The Fighter & The Kid - Ep. 723
Episode Date: August 25, 2021The guys talk Brendan's Salt Bae restaurant experience, Bryan's constantly moving to different places as a kid, Brendan's chatty Cathy meth'd up barber, foods that make you fart, ...farting around your significant other, MLB's Jack Morris and Shohei Ohtani controversy, Max Kellerman leaving ESPN's First Take, the new Lamborghini Countach and much more!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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What's up, take these this Thursday Friday Saturday comedy store, LaHoya.
We come in. That's this week. All shows over damn near sold out.
We might add a show late Thursday, but right now if you take it's left,
Thursday Friday Saturday in LaHoya, California, right outside San Diego.
My favorite club, the comedy store.
But this podcast is brought to you by onit.com, onit.com,
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What do you need? Alpha brain, krill oil, protein powders.
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Your boy's keto right now.
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Dude I thought we were recording
Did you didn't go get it looked at her in the bed because you don't you don't really go to the doctor, do you?
Dude get that mankind. Nebra is back. Yeah, it's got chins hobbled. You got a solid reference by the way. I like that mankind that mankind
I had a sock. Yeah, he blin
You saw the shit. You're a mixed foley. No, I was thinking about for all mankind
Which are jeans that I like because they have elastic
to them and they fit my thick thighs.
Oh no, that's gay.
No, we're talking about a WWE Superstar.
Yeah, a WWE.
Oh, man, I know the old sock, he's all on the show.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Yeah, the mask on.
He used to wear the face.
Jimmy Burke had an idea at one time.
He goes, I want to do, I want to fucking be a fucking be WWE wrestler and I was like what are you talking about?
He goes I'll get my buddy. He had this huge friend his friend to be like you know just this giant wrestler.
Like he wanted to be he wanted to be strong baby and he would he had you know it's no hair on his body.
It's Jimmy big and he's no skinny like me was shredded. He's in shape and super fucking pink
He's pink. He's so white. No hair not even eyebrows not even eyebrows. And he goes and I walk around
He's like a cancer patient. Yeah, so hang on shape. Yeah, I'm tired and I just want to be this
So creepy. I was like it's so creepy, but so fucking weird and funny. I would watch that a hundred percent
You have you have a big personality in the WWE. Me? What would I be though?
I don't know what you'd be,
but you could pull it like the hell out there.
And I would be under, you'd be the Paul Bear.
Like, yeah, yeah.
Chee-chee.
What is it?
What am I saying?
He's here, it's going down.
It's going down.
Easy.
It's going down.
There you go.
He's angry.
Yeah, the Paul Bear, he was like, short and chubby.
But like, you like actually like,
we could dress you up.
Or maybe I'm just the guy who you have me on a leash
and for no reason you like kick me.
Oh, thank you.
Oh, you're like, this mad and he's taking it out of me.
You have a ball in your mouth.
And you, interviews goes, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh That's why I do it. I have a leather suit on people like this is the worst
But it would be hilarious. I'm in a diaper
You're fucking fired me, bro
Me ball you you seem like a WB fan. No, no, not at all. Just hot any of your brothers
No, I mean I've really got into it
I got a cuz well you guys are too young for it really well. I guess well, no, I know. I know you 22
Like you rock stone cold age is probably right when you're like six seven eight. Yeah, you were 98
Macho man the warrior whole cloak in those were the hey, so yeah, you had those days
I had my dad was like it's fake and I was like I'm out. That's why I didn't really get into it.
Are you wearing from a long time?
Who would you give it to?
Just hockey, football, baseball, you know, just sports.
We drink it last night?
Last night.
You look like a red.
You look a little red.
I'm hot.
I went to the, like I'm just really warm right now.
I went to the gym for the first time in like a week.
Take my ass in or something?
Huh?
Take my ass in? Huh? Take nice and?
Oh my God, that's the one.
No, you should remember that.
Nice, I can't.
I turned completely ready.
You know people use that for pre-workout?
It's definitely about people can have it.
You can get, you look like an in-person.
It's a play of sunburn.
And you get itchy.
It's a supplement.
People have a lot of a bunch of stuff.
It's a lot of money.
It makes your skin tingle.
So what if people take it?
If you take enough of it,
you look like you have a sunburn.
Your whole face will get bright red.
It's like, I took it.
I mean, I won't get bright red, but I give it.
You get like maroon.
Your eyebrow, for eye balls.
I'm darker than maroon.
Not, but the skin would be a lot.
I took nice and, didn't know,
sometimes I take a bunch of this, you know, young,
I'm like, okay.
It's a, I was like, well, I'm dying.
It's so worse than you.
What do we will use it for?
Pre-workout, like, there's other reason to take it.
It dilates your blood vessels.
So it opens your eye.
You just get flush, but if you do enough of it,
which I did, your skin will, when I take,
when I say you look like you had a sunburn,
I'm not kidding.
No, and your skin tingles and itches.
No one really takes it anymore.
No, we should torture, I got tears with it.
I got like water retention from it too.
So my love handles, I'm not even kidding.
The next thing the love handle was like,
you just flapping over.
Yeah, it was great.
It was the worst reaction.
Put down my tits, I'm a love handle.
Yeah, and then after a while it's it.
You want to wear a tits?
No, I think so.
No, you shredded.
Oh, dude, you love this beat.
Because you're like me.
So last night, you know, like when my son makes a friend we become friends with the parents
So they're like our best friends now so when we go on dates. It's with the other family. They share babies here at babysitter
So they set this restaurant up and it's the salt base restaurant in
Beverly Hills this fancy fucking restaurant. We pull up beavers there. It's all like oh great. This thing gonna be cheap anyways
Anyways, we go I have a video on my,
I just got one.
I just got one.
This is the guy who does this, Salt Day.
Oh yeah, I have quite a lot.
So we get there and my girl went before me with her friend.
She's like, it's the best steak you ever have in the condo.
She's the best steak you ever have in the country.
All right, so I was hungry.
I'm like, you don't know, so I'm like,
I can eat dinner there.
Here's the prom, dude.
So that must be her's great.
Good whiskey, the food is amazing.
But it's like, it's like a Chuck E. Cheese for adults.
Like everything is like, what do we have here?
So big!
And they're like fucking, like throw salt over everything.
And then they're like, you get an appetizer,
like I got the tomato heirloom, you know?
They're slapping the table.
So like everyone's looking. And I was like, man, is there anyway?
Is there a campaign not to do this not be a circus like it's been on it like a high level thing even like more over the city extreme
Dude, and I was like oh man. I was like I like my girl
My my girl knows I don't like it. She's like just be cool. I'm like
Can you ask the guy like not to do this stuff?
And then we at Carpacio and she comes she's slapping the table like, oh my God dude.
So I went to the bathroom and thought it was funny.
Like make sure when you bring the Tom Hock out,
you feed him like with the thing.
And so that's why, that's why, if you go to my story chain,
that's why I sit down and he's cutting up and I'm like,
oh, I fucking hate my life.
And then he's like, he's straight up.
And I go, no, I'm like laughing.
I'm like, no, get out of here, dude.
Like, it's not happening, bro.
No, I'm like, he wanted to, what do you do?
He wanted to give you a thought like,
he's going right here.
So there he is.
Let me go back.
You get burned.
You're in Paris.
No, I don't want the attention.
No, it's making all that noise.
No, no, they threw salt, look.
Oh, yeah.
making all that noise. They threw salt look.
You want to say feed you.
It's not fucking happening dude. You just want to do it.
But it's like, and there's those videos on world started like,
what would you do?
I'm sorry.
It calls the end of our boys. Oh, shit.
They're like, what would you do if this happened to your girl?
Because when salt base there,
he's like, you know, he's Turkish, whatever.
The whole fine, like the prettiest girl who's with like her man,
and the cut up that time out steak,
and then her like, cutting from the dude,
and then like, your girl's basically sucking the piece of meat off. So when my girl told me she was going without me, I'm like, hey, listen,
do it. Have fun. I don't want you going viral for deep throwing a fucking
tea bomb. Yeah. Like I don't need that heat right now. Like just if they just
turn it down, but they didn't do anything like that. But you see like people
like, what would you do if this was your girl? And I mean, it's sexual. I don't like
it. Yeah. I that's the one I'm trying to eat
that I get so embarrassed when when the Marriachi band
comes over and starts singing.
Yeah.
When you're eating, there's nothing worse than you.
But it's like, it's like Chuck E. Cheese.
It's like, dude, just the foods, like,
I want to be a good, I want to tell you what's the food.
Nine and a half.
Oh shit.
The steak's ridiculous.
Okay.
Stakes, that guy.
Yeah. It better be. I mean, byulous. Okay. Stakes rediculous. Yeah.
It better be.
By the way, fucking bebers eating the forgot.
Better be.
I mean, it's great.
You would love it, but like I want to talk to him.
Like, I came in.
I don't want all the antics.
Just bring the food out.
And to everybody gets the antics.
Everybody gets the antics.
Yeah.
And they go, hey, you know, that's the thing.
I'm throwing the, and they go,
stop, pay, and then toss the salt all over.
I'm like, dude, What is happening right now?
I
Saw that guy and I want to be like is there any way I can pay interest so I don't feel like I'm at fucking Chuck E.G
Yeah, or red robin so I went to a restaurant next to it the restaurant
Just passed it. Oh, yeah, you know that it was such a scene. I think it's called I think a Spago. Yeah
Yeah, it was such a scene. I went in there and I walked by that guy, that guy was there.
He was standing right there with sunglasses on little guy.
He's a stud, baby.
He's in shape, little guy.
Crush in it.
Like he has restaurants in, you know, it's Miami, New York.
Off the Instagram.
Oh, yeah, Crush.
Well, no, he was a big chef before that.
But that made him super famous.
Yeah, but they're just on.
And this picture is awesome. He's hilarious. He's a dude. He'll speak a that made him super famous. Yeah, but they're just on this and doing this. He's just doing awesome.
He's hilarious.
He's a dude.
He doesn't speak a lick of, he's 100% Turkish.
Yeah, that's it.
But what they do have, they have Turkish coffee.
You know, Turkish, you know, I like, like, this drink is a nine shot,
nine shot.
That's a Turkish coffee.
And this doesn't phase me.
He was like, hey, it's because the guy was a fan and he goes, hey,
you like coffee, I can't get enough coffee. He goes, we have a Turkish coffee. It like, hey, it's because the guy was a fan and goes, hey, you like coffee, right? I go, I can't get enough coffee.
He goes, we have a Turkish coffee.
It's so thick, it's like mud.
I went, bro, nice big my language.
And I said, can you bring that out,
not do like a backflip or some shit?
Just bring it out.
They started laughing.
And then when came I go, dude, can I be,
I should not to have like all these shit,
you guys want me to do this.
Like your food is so good, man.
And he's like, it's just, that's what.
It's the theme.
Did they give you the Turkish coffee with an orange rind?
Or the orange rind was on the side,
but it's just a little cup.
And it's, it's, it's, it's such a thick coffee.
In Middle East, all drinks that coffee.
Let me tell you something.
How good is it?
That should have strong thick, it's clouted.
And I like, I like the feel of the grains.
Yeah.
I like it almost like mud.
It's so fucking tough.
And it comes that small.
It's a little thing.
Very small.
It's so concentrated.
A lot of times they put a couple of sugar cubes in there.
And I don't fuck with any sugar.
No sweetens in my coffee.
You know, the only prayers I'm not just saying
is because they're my boys, but the only coffee
that's as strong of that, that taste,
most coffee that's that bitter or strong,
it tastes like shit, right?
The only coffee bean that can match that is black rifle.
Really?
They have a black roast,
like a sniper roast or the fuck they call it.
Or the anti-ISIS roast.
Yeah, it's so dark, it's so nice.
I gotta have myself, I gotta have myself a dark roast.
Here's the problem, these, we've talked about this before,
but there's so many coffee places where it tastes sour, man.
It's a light bean.
It's a light bean.
It's a light bean, I like it.
The light bean has more coffee, but it's like this new,
like hipster trend, and more caffeine,
and it's a lighter bean, but it's a sour coffee.
Dude, it will ruin your fucking,
when you get a sour coffee, it kills me.
The worst. I throw it away. The worst. That'll be 450 for a double espresso. Mm, when you get a sour coffee, it kills me. The worst.
I throw it away.
The worst.
That'll be $4.50 for a double espresso.
Mm, so far you're gonna do that.
You know who does that now?
How about just pouring some milk to your eyes?
You know who does that?
Right up the street from the intelligence.
I know.
They went sour, and I'm like, I can't do it.
I used to get it all the time, but they went sour,
I just passed it.
You know my boy's at Emma Hotel,
because I told him that he goes,
he goes man, thanks for all the things
to say about the hotel on the podcast.
And he goes, any advice that we can do better,
I want your coffee, dude.
Like it's two sour.
Not everybody wants to fuck with that woke coffee.
Get me a fuck.
Get me a dark roast.
They have dark roast now.
They do.
He said me thing, he was, hey man, we changed it.
Now we have two different beings.
That's why I like like Pete's cafe locks.
You know cafe locks?
Come on, Baba, how long have you been doing?
Thank you, Baba.
And then you get a chocolate next door.
Thank you, sir.
Come on, Baba.
Thank you, sir.
Chocolate and coffee and a dip, so they, they do.
They rose there espresso bean there.
I think it's called Montenegro and they fucking.
Oh, the way you say that, nigga.
I like when the coffee guys are all, you know,
the only thing about Starbucks and like those dark roses, they burn the beans. I'm like, think guess what bitch? I like when the coffee guys are all, you know, the only thing about Starbucks and like those dark roasts,
they burn the beans, I'm like,
think guess what bitch?
I like burnt beans.
How about that?
Yeah, it's called roasting the coffee.
It's called good coffee.
You roast the beans.
So they call it dark roast,
so they're basically burning the shit?
Yeah.
It's just that they roasted so that you're tasting,
I like more, when I drink my coffee,
I like to taste, I like it to taste the way it smells. Yes. I like it to, I like chocolate and when I drink my coffee, I like to taste, I like to taste the way it smells.
Yes.
I like it too, I like chocolate and nuts in there.
I want that.
Yeah, I want that.
I don't want to fucking enjoy it.
What is your name?
When I see coffee and they have notes of citrus,
and floral, I'm out.
I'm out.
See ya.
Yeah, me too.
Nah.
I'm out.
Speaking of America though, and speaking of black rifle,
is it appropriate to play Chaco Willix
Savage Instagram?
She does not make people that influence me like him
if he was a kidbren.
I need you to get on a plane right now
and fly to Afghanistan and run headfirst
at some of the Taliban guys.
You got it.
I talked to some people about Chaco Willix.
Did he see a lot of combat?
And they were like, they were like, oh yeah, time. They were like, oh, yeah, dude.
Yeah.
It's the video, Chin.
This one.
He's a real warrior.
Look at this guy.
You ever had his energy drink?
No.
Dude.
You grow fucking eagle wings.
Good evening.
Hold on, pause it, pause it.
Let's set this up.
This is him, he's saying this is what President Biden
should have done to address the nation
with the fuckups in Afghanistan. He's like, if I were President, this is how I would have done it.
I watched his last night.
He played it.
I had told him.
For a situation in Afghanistan, as you know, we were set to leave Afghanistan this month
and as we began the final drawdown, I made some critical errors.
Ownership. Namely, I underestimated the strength of the Taliban, and I overestimated the
strength and capability of the friendly Afghan forces.
This was my fault.
And due to my mistake, the Taliban has taken control of Afghanistan.
There are reports now that ISIS and al-Qaeda are working alongside them.
Unfortunately, there are tens of thousands of Americans on the ground there, as well as
friends and allies of America on the ground.
And these people, Americans and our allies are all stranded.
And that is my fault.
That's right. How is it home, but they will not be stranded for long.
Fuck you, fuck you guys, man.
In the next 48 hours,
friend, take a miracle.
We'll be in control of most major airports in Afghanistan.
Take a note, we'll be in control of most major airports in Afghanistan. Any resistance we meet from the Taliban or otherwise when we seize these airports will
be destroyed completely without mercy.
From those airports, we will conduct rapid strike rescue missions until we have recovered and evacuated all our
citizens, allies and friends.
Any person that interferes with these operations will be killed.
We will also recover or destroy all aircraft, vehicles, weapons and sensitive equipment
that we left behind.
Any person utilizing, guarding, or located in close proximity to these weapons or equipment will be killed.
Once we have evacuated all friendly personnel and recovered or destroyed the weapons and equipment left behind we will
depart Afghanistan.
The end of it.
Well, I said last part.
Just watch.
We will continue to monitor everything that happens in Afghanistan through our ground
and airborne surveillance equipment, terrorist training camps or activity will be targeted and destroyed.
Gross violations of human rights will be stopped through overwhelming force.
In any group in Afghanistan fighting for freedom, liberty, and basic human rights will be supported through special operations forces and ruthless precision air power
We will continue that dedicated support in stop-a-tune I tell you that I don't know I've seen so watch her
Yeah, I didn't know just watch her and it is no longer a threat to humanity or
To the good people of Afghanistan
May God bless America
And may God have mercy on the souls of our enemy because we will not
I want to join the army now right you're young
The only the only problem with that is that it's, it's, it is a little bit like what we have been
doing.
So in other words, if you were to say you have to support people fighting for freedom on
that side, you are choosing a side.
Now you have aerial bombardment.
Now you have special forces back in there.
So in a way, it's that's that's that's that's that would be the
rebuttal right. I'm not trying to hear from anybody else. I'm just gonna criticize
Jocco. He's also been there. He's also done missions. Yeah. He also knows how
it works. We're civilians. Yeah. Let's take it from that cat. Yeah man. I don't
fucking savage. Well, does he have kids? Imagine that you're dad.
Yeah, that's a rough.
Your dad's Captain America, dude.
Yeah.
Your dad is fucking the real life Captain America.
These are rough dudes.
There's four kids.
These kids.
Holy shit.
That's your dad.
You got a 10 year old, dude.
Three daughters and the son of 16.
Bro, there's so much pressure if you're 16.
Oh my God.
You better learn how to fire a fucking gun. You better learn how to kill a man in 1818 son who was 16 one
What a fucking beast dude what a beast. Yeah, that's your dad. I had to drop tiger off first first day of kindergarten today
First day kindergarten as we're driving there looking my girl. We're getting old man
It's first day of fun kindergarten. I was talking to tiger because he always wants to
There is look at him with his best friend
Go the next one. Mm-hmm. That's his best buddy. Now that little kid Joshua. Yeah, he's a fucking
Freak soccer player free plays eight nine year olds
Wow, he's like a little messy. He's like just so his dad played
Over in England. Okay, so his dad got all in England. Okay. So his dad just put all the knowledge in it.
Yeah, but he's obsessed with soccer.
So we went to his game
because we're gonna have Tiger join the team.
They have triathlons, shit, and they have like real jerseys.
We go to the game, and I look at him,
dude, your son's a freak, dude, he is.
He's not bad, he's pretty good.
He's the best player out there, and he's five.
Your school, your kid goes to,
because my nephew and my niece go there,
is the best sports in some ways in the country
for kids, like I'm a school.
Big guy could go to school.
Yeah, really bad.
But I was down,
because he always, whenever he's in a situation,
he'll go, dad, when you were five,
like how did it work for you?
So I was telling him, I'm like, dude, you have such an advantage
because my dad just pulled up the schools
I can't do. Go have fun. Didn't know the teachers. Didn't know you might I didn't have any friends. You know, you're trying to figure it out
I'm sure same with you like you guys got to figure it out. So the way it works is, you know, that's his best friend him and Josh are like
They're they're fucking brothers basically. That's and they're in the same class
So I do you have such an advantage? You get dropped off the first day,
you're not going through it by yourself.
Like, you have your buddy, they can depend on you.
And then they know the other kids.
It's nerve-wracking for kids.
And then I was telling them, I was like, dude,
it's a new school, there's new kids there.
So if anybody's trying to pick on you,
whatever, and they start picking on your friend,
they pick on him, they have to deal with you.
Vice versa, I'm talking to both of them.
And I'm breaking all this stuff down, and my girl goes,
who hurt you?
She's like, what school did you go to?
I went, I went to Aurora, public school.
And it was, how?
It was like Taliban.
It was more, it was like Taliban ran at you.
Like, I thought every day.
And if I didn't have a cool stuff, it was on.
That's how I got good at sports.
It's the only way I could be cool. And she's like, I'm like, school is traumatic. I was like, listen, it was on that's how I got good at sports is the only way I could be cool
School with trauma as I listen to it was a fight every day That's why I tell him like listen dude if they fight if you got too around you
I want you hit the first and my girls like hey stop. That's not happening to school. I'm like all right
I'm gonna give him yeah
He's like dad with like your first day of school. Are you excited? Like no dude? No, it's terrified
Because I didn't know my dad just dropped me off and I was off to fend for myself.
I knew nobody, my dad didn't know the teacher.
How much is your son like you?
Is he different than you?
Is he like me?
He is, where he's my, that's why, you know, everyone
is always my enemy.
He's to me to a T.
My son's like me.
My son's like me and what's funny is that he's,
like you know that there was that book,
the warrior, the magician, the lover,
and he's the magician, like me.
So you watch this fucking kid, and he's bouncing,
he's tall, he's skinny, and he just bounces,
he finds his way.
Like some of the kids are rough as shit.
Some of the kids are punching,
but he's kinda like, when you went to school,
you just, it's different these days.
I was so mad, it's like you have such a advantage, dude. Like I tried to grind into just, like, it's different these days. I was so mad, like, you have such an advantage, dude.
Yeah.
Like, I tried to grind into them, like, the way that,
that you're going through life is completely different
than what I did.
Like, you have such an advantage, because I'm your dad,
and you have these opportunities ahead of you, like,
but I just dropped me off.
Yeah, man.
And then if I had a problem, like, I was getting bullied,
like, I had my brother, you had to deal with,
and then he might be a kid and get suspended, but it was like, it was rough, man.
And then I was like, for you, because you have your best
friend with you and you know, you're familiar with
the other kids in your safe environment,
you can focus on academics and learning.
I couldn't, I was just, I had anxiety about,
oh fuck, we didn't get a class and then that,
that fucking kid's gonna bully me.
I got these fake Jordans, like, what am I gonna do?
For me, I, because I was moved every year and a half
to a different country.
So, you know, I, here we are, I speak.
Oh yeah, you, yeah, you did.
I love your pants.
The worst way to raise a kid.
Well, I mean, it's great.
You know, my dad was always gone.
So, I know.
It could be my mom, me, my sister.
God bless your mom, but you know, the study that they found,
the common thing that all criminals in prison have do you know it is?
It didn't grow up in a in the same house. I've moved. Oh, yeah, yeah, well that would be me
Yeah, I was moved every year and a half and but we'd be moved to a different country a different school
And they would throw all the kids who spoke English into one quarter of international school
Yeah, but then I went to French schools and then you go to French schools half the year
Then you have to go to another.
So I didn't learn, so it was so hard to swear to girls.
I didn't learn, because I like you just went
from Calabasas to the west side.
You went from basically the west side
to Afghanistan or the British school.
So you wonder why I became a comedian,
like I learned how to make people laugh, yeah.
Well, that's why I got bullied so badly.
That's why you know, I got bullied really badly in Asia.
Cause you're ears.
From my ears.
But you know how, my temper is bad.
Like if I'm, if I'm, if I'm,
Yeah, you're about to.
I mean, I'm very, very long fused,
but if I'm in a situation, I'm gonna fight.
I'm gonna punch you in the face right, like I get,
if I think that you're, remember that one time
that guy came over to the table,
we were in fucking Calabaster thing. I had one leg out. I was gonna
I was gonna you know I
I
I get that thing
I think it's because of that like I just go the minute I see something like that
I go if this dude's trying to fucking bully me I go back to eighth grade. Yeah, and I go oh
We're gonna I don't give a fuck. We're we're we're yeah, it's triggered. We're going like for I was trying to explain tiger like bully
He's like why would anybody be mean to him? I'm like because kids We're going. I was trying to explain to you all like, bullies, he's like, why would anybody be mean to him?
I'm like,
because kids are different.
I said, also,
they might come from a home life
that's not as stable as yours.
So their way of lashing out is picking on other kids.
Yeah.
And then he's like,
oh, when he goes,
I have my crew though, dad.
And that's more fucking how to say.
He has a crew.
He has a crew.
Yeah, if you don't have a crew,
it's kind of different.
He's like,
the mess with me,
the mess with everybody. I'm like, God damn dude.
That's amazing.
So he's like a, you know, and everyone's big and strong.
He's big and strong, but he's super,
but his problem is he's too nice.
Well, he's like, he should pay me.
You but still, like in Jits, like dude, you gotta.
He's five brother.
I know, but you know, Boston's not like that.
But you know, at five, it's all good.
If he's gonna be a giant, but he's just too friendly.
I mean, you're like that a little bit, you're a little bit.
Oh, yeah, 100%.
I mean, you never would've picked on anybody.
You would've been, no.
No, I always got picked on.
I was in Vegas, a child growing up.
You were not.
No, tigers.
I mean, you have a picture of me.
I mean, when I first ate kindergarten, I was tall.
The thing was taller and tight.
And you were always a good athlete.
I mean, you were always hot.
Had to be.
Yeah.
Man, it's crazy, yo, we're bullied.
I, for me, was more chaos. Was it, was it just like, like, you were always happy. Had to be. Yeah. I mean, it's crazy, y'all were bullied. For me, it was more chaos.
Wasn't, it wasn't just like,
like people were like every day like coming at you
or just like,
I went to, I went to, it was put on me black school.
So as a white kid, like, you were bullied,
but it was like, it went in waves.
Yeah.
Like everybody got bullied.
It was like, you're that's your turn.
And then how are you gonna defend it?
And then they go through the rest of the kids.
And then it's your turn and you got to defend it. That was just a fucking nut. You were? Yeah. Oh, you get bullied? No, not really.
I mean, I have people who make fun of me. I mean, I mean, you was fighting to be a man. As a kid, you know,
I'm like that like you're like you're a student. I know. I'm the gap because different. I don't know.
I don't like character, but. But see that never bothered me.
I love never bothered me.
I would have lit them up.
That never bothered me.
Well kids in elementary school's teeth
are so jacked up to begin.
I mean, everyone's teeth are good.
Kids got come teeth.
But like, you know, like, I don't know.
I was like, people made fun of me
for being the black kid, you know, skateboarding
and, you know, listening to punk rock and all that shit.
But like, no one ever like there.
People were, I don't know, people were like,
a lot more terrified of me.
Just because I was, I was carried like heavy anger.
Mainly that's because my stepfather though.
But did you but the way you dealt with your trauma
in at the home life did it cross over in the school?
Like did you bully or were you mean to any kids?
I wasn't mean to anybody but I was just always ready.
Which is also at the same time still kind of.
I don't think I know a comic.
I don't think I know a really a great comic.
Who isn't that have some trauma? Yeah, I just all this I know a comic. I don't think I know a really great comic. Who isn't?
That have some trauma.
Yeah, I just, all this talk like from the beginning.
But also at the same time, people think that we're just like that.
Like people who think we are depressed.
And I'm like, I would never get on stage
if I was fucking depressed.
No, this is the thing.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, we came up with trauma, but like,
there's not a darkness to shippell.
No, to me, that's true.
The people, I don't make that dark.
You gotta be super dark and depressed. Yeah. No, there's comics that's true. And me, I don't make it dark. And me, I don't make it dark.
And to press, it's like, no, there's comics that have that.
Yeah.
But the majority of them don't hate to do that.
Yeah, I don't, yeah, I agree with you.
I mean, dark is, what does it, what does dark mean?
Like, I may have an imagination for how bad I could get,
or, you know, versus how good it could be.
But like, what do you mean like dark jokes?
No, there's that.
Like, you can tell some comics are like really dark,
but they're like a dark, like darkness.
Like the live musicians have it.
And I've been a lot.
There's a few, the majority don't.
Well, I was like, but it's a majority comics don't know.
But to me, it's like, I already went through that shit.
So what do I have to be sad about now?
Like, well, I'm good.
How do we do for a living?
How's it about this, okay?
Oh, none of us are, we're all flawed,
but I can genuinely say, and I think everybody
hears the same way, I can genuinely say that I spend, I've spent the past 25 years
of my life trying to be funny.
What does that mean?
I've tried, I've been, I spent my time trying to make people laugh.
That's literally what's at the forefront of my brain, and so are all my friends.
For the most part, I don't care whether it's
a good gig, whether it's Rogan or you,
we may have our darkness or we may have our,
but for the most part, we spend our time
literally coming up with ways to make people laugh.
And for the most part, that's what we do,
whether it's in podcasting or stand up.
So if you're gonna hate on somebody,
there might be other people that you wanna target,
that you wanna put your hate on.
For the most part, right?
It doesn't make sense, but the hate comes from a jealousy state.
I guess, holy fuck, that's what I'm saying.
But I try to understand.
Why should we even try to even understand?
It's like let that just be what we make sure.
Because to me, it's just gonna exist regardless.
So it's like, why should I let it Why should I let it like fucking bother me?
Of course, of course.
I don't pay attention to it, but.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it's like, I was thinking about that
as a group, I'm proud of the people that I know
who are comics.
I'm proud of my community.
I'm proud of like what we do,
which is literally sit around and try to be idiots.
And then use our trauma or our fucking our dysfunction.
And we put it into something positive.
We fucking sit around and talk about it
and make people laugh.
And people go, oh, I'm that way too, or whatever.
We almost have like opposite situations.
Like you went to a predominantly black school.
It was like one of the-
And here's probably white.
Well, my second high school.
Well, I went to like three different high schools,
but yeah, the second high school was so-
It's like even when we were in,
you didn't come with us that day,
but even when we were in Tacoma,
yeah, I think Tacoma,
we went down to the, like Bay Area,
and it was, when I say,
why, I'm talking twilight, why, dude,
people were clear.
And you know, David's there,
I would get David,
and like, do you feel uncomfortable?
I feel uncomfortable before you.
Like, I'm the close thing to fucking minority
that they have, and I'm just being tan, I stick out.
I don't even feel weird, he's like now.
And yeah, it's kind of hard too,
because like, I mean, even when I think,
because I've always just felt like a kind of like a outcast,
like with any situation, like, you know,
just around like a bunch of black people,
around a bunch of white people, I just, you know, like,
so it never really like, it was just like,
oh, it was just kind of like natural,
it's just like whatever, like,
why should I feel uncomfortable? Like I, I know I don't fit in, you know, like, so it never really like, it was just like, oh, it was kind of like natural. It's just like, whatever, like, why should I feel uncomfortable?
Like, I know I don't fit in, you know,
or have like a lot of the same interests as these people.
I think that's kind of the breeding ground for comedy,
because when you're a comic, you're on the outside looking in.
As a kid, I was always around, it was never around white people.
I was around people who were Arabic,
or I was around Pakistani or Indian.
And then within that, when you go to an international school every
multinational company that was there so from whether they're from Korea or China they're
all so they all go to school there and they go to school I assume like the parents make
good money like if they're traveling around like that sort of like so they make a group
like you guys who speak English probably the parents are like like everybody's broke no no
no they may but what's interesting is that because you're all living
on compounds or the company gives you a housing allowance,
you're not, the school itself is chaos.
It's not like, it's not,
it doesn't feel wealth back then in the 70s.
It was all bootlegged.
It was all, they just would put up,
they just put up some structures
and they'd bust in teachers from the United States. So it wasn't it wasn't they like it wasn't like great sports facilities.
It was basically fucking chaos. So when started Arabia when I was there, the playground
I promise you was literally desert. It was there was no it was just you know I remember
play a hot you could it was 125 degrees you could you could find a No, so so so much of that was and everybody was in this strange position
So we would be you didn't know what they were doing
They might work for a certain thing and they were making a way they were making money
But nobody was super rich. So when I went to Greenwich, Connecticut my dad comes back to New York and he's and I'm in
School I had to go away to boarding school because the schools don't go past eighth grade in Saudi Arabia.
So now they're in Saudi Arabia.
They don't allow any foreigners because they don't want drugs or delay.
So now I'm in eighth grade so I gotta go, I gotta go interview at these fucking boarding schools in the northeast.
I never lived in the state so it's just such a different place man.
So I'm there.
I finally go to this amazing school called Northfield Mount not Herman, where 50% of the kids there were on scholarship from all over the world.
So it was this international crazy like fucking thing. Yeah. But what's interesting is my dad,
he, they get by a house in Greenwich, Connecticut. Greenwich, Connecticut is the widest,
waspiest place of all time with all the money.
It's all the money.
It's not super.
We're, uh,
I've been to, I've been to Hartford.
It's super.
That's where it's,
that's where it's,
it's the schools are awful
that they're, they're so good to schools.
But if you don't have money
or if you're not in a clique
back then,
you're fucking dead.
So I didn't deal with it.
That's what's crazy.
Whoa. Right. You know I'm a, I'm pretty, I'm fucking dead. I didn't deal with it. And it's crazy. Oh.
You know I'm a part of, you know I'm pretty good.
Why?
Why?
Like it's like pleasant.
And entitled.
Like, remember, this is the end.
Yeah.
This was kind of a racist time.
This was a time when it was, you know, the whole power structure was basically that.
Right.
See, that's the beauty of you.
Like, you experienced like so many different cultures look
My friend said to me one time my buddy who was who I went to born school with who was black he goes
He's I remember he said dude. It's so funny because he he has you have nothing in common with these people because I didn't grow up around
Yeah, I didn't grow up around that kind of white right came up being a friend dude in in in regret
I'm so wild. Yeah, I couldn't make a fucking friend
They were I remember that is so interesting. They were, I remember that.
It's so interesting.
They were all, they, they're all super tall.
They're super like wasp.
Yeah.
You're just not in.
You're just, you guys as parents,
they were like, talk to y'all about racism or anything.
Like, so, so my, my, they always tell the story
about how I didn't see color because I grew up
around so many different colors.
So, so my best friend in high school,
and my roommate was black
and I was talking about him to my parents. I bring him home. He happens to be a black kid from
North Carolina. And my father said, I remember my father said, you never mentioned. We had no idea.
We just assumed he was a white kid. You never mentioned it. It never even dawned on you because
that's it. But again, I grew up, where did I I grew up I grew up in nothing but like I spent my time in Africa and in starting
Yeah around all those like racisms learn though like like
Tiger's best friend that Josh kid his dad's black
Okay, well his mom's born raised in Jamaica. They grew up in England
Mm-hmm, but tiger he doesn't like his school like half class
Yeah, like you don't it doesn't don't it yeah, like he that he doesn't, like his school like half class. Yeah, like you don't, it doesn't don't.
Yeah, like he doesn't even, it's not even in his head.
I was also raised by my parents who are who are not, like who always would never allow
any, my parents, my father and my mother, I can honestly say, and my grandparents, I'm telling
you were the least precious people I've ever met.
Now, my, my,parent, my mom's side,
born, raised in England, old school,
where it's just the way they were raised,
especially back then, growing up in what, the 40s,
where they are not fans of black people.
They would drop the N word all the time,
and I didn't understand.
It didn't make sense.
And my mom's like, you can never use those words.
She's like, your grandma, that's her thing,
and that's the way she was raised, but you were not. And it was always like, you can never use those words. She's like, your grandma, that's that's her thing and that's the way she was raised, but you are not.
And it was always like so, like such a powerful word.
And then I remember when a KKK was fucking boom
and Aurora started to get really like, like urban,
the KKK went door to door giving pamphlets
to join the KKK and we got one.
And I came home from school, I walked home from
in fourth grade and I opened the pamphlet and it was a
KK came in like the night, like the night I was gone.
And I couldn't sleep at night, started crying.
And my dad kept him to come in the room.
He's like, why are you crying?
I was like, I saw that KKK thing,
my dad's like, listen dude,
because I won't stop crying, I'm so scared.
I was like, they're gonna come to the house,
my dad's like, they're not gonna do anything to you
because you're white. Yeah. He's like, quick crying. Wow. And I was like, what? I'm about scared. I was like, they're gonna come to the house, but they're not gonna do anything to you because you're white.
Yeah.
He's like, quick crying.
Wow.
And I was like, what?
I was thinking about being a black.
I saw a giant hair.
When he went to my son's door.
I saw a fucking door to door.
A dirty door.
I saw a real racist.
I was so scared.
Yeah.
I saw real racism.
It's like a hood and then he was like,
join both of his-
He was there, right?
Yeah.
I was so scared.
I saw a genuine racism.
So one of the things about Saudi Arabia
is you make friends with a lot of kids
and a lot of those kids are military kids.
Yeah.
And a lot of those kids are from the South
and back in the 70s,
and back in the 70s,
if you were like a Southern white guy,
the N word, I never heard it really
when I was in Saudi Arabia.
Now, when I went to visit them in states like Maryland
or other states in the South.
I can remember so well.
And in Florida, I went and to visit my friends,
grandparents, we went there for spring break.
And they were telling N-word jokes.
And they were using the word all the time.
And I remember, because I grew up,
that was a bad word, man.
You would never use that word in my fucking household. Ever.
And I also thought that was the thing in the past.
That's how naive I was.
Because again, I grew up, where I grew up.
So I remember hearing that shit.
And I was, I call my mother.
And I was like, these people are using,
these people are prejudice there.
I thought this was, I thought that,
you know what I thought?
When you watch Old Westerns and the Black guy
is, you know, treated that way,
that's what I thought.
I was like, this is like the old west.
I remember thinking it's like,
I didn't fucking know, I couldn't find,
as long as time I remember being,
my feelings got hurt.
Yeah.
The guy said, the grandfather of my friend said,
they're always black people in the water.
And he said, look at all of them in the water over there.
You wonder why the water doesn't turn black.
And I said, I remember I was a kid, and I was fucking 17.
I remember getting so angry.
I said, they're exactly like everybody else.
And he goes, you think so?
He was an Italian guy.
You think so?
That's all I heard.
It's tough back then, right?
Because they were like, I think about how, that was only,
it's what was it?
It's what was it?
85, 1985?
Before a lot of people were born?
So I did, I was 85 when that happened.
Erase is placed.
That's hilarious.
You know, my dad loves you because my dad's best friend,
even to this day, it's his best friend.
His name was Claude and it's a black guy
and they tell we together.
So he's like, he's like, you're like me because
he's like, my best friend was a black guy named Claude.
And he's like, he looked a lot like Chappelle but taller.
So when he met Chappelle, he did like this weird,
like black handshake and I was so embarrassed.
Oh, so funny.
That's how he clogged you.
And he all got stuck.
My dad was like, what's up, baby?
He pulled me in.
I was like, oh.
But I was like, what's up, baby?
All right, job, turkey.
I'm like, dad, I can't stand that.
That feels racist.
And he was, he's just trying to connect, even when't stand that. Dad feels racist. He's just trying to connect, that's all.
Even when he saw this, he's trying to connect.
He's like, I think his dad's white and his mom's black.
His dad's white, yeah, mom's black.
When he saw him in the green room in Denver,
he's like, what's up, baby, what's your favorite hot sauce?
I was like, dad.
He's like, being in him chillin'.
You like them chillin'.
So I was like, dad, why, can you leave the green room, please?
He's trying to connect back to Super Barat.
I'm like please don't do this.
My dad at 81 does not give a fuck.
He had bloodness urine and they were like checking them for fucking all kinds of stuff.
Yeah, that was just bad.
Kidney stones because the dude doesn't drink water.
Could give a fuck.
I got so mad about you got to start drinking water.
Those are getting the hurt coming up.
Bro, he's got like shards of glass in his bladder me well like like it toast at dinner all these people around and hey guys
No blood in my ear anymore
Bro, I got my hair cut your hair from this new guy. I don't know what drug. He was on meth
Mm-hmm all the Adiroll in the world. I just sat down and it was I didn't get what drug he was on meth all the Adiroll in the world
I just sat down and it was I didn't get a single word out and he it all started like this
He goes you know crypto man. I go what he is you in a crypto man. I go now
I know I know about it
But it's just you have in my investments and other things like really stains or legos man
I thought that in the conversation bro. I got an hour in my air about crypto
and the store, like it was the most insane character
I've ever encountered in my life.
I got done and called my girl, I'm exhausted.
She was like, this,
and he goes, you know, think about crypto, man.
And I didn't know, man, I live with my parents.
So the thing is, you're not with my parents, man.
I'm trying to get them invested in it too. And I think it'd be good for you. He's like, you know I live with my parents. So the thing is, you know I live with my parents, man, you know I'm trying to get them invested in doing that.
You know I think it'd be good for you.
He's like, cause you know I got a point 0 to and it's the T S crypto thing.
So I got a point 0 to and it's $7 now.
So you know I made a hundred something million dollars.
So that 100 million dollars I'll translate that and the thing I go,
yeah and you're cool with like the security, your money is,
oh man it starts laughing and he goes, security.
He was thinking about this man, thinking about this. He was thinking about if I have a transaction with somebody in China,
it goes like that. So you chance to have him set that up.
So this is the kind of energy the dogs bark at.
Dude, none.
See this dude, none.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Non-stop and hour straight and hour straight that and I get down here. Well, good luck
with your crypto man. And he was, you think Rogan being this crypto business?
Because what I could do is I could call him and I go,
well, no, let me give you his number.
And the answer is yes.
I went, Rogan has too much money.
He didn't give a fuck about this.
No, I say this.
I can, yes, he would.
He would and I'm gonna get his number.
Yeah, I had a, I had a, I had a,
he would get so deep in it.
It must have been, it had to be in math or I don't know. Hey man, he had to be a picture of my uncle, man. He's in a crypto too. We will get so deep in that. It must have been, it had to been math or I don't know.
Hey man, he had to be a picture of my uncle, man.
He's in a crib, but we had a picture of my uncle.
Yeah.
I'm exhausted right now.
I was like, I had a neighbor.
She was this woman.
She was just, whatever happened to her, I don't know.
She'd get a check and an employment check.
And she would, this is in Venice.
And she would use all of it to do all the cocaine.
That it was a Friday.
She would get it on Friday or something.
And she would just do, and I knew Friday was when,
to avoid her eyes, and be looking 10 different directions,
I'm walking my dog.
I had a rescue dog.
He was a bad little fucker.
But you gotta be respectful to a rescue dog
because they've been traumatized.
A little dog.
Cudish shit.
A horrible.
Cudish shit.
And she comes up to me and she's,
by the way, and you can see,
and my dog just goes, dogs, dog goes,
oh, oh, oh, oh,
and the dog's trying to get away.
And she's trying to get at it.
And so she kinda, and I'm distracted as usual.
I got my shit and she goes,
I love you.
See my dog,
backed up to the wall, he can't get away. And she goes, I love you. I see my dog backed up to the wall. He can't get away.
And she goes, I love you.
And I'm like, nah.
She goes her face.
And he just goes, yeah.
I'm right on the fucking nose.
And then she, without missing a beat,
like she's like, oh, you baby, baby.
I go, you gotta stop.
Shhhh.
He's a bazzer, dude.
He had her so hard, and I thought I was done
I thought I had to have him get it
He tried to do that to a kid I had to give him away to somebody
But long story short, she never did anything
She just fucking walked around with the show
Who's the celebrity who got bit by a dog
You remember that?
On a talk show
We brought up that girl one time from 9 News
They're like this is the little pivot
Yeah Like just like don't put your face It fits the top of your lip up I love that girl one time from nine news. They're like, this is the little pivot boy. Yeah.
Like what?
Don't put your face.
This is the top of your lip up.
Don't put your face to a dog's face.
That's a challenge.
You don't know the dog.
Oh, big challenge.
Fuck that.
You mean the dragon thingy?
The what dragon?
The, yeah, what the, it just showed up.
I don't like that.
Komodo dragon, you're talking about that one right now.
She's been by Komodo dragon?
Oh, I don't know.
I like Sharon Stone's husband. Oh boy. No. Wait, I thought those Komodo dragons are like, been Komodo dragon. You're talking about that one right? She's be by Komodo dragon. Oh, I don't know. I like Sharon Stone's husband.
Oh boy.
No.
Wait, I thought those Komodo dragons
was like, been a natural dinosaur.
I don't like seeing dogs bite somebody's face.
No, it's tough.
Cause they can do some crazy damage.
I'm also interested.
And then that barber goes, yeah, I go,
he had a, I'm just trying to change the fucking topic
of crypto.
I was exhausted.
I hate my, you got a girl man and he goes, yeah, I had a girl man. We actually just girl, man? And he goes, yeah, I had a girl, man,
we actually just broke up, man.
You know, the thing is, I broke up with her.
She got with this billionaire, man.
And that was her husband, and she got divorced, man.
But the thing is, you know, he's still around
to her fiance, man.
And then she's an assistant in billionaire,
but she got a big ass, man.
Once she was assistant in billionaire, I was like,
I'm out.
I was like, oh my god, dude.
Wow. You go through so many barbers. It's not a bad act. I can't find I'm out. I was like, oh my god dude. Wow.
You go through so many barbers.
It's not a bad act.
I can't find one.
Not a bad character you're doing there.
It's nuts.
I don't see that.
That's why I was like, that's me.
I've never encountered anybody like this in my life.
That's why I was like, you go ahead
and talk about me on the podcast, man.
I know you make fun of me.
I'm like, just shut up.
And I'm going to, I beg you.
And now you, I went from that to that fucking
weird Chuck E. G. steak restaurant. I got home and I was just, I was like, I just got to I beg you and now you I went from that to that fucking weird Chuck E.G.
Stick restaurant. I got home and I was just I was like I just got sit in silence.
What's always awkward is like you never like you didn't reply to anything, but he just wants to fucking go.
Oh, and then he's like, yeah, man, you know, the thing is because the thing about who controls the world and this isn't on some compared conspiracy shit
man. He said who controls the world? I'm like, I know where he's going.
I'm like, banks.
He's like, see, you were genius, Doug.
You were genius, thanks.
He goes, there's genius in all of us.
There's genius in you.
You can't do what you do if you were in a genius.
I'm like, okay, I appreciate it, but I'm not genius.
You know you are though, everybody has genius in them.
You just gotta find him, okay, all right, dude.
And then he's like, yeah, like who controls the world?
Banks, banks control the world. So when you think about it, man, it's like, when right dude. And then he's like, yeah, like who controls the world? Banks, banks control the world.
So when you think about him,
it's like when we ended slavery in 1772,
when we got our independence,
I'm like, he's like, and Lincoln did that.
Like, you're right.
And that Lincoln didn't do that to us.
So anyways, so when you think about Elon Musk,
think about it, he's in with the bank.
So when with Deutschecoin, when he shits on Deutschecoin,
it drops, he's on purpose, man.
Because the bank, I'm like, oh my God, dude.
Oh my God, dude.
I see it all the time.
Like you gave a fuck at all.
I hate those people that don't understand.
I'm not exaggerating.
Dude, I didn't get a single word.
And then I was like trying to text you guys
or my girl just so it shut up
and see you guys on my phone and she goes,
I'll wait, I'll wait you text and I'll wait.
I'll wait.
And then I had fans write texts like,
how the fuck?
I'll write.
He gives a good fit.
Yeah.
You know, I say people that don't understand.
I can't go back. I can't go back.
You know, man, next one on me, man.
Next one on the house.
I'm like, that's tempting to sit there this weekend.
I can't.
That kind of stuff, like.
People that just don't understand fucking stuff.
Well, I just mean dealing as a comic
when you deal with a comic.
You can't go, that thing is like my girl's like,
why wouldn't you leave?
I'm like, can he's cut my fucking hair?
Yeah.
I have to sit down for an hour and take this ear beating
so I get my fucking haircut.
It's the only time you have to do that.
Weed is not an annoying, like we'd all calm you down.
Weed is fine.
Yeah, we'd show you how to find.
Dude, it has to be cocaine, adral, mass, alcohol.
Alcohol, coke, those are not good drugs.
You know, so when we end a slavery
when we got our independence link, right?
That was the same time I was like,
what?
It's 1772, man.
And when Lincoln gives our independence
from, no, not the Chinese.
I went from the British, you know, yeah.
See you're a genius, man.
So the thing is, I'm like, no, I went to fifth grade.
So we learned that in fifth grade.
Yeah, I, my friend used to date that he'd find
the dumbest, the dumbest girl, the prettiest
end-domest girl.
I can't do it.
Who didn't know?
They didn't know things like, they just didn't know
basic education.
When what Fourth of July men at all, and I'm not kidding,
and it'd be so, and my friend would be so fucking embarrassed
because he some guys come from conservative families so they want to marry uh their mother but they can't get it up so they have to get so they like a chew toy they like an absolute
professional like a real and and they this girl would come to dinner and we'd all be hanging around
and she just had the biggest fake estate that would just be popping out my friend.
My friend.
My friend.
I go, but but he's like, he got this.
He was so embarrassed.
He go, I didn't tell me all these.
I got this.
I got some.
But you showed up.
I mean, yeah.
I'll tell my girl that all the time.
Like when we go these parent teachers, they'll put your tits away.
Well, you get to put those big titties away.
What are you doing?
She's like, I'm just gonna share it.
I'm like, your girls class, you know,
she's super class, when she can't help it.
I'm like, then you gotta,
she's your body's, her body's,
you gotta, yeah, ridiculous.
Like your titties, even I,
I'm just spilling it.
I used to do it, I used to do it.
I used to do it, and I'd be like,
Joe, yeah, you know, he's her after.
Well, I'd be like, I'd see her,
and she's very classy. Like, the one thing, I'm the first's very happy. Well, I'd be like, I'd see her and she's very classy.
Like the one thing, I'm the first thing I said about her.
The first thing I said when you met her,
and my ex said it, she goes, watch this girl,
watch how she looks at the children,
watch how she connects to children,
because she's very classy.
She's like a time Mexican and she just knows that.
And she's always dressed actually really well,
but her body is simply ridiculous.
It's like a body builder.
You ever see a body builder whose, whose,
where's a suit, but they, you're just like,
your body is, I would say to Joe,
I'd be like, Joe, honestly, this is ridiculous.
Like you're, you can't walk around like that.
But then if guys look at it, you know,
it's like you're, you bought a Ferrari.
Of course, people are gonna start your fucking Ferrari,
but then we were in the mall the other day
with the kids and this girl is like barely wearing anything
and has the biggest blowout ass.
And she's like, oh, you're just gonna fucking stare at her.
I asked him like, what?
And I go, who's not?
Yeah.
It's like a library game.
You pulled up, I gotta see what the fuck's going on.
It's right there.
But I went, joke, everybody's looking.
Like that's, you have, it's like a car accident. She noticed it. I'm like, I mean, she's looking like with like that's we you have it's like a car accident, right?
She noticed it. I'm like, I mean, so you're just gonna stay on like no
equivalent of just releasing
50 bunnies 50 baby bunnies on the roof floor
Yeah, I'm gonna just keep doing like no, here we go. Well look at all the bunnies
Like those are giraffes. What the fuck do you want?
No, it'd be like releasing a bag of copres and they're hissing and you're like,
no way dude, not today.
Like I have, I'm like, no,
every but the entire malls look like that.
I'm gonna look at that.
Like, I'm trying to figure out,
is it real?
It's the same thing with this girl walk by.
She had a impossibly tight shirt.
She went to the children's store,
the baby gap and bought a baby gap t-shirt
and then had to cut it like this and then she had the biggest hit with
Pierce Nipples and just I
Mean it was it was just shot gun titties, right? And I was like what the fuck are we doing?
I got a look now my girls like really I'm like well. Yeah. Yeah, I mean course
It's literally like a fucking Lamborghini pulled up
You guys ever do this sneak look sometimes? Oh?
If it's a dime piece, I'll go like this.
Now, and then she'll keep, and I'll go, hold on,
is hold on, but is the restaurant back there?
And she's like, we've been there a hundred fucking times.
Like, no, but were they doing construction?
Were they doing construction?
She's like, what the fuck?
Oh, I didn't see the girl. Oh, you're a fucking, She's like, what the fuck? Oh, I didn't just see the girl.
Oh my god.
Oh, you're a fucking, I'm like, what?
No, I'm trying, like, the target move over,
and I'll just keep, is it over there?
You don't take your head off scratching your head.
No, you're in there.
And then my, my son's like, dad, it's over here.
I'm like, no, I ain't shut the fuck up.
Vegas thing.
And then I'll, when she's out of my, You're right. You're right. It's over here.
I'm sorry. I get I get really confused.
You know what? And I you know what? It's at it's at the it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's All right, let's go. You're right. My brain be fucked up sometimes. Yeah, I'm off today.
I'm off today, that's rare that happens.
I think that's the biggest hole.
I literally was like, I think it's back,
we should probably, and I would turn all the way around.
But it has to, but it has to be like a bomb shell
for me to pull that move.
And there are bomb shells.
The problem is, especially at the mall.
The problem is there are bomb shells
where you will take the heat because you've got to take it in. Oh, it shoots like's like every time you stare at that bombshell I'm gonna stab you with a shank more like I can do it bit
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I gotta I gotta
I have my I just have scars just fucking cuz a lot of times you're what you're like looking for a flaw because a lot of times
You're like there's no way she's that perfect. Yeah, well
I'm telling you do that with your girl.
Just make some random.
Just like,
I'm like, it's fucking dope, depot.
In a mall, it makes sense.
Is there a fucking depot over there?
Is there.
She's like, that what?
I needed a tool.
I'm like, how the fucking,
can I get a ladder?
Damn.
I did this the other day.
I was looking and my girl goes, really?
And I go, I'm looking at the guy.
Yeah. I'm not. No, you do. No, muscular, the guy is. I was looking and my girl goes really and I go I'm looking at the guy. Yeah, no you do muscular the guy is
Which usually is true by that one that is very true. That is a very see. Yeah, that's a fair thing
And then she cast me looking on and go oh
You believe that? Yeah, trash. She's trash. Yeah, I'll go oh my god
Why should you wear that? I'll be like have a little respect in my right? I mean she's she's just gonna have rass in those jeans like
What are you doing? I'm like girl, what my girl?
That's a mess. I'm like I'll tell you what man. I wouldn't have it if I'm her dad.
I mean she's a 10. That's what still disgusting.
No, I didn't say that. I'm like I fucking disgusting.
I'm like I'm even into that. Can you you some guys like that? Like that big ass because
some guys like me way. Like a lifeline her and long nails and all that
chore. And my girl like you find that attractive like no you like you think she Like that big ass because some guy's like me way with liner and long nails and all that chore
and my girl like you find that attractive like
no you like you think she works out I don't know
I try fake if you at my girls like
just by having a lot of work done like disgusting
like I want to stand
just all of the grue that one I want to stand for
I'll tell you that right now
I mean, spy has named me rap book
yeah, I just tried to all you do is break him down.
I'm like, yeah, bitch, she's dumb as shit.
I'm like,
Duff, Duff is the only guy who's fucking dumb in my life.
Duff would be so honest about that,
Duff David would be like,
I like a girl in a fiero with the fucking dice hanging
from the fucking, if I see that, that hits him.
If I see that she's got sheep shoes,
I want sheep shoes, and sheep handbag,
and I want chip nails.
That heats me the fuck up.
Oh, good.
I like a girl who has to stand a motel.
And I was like, or like you go these parent things,
you know, you get your tiger have some friends
and their moms are just fucking tense.
And joy and pleasure.
I was actually,
you're awfully friendly with fucking Daniel's mom.
Like, I mean, tiger's friends with her,
you're freaking something.
What do you want me to do?
Yes, she's giant titties.
We all know this.
Can we all accept this giant titties?
And we're out.
What do you want me to do?
She brought him out.
We just talk.
I'm talking her about her kid.
That's why she's married to a super rich athlete, et cetera.
Yeah.
So yeah.
Yeah, that's the same thing.
Whenever we have a birthday party at the house,
and some of those moms are just you just like oh
Okay, all right, yeah, and somehow I love it for myself staring and then now we're in a conversation and you know people are they're all shaking
They're ahead, so then you change the subject. I got to go over here because frankly you're way too hot to be talking
I can't wait to have kids. Yeah, it's fun
Well, then then divorce happens and then people are single.
And the whole thing's a mess.
All right, what do you got to do?
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slash fighter code fighter. I'm not saying I'm just saying in
general general. That's a lot. My buddy was like a lot. My
buddy is hard to walk the line.
Yeah, but some, my buddy's, he's like, dude,
best thing about having kids in the forest
is picking your kids up at school
and the other moms who did the forest.
That's what happens.
You can see them do their thirst, he may.
Oh yeah, they come ready, like, they're picking the kids up.
All dressed up.
They got the fucking, you know, they got to what happened. They got the, where in a mean coming to. Play date picking the kids all dressed up. They got the fucking you know they got to
what they got where to mean come to the kids.
Yeah, it's a play date.
I had this just
gargoyle of a mom right 300 pounds.
Oh boy.
We can't talk to him.
Time goes oh within Travis.
He's like Travis what's that means they can
Travis come over and play him like what?
They can Travis come over and play him like
well forget about the mom's like
yeah I'll take a I'll take a number. I'm like you
Yeah, I'll take your number and we'll come over Saturday. I'm like no, you can't though
You know big dude with a guy. I know right always Chris Farley
With tits. Yeah, I'll take your number. We'll come over and like how many beers are there? Yeah, and I can I gave take your number, come over and like how many beers did they have? Yeah, and I gave her my number. She have taco me your beer. Yeah, you know, I don't
want me to lose. I give her my number. How Saturday working? I'm like, it's just not. I
went where swaps Saturday. We'll figure it out. I'm gonna stay on my dress camera. I
want because my was being fat. That's what you get. You can't come over the house.
Because I don't want that warlock in my house. How about that Tiger? You're
fat. If you want if you want dad to be real, you're still fat. You want don't want that warlock in my house. How about that, Tiger? You're fashion. If you want dad to be really,
you're still,
dad is gonna talk to that warlock for an hour
while you guys play basketball.
He's just saying warlock, so.
Yeah, you might have become though.
I want your number,
but it was so intense.
Dad always say we can't play,
well, because mom's super ugly, that's why.
And I don't wanna talk.
You should tap you up.
She's all right, brother, I'll see you later. That's why and I don't want to talk to you up
Okay shit sorry
Tell me man, I was like, oh you're not you can't come over
That's like my friend I sweet need a squirrel and she said that she goes, she goes, I want you to set me up with your friends.
30 minutes later, I got to take a shit like you won't believe
it's funny.
It goes, I wonder why you can't find it
for a virgin.
I am as Regina.
I wonder why you can't find a boyfriend, Regina.
Disgusting, dude.
All right, what do you got, Jim?
So fucking fun.
Was Regina cute?
I know.
You know, why not?
It all depends on what guys will put on.
Yeah, I just remember she went like this. I never got she went.
I'm gonna take a shit like you won't believe.
Oh no, she was getting her teeth and I was like, I'm so out.
And that gives us everything.
Interface is beat too. I'm out, man.
She was all right. It's just when you see that.
It's hard to deal.
You don't, I don't know too many girls.
They're just pull low up bathrooms.
Do you girl blow up your bathroom too?
No, but sometimes.
You can't even fart.
Sometimes she tried, she has to, right?
Like sometimes when she was in the bathroom,
she says get away, stay in the living room,
and then she does something.
I don't like that.
No, she didn't.
She won't let me in.
It's a natural thing for humans.
I know, but you know, the girls are very sensitive. The girl's like, the guy in that game bar, he's a natural thing for humans. I know but you know I
He's really messed with my
No man I eat all that eel. I'm about to fuck this bathroom
Create my way. I don't know. I don't know any of that
Yeah, I don't either I'm not I'm not into poo. I don't I can't never I've never we've been together
What eight years I've never heard of fart ever have you ever fart never on accident?
You know, it's not like like move like You get all that I've never heard of fart. Ever. Have you ever farted? Never.
On accident, I guess wrestling with Tiger and like, move.
Do you get all that hair?
Nice go.
No, I go, got damn Tiger.
It's like, that was damn like, shoot it down, like, you buddy.
It's a got damn Tiger. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it I let it rip. Oh, you do? Yeah, I can't live.
Straight up.
I can't live without being able to just let it rip.
My house is clean like a 1950s house, dude.
We keep it tight.
Yeah, your house is super clean.
You keep it tight, shit.
Tight, yeah.
Yeah, can you use your pal?
What?
You farting in front of your girl and now?
I don't know.
Did you girl be farting in front of you?
I don't know.
It's just that all the sadness is.
And also, I just hate that shit.
It's like, why do you need't go in another room or something?
I'll do the silencer though. I'll grab our big pillows and like my girl's like wasting on pillow
I don't know my fucking tailbone hurts because it's like a silencer you fart in the pillow and it just silenced them
But then that thing is a bomb and you can sort of cross it. It's like you can't I can't touch broccoli
is a bomb and you can sort of cross it. I know, it's like shit.
You can't eat it.
I can't touch broccoli.
I touch broccoli.
I'm gonna eat broccoli.
Broccoli or beans, I'm about, beans don't bother me.
Broccoli, bro, bombs over bag dead.
It's like, my Brussels sprouts.
Yep, Brussels sprouts, a spare is broccoli
and garlic actually for me.
Garlic, I can't eat like garlic.
Garlic makes daddy fart, huh?
Dude, or beans, it's a disaster.
Just fuck. Sound disaster. Just fucking.
Sound disaster.
Well, my stepmom has to, since I know she's taking
Bino, because like, dairy or beans, I guess she's just fart.
Yeah.
Maybe my brother-a-time, like, because we were going
to walk into the car show on Sunday.
I ripped a big ass fart and tigers laughing.
And Chase, do you remember dad farting like hard?
I'm like, yeah!
Because my dad take us on walks every night.
Like we'd walk miles every single night
just to stay in shape.
Every night we'd walk miles and miles
at night, like eight o'clock at night.
That's how we did our night with our dad.
And as soon as we get out there,
he just ripped the biggest farts.
Remember, he was like, you know how annoyed we were?
My dad would always go, better out here than there.
Am I right?
And we're like, you said that last night though, dude, you know?
So here, just take you right, any new material or you just gonna use that every single night.
I'm just taking it for long walks. Oh miles. We'd walk miles. Is that right?
Yeah miles. Wow. Every night. Just walk in the neighborhood. Every night. Every night.
That's pretty nice. Yeah that's cool. That's nice and pretty cool. And we had no choice.
But all right get your shoes on and we just walk out. We'd be at Gunnford. I don't know how.
I love a good walk in the neighborhood.
I love it.
Yeah, especially at night.
It's nice and cool.
I do that stuff in my son.
It has great workouts.
Every single night.
What do you got, Jim?
Okay, wait, real quick.
I'm just, you be farting in front of girls.
You look like a fart or a walk.
You do look like a farder.
You look like you don't give a fuck, Christian.
You look like the first date farter.
No.
You look like a farder.
No, I get embarrassed. I can't
Like if someone if I'm taking like a mean shit in the bathroom and like where there's a lot of guests
If someone comes into there, I can't like I have to hold it because I'm embarrassed
Let me do let me be a little tip if you do you got to drop a hot shit and there's a party
What do you if there's hopefully there's a candle in there and there's matches blow the matches out because the smoke will mask any it over the matches are better like the candle or you like to candle and
let it burn for a second then blow the candle out and smoke it will get rid of
anything dude I was that's a problem matches are the best I get I have to
matches and white a couple of bitches and blow it up I've done two TV shows one
was Matt TV and the other was another show I did. You don't want two TV.
No, I'm saying where's where the guys,
there was one guy on each cast.
Who, I never forgot this.
I didn't know anybody.
They'd known each other for a week
and I was the new guy on Matt TV
and one of the actors just,
we're all on a staircase on Renoir,
just standing out, we're all sitting on the staircase, like in a clump.
And he just goes,
man, he goes,
eh, he goes,
jing is, ah, fuck.
Oh, I hate that shit.
And for all of us, I was like,
and the girls, you're disgusting.
He's like, that was a good one, that was a good one.
I was like, this guy does not give a fuck.
Then, but also you're in fifth grade.
Then we're doing Death Valley. And we have to all crowd, to run and the scene is you run from the you run from the fucking
Bison be and we had to cut around a corner and wait until he said cut so everybody's waiting
We're on a comp and you just hear my boy go
Purpose we all fucking do that.
He didn't give a fuck, but he doesn't give off.
My brother, like my dad ripped parts,
but we weren't born like, even now when Jay was out
and he gets out here tomorrow too, you might see him.
I hope so.
But he gets out of tomorrow, but even Jay, like we worked out
and we got coffee and we're driving, he's all quiet.
I see him sweating.
What's wrong with you?
Where do you go after this?
I'm like, what will go to the studio?
Is there a bathroom at the new studio?
I'm like, oh, you got a shit, huh?
He's like, I don't understand, dude.
You haven't got in the bathroom all morning.
So you're just gonna drive around to all your stuff.
I'm like, I figured out, man.
He's like, is there a clean bathroom where we're going?
I'm like, holy shit, you gotta drop a shit.
And he's all in bears.
He's like, nah, just, you know, just, is there a key?
And he was, how far's the studio?
I can tell he has to show you.
It's like 10 minutes away, dude.
He was, maybe we should stop at home for it.
You know, Jay's like, maybe we should stop at home first.
He was just about home for it.
That means, that means 1,000% stop a homer.
I'm gonna ship your fucking Porsche.
I went, nah, you'll be alright.
He's getting to the studio.
Are you, are you alright in the morning?
Take a don't miss it.
Yeah, I am.
So I wake up every single morning, 536.
If I'm lucky, like 610, usually 545, 535,
your entire weight's up.
And then I make my coffee and I drink my coffee
and then the horns go.
Bum, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.
And then I go, and I just sneak away.
My girl don't even know I sneak away.
I sneak away to the guest bedroom.
There you go.
Gotta take a little dump dump.
And then I'm like, what happened to your,
what happened to your, what happened to your,
what happened to your, what happened to your,
what happened to your, what happened to your,
what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your,
what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your, what happened to your stay in hotels. Yeah, I'm saying if you have vacation. Oh, Mima
It's a good point. Oh, I'll run the shower. I create all the steam. So it's like a hot shit steam and then
Then hopefully with all the soap and shampoo it that that will kind of mask the fan
And then I'll play music I'll play music. I'll mask everything. Wow.
Yeah.
I don't get my fuck.
Oh, I'm like the night stuck.
I mean, you're what?
Yeah, but we keep it sexy, though, man.
She's so sexy.
So I, you know, I don't want to get me like a fucking
hard-of-line steam down the road.
All right.
All right.
What else?
Yeah, we, yeah.
Wait, so I, did you ever date someone,
my longest term girlfriend before this one? She would want me to, we had this thing where I talk where we were in bed.
And she's like, can you fart in front of me?
I have a fart in front of you because she wanted to be like closer, like a bond.
It was like a bond thing with, with farting.
She felt like it would be closer if we could fart each other.
You think it's a bond and try to eat some broccoli and then I ruined your fart.
Right?
But we both did it.
It was weird.
You both did it?
We both like, no.
She went, I went, I went, I went,
and it was weird.
Not absolutely not.
But it was like a bond thing.
You got, you got it.
You got it.
You got it.
You got it.
Not right after we both got it.
I don't get it.
I don't get it.
You could be like super quick.
Hey, the girls, just scussed.
Your girls fuck you.
That was weird.
He was weird.
He was weird.
He was butz together and stuff. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I. Nowadays, I think a lot of them have surgery. That's surgery's popping.
No, it's popping.
It's also the most dangerous surgery, you know that?
I didn't know that.
As surgeries by far the most dangerous surgery
you can get right now.
The one with the implants are with fat.
Both.
The one with fat's even more dangerous.
Interesting.
Okay, so man, this is interesting.
Yeah, I remember that iconic.
Remember this?
I thought this, I did this current event for you.
I thought this kid was Kurt Cobain's kid.
No, I really, he has a daughter.
I don't know.
Yeah, no, no, that was just the baby they used for the cover.
Man's photo, so the headline is man photographed
as baby, I never mind cover Su's,
Grinvana, alleging child, or no.
Well, okay.
He's trying to suit what?
He's suing now, yeah.
Now scroll down.
He just wants to mix.
He's suing like a bunch of the members even a
Previous member that replaced Dave girl as a drum. No, the what the meme. I'm sorry that
Girl, where was that? Well, when you see the guy like he's trying to chat chanting wasn't on this album. Why is it exactly that's why it's weird
That's why it's weird. Especially Eldon the man who's unusual baby portrait was used for when the most recognized album covers all time
Nirvana's never mind followed a lawsuit Tuesday legend of the new image constituted child porno. What? The album cover depicts Eldon underwater
and swim pool. You know what the fuck it is. The image has jamming in it. It won't go in a
short statement on the capitalism. He's just looking for my. What happens is when you file a suit,
they see that. So the press sees it. They get a notification. So anytime you file a suit with the county registrar's office, whatever the fuck it is,
all the press gets it, so they'll go, oh look, and now what happens is either the lawyers say,
you can fight this if you want, it's not going to go anywhere.
It's going to cost you money.
It's going to cost more money.
It's going to cost a thousand, though.
If this fucking dumb dumb wants it, what he's looking for is for them to
just make it go away because they don't want to do it.
Yeah, because you in the North.
He's looking for for Nevada to just make it go away.
You want to hear about this again.
The Lord never again.
And anytime you see like someone's suing another person, the person with the most money
is going to win every single.
Yeah, you can if you have enough money, you can drag.
You can ride it out. Yeah, it's have enough money, you can drag the whole thing out. You can ride it out.
It's gonna cause a lot of people around.
Like, let's say, not, I'm saying.
So let's say half $10 million, you have a million,
and you're suing me.
I'm with like, you're gonna be a morgueo, maybe one round
of this, I'll go 10.
That's the problem.
That's the fun.
And I'm gonna win.
I'll go 10.
You only have, you only have the gas tank for one round,
I have 10 round.
And lawsuits are so expensive.
Like, you're asking for a hundred fifty thousand from each of the defendants.
And there's a bunch of defendants.
See, that's why there's a bunch of defendants.
Yeah, but the hundred fifty thousand is a key thing.
Right. It's not crazy.
Yeah.
So you want to get that money.
He's even he's even nowhere.
Yeah.
Three of them, 25,000 tons of shows.
Yeah.
So why is he going to when you when you see him, you're like, this makes total sense.
And he also posed for pictures as he was an adult like later on life
Post for the same picture. Yeah, it was like a
Guy who's a pandemic's probably broke probably get lots of jobs
Frank
Dude we could do something with this the ring and get some someone hyped him up
Okay, dude, we could do something with this. They're hanging it shit.
So someone hyped them up.
It wasn't even high level.
It probably wasn't even his thought until someone
probably hyped them up.
Of course, that's incredible.
Yeah.
And I guess he shows the boy,
repping, reppers him.
Yeah, but it looks like a guy who'd write a hate comment
on Reddit.
It looks considered, they were saying it's considered
child pornography because it was a baby chasing money.
Like the monetary thing is what made it child pornography.
But it's not sexualized nude photos of infants
are generally not considered child porn
or under the law.
So there's nothing sexual about this.
No.
Do you think he'll get any money at like a zero?
Since that you don't think that like that.
Dude, Nirvana, first of all, the the the the
the lawyer who represents Nirvana is gonna be a monster.
He's gonna eat this guy alive and his shit
like it's gonna tell me go for like that.
I'll be time more so I take him this case on Spencer.
Okay. Cause they know that it's a loss a loss. Yeah, no way to win horse want money
Let's see
I see you would do even he may has never mind tattooed on his chest. Yeah, that's a lost man
lost man. Yeah, I mean, he did the multiple times, like a ton of times, like that's not gonna cut it. Like, I've seen you play ball. Yeah, we did. So we made money off of it or
at least profiteered in some way. Possibly. Even has Kirk Cobain here. Go the one where he has the beanie on.
And that'd be a loser, ladies and gentlemen. What?
Just a way to make money.
It is, yeah, I mean, it's a...
I'm sure there's a bunch of lawyers in his here.
Like, you get a job, my mouth.
You can make a money.
So, but, okay, but if a lawyer,
you said a lawyer wouldn't really take this kind of case
and then why would a lawyer be in his here?
I mean, some lawyers would.
Well, that's right. Like, low, like, low level lawyers, you can try and take this on, because then why would a lawyer be in his ear? I mean some lawyers would. Well, some should.
Like low, like low level lawyers you can try and take this on because they think there's
something there.
But they're just trying to take money from him.
You mess with Nirvana and mess with the big dogs.
The lawyers get a lot of lawyers.
The winners get the winnings.
Whatever you win from the case.
And he wants a hundred and fifty from every day.
From each person who has a broad employer.
You know, powerful that guys.
You don't want to fuck with those guys, man.
You know what they do?
Cause then when you do that, they go,
well let's look into this guy.
And then you're gonna dig up all your dirt ever.
Yep.
And go, you sure you wanna do this?
Cause we found out you did the sexual assault care
or whatever way when you were 17.
You want to come out with this?
Yeah.
And then you're gonna be like, yeah, I'm good.
True.
Yep.
This is true.
All right. They're a little vape pin, Mipabel. No, I'm just like a little stuffed up.
You don't have a vape pen?
No, no, I mean that.
What?
What?
I was hoping you did, dude.
You're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're
like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're
like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're
like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like,
you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're
like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're
like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like,
you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're
like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're
like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're
like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're? Are you coming to say to you? Yeah, yes sir. You are yeah
You're bringing that that that's the split I will oh my god
Chappelle and Mark smoked the split you know split is marijuana into back go together
Chappelle smoked it. I've never seen him so fucking high my life
I was like talking his laugh of asshole like well, this isn't that funny
You thought I was Kevin Hart the story.
The highest ever guy was when I had had you in Austin.
I was tore up.
Oh, yeah, I remember that because that was a blunt.
I was tore up.
Yeah, we zoom in on your pal's eyes.
Oh my God, dude, you look.
You look like a wee.
I look like a wee.
That's what I mean.
No, that's cultural.
I get both of them.
I didn't realize your eyes were this. I ran into Brenna's mean green. I was just like I didn't know where I was
Yeah, yeah, you know, I do the mean green trail stumbles that he's like
Oh, what is going on? You do he just laughs
And I look at Mark. He's like
Mark have gone there's a place of
Yeah, Mark was all Mark. I'm going there's a place of ocean I love you. I was like you two are so high and I need you to exit
We okay though. Were you paranoid? I was fine. Oh, we're paranoid. I was fine
He didn't know there there was marijuana in that let me say I picture with you and TJ. It's cool
I got a man
Go to the one with James. I'll tell his teacher. I know I was gonna think I'll say the same thing short
Are you sure?
Don't fight him.
Hey, go to the one of his first, the top left with the crew.
Son.
Love in the crew.
You're just cool, late smile.
I know he has the.
That was the happiest person on the planet.
And the biggest eyes to like always white.
Someone said it looks on mark, because Mark posted it,
it said someone said, Jay looks like the Molly just kicked in.
He does.
He looks bigger too like buffer.
Yeah, Jay is big.
Yeah, Jay.
Jacked.
All right, what do you got?
All right.
This one is pretty crazy.
This is in Belgium.
That's bitch is crazy.
Yeah, this woman believes she's having an affair with this chimpanzee.
Did she ever hooked up with them?
No, because it's through the glass.
Oh.
Yeah, so she's, she's loved this, she says that she loves a chimpanzee, the chimpanzee loves
her and he really does.
Oh, she's crazy.
The chimpanzee loves her.
Yeah, because he's, you know, I guess in the chimpanzee, I guess groups, if one kind
of bonds with a human more, they kind of get kicked out of the group.
So it's happening with this trip,
that's in the zoo.
Oh, yeah, we got a group for a mess with this bit.
So she's not allowed to go to the zoo anymore
and she's for the high-profile.
And that's just right.
Yeah.
Like for four years.
She has a haircut of a robber.
Well, just a little,
30-year-old male chimpanzee.
Shut up.
Yeah.
Wow.
Do you know, Batchit crazy,
you have to be that you connected with a chimpanzee?
There you go. For four years, over four years of thing. I that you connected with the chimpanzee? There you go.
For four years, over four years, I think.
I bet you it does though.
I bet you it sees her in half.
Bet you it doesn't.
I bet that chim does that to every human.
No, no.
No, particularly just one.
Chimps are really smart.
You know, so this chimpanzee came from a home to before,
but then it got crazy, so that's what they went to the zoo.
They get you know,
oh, like crazy, like you mean dangerous.
Yeah, dangerous.
This chimps trying to fuck.
This chimps, we were like one bit that had, he was like feeding the mean dangerous. Yeah, dangerous. This gym trying to fuck this year.
No, we were that one bit that had he was like
being the gym.
That's such a horrible story.
The fucking Zana.
Zana and wine.
And he had a robot.
And then he went, you know what dude?
I don't like your friend.
I'm a ripper face.
Yeah.
You haven't seen her.
Enter finger.
Bring it up, Chin.
And the doctor was like, we did our best.
They gave it. Zanex and wine. and they fuck and they would fuck all the time. Yeah, this he would fuck. Oh, yeah, the face is so horrible
I can't know click on that click on that this one that this so when she got surgery the doctor went we tried her best though
You know she gave it wine and shit. No, this is her friend. She got a face trans. It got jealous for some reason
It was upset at her friend. She's got it trans. We got jealous for some reason. I was upset at her friend
She's got it better. She looks identical to the guy of Hannibal. I mean that that's that'll just make your whole life took her eyes out
Everything so did your friends fucking the champ that you know so awful. Where's her friend? But no, that's a chip doing chip shit
What do you mean he's awful? That's a whole this day. That's what they do this poor lady look ripped her hands and face off
This is why you shouldn't suck chimps off
It's so terrible the strength of a fucking chimp. I know there and she calls the cops or I think the friend does and they have that nine one call
And she's like get her now he's ripping her hands off because chimps go for face in your hands and you did
General's yeah, it's so sad you like you didn't rip her tits up
Chimps are fucking savage everything to her. I was her before and she got an Oprah and you did. Generals, yeah. No, but bitter. It's so sad, you know, you didn't rip or tits up.
Chimps are fucking savage.
Did everything to her.
That was her before, I guess.
And she got an Oprah.
That poor poor woman.
She does.
Yeah, it's horrible.
It's so horrible.
Oh, okay, this was, oh, yeah, okay, I remember this.
Only because I just watched her.
But this, this way, don't make friends with Chimps.
This way, don't fuck Chimps, dude.
Yeah, what, yeah, it's Chimps doing Chimps.
Her friend was fucking the, that's, her friend said it was like,
the owner was hooking up with the chimp,
brought the, and then the lady was like,
oh, I wanna see the chimp.
Should I, yeah, come over.
And he was trying to enjoy his glass of wine.
He was in a robe.
And she changed her hair.
She got her hair done and the chimp decided,
I don't like that hair.
And the chimp.
Something new.
And then she stabbed the chimp.
The owner stabbed the chimp, and the chimp just looked better like that hair and something and then she stabbed the chip the the owner stabbed the chip and the chip just looked at her
Like that and then the cops came shot that chip like five times
Chimp got shot with a nine millimeter
I think with those like hollow point and the chip still climbed up on the fucking roof and was like oh cool
I got the apes and thenes. And then came back down, and I think ultimately
died after it got shot some more.
That's how fucking hard.
A horrific story.
And this is why people shouldn't have to jump.
You know what I mean?
You're under pounded, you're broke.
Why do you want a fucking gym?
Why are you putting the gym in a robe
and having to sleep in your bed and suck them off?
Well, that gym, that gym been already bitten somebody
before that.
And then that woman died of cancer.
It's a terrible story.
Horrific, yeah.
That don't have pet chimps, so.
Alex is on her side.
No, that's not true.
Fucking insane.
Yeah, it's a nightmare.
But they've gotten better with face transplants,
so maybe she has been.
Yeah, it is.
I mean, the most recent one that you saw in her picture
was way better than that.
It's gotten better than that.
The first one.
The first doctor's like really bad.
Yeah, but then she had transplant problems. No, for real, that doctor's like, there's my first time doing this, you know, first octaves like really bad. My first one, you know. My first kid transplant problems.
No, for real, that doctor's like,
this is my first time doing this,
you know, I tried my best, but.
But it was rejected, it was rejected.
It was rejected in her face and everything else.
Like, this is a nightmare.
Like, it's a first floppy.
There is other face transplanting,
where the, yeah, your body just rejects it,
you have to do over.
Her face looks like my son.
I'm actually a little depressed.
Thanks.
Yeah, I know, that's so sad.
It's so sad. It's so sad. Like, you had to see it now. I hate seeing a little depressed. Thanks. Yeah, I know. It's so sad. It's so sad.
It's so sad.
It's so sad.
Like, you're gonna see it now.
I hate seeing stuff like that.
It bothers me so much.
Yeah.
All right.
Give me up.
Oh, not me.
Give me out of it.
Give me out of it.
Give me out of it.
Give me out of it.
Give me out of it.
Give me out of it.
Give me out of it.
Give me out of it.
Give me out of it.
Give me out of it.
Give me out of it. Give me out of it. Give me out of it. Give me out of it. Give me out of it. Give me out of it. Give me out of it. Give me out of it. Give me out of it. Give me out of it. Give me out of it. Give me out of it. Give me out of it. Give me out of it. Give me out of it. Give me out of it. Give me out of it. Give me out of it. Give me out of it. Give me out of it. Give me out of it. Give me out of itB player. I think he's in the Hall of Fame. He-
This is so stupid.
Did you-
Have you heard it, Chin?
I heard it and I was an agent.
How do you feel?
I have different thoughts.
So I have different thoughts.
So play it and then let's get your thoughts for.
Alright, so let's all hear this real quick.
This is Shohei Otani.
You've been working Superstar.
No, he's been working Superstar.
Yeah, Superstar, Angels.
I'm gonna buy a chin in the jersey.
I'm gonna buy a chin in the jersey.
Me and Chin are gonna get an Otani jersey.
Yes, we will.
So I'll play real quick.
You're married to the next 20 years.
So, you owe me, Tony.
You better be better careful.
And then watch the third inning.
Tony is coming to the plate and it's been brought to my attention.
And I sincerely apologize if I offended anybody,
especially anybody in the Asian community for
You've been working 20 years about pitching and being careful to Jose or
Choye Otani I did not intend for any offensive thing and I apologize if I did
Certainly respect and have the utmost respect for this guy
Yeah, fire dude
It's a very very bad nowadays an apology means nothing. It just means you're guilty the utmost respect for this guy. Yeah, fire dude. Chris, it is very, very exciting.
Nowadays an apology means nothing.
It just makes me happy.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, it's a suspended thought.
Suspended indefinitely.
I don't know if he was fired yet.
Maybe there's nothing.
So when I first heard it, I thought he was mimicking
Elmer Fudd.
That's what I thought.
I think that he was actually mimicking a Japanese person.
Yeah, I was probably gonna,
because it would be very,
be very, very, very, very, very be very, very, very, very, very,
but I would also say like that is pretty much borderline.
I would be like, you shouldn't,
you should not say that right now.
I will say Asians have dealt with that forever
in this country until 15 minutes ago.
I got a guy been doing play,
I played for 20 years.
And then I think it was like,
he is just sloppy at trying to be funny. And then it was like, he is just a sloppy,
it tried to be funny.
And then the next at bat, he goes, man,
I wanna apologize, that wasn't my intent at all.
Like, good.
Well, they probably got on the phone with him and said,
hey, I'm sure.
But if he was mimicking a Japanese voice,
he's not a comedian, that's the thing.
You guys can do it, like kind of messing around.
I wouldn't do it.
I wouldn't do it.
No, but we messed around here all the time.
But, you know, with, you know, all the time.
Yeah, which is fine, you guys are comedians.
But him doing that was kind of like, I was sort of like, and I'm not here all the time, but you know, with, you know, all the time. Yeah, which is fun. You guys are comedians. But him doing that was kind of like,
I was sort of like, and I'm not even Japanese,
but it was a little weird.
Should he lose his job too?
20 years.
I always play by, I always believe in that.
And then I also, my thing is he,
he's like, oh, I fucked up that mist.
I missed the mark.
My bad, I was just trying to offend anybody.
Then if you want to suspend them for two weeks,
that's fair.
You know, I feel like people deserve chances.
I don't think you deserve chances. That's the same. I think you apologize. I think you make a point them for two weeks, that's fair. You know, I feel like people deserve jobs, I think you deserve to get your job out of that.
That's what you apologize to.
I think you make a point by suspending them,
but I think two out of two.
Now, if you was, let's say that was his first week there,
yeah, you fired him like, dude,
we're not gonna put up with 20 years in the box, play by play.
Yeah.
So all that gets erased can be the standup citizen,
all that shit.
No, I don't believe he should,
I believe he should just, whatever punishment,
whatever, and then come back later.
Do it, just take a sensitivity or, you know,
racial, whatever you're supposed to call him.
So here's my next question.
Just how to, just how to curiosity.
So like, you know, he went and did that accent.
Yeah.
I don't think his intent was to, you know,
deliver better or whatever.
But what about like every time a British person comes up to us, we tend to do that action.
It's different, it's different.
So like, the British weren't discriminated against.
They didn't go through the drugs and tribulations.
It's very different.
That Asian, when you're Asian, there's no doubt,
and I'm sure, I'm sure, can't contest this.
So the intent when people do that originally was to make fun of it.
Make fun of Asian.
But do you think about all the movies Hollywood did and like even,
even there are some bad stuff out there.
Yeah, there are some bad stuff out there.
And that works that allowed, you know, these agents,
the ones who go on.
And then now the someone like, okay, nope, that's off limits.
And this guy's like, what?
Right.
We watched Rush Hour 2 the other day, the amount of racist.
Oh, it's a black guy.
I was like this.
But it was a black guy too.
It was a black guy.
And it's also a movie too.
It's also a movie.
It's a little different when it's real life.
It's kind of, yeah, they're bonded and that's the point
is he's, you know, he's an older dude.
I'm sure he didn't really get it.
He's an older dude.
And Jacky Chan beats the fuck out of people.
And I do believe everyone deserves chances.
I don't believe he should be fired.
He just learned from it.
He already apologized.
So, I thought it was gonna be a lot of fun. You me. He already apologized. So my problem is we pick and choose.
Like Billy Eilish got in trouble for his thing,
making fun of me.
I remember, yeah.
She did.
Yeah, and she was like, I didn't know what.
I was a young kid.
I was 18.
I was caught on video.
She was like me.
She was like saying something.
She's like, then she made fun of like the Asian language.
And everyone like gave her all the back lies.
She was like, yeah, my bad.
Those were horrible things.
I said that and we're like, okay,
she's young and that's cool.
It's Billy and I was, she's a sweetheart.
And I love Billy and I was,
she shouldn't be cancer for that.
But then this guy does the same thing,
like nope, you're out, dude.
Look man, I think we're reacting to it.
Who he is, the fact that you can live your whole life
in an exemplary way.
And then one thing erases you completely,
that's a bullshit way to do that not this guy has several cases against him
Where he constantly does this is like all right that makes sense and obviously he's on air. He's live
He doesn't think he's doing something really bad. He just made a mistake
Which I believe and that guy goes man. What should they do with Otami? He goes be very very careful
I don't pitch to him. He's such a good player, don't fucking pitch to him. Yeah, be careful if you're gonna pitch. How do you feel about the guy who got fired,
the basketball player, basketball,
I think color commentator for the Clippers,
who said all lives matter.
That's insane.
It's insane that we can't say all lives matter.
It's insane that you say all lives matter.
Like, will you take me from the black lives matter?
Okay, well, let's look at black lives matter.
The founders of it have been fired
because they found out they were stealing money and paying for houses all around California.
You know what I'm saying? So you look at that movement and what it represented.
It's our Marxist movement, too. Correct. Well, there is legitimate reason to be critical
of the group in some aspects, right? So, of course. And that doesn't mean that your race
is to course. That means you have to have have some question you have questions. Yeah, that's all it is you're someone got five
Well, if you're saying all lives matter. Oh, yeah
That is if you say all that time it was at a time even
I'm like very bad, but I guess he had a history like a lot of the black
Clipper problems with them. Yeah, they were like the final chair
He had a history of be they they according to them and I don't know the situation
I don't know the situation, but according to them they were like it's about time for them
They were like yeah, of course he would say it so I don't know I don't know so my feeling is there might have been a history of
Something that right and that's different like you have a history of constantly doing that
Yeah, but if that's a first strike then that and then he got fired but you are being fired
You are still being fired for what you said,
that there is, and I know that there are certain standards,
but when you sign up to work for the Clippers,
that wasn't a standard.
That is an interpretation of a racist comment
that you could very much argue was actually the opposite,
which is I care about all people.
That you know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
And so that's a philosophy that he might have.
So when you fire somebody for their philosophy,
when you fire somebody for you are making the assumption,
they didn't say anything,
so they didn't say anything negative about anybody,
any group, that's where I have a problem with it.
That's where I go, ooh, that's a judgment call that is,
and you're taking a guy who's been doing it
for 30 years on a high level and literally erasing him.
These things are always well to me because I always think about my biological father.
Like, you know, did 17 years in prison, wasn't in my life.
You know, we didn't reconnect until like five years ago.
But like, you know, to just rule him out, you know, he served his time, you know.
He did bad things in that matter.
It's very obvious that-
The princess must be for rehabilitation.
But also the same time, but like,
17 years.
I could have been the son of your like,
nah, fuck that, you did this, you did that, you did this,
you know, and just ruled him out like completely.
But, you know, if I didn't just like,
have a conversation with him and sit down
and come to an understanding and like, you know, if I didn't just like have a conversation with him and sit down and come to an understanding
and like, you know, and find out things that I'd, you know, would have never known before,
you know, all of a sudden there's this thing, there's this room to grow.
But if I just didn't, then it kind of with, you know, I think it would just leave.
No, he didn't.
He's your dad.
You're talking about forgiveness, man.
You're talking about redemption.
You're talking about people can change and you're talking about redemption. You're talking about people can change,
and you're talking about people can make mistakes
and not be bad people.
And that's what we're talking about.
Well, even my stepfather, I mean,
I don't have any ill will towards it.
Like, if I see him, I say what's up, we talk.
Like, I mean, it was a very crazy point in time,
but I'll set the same time.
Like, it's like, that's not what it is now.
And it's like, I feel like the better story
or the better thing to tell is to, it's like, I feel like the better story or the better thing to tell is, it's like,
hey, this thing happened, he treated me like this
and all of a sudden we're good.
Like, I think that's more of a beautiful story
to talk about than to be like, no, fuck him.
Like, he did this way back in the day.
I don't know.
So a lot of times it is kind of hard for me to like understand this like,
you know, to, to, to, to cancel someone out to kick someone off the island. That's it. They're not
allowed back, you know, whatever. All that does make things worse. Yeah, it makes it, because
I know for me, you know, when I, when all the anger I had towards my stepfather and all the anger
I had towards my biological father for not being there.
Shit, I couldn't do any, there was nothing I could do.
There was no way for me to like move forward with anything in my life.
Even though I was out of that situation, it wasn't in my life, there was no way I could just
move forward.
So it's like, well, why don't I just fucking, why don't I try this route?
Why don't I try the route of like, hey,'s just wild. Or like, let's talk about it.
Like, you know, where were you at?
What like, what happened to you?
You know what I mean?
Now there's this like dialogue and it's like understanding,
you know, I'm not trying to like, you know, like, yes,
you did crazy fucking things, but at the same time,
it's like, well, what's the better route to take?
Yeah. You know what I mean?
100% man.
Little, that was a wise route.
All right, so it's gonna take a little bit more
of a little tiny dive, and then I'll get happy.
Oh, God.
No, not in the, so this one.
This is a little weird for me, so there's a Steelers,
versus Lions game, and I'll play the video for you first.
We don't know exactly what happened
with lead up to it, right?
I don't know.
Why is this weird for you?
Is that agent?
No, no, this is a black eye and a white woman.
Only hit the, because the white woman slaps the moon.
Oh, yes.
And I just feel like why are you slapping this dude?
But we'll watch real quick.
Ah, two, two, two, one.
You're gonna fuck out. Touch me. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I don't know because his girl is the first one.
Yeah, that girl hit him in the face.
Fuck that.
No, no, I feel bad for this guy.
And that fucking guy,
we finally found a guy who's
trying to fight you.
Yeah.
You slapped him.
You slapped him and you
thought it would be some repercussions.
Fuck, yeah, slap.
So I'm saying I feel bad for the
boyfriend who's who that's his
girlfriend or his wife.
He wasn't doing it.
He's not involved. He's not involved. I watch it again because that girl like he didn't want to start the fight
But
He's the guy. Yeah, it's his guy look at rewind watch it again
All girl yeah, the girl
Yeah, the girl He doesn't slap
He gets up there and I was just trying to stop you just try to stop it. Yeah
He swings
Then it's not down he should have told her like yo sit down. That's part of the game. Yeah, the girl
It's okay. The girl will irritate me the most
She's the world
That guy's a girl started that that's and in the heat and do shit
He first thought she put her hands on them that that's number one. Then she hit him in the fucking face. Okay. So she's a piece of shit. She started
this and she thought that that do. So what happens with a guy like that, I can't hit you because you're
a girl. You get away with it. But fuck out. Fuck out boyfriend gets in there and does this shit.
And then go with the terrible hair got knocked out. So you know what? And my thing is he got knocked out. And then he got knocked out. And then he got knocked out. And then he got knocked out.
And then he got knocked out.
And then he got knocked out.
And then he got knocked out.
And then he got knocked out.
And then he got knocked out.
And then he got knocked out.
And then he got knocked out.
And then he got knocked out.
And then he got knocked out.
And then he got knocked out.
And then he got knocked out.
And then he got knocked out.
And then he got knocked out.
And then he got knocked out.
And then he got knocked out.
And then he got knocked out.
And then he got knocked out.
And then he got knocked out.
And then he got knocked out.
And then he got knocked out. And then he got knocked out. And then he But the problem is, you can't do that. No, you cannot do that.
You can't slap a dinner, and if she does hit a guy,
I know I'm in body.
But also, her hit and the guy like,
like, like, guys should never hit women,
but the same time, there has to be some repercussions.
If he was to play that game,
if you can play stupid games, when stupid prizes,
that's what happened to you.
That's why it's a tough one.
I hate the fact that he has to hit the girl,
but the girl is the one that fucked everything up
in the first place.
She's the one that messed up.
Also, if you're a guy and that girl's trying to hit
in the face and she's trying to fight you,
what do you think?
I know what can you do.
It's such a tricky situation.
And it's not like he was trying to beat her.
Not just trying to hit her.
Like he hit her to like boyfriend.
Yeah, who's in what the situation, what happened or how this happened?
I don't know.
Yeah, it'd be a different story.
If he was literally trying to stop her the fuck out,
maybe you know, when he's got the story,
shouldn't screw down.
It's really not much of a difference.
It's got a match to the nasty brawl, slapping the man in the face.
The other valve view shows the women man, some sort of argument.
You hear the woman yelling something like shut up and get the fuck out.
Apparently made contact. Apparently made contact.
She made contact.
He says don't touch me.
What's going on with four of this?
What was going on?
We don't have that much information on it.
It was a fight that was caught in the middle of it.
I mean, that guy could, maybe that guy
didn't have to be in her face.
I would have walked away.
If some girls like doing that,
I'm not a heaven and a-
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm just not, but that's me.
It's currently like the whole thing.
Yeah, Brian.
There are ways to avoid that.
Yeah.
I'm not getting this rough, I'm gonna stand up and argue with some lady. I mean, let's just, I really like the whole thing. Yeah, Brian. There are ways to avoid that. Yeah. I'm not getting this much fight
to stand up and argue with some lady.
I mean, let's just have very good.
Who knows that she called me in word.
Like who know?
We need more information.
Yeah.
Yeah, we don't know.
You can't hit anybody in that.
Yeah, I can't see you in that.
What was he doing?
Was he being loud?
Was he being dick?
I don't know.
And obviously, like, I mean,
his intentions weren't to swing.
Like, he wasn't trying to jump.
But my thing is, you put your hands on someone's face like that.
If you slap someone, to me, you better be ready to go.
Whatever happens next, like, man or woman,
you slap somebody, you punch somebody in the face.
You have to realize there's consequences.
Oh, you're gonna be fight.
Yeah.
I would fucking, if I'm gonna hit somebody,
but more people need to learn that.
Like, more people need to learn like this, this what happens.
Like, so it's good that these videos are out there.
And those girls I can fight, I got beat up by a girl once.
Hell yeah.
You're right, Mike.
I know the mid-school.
I'm on that tree.
My buddy was in an abusive relationship with this woman.
And he was driving and I was in the backseat and I never forgot it.
And they were, and he was, they were just having an argument.
It wasn't a terrible argument.
And she just went, she just went.
Boom!
And kicked him and he just went, so, oh my God. And he just went
So oh my god, and he just went like never forgot him he went like this he goes
Dude and then I go what the fuck was that he goes that's every day and I go Well, you gotta get the fuck out of that relationship. Did you ever meet Jason and Nianti's friend Tasha?
Do you meet big black girl, like super athletic,
like real big black girl?
They went to a concert,
this is when they found out Jacob fight,
they went to a concert, I think Drake.
YG, yeah, YG and these Mexicans were sitting in front of them,
but they were in her seats,
and she was like, hey, you're in there,
and then I just sit over there,
and she's like, well, no, those aren't my seats.
If someone's gonna sit down there and kick us out,
like we just want those seats,
and the Mexican guys go,
shut up and sit down
Dinger
And she's like what the fuck you're going so she wanted to go out of him and Jay's like no
No, the guy says again and then all hell breaks loose and then Jay out there fucking rock
Not both of them out yeah
Those said there's some cases where it's worth fighting.
Yeah.
Some cases.
Sometimes you, I mean, if you have people that are going to get down with the get down,
they're about these Mexican talking shit to Jay and Klopp and Tasha.
It's like Jamie Burke.
Jamie Burke's there.
They're the same thing.
Got to see this giant fucking Irish guy.
This wide with a fucking tiny nose.
Turned out a baby nose.
He had a big huge head out a baby nose he had a big huge head a baby nose and Jimmy's always nice
Jimmy goes excuse me, but you're in our seat the guy goes nah
What actually here man seat and the guy goes like this he goes shut the fuck
He's looking at him. He's like, oh, I like this guy's confidence.
And can't do that to Jimmy, because he's with his buddies.
And Jimmy goes, shot the fuck up.
That's amazing.
I could sit on your lap, how's that sound?
And that's how it starts.
And next thing you know, they're fighting.
All hell breaks out.
All hell breaks out.
Because he's with his buddies, and they're all big.
Jimmy's with all his big buddies.
And he came off fucking.
It became an Italian on Irish long island.
Love it. Fucking bisticot. A little shit, dude. and it became an Italian on Irish long islands.
Fucking,
Bisticossa.
Little shit, dude.
What's real quick, I had a friend
who had multiple girls that beat him up.
I'm not even joking.
And one time I was in a hotel with them
and you know the, like,
oh, his girlfriend's always beat him up?
Yeah, well, too, too, for sure.
There's a, you know that thing that's in front of a bed,
it's like it looks like a little... Yeah, the little... It's Ottoman him up. Yeah, well too, too for sure. There's a, you know that thing that's in front of a bed, it's like it looks like a little,
yeah, the little, the little, the ottoman, yeah.
He was on the bed and we're just ready to go out and drink.
She lifted it up and threw it on his head.
And that's the first time I really saw a girl,
a girlfriend beating up a boyfriend.
I've been in that relationship.
I don't think so.
I've been doing anything.
I've never been anything like that.
I've never known.
I was just, it was insane.
Yeah, who the fuck are y'all saying?
I dated a girl who would get drunk and do that. Yeah, you're drunken my buddy
You know this and my buddy my buddy saw that my buddy at saw this girl
she with she took a boot and
With it so hard the heel of it at my head she grabbed on the the you know that what is the
at my head she grabbed on the you know the what is the fucking pack of it and swung it so hard and it made a
it made a hole in the plaster wall and I ducked I
I never I went like do it like that and went boom like that
and then she attacked my buddy saw the he witnessed the whole
fucking thing it was dude I I am a witness to this just so
you know did you know she was crazy? No. Did you depper after that? Crazy hot.
Yeah.
You did okay.
Crazy hot.
You put it with some shit from her.
She was, she was, she was painfully crazy.
Crazy hot.
It's my joke about how when you say you did it in nine,
I'm like, you don't know what a nine is.
Now careful.
Now hold on.
Revise that because a nine is somebody you don't know
that well that you would move into your house.
Yeah.
Okay.
But you don't know that well.
Yeah. That can hit you in the face and you still are like,
ha, yeah, that's not a word.
You put up with some shit.
You put up with some shit by getting hit in the face.
I will not.
Yeah.
What does she get you?
All right, so on the lighter note.
Brock Lesnar, he made his return to WWE.
No, the reason why this is good is because he likes me.
You see, I don't care.
He looks so different.
That's his new hairstyle. Check that out. Oh, it's because he looks, you see, I don't care. He looks so different. That's his new hairstyle.
Check that out.
Oh, it's kinda like mine.
All right.
Well, he's gonna fake wrestles, that's cool.
Yeah, well, so yeah, he does definitely look different.
And this is also a different look.
Looks pretty sweet.
Remember how I have Thor Björns Mountain?
He looks, to me, it looks not that great though.
It looks like weaker.
But you had to get shredded.
He's shredded. Well, he's lost probably a couple of months. But you had to get shredded. He was lost, probably.
He kept on away.
Yeah, that's a very...
He was jied before.
Yeah, he was so big.
Well, he got that.
Bell's pausing that thing on his head.
He does, and it comes in once in a while.
He had to be attacked.
Or stroke or something like that.
He had to stroke.
He had to stroke it at...
Well, you're that big.
Fucked up half of it.
But it comes and goes, so some days it's fine.
Yeah, so it's like, yeah, okay.
You're not the strong man in the world without
Doing all this stuff of course and he's also just genetically gifted. He's humongous
So Max Kellerman is no longer with first take dude. How about Steve and Smith?
Why is it been trying for years to get him off the show finally did it? Oh, he actually wanted him off the show
I asked for him to be off the show wow because he feels like Max has like this, you know
Smartest man in the room syndrome and he wanted more of a guy that can debate and like have fun with for him to be off the show. Wow. Because he feels like Max has this smartest man
in the room syndrome, and he want more of a guy
that can debate and have fun with.
So they're just gonna rotate guests now.
Yeah, they're gonna rotate guests now.
Steve may spend a show.
You watch he has been lately.
A little bit.
No.
Why?
Stuff.
Yeah.
Why?
It's a bunch of people you don't know.
You don't have, when they go to extreme,
we're not racist, and then they go to extreme, like we're not racist and then you go to extreme,
that's what's going on in the USPN.
Well, he has other shows coming up, so he's good to go.
Oh, he's still, he's still.
Yeah, what do you think?
He's still the USPN, he's.
They're just moving them to a different area.
Exactly, what do you think now?
Oh, it's a Koon Tosh.
I don't know how I feel about this.
I used to, I don't like them.
It's one of my favorite cars.
It's my dream car on a kid. So when I found the release new Koonuntosh, I don't know how I feel about this. I used to, I don't like them. It's one of my favorite cars. It's my dream car, I want a kid.
So when I found the release new Kuntosh,
hit up my car guy, you know, dude,
give me an list for new Kuntosh,
cause you have to be on the list.
They're already sold out.
And he was like, oh, he was like, yeah, I'm on it.
And he takes back his dude,
they're like, three point something two million dollars.
What?
Oh boy.
You didn't even feel like a hundred million.
He looks so dope.
I don't know how I feel about how it looks.
To me, I feel like it should look a little better,
but it's still nice.
I don't get how classy it looks though, which I love.
I remember that.
Quintosh has been around since 40 years or something.
There's posters.
I remember I had one of them.
I had one of them.
But, a long time ago.
Not 40.
They released them in the 80s, and then they stopped making them.
They never made a mistake.
I think they might have released it in 79 first one.
Bring it up, Jin.
Well, let's listen to it real quick.
But this is the first time since that release.
That's why it's such a...
Oh, okay, oh, Jin, you...
You don't like that, Jin?
So they revised it.
The look for me, I don't know.
I'm not crazy about that.
Yeah, I'm not crazy about the look of that.
Crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy.
I love it.
I think they nailed it.
But I remember that.
But that much money for Lamborghini Kid, the fuck out of here. I'm a guinea cuntash. Gu think they nailed it. But I remember that. But that much money for Lamborghini get the fuck out of here.
Lamborghini Cuntash.
Cuntash.
1974.
I'm going to worry that.
Long time.
Cuntash.
So first time they've made Cuntash in 21 years.
Yeah, they only made a few of them
and they're like, they're so expensive.
Bring up how much is in the Cuntash.
There it is. There it is. Right there right there right below
2.64 oh they only had 112 of them. Oh, and that's just like market when you actually buy it's part
Wait, inflation. Yeah, yeah, I was like, oh, I don't want that anymore. Thank you for trying. Yeah, shit
They're sick though. Yes, they. So Brennan, you're right.
The head of OnlyFans says it's because of the banks.
That's why.
I have a friend who's close with OnlyFans
and he says this is all cover.
So he's saying the banks,
because the banks play ball with,
you pouring in like brass hairs,
so they take their money.
So what OnlyFans was doing is they launched an app
back in October, and they're trying to get everybody
to go towards their app, but their app could only work
if they didn't have porn on there, but they got such a backlash
and nobody download the app and such a failure.
This is why they're like, oh, our bat, and now they're saying,
you can't have porn on OnlyFans now.
They retracted their statement this morning.
Like, we're just, we're just playing.
We just play. We just play.
We just play, we just, so they can just,
because everybody on the platform,
oh, we're out there, oh shit, we don't have a business.
So now they're back to, oh shit.
I saw that this morning crazy.
So they are not allowed to have a app because it's porn.
There's something with that.
Like the app wasn't gonna have porn on it,
but now they can have, and so,
they're saying the bank, I get the thing.
They're saying the banks won't take their money,
it's all just a cover.
Their app was a failure,
and they thought everyone was gonna ride with them
and transfer over and go to the app and not do porn,
but literally, all the people like, oh, we're out.
They didn't realize how many people weren't gonna follow.
Got it.
And they have massive fan bases.
And they retracted their statement like,
just fuck with the guys.
You can do porn.
Just kidding.
Just kidding, no, we can't make money.
There's just too much money out.
We're out.
Damn.
So now it's back to normal.
And Tyga, who's gonna start a porn subscription,
only fans thing, he's a fuck.
Cause he was gonna start his own,
where he could have porn, but not anymore.
They're definitely the market market was open for it.
With him and Kylie Jenner?
No, that's not what Kylie Jenner does.
That would be Travis Scott in your racist?
I know, no.
Tiger was with Kylie Jenner.
He was.
He was.
Long time ago.
I'm sorry, are you saying?
That's like 2000, 15?
Yeah.
All right, this is a...
It's the same.
The names are the same there. Tiger Travis Scott. That's the same name with these
What is this this kind of a Gregor's yacht? I just feel as though it's just not cool
It looks awesome. It's a lot of me. Yeah. It's just so small
But he he posted this recently well that you can't call it a yacht. That's what I'm saying. It's so small
Like a mini cigarette. It's like a big boat. It's a cigarette. It's pretty fucking sick though
It looks awesome, but I mean look here's here's actual fun
And it's super expensive, but look how small it is that would freak me out right there a little
It's not a yacht, but it's cool
Yeah, cool this is yacht bad camera work, but all right hold on what little Nas X calls out the lack of public outrage over Tony but it's cool. Yeah. Cool. This is y'all.
Bad camera work, but all right.
Hold on, what little Nas X calls out
the lack of public outrage over Tony Hawk's blood
and few skateboards.
It's not through Nike.
Rapidly face backlash for a Satan choose release back in March.
Points out of double standard of Tony Hawk's
limited edition skateboard pain with his blood
sells out in minutes with little no criticism.
Because yeah, it's not Nike, yeah. Yeah, it's his own board. It's his own board. liquid tissue skateboard pain with his blood cells out in minutes with little no criticism. Because...
Yeah, it's not Nike, yeah.
But yeah, it's his own board.
It's his own board.
Yeah, I tried for the, for the, like he could release, like the outrage was because it was,
everyone thought it was a Nike club.
Nike shoes.
Yeah.
And it also called COVID's poppin.
They released it during the middle of COVID.
So he thinks it's a double standard, no dumb, dumb.
But it's actually Tony Hux, his own skateboard.
Yeah. And also everybody calm down. Yeah, everybody calm down. Yeah, everyone calm down.
Yeah, also I don't mean just be gay.
Yeah, you see your song. You know what I mean? Yeah.
Shut the fuck up.
Shut the fuck up.
You listen to the rest of it. Not a bad song.
I told you it was musically good. Yeah, I had to listen it over and over.
Um, it's not a Spotify. It's not.
I'm not gonna lie, Brian. There was a lot of love for for the song yeah a lot of love people like
this all people like the
I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna
do a video I'm gonna do a video I'm gonna do a video I'm gonna do a video I'm gonna be sick
dude yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
all right so Christian told us about this our boy Shinagamiagami. Remain, he wants to go this fight.
Yeah.
Where was this?
Do you know any details about this fight?
No, so he kept, he kept texting me like, random, like, putting off the fight.
He's like, hey, I'm not having a fight.
He got moved to this.
I got moved to this.
He texted me like three in the morning at random time, saying that his fights got moved.
And then some, someone who watches a podcast actually sent me this clip saying uh saying that
shinnigani got waxed and I'm pretty sure that's why he was probably putting off the fights because
after the show. Let's see it. All right I don't know if I can actually air this but I'll
play it for you guys right now. I saw it. I think he was doing well in the beginning. It's just
I saw it and worked out for it. The guy he's fighting has some sort of, look at his ears. Oh shit, he looks tough.
I should remember, we live in a free country.
The COVID-19 ICU average cost is about $60,000.
So get vaccinated.
That's his sponsor.
Chowashanagami Khan, the lab, and of course,
shout out Rachel.
Shout out Rachel.
Sorry, that guy looks rough.
We can tell you some history with wrestling,
because he just tied some up
A ref does not do math
What point did you think he was doing well? kick to the head he's got knee, knee, shoulder bump knee, shoulder bump
come on NR
you're gonna have to turn him again
turn him again
off those ramps, off those ramps
he's in the front
he's in the back
he's in the back
he's in the back door
he's in the back door back comes out the back door
Looks like shino gami kind of gave up. Yes, yes, it does yeah, I thought homie was our Tuesday
Shino gami no, I felt the strength
So we tapped the strikes there. We're not wait. We're not
No, I can't believe it. I was fight. Yeah, he tapped law We still got love for him of course good stuff. I do look pretty rough
All right, that it chill. That's it. Come see me guys. Let's do it
We at Brian I'm in Buffalo, New York
It's a number 9 10 and 11 Denver 23, 25, comedy works Chicago Illinois, I'm boss,
10, 30, October, October,
and 30, first in October, one.
And then, yeah, that's what I gotta say.
On Rock, Finn, conspiracy social club,
me and Sam Tripoli and Patreon,
I got some new stuff coming on,
patreon.com plus slash brand,
you got that.
Fun, fuck the stuff going on.
Yeah, that, that, that, the crew is in La Jolla, California.
The comedy store, California this Thursday, Friday, Saturday, all shows almost sold out.
We might add a late show on Thursday.
So get your tickets right now.
Thursday, Friday, Saturday, this Thursday, Friday, Saturday, then San Jose, September
9th through the 11th, San Jose, improv, then the big boy San Antonio Texas Bud Light event center,
one show, September 24th, one show, September 25th,
then I'm coming home September 30th through October 2nd,
Denver, Colorado.
Get your tickets at fatkz.com or thickboy.com.
And I'm excited ahead, line my favorite club in California,
bring it in, and tomorrow,
and I'll call for you.
I love that club.
Have you done the comic story? Yes. Oh, wow. What, I can't say all California. I love that club. Have you done the comedy store?
Yes, oh wow.
Well, I can't say this one.
No, you can.
No, you can.
You said your ultimate.
Yeah, but it's mine.
What, Cobb's your drama?
Well, I can't love that club.
Have you done Cobb yet?
You're doing it soon though, right?
Yeah, I'm doing it.
Cobb's September 8th, one of the first.
Brie, I can't love Brie.
No, I'm just saying, I didn't know it was your favorite.
Yeah, I love that. Yeah, because I, just saying. I didn't know it was your favorite.
Yeah, I love that.
Yeah, because I, you know, I do that one a lot.
Yeah.
Man, it's good club.
Keep going, Doug.
But I'm going to choke you out.
Give me a set, give me a 23 day.
Keep going, chick.
No, you don't have to.
Anyway, it's braids.
It's braids in August 26th.
Tomorrow, September 8th, Cobb's comedy club to get FATKZ.
All right, kid.
Love you.
Love you.
It was very improv August 26th tomorrow September 8th.
Cobb's coming to club to get FATKZ.
All right, kids, love you.
Love you.