through the 30th I know of that Honolulu
Fucking Hawaii man. It's gonna be great. Yeah, he turned to get the FATKZ dot com
Oh thick boy merch dropped Friday the sleeveless hoodies you see me and the boys wearing the thick boy YouTube
The sleeveless hoodies and shorts available this Friday morning get you some I'd like to I'd like some thick boy merch
Please yeah, you got it dude. Yeah, thick isn't your heart. I'm not talking about your arteries
Oh, I got a little plaque. Yeah, you good. I love Yeah, I think it's in your heart. I'm not talking about your arteries. Oh
I got a little plaque. Yeah, you good. I love you guys. We're out.
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