The Fighter & The Kid - Ep. 736
Episode Date: October 11, 2021Bryan deals with the loss of his beloved turtle and the guys talk Paulie Shore, Brendan's show in Vegas, crypto currency and Bryan buying Brendan NFT's, Tyson Fury vs Deontay Wild...er, The Rock saying he isn't on steroids, a 69 year old woman killing it on OnlyFans, another Bryan lookalike and much more!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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What's up kiddos few housekeeping notes. The boys are on the road this Friday,
Saturday, I'm at the Brea improv, Brea improv orange county. Only Friday and Saturday,
no Sunday show anymore. Two shows Friday, two shows Saturday with me and the crew,
Chappelle A.C. David Lucas, this Friday, Saturday, October 15th through the 16th,
Brea, California, then the big boy November November 11th to 13th is Dallas, Texas, Addison,
Improv.
November 11th to 13th, get you to get the FATKZ.com.
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The most annoying things when ah, you've changed.
Well, I, yes.
Oh, well, I'm a work in progress.
And the, and the idea, like Jordan Peterson was saying,
so I couldn't have been, he goes,
he goes, when you say things like, when you say things like,
Yeah.
Oh, you're okay at the way you are.
No, you're not.
Yeah.
Why are you saying that?
None of us are okay at the way you, you, you, you,
your existence doesn't make you special.
What is it?
You got to fucking get better at shit. Mm-hmm
So does so someone said you all right am I okay?
You seem a little distracted. Oh now dealing with some bullshit on the on the channel, okay
So instead you changed oh I hear I hear like back home
No, you say Billy Corrigan, but like Billy Corrigan was talking about but like yeah, I hear but I was mainly talking about from smashing pumpkins
Yeah, I'm there like you've changed when he got successful. Well, yeah, you know, it's not a
Cupid you know with guys that aren't doing shit. You just change. It's what happens and you know
There's been changing and they go on Hollywood where you only talk to other successful people that's weird
But sometimes those are the only people that you're around by the nature of the work you're doing. You're so busy.
Yeah. I don't think people realize when the people that I know
that I've gotten super successful are like, for example,
I think Rogan's told you, he said,
he gets 60 texts every like hour.
Yeah, that's so crazy.
Trying to get back to everybody is basically impossible.
And when you get super successful,
you're working 16 hours a day.
You're probably out of town.
You're probably doing a thousand things.
So also you're not gonna put your energy into that stuff.
Like you only have so many hours to end day,
then there's a family or stuff like that,
or you ask me, won't you ever hang out good at dinner?
We got kids.
Yeah, it's like,
I have very little time to see my kids.
Yeah, I don't,
between everything traveling and stuff,
the time I have my kids, I can't go to dinner, I'm hanging out with them. You're hanging out with your kids kids. Yeah, I don't, between everything traveling and stuff. So the time I have with my kids,
I can't go to dinner, I'm hanging out with them.
You're hanging out with your kids.
But also, I think what happens is a lot of friendships
are predicated on where we're going,
where we're headed when you're young.
Yeah.
Then you get there.
It was an history and it's like, we'll do,
like I did what I thought I was gonna do.
Yeah.
You guys are doing the same shit.
They just stayed the same.
But somebody else said when you get there,
it's really hard to maintain.
It's a lot of work.
It's not like, ah, no, I can relax.
Your focus is just different.
Yeah, this guy Gary Vee was great.
You know the Gary Vander truck was that.
Yeah, I don't know much about him.
But I thought he said something really interesting.
This guy raises his hand and goes,
oh, can you talk to me about passive income?
Like I was just wondering, he goes,
what do you mean he said, passive income?
Like I just want to make it a money
so I can just hang out on a beach and be making money.
And he goes, Gary Vee, what does he go to say? Is that a serious question? Pass it in come like I just want to make it a money so I can just hang out on a beach and be making money and He goes Gary
What does he just say is that a serious question?
And the guy goes yeah, he was from Sweden. Yeah, and he goes well that doesn't fucking exist
Unless you don't crazy about some buildings. I guess you're collecting red that is it that is a odd one
Even that sucks anyway
I mean you can though like if you have enough properties like you're my mom as young my dad has all these properties
And it was a learning list for me,
because we're on the beach, and he goes,
you know what, the difference is,
granted, I'm 14.
And he goes, you know what, the difference is three mean you
is, I go, what, he goes, I'm making money right now.
I'm 14, so, I'm just trying to,
yeah, I'm just trying to get my driver license,
and I'm excited about that money.
I was like, oh, no doubt.
Yeah, I was trying to get through A3.
Oh man, you're definitely doing better than me.
My name is...
My name was kind of harsh that way.
One time I said, I got a C and he goes, a C.
I said, yeah, he said, that's okay for you.
I was like, it is.
It's not a D. It's a C. It's pretty good.
It's pretty good. He goes, cool.
And there was a dude, he was wearing kind of like... He looked like he had a movie just a sea. Yeah. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. He goes, cool.
And there was a dude, he was wearing kind of like, he looked like he had a movie just a
bunch.
It was in New York City in the dog business summer.
And he's kind of sweating.
And he's pushing this cart like, he was trying to sell, I don't know what it was.
It's a shitty thing to do to a guy, but he's kind of pushing a cart in his life.
So you can just tell that he's, he looked famous walking through rain.
Yeah.
And my dad goes, see that right there.
That's a sea.
He gets seas.
And I get a, so what do you want to,
I do what my dad did to scare me.
I never, you know, I never drank or did drugs in college
or anything because my dad,
when I started to dip a little, my toe in it,
a little in high school, my dad was like,
who do you want to be like?
I was like, oh, like junior, say, or whatever.
And he goes, you know, he doesn't drink
or doing that stuff, I was like, really?
But you're just as talented. So I'm sure you'd be fine.
I was like, oh, so I never did it.
So it tied your same thing,
like he's into this video game on his Nintendo Switch.
He's super into it.
And the last few days when I was home,
he'll wake up and you know, it's 6 a.m.,
he'll go down there and get on the iPad.
Yeah.
Or he'll get on his Nintendo Switch.
And all, because he's really into football right now,
like all we do is play football on one home outside.
And I go, you're waking up,
brushing down playing videos,
yeah, I go, Tom Brady don't play video games.
Cause he loves Tom Brady.
Yeah, it's smart.
Really I go, no, never.
You know, he does, he wakes up and, you know,
he'll read, he'll watch something
that informs stuff like that he's really,
yeah, hasn't touched it since.
I'm not it.
That's, hasn't touched it since. It's a it since it's a really like Tom Brady don't play video game
Yeah, I like my yeah, but what's really interesting is that most of us when we want to change some of his mind
It's called it you you tell and sell so you tell them your opinion and then you try to sell it
Yeah, but people that are if you think about how you change your mind a lot of times
It's those subtle things where it's either by example,
or they just ask you a question.
They just ask you a question.
They just go, what do you want?
Because I mean, I know the guy you admire doesn't do that.
Yeah.
And that's all I did.
That's all I did to me.
You know, but you're just as talented and obviously
know where an Aristotle is.
He's like, yeah, so you can get away with that.
Now he couldn't, but I'm sure you'll be fine.
I was like, yeah, oh, I'm not doing that.
You know, Tite, you hear the story
about Tiger Woods with John Daly? John Daly, you know, John Daly, Grave Golfer. Yeah. Also like,
alcoholic bring him up. Bring him up. Take a look at what he looks like. He can be
to anybody in golf. Fatty shit. Gamble. Apparently lost 50 million dollars on crazy drink.
Drink like drinker. How do you drink before big turn? But he was a party. He's a party. Oh,
dude. Yeah. That's him right there. That's oh, okay. By the way, not that different from when he
was playing and still playing that way. I mean, just, no, that's him right there. That's all, okay. By the way, not that different from when he was playing and still playing that way.
I mean, just, that's pretty current, dude.
That's him playing.
Yeah.
And John Dealey, Tiger Woods was kind of walking by
and John goes, hey, come join us.
Tiger's, I can't, I gotta go work on my stroke.
And he said, dude, like, enough with working on this,
you wake up sorely, go to bed,
just fucking come hang up, have a beer.
And Tiger Woods goes, hey John, you can do that.
I can't, I'm not good enough.
I have to actually practice.
It was fucking amazing.
I wonder if that's true or not.
Oh Brian, guess what?
I think you're right.
New York, I was in New York last night.
For how long?
For a day.
I had two pizza places, pizza's pizza.
Yeah, which pizza did you go to? Pizza space. I can't remember the name. I had two pizza places. Pizza's pizza. Yeah. Which pizza did you go to?
Pizza's pizza. I can't remember the name. I mean, there are other places. Come on.
There's good. There's good. There are many other places. It depends where you went though.
Did you go with someone who knows New York? Yeah. And knows pizza? Because there's
a fight. I was in a manhattan's order. Someone with Frankie Edgar. And I believe that
because they talked about the water the water the new Jersey
Doe or something makes a huge difference. Yeah, you said it was just really I think it could be pretty much everywhere
But the maniorkas fuck like print street pizza's fucking great Joe's pizza's great
I don't think I'm here. I'm apologize if I see him a little bit. I'm a little bit my feelings
I'm my heart to little 10 this morning. Well, well I
I'm a little bit my feelings. I'm my heart's a little 10 this morning. Well, well I
Fuck you on the road this way yet. I was where we are. I was in Columbus
At a good time Columbus, funny, but always a good funny bomb always with that. Yeah, probably the best funny But I'm out of line. That's the original one, right? Yeah, I you know, I moved and I have now there's a little I'm running a place
with my my lady and
There's a there's a
fucking It's a fucking,
it's a, you got this?
I have a pond.
Yeah, okay.
I came with a pond.
With like, coifige and turtle.
Really?
That's a great turtle.
And my turtle's name is Hilda.
My kids named him Hilda.
Hilda, older name.
It's an older name.
And I always think of turtles as masculine.
I want to name my turtle like,
burl, like, exactly what it is.
And they were like, they named her Hilda.
And so she's a cutie, but the Koi fish
would always steal, always steal her food.
And she's really coy.
Anyway, she's an aquatic turtle.
And my kids lover, and they're always the first one
they want to see as Hilda,
because she's super shy and you have to be quiet.
Well, and I've come to be attached to Hilda and my coy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, wait, do you feed this morning?
Oh, outside of it.
Oh, thank God.
Oh, thank God.
Tell me the turtle died.
I woke up this morning.
Fuck yeah.
And Hilda was on her back, turned upside down.
I went, why is she turned upside down?
And I went over and Hilda didn't have a head and she didn't have any feet
So something ate my fucking turtle. I wonder what I ate that true. That's what I want to find out
It's hard to get the feet in head because they they go it was so awful
Now I got to tell my kids they're gonna run no just buy a new turtle
Don't we'll put there's something that's killing turtles now. I'm gonna buy a fucking turtle
And I don't think we can delay you can delay that whole
Conversation by new turtle. I'm gonna buy a new turtle. They're not good, but how do I what's eating my fucking turtle?
I assume a raccoon. I think it's a raccoon or a possum. Well, we get roll like that cat
It could be it could be a cat those claws get deep in there. Yeah, cuz they're gonna retract this tough to eat a turtle's head
That's what I have you fucking raccoon
Damn
They rate a turtle mess snack on fresh hatchling turtles
Now could have been the coife fish and they roll deep don't they
Raccoons huh and possums oh mother fuckers. You don't want no problems a possum
Don't think ugly bro. They all want to come my fucking turtle. No wonder what got to it dude
Dude you buy the right off you have to be a wreck. You know how many fosters and stuff got to be not possums out that way
Yeah, there are you've seen them all over
Possum not a snakey, but this motherfucker chewed his head off their head to be a raccoon
It's not a turtle because raccoons got the hands. Yeah, they have the human hand
They got the hands and hold his head on they probably yep
Damn shit done, you know she was really shy and she would barely come up Who's got the hands? Yeah, they have the human hands. They got the hands and hold his head out. Deep probably, yep. Damn.
And you know, she was really shy.
And she would barely come up.
She'd be hiding down there.
Now I know why.
Now I know why she was so shy.
Yeah.
She was every fucking time when the sun goes down,
think about that.
A giant, like could be a possum,
could be a fucking raccoon, could be a cat.
Everybody wants a cat.
How deep is that little pond?
Not deep enough.
Yep.
How deep enough?
That raccoon was like, I'm going skinny, deep enough.
Yeah.
And Hilda was probably like, you know what?
It's a nice night.
I'm just going to pop my hair.
Catch a little air.
Catch a little air.
Yeah.
I'm going to eat your face off.
I'm going to eat your face off.
Took.
Kat's aggressive.
Hold him out and just left him.
It's an insult to me because you left that turtle outside.
It just took the head.
Finish it.
Like, it'd been better if you thought the turtle ran away.
Yeah. Yeah. Kat, that's fucked up. You you've been better if you thought the turtle away. Yeah
Yeah, God that's fucked up. Just left them there just by new turtle though, you know, they're turtles. Yeah
It's a turtle and you can get it any how big was it right or pets or so pop in oh it was big big turtle I get you know pets more I guess I'm gonna go yeah
Cuz my kids more
Want that size though? That's a good turtle that I got to get one that size. And those outdoor turtles on fuck around.
It was a big one.
It was a big one.
Yeah.
Now, I'm like get a fucking turtle.
I'm like get a fucking turtle.
I'm like get a, let's see what happens.
I'd be a little tough for the kids.
Cause they're like, oh, here's Greta where the fuck
her name is.
And then,
yeah, that, you don't want to fuck with it.
Remember that snap in turtle that I was petting?
Oh yeah.
Oh.
We have it.
Where, where we have it.
We were in, we were in Cherokee nation in Arkansas or something like that
Oklahoma Oklahoma and I guy left that we're at start pissing everywhere
Dude how big was it? Whoa 150 pounds. He was fucking. I'm not kidding and in beat you no
It didn't like I would left it up and you would put like pencils and stuff and snap all the pencils
It's been a phone booth. Yeah, I got a little too long to turtles for me
But yeah, it's fun grab the phone book. We're in the middle of Oklahoma
So this turtle's far from where the fuck he's from. Yeah, I think they have snapping turtles in Oklahoma
The rivers out there. I think that's where they lose alligator snapping turtles. There's no joke
Don't do don't get one of those you don't wait. What does it look like well? They'll they'll take your fucking
Oh, they'll take all the digits. Oh, yeah, they'll take all you digits
I mean and they keep their mouth open and any you put in there
The heart yeah
Yeah, they're fucking brutal dude. I like the I like the shirt today, man
I'm seeing that a hot second vintage have it Kenny fight club. Yeah, we should come back out with those huh?
I think so I love him. Mm-hmm. This is this is your special Calabas fight club one
That'd be a good idea be good. All the week. It is your special Calabas fight club one.
That'd be a good idea.
That'd be good.
All the week, it started on Abakini, right?
Yeah, but when you're a man hat now
and I'm in fucking Calabas,
yeah, kind of far, stay true to the.
Stay true.
Yeah.
And they've been over that way.
You ever been Abakini?
Come on.
Oh, damn it.
Jesus Christ. Oh, damn it. Jesus Christ.
Oh, you know me, I don't get out much.
I gotta get you.
But you're all down there, you know?
But you've done what's that Venice stand up spot?
The underground?
I'm never gonna be this underground.
You're not done, but you're done the,
oh, I guess that's far.
Third street.
I've no longer.
You do that one.
Oh, Venice, seven grounds, guys.
Yeah, it's such a great time.
I've been, I watched the show there.
COVID killed when I first came.
COVID killed a lot of shit. Um, how was Tampa buddy? Oh, Tampa was hell. I like his own shows. Yeah, we miss him. Yeah, David did a hot 30
You did a hot two gun third two guns. Is that right?
He and dude he let up this black dude in the front row
Oh, and the black guy kept talking. I'm like dude, how Like you're literally just he posted the video of him lined up dude with the jacket in Denver. Yeah, dude
But in but in Vegas this black and front row kind of look like seal, but not with the shitty skin, right?
Mm-hmm kind of look like him and fucking
We got my eyes a skin bro, and yeah acting as a young man, but in all the holes on his face
But so this guy look like him but handsome handsome, you know, and for the reason kept talking.
Oh, dude.
So David are just like talking.
But not like heckling, but kept talking.
Like almost like one of those hecklers that like agrees
with everything like just sort of like fucks up the punch line.
Oh, okay.
Like you're about to say like you go.
Like dude.
Yeah, dude.
But he kept going and I was like,
I wonder what the you guys doing?
And then probably, it's probably 10 minutes that David's lighting them up.
Because he was like, this is your girl, she was white, he was super dark.
Oh my God.
Start talking about how they have kids and stuff.
Oh my God.
I don't know why we're doing that.
And I came out and I, and right when I came, I said, I went, what are you thinking?
Yeah.
I said, what do you think you're talking to your show, man?
He's like, no, no more.
You learned your lesson, you know what's yep went good.
Yeah. What are you doing, There are, I didn't know that. You know, Pauli
Shore owns part of Wiseguys. Oh, I didn't know. He lives up there right? Yeah. David went
to his house. I couldn't go because I had a headache. And so David went and Pauli was
like playing a band and he, Dave was like, he's like a kid man. He's right now. It's time
for peanut butter jelly sandwiches. You know, they're from Georgia. He's from Alabama.
He's such a character. Yeah, Dave was like, what in the fuck? Yeah. What a character.
He's a great guy man. He's a great guy man. I love Paul. Oh, he's such a good person.
His next door neighbor's uh, uh, Nicholas Cage. Really? Wow. I think you'd all come over
if Nicholas Cage is there. Yeah. He's like, I don't think he's around, buddy.
Buddy. He's a, dude, man.
He's really special.
Apparently his mother used to let him,
Mitsy Shor would let him cry.
And they'd be like, go get him, you know?
She's like, no, you'll learn how to deal with a tough audience.
We were talking about that, like the way, you know,
Paulie is great human being, like caring,
like just a good person, but it's like,
when you think about the way he was brought up and his mom, you know, obviously having is great human being, like caring, like just a good person, but it's like when you think about the way he was brought up
and his mom, you know, obviously having sex
with the comedians and there's, it's just this turmoil
and the guys that used to babysit him
and it's just like, he's lucky to turn out the way he did.
Yeah, man, it's, it's sad.
But, like, there was a guy in the green room
and he was this young kid and he was like, who's that?
Cause we got pictures with him, I posted a picture of Paulie.
And he's like, who's that? I'm like, Paulie posted a picture of Polly. And he's like, who's that?
I'm like, Polly Shoe, he's like, damn.
I go, where were you born?
He's all, I was born, I think he said, 1999, 2000.
So I'm like that.
Yeah, he born.
And so he's like, 21, I go, oh dude.
In the 90s, he was the fucking man.
Super famous.
Yeah, man.
I worked with him on Mad TV when he was at the high five.
He was, MTV Spring Break and then he did Inceano Man. Inceano Man. Yeah, man, I'm all them on mad TV when he was at it the high MTV spring break and they didn't see no man. I'm seen a lot of don't
And he was in all that that was when I that was when I was working here. He was so famous
Dude, he was so famous show up and like he was always really cool though. We had scenes together
I remember in 1996 I did a scene with Paul. He still sells out
He still sells these are. He still sells, man. He's got die hard fans.
Die hard fans.
I bet.
He's so good.
You said some really nice stuff to me,
because he didn't see me do stand-up since, probably.
Oh, it's just sort of.
You should go with the comic store.
Wow.
And so he was like, buddy, I'm a state.
Oh, yeah, forgot.
He was, buddy, I was your, he was like,
I was at some of your early spots at the comic store.
He was like, in your first headliner hair,
I'm gonna stay for your show. He's like, don't be nervous, buddy. You know, and your first headliner here, I'm gonna stay for your show.
He's like, don't be nervous, buddy.
You know, and I was like, yeah, I'm fine, dude.
And then he said some really, really nice stuff.
In the army now, remember that one?
Dude, he was huge.
How many movies he's done?
So many.
That's a good career right there.
Oh my God.
Especially think about what he came from.
I know.
Stories that we should get him on here.
We should get him on here. I've always,'ve always been talking to him for years about coming on.
Yeah, I'll show him out with his podcast.
He was going to do this podcast.
I was a house, this bit of a shit show, but.
Well, he should come on here at least.
Yeah, he has great stories.
Yeah, he's got amazing stories.
He did a monologue on Mad TV.
And he started by going I'm Paulie sure loser
Anyway, and he and he started talking about how his mom
brought a man in to the house and it was Thanksgiving and she was dating him and how I think the man kind of
Raced a hand to his mom and how they got in a fight.
It was, he was crushing the room.
And here's what was amazing about it.
It was all true.
He was just telling the story.
You could fight him.
But his delivery is just with it.
Oh, dude, but it was all true.
He would just grew up around greatness.
So you got a figure.
Yeah.
But that was one of my lessons in comedy was,
I was like,
this guy's actually doing a dramatic monologue
about a traumatic event when he was a kid
and crushing it.
They're making it funny.
And I was like, that's really interesting.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
So you would like, they just, you know, Keith done fuck around.
Keith, why is this guy?
He was such a good club.
Great guy.
Yeah.
Yeah, man, I want to go.
I'm such a good club.
Intimate, like old school.
Yeah, old school room. hard to find that in Vegas
Well, that's why why Keith did he's like this kept for the locals
He's like like the it gets off the strip. It's in the art. It's in the art district by the stratosphere
Which is super hoodie, but that one street. There's like a brewery across like it's all brand new really everything's new
Huh downtown not old downtown. No, it's art district. It's like between downtown and stratosphere
Okay, yeah, it was really nice man. Yeah, it's just a really really good club. Yeah great club great
That's amazing. Yeah Keith doesn't as he said he's bringing you I think
Yeah, to Salt Lake City says yes
Yeah, being Salt Lake City and I got an offer for Vegas
So I'll be doing yeah do this weekend. I like Vegas this weekend Thursday Friday Saturday if you need me You know where I'll be doing that. Yeah, do that. This weekend. You like Vegas this weekend.
This weekend, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, if you need me, you know where I'll be, right?
At your house.
Finding turdles.
I'll be at your house, murdering turtles.
Oh, you'll be at that turtle.
Oh, I thought I was going to be a...
You'll be at that turtle.
Oh, I thought I was going to be a...
Macubbies.
Macubbies.
Macubbies.
Now, can we change the name?
Macubbies.
It's in Timonium, Maryland.
It's called Macubbies.
And I don't know what to expect.
What's the most...
What's the most... It's a monium. It's a monium. It's an hour and ten, Maryland. It's a place called Macubby's. And I don't know what to expect. What's the most important thing?
It's a Monium club.
I, it's a Monium.
It's an hour and ten minutes outside of Washington, DC.
That's all I know.
And I'll be flying in the DC and make a drive.
I'm trying to get the ball to more.
Ha, ha.
Well, that's, that's another motherfucker
because you got to take two planes and you'll get there.
Now you have to be careful now flying to Southwest
because yesterday, oh yeah.
Get to their port.
And you know, I used Claire and the lady goes, you know, nice Southwest because yesterday. Oh, yeah, get to their port and you know
I used to clear in the lady goes, uh, you know nice black lady. She goes honey
You check if your flight's still going out and you know, I don't associate me. I'm like
Well, yeah, they get my boarding pass. She's like, oh, you have no idea what's going on
I'm like no, she like do you not realize how dead is in here? I'm like
I don't know it's early. She's like no, no, no. She's no, no
500 flights were canceled from Southwest.
And I go, ah, fuck, what happened?
She goes vaccines.
They made mandatory vaccines.
So a bunch of pilots and people quit
so they had to cancel flight.
She goes, but honey, you're gonna hear them tell you
that's the weather.
How was the weather when you came here?
I go, I mean, fine.
Yeah, she goes, that's what it is.
But they don't want that message out there. Oh my god. But that's all it is
The all the pilots and the the stewardess stuff don't want to get there. We still got to wear masks even though you're back
Seen you still got my mask. I was telling chin how crazy is so I hate
Casinos it's triggering for me because the only time I was in casinos was under high-press situations when I was fighting
So my brother beg, you know, he wants to fucking do
something like a tourist.
So you want to go bet on games at the Mandalay Bay.
So he came and it's all up to go there.
We go there and so when Vegas is not like LL,
you can go into stores and everything without a mask.
Nobody says anything.
We know where I touch a mask and I'm like,
there, we go in the casino and I see a bunch of people in a mask.
I'm like, I don't give a fuck.
That's what you want to do, do your thing.
But then I would see people with a Mass,
but it's pulled down to that cigarettes in the mouth.
Smoking.
Smoking, right?
And so I was like, that's weird.
You can smoke in here.
I thought you couldn't smoke, but you can.
And I'm allergic to smoke, that's fun.
So this guy's security comes up and goes,
hey, my man, you know, it's me and my squad.
So we look like fucking big pun in the terror squad.
We're all big.
I mean, David is three hundred and some pounds,
Jays, Giant, you know, and then you got Justin.
Just kidding, yeah.
But we're all huge.
And he goes, my man, you gotta put a mask on.
I go inside the casino, he goes, yeah, I go,
that guy's not wearing any smoke series, yeah,
but he's smoke.
And I go, I go, what?
And he starts laughing.
So when you're gambling, you have to have a mask on.
So listen, so you have to have a mask on if you're doing
anything but smoking.
If you're smoking, you have to mask on.
And so I tell the guy go, and he goes,
I hear someone with me, I'm fucking sick of one of this thing.
Hopefully it ends soon.
And I said, dude, so let me get this straight.
If I smoke a cigarette and get cancer
and blow in your face, you're getting cancer.
We know for a fact, this is causing cancer,
I can walk around smoke cigarettes, yes.
Yeah.
And I go, how crazy is it?
He goes, dude, I wish I had better explanation.
And when do we get it?
And then I said, well, if I go to the community store
and it's one of the things I go,
and I buy the crew cigarettes,
I can just walk around with cigarettes and mouth, he goes,
that's what I would do. I'm like, wow.
And when do we get to lose these masks?
It's going on two years now.
Asher Daddy Fauci.
Yeah, ask your daddy. Ask your daddy.
He has a document you're coming on National Geographic.
For what? Yeah.
Interesting.
You just have one come out on Netflix.
Yeah, yeah.
What else?
Yeah.
They made it so only the critics critics can review it. Yeah, except for IMDB
You go to IMDB it they rip them apart like
97% on rot and tomatoes IMDB is like 1.9 out of 10 they keep over reaching
It's a cold. It's a cold. Why they making documentaries about them. You see you see
You see the unemployment you want to be famous. You see the unemployment in red states versus blue states
You see no bench is talking about that.
It's very interesting.
Say what you will about Republican Democrat.
I got a moderate, but I know where you're at,
but fucking it's unbelievable how unemployment of blue states
is so high and this is a quarter of the Shapiro thing.
And it's not all that way in the red states.
So I think that what's gonna happen is this overreach
and the fact that the Democratic Party's been hijacked
by the far left and all this mass stuff,
it's gonna, it's gonna pay.
It's gonna work out worse than the end.
They're gonna pay a price at the end.
Yeah, it's happening with Whitlett.
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Now, Tampa never did.
Yeah, Tampa, man.
I have so much fun on Tampa.
I'm gonna be in Naples now.
I'll be in Naples November 11th to the 14th.
Of the hook, great.
Yeah, great.
Can I wait?
I'm gonna set up with my boy who owns the restaurant
right down the street.
Okay.
Yeah, you may know the same.
We like food.
Yeah, his name's Nick, right?
Telling you dude, yeah, I think it's Nick.
Dude, the best restaurant in Naples.
Is that right?
Fresh, we've brought all this everything.
I'm all over it.
Please do. Oh my god. The best food you have. Do you remember the know all this like I'm all over it. Please do. Oh my god. Those are amazing the best food
You remember the restaurant's name on Texliga
Connect you guys because I you know the best restaurant me some Naples. Oh, he's from New York
He's Italian. He's a fan of course. Yeah, I'm telling down New York
Aggressive, he's a guy like a good a girl. He was like $1400 a dude. You don't have to keep comp this
Let's get the fuck out of get the fuck out. I go please take my car Do you fed us every night we've been't have to keep confidence. Just get the fuck out of it. Get the fuck out of it. I go, please take my car, do you fet us every night
we've been here?
These prices are expensive.
You get the fuck out of it.
And then he took this whiskey off the bar,
like some high shelf whiskey, I forget for you,
what is, and he goes, I saved this dress for you,
I knew you were coming, I saved this dress for you.
And some guy goes, the fuck met some older guy,
I was like, what the fuck, I was trying to buy a drink of that.
And it's on your table, and get and the owner goes get the fuck out
I go dude you can sell him
What do the fuck you don't what are you doing when I went there during COVID during COVID like the height of Tampa?
Naples on it nobody was wearing a mask the old people were like fuck
You know a lot of old people in the audience. Yeah. I was like, Jesus Christ.
And there was before the vaccine.
They were like, defiant.
Yeah, Naples is beautiful.
It's beautiful.
Now, speaking of casinos and all that,
I invested for you.
I did some things.
Invested in Airbnb, where were you talking about here?
I bought you with some NFTs.
Oh, no.
Let me explain.
The old man transstick his beak in some NFTs. I bought you. some NFTs. Oh no. Let me explain. The old man transstick is beaking some NFTs.
I bought you.
Daddy's dry beak.
I bought you some no fun toads.
I might give you some too.
What is it?
I might give everybody some.
Tsk!
Well, they can't learn no fun.
They can't learn no fun toads.
Well, no fun toads.
So, no fun.
So, this is the Genesis 7.
When I went to France, my buddy came to join me my buddy Mark and he goes
Do you know about NFTs? No, he goes well
You know there these images that you can trade they're like trading cars on the digital trading
And he goes I bought an ape because I was asking you told us in the crypt
Yeah, but an ape go to um go to fucking
NFT apes go ahead he bought an ape now go to fucking NFT apes. Go ahead.
He bought an ape.
Now, when they released these apes, they were $250.
They were in ETH.
You buy them in ETH.
Oh, they're like, what is it called?
Ethereum.
Yeah, there you go.
That's it.
Yeah, he bought one.
Just one.
And then you just have the image on your phone, right?
Is that what he said?
Yeah, that's all.
Now, it's yours.
Now, what do you do?
You just put on your phone? Now, his when i and i remember he bought it and he bought
at the time for like six grand
i was just like you know i'm used to be free they were uh... the first one of the first
nfts on the platform it's a lot of people had like hundreds of it's just oh yeah now hold on
so let me let me so so so i i remember i go six thousand dollars i was like i looked at him like
this i was like well you're crazy yeah well they're a hundred and the cheapest one is a hundred and forty thousand dollars right now
The cheapest one so his aid now is where something like 200 grand
The original Abe called board ape yacht club has yeah five hundred and forty million in lifetime sales
Thank you to an eighty seven hundred traders. Yeah, please and please hold then there's cool cats and there's crypto
Ponds one piece sold for $69 million.
It's just like the stylers of like trading cards.
Hold on, hold on.
So just please.
So then there's crypto punks,
which the cheapest one is $393,000.
Crypto punks?
Crypto punks?
Crypto punks.
It's a fucking weird thing.
$393,000, hold on.
It's a, they trade them back and forth.
And they gave those that I believe for free initially.
Okay. Now, then they went, came up with crypt toads. Crypt toads. They trade them back and forth and they gave those that I believe for free initially, okay now
Then they went came up with cryptodes cryptodes right now. Yeah right now cryptodes are 60 grand
This is what you bought him so the guy I know I know a guy who's launching no fun toads with some real people
Yes, like some you know now. I don't know anything about this
It's really just wants me to my holy, holy fuck. But 1.6 million.
Well, there you go.
For that top one.
Can you print it out and put on your wall?
Dude, is that an old man question?
I don't know, dude.
I don't know what to do, but I know, I know, I know.
I haven't.
Because I'm not gonna trust you.
I'm not gonna trust you.
Here's what happened with Brian, that's my agent, sorry guys.
Sorry.
So this is what happened with Good Old Brian.
Yeah. So I know some people with Good O'Brien. Yeah.
So I know some people and they're launching
no fun toads on Tuesday.
Well, tomorrow, I took the liberty
and you have to pay me for it.
I'm on it.
I'm on it.
I'm gonna pay you the original price.
Yeah.
How much you pay for him?
Well, right now I think they go for about 140 bucks a toast.
How many did you buy, buddy?
Now Daddy may have gotten in on the ground floor.
By the way
I'm not telling anybody by fucking toads. No, who knows? I'm not pitching NFTs
I just I've never done I've never invested. You saw how much you're very conservative. Yeah, you saw how much I just think this
I know some people that are really balls deep in it and they said by toast you'll go broke if you're like me and you just decide to go into it
That's bad. I'm hitching on the people who only put 140 bucks bucks in. I'm hitching on to people that know how to do this.
He bought more than one toe.
Oh, I bought us.
I got, I got us, I got, I got some toes.
I got us some big toe.
You bought a quite big one.
I said no fun toads.
Go to, go to no fun toads.
I want to go to crypt toads and then go to no fun toads.
Go to nofundtoads.
Crypto is first.
What's your first one?
Sounds like a name of a band.
No fun toads. I'm not sure. I'm just gonna say seven ideas out of them. It sounds like a name of a band no fun toad
Crypto, that's a standing right no fun toad. Yeah, you know for no fun toad. That's like a grunge man
Yeah, look at this
When is as they were explaining this shit to me. Yeah, it's like it dude
There's a marketplace out there that I know nothing about the difference between the theory and crypto and and and Bitcoin
Yes, so weird. I don't know any of this stuff
And the open sees what your dip in sees dot com with your dip in your toe in it. I just think we may as well like that
Bruh. Yeah open sees is the marketplace. No, I think it's open sees open like the sea. Yeah open seas
There it is outcome. Yeah, and that's where you can buy
Oh cool, that's a fucking yeah
There's a marketplace where they buy all the stuff. I have no idea. Yeah, you don't know the website
There goes and up open see oh there it is
There is a map there is a map.
There is a full economy.
Hey, you might turn those crypto toads in a,
I don't know, 200,000.
I'm just eyeballing.
Can we just make our own crypto?
Well, finally, here's what I think.
Where the first comic to be talking about this?
Maybe that's where something, I was like, maybe,
I don't think we're the first comic.
Look at how much those go.
Those are 60 grand.
Those are quick toads. Just that. Yeah. And what are we going to do with it? I don't think we're the first Come on. Look at how much those go those are 60 grand. Those are quick to just that. Yeah, and what are we gonna do with it?
We're launching we're launching. We're launching. Don't say that looks like OG
Nintendo we're not I mean, I don't have any do it, but I I'm buying some so we go up
Well now that's owner. What is that seven grand?
That is
3,500 E. And E.
So, that's $4,500.
Okay, okay.
You do that, man.
And you just get that thing.
Yeah.
Yeah, dude.
Then D.
Show your friend.
They trade him.
There's a whole market.
That's what I'm saying.
So it's like trading cards.
It's yours as your avatar.
So you guys know all about this?
I know a little bit about it.
I was so fast.
So is it like trading cards?
I know, yeah.
Like, you be trying to get into it?
Oh, yes. He has quite a few.
Right now he is obsessed with his Yakuza cat.
That's the next big thing.
Yakuza cat.
What's that?
Oh, like a Yakuza cat.
Yakuza cat.
What's your name?
It's like an Asian thugged out cat.
Like the arts name that.
Let's see.
How much does it cost?
0.79, you can't even see it.
They're expensive.
That's what they originally go for.
I think the floor price is fairly low
when we got it out on rice.
Well, you should see our new fund.
It's crazy.
Go to nofundtod.com.
No fun toad?
Nofundtodes.com.
I don't know if it's true.
Toad, I think.
It really does seem like a new age like trading card toad chin. I know
Let's see
No, don't have a toads
Is it all one word? No, fun
There it is. That's what I bought us
Well, he's cute. They're cute and they're all did so the so the computer
Generates random ones you get random ones you can't choose
Yeah, and you can't get you have to you can't choose them
Ethereum is so interesting that way Ethereum is like they're all these computers, right?
And they're talking to each other and the computer is create an image that can't be replicated
That's that's how you're the original owner. Yes, I get our art piece. Yeah, there's only one so you have to think how much so. You're the original owner. Yes. It's like an art piece.
There's only one.
So you have to think how much that's...
So the value of the dollar is...
So there's only one micro-drawn rookie card.
It's like million dollars.
Didn't write.
Okay.
And the value of the dollar is kind of like...
As it's transfer value, so as it's graded over the...
Over seas with different currencies.
It's tax revenue, GDP.
It's all these different factors that give you
the, I'm just saying that, it's all against my hair.
It's just so weird though, but that, but if you, he's, he's, I'm not, but there's, I just
think it's interesting.
There's people really know this.
There are computers that, like, people are, yeah, people are deciding something.
Okay.
It's all fucking weird.
It's insane. If you bought Bitcoin in 2013, that's worth something. Yeah. It's all fucking weird. It's insane.
If you look on Bitcoin in 2013,
that's stupid to say though,
because if I bought Apple in 1980,
in 1989, we'd see billionaires.
And I'm not into this.
I'm not into stocks.
I mean, that's the,
I've smarter people to deal with all that.
What if a week?
I bet eventually,
I would need to learn this shit.
What if a week's around like,
hey guys, I quit, I'm a billionaire.
Yeah. I'm a $5 million. No, I'm like, hey guys. I quit, I'm a billionaire.
I'm worth $5 million.
Hey guys, here's a toad, it's worth $500 million.
If that happens dude, I'm selling all my toads.
I'm not sitting on them.
No, I'm not.
Get rid of it.
I have no idea how long it's gonna last.
Let's sell them.
Immediately.
Yeah.
If they go up.
I'll still do the show, but.
I've probably lasted a while.
We'll replace Jim with an actual toad.
You have to wear no fun toad costume.
If I get a billion dollars, yeah, I'll do it.
A billion?
A million?
I'm a million.
I'll wear a toad costume.
I don't care.
And dress as a toad every day?
Well, the ape guys made $900 million and eight minutes apparently when they launched their
second phase of...
I don't know what to say about this.
I have no idea.
I don't trust you but I don't trust that number and I don't trust what I just said.
I don't know anything that's going on.
The whole thing sounds like a Ponzi scheme but I'm in.
I think that NFT.
No because you can see the money from it.
And well you can see it but that only means people are willing to.
That's what the value.
You said it's home we got a hundred are willing to. That's what the value.
He said, is home we got $100,000?
$200,000.
Now my fee, I keep buying.
And what were you doing in here?
So you flew from Tampa, from Tampa, New York just for one night?
Yeah, just for one night.
To see my homies play in their home state where their band came up.
Is that the video sent to some stage?
Yeah, yeah.
That video, Chen.
That's all I needfuck, man.
Chappelle was lit as fuck.
How were you not drunk at this thing?
I don't know.
He got after it.
Wait, do you see him on stage?
I saw it.
I saw it.
I was impressed.
This one?
Yeah.
I was too lit.
Now, do they tell what song you're gonna come out to before? Yeah, yeah. I knew it, I was too lit. Now do you do they tell what songs you're gonna come out to before?
Yeah, yeah, I knew it I was singing.
But I've never done it like this before.
Who's the guy hanging on it?
I know. It's just random people.
Oh, they just jump on stage and hang on it?
Yeah, that's like the thing they do.
You push him back?
Uh, yeah.
How does security not come?
Watch the synchronized jump though.
Oh. Watch, yeah. How does security not make you- Watch the secret eyes jump though.
Oh.
Watch right here.
Oh, yeah.
Watch the secret eyes jump though.
Oh.
Watch right here.
Oh.
Watch right here.
So cool, Chipotle, you do that.
And if you hit the next video, you're going to see the crowd from Tampa.
They were lit.
So you did a show after that.
No, I flew to New York. After? No, I flew to New York.
After that show I flew to New York.
You fly at night, you flew in the morning?
The early that morning.
And you flew from New York?
That was a great weekend.
That looks good, dude.
You flew from New York to here?
Yeah, I flew at 6 a.m. this morning.
I'm out of it.
I'm out of it.
That's why not drinking pays off for you.
Oh yeah.
I think if I drink, there's no way in.
Right, because this Fuku burger place,
the owner came and told us what to get.
I had so much sodium in my face.
You guys swallowing.
Dude, I couldn't see.
I was like a sharp A.
I cut my face was so swallowing from sodium.
I could not see.
Are they like big burgers?
Yeah.
Pull it up, Joe.
Oh, they're nice.
Oh, who burger?
Oh, j8, two of them.
Fucking fat.
Jays falling them now too.
Jays falling.
Yeah.
Sincere.
Yeah, but,
Katsula, Katsu.
Katsu.
Katsu?
Katsu,
Katsu burger.
Chicken.
Oh, Katsu,
spicy chicken. What's that? It has like this Japanese hot sauce on? A chicken. Oh, Katsu, you can even... Spicy chicken.
What's that?
It's nice.
It has like this Japanese hot sauce on it?
Wow.
It was nice.
There's no way I could do it.
And the fries have gravy on them.
Jait, two of those, and the gravy fries.
Like, good thing.
And then shit, he did it.
Yeah, that'll get to you.
I can't.
Yeah, I couldn't do it that.
The number two is what they're known for.
It's egg with some sort of seaweed on it.
Where?
Egg and beef. Egg and some tam beef. I went with number one.
The number six is delicious.
The crispy chicken sandwich. Oh my God, dude.
I mean, but I two of them my face.
Did you?
I do. My my my fiance.
You know, she's something that she blows up into a balloon.
I'm like, yeah, it's how it was.
You look like a couple of right now.
It's the sodium.
Hey, I'm gonna get tightness. Shut'm like, you look like a balloon right now. It's the sodium. Yeah.
Hey, what am I gonna tighten this shit up?
Did you watch the fight?
Dude, so we had it on in the back.
And I told David I'm like, hey, go longer.
So I can watch this fucking fight.
Yeah.
So he did like 30 minutes.
I thought that was it.
But that was when that was roasted.
I watched it.
So he did like 30 and changed.
And then he gets off my fuck.
So I saw rounds one through four.
Ah.
Then I left and then came back and the fight was over.
And I was like, I'll be able to watch in the back
and then of course, when you do meet and greets.
Do you see what happened to Wilder?
I'm like, no, what happened?
Did you watch it?
Yeah.
You just realized that Tyson Veris just better
as a boxer.
That was an amazing fight.
You can't fight somebody who's that good
and they figure you out.
They figure you out, right?
I don't know, it's more of that.
I think it was more like Fury came in super heavy,
which was alarming at first,
but his game plan was like beat him up,
wear him out, then knock him out,
then lay him in the rounds, which he did.
Yeah.
I don't know if Fury's figure him out,
I just feel it's just tougher, man.
Cause that fight got sloppy
It got funny
But I think what I mean is that I feel like fury always has a lot of things to do right?
And he's got a lot of different punches and I think wilder did that low jab
Then he would do like he came in with it. You look great opening rounds
You could tell like made sense to go that new camp. He look great
So you know he got tired You know more about this.
Why did he stop doing that?
Why did he stop going to the bottom?
Because it's not in his, it's just not in,
that's not his, the way he's wired.
You can train for that as soon as you get hit,
which he did early on.
Remember, he got clipped into the first round
by right hand.
And then he got clipped again.
Back the head to, he did that.
And then he got clipped again.
And then you just go back to what you're good at.
You got it your happy place.
Which is...
And then he needs, for his knockouts,
there's a sweet spot.
He needs distance.
So that first and second round,
when he had a fury going back,
I was like, oh, this is perfect
because he and Land that knockout shot.
But as soon as Wilder felt this,
I'm sort of fury-filled,
spower, I started closing the gap,
then stuff.
Because Wilder doesn't have the tools
to throw combos inside. He's in Getsh G that's what I mean by my biggest key on that.
I said this on below the belt.
The biggest marker, if you're like a boxing head,
the biggest marker was Wilder's footwork.
It's real sloppy.
It wasn't there.
It wasn't there.
And you're not gonna be fury doing that.
It's not as good.
Well, Fury even said he had nothing but nice things to say
after the fight and he's like,
he's a great fighter man.
He's just second best.
He's just, yeah, yeah.
I would say he's the second best fighter
in the world, I'm the best.
That's what it is.
It's really true.
What why?
And then people that say it's the greatest
trilogy of all time, I don't agree with that.
No, I don't agree.
They fought, I mean, Chilik, they fought 30 rounds.
Fury, probably won 24, the 30.
I agree.
I agree.
So why do you think wow would just left like that?
He didn't know how to deal with loss. I mean, he's had some losses in his life, like his
personal life, but he's never had losses, professional career. Like, he think about it.
Like Fury, the first one was a draw. So, you know, that was whatever. Second, he got
absolutely annihilated, but he's never had to deal with the loss. So he's like, he cheated,
which we know is not true.
Oh, it was the suit.
I was tired, so he makes all these excuses.
But remember, he's never handled the loss before,
so that was just a bad look.
Yeah, fuck dude.
And he lose the fear again, and that was like,
his entire career, like, like livelihood was riding on it.
You could tell how bad he wanted it.
Yeah.
You can't have tough, while it's so tough.
So tough. His eyes were both closed, with bleeding.
And then even when you look at the combo,
the ending combo, he's getting hit,
but he has such a fight or a sharp,
he refuses to go down.
He had to turn the lights off from the go down.
Yeah, incredible.
So like he wanted it so bad,
so I just don't, he has no experience
on how to handle loss.
Yeah, too much.
I think, and I don't think it's,
he's not a bad person.
The answer is a great human being.
I just don't think he has any experience in losing.
He just doesn't.
Does he fight Joshua next?
Does he have a fight? No, Joshua's fighting, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, White. If Joshua fights, Usek, the way he fought Dylan White,
Joshua was gonna win that fight.
Joshua, when he really wants it
and it uses his strength and just starts brawling,
good luck, good luck, because he's fucked.
He's gonna catch him on that fight.
Savage.
No, he knocked Dylan White out in that fight.
I know, but Dylan White's a monster. Dylan White's a monster.
Dylan White's a monster.
But yeah.
But I think out of the four big boys,
so you look at Wilder, Ussick, Fury, and Joshua.
Wilder, Ussick, and Fury, I don't question
why they're in the game at all.
Joshua, I question.
Is it just as heartening?
Yeah.
Now, I don't think he'd be willing to do what
Deonte Wilder do to get our respect
To and get knocked down that fight like water like they were asking his coach like hey did he tell you guys make sure you don't
Throw in the towel and the coach was like we've never really had that combo, but we know yeah, like we know
He always says let me go out on my shield no matter fucking what so I fired that last camp
Yeah, he's like always let me go out my shield no matter what dude. This isn't your decision. It's mine
that last camp, he's like, always let me go out my shield. No matter what, dude, this isn't your decision, it's mine.
And they're like, we knew it.
So, wow, because it'd be, I think if Joshua decides
that he has to win, if Joshua decides to throw a box
of the wild.
Oh, God.
I think if he did, if he fought, he's a tyson fury
the way he fought, don't wait.
Never, no.
I don't know, man.
Doesn't beat Fury.
Inside, inside, inside, that kind of.
Really?
But inside fighting, I think Fury's gonna go inside on him.
I think I'll stay outside and pick him apart.
His foot works too good.
Really?
And Joshua gets hit.
He gets hit.
Clams up.
Yeah.
There can be a worse matchup for Joshua.
Really?
No.
Fury's number one.
By far.
By far. What about Fury?
It was a small form. Too small.
Who seeks too small, but that's the most interesting fight style.
It's because as far as technical wise, it's better than Fury.
Yeah, but Fury.
Fury.
The size and I don't know.
Just too much.
I would never bet against Fury.
No, I mean, I would never bet.
How about David Luke's brother?
So David got a, he was with Wilders on Trudge and they gave him a backstage pass to go into the fight. Oh shit
So it was like I'm sorry to do sick David Lucas gave his little brother flew up from LA
He's like hey, I'll be on stage. I'm not gonna make it do you want?
Literally you're in a walk with wilders. That's fucking amazing. So he's like yeah, say less flew out there paid his weight
And there's a young kid didn't have Spends all his money to get out there.
And then David calls the guy that I had to fight
because he was in our green room.
He's like, ah, I'm about to go to the fight, man.
I'm like, oh, it'd be fun, man.
And then David goes, dude, guess what?
The past has my name on it.
We can't switch the names.
So you can't go.
So as I care the thing, David's a little brother.
So I know you're expecting him to watch the fight
with Wilder and be like ring sight.
You're watching the green room now.
On a legal streaming cell phone.
That's right.
I could have told you that.
Yeah, I could have told you.
And I said, I'm so sorry.
Now my axe.
He's like, nice stuff, fun man on it.
I'm sure, I'm sure.
And this is heartbreaking for you.
Yeah, that's gonna be so heartbreaking.
If you want nachos or chicken tenders,
cause club food, so,
if you want any of that,
or do all you want buddy.
Now my axe.
Yeah, that's so big. He's such a nice kid all you want buddy. I felt so bad.
He said to nice kid though.
He's so nice.
Oh he's pretty cool.
So nice.
My ex.
I think she's dating a wealthy man
and she just hit me with I'm with fight.
What's the splatter zone?
I'm like huh, I got a text.
Is she ringside?
I go, what?
She goes, what is this splatter?
She was ringside in the splatter zone.
She fucking sends me a video.
She's literally, she can touch those guys.
And now I'm like, now I'm watching a fight.
I'm like, my ex is with some, you know, billionaire.
Thank God, it's great.
It's all good.
It's not though.
She just, I mean, she, hey.
She just sent me a video
Here I'll give you a death
I got I love my fiancee. It's all yeah, no, dude. It's better
Bill I mean
Just better for me
Somebody cuz she's she's such a smart ass. Is this good?
Are these seats?
She just sends me out in here.
And I can hear her going,
woo, go fury.
She doesn't even know.
And I'm like, you fucking,
I don't know this is a knowing that everybody wants to be.
Yeah.
So fucking fun.
Is this good?
I don't know if these seats are good.
I keep such a,
no.
Do we got to have a talk with Justin,
his cell phone use?
I was like,
do you have any ideas?
Not stop. And I go, do you get a thing on your, you know, everyone's cell phone is. I was like, do you have a, I got to stop.
And I go, do you get a thing on your,
you know, everyone's cell phone is like,
tell you how long you've been on it.
He goes, yeah, it's 18 hours a day.
18.
What?
Who?
My opener, Justin.
That's why he's always, he's on.
He's always needed a charger.
Oh, he always needs a charger.
He's a Gucci satchel and he has a charger in the satchel.
But we're walking down like a busy street in Vegas. And he's on Instagram Instagram flipping like this and Jay goes, but he's like slow and I'm like we're just gonna have to leave him
I'm like Justin dude you gotta get off your phone
I'm always on the phone being in the moment you know you're in the moment. Oh dude
We're here now and then you know and then Keith is in there talking with the ingredient and Justin's on his phone
I'm like bro you want to work for that guy. Yeah. Get off your phone.
Yeah.
Damn.
Yeah, he is on his phone a lot.
And when we talk about it,
and I go, you know the whole thing with Facebook
came out and we know our dicting Instagram is
and what it does to children and stuff like that.
You know, you're a grown man.
Think, oh, Dic, you're already a phone,
is yeah, I'm addicted.
I'm like, you can change it.
That's why I told him.
I said, now you're a grown man. And you have issues with it. Think about the you can change it. That's why don't. I said now you're a grown man and you have
issues with it. Think about the younger generation dude they're so fucked because I constantly
tongue. I'm like dude we could be doing Iraq and you would have hell clueless. You're
screens the same wherever you're at. He does write me back the fastest. You miss fucking like.
I told him I said if you put half the effort into your standup that you do on your phone
Dude your headlight you should put half your effort. It's funny and smart
Yeah, so if you just put half the effort that you're doing whatever you're doing
Yeah, into writing or whatever the fuck you want to get done
Yeah, I don't think I know anyone that that's on the phone as well
Just eat it and finally even Jay got fed up with it. He's like dude. What are we I mean? that's on the phone as well, just he is. And finally, even J.G. I fed up with it. He's like, dude, what are we, I mean, he's on the phone all the time.
That's so funny.
He's a grown man when he's just got a chill.
I miss my turtle, man.
Oh, man. That's why I know how much of a heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart-to-heart You'll be in the moment really if I was his cruise because I was more famous. I do the exact Kevin's
Kevin's crew. So I mean, there's I don't know yeah because we're all hanging it's all chill like you know
You know, I mean, yeah, I don't know. I just don't need to really be on it. Yeah
30 bucks to 200
To carry on the species
I'm a semi-quad if I don't know where you can catch one
But you don't want to get one little bitch a bitch redneck one like the pet smart go
Like a real amphibian saw off in turra like they have like lizards and crocodiles on the cover
Get like a real fucking turtle. I need a real turtle, but I want to fuck I need a turtle
I need something else is gonna keep those fucking raccoons away like a snapping turtle
The raccoons got hands man. Yeah, they do
Plug them right out.
I like the door to start the parade.
I don't want one of those.
Torses live like, what about that?
That's not bad.
No, I want a fucking, I have to get,
it's got to be a aquatic.
It's got to live with my coy.
But then he'll probably die too.
Yeah.
Especially if he gets cold at night.
But this motherfucker, why didn't he eat the fish?
This turtle has been around for years. It's lived in that pond forever.
It just died when you moved in.
Yeah, and this fucking raccoon decided like it was gonna,
and I was feeding it every day.
I love to, hey, you think he's a homeless man in turtle soup?
No, but they always have the head.
Unless it's like a...
It's the crunchy part.
Unless they're into magic spells.
That's that, the red eard slider, that's what I had.
That's what, oh, that's my that's my girl
Skeptical turtle it is super scapegole again fucking raccoon. Yep
Sold in stores only can't order online huh? I guarantee it's a raccoon. I guarantee I don't know
I think it has no I think it's a human I
Think a homeless guy killed your fucking turtle. Well, you ever seen that raccoon go after that lizard? Catch that lizard?
Yeah, a big lizard?
They just, they, I mean, they can do that.
Oh shit, out there, kill you.
Not a shit to kill your turtle, man.
Yeah, man, sure.
It's weird he's been alive this long and then you move and then dies.
I know.
So I think he's the homeless, maybe it's someone sending you a message.
Do you think so?
Did they ride on the turtle?
Yeah, they wrote, they wrote on the turtle.
Were they?
You're next?
Yes.
It's so weird. Yeah. Yeah, they wrote your next yes
It's so weird. Yeah, no, it's it Brian with a circle and a big line across
One of it's one of our buddies planted joke interesting. Well, that's a horrible joke to cut a turtle's head off pretty sad I wrote it is his dog got eaten by a mountain line in Colorado
That would be off of the come out and see your dog all messed up. Do we believe that story? I don't know.
Did you ever see there's a there's a a lodge in Africa you know where it's a high-end
safari lodge where you know and they they have amazing food and it's like 16
like four seasons so far. Chin take a look a bunch of wild dogs chased a an at the middle of the night everybody's asleep. Oh
Yeah, that could do into the lobby and there was a bloody scene
Take a look at oh
The guests came down
They're not really look at that. There you go
Oh Nyle look at that. There you go
There you go. Was it those spotted wild dogs? Yeah, they look like a little baby highness. Yeah, they don't play around
That's this hyenas that that those hyenas Jesus Christ. They have actually have a stronger
Bites in the lion. Oh, yeah. Oh, dude. They crack it. Oh, yeah
Nyle is fuck that thing Brad thought I was safe running the fucking hotel lobby
and those, those hyenas said, oh, you think you're safe?
I think we give a fuck about this for $7,000.
We're gonna eat you balls first, dude.
That's right.
We're gonna eat you.
In front of these rich white people.
They didn't even get the feel paid for VIP.
We're gonna eat you.
Let's leave our mark.
Yeah, yeah, leave in our mark.
Hey, rich white people, enjoy this.
Oh, yeah, they eat ass first.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
They go ass first.
Do you know why, right?
Do I know why they do?
Do I know why they do ass?
Because the animal has the ability to attack from head on.
So they don't like to go head on
so they just go from the ass.
They get your balls too, no?
Yeah.
They'll rip them balls.
They don't kind of say from the back.
Yeah, sometimes they buck them.
Super hard. Let me pee before we do cr-out. Yeah, sometimes they buck them. Super hard.
Let me pee before we do crinavents.
All right, that's piss hard.
Piss hard and pissing.
Let that hog out and let it drip.
You know what I'm saying?
I watched so many videos of that,
those spotted dogs, because I just...
Oh, they're so hard.
But you know why they eat so aggressive like that?
It's because, yeah, the lion's still their food a lot,
so they just like try to eat as fast as they can.
You telling me I thought it was wild in here. Yeah, I was born nature, didn't. I food a lot, so they just like try to eat as fast as they can. You tell me about that. That's what's wild in here.
Yeah, I love nature, dude.
I know a lot about these things.
I love nature.
We were gonna have our own show on fucking Astro and Geographic, dude.
Well, I've always wanted to do a TV show.
I pitched it. I want to do a show where comedians, you watch nature shows and comedians dub in the voices of what the animals would be saying.
But it's hard to do. It's tough.
I see a lot of seasons for that.
Yeah, it's tough.
Yeah. You know who kills it at that?
Tony Baker.
Yeah, somebody does that right?
Tony Baker, he does a lot of them.
But it's not necessarily like nature.
Nature stuff, it's more like just any animal.
Any, you know, he kills it good.
Yeah, he has some funny moments.
Did you watch, I know you don't watch football,
but did you watch any footballs we get?
Did you see the Chargers' Browns?
I did not see that.
49 to fucking 48 or so.
It was not the best game I've ever seen.
Wow.
They couldn't stop each other.
Geez.
That Herbert for the Chargers, dude.
Who won?
All the Chargers did.. All the charges did.
Such a good fight.
It's such a high scoring game.
And that a foul nuts us.
And I did watch a football game,
I watched Alabama versus...
They lost.
Yeah.
Should they just give Tampa the Super Bowl trophy or...
I mean, is it gonna be Tampa...
Is it gonna be Tampa Green Bay?
Who's gonna be in? The bills are good.
The bills are good.
The bills are really good.
Well, but the bills lost the Steelers.
Yeah, but they just beat the Shother Chiefs last night.
Beat the Shother.
Chiefs are a Mont-Chef.
Chiefs are, I mean,
Cardinals are great.
Cardinals are on defeat at their defense kit,
but the number one team that spells
like on the rankings is the bills.
Is it really?
Oh, yeah.
I take pride in that,
because I played three-second
i already got you
are here's the first one
so a thirty one-year-old man jumped from a building in new jersey from the
ninth floor he landed on a park to be in the center of the side
yet
did he all he that so the car broke his fall
just like the movies
but then there's a picture of him
just like
he's out of it
he's just like you can't watch it
is this face almost no not at all
no his face looks normal no
he just broke his arm
dude you know what he just broke his arm
yeah pretty crazy
how the fb
bmw broke his fucking fall
oh my god he jumped
how far?
Nine stories stories. Imagine that being your car though. You come outside. Yeah, sure There's gotta be a better way to kill yourself. That's just there is there is and a guy did it this there is who that's him
Oh my god. You had a mask on why would you jump? Yeah, he had a mask. Oh
Yes, he did
You don't want to get COVID on the way down?
Yeah.
Dude, the poor guy, first of all, but also I'm glad he's alive
and also that.
Only broke the room.
That shows you that God was like, hey dude, not your turn.
Yeah.
Come on.
That's incredible.
Now, on a sadder note, a guy commits suicide this weekend
jumping off the stratosphere.
Now, I don't know if you've seen how high that is,
but I was looking at the stratosphere.
What is that?
It's the biggest needle in Vegas.
But it's the tallest building in Vegas.
Okay, yeah, that's not it.
You jump from there, now that,
you're not gonna bounce off the ground.
You're not gonna help you with that.
No.
What a scary way to go.
How did he get it?
It's so scary.
Well, you can get up there
because they have all the writing stuff.
And he's like, oh, let me just see the road closer.
See on the other side.
Where's this this Tuesday night? Whew, they were talking about it there.
All the employees, like, do you see the guy jumped
out the stress friend?
Like, sure, didn't.
Now that, you know, I guess I survived that one.
It is high high.
There has to be a better way to go than that,
because that is really high up.
That's dark. Anyway, that has a roller coaster on it, doesn't it?
Yeah, I don't fuck with it.
Listen, I stay as far as from the stratosphere
and circus circus as possible.
Oh, circus circus.
I was doing a peer service talking to his daughter.
She suffered from depression and she had really bad arthritis.
And she went, she said no she said she said
she said what is it like and she said well you know when my dog died it was my dog you know and
I was so sad and he said so that's kind of what it's like all the time and she goes it's much worse
than yeah much worse it's like oh okay you know, that's his daughter. She looks great, man.
She's had a hard job.
She's smart too.
There's more kids.
You know, the new one kids.
Damn, that's a joint piece since Don.
Yeah, she's very pretty.
Good for her.
Well, Halloween's coming.
All right, well, well,
what can you do?
Very well.
I love it.
Lobster.
Later with the cross.
What else you had, Jen?
How are you?
This right here.
So Woody Harrelson got into a fight with a photographer because he was at a
Watergate hotel with his daughter.
I believe they were on the rooftop bar.
And there was a drunk eye taking photos of him and his daughter from afar.
He was a little belligerent.
So Woody Harrelson approached him, said, hey, can you please stop taking pictures of my and his daughter from afar. He was a little belligerent. So Woody Harrelson approached him, said,
hey, can you please stop taking pictures of my daughter and I
and can you actually delete the photos from your phone?
Like, I'm just trying to spend time with my mom.
I'll just kid.
He has a few kids, three daughters, I believe.
They don't say which one it was.
I think the youngest is 15, and then the eldest is 28.
But it was one of his daughters.
The guy was belligeredira and Woody Harrison claims
that he actually tried to lunge at him
and was aiming for his neck, traitage, okay?
And Woody punched him.
So now there are charges.
What's not to love about Woody Harrison?
It was the best.
Hall of Famer, too.
But I don't realize he was 60.
But this is my thing with the guy taking the picture.
What do you can do with those pictures, dude?
Yeah, you send your A-Doo check out,
what do you send with his daughter?
Well, they try to sell them.
Actually, it's what they do.
They sell them to bubblegates.
I bet you that guy was in selling it.
No.
He sent his friends.
I got a douchebag.
Yeah, he was just, because he was just drunk.
He's a douchebag.
You hear what happened to Shane Gillis?
No.
He started about hecklers and shouts
if there's a heckler, we'll just shut the show down and kick you out.
You know, I'll crystallize, do it, and then Joe Koi, same thing.
Who go stop the show, lights on, get them out.
And then shouts goes, I kicked the whole row out.
Yeah, he goes, if you're even associated with him and you didn't have the mindset that
they were ruling the show, you're part of the problem, you're out too.
So if one person, the whole group goes, that's how Shotsy does it.
Yeah, just fun. the show, you're part of the problem, you're out too. So if one person the whole group goes, that's how show she does it.
It's just fun.
Cheng Yil's there top.
It was on the last flagrant too.
Cheng Yil's, he said he was in a stand-up live.
He just stand up live.
And you know, the show went well.
And I'm walking out, and there's a bar stand-up live.
And there's a couple sitting there, and this big guy
sitting there, like older guy, but big.
Turns around and goes, that's the worst fucking
set I've ever seen.
And Shane, you know, he goes, you know,
how fans talk, you like that, because they want your
attention.
And he goes, ah, thanks dude, it was funny, he goes,
no, no dude, that was the worst stand up I've ever
fucking heard.
I want my fucking money back.
And then Shane goes, I could tell from his tone
and the way he looked, like he was dead serious. And then Shane goes off, you know, he's basically like, fuck you, man.
And I guess they get each other's face out, be separated. God damn. That's-
Oh, yeah, they got like a shum in that, you know? Yeah. What kind of an asshole? Who is this asshole?
Oh, we'll do that. But then Shane goes, maybe his military, I do have a Navy SEAL joke that doesn't
sit well with them. I'm such a savage.
I'm such a savage.
It's case such a savage.
But it's also that, that means I bet those people
didn't know who Shane Gillis,
like they're showing comics like Shane Gillis,
Tim Dillon, Cholcey for that matter.
If you don't know who they are and you're just like,
oh, let's go to a show.
Oh, show up and be like, what in the fuck?
You can be offended.
To that point one time I was in San Diego
at the comedy store and
San Diego is a heavy military town you all the Okay, I'm watching a peasant cute. I remember one time I was doing a thing and I was doing a thing about Sparta and it was all Navy
Seals they were just Navy seal they were like so you'd always have these rough ranger seals Marines that always be there and this girl
This woman I didn't know she was opening for me super liberal and she was criticizing the military
But in a really bad way, so I and you know like the military it's like it's like in talent military intelligence
It's not seem more on like okay your intelligence put you in the military. Yeah, right and it just gets so quiet
It's so quiet. She keeps eating a dick. She keeps one of that. He just hit this guy go this just this guy goes
Kiss my she goes something I you guys you guys are quiet
He goes you just hear him go kiss my ass
Leave early and I know I know the guy found me. He's like you know, he was talking me. Sorry about that
Shultie said
This guy was heckling he kicked him out and the him out and they put the crowd on their toes.
It kind of fucks up the rhythm of the night.
And Shultzi goes, we good?
You guys want me quiet?
And then there's silence and here's some guy go,
stay quiet if you're gay.
And Shultzi goes, who is so funny,
I can help a break, man, I can start laughing.
So, stay quiet if you're gay.
So I didn't tell you this in Schomburg when I was there.
There was, I'm doing my set.
It was like a Saturday, the early show,
Friday, early show.
And I just hear, I fuck, but I'm.
Why are you on stage?
Yeah, but I'm like, I hear a little,
get a power from it.
Yeah, you can't see it.
Yeah, I'm on stage.
And third time, I do my joke again.
I was yelled, three hours of baaaay.
And I go, all right.
Where the fuck is that coming from?
Sure enough, it's two dudes who are good,
look like kind of bros, you know, had shaved shave heads with jerseys on kind of my my audience and then and then a gal and then this this blonde who's just
Bulletin see her husband kind of gone mad
I'm a time doctor and then the sure enough the
Skipo come up scared to come over and they're like hey, and then she won't leave. She's like, ah, San, San, San, here, there, I didn't even do that.
So she's not making any sense.
So now I start making in front of her.
And the guys, and she's just, I don't know, I don't know,
her husband now sits across from her and the other seat.
And he's like, we gotta go.
Yeah, please, you gotta go.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I don't know, I was well.
She's making no fucking sense.
Not even saying it, you can't continue. Oh, I just made it a huge joke
I just started until she did yeah, I had to move everybody out and the poor guys were like well big fans
I'm sorry, bro, and I go bro D. Had me they never did I go DM me on my Instagram or email me I get my email
I go I will get you tickets. You just can't bring drunky drunky. You just can't bring too much Jesus Christ.
She's just query had a problem.
I've almost never had a guy.
How about the guy waiting for Shane Gillis?
Yeah, the fact that he waited.
What was the Navy seal choke?
Cause you know it?
I'm sure, and Shane Gilli's on Tristan.
It's a newer one.
Yeah, but still.
That's really weird that somebody would wait for that long.
Why would they be that offended?
Cause he's not offensive.
He's just like a...
Might be.
Do you see, speaking offensive,
did you see, I don't think he's offensive,
but it's the trending topic.
I have it.
Shepel.
Oh, it's good.
I love it.
I love it.
Ooh, it's good.
You saw it?
And so much for people.
I mean, when I'll see it in here.
So much for cancer, huh?
Because people are like, oh, I'm going to watch more of this now.
It's like number three on Netflix. Oh, he knows
Wait, here's the thing to dummies that want to cancel Shepel over that. You should go after Netflix if you're really trying to do something
But doesn't matter. There's such an empire
But you realize that when you submit an hour to Netflix, they review everything
It's not like the work is that I don't think like he said what? Yeah, exactly what they're doing. It's about freedom of speech. They also tried the Netflix executives went to one of his live shows,
Solvey Hour, then okayed it.
Yeah.
So your problem, although it's with Chappelle,
is the platform that gave him the platform.
Yeah, but it's also hilarious.
It's also, they should give him that.
It's also fantastic.
You're allowed to say he's here.
Yeah, it's just, he's just, there's an MIT professor.
There's an MIT professor.
An MIT professor.
Uh-huh.
He was giving a speech on climate change. The MIT professor said
that in some instances certain programs like affirmative action tend to create prejudice against groups
and it doesn't work out for all groups and it's a very hard thing to implement and he was very eloquent about speaking about it.
He was talking, I did an interview but but it was, had nothing to the climate change. MIT, because there was an uproar about him being
racist, and it's just a point of view that actually 74% of Americans from all
agree with backgrounds, black, white, everything agree way. It's not controversial.
It's always been something like, wait a minute, and I don't know where I stand. Which is named.
I can't remember, but he got, they rescinded his offer.
And we're dealing now with universities,
they're so gutless that the minute there's a little Twitter storm,
they disinvite speakers.
And he wasn't even talking about it for me.
He was talking about fucking climate change.
But he's trying to find...
What did Netflix, the CEO, say about Chappelle?
He just defends him.
Netflix, CEO Ted Zorando's,
Defense Dave Chappelleel special trans.
Yeah, and then one of the employees got, because she sent out tweets, they suspended her
fireter, I think.
There was, there was another, I think this might be the same employee.
She was the showrunner for dear white people.
She's like boycotting Netflix until they take down Schipel.
You know, Netflix doing, who, okay, so we'll make, okay, cool. Yeah, Schipel makes us hundreds of millions dollars. And you know what Netflix is doing? Okay, so we'll make money.
Okay, cool.
Yeah, Shepel makes us hundreds of millions dollars.
You bring how much in?
It's market value.
Okay, cool.
So he said, so you have to ask where we draw the line on hate.
We don't allow titles Netflix that are designed
in tights hate or violence.
We don't believe that closer across the line.
I recognize that the scene screen commentaries,
harm is hard.
So it's a stamp comment which exists to push boundaries. Some people find that art of stamp to be
mean-spirited, but our members enjoy it. It's an important part of our content offering.
So this is how you fight back. You fight back. Yeah. When these major, when these major networks
go, we're leaving it, dude. This isn't, we're not canceling you know I thought Dana White the way he
the when when they said they're the New York Times said that you shouldn't be having this event
to play as I don't give a fuck what the New York Times says. They go yes but what he goes I don't
give a fuck that journalist got some clicks good for them you move on I don't give a fuck yeah
there is that there is that this was only way beat it
Well, well, they wouldn't even take the right
They speak for a very small minority, but also Netflix is all they care about is numbers
If you know anybody at Netflix all they care about is numbers so they're looking at all right
How many people watch Dave's spell special?
What's the you know what's the conversion rate? How many people finished it? And it's like one of the most watched apps.
You also don't have to agree with me.
You're also allowed to say things people disagree with.
Netflix doesn't care.
Yeah.
It's literally a numbers game.
Good.
So they're saying, all right.
So that lady who was like, I'm not writing
until you kick off Dave Spell.
Okay.
So Netflix says, how many people watched?
Oh, wow.
How many watched days?
Okay, let's decide what day.
That's right.
No matter what they believe.
Yeah, it's called the marketplace.
It's called business. Yeah. But also, I don't think a lot of right no matter what they believe. Yeah, it's called the marketplace. It's called business
Yeah, but also I don't think a lot of these people watched his whole special. No, no, I don't want this just no way
It's like when you would think he was hating on something then you didn't watch this more on this goes hard in the pain
He goes hard in the pain, but like this activist slash journalist
But let's just call him an activist his name is butterworth. I came or he was on Pierce Morgan
And he was he was going crazy on JK Rowling's new book, because it was transphobic and it wasn't.
And he says, did you read the book? And he said, no, I didn't read it. And it was like,
wow. How does that happen all the time? It happens all the time.
Well, you'll never hear me criticize anybody. Well, just think about it. Because if you go hard
and chappelle, it's making news now. Like I saw an article on my news feeders like five LGBTQT comics that are
funded in Dave. If you're sick of his stuff it's like, okay. Okay. Well, okay. Come on.
Well, they break people up in the groups. I don't. I treat everybody as an individual
and that's how you should do it. Now his special is by far as best of the last fucking
four years. Did you see what it is? No longer LG BTQ.
It is now 2s for two spirit. Look up what Justin Trudeau
now referred to marginalized community size.
He's a bigger bitch. Him or Newsom? Trudeau. I don't know.
This should have a bitch up. Yeah. Yeah. Who's Trudeau?
He's the premier of, he's the prime,
he's the prime minister of Canada.
Canada, that guy.
His dad was the long time, here's the,
it was the long time, three term, I think.
Now Trudeau's got in trouble because he's been
caught in black face.
Multiple times.
That guy, okay, I remember.
But he's, he's, uh,
how does it just, Spar?
Just a trigger.
He's cabinet, he just, he just made 50% of them women.
It wasn't, it had nothing to do with, with qualifications. He just made 50% of them women.
It had nothing to do with qualifications.
Just had to do a genitalia.
He was like, if you don't have, well, we need a certain number of a genus
and certain number of gonads, and I'm just going to make it, you know.
Now newsroom for Elise wants to do the most crazy woke left stuff.
Like the stuff he's passing, not something.
It's going to fight. What Yeah, it's gonna fight.
What is Nancy Pelosi's worth 350 million?
It's better that they do this stuff because then it's gonna get even Democrats.
But I call you shit, the SATA control.
It's better. He does this crazy.
Yeah, what does she got, Jen?
Already?
So a wedding photographer went to his friends wedding and he was going to shoot a 10 hour wedding
day for $250.
He says he was just helping his friend out as a part time.
That's pretty low.
That's a pretty low, you would.
You would?
Well, yeah, that's absolutely.
No, absolutely.
I wouldn't get out of bed for that.
So he was doing this as a favor to his friend because his friend says, I'm on a shoe string
budget.
I really need a photographer.
I don't really care if it's great photos.
I just want photos from that day.
So his friend shows up, takes photos,
and it's a very hot day.
He also finds out halfway through that he was not reserved
a plate to eat.
He was expected to take photos throughout the entire thing.
No lunch break.
His friend did not allow him to refill
his water bottle. And when the friend confronted the groom, he said, Hey, I need to at least
get 20 minutes, just to go somewhere, grab some food and come back. His friend gave him
an ultimatum saying, you can leave and not get your $250 or you can stay finished the day
and get your payment at the very end. And so the photographer actually took it upon himself
to go and delete all of the photos from that day
in front of the groom.
He posted this online wanting to see if he was the asshole for
doing that in front of his friend
or if it was justified.
And a lot of people are supposed to.
Most people agree with him,
some people think it's fucked up.
What do you think?
I think what's fucked up is 100% justified.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I wouldn't have brought it to the end. I don't do? I want to just stand, stand the ground of just like, yeah,
that's what I did. So where's the, where's the social media side with him? Social media
for the most part is with him. There are a few people who say that he should have kept
the photos and charges friends double or triple the price he would have sold the photos
for originally.
And then there were some people saying, oh, that's mean you should have just kept it for him anyways.
He's never going to get this moment back.
But most people are on the photographer side.
What I would have done is you treat me that way.
I would have gone like this.
So you say, just sit down.
I can't refill my water.
I can't have water.
Just take the pictures.
Okay, cool.
Just take my camera.
I just turn around and I just walk away. I don't even see it. I go like this. Okay, cool. Just take my camera. I just turn around and I just walk away.
I don't even see it.
I go like just like, okay, okay, sorry about that.
No, I've been like,
no, I've been like, all right, cool dude.
So I have whatever 100 something pictures.
I'm not working the venue mark
because I was doing it as a favor.
So now if you want these, it's triple the price.
Well, I would just, I'm not getting deleted.
I'm not getting deleted, but if you want these,
it's triple the price.
That's all.
I'm not getting deleted, but if you want them now,
I'm out, dude.
Well, because you hurt my feelings, so that's gonna be...
Well, I would just say, I'm just gonna charge my regular rate,
like this is the worst gig ever.
So if you want these pictures, I'm done.
I'm gonna take any more.
If you want these, it's triple the cost.
Yeah.
Okay, also, I don't think is a photographer originally,
he works at a pet store.
What?
So I don't really know where...
The group is at the end.
Right?
The group is at the end.
The group is right
He'll treat his wife the same way just watch it if that's a true story That's it. That's a bad guy
Like that it may not be true. Hey hit him up. Maybe you can get a turtle
Which is wife like he's that the guy that deals with the hamsters the pest or we get it like yes
My buddies also part time photographer 250 bucks
What's got you the pest or like, yes, my buddies also part time photographer. 250 bucks.
What did you catch in? Here we go.
Okay. So this story was sent in by Dean Sodoris.
There is an article that where the rock claims that he tried steroids when he was 18, 19, he was had a short.
steroids when he was 18, 19, he was had a short day. But he claims that he has never touched
steroids since the years of 18 and 19. I love this.
The whole lot. Wait. He says he's steroid free and all of
the truth. He said, he's this, what is his site? It's an
article from muscle and fitness. He didn't interview.
Wow.
Now, the one that negate the hard work you put in,
dude, you work hard.
No, I'm not down that.
Is he suggesting that he's sorry?
Does he consider testosterone?
Maybe he doesn't consider testosterone steroids.
I'm not sure he just says that he has never
touched a steroid.
Okay, so human growth hormone and testosterone
is not a steroid.
What he's including in that.
Could be. is that fair?
He's on steroids, but I'll
I mean
But also
I but I think he has to do this right because if he came out and gave us like a cycle
Yeah, they're like oh what a piece of shit, and then he's a
One motherfucker. Yeah, like he's like he's kid friendly. Yeah, so he's kid friendly. So he has to double down this.
I don't know, that's him rapping, which is.
Yes, this is shit.
Bro, this should go hard.
His verse actually goes hard.
Can you play a kid?
The rock has a new song out.
He is rapping.
Yeah.
This is his J.B.O.
Yeah, he did a song with Tech Nine and a couple other cats.
It's his song, but yeah, he's the last verse.
It doesn't, he do.
But he actually
doesn't sound bad. I face to face now we escalating when I have to put boost as it's mean on you like a dream when I'm rumbling
You're gonna scream mama so bring drama to the king drama that's what extreme
I watch the video get you off he posted off. Hey, that's what's it. He pulls it. He's got a SMS. You know steroids
It is I guess he has to do that but our Arnold Arnold never had made it to use on steroids either.
Like those guys just, they really can't.
Not in this problem.
It's just really frown upon him.
You just, I mean, it's such a bad mess to kids.
Yeah.
But if you look at his, but if I'm him, I don't know why he did that article for Muscle
and Fitness, like his people handling should be like, K, no steroid questions.
Like, you should even touch him.
Oh. All the gear. Yeah name steroid send his veins
Oh, and that's fine, but just don't comment on it like like Phil Heath, you know
When remember we have the show like there's no mention it like we all know
The elephant in the room the juicy steroid elephant in the room, but no one alludes to it, you know
He's like yeah, I take Celt tech, and my gun, okay.
Well, he got huge out of nowhere, because I remember that,
what was that movie he did with the little girl where he was a football player?
Tooth fair.
No, not tooth fair, he was a game plan.
He was a lot smaller in game plan, and then that movie he did with Mark Wahlberg and
Clarence.
He's always been, he's a big guy.
He's paining, paining, paining, paining, pain. That's's a big guy. He's a pain in game.
Pain in game.
That's what he was like.
So look at him there.
Wow.
And then type in, type in a pain in game.
But I think what people got to understand is he's starting,
his starting is so much higher than,
like he's a big dude in general.
Like he's lean and big.
So he's probably not on it right there.
Probably not.
And probably.
But look at him in a pain in game. So when he did. But we're looking to be a painting game.
So when he did a painting game, look how huge you are.
When you look at Mark Wahlberg, like look at him.
That's all netty for Mark.
When you have traps like that.
But look at to put the picture there,
Chen with a shirt off.
He's the one, the one, he's 50 something years old, dude.
How long you want?
See, in his 50, how long you to pretend that he's not on shit.
But also who, I mean, I look like that, but also like,
my thing with this is like,
he should, he should just comment on it, but be,
dude, do all the same shit he's doing.
You're not gonna be as big as the rock.
You're gonna be shredded.
The rock should have been counted.
Yes, we light 40, how's the rock, Jen?
Far farther than that.
It has to be 48, 49 at least.
49.
49.
49.
Like no 49 year old's that big and shredded.
And run it that hard without supplementation.
That's just science, baby.
And it's fine, dude.
It's fine.
I don't care.
Do you see people are clowning on Vin Diesel
because he's on that yacht with a shirt off
and as a gut?
Some haters was like clowning on them
and then Tyrese, I just stuck out from,
and went, dude, you're at home with no yacht in a shirt.
That's a good guy.
That's pretty good.
Tyrese.
He's like, you don't have a shirt.
Tyrese, have a moment.
And you have a shirt.
He had a moment of kind of crazy,
but he seems like a good person to that. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. No, I don't have a moment. And you have a sure. He had a moment of kind of crazy, but he seems like a good person then.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know, Metal.
What else you got, Jen?
I'm ready.
Let's pick a good one here.
What about the dots?
Oh, so I just saw her on Jimmy Fallon.
She like flashed the crowd.
She went on the desk and then she flashed her ass.
She has a fake guess, ass. She has it dude
It's so fake, but she actually looks pretty she's 60 something 60
63 so I honestly before this interview I thought she look kind of crazy, but she actually looks pretty good for
63.
So you have her pull up, would she just show her ass?
Yeah, I'll show you where I am.
She got a grill?
So how you been Brooklyn by the way, performing your stuff that no one's doing.
You zig when you...
And so I hope that I have...
How old score are these shows?
Not only your parents afternoon, but...
So that's what she does first.
She is a force of nature. She's a beauty.
You don't look better than that at 16.
She got a house right under the Hollywood sign.
That booty is fake.
Definitely fake.
But I should definitely was good for 16.
You will not go out and go quietly and then you'll have a lot of fight.
She will rage tonight like share.
Let her do it.
She is fighting the fucking...
She's amazing. She's fighting father time,. Let her do it. She is fighting the fucking, she's amazing.
Yep.
She's fighting father time man.
She's more of some age.
She kind of winning, you know.
Yep.
She's up on the cards.
I'll give her that.
This is what Cory Anderson posted.
I don't know where it's from,
but some dude that hits a car, you'll see right now.
Cory has just a UFC fighter. God yeah. No, he's a Bellator fighter. Oh, he was a USC fighter
He's a Bellator fighter. Oh, he was a UC fighter. How did that yet? You had to kid who for some reason I was
Pray on his phone probably and then bone landed breaks his from oh my god
Yeah, you see a mask on yeah, Jesus Christ
The math outside that guy
Yeah, Jesus Christ. It would have been not differently.
Who heads with the math the outside?
That guy.
So if you're going to Disneyland out,
the fast pass system is gone.
It's a pay, like 20 bucks, up to 20 bucks to do fast pass
for fast pass.
Yeah, I'll pay more than that.
There's different ones.
Yeah, they have different options as well.
But I mean, there's do you have,
thank you to me not to end those goddamn lines
or whatever it takes.
Whatever it takes.
It's a nightmare.
Have you been asleep?
No, the lines are so long. Can't go. Yeah, so Disney Genie Plus. I'm not long is. It's a nightmare. Have you been recently? No, the lines are so long.
Can't go.
Yeah, so Disney Genie Plus.
I'm not long enough.
Not right.
For a couple of seconds.
No.
You going for Halloween?
Yeah.
Take your hits.
Yeah.
Cool.
This 60, my buddy Ryan showed me this, a 69 year old woman on only fans is like in the
top 1%.
Good for her.
Yeah. That's her. Hold up. 69 year old woman on only fans is like in the top 1% Good for her
Yeah, that's her hold up and she makes a hundred seventy grand a month sleeping with younger men
140K and euros or whatever that is yeah, and she'll go to different areas and she'll see like say to get to she will go to different
Areas and she'll ask like if anyone's down to come and have sex with her on camera
Younger guys and then of course they would come. Oh, wow.
Good for her.
They would come literally too.
Let her do it.
That's her.
Her disabled son's like,
Mom, how are we making those?
I know.
So she had no idea.
She had no idea she would make this much money,
but now she's, oh yeah.
Oh, oh.
There are a lot of guys who are into that.
Yep.
God bless you.
And I went to her Twitter,
because they posted it here on the place.
Did I have some stuff on there?
The first thing I saw pop up was her,
like having a big black digger in her mouth.
All right, there's a big one.
So I'm not sure, I didn't click on this yet,
so we'll do it right now together.
Yeah.
So I'm gonna pay it for that.
Tower, hold up.
I'm surprised that the
earth caption is how
restored last night 12
long days in the heat now
the cleanup begins between
how to cover within the hurricane
I lost a lot of fans and only
fans help a guy out by
subscribing thank you kindly
and then this person put
at m700056 wow you are
amazing those tits are just
wow 69 69 years old 56 wow you are amazing those tits are just wow
69 she's 69 years old literally making bank on only fence Madonna has nothing on her
That's the only fence it's a big black dick
Yeah, and we were talking a bunch in this. I don't know how people find these things
What I just can't believe that, kids.
I can't know how to do it right.
The world is insane.
My fucking turtle was murdered now.
Oh, right.
So we've been tagged up bunching this.
I don't know how people, like I said, I don't know how people find it,
but people find people that look like...
Oh my God!
That is bright as hell.
I have something to tell everybody.
What in the world?
It's a bad weekend.
It's a cough. That weekend. Holy shit. That is hilarious. I have something to tell everybody what in the Bad weekend is a cop
And our bodies are not that different sim
That's what I look like if I made a lot of bad
Damn that's pretty damn good
Who sent the ar just a bunch of people
Oh, yeah, I saw
I'm like you know, I go hey guys not me
Some fella
Damn, oh wow that is
He's just got a
He's got a brother got arrested my evil friend brother. Yeah, it's some bad choices. Yeah, he's gonna start a goat fun me
This Friday Saturday only Friday Saturday
Brayah improv this Friday Saturday
Being the crew will be their Friday Saturday two shows Friday two shows Saturday break out for you
November 11 through the 13th Dallas Addison improv special night special night
November 11 through 13th. That's Dallas, Texas Addison improv Chicago. I rescheduled because we're doing a fight companion for that one, so that is not on there.
I'm going to be in Mugube's, that's in Tumonium.
It's Monium, October 14th to the 16th.
Then I got Liberty Township, and that's in Cincinnati.
Back to Ohio, October 22nd, 23rd, the funny bone, get your tickets, and then November 11th,
12th, 13th, 14th,
I'm at off the hook comedy club.
Those tickets just went on sale, yeah.
And by the way, October 20th,
I'm gonna be a jam in the van here in LA.
October 20th?
Yeah, you wanna come?
I'm on it.
Are you?
Yeah, October 20th.
In Champaillais, he October 20th,
in the van.
What time?
I don't know, I'm on a 10th,
I'm on the other side of the show.
October 28th through the 30th, I'll be in Washington, D. Yeah. What time? I don't know. I'm on the other side of the show. October 28th through 30th. I'll be in Washington, DC at the DC comedy loft November 17th to
coma comedy club. November 18th, Spokane comedy club. Get your tickets. F-A-T-K-Z dot com.
Brass. See you this week. Get it. But, but baby. We're out.
We're out.